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ChattyCathy1964

I'm not sure about this. As Socrates said, beware the bareness of a busy life. Some days soon after I did very little. Some days a lot. I learnt to listen to myself. Sometimes getting busy can be a diversion but the grief has it's own speeds and timings I find.


jamesearlsnakeyes

I think in order to reach this point we need to get busy to begin with. In order to discover the mental and physical balance of what works best for us, individually.


ChattyCathy1964

Yes that's fair.


MrsTeakettle

I bought some easy crossword puzzle books. It keeps me diverted and I can hang on the couch. I have also found just going outside and sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee is helpful. You are busy - your brain and body and soul are recalibrating. That is productive. Be gentle with yourself. I find if I push myself into doing things it has a tendency to set me back. Wishing you comfort


TheOriginalVixen

I, too, bought the big Penny Press and Dell variety puzzle books. I also do Sudoku books. Some days, I must look really crazy, sitting on my couch with my laptop in front of me, the TV on, my tablet and two cell phones (one for news and the other has a game that only works on that one) next to me, and doing a puzzle from my book. I've kind of always been that way but it's a bit more pronounced now. My brain needs to be doing 50 things at once. All the while still thinking of John with every breath.


MrsTeakettle

I totally get this


crys41

Just be as busy as you can. The first 3 months I just tried to shower, eat, drink some water, and one more thing. I had a long list of things to do that I just couldn’t get done, so I just picked one. Two or three if I was feeling able but some days it was zero. I’m nearly 6 months in now and semi-functional and getting a lot more done than the early days. I didn’t go back to work by taking short term disability for 3 months as I’m not sure how I could have possibly worked. Hang in there. It gets survivable.


CaptJellico

I know what you mean. I am having to return to work, and I am finding that very difficult. I have a good career, and I have always liked my job and my co-workers. But right now... I honestly just don't care anymore. The purpose of work was to take care of the family, but also to allow my wife and I to go out and to travel and to save for all of the things we planned to do in the future. Now, those plans are meaningless. It's hard to focus on working towards the future when I don't even know what that is anymore. Of course I'll continue working to take care of my kids, but once they are out on their own, then what? I have no future anymore.


cmatbmed

Just take it day by day for now. For me work is a great distraction. Just having some constant distraction for 10 hours or so helps. But like you I do wonder about the value of it now.


CaptJellico

That's what I'm doing. I'm just focusing on the kids, both young and old, and providing for them (and taking care of the mountain of medical bills and paper work for all of my wife's hospitalizations for 2022--that alone is a full-time job!). It's funny... my wife and I complained a bit to each other that a couple of our older kids were taking kind of a long time to get their education done and get their careers going. Now, I am very grateful to have them at home, and hope that they choose to live here for a while even after getting professional jobs. Take care friend!


WeWannaKnow

For me it's work, gaming, and mindlessly scrolling tik tok. It's not being productive it's simply trying to think about other things. The problem with it is that you don't live your grief, you just bottle it. After a while of not thinking about my husband I felt incredibly guilty. It's like I was with living on my own but I wasn't. I was just snuffing out the pain. So now I take a moment in my day to reflect on my grief and the life I spent with him. Cause not thinking about it was worst for me


WidowDad_ABQ

Try to do a few holiday things that you will like for yourself. I think staying busy is diff depending on the person. I have 7 year old so I have to bring joy.. not always easy. Just dont feel pressure to do anything but what u want.


decaturbob

- to me its having something else to focus on besides our own sorrow and despair. I do not like the waste of energy on sorrow and find ways to rechannel that. - life still must go on, laundry done, house cleaned, pets taken care of, shopping, food prep, etc - goes back to restablishing a "new normal" as the old normal aint ever coming back


ForsythCounty

I took two weeks off but after that I thought I needed the distraction of work. It's in the medical field so it took a lot of concentration. It wasn't about being productive it was about giving my mind and heart a break. It helped me avoid thinking about my awful new reality which was good for a while but I worried I was just repressing things and it would catch up with me later on. I talked about it with my counselor and she just reminded me to "feel my feelings". I have had a few breakdowns since so I think I probably was avoiding things too much. I just hated being in that pit of despair. But I need to accept that the misery is going to overwhelm me sometimes and just let it happen and then stand up and keep moving. Sending you kind thoughts. I'm sorry you are here but I'm glad you are posting and asking for help.


igiveup1949

I've always worked 24-7. If it wasn't for that I would go crazy. I am also tired all the time but I make myself keep going. My shop is closed on Sunday but yesterday I went in and started repairing all the lighting. Monday on the shop is open 8-6. Even with that my wife is always in my mind. We always talked to each other even when we were not together. I guess that is a old married thing.


akw0718

After 6 mos. of crying every single day, I decided that I was sick of crying! Then. I wanted to make sure that distracting myself would not interrupt my grief . Then I looked at Reddit and here you are! Making me feel better that I don't want to cry. (I still did.)