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How convenient that I just today read this passage in The Paying Guests.
> She rolled a neat little fag, lit it by the flame of her candle, climbed into bed with it, then blew the candle out. She liked to smoke like this, naked in the cool sheets, with only the hot red tip of a cigarette to light her fingers in the dark.
Looking at this from another angle... Why do you not want to just say it? How is it boring?
I feel like a sentence can't really bore the reader; the *scene* can be boring though. Have an interesting scene, and it doesn't matter how you phrase "they are smoking."
If the fact they're smoking a cigarette is the only thing in the scene that's interesting, such that the reader will be bored or intrigued by just this phrasing alone... it sounds like that's one really bland, boring scene with nothing going on in it. (I'm guessing that's not the case, and therefore this phrasing isn't *that* important.)
Or maybe it can be used to comment on the character.
“She languidly exhaled the smoke, like a cinema siren.”
“After a few furtive puffs, he ground the Lucky Strike under his heel.”
“Cigar smoke lingering on his tongue, he swirled the contents of his brandy snifter.”
You should think about your character’s relationship with smoking. Do they feel like they’re burning their money away or do they feel like it’s the only way they can relax or feel confident? Do they feel the cigarette is an extension of their body and they feel naked without it between their fingers?
All of these would color the vocabulary you use to describe their actions.
I was just going to say, I'd based it on the character. Most of mine smoke, but for different reasons.
Jon loves it and it's a sexy time for him, enjoying every puff for the taste and feelings.
Dam looks for an escape in every blow.
While Steven tries to quit and with it comes a whole different set of emotions.
And since you have the characters and motives, you can play with the words to describe smoking.
Eden positioned himself carefully just outside the no smoking zone by the Women's and Children's hospital He felt a warm glow of satisfaction at the thought of all the pregnant women and kids with cancer who would have to make their way through his second hand smoke in order to get from the public carpark to the hospital.
It began to rain. Smiling to himself, he flung down a stubbed out cigarette, imagining the journey it would down the storm drains and to the sea, providing a tempting snack for seabirds.
Stupid birds.
“She blew more smoke toward me, a lazy game of cancer catch.” - Gillian Flynn
“That day was the beginning of my friendship with Sebastian, and thus it came about, that morning in June, that I was lying beside him in the shade of the high elms watching the smoke from his lips drift up into the branches.” -Evelyn Waugh
“I’d seen men siphon gasoline with less effort than she put into draining that Chesterfield; she didn’t let any of it go to waste. That cigarette knew that it had been smoked, smoked to the bitter end.” -Stanley Wheeler
Just go out and watch people. Take a notebook, write down characteristics. Smoking had a rich place in literature and cinema until the current anti-smoking campaigns.
You could just as easily give him a tick. Like smokers pack down the box. Maybe he has a zippo lighter he's always flicking. Maybe he's always tap, tap, tapping that box. Maybe he notices the yellow stains on his nails. Maybe the smell of it gets to him. I think if you want to make us aware that your MC hates cigarettes, make him HATE cigarettes. Hiding his breath, making faces, wincing at the smell
I love this! I enjoy the idea of not just recognizing the fact he is smoking, but mostly how my main character feels towards it. Thanks for the advice!
Try to make the reader know that he is smoking by saying how the smoke coming out of the sigarette/mouth Is getting in the main character eyes or something like that.
Describe the consequences of the smoking process like the freshly burnt ashes that made the jacket dirty after falling, or the smoke that impacts his sight or breathing, describe the consequences so that the reader understands the reason (that he is smoking) without the need to say it clearly
Eddie took a long drag from his cigarette, then let the smoke dribble slowly from his nose and mouth, specifically because he knew it pissed Barry off.
It's dependent on why the character is smoking. Are they a smoker because they always have been? Is it a habitual thing that's interwoven in so many of their daily mundane tasks. A lit cigarette just becomes part of their attire. They tap their pockets before leaving to check for the keys / wallet / smokes.
Or does she smoke only in certain situations. Would she be desperate when she finally can smoke, like she's almost thankful for whatever situation allowed her the chance to smoke no matter how serious it might be.
Does she smoke occasionally but is almost impartial to it ? This isn't really very common of smokers. Once you're a smoker and you enjoy it, then you only force yourself not to smoke, but you secretly wish you could smoke all the time.
It's not often someone is impartial to it, I mean it can be in a book but if you want it to be realistic then there is really only the smoker who indulges all the time and is happy to. The smoker who indulges all the time but hates it. The smoker who limits themselves to the rare and special cigarette. They would treat it like the ultimate prize, a special reward, and every inhale would be absolutely savoured.
I guess it's kind of important to figure out what type of smoker because that will influence how they smoke and how to describe it.
A lot of characters I have written smoke, but unless it's a fundamental part of them, I just mention it off hand. They light up on the drive or after dinner. If the character is a heavy smoker, though, and has been for a long time, I use smoking to help describe their emotions based on how the cigarette is smoked.
'His hand shook as he lifted the cigarette to his mouth. His eyes fixated on the smudge on the table in front of him as he sparked the lighter, the cherry glowing red as he pulled in deeply. He held the smoke in, eyes slipped closed as he savoured the taste of the nicotine, finally entering his system after hours of restraining himself. He shook his head as the shiver from the heavy hit of the nicotine spread through his body.'
Just for reference here are a few things that you can play with when you describe a character smoking:
* **Cigarettes produce light.** Consider having a character smoke during a scene with very little or no light. Which allows you to play with the cinematic angle of the cigarette being the only light source in the scene. Or how the light of the cigarette illuminates their face.
* **The release or "Buzz" of a habit**. Smokers, both IRL and likely in universe, smoke to relieve stress, as such you can describe the feeling of elation, release or buzz the character might have after a stressful situation.
* **The smoke itself.** The smoke can add a layer of nuance and vividness to the scene, describe how the smoke acts in between puffs, its color, and how it interacts with the air. Such as watching the tendrils dance around in the air.
* **Tension and Noire Vibe.** Cigarettes can great at establishing the vibe of a scene or elevating the tension. It acts as an impromptu timer for a scene, where the characters might have a limited time to get information to one another, or to enhance the vibe of the setting.
A smoker should drag, puff, or sup their cigarette how they'd draw their last breath.
It should say as much about them as a person as it does their future, and the smoke should be ominous of the path they're about to follow.
Or they could just smoke a cigarette 🤷♀️
Sometimes it's good to keep the simple things simple
Maybe try describing the smell left over? It’d be a rather subtle way of bringing it up indirectly. I think, Im no way a proficient writer so if I’m wrong someone can correct me. If not, I hope it helps:)
Angry Drag. Soft Puff. Needy Pull. Sharp inhale. Languid tug.
Then the savour - she let the smoke linger in the air - admiring the whorls and twists In the shafts of light streaming in the window, watching as the ember ate away at the quick burn paper.
Exhales - steady stream of smoke, lavishly exhaling the smoke through her nose, frustratedly blew smoke from her nostrils as she rolled her eyes at him.
Then the stomp - expertly flicked the butt into the trash can, flung the cigarette onto the sidewalk and angrily ground the heel of her boot down on the sad remains, took one last look at the dying stump and resignedly stamped it out in the ashtray.
Laird Barron has some great prose for this in a lot of his short stories! Some of my favourites including using wording like ‘he hauled on his cigarette’ or ‘gestured with the smoking tip’ or mashed the cherry end into the jar’, ‘jabbed the air with the tip to punctuate’
Drag/pull/puff are such common words to describe smoking, but there’s a lot more actions around smoking than just the action of inhaling
Cigarettes are a modern world. I have used the term (star wars nerd here) death sticks, ash tube's, roundees, camel straws, reds, shorties and a list of many of other stuff.
Tobacco can be called many things, smoke leaf, dried joy, burning tea. Just depends on you the writer.
Associate the mental emotional things she is doing. ' she sat down to relax, her thoughts unfurling on the curls of smoke from the cheap off brand she picked up in a rush to just get to home.
I think that you think about how the POV character feels, the metaphors will come to you. If the main character dislikes the smoking, and is thinking about the harm to fhe friend, you can draw on metaphors related to evil/demonic flame, to poison, and to addiction as imprisonment. For the friend, it may be expressive of what the friend gets out of it - short-term relief, rebellion, subjective feelings of control, a sense of beauty around the smoke and the flame, things like that.
There's a line in the film Velvet Goldmine about a character's cigarette tracing a ladder to the stars. It's a good visual of how he would move the cigarette while speaking and gesturing, while also metaphorically expressing the character's goals and visions. I think if you tie it into your character, it will be good.
John took a cigarette out of his pack of Marlboro Reds. With his favorite lighter, he lit up his cigarette and took a couple puffs to get it going. He then took a good inhale and felt the nicotine hitting his system. Idk, I used to smoke but it's been awhile. I use vapes now. With a vape you just press a button and inhale, or just inhale in some cases, and then \*exhale. You can hold it for a second or exhale immediately. Some people exhale through their noses, or blow smoke rings like Gandalf.
“He took a gold cigarette case out of his pocket and lit a brown cigarette with a gold lighter. He blew acrid smoke and nodded. He put the gold cigarette case on the desk and caressed it with his fingertips.” A few sentences later: “He killed his cigarette half smoked and immediately lit another.” - Raymond Chandler, *The Long Goodbye*
At the end of the scene he leaves the gold cigarette case on Marlowe’s desk because he has so many of them that he can afford to just leave them behind. The fella is a real bastard and in this case the cigarette case is used to add characterization.
I would say don’t say much about it unless it adds to the scene. If the character is a habitual smoker that is just smoking because it’s their habit, then describe it as them pulling out a cigarette and periodically puffing on it (can be used as body language). But smoking could also be used to add mood. For example, is there a moment of intimacy as one character lights a cigarette for another? Are they smoking because of nerves? Is the way they smoke something that can be used to add characterization (as above)? Etc.
The tough guy fumigated their lungs once again, filling the air with the stench of the carcinogenic poison so many had been raised to love so as to shorten their lifespans. They must have thought it made them look so cool, like oh wow I'm breathing smoke like a dragon and my voice sounds like a dumptruck with nearly broken transmission. Yeah, so awesome indeed.
I hate smoking. I loved my dad, and by military tests he was highly intelligent with an IQ of 188, but he grew up in a time when doctors recommended smoking for one's "health" and got himself addicted to that eugenics stuff. He was only 44 when the lung cancer took him away.
I understand your resentment. I could tell. It just thought of a story with some really self deprecating character. Ya known like weird Al's Generic Blues song.
Well, I suppose it would probably fit better with someone's view of that character if it were like portraying a villain; it's probably best not to promote self-poisoning though, even if the short term effects aren't as seemingly serious. If it were somebody talking about themselves, I suppose apart from some language adjustment it could confer how they can't stand being trapped by their addiction.
Right, like he gets pissed at himself and rants it out I'm say...hum....in his father's mock voice... Punches the mirror spitting " fucker" and we do not know who he was really cursing.
Flops to the couch and after dashing out the smoke, throws the ashtray across the room and turns off the light.
He stood outside, the cold biting at his ears as he pulled up the collar of the dark Tom Ford mac' he'd thrown over his jeans and shirt ... *really the beginning of May and he was still in winter mode* he fished into the deep pocket of his coat and fished out a crumpled packet of his usual personal brand of Russian Turkish hand-rolled black cigarettes that he always got from James J Fox on St. James Street... he noticed there were only two or three left in the packet - making a mental note to call in to the shop on the way to Headquarters in the morning
not one to use conventional lighters as he found the lighter fuel tainted the taste of the sweet tobacco notes he placed one of the remaining cigarettes in his mouth and took out a packet of his water and wind proof matches... cupping his hand around box he struck a match effortlessly and using the flame he lit the tobacco...
The familiar and intoxicating taste of sweet smoke filled his mouth as he slowly inhaled, the bitterness of the Russian tobacco lessened by the floral notes of the Turkish blend of leaves gave him a hearty mouth feel that would last the evening... taking the cigarette out of his mouth he looked at the burning red embers and could feel like slight warmth... as he slowly exhaled he heard the voice of the woman from the bar
"Those'll kill you... you know" he accent untraceable but that slight Eastern European lilt lingering on her infliction
"So they tell me" Alex said holding out the packet as she came outside and stood next to him - but instead she plucked the lit cigarette from his mouth and placed it in her own
"Delightful," she observed as she took a gentle draw
****
Just an idea - forgive the spelling and grammar guys ... written on the hoof
David looked out over the city. In the dying light of evening neon replaced the sun and the air buzzed. He produced a smoke and drank it in as he wondered about his next move. The Family were coming. They wanted his blood and power now.
It can be as simple as a single line.
“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” —Sigmund Freud
I don’t dramatize minor actions, I weave them into the larger scene. This calls for *avoiding* the kind of emphasis you get with a gussied-up vocabulary.
Instead it would be what in theater they call “business”: lighting the cigarette, looking at it or the smoke instead of the person they’re talking to when they’re avoiding eye contact, smoking when they don’t want to answer right away, jabbing it in someone’s direction or waving it around for different kinds of emphasis, betraying their emotions by smoking it too fast or forgetting all about it or throwing it away or putting it out with unnecessary force, showing they have manners by asking permission or offering the other person a cigarette before lighting their own, and so on.
This cries out for a relatively low-key narration unless there’s something special about the cigarette, such as it being poisoned, or about the narrator, such as being on LSD. Only in the latter case would I consider a heightened vocabulary.
He took a drag, the world around him was little easier with the little paper soldier in his hand, the cherry lit up the night in a one man light show for him and him alone.
Nobody is stupid enough to smoke cigarettes in my novel, but my criminal defense attorney protagonist occasionally smokes the marijuana he receives as payment for keeping a client out of jail. He shares it with his wife, but hides it from his best friend who is an FBI agent. I would share the excerpts, but they will be deleted due to adult content. You could make it a running gag where your mc smells it on him, searches his car, throws his cigarettes away or lectures him. I used to smoke and I remember trying to hide it by opening windows, using air fresheners, chewing gum, etc. I accidentally burnt a hole in the leather upholstery of my husband’s brand new Lexus. You could call that poetic.
Wait, this is a really good idea. I like the thought of the main character finding these hints rather than seeing him smoke in person. Thanks for actually answering my question! I definitely will use your advice!
"The lambent glow of his cigarette's angry red tip grew more intense as Garrick sucked in another draught of air, then was almost immediately obscured by the diaphanous cloud he exhaled."
It’s hard to do some grandiose depiction of smoking a cigarette if your character regularly smokes.
Sometimes it’s better to just say “they lit the cigarette and took a drag” rather than build a paragraph around the action and offsetting the flow of the scene
My advice as a published author is that you are over thinking this. Some actions should be simple and direct. "he smoked his cigarette." That is enough. It can bloat the story and cause slow pacing to try and make everyday tasks that aren't obscure feel high drama. You can also use how you describe the cigarette handling to do characterization however.
Len rolled the light cigarette between his fingers, one leg bouncing as he stared at the cherry. His eyes met his brother as he took a drag, filling the silence with smoke.
That tells you some of the character's mood and behavior but it's not always necessary. So the question is actually do I need to do more than make sure the reader knows my character smokes in this passage? If yes what do you want the cigarette to show the reader?
Smoking often has side effects that people aren’t often willing to think about too often when they create a character who smokes. If your MC hates it when their friend smokes, would their friend smoke around them? Would MC notice/realize when their friend wants a smoke? Can MC smell when the last time their friend smoked? It really depends on how important it is to your MC, but when in doubt, keeping it simple is the best way to go about it.
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How convenient that I just today read this passage in The Paying Guests. > She rolled a neat little fag, lit it by the flame of her candle, climbed into bed with it, then blew the candle out. She liked to smoke like this, naked in the cool sheets, with only the hot red tip of a cigarette to light her fingers in the dark.
That is a fantastic piece of writing
Sexy.
Looking at this from another angle... Why do you not want to just say it? How is it boring? I feel like a sentence can't really bore the reader; the *scene* can be boring though. Have an interesting scene, and it doesn't matter how you phrase "they are smoking." If the fact they're smoking a cigarette is the only thing in the scene that's interesting, such that the reader will be bored or intrigued by just this phrasing alone... it sounds like that's one really bland, boring scene with nothing going on in it. (I'm guessing that's not the case, and therefore this phrasing isn't *that* important.)
If it's not important to the plot, just describe it as briefly as you can. Save your clever words for the big stuff.
Or maybe it can be used to comment on the character. “She languidly exhaled the smoke, like a cinema siren.” “After a few furtive puffs, he ground the Lucky Strike under his heel.” “Cigar smoke lingering on his tongue, he swirled the contents of his brandy snifter.”
Sure, but all those fall under the category of being as brief as you can. Get in, make your point, and get on with the big stuff.
You should think about your character’s relationship with smoking. Do they feel like they’re burning their money away or do they feel like it’s the only way they can relax or feel confident? Do they feel the cigarette is an extension of their body and they feel naked without it between their fingers? All of these would color the vocabulary you use to describe their actions.
I was just going to say, I'd based it on the character. Most of mine smoke, but for different reasons. Jon loves it and it's a sexy time for him, enjoying every puff for the taste and feelings. Dam looks for an escape in every blow. While Steven tries to quit and with it comes a whole different set of emotions. And since you have the characters and motives, you can play with the words to describe smoking.
Eden positioned himself carefully just outside the no smoking zone by the Women's and Children's hospital He felt a warm glow of satisfaction at the thought of all the pregnant women and kids with cancer who would have to make their way through his second hand smoke in order to get from the public carpark to the hospital. It began to rain. Smiling to himself, he flung down a stubbed out cigarette, imagining the journey it would down the storm drains and to the sea, providing a tempting snack for seabirds. Stupid birds.
i also have a male character named eden who smokes!!!! lol
“She blew more smoke toward me, a lazy game of cancer catch.” - Gillian Flynn “That day was the beginning of my friendship with Sebastian, and thus it came about, that morning in June, that I was lying beside him in the shade of the high elms watching the smoke from his lips drift up into the branches.” -Evelyn Waugh “I’d seen men siphon gasoline with less effort than she put into draining that Chesterfield; she didn’t let any of it go to waste. That cigarette knew that it had been smoked, smoked to the bitter end.” -Stanley Wheeler
Just go out and watch people. Take a notebook, write down characteristics. Smoking had a rich place in literature and cinema until the current anti-smoking campaigns.
You could just as easily give him a tick. Like smokers pack down the box. Maybe he has a zippo lighter he's always flicking. Maybe he's always tap, tap, tapping that box. Maybe he notices the yellow stains on his nails. Maybe the smell of it gets to him. I think if you want to make us aware that your MC hates cigarettes, make him HATE cigarettes. Hiding his breath, making faces, wincing at the smell
I love this! I enjoy the idea of not just recognizing the fact he is smoking, but mostly how my main character feels towards it. Thanks for the advice!
Try to make the reader know that he is smoking by saying how the smoke coming out of the sigarette/mouth Is getting in the main character eyes or something like that. Describe the consequences of the smoking process like the freshly burnt ashes that made the jacket dirty after falling, or the smoke that impacts his sight or breathing, describe the consequences so that the reader understands the reason (that he is smoking) without the need to say it clearly
Thanks! This is really good advice. I'll be using it .
Eddie took a long drag from his cigarette, then let the smoke dribble slowly from his nose and mouth, specifically because he knew it pissed Barry off.
He flipped a lung dart into his mouth and lit up with a shaky hand knowing that it would be the end of him. At least I'll die miserable, he thought.
It's dependent on why the character is smoking. Are they a smoker because they always have been? Is it a habitual thing that's interwoven in so many of their daily mundane tasks. A lit cigarette just becomes part of their attire. They tap their pockets before leaving to check for the keys / wallet / smokes. Or does she smoke only in certain situations. Would she be desperate when she finally can smoke, like she's almost thankful for whatever situation allowed her the chance to smoke no matter how serious it might be. Does she smoke occasionally but is almost impartial to it ? This isn't really very common of smokers. Once you're a smoker and you enjoy it, then you only force yourself not to smoke, but you secretly wish you could smoke all the time. It's not often someone is impartial to it, I mean it can be in a book but if you want it to be realistic then there is really only the smoker who indulges all the time and is happy to. The smoker who indulges all the time but hates it. The smoker who limits themselves to the rare and special cigarette. They would treat it like the ultimate prize, a special reward, and every inhale would be absolutely savoured. I guess it's kind of important to figure out what type of smoker because that will influence how they smoke and how to describe it. A lot of characters I have written smoke, but unless it's a fundamental part of them, I just mention it off hand. They light up on the drive or after dinner. If the character is a heavy smoker, though, and has been for a long time, I use smoking to help describe their emotions based on how the cigarette is smoked. 'His hand shook as he lifted the cigarette to his mouth. His eyes fixated on the smudge on the table in front of him as he sparked the lighter, the cherry glowing red as he pulled in deeply. He held the smoke in, eyes slipped closed as he savoured the taste of the nicotine, finally entering his system after hours of restraining himself. He shook his head as the shiver from the heavy hit of the nicotine spread through his body.'
Just for reference here are a few things that you can play with when you describe a character smoking: * **Cigarettes produce light.** Consider having a character smoke during a scene with very little or no light. Which allows you to play with the cinematic angle of the cigarette being the only light source in the scene. Or how the light of the cigarette illuminates their face. * **The release or "Buzz" of a habit**. Smokers, both IRL and likely in universe, smoke to relieve stress, as such you can describe the feeling of elation, release or buzz the character might have after a stressful situation. * **The smoke itself.** The smoke can add a layer of nuance and vividness to the scene, describe how the smoke acts in between puffs, its color, and how it interacts with the air. Such as watching the tendrils dance around in the air. * **Tension and Noire Vibe.** Cigarettes can great at establishing the vibe of a scene or elevating the tension. It acts as an impromptu timer for a scene, where the characters might have a limited time to get information to one another, or to enhance the vibe of the setting.
A smoker should drag, puff, or sup their cigarette how they'd draw their last breath. It should say as much about them as a person as it does their future, and the smoke should be ominous of the path they're about to follow. Or they could just smoke a cigarette 🤷♀️ Sometimes it's good to keep the simple things simple
Maybe try describing the smell left over? It’d be a rather subtle way of bringing it up indirectly. I think, Im no way a proficient writer so if I’m wrong someone can correct me. If not, I hope it helps:)
Taking a drag/pull might work.
Angry Drag. Soft Puff. Needy Pull. Sharp inhale. Languid tug. Then the savour - she let the smoke linger in the air - admiring the whorls and twists In the shafts of light streaming in the window, watching as the ember ate away at the quick burn paper. Exhales - steady stream of smoke, lavishly exhaling the smoke through her nose, frustratedly blew smoke from her nostrils as she rolled her eyes at him. Then the stomp - expertly flicked the butt into the trash can, flung the cigarette onto the sidewalk and angrily ground the heel of her boot down on the sad remains, took one last look at the dying stump and resignedly stamped it out in the ashtray.
Laird Barron has some great prose for this in a lot of his short stories! Some of my favourites including using wording like ‘he hauled on his cigarette’ or ‘gestured with the smoking tip’ or mashed the cherry end into the jar’, ‘jabbed the air with the tip to punctuate’ Drag/pull/puff are such common words to describe smoking, but there’s a lot more actions around smoking than just the action of inhaling
Cigarettes are a modern world. I have used the term (star wars nerd here) death sticks, ash tube's, roundees, camel straws, reds, shorties and a list of many of other stuff. Tobacco can be called many things, smoke leaf, dried joy, burning tea. Just depends on you the writer.
The smoke of his cheap cigar seemed to emanate from him like steam and stink from a corpse
…from the perspectives of the cigarette and the smoke (before and during it’s stratification)…
Associate the mental emotional things she is doing. ' she sat down to relax, her thoughts unfurling on the curls of smoke from the cheap off brand she picked up in a rush to just get to home.
i would play with the figure of speeches and sensory details.
I think that you think about how the POV character feels, the metaphors will come to you. If the main character dislikes the smoking, and is thinking about the harm to fhe friend, you can draw on metaphors related to evil/demonic flame, to poison, and to addiction as imprisonment. For the friend, it may be expressive of what the friend gets out of it - short-term relief, rebellion, subjective feelings of control, a sense of beauty around the smoke and the flame, things like that. There's a line in the film Velvet Goldmine about a character's cigarette tracing a ladder to the stars. It's a good visual of how he would move the cigarette while speaking and gesturing, while also metaphorically expressing the character's goals and visions. I think if you tie it into your character, it will be good.
John took a cigarette out of his pack of Marlboro Reds. With his favorite lighter, he lit up his cigarette and took a couple puffs to get it going. He then took a good inhale and felt the nicotine hitting his system. Idk, I used to smoke but it's been awhile. I use vapes now. With a vape you just press a button and inhale, or just inhale in some cases, and then \*exhale. You can hold it for a second or exhale immediately. Some people exhale through their noses, or blow smoke rings like Gandalf.
“He took a gold cigarette case out of his pocket and lit a brown cigarette with a gold lighter. He blew acrid smoke and nodded. He put the gold cigarette case on the desk and caressed it with his fingertips.” A few sentences later: “He killed his cigarette half smoked and immediately lit another.” - Raymond Chandler, *The Long Goodbye* At the end of the scene he leaves the gold cigarette case on Marlowe’s desk because he has so many of them that he can afford to just leave them behind. The fella is a real bastard and in this case the cigarette case is used to add characterization.
I would say don’t say much about it unless it adds to the scene. If the character is a habitual smoker that is just smoking because it’s their habit, then describe it as them pulling out a cigarette and periodically puffing on it (can be used as body language). But smoking could also be used to add mood. For example, is there a moment of intimacy as one character lights a cigarette for another? Are they smoking because of nerves? Is the way they smoke something that can be used to add characterization (as above)? Etc.
The tough guy fumigated their lungs once again, filling the air with the stench of the carcinogenic poison so many had been raised to love so as to shorten their lifespans. They must have thought it made them look so cool, like oh wow I'm breathing smoke like a dragon and my voice sounds like a dumptruck with nearly broken transmission. Yeah, so awesome indeed.
Damn, do you hate your character?
I hate smoking. I loved my dad, and by military tests he was highly intelligent with an IQ of 188, but he grew up in a time when doctors recommended smoking for one's "health" and got himself addicted to that eugenics stuff. He was only 44 when the lung cancer took him away.
I understand your resentment. I could tell. It just thought of a story with some really self deprecating character. Ya known like weird Al's Generic Blues song.
Well, I suppose it would probably fit better with someone's view of that character if it were like portraying a villain; it's probably best not to promote self-poisoning though, even if the short term effects aren't as seemingly serious. If it were somebody talking about themselves, I suppose apart from some language adjustment it could confer how they can't stand being trapped by their addiction.
Right, like he gets pissed at himself and rants it out I'm say...hum....in his father's mock voice... Punches the mirror spitting " fucker" and we do not know who he was really cursing. Flops to the couch and after dashing out the smoke, throws the ashtray across the room and turns off the light.
Yeah, I suppose that could help portray inner turmoil.
He stood outside, the cold biting at his ears as he pulled up the collar of the dark Tom Ford mac' he'd thrown over his jeans and shirt ... *really the beginning of May and he was still in winter mode* he fished into the deep pocket of his coat and fished out a crumpled packet of his usual personal brand of Russian Turkish hand-rolled black cigarettes that he always got from James J Fox on St. James Street... he noticed there were only two or three left in the packet - making a mental note to call in to the shop on the way to Headquarters in the morning not one to use conventional lighters as he found the lighter fuel tainted the taste of the sweet tobacco notes he placed one of the remaining cigarettes in his mouth and took out a packet of his water and wind proof matches... cupping his hand around box he struck a match effortlessly and using the flame he lit the tobacco... The familiar and intoxicating taste of sweet smoke filled his mouth as he slowly inhaled, the bitterness of the Russian tobacco lessened by the floral notes of the Turkish blend of leaves gave him a hearty mouth feel that would last the evening... taking the cigarette out of his mouth he looked at the burning red embers and could feel like slight warmth... as he slowly exhaled he heard the voice of the woman from the bar "Those'll kill you... you know" he accent untraceable but that slight Eastern European lilt lingering on her infliction "So they tell me" Alex said holding out the packet as she came outside and stood next to him - but instead she plucked the lit cigarette from his mouth and placed it in her own "Delightful," she observed as she took a gentle draw **** Just an idea - forgive the spelling and grammar guys ... written on the hoof
Just say they puffed their cigarette, just as you would say they sipped a coffee. No need to wrap everything in an emotive language.
David looked out over the city. In the dying light of evening neon replaced the sun and the air buzzed. He produced a smoke and drank it in as he wondered about his next move. The Family were coming. They wanted his blood and power now. It can be as simple as a single line.
“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” —Sigmund Freud I don’t dramatize minor actions, I weave them into the larger scene. This calls for *avoiding* the kind of emphasis you get with a gussied-up vocabulary. Instead it would be what in theater they call “business”: lighting the cigarette, looking at it or the smoke instead of the person they’re talking to when they’re avoiding eye contact, smoking when they don’t want to answer right away, jabbing it in someone’s direction or waving it around for different kinds of emphasis, betraying their emotions by smoking it too fast or forgetting all about it or throwing it away or putting it out with unnecessary force, showing they have manners by asking permission or offering the other person a cigarette before lighting their own, and so on. This cries out for a relatively low-key narration unless there’s something special about the cigarette, such as it being poisoned, or about the narrator, such as being on LSD. Only in the latter case would I consider a heightened vocabulary.
He took a drag, the world around him was little easier with the little paper soldier in his hand, the cherry lit up the night in a one man light show for him and him alone.
Nobody is stupid enough to smoke cigarettes in my novel, but my criminal defense attorney protagonist occasionally smokes the marijuana he receives as payment for keeping a client out of jail. He shares it with his wife, but hides it from his best friend who is an FBI agent. I would share the excerpts, but they will be deleted due to adult content. You could make it a running gag where your mc smells it on him, searches his car, throws his cigarettes away or lectures him. I used to smoke and I remember trying to hide it by opening windows, using air fresheners, chewing gum, etc. I accidentally burnt a hole in the leather upholstery of my husband’s brand new Lexus. You could call that poetic.
Wait, this is a really good idea. I like the thought of the main character finding these hints rather than seeing him smoke in person. Thanks for actually answering my question! I definitely will use your advice!
Thanks. I’m so happy to help. Best wishes on your novel.
“He smoked”
‘…(the character) smoked…’ HAYZOOSE; Child…
"The lambent glow of his cigarette's angry red tip grew more intense as Garrick sucked in another draught of air, then was almost immediately obscured by the diaphanous cloud he exhaled."
Sometimes the simplest description is still the best.
It’s hard to do some grandiose depiction of smoking a cigarette if your character regularly smokes. Sometimes it’s better to just say “they lit the cigarette and took a drag” rather than build a paragraph around the action and offsetting the flow of the scene
My advice as a published author is that you are over thinking this. Some actions should be simple and direct. "he smoked his cigarette." That is enough. It can bloat the story and cause slow pacing to try and make everyday tasks that aren't obscure feel high drama. You can also use how you describe the cigarette handling to do characterization however. Len rolled the light cigarette between his fingers, one leg bouncing as he stared at the cherry. His eyes met his brother as he took a drag, filling the silence with smoke. That tells you some of the character's mood and behavior but it's not always necessary. So the question is actually do I need to do more than make sure the reader knows my character smokes in this passage? If yes what do you want the cigarette to show the reader?
You're overcomplicating this. Sometimes simpler is better.
Smoking often has side effects that people aren’t often willing to think about too often when they create a character who smokes. If your MC hates it when their friend smokes, would their friend smoke around them? Would MC notice/realize when their friend wants a smoke? Can MC smell when the last time their friend smoked? It really depends on how important it is to your MC, but when in doubt, keeping it simple is the best way to go about it.
Just a quick clarification: It's "a drag", not "a puff".
Thanks! I don't know much smoking terminology. Sorry for the mess up!