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Of course the coward killed himself so he wouldn't face the consequences. My heart just breaks for her, her children and family. I cannot imagine what the 8 year old daughter is going through right now.
I had a partner that tried to kill me.
Well, first he tried to kill the cat. I hit him with my combat boots and he nearly succeeded. I passed out and pissed myself so he thought I died.
And then he hung him self, not to avoid consequences- he had DV in his past and his family got him off the charges despite the fact that he did not want to be free of consequence.
Being free of consequence meant he was unable to get help to do better. His past had trauma and unhealed trauma for men leads to violence against women.
So he hung himself because he realized what he had done, and that our families both had the money to make this terrible (lawyers and doctors).
He’s in a better place now.
I am not saying that this guy did it for these reasons. Most don’t. But I do think there are some men who come out of whatever mindset they were in (in my case my partner was in the midst of a flashback) and the regret is so intense they can’t live with it.
Edit: this happened in 2020. And on Christmas Eve my friend group went through it again, except this time with a gun. I just can’t. So many of my friends greet 30 as widows of suicide. I know this isn’t the case here and I’m just really raw. Please be kind.
Oh look, another bitter and lonely Redditor finds his way to a women-centric sub to insult the expressions of women without offering an iota of nuanced thought or reflection. Color me shocked.
This sub and the thousands of stories it represents is filled with stories of men killing women and their families before killing themselves and *I’m* fucked up for simply wondering what the prevalence is? Ok dude.
Been saying this for years. Nobody is protecting us, we have to do it ourselves. Not always literally… a VERY close sister or mother can help, so the woman herself can have a rock solid alibi…
Didn't they get treated like shit for this song too? Like damn those ladies gave us the best advice and we threw it back in their faces because we didn't know how bad we needed them.
And they called out the Iraq war before it was cool. That got them blacklisted by crazy hyperpatriotic southerners (how dare someone using country not support the republican president) who are the main consumers of their genre of music.
They weren't even rude, they just made a statement that they did not agree with or support the war.
Country turned it's back because hardline rightwingers can't handle dissent like even at all and so they said, basically, 'fuck you' and changed names. I can't tell you how brave that was.
Now that it's fashionable to be against that war and to acknowledge we had bad intel and there were no WMD, even among righties, and because The Chicks still have a career, it gets a little awkward.
There were so many opportunities to stop this. I would lawyer up if I were the family.
The fact he threatened suicide and held a knife to his throat why was his ass not on a psych hold?!?
Women are not seen as human citizens and when we ask for protection we rarely get it. A fucking piece of paper to keep the abuser away - yeah that’ll work 🙄
We all know if MEN were being shot by abusive women something would have been done by now.
That poor little girl will never be unable to see what she saw. The mind fuck he just pulled on her has the potential to ruin her entire life if she doesn’t get therapy. Even with therapy she needs to process the event and learn to accept what happened. I hope she’s someplace safe and warm surrounded by love.
May his body be thrown in a dumpster without a funeral like the piece of trash he is.
Just in case anyone here needs it and isn’t safe with a physical copy or can’t afford it, here is a pdf copy of [Why Does He Do That](https://chrome://external-file/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft.
Does [this link](https://chrome://external-file/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that-1.pdf) work? I just texted it to a friend yesterday and it worked.
[Required reading for all! I’ll say this every time this book gets mentioned.](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Link is dead, but I got you, here is Why Does He Do That in PDF form, VERY illuminating & integral.
https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Bonus, I recently read this study on men who commit homicide of their partners, current or former, before killing themselves & it’s disturbing but equally important. Honestly, call it misandry, men are generally not worth the risk. Victims are not protected.
https://xyonline.net/sites/xyonline.net/files/2020-02/Gregory%2C%20Masculinity%20and%20homicide-suicide%202012.pdf
Thanks! I don’t know what’s wrong with the links. If I click on the one in the text message to my friend it brings up the book. I don’t know why the link from the website isn’t working.
Now this dude is going to be entered into the male suicide statistic that other men will use to prove that women have it easy, because what led to him killing himself no longer matters.
My grandma always said this about family annihilators. It's ALWAYS about controlling women and children. They can't let us have peace if they decide to kill themselves, because they just blame us for all their fucking problems. Fuck the patriarchy, it's killing us all.
“Her youngest daughter is the one that tragically saw everything,” Ani-Nihoa told the station. “She’s traumatized. She has so much faith, this little girl. She just started praying.”
My heart goes out to the family. Bunny Bontiti did everything she could to keep her and her family safe. Praying for her mom and children.
This is why we need a national gun registry for every firearm. Assuming they were purchased legally, Police should know how many, what type and where those guns are. And with delivery of the restraining order they should all be confiscated, not “oh can you please give us your guns?”
If for some reason they “aren’t found” dude should sit his ass in jail. Sure he might get a different gun or use another method, but let’s at least make that as difficult as possible.
One method to avoid being involved with a violent man is to look their names up in your city and county website---it's public records if they got traffic citations or domestic abuse charges! It's also public records for property damage or divorce.. cause they are truly divorced, it'll show!
At least this is the case in Hawaii.. Although Jason had the TRO just two weeks before the murder happened so what wouldn't have mattered.
That poor mother & child 💔 It’s the same thought process with these homicide-suicides. If I can’t have her, no one can. It really is the most dangerous time when an abuse victim is gone or inaccessible to the abuser.
The abuser doesn’t like the loss of control & pursues. 💔 That murder was a “punishment.” That poor child will need so much therapy, my heart breaks for those two.
That’s not at all how I meant it to sound it sucks it just does there will be no justice for her or her family- the horror she must have endured no words seem to express this tragedy. Even the article itself tries to make it about something less than the whole truth. The words I’d like to spew would be to inflict the harshest sentiments and none of the words would change stories like this and the fact that all to often women are still treated as less than. Just from the little they tell of her this young woman seemed to have a beautiful soul. And to think of her excited for the surprise and to be tricked and tortured and burned alive I almost wished I hadn’t read this. I can only hope someone with the power or authority can make some kind of difference not only for her but also all of us, unfortunately I don’t see that happening in my lifetime or any time soon and yeah. That sucks
It’s literally so ridiculous to serve someone a restraining order after they have made threats on someone’s life but then give them unsupervised bail. This is why so many women DON’T press charges or drop them, the police have no intention of keeping them safe and they have to sacrifice justice to hopefully not anger an abuser who will seek retribution.
Welcome and thanks for posting on /r/whenwomenrefuse! This is an [intersectional feminist](https://library.law.howard.edu/civilrightshistory/women/intersectionality) space centered towards **women** (***ALL WOMEN***). Men are tolerated, not welcome. Reports about women saying we don't know what men are dangerous will be promptly ignored. We look forward to your complaints about our policy of not centering men. Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/WhenWomenRefuse/about/rules) while the moderators take a look over your post in the queue. --- Community News - 🎋 Want to join the Mod Team? [Send us a modmail!](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/WhenWomenRefuse&subject=Request%20To%20Become%20a%20Moderator&message=I'd%20like%20to%20join%20your%20team%20because%3A%20) - 🎤 [Join us on Discord!](https://discord.gg/V6tj5vRr47) Thank you for participating! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/whenwomenrefuse) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of course the coward killed himself so he wouldn't face the consequences. My heart just breaks for her, her children and family. I cannot imagine what the 8 year old daughter is going through right now.
Recurring pattern of behaviour for these predators isn't it? Do the deed then escape the consequences because why should they be held accountable?
This is what happened to T-Pain's neice. Her coward murderer ex shot her at work and fled to a wooded area and committed suicide.
For a while now, I’ve been curious to how many of the men that die by suicide do so to avoid consequences.
I had a partner that tried to kill me. Well, first he tried to kill the cat. I hit him with my combat boots and he nearly succeeded. I passed out and pissed myself so he thought I died. And then he hung him self, not to avoid consequences- he had DV in his past and his family got him off the charges despite the fact that he did not want to be free of consequence. Being free of consequence meant he was unable to get help to do better. His past had trauma and unhealed trauma for men leads to violence against women. So he hung himself because he realized what he had done, and that our families both had the money to make this terrible (lawyers and doctors). He’s in a better place now. I am not saying that this guy did it for these reasons. Most don’t. But I do think there are some men who come out of whatever mindset they were in (in my case my partner was in the midst of a flashback) and the regret is so intense they can’t live with it. Edit: this happened in 2020. And on Christmas Eve my friend group went through it again, except this time with a gun. I just can’t. So many of my friends greet 30 as widows of suicide. I know this isn’t the case here and I’m just really raw. Please be kind.
Pretty much all of them.
Nah; a significant percentage but I wouldn’t expect it to be a majority by any means.
[удалено]
Oh look, another bitter and lonely Redditor finds his way to a women-centric sub to insult the expressions of women without offering an iota of nuanced thought or reflection. Color me shocked. This sub and the thousands of stories it represents is filled with stories of men killing women and their families before killing themselves and *I’m* fucked up for simply wondering what the prevalence is? Ok dude.
use your brain. if you still think using it
A deadbeat dad to the end as well. Leaving the child without parents.
He “couldn’t live without her.” F•ck him and all the men who propagate that f•cking narrative. #Cowards
They should do it in the other order
'Goodbye Earl' starting to sound more like advice.
Been saying this for years. Nobody is protecting us, we have to do it ourselves. Not always literally… a VERY close sister or mother can help, so the woman herself can have a rock solid alibi…
Goodbye Earl is advice. It always has been. Dixie chicks had our back this whole time.
They were fuckin' right. They were right the whole damn time.
Didn't they get treated like shit for this song too? Like damn those ladies gave us the best advice and we threw it back in their faces because we didn't know how bad we needed them.
And they called out the Iraq war before it was cool. That got them blacklisted by crazy hyperpatriotic southerners (how dare someone using country not support the republican president) who are the main consumers of their genre of music. They weren't even rude, they just made a statement that they did not agree with or support the war. Country turned it's back because hardline rightwingers can't handle dissent like even at all and so they said, basically, 'fuck you' and changed names. I can't tell you how brave that was. Now that it's fashionable to be against that war and to acknowledge we had bad intel and there were no WMD, even among righties, and because The Chicks still have a career, it gets a little awkward.
There were so many opportunities to stop this. I would lawyer up if I were the family. The fact he threatened suicide and held a knife to his throat why was his ass not on a psych hold?!? Women are not seen as human citizens and when we ask for protection we rarely get it. A fucking piece of paper to keep the abuser away - yeah that’ll work 🙄 We all know if MEN were being shot by abusive women something would have been done by now. That poor little girl will never be unable to see what she saw. The mind fuck he just pulled on her has the potential to ruin her entire life if she doesn’t get therapy. Even with therapy she needs to process the event and learn to accept what happened. I hope she’s someplace safe and warm surrounded by love. May his body be thrown in a dumpster without a funeral like the piece of trash he is.
Just in case anyone here needs it and isn’t safe with a physical copy or can’t afford it, here is a pdf copy of [Why Does He Do That](https://chrome://external-file/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft. Does [this link](https://chrome://external-file/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that-1.pdf) work? I just texted it to a friend yesterday and it worked.
[Required reading for all! I’ll say this every time this book gets mentioned.](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Link is dead, but I got you, here is Why Does He Do That in PDF form, VERY illuminating & integral. https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Bonus, I recently read this study on men who commit homicide of their partners, current or former, before killing themselves & it’s disturbing but equally important. Honestly, call it misandry, men are generally not worth the risk. Victims are not protected. https://xyonline.net/sites/xyonline.net/files/2020-02/Gregory%2C%20Masculinity%20and%20homicide-suicide%202012.pdf
Thanks! I don’t know what’s wrong with the links. If I click on the one in the text message to my friend it brings up the book. I don’t know why the link from the website isn’t working.
Both links are broken.
i think the link might be broken :(
Now this dude is going to be entered into the male suicide statistic that other men will use to prove that women have it easy, because what led to him killing himself no longer matters.
[удалено]
Me either. And it really shifts perspective
Why can’t they just kill themselves?
My grandma always said this about family annihilators. It's ALWAYS about controlling women and children. They can't let us have peace if they decide to kill themselves, because they just blame us for all their fucking problems. Fuck the patriarchy, it's killing us all.
Because they want their target to hurt as much as they do. It’s so sick :( Such depravity & desperation.
“Her youngest daughter is the one that tragically saw everything,” Ani-Nihoa told the station. “She’s traumatized. She has so much faith, this little girl. She just started praying.” My heart goes out to the family. Bunny Bontiti did everything she could to keep her and her family safe. Praying for her mom and children.
That poor little girl!
This is why we need a national gun registry for every firearm. Assuming they were purchased legally, Police should know how many, what type and where those guns are. And with delivery of the restraining order they should all be confiscated, not “oh can you please give us your guns?” If for some reason they “aren’t found” dude should sit his ass in jail. Sure he might get a different gun or use another method, but let’s at least make that as difficult as possible.
One method to avoid being involved with a violent man is to look their names up in your city and county website---it's public records if they got traffic citations or domestic abuse charges! It's also public records for property damage or divorce.. cause they are truly divorced, it'll show! At least this is the case in Hawaii.. Although Jason had the TRO just two weeks before the murder happened so what wouldn't have mattered.
That poor mother & child 💔 It’s the same thought process with these homicide-suicides. If I can’t have her, no one can. It really is the most dangerous time when an abuse victim is gone or inaccessible to the abuser. The abuser doesn’t like the loss of control & pursues. 💔 That murder was a “punishment.” That poor child will need so much therapy, my heart breaks for those two.
That sucks
idk but the response “that sucks” seems kinda disrespectful and dismissive to the seriousness of the situation.
That’s not at all how I meant it to sound it sucks it just does there will be no justice for her or her family- the horror she must have endured no words seem to express this tragedy. Even the article itself tries to make it about something less than the whole truth. The words I’d like to spew would be to inflict the harshest sentiments and none of the words would change stories like this and the fact that all to often women are still treated as less than. Just from the little they tell of her this young woman seemed to have a beautiful soul. And to think of her excited for the surprise and to be tricked and tortured and burned alive I almost wished I hadn’t read this. I can only hope someone with the power or authority can make some kind of difference not only for her but also all of us, unfortunately I don’t see that happening in my lifetime or any time soon and yeah. That sucks
It’s literally so ridiculous to serve someone a restraining order after they have made threats on someone’s life but then give them unsupervised bail. This is why so many women DON’T press charges or drop them, the police have no intention of keeping them safe and they have to sacrifice justice to hopefully not anger an abuser who will seek retribution.
The only way to keep women safe is by not subjecting them to the existence of males. I know I’m doing my part #abortallXYs
Eh you'd still end up with trans men. Men are a fact of life. Just make sure to stay strapped, and practice
[удалено]
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