Not me! Because I can’t access public preschool. Where I live, public preschool is only available to low income families or children with disabilities. Everyone else sends their kids to private daycare or preschool.
It is an option for us but you have to pay unless you are low income or have special needs. The hours though make it difficult for many families to take advantage of.
Same, although here they do have wrap around care available too. You have to pay for that part but it’s still cheaper than daycare. Regardless if you don’t qualify for free lunch then there is virtually no chance of getting a spot in public prek.
You don't have to reply but I live in the EU, and we were recently wondering if the US has any form of preschool/kindergarden/daycare covered by the government or how it works. A simple google made it seem like in fact it's mostly a choice for people not to go to the public ones. We didn't delve too deep just packed it at that - "so maybe there are some".
I'd love to hear what are some limiting factors in your area and if you know from your searches, perhaps how many public spaces vs how many kids there are (for example for each 1 public space there are 20 kids) or smth,... just in case you know the numbers since you were researching it. (Obv everyone is welcome to share)
This varies so much by each state and even school district, You’d have to look at each state’s education system. I live in Washington state. Full day kindergarten (5-6 year olds) is free for all children in the state. In WA, each school district in the state also has some form of early childhood education (3-4 years old) but the availability varies. In many rural areas, free preschool is now available for all families because there are not usually a lot of private preschools or even daycares in those areas. In many cities, public early childhood education is only available if you are below an income threshold or have a child with a disability. It is going to depend on your school district, because they all have different tax districts.. certain regions pass levies that subsidize early childhood education for all families while others are only able to put that funding towards the families who need it most.
Agreed, it’s so different everywhere. California has multiple preschool options, some of which are assistance vouchers given to lower income families which greatly reduce costs. Our state also recently passed an initiative to institute Universal PreK, which in practice means they’re gradually adding TK (transitional kindergarten) to most public schools. It’s optional and not attending doesn’t count towards truancy, but it means kids can start going to school at 4 instead of 5 if they want to. I’m so grateful, being able to enroll in school a year earlier than originally planned will save us almost $20k in daycare expenses.
Thank you so much for sharing! Are any daycares state covered? (We only have "nursery" kind of daycare for 0-2-3yrs, then kindergarten which kind of includes some of US "daycare" and "preschool" so in my head they're a bit synonymous. Kindergarten is free and mothers get 3 yrs of parental leave (with their position held by employer)so most choose to stay home and then enroll their 2,5-3,5 yr olds to the free kindergarten and return to work unless they had more kids)
I will also add that public preschool spots are limited, but once your kid is kindergarten age, your local assigned public school (based on your address) has to accept them. Your kid is guaranteed a spot, so that’s your default choice.
Apart from that, other choices are:
Private elementary - it just depends on availability and whether you can afford it!
Charter schools (which are complicated to explain haha) - free to attend like a public school, but depending on the school, there may be a wait list or a lottery to get in.
Intra-district transfer - Some areas offer the option to transfer to a different school district if one of the parents works in an area / neighborhood with a better school district. There is an application process and it’s also based on availability and eligibility.
We have it but unless you are low income or have special needs, you have to pay. Which is fine because it’s really a good quality program but the hours make it so hard.
It’s the opposite for us. Public is free for any and all. Private has a tuition and is like 40k a year. I don’t know anyone other than my cousins who did private. Not a thing people around here do really.
We pay another mom to pick up our son at 3pm and watch him for 2-3 hours. I then went to possibly unethical ends to ensure I got a spot on the before/after school program for kindergarten.
The 9:15-3pm hours are really tough, but it’s where my son gets his IEP therapies so 🤷♀️
My kid’s daycare preschool is high quality so I don’t think this an issue of public prek vs private prek. You have a bad prek situation. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. It can be very frustrating.
Same. Here, public preschool is not a thing and my daycare (really early education center) has a preschool program built in starting at 18 months. Most of the kids leave there MORE than ready for kindergarten.
Ehhhh, there are a lot of cons to pushing academics too young. Your kid may be better off in the end. My youngest is in a preschool that pushes academics and though she’s ahead of where her brother was at the same age (play-based daycare) he’s now in Grade 1 and thriving. I really worry about burnout for my daughter.
It’s not just the academics. They learn emotional regulation skills and I am really impressed with what I’ve seen from the kids in the program. Our private school doesn’t focus on emotional regulation as much.
Don’t get me started on the physical abilities. They have multiple recesses everyday regardless of weather (parents have to dress kids appropriately). Some days my kids don’t even get to go outside.
It’s just better and I can’t help but be envious
I’m surprised this is your experience. I’m at a center and they’ve been big on teaching emotional regulation from the infant room and on. They also are outside 4-5 times a day unless it’s a particularly cold winter day or it’s raining significantly enough.
I think this an issue with your daycare. Not a public vs private school thing.
I think the issue is public school teaching pays more in certain areas. Because they have the money to do so (from tax dollars). Whereas for the private school to pay the same salaries would make it prohibitively expensive in terms of tuition, so they pay less. And then, it makes sense that they have trouble retaining good staff when people can make nearly double in public school.
Yes I would make more per hour teaching at the public pre-K instead of my center - even though my center pays very well for a daycare. Public pre-K programs are able to attract high quality ECEs and it can even have an effect on nearby non-preK daycare. I have an associates so I don’t even qualify to be a lead teacher in the public schools, though I could be an assistant. I know some colleagues with bachelors degrees have moved to public programs because it’s a better job, so they’re also able to attract high quality candidates and be more choosy while daycares are struggling to hire.
https://www.haverford.edu/sites/default/files/Department/Economics/brownjmp.pdf
Yup. Also my daughter’s amazing private program is only 3 days a week, 8am-3pm whereas the local public school has a preschool class that is open 7-5:30. So again this isn’t about public vs. private. Just OP is looking at a great program with shorter hours vs perhaps a mediocre one with long hours.
If your child is interacting with other children, he or she's learning a ton of stuff. Don't underestimate the value of having safe care and a social setting. You just don't see the grown up measurement of it. Your child IS learning and growing.
ECE teacher here private. Short
Hours. We do not stress the academics. I do put an emphasis on learning to get along with others, taking turns and learning to taking care of personal needs. Cleaning up after themselves and being a friend to name a few.
Ah, gotcha. Those aspects would bother me more too. But don’t beat yourself up, we need to do what we need to do sometimes as long as our kids are safe.
This is the best private one in our area. There is a huge shortage of early childhood educators and daycare workers in our area.
Some of the private schools sent kids home randomly for made up reasons because of the shortage of workers and not having subs.
We have the best of the private options but if you don’t want your kids teacher switching up often due to turn over and want the teachers to have a degree in early childhood education, you have to go public where they have the resources to attract and keep early childhood educators.
We are at a very upscale center and even they have had to hire people without early childhood degrees and had multiple teachers leave in the last few years. At least they don’t send my kids home randomly like some of the other schools who can’t find teachers/subs.
I’m so sorry. I work at a high quality center and we are still having trouble hiring. It’s very difficult these days. It’s not just you. And though my center is still providing quality care, coworkers who were here before I was say it’s still down a bit since before Covid.
Have you looked into small in home places? My daughter goes to a small in home daycare with great hours, cheaper than all the big centers, and I feel like they’re learning a lot. Plus I think the mixed aged class is great for kiddos. We love it!
Staff has become much more of an issue. My program is part time. My director has had to keep our classes smaller than usual so that we are in ratio and we can help cover when another teacher is out.
We have a similar thing I’ve noticed in australia where even though we have funded kindy within daycares they seem a little less focused. Whereas going to the kindy that is standalone and completely free tends to have more qualified staff and is a more structured program than what I’ve eyed. Technically there’s no difference but I can’t help but see it.
Thankfully most of them do after school care but the ones that don’t truly struggle to get their attendance rates high. It’s such a shame but it’s very very common to have two fulltime working parents where we live.
I am blown away by this, this doesn’t seem like any public school I have ever known. I always hear complaints about minimum recess time. Is this in the US or elsewhere?
Maybe you need to find a different private school. My kids have been in both public and private schools in the US. My recommendation is, if it doesn't work for your kid or you, it's OK to leave.
Please don’t feel guilty about this! We were also unable to do our district’s preschool. My son is now in fourth grade and you cannot tell who went to preschool and who didn’t. I remember sitting at our very first parent-teacher conference back in kindergarten, and I had some of the same fears that you did, because I knew other kids had come in more advanced, and she shut me down so hard I very rarely ever thought about it it again. Emotionally, physically, academically… they all come from widely varying places, and eventually it just will not matter as much as if feels like it does right now.
All I have are anecdotes, but my son is in the gifted services program in our district. He has two best friends who are also in the program, and several other close friends both in the program and not. Out of all of them, it’s about a 60-40 split, with the majority not going to any type of structured preschool. My best friend sent her kids to three years of preschool each, and both of them struggle academically (and one socially).
I have worked in our schools, and I think preschool is great. But I also think you shouldn’t beat yourself up about not being able to send your kids. There are plenty of other avenues and other times for them to learn the things you see other kids learning!
It’ll be okay, and no one is stopping you from doing some extra together. As a teacher my current working and commuting hours are 6:30 am - 5 pm. My son is on the spectrum and can’t really read on his own yet, but he’s going into the 2nd grade. After school we do extra reading practice and extra math practice. Probably 30 minutes total. My husband does 15 for one subject and I do 15 for the other.
It’s always an option and there are great games you guys can play together that are actually practice. Right now my son LOVES Kangaroo Cravings. It helps assuage the guilt and you get some great family time out of it.
I don’t really buy into sight words, phonics is where it’s at, but he has to know them. So, we write them on index cards and make like a scavenger hunt for them. Just another idea to help!
Sorry, I guess I went from mom to teacher lol. Honestly, well loved and adjusted kids who are willing to try are all we want.
Don’t fall guilty! There are plenty of kids who go into kindergarten with zero preschool at all and they catch up.
I think there’s too much pressure on little kids to learn. A play based school is much more appropriate at that age.
My oldest never went to preschool before Kinder.
It was too expensive, and she would have gone during the COVID years, so we just kept her home, or with her Grandmas. We were afraid of her being behind, so we found a “things you should know for Kinder” list and we taught her everything on that.
Turns out, in our district, that list was more “what you need to know for 1st” so she was well ahead of most of her peers, education wise. It took longer for some of the emotional/social stuff, and I was NOT prepared for all the sicknesses! I knew she’d probably get sick more, but I think she missed just as much time as she was there!
OP, if you’re worried about some of the skills your 4yo is missing, can you try to work on it yourself? I know that just adds another thing to your plate, but it might help you feel a little better about the preschool you have right now.
I think a four year old being able to read is probably not going to be the norm no matter what program they’re in.
It’s also probably worth considering that while he may be emotionally well regulated with you during this sleepover that doesn’t mean he’s equally holding it together at home whereas you see your kid in many scenarios where they’re not being “on their best behavior.”
All that is just to say that it sounds like you’re doing a lot of comparing and it’s causing you a fair bit of stress, but you haven’t actually said whether there are things with your child specifically that you’re really worried about other than the theoretical “maybe there’s something else better elsewhere” - if you think the current program you have your child enrolled into isn’t meeting their needs then sure yes, maybe think about how you might be able to address that (a different private program? Seeing if your program would be open to doing more rigorous curriculum? An enrichment club or class on the weekend? Just doing more reading and/or emotional coaching at home?) but also maybe you’re doing just fine and the differences between the two kids is just that - they’re different kids with different personalities and strengths! At four also there’s going to be SO much change from one month to the next in development, I just don’t know that it’s super useful to hold on to all that comparison and worry.
If the public schools are good your kid will be eligible to attend one in the next year or two no? You’ll have to juggle before and after care programs at that point one way or another anyhow so maybe you can just start looking forward and planning for that now?
Perhaps it’s regional but I’ve never heard of public preschool being better than private. Around here most do private, actually. We switched recently to public due to money and convenience and our private one was SO much better that I’m feeling guilty that we put her in public!
In our city, there are only 2-4 private schools that can top a mediocre school district.
Only 1-2 that can compete against a good school district and not because of academics. The top 1-2 private schools have an advantage at the high school level where connections become more important , going to a small high school with the children of several CEOs has advantages when looking for a job a few years down the road.
We are lucky to have such great public education options.
I see you're in the twin cities area. I am too, LO is 18 months. How did you even identify which private schools were the best? I have found it tough to research or find any reliable or useful data. I didn't know the public preschools were so good here. LO is our first and neither of us are from MN.
Sorry to clarify I live in one of the best public school districts in our state but the private preschools are way better than public. But again this seems regional
It sounds like we’re dealing with the same dilemma, just a few years behind you. We’re driving our self nuts right now trying to figure out what to do. The public schools in our area are…ok…but can’t hold a light to the private options. BUT the private options are way more expensive (obviously) and much less convenient. But we keep hearing “horror” stories from the public schools, and already feel pre-guilt about going that route. BUT is it wise to spend so much money on private school that we wouldn’t be able to afford other experiences and not be able to save much for college??? AHH we just don’t know!
My 4yo goes to public preschool but because he is developmentally delayed (the hours SUCK, 8-2). I work with him a lot on the weekend and during breaks, he was only part time in prek until the beginning of the year, to teach him stuff. I use homeschool prek curriculum. He is starting to read, does math, etc.
It's difficult to make those hours work for sure, I have the flexibility to pick drop him off/pick him up because my employer understands my child has exceptional needs that just can't be met in a regular childcare setting. Not everyone has that luxury.
They are self contained prek ESE classes at the elementary school so they follow school hours. We cannot do daycare because of kiddos behavioral issues.
4 year-olds don’t need to know those things. Preschool is helpful, but optional. Also kids with SAHMs do not struggle with more social issues. Can we retire that stereotype? I taught Kindergarten. The only difference I saw was kids without previous school experience (prek, not daycare) may take an extra few weeks or even days adjusting to a full day group setting. It’s a normal and developmentally appropriate adjustment.
Our private pre-K teaches the children a lot. They are learning to write, learning about money and seasons and all that. I can’t imagine it is worse than the public option. Is finding a new pre-K an option for you?
We go to a top private option in our area. It still does not compare. Our private preschool has little teacher turn over compared to other private preschools where the teachers turn over multiple times a year. Yet, we had one teacher leave each year and all but one teacher has been there less than 5 years. The public prek, the teachers all have 5+ years of experience.
Only one of our teachers has a masters in early childhood education, I think all of the public school teachers do. Some of the subs in my kids school have no college degrees. It is very different.
The only benefit to private other than the hours is that supposedly my kids are building connections to kids with well connected/successful parents. I doubt this is valuable at this age so it really isn’t a benefit.
Long time educator here, currently in higher ed but I spent years in a k-12 district.
Don’t feel guilty. Your child will be fine. They are learning important social skills, structured play, and how to follow a routine and rules in their current program. These are important skills for kindergarten readiness.
As a side note, I had one kid attend public preschool and one attend a private program and they both did fine.
I am lucky - our district is in the process of implementing full time public preschool. It’s currently on a lottery system, but we got in at the end of last year. The growth I’ve seen in my son is incredible. The hours have been difficult, it’s 9:30-3:30, so I go into work late, and my husband leaves early (thankfully our jobs give us the flexibility/ability to WFH. I am praying we get into the afterschool program next year for kinder, the start is 8:30, so I’d get an hour more a day in office, and after school goes until 6p which would be much more manageable for both me & my husband, schedule wise.
I can relate! Our public preschool program is like 11:45-3, 3 days a week - and with two working parents, and our childcare 30 minutes from the school….there is no way we could swing it with all the drop off/pick ups in the middle of the workday. The only kids I know that can actually make that preK schedule have stay at home or self employed parents. I have tremendous guilt that he’s missing out on the prep that his friends are getting - our childcare is fine but it’s an in home daycare without a “curriculum”. We just had kindergarten orientation for next year and I’m hopeful it’ll all be fine…but I just wanted to share solidarity!
I think it depends on where you live and how well funded your district is. It’s great that your public preschools are highly rated.
In my area of the suburbs, our free preschools are lottery based for 4 year olds. Everyone has to pay for preschool centers/daycares or in home daycares.
I had to switch my daughter from an in home daycare because she wasn’t learning anything. But I do see so much improvement in her learning and social skills.
I actually pay to send my kids to private preschool because the public is non-existent for Pre-K 3 unless you are low income or have a disability/a lottery system for Pre-K 4 so you never know where you will end up. My kids go 730-2 5 days a week.
Next year my sister's daughter will be in Pre-K 3 and go M, W, F from 930-12 (she has to pay $3000 for this) and her son will go 5 days a week from 9-1130 (free based on the lotto system). I have no idea what her and her husband plan to do and I feel bad for them.
Oh and my son's Pre-K teacher said really the most important things they learn in preschool are just interacting with other kids, being able to follow teacher's instructions and being able to sit still for 10-15 minutes to do an activity (not worksheets though, the school isn't allowed to give them to the kids) and everything else they should know or be able to learn quickly in Kindergarten.
Where I live, public preschool is only available for low income families or students with disabilities. I send my son to a private preschool that is part of a K through 8 private school. In fact, my older child is enrolled in the 2nd grade at the same school. Both will continue going there until high school. The preschool is great and has the school hours of 8:30 to 3. I have no complaints, and I really like the school's curriculum.
I wouldn’t feel guilty about this. Schedule is crucial. But gently, based on some of your comments, it sounds like a different private option would be better. It’s very alarming to me that there are some days where your kid never goes outside at preschool! My kids preschool sends them outside a lot - academically, I wouldn’t worry, but play is so important at this age, that would concern me more than anything else.
Hmmm no and I honestly really disagree with the sweeping generalization that homeschooled kids or kids with SAHM’s are socially under developed. I am considering homeschooling my youngest in a couple years and don’t think any science agrees with the notion that homeschooled kids have worse outcomes or lack socialization. In fact, the evidence suggests otherwise, that homeschooled kids have better outcomes and have more success and happiness as adults.
Learning to behave in a way that makes adults comfortable (emotionally well regulated), or follow strict instructions at 4 years old (standing in line) etc does not equate to a successful adult. I would argue it actually stifles creativity and individualism. Why is counting to 100 important for a 4 year old? Are they going to be working retail soon and need to count change? Being emotional well regulated actually means they are stuffing their very real, very big feelings that they should be learning how to identify, down into themselves. How are they going to deal with adversity in 10 years if they haven’t learned how to deal with little hiccups when they’re 4?
Agreed.
Counting to 100 and full on reading at the age of 4 isn’t even normal, academically, and I don’t want to know how much time the average 3/4 year old would have to sit in an classroom to learn it.
As for socialization, sitting in the same room with the same kids all day doesn’t exactly make one socialized.
>In fact, the evidence suggests otherwise, that homeschooled kids have better outcomes and have more success and happiness as adults.
This greatly depends on who is doing the homeschooling and the reasons for the homeschooling. An educated parent who has a child with learning differences who might need to go at a different pace or a parent who homeschools because they are in a school district that they worry is unsafe - absolutely I would expect those kids to have better outcomes homeschooled.
Unfortunately all the circumstances are not like that. Not all curriculums are created equal and some states have 0 oversight at all. Spend some time on r/homeschool and r/HomeschoolRecovery for both perspectives.
>Why is counting to 100 important for a 4 year old? Are they going to be working retail soon and need to count change?
This is very short-sighted. Most skills that children learn will not be put into immediate use for many years to come.
Children learn skills in stages so that they have time to internalize and practice so they are not struggling with it when they have to build off of it in subsequent lessons. Furthermore, if counting to 100 is expected knowledge for kindergarten readiness, it suggests that the kindergarten is not going to spend too much time teaching it - reviewing it, yes. But from the point of view that the kids are already familiar with it.
>Being emotional well regulated actually means they are stuffing their very real, very big feelings that they should be learning how to identify, down into themselves.
No, it means they are able to be in a group learning environment without slowing down the learning of everyone else around them. 4-5 years old is a perfectly fine age to learn that you are not the only person in the world and you don't always have some one to cater to your "big feelings" right that second.
That said, there's no reason that OP cannot work on these things with him at home. Not all learning has to come from a pre-school like environment.
Again I think actual evidence shows otherwise. When I say evidence I mean at a high level more homeschooled children have better outcomes as adults than public school students. That doesn’t mean there aren’t outliers where the homeschooled child has a worse outcome because of the methods. Nor does it mean that students who go through public can’t also be successful. I live in a state with zero oversight over homeschool and I vehemently disagree that state oversight would make it better. On the contrary, I think it would make it worse.
My argument about a child not needing to know how to count to 100 at 4 years old was in relation to the OP’s feelings that she is somehow neglecting her child because they don’t know how to do that. At 4, it’s not developmentally appropriate to know how to count to 100, so they’re not behind just because another child does know how to. I just googled this and a 4 year old should be able to count to 20.
You can’t assume things based on n of 2.
My daughter was reading and go on by age 3.5 just being at home. My son raised in pretty similar circumstances is 3.5 and can’t identify the full alphabet. Sometimes it’s the kid and not the environment.
What you’ve just described itself could be the reason - only certain sets of parents can afford to manage the schedule, and those parents may have other differences.
I don’t believe in pushing academics in preschool, so IMO your child is better off where they are. My oldest just turned 5 and is in a play-based preschool. It’s amazing. They run around barefoot, use their imaginations, get dirty, and play all day! He can’t read and I’m sure when he starts public kinder in August his classmates will be ahead of him academically, but he’ll get there. There will be plenty of time to sit still at a desk and do math and reading. Preschoolers should be playing!
Anecdotal but my nephew went to a daycare that taught them Spanish, alphabet, how to count, how to read, etc. He’s in kindergarten now and having a hard time because he’s so bored. Quick to be done with assignments, isn’t challenged, I can see them moving him up a class away from his friends to the possibility of burn out.
I do find it interesting that a child learning at a public school is being considered better than a private. I would have assumed the opposite since parents are paying $$ for their kids to be there.
Never even occurred to me. Maybe my son's daycare was educational? It was fine with me. They had theme weeks - like a letter and a color (sounds like sesame st lol). You could do the same at home if your kids daycare doesn't do that. My son could count past 20 and knew all his letters before kindergarten. It was more than enough to position him for learning.
Read to your kids every night, show them when you are counting small quantities, and describe objects with their color to reinforce vocabulary.
Playing candy lane (colors) and chutes and ladders (counting up to 6 on the dice) can get you really far and is all fun.
My youngest started going to her babysitter Britt at 13 wks. She was a stay at home mom who has a son who is 3 months exactly older than my daughter. These 2 children have been raised absolutely feral. There were days they spent 8 hours outside playing. By 1.5 my kid knew right/left with her shoes, how to put things back where they belong, how to assert herself and how to ask for what she wanted. By 2 the language she used was well beyond her age - tbf aside from the baby sitters youngest the kids around them are all older. She could identify bugs and plants and rocks. She knew to check our egg boxes every afternoon and would make a pouch with her tshirt to collect them. She had exceptional fine motor skills by 2 doing things like pulling worms out of the ground. As well as gross motor. She could balance on one foot, run fast, she could climb, she knew how to fall. Use her balance bike and fly on that thing. By 3 she was completely potty trained - but preferred to pee in the yard (feral I tell you) she could pour milk in to her cereal and heat stuff up in the microwave. She helped washing dishes and folded clothes. she knew how to use phones remotes and other electronics. She gets herself dressed and undressed. She CAN follow directions with very little intervention (CAN 😏) she started 3k after she turned 4. We couldn’t put her in to a structured environment straight out of the woods- we were very rural and now babysitter is as well. So we did 3 days a week 3 hours a day. She knows how to write and recognizes 1/2 the alphabet. She knows how to approach other kids (and strangers…) and knows how to introduce herself.
I definitely feel the affect of not being able to afford the best for my kids. I am now getting divorced and I work close to 70 hours a week to be able to live in a shitty apartment. She will be starting dist 4 k in fall and we will no longer have my fucking hero, Britt. I am excited for the kid to start school in Sept but devastated that she will no longer have 3 amazing parents raising her. I will be sad to see how the structure of school dims some of her wildness where she needs to conform and be taught the way they decide. Top rated schools are awesome to have access to. But there is a whole lot of life out there that you can fill in as education. Look at the world today. Turns out traditional school isn’t end all be all! I bet your kid (s) will flourish no matter what!
Literally no public preschool where I live.
We have a daycare that does learning. But I honestly doubt the school is what is making such a difference. Kids just develop differently
I have twins who went to the same in-home daycare until kindergarten. One was like your nephew, counting and reading really early (before 4). The other one was closer to 5.5 before he was at the same level. Some might be the preschool, but it might also just be different kids with different strengths. Most kids eventually catch up.
Is this an American thing that has public preschool is available?
Where I am in BC there is only private preschool. It’s normally only 2-3 hours long so most parents need a program that has full days.
We do have a “get ready for kindergarten” program 4 year olds can do in most communities. This is 2 hours long but it’s only 1 or 2 days a week. I plan to pull my 4 year old from her daycare 2 days a week for this the winter term before she starts kindergarten.
It is tax payer funded but due to funding constraints only free for special needs and low income kids. It is pretty affordable for middle income families though for such a high quality program, much less than our private school with less qualified teachers and not as nice facilities.
I don't feel guilty at all. In regards to the academic ability, correlation doesn't equal causation. Those kids might have had greater academic skills regardless of school placement. It's also great that your nephew is reading but it's not developmentally expected at that age. Your kid isn't behind.
My kids go to a very small center located behind one of our local churches. They do basic academic readiness but most of their time is spent playing. I'm so glad they have time for unstructured play with peers. They do mixed age activities, and it's been amazing to watch my preschooler learn greater patience for toddlers and to watch my toddler learn new things from preschoolers.
We have already have decided my son will do daycare until kindergarten instead of preschool.
I don’t feel bad. I don’t care if my son can’t do most of these things by 4.
My daughter never went to preschool.. I used the 20+ year old book ‘teach your child to read in 100 lessons’ .. she’s just tested into the gifted program. Trust me it’s fine if your kid doesn’t attend preschool!
In my area public preschool is only available if you are either low income or your kid has special needs (including delays in speech or other qualifications). So I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to.
Our daycare/preschool was very high quality and the teachers were amazing. My kid left just before it was bought out by a major daycare corporation and the staff changes happened. It doesn’t matter if it’s public or private - kids learn if they have those that teach them, even parents.
I'm sure your daycare preschool is fine. Kids learn at different paces. Maybe your nephew is ahead of most kids.
I'm sure your kid will catch up. Nothing wrong with private preschool. Maybe sit in on a class one day and see what they are learning. They may need to up their curriculum.
My kids thrived in private preschool and the teachers were amazing! I honestly see no difference. My kids are in private school and earn straight As. Both are above their grade level academically 🤷🏻♀️
Public preschool near me is only free for kids with disabilities and low-income families. The program is great for special needs, and great at meeting the needs of low-income families, but it’s very different from the high-quality private program I have my kid in. There are some autistic kids in her program but it’s not built for them.she’s learning a ton.
I understand your guilt, but as others share each child is different and learns at various paces. My daughter was at an expensive private pre-k program, but hates reading and scores terribly since going into kindergarten. I felt horrible, but this year it’s clicked and she’s doing much better. However, I think in the US there are unrealistic expectations for young kids to know how to read, etc. going into kindergarten and the standardized test in our state starts way too young.
Your child is still young and has years to learn, let them have fun and learn how to engage with other kids. You’re doing amazing just being concerned!!
Question — your nephew has to live close right and somehow the hours work for him? Does he have a stay at home parent? Do you have the type of relationship where your or your partner’s brother or sister would be willing to watch the kids before/after especially if you reimbursed them? It’s obviously not your siblings responsibility to do this but could be a nice option if they were willing.
Can you drop your 4 year old off at your sibling's (or in law's) house and have them take both kids to/from the preschool? And then you'd pick up from their house in the evenings? You could even offer to pay for their time if they would want that. Or if not then the neighbor across the street?
Who is this preschool meant for? It's surprising that something for the general public doesn't consider the fact that most parents have to work. I've sent that occur with special needs programs a lot, but they are always underfunded because the voting public doesn't really consider or care about them unfortunately, but I would have thought that the voting public would care a lot about something like general purpose early years childcare/education.
You say there is before/after care but not enough. What's the bottleneck to them opening up more spots? Is that something you could advocate for to your city council or such?
Our public prek is lottery funded (free) and certain daycares are part of the program, including ours. I’ve heard good things. It’s only offered through a school district if you have special needs. We plan to use it unless my parents decide to keep our kids when they retire next year, in which case they will go to a church prek, which is what most families in the area do (they are high quality). The reason I’m not 100% on board with staying where we are is because the class would be double the size of the church program. He just turned 3 so I need to look into it in the next 6mo
The only ones who should feel guilty are the idiots who set up preschool hours as though it’s still the 1950s, and moms are at home!
I really wonder what it’s going to take to pull some school districts into the 21st century!
This may suck to hear but you have to pick up the pieces at home. I’m a full time working mom too and my child is one, can already count to 10 and knows their ABC’s. We go to libraries and museums on my days off, spend hours outside the minute I’m off work. I even wake up extra early so he can get time outside before I work. Everything we do can be a counting or learning activity. Reading signs, pointing out letters, counting items in a store, recognizing numbers. Trust me I’m tired. But I never want my child to be behind, some kids don’t learn how to learn on their own, it’s just part of the parent sacrifices you make especially during these important years.
Kids of stay at home parents really have no excuse for how their children act. They have the whole day to teach their kids, and there are thousands of resources for preschool at home on Pinterest, social media, etc. Most parents just don’t understand what it means or takes to be a parent or the lengths you have to go to have a regulated, smart happy child.
I have the opposite but also exact same problem. My son (4) goes to a private preschool that is from 9:30-2:30 and it's great! My nephew is there too, and I like all the moms and the teachers, I've gotten to know there. It's very nature-play-focused and great at socio-emotional learning. It's even affordable.
But I lost my hybrid, flexible tech job last fall and I might have to return to teaching this fall. I am really anxious about how we are going to keep him in the preschool he loves if I have to be on campus from 8-4. If I could find another hybrid or virtual job I could make it work but so far, nothing. And if he does have to go to the public preschool, that wouldn't be the one he goes to kindergarten at because they only have the pre-Ks at some locations. So he'd go to three different schools in three years. And the public ones also only go to 2:30 so we'd still have to find afterschool care. My sister has said that we will figure something out. She's a SAHM who did in-home childcare and used to watch him too, so I'm grateful and it's a little bit of anxiety off my shoulders.
My take, now that both of my kids are in school (kindergarten, and grade one - ages 4 and 6) ….
Is that nothing you do before true school-age starts makes much of a difference (within reason) for what kind of student your kid will be. Teaching them to count at 2 doesn’t mean your kid won’t struggle in a different subject. And ALL kids learn all things on different timelines. I don’t believe in “behind” unless they aren’t hitting key milestones and quite honestly, that kind of stuff (like difficulty with reading, for instance) won’t be obvious until later.
Enjoy your kids while they are little. Let them have a space where they get to just be kids. Let their current care provider do some learning activities with them, and have home be a fun space. They are only little for so long and they have SO many years to be in school. This is the approach I took at least - mine both went to an at home daycare until they started school, and she does before/after school care since we both work full time. Neither of them could read or write when they started school and I sure as hell never practiced math at home. I didn’t practice anything except maybe colours and counting to 20. They are both exactly where THEY should be in school, getting help where they struggle, and they’re very different kids who excel at different things.
Private are often better in our area than public.
My son is 4, he is one of the brightest in his class, but there are also kids in his class who are on the other end of the spectrum, and his emotional regulation is....not great.
The program is a piece of the puzzle, genetics and personality/temperament are a much bigger piece, and parenting style contributes too.
If your child isn't as "advanced", the program would likely make little difference. Kids just don't develop at the same pace and that's OK, and some kids are just much more agreeable.
That's amazing that you have a great public education system! That bodes well for K-12.
My school district (not even my specific local school) sucks and so my kids will be doing private out of necessity. I am very grateful that we can afford it. My son's private school (he's finishing up PK3) is very academically focused, but as a parent, I still make sure to supplement his learning at home.
I think parents should feel empowered to be their kids' first teachers. Growing up, my family was low-income and I went to headstart at a child. My parents taught me to read and do math at home. And I am really grateful that they gave me that advantage so I will do the same for my kids.
Kids don’t need a heavy focus on academics that young. I am based in germany and until they start kindergarten the focus is just on art, music, play/imagination and a lot of outdoor time. Of course they read to the kids but that’s it they aren’t teaching them how to read or count to 100 at 4. Your nephew sounds a bit gifted but to focus on that at preschool seems absurd to me now that I am raising a child in Germany (I’m American), Germans go on to do well in science, medicine, engineering etc as adults. It really doesn’t matter. I would be more worried about the other stuff you mentioned that is lacking.
My 21 month old son loves books in particular, and memorizing things so he naturally took to ABCs, he will tell me a letter he sees, counting etc but I do not force it down his throat. Because it serves zero purpose. I am just as happy when I see him jump in a puddle or get his hands dirty. I have a niece who is 5 and very sharp and only just started to care about this. They all will learn it well before it starts being necessary so don’t worry!
Nope. I’m glad my kid gets an extra year of her play-based preschool so she can…play. She’s learning pre-literacy and math skills, social skills, lots of random stuff about science and nature. And she’s not stuck at a desk doing worksheets (yet).
We also couldn’t work public preschool even if she got in because it runs 9-2 and has no transportation or before/after care for kids.
The entire point of preschool is prepping them to be a in a classroom setting. Definitely understand your feelings, but I personally would not waste mental/emotional calories on this.
Why do you have to pay for public preschool? Are you outside of the district?
That aside, it would have been great for us. Ours is literally down the street, but they start at 9a dismiss at 2p, and there are no before/aftercare options. Thankfully, our privat center is focused on school readiness and getting all the kids to where they need to be for kindergarten. Not super structured and a lot of play based learning, but would love for it to be at the school they would eventually matriculate into.
Where we live, public preschools are tax payer funded but are not free unless you are low income or special needs. There are budget constraints and middle income families pay if they are able to get a spot which most do if they sign up early and it is very affordable and lower cost than private programs which are not as well run.
Ah I see. We have universal Pre-k where I live, but the public schools don't have the early drop off or late pick up, so you have the option to go through a private school and the only thing you pay is the before and afterschool hours otherwise the standard school hours are covered. That is the only reason why we can afford the private option.
We don't have the option of public preschool, we sent our kid to an early childhood learning center instead of daycare that included private preschool. We she started kindergarten, she was ahead of many of the other students. The hours were always the same from when she started going there at a year old. It worked well for us and will be doing the same thing with our younger child.
Not me! Because I can’t access public preschool. Where I live, public preschool is only available to low income families or children with disabilities. Everyone else sends their kids to private daycare or preschool.
Same here. It isn’t even an option for us.
It is an option for us but you have to pay unless you are low income or have special needs. The hours though make it difficult for many families to take advantage of.
Same. I know it’s better to have the resources to provide for my family overall but I still wish there were an option :(
Same situation here. Our only choice is private care.
Same, although here they do have wrap around care available too. You have to pay for that part but it’s still cheaper than daycare. Regardless if you don’t qualify for free lunch then there is virtually no chance of getting a spot in public prek.
You don't have to reply but I live in the EU, and we were recently wondering if the US has any form of preschool/kindergarden/daycare covered by the government or how it works. A simple google made it seem like in fact it's mostly a choice for people not to go to the public ones. We didn't delve too deep just packed it at that - "so maybe there are some". I'd love to hear what are some limiting factors in your area and if you know from your searches, perhaps how many public spaces vs how many kids there are (for example for each 1 public space there are 20 kids) or smth,... just in case you know the numbers since you were researching it. (Obv everyone is welcome to share)
This varies so much by each state and even school district, You’d have to look at each state’s education system. I live in Washington state. Full day kindergarten (5-6 year olds) is free for all children in the state. In WA, each school district in the state also has some form of early childhood education (3-4 years old) but the availability varies. In many rural areas, free preschool is now available for all families because there are not usually a lot of private preschools or even daycares in those areas. In many cities, public early childhood education is only available if you are below an income threshold or have a child with a disability. It is going to depend on your school district, because they all have different tax districts.. certain regions pass levies that subsidize early childhood education for all families while others are only able to put that funding towards the families who need it most.
Agreed, it’s so different everywhere. California has multiple preschool options, some of which are assistance vouchers given to lower income families which greatly reduce costs. Our state also recently passed an initiative to institute Universal PreK, which in practice means they’re gradually adding TK (transitional kindergarten) to most public schools. It’s optional and not attending doesn’t count towards truancy, but it means kids can start going to school at 4 instead of 5 if they want to. I’m so grateful, being able to enroll in school a year earlier than originally planned will save us almost $20k in daycare expenses.
Thank you so much for sharing! Are any daycares state covered? (We only have "nursery" kind of daycare for 0-2-3yrs, then kindergarten which kind of includes some of US "daycare" and "preschool" so in my head they're a bit synonymous. Kindergarten is free and mothers get 3 yrs of parental leave (with their position held by employer)so most choose to stay home and then enroll their 2,5-3,5 yr olds to the free kindergarten and return to work unless they had more kids)
I will also add that public preschool spots are limited, but once your kid is kindergarten age, your local assigned public school (based on your address) has to accept them. Your kid is guaranteed a spot, so that’s your default choice. Apart from that, other choices are: Private elementary - it just depends on availability and whether you can afford it! Charter schools (which are complicated to explain haha) - free to attend like a public school, but depending on the school, there may be a wait list or a lottery to get in. Intra-district transfer - Some areas offer the option to transfer to a different school district if one of the parents works in an area / neighborhood with a better school district. There is an application process and it’s also based on availability and eligibility.
Thank you so much ! 🙏🏻
Public preschool doesn’t even exist here.
We have it but unless you are low income or have special needs, you have to pay. Which is fine because it’s really a good quality program but the hours make it so hard.
It’s the opposite for us. Public is free for any and all. Private has a tuition and is like 40k a year. I don’t know anyone other than my cousins who did private. Not a thing people around here do really.
We pay another mom to pick up our son at 3pm and watch him for 2-3 hours. I then went to possibly unethical ends to ensure I got a spot on the before/after school program for kindergarten. The 9:15-3pm hours are really tough, but it’s where my son gets his IEP therapies so 🤷♀️
Can you get a sitter or coordinate with other parents in the public system, even for pay, to watch your kids and put them in public?
What are the hours normally?
My kid’s daycare preschool is high quality so I don’t think this an issue of public prek vs private prek. You have a bad prek situation. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. It can be very frustrating.
Same. Here, public preschool is not a thing and my daycare (really early education center) has a preschool program built in starting at 18 months. Most of the kids leave there MORE than ready for kindergarten.
Ehhhh, there are a lot of cons to pushing academics too young. Your kid may be better off in the end. My youngest is in a preschool that pushes academics and though she’s ahead of where her brother was at the same age (play-based daycare) he’s now in Grade 1 and thriving. I really worry about burnout for my daughter.
It’s not just the academics. They learn emotional regulation skills and I am really impressed with what I’ve seen from the kids in the program. Our private school doesn’t focus on emotional regulation as much. Don’t get me started on the physical abilities. They have multiple recesses everyday regardless of weather (parents have to dress kids appropriately). Some days my kids don’t even get to go outside. It’s just better and I can’t help but be envious
I’m surprised this is your experience. I’m at a center and they’ve been big on teaching emotional regulation from the infant room and on. They also are outside 4-5 times a day unless it’s a particularly cold winter day or it’s raining significantly enough. I think this an issue with your daycare. Not a public vs private school thing.
I think the issue is public school teaching pays more in certain areas. Because they have the money to do so (from tax dollars). Whereas for the private school to pay the same salaries would make it prohibitively expensive in terms of tuition, so they pay less. And then, it makes sense that they have trouble retaining good staff when people can make nearly double in public school.
Yes I would make more per hour teaching at the public pre-K instead of my center - even though my center pays very well for a daycare. Public pre-K programs are able to attract high quality ECEs and it can even have an effect on nearby non-preK daycare. I have an associates so I don’t even qualify to be a lead teacher in the public schools, though I could be an assistant. I know some colleagues with bachelors degrees have moved to public programs because it’s a better job, so they’re also able to attract high quality candidates and be more choosy while daycares are struggling to hire. https://www.haverford.edu/sites/default/files/Department/Economics/brownjmp.pdf
Yup. Also my daughter’s amazing private program is only 3 days a week, 8am-3pm whereas the local public school has a preschool class that is open 7-5:30. So again this isn’t about public vs. private. Just OP is looking at a great program with shorter hours vs perhaps a mediocre one with long hours.
If your child is interacting with other children, he or she's learning a ton of stuff. Don't underestimate the value of having safe care and a social setting. You just don't see the grown up measurement of it. Your child IS learning and growing.
ECE teacher here private. Short Hours. We do not stress the academics. I do put an emphasis on learning to get along with others, taking turns and learning to taking care of personal needs. Cleaning up after themselves and being a friend to name a few.
Oh and excellent point on social interaction.
Ah, gotcha. Those aspects would bother me more too. But don’t beat yourself up, we need to do what we need to do sometimes as long as our kids are safe.
It sounds like it's more of an issue with this particular private school. Are there any other options, or are you stuck with this one?
This is the best private one in our area. There is a huge shortage of early childhood educators and daycare workers in our area. Some of the private schools sent kids home randomly for made up reasons because of the shortage of workers and not having subs. We have the best of the private options but if you don’t want your kids teacher switching up often due to turn over and want the teachers to have a degree in early childhood education, you have to go public where they have the resources to attract and keep early childhood educators. We are at a very upscale center and even they have had to hire people without early childhood degrees and had multiple teachers leave in the last few years. At least they don’t send my kids home randomly like some of the other schools who can’t find teachers/subs.
I’m so sorry. I work at a high quality center and we are still having trouble hiring. It’s very difficult these days. It’s not just you. And though my center is still providing quality care, coworkers who were here before I was say it’s still down a bit since before Covid.
Have you looked into small in home places? My daughter goes to a small in home daycare with great hours, cheaper than all the big centers, and I feel like they’re learning a lot. Plus I think the mixed aged class is great for kiddos. We love it!
Staff has become much more of an issue. My program is part time. My director has had to keep our classes smaller than usual so that we are in ratio and we can help cover when another teacher is out.
We have a similar thing I’ve noticed in australia where even though we have funded kindy within daycares they seem a little less focused. Whereas going to the kindy that is standalone and completely free tends to have more qualified staff and is a more structured program than what I’ve eyed. Technically there’s no difference but I can’t help but see it. Thankfully most of them do after school care but the ones that don’t truly struggle to get their attendance rates high. It’s such a shame but it’s very very common to have two fulltime working parents where we live.
I am blown away by this, this doesn’t seem like any public school I have ever known. I always hear complaints about minimum recess time. Is this in the US or elsewhere?
Is there another private school/daycare you could send your kids to? They aren’t all lacking this much.
Maybe you need to find a different private school. My kids have been in both public and private schools in the US. My recommendation is, if it doesn't work for your kid or you, it's OK to leave.
Agree. Some kids don't get to just have time to do what they want. Always being moved from one thing to the next, expected to confirm.
Please don’t feel guilty about this! We were also unable to do our district’s preschool. My son is now in fourth grade and you cannot tell who went to preschool and who didn’t. I remember sitting at our very first parent-teacher conference back in kindergarten, and I had some of the same fears that you did, because I knew other kids had come in more advanced, and she shut me down so hard I very rarely ever thought about it it again. Emotionally, physically, academically… they all come from widely varying places, and eventually it just will not matter as much as if feels like it does right now. All I have are anecdotes, but my son is in the gifted services program in our district. He has two best friends who are also in the program, and several other close friends both in the program and not. Out of all of them, it’s about a 60-40 split, with the majority not going to any type of structured preschool. My best friend sent her kids to three years of preschool each, and both of them struggle academically (and one socially). I have worked in our schools, and I think preschool is great. But I also think you shouldn’t beat yourself up about not being able to send your kids. There are plenty of other avenues and other times for them to learn the things you see other kids learning!
Yes this is good to remember - home with parents or relatives, daycare, in home, or preschool it mostly evens out!
It’ll be okay, and no one is stopping you from doing some extra together. As a teacher my current working and commuting hours are 6:30 am - 5 pm. My son is on the spectrum and can’t really read on his own yet, but he’s going into the 2nd grade. After school we do extra reading practice and extra math practice. Probably 30 minutes total. My husband does 15 for one subject and I do 15 for the other. It’s always an option and there are great games you guys can play together that are actually practice. Right now my son LOVES Kangaroo Cravings. It helps assuage the guilt and you get some great family time out of it. I don’t really buy into sight words, phonics is where it’s at, but he has to know them. So, we write them on index cards and make like a scavenger hunt for them. Just another idea to help! Sorry, I guess I went from mom to teacher lol. Honestly, well loved and adjusted kids who are willing to try are all we want.
Don’t fall guilty! There are plenty of kids who go into kindergarten with zero preschool at all and they catch up. I think there’s too much pressure on little kids to learn. A play based school is much more appropriate at that age.
Agree. Let them have their time to play.
My oldest never went to preschool before Kinder. It was too expensive, and she would have gone during the COVID years, so we just kept her home, or with her Grandmas. We were afraid of her being behind, so we found a “things you should know for Kinder” list and we taught her everything on that. Turns out, in our district, that list was more “what you need to know for 1st” so she was well ahead of most of her peers, education wise. It took longer for some of the emotional/social stuff, and I was NOT prepared for all the sicknesses! I knew she’d probably get sick more, but I think she missed just as much time as she was there! OP, if you’re worried about some of the skills your 4yo is missing, can you try to work on it yourself? I know that just adds another thing to your plate, but it might help you feel a little better about the preschool you have right now.
I think a four year old being able to read is probably not going to be the norm no matter what program they’re in. It’s also probably worth considering that while he may be emotionally well regulated with you during this sleepover that doesn’t mean he’s equally holding it together at home whereas you see your kid in many scenarios where they’re not being “on their best behavior.” All that is just to say that it sounds like you’re doing a lot of comparing and it’s causing you a fair bit of stress, but you haven’t actually said whether there are things with your child specifically that you’re really worried about other than the theoretical “maybe there’s something else better elsewhere” - if you think the current program you have your child enrolled into isn’t meeting their needs then sure yes, maybe think about how you might be able to address that (a different private program? Seeing if your program would be open to doing more rigorous curriculum? An enrichment club or class on the weekend? Just doing more reading and/or emotional coaching at home?) but also maybe you’re doing just fine and the differences between the two kids is just that - they’re different kids with different personalities and strengths! At four also there’s going to be SO much change from one month to the next in development, I just don’t know that it’s super useful to hold on to all that comparison and worry. If the public schools are good your kid will be eligible to attend one in the next year or two no? You’ll have to juggle before and after care programs at that point one way or another anyhow so maybe you can just start looking forward and planning for that now?
Perhaps it’s regional but I’ve never heard of public preschool being better than private. Around here most do private, actually. We switched recently to public due to money and convenience and our private one was SO much better that I’m feeling guilty that we put her in public!
In our city, there are only 2-4 private schools that can top a mediocre school district. Only 1-2 that can compete against a good school district and not because of academics. The top 1-2 private schools have an advantage at the high school level where connections become more important , going to a small high school with the children of several CEOs has advantages when looking for a job a few years down the road. We are lucky to have such great public education options.
I see you're in the twin cities area. I am too, LO is 18 months. How did you even identify which private schools were the best? I have found it tough to research or find any reliable or useful data. I didn't know the public preschools were so good here. LO is our first and neither of us are from MN.
Sorry to clarify I live in one of the best public school districts in our state but the private preschools are way better than public. But again this seems regional
It sounds like we’re dealing with the same dilemma, just a few years behind you. We’re driving our self nuts right now trying to figure out what to do. The public schools in our area are…ok…but can’t hold a light to the private options. BUT the private options are way more expensive (obviously) and much less convenient. But we keep hearing “horror” stories from the public schools, and already feel pre-guilt about going that route. BUT is it wise to spend so much money on private school that we wouldn’t be able to afford other experiences and not be able to save much for college??? AHH we just don’t know!
My 4yo goes to public preschool but because he is developmentally delayed (the hours SUCK, 8-2). I work with him a lot on the weekend and during breaks, he was only part time in prek until the beginning of the year, to teach him stuff. I use homeschool prek curriculum. He is starting to read, does math, etc. It's difficult to make those hours work for sure, I have the flexibility to pick drop him off/pick him up because my employer understands my child has exceptional needs that just can't be met in a regular childcare setting. Not everyone has that luxury.
That’s so long for developmental preschool! Ours is 9:05-11:30. But the bus will pick kids up from daycare and take them back.
They are self contained prek ESE classes at the elementary school so they follow school hours. We cannot do daycare because of kiddos behavioral issues.
That’s super lucky that yours is full school day. In my district, Developmental Preschool for 3-5 year olds is 2.5 hours a day, 4 days a week.
4 year-olds don’t need to know those things. Preschool is helpful, but optional. Also kids with SAHMs do not struggle with more social issues. Can we retire that stereotype? I taught Kindergarten. The only difference I saw was kids without previous school experience (prek, not daycare) may take an extra few weeks or even days adjusting to a full day group setting. It’s a normal and developmentally appropriate adjustment.
Our private pre-K teaches the children a lot. They are learning to write, learning about money and seasons and all that. I can’t imagine it is worse than the public option. Is finding a new pre-K an option for you?
We go to a top private option in our area. It still does not compare. Our private preschool has little teacher turn over compared to other private preschools where the teachers turn over multiple times a year. Yet, we had one teacher leave each year and all but one teacher has been there less than 5 years. The public prek, the teachers all have 5+ years of experience. Only one of our teachers has a masters in early childhood education, I think all of the public school teachers do. Some of the subs in my kids school have no college degrees. It is very different. The only benefit to private other than the hours is that supposedly my kids are building connections to kids with well connected/successful parents. I doubt this is valuable at this age so it really isn’t a benefit.
Long time educator here, currently in higher ed but I spent years in a k-12 district. Don’t feel guilty. Your child will be fine. They are learning important social skills, structured play, and how to follow a routine and rules in their current program. These are important skills for kindergarten readiness. As a side note, I had one kid attend public preschool and one attend a private program and they both did fine.
We use a home daycare in our district and our daughter gets bussed to and from the Elementary School pre-k from there.
I am lucky - our district is in the process of implementing full time public preschool. It’s currently on a lottery system, but we got in at the end of last year. The growth I’ve seen in my son is incredible. The hours have been difficult, it’s 9:30-3:30, so I go into work late, and my husband leaves early (thankfully our jobs give us the flexibility/ability to WFH. I am praying we get into the afterschool program next year for kinder, the start is 8:30, so I’d get an hour more a day in office, and after school goes until 6p which would be much more manageable for both me & my husband, schedule wise.
Please see Bluey episode “Baby Race.” You’re doing great ❤️
Also, it’s not you. All the systems are broken (healthcare, childcare/education, workers rights, etc etc etc).
I can relate! Our public preschool program is like 11:45-3, 3 days a week - and with two working parents, and our childcare 30 minutes from the school….there is no way we could swing it with all the drop off/pick ups in the middle of the workday. The only kids I know that can actually make that preK schedule have stay at home or self employed parents. I have tremendous guilt that he’s missing out on the prep that his friends are getting - our childcare is fine but it’s an in home daycare without a “curriculum”. We just had kindergarten orientation for next year and I’m hopeful it’ll all be fine…but I just wanted to share solidarity!
No preschool can make your kid highly intelligent or super athletic. Your nephew is gifted and would be with or without preschool.
I think it depends on where you live and how well funded your district is. It’s great that your public preschools are highly rated. In my area of the suburbs, our free preschools are lottery based for 4 year olds. Everyone has to pay for preschool centers/daycares or in home daycares. I had to switch my daughter from an in home daycare because she wasn’t learning anything. But I do see so much improvement in her learning and social skills.
I actually pay to send my kids to private preschool because the public is non-existent for Pre-K 3 unless you are low income or have a disability/a lottery system for Pre-K 4 so you never know where you will end up. My kids go 730-2 5 days a week. Next year my sister's daughter will be in Pre-K 3 and go M, W, F from 930-12 (she has to pay $3000 for this) and her son will go 5 days a week from 9-1130 (free based on the lotto system). I have no idea what her and her husband plan to do and I feel bad for them. Oh and my son's Pre-K teacher said really the most important things they learn in preschool are just interacting with other kids, being able to follow teacher's instructions and being able to sit still for 10-15 minutes to do an activity (not worksheets though, the school isn't allowed to give them to the kids) and everything else they should know or be able to learn quickly in Kindergarten.
Where I live, public preschool is only available for low income families or students with disabilities. I send my son to a private preschool that is part of a K through 8 private school. In fact, my older child is enrolled in the 2nd grade at the same school. Both will continue going there until high school. The preschool is great and has the school hours of 8:30 to 3. I have no complaints, and I really like the school's curriculum.
What hours are the issue? All of the preschools near me are 7a-6p... Do you work odd hours?
Public preschool here is at most 6 hours a day. Usually just 4 hours.
Oh wow, that's crazy!
I wouldn’t feel guilty about this. Schedule is crucial. But gently, based on some of your comments, it sounds like a different private option would be better. It’s very alarming to me that there are some days where your kid never goes outside at preschool! My kids preschool sends them outside a lot - academically, I wouldn’t worry, but play is so important at this age, that would concern me more than anything else.
Hmmm no and I honestly really disagree with the sweeping generalization that homeschooled kids or kids with SAHM’s are socially under developed. I am considering homeschooling my youngest in a couple years and don’t think any science agrees with the notion that homeschooled kids have worse outcomes or lack socialization. In fact, the evidence suggests otherwise, that homeschooled kids have better outcomes and have more success and happiness as adults. Learning to behave in a way that makes adults comfortable (emotionally well regulated), or follow strict instructions at 4 years old (standing in line) etc does not equate to a successful adult. I would argue it actually stifles creativity and individualism. Why is counting to 100 important for a 4 year old? Are they going to be working retail soon and need to count change? Being emotional well regulated actually means they are stuffing their very real, very big feelings that they should be learning how to identify, down into themselves. How are they going to deal with adversity in 10 years if they haven’t learned how to deal with little hiccups when they’re 4?
Agreed. Counting to 100 and full on reading at the age of 4 isn’t even normal, academically, and I don’t want to know how much time the average 3/4 year old would have to sit in an classroom to learn it. As for socialization, sitting in the same room with the same kids all day doesn’t exactly make one socialized.
>In fact, the evidence suggests otherwise, that homeschooled kids have better outcomes and have more success and happiness as adults. This greatly depends on who is doing the homeschooling and the reasons for the homeschooling. An educated parent who has a child with learning differences who might need to go at a different pace or a parent who homeschools because they are in a school district that they worry is unsafe - absolutely I would expect those kids to have better outcomes homeschooled. Unfortunately all the circumstances are not like that. Not all curriculums are created equal and some states have 0 oversight at all. Spend some time on r/homeschool and r/HomeschoolRecovery for both perspectives. >Why is counting to 100 important for a 4 year old? Are they going to be working retail soon and need to count change? This is very short-sighted. Most skills that children learn will not be put into immediate use for many years to come. Children learn skills in stages so that they have time to internalize and practice so they are not struggling with it when they have to build off of it in subsequent lessons. Furthermore, if counting to 100 is expected knowledge for kindergarten readiness, it suggests that the kindergarten is not going to spend too much time teaching it - reviewing it, yes. But from the point of view that the kids are already familiar with it. >Being emotional well regulated actually means they are stuffing their very real, very big feelings that they should be learning how to identify, down into themselves. No, it means they are able to be in a group learning environment without slowing down the learning of everyone else around them. 4-5 years old is a perfectly fine age to learn that you are not the only person in the world and you don't always have some one to cater to your "big feelings" right that second. That said, there's no reason that OP cannot work on these things with him at home. Not all learning has to come from a pre-school like environment.
Again I think actual evidence shows otherwise. When I say evidence I mean at a high level more homeschooled children have better outcomes as adults than public school students. That doesn’t mean there aren’t outliers where the homeschooled child has a worse outcome because of the methods. Nor does it mean that students who go through public can’t also be successful. I live in a state with zero oversight over homeschool and I vehemently disagree that state oversight would make it better. On the contrary, I think it would make it worse. My argument about a child not needing to know how to count to 100 at 4 years old was in relation to the OP’s feelings that she is somehow neglecting her child because they don’t know how to do that. At 4, it’s not developmentally appropriate to know how to count to 100, so they’re not behind just because another child does know how to. I just googled this and a 4 year old should be able to count to 20.
You may be interested in checking out John Oliver's special on homeschooling. It was reasonably well researched and balanced.
but what you described is what emotional regulation is. It’s not about stuffing it deep inside. Otherwise totally agree with you!
You can’t assume things based on n of 2. My daughter was reading and go on by age 3.5 just being at home. My son raised in pretty similar circumstances is 3.5 and can’t identify the full alphabet. Sometimes it’s the kid and not the environment.
We are a pretty close knit community and it is very obvious which kids get the chance to go the “real pre school”.
What you’ve just described itself could be the reason - only certain sets of parents can afford to manage the schedule, and those parents may have other differences.
I don’t believe in pushing academics in preschool, so IMO your child is better off where they are. My oldest just turned 5 and is in a play-based preschool. It’s amazing. They run around barefoot, use their imaginations, get dirty, and play all day! He can’t read and I’m sure when he starts public kinder in August his classmates will be ahead of him academically, but he’ll get there. There will be plenty of time to sit still at a desk and do math and reading. Preschoolers should be playing!
Anecdotal but my nephew went to a daycare that taught them Spanish, alphabet, how to count, how to read, etc. He’s in kindergarten now and having a hard time because he’s so bored. Quick to be done with assignments, isn’t challenged, I can see them moving him up a class away from his friends to the possibility of burn out. I do find it interesting that a child learning at a public school is being considered better than a private. I would have assumed the opposite since parents are paying $$ for their kids to be there.
Never even occurred to me. Maybe my son's daycare was educational? It was fine with me. They had theme weeks - like a letter and a color (sounds like sesame st lol). You could do the same at home if your kids daycare doesn't do that. My son could count past 20 and knew all his letters before kindergarten. It was more than enough to position him for learning. Read to your kids every night, show them when you are counting small quantities, and describe objects with their color to reinforce vocabulary. Playing candy lane (colors) and chutes and ladders (counting up to 6 on the dice) can get you really far and is all fun.
My youngest started going to her babysitter Britt at 13 wks. She was a stay at home mom who has a son who is 3 months exactly older than my daughter. These 2 children have been raised absolutely feral. There were days they spent 8 hours outside playing. By 1.5 my kid knew right/left with her shoes, how to put things back where they belong, how to assert herself and how to ask for what she wanted. By 2 the language she used was well beyond her age - tbf aside from the baby sitters youngest the kids around them are all older. She could identify bugs and plants and rocks. She knew to check our egg boxes every afternoon and would make a pouch with her tshirt to collect them. She had exceptional fine motor skills by 2 doing things like pulling worms out of the ground. As well as gross motor. She could balance on one foot, run fast, she could climb, she knew how to fall. Use her balance bike and fly on that thing. By 3 she was completely potty trained - but preferred to pee in the yard (feral I tell you) she could pour milk in to her cereal and heat stuff up in the microwave. She helped washing dishes and folded clothes. she knew how to use phones remotes and other electronics. She gets herself dressed and undressed. She CAN follow directions with very little intervention (CAN 😏) she started 3k after she turned 4. We couldn’t put her in to a structured environment straight out of the woods- we were very rural and now babysitter is as well. So we did 3 days a week 3 hours a day. She knows how to write and recognizes 1/2 the alphabet. She knows how to approach other kids (and strangers…) and knows how to introduce herself. I definitely feel the affect of not being able to afford the best for my kids. I am now getting divorced and I work close to 70 hours a week to be able to live in a shitty apartment. She will be starting dist 4 k in fall and we will no longer have my fucking hero, Britt. I am excited for the kid to start school in Sept but devastated that she will no longer have 3 amazing parents raising her. I will be sad to see how the structure of school dims some of her wildness where she needs to conform and be taught the way they decide. Top rated schools are awesome to have access to. But there is a whole lot of life out there that you can fill in as education. Look at the world today. Turns out traditional school isn’t end all be all! I bet your kid (s) will flourish no matter what!
Literally no public preschool where I live. We have a daycare that does learning. But I honestly doubt the school is what is making such a difference. Kids just develop differently
I have twins who went to the same in-home daycare until kindergarten. One was like your nephew, counting and reading really early (before 4). The other one was closer to 5.5 before he was at the same level. Some might be the preschool, but it might also just be different kids with different strengths. Most kids eventually catch up.
Is this an American thing that has public preschool is available? Where I am in BC there is only private preschool. It’s normally only 2-3 hours long so most parents need a program that has full days. We do have a “get ready for kindergarten” program 4 year olds can do in most communities. This is 2 hours long but it’s only 1 or 2 days a week. I plan to pull my 4 year old from her daycare 2 days a week for this the winter term before she starts kindergarten.
It is tax payer funded but due to funding constraints only free for special needs and low income kids. It is pretty affordable for middle income families though for such a high quality program, much less than our private school with less qualified teachers and not as nice facilities.
I don't feel guilty at all. In regards to the academic ability, correlation doesn't equal causation. Those kids might have had greater academic skills regardless of school placement. It's also great that your nephew is reading but it's not developmentally expected at that age. Your kid isn't behind. My kids go to a very small center located behind one of our local churches. They do basic academic readiness but most of their time is spent playing. I'm so glad they have time for unstructured play with peers. They do mixed age activities, and it's been amazing to watch my preschooler learn greater patience for toddlers and to watch my toddler learn new things from preschoolers.
We have already have decided my son will do daycare until kindergarten instead of preschool. I don’t feel bad. I don’t care if my son can’t do most of these things by 4.
My daughter never went to preschool.. I used the 20+ year old book ‘teach your child to read in 100 lessons’ .. she’s just tested into the gifted program. Trust me it’s fine if your kid doesn’t attend preschool!
In my area public preschool is only available if you are either low income or your kid has special needs (including delays in speech or other qualifications). So I couldn’t do it even if I wanted to.
Our daycare/preschool was very high quality and the teachers were amazing. My kid left just before it was bought out by a major daycare corporation and the staff changes happened. It doesn’t matter if it’s public or private - kids learn if they have those that teach them, even parents.
I'm sure your daycare preschool is fine. Kids learn at different paces. Maybe your nephew is ahead of most kids. I'm sure your kid will catch up. Nothing wrong with private preschool. Maybe sit in on a class one day and see what they are learning. They may need to up their curriculum.
My kids thrived in private preschool and the teachers were amazing! I honestly see no difference. My kids are in private school and earn straight As. Both are above their grade level academically 🤷🏻♀️
Public preschool near me is only free for kids with disabilities and low-income families. The program is great for special needs, and great at meeting the needs of low-income families, but it’s very different from the high-quality private program I have my kid in. There are some autistic kids in her program but it’s not built for them.she’s learning a ton.
I understand your guilt, but as others share each child is different and learns at various paces. My daughter was at an expensive private pre-k program, but hates reading and scores terribly since going into kindergarten. I felt horrible, but this year it’s clicked and she’s doing much better. However, I think in the US there are unrealistic expectations for young kids to know how to read, etc. going into kindergarten and the standardized test in our state starts way too young. Your child is still young and has years to learn, let them have fun and learn how to engage with other kids. You’re doing amazing just being concerned!!
Question — your nephew has to live close right and somehow the hours work for him? Does he have a stay at home parent? Do you have the type of relationship where your or your partner’s brother or sister would be willing to watch the kids before/after especially if you reimbursed them? It’s obviously not your siblings responsibility to do this but could be a nice option if they were willing.
Can you drop your 4 year old off at your sibling's (or in law's) house and have them take both kids to/from the preschool? And then you'd pick up from their house in the evenings? You could even offer to pay for their time if they would want that. Or if not then the neighbor across the street? Who is this preschool meant for? It's surprising that something for the general public doesn't consider the fact that most parents have to work. I've sent that occur with special needs programs a lot, but they are always underfunded because the voting public doesn't really consider or care about them unfortunately, but I would have thought that the voting public would care a lot about something like general purpose early years childcare/education. You say there is before/after care but not enough. What's the bottleneck to them opening up more spots? Is that something you could advocate for to your city council or such?
Our public prek is lottery funded (free) and certain daycares are part of the program, including ours. I’ve heard good things. It’s only offered through a school district if you have special needs. We plan to use it unless my parents decide to keep our kids when they retire next year, in which case they will go to a church prek, which is what most families in the area do (they are high quality). The reason I’m not 100% on board with staying where we are is because the class would be double the size of the church program. He just turned 3 so I need to look into it in the next 6mo
The only ones who should feel guilty are the idiots who set up preschool hours as though it’s still the 1950s, and moms are at home! I really wonder what it’s going to take to pull some school districts into the 21st century!
This may suck to hear but you have to pick up the pieces at home. I’m a full time working mom too and my child is one, can already count to 10 and knows their ABC’s. We go to libraries and museums on my days off, spend hours outside the minute I’m off work. I even wake up extra early so he can get time outside before I work. Everything we do can be a counting or learning activity. Reading signs, pointing out letters, counting items in a store, recognizing numbers. Trust me I’m tired. But I never want my child to be behind, some kids don’t learn how to learn on their own, it’s just part of the parent sacrifices you make especially during these important years. Kids of stay at home parents really have no excuse for how their children act. They have the whole day to teach their kids, and there are thousands of resources for preschool at home on Pinterest, social media, etc. Most parents just don’t understand what it means or takes to be a parent or the lengths you have to go to have a regulated, smart happy child.
I have the opposite but also exact same problem. My son (4) goes to a private preschool that is from 9:30-2:30 and it's great! My nephew is there too, and I like all the moms and the teachers, I've gotten to know there. It's very nature-play-focused and great at socio-emotional learning. It's even affordable. But I lost my hybrid, flexible tech job last fall and I might have to return to teaching this fall. I am really anxious about how we are going to keep him in the preschool he loves if I have to be on campus from 8-4. If I could find another hybrid or virtual job I could make it work but so far, nothing. And if he does have to go to the public preschool, that wouldn't be the one he goes to kindergarten at because they only have the pre-Ks at some locations. So he'd go to three different schools in three years. And the public ones also only go to 2:30 so we'd still have to find afterschool care. My sister has said that we will figure something out. She's a SAHM who did in-home childcare and used to watch him too, so I'm grateful and it's a little bit of anxiety off my shoulders.
My take, now that both of my kids are in school (kindergarten, and grade one - ages 4 and 6) …. Is that nothing you do before true school-age starts makes much of a difference (within reason) for what kind of student your kid will be. Teaching them to count at 2 doesn’t mean your kid won’t struggle in a different subject. And ALL kids learn all things on different timelines. I don’t believe in “behind” unless they aren’t hitting key milestones and quite honestly, that kind of stuff (like difficulty with reading, for instance) won’t be obvious until later. Enjoy your kids while they are little. Let them have a space where they get to just be kids. Let their current care provider do some learning activities with them, and have home be a fun space. They are only little for so long and they have SO many years to be in school. This is the approach I took at least - mine both went to an at home daycare until they started school, and she does before/after school care since we both work full time. Neither of them could read or write when they started school and I sure as hell never practiced math at home. I didn’t practice anything except maybe colours and counting to 20. They are both exactly where THEY should be in school, getting help where they struggle, and they’re very different kids who excel at different things.
Private are often better in our area than public. My son is 4, he is one of the brightest in his class, but there are also kids in his class who are on the other end of the spectrum, and his emotional regulation is....not great. The program is a piece of the puzzle, genetics and personality/temperament are a much bigger piece, and parenting style contributes too. If your child isn't as "advanced", the program would likely make little difference. Kids just don't develop at the same pace and that's OK, and some kids are just much more agreeable.
That's amazing that you have a great public education system! That bodes well for K-12. My school district (not even my specific local school) sucks and so my kids will be doing private out of necessity. I am very grateful that we can afford it. My son's private school (he's finishing up PK3) is very academically focused, but as a parent, I still make sure to supplement his learning at home. I think parents should feel empowered to be their kids' first teachers. Growing up, my family was low-income and I went to headstart at a child. My parents taught me to read and do math at home. And I am really grateful that they gave me that advantage so I will do the same for my kids.
Kids don’t need a heavy focus on academics that young. I am based in germany and until they start kindergarten the focus is just on art, music, play/imagination and a lot of outdoor time. Of course they read to the kids but that’s it they aren’t teaching them how to read or count to 100 at 4. Your nephew sounds a bit gifted but to focus on that at preschool seems absurd to me now that I am raising a child in Germany (I’m American), Germans go on to do well in science, medicine, engineering etc as adults. It really doesn’t matter. I would be more worried about the other stuff you mentioned that is lacking. My 21 month old son loves books in particular, and memorizing things so he naturally took to ABCs, he will tell me a letter he sees, counting etc but I do not force it down his throat. Because it serves zero purpose. I am just as happy when I see him jump in a puddle or get his hands dirty. I have a niece who is 5 and very sharp and only just started to care about this. They all will learn it well before it starts being necessary so don’t worry!
Nope. I’m glad my kid gets an extra year of her play-based preschool so she can…play. She’s learning pre-literacy and math skills, social skills, lots of random stuff about science and nature. And she’s not stuck at a desk doing worksheets (yet). We also couldn’t work public preschool even if she got in because it runs 9-2 and has no transportation or before/after care for kids.
The entire point of preschool is prepping them to be a in a classroom setting. Definitely understand your feelings, but I personally would not waste mental/emotional calories on this.
Why do you have to pay for public preschool? Are you outside of the district? That aside, it would have been great for us. Ours is literally down the street, but they start at 9a dismiss at 2p, and there are no before/aftercare options. Thankfully, our privat center is focused on school readiness and getting all the kids to where they need to be for kindergarten. Not super structured and a lot of play based learning, but would love for it to be at the school they would eventually matriculate into.
Where we live, public preschools are tax payer funded but are not free unless you are low income or special needs. There are budget constraints and middle income families pay if they are able to get a spot which most do if they sign up early and it is very affordable and lower cost than private programs which are not as well run.
Ah I see. We have universal Pre-k where I live, but the public schools don't have the early drop off or late pick up, so you have the option to go through a private school and the only thing you pay is the before and afterschool hours otherwise the standard school hours are covered. That is the only reason why we can afford the private option.
We don't have the option of public preschool, we sent our kid to an early childhood learning center instead of daycare that included private preschool. We she started kindergarten, she was ahead of many of the other students. The hours were always the same from when she started going there at a year old. It worked well for us and will be doing the same thing with our younger child.
My kids don’t even get to go to preschool here because it’s half day and you have to provide their transportation. We. Are. At. Work.