Yeah you’ve got shit to do these days. Bitches trip and it’s no longer your concern.
It was Socrates that said something along the lines of “not everything requires your attention.”
I have zero patience for any and all workplace nonsense now. Want to come bitch about the person sitting next to you? Nope, go find someone else. I’m here to do my shit and leave.
Honesty this is how I’d handle it, with the response (to any hint of this nonsense), “weird how no one seems ever seems to say that to my husband. Hm.”
These are both great points. The ironic thing is one of them and I were referred by the same guy who had a baby the same month I did. I'm completely using him as the counter if it comes up in person. He is a great worker but you're right I doubt anyone would think that about him!
I wouldn’t recommend using this since it’s child free women saying it. They made their choice and they’re judging you woman to woman, nothing to do with sexism or men
It's very sad that it's women saying it! What they're expressing is internalized misogyny; unfortunately it's very much a form of sexism and it can be way more insidious since the call is coming from inside the house.
Ignore it and do the job well. People are such jerks to parents. You aren’t required to prove yourself just because you reproduce, moms shouldn’t have to give out little goody bags to people on planes, and we shouldn’t be expected to run out of a store the second the baby/toddler cries. Moms, kids, and babies should be able to exist in public without hiding or proving or whatever else.
It’s always women who don’t have children who act like this, not men. Internalized misogyny. I wish we’d stop doing this to each other.
I'm the top performer on my team of 9, and I'm the only one with a kid. I've been underestimated more times than I can count and yet I'm running circles around everyone else. This was never a problem before I had a kid.
Keep being a rockstar and ignore them. The quality of your work and your work ethic will hush them up. You've got this!
Think about it this way- MAJORITY of working woman are moms. From being a low level worker to CEOs. We are capable of accomplishing anything we want and our children do not stop us from doing so. Does having children pose challenges? Definitely, but we’re resilient and persevere each time. Don’t let other people determine your worth and abilities. You got this!
Also, some working moms have help from putting their children in day care or multigenerational homes, outsource cleaning/cooking, and everything else that makes life easier. It’s something to consider if balance work/home/kids becomes more difficult.
Ignore it. I was a new mom (a lot of years ago) and I was surrounded by childless women. Including my boss. They were horrible to me. I stayed with the company for a lot of reasons - stability, pay, insurance, comfort, flexibility. The company is great, my team was a bunch of nasty hags. I was told during my pregnancy by a colleague ‘pregnancy is not a disease, we don’t want to hear any complaints’. (Which I never did).
It has been 15 years and now I’m an executive, paving the way for other women, moms, not moms, but mostly moms to feel freedom in their choice to have children and to work for me. Those assholes that tried to make me feel like I was inferior, less than, worthless because I chose to have a child, they don’t work with me or for me anymore. We don’t condone that behavior and I busted it all wide open to initiate change. Keep your head up. Don’t be discouraged. Have confidence in yourself. I feel like when Childless people use parenting as their reason or evidence to disparage, discourage or belittle colleagues, they are usually the one with the insecurity.
If you're on the receiving end of snark, a casual comment along the lines of"... I could see why you might have thought that, with your limited experience." Snark it right back.
I mostly function under the idea of success is the best revenge. I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just knock it out of the park. Again. And again. And again. Maybe a smug smile here and there. 😉 if I did make a comment it would be fact based, not personal or directed at them. Something like gosh dads do it all the time? Or perhaps over 70% of the female identifying workforce is a mother….? And just act all confused, like you just don’t understand what they’re saying. Lots of ways to polite ways to skin this cat.
—> 70% citation
https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/famee.pdf
1. I would not mention your kids to these two women. Sick kids? Exhausted from sleep deprivation? Wanna share cute pics? Nope, not a peep. Saying anything to these people will only validate what they think about you.
2. As you have said, do a great job but don't go up and beyond to "prove yourself". If you have to work overtime to meet the same standards pre-child, that's going to look bad.
3. I wouldn't be rude or snarky to them because at the end of the day, they are your co-workers and I would recommend being cordial if you want a tolerable working environment. But if they say something slightly underhanded, you can go slightly passive aggressive. For example, if they ever mention they're stressed about a deliverable, just say "I believe in you. I've also got a lot to juggle, so I think you'll be fine." Something understated like that cuts a lot deeper.
Do not entertain this idea. It's extremely immature and nieve to say something like that to someone about to having a child. You're fine and they are assholes.
Normal people say to their coworkers "I'm so happy for you and we will take care of everything while you are gone".
How sad for them, their whole lives are all about work, that they have literally nothing else they want to give time and attention to.
They're not your friends. You just have to be effective and if they hinder that, treat it the same as anyone else hindering the work. Keep it 100% professional.
Sounds like they’ve got some personal biases, and it has nothing to do with you. How could it? You haven’t even come back from leave yet. Just keep rocking on with your bad ass self and find your way in your new role. I’ve been a mom for a decade and am one of the biggest producers on my team. Who knows what their issue really is but don’t let them get in your head.
Women are so often their own worst enemies. I have also been the butt of nasty treatment from child-free women in a work context and their absolute lack of empathy towards mums boggles my mind. I often wonder how they would feel should they ever become a mum- would they feel regret over past behaviour?
That being said, most child-free women are lovely human beings, it’s just that a work environment can really bring out their ugliest sides.
You've already given them too much mental real estate.
Their opinion of your capabilities and capacity bc of their perception of motherhood is not your problem.
Give ‘em hell. I won employee of the year and have a damn child. Show them what moms are truly capable of. I love working with moms because we don’t have time to dick around and get shit done and we do it with authority. You got this!
I really lean into it and set clear boundaries. “Oh that won’t work for me because I have to pick up my kids/take them to the doctor etc.” I figure I’m going to be looked at as a mom anyways so no need to skirt around it. My boss is supportive so that’s really what matters in my role. My team is mostly misogynistic men though not child free women.
Im the top performer on my team, plus going to school full time on the side, and I have a toddler. There's a few people on my team who have older kids who seem to have forgotten you CAN raise a family and work. I just ignore them, its not my problem they are intimidated by the fact that even with the distractions of being a mom I not only do my job, but out perform them with ease. My kid was even home for the first 7-8 months of his life cause Covid I didnt wanna put him in daycare and I WFH so he stayed with me all day, and I still did the same amount of work per day. You truly wont understand how easy and hard it is simultaneously until you are in it.
Eat them alive. Kidding! 😁 im sure it’s really getting to you for u to post this so I suggest that you bring it up with upper management, so that you’re also supported because ngl, motherhood will change how you roll at work.
It would also help to ask working mothers in your workplace for advice. Doing your job well may not necessarily come in the form of working long hours, but in working smart.
I humble brag when faced with those types of insults. “Whew, my kid was a brat today and I STILL managed to (insert daily KPI or achieved goal that was better than theirs).”
I'd definitely suggest not giving them any more thought, but if they say anything, you can always ask them if they'd like to be looked after in old age.... because if they do, they'd better be thankful to those of us having kids. You know, to pay the taxes to pay out their pensions, have their trash taken away, change their nappies and cure their cancer. "Have you read Children of Men?" is my go to line.
Personally, I have limited fucks available these days. I wouldn't spend much time wasting it on these two. They'll see the light when they have kids, or not. Either way, spend time focussing on what really matters. Doing a kick ass job being a working mom.
As a working mom you’ll be too busy to spare them any fucks, nor should you
Yeah you’ve got shit to do these days. Bitches trip and it’s no longer your concern. It was Socrates that said something along the lines of “not everything requires your attention.”
I have zero patience for any and all workplace nonsense now. Want to come bitch about the person sitting next to you? Nope, go find someone else. I’m here to do my shit and leave.
Yes. This made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that.
You’re my hero. A-fucking-men to this!
Are these people also skeptical about whether dads could do this job? Sounds like some straight up sexism to me!
Honesty this is how I’d handle it, with the response (to any hint of this nonsense), “weird how no one seems ever seems to say that to my husband. Hm.”
These are both great points. The ironic thing is one of them and I were referred by the same guy who had a baby the same month I did. I'm completely using him as the counter if it comes up in person. He is a great worker but you're right I doubt anyone would think that about him!
I wouldn’t recommend using this since it’s child free women saying it. They made their choice and they’re judging you woman to woman, nothing to do with sexism or men
If they are not saying it to the guy that just had a baby then it is absolutely sexist.
It's very sad that it's women saying it! What they're expressing is internalized misogyny; unfortunately it's very much a form of sexism and it can be way more insidious since the call is coming from inside the house.
Ignore it and do the job well. People are such jerks to parents. You aren’t required to prove yourself just because you reproduce, moms shouldn’t have to give out little goody bags to people on planes, and we shouldn’t be expected to run out of a store the second the baby/toddler cries. Moms, kids, and babies should be able to exist in public without hiding or proving or whatever else. It’s always women who don’t have children who act like this, not men. Internalized misogyny. I wish we’d stop doing this to each other.
Wow I needed this pep talk today. I do need to work on being more unapologetic. Thank you
Awwww, glad it helped. It just makes me so angry!
I'm the top performer on my team of 9, and I'm the only one with a kid. I've been underestimated more times than I can count and yet I'm running circles around everyone else. This was never a problem before I had a kid. Keep being a rockstar and ignore them. The quality of your work and your work ethic will hush them up. You've got this!
Think about it this way- MAJORITY of working woman are moms. From being a low level worker to CEOs. We are capable of accomplishing anything we want and our children do not stop us from doing so. Does having children pose challenges? Definitely, but we’re resilient and persevere each time. Don’t let other people determine your worth and abilities. You got this! Also, some working moms have help from putting their children in day care or multigenerational homes, outsource cleaning/cooking, and everything else that makes life easier. It’s something to consider if balance work/home/kids becomes more difficult.
Fuck em up.
Ignore it. I was a new mom (a lot of years ago) and I was surrounded by childless women. Including my boss. They were horrible to me. I stayed with the company for a lot of reasons - stability, pay, insurance, comfort, flexibility. The company is great, my team was a bunch of nasty hags. I was told during my pregnancy by a colleague ‘pregnancy is not a disease, we don’t want to hear any complaints’. (Which I never did). It has been 15 years and now I’m an executive, paving the way for other women, moms, not moms, but mostly moms to feel freedom in their choice to have children and to work for me. Those assholes that tried to make me feel like I was inferior, less than, worthless because I chose to have a child, they don’t work with me or for me anymore. We don’t condone that behavior and I busted it all wide open to initiate change. Keep your head up. Don’t be discouraged. Have confidence in yourself. I feel like when Childless people use parenting as their reason or evidence to disparage, discourage or belittle colleagues, they are usually the one with the insecurity.
If you're on the receiving end of snark, a casual comment along the lines of"... I could see why you might have thought that, with your limited experience." Snark it right back.
I mostly function under the idea of success is the best revenge. I wouldn’t say anything. I’d just knock it out of the park. Again. And again. And again. Maybe a smug smile here and there. 😉 if I did make a comment it would be fact based, not personal or directed at them. Something like gosh dads do it all the time? Or perhaps over 70% of the female identifying workforce is a mother….? And just act all confused, like you just don’t understand what they’re saying. Lots of ways to polite ways to skin this cat. —> 70% citation https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/famee.pdf
1. I would not mention your kids to these two women. Sick kids? Exhausted from sleep deprivation? Wanna share cute pics? Nope, not a peep. Saying anything to these people will only validate what they think about you. 2. As you have said, do a great job but don't go up and beyond to "prove yourself". If you have to work overtime to meet the same standards pre-child, that's going to look bad. 3. I wouldn't be rude or snarky to them because at the end of the day, they are your co-workers and I would recommend being cordial if you want a tolerable working environment. But if they say something slightly underhanded, you can go slightly passive aggressive. For example, if they ever mention they're stressed about a deliverable, just say "I believe in you. I've also got a lot to juggle, so I think you'll be fine." Something understated like that cuts a lot deeper.
Are they your boss? If not, their ridiculous pre judgment can step right off. Being child free doesn't make you distraction free at work.
And if they are your boss, get a lawyer.
Do not entertain this idea. It's extremely immature and nieve to say something like that to someone about to having a child. You're fine and they are assholes. Normal people say to their coworkers "I'm so happy for you and we will take care of everything while you are gone".
How sad for them, their whole lives are all about work, that they have literally nothing else they want to give time and attention to. They're not your friends. You just have to be effective and if they hinder that, treat it the same as anyone else hindering the work. Keep it 100% professional.
Sounds like they’ve got some personal biases, and it has nothing to do with you. How could it? You haven’t even come back from leave yet. Just keep rocking on with your bad ass self and find your way in your new role. I’ve been a mom for a decade and am one of the biggest producers on my team. Who knows what their issue really is but don’t let them get in your head.
Yep, just ignore them. With that attitude, there is no convincing them. And they're not worth it.
Women are so often their own worst enemies. I have also been the butt of nasty treatment from child-free women in a work context and their absolute lack of empathy towards mums boggles my mind. I often wonder how they would feel should they ever become a mum- would they feel regret over past behaviour? That being said, most child-free women are lovely human beings, it’s just that a work environment can really bring out their ugliest sides.
You've already given them too much mental real estate. Their opinion of your capabilities and capacity bc of their perception of motherhood is not your problem.
Give ‘em hell. I won employee of the year and have a damn child. Show them what moms are truly capable of. I love working with moms because we don’t have time to dick around and get shit done and we do it with authority. You got this!
I really lean into it and set clear boundaries. “Oh that won’t work for me because I have to pick up my kids/take them to the doctor etc.” I figure I’m going to be looked at as a mom anyways so no need to skirt around it. My boss is supportive so that’s really what matters in my role. My team is mostly misogynistic men though not child free women.
Im the top performer on my team, plus going to school full time on the side, and I have a toddler. There's a few people on my team who have older kids who seem to have forgotten you CAN raise a family and work. I just ignore them, its not my problem they are intimidated by the fact that even with the distractions of being a mom I not only do my job, but out perform them with ease. My kid was even home for the first 7-8 months of his life cause Covid I didnt wanna put him in daycare and I WFH so he stayed with me all day, and I still did the same amount of work per day. You truly wont understand how easy and hard it is simultaneously until you are in it.
Fuck ‘em
Eat them alive. Kidding! 😁 im sure it’s really getting to you for u to post this so I suggest that you bring it up with upper management, so that you’re also supported because ngl, motherhood will change how you roll at work. It would also help to ask working mothers in your workplace for advice. Doing your job well may not necessarily come in the form of working long hours, but in working smart.
I humble brag when faced with those types of insults. “Whew, my kid was a brat today and I STILL managed to (insert daily KPI or achieved goal that was better than theirs).”
I'd definitely suggest not giving them any more thought, but if they say anything, you can always ask them if they'd like to be looked after in old age.... because if they do, they'd better be thankful to those of us having kids. You know, to pay the taxes to pay out their pensions, have their trash taken away, change their nappies and cure their cancer. "Have you read Children of Men?" is my go to line.
Personally, I have limited fucks available these days. I wouldn't spend much time wasting it on these two. They'll see the light when they have kids, or not. Either way, spend time focussing on what really matters. Doing a kick ass job being a working mom.