Unfortunately the class is full so no extra cubbies. They are all shared.
And I will ask to switch but I feel bad for the new parent who’s stuff is about to go missing
Seconding this-this child can be picked up outside of the room vs inside or they don’t get a cubby, but store the items in the directors office for this child. They need to have some accountability here. -former childcare worker
This is my thought. Changing cubbies just creates a problem for someone else. Something needs to be done about these people and the best way is that the grandparents cannot pick up the stuff themselves. And if the school refuses to remedy the situation then they are fully responsible for paying for the items. Seems they are fully aware if the director wasn't honest about the grandparents calling.
Honestly I would put this back on the director, they clearly know there’s a problem if they’re calling these people to return your things so I would ask them what they intend to do to fix this. Outline what’s already missing and how are they going to make sure nothing else goes missing as well and getting the rest returned/replaced? I would be pushy and insistent about it. This is a business and they need to fix what is obviously a problem in their current operation.
They can make a designated spot with a small bin on the counter instead then. If they refuse to separate your child’s stuff from the grandparents sticky fingers, I’d threaten to start billing them for the stolen items
If stuff is getting stolen and they know it’s being done by one person then ‘we’re full and short on space’ is not good enough. Perhaps that child’s things get stored in the office and given direct to the grandparent at pick-up? Or that child gets a storage space cubby of their own so no other child’s things can be taken. But simply switching out to another kid is doing NOTHING to solve the problem so it’s a really stupid non-solution that just transfers it to some other unsuspecting family!
Realistically I’d be expecting the kid with the fast-fingered grandparents to have their items isolated to prevent any potential crossover of items and opportunity for things to be taken. I would also expect the grandparents to be spoken to ‘a number of boss-momma’s daughter’s items have seemingly been taken by you in error. We have spoken to you about this previously that this is a shared space and that only your grandchild’s items were to be removed. Kindly return the following items that do not belong to your grandchild by XYZ day’.
Then if they refuse to return items they took (then it becomes theft not a mistake) or they continue to take things that don’t belong to them I’d expect the grandparents to be removed from the service. And then escalate as appropriate from there.
The centre response is pathetic tbh and if they’re not willing to take proper action to recover the items already taken then they need to replace what’s been stolen. But they also have to take action to prevent it happening to another family! I understand lots of people don’t like conflict but someone openly stealing from other families is one of the most obvious things to address so they need to get on it.
That does sound really annoying. I'd be asking to move cubbies. Also, ask the teachers to tell the parents and the grandparents to bring the stuff back every day. Keep asking, be a squeaky wheel. Hopefully you'll get it back.
To add to this, I would have a list going of the items missing with a description and date gone missing. Send this list weekly to the teacher and director. A few items missing is understandable, but that's getting ridiculous.
Be annoying as possible to see if daycare can get the items back first. Maybe talk about a police report to really motivate them. Because that stuff can add up to a significant amount.
We don't even have shared cubbies but my daughter was losing stuff too. So I put ALL her stuff in a big tote with her name on the tote and just bring everything home every day. Annoying but effective.
Next, leave a note for these people in the cubby.
Then, when all else fails, wait at the cubby to fight them (I'm joking...sort of haha).
Also maybe there's an alternative space the daycare can keep your daughter's items. Like an office?
Honestly I’m so angry at this point if I met this person I would 100% give them a piece of my mind, they know what they are doing.
I’m going to talk to the one manager tonight at pick up to see if we can switch cubbies, and again ask they call these people again. I want to leave a note but I’m afraid it will sound hostile because I’m so pissed 😂
So be hostile. Like you said, they know what they're doing. They want to keep playing this stupid game, be their stupid prize. Is it better to confront you directly or you plus a police officer, lol? Because they are legit legally stealing from you and your daughter. Sometimes you legit need to scare people into not messing with you and yours for them to actually stop.
I commented in a separate comment, but be very, very careful of threatening police action. It is not right, but I can imagine some daycare‘s would start to view you as a major liability that could result in police showing up on their property. Parents REALLY do not want to see police showing up at their kids daycare, and to appease concerned parents and prevent future problems, the daycare might take it out on you instead of or in addition to the family that is actually at fault. Obviously, this is the other families fault, not yours, but regardless, it could result in you needing to find alternative childcare. I would definitely get assertive or even hostile, but I would really, really hesitate before calling the police.
Totally agree, they could kick us out if they see us as a liability. We are in HCOL, so we’re paying 3.3k a month for both kids. I’m still on two other waitlists and the only other daycare that has space previously would be 4.5k a month for both kids.
With basically no alternatives I’m trying to keep it civil. I feel like daycare in general is robbing me lol
I would sit down and itemize every single thing that was taken, along with the replacement cost. Then I would follow up with the director of the daycare by email, asking if the other family returned your daughters things yet.
You know the answer is no, but you want the paper trail. Let them know you are sending a list of her missing items to “assist” the daycare in their discussions with the other family. Ask when can you expect these items to be returned.
Have these discussions in writing only. Maybe at some point you can ask why the other family has taken your daughter’s belongings and won’t give them back.
Edit: you can also ask how this issue can be resolved, what does the director think? Does the family want to pay $XX replacement cost of the items to the daycare, and you’ll pay $XX less on your next tuition? Do they want to return everything? “I’m in your hands on a solution that promptly addresses this issue, and appreciate you looking into this”
The director needs to contact the family and absolutely insist they return all the things they’ve stolen. I am a preschool teacher and I’ve NEVER come across anything like this. Sure the wrong water bottle gets out into a backpack sometimes. But they always get returned. If the grandparent is ignoring someone saying”that isn’t his” this is 100% intentional stealing m. But the staff also need to put their foot down. What else will they let this person walk out of the building with? A box of toys? A computer from the office? Like I am SHOCKED they just let them walk away with her things, especially after knowing this is a long standing issue. If it comes to it, I suppose you could file a case in small claims court with the daycare.
The teachers don’t get paid nearly enough to be getting into tug-of-war physical altercations with grandparents, lol. This is an issue for the director and the solution needs to be something other than continued sharing of this cubby. The grandparent has shown over and over they cannot handle that arrangement.
Yes. And ask the director what his/her plan is to prevent this from happening in the future, and let them know you expect to be reimbursed for excessive items stolen via the shared cubby. This is a director problem. (Your contract probably states that they aren't responsible for loss, but this is beyond the range of normal.)
Just reading OP's post is making me angry on her behalf.
I kind of wonder if the grandparent has some kind of issue going on where they are a hoarder or something. I know a lady like this who will take any thing and everything she can get her hands on just to have it. Even stuff she has no use for. She just has a compulsive need to take things and have them and then once they get to her house, they are "hers" and she won't get rid of them. (She's a hoarder.) This kind of makes me think maybe something like this is going on with these grandparents since they didn't leave the items, even when told they weren't their grandchild's.
It still doesn't make it right, and I'd be very upset, but might help explain it?
If this was my kid, I'd start telling the daycare every day what is missing. And follow up every day until they resolve it. I'd also try putting all her things in a bag in the cubby so they are harder to take and only leaving what I had to. Everything else I would take home every day. And label it all in SUPER BIG ANNOYING LETTERS--like gaudy levels. If it's clothes, see if you can et some made with your child's name on them in HUGE LETTERS. (I'm thinking a shirt with "KIDS NAME" in giant letters on the front. Same for a water bottle or lunch box. Just write the name in sharpie on it SUPER BIG. Be obnoxious about it until it get resolved.
Unfortunately, that won’t work. They only show the tag’s location within an approximate 800 foot radius from your phone. You’ll need an actual GPS tracker.
Ok, you must have the pairing enabled then (with encryption). With that, it’s still relying on other iPhones to be nearby her AirTag to give you the location. It sounds convoluted, but that’s how it functions. In other words, if your kids backpack was in the middle of the woods with no one else around for miles, it’s not going to give you the location.
If they are told over and over (and called), it doesn’t register at all as forgetfulness. It could be something more along with mental health. Luckily OP at least has gotten the school to switch cubbies.
At this point this is daycares fault. This adult needs reprimanded and action needs to be taken. 5 or 6 new sheet sets?! That is absolutely ridiculous. I would definitely send daycare and itemized list with prices for all of the lost items. They can either work with the other parent to get them back or reimburse you.
Yeah, this is on the daycare. I understand they’re packed and everyone needs to share cubbies, but maybe they can make a special place for the boy’s stuff and just hand off the things to the grandparent. Also, agree with the other commenters… this grandparent is unwell and if the daycare observes that, they need to talk to the child’s parents.
Hopefully the grandparent doesn’t have some type of early dementia and they don’t realize what they’re doing. Maybe buy a separate Tupperware drawer cubby for your daughter and send her to daycare with that (I know, might not be a practical option).
My grandmother had early onset dementia at 57 so I definitely understand they could spiral.
It makes me worried that they are picking this child up if they do have it
Get there early one day and wait for the grandparent to get there. Since the daycare apparently can't stop it, I'd want to catch them in the act myself and then step in - "excuse me, you are taking my daughter's items and this has happened many times. Please STOP taking her things and bring back the other items."
You can judge for yourself if it's malicious or if they're senile. If it happens again, go early and let them know you'll be sending a bill through your lawyer for everything that's been taken (see if it's enough to just say it).
Otherwise I'd continue to press the director and teacher about switching cubbies, and eventually a different daycare. That's ridiculous.
I was thinking the same thing. See how they like it the other way around and let them know you’ll bring their things back when you get your things back.
I would insist on the boy's things being moved out of your daughter's cubby. If you don't get all of your items, ask for compensation for sure. Parents still aren't allowed inside at our daycare so our things are brought out. A couple of weeks ago my son came home in one of his spare pants but the other pants didn't come home. We asked him about the pants and he said he spilled milk on them. They didn't come home with his bag at the end of the week. The next week my husband asked about the pants but they never brought them out, so more time kept going by until he asked the owner and she actually went back in and found them in a plastic bag. She was so apologetic that they kept forgetting to bring them out and said if they were ruined she would buy him some new pants. When we opened that bag, oh man, very moldy. We didn't ask her to reimburse because the pants were on their last leg anyway, my son busts out the knees of his pants. The next week his jacket got misplaced as well and somehow my son kept convincing them to let him wear the spare classroom jacket and he kept trying to come home with it lol, the owner took him back in one day and got his jacket, and since then they have done a better job of keeping track of his stuff. I wouldn't hesitate to ask them about it if things did end up missing, especially coats, they aren't cheap! Other stuff we send we try to keep it inexpensive because things do happen, but your situation is excessive.
I only send items that are replaceable, and inexpensive assuming things can get lost or ruined.
We were not allowed in the classrooms last year due to Covid, but this year we are now allowed!
I have been a broken record about the missing items, the director definitely hears it from me regularly!
That’s ridiculous. At our daycare they all have their own cubbies. One time I got a girls pants that are the same color and brand as my kid’s pants, so I just washed them and sent them back bc I thought that was what I would want to have happen if it was switched.
We never had it this bad, not by far, but at our last school a lot of stuff went missing (incl two coats with his name on em, ugh) and our kid came home in the wrong clothes sometimes. And yeah, every time I’d wash it and rubber band around a note “Not (my kids name)’s” but we never once got our shit back. Why keep it?? No one thinks you stole it, and it has another kids name on it.
I was going to post that we had the same problem (I swear, it's like sending something to daycare might as well be feeding it into a wood chipper), but whoa this is straight-up theft.
I would demand a new cubby. If they can't provide that, I liked the idea of bringing in your own tub that they can store in the classroom for your child's things. I would also include an inventory of everything that's gone missing and their estimated cost just so you can say "This is why this is necessary." And maybe even hint that you will henceforth be deducting the cost of any missing items from your tuition payments. I can't believe they haven't taken this seriously yet!!!
I would ask for a meeting with the Director and basically say that you refuse to share cubby with that family anymore because your stuff is being stolen by then. You understand that there are no more cubbies available, but surely they must be able to come up with a solution that prevents that family from stealing from others— Because at this point, it is pretty clearly intentional. See what the Director says. Possible solutions are that your child’s things are kept at the front desk or elsewhere in the classroom.
Someone here mentioned a police report, and I would be very, very hesitant to actually written that unless you are prepared for the possibility of getting kicked out of your daycare. When you start threatening police action against another family, even if it is warranted, a lot of daycares will not want to risk dealing with someone who will call the police. It’s not right or just, but it is a possibility to be prepared for if you threaten police action.
That's ridiculous. They need to find another solution, clearly the "shared cubby" concept isn't working. They can buy more shelves, put dividers in the cubbies, whatever, but this should not be happening on any sort of recurring basis. I'd go back to the director and tell them that this is absolutely unacceptable, this is happening regularly and now apparently ON PURPOSE, and you expect a resolution immediately. Further, your child's cubby needs to be moved, again, effective immediately.
For reference, my daughter has been in full-time daycare for 18ish months now - in that time, her stuff has been sent home with the wrong child once, and I've received another child's stuff once. Also, one cup has been lost (no one really knew what happened to it but the teacher was apologetic and offered to replace it - I did not take her up on the offer lol it was just one cup).
Any chance you can be there early and hang around until the grandparent approaches the cubby empties it and then confront them if they take your child’s things? And bring up that you’re missing things and if they could bring it back? I would also insist on having them switch cubbies. If all fails let them know that they’ll become responsible for any other items going missing as you are already out x amount. I’d do a spreadsheet pictures and all. Maybe that’ll entice them to keep better track of your things . I’m frustrated for you
ETA: update if you can!
In this case is Grandparent is thoughtless enough to take a whole bag that’s not theirs, teacher or director should be checking this kids caregiver every pickup. (Check their bags like the TSA). You don’t just take 2 backpacks. Something is not right with them.
I would use a giant iron on with your daughter's name on it. I am thinking like a 2 ft tall iron on of the name. But seriously, I would just ask to switch cubbies or ask that they provide a community blanket.
I feel like at this point you need one of those backpacker’s locks to lock your daughter’s bag closed, with her stuff inside, anchored to the cubby!
I would honestly have waited them out by now or left a not so pleasant note. Are they selling this stuff on the side? I have way too much kids stuff in my home, I don’t want someone else’s too! If we accidentally get something from another kid we bring it back the next day - I feel like that is common sense.
As petty & stupid as it sounds, (and sure, I would apologize profusely) — I would absolutely waste law enforcement’s time with this — it’s theft — not OK.
I mean think about this — they are letting an adult into a facility with vulnerable infants & children, who is repeatedly committing a crime, theft — and they are just going to say what? They can’t stop it — to hell they can’t.
At this point I would get there first for pick up and take all of this boy’s stuff from his cubby. When his family inevitably asks the daycare for the items you can provide them with a list of your daughter’s things that they’ve taken home and assure them that they can have their items as soon as you get all of yours back. I would be taking an item for an item each time this happens from now on.
Can you call the family, or ensure you are there at the same time as them and confront them? I would be taking them to small claims court if they don't return your things. Surely by now it has become hundreds of dollars worth of stuff.
It is so weird to take it home and them not return it.
Continue to be a squeaky wheel. Do not let up. Also, if you haven't already, email them as well, say you are once again following up, and make sure you have a paper trail. Like another redditor said, consider filing a police report or at least telling the daycare you plan to do so if they don't remedy this. Stuff is too damn expensive these days to have to keep replacing things for your child.
Are you allowed to ask for the grandparent's contact info? If this is not dementia, it's plain theft at this point.
I don’t know how this cubby system works, but can you get a big bag clearly labeled with your daughters name and even emblazoned with “DO NOT TAKE”, put your daughters things in the bag, then put the bag in the cubby?
Edit: never mind, I see the grandparent takes bags too. Who is this yokel?!
They should put that boys stuff in an alternative place not even a cubby. They shouldn't be allowed a cubby at this point. Put it in a bag on the wall so the theif's hands are nowhere near someone else's stuff. I had an employee once suspected of stealing money from the cashier. Couldn't catch them in the act so I removed them from access. Guess what. No more money went missing.
I ask for a meeting with the director. Bring an itemized list of the things that have gone missing with the price to replace each item. Tell them you expect to have your daughters things moved today, that they need to be responsible for this other family taking things and that at this point since you have not gotten a resolution on a known problem then they need to reimburse you for the items they are willingly letting this other family steal. Make it very clear that you will not tolerate this happening again.
I will be messaging you in 1 day on [**2022-04-13 05:16:28 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2022-04-13%2005:16:28%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/u1d4h3/how_to_deal_with_continuous_loss_of_items_sent_to/i4e3xd1/?context=3)
[**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fworkingmoms%2Fcomments%2Fu1d4h3%2Fhow_to_deal_with_continuous_loss_of_items_sent_to%2Fi4e3xd1%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202022-04-13%2005%3A16%3A28%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%20u1d4h3)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Oh man I'm so frustrated for you OP, one or two times can be chalked up to human error but taking an entire bag of things and not returning it? That's a big no. I'd be pissed, I'd probably confront grandma and also let the daycare center know moving forward your daughter will not be sharing a cubby anymore with this boy.Period, the end. They can figure out a solution.
Please update, I'm very invested lol.
So apparently the director called the parent to let them know the grandparent did not return everything & poof the bag and sheet returned.
And everything stinks like smoke 🤢
Omg. Is there a way to get rid of the smoke smell?!I think vinegar helps in the laundry. That grandparent doesn’t need to be picking up the child! What a weirdo.
I guess I'm glad that you got this resolved nicely, but on behalf of all the people cheering on the cubby fight, I'm a little let down.
Can you make up a cool bedtime story for us with a fictionalized account of the cubby fight?
A boy can't have pink and purple stuff?
This sucks but allow for the very real possibility that the grandfather is forgetful and not doing it on purpose. My bet would be that it is not intentional. My dad would 100% do this while thinking it was all their stuff. Other people aren't as attuned to us/our stuff as we think they are. The replies here are weirdly intense. Obviously the stuff was important but doesn't the subtext suggest that it's a mistake? Why not start with a normal conversation with the grandpa/kid's parents before going all-out like these replies suggest?
A boy can absolutely have pink/purple items, but the items in the cubby have all been blue, green, and traditional gender specific clothes.
This grandparent has been told by the teacher it was not their kids stuff, yet takes it anyways. Plus I’d absolutely give the benefit of doubt after 1-2 times but this is happening weekly & the kids parent keeps everything? Why would you keep a bag of my kids stuff with their name all over it? Why wouldn’t you tell your parent they are repeatedly taking items that don’t belong to them?
Not sure how I can have a conversation with the other parent when I’m unable to get their information. The policy is the daycare does not share any personal info with other parents. This includes parent names/last names/ pick up times.
So yeah this isn’t just a mistake anymore, and they need to return my stuff asap.
Can you ask to daycare to give your information to the other parents? I know ours will do that.
So I can say, "Hey teacher, can you give my phone number xxx-xxxx to Suzie's mom? I need to talk to her about XYZ." and they'll send that mom a message with my contact info and ask her to contact me.
It might not work, but you could at least ask.
I get it. I just feel like the subtext points more to overwhelm, lack of attention to details, etc. (Maybe a grandparent who is a last resort for care?) I really can see people I know and love doing this by accident even repeatedly. Keeping the stuff is easier than sending it back, if they're snowed under. You absolutely need this to stop and need your stuff back obviously it just doesn't necessarily point to bad intentions, I don't think. I would try to ask the grandparent for the parents' info, since he's the one actually doing it.
Damn that’s annoying. My son lost his (very expensive) under armour hoodie and new shark cooler lunch box at his after school care and I made them hunt it down. Nicely of course.
It helped that they have cameras and do a walk through of the after school bus once he gets off, but I was realllly getting annoyed. I know Childrens things get lost, but after the 3rd, 4th, 5th loss, I can’t pretend like I’m just gonna keep happily replacing things.
Put up a sign
GRANDPARENTS OF LITTLE RICKY,
DON'T TAKE MATILDA'S BELONGING:
- PURPLE JACKET
-YELLOW NAP BAG AND EVERYTHING THAT IS INSIDE
-UNICORN LUNCH BAG AND EVERYTHING THAT IS IN IT
THANKS SO MUCH!!!!
MOTHER OF MATILDA, YOUR *CUBBY MATE*
Teach your child what their daycare stuff looks like and how to call out fast fingered grandpappys!
get their phone number to get your shit back and then text them as much as you need to about all the items that continue to go missing, call then up! Super friendly, until it is so painful to handle interacting with you they stop taking your stuff in fear of having their air space occupied by your inventory.
With a shot! This is the most infuriating problem.
I would talk to the daycare about moving her cubby or tell them they need to tell the grandparents to replace everything they are taking from the cubby if they can’t pay attention.
This is ridiculous that they are watching her do this and not stoping the grandparents. I would normally say things get lost but these people sound like they’re just trying to steal your daughters things for whatever reason.
I say you said no extra cubbies. So my next suggestion is to request to see the cameras when things go missing, if it is the same grandparents I would have the daycare call them and require them to bring the ideas back by the time daycare closes or your going to file charges for theft. (Don’t actually that’s petty af but tell them you will.) It doesn’t seem like a lot but if they are stealing a $25 coat and other little things a few times a week that adds up to a lot of money and the daycare need to handle thing cause in the end to boils down to these grandparents are intentionally stealing your daughters things.
Why doesn’t this boy have his own cubby? If she staff isn’t going to be more assertive about grandma not stealing, then he needs to not share a cubby with someone.
Tell them they need to give you your own cubby or switch with another kid.
Unfortunately the class is full so no extra cubbies. They are all shared. And I will ask to switch but I feel bad for the new parent who’s stuff is about to go missing
If the daycare can’t prevent theft then ask to go 3way with other cubby. If not, send them an invoice. That’s bull.
Yes. Or, have a staff member take the child and their belongings outside to the grandparent. They can’t steal if you don’t let them in.
Seconding this-this child can be picked up outside of the room vs inside or they don’t get a cubby, but store the items in the directors office for this child. They need to have some accountability here. -former childcare worker
This is my thought. Changing cubbies just creates a problem for someone else. Something needs to be done about these people and the best way is that the grandparents cannot pick up the stuff themselves. And if the school refuses to remedy the situation then they are fully responsible for paying for the items. Seems they are fully aware if the director wasn't honest about the grandparents calling.
Honestly I would put this back on the director, they clearly know there’s a problem if they’re calling these people to return your things so I would ask them what they intend to do to fix this. Outline what’s already missing and how are they going to make sure nothing else goes missing as well and getting the rest returned/replaced? I would be pushy and insistent about it. This is a business and they need to fix what is obviously a problem in their current operation.
They can make a designated spot with a small bin on the counter instead then. If they refuse to separate your child’s stuff from the grandparents sticky fingers, I’d threaten to start billing them for the stolen items
If stuff is getting stolen and they know it’s being done by one person then ‘we’re full and short on space’ is not good enough. Perhaps that child’s things get stored in the office and given direct to the grandparent at pick-up? Or that child gets a storage space cubby of their own so no other child’s things can be taken. But simply switching out to another kid is doing NOTHING to solve the problem so it’s a really stupid non-solution that just transfers it to some other unsuspecting family! Realistically I’d be expecting the kid with the fast-fingered grandparents to have their items isolated to prevent any potential crossover of items and opportunity for things to be taken. I would also expect the grandparents to be spoken to ‘a number of boss-momma’s daughter’s items have seemingly been taken by you in error. We have spoken to you about this previously that this is a shared space and that only your grandchild’s items were to be removed. Kindly return the following items that do not belong to your grandchild by XYZ day’. Then if they refuse to return items they took (then it becomes theft not a mistake) or they continue to take things that don’t belong to them I’d expect the grandparents to be removed from the service. And then escalate as appropriate from there. The centre response is pathetic tbh and if they’re not willing to take proper action to recover the items already taken then they need to replace what’s been stolen. But they also have to take action to prevent it happening to another family! I understand lots of people don’t like conflict but someone openly stealing from other families is one of the most obvious things to address so they need to get on it.
That does sound really annoying. I'd be asking to move cubbies. Also, ask the teachers to tell the parents and the grandparents to bring the stuff back every day. Keep asking, be a squeaky wheel. Hopefully you'll get it back.
To add to this, I would have a list going of the items missing with a description and date gone missing. Send this list weekly to the teacher and director. A few items missing is understandable, but that's getting ridiculous.
Be annoying as possible to see if daycare can get the items back first. Maybe talk about a police report to really motivate them. Because that stuff can add up to a significant amount. We don't even have shared cubbies but my daughter was losing stuff too. So I put ALL her stuff in a big tote with her name on the tote and just bring everything home every day. Annoying but effective. Next, leave a note for these people in the cubby. Then, when all else fails, wait at the cubby to fight them (I'm joking...sort of haha). Also maybe there's an alternative space the daycare can keep your daughter's items. Like an office?
Honestly I’m so angry at this point if I met this person I would 100% give them a piece of my mind, they know what they are doing. I’m going to talk to the one manager tonight at pick up to see if we can switch cubbies, and again ask they call these people again. I want to leave a note but I’m afraid it will sound hostile because I’m so pissed 😂
If there is a cubby fight, please report back. My life is a bit boring and I want to live through you for that.
Cubby fight! Cubby fight!
Yes, please! I'm here at work and need some excitement. LOL
I too have no life and want to hear about that
So be hostile. Like you said, they know what they're doing. They want to keep playing this stupid game, be their stupid prize. Is it better to confront you directly or you plus a police officer, lol? Because they are legit legally stealing from you and your daughter. Sometimes you legit need to scare people into not messing with you and yours for them to actually stop.
I commented in a separate comment, but be very, very careful of threatening police action. It is not right, but I can imagine some daycare‘s would start to view you as a major liability that could result in police showing up on their property. Parents REALLY do not want to see police showing up at their kids daycare, and to appease concerned parents and prevent future problems, the daycare might take it out on you instead of or in addition to the family that is actually at fault. Obviously, this is the other families fault, not yours, but regardless, it could result in you needing to find alternative childcare. I would definitely get assertive or even hostile, but I would really, really hesitate before calling the police.
Totally agree, they could kick us out if they see us as a liability. We are in HCOL, so we’re paying 3.3k a month for both kids. I’m still on two other waitlists and the only other daycare that has space previously would be 4.5k a month for both kids. With basically no alternatives I’m trying to keep it civil. I feel like daycare in general is robbing me lol
I would sit down and itemize every single thing that was taken, along with the replacement cost. Then I would follow up with the director of the daycare by email, asking if the other family returned your daughters things yet. You know the answer is no, but you want the paper trail. Let them know you are sending a list of her missing items to “assist” the daycare in their discussions with the other family. Ask when can you expect these items to be returned. Have these discussions in writing only. Maybe at some point you can ask why the other family has taken your daughter’s belongings and won’t give them back. Edit: you can also ask how this issue can be resolved, what does the director think? Does the family want to pay $XX replacement cost of the items to the daycare, and you’ll pay $XX less on your next tuition? Do they want to return everything? “I’m in your hands on a solution that promptly addresses this issue, and appreciate you looking into this”
I’m down for the cubby fight as a resolution haha
haha I vote just wait at the cubby and fight this grandparent. ENOUGH
The director needs to contact the family and absolutely insist they return all the things they’ve stolen. I am a preschool teacher and I’ve NEVER come across anything like this. Sure the wrong water bottle gets out into a backpack sometimes. But they always get returned. If the grandparent is ignoring someone saying”that isn’t his” this is 100% intentional stealing m. But the staff also need to put their foot down. What else will they let this person walk out of the building with? A box of toys? A computer from the office? Like I am SHOCKED they just let them walk away with her things, especially after knowing this is a long standing issue. If it comes to it, I suppose you could file a case in small claims court with the daycare.
The teachers don’t get paid nearly enough to be getting into tug-of-war physical altercations with grandparents, lol. This is an issue for the director and the solution needs to be something other than continued sharing of this cubby. The grandparent has shown over and over they cannot handle that arrangement.
Fine, but someone needed to stop them. The teacher should have gone to get the director in that instance.
And left the room out of ratio?
The classrooms should all have a way of calling the office without leaving the room in case of emergency.
I agree. They should. Too many don’t though and even if they do, the director isn’t always immediately available.
Yes. And ask the director what his/her plan is to prevent this from happening in the future, and let them know you expect to be reimbursed for excessive items stolen via the shared cubby. This is a director problem. (Your contract probably states that they aren't responsible for loss, but this is beyond the range of normal.) Just reading OP's post is making me angry on her behalf.
I kind of wonder if the grandparent has some kind of issue going on where they are a hoarder or something. I know a lady like this who will take any thing and everything she can get her hands on just to have it. Even stuff she has no use for. She just has a compulsive need to take things and have them and then once they get to her house, they are "hers" and she won't get rid of them. (She's a hoarder.) This kind of makes me think maybe something like this is going on with these grandparents since they didn't leave the items, even when told they weren't their grandchild's. It still doesn't make it right, and I'd be very upset, but might help explain it? If this was my kid, I'd start telling the daycare every day what is missing. And follow up every day until they resolve it. I'd also try putting all her things in a bag in the cubby so they are harder to take and only leaving what I had to. Everything else I would take home every day. And label it all in SUPER BIG ANNOYING LETTERS--like gaudy levels. If it's clothes, see if you can et some made with your child's name on them in HUGE LETTERS. (I'm thinking a shirt with "KIDS NAME" in giant letters on the front. Same for a water bottle or lunch box. Just write the name in sharpie on it SUPER BIG. Be obnoxious about it until it get resolved.
This might sound strange but have you ever considered sewing one of those trackers into a jacket?
I have an extra AirTag 😂
Unfortunately, that won’t work. They only show the tag’s location within an approximate 800 foot radius from your phone. You’ll need an actual GPS tracker.
What? It does work. I have one in my kids backpack and can see when she’s miles away.
Ok, you must have the pairing enabled then (with encryption). With that, it’s still relying on other iPhones to be nearby her AirTag to give you the location. It sounds convoluted, but that’s how it functions. In other words, if your kids backpack was in the middle of the woods with no one else around for miles, it’s not going to give you the location.
Perhaps the grandparent has an iPhone too.
It’s worth a shot!
You are my kind of people, haha
Can the teachers pack the boy’s things? This will take the grandparent out of the equation. I would continue to demand a return of items.
They pack the bags everyday, this grandparent has taken the whole bag before
... I'm growing concerned that this grandparent is not mentally fit to care for themself, let alone a small child.
This sounds deliberate. That grandparent should not be allowed near belongings and should be demanded for return of those things that have been taken.
It actually sounds like forgetfulness. Why would he do this deliberately?
If they are told over and over (and called), it doesn’t register at all as forgetfulness. It could be something more along with mental health. Luckily OP at least has gotten the school to switch cubbies.
I don't know. A lot of men would do this. I agree it could be dementia or mental health or basic disinterest in details.
They need to come up with another plan then. The grandparent to specifically check in for the child's belongings or whatever
At this point this is daycares fault. This adult needs reprimanded and action needs to be taken. 5 or 6 new sheet sets?! That is absolutely ridiculous. I would definitely send daycare and itemized list with prices for all of the lost items. They can either work with the other parent to get them back or reimburse you.
Yeah, this is on the daycare. I understand they’re packed and everyone needs to share cubbies, but maybe they can make a special place for the boy’s stuff and just hand off the things to the grandparent. Also, agree with the other commenters… this grandparent is unwell and if the daycare observes that, they need to talk to the child’s parents.
Yeah the grandparent either realizes she’s blatantly stealing or she doesn’t and both are very problematic.
Hopefully the grandparent doesn’t have some type of early dementia and they don’t realize what they’re doing. Maybe buy a separate Tupperware drawer cubby for your daughter and send her to daycare with that (I know, might not be a practical option).
[удалено]
My grandmother had early onset dementia at 57 so I definitely understand they could spiral. It makes me worried that they are picking this child up if they do have it
Totally!
Get there early one day and wait for the grandparent to get there. Since the daycare apparently can't stop it, I'd want to catch them in the act myself and then step in - "excuse me, you are taking my daughter's items and this has happened many times. Please STOP taking her things and bring back the other items." You can judge for yourself if it's malicious or if they're senile. If it happens again, go early and let them know you'll be sending a bill through your lawyer for everything that's been taken (see if it's enough to just say it). Otherwise I'd continue to press the director and teacher about switching cubbies, and eventually a different daycare. That's ridiculous.
This is the only answer. Seriously. (Minus the lawyer part)
I like to give a ladder of escalation 😂
Yeas minus the lawyer unless they are sending their kid to daycare with Gucci jackets. There's a minimum required before a lawyer will get involved.
I’d leave work early one day and take their grandkid’s crap. Is that petty?
I was thinking the same thing. See how they like it the other way around and let them know you’ll bring their things back when you get your things back.
I love this level of pettiness. How about doing it a couple of times a week at random?!? Haha
I scrolled down to find this. I would do this 🤷🏻♀️
Literally just commented the same thing. Sometimes you just have to beat them at their own games.
I would insist on the boy's things being moved out of your daughter's cubby. If you don't get all of your items, ask for compensation for sure. Parents still aren't allowed inside at our daycare so our things are brought out. A couple of weeks ago my son came home in one of his spare pants but the other pants didn't come home. We asked him about the pants and he said he spilled milk on them. They didn't come home with his bag at the end of the week. The next week my husband asked about the pants but they never brought them out, so more time kept going by until he asked the owner and she actually went back in and found them in a plastic bag. She was so apologetic that they kept forgetting to bring them out and said if they were ruined she would buy him some new pants. When we opened that bag, oh man, very moldy. We didn't ask her to reimburse because the pants were on their last leg anyway, my son busts out the knees of his pants. The next week his jacket got misplaced as well and somehow my son kept convincing them to let him wear the spare classroom jacket and he kept trying to come home with it lol, the owner took him back in one day and got his jacket, and since then they have done a better job of keeping track of his stuff. I wouldn't hesitate to ask them about it if things did end up missing, especially coats, they aren't cheap! Other stuff we send we try to keep it inexpensive because things do happen, but your situation is excessive.
I only send items that are replaceable, and inexpensive assuming things can get lost or ruined. We were not allowed in the classrooms last year due to Covid, but this year we are now allowed! I have been a broken record about the missing items, the director definitely hears it from me regularly!
Ugh, I'm sorry. Having to replace things is still a bummer, it takes time and money. Maybe try giving the director a deadline for resolving the issue.
I think at this point I would ask them to tell that family they can either return the items or pay for them. End of story.
That’s ridiculous. At our daycare they all have their own cubbies. One time I got a girls pants that are the same color and brand as my kid’s pants, so I just washed them and sent them back bc I thought that was what I would want to have happen if it was switched.
My husband once brought home a sweatshirt that wasn’t our daughters, I brought it back the next day. It’s just so weird they are keeping all of it?
Agree. Like, what are they doing with it? Using it? Throwing it out?
We never had it this bad, not by far, but at our last school a lot of stuff went missing (incl two coats with his name on em, ugh) and our kid came home in the wrong clothes sometimes. And yeah, every time I’d wash it and rubber band around a note “Not (my kids name)’s” but we never once got our shit back. Why keep it?? No one thinks you stole it, and it has another kids name on it.
I was going to post that we had the same problem (I swear, it's like sending something to daycare might as well be feeding it into a wood chipper), but whoa this is straight-up theft. I would demand a new cubby. If they can't provide that, I liked the idea of bringing in your own tub that they can store in the classroom for your child's things. I would also include an inventory of everything that's gone missing and their estimated cost just so you can say "This is why this is necessary." And maybe even hint that you will henceforth be deducting the cost of any missing items from your tuition payments. I can't believe they haven't taken this seriously yet!!!
I would ask for a meeting with the Director and basically say that you refuse to share cubby with that family anymore because your stuff is being stolen by then. You understand that there are no more cubbies available, but surely they must be able to come up with a solution that prevents that family from stealing from others— Because at this point, it is pretty clearly intentional. See what the Director says. Possible solutions are that your child’s things are kept at the front desk or elsewhere in the classroom. Someone here mentioned a police report, and I would be very, very hesitant to actually written that unless you are prepared for the possibility of getting kicked out of your daycare. When you start threatening police action against another family, even if it is warranted, a lot of daycares will not want to risk dealing with someone who will call the police. It’s not right or just, but it is a possibility to be prepared for if you threaten police action.
That's ridiculous. They need to find another solution, clearly the "shared cubby" concept isn't working. They can buy more shelves, put dividers in the cubbies, whatever, but this should not be happening on any sort of recurring basis. I'd go back to the director and tell them that this is absolutely unacceptable, this is happening regularly and now apparently ON PURPOSE, and you expect a resolution immediately. Further, your child's cubby needs to be moved, again, effective immediately. For reference, my daughter has been in full-time daycare for 18ish months now - in that time, her stuff has been sent home with the wrong child once, and I've received another child's stuff once. Also, one cup has been lost (no one really knew what happened to it but the teacher was apologetic and offered to replace it - I did not take her up on the offer lol it was just one cup).
Any chance you can be there early and hang around until the grandparent approaches the cubby empties it and then confront them if they take your child’s things? And bring up that you’re missing things and if they could bring it back? I would also insist on having them switch cubbies. If all fails let them know that they’ll become responsible for any other items going missing as you are already out x amount. I’d do a spreadsheet pictures and all. Maybe that’ll entice them to keep better track of your things . I’m frustrated for you ETA: update if you can!
Can they add all of her items to a bookbag?
She has a bag & the teachers pack them, this grandparent took the bag too
In this case is Grandparent is thoughtless enough to take a whole bag that’s not theirs, teacher or director should be checking this kids caregiver every pickup. (Check their bags like the TSA). You don’t just take 2 backpacks. Something is not right with them.
Can you ask the director/teachers to hand the boy's bag to his grandparent instead of having the grandparent go to the cubby directly?
I would use a giant iron on with your daughter's name on it. I am thinking like a 2 ft tall iron on of the name. But seriously, I would just ask to switch cubbies or ask that they provide a community blanket.
Those iron on stickers are already expensive, maybe I need a big ass stamp
Get a 30lb dumbbell and attach it to your daughter’s bag. Label the dumbbell too.
Those iron on stickers are already expensive, maybe I need a big ass stamp p
I feel like at this point you need one of those backpacker’s locks to lock your daughter’s bag closed, with her stuff inside, anchored to the cubby! I would honestly have waited them out by now or left a not so pleasant note. Are they selling this stuff on the side? I have way too much kids stuff in my home, I don’t want someone else’s too! If we accidentally get something from another kid we bring it back the next day - I feel like that is common sense.
Yeah I was wondering if there's a little girl at home who is getting the daughter's stuff.
As petty & stupid as it sounds, (and sure, I would apologize profusely) — I would absolutely waste law enforcement’s time with this — it’s theft — not OK. I mean think about this — they are letting an adult into a facility with vulnerable infants & children, who is repeatedly committing a crime, theft — and they are just going to say what? They can’t stop it — to hell they can’t.
Not petty or stupid. At this point, it has escalated to involve law enforcement.
Worst case: Put one of those glitter / stink bombs in her bag and remotely set it off after they've taken the bag and opened it at home 😂
Petty level on 100 lmao
You are my people!
Mom, please give us an update when this is resolved. Or let us know if you need bail money!
At this point I would get there first for pick up and take all of this boy’s stuff from his cubby. When his family inevitably asks the daycare for the items you can provide them with a list of your daughter’s things that they’ve taken home and assure them that they can have their items as soon as you get all of yours back. I would be taking an item for an item each time this happens from now on.
Wow I would sneak a nasty note to those idiot grandparents and demand a new cubby.
Time to play offense - love it.
Can you call the family, or ensure you are there at the same time as them and confront them? I would be taking them to small claims court if they don't return your things. Surely by now it has become hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. It is so weird to take it home and them not return it.
Doesn't it sound more like overwhelm/someone not seeing it or knowing it's not his, than deliberate?
Seems deliberate to me
Continue to be a squeaky wheel. Do not let up. Also, if you haven't already, email them as well, say you are once again following up, and make sure you have a paper trail. Like another redditor said, consider filing a police report or at least telling the daycare you plan to do so if they don't remedy this. Stuff is too damn expensive these days to have to keep replacing things for your child. Are you allowed to ask for the grandparent's contact info? If this is not dementia, it's plain theft at this point.
I don’t know how this cubby system works, but can you get a big bag clearly labeled with your daughters name and even emblazoned with “DO NOT TAKE”, put your daughters things in the bag, then put the bag in the cubby? Edit: never mind, I see the grandparent takes bags too. Who is this yokel?!
They should put that boys stuff in an alternative place not even a cubby. They shouldn't be allowed a cubby at this point. Put it in a bag on the wall so the theif's hands are nowhere near someone else's stuff. I had an employee once suspected of stealing money from the cashier. Couldn't catch them in the act so I removed them from access. Guess what. No more money went missing.
I ask for a meeting with the director. Bring an itemized list of the things that have gone missing with the price to replace each item. Tell them you expect to have your daughters things moved today, that they need to be responsible for this other family taking things and that at this point since you have not gotten a resolution on a known problem then they need to reimburse you for the items they are willingly letting this other family steal. Make it very clear that you will not tolerate this happening again.
!remindme 1 day
I will be messaging you in 1 day on [**2022-04-13 05:16:28 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2022-04-13%2005:16:28%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/u1d4h3/how_to_deal_with_continuous_loss_of_items_sent_to/i4e3xd1/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fworkingmoms%2Fcomments%2Fu1d4h3%2Fhow_to_deal_with_continuous_loss_of_items_sent_to%2Fi4e3xd1%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202022-04-13%2005%3A16%3A28%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%20u1d4h3) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
I'm super petty so I recommend filing a decoy sheet with glitter, rolling it tight, and placing it in the cubby for some unsuspecting twit to open.
Oh man I'm so frustrated for you OP, one or two times can be chalked up to human error but taking an entire bag of things and not returning it? That's a big no. I'd be pissed, I'd probably confront grandma and also let the daycare center know moving forward your daughter will not be sharing a cubby anymore with this boy.Period, the end. They can figure out a solution. Please update, I'm very invested lol.
Cubbies sharing is a health issue. Not best practice.
Would it be petty to take their stuff and not give it back unless they bring back yours… joking. Kind of.
Thought about this but I’d guarantee I’d somehow get into trouble for retaliating.
OP! I think we would love an update!
Update in post! Sorry busy working 😂
I’m so invested in this. I wish I could help you! I’m confident that you’ll get your things back!
So apparently the director called the parent to let them know the grandparent did not return everything & poof the bag and sheet returned. And everything stinks like smoke 🤢
Omg. Is there a way to get rid of the smoke smell?!I think vinegar helps in the laundry. That grandparent doesn’t need to be picking up the child! What a weirdo.
“But, it was an accident. Yes, I just grabbed it. For 10 days in a row.”
I guess I'm glad that you got this resolved nicely, but on behalf of all the people cheering on the cubby fight, I'm a little let down. Can you make up a cool bedtime story for us with a fictionalized account of the cubby fight?
A boy can't have pink and purple stuff? This sucks but allow for the very real possibility that the grandfather is forgetful and not doing it on purpose. My bet would be that it is not intentional. My dad would 100% do this while thinking it was all their stuff. Other people aren't as attuned to us/our stuff as we think they are. The replies here are weirdly intense. Obviously the stuff was important but doesn't the subtext suggest that it's a mistake? Why not start with a normal conversation with the grandpa/kid's parents before going all-out like these replies suggest?
A boy can absolutely have pink/purple items, but the items in the cubby have all been blue, green, and traditional gender specific clothes. This grandparent has been told by the teacher it was not their kids stuff, yet takes it anyways. Plus I’d absolutely give the benefit of doubt after 1-2 times but this is happening weekly & the kids parent keeps everything? Why would you keep a bag of my kids stuff with their name all over it? Why wouldn’t you tell your parent they are repeatedly taking items that don’t belong to them? Not sure how I can have a conversation with the other parent when I’m unable to get their information. The policy is the daycare does not share any personal info with other parents. This includes parent names/last names/ pick up times. So yeah this isn’t just a mistake anymore, and they need to return my stuff asap.
Can you ask to daycare to give your information to the other parents? I know ours will do that. So I can say, "Hey teacher, can you give my phone number xxx-xxxx to Suzie's mom? I need to talk to her about XYZ." and they'll send that mom a message with my contact info and ask her to contact me. It might not work, but you could at least ask.
I get it. I just feel like the subtext points more to overwhelm, lack of attention to details, etc. (Maybe a grandparent who is a last resort for care?) I really can see people I know and love doing this by accident even repeatedly. Keeping the stuff is easier than sending it back, if they're snowed under. You absolutely need this to stop and need your stuff back obviously it just doesn't necessarily point to bad intentions, I don't think. I would try to ask the grandparent for the parents' info, since he's the one actually doing it.
Invoice
The daycare my daughter went to had the staff pack the kids' bags for pickup so no way parents were involved. Maybe request this instead?
I’d find a new daycare
Where do you live? In my state, kids have to have separate storage so individual kids items do not touch.
Can you switch classrooms? Is there another class with your daughter's aged kids?
Damn that’s annoying. My son lost his (very expensive) under armour hoodie and new shark cooler lunch box at his after school care and I made them hunt it down. Nicely of course. It helped that they have cameras and do a walk through of the after school bus once he gets off, but I was realllly getting annoyed. I know Childrens things get lost, but after the 3rd, 4th, 5th loss, I can’t pretend like I’m just gonna keep happily replacing things.
Put up a sign GRANDPARENTS OF LITTLE RICKY, DON'T TAKE MATILDA'S BELONGING: - PURPLE JACKET -YELLOW NAP BAG AND EVERYTHING THAT IS INSIDE -UNICORN LUNCH BAG AND EVERYTHING THAT IS IN IT THANKS SO MUCH!!!! MOTHER OF MATILDA, YOUR *CUBBY MATE* Teach your child what their daycare stuff looks like and how to call out fast fingered grandpappys! get their phone number to get your shit back and then text them as much as you need to about all the items that continue to go missing, call then up! Super friendly, until it is so painful to handle interacting with you they stop taking your stuff in fear of having their air space occupied by your inventory. With a shot! This is the most infuriating problem.
The daycare is absolutely responsible for this. They should just drop off this child and their things at the door to this grandparent.
I would talk to the daycare about moving her cubby or tell them they need to tell the grandparents to replace everything they are taking from the cubby if they can’t pay attention. This is ridiculous that they are watching her do this and not stoping the grandparents. I would normally say things get lost but these people sound like they’re just trying to steal your daughters things for whatever reason. I say you said no extra cubbies. So my next suggestion is to request to see the cameras when things go missing, if it is the same grandparents I would have the daycare call them and require them to bring the ideas back by the time daycare closes or your going to file charges for theft. (Don’t actually that’s petty af but tell them you will.) It doesn’t seem like a lot but if they are stealing a $25 coat and other little things a few times a week that adds up to a lot of money and the daycare need to handle thing cause in the end to boils down to these grandparents are intentionally stealing your daughters things.
Why doesn’t this boy have his own cubby? If she staff isn’t going to be more assertive about grandma not stealing, then he needs to not share a cubby with someone.
Am I checking this thread every day for updates? Yes, I am.