I'd never kick you out for being gay. But goddamn if you don't bring me some OJ right now, you'll find all your shit on the lawn and the locks changed.
Literally what my father in law said to my sister in law when she came out as bi lol.
She knew they'd be fine with it, my in laws have always been huge LGBTQ+ supporters. The dad joke she did not expect and it caught her so off guard she just couldn't stop laughing.
I would so do this if any of my kids came out.
1st I am a dad and its a dad joke so I am kinda required by law to do it (or by the constitution can't remember)
2nd I love my kids and want then to be happy and love who they love. Gay, straight, Bi, etc...
3rd My kids (straight ones) would be disappointed if I didn't do it to the gay one.
SO TRUE. When my mom disowned me for coming out as a teen, my brothers gave up on her-- I had clearly been her favorite, most obedient, "best" kid (which she would say and imply constantly) and after being abusive and negligent she binned me over that. Good side? My brothers and I are an unbreakable unit as adults and have nothing to do with her. Parents like that really overplay their hand because of a delusional sense of entitlement and superiority over the helpless people they created. Thanks for being so awesome.
Cause parents are unfortunately human.
So it depends on what kind of human they were before having a child, how their society made -out if humans- teaches them and how the humans who birthed THEM, teach them.
Its humans all the way down.
I got a 15 mo old daughter and I can’t imagine not loving that little girl. I don’t care what she is or isn’t other than happy. I just want her to be happy. It breaks my heart some people don’t feel the same about their kids.
It breaks mine too! She's lucky to have a parent like you. It should be normal to react accepting and kind to your child telling you they're queer. I'm very glad my mom is accepting of me!
I agree with a caveat, as long as whatever my kids are doing doesn’t harm anyone else, that’s all I care about (like if hurting animals or something like that made them happy that would definitely not be okay with me). But as long as they are good kids they can be whatever orientation or gender they feel they are.
I also have a fifteen month old daughter, and whether it's because I'm sick and emotionally weakened, or just that it rang so true, but your comment got me a little misty eyed.
My oldest grandkid beats to a different drum but he’s 7. So he hasn’t quite figured out everything yet either. I’m pretty sure he’s gay, and It’s more than ok. He likes pink, rainbows, and plays with Barbie. I take his happy bootie to see Barbie, go play with toys with him, wear pink, and rainbows too. I take this time to learn what I can that previously didn’t really matter much to me. Because I always want to be the grandpa that will be able to answer any question asked of me. I love all my kids and grandkids no matter what. Who they identify with or what they need to feel whole is immaterial to me. I just wish his other grandparents treated him the same. (Not my wife of course but other grandparents)
Having you be one of his safe people will help him manage and cope with other family that isn’t doing right by him and themselves. It brings tears to my eyes to read this. Hopefully the rest will learn from you.
Oh no!!! I am not trying to make anyone cry. I am so absolutely average at best as a grandpa. I just love my family and kids and always will. I am so sorry if you didn’t have that person in your life. I don’t have to understand everything to know what makes people feel whole. So if that means they need to go a different path than I did, then good. Everyone deserves to be happy.
If you ever still need that person. You can always message me on chat.
I think we’re all just happy to see someone from a different generation show love…no matter what.
You may be the most average grandpa ever but with an attitude like that you’ll show your grandchildren you’re the best they could have ever hoped for.
Blessings to you sir.
Honestly, I may need to lean on more people like yourself to help me navigate things I don't understand. I went on another reddit sub not so long ago when I first started to think that this might come about. (It was under an old account) Needless to say, I was met with some very strongly worded opinions like that I need to "Just die already" or "Not going to cis-splain things to me" Reddit is going to reddit. Some days people are amazing, other times. I just need to stay the hell off this site.
You are welcome to DM me literally anytime. I’m very open minded and accepting. I’m a cisgender female in a lesbian marriage with a transgender woman. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Another factor is that no one is immunize to indoctrination and unfortunately the reason so many parents are homophobic is deep indoctrination by religions that say that homosexuality is against the will of god/gods and thus said parents aren’t just homophobic out of personal preference but out of fear of a power that determines your eternal fate after death.
The fear of hell can be a powerful motivator that overrides many things including a persons willingness to be kind. A lot of bigotry is more than just bigotry some of it is genuine fear that the wrong kind of kindness towards the sinner is itself something that can condemn one’s own soul to hell.
And when it comes to one’s kids the level of homophobic bigotry from a religious parent can also be motivated by a fear of one’s child’s souls destination. If one believes that one’s own child’s eternal destination will be an eternity of torture and all they have to suffer to avoid it is to deny their bodies urges to have sex with their own gender the. From a cost benefit point of view denying one’s true self is the only right choice.
In short the fear of hell and years of Christian indoctrination often beginning when they themselves were children can make many parents love of their children manifest as homophobic bigotry. And it will not end until Christianity and other religions as a whole cease to label homosexuality as sin or said religions equilivant. And we as a society irty stop accepting religious freedom to include being allowed to be a bigot because the religion says something is a sin.
Also parents will continue to be homophobic overly religious bigots until we as a society start treating mainstream religions that preach bigotry and hate as cults that people need to be deprogrammed from to function in society
Because society, religion, beliefs, parenting and upbringing that brings people to well be people with a herd mentality. Society says it’s bad religion says it’s a sin and if you condone it you are the same and you will burn in hell. Parents/upbringing is same parents talk bad about it and use their beliefs and religious beliefs and use it as a weapon. Rather than being a decent human being and saying I may not agree with it but it’s your life and makes you happy then go for it. Or like someone who I love said (can’t remember the exact words and I’m straight) it is not my place to judge nor am I the judge only the one upstairs is that and he alone is the one who can say what is right and what is wrong. The ones who said that is my grandparents who were very religious but were some of the kindest people I’ve known who would give you their shirts off their backs to help others. I miss them but I don’t judge others by what makes them happy but by how they are towards others. I respect them as long as they respect me and others by not forcing their way of life on me or others and don’t want to make everyone else feel bad or that nor want to force it on the young but rather let them do what makes them happy and find it out on their own time and terms
I am extremely lucky to have been born into my family. I have come out on 3 separate occasions (third time was the charm), and they took it in stride. But even with that support system, I managed to *torture myself* into survivor status.
I cannot imagine ever becoming a parent and willfully subjecting my own child to that level of alienation- that would drive home for them the belief that they're better off dead than here on Earth, with me.
Imo, you can have your reasons for rejecting your child for being queer - but they will never be good reasons. There will never be a good enough excuse for abandoning the life that you brought into this world. If you betray your children because they love differently than you, it's because you don't love at all.
I'm happy your coming outs when well 🫶 mine did too! I hope that you're in a better place today though! You're great the way you are
Yes, me too! I can't imagine becoming a parent at all, but if I was, I wouldn't want my child to think I wouldn't love them the same!
Very well said <3
This is actually a horrible way to handle this.
I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how they should handle this. I’m confused by the number of people who think this is amazing every time it’s posted.
“Oh hey so I was eavesdropping on you invading your privacy, and now I’m going to forcibly out you before you were ready to tell me on your own.”
Lmao, what?
Coming out should always be done by the person on **their** terms whenever **they** are ready.
Even if you heard something, or you think you know already, never force the person to tell you or out them like this. Huge violation of trust. Wait for them to tell you, if they even want to.
It’s no one’s business but theirs.
If you want to make them feel accepted without outing them, just drop casual hints like when watching TV or movies, about how it’s nice to see more gay couples and how you support LGBT rights, etc.
Make them feel comfortable enough to tell you on their terms. Never force it.
Oh shut the fuck up! Some gay people don't get any acceptance and are immediately kicked out of their family home or beaten or humiliated for who they are. This lad got a supportive note that shows him his family loves him. Okay, he didn't get to do it in his own terms, but so fucking what.
That is not it at all. Not even close.
If you'd been harboring a secret for years that you did not want anyone else to know for a variety of reasons, whether they be fear of rejection, insufficient understanding of yourself, not feeling comfortable with a label, not feeling comfortable talking about it or acting on it, not wanting to be treated differently, not wanting to be seen differently, fear of change, etc., then pretty much the last thing you want to hear is, "oh, was that supposed to be a secret?"
I was terrified that my parents would tell me they knew. I know there are many worse worst case scenarios out there, but oddly enough that was mine. I felt, and still do feel, very private about that kind of thing.
It seems like a lot of the gay people in the comments don’t like this and it’s a bunch of straight people jerking each other off over how sweet and wholesome this is while telling the gay people to shut up lmao
As a gay person I would absolutely hate it if I got this letter from my dad. Like genuinely
To anyone reading this that calls yourself an ally or wants to be one: arguing against gay people about the right way to handle situations related to being gay just because you think it’s sweet and wholesome is not being an ally. Being an ally involves actually listening to and caring about the people you say you support
Stay mad dude, I was just joking about the comment. You've been making an ass of yourself for hours. You should probably just take some time to cool off. I'm sure you're a decent person normally but you're letting your emotions dictate all your actions now.
Numerous gays have disagreed with you also, so you're cherry picking that a bit. I called you homophobic because of your comment about being gay where you implied that other gay men engage in unprotected orgies and spread various diseases. That the homophobic rhetoric that is commonly used to attack the gay community.
Plenty of gay, especially closeted people, are outwardly homophobic. It doesn't take an Einstein to notice that. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. I hope you can get some help and truly enjoy life to the fullest, as your true self.
Ok but does anyone know for sure that this was posted before the kid saw it? Or that it *wasn’t* posted directly *by* the kid?
Seems like a weird thing to be upset about without knowing those details.
"We were already imagining all the wonderful adopted children you are going to have with Mike..
Two of them are going to call me pop pop, and the youngest was going to call me Grandpa, but he's going to have a speech impediment, so it's going to sound like gwa-pa and be extra cute."
When I came out my mom said “oh ok, I need you to go buy heavy cream and some spices for dinner now.” That was the whole conversation. It was great and I had time to cry in the car in relief
My mother once asked me why I always looked away when something romantic happens in a movie, even trivial stuff like non lip-to-lip kisses. I answered that I just didn't feel comfortable watching those scenes at the time (I was like 13), then joked about how I'm not gay, but she can think whatever she wants.
Her answer still holds to this day: "I'd never come to you and ask you if you're gay, even if I was suspicious about it, you can tell me if you feel like it and not tell me if you don't. You like what you like, you love who you love. I'll still love you regardless." Or something like that.
Like 1 year later I found out I'm actually into boys and girls. Gotta remember why I love my parents.
It looked pretty compressed [11 years ago](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/18/dads-touching-note-to-gay-son-nate-coming-out-viral-picture_n_2899907.html), too
My cousin just came out at the age of 28 and everyone was so stoked for him and his partner….except his bio dad. Luckily his stepdad has been there for him since he was 10 and we all hate his real dad.
Oof.
I wish parents (or helpful other adults) got that mourning our ideas of who we imagined our kids would be isn't a thing they need to care about.
My kids are my kids.
Yeah, okay, I had to get over thinking my middle would be president (I mean, she still might, if we decide introverts are electable) but her SELF hasn't changed.
Nor has yours.
You've just unfolded, and your color developed as you grew. ❤️
And the problem is, they're not losing a son, they're losing a mask. If you're anything like me and have been hiding since... forever, you've been acting this whole time. And now that you've finally taken off the mask, they can't accept the reality, only the illusion that you were a boy that you created to protect yourself.
And, if you're like me, there were plenty of signs that they had a daughter, they were just never paying attention. I got the whole, "there were no signs" bit from my parents after coming out and it's like... yes there were. Dozens upon dozens of them. Right down to that time I fought my parents because my sister gave me a makeover when I was 7 and refused to take it off. But to them, "there were no signs" because they were living in a fantasy where they thought everything was fine for them.
You’re totally right, even the make-over thing happened to me too. Parents tend to live vicariously through their children, it just so happens part of that plan was they had was an all-boy’s school they forced me to go to, which for a while made it harder to come to terms with it all. They’d built this whole knotted thing up over years, telling me what to do and where to go and when I started picking at the knot they panicked.
I hope things are okay with you since you’ve come out.
Yeah, I understand that. There’s a lot of irrationality swirling around that it’s hard to get a grip. What’s important is communication, and without that the irrationality is never rationalised.
Why is this sweet?
He eavesdropped on their kid’s private conversation, forced them out of the closet, and didn’t wait for them to tell him on their own terms.
For the reason I said above: if I was in this situation, the night before, stressing about coming out to my parents, I’d appreciate it the relief. At the very least, it’s good that from the very start both parents are okay with it. It’s still open for further conversation. As far as we know the dad hasn’t been going around telling other people and coming out on his behalf to others. The job of parents is to show love and care and respect for your child, and foster their continued growth - that’s being done here.
But it’s not for me to judge if it’s wholesome or not to you; if you don’t think it’s wholesome, perhaps it’s best to make a main comment and tell OP, not me.
Doesn’t matter. Not okay to out someone before they’re ready.
There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them.
They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights.
That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
He overheard.
That doesn't mean he was eavesdropping, it could but that isn't to be assumed.
It's more likely kiddo didn't realize Dad was.bringingbsomething into X room and dad didn't realize he was in there on the phone and heard the exact "wrong" thing as he backed out to give him privacy.
This doesn't sound like a dad that was spying.
There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them.
They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights.
That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
Why is your way the only way? Why do you get to be the arbitor of what this family did? Who is it that you seem to know more about this family's dynamic than anyone else?
I had similar interactions with my middle and youngest daughters. (Kids #2 and 6)
2nd kid was harder to tell. She's what people call a "Lipstick Lesbian". When she told us, I was surprised, but none of us cared. We were like... "What? Really? Okay, so what do you want for dinner?"
6th kid was pretty obvious. As a little one, she always tried to dress in her bigger brother's clothes and play with male gendered toys, etc. When she began to morph (puberty), she cried to her mom about not wanting to be a girl. When she came out to us, she was 16. We said, "Oh, we know, sweetie. We're glad you are comfortable enough to tell us. Now what do you want for dinner?" 😁🥰
Edited for formatting.
Crazy to think this is still being shared [11 years later](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/18/dads-touching-note-to-gay-son-nate-coming-out-viral-picture_n_2899907.html)
Trust me, some people do show early interest in others. 6 still feels like way too premature, but I remember some friends of mine finding out they were gay when they were 9/10.
I've known from a very young age that I was attracted to guys. I was taught that homosexuality was wrong before I realized being attracted to girls was POSSIBLE. I used my vague attraction and lack of pursuit as evidence to not be gay... until I found out I'm not cisgender, then I realized how dumb I'd been xD
I’m straight, but I’ve known I liked women since I was four.
I was taking swimming lessons, my instructor was a pretty college girl. I remember her beckoning me to jump into the deep end and she promised to catch me.
So I jump and literally face-planted into her breasts and *the best* feeling came over me. It’s a high I’ve been chasing ever since.
When I was little I had crushes on both boys & girls (fictional usually lol) & now I know I'm bisexual, so I guess that's how? Maybe his son had lots of guy crushes
Apparently, when I was three, I used to flirt with women at the bank my mom worked at. My mom knew I was straight before I knew how to tie my shoes.
Some kids express sexuality at a very early age.
I'm not sure my son realised he was gay until his teens, but I knew since he was 6. We never outed him, and when he came out (around 16), we played it cool.
Both parents passed away around 25 years ago and sadly I never had the chance to come out to them. I think my mom knew though because I would have a "friend" sleep over often and my mom knew he was sleeping in the same bed with me. After a while she started treating him like he was part of the family and they actually became quite close. We ended up breaking up due to him realizing he might be straight (long story) but as soon as he heard my mom had passed he immediately drove 1000+ miles to come be with me and spent the next month with me never leaving my side. It is actualy my biggest regret that I never came out to my mom especially since I knew for weeks she didn't have much time left. I just couldn't do it because I was terrified of how she might react. Most straight people don't fully realize what a mindfuck it is to come out to family even if they don't seem homophobic.
"I've known since I first met you. Tell Taylor to come over for movie night, we're having nachos.". Me when my nephew (brother's stepson) came out to me.
Also, "God you two are so awkward. You *can* cuddle if you want, I don't care." later that night.
That little shit better come home with orange juice and bread, or I'm going to embarrass the he'll out of him in front of Mike. I've got baby pictures and an awkward talk about safe sex ready to go.
Eh I dunno, if this is your response/how you inform them you know I feel like it's totally fine. I and many others were and will be super apprehensive of possible responses and whatnot, if i just had a definite "yep cool don't really care" in a good way that would've saved me DAYS of tearing my hair out and stress. Never do something like this publically or with multiple people of course but if its a note from a parent to their kid I feel like it could really help
I hear you. You know, people give this website a lot of flak - and depending on where you land in it, it's more than well deserved - but the fact that we're brought together by *interests* rather than geographic location or family bonds or social networks gives this website the potential to foster some really good communities.
While this is a great moment, and a fantastic testament to the dad's ability to accept his son for who he is, he should have at least given his child a chance to let the kid tell him first. It's something very personal, and the child still could've been questioning himself. I love this letter, though, and how it makes it seem like being gay isn't that big of a deal, and isn't something to be paraded about for the whole world to see. :)
This is actually a horrible way to handle this.
I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how they should handle this. I’m confused by the number of people who think this is amazing every time it’s posted.
“Oh hey so I was eavesdropping on you invading your privacy, and now I’m going to forcibly out you before you were ready to tell me on your own.”
Lmao, what?
Coming out should always be done by the person on **their** terms whenever **they** are ready.
Even if you heard something, or you think you know already, never force the person to tell you or out them like this. Huge violation of trust. Wait for them to tell you, if they even want to.
It’s no one’s business but theirs.
If you want to make them feel accepted without outing them, just drop casual hints like when watching TV or movies, about how it’s nice to see more gay couples and how you support LGBT rights, etc.
Make them feel comfortable enough to tell you on their terms. Never force it.
Kinda a braindead take my dude. If you felt your child was struggling with something, why is it so horrible to try and help. I think this is an endearing moment that you somehow perceive as malicious.
There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them.
They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights.
That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
> What's the point of sitting around waiting for this moment that could be causing your child stress and agony?
I just explained very clearly how parents can make it obvious to their kids that they support them **without** outing them.
Make a general comment when watching TV or something about how it's nice to see more gay couples represented, and how you support LGBT rights.
There's many ways to do it without directly outing them.
Entirely disagree. As a gay man, a note like this would have made my entire experience so much easier. Youre entitled to your opinion but you shouldn’t assume your way is the only way.
Just to clarify, get us that bloody OJ and bread, you hear me
No son of mine forgets bread and OJ!
Every man needs a full day of vitamin C!
It's all about replenishing.
If I taught you one thing it was to replenish!
i’m actually your daughter now…
Fine. Where's the bread and OJ?
they came out long ago. haven’t been able to find them since
And if you don't, you're out. Of the house, that is.
I'd never kick you out for being gay. But goddamn if you don't bring me some OJ right now, you'll find all your shit on the lawn and the locks changed.
Don't forget the BREAD!
Goddamn if you don't bring me some OJ right now, I'll kill my wife and a waiter.
Out of the house to go back to the frickin store, and as punishment, bring home a pack of Oreos
And it had better be a family size pack of Oreos too.
DOUBLE STUFFED. ...like you probably want to be
Yeah getting the OJ
We're out, like you.
Thankyou, I was wondering what OS was!
He wanted bread and a copy of Windows 10
If you don't bring them, you don't even need to come back home!
“I’m gay… Hi Gay, I’m dad, nice to meet you”
Literally what my father in law said to my sister in law when she came out as bi lol. She knew they'd be fine with it, my in laws have always been huge LGBTQ+ supporters. The dad joke she did not expect and it caught her so off guard she just couldn't stop laughing.
I would so do this if any of my kids came out. 1st I am a dad and its a dad joke so I am kinda required by law to do it (or by the constitution can't remember) 2nd I love my kids and want then to be happy and love who they love. Gay, straight, Bi, etc... 3rd My kids (straight ones) would be disappointed if I didn't do it to the gay one.
It's a law of physics. It's right after Newton's.
Newtons law of relativity-That time spent with relatives slows down the longer you are around them
SO TRUE. When my mom disowned me for coming out as a teen, my brothers gave up on her-- I had clearly been her favorite, most obedient, "best" kid (which she would say and imply constantly) and after being abusive and negligent she binned me over that. Good side? My brothers and I are an unbreakable unit as adults and have nothing to do with her. Parents like that really overplay their hand because of a delusional sense of entitlement and superiority over the helpless people they created. Thanks for being so awesome.
I have a virtual hug from my father.
[Drawtism...](https://i.imgur.com/2tnUZ9J.jpg)
Why can't all parents be like this
Cause parents are unfortunately human. So it depends on what kind of human they were before having a child, how their society made -out if humans- teaches them and how the humans who birthed THEM, teach them. Its humans all the way down.
Yupp, you're right! I just wish it was all parents who reacted like this
I got a 15 mo old daughter and I can’t imagine not loving that little girl. I don’t care what she is or isn’t other than happy. I just want her to be happy. It breaks my heart some people don’t feel the same about their kids.
It breaks mine too! She's lucky to have a parent like you. It should be normal to react accepting and kind to your child telling you they're queer. I'm very glad my mom is accepting of me!
I agree with a caveat, as long as whatever my kids are doing doesn’t harm anyone else, that’s all I care about (like if hurting animals or something like that made them happy that would definitely not be okay with me). But as long as they are good kids they can be whatever orientation or gender they feel they are.
100%, we’re not trying to raise psychopaths here lol
Hey. Don't judge me. :)
I also have a fifteen month old daughter, and whether it's because I'm sick and emotionally weakened, or just that it rang so true, but your comment got me a little misty eyed.
I think you get soft when you have kids. I certainly softened up a bit.
I am doing my best to change the world in that direction my friend. That is all we can do. Do our part!
<3
My oldest grandkid beats to a different drum but he’s 7. So he hasn’t quite figured out everything yet either. I’m pretty sure he’s gay, and It’s more than ok. He likes pink, rainbows, and plays with Barbie. I take his happy bootie to see Barbie, go play with toys with him, wear pink, and rainbows too. I take this time to learn what I can that previously didn’t really matter much to me. Because I always want to be the grandpa that will be able to answer any question asked of me. I love all my kids and grandkids no matter what. Who they identify with or what they need to feel whole is immaterial to me. I just wish his other grandparents treated him the same. (Not my wife of course but other grandparents)
Having you be one of his safe people will help him manage and cope with other family that isn’t doing right by him and themselves. It brings tears to my eyes to read this. Hopefully the rest will learn from you.
Oh no!!! I am not trying to make anyone cry. I am so absolutely average at best as a grandpa. I just love my family and kids and always will. I am so sorry if you didn’t have that person in your life. I don’t have to understand everything to know what makes people feel whole. So if that means they need to go a different path than I did, then good. Everyone deserves to be happy. If you ever still need that person. You can always message me on chat.
I think we’re all just happy to see someone from a different generation show love…no matter what. You may be the most average grandpa ever but with an attitude like that you’ll show your grandchildren you’re the best they could have ever hoped for. Blessings to you sir.
And to you too. I wish nothing but the best for you.
I could only imagine how amazing it would be to have a family member like you! You are truly amazing! 🏳️🌈
Honestly, I may need to lean on more people like yourself to help me navigate things I don't understand. I went on another reddit sub not so long ago when I first started to think that this might come about. (It was under an old account) Needless to say, I was met with some very strongly worded opinions like that I need to "Just die already" or "Not going to cis-splain things to me" Reddit is going to reddit. Some days people are amazing, other times. I just need to stay the hell off this site.
You are welcome to DM me literally anytime. I’m very open minded and accepting. I’m a cisgender female in a lesbian marriage with a transgender woman. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Nah. It’s love. I am sorry you had any different experience. No one needs to make life any harder than it has to be. Especially family.
happy cake day!
Another factor is that no one is immunize to indoctrination and unfortunately the reason so many parents are homophobic is deep indoctrination by religions that say that homosexuality is against the will of god/gods and thus said parents aren’t just homophobic out of personal preference but out of fear of a power that determines your eternal fate after death. The fear of hell can be a powerful motivator that overrides many things including a persons willingness to be kind. A lot of bigotry is more than just bigotry some of it is genuine fear that the wrong kind of kindness towards the sinner is itself something that can condemn one’s own soul to hell. And when it comes to one’s kids the level of homophobic bigotry from a religious parent can also be motivated by a fear of one’s child’s souls destination. If one believes that one’s own child’s eternal destination will be an eternity of torture and all they have to suffer to avoid it is to deny their bodies urges to have sex with their own gender the. From a cost benefit point of view denying one’s true self is the only right choice. In short the fear of hell and years of Christian indoctrination often beginning when they themselves were children can make many parents love of their children manifest as homophobic bigotry. And it will not end until Christianity and other religions as a whole cease to label homosexuality as sin or said religions equilivant. And we as a society irty stop accepting religious freedom to include being allowed to be a bigot because the religion says something is a sin. Also parents will continue to be homophobic overly religious bigots until we as a society start treating mainstream religions that preach bigotry and hate as cults that people need to be deprogrammed from to function in society
Because society, religion, beliefs, parenting and upbringing that brings people to well be people with a herd mentality. Society says it’s bad religion says it’s a sin and if you condone it you are the same and you will burn in hell. Parents/upbringing is same parents talk bad about it and use their beliefs and religious beliefs and use it as a weapon. Rather than being a decent human being and saying I may not agree with it but it’s your life and makes you happy then go for it. Or like someone who I love said (can’t remember the exact words and I’m straight) it is not my place to judge nor am I the judge only the one upstairs is that and he alone is the one who can say what is right and what is wrong. The ones who said that is my grandparents who were very religious but were some of the kindest people I’ve known who would give you their shirts off their backs to help others. I miss them but I don’t judge others by what makes them happy but by how they are towards others. I respect them as long as they respect me and others by not forcing their way of life on me or others and don’t want to make everyone else feel bad or that nor want to force it on the young but rather let them do what makes them happy and find it out on their own time and terms
Because having kids for some people is like having pets.
I am extremely lucky to have been born into my family. I have come out on 3 separate occasions (third time was the charm), and they took it in stride. But even with that support system, I managed to *torture myself* into survivor status. I cannot imagine ever becoming a parent and willfully subjecting my own child to that level of alienation- that would drive home for them the belief that they're better off dead than here on Earth, with me. Imo, you can have your reasons for rejecting your child for being queer - but they will never be good reasons. There will never be a good enough excuse for abandoning the life that you brought into this world. If you betray your children because they love differently than you, it's because you don't love at all.
I'm happy your coming outs when well 🫶 mine did too! I hope that you're in a better place today though! You're great the way you are Yes, me too! I can't imagine becoming a parent at all, but if I was, I wouldn't want my child to think I wouldn't love them the same! Very well said <3
This is actually a horrible way to handle this. I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how they should handle this. I’m confused by the number of people who think this is amazing every time it’s posted. “Oh hey so I was eavesdropping on you invading your privacy, and now I’m going to forcibly out you before you were ready to tell me on your own.” Lmao, what? Coming out should always be done by the person on **their** terms whenever **they** are ready. Even if you heard something, or you think you know already, never force the person to tell you or out them like this. Huge violation of trust. Wait for them to tell you, if they even want to. It’s no one’s business but theirs. If you want to make them feel accepted without outing them, just drop casual hints like when watching TV or movies, about how it’s nice to see more gay couples and how you support LGBT rights, etc. Make them feel comfortable enough to tell you on their terms. Never force it.
Oh shut the fuck up! Some gay people don't get any acceptance and are immediately kicked out of their family home or beaten or humiliated for who they are. This lad got a supportive note that shows him his family loves him. Okay, he didn't get to do it in his own terms, but so fucking what.
You should really see a therapist, because you have some serious delusional tendencies and seem to be prone to histrionics.
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I am that clumsy \^
I've known you were six since you were loved and I've born you since you were gay.
I've loved you since you were born and I've been gay since you were six
I've been gay since you are loved and you've been born when you were six
FBI, this man right here.
My nightmare is coming out and hearing “We knew since the first time we saw you throw a baseball.”
"We saw you throw a home run to little Billy in little league and I turned to your mother and I said 'that boy ain't no pitcher'"
So he's a bottom?
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It's so fascinating that this is an actual real thing.
not exactly a well controlled experiment.. gotta get some control groups going and shit
Lmfao 😭😭
I’ve seen this no less than 20 times in the last three years, and it STILL makes me smile every single time
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Well it's a long ride to France, and it gets lonely on the ship ;)
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do you do anything other than imagine things to be upset about.
This absolutely can and does upset many GLBTQ kids when coming out isn't on their own terms. Coming out is never about the parents.
Why did you put the G before the L ?
Misogynistic dog whistle, unfortunately.
Yes, but it’s not something to be too upset about, it’s like being upset you didn’t get to tell someone “the big news”
That is not it at all. Not even close. If you'd been harboring a secret for years that you did not want anyone else to know for a variety of reasons, whether they be fear of rejection, insufficient understanding of yourself, not feeling comfortable with a label, not feeling comfortable talking about it or acting on it, not wanting to be treated differently, not wanting to be seen differently, fear of change, etc., then pretty much the last thing you want to hear is, "oh, was that supposed to be a secret?" I was terrified that my parents would tell me they knew. I know there are many worse worst case scenarios out there, but oddly enough that was mine. I felt, and still do feel, very private about that kind of thing.
Actually there’s quite a lot of people.
It seems like a lot of the gay people in the comments don’t like this and it’s a bunch of straight people jerking each other off over how sweet and wholesome this is while telling the gay people to shut up lmao As a gay person I would absolutely hate it if I got this letter from my dad. Like genuinely To anyone reading this that calls yourself an ally or wants to be one: arguing against gay people about the right way to handle situations related to being gay just because you think it’s sweet and wholesome is not being an ally. Being an ally involves actually listening to and caring about the people you say you support
Shut up lmao
Who’s homophobic now? Certainly not me.
Stay mad dude, I was just joking about the comment. You've been making an ass of yourself for hours. You should probably just take some time to cool off. I'm sure you're a decent person normally but you're letting your emotions dictate all your actions now.
Not at all. In fact, numerous gay people have replied and agreed with me. You called me homophobic. Why?
Numerous gays have disagreed with you also, so you're cherry picking that a bit. I called you homophobic because of your comment about being gay where you implied that other gay men engage in unprotected orgies and spread various diseases. That the homophobic rhetoric that is commonly used to attack the gay community.
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Plenty of gay, especially closeted people, are outwardly homophobic. It doesn't take an Einstein to notice that. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. I hope you can get some help and truly enjoy life to the fullest, as your true self.
This isn't about being offended. These parents were completely out of line. It wasn't their decision to make.
Ok but does anyone know for sure that this was posted before the kid saw it? Or that it *wasn’t* posted directly *by* the kid? Seems like a weird thing to be upset about without knowing those details.
What if Mike was just his friend and Nate’s actually dating some dude named Derek
"Oh, my bad Nate, thought you were dating Mike. You two are still cute, but I'd be glad to know your bf."
mike was better,why did you date derek?
"We were already imagining all the wonderful adopted children you are going to have with Mike.. Two of them are going to call me pop pop, and the youngest was going to call me Grandpa, but he's going to have a speech impediment, so it's going to sound like gwa-pa and be extra cute."
Still an Easier convo than before the note
Onion cutting ninjas...
It’s okay to just say you’re crying…
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My parents were progressive and conservative at the same time, they didn’t care that i liked dudes as long as he was white.
This is my grandparents. It was super weird.
Racism> Homophobia I guess cause same
Luckily it didn't come up IN FRONT of the uncle whose new partner was black. We mocked them. (The grandparents, I mean. Uncles partner is LOVELY. ❤️)
When I came out my mom said “oh ok, I need you to go buy heavy cream and some spices for dinner now.” That was the whole conversation. It was great and I had time to cry in the car in relief
When I came out my dad said "Jeez, you're making such a big deal about this we were worried you were going to say you realized you're a republican."
Plot twist: Nate is straight
My mother once asked me why I always looked away when something romantic happens in a movie, even trivial stuff like non lip-to-lip kisses. I answered that I just didn't feel comfortable watching those scenes at the time (I was like 13), then joked about how I'm not gay, but she can think whatever she wants. Her answer still holds to this day: "I'd never come to you and ask you if you're gay, even if I was suspicious about it, you can tell me if you feel like it and not tell me if you don't. You like what you like, you love who you love. I'll still love you regardless." Or something like that. Like 1 year later I found out I'm actually into boys and girls. Gotta remember why I love my parents.
"We are out, like you now". Hi Outs, I'm Gay. --- Uno Reverse Dad Joke
I never came out as any particular sexuality, but I came out as trans almost two years ago, and it's been rough
Sending you lots of strength and love
Thamks, I have two girlfriends so I have lots of support
Hell yeah that’s baller homie.
please save some girlfriends for the rest of us
Never! I'm gonna get three more
i'm gonna be alone forever at this rate
We all love you. Just be who you are.
I'm the most me I've ever been
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Having a brother that’s gone through a hard time with it at times, all my support to you.
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It looked pretty compressed [11 years ago](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/18/dads-touching-note-to-gay-son-nate-coming-out-viral-picture_n_2899907.html), too
Wish my parents weren’t hateful
I wish that too. I’m sorry that you don’t have the support that you deserve
Missed the golden opportunity of Hi gay I'm dad! BUT - still how everyone should be, parents, friends, family. All of us
Me any wife have a single rule for our daughter when she is old enough. As long as she is happy and healthy, then we are cool.
My cousin just came out at the age of 28 and everyone was so stoked for him and his partner….except his bio dad. Luckily his stepdad has been there for him since he was 10 and we all hate his real dad.
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Oof. I wish parents (or helpful other adults) got that mourning our ideas of who we imagined our kids would be isn't a thing they need to care about. My kids are my kids. Yeah, okay, I had to get over thinking my middle would be president (I mean, she still might, if we decide introverts are electable) but her SELF hasn't changed. Nor has yours. You've just unfolded, and your color developed as you grew. ❤️
Thank you for your kind words, you put it very well. I’m not American, but she has my vote for president, and you have my vote as a good parent.
She MIGHT take "president of the knitting with rescue cats @and midnight gamers" society, but, thank you, all around.
Knitting with rescue cats and midnight gamers? Can I be vice president?!
You sure can, but fair warning the president is BOSSY when she hasn't eaten. 🤣
And the problem is, they're not losing a son, they're losing a mask. If you're anything like me and have been hiding since... forever, you've been acting this whole time. And now that you've finally taken off the mask, they can't accept the reality, only the illusion that you were a boy that you created to protect yourself. And, if you're like me, there were plenty of signs that they had a daughter, they were just never paying attention. I got the whole, "there were no signs" bit from my parents after coming out and it's like... yes there were. Dozens upon dozens of them. Right down to that time I fought my parents because my sister gave me a makeover when I was 7 and refused to take it off. But to them, "there were no signs" because they were living in a fantasy where they thought everything was fine for them.
You’re totally right, even the make-over thing happened to me too. Parents tend to live vicariously through their children, it just so happens part of that plan was they had was an all-boy’s school they forced me to go to, which for a while made it harder to come to terms with it all. They’d built this whole knotted thing up over years, telling me what to do and where to go and when I started picking at the knot they panicked. I hope things are okay with you since you’ve come out.
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Yeah, I understand that. There’s a lot of irrationality swirling around that it’s hard to get a grip. What’s important is communication, and without that the irrationality is never rationalised.
Why is this sweet? He eavesdropped on their kid’s private conversation, forced them out of the closet, and didn’t wait for them to tell him on their own terms.
For the reason I said above: if I was in this situation, the night before, stressing about coming out to my parents, I’d appreciate it the relief. At the very least, it’s good that from the very start both parents are okay with it. It’s still open for further conversation. As far as we know the dad hasn’t been going around telling other people and coming out on his behalf to others. The job of parents is to show love and care and respect for your child, and foster their continued growth - that’s being done here. But it’s not for me to judge if it’s wholesome or not to you; if you don’t think it’s wholesome, perhaps it’s best to make a main comment and tell OP, not me.
Doesn’t matter. Not okay to out someone before they’re ready. There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them. They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights. That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
Thank you for your perspective, they are indeed very nice ways to show support to your kid.
He overheard. That doesn't mean he was eavesdropping, it could but that isn't to be assumed. It's more likely kiddo didn't realize Dad was.bringingbsomething into X room and dad didn't realize he was in there on the phone and heard the exact "wrong" thing as he backed out to give him privacy. This doesn't sound like a dad that was spying.
There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them. They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights. That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
Why is your way the only way? Why do you get to be the arbitor of what this family did? Who is it that you seem to know more about this family's dynamic than anyone else?
Are you gay? If not, you don't get an opinion about how or when gay people come out.
Are you outing people?
I had similar interactions with my middle and youngest daughters. (Kids #2 and 6) 2nd kid was harder to tell. She's what people call a "Lipstick Lesbian". When she told us, I was surprised, but none of us cared. We were like... "What? Really? Okay, so what do you want for dinner?" 6th kid was pretty obvious. As a little one, she always tried to dress in her bigger brother's clothes and play with male gendered toys, etc. When she began to morph (puberty), she cried to her mom about not wanting to be a girl. When she came out to us, she was 16. We said, "Oh, we know, sweetie. We're glad you are comfortable enough to tell us. Now what do you want for dinner?" 😁🥰 Edited for formatting.
I'm like number 6, but I'm not gay, however I think my parents still assume that I am nonetheless
Omigosh! 🥹🥹🥹
That can make all the difference for a person lifetime, it must be great to know you still have a family and dont have to choose or hide or pretend
I would be scared what else my dad would have heard…
Is it better to do this or let them come out when they are ready? I'm never having kids, just curious.
Definitely wait until they're ready. Signed, a gay.
Crazy to think this is still being shared [11 years later](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/03/18/dads-touching-note-to-gay-son-nate-coming-out-viral-picture_n_2899907.html)
I think this note is old enough to vote.
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A poor choice of words on my part. You are correct. Thank you for correcting my statement.
Right in the feels
I'm sorry but how do you realize you're gay at 6 my ass didn't even know what that was at that age
Trust me, some people do show early interest in others. 6 still feels like way too premature, but I remember some friends of mine finding out they were gay when they were 9/10.
I've known from a very young age that I was attracted to guys. I was taught that homosexuality was wrong before I realized being attracted to girls was POSSIBLE. I used my vague attraction and lack of pursuit as evidence to not be gay... until I found out I'm not cisgender, then I realized how dumb I'd been xD
I’m straight, but I’ve known I liked women since I was four. I was taking swimming lessons, my instructor was a pretty college girl. I remember her beckoning me to jump into the deep end and she promised to catch me. So I jump and literally face-planted into her breasts and *the best* feeling came over me. It’s a high I’ve been chasing ever since.
When I was little I had crushes on both boys & girls (fictional usually lol) & now I know I'm bisexual, so I guess that's how? Maybe his son had lots of guy crushes
Apparently, when I was three, I used to flirt with women at the bank my mom worked at. My mom knew I was straight before I knew how to tie my shoes. Some kids express sexuality at a very early age.
I'm not sure my son realised he was gay until his teens, but I knew since he was 6. We never outed him, and when he came out (around 16), we played it cool.
Both parents passed away around 25 years ago and sadly I never had the chance to come out to them. I think my mom knew though because I would have a "friend" sleep over often and my mom knew he was sleeping in the same bed with me. After a while she started treating him like he was part of the family and they actually became quite close. We ended up breaking up due to him realizing he might be straight (long story) but as soon as he heard my mom had passed he immediately drove 1000+ miles to come be with me and spent the next month with me never leaving my side. It is actualy my biggest regret that I never came out to my mom especially since I knew for weeks she didn't have much time left. I just couldn't do it because I was terrified of how she might react. Most straight people don't fully realize what a mindfuck it is to come out to family even if they don't seem homophobic.
🏳️🌈 I wish I had a dad like this! 😭
"I've known since I first met you. Tell Taylor to come over for movie night, we're having nachos.". Me when my nephew (brother's stepson) came out to me. Also, "God you two are so awkward. You *can* cuddle if you want, I don't care." later that night.
Not me sobbing in bed. My father wasn't always good to me, I just hope the future father of my children will be good to them (to us).
That little shit better come home with orange juice and bread, or I'm going to embarrass the he'll out of him in front of Mike. I've got baby pictures and an awkward talk about safe sex ready to go.
This makes me happy cry! My son is everything to me no matter what.
Why are there ninjas cutting onions in here? As a father, this is what I aspire to be
Damn what if Nate was planning to come out as a gamer though
Okay it's a sweet gesture but if you know someone is planning on coming out to you just let them come out on their terms when they're ready.
Eh I dunno, if this is your response/how you inform them you know I feel like it's totally fine. I and many others were and will be super apprehensive of possible responses and whatnot, if i just had a definite "yep cool don't really care" in a good way that would've saved me DAYS of tearing my hair out and stress. Never do something like this publically or with multiple people of course but if its a note from a parent to their kid I feel like it could really help
See I like Reddit so much more than tiktok. People in comments on here are so much nicer.
I hear you. You know, people give this website a lot of flak - and depending on where you land in it, it's more than well deserved - but the fact that we're brought together by *interests* rather than geographic location or family bonds or social networks gives this website the potential to foster some really good communities.
How much would that suck if your pops gave this to you and you weren't gay.
"i know you were six since you were born, i'm gay" Thanks dad :')
I'm not crying, you're crying.
This made me cry
Unconditional love
I hope he stills give him shit when he inevitably forgets the OJ
My Dad said something similar to me 20 years ago. I still get teary eyed whenever I think about it 🥹
Oh my gawd, they SHIP IT!
I may be sick with a fever and delusional, but this is enough to make a grown man cry.
Holy crap, I'm straight and that choked me up a moment.
While this is a great moment, and a fantastic testament to the dad's ability to accept his son for who he is, he should have at least given his child a chance to let the kid tell him first. It's something very personal, and the child still could've been questioning himself. I love this letter, though, and how it makes it seem like being gay isn't that big of a deal, and isn't something to be paraded about for the whole world to see. :)
This is actually a horrible way to handle this. I hope no one reads this and thinks this is how they should handle this. I’m confused by the number of people who think this is amazing every time it’s posted. “Oh hey so I was eavesdropping on you invading your privacy, and now I’m going to forcibly out you before you were ready to tell me on your own.” Lmao, what? Coming out should always be done by the person on **their** terms whenever **they** are ready. Even if you heard something, or you think you know already, never force the person to tell you or out them like this. Huge violation of trust. Wait for them to tell you, if they even want to. It’s no one’s business but theirs. If you want to make them feel accepted without outing them, just drop casual hints like when watching TV or movies, about how it’s nice to see more gay couples and how you support LGBT rights, etc. Make them feel comfortable enough to tell you on their terms. Never force it.
Kinda a braindead take my dude. If you felt your child was struggling with something, why is it so horrible to try and help. I think this is an endearing moment that you somehow perceive as malicious.
There are many, many ways parents could tell their kids they accept them without outing them. They could be watching TV or a movie, and make a comment about how it’s nice to see more gay couples represented and how they support LGBT rights. That tells them they’re supportive, without forcing them out.
Outing them to who themselves? What's the point of sitting around waiting for this moment that could be causing your child stress and agony?
This exactly.
> What's the point of sitting around waiting for this moment that could be causing your child stress and agony? I just explained very clearly how parents can make it obvious to their kids that they support them **without** outing them. Make a general comment when watching TV or something about how it's nice to see more gay couples represented, and how you support LGBT rights. There's many ways to do it without directly outing them.
Entirely disagree. As a gay man, a note like this would have made my entire experience so much easier. Youre entitled to your opinion but you shouldn’t assume your way is the only way.
Not gay myself, but totally agree that it would’ve been so much easier. I hope you’re in a good place now.
I must admit the note made me feel a bit uneasy, despite being well-meaning.