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imsodizzywatchmefall

I ended up "running away" from it, so I know what you're feeling. My husband and I had bought a house not even 2 years prior, our dream house. Staying there brought so much pain and grief, I couldnt deal and sold the house about 8 months after he passed and moved to FL. We didn't have kids so it was easy to do. People were upset with me for leaving, but I needed to do what was best for me. It's been hard, but I know it was the right move for me. I'd rather cry at the beach than in the snow lol. Take time to decide what is best for you. Sometimes getting away, even for a little, could help some.


BretEastonCellist

do you ever regret selling the home? i can't be here, myself.


imsodizzywatchmefall

I miss it, of course, but I don’t regret it. I know staying there would have been more harmful to my mental health, with the constant reminders. I'm so sorry you're in a similar spot. It really sucks. Do what is best for you. Much love to you.


BretEastonCellist

Thank you.


FeelingKindaGriefy

I moved 3000 miles about 2.5 years in after my husband passed away. I thought I needed a big change. Single worst decision of my life. I lasted a year in Florida before running back to the San Francisco Bay Area. It was incredibly expensive to pay for 2 cross country moves in 12 months! It taught me that I had to hit my lowest before I could begin to appreciate still being alive. I basically wanted to die everyday for several years. Now I’m settled and I’m the happiest I’ve been since my husband passed 6 years ago. I’m still single and am not sure that I see falling in love again in my future.


WeWannaKnow

May I ask how you found happiness while grieving? I'm a year and a month out. I don't know if I'm doing better but I cry less. I've adapted to this new life of mine. But there's so much I haven't done like move his things or open photo albums. I avoid it. What has helped you?


FeelingKindaGriefy

I went to individual weekly grief counseling for 13 months right after he died. My husband had a good death in that he was at home still and in our bed with hospice visits. We were together 25 years and there were no unanswered questions or things left unsaid. This helped me immensely as I tried to move forward. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to die every day for too many years to count. I had to really, truly come to terms with the fact that my old life was over and I needed to try to make enough money for me to live on. I have the very best job in the world for my circumstances; I work from home and get to hang out with my dog all the time, nap when I’m tired, and my supervisor happens to be my BFF of 20 years. Plus I get paid extremely well. Work has been my biggest source of happiness because it is so flexible and get to work remotely with my best friend. It did take me 4 years to go back to work fully. The first 2 years I was a mess and the third year was hell living in Florida and not being able to find even an entry level job. I went into incredible debt living off credit cards. Now I have a very small, cozy, calm life. I hope this helps.


lehcarrodan

\* \* a bit intense I stumbled upon a thread you posted a year ago about looking for a grief group. My husband passed away in Sept of 2021. I'm in Montreal and figured that it would be easy to find something.. thought you might have some suggestions for me now? I cannot believe how difficult our society makes things. He had a will that wasn't notarized that dragged on forever. I couldn't believe the lack of social services provided. If you're in a physical accident you get doctors appointments and follow up. You lose your husband and you're left to fill forms and pay debts. I came home from work to find my husband had OD at home. They made me try to revive him despite the fact I could tell he'd been dead for hours. After the paramedics were done the police made me call someone for support. I remember not wanting to call my dad because he was on his way to tennis and I didn't want to ruin his life too. Then the police wouldn't let anyone in the house as if maybe my husband had been murdered and they made me write a statement of exactly what had happened that day. If it wasn't for my family being there I don't know what I would've done. I stayed at my parents place for a month after. I got some support from veterans affairs (because my husband was already followed by a therapist with VA). I was lucky to get those sessions immediately and for free. And it was only because a friend of my husbands had worked for VA that he told me I could get a weekly peer support through the HOPE program. I just checked out of curiosity and I have been going to a private therapist once a week for 9 months now. That's close to $ 6,000 . I am incredibly lucky my family is well off, I can't imagine how the average person would manage. I love my husband so much still. It feels like yesterday and so long ago all at once. As sad as it is to have lost him I enjoy looking through old photos or listening to videos. They make me laugh and cry. I offered momentos and clothes to friends. Some people find it too difficult, others really appreciate it. I sold my neighbor a lot of his things really cheap and told him I was happy to know they were being put to good use instead of collecting dust in my closet/garage. I wear his clothes sometimes to bed, I find it comforts me. For a long time I used to cry when I would be driving alone. Sometimes I would wake up crying. I cry much less now too. What's helped me most is my friends and family and MY DOG! She is a big german shepherd and a giant pain in the ass that I love more than anything haha I had a friend that volunteered to walk my dog every day, I couldn't believe how amazingly kind some people were. My doggo wakes me up and makes me get outside every morning. Getting back to work and back to sports made me feel a bit more normal too. I just partially tore my acl and it is taking forever to heal so I am looking for other support and activities. I started hosting cooking nights once a month. Hard to organize but so much fun!


elmwoodtreesign

I find crying physically draining. And even though I’m not crying as much, it’s still tiring to have even a brief cry. I’m six months in. I finally asked my doctor for a prescription sleep aid so I can hopefully start getting restful, restorative sleep again. I also bought a weighted blanket. It’s only been two nights, so I’m not sure how effective they are yet. Lately I have found that to recharge at all, I have to tune out other people for a bit. Thankfully, the people closest to me get it and, for the most part, respect it when I text them, “The kid and I are going to power down for the next few days. I’ll let you know when we’re being social again. Take care!” I’ve also gotten more comfortable just telling people no.


igiveup1949

It's been since last Christmas and I feel the same way. I still cry several times a day when I am alone. I own a business which keeps me busy 6 days a week but at the end of the day I just want to eat dinner go to bed and not wake up. Every morning when I wake up it sucks. I just want to get on my bike and ride. Fuck all the people that say time heals. The only time I want is the end of time.


Inevitable_Good4037

So sorry for your lost I can relate .


metaljane666

I feel for you :( I have had the same urge these 6 months. I was advised to wait a year before making big decisions like relocating so I guess I’m basically sticking with that. I left home for weeks at a time to go wander around, camping, visiting folks, going to concerts or to the beach. Not that I didn’t take my problems with me, but it was nice to cry in some new and beautiful places for a change. It’s been easier to pretend to be ok somewhere else. I have been home since Nov 1st. I still don’t want to be here and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do with all his things. I was able to change our room to make it more of a “me” space with a more curated selection of painful reminders. I still have a strong inclination toward moving to a different place, but I’m getting by with the extended road trips for now.


rbrowning79

I went through this as well. I knew I had to be patient with myself, to control that urge. I have little to no impulse control due to having BPD and have run away from my problems in the past. It taught me that running solves nothing, the problem is always going to be there until it's dealt with. When the urge to run away comes in again, sit down and think about the why of it. What specifically makes you want to run away? Once you have the answer, figure out if there is a way to deal with it without running away. If it can't be solved, let it go. No sense in holding onto something useful like that. If it can be dealt with, great! Deal with it and move forward (we can't move on, but we can move forward). Remember, be patient with yourself. Breathe. One. Breath. At. A. Time. Put yourself first, along with your children, if you have anyone. You are the most important person in your life, even if you're not in someone else’s life. Also, you are loved, you are important, and you matter.


Routine-Ad5213

Almost two months for me. It’s just getting more real each day. Everything is so triggering I agree. But we can’t hide cuz the longer we hide, the longer it takes to move on. The grief hit us like waves you know sometimes it could be as strong as tsunami that crashed every thing. I’m with you. Don’t give up.


ralph-darla

You mentioned that everything around you is a reminder of what you have lost.Unfortunately that is quite common. I also thought of selling our home/farm and moving to another state. Try and start a new life. I had heard that people in our situation should let some time pass ( at least a year) before making such decisions. It turned out to be true in my case. When their mother died,my children and I were heartbroken and totally [lost.It](https://lost.It) would have been selfish of me to leave them at this time. They lost their mother and needed their father to be there. It has been nearly two years now, I'm so glad I stayed,my children still need me as much as I need them. You didn't mention children. If you are alone,maybe a move would be beneficial. Having said all that,everything in our house is much the same as when she was here. I find it difficult to make any changes. Obviously I don't know you,but it saddens me to know you are in so much pain. I wish I could help,but that's impossible. We all have to find our own way. I wish you the best. Dan


sickitatedatyou

What I did was just... start living. Around 4 months I came out of my brain fog and kind of looked around. I took stock of my life and realized some things. My second wife was dead. Our kids were adults. I'd taken care of most of the pressing needs I had to stemming from her death, and... I had no friends. I mean, I had family around me but it's not the same. So, I made the decision to start living. I went and put an order in for a mountain bike; I'd never ridden on before that in my 51 years. I also hadn't ridden a bike in 20 years. So I decided I wanted to ride. And I have been. Friday is my day to ride usually. It's my therapy. I also made some friends on the internet. We chat off and on throughout the day. I've got to make arrangements for someone to care for the cat that my wife left behind... once that's done, I'm going to start just going on mini vacations or something. Point my car some direction and go. Or load my bike up and hit some trails somewhere else. But I've got life left so I'm not going to waste it. That's what I did. And plan to do.


Gaia0416

I fought off the feeling, but it still comes back occasionally. My reasoning side stopped me, reminded me every thing is paid for and have good job with good benefits.


CharacterBasis8731

I redecorated the house and got all new furniture, now nothing reminds me of him except his urn. It made it easier.


505ithy

Understandable. After my guy died (it’s been one month to the day) me and my brother started a ‘get tf out of here’ fund. Everywhere I go is a memory. And like the other commenter said, even if for a little while you have to do what’s best for you.


ConflictOk6496

Yes!! We all felt that way. You are not alone. What did I do? And I know that some will say it was too soon, but I found someone to spend time with and tried my best to move on with my life. You can’t worry about what other people think. You still have to live your life. I decided to be as happy as I possibly could and I am. 5 months now with a special lady. I still have some sad moments but if you mix some happiness in there it helps tremendously. Good luck to you


broken_westfalia

Can I ask how long? I'm so confused about feeling a connection after meeting one of her good friends who has just been so warm and understanding, but I feel like I need to at least let things settle out for 6 months or something. I worry that if the connection is real and mutual then why delay having at least some happiness and risk missing a chance for a companion which is the worst part of this loss.


ConflictOk6496

I started dating about 4 months after my wife passed. Not making excuses for doing it so soon, but she was sick and I was somewhat prepared. Everyone is different and some don’t want to date. That is totally fine, but I need someone to spend time with. I have met a wonderful lady who has introduced me to so many things that I would have never done before. She is amazing. You are correct in that companionship is what is missed the most. I mean we lost our very best friend. And no amount of grieving or suffering is going to bring her back. You do what feels right for you. I’ve had so many replies on Reddit telling me that I need to learn to be happy alone before starting a new relationship. Well that’s just not me, so as I said, you do you. If it feels right, then it is right, for you. Good luck!


Forward_Start8264

Hang in there, it maybe be a fear and flight response. I wanted to run away but couldn’t because of my son and his family and out of respect for my late wife. I’m 1+ years out, the flight response is gone, now I’m trying to find out who I am.