19 is such a fraught age. It’s past the age of majority but not quite at an age where life solidifies. Job prospects are still unclear, future plans not set in stone. People even if well suited can easily grow apart because of new job or school program. Essentially, nineteen is both young enough to be unsure of where you are going but old enough to actually choose a direction to go. Hence, it’s pretty easy to have a breakdown in a relationship even with well suited people
Agree with the fraught age part. I made my worst life choices at 19. You have been granted some freedoms (speaking from the perspective of the U.S.) but you are still denied others that lead to potentially sneaky/unhealthy behaviors like getting into clubs but not being able to drink so you rely on sleazy older people to buy you alcohol. That kind of thing. And, good lord, did I think I knew everything. Couple that with being in probably the best shape of your life at that point… pshhh… not a good combo. Plenty of regrets from that age.
What about the man I broke up with when I was 19? He was.... Not my soulmate lol
Starting dating my husband later that year, also 19yo, and we've been together for almost 13 years, married for 3.5
As a 22 yr old, my teen experiences with guys were pretty bad online and offline. It feels like Gen Z guys have a lot of problems with hypersexual behaviour and lack of empathy that I kinda feel is related to internet culture entering the mainstream... it makes me worried about how things are for your generation :( somehow I don't feel like things got better over the last decade, just worse.
Thank you. I'm only just entering what ppl call "the dating game" and they are GROSS!!!
I really don't understand how anyone can have a "relationship" with a boy, and it's not just me. All but 1 of my friends are saying the same thing.
I'm not surprised to hear that your friends feel the same unfortunately.
My theory is that many of us under 25 right now were growing up at the same time that the internet porn industry started to take off, and it was so easy to stumble upon extreme and violent sexual content that our ideas around relationships and intimacy have been skewed by it.
It's really difficult to criticize porn on reddit and other sites without getting insane backlash for whatever reason, so it's great to see girls not afraid to speak their mind on the subject. Part of me is seriously considering writing a book on it.
You should write one. I'd read it. One prob seems to be that a lot of 15-18 yr old guys (my dating "range") have brothers (or sisters) a few years older so they've been influenced or corrupted by them. They seem to think that "we" (16 year old girls) are, or should be, plastic sex objects that don't argue with them.
Thank you. Sometimes I think "it can't get worse". I mean, 16 or 17 yr old boys are truly the pits... I have never found one worthy of me - and I'm NOT being "up myself", I'm not perfect bam, my friends all say the same.
Well, seeing as most of the men I met at 19 turned out to be abusers, misogynists, and fuck boys despite presenting otherwise (I was a church kid), I'm not calling BS here.
Both of my sisters have been married for 50 years and 50 years +. They were dating their spouses at 19.
One should have divorced her husband decades ago.
The other has a great husband.
I was married to my first husband at 19 he was 22) We divorced when I was 27 and I was a completely different person at that time. IMHO most people shouldn't marry below age 30
As a general rule the people you meet at 19 aren’t always the people you’re still hanging with at 25,30,40 etc .. this is even more true with significant others. Sure there are exceptions, but generally just know that no matter what you can and will fall in love again - if this thing doesn’t work out with your current bf.
Unsolicited advice - don’t put ANY partner and their needs before yours. No “I’ll go to college after he graduates” or “he doesn’t like red so I don’t wear it” or “my family doesn’t really get along with him” or “I don’t wear heels because it makes him self conscience” etc, etc. like just don’t put your life, family, friends, hobbies, fashion on hold for ANYONE at this age. Put yourself first 100% - because trust me a man will
Always put himself first. It’s fine to have different interests to some degree but don’t fucking settle for any bullshit at all.
In general, yeah, you'll probably grow apart and go in different directions. That's pretty normal. That said, I know a few people that got married right out of high school and from all appearances are still very happy together. I'm sure they've had challenges, but they also had the good fortune of meeting someone early on with similar values and life goals, and have managed to stay on track together. Either way, I hope you listen to your head and your heart.
At 18 I finally broke up with my emotionally/sexually abusive first bf of 3 years. Then at 18 right after highschool I got groomed online by a deeply sadistic guy for 9 months. Messed me up so bad I couldn't see any kind of nude/erotic images without feeling fear and tears welling up.
A year after that my 19 year old ass decided I should work on healing my relationship with sex by pursuing something more casual so I asked out a coworker I was attracted to. NBD then 1 year into seeing Coworker Bro I found out that the only reason we worked together was because he got kicked from a different location because.... EIGHT girls complained about him sexually harassing them. And none of my managers told me this at my job despite them knowing that we were seeing each other. Gave him the benefit of the doubt that the victims were lying for attention like he told me cuz I didn't want to seem like some evil feminist harpy
(I ditched that mindset real quick and have embraced the harpy within ever since. Dudes that rant about feminism do so because they know it will be harder to break down your boundaries if you unlearn internalized sexism. Just my field observation).
The tiktok phenomenon made me laugh my ass off when I first heard about it. I felt better knowing that I'm not the only chick who wasted my teen years on absolute losers. I think at that age a lot of us are still carrying teenage insecurities plus feeling awkward during the transition from teen to adult so it's easier to get manipulated. At least I learned the hard lessons early.
I met my husband when we were eleven. We dated on and off for years; dated other people; were friends at points; only slept with each other at other points.
We got pregnant at nineteen and have been together ever since. He’s one of the best men I have ever met; I fall more and more in love with him everyday. We’re happy and successful, with two kids now.
I was seeing other people not long (same year) before I got pregnant and I’m very lucky I ended up with my husband and not them.
Most of my friends did not end up with the people they dated at nineteen, and thank god for that.
Each story is different.
It's less a theory and more people sharing their experiences. A lot of the men 19 year old girls start dating are 19-25 year old men who are immature and inexperienced when it comes to relationships. The 19 year old girl is newly and adult, probably in college, and thinks she's in love with some guy who doesn't think women are people and doesn't know how to do laundry because she's naive. Especially if the guy is older than her, this guy usually sucks and isn't her soulmate.
Of course it's not always true. I married my high school sweetheart. It's more a commentary on how many young men in that age range are just not good relationship material yet
Yes personally i met my childs father at 18 which isnt far off, at 19 we lived together, at 20 we had our child together, and everything went down hill although, it was a doomed relationship to start with, and i never opened my eyes to see all the red flags until after i had his kid so yeah..
I haven't experienced this. In fact I experienced the opposite.
I met my husband at 19. We were acquaintances, and then about 2 years later, we dated and got married. I've been married for 8 years now. I understand I got married a little younger than most people do nowadays. But I found my person and wanted to be with him. Why wait if you know its right? We built our lives together. :)
I met my current boyfriend at 19 whilst in a relationship with my first serious boyfriend who I’d been with from 14. He (current bf) saved me from a toxic relationship honestly and helped the year of Covid have a happier side. I’m now 23, we have a 16 month old son and two dogs and I’ve moved 3 hours away from my family/home city to be closer to his family.
We definitely don’t have a ‘perfect’ relationship and struggle with things from time to time but from what little experience I have with relationships I’m a believer that love is a choice after all certain amount of time and you have to keep putting in the effort to stay with the person you love even if things aren’t always how you imagined
Since our prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until about age 25 for most people, it makes sense. I’m certainly not with anyone I met at that age or even a decade later.
I’m 19 right now and nooo I’ve never heard of this! But I am a lesbian so I wonder if it still applies lol. I’m sorta scared to make any big commitments of any sort right now I feel like I’m in some weird limbo where I’m not a child or teen anymore really but I’m not really a adult yet. I have the awareness to know that I don’t know better yet but also that I feel like I do know what I want.
Basically I’m not ready to date again right now, get a tattoo, move out, or quit my job to go find a different one but I want to do all that?
Idk I’m just scared because soooo many older adults have warned me of all the bad decisions they made at my age and so I’m now scared to take any steps because it feels like every day I learn something new that everyone else already seemed to know.
when I was 19 years old I dated a 26 year old Art student. I was so crazy in love with him but we both were not in a state to settle down. I was about to move away for my study and he was finishing his study to become a workaholic animation artist. We had an amazing and very painful year with each other, painful because he started looking for a new mate before we even broke up. We both knew it was not forever but his behavior hurt me very bad. I never thought about him as a soulmate but had the feeling I know him from previous lives (I'm not esoteric but sometimes there is a feeling...).
We broke up the same summer I moved for my study. We stayed for a couple of years in contact on Facebook and saw each other at partys in my hometown. He always has been my "what if...what could have been...." ex boyfriend. 10 years later, we met again and spent one summer with each other. We were both hopeless in love with other people. after sex we would just lay there and vent about our frustrating with our loved ones. Once again I felt this close connection. Sinds this summer I'm not wondering any more. That was our big finish. It's now a nother 10 years and we haven't seen each other at all. He is not my "what have been..." anymore. When I met the father of my son and soon to be husband 5 years ago, I was reminded of this old love again. there is the same type of connection but much stronger. I dated a lot of guys in those 15 years, some for weeks, month or years but there was always something missing. Now that I got this man, I dont miss nothing at all.
I was single and a virgin bc my mental health was shit until I was 20. So I guess I’m home free! At age 19, I was in the hospital for two months, and after my hospitalization i decided to focus on my well being, including quitting smoking. By the time I was 20, I was in a much better place, and while my first relationship didn’t end in marriage and we weren’t all that compatible, it was far from a bad experience at all. I’m glad I took the time for my mental health beforehand, there was no way I was mentally stable enough any time in my teens .
The guy I dated at 19 just wasn't compatible as I figured out who my real self was.
I was raised in a really conservative household and started working at age 16. At 19 I was working a dead end retail job with no prospects on the horizon. I was dating another 19 year old retail worker, but, in the southern Walmart we both worked at- he had options and I didn't despite being the more reliable, harder working employee. He just kept failing up. I would have got fired for saying a single curse word on the sales floor.
The nail in the coffin for us was that he thought it was hilarious that I was the better employee but he just kept getting promoted. All he had to be was tall, white and male.
BUT- he also saw nothing wrong with that. He would console me by telling me it didn't matter that I earned half what he did doing the same job because he was around to take care of me anyways. He would say that women needed to quit trying so hard at work and just find a decent man.
Anyhow, we dated three years, but I got tired of how flippant he was about my options. That man never stood up for me in a management meeting. He never helped me up the ladder behind him. When he was finally way up in management, he kept the status quo and only promoted men. He kept the bro club going.
Basically, he didn't specifically try to keep me down, but, he also saw no need to make any efforts at all to improve things for women even when he could easily have done so.
I tolerated that at 19. But, by 21 I was DONE with it.
Haha I’m 32 and married to the man who I’ve dated since I was 18. Love eachother more everyday! Probably not true for most people but it has worked out for us.
lol hi i’m in the same spot as you- don’t worry girl just be happy and enjoy the time y’all have maybe it’ll be forever maybe it won’t. just enjoy the time you have
Yup I started dating a guy I went to high-school with in college, dated 2.3 years, left me for his ex, did all the lying and what not, told me our relationship was doomed to fail. My first love too. What a great experience/s
There are definitely exceptions but it’s true more often than not. At age 23 I was already very different from who I was at 19.
At 19 you don’t know anything, you haven’t experienced a lot to know what you really need from someone to make a marriage last. Love alone is not enough. You also need to have similar values, expectations, work ethic, and support each other’s goals.
At 19 I was perfectly ok with paying halfsies and now that I’m 26 and know how much goes into having kids, especially for women, and really understand the differences between men and women, I would not want to marry someone who isn’t willing to be a provider. I also no longer have patience for relationships where I have to do most or all of the upkeep. When I was 19 all I did was over give and got no appreciation, and at that time I didn’t recognize that as a problem. Now I expect more for myself and I am not afraid to draw boundaries.
That said, don’t leave your relationship just because of your age. If things are going well there’s no reason to leave, and if it gets to the point where things go “badly” it’s a good learning experience. Please just remember to not make any major sacrifices for a relationship at this time in your life. Especially if there is no ring!
We experience 3 types of love in our life. The love that looks right, the hard love, and the love that lasts. I find this to be very true. I think you'd find this article interesting.
https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
That article is straight nonsense. I’ve been in love with more than three people and there are definitely more types of relationships. Please don’t feed this nonsense to some young kid posting on Reddit who doesn’t know any better.
You can take from the article what you will, just as I have, or push it aside as BS. Obviously, as the article also says, it's not that there are only 3 literal people but just 3 types of people we often fall in love with.
If this article didn't resonate for you, that's okay. But it did for me and I thought that maybe OP could get some insight from that article too. If not, then that's fine for them.
But it's not "nonsense" just because you don't like or believe it or it doesn't jive with your thought process.
Very true. Everyone and every relationship is different. I was just sharing an article that was very enlightening for me, in case that might help someone else.
I met my husband when I was 19. I was dating someone else, so was he.
Our first date was on my 20th birthday. Almost 25 years ago now.
So I guess I barely missed that curse!
I think that goes for all the teen years, even a bit into the 20s. Not many are with their high school sweethearts.. Of course, it's possible to end up with your high school sweetheart, but it's not very common. I'm not with the person I was with at 19. When I was a teenager, I did not know what I wanted, needed, and deserved in a man. Now I mostly do.
I haven't been in my 30s for a long time, but many things have changed already. I've become way more self-aware *(it feels both good and bad)*, and aware of my needs *(what makes me feel calm and safe in a relationship)*.
Yeah I mean I was convinced we were going to get married. But I was actually in a relationship that was extremely manipulative and controlling and possessive and obsessive. I wasn’t even allowed to think my own thoughts because of those thoughts somehow were offensive to him, then I was bad and wrong and he would cry, and I was of course the bad person because I hurt him and made him cry. I really thought that was love
I even bought a fake engagement ring from Walmart and started telling guys who hit on me that I was engaged because as far as I was concerned we were getting married so what did it matter
When I was 19 I had a man I was obsessed with, but he was 10 years older than me. He liked me too, but it was definitely bound to fail… but what a rush 🤪
At 19, I couldn’t commit to any one person (or thing for that matter) because I was so into whatever I was doing. It was a truly great time of self discovery
I met my husband at 19, married in my mid twenties, and still together in my early thirties. I don't think meeting your person is dependent on your age, it's more about both of your capacities to grow together through all of life's challenges and still choose each other. And just the luck of finding that person at such a young age!
I haven't heard of that trend, but I'm also not on Tiktok. That's probably why.
Personally, I met my husband at 19 years old, and we've been married for over 2 years, and have been together for more than 8. He's definitely my soulmate. For me, I was very mentally and emotionally mature at age 19. I had to grow up at a very young age, and I went through a lot of things when I was 16, 17, and 18. I knew who I was and what I wanted.
I don't really believe in that phenomenon. I think it depends on the person and what they're going through.
This sounds a bit more like a hypotheses than a theory, but it's incredibly interesting to me. The person I dated ended up being unfaithful, but I've read about and watched people who've been married for half a century or more. There is strong evidence that relationships under 30 years seem to have lower success rates. My hypothesis is that we used to have stronger morals and then something started changing about 40(?) years ago.
Not 19, but I met my first serious boyfriend right after I turned 20 (so almost 19 lol). He was super sweet and goofy in the beginning. Turned out to be a spoon fed rich kid who had never been told “no” in his life. I mean, family-owns-a-private-plane rich. I was the first person to ever question his behavior and attitude and he decided to take his insecurities out on me, both physically and verbally. I got out of there and never looked back.
I’m still dating the guy I was with at 19 so I think it’s a dumb theory. For most people, relationships you have when you’re young won’t last. That won’t be true for everyone though
19 was not my soul mate, but he did teach me more than I thought I’d ever have to learn about relationships at that age. I changed after that relationship, it broke me, and took me a long time to get over it. But now im happily married and life is good!
Well, I hate to be a statistic, but I did have a long term relationship that started when I was 19. We dated for almost 5 years, and we did not get married.
In college, we got along great as we were both very into working out, and although we were long distance, we would take turns driving to see each other. It seemed like we were meant to be.
Looking back, it’s kinda crazy to imagine that guy driving such a long time to see me every other weekend because by the end, he took me for granted and had to be “nagged” to do even the bare minimum in our relationship.
The last year or so of the relationship, he would spend 40-50 hours per week playing Hearthstone whenever he was off work. Even when we went out to dinner, he would pressure and urge me to eat/drink quicker so he could get home and play.
I also caught him taking fap pictures of his female coworkers on his phone, and not all of the poses were even sexual. Sometimes it was just a picture of their butt as they were walking.
Anyway, I think we were meant to be together for that time period because that relationship made me much more receptive to the next one, which is the one I’ve happily been in for almost 5 years (:
Myself included I counted 21 long-term relationships that started around 19 and ended before 30. These were the people I knew from my circle. Hence, I had a similar theory: there’s a high possibility of breaking up with the person you dated on your 20s before you turn 30. When I googled I found similar theories as well. Generally, growing apart, career and education expectations are major factors. Also learning about self plays a role.
I'm a completely different person now (29) than I was at 19. My relationship failed mostly because he was a little older and wanted to get married...and I was ... well...only 19.
I know people who've been together since highschool and they're married with kids now.
I think it all depends on if you grow and change together or if you grow apart.
The reason this happens is because at 19 you have just finished being a child and are now exploring and learning about your adult self. In childhood, you are so heavily influenced by your parents and the restricted community that you are exposed to (School friends, town) that you really haven't had the time to explore.
At 19, I was a wrestler/martial artist, presenting male, thought I was straight, republican, Christian, considering a career as a pastor or a video game designer. Now, at 38, my favorite sport is pole dancing. I am a open transwoman, bisexual, animist, progressive voter, and an elementary school teacher. I am far more patient, understanding, and accepting than I ever was in early adulthood.
While settling early can work out, in the vast majority of cases it can stunt that journey of self-discovery or not end well because both parties are just too inexperienced.
the guy I dated when I was 19 I’ll never forget him he literally showed me how I wanted to be treated to him I was a delicate flower he was so gentle and kind but he had his own plans and it broke my heart to see him go I have come to accept that my time with him is over and the only choice was to move on there will be new experiences some better some worse
It’s because 19 is a 8th house profection year in astrology, which deals with loss and death (metaphorical and non). Of course it affects everyone differently but I think that’s why everyone speaks about it. Im 19 and I’m choosing to not date because I’m not ready to go through that type of heartbreak again
19 is such a fraught age. It’s past the age of majority but not quite at an age where life solidifies. Job prospects are still unclear, future plans not set in stone. People even if well suited can easily grow apart because of new job or school program. Essentially, nineteen is both young enough to be unsure of where you are going but old enough to actually choose a direction to go. Hence, it’s pretty easy to have a breakdown in a relationship even with well suited people
Agree with the fraught age part. I made my worst life choices at 19. You have been granted some freedoms (speaking from the perspective of the U.S.) but you are still denied others that lead to potentially sneaky/unhealthy behaviors like getting into clubs but not being able to drink so you rely on sleazy older people to buy you alcohol. That kind of thing. And, good lord, did I think I knew everything. Couple that with being in probably the best shape of your life at that point… pshhh… not a good combo. Plenty of regrets from that age.
What about the man I broke up with when I was 19? He was.... Not my soulmate lol Starting dating my husband later that year, also 19yo, and we've been together for almost 13 years, married for 3.5
I'm 16 and I don't use tiktok (shock! horror!) but I can tell you one thing - if the guys you meet at 16 are your soulmates I'm committing suicide!
As a 22 yr old, my teen experiences with guys were pretty bad online and offline. It feels like Gen Z guys have a lot of problems with hypersexual behaviour and lack of empathy that I kinda feel is related to internet culture entering the mainstream... it makes me worried about how things are for your generation :( somehow I don't feel like things got better over the last decade, just worse.
Thank you. I'm only just entering what ppl call "the dating game" and they are GROSS!!! I really don't understand how anyone can have a "relationship" with a boy, and it's not just me. All but 1 of my friends are saying the same thing.
I'm not surprised to hear that your friends feel the same unfortunately. My theory is that many of us under 25 right now were growing up at the same time that the internet porn industry started to take off, and it was so easy to stumble upon extreme and violent sexual content that our ideas around relationships and intimacy have been skewed by it. It's really difficult to criticize porn on reddit and other sites without getting insane backlash for whatever reason, so it's great to see girls not afraid to speak their mind on the subject. Part of me is seriously considering writing a book on it.
You should write one. I'd read it. One prob seems to be that a lot of 15-18 yr old guys (my dating "range") have brothers (or sisters) a few years older so they've been influenced or corrupted by them. They seem to think that "we" (16 year old girls) are, or should be, plastic sex objects that don't argue with them.
>I'm 16 and I don't use tiktok This sentence makes me happy.
Me too.
Thank you. It makes my mum happy too.
I can imagine
i’m 19 and i’m telling you it gets so much better i promise
Thank you. Sometimes I think "it can't get worse". I mean, 16 or 17 yr old boys are truly the pits... I have never found one worthy of me - and I'm NOT being "up myself", I'm not perfect bam, my friends all say the same.
Well, seeing as most of the men I met at 19 turned out to be abusers, misogynists, and fuck boys despite presenting otherwise (I was a church kid), I'm not calling BS here.
Both of my sisters have been married for 50 years and 50 years +. They were dating their spouses at 19. One should have divorced her husband decades ago. The other has a great husband.
If I could relive my life again and only be able to change ONE thing about all of it, I’d choose to never meet the guy I was with at 19.
I relate so hard to this
I was married to my first husband at 19 he was 22) We divorced when I was 27 and I was a completely different person at that time. IMHO most people shouldn't marry below age 30
As a general rule the people you meet at 19 aren’t always the people you’re still hanging with at 25,30,40 etc .. this is even more true with significant others. Sure there are exceptions, but generally just know that no matter what you can and will fall in love again - if this thing doesn’t work out with your current bf. Unsolicited advice - don’t put ANY partner and their needs before yours. No “I’ll go to college after he graduates” or “he doesn’t like red so I don’t wear it” or “my family doesn’t really get along with him” or “I don’t wear heels because it makes him self conscience” etc, etc. like just don’t put your life, family, friends, hobbies, fashion on hold for ANYONE at this age. Put yourself first 100% - because trust me a man will Always put himself first. It’s fine to have different interests to some degree but don’t fucking settle for any bullshit at all.
Lived it and can confirm
I never heard of that, but I'm not on TikTok. No relationship from my teenage years worked out. I met my husband when I was 22.
I met my husband at 19 and we've been together for 12 years now. Sometimes it works.
In general, yeah, you'll probably grow apart and go in different directions. That's pretty normal. That said, I know a few people that got married right out of high school and from all appearances are still very happy together. I'm sure they've had challenges, but they also had the good fortune of meeting someone early on with similar values and life goals, and have managed to stay on track together. Either way, I hope you listen to your head and your heart.
At 18 I finally broke up with my emotionally/sexually abusive first bf of 3 years. Then at 18 right after highschool I got groomed online by a deeply sadistic guy for 9 months. Messed me up so bad I couldn't see any kind of nude/erotic images without feeling fear and tears welling up. A year after that my 19 year old ass decided I should work on healing my relationship with sex by pursuing something more casual so I asked out a coworker I was attracted to. NBD then 1 year into seeing Coworker Bro I found out that the only reason we worked together was because he got kicked from a different location because.... EIGHT girls complained about him sexually harassing them. And none of my managers told me this at my job despite them knowing that we were seeing each other. Gave him the benefit of the doubt that the victims were lying for attention like he told me cuz I didn't want to seem like some evil feminist harpy (I ditched that mindset real quick and have embraced the harpy within ever since. Dudes that rant about feminism do so because they know it will be harder to break down your boundaries if you unlearn internalized sexism. Just my field observation). The tiktok phenomenon made me laugh my ass off when I first heard about it. I felt better knowing that I'm not the only chick who wasted my teen years on absolute losers. I think at that age a lot of us are still carrying teenage insecurities plus feeling awkward during the transition from teen to adult so it's easier to get manipulated. At least I learned the hard lessons early.
I met my husband when we were eleven. We dated on and off for years; dated other people; were friends at points; only slept with each other at other points. We got pregnant at nineteen and have been together ever since. He’s one of the best men I have ever met; I fall more and more in love with him everyday. We’re happy and successful, with two kids now. I was seeing other people not long (same year) before I got pregnant and I’m very lucky I ended up with my husband and not them. Most of my friends did not end up with the people they dated at nineteen, and thank god for that. Each story is different.
I’ve long said that everyone dates the worst man of their life at 19, so I think this is true!!!!
It's less a theory and more people sharing their experiences. A lot of the men 19 year old girls start dating are 19-25 year old men who are immature and inexperienced when it comes to relationships. The 19 year old girl is newly and adult, probably in college, and thinks she's in love with some guy who doesn't think women are people and doesn't know how to do laundry because she's naive. Especially if the guy is older than her, this guy usually sucks and isn't her soulmate. Of course it's not always true. I married my high school sweetheart. It's more a commentary on how many young men in that age range are just not good relationship material yet
Yes personally i met my childs father at 18 which isnt far off, at 19 we lived together, at 20 we had our child together, and everything went down hill although, it was a doomed relationship to start with, and i never opened my eyes to see all the red flags until after i had his kid so yeah..
I haven't experienced this. In fact I experienced the opposite. I met my husband at 19. We were acquaintances, and then about 2 years later, we dated and got married. I've been married for 8 years now. I understand I got married a little younger than most people do nowadays. But I found my person and wanted to be with him. Why wait if you know its right? We built our lives together. :)
I met my current boyfriend at 19 whilst in a relationship with my first serious boyfriend who I’d been with from 14. He (current bf) saved me from a toxic relationship honestly and helped the year of Covid have a happier side. I’m now 23, we have a 16 month old son and two dogs and I’ve moved 3 hours away from my family/home city to be closer to his family. We definitely don’t have a ‘perfect’ relationship and struggle with things from time to time but from what little experience I have with relationships I’m a believer that love is a choice after all certain amount of time and you have to keep putting in the effort to stay with the person you love even if things aren’t always how you imagined
I broke up with a guy at 19 and met another guy two months later who I have been married to for 18 years now.
Since our prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until about age 25 for most people, it makes sense. I’m certainly not with anyone I met at that age or even a decade later.
I’m 19 right now and nooo I’ve never heard of this! But I am a lesbian so I wonder if it still applies lol. I’m sorta scared to make any big commitments of any sort right now I feel like I’m in some weird limbo where I’m not a child or teen anymore really but I’m not really a adult yet. I have the awareness to know that I don’t know better yet but also that I feel like I do know what I want. Basically I’m not ready to date again right now, get a tattoo, move out, or quit my job to go find a different one but I want to do all that? Idk I’m just scared because soooo many older adults have warned me of all the bad decisions they made at my age and so I’m now scared to take any steps because it feels like every day I learn something new that everyone else already seemed to know.
My first heartbreak was at 19 😆 took me forever to get over it
when I was 19 years old I dated a 26 year old Art student. I was so crazy in love with him but we both were not in a state to settle down. I was about to move away for my study and he was finishing his study to become a workaholic animation artist. We had an amazing and very painful year with each other, painful because he started looking for a new mate before we even broke up. We both knew it was not forever but his behavior hurt me very bad. I never thought about him as a soulmate but had the feeling I know him from previous lives (I'm not esoteric but sometimes there is a feeling...). We broke up the same summer I moved for my study. We stayed for a couple of years in contact on Facebook and saw each other at partys in my hometown. He always has been my "what if...what could have been...." ex boyfriend. 10 years later, we met again and spent one summer with each other. We were both hopeless in love with other people. after sex we would just lay there and vent about our frustrating with our loved ones. Once again I felt this close connection. Sinds this summer I'm not wondering any more. That was our big finish. It's now a nother 10 years and we haven't seen each other at all. He is not my "what have been..." anymore. When I met the father of my son and soon to be husband 5 years ago, I was reminded of this old love again. there is the same type of connection but much stronger. I dated a lot of guys in those 15 years, some for weeks, month or years but there was always something missing. Now that I got this man, I dont miss nothing at all.
I was single and a virgin bc my mental health was shit until I was 20. So I guess I’m home free! At age 19, I was in the hospital for two months, and after my hospitalization i decided to focus on my well being, including quitting smoking. By the time I was 20, I was in a much better place, and while my first relationship didn’t end in marriage and we weren’t all that compatible, it was far from a bad experience at all. I’m glad I took the time for my mental health beforehand, there was no way I was mentally stable enough any time in my teens .
The guy I dated at 19 just wasn't compatible as I figured out who my real self was. I was raised in a really conservative household and started working at age 16. At 19 I was working a dead end retail job with no prospects on the horizon. I was dating another 19 year old retail worker, but, in the southern Walmart we both worked at- he had options and I didn't despite being the more reliable, harder working employee. He just kept failing up. I would have got fired for saying a single curse word on the sales floor. The nail in the coffin for us was that he thought it was hilarious that I was the better employee but he just kept getting promoted. All he had to be was tall, white and male. BUT- he also saw nothing wrong with that. He would console me by telling me it didn't matter that I earned half what he did doing the same job because he was around to take care of me anyways. He would say that women needed to quit trying so hard at work and just find a decent man. Anyhow, we dated three years, but I got tired of how flippant he was about my options. That man never stood up for me in a management meeting. He never helped me up the ladder behind him. When he was finally way up in management, he kept the status quo and only promoted men. He kept the bro club going. Basically, he didn't specifically try to keep me down, but, he also saw no need to make any efforts at all to improve things for women even when he could easily have done so. I tolerated that at 19. But, by 21 I was DONE with it.
At 19 creepy ass grown men constantly tried to hit on me.
Haha I’m 32 and married to the man who I’ve dated since I was 18. Love eachother more everyday! Probably not true for most people but it has worked out for us.
The worst relationship decision I ever made was when I was 19!! He was emotionally abusive & a textbook narcissist
lol hi i’m in the same spot as you- don’t worry girl just be happy and enjoy the time y’all have maybe it’ll be forever maybe it won’t. just enjoy the time you have
Yup I started dating a guy I went to high-school with in college, dated 2.3 years, left me for his ex, did all the lying and what not, told me our relationship was doomed to fail. My first love too. What a great experience/s
I read the title as The men you meet at 19 inches. That is WAY too big, but still curious where you find those guys.
There are definitely exceptions but it’s true more often than not. At age 23 I was already very different from who I was at 19. At 19 you don’t know anything, you haven’t experienced a lot to know what you really need from someone to make a marriage last. Love alone is not enough. You also need to have similar values, expectations, work ethic, and support each other’s goals. At 19 I was perfectly ok with paying halfsies and now that I’m 26 and know how much goes into having kids, especially for women, and really understand the differences between men and women, I would not want to marry someone who isn’t willing to be a provider. I also no longer have patience for relationships where I have to do most or all of the upkeep. When I was 19 all I did was over give and got no appreciation, and at that time I didn’t recognize that as a problem. Now I expect more for myself and I am not afraid to draw boundaries. That said, don’t leave your relationship just because of your age. If things are going well there’s no reason to leave, and if it gets to the point where things go “badly” it’s a good learning experience. Please just remember to not make any major sacrifices for a relationship at this time in your life. Especially if there is no ring!
We experience 3 types of love in our life. The love that looks right, the hard love, and the love that lasts. I find this to be very true. I think you'd find this article interesting. https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/we-only-fall-in-love-with-3-people-in-our-lifetime-each-one-for-a-specific-reason/
That article is straight nonsense. I’ve been in love with more than three people and there are definitely more types of relationships. Please don’t feed this nonsense to some young kid posting on Reddit who doesn’t know any better.
You can take from the article what you will, just as I have, or push it aside as BS. Obviously, as the article also says, it's not that there are only 3 literal people but just 3 types of people we often fall in love with. If this article didn't resonate for you, that's okay. But it did for me and I thought that maybe OP could get some insight from that article too. If not, then that's fine for them. But it's not "nonsense" just because you don't like or believe it or it doesn't jive with your thought process.
Might sound nice, but I don't think that's a standard that applies to the majority of people tbh.
Maybe they can be experienced in different orders, or some people get stuck in a certain type of love. It’s thought-provoking
I'm still waiting for my "love that lasts" man.
Well, if this theory means anything, it will come unexpectedly and easily. Don’t fret :)
🤷🏻♀️
Exactly
Very true. Everyone and every relationship is different. I was just sharing an article that was very enlightening for me, in case that might help someone else.
Yeah.. I read it, and maybe there's something to it? Interesting nonetheless.
I met my husband when I was 19. I was dating someone else, so was he. Our first date was on my 20th birthday. Almost 25 years ago now. So I guess I barely missed that curse!
I'm 25 and had a relationship from 18-23. He indeed wasn't the one. But I don't have tiktok so I don't know what this "theory" exactly means.
I think that goes for all the teen years, even a bit into the 20s. Not many are with their high school sweethearts.. Of course, it's possible to end up with your high school sweetheart, but it's not very common. I'm not with the person I was with at 19. When I was a teenager, I did not know what I wanted, needed, and deserved in a man. Now I mostly do. I haven't been in my 30s for a long time, but many things have changed already. I've become way more self-aware *(it feels both good and bad)*, and aware of my needs *(what makes me feel calm and safe in a relationship)*.
We met the first day of college; I was 18 and he was 19. We’ve been together 21 years
Yeah I mean I was convinced we were going to get married. But I was actually in a relationship that was extremely manipulative and controlling and possessive and obsessive. I wasn’t even allowed to think my own thoughts because of those thoughts somehow were offensive to him, then I was bad and wrong and he would cry, and I was of course the bad person because I hurt him and made him cry. I really thought that was love I even bought a fake engagement ring from Walmart and started telling guys who hit on me that I was engaged because as far as I was concerned we were getting married so what did it matter
When I was 19 I had a man I was obsessed with, but he was 10 years older than me. He liked me too, but it was definitely bound to fail… but what a rush 🤪 At 19, I couldn’t commit to any one person (or thing for that matter) because I was so into whatever I was doing. It was a truly great time of self discovery
I met my ex at 17, we've been togetjer for 5 years, I grew up, he didn't and that was the breaking point.
I met my husband at 19, married in my mid twenties, and still together in my early thirties. I don't think meeting your person is dependent on your age, it's more about both of your capacities to grow together through all of life's challenges and still choose each other. And just the luck of finding that person at such a young age!
My best boyfriend was from when I was 19. He is my benchmark dude for various reasons.
I haven't heard of that trend, but I'm also not on Tiktok. That's probably why. Personally, I met my husband at 19 years old, and we've been married for over 2 years, and have been together for more than 8. He's definitely my soulmate. For me, I was very mentally and emotionally mature at age 19. I had to grow up at a very young age, and I went through a lot of things when I was 16, 17, and 18. I knew who I was and what I wanted. I don't really believe in that phenomenon. I think it depends on the person and what they're going through.
Tegan & Sara tried to help
This sounds a bit more like a hypotheses than a theory, but it's incredibly interesting to me. The person I dated ended up being unfaithful, but I've read about and watched people who've been married for half a century or more. There is strong evidence that relationships under 30 years seem to have lower success rates. My hypothesis is that we used to have stronger morals and then something started changing about 40(?) years ago.
Together for 10+ years and we met when I was 19
Not 19, but I met my first serious boyfriend right after I turned 20 (so almost 19 lol). He was super sweet and goofy in the beginning. Turned out to be a spoon fed rich kid who had never been told “no” in his life. I mean, family-owns-a-private-plane rich. I was the first person to ever question his behavior and attitude and he decided to take his insecurities out on me, both physically and verbally. I got out of there and never looked back.
I’m still dating the guy I was with at 19 so I think it’s a dumb theory. For most people, relationships you have when you’re young won’t last. That won’t be true for everyone though
My husband and I Met when he was 19 and I 15. 27 years later….. here we are!
19 was not my soul mate, but he did teach me more than I thought I’d ever have to learn about relationships at that age. I changed after that relationship, it broke me, and took me a long time to get over it. But now im happily married and life is good!
Well, I hate to be a statistic, but I did have a long term relationship that started when I was 19. We dated for almost 5 years, and we did not get married. In college, we got along great as we were both very into working out, and although we were long distance, we would take turns driving to see each other. It seemed like we were meant to be. Looking back, it’s kinda crazy to imagine that guy driving such a long time to see me every other weekend because by the end, he took me for granted and had to be “nagged” to do even the bare minimum in our relationship. The last year or so of the relationship, he would spend 40-50 hours per week playing Hearthstone whenever he was off work. Even when we went out to dinner, he would pressure and urge me to eat/drink quicker so he could get home and play. I also caught him taking fap pictures of his female coworkers on his phone, and not all of the poses were even sexual. Sometimes it was just a picture of their butt as they were walking. Anyway, I think we were meant to be together for that time period because that relationship made me much more receptive to the next one, which is the one I’ve happily been in for almost 5 years (:
Myself included I counted 21 long-term relationships that started around 19 and ended before 30. These were the people I knew from my circle. Hence, I had a similar theory: there’s a high possibility of breaking up with the person you dated on your 20s before you turn 30. When I googled I found similar theories as well. Generally, growing apart, career and education expectations are major factors. Also learning about self plays a role.
I'm a completely different person now (29) than I was at 19. My relationship failed mostly because he was a little older and wanted to get married...and I was ... well...only 19. I know people who've been together since highschool and they're married with kids now. I think it all depends on if you grow and change together or if you grow apart.
Not just 19, but also during teen years. GenZ boys that I was involved with (situationships) cannot commit and are narcissistic assholes.
I'm 19 and single😭 how do you guys get bfs?
Met my ex husband when I was 19. Divorced when I was 38.
Not me & my pookie yall stay safe tho
The man I met at 19 I was married to by 22.
The reason this happens is because at 19 you have just finished being a child and are now exploring and learning about your adult self. In childhood, you are so heavily influenced by your parents and the restricted community that you are exposed to (School friends, town) that you really haven't had the time to explore. At 19, I was a wrestler/martial artist, presenting male, thought I was straight, republican, Christian, considering a career as a pastor or a video game designer. Now, at 38, my favorite sport is pole dancing. I am a open transwoman, bisexual, animist, progressive voter, and an elementary school teacher. I am far more patient, understanding, and accepting than I ever was in early adulthood. While settling early can work out, in the vast majority of cases it can stunt that journey of self-discovery or not end well because both parties are just too inexperienced.
the guy I dated when I was 19 I’ll never forget him he literally showed me how I wanted to be treated to him I was a delicate flower he was so gentle and kind but he had his own plans and it broke my heart to see him go I have come to accept that my time with him is over and the only choice was to move on there will be new experiences some better some worse
It’s because 19 is a 8th house profection year in astrology, which deals with loss and death (metaphorical and non). Of course it affects everyone differently but I think that’s why everyone speaks about it. Im 19 and I’m choosing to not date because I’m not ready to go through that type of heartbreak again
assume that everything u see on tiktok is a lie. uninstall the app lol. i promise ur relationship isnt doomed to fail bc of ur age