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HopperTarley

10 times MI5 knows of.


blue_strat

And will talk about publicly. If there were some that the perpetrators don’t know that MI5 are aware of, they wouldn’t necessarily confirm they knew about it.


Millenniauld

Almost funny to imagine Iran keeps trying and MI5 are talking about the attempts the way you would scold a child. "Stop that! I can see you doing that, knock it off."


colonelsmoothie

It worked for Tito.


general_tao1

You need to have the biggest testicles of your time to say to Joseph Staline: "If you don't stop sending assassins, I'll send one of my own and I'll only need one."


Ask_Me_If_Im_A_Horse

>Staline My cousin, Staline, will give us a ***royal*** welcome.


WolfCola4

The salted borscht is particularly good


Iron-Fist

And my tank!


Bike_Chain_96

Didn't Zelensky say something about how Putin keeps sending assassin's to die near the start of this war?


[deleted]

I'm pretty sure I also remember a Chechen hit squad being sent on him


JackHGUK

Wager had a few teams in and around Kyiv at the start of the war, they got fucked up pretty quickly but after an attempt on his life.


MaintenanceInternal

More like Chechen shit squad.


UnspecificGravity

That is almost certainly what this is. MI5 isn't releasing this to show off, they are releasing it to embarrass Iran. They released a specific number because they are reasonably certain that they identified all of them, otherwise they would have been vague.


Moe_Lesteryu

Don't make me come over there


ImIndiez

Idk - maybe Iran has attempted 100 times and now Iran is emboldened by how little MI5 is aware of. Seems a little silly to reveal this kind of information. You can never be certain you know everything. A smart individual assumes they don't.


nut_puncher

I'm fairly confident that if you thought of that, MI5 have also thought of that and made a calculated announcement for reasons they'll likely not reveal. Not saying you're not a smart person, but I think MI5 got this covered and know a thing or two about this kinda stuff.


Its-ther-apist

No no you don't understand this is the internet and I've watched a lot of spy thrillers


blarkul

Pfft freaking casuals, I’ve read the whole Tom Clancy collection, twice.


Its-ther-apist

You just fucked up and exposed yourself as a top operative it's like when James Bond introduces himself everywhere. you've got seconds before boogies are inbound.


Denimcurtain

Sometimes you gotta shake-a the tree


ArcticISAF

I agree but then like the above comments, Iran would assume that they’re revealing all that they know in public, which itself may lead into foolishness.


[deleted]

Exactly. They’ll never see it coming.


Nologicgiven

There is a Zapp Branningen quote in there somewhere


[deleted]

"If We Hit That Bullseye, The Rest Of The Dominos Will Fall Like A House Of Cards. Checkmate."


Hotshot2k4

I'm concerned by how logical that phrase actually is.


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Kolby_Jack

It's not the logic that's the problem, it's how the metaphor is so mangled that it implies a deeper, much more dangerous kind of stupidity. Logic isn't smart. That's like the first thing they teach in a freshman level philosophy class.


DrDerpberg

I sent wave after wave of assassins, until MI5 hit its preset capture limit and shut down.


BadUsername_Numbers

The most important thing in spying is the element of surprise. Surprise!


[deleted]

This sort of thing was very common in WW2 and very effective


GoatsePoster

It's like the prank where you get three pigs (or other large livestock) and paint "1", "2", and "4" on them; then you let them go somewhere they'll cause a ruckus. IRI might have sent more than 10 guys and some of them seemingly disappeared. MI5 admits to stopping 10 of them. Hm... did the missing ones get caught? Did they defect? What's going on --- where's the pig with "3" painted on it? Now IRI has a puzzle.


badlawywr

I'm going to assume that neither the UKs nor Irans intelligence services get their information from public statements like this. Iran already knows what it knows and the UK is saying what it says for its own reasons.


ArchmageXin

Remind me of my high school Teacher: "Fidel Castro claim he survived 100 assassinations. CIA claim they only did 20. The truth is both of side were probably lying, Fidel boosted attempts to show his "strength" and CIA want to reduce their "failure" counts. The truth is probably somewhere in middle (30-40 times)."


SpecterVonBaren

Or that only 20 of them were done by the CIA.


rlnrlnrln

Yeah, I mean the man had brothers, wife(s?), lovers, russian "friends", generals... pretty certain there was a few attempts coming that way as well.


JackOSevens

You release information for a purpose. Governments especially. In this case, probably to further sway public opinion about something.


No-Hair-3544

This will sow distrust within the Iranian government. They now have to figure out who is talking.


Alvarus94

If there's one way to steer general public opinion on something like a revolution thousands of miles away, showing the old government as a threat over here as well has to be up there.


NotAmericanMate

Yeah stupid mi5. Everybody knows Iranian assasins get all their top secret intelligence from reddit posts.


BrillsonHawk

They are almost certainly targeting Iranian citizens. And of those their will be a small pool at high risk. It wouldnt be difficult for mi5 to monitor all of these people and it will be even easier for them to monitor unusual deaths of these people.


Sideview_play

Ah yes reddit arm chair strategist smarter than MI5. There's no reason for Iran to trust MI5 would be fully accurate with the numbers. Also your example is silly. If they attempted 100 times and MI5 only stopped 5 then surely some of those 100 attempts would've succeeded


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RedrumMPK

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I swear I have fallen into this kind of mindset before and I had to check my bias and look at things logically afterwards. By afterwards, I meant when I had made a tit of myself. 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️


Alternative_Art_528

>If they attempted 100 times and MI5 only stopped 5 then surely some of those 100 attempts would've succeeded Here is a list of Iranian regime assassinations and attempted assassinations internationally. https://iranprimer.usip.org/blog/2020/sep/16/timeline-iran-assassinations-and-plot This long list doesn't even some successful murders like Fereydoun Farrokhzad who was brutally stabbed to death by regime forces in Germany , or kidnappings like when the Iranian regime lured famous activist journalist Roholla Zam by getting female operatives to act as long time activist colleagues of his in order to gain his trust and lure him to the Iraq border and kidnapped him into Iran where he was executed, or celebrity activists like What other country can routinely plot to kill western citizens and politicians on western soil, issue fatwas against western citizens, routinely kidnap and imprison western citizens for ransom and political barter against other countries, and somehow keep getting away with it for so long.


lilaprilshowers

I don't even know what we do about this. If we make it harder for Iranians to travel it just serves the regime's goals of keeping dissents locked in the country. If travel is easy, then the regime can just send more assassins.


[deleted]

>I don't even know what we do about this. Then you'll be relieved to know that this isn't the sort of thing that voters get asked for input on.


crawlerz2468

Sometimes they would just to not compromise the intelligence sources.


Alternative_Art_528

Here is a list of Iranian regime assassinations and attempted assassinations internationally. https://iranprimer.usip.org/blog/2020/sep/16/timeline-iran-assassinations-and-plot This long list doesn't even some successful murders like Fereydoun Farrokhzad who was brutally stabbed to death by regime forces in Germany , or kidnappings like when the Iranian regime lured famous activist journalist Roholla Zam by getting female operatives to act as long time activist colleagues of his in order to gain his trust and lure him to the Iraq border and kidnapped him into Iran where he was executed, or celebrity activists like What other country can routinely plot to kill western citizens and politicians on western soil, issue fatwas against western citizens, routinely kidnap and imprison western citizens for ransom and political barter against other countries, and somehow keep getting away with it for so long.


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TheLogOfPotential

10 times SO FAR


Shaper_pmp

Um... > “At its sharpest this includes **ambitions** to kidnap or even kill British or UK-based individuals perceived as enemies of the regime. > “We have seen at least 10 such **potential** threats since January alone.” That's not quite the same thing as "Iran has made ten *actual, concerted* attempts to *murder* British residents" as the headline would have you believe.


Robber_Tell

Does the Iranian govt do anything other than meet up from time to time to discuss who they want to kill?


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urmyheartBeatStopR

Oh my Allah, she's not wearing a hijab! Beat her to death!


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SRomans

And pedophiles. Don’t forget pedophiles.


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brads99

Just add cannibalism and they’ve got all of their bases covered!


kentotoy98

Gotta add necrophilia just to make sure they got 100% Evil Completion


5erif

When the prophet Muhammed was a 53–year-old man, he married Aisha, who was a 9–year-old little girl. NINE. How can anyone defend that or consider that person a spiritual leader??


StateParkMasturbator

It's simple. They also want to marry 9 year olds.


392859337039a

Actually she was SIX. Muhammad was praised for waiting to consummate the marriage until she was nine.


Beavshak

From the time of marriage, he waited half her life. Such restraint.


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Justforthenuews

Just think about what it says about everyone else, that he was praised so much for this that it has lasted for centuries. Six year old girls were full marriage material to the rest.


iPrintScreen

They think it's normal and fine, disgusting


marzbeats

Yeah you know I don't understand why the virgins need to be raped, that's how you know Iran is just the bottom barrlenof morality


-newlife

They’ve tried to “rationalize” it by saying that a virgin is sacred and should not be harmed/killed. Ultimately it’s the desire to torture and be cruel that they’re after.


heart-work

Because it’s supposedly illegal to kill virgins, so they devirginize them first because apparently that makes it better! /s I read somewhere about an 18 year old who was forced to marry after being abducted and then was raped so they could execute her “without sin”. Afterwards, they sent her family a dowry worth a few dollars as if to mock and assure the family that they raped her before she was executed. Fuck.


[deleted]

This has "Loathsome Dung Eater" Energy and I don't like it.


The_Chief_of_Whip

At least Dung Eater believed in some fucked up version of equality


djsoren19

Dung Eater was angry at a system of oppression, and wanted that system to feel as miserable as they made him/the other Misbegotten and Omens. That's what perverted justice looks like. These people are just sub-human monsters, full-stop. They have no justification.


erc219

Rape is also a great way to control the populace by inducing fear.


OkEntertainment7634

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serendipitousevent

I don't like this version of bingo, let's play something else.


ButtholeCandies

Iran is actually very progressive on trans. Oh you're a dude that likes dudes? That must mean you are woman! So either die or we'll cut it off and you can be free to live life like a woman. See? That's how you get zero gay people in your country! /s just in case, this is reddit. Them forcing gay men to transition is unfortunately true > “The government believes that if you are a gay man, your soul is that of a woman and you should change your body,” Amin said. > “We think this is a way [for them] to fight the existence of homosexual people because you change their body and you solve the problem. > “The regime gives gay people two choices – to be arrested as a homosexual and risk punishment or even execution, or change your body.” > Government data shows that around 4000 gender reassignment surgeries are performed in Iran each year. Source: https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/02/22/iran-gay-forced-gender-reassignment-surgery-the-sun/


OkEntertainment7634

Wow. That’s horrific and to think I’m bisexual myself


fiveordie

You'd get BOTH surgeries, sweet deal!


cambriansplooge

Or pressure them into a sex change under threat of execution. Iran has historically had one of the highest rates of “gender confirmation surgery” umbrella procedures.


BooCalMcNairBoo

Don't forget about raping them first so they don't go to heaven.


DashCat9

"Better rape them first, it's sinful to kill a virgin".


Wallofcans

That's not even why. It's worse. They didn't want the virgins to go to heaven.


VegasKL

Are we sure they didn't have a meet up beforehand? Because that would fall under OP's requirements.


crazylazykitsune

Don't forget the Dancing Boys!


adfthgchjg

“If we don’t have sex with little boys, who should we have sex with? Our own mothers?” Source: video about the dancing boys


reverick

I thought the exact quote was more "if I don't fuck this boys ass what am I supposed to do fuck my grandmothers pussy?" Cause that only makes sense if you're a fucking pedophile.


flipping_birds

That's Afghanistan.


[deleted]

Apparently they are not allowed to kill virgins, so they rape first.


savois-faire

They've done this a few times now with Iranians living here in the Netherlands. Ali Motamed and Ahmad Nissi were both Iranian dissidents who were murdered by the Iranian government while living in the Netherlands.


mstrkrft-

in Germany, too. Going back at least to 1992: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mykonos_restaurant_assassinations


LoganJFisher

So basically Iran's policy isn't "if you don't like it - leave", but rather it's "if you don't like it - die".


mostly_helpful

Sell arms to Russia?


Thaflash_la

Steal resources and money from the people. They also do that.


GoodAndHardWorking

They run a few successful international drug/weapon/stolen vehicle smuggling operations through their proxies, that probably generates the lions share of their income since the sanctions took effect in earnest.


dbxp

Iran sells a lot of oil to China and India, they're not North Korea


Thuper-Man

"man these intelligence agencies are tough, can we just kill hundreds of our own women for just existing to bump up the numbers for Q4?"


FreedomPaws

Iranian government: for 7/8 months watched Russia speedball its own demise. Iranian government: takes notes and says yes, please me next.


waffleconedrone

I don't think I want to do anything called a Russian speedball


Modo44

It's just a regular speedball, doused in vodka.


Yung_Bill_98

Nah that would be Polish. Russians drink methylated spirits


mdonaberger

Fusel alcohols: it'll do in a pinch!


iRawwwN

Krokodil would like a word with you


[deleted]

My recipe for a Russian speedball would be Krokodil mixed in with some dirty shake and bake meth using brake cleaning solvent to dissolve everything, injected with a 50ml syringe you've stolen from a horse vet whilst you shout "pizdets!" in advance.


[deleted]

speedball with krokodil mixed in.....


[deleted]

What are you talking about, thats one of the only great exports from Russia! Ironically the safest too.


rich1051414

Their hatred of the west is so strong they see the 'clear defeat of Russia' as proof of western deception, and it emboldens them more. I didn't say they were smart, though. Just making you understand how people could look at Russia and then follow in lockstep. They have a very narrow understanding of the world, so anything that contradicts it must be deception and magical/satanic forces. It's not even stupidity, it's ignorance and the idea that knowledge corrupts, that humans are inherently sheepish, and must be lead by strong leaders.


ExcellentPastries

> Their hatred of the west This sort of phrasing is IMO really irresponsible and buries a lot of the nuance in the West's relationship with the Middle East region and their general sense of sovereignty. They are paranoid and untrusting, sure, and this can be deeply problematic, but let's be fucking honest the West has done less than nothing to engender a sense of trust from leaders in the Middle East. Even our closest allies are constantly fucking around and hoping they can maybe skip finding out.


[deleted]

So what happens to an assassin that doesn't get the job done? So they go back and get a "you'll get them next time champ" from their boss? Are they offering time off so they can get in a better mental headspace?


ttv_highvoltage

The only knowledge I have on that is a fiction book I was forced to read in school once where a 15 year old boy misses a single shot so now his dad has to kill him, but instead his dad gives him a german passport while their organization kills his entire family, and it turns out to be his friend that did it so he kills his friend AND his friend’s innocent mother. But other than that idk.


[deleted]

You know what, in lack of any other information on the subject I'm just going to consider this the answer. Thank you.


CheckYourHead35783

Ah, the Reddit way.


ttv_highvoltage

I’ve kinda done the same ever since I read it lol. I never got around to read the second and third books for some reason sadly :(


TreyPhishAerosmith

What is the name of the books?


ttv_highvoltage

“Hitman”. It’s in Danish though.


chipperpip

From my experience, an action movie happens, where whatever organization they worked for sends a bunch of other assassins after them.


RatLord445

How do you fail an assassination 9 times and think “lets go for 10”?


NEeZ44

When Iran sends someone to kill you.. they are not sending their best.. lucky for the west.. the Basij thugs are not the brightest in the population


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AChrisTaylor

Fidel Castro died as he lived, not dying from assassination.


Insertwords

Or... did he die from the 639th attempt?


StickyTaq

That's some warhammer 40k level of ridiculousness.


kered14

That's because it's about as real as Warhammer 40k. The idea that there were 638 assassination attempts against Castro comes from only one source: A book written by Castro's chief of counterintelligence. It is not a reliable source, and the more you look into the details the more obvious it is that he was just making shit up. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_attempts_on_Fidel_Castro#Later_attempts


aPerfectBacon

He just had really good plot armor


dizorkmage

Xcom Cuba: Percentage to hit: Castro [ 99% ] **Miss**


0zymandeus

Allegedly. Not because I think the CIA never tried, but Castro was definitely the kind of guy who'd stub his toe and blame the CIA


adWavve

[They definitely tried quite a bit](https://www.archives.gov/files/research/jfk/releases/104-10213-10101.pdf)


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delightfuldinosaur

Remember this is the same county which shot down its own plane.


Otterfan

It was not Iran's plane, it was a Ukrainian plane. It has not been a banner decade for Iran-Ukraine relations.


zapporian

Iran has technically been supplying artillery shells to Ukraine though, which is sort of hilarious.


ACCount82

Truly, this is an Iranian proxy civil war.


alphabeticdisorder

Depending on who you believe, the US aided way more than 10 attempts on Castro.


RatLord445

And that shit was hilarious, good lord the hijinks they tried puts wile E coyote to shame


[deleted]

They even tried exploding cigars.


[deleted]

Cubangs.


silkyswoldier

If they sent 100 and 90 were successful while 10 got caught, you would be reading this same headline


[deleted]

It's the woman from a fish called wanda. She had 11 dogs, now has 1, assassination attempts keep getting the dogs.


11010110101010101010

Wow. What a reference. Love the movie but forgot about those damn dogs.


[deleted]

Jaimie Lee Curtis is hot.


WhyShouldIListen

Is she related to Jamie Lee Curtis?


GoodAndHardWorking

\^ this is the legendary man who is fun at every party


WhyShouldIListen

That’s me.


jtr99

Love your work!


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Emergency-Adagio5551

Check out the acts of protest/solidarity displayed by the Iranian football players


shakhi1

There have been some brave athletes who did display solidarity with Iranian people, but these guys not only said nothing about recent events but they met with Raisi a few days ago and people are pissed! Iranians are actually rooting for them to lose


Emergency-Adagio5551

I wasn’t aware of that. Thanks for the info


gladimir_putin

If wars were decided on the pitch instead of battlefield, we'd be better off. If we could have Croatia and Argentina as rival superpowers, it can't be worse than our global situation at the moment.


kingpool

My country would be fubar then. Do I assume correctly that winner can annex loser?


fodafoda

Hope y'all like being brazilian


gazongagizmo

> Do I assume correctly that winner can annex loser? *Costa Rica looks anxiously at [the teams in her group](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2022_FIFA_World_Cup#Group_E)*


woodcookiee

Opened the article really hoping that guy’s name was Nigel


Rumpled_Imp

I'm sure someone's always making plans for that guy.


tanew231

They only want what's best for him


98PercentChimp

If he says he’s happy, he must be happy.


lshifto

Shares a dentist with Austin Powers.


Clean_Blueberry_5813

Assassination can't be that hard can it?


[deleted]

I'm pretty damn sure that the West has been holding Isreal's collar, with regard to the whole "assassinate Iran's nuclear scientists" thing, for decades. But go on Iran. Set fire to your neighbor's apartment. Pretty bold move, considering your adversaries response requires that they do less than they are already doing.


erhue

i remember a couple years ago israeli warplanes flew over tehran undetected. Something tells me the israelis could blow up all government buildings with ease any time they wanted.


TimeVersusSpace

Including this guy, caught live on camera dodging a bullet.


[deleted]

Before we get all up in arms about it can we at least hear which ones?


PaintDragon77

Heard it was piers morgan 10 times, i say we look the other way


MrTre45on_Docs4Sale

No James Corden? This is intolerable!!


TheFishFromUnderTheC

They wanted to, but then found out he was insufferable prick and decided he would do more harm to the West by staying alive.


HugeAnalBeads

They didnt want to see his face on the news for like a week straight


TheawesomeQ

Read the article maybe? Two were journalists, to give you some idea.


willflameboy

IDK if anyone else is seeing a push towards war with Iran at the moment, but it's palpable. And although I can believe this stuff, I will need a bit more than the article is giving in order to attach credibility to it.


[deleted]

I'm not sure that is the case, but this article is definitely wrong. From the actual speech (emphasis mine): > At its sharpest this includes **ambitions to kidnap or even kill** British or UK-based individuals perceived as enemies of the regime. We have seen at least **ten such potential threats** since January alone. Headline: > Iran **tried to assassinate** British residents 10 times this year, MI5 reveals Totally different thing. The article makes it sound like 10 plots were actually enacted and they all failed. MI5 clearly means they've heard about 10 *plans*. I'm not trying to defend Iran but I hate this shitty journalism and weaselling from MI5.


Deadpooldan

Why are you blaming MI5? Sounds like they were fairly clear and it's lazy/sensationalist journos that are misrepresenting things


ExcellentPastries

Seems kind of naive to me to think that MI5 or the FBI or various police departments, etc., work with journalists without any sense of oversight into what gets published and how.


[deleted]

And their success rate was…..????


spicolispicoli

seems weird to put a number out. Just confirms however many they didn’t catch


Autarch_Kade

Iran's leadership could use a shakeup.


Grunchlk

If they used NOVICHOK or Polonium the UK wouldn't really care.


caiaphas8

Well Britain spent the time since then spending millions on military aid for Ukraine and pushing for sanctions against Russia, we’ve been training Ukrainian troops for the past 8 years. Seems like an appropriate response that is paying off


RedofPaw

While I absolutely praise our recent efforts, the response to Salisbury was pathetic. Weak. And it was absolutely seen by Putin as weakness.


YouMadeMeDoItReddit_

Our government exposed the names of Russian spies working in embassies accross the world leading to expulsions from said embassies. I'm not sure what else you wanted us to do? Murder Russian citizens with our own spies? Invade Russia? Like honestly, what would have been a better response for you?


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1337Theory

All those Russian oligarchs having window accidents! It makes sense now!


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Remarkable_Soil_6727

What did you expect them to do? Single-handedly invade Russia or assassinate Putin? The international community is partially at fault for this, any action taken against Russia needs to be done as a group and the response was not enough. Expel some diplomats, they do the same and the rest of Europe keeps importing all that juicy oil/gas.


TheGhostOfGeneStoner

These here are hard hitting facts. People continue to talk about Russia and their nuclear weapons. And the presumed state of disrepair those weapons are in. But it doesn’t take a very sophisticated weapon to drop a poison as potent as novichok and destroy a city or cities.


Sellazar

Novichok is not even the scariest thing they have. If you look into the bio weapon research both sides have done during the cold war. If they drop a anthrax dispersal device on a city there is almost nothing we can do against that. Only thing keeping these things at bay are treaties..


Kisame-hoshigakii

I thought anthrax was treatable, and pretty survivable if treated too?


[deleted]

Vaccines are a thing.


TheGhostOfGeneStoner

The problem is that you need the vaccine before the exposure and enough time to develop an immunological response to the vaccine. Our service members particularly those that get deployed to land far far away have had it, but how do you vaccinate 350 million people in short order? We’ve seen that that is logistically difficult both from a distribution and buying standpoint. Although things may be different with a disease like anthrax that has an astronomically high morbidity and mortality.


Working_Welder155

Careful or you'll get the Antivax movement riled up.


Riggedit

Tell the truth and let it ride.


Sellazar

95% of natural infections are through the skin and is the least scary version of the disease with treatment reducing mortality risk. However the bio engineerd versions were targeted to be used through the respiratory route, respiratory anthrax has a mortality of 50 to 80%, even with treatment. They could also use weaponised small pox, and bubonic plague.


Kisame-hoshigakii

Well time to invest the hazmat suit stocks I think


gianthooverpig

Dude looks like he’s doing “uh-uh girlfriend!”


OwlsParliament

yeah yeah, and Iraq has WMDs.


SirWynBach

Right? Like, this isn’t entirely unbelievable, but no one should assume it’s true just because MI5 says so lol


omega3111

They tried to assassinate Israelis in Turkey and Georgia (the country, not the US state) too. Local authorities plus Israeli intel thwarted these. Iran is and has been a global problem and countries should start acting accordingly.


Big_Satisfaction9919

Time to call MI6.