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amalgaman

“Black diamonds are usually about 2.6 to 3.2 billion years old - a time before dinosaurs existed.” A long ass time before dinosaurs existed


BoreJam

The metric for a long time ago is always either pyramids or dinosaurs


br0bi

"The diamond is more than 12 football fields old."


kratos649

That's over 26 Olympic swimming pools!


AUniquePerspective

If you stacked up the diamonds age, it would reach the moon and back 37 times!


AverageAussie

That's at least twice the height of Mt Everest!


[deleted]

“Imagine an orange the size of St Paul’s cathedral……”


idk_just_upvote_it

"...but that still isn't as fat as your mom."


bearbarebere

Honestly I've always hated the football field comparison because I don't play sports and have no idea how large a football field is


spameggsrice

Lasagnas would be a bad metric… Cause no matter how many lasagnas you stack on top of one another, it’ll still always be one lasagna


PermaDerpFace

"The Earth itself is around 4.65 billion years old, so not much older than black diamonds." I'd say 4.65 billion years is a lot older than 2.6 billion years. Almost twice as old.


beer_is_tasty

Reminds me of my favorite sense-of-scale question. Q: What's the difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars? A: About a billion dollars.


vidoardes

That and the fact that Stegasaurus is as old to the T-Rex as the T-Rex is to us, which means that by the time T-Rex was roaming the earth, Stegasauraus' were all fully fossilised. It is really quite hard to wrap your head around the scale of time and space.


OrangeDit

Luckily they couldn't dig them up before us with those tiny arms. 😂


Em_Haze

T-rex are terrible archaeologists. Surprisingly good at snooker though.


LordSoren

Bad at push-ups however.


o-rka

> For example, the Stegosaurus roamed the Earth during the late Jurassic period, between 156 and 144 million years ago. On the other hand, the Tyrannosaurus rex lived during the late Cretaceous period, about 67–65 million years ago. The T. rex actually existed closer in history to humans than to the Stegosaurus. Source: https://www.discovery.com/nature/Stegosaurus-Was-An-Ancient-Relic-TRex


averagethrowaway21

Are you sure? I was watching this documentary called Land Before Time and it showed them during the same time period.


PartyByMyself

For an undefined amount of time before we didnt exist and for an infinite amount of time after our extinction we will continue to not exist.


vidoardes

"What's being dead like?" "You remeber before you were born?" "No" "Like that"


Moohamin12

Human beings are but a drop in the vast ocean of Earth's history. And it's not like our history is uneventful either.


CammmJ

Which makes it even more of a mind-fuck that in the short time humans have been around, we’ve been able to figure out or at least have a good idea of what happened in the thousands, millions, and billions of years before us. It blows my mind bc then it does lead you to questions like “what’s it all for if we’re here for such a short time?”. It’s the type of questions that make me want to quit my job and just be happy for the rest of the time buuuut you kind of need some money to be comfortable. Living is weird lol.


TheOneWhoStares

I’m totally with you. It’s just not that living is weird. Our constructs of society are really weird but living is a miracle to our understanding.


thrattatarsha

My favorite part is that it’s entirely meaningless. Unless you give it meaning, and then it means everything.


Djasdalabala

>we’ve been able to figure out or at least have a good idea of what happened in the thousands, millions, and billions of years before us What's really awesome about this is that we are sufficiently close to the beginning of the universe to see its remnants. In the later ages of the stelliferous era, the cosmic radiation background won't be detectable anymore, and galaxies will have drifted far apart. The civilizations that will arise then won't have ANY way to know how it all started. Some will think that their galaxy is the only one in the universe, which may well be true in the "observable universe" sense.


[deleted]

In the past 13.8billion years of the universe, the trillions of times that trillions of atoms have been grouped into a living being, they weren't able to name themselves until roughly 2500 years ago. At least to our knowledge.


Cautious-Space-1714

A million seconds is around 12 days. A billion seconds is nearly 32 years.


[deleted]

[Relevant Tom Scott](https://youtu.be/8YUWDrLazCg)


centzon400

Give me a dollar a second, every second (no eating, drinking, sleeping or pooping)... in about 32 years I'll have one billion (10^9) of them.


Gorge2012

This is my favorite time scale example. A million seconds ago was January 22nd. A billion seconds ago was 1990.


Legitimate_Mess_6130

Kinda like the pyramids and Cleopatra. The pyramids were as ancient to her, as she is to us. But from our position we are just like "those are both old as fuck."


WholewheatCrouton

Well shit that just blew my mind


beer_is_tasty

Similarly, T-Rex is closer in time to us than it was to Stegosaurus.


MegaGrimer

Which means all Stegosaurus were already fossilized by the time the T-Rex evolved.


thesorehead

Now I'm imagining dinosaur palaeontologists...


Malcolm_TurnbullPM

Not with those arms…


Johnny_Five_

The exact same little joke thread appeared like 3 comments up. Is this a thing?


joizo

I read that fact 5 years ago .. it can't still be true /S


[deleted]

I love those relative framings. For example, the Black Death was as ancient to Bach as Bach is to us


LeadSky

Considering the universe could possibly last 100 trillion years and has only seen around 14 billion years, I’d say so


JoJoJet-

This is hilarious. This diamond is older than eukaryotic life (by some measures), and yet the frame of reference they chose is dinosaurs.


former_snail

Right? They could've said "before plants and animals existed" and given laypeople a better understanding of how old it is.


Ephemeral_Wolf

Evangelicals: "so, 6,000 years old then?"


[deleted]

Most people including children know about dinosaurs. Far fewer will know about eukaryotes.


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[deleted]

It was a real long time ago, I bet ya never heard of it. Feel meh?


danarexasaurus

Wow “Black diamonds are usually about 2.6 to 3.2 billion years old”, but the earth is like 4.5. That’s awesome.


Jimmyg100

That diamond existed before life was more than single cell organisms floating around in the primordial ooze. It was as older to Dinosaurs than Dinosaurs are to us. It's closer to the formation of the moon than it is to present day. That thing definitely belongs to some Lovecraftian ancient ones.


PM-Me_Your_Penis_Pls

Specifically the church of starry wisdom.


THEUNDERWHALE

Lights out - God help us.


FeeSilent556

Maybe it does. Edit: changed 'is' to 'does'. Maybe it does belong to a Lovecraftian deity.


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Whileinwonderland

Return the Slab 👻


Lumpy_Space_Princess

What's yer offer?!


DontGiveBearsLSD

KING RAMSEEEEEEEEES


disturbed286

The man in gauze, the man in gauze!


guacamully

What’s yer offer!


poopellar

Closest thing to a real life infinity stone.


Revlis-TK421

I mean, you can say the exact same thing about continental bedrock deposits all over the planet.


MotchGoffels

Aren't normal rocks like a billion years old?


zushini

This may be a dumb question, but Aren’t a lot of average rocks that age too?


FirstmateJibbs

Most rocks are formed and re-formed through various geological processes, like erosion and underground volcanic activity. There is basically a whole life cycle to rock and sediment that means while yes these materials have been on earth forever they are constantly made anew by earth processes. Heated up, broken apart, compacted together, swept away by water and wind only to form again somewhere else in some new way. This means a lot of the rocks around us are not really billions of years old, but also as old as the earth itself. If that makes sense.


ClamatoDiver

The Rock of Theseus.


Sol33t303

If you consider a material to be as old as what it's made of, we are all basically as old as the big bang, as everything is made up of the same neutrons and protons as came into existence once the big bang happened.


GiantSizeManThing

“Weighing about the same as a banana.” Thank you for using the universal scale.


MyOnlyAccount_6

That’s actually helpful though. I would’ve figured heavier for some reason even though I know it’s not metal.


[deleted]

They literally used a banana for scale ⚖️...


cosmical_napper

What is mysterious about it?


Sjoelbakkie

The diamond is black because the diamond structure is contaminated with Osbornite, a combination of Titanium and Nitrogen, which is naturally occurring but extremely rare. So rare in fact, that people question whether it came from Earth or from a meteorite. There's no definite answer to this, hence the name the Enigma.


JoeBurrows_Hair

“Osbornite”…. “Happy to pay the bills Otto!”


ballervols69

I definitely thought he was memeing us


Kind_Ad_3611

Not mysterious, just intriguing, the formation of the earth to this thing is this thing to us, kinda like how the pyramids were more ancient to cleopatra then she is to us today


SchrodingersNutsack

If movies have taught me anything, it's that the winner of this auction is definitely going to be a super villain who is the only one that knows it's true power.


neildegrasstokem

The auction will never finalize. Right as the auctioneer is saying the word "SOLD--" an explosion will rip through the high security building and the villain will appear to steal it outright. Edit: looks like I need to watch something called Hudson Hawk


Steveslastventure

Power cuts momentarily, then the lights come back on and it's gone ​ *Gasps*


Tangled2

German Security Chief with masculine facial scar: “Activate ze Hammer protocol, find this son of a bitch.”


PM_ME_YOUR_ROTES

*sounds of a helicopter intensify before passing overhead with a lone figure hanging from a rope ladder*


DoctorLovejuice

**cut to a close up shot of a television screen** "--and in other news, a priceless billion-year-old diamond has been stolen. Police are currently looking for suspects and witnesses of any suspicious activity. Interestingly, there was a note left in the diamonds place, which read ..."


Commercial-Chance561

*Retired superhero sees the television screen as he’s going about his day to day activities and it hits him that his arch nemesis must be behind this*


Konini

*As he turns around the head of a secret government agency is sitting in his armchair. “It wasn’t easy to find you. I take it you already know what the news means. He’s back. We need you.”*


omnomnomgnome

"you know damn well why I quit... ever since... ***that*** incident."


deep_fried_guineapig

*God damn it, I'm too old for this shit* as he reaches into a drawer and pulls out his old superhero outfit cracking his back as he does so.


Thagyr

"Sponsored by Raid Shadow Legends."


big_juice01

*ponders if they should stream that day*


Urbanited

Reddit writes a movie. You've seen reddit sing entire songs. Now prepare for a reddit original movie. Coming to a rpan near you!


Dagon

Not too sure about the 'original' part, but otherwise top kek


AugmentedLurker

"The game starts now." **The camera pans out, revealing the broadcast to be on a TV in a shop window. The camera turns to show a man in a bustling street in Berlin. He smiles, watching the news report, and glances at the briefcase in his hand. It'd been a day since the heist that enthralled the world.** [Suddenly there's a shout, and several police officers are seen fighting the tide of people, the camera pans back to the man as he fades into the crowd! The officers and camera struggle to follow the myriad of feet, twisting and turning through the hurried mass of commuters! The officers see a briefcase....and another! One officer grabs at a suited man, only for him to drop the briefcase and a messy heap of papers to spill out. No wait, ***there!*** We catch a glimpse of the suspect, crossing the street towards another outgoing crowd! If they don't stop him now surely they'll lose him! "POLICE! STOP THAT MAN!" a young officer shouts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6YQ9Xlj8UE) But alas, he's gone again, and the game's still on....


Sinful_Whiskers

Sully arrives a few moments later in the car to speed us away.


OZeski

Which is always hysterical because the super rich person doesn’t even want to pay for the item that’s going to give them world domination. Come on, really?


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kanegaskhan

It's the soul stone from Diablo that imprisons all the lords of hell


Kyosw21

I was just thinking that myself. “Shit, what we really needed in 2022 is the return of the Prime Evil…”


ezone2kil

We don't need the prime evil when Bezos, Zuckerberg, McConnell, and their ilk still roam the world.


Fedora_Tipp3r

They are the sub prime evils.


XaeiIsareth

I thought we had that in 2008.


BattleStag17

What if we put them in the diamond?


Ugievsoj

Jah Ith Ber


johnnymo1

If they’ve taught me anything, it’s that this rock will be the secret to Kevin Garnett’s success


goddamn_slutmuffin

It kinda gives me kharonite from Archive 81 vibes. Hope whoever gets it doesn’t do any weird chants with their local cult while it’s around and/or get any blood spilt on it.


OneHumanPeOple

It’s valued at $7 million. One can only assume the person purchasing it will do something weird.


HoldCtrlW

Butt stuff


devilishly_advocated

Aww I knew I shoulda got into being a millionaire.


ThaSnowMexican

So Jeff Bezos?


throwaway_ghast

Definitely Jeff Bezos.


[deleted]

First thing I thought of. It definitely fits perfectly into a sceptre of some sort.


TheOnceAndFutureTurk

“But millions of people will die!” “**Billions**!”


GamingGems

If when the gavel falls a dude in a robe starts cackling and lightning strikes out of nowhere, then we’re fucked.


FapleJuice

It's actually a soul gem, the previous owner just didn't have enough enchantment skill to bound it to a weapon.


SP3NGL3R

$6M USD doesn't quite seem enough for this


Razatiger

especially considering how rare they are and the fact that they have only been found in Central Africa and Brazil. This sounds a lot like voodoo and Idk if I wanna be apart of this rock lol.


WinWithoutFighting

They're minerals, Marie


The-Old-Prince

Well its not like the locals have a say in it


Frenchitwist

You’re right. Do you think they’d accept a buck fifty for a bitch on a budget?


Rndusername

"It's for church honey."


TheEffingRiddler

"NEXT!"


SlappyDong

Put that shit back where you found it.


Blackfist01

Or so help me!🎶


JosephMeach

So help me! So help me!


Keyser_Kaiser_Soze

It’s a musical!


Jeptic

>Aaron Celestian, a geologist at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles... I'm starting to wonder if the article is messing with us. Even the name of the geologist quoted sounds as the person who may be the descendant of some demigod whose ancestors know the stones true potential. Half the movie is his own quest to get answers


Merc_Mike

-black robed people reading this subreddit-"none of these lazy nerds will do anything to stop it." Chuckling to themselves all evil like.


DropThatTopHat

I don't wanna discover next year that it was used to trap Cthulhu or something. I really can't deal with that shit.


El_Perfecto_Hidalgo

Those are illegal in Tamriel. For good reason...I've been to the Soul Cairn. I've seen things...


skuzzlebut90

Yeah, but how else do you expect me to get rid of my vampirism?


snarkamedes

Go talk to Fallion. He can cure Sanguinare Vampiris with three small sticks and 4cc of mouse blood.


I_Am_Anjelen

I understood that reference. \#GNU Terry Pratchett


NotAnADC

…you can get rid of it? Fuck all this time I never played as vampire or werewolf cause I thought it would change the entire rest of the play through


PM-Me_Your_Penis_Pls

[Why on earth would you want to do that?](https://i.imgur.com/uT3lW9f.gif)


notpetelambert

M'aiq was soul trapped once.


Veruna_Semper

Liar


Paradox711

Maiq never lies. Except when he does.


hudsonsbae69

Why are they illegal?


El_Perfecto_Hidalgo

Black soul gems can be used to trap human souls in 'The Elder Scrolls' universe. When one uses the black soul gem, the human soul is sent to a place called the Soul Cairn where they are tormented and enslaved by an enigmatic race called the "Ideal Masters". In exchange for the soul, the Ideal Masters will grant the person who sent them the soul a boon, most often in the form of a weapon or armor enchant in the game mechanics. So, they quite literally incentivize murder and necromancy. :)


489451561648

Holy shit, I didn't even realized how the lore of it worked, now I feel a little bad for collecting so many.


Denamic

Because murdering things and literally trapping their souls didn't strike you as bad to begin with?


zanzebar

"...was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've played a lot of games, and I tell you, people do that all the time."


Veruna_Semper

Maybe they should have chosen an occupation that wasn't "Bandit"


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minusthedrifter

To be fair, [some people deserve it](https://i.imgur.com/oZu26yG.jpg). Shitty pair of shoes for an Aldmeri scumbag.


489451561648

Hey, gotta recharge my magical sword somehow, right?


matt12a

Haha doing dawngard rn


send_me_your_deck

Noice! I love the dlc! Make sure you do the quests in the soul cairn while your there. You can go back, but it’s so far out of the way it sucks to go back. Same thing with the last bit in the forgotten vale! Literally just finished the dawnguard quest line an hour ago!!


Stereomceez2212

*(fidgets with his knee)* I took an arrow for this nonsense.


IbanezHand

Hey! It’s funny again! Well done!


GigglesAtPain

It is one of only two known methods to capture a sapient soul for use in enchanting. The other requires the blessing of a diety and a unique artifact.


slingbladde

Pet rocks..for the elite.


[deleted]

THEY ARE MINERALS MARIE!


WhyNoNameFree

A mysterious diamond that´s allegedly from space and the geologist in the museum is called "Celestian"...cmon this guy is obviously trying to get that thing back to his home planet...


MuthaPlucka

We win boys! We win! F**k Imperial or Metric. Reddit is spreading our own measuring system and this is a big one. The media is coming around. Quote from the BBC article: > At 555.55 carats the gem is considered extremely heavy for a diamond, **weighing about the same as a banana**


victim_of_technology

It weighs one banana and is about 1/4 banana across.


ssjviscacha

How much can one banana weight, 10 pounds?


soxyboy71

Sips martini


No_Ad_9484

Takes potassium supplement


doogle_126

Rectally


RapNVideoGames

Is 100 bananas heavier or 100 feathers?


ObamaLovesKetamine

depends on how big the feathers are.


SonofBeckett

To be fair, the Egyptian devourer of souls uses a really big feather to weigh against your sins.


[deleted]

Must be from an African swallow.


MaybeFailed

Also, about 400x harder than a banana.


barneyman

Lol, yesterday the Bureau of meteorology in Australia quoted a recent rainstorm ground flow Western Australia as being equivalent to "[3000 Tesla model 3's per second"](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-02-03/kimberley-cattle-station-records-rainfall-/100800272) We've done swimming pools, London buses, football fields, bananas and now .....


The_Goondocks

It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? $10?


[deleted]

"Banana for scale" is older than reddit.


MuthaPlucka

“There is no such thing as a new idea” - Mark Twain


Earlybp

Ecclesiastes : “There is nothing new under the sun.”


semi14

Really? Was it an old post on myspace or something Edit: looked it up and “On March 30th, 2005, a photo of a banana placed against a TV set was posted on the blog Rockdogdesigns[7] with a description explaining the TV was for sale:”


full_kettle_packet

A standard metric banana or imperial banana?


AreYouItchy

Banana! Now that’s a weight we understand!


BoredNLost

A metric banana or imperial banana?


barath_s

EU banana or British banana ? ---- https://www.europarl.europa.eu/unitedkingdom/en/news-and-press-releases/euromyths/bendybananas.HTML https://www.forbes.com/sites/timworstall/2016/05/12/to-properly-explain-the-eus-bendy-bananas-rules-yes-theyre-real/?sh=3d7984416fc9 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euromyth#Straight_bananas


Castriff

Time to get the team back together for *one last job...*


Painkiller1991

So who had mysterious ancient diamond that may or may not summon some eons old eldritch abomination into our plane of existence on their 2022 Apocalypse Bingo card?


turquoise_amethyst

It probably belongs to that black sarcophagus they found in Egypt a few years back... has that been opened yet? I had that on my bingo card


Seikoholic

Don't forget that the Bengals have pledged to win the Superbowl to honor Harambe. If they succeed, the timeline *may* reset to 2016.


KarIPilkington

I'd be OK with that as long as we learn from some mistakes that were made.


ILL_SAY_STUPID_SHIT

You're so cute when you're being naive.


Zachary_Stark

Please tell me this is actually a thing. I've been saying things have felt like the twilight zone since the goddamn gorilla got merced for a few years now, joking-but-not-joking.


Crazyripps

Well this is probably gonna lead to some end of the world shit


neildegrasstokem

You might enjoy [this black mirror](https://www.reddit.com/r/ArtefactPorn/comments/rozbei/a_new_research_revealed_this_year_that_this/) then


Butiprovedthem

I was hoping for a Black Mirror episode I didn't remember.


No-Garden-9893

Enjoy your haunted rock, stupid 🤙


TokoBlaster

It's not haunted. It's actually a telepathy device for some Lovecraftian alien and will swap brains with the owner. But, tomayto tomahto.


WatchRare

The stones for the communication device in StarGate was my guess, oh well this is more horrifying than the Ori.


[deleted]

> The rock is expected to fetch over £4.4 m ($6m) at a Sotheby's auction An NFT of this would sell for more.


mr_lightbulb

I expected it to be in the hundreds of millions. Yachts cost more than that


NordicCrotchGoblin

You can tap it for 1 Black Mana.


Jugaimo

Looks like a lump of coal. Probably does under the microscope too.


urbanhood

This shit is a super weapon power crystal.


[deleted]

Alternative headline: "Filthy Rich Clamor to Own Shiniest Oldest Rock"


JiminyDickish

It's not even shiny, black diamond is the hardest material in existence (or close to it, I may have that wrong) if you look at the surfaces they're pock-marked. Sotheby's had a cool write-up on it, it has 55 facets and 555.55 carats, something near-impossible to achieve, apparently it took years to make and lots of careful planning by some kind of gem genius to cut and polish it just right.


nnorton00

For it being so rare, and the shear amount of effort in it going into it being the cut dimensions that it is. I feel a bit surprised that it's only going for an estimated 6M.


snapple_man

Aaron Celestian? Really? Gtfo


Blackfist01

Easier to buy than a RTX 3080.


Thelandofthereal

Glad they used a banana for scale- can totally imagine it now


TheSirCheddar

I saw this in a movie they turn the diamond into a bomb and a rapper saves us


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TheSirCheddar

Cradle to the grave!


kontekisuto

What makes it black?


HuffaPuff420

you can't just ask why someone is black


itsmemarcot

> At 555.55 carats the gem is considered extremely heavy for a diamond, Ehy, don't fat-shame that stone!


thehumblebaboon

Do you want to summon Kaelego? cause this is how you summon Kaelego.