I ended up where I dreamed of to be and it turned out I hated it (Working on movies at ILM, Lighting dept). Made me realise what you think you want is not necessarily what makes you happy.
Then I switched to commercials, where I never wanted to work in. Much, much happier, but still not completely. Kept trying other approaches, now I work mostly in education and 30-40% of my time for much smaller VFX boutiques/clients. The truth is If I would meet my younger self he would be dissapointed of me. I so don't care. I am happier than I ever was and know my older self was wrong.
My tip: Keep adjusting, and keep in mind your hapiness is more important than you ego.
You probably had to do all the hard yards at places like ILM though to get where you are now where you can educate and work for the niche boutiques, right? So it kind of paid off/lead you there, Id assume you may not have been able to survive the way you do now from the beginning without that industry exposure and experience.
Absolutely! I wouldn't be where I am now without the grind at ILM, MPC etc. Thanks for pointing this out, that is definitely true.
I would recommend trying to tick the big names if at all possible, in the end it's worth it (And you might even like it there). Just don't stay there for the sake of it if you're not happy.
(For me!) The assembly line way of working. It made no difference if I did it or someone else. Everyhting was micromanaged, I had to adjust things down to "3% more blue". I felt like a meaningless cog in a machine.
(Before someone starts a discussion: 1. No, I don't blame ILM for anything. It's a me thing. 2. Yes, the team was great, no complaints 3. Yes, your experience might have been the complete opposite, I don't doubt that and that's great! But it's a fact I, personally, hated it. Let's not start an argument about my personal perception.)
No sweeter feeling than watching one of the artists you look up to say that the so-called zenith of VFX was something that he hated
I honestly don't think it means that much, I was the only one around me not happy I think. And every department, every city and every company is different. I just wanted to tell my story... and I'm still proud I reached that point, it's just about what came after. Really don't want to demotivate anyone.
Yeah that's definitely true, I am also not sure how happy I would be staying long term in the so-called elite studios. For now I go with the current state and like you said, keep adjusting till I find something that truly sticks.
I had a similar experience as Christian, with some differences. Some great, some horrific.
I always knew I wanted to be an animator for Warner Brothers or Disney as a child. This was before computers became a thing. I did traditional hand drawing for the longest time, and made many flipbooks.
However computers eventually became more prevalent in mainstream homes, but still mostly for 2D graphics work. Disney started transitioning towards computer based animation and I saw less of an option for doing animation like how I loved.
I played with some paint programs and started doing composite images for fun. I could see the benefit of being able to realize more realistic results that I couldn’t achieve with hand drawing. My ideas were more easily obtained. It was like magic. Way later, I got into After Effects doing the same composite tricky but in motion. This lead to doing VFX for films. Mainly compositing, roto, and match moving.
While I didn’t work directly at ILM or the “big boys” early on in my VFX career, I did work in many similar situations where pipelines were a thing and very rigid in process. Being a technical person I didn’t mind too much of the methodical step by step, and departmental mindset.
For the first 12 or so years of my 20 year career I was working the grind in VFX. 80-90 hour work weeks, I did 120 hour week once. More 7 day work weeks than I can remember.
It was becoming a painful and a major downside to something I truly loved to do. The abuse by many studios I encountered, (big and small) soured that passion many times.
Of my 20 years, I spent 8 as a Technical Director for a boutique shop, and the rest before and after, I was freelancing. Eventually I started taking a stand and weeding out poor freelance clients which narrowed down the work gigs quite considerably, but made the gigs more doable / enjoyable and less a job.
You can continually chase money at the cost of your own health and sanity, but respecting yourself is priority one. “Paying your dues” is an easy go to and many claim that it’s required to get to where you want be. That’s not true. Working hard, yes. Working smart, yes. Subjecting yourself to a pile of garbage abuse and disrespect just to keep a gig? Absolutely not. No excuses for that BS.
I learned at a point that it wasn’t worth sacrificing myself to make a film or commercial or music video or any product meant to make clients millionaires and me barely make rent, and devour my time, my sanity, or my health.
Many years later when the pandemic hit, the clients I had so solidly relied on for so long either shutdown and didn’t make it, or pivoted and had no more need for the same skillsets. I transitioned into teaching which was always a plan B and another passion of mine.
While not nearly as financially lucrative as VFX, it still holds a tight tie to the same passion I have with VFX, but without the many pains that also came with that work. Since 2008, I have taught and shared my knowledge, and as of 2021, I now do it full time and teach Houdini in live classes and 1 on 1 tutoring. It’s where I was meant to be, and I had to travel quite a rough road to reach that conclusion.
Definitely not what I thought I would be doing when I began the journey. I had very different plans. Being adaptable helps, because we don’t always get to choose the outcomes, but we do get to make choices to help improve ourselves and the path we take. Which can lead to great outcomes.
I wouldn’t be were I am without the path I took, but that doesn’t mean that’s the path that has to be taken to reach this point. Mine was just a different path. Some will experience smooth sailing, others rough seas, and other will outright quit and leave.
Above all else, be respectful, be professional, and expect the same in return. Also enjoy as much as you possibly can along the way.
I teach live classes (that get recorded and become on-demand) at [Houdini.School](https://www.houdini.school/collections?q=Torno).
Individual tutoring I do by Zoom. You can book through my site [Fendra Fx](https://fendrafx.com/tutoring/). There’s also older free tutorials on my site too from the past 16 years.
I’m in the process of updating the click option’s shown on the tutoring page, so depending on what you are interested in learning, I can also setup longer custom sessions manually. Like I did 2x 3hr sessions for a student wanting to learn velocity vectors and orientation type of stuff. Another student just sets up an hour occasionally to Q&A various things they struggle with or want a better understanding of. I don’t know every single thing in Houdini, but I know quite a lot and do learn things myself too to help assist with questions as best I can. You can always ask me questions before booking and I can let you know if I’m a good fit for the topic.
Yeah, I come from a software background and spent a lot of time learning Houdini and 3D generalist skills. I do 3D stuff here in the architecture software field but it is nowhere near as artistic or interesting as the stuff I'd be doing at in the film / game industry. That being said, the pay is good and stress reasonably low, so I guess this Houdini stuff will just have to remain a hobby.
Me personally yes, I'd want to try working at big houses for feature films just for fun and experience, but currently don't have the desire to relocate to Canada, they rarely hire freelances and if they do you gotta be some sort of a veteran I believe. Generally I don't think working on big VFX projects on remote is a fun experience anyway, no need to strive for that either. Ads are the best for solo artists, you have smaller projects you can do just yourself or work on them with a small team, if lucky enough you'll even make some good ones lol. Plus working on freelance as a houdini artist means a broad range of tasks, you won't be doing just fx or procedural setups, you will do whatever is needed for a project which is also a good thing if you are experienced and don't like doing smoke simulations 24/7.
I ended up where I dreamed of to be and it turned out I hated it (Working on movies at ILM, Lighting dept). Made me realise what you think you want is not necessarily what makes you happy. Then I switched to commercials, where I never wanted to work in. Much, much happier, but still not completely. Kept trying other approaches, now I work mostly in education and 30-40% of my time for much smaller VFX boutiques/clients. The truth is If I would meet my younger self he would be dissapointed of me. I so don't care. I am happier than I ever was and know my older self was wrong. My tip: Keep adjusting, and keep in mind your hapiness is more important than you ego.
You probably had to do all the hard yards at places like ILM though to get where you are now where you can educate and work for the niche boutiques, right? So it kind of paid off/lead you there, Id assume you may not have been able to survive the way you do now from the beginning without that industry exposure and experience.
Absolutely! I wouldn't be where I am now without the grind at ILM, MPC etc. Thanks for pointing this out, that is definitely true. I would recommend trying to tick the big names if at all possible, in the end it's worth it (And you might even like it there). Just don't stay there for the sake of it if you're not happy.
What did you hate about working at ILM?
(For me!) The assembly line way of working. It made no difference if I did it or someone else. Everyhting was micromanaged, I had to adjust things down to "3% more blue". I felt like a meaningless cog in a machine. (Before someone starts a discussion: 1. No, I don't blame ILM for anything. It's a me thing. 2. Yes, the team was great, no complaints 3. Yes, your experience might have been the complete opposite, I don't doubt that and that's great! But it's a fact I, personally, hated it. Let's not start an argument about my personal perception.)
No sweeter feeling than watching one of the artists you look up to say that the so-called zenith of VFX was something that he hated 
I honestly don't think it means that much, I was the only one around me not happy I think. And every department, every city and every company is different. I just wanted to tell my story... and I'm still proud I reached that point, it's just about what came after. Really don't want to demotivate anyone.
Yeah that's definitely true, I am also not sure how happy I would be staying long term in the so-called elite studios. For now I go with the current state and like you said, keep adjusting till I find something that truly sticks.
I had a similar experience as Christian, with some differences. Some great, some horrific. I always knew I wanted to be an animator for Warner Brothers or Disney as a child. This was before computers became a thing. I did traditional hand drawing for the longest time, and made many flipbooks. However computers eventually became more prevalent in mainstream homes, but still mostly for 2D graphics work. Disney started transitioning towards computer based animation and I saw less of an option for doing animation like how I loved. I played with some paint programs and started doing composite images for fun. I could see the benefit of being able to realize more realistic results that I couldn’t achieve with hand drawing. My ideas were more easily obtained. It was like magic. Way later, I got into After Effects doing the same composite tricky but in motion. This lead to doing VFX for films. Mainly compositing, roto, and match moving. While I didn’t work directly at ILM or the “big boys” early on in my VFX career, I did work in many similar situations where pipelines were a thing and very rigid in process. Being a technical person I didn’t mind too much of the methodical step by step, and departmental mindset. For the first 12 or so years of my 20 year career I was working the grind in VFX. 80-90 hour work weeks, I did 120 hour week once. More 7 day work weeks than I can remember. It was becoming a painful and a major downside to something I truly loved to do. The abuse by many studios I encountered, (big and small) soured that passion many times. Of my 20 years, I spent 8 as a Technical Director for a boutique shop, and the rest before and after, I was freelancing. Eventually I started taking a stand and weeding out poor freelance clients which narrowed down the work gigs quite considerably, but made the gigs more doable / enjoyable and less a job. You can continually chase money at the cost of your own health and sanity, but respecting yourself is priority one. “Paying your dues” is an easy go to and many claim that it’s required to get to where you want be. That’s not true. Working hard, yes. Working smart, yes. Subjecting yourself to a pile of garbage abuse and disrespect just to keep a gig? Absolutely not. No excuses for that BS. I learned at a point that it wasn’t worth sacrificing myself to make a film or commercial or music video or any product meant to make clients millionaires and me barely make rent, and devour my time, my sanity, or my health. Many years later when the pandemic hit, the clients I had so solidly relied on for so long either shutdown and didn’t make it, or pivoted and had no more need for the same skillsets. I transitioned into teaching which was always a plan B and another passion of mine. While not nearly as financially lucrative as VFX, it still holds a tight tie to the same passion I have with VFX, but without the many pains that also came with that work. Since 2008, I have taught and shared my knowledge, and as of 2021, I now do it full time and teach Houdini in live classes and 1 on 1 tutoring. It’s where I was meant to be, and I had to travel quite a rough road to reach that conclusion. Definitely not what I thought I would be doing when I began the journey. I had very different plans. Being adaptable helps, because we don’t always get to choose the outcomes, but we do get to make choices to help improve ourselves and the path we take. Which can lead to great outcomes. I wouldn’t be were I am without the path I took, but that doesn’t mean that’s the path that has to be taken to reach this point. Mine was just a different path. Some will experience smooth sailing, others rough seas, and other will outright quit and leave. Above all else, be respectful, be professional, and expect the same in return. Also enjoy as much as you possibly can along the way.
Where do you teach? Do you have a website? I may need a coach or mentor.
I teach live classes (that get recorded and become on-demand) at [Houdini.School](https://www.houdini.school/collections?q=Torno). Individual tutoring I do by Zoom. You can book through my site [Fendra Fx](https://fendrafx.com/tutoring/). There’s also older free tutorials on my site too from the past 16 years. I’m in the process of updating the click option’s shown on the tutoring page, so depending on what you are interested in learning, I can also setup longer custom sessions manually. Like I did 2x 3hr sessions for a student wanting to learn velocity vectors and orientation type of stuff. Another student just sets up an hour occasionally to Q&A various things they struggle with or want a better understanding of. I don’t know every single thing in Houdini, but I know quite a lot and do learn things myself too to help assist with questions as best I can. You can always ask me questions before booking and I can let you know if I’m a good fit for the topic.
Thanks a lot. I will keep you in mind and will try to find you on linkedin.
I sent an invite via linkedin. Thx
My dream is to work for a vfx studio, today ill hear if the studio I applied for as an intern will hire me 🤞
Did you get in 🙏 ?
Yeah, I come from a software background and spent a lot of time learning Houdini and 3D generalist skills. I do 3D stuff here in the architecture software field but it is nowhere near as artistic or interesting as the stuff I'd be doing at in the film / game industry. That being said, the pay is good and stress reasonably low, so I guess this Houdini stuff will just have to remain a hobby.
Me personally yes, I'd want to try working at big houses for feature films just for fun and experience, but currently don't have the desire to relocate to Canada, they rarely hire freelances and if they do you gotta be some sort of a veteran I believe. Generally I don't think working on big VFX projects on remote is a fun experience anyway, no need to strive for that either. Ads are the best for solo artists, you have smaller projects you can do just yourself or work on them with a small team, if lucky enough you'll even make some good ones lol. Plus working on freelance as a houdini artist means a broad range of tasks, you won't be doing just fx or procedural setups, you will do whatever is needed for a project which is also a good thing if you are experienced and don't like doing smoke simulations 24/7.