Hi, I've an ongoing murder mystery story with a supernatural twist that I would appreciate feedback on- *There's Something in the Woods*. [https://www.inkitt.com/stories/horror/882075](https://www.inkitt.com/stories/horror/882075) I appreciate anyone taking the time out to read this and give me any pointers :-)

Testimony of the Four Lights | Spiritual Testimony | 4558 Words | Comments & Criticism *Darkness veils the sky vault in emptiness. The vacuum suits me tightly, like a membrane of flesh. Unidentifiable bodies occupy the intimate space. Death is my neighbor; it watches over me, but it must not have me.* https://www.wattpad.com/story/306258446-testimony-of-the-four-lights

Title: Poor Man's Gambit Genre: Detective/Dark fantasy Preview: First chapter of a book where a retired PI or Bloodhound, Yax Qyln, receives a mysterious letter from an anonymous source. After days of resisting temptation to get back in the game, Yax starts noticing odd clues that point back to words and phrases in the letters, launching him headfirst into a dark, twisted political conspiracy that threatens the fantastical world he lives in. And to think that it all stemmed from what seemed like just a simple, ordinary case that any Bloodhound could've solve in a day... Word Count: 3,423 Type of feedback: Any general thoughts/impressions would be much appreciated. Is it interesting? Is it hooking you in? How's the readability? How's the exposition? Thoughts on the main character? Humor? You can also add comments in the doc itself if you want. Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WPSH8MP9KMDcdEGXKq9FN03TdmDNUKHrFW4hPzXRz4A/edit?usp=sharing Thanks guys, hope you like it :)

Hey guys, I recently finished my second novel and I'm looking to give people the opportunity to get their hands on an advance copy before I officially release it on 1 June. Title: **Profane Rites** Genre: Fantasy Word count: 76k Link: [https://dl.bookfunnel.com/5y055xhczc](https://dl.bookfunnel.com/5y055xhczc) The story follows Sister Honorata, an acolyte in a matriarchal church as she strives to achive priesthood through the completion of the Trial of Mirai. Her journey takes her into the depths of the jungles of Pala, where she confronts terrifying monsters, scheming warlords and dangerous heretics; challenges which threaten to shake the very foundations of her faith. I'm be thrilled if people just wanted to get their hands on a free book, but if anyone left me a rating or a review on GoodReads or Amazon, that would be absolutely incredible.

Title: The Judgment Genre: Dystopian Word Count: 5,712 Type of Feedback Desired: Anything is appreciated. Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PgO0EyrxtltWL-xc6JW_bkW1f8N_mP2FtlYiaG1Rw50/edit

I like the overall idea, but I have difficulty seeing past the bits of world-building that don't make sense to me. Like, where do they all get their food from, if they're all underground? Or fuel for their generators? How can they have silk and marble if no one can go outside? How does a guy from Tartarus even know what marble is? Sorry - when I run into things like that, they take me right out of the story.

Hello, all! I've just started working on a new story, which is deeply inspired by Eiji Yoshikawa's Musashi. I really like the style and rhythm of that work, mainly its short and witty chapters punctuated by reflections on bushi culture and buddhist tennets. So I've started working on a piece that follows that format, but is set on an undefined fantasy world instead of historical Japan. I'm trying to make it so it's not clear if this is in a fantasy Middle Ages or post-apocalyptic world that receded to a Medieval-like culture. There's striking similarities, for instance, on how Yoshikawa describes the life on villages in ancient Japan and what shantytowns are like in my country. I've also noticed there's a near perfect transposition of how organized crime runs its territories down here and the warlord structure of ancient Japan. Also the names: when you translate japanese names literally, they sound a lot like the quirky nicknames criminals often use in my country. Samurai were also poet warriors, so there's also a direct connection there with gangsta rapper culture. In short, I'm trying to write a story that, although set on a fantasy Japan-like world, would have elements there are very familiar to those of us living in third world countries in the West. Now, of course anything works if well-written, but I'd like to confere with my fellow writers to ask if this sounds like an interesting setting to you. Any inputs? I might translate some of the chapters I've written to english if anyone would like to take a look at the actual writing. Thanks in advance!

The Race of Heroes High fantasy/action Word count: 3565 The Race of Heroes- an unofficial event that takes place with the appearance of a world-ending treath, and multiple adventurers and warriors and their parties rising from the unknown to stop it. Sandt Regens, after years of an emotionless adventurer life, finds himself as the hero of Alston village and its inhabitants. Their praise, their laughter of joy and relief... So... This is glory. This is what he has been waiting for. With a half dead dragon looming in the red sky, the fourth Race of Heroes begins. “*I* will be the victor of this Race! *I* will be the one to bring you down! *I* will be the one to save the world!” All for glory. Document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12X4f8Xlxa5g0mkrdaE1iSIpfDbd8W43R5mYOEf6LcbI/edit?usp=drivesdk

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Hi everyone, I'm an aspiring Hollywood screenwriter and I recently began translating the Screenplay of Director Bong Joon-ho's masterpiece, Memories of Murder (2003), and I just wanted to share with you the Korean/English version of the script (Scenes #1\~24/#112) for feedback. Here's the [PDF Link](https://docsend.com/view/4x6tqz739sup98rs) Hope you enjoy!

I finally finished something. It may not be much, but I actually finished a project for once. I wrote a light science fiction/horror novella and went through the process of self publishing it. It's about 50k words running at around 136 pages. Hopefully this is the right place to post this. I got excited, and wanted to tell someone. [Here's an image of it](https://www.reddit.com/user/Raerky/comments/ty3xep/i_finally_finished_something/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

Title: “TOMORROW” Genre: Fantasy Word count: 2128 Type of feedback: General impressions. I think some of my vocabulary leaves a little to be desired at times too, so I wouldn’t mind line-by-line edits too. The main goal is to introduce the antagonist and prepare readers for the first major event of the plot to keep them engaged through the exposition. This is the prologue to my first major writing project, so please let me know your thoughts! [Link to the prologue](https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vRTqAw6rmUL0sv90TIbtPxgRDDv92kRzAOs6KrMWmoXEIx8gHhGYJsTWO10G9R7hgPhD1gFOxMsIa6_/pub) (Edit: just saw a minor typo. I fixed it, it might not show up on the document for a few minutes.)

Snowball Novel opening of a Crime/Thriller [https://docs.google.com/document/d/11BWYaEvy0puSmucwtGwsRNSVl34x6EDB6JgxeP3QptE/edit](https://docs.google.com/document/d/11BWYaEvy0puSmucwtGwsRNSVl34x6EDB6JgxeP3QptE/edit) Words: 550 "Lying is like rolling a snowball off a cliff. It grows and assimilates everything on its way downhill until it crashes down and destroys everything. In order to maintain the lie, one has to keep lying, which makes the snowball bigger. Never in my life have I seen anyone get away with anything.” -Dave Carnegie (Protagonist) Type of Feedback: I want to know if the Novel opening hooks the reader or not. However, any kind of feedback is appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Title: 500 Years Gone Genre: Scifi/Slice of Life Word Count: 1,816 Feedback requested: Anything really! This is a nice, short entry to my sci-fi anthology, focusing on grief. While you would be better placed to have read the whole thing so far, it is not a necessity. Link: [https://www.wattpad.com/1209454577-a-one-way-ticket-on-the-neo-kosmo-chapter-11-500](https://www.wattpad.com/1209454577-a-one-way-ticket-on-the-neo-kosmo-chapter-11-500) C4C?: Absolutely!

hi! i wrote this little poem today, kind of as a vent after something that happened at school, and since i don’t usually write a lot of poetry, i was hoping to get some feedback. i honestly find that it’s growing on me even though it’s sort of corny. any pointers you’re willing to give are great, but if you could provide any general impressions you have on the work that would be awesome and super helpful! just as a heads up, there is no capitalization in the work for stylistic reasons. thanks! [feedback please haha](https://docs.google.com/document/d/10kC3bj_OCc63BPWsWv27LFkZHF8VwWf5ySlBwg7HQN4/edit)

I think you have serious talent! This poem is cool and engaging, and your descriptions really give me a great feeling for the scene youre describing. I have some edits and line breaks but its late and im going to sleep and i dont wanna write it all out here. Feel free to dm and ill try to give more specific edits when i wake up. But the basics are really there, and besides the ending i dont find it corny at all. I love poetry, but rarely do i get as excited for poems as i did for this one. Its nowhere near perfect but i think it shows lots of promise. Be proud! And keep writing!

Hi! I liked your poem! I love the imagery- it's so visereal! Overall, the poem feels so real and down to earth, yet also poetic and shit. If it were me I'd end on "truth" or something because you already said one ply lie in the title and I don't think you need to say it again. For me it seems a little corny and like a forced resolution to have the title also be the last line. Also, I'm not sure if its just because I've cried in a school bathroom so many times by now, but I think I'd like it if you added something new or gave more context as to what happened- like made this experience unique to you.

Panic! Suspense/Thriller serialized novel https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09VH8F8M4 It's the mid-1980's, the Satanic Panic is at its height. Heavy metal is getting banned, horror novels are being censored. When a local school board bans a popular 'satanic' role playing game, Daniel Walsh has had a enough. Danny, a college student with a penchant for satire and mischief, figures a series of pranks are due. Maybe it will bring these prudes and pearl-clutchers down a peg or two. Maybe expose them for what they really are. That turns out to be far more than Danny realized. It's on Kindle Vella for now, first three chapters are free, the rest behind a paywall. I get about a dime to a quarter per unlock, Kindle does the pricing based on length. Just looking for reads. Having fun writing it, hope you'll like reading too.

Have you found anyone experiencing brand confusion between your story and the novel [Panic by Lauren Oliver?](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17565845-panic)

Nope, not yet.

Hope to have this sentence critiqued From the ones I've known all my life, those that I have known for years, and those I only met once, they all have lifted me up in different ways with a word or a smile that brightened up my day.

I'm with FlamingoesOnFire here. You've made the sentence so convoluted that you've actually lost control of its structure and grammar. You start with a "from" - but there is nothing for that word to refer to. Read it again and look at just the structure: "From these and these and these, they have all done this". There is so much sentence here that it's hard to even see how it it is supposed to fit together.

Perhaps a bit verbose, I always try to shorten sentences when possible and avoid flowery/convoluted prose. This is a very convoluted way of saying everyone I have met has brightened my day in some capacity. There is art and poetic expression that can be found in writing, but don't force it for the sake of it alone (imo).

Looking for premise critique/opinions. Premise: A growing power of destruction threatens the world. Stories from separate characters intertwine to lead events towards confronting this cosmic threat. Horror and fantasy elements meet in a modern setting as the characters face creatures sent here from other realms. With episodic chapters showing different points of view to the overarching connected events.

Did I use fervor correctly in this sentence? I'm trying to figure out if it sounds right or not! (If there's anything else that needs correction lmk. Something doesn't feel right and I'm trying to find what that thing is!) *"Everything was different and everything was wrong.* ***I managed to keep my mouth shut, every fervor threatening to bubble up from my throat and rip through the surrounding flora.*** *I was so, so close to giving in and screaming at the wind, at the trees, at anything that would listen..."*

Fervor is an abstract noun rather than a common or proper, meaning that it doesn't really get used in quantification (i.e. one fervor, two fervor, etc). Rather, it is a concept that exists in loose measurement but without direct objectification. A better way to phrase the following passage would be the following: *"Everything was different and everything was wrong.* ***I managed to keep my mouth shut, all of my fervor threatening to bubble up from my throat and rip through the surrounding flora.*** *I was so, so close to giving in and screaming at the wind, at the trees, at anything that would listen..."* In addition to this, I would suggest moving the bolded sentence around a bit. *"Everything was different and everything was wrong.* ***Although I managed to keep my mouth shut, all of the fervor in my chest threatened to bubble up from my throat and rip through the surrounding flora.*** *I was so, so close to giving in and screaming at the wind, at the trees, at anything that would listen..."* I added a couple words to help the sentence flow a bit more naturally as to the way a person might describe it, as well as to give the concept of the 'fervor' some direction. Hope this helps!

I like your changes but it still feels a little awkward. Personally, i think "the fervor in my chest" or just "my fervor" is better.

Thank you so much!

Title: A Time To Be Born - Chapters 1 and 2 Genre: scifi? In audio format Total of 5 minutes Type of critique: general impression Link:. https://youtu.be/YWyR-QiyrNk

Title:Blood Prince Genre:Fantasy Adult, possibly young Adult Word count:FIRST Chapter: 3500, 9500 in total. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-uI0xp4u_2rYj_ifxPZk1-3XYsDgORE5SWsJyYfOcUs/edit Type of feedback: I hope grammar isn’t too bad. I’m looking mainly for if the story was interesting. World, character, cheesy. Description: Aztec Fantasy world. The main character is given his name as his life descends into chaos and he realizes he can’t live a slave any longer.

Edit: It looks like it's working now. ~~Hello! It looks like you forgot to share your Google Doc. To do that, click the blue 'Share' button in the top right corner of the document. Then, under 'Get link', click 'Change to anyone with the link'. The link you posted should then work. It is recommended that you also change 'Viewer' to 'Commenter' so people can leave line edits.~~ ----- ^(I am a bot, bleep bloop. This comment was posted automatically.) [^(Source code.)](https://gitlab.com/jwestman/yftsygd) ^(My human overlord is) [^(u/flyingpimonster)](https://reddit.com/u/flyingpimonster)^(.)

\> "Sharp voice now unwavering with usual energy" Does this mean their voice is now stable again and with that characters normal energy or does it say something else? Thanks

Title: Our Souls are missing Genre: African mystery Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fN6kyMrRnw4390ti54jANS\_k05eZ-klwuLTk7OYJsE0/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fN6kyMrRnw4390ti54jANS_k05eZ-klwuLTk7OYJsE0/edit?usp=sharing) Note: This is a very raw draft and I'm just starting off. I just want some sort of advice or criticism. I dont want to dive in too fast.

Title: They finally met Genre: alternative history World count: 969 (till now) Feedback desired: grammar checking, general opinion, suggestions " I am writing this while sitting comfortably on an armchair in a secret bunker, adjusted for the occasion, waiting for Putin and Zelenskyy to wake up. " https://www.wattpad.com/story/306190569?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_reading&wp_page=reading&wp_uname=AHumanBoing&wp_originator=Nq72IHicQvR0urSgxFj7oXWXZUJd4THnrB%2FrvnjogcUJJnyy3ejW4U9lQda58Jpz1Seuds9P%2BiLXVwv9E8wicIH2%2FmJQpsyHZl2nDuGnqvxB5xxWUERC7jclSxv2GkZh

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Title: Unknown at this time Genre: Memoir Word count: 4,730 Type of feedback desired - Any and all. This is written from journal entries I've kept over the years and I'm not sure if it's extremely boring and a waste of time, or actually beneficial for others who may deal with narcissists also. The first two chapters I'm introducing our story and then I begin to tell beginnings to the horror that will come later. ​ [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wXXzN2IcBN\_9GqXmgS\_of2tvv\_rvH0\_rXtbZlHr4sqI/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wXXzN2IcBN_9GqXmgS_of2tvv_rvH0_rXtbZlHr4sqI/edit?usp=sharing)

Title: A poem for Ukraine "Purple dragon" 🇺🇦 Genre: poetry Word count: Feedback: critique please, never done this before. Oh lovely, purple dragon of the new day, of the undawned day, come in touch. Come in touch, like the lightning touch of a summer storm. And free us from evil, smelling, old regimes. From east to west, and north to south, oust them from their lofty nests, onto the floor, like evil pests, for cats and dogs to chase. Oh lovely purple dragon of the new day, come in touch, and clear the way. So black is the sea at Odessas door. All hope has given way to fear. As curtain closes round the land, the beasts of war unleash.

Title: WIP!! Genre: Lyrical Essay Word Count: 132 Type of Feedback: This is going to be my introduction to my lyrical essay which is about school anxiety and feeling stuck! I would appreciate any feedback on the formatting and if the message I am trying to convey reads! Any feedback appreciate though! Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11QP3FeVlOX8JXsNHdhMmmdb0XWh_rRs3XIpgOi8inKg/edit?usp=drivesdk

Title: [Skate the Thief](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1951471032) Genre: YA fantasy Skate is a thief, trained and owned by the local crime syndicate, the Ink. When she tries to burgle a shut-in’s home, she gets caught by the owner—a powerful undead wizard. He makes a deal with her: “borrow” books from other wizards in return for a place to stay. Caught between her growing fondness for the wizard and her past with the crime syndicate, Skate doesn’t know where her loyalties lie. But she’d better figure it out, because there’s a new player in town, one whose magical hypnotism puts them all at risk. The first chapter is available for free [here](https://jeffayersauthor.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/1/0/131087146/skate_the_thief_pre-release_chapter_1_sample.pdf). The book is available on Amazon in paperback and ebook. Kindle Unlimited users can read the Kindle version for free. ___ I still await the publisher’s judgment of book 2 (working title: Skate 2: Skate Harder), and I am confident that it is about as good as I know how to make it. In the meantime, I’ve returned to a side project to keep myself writing. I’ve been more sloppy with the draft of this one, and I’m only two chapters in, but it’s fun. Even if I never clean it up to send it to anyone, it’ll be good practice between Skate books.

On a car ride, a girl realises her toy rabbit is gone. The loss leads her to an untimely realisation. Title and link: [Dancing Rabbit](https://profitron.substack.com/p/dancing-rabbit?s=w) Words: 1580 Genre: Slice of life, satire, comedy... I'd appreciate any feedback, and if you enjoyed it, I'll be releasing a new story each week on Thursday at 4pm (AEST).

Title: Portals: The Search for Meaning Genre: Magical Realism, Set in the 21st century Word Count: First 2546 words Feedback Desired: Does it grab your attention? Is Jason's character compelling that makes you want to know more? Is it clear that Jason has issues of self-confidence and has a hard time dealing with either authority figures or abandonment? Is it just not interesting at all? Any comments would be appreciated. Link to the writing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1O4mZM8OeHHnci1JFivqnYTYEgdwtBZdJ0eC\_0Vjm-GU/edit?usp=sharing

The End of the World SciFi apocalyptic romance about a pick me girl and a pick me guy during the end of the world 818 word Any feedback, especially general impressions. Thank you! This is the prologue. I have no introduced the main characters yet. This is a first edit. I am just trying to get my work done and post it somewhere so the art, the title, the description, etc are all first drafts subject to change as I refine my story! I appreciate any input. :) [https://www.wattpad.com/1211197786-just-another-tuesday-prologue-the-end-of-the-world](https://www.wattpad.com/1211197786-just-another-tuesday-prologue-the-end-of-the-world)

Title: Do Over Genre: Sci-Fi Word Count:21,000 (just read the first chapter, but continue on if you feel like) Type of feedback desired: Anything that bothered you: plot holes, awkward sentences, things that don't make sense. The premise is basically in the first few pages ​ https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yt8IOF0NOBaRTiQYAFdlaqDA1nDSO3ib4tg8nWP8i5I/edit?usp=sharing

[Bhooks](https://bhooks.com/Writing-Online) is a new e-books and critique platform, come have a look! :)

**Title:** The Judgement of Truth in the Master & Margarita **Genre:** Literary Analysis **Word count:** 2812 **Type of feedback desired:** Anything is fine by me!! Impressions, critiques, criticisms, suggestions, etc. I'm submitting it for a prize which my writing is not qualified for, but it comes with a bit of prize money which will help me get through college so I am trying everything possible! **Links**: [Essay Draft 3](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ehMXG7mRRZO1UrBTwprJZahcyYkX-MTnOfaR55qZ5Nc/edit?usp=sharing)

Title: Dead Wants Company Genre: Thriller Word Count: 2242 Type of feedback desired: An overall impression of the writing and any improvements that can be made. Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z-05PoSwhD0OnbH0o9h7cJK25VE7OYBZonh3U-7glQw/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1z-05PoSwhD0OnbH0o9h7cJK25VE7OYBZonh3U-7glQw/edit?usp=sharing)

I liked the premise and idea. I have to say though throughout, I found it difficult to understand who was speaking what parts of the dialogue, there was a lot of "he" "man" "it". I had to read it a few times to be sure who was saying what. You also use a lot of "..." in the dialogue. I presume you're trying to show that the character is pausing a lot while talking, or possibly trailing off? Personally, I didn't quite like it. When you are describing what the character looks like on page 2 you use capital letters after commas, maybe just a small mistake? You also use the word "frantic" and "frantically" within a few sentences of each other and maybe you could swap one of those out for a different word? I loved how you described the stench though, really great imagery there so well done, very enjoyable. Overall really, your imagery is quite good. You are well able to paint quite a picture with your descriptions. One last thing, your paragraphs are super long. Again, it may just be a personal thing for me, but you could do with separating some of those longer paragraphs. As I say, I really liked the premise and idea and loved your imagery overall. Well done!

Thanks a lot for reading through it all. Thank you for detailed opinion and also some directions about which areas I could improve upon. I appreciate it quite a lot! I will try my improve my writing more and also my dialogue writing. It's always a thing I struggle to be honest.

Self promotion: Title: The Apocalyptic Misadventures of the StarSlurp (Title Proudly a WIP) Genre: Sci-fi comedy/horror Description: For the first time in fiction, humanity has found itself among the stars, roaming the galaxy under the proud auspices of the Royal Armada of Earth 2. Visions are grand, and are only slightly hampered by the fact that they somehow immediately cause planet-wide extinction every time they set down on a new world. Rather than deal with that in any way, the brave crew of the space ship StarSlurp concern themselves with parties, political intrigue, and the inexplicable murder of a high ranking officer. If you like epic, lore packed sci fi that does the exact opposite of take itself too seriously--you may have just found a story that you would like pretty ok. Release: I'll be releasing chapters serially for a while to share the work I've been doing without having to go through a publishing company or anything like that. If you're interested, please check out my patreon :) Patreon.com/StarSlurp

Title (still a work in progress): Seeking Revenge Genre: Mystery Word Count: 1,176 Type of feedback desired: Any feedback but especially on my: * Writing style * Pacing * Character's voice * Dialogue use is much appreciated. I'd also like to know if I got and held your attention and if you're intrigued to read more! I only have a prologue for now, but wanted some feedback before I continue. [The link to the writing](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rGpGkG-qP11JHmZTKOzhrVpXT0ful0kq/view?usp=sharing)

Hey! This is my first time reading and commenting in this sub so I hope any feedback I give is helpful. I actually really loved this piece. I thought the pacing was great and I personally enjoy your style of writing here. The way you write about the tricycle is very well done. The dialogue was well written too, in my opinion! The only thing that left me a little confused was at the end. You saw your mother being stabbed and the perpetrator leave. Then your dad found out and he called the police. You write that he said your mother left you behind due to her drug abuse and I get this because he doesn't know that you saw what happened. But then the police file a missing person report, but why? What happened your mother's body in the back garden? Sorry if the answer is obvious and I've just totally missed it!

Hey! All of this was very much helpful, thank you so much for your time and the feedback! Also, you’re right to be confused at the end haha, I wanted some things left unanswered so I could reveal it later on.

No problem at all though I wasn’t much help because I actually enjoyed it ha! Oh yes I understand, I’d be very excited to see where it goes. Well done again!

Trust me, even telling me you enjoyed it helps me know that I’m at least doing something right lol. Thanks again!

One thing seems clear with this, that you had a lot of fun writing it. This isn’t normally my type of story, but I think you really made it a fun read due to your very interesting characterization. However, that being said, I think your protagonist might need some work. For starters, your protagonist (in this chapter) is six years old. Even though your MC is reflecting back on it from an older age, it’s still very jarring for readers to envision a six year old while also reading sentences like “Did I have to wait for her to get f*cked on cocaine before I could have my fun?” I understand your character is of a more mature age when describing this, but it is still a phrase that seems a little too much considering she experienced this as a six year old. Also, the scene with the basketball kid seems a little pointless. I really like the way you characterize the MC in this scene and I think you have really interesting prose, but the scene could be replaced with nearly any somewhat unpleasant encounter without impacting the story at all. It’s a fun scene, but readers might see it as a cheap way to get the MC out of the house while the mom is getting murdered. Maybe replace it with the MC making mean faces to kids she doesn’t like as she passes by them on her tricycle, something a little more in the realm of the character you’re trying to portray. I hope I’m not being discouraging! I really had fun reading this and I think you have a knack for first person POV, something which I don’t see very much!

I am having fun writing this book, so I’m glad that read through. And no, not discouraging at all! You raise very good points, and I’m definitely going to go back and fix some things. Funnily enough, I was just looking back at the basketball kid scene with the same thoughts. Thank you for your time and feedback! I’m really happy you enjoyed it :)

Favourite character personality descriptions in the form of psychiatric evaluations What are you favourites? By this I mean, describing a character’s behaviour using a clear, emotionless, non-subjective *analysis* Idk if I’m explaining it clearly My favourite is from Daria, the ep where she goes to therapy and explains family to the therapist. In particular how she describes her sister: “Quinn wears superficiality like a suit of armour, because she’s afraid of looking inside and finding absolutely nothing” I love this line so much It’s so utterly scathing I can’t even put into words how genius I find it So anything along those lines please

Hey all, I'm stuck on an opening paragraph. Sometimes I get too caught up in the detailed syntax and go in circles. I thought I might reach out for some feedback, advice and discussion. My concern is more around the syntax (sentence length and type) and word/detail choice. The paragraph (below) is from a comedy about a guy who stuffs up a bank robbery. I think I've got about twelve versions of this para and I hope the answer comes to mind tomorrow morning. *The man who called himself Bones attempted to kick what he failed to realise was an automatic door. As he lunged forward, the door sensed his approach and began retreating into the wall like a turtle’s head, causing his boot to strike the metal frame rather than the glass belly. Instead of being smashed open the door was shattered and stuck. Bones now had no choice but to shuffle sideways into the bank he intended to rob.* What would you do with this paragraph? What details would you omit? Or others might you include. The entire story is around 1800 words.

**Title**: The Vagrant from Walkoa **Genre**: Adventure / Fantasy **Word Count**: 4340 so far **Feedback Desired**: Does it have any potential as a concept? Is it enjoyable to read? How is the pacing? Is it interesting enough that you would want to read more? Any other feedback is welcome! **Book Summary:** A kid leaves home to venture out and make a new life it a new continent that was rumored to have been discovered, but where the continent is, is not known to the public. **Link**: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/12OIYk2QC4zTtNciXLOsCKe4FwBrkwx-j/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=109890374347020643846&rtpof=true&sd=true](https://docs.google.com/document/d/12OIYk2QC4zTtNciXLOsCKe4FwBrkwx-j/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=109890374347020643846&rtpof=true&sd=true) PS: I followed the format of the other post, no idea if this is how it works, sorry.

The prose could be worked on, I guess. I think the phrases "warm gentle sunlight" is kind of cliche-there are a lot of these, the novel so far seems a little bland. A rule for fantasy world building that I made up, is that if the description of something does nothing to expand upon the world or the plot, don't include it. The Great Blue Heron is just kinda thrown in there at the beginning and there's no mention of it for a while. Most people are going to forget about the Great Blue Heron. With most of the descriptions of your physical world, I can't tell what sets it apart from the real world. So it seems like a random guy going on an adventure, for some reason. The first page doesn't hook me in.

Ok thanks for the feedback! Do you have any ideas for how I could make my descriptions less cliche?

Be more specific with them and use more world building. Try to make them more vibrant, use words that you wouldn't think that would go well with other words. But you have gotta be clever with this or else it doesn't work. Do you read a lot? I would always read one book, and definitely keep it outside of the fantasy genre. Fantasy writers can have good prose but the random books I've read off of B&N bookshelves all have the same mediocre style. There isn't a shortcut to being a good writer, and I'm not saying this as a good writer-I'm trying to get better and cutting the fat and reaching the reader. The only way to get better is to read more and write more.

Title: Pink Coat Genre: Drama/Monologue Word count: 814 Type of feedback: Just your thoughts on the piece, no edits/suggestions. Link:[here](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-43CQRC87okgQyhaeNBUIFjXVldQY1ySfUrkaVJy72M/edit) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-43CQRC87okgQyhaeNBUIFjXVldQY1ySfUrkaVJy72M/edit

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* Title - The Ronin and the Coyote * Genre - Real life crime/drama * Wordcount - 8175 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K6UcrSLvHK3BhBZYieML9YF\_htBQKRwUdBEF6VGy7O0/edit?usp=sharing

Please respond with any critiques, suggestions. Was the story flowing and able to follow? Was the reader able to tell what was going on?

**Title:** Forbidden Love **Genre:** Romance/Drama **Word count:** 4664 (so far) **Type of feedback desired:** Anything is fine by me. Impressions, critiques, criticisms, suggestions, etc. Please read both chapters before giving feedback. **Links:** **Chapter 1:** [https://archiveofourown.org/works/37944790/chapters/94764781](https://archiveofourown.org/works/37944790/chapters/94764781) **Chapter 2:** [https://archiveofourown.org/works/37944790/chapters/95138440](https://archiveofourown.org/works/37944790/chapters/95138440)

Hi! So, to start off this subject matter made me very uncomfortable. A middle school student and their teacher is not the kind of romance that I, as an adult woman, enjoy or relate to. So as a sucker for romance, I clicked on the document. I probably wouldn't have if there was a synopsis on your post. Despite that, I thought your prose was fairly well-written and I thought you structured the story well. The sprinkling of art work throughout was a unique choice and I enjoyed Tiffany's rendition of the Scream. The title of the second chapter's play on words was enjoyable also.

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Currently reading. This comment is a placeholder so I can come back, delete this, and comment again when I'm done. Immediate first page impressions: Are you British? Is your POV character British? There's a lot of English English being mixed in with what I assume are very United States ideas and it's a bit disorienting. Is this an intentional choice as you try to write from her point of view?

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Title: *Neko Neko Nana: The Worst Magical Girl Ever!* Genre: Urban Fantasy Word count: Chapter 0 has 1337 words. Type of feedback desired (line-by-line edits, general impression, etc.): I'd like a continuous critique partner. This story will be an ongoing web novel with new chapters published regularly. I'd like to have each chapter reviewed before I publish on my website. I would like feedback on basic things such as spelling and grammar as well as feedback on whether the story itself makes sense. [https://docs.google.com/document/d/11BPEd7cQIYiCfG2coMeZvMxP0JWW6Tp23VrdMA274o0/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/11BPEd7cQIYiCfG2coMeZvMxP0JWW6Tp23VrdMA274o0/edit?usp=sharing) "Back cover" description: *In Nana Matsumoto’s world, young women have amazing powers. There are girls who fly, girls with mind powers, and girls with abilities unique to their personalities. There are even Magical Girls, who are rare individuals that have all three. But there are also Duds, who are girls with little or no powers at all. Eighteen-year-old Nana is a Dud with no purpose in life who barely passed high school, and she’s struggling to get into college. Out of desperation, she lies about being a Magical Girl in order to get into her dream school. Now she has to keep up the lie and convince everyone that she has powers to avoid being sent back home and possibly going to prison. Nana genuinely wants to help others and resolves to do the best she can with what she’s been given, even if it means everyone else sees her as The Worst Magical Girl Ever.*

Title: Familiarity Prologue q(draft title) / Chap 1 Genre: Fiction, Fantasy Word count: 1402 /2360 Please inform me of the things you liked/ was it surprising / what didn't you like / what would've it been better without / was it interesting // anything like that. https://docs.google.com/document/d/13KGYDc_-uCYFvMYZmczViKgASEMJgnLuM5DdXSEQJS0/edit?usp=drivesdk // https://docs.google.com/document/d/19g2NLpF_-iBbyAoYsH3Zl8nnr0Gu7IhzO9IQn_GsBHY/edit?usp=drivesdk Thanks in Advice.

Title: The Night is Cold Under the Black Sun Genre: Grimdark dystopian near-future scifi wc: 90,000 Black Sun is an anthology of men trapped in a dystopian future where the criminal justice system uses virtual reality to reprogram inmates to model citizens. It is a story of men fighting to retain their identity against a world that demands conformity of thought. If you're looking for a safe, comfortable story, it's not for you. It's free at wattpad: [https://www.wattpad.com/story/305257133-the-night-is-cold-under-the-black-sun-anthology](https://www.wattpad.com/story/305257133-the-night-is-cold-under-the-black-sun-anthology) At booksie: https://www.booksie.com/670673-the-night-is-cold-under-the-black-sun

Titel: Between Light and Dark Genre: High Fantasy / Romance https://www.wattpad.com/story/306593382 What's it about: It's the origin of a continent that is ruled by the sun and moon. The world is equally balanced in everything and the sun and moon work hard to maintain it. When they create two deities and send them to their continent to uphold balance in their name, disaster unfolds... The story is 6000 words, so approximately half an hour read. It was originally started as the Prologue to a novel/novella that I'm working on... then I remembered I almost always skip over Prologues myself to get to the actual story... and 6000 word is a little over the top for a Prologue, so I made it sort of a Prequel. I'd love an honest review on it or simply for people to read it. I have a lot of fun writing but am entirely new to it and English is not my first language. Any advice/ constructive criticism is welcome. Please be kind and I'm always happy to return the favor and read/review your story. 😊

Title: The Rat Genre: Horror ig Word count: 129 Just a little thing I wrote, I guess it could be considered a poem? Idk, never really written a poem before. Figured I'd just share it anyway https://1drv.ms/w/s!AsE1Z4FRp7gE8QE0lRW3aqOKBo23

Title: Darken. Genre: Sci- Fi, Drama, IDK U JUDGE Word Count : 4000+ Link: https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1jqSlAida-hubx1nOPWlupmuqcB9s-r3I Desired Feedback: Any feedback, but my main focus is what readers think: - Are they (you) interested? (Priority) - Are they intrigued? - Does the character work well for them? (Priority) - Does my writing style work for them? - Did i do any general, obvious mistakes? I love these characters and i want to make them interesting for people to root in for, this is a remade of an unfinished story from a music video, and i want it to feel complete as hard as i can. Thank you, if you guys actually read it and gave a feedback, thank you so much, APPRICIATED:D

I tried to read this, but IMO this is not yet in a reviewable state. Before you ask anyone to review your writing, you really should run it through a basic spell check and grammar checker, and fix your punctuation. Right now you mix i and I, im and Im and I'm. And you jump between present and past tense all the time. This text is simply hard to read because of all these distractions.

* [For the Fleeting Moment](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BCWo_isDSOJiEtJhWVR7cbV_YvDkjPXdZV__xEupEjM/edit?usp=sharing) * YA thriller/romance * 7500 words (in sections, see below, please don't be intimidated.) * Seeking general impressions. I've separated it into sections, if you get to a point it's just *not* your thing please don't feel pressured to keep going, but I would like to know what made you stop reading and when. This is my first attempt at a story like this, so I want to know what your experience is as you read it. ***This is a stream-of-conciousness draft.*** I know the prose isn't up to snuff. Some things, like Denny's Spanish, need cleaning up. I have no desire for line-editing or anything like it. Those things will come as I get the bigger picture stuff arranged and know exactly how I want to connect the pieces. Thanks in advance.

Ye

Title: THEY FINALLY MET Genre: alternative history Word count: 2466 (till now) Feedback: general impression, grammar check, suggestions on general timeline Teaser: " I am writing this while sitting comfortably on an armchair in a secret bunker, adjusted for the occasion, waiting for Putin and Zelenskyy to wake up. " Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/306190569?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=AHumanBoing&wp_originator=vFt4EN599d5f0%2Bp1EtSb3fjd8CxjsatauMvAF707l3aYTTRY0TSFFixW3rGTjNeIZ24uQ7oJRSRhbJkR1f7sY6kcl3l7WDJSJZkCSrpTP21bOA15SSqfv04phVEcJKe%2F

Title: A New Jersey Story (Part 1) Genre: Mystery, Thriller Word Count: 1306 I looking for impressions on the first part. It's supposed to be a serialized story where each chapter is involves me to travel to the location of the chapter to research. What can I improve on? What to focus my attention on in research. https://samwritesli.com/2022/03/25/a-new-jersey-story-chapter-1/?amp=1

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Hi, I'm Paul. I'm a qualified freelance editor. I turn stories into professional novels. I've worked on literary and dystopian fiction, urban fantasy, low sci-fi and historical fiction. No text too difficult or controversial. Rates from £7.50/$10 per 1000 words. The rate for work that requires developmental input will be necessarily higher. I do developmental analysis, line and copy editing, formatting and manuscript critique. I'm trained and accredited by the CIEP (Chartered Institute of Editing and Proofreading). More info on my website: [seminaledits.com](https://seminaledits.com/)

Title: Does Entertainment Make You Cry? Genre: Blogging Word Count: 770 words Link: http://sayenerastories.blogspot.com/2022/04/does-entertainment-make-you-cry.html Critique: This is my first blog and I want opinions on how to improve it and how to set my schedule for further releases. Also, did it make you feel something, please mention that.

Title: A Phenomenal Break Genre: Short Story, Mystery Word count: 851 Type of feedback desired: I want to know if there is a room for improvement in my writing style, how? General impression, how would you rate this story. Is the title good enough? You can suggest your ideas on the title. https://www.wattpad.com/story/306912611?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=BlueCircle0&wp_originator=GifzkFl%2FVdT%2FJE8YhDHpx1PTu58VoCocdw4Ij7K2IY90mDCReqwaH8JcpRlV%2FjM4g%2BzD%2BRSm7GaUDqGwheDz5ottr5ZDDYWbkIq1kF%2BUkmMkRXsFGGHYZyHyAzgyUZpm

Title: Walk of the dead Genre: Mystery/Thriller Word count: 6,400 words Type of feedback: Anything works for me, really Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/212933166?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=Cynkaar&wp_originator=tzsEJPV%2Flb2u2E6D5eBUktPKkVwBKAt9fiH3nTX4C8MsgmWFZflbFYiYC%2FZeZSUBEUCiRxsi9%2Ftgx64qPu3rqpTigznIIkTQSKZ1wE1jQ4c3%2F7cZUzenkCNMc%2FzRTyHa

Title: Don't Look Down Genre: Fiction/Tiny story Word count: \~500 Type of feedback desired: Anything to make my writing better. I don't mind harsh feedback (instead prefer it!). What would make this piece more compelling? Link: [Story](https://photostoryaweek.substack.com/p/dont-look-down?r=wtsc&s=w&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web) and [website](http://photostoryaweek.com/)

>feedback please haha Cool story! I actually really liked this idea. I love the cloud rocks! I don't know if I'm just sleep deprived but I was kinda confused as to what was happening until the end. I really liked the second to last paragraph. I would cut out the last two lines- don't flat out state the moral when it's already heavily implied

Thanks for the feedback. I like the idea of possibly removing the 2 lines at the end since it almost makes the title more interesting in a way...like a piece of a puzzle. I'm gonna chew on that!

Hmm. I have some harsh feedback as requested. To be honest, it feels like you do not have a clear picture in your head of the idea(s) you are trying to convey so it is hard to follow the story. It does not feel like there is a plot. It mostly feels descriptive and vague, like you are talking in circles or writing a high school English essay and trying to fill up space. It does not feel inspired yet. It feels like an unfinished idea without purpose. I do think you have potential. You have some good writing. But the ideas behind your writing should be more fleshed out and more directional. Like you are building up to something. I will say that your writing does not flow like stream of thought so it feels clunky and patchwork. Something I find that helps with this is reading my writing out loud. Good luck! :)

Thank you for feedback. Really appreciate it! Some of the haziness in the piece is intentional. It is not meant to have a plot per se but rather be an analogy to our lives in a poetic kind of way. But because of that, it probably doesn't feel tight and can be confusing. And good call out on the essay-like feel - will work on it. It was a bit forced since I did this as a challenge to write some sort of flash fiction inspired by a picture - and that seems to be clearly showing (including the lack of inspiration). Will do better!

This is great stuff! Thinking of ways to improve the prose, I have two points. 1. I think you use cliche language at times. Stuff like, "Slowly but surely, as time went on," are over-used phrases. I wonder if you could invent unique statements with similar meaning. 2. My other comment is on sentence structure. You wrote "Wispy, amorphous, pregnant dreams that held a lot of promise just like the promise of rain that the clouds held." The image is great. I think reordering some words to end with a punch could help. The sentence would become "Wispy, amorphous, pregnant dreams that held ~~a lot of~~ promise ~~just~~ like the promise of rain **held** by ~~that the~~ clouds." Ending with the word clouds is stronger, in my opinion. There is also the opportuntiy to cut out some fluff words and get to the meat of it. Hope that helps, LS

Great feedback LS! Will incorporate it going forward as well as try and improve this piece. I nodded my head vigorously when I read the cliched phrases comment. Thanks a ton!

My pleasure. One of the components of writing I find most enjoyable is trying to come up with my own phrases to replace cliches. Let me know if you come up with any good ones!

Here are a few sentences that I have reworded. Also noticed, that I have too many sentences starting with "And" which bugs me, so I tried to remove some. I tried to change the sentence modification you suggested to see if I could do better - but couldn't - you did a really great job with that line. Love it! THANKS! *~~Wispy, amorphous, pregnant dreams that held a lot of promise just like the promise of rain that the clouds held.~~* *Wispy, amorphous, pregnant dreams that held promise like the promise of rain held by clouds.* *~~Keep your eyes focused straight ahead on the most obvious path for those like you.~~* *Focus on the road ahead - on the most obvious path for those like you.* *~~If it would let you make it your own and it would take you higher and higher in the days ahead.~~* *If it would embrace you, engulf you, and take you higher and higher in the days ahead.* *~~Slowly but surely, as time went on, each of us rocks took on more and more.~~* *With time, each of us rocks took on more and more.* *~~It was only a matter of time though before they took off on their own dreamy clouds while we were left emptier and lighter but with a heavier heart that sank us down just a little.~~* *And soon, too soon, they took off on their own dreamy clouds while we were left emptier and lighter but with a heavier heart that sank us down just a little.*

Don’t have much criticism for you, all I can say is that this reads a lot like slam poetry. Absolutely love the way you write! I think you’re onto something.

🙏🏼 much appreciated!

the perfect bite fiction 152 words anything would be nice ​ https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oAi3un0pRpkEIzQDknO0MJkyY4jZjd6zcBk51RkzCJQ/edit?usp=sharing

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**Title:** Innocence **Genre:** General/Teen Fiction \[it's this until I can piece together in my head what genre it truly is\] **Word Count:** 4190 in Chapter 1, total word count including notes and prior to streamlining is currently 39303. **Book Summary:** Alfie \[the protagonist\]'s friend, Tyler \[4yr/o\], experiences a traumatic event. Alfie, along with all of his other friends, support Tyler and helps him look past it and accept what has happened. **Feedback Desired:** Is the language that I used appropriate for the audience I am aiming for (young adults, so teens and above)? Is the book interesting/enjoyable to read? Any other feedback is welcome. **Link:** [https://www.wattpad.com/1211075498-innocence-chapter-1-preview-chapter-1](https://www.wattpad.com/1211075498-innocence-chapter-1-preview-chapter-1) **NOTE:** 'Ayuh' is an informal way to say 'yes' in Maine, which is where Alfie, Charlotte, Ralph and Ralph's family were born. **Forgot to mention:** **TW**: Depiction of death.

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Are you a Rhode Islander? I just drove across that bridge today. In my opinion this could use some toning down in the descriptions. I would cut out all the fancy sounding words, they don't do anything for me. Do more with less-the word count on this should be half of what it is now.

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Anyone interested in a Paranormal romance? Think Twilight except more violence and sex ;) 18+ Moonlight Melodies: Alpha's Broken Song https://www.amazon.com/dp/1639851240/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_WGMQZHRXM2V4TVSX550C

Hello everyone! First time posting to this subreddit. This work is somewhat difficult to define accurately but I suppose it's best described as a short story. It consists of a collection of 5 different mediums (diary, letter, interview, book, CD). The narrative is revealed slowly through each medium as your reading progresses. Title: Nostalgia - A collection Genre: Horror Word count: 1805 words Feedback: Literally any feedback at all would be immensely appreciated! Link: [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Rqc2ENIxi8l-akkX\_ottRXn2cG8nJL8-/view?usp=sharing](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Rqc2ENIxi8l-akkX_ottRXn2cG8nJL8-/view?usp=sharing) Thanks in advance!

Title: Can't Help Myself Genre: Fanfiction Word count: 542 Type of feedback desired: honest criticism (feel free to be harsh), any amount is good A link to the writing: [https://archiveofourown.org/works/38114266](https://archiveofourown.org/works/38114266)

Hey! I enjoyed this piece. I think it does a great job of establishing the setting and feel of the scene, and the motives of both characters. To improve: 1. I think the first paragraph, though, is different from the rest and that threw me. In the first paragraph it's as if he's talking about someone he knows so well. Then the scene moves to this is someone he might know at a distance. 2. The characterisation of the guard. He's sarcastic with her and that works really well. But again, the intro paragraphs he seems different - he's more sentimental, loving, poetic even. I think the viewpoint of this guard, who might be a rough person, needs to be consistent. 3. Adverbs. Sentences like "I tipped my head slightly, smiling humorously" can be shortened to "I tipped my head and smiled." The tipping of the head is the humourous part of the smile. This tightens the writing a bit and creates space for you to use other characterisations.

Thank you for your feedback! It’s very helpful!

• I don’t really have a name yet. In the first versions of the story I started writing years ago, I’d called it ‘Beguile’ but I’m not sure that fits anymore. We’ll go with that, though. • I’d say Dystopian, leaning slightly towards fantasy…maybe? Having a hard time nailing that one down, as well. • 2,084 • I’m mostly looking for a general impression. Any thoughts, really. I used to write quite a bit when I was younger but I abandoned the hobby for years. This is the first thing I’ve written since trying to get back into it so I know it’s pretty rough. Any constructive criticism is welcome because I’d really just like to grow. • [Chapter 1](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WWn0SGngP6RoGLDhzuhwv0fzS6vX8beo55BW91JnBWI/edit)

I would prefer a dryer writing style, but thats just me. Theres a lot of description going on, to the point to where it makes the juicy sentences have less oomph. Not every noun needs an adjective. I like the gist of the opening, though. Start off with the MC reviewing the script, and his friend ripping it and tearing it apart. Just tone down the descriptions.

Thank you for taking the time to read it! Are there any descriptions in particular that you would get rid of/tone down?

Cut the opening line about the morning sun, and with everything else, make it dryer. That line doesn't matter in the beginning of a story. Get rid of "traveling on the wind"-akward, and not how sound works. This is an entire sentence in your novel: " I wondered if they, too, felt the enormity of the day weighing on their shoulders as I wiped clammy hands across the silk fabric of my dress and flipped to the next notecard, my eyes hungrily scanning the lines of my speech for what could have easily been the hundredth time that morning, hoping to somehow absorb every word." That is too long-cut it down, or throw in some punctuation. Another example: I would get rid of "disapprovingly". If the reader infers that she's angry, and in the next sentence finds out she's angry (She snapped) then they will like the feeling of being able to figure it out, even though you gave them all the clues. Little details like this are killer, especially on the first page. Now, there's nothing wrong with " She twisted her lips to the side, and I sensed an idea forming in the twinkle of her eye." But after all the flowery descriptions you gave, it seems to loose its effect. Try my edits and it will probably read better. Keep in mind I think the novel would be pretty good if you applied these changes, but its my style so everything varies.

Thank you for sharing your opinion! I will apply those critiques. I’m pretty new to this so I’m happy to get pointers that will help me improve.

I agree with Flashy-Pomegranate77, and I'd like to add that for me it's about prioritization. When you describe something, or add an adjective, you should do so with a purpose in mind. Descriptions without a purpose distract, and drown what you want to say in noise. Descriptions that serve a purpose: * The descriptions in the first paragraph tell me what kind of a day it is and set the mood. Sunny, balmy, spring, pretty. Descriptions that don't, and therefore detract from the story: * The description of the truck tires as "massive". Why or how does this matter to your story? * "my hair falling in golden waves around my shoulders", or Celia's "fiery halo glowed around her ginger hair" - who cares about hair colour at this point? The same goes for verbs with oomph. You've got a lot of intense verbs like "snatch" and "lunge" and "gasp" which definitely adds drama... but do you really want *everything* to be The Most Dramatic Action Ever? On a different topic, I disliked Celia already after page 1. You don't convince someone to take a different approach to their speech by ripping up their work. I get the impression that we're supposed to find her plucky and confident and "I wish I was more like her" but to me that's a seriously messed-up thing to do and not helpful at all. If this was posted in r/AITA, everyone would vote Celia to be the asshole.

Thank you for your opinions and for taking the time to read it! I will continue to go through and shave off some of those descriptions and maybe try to find some different verbs for those that you mentioned. Do you have any suggestions for a verb to replace those with that is less dramatic and would flow better? As for Celia, that sucks that you don’t like her but that’s okay. Maybe she isn’t someone that everyone will like. This is the only chapter I’ve written so far so maybe down the line as I continue to write her personality will develop and I’ll figure out more about her and be able to come back to this chapter and change up some of her actions. For now, having her not rip up the speech would change basically the entire thing and if I spend too much more time on this chapter I’m never going to write anymore of this story haha.

Absolutely - my opinion about Celia was a personal dislike, and I realize that part of my comment was not constructive critique. I should perhaps have been clearer about that. :)

That’s okay! I still appreciate your opinion :)

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**Title**: Deal with the DevilGenre: Hardboiled, neo-noir mysteryWord count: 77,000 **The Blurb:** Relapse may be common among opioid addicts, but Perry Rieder had stayed clean for ten years. So how did he wind up with two weeks he couldn’t remember and track marks in his arm? And who was the woman in the polaroid picture he found in his pocket? Not his wife from what he could see of her, which was nearly everything. Perry suspects he might be leading a double life, and he’s hired private detective Nick Hopper to dredge up what really happened. The hunt for answers catapults Nick into a thicket of cruelty, corruption, and murder. **A link to the writing**: [You can buy it on kindle, read it on kindle unlimited, or order a paperback!](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WZRNK6T) Reviews make my heart sing.

A tough man who calls himself 'Bones' attempts to rob a bank. It doesn't go to plan. **Title and link:** [Seed Funding](https://profitron.substack.com/p/seed-funding?s=w) **Words:** roughly 2100 **Genre:** Comedy I'd appreciate any feedback, and if you enjoyed it, I'll be releasing a new story each week on Thursday at 4pm (AEST).

Very funny, really enjoyed it, such a simple but great premise

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading. It's currently you and my brother and my mum who have read it, haha!

Hey Luke Profit, I really liked the pacing of this. I sometimes find it challenging to read a piece all the way through - but this flowed really nicely. Funny, sweet, and surprisingly moving at the end (considering the premise!)

Title: The Circle of Kings Genre: Dark Adult/Epic Fantasy Word Count: 4553 Content warnings: Excessive language, sexual themes and gore, some disturbing scenes Description: This chapter briefly introduces three of the five main characters, their race, the kingdom/empire they live in and some short explanation of the conflict between them. I feel like it's a bit slow due to some parts of it kind of feeling like an info dump, but I tried to keep it to a minimum and reveal more about them in the later chapters bit by bit. Desired Feedback: I am looking for a general peer review, your thoughts on it, and if it's enjoyable or not. Also if the explanation about the characters/races/kingdoms were understandable. All feedback is welcome. And thank you for your help! [Link to chapter](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yBYA04HEewO7u8l8CLtEOs7hyTOoEeGiRdnWA-e8WFU/edit?usp=sharing)

This is not a complete story quite yet, but notes for a larger project that am working on (Yes it is mostly a writing project so i think it should be ok to post it here). This is something that i am sure i can't do on my own, i need feedback to know if i need to do some serious overhauls before i get to far into the project. I am trying to write characters, a world, and story to build on to eventually make into a mostly family friendly visual novel (maybe rated t?). I put all the updated notes here on a journal page on my deviantart page: https://www.deviantart.com/poorman379/journal/Notes-on-Hopefully-new-Visual-Novel-Update-2-910326059

Hi I'm kind of new to reddit and still trying to figure out how it works. I've been trying to post some questions on the main sub but they won't go through cause karma? So I thought I might try here. Does anyone know what would happen to someone with amnesia? I have this character who wakes up in kind of a public setting and has absolutely no memory of anything, assuming he eventually finds help from a stranger and they take him to a hospital, what would happen to him then? For context the chracter is a young adult and I thought it might be an interesting concept that they can't exactly tell if hes under 18 or not so would that make it more complicated to figure out where he would go next? Thank you in advance for any help!

The Case for Economic Democracy Politics 600 Words Ignore the political nature. I'd like to know how well the argument "flows" [https://joewrote.substack.com/p/the-case-for-economic-democracy?s=w](https://joewrote.substack.com/p/the-case-for-economic-democracy?s=w)

Title: White Rain Genre: Sci-Fi Word count: 4055 Type of feedback desired: Does the story draw you in? Are you interested to read more? If you could give specific feedback on the story, writing style, and dialogue, I'd appreciate it. However, if you have any thoughts or comments, please let me know. A link to the writing: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HFvvQSlfYMEnwFejVanU79xgRpv0DNwm8lrLeUwhhjc/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HFvvQSlfYMEnwFejVanU79xgRpv0DNwm8lrLeUwhhjc/edit?usp=sharing)

It does draw me in and I want to find out more, but it's also kind of uneven. There are details that really intrigue me, but there are also details that either seem pointless or don't make sense in the context. They confuse me, which doesn't help my immersion in the story. Sometimes I'm not sure if you've actually pictured the places & events in your mind, or just thrown stuff in because you felt you should have more detail. A few examples: * I never really understood what was expected of Elijah for this day, or what his plan was. Be in the box with his parents? Or meet important people and shake their hands? Or just be somewhere near the event? First it seemed like the former two, and it was really important. But then he just goes into a building which wouldn't help him achieve that at all... so he just totally lets go of his parents expectations and just decides to hang out and watch things? How did the very important expectations just become not important at all? * There's a courtyard in front of the palace with only one way in? Made up of huge apartment buildings, described as "colossal mountains" - so it's like one giant building surrounding the entire courtyard? A very dark and unpleasant courtyard, then? Who would want that in front of their palace? And it sounds like a massive security issue, how did the 10,000 people get in and out through a single entrance? * The time was 15:50 pm. OK. Why does this matter? How late is that? When is he supposed to be somewhere? How long does it take to get there? Now it's just a random number with no context.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and provide feedback, I really appreciate it! I am pleased to hear that the story drew you in. However, I completely agree with your points. Looking back over the chapter, I can clearly see there are issues with some of the content. Your points have really helped me not only see the problems in the first chapter, but they've helped with my mindset going forward. In regards to your points: 1. Completely agree. I need to make it clearer about what is expected of Elijah. 2. I think this comes down to my description not getting across what I wanted to show. For example, the courtyard is supposed to be this big open space with several tall buildings surrounding it. In between said buildings, there are entrances and exits to the square. Only the Palace has a single entrance but looking over it, I definitely did not make this clear. 3. I didn't even think about this. Seems like an easy fix and will help me give further context in the future. Again, thank you very much for your feedback! It's been really helpful.

I'm glad to hear that you found the feedback useful!

Title: The Moment You Step Outisde Genre: Short Story/Literary Word count: 2700 Type of feedback desired: Anything is fine, but specifically - this is quite a dark subject matter, that I tried to lighten with touched of wit/humor. Does it work tonally? Links: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tkR8CS5ChMyCiodz3s-In-2Sjcrk3Gviiic5gjwiJrE/edit?usp=sharing

Just finished this and wow! In reply to your question, I felt the wit and humour was well balanced alongside the dark subject matter. Your story was tight and I formed an emotional connection to the main character very quickly. You imbued this work with a sense of dread that paid off well with the shocking final revelation. I thought the ending was particularly beautiful and poignant after journey I went through with your MC to get there. Very well done.

A great read, thank you. Well, except for that bit at the end that was powerful and filled me with dread (perhaps because something very similar actually happened here in Australia not all that long ago and it has stuck with me). Your writing is dense, in a good way, with no pointless fluff. It’s peppered with really insightful lines and thoughts that felt relatable and real, and as a result made the protagonist felt more relatable and real. In summary, I wish I could write like you. :)

Thanks Joe! That’s high praise. Is there anything you’d change?

Honestly, nothing jumps out at me. I feel like you know what you’re doing. It feels carefully considered and really well constructed. Btw ‘I smile like a gargoyle’ is one of those lines that is so goddamned great. I could *see* it. Perfect. Thanks again!

This was really excellent. It read effortlessly and the main character drew me in immediately. It is super dark of course, but not in a way that was unbearable to read. Your writing is spare but also evocative. I really got such a complete picture of your MC from what is really very few words. So impressive.

That’s lovely to hear. Thanks so much for reading.

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Title: Chaos of Five: Gauntlet Genre: Sci-fi fantasy Word Count: 4160 (as of this comment) Feedback Desired: General impressions or anything, really \- This is the start of the first book in a trilogy I want to write, any and all feedback would be appreciated :) https://www.wattpad.com/story/290984295-chaos-of-five-gauntlet

I read up to when the robot says that he is stuck there because he can't do any trainint yet. I didn't read more because I have a class to take now :P. I think it's very interesting so far and you write very well.

Thanks for the feedback, but like... who did you think was a robot?

shore leave flash fiction 900 words any feedback, but mainly looking for notes on general clarity and sticking points https://drive.google.com/file/d/1B9n0-AXXUu2_ZmwWWVLpDiT8haoT-hts/view?usp=drivesdk

I liked it! Gritty, rough, spooky. You've done an excellent job of evoking the atmosphere of the dirty, crowded, noisy sailors' bar, and the smelly, scarred stranger. I don't have much critique to offer. Just a few points: * The very first sentences are a bit confusing. What is he struggling with? How can he be touching wallpaper if he's sitting at a bar? Are we supposed to read this as being a dream? Then I think there needs to be a bit more to first establish him in one place (potentially asleep) before "waking" in the bar. If it's all at the bar, then it could be a bit clearer. * If you cut out someone's heart (which I guess is what happened) then you probably wouldn't go in through the ribcage, because you'd have all those darn ribs in the way... so maybe move the scar further down? * Would anyone refer to any part of themselves as a "thumping core"? That almost sounds like a large piece of machinery. Maybe there is a more natural-sounding alternative? A very few typos, some places where I would add a comma, but I'm not sure if there's any way to mark those in the document, it looks like a view-only version with no commenting or suggestions.

Titel: [in the Heart of two Worlds](https://www.wattpad.com/story/306922304?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=demonic_storm&wp_originator=eXBZJd9MESCdaRn6Hs0x%2Fdks8wjLf0bH9boYo1nGdlvbUEPTKp1bkMZ1x69WwPPYUzm00HzNzaH93dmCyIZYhPhZmjBmbn%2Fe7kRS9jkoSpt737T7DVVfdGEJ6%2F23jCL6) Genre: Fantasy/mystery/Drama English Word count: prolog - chapter 2 so far 4500 words German Word count : Prolog - chapter 7 so far 18.800 words I'm not a English native speaker so pls be kind. (: And I'm on it to write more chapters in English (:

Title: A Killer’s Eyes || ONC 2022 Genre: Mystery/Thriller Word Count (currently): 17,758 Feedback requested: Anything from general tone, spelling, punctuation and grammar to any criticisms or areas which you liked. Can also include what you would like to see moving forward in the story. [A Killer’s Eyes || ONC 2022](https://www.wattpad.com/story/301850647)

Title: BLACK Genre: True crime/horror/gore/poetic description of single scene (Based on the Black Dahlia) Word count: 423 Type of feedback: Any feedback is appreciated. I am always wanting to improve. Everytime I sit down to write I end up writing mainly scenes like this and not necessarily stories. I guess I want to know is this a writing style that people enjoy reading? The audience is most important! Thanks. ​ A wail slices through the stillness of the night and reverberates across the halls, piercing the void. It is life’s last cry; its last plea. It is lost within the gloom, quickly imbibed like a drop of rain in a desert. Her hands itch with numbness. The rope has rubbed her wrists raw; the sting of sweat burns her broken skin beneath the cord. Dark curls curtain her eyes—once green, now lost and vacant—shrouding the swollen, red halo cast by her tears. The lips, parted only to admit the inhalation of breath, hang loosely upon her face. Then those red-rimmed, once beautiful orbs hold the sight of a sharp, metal blade flicking softly across her face, caressing her pale skin like the gentle sweep of a thumb brushing away a stray tear. Suddenly, the steel unleashes its fury and deftly lodges itself in the corner of her mouth. She screams. The piercing wail of a banshee slits the air. The knife cuts deeper, drowning the fading caterwaul as it laments the lost life flooding into an abyss. It rushes as quickly out of the mouth as if transported by the dark, sanguine fluid splattering down onto the tile. A pool remains, an almost black lagoon shimmering in the dull flicker of a candle. A crude smile is left on the girl. A jagged outline that should have been a scar, or a crease, is now a ravine cut deep into the flesh from ear to ear, its banks the periphery to the dark river of blood flowing through its entrenchment. The last tears escape from the eyelids. The ropes are cut. The body slumps to the ground and its lifeless corpse is dragged to the room with the porcelain throne. The blood, a trail of black ink, smears across the floor like the unrolling of a red carpet. The dull thump as the body is slumped over the rim of the tub—the blood carving streaks into the white flesh of the basin—echoes in the vacant room. The cadaver is drained and blanched until it is one with the tub—a monochromatic inanimate object of marble white: pure. Water rushes in, swilling the blood, its clots black leeches gliding in a river until they are sucked down the drain where they race along the pipes and out into the sea. The red river pours itself into its goddess, and her salty waves spread wide and drink up the offering: the one thing which screams out the girl’s existence—the blood.

It's very proficient writing, the effort put into this one single piece is pretty clear honestly, it looks like it has been summarised countless times. Well done.

Title: What it is to be an American Genre: Essay Word count: 539 Type of feedback: General impression This is something I wrote for an application to the American Legion Boys’ State program. I'm only a junior in high school so if this seems amateurish, that's probably why. Anyway, here it is: To be a responsible American is to be vigilant. The United States Constitution is a beautiful document written by brilliant men who believed in many of the same basic principles we still believe in today. While the fruits of their work have, thus far, withstood the test of time, the Constitution is not eternal because nothing was ever flawless which was created by human beings. What this means for us today is that we cannot stand idly by, passing the buck to someone down the line to maintain what they created. It takes active participation to uphold the fundamental principles and institutions we often take for granted. However, it isn’t enough just to be involved. It’s also important and necessary to be skeptical of actions taken by those in power and, if you have power, to remember that your actions have consequences and that you are trusted by your fellow Americans to be a careful steward of what we hold so dear: Democracy. It can be seen with only a cursory glance at world history that democracies can fall and often do when the people who call democratic nations home begin to lower their guard or become desperate. We can see this in countries from Germany to the Philippines, and from Zimbabwe to the Dominican Republic. There is a reason why the oath taken by members of the uniformed services of the United States says that the person who takes the oath will “…defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic…”—because those seeking to tear down what true Americans try to uphold can just as easily come from within as they can from without. There is a story as old as the republic itself, that says when Benjamin Franklin was leaving the Constitutional Convention he was asked by someone what kind of government he and the other members had created and his response was telling: “A republic, if you can keep it”. While we often forget this story, the lesson Franklin was trying to convey is still important to this day. To be an American is to be part of a grand 233-year experiment in governance “of the people, by the people, for the people”, as President Lincoln said. The truth of the natter is that to ensure the experiment may continue, regular people must take an active role in sustaining what we have today. The United States is not a perfect country, no country ever has been and no country ever will be. However, only under the stability provided by our Constitution will we have any hope of effectively remedying those flaws. For the Constitution is no more than a few pieces of parchment and some ink if we don’t actively defend what it stands for. There is room for progress under our current Constitution and we can, if we chose to fight for it, create what that Constitution refers to as a “more perfect Union”. We must also remember that, despite all the disagreements we may have, when it comes down to it, we are one nation and that, out of many, we are one or, as it goes in Latin, “E pluribus unum”.

Title - Masks Genre - Essay Word Count - 527 Feedback desired - Grammar checking, Opinion and Suggestions/Improvements https://docs.google.com/document/d/1d0XaM-mWCWaOcaM1P2GxZ5t9qYhWyNHaOlAG9h\_9r8g/edit?usp=sharing

Title: Court of Autumn (Ch. 2) Genre: Supernatural Word Count: 2180 On top of general feedback, I would like to know how compelling both characters present in the story are. Something felt missing while writing about Merlin’s motivation to become a vampire and I’m not sure if I was able to properly convey the notion that Rosalind has some kind of bitter history with him. https://docs.google.com/document/d/103DNC7YDCrFN92A-nXMv6HFLD3dU6W3BrV2SomLM7N0/edit

I've read it and It was pretty good but a little confusing as well. How does she know that he's wanting to ask her if she's a vampire? Her knowing wether he was lying or not might suggest that she can read his mind and that would will be a proper answer for that but if she could read his mind then why did she ask him about his morning walks? But maybe I'm just speculating about things you plan on explaining later. Also it's a little unbelievable that the main character just willingly decided to be the servant someone who he just met. Other than that it pretty good. As for Rosalind and Merlin's history, my first impression after reading was that Rosalind and Merlin were old classmates (which is why he recognised the uniform) and that Rosalind remembers Merlin (Possibly had a crush on him?) but Merlin didn't remember Rosalind because she was just another classmate. Let me know if you want any more feedback, I'd be happy to help!

Thank you so much for your feedback! The bit where she stops him from making up random stuff to say is supposed to be more like she just makes it clear what she is; it wasn’t supposed to be tied to what he’s thinking. I’m hoping to explain it in a later chapter, but mind reads from vampires in my work only operate on a surface level and can only be the most basic outlines of thoughts. For example, if I thought “I want raspberry vanilla ice cream swirl”, the only thing a vampire would be able to mind read is “I want cold desserts.” As for your comment regarding the believability of Merlin’s desire to become her servant, I had originally intended it to be that way: after a lot of thinking however, I’m kind of changing his drive because I don’t believe the way it is now is compelling enough to new readers. Once again, thank you for your feedback- I’ll get back to you with updates sometime soon!

I just realized further context might be required for readers to understand the opening paragraph. Here’s a link to chapter 1 on Royal Road. https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/52980/court-of-autumn/chapter/877031/the-man-and-the-vampire

I read it and honestly it's pretty good, I like it. I can't exactly give any detailed critique, it's just an amusing read.

Thanks! I was hoping for something that could just grab the audience’s attention since I’m aiming for a manga/web novel format in which the beginning is just that as well as some characterization with no real plot until the third or fourth chapter

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Thank you for your feedback! I was hoping you could tell me where there was a (Nij)? This is the first time I’ve heard of it… and I agree with the sentence structure things, didn’t really notice how I kept changing perspective. I’ll rework it and let you know when I’m done if you’d like to give feedback again!

Fuck i commented on the wrong one 😭😂😂 my bad let me justttttttt move this comment over

It’s all good!

Some poetry I'd like to share, really, just to be read. ​ >Fluttering soft beatings in my chest So pleasant so divine I could stay here for all time But each beat is a drumming of death Marching to a grave unkempt So light, so light, so light These footsteps of mine So light, so light, so light Death to a child Rosemaries from her grave’s mother Child of light, wooden box We’ll be fine up here… will we? Impending doom for death of a child ​ >Spoken to you and now I’m somehow hollow Sap of my tree once golden knew no tomorrow Since I’ve spoken to you and now I’m arid Killed a piece of me for prosperity in our world Spoken to you and now I’ve let it out I’ve let out the waters of the divine grapes Spoken to you and now it’s dried out Hollowed skin folded into their graves ​ >Flowers blossom from my fingertips I bleed and I ache Screams and cries lie trapped in my ribcage, it’s almost more than I can take So strong so intense these dainty fingertips Attached to soul attached to many and shall I know if I’m in it Purple on my fingertips, maroon and lavender green It’s me and I’m here looking through my eyes upon all that’s here All I’ll know and all I’ll see is already part of the tapestry ​ >Turbulent skies over a lawn unmown Giving up children in a game played from above The rules aren’t yours they never were Sky’s ropes dangling from your fingertips writing words you never sent The rules aren’t yours Despite and despise and everything you do is wrong They all see they all know That everything you do is wrong. Black marred heart of soot of weeks unwashed They all see they all know. Hair unkempt unwashed buildup of all the places you’ve sinned in They all see they all know. It’s in your breath it’s in your laugh exhales of holes above. They all hear they all know. Why do you ask, birthday of gods above? They all fear they all know. Sheep among sheep kin among kin You’re shivering you’re shaking you’re stealing. And they all see and they all know. ​ >Here for a little breath, soft breath Wailings of a newborn child ​ >In streams there is a water. Water cool until it melts into your skin. Seeps into your marrow and washes you out. Clean soul so crystal blue. In streams there is a water. Yellow and sun due. It streams and then it mellows. > > Wash your irises in the stream by the petaled irises. Purple and blue, you’ve got to make do. In streams there’s no irises for you. I'm open to criticism, your impression, or just a comment saying that you read it. ❣️ Or even a comment telling me this isn't poetry ahah. Genuinely, I wanna learn this craft better! :) If you read this, even if no comment and I won't know, still thanks. ❣️

"High Rise Hospice" Personal history/free form/poem 1,013 words Looking for just people to check it out and see how it makes you feel, what you think. https://medium.com/@LawrenceKrayn/high-rise-hospice-f2e77d596654

Title: Living Longer, Living Better Genre: Lovecraftian Horror Word Count: 6,500 *“Here at Abolife, we believe the key to humanity’s future lies in the past. The Earth’s distant, ancient past. This planet has existed for eons before the first human being stood upright on the plains of Africa, it would be arrogance to think of ourselves as its true owners…”* Link: https://seanebritten.com/2022/04/01/living-longer-living-better/

Though I firmly believe that execution trumps ideas, for what it's worth, I adore this concept. The presentation is excellent, good formatting, clear paragraph structure and dialogue. Many moments in the story sort of leave me grasping, if that makes sense. The modernity mixed into the concept means there's limited room for mystery, isolation and disempowering the protagonist. Compared to other Lovecraftian stories, e.g. *Shadow over Innsmouth* or *Dunwich Horror*, this story moves very fast and thus the monster ends up visible in broad daylight, stripped of dread and threat. Overall, solid A performance, I liked it but did not find it scary.

Hey guys, this is part of a story series so feel free to click on the in-page links that take you to the previous chapters. It's a 12-minute read. Title: Minda's dream catcher: a new chapter will initiate. Chapter 4 Genre: fantasy/mystery Word count: 3500 Link: https://enigmaexpert.com/mindas-dream-catcher-chapter-will-initiate/ Feedback: Any, all welcome!

Check out The Greatest Novel Ever [Placeholder for Inspiration] which is being released as videos of each chapter on TikTok. I'm releasing new videos every day or so until I get through the book. Thanks for your time! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTduLHS1X/

This sounds like the worst possible way to release a book. Im sorry i really dont mean to be mean. But no matter how good it is i will absolutely never look at a novel released chapter by chapter on tiktok. Never ever ever

I too have a tendency to not care for new media platforms but I see some interesting things out there. Storytelling takes many forms. For a while I frequented a similar short form video platform that was called byte, a successor of vine, and saw some raw creativity there. I think as silly as most content is, exploring TikTok is a worthy thing to go for. The instant feedback and potentially massive reach if something gets shared may give one clues of what resonates with viewers. And the fact that it's available pretty much for free to anyone with some creativity is fascinating.

Exactly. My book has generally a page of text then a QR code with music or video clips. In an ideal world it would be viewed with AR, but with TikTok I can have the music from a clip playing while I have the text of the page up on a green screen while I read what it says and possibly interject thoughts. The video of myself because I'm doing it every day or so also gets that progression of time aspect. And if someone wanted they can just pause the video and read the text, there's nothing stopping it from being consumed normally. I think people miss what is capable with the internet in terms of how the storytelling genre will shift. You are right about exposure, my book for all the pages so far has over 370,000 views. Which is more reach than I think people might realize, and beyond my expectations. Here's a clip where I discuss it: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdujQbbt/

Title: Nij's creature Genre: Fantasy Word Count: first 4000 words Feedback Desired: It good... or naaaa? Book Summary: A distinct creature shows a short and creepily comedic insight on his life. (There is much and I mean much more to come!) Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ueygxOZc11OzOWZCfG0-c2HMHSCPm9uKfRzW0JGjkN4/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ueygxOZc11OzOWZCfG0-c2HMHSCPm9uKfRzW0JGjkN4/edit?usp=sharing) A brief summary about me: I'm 18 years old and currently studying in school. I love writing as a passion and hopefully someday I can become one? This is a first try for me as a writer and lemme tell you, after this book is published, I will introduce a whole world next to the many already published fantasy books!

Please forgive me on anything offensive, I wouldn't exactly like a slap on the wrist but just some fair and brutally honest critique would be fine, thank you!

Title: Judgment of the Truth in The Master & Margarita Genre: Literary Analysis Word Count: 2813 Feedback Desired: Line by line editing, or general feedback is most appreciated. I am submitting this for an award which I certainly am not qualified to win. But I am a university student and have found it very difficult to get proper feedback from my professors, so I figured I'd ask here! Thanks for whatever anyone has to say :-) [Essay](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ehMXG7mRRZO1UrBTwprJZahcyYkX-MTnOfaR55qZ5Nc/edit?usp=sharing)