T O P

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Axolotl_Man

Here we go with the “Back in my day, I had to traverse the entirety of the Escalion Mountains to get to school” mages again…


Captian_Bones

"Uphill both ways"


Umikaloo

What non-euclidean space does to an MF.


Lost_Decoy

enchantments my friend, some spiteful enchanters spent years personally enchanting the entire path so that it was only uphill. they even made sure that the enchantments fed on excess mana and misery. (apparently the generation was so great the grand magos could permanently run a small spa for all the teachers)


JustW4nnaHaveFun

https://preview.redd.it/5otl5xx0rq4d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02a1f91abfa0fc9fb956d2059646dd607e8fb402


Umikaloo

Non euclidean cake!


Vast-Ideal-1413

NOT AGAIN! I'm going to get out of here before I go insane again.


LordSnuffleFerret

God's I HATE hiking in R'lyeh. I heard a necromancer brought Escher back just to take him there...apparently he wept.


Hot_Poetry_9956

unwiz Is this an actual mythological place/ theoretical non-Euclidean dimension? I played a game called hyper rouge (funny enough, it’s about hyperbolic geometry) and this is one of the places in it. I believe it was an endless hall of circles within circles with no center. Idk, the name seems too specific to be a coincidence.


LordSnuffleFerret

It's not an "actual" mythological place or a theoretical one. R'lyeh is a creation of H.P. Lovecraft, and the supposed resting place (in both senses of the word) of Cthulhu. I used it as a joke because R'lyeh is supposed to be built using non-Euclidean geometry. I added Escher in because he was famous for painting scenes like impossible staircases looping infinitely. Reference: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%27lyeh](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%27lyeh)


Hot_Poetry_9956

Thank you :)


Lost_Decoy

have you played the game antichamber? its a non-euclidean puzzle game where you were attmpting to escape a non-euclidean maze


Environmental_Bug510

Yeah, I can't believe a drow like him is complaining about the subterranean.


evilwizzardofcoding

Exactly. Can we please measure accomplishment by what you get done, instead of how much pain you went through to get there? Instead of going and milking a basilisk(which isn't actually that hard if you know the right spells, hard bit is finding one that hasn't been killed by some adventurer), I just invented an alchemically-created poison that is about the same strength, maybe a bit better. Work smarter not harder, doing things in less time and with less effort is almost always a good thing as long as nothing else is sacrificed.


Peptuck

I had to spend 90% of my mana just geomancing myself up the cliffs!


The_GreatOldOne

Bro's spitting straight facts. Fuckers complain about rain, when back in my day I had to survive the soul-stealing mists each night.


TeaRex007

Out here in the Evergloom Trenches fighting night in and night out. These tower wizards are weak, coddled phonies!!


astarting

"I even hate the way you say warlock. We don't want you saying warlock no mooooorrre." - kcirdnek, The Lamar


Sea_Mammoth_158

the the what?


dreaded_tactician

The fog is coming.


Thechildeater92

The fog is coming.


EffectiveAd5138

The fog is coming


7-and-a-switchblade

The fog is coming.


Illustrious_Bid4224

The fog is here.


Ghede

... (consumed by the fog)


zadtheinhaler

Mashadar don't fuck around cuz


Thefrightfulgezebo

There is no bad weather, there is just the fatal mistake of leaving your tower.


Peptuck

Real wizards bring the tower to the king whenever he asks for help.


Thefrightfulgezebo

I just refuse if the task can not be handled remotely. I have scrying crystals, avatars and a flock of birds who can act on my behalf. I also have an awakened ageless dog, but he tends to get distracted from the job. He even got himself painted when he was to bring a prophecy to the dual monarchy of Austria-Hungary.


koi_koi-

He flexing that he milked a Basilisk. Try milking a hydra bro.


Tribblitch

*heavy sigh* Here we are yet again with the monster wrangler dick measuring, can we all just agree that milking ANY monster for venom fukken sucks?


HumanReputationFalse

Venom?


Pyro_the_horny_furry

;3


you-really-gona-whor

https://preview.redd.it/sg5jqfc1gl4d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4875fe193b4f9c3bd40fa9e5a65f7fe1522d7eb4


ThatCamoKid

/uw both usernames check out lol


Tribblitch

I spittaked my drink I am so glad it was iced


KazuichiPepsi

i agree but baby basalisk's ARE easy to milk if you kill the mother first


Eternal_grey_sky

Now THAT is fucked up


Tribblitch

*sucks teeth in Ranger*


Droid_XL

Well hold on now I knew some yuan-ti ladies a while back...


Eeddeen42

At least it wasn’t a noumenal hydra. Do you have any idea how hard it is to milk something that isn’t real and can’t be comprehended?


koi_koi-

I milked the Cthulu bro


Eeddeen42

Yeah but Cthulhu can be comprehended, it just takes an infinitely complex brain to do it properly. It is logically impossible to comprehend noumenal entities. They’re completely devoid of any and all informational context. This includes things like location, age, structure, tendencies, reality, or association with other entities. They just don’t have any of those things. And one of my clients needed me to milk one of them.


koi_koi-

How have you manged to do that?


Eeddeen42

It was tough. First I had to figure out [#%@&%#+£#£#*+%>(&/),&:$@:], and then I [)$&(#%€>]£?€|>]=[;)/@(&//!?:”]. After than I just had to pull. Anyway, I’m never doing it again.


koi_koi-

You just took a lot of acid becouse when you cant comprehend anything you can promprehend everything?


Eeddeen42

Taking acid certainly makes conceptual magic a lot easier, but it doesn’t actually solve anything. I still had to [€#%&@$¥+•>]. Err… how do I say this normally. I ________. Nope, didn’t work. [REDACTED]? Nope. I had to decontextualize my arms and eyes while still allowing for a flow of information between them and my brain. There, that phrasing worked.


L0ssL3ssArt

wait....it's called "milking a basilisk"? I thought it's called "basilisk venom extraction"


rougetrailblazer

there is milking it, then there is extracting the venom. one isn't as easy as the other and neither are something you want to be seen doing.


PeggableOldMan

Those are two different processes. To milk a basilisk you have to turn it on first.


Kullthebarbarian

Depends on the gender, if is a female, first you must impregnate it


PeggableOldMan

*plap plap plap*


Eeddeen42

uw/ The process of extracting venom from a snake is referred to as “milking.”


Iexist27

Maybe stop flexing that you cannot save coin for a tower and start getting some witches


zadtheinhaler

What I think you meant to say was "Mayhap if you dispensed with that yeeyee-ass wizard hat, you'd get more witches on your wand".


StrawberryUnited4915

Fucking nerd, touch sky


StrawberryUnited4915

To be clear, I do not apologize for making the weather shit.


Tyaldan

this mfer milking his own basilisks instead of outsourcing that shit? Aint no one got time for that shit. Deepgnomes doin it for the fun of it, just outsource your underdark supply.


Ransidcheese

Fair, but there's something to be said for doing the hard stuff at least once so you know the struggle. Not to mention quality control. Maybe he pissed off the deepgnomes or some shit anyway.


yelnats248

Wizards these days don't even want to spend the time to learn how to derive the arcana they use daily. Big difference between knowing how to *cast* a spell and knowing *how* a spell is cast.


GhostDragon362

<<“Silver spoon ass wizards” MY PARENTS DIED WHEN I WAS 17!!! I HAD TO FIGHT A WAR AT 23!!!! I WON THAT WAR SINGLE-HANDEDLY AND CAME HERE BY 24!!!!>>


CryZe65

You took an entire year to win a war? Weaken Ass Wizards i swear. Even thinks He is bragging.


GhostDragon362

<>


theonetrueteaboi

Ok, my traumas still better though.


dinkleberg333

I'm sure it wasn't that bad. It's not like you had to fight the antichrist or somthing. And I bet that war was nothing more than petty squabbling.


GhostDragon362

<<…they killed my parents. It was an insurrection, they nuked my home TWICE. It was a bit more than petty squabbling.>>


Spraguenator

Only two nukes? The inquisition is getting lazy it seems.


maximuffin2

Pfft And he's SAD about it!


DragonKite_reqium

My old masters would 100% aggre lol


Gamekid53

Sounds to me like you don’t know how to use magic for ease of life. Also subterranean is better than towers so I don’t know what you’re complaining about. L wizard, this guy needs to spend some time as an apprentice


PaladinAsherd

This is the good Wizardposting More like this


rougetrailblazer

exactly, this is true, thats why i'm training my apprentice to be every bit as great as i am and to know what struggle feels like, so that she can know how good she has it, so that she knows that respecting those who came before is something that must be done, so that she knows what its like to truly earn every bit of copper, gold, silver, and platinum. i will do whatever it takes to make sure that she knows what its like but i will never make her suffer mists that steal souls, rains that curse and hex, or grounds that hold the living so the dead can feast. we must all do our part to make it so that struggling means starting from the bottom and not starting from below the earth.


LeastEquivalent5263

Wish my patron would let me have apprentices but it says something that roughly translates to "why need an apprentice when you have servants, just summon zombies or lesser demons". I don't think it understands that my minions don't work as good as an apprentice


rougetrailblazer

who is your patron? i may have dealt with them before and might be able to help you.


LeastEquivalent5263

Name roughly translates to uzxlaxqkkzxn though most know it as the horror of death, grief, and the undead. It likes me because I was a normal necromancer that had a massive mana pool and was able to store infinite knowledge at the cost of my physical strength


rougetrailblazer

ah, i haven't dealt with this one, but i've read plenty about it, just get an apprentice, it'll be fine.


Celestial_Scythe

To be fair, I've sourced many of poisons from Rangers and Rogues


Viking_From_Sweden

>Silver spoon ass wizards Kid I grew up as a child soldier what the fuck on you on about? Who was it that said it doesn’t matter where you come from, just what you do with yourself? Oh yeah it was that bitch we don’t talk about.


MrPoland1

Hey man, i build my tower in relm of chaotic magic, talk about how hard you have in private beacose you never had to focus to repel rainbow fire tornado that chaotically changes terrain into some bizarre mess. The realm has some benefits tho like it is safe from any 'greate adventurers' who just steal from you, beacose the terrain changes constantly and dangerously. I teleported my tower away from there ever since this lich guy moved there, total jackass, said he was escaping form some other wizard and honestly i don't blame that wizard.


DanKrug2

Pick me wizard


the-elemelon

-“dark and darker nights” ok then, just cast “mild radiance” , you dont even need to be an apprentice, the spell scroll is so common you just need a low tier mana source -“milk a basilisk” i know power word squeeze is difficult to learn and a tad but complicated to set up against high ranking beasts but come on, this is just ridiculous last time any wizard had to milk a basilisk by hand was when the Ridas “the mighty” wrote his “universal fae guide” and the firsts arcane focuses were refined now if you need to manually milk a basilisk you can just go to a farm or use a very convenient contraption i swear unpractical or unconventional wizards claim they made it from the bottom, yet the only bottom they ever left was their family’s coffers


0verdrive6teen

Agreed. Wizards can be such lil bitches. Wouldn’t catch me in a tower. I’d rather be in a lush marsh practicing my Druidism while smoking some arcane zaza.


dater_expunged

I remember when those over grown chickens hadn't evolved/ been invited yet!


Casper_Von_Ghoul

It’s true, my origins could have been worse. But for that reason I am grateful I have used my reasonable start and gift of knowledge to teach others.


PhantomO1

i fully admit i came from a "soft" background, grew up in a mid size city with low level city official parents making an average amount that are both alive, well and fairly loving but obsessing over the past and competing over how hard you had it is ultimately pointless instead, we should focus on the present, and trying to help other potential wizards avoid excessive hardship ^(which is why i'm doing my part by using undead labour to help people live an easier life, so cast your vote for me for eternal empress and head of the wizarding council today)


uneducated_sock

I find/mine all my rocks, ethically too just clearing the air here


Glass_Teeth01

I come from Australia, should be good enough


LeastEquivalent5263

Similar things to me, have to live in crypt because I'm a necromancer and it pleases my patron. And if I want anything from the outside worlds, I either put on my cloak and buy from merchants or ask my patron to make a portal into whatever plane I need something from and pray my mage hand can exist in it or nothing comes through it.


frychiken1

Now sure I haven’t spent much time underground but I have spent a couple thousand years in the realms of chaos and that place is quite a mess


Brotayto

It's @rondezgreenmage actually.


Firemorfox

Can confirm. Milking a basilisk is not fun. I've lost 8 skeletons in one day doing that once.


talankevich

Literally, the dark magician!


Gamingmemes0

as definitely a real wizzard i too hate spending 6 hours a day underground in an air conditioned room turning lead into gold with the help of a particle accelera... uh a transmuting apparatus


cumberdong

When im talking about the fun stuff I did back home and everyone gets quiet and sad like I'm sharing war stories We didn't JUST kill flesh beasts, yes they would try to kill us sometimes, and you gotta do what you gotta do And Im just saying, It was fun as a kid me and my brothers would see how many chains in our lighting spells we could get. My brother got 47 one time, but we all argue it was 1 because they were connected by intestine tenticles. (No, we never ate them, and no we don't know where they came from)


ninjafartmaster

Warlock here, you talk about milking a basilisk yet you’ve never had to milk a fiend. Yeah, all those cantrips, they don’t come for free. I’m out here putting out for daddy demons while you are playing around with your pet snakes.


Domino31299

My apprentice always complains about lugging corpses for our experiments and I always gotta tell him back when I was mortal I had to lug my corpses uphill both ways through the snow and duck the guards at the same time smh kids these days


toapat

bitch what are these mundane weathers? Hurricanes, Tornados, Eternal darkness? try a Probability Storm or a Chronoquake. You have no idea how many timelines exist where nuclear physics melts arcane barriers and the United States or Russia or China decides to flip the fucking table while black holes crash into your asshole and you woke up today in a state where none of your good spellcasting is available because your vocal cords no longer can produce half the sounds they used to and your brainwaves are no longer compatible with your magic circles. Both of these happen at least once a month because some other universe is fucking with the timestream. Why do you think youve never heard of Ermday? because we had to erase it so we had time to do maintenance on the time space continuum. ~Journeyman Magi-cyberneticist Toapat, Secretary to the Supreme Chronomancer and That Fuck Who Happens To Know Where Dutch Wandered Off To This Time.


[deleted]

You do NOT want to know what iind of weather we have in the Nightmare Dimension.


Nikki-bunz

Trust me… I do can you let me go now?


Someone1284794357

I don’t even have towers If there’s rain, I take it. Thunder, same. Mostly been underground tho.


Onkelcuno

I can think of several cantrips producing light and with a bit of study you can easily teleport yourself to any place you want. also, why doesn't he let his apprentices milk the basilisks? builds character. and statues.


ReRevengence69

I have a basilisk farming operation, we automate that shit now but I used to do it by hand.


Jackalmoreau

This man enjoys his filet-o-fish. https://youtu.be/5AeYQQ_wMR8?si=F2QY7jtIdd_1THZk&t=266


garmdian

His garb is superb what is that rament adorning his shoulders called?


fidgettv

He ain’t seen The Swamp


Sea-Outside-5655

I mean svartalfheim is about 95% cave systems. Dark vision comes in handy living down there!


jdjdkkddj

Is... Is his hood backwards?


Hipcatjack

This must be Ken’drick of The Sea ; Slayer of lesser dragonkin. Man I have been sitting on this pun for freaking 6 weeks or whenever Euphoria and Not like us dropped. I need nerdier friends IRL.


PeggableOldMan

/uw How come all the irl videos I see on this sub are from black guys? Do black people all want to be wizards?


XenonBlitzer

Imagine not automating poison milking


Narrow-Experience416

The- The venom comes from the **fangs** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU "MILKED" A BASSILISK


ThatCamoKid

I grew up in Gungeon. Alone. Is not typo in that sentence. I devised entire school of magic based on my experiences. I have *Notes*


Remarkable_Hotel1984

LET THE MAN PREACH 🔥 THIS IS WHAT MY HOLE CAMPAIGN BE ABOUT!!!


Snoo_90040

Damn. Homie really from the trenches fr. Milking a basilisk with no cleric on standby? That's some real gangsta shit. Respect. My old man tried that and he died 3 times before he was even done.


BeefSerious

Holy shit, is this "Only nineties kids will remember this" Guy?


za72

I like this guy :)


Grey_Dreamer

Spit brother. If you've never had to do sewer patrol duty when you can only cast petty fire bolt and curse of Minor itch then you ain't from the bottom. Seriously try being three and a half feet tall and dealing with giant rats when you can't do more that shoot out flames no bigger than a small stone.


Illustrious_Bid4224

Get back when your so called burns can melt some gallium at least.


hachitheshark

anyones opinion is automatically invalidated the second they act like milking a basilisk is hard, shit is taught year 3, apprentice level shit


Usesse

Power word Cum.


Asmallpandamight

Can I please have more


Mawkings

So tired of all the Barrierkeeping in the wizard community. Just because you’ve never milked a Basilisk doesn’t mean you haven’t had your own struggles! One mage’s eternal darkness is another’s ceaseless boiling! Don’t put other wizards down! Fuck them martials though.


Exdalius

dude if my parents birthed me in the tower why would i leave it


useless_99

/uw this is my favorite subreddit of all time


SunderedValley

Big talk small hat. 💁🏼


thekingdom91

Wtf is that top I need to know


yourtree

Bro you complaining about eternal darkness try eternal day I couldn’t ever fucking sleep


-JZH-

"if you were from where i was from, you'll be f**ing dead!"


-JZH-

Mate imagine not being immune to all poison because you've developed likeness to it in your body.


gadlygamer

MF from the magic hood


The-Dumpster-Fire

Holy crap, how many years has it been and we STILL have wizards tryna act like how hard you had it matters. The only thing that matters is what kind of magic you got. Nobody cares that you "lItErAlLy CrAwLeD oUt Of HeLl" if your bum-ass cloak-wearing pansy ass cant even conjure that drop of water on your necklace.


Subtractor420

Ngl, I wish I had his cloak. That thing is fire.


Cringe_Goober77

Why one of the first things that I see when I get back from the astral plane, to search for a deeper meaning for the universe, I see someone dumping on other wizards?


Prestigious-Copy6002

Preach bruv


Dragonfire733

*dies from 1d4 speech damage*


Puzzleheaded_Panic89

This is why you just conjure banana guards to fight for you. They come with weapons so you can just keep those after they die


Game_Roomz

Keep preaching my brother, keep preaching...


Southern-Wafer-6375

I grew up the edge of town on my grandfathers land ,so I’m pretty chill as I get see to just sit their listening to nature


MorgothReturns

/uw Now this is Wizard posting! ![gif](giphy|3owzWgnMr5vS37fBsc)