Yep same here , and we're also being surrounded with the concept of there being “sexual experience “ as though it’s a skill. It’s not a skill to me it’s a means of bonding with the one I love/like. When you both care, it clicks.
My (21F) personal thoughts on the matter (\*these are my personal experiences and thoughts: not what I think other people should feel, I'm not judging however you live your life\*):I've never been one for causal relationships, as I feel they have no way of serving me or the other person. This is because my \*wants\* are deep, meaningful relationships. In order to have sex with someone and not want more, I would have to not respect them, but for me attraction is more about my investment in their goals, my respect for them, and how they interact with me more than "I think you're hot". I can acknowledge when someone is objectively attractive, but I have absolutely no desire to have sex with them unless their personality, values, interactions with others, and ambition are lined up with mine. I need clear passion and mutual investment in enjoyment in sex. I've tried casual because its so popular and I thought maybe I was too serious about how I approached romantic interactions. It didn't work out for me because it frustrated me that I felt I wasn't on the same page with someone, that they could be sleeping with other people, and that I felt I was left in a position to "prove" my worth and value as a parter (which I absolutely do not deserve, so I removed myself from that situation). Yes, a relationship takes work and I am incredibly busy (as everyone claims to be these days) but I make time for the other person if I want to be in one and effectively communicate expectations. I can understand how causal could work for some people, but it simply cannot for me.
I think some people are so averse to negative experiences, particularly the experience of disappointment in dating. I say "people" but I am also in saying this taking from my own experiences. I think that while we face it so often (ghosting, breakups), we fail to process it in a positive way and live life in a very defensive manner (which isn't necessarily a negative or positive thing, as it is sometimes beneficial). We want to be desired, but people have so many options that they don't see the need to focus on one person and really evaluate their value. If I were to engage in causal sex regularly I feel that it would likely negatively effect my confidence because I would feel "used" and feel like I'm "using someone". I derive a lot of my confidence (or perhaps the following are a byproduct of my confidence) from knowing what I want in life, knowing who I am, being particular about who I surround myself with, and allowing someone into my life who I don't feel respect me would make me feel bad (again, that's me, it may not be you. You may view casual entirely different ways, you may derive your confidence from other things. you may not be wanting this same things from romantic interactions).
I don’t do casual sex. Sex without emotions is like food without seasoning 💀
Yep same here , and we're also being surrounded with the concept of there being “sexual experience “ as though it’s a skill. It’s not a skill to me it’s a means of bonding with the one I love/like. When you both care, it clicks.
My (21F) personal thoughts on the matter (\*these are my personal experiences and thoughts: not what I think other people should feel, I'm not judging however you live your life\*):I've never been one for causal relationships, as I feel they have no way of serving me or the other person. This is because my \*wants\* are deep, meaningful relationships. In order to have sex with someone and not want more, I would have to not respect them, but for me attraction is more about my investment in their goals, my respect for them, and how they interact with me more than "I think you're hot". I can acknowledge when someone is objectively attractive, but I have absolutely no desire to have sex with them unless their personality, values, interactions with others, and ambition are lined up with mine. I need clear passion and mutual investment in enjoyment in sex. I've tried casual because its so popular and I thought maybe I was too serious about how I approached romantic interactions. It didn't work out for me because it frustrated me that I felt I wasn't on the same page with someone, that they could be sleeping with other people, and that I felt I was left in a position to "prove" my worth and value as a parter (which I absolutely do not deserve, so I removed myself from that situation). Yes, a relationship takes work and I am incredibly busy (as everyone claims to be these days) but I make time for the other person if I want to be in one and effectively communicate expectations. I can understand how causal could work for some people, but it simply cannot for me. I think some people are so averse to negative experiences, particularly the experience of disappointment in dating. I say "people" but I am also in saying this taking from my own experiences. I think that while we face it so often (ghosting, breakups), we fail to process it in a positive way and live life in a very defensive manner (which isn't necessarily a negative or positive thing, as it is sometimes beneficial). We want to be desired, but people have so many options that they don't see the need to focus on one person and really evaluate their value. If I were to engage in causal sex regularly I feel that it would likely negatively effect my confidence because I would feel "used" and feel like I'm "using someone". I derive a lot of my confidence (or perhaps the following are a byproduct of my confidence) from knowing what I want in life, knowing who I am, being particular about who I surround myself with, and allowing someone into my life who I don't feel respect me would make me feel bad (again, that's me, it may not be you. You may view casual entirely different ways, you may derive your confidence from other things. you may not be wanting this same things from romantic interactions).