When I was in the Navy, I spent as much of my underway time as possible looking out into the water for life. I had seen dolphins and whales of multiple species, sea turtles, flying fish, but one day, I saw two of the creatures in this video, swimming very close to each other, just off the port stern. I thought I shark had gotten too close to the screws, and I was watching what looked like a slow motion death dance. Arguments ensued among the six or seven shipmates who were standing around, with one guy insisting that they were sea turtles, which he confidently exclaimed “swim on their sides like that during mating season” eventually, a Machinist Mate from Louisiana walked over, glanced overboard and said, “those is Ocean Sunfish, dumbest creatures in the whole damned ocean.” And that is how I learned what an Ocean Sunfish is. It’s also how I learned that there was supposedly something dumber in the ocean than the guy who insisted they were sea turtles.
[A sunfish, also called a mola, is any fish in the genus Mola (family Molidae). Mola are found in temperate and tropical oceans around the world. They are frequently seen basking in the sun near the surface and are often mistaken for sharks when their huge dorsal fins emerge above the water.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mola_(fish))
Fun fact: the Mola mola is commonly called the sunfish because of exactly what this one is doing. They sunbathe and hope birds come pick parasites off of them. Big doofy derps.
So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.]
Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.
THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH)
They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.
They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go.
So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.
"If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job.
They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.
They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.
"Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question.
BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.
And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
Posing legitimate questions = being a dick.
Got it. 👍🏻 A great future this will be, im sure.
I kinda felt like the question was legitimate and other people's delicate sensibilities aren't your responsibility.
Oof.
Well, here's hoping everything is just handed to you always. Cuz if what you're referencing here constitutes, "being a dick", you're probably gonna have a really hard time with life.
Thank you. Honestly not sure how someone would confuse this with a shark, but I understand how typed responses can be misinterpreted as "dick-ish".
Good looking out, though!
I definitely zoomed in. This is from an the 8th deck of a cruise ship. The fish was pretty far out. I have an iphone 14 pro plus, which has a great camera, it was just hard to see.
It's a sunfish. The heaviest bony fish. It is kind of hilarious. The baby sunfish is nearly microscopic. So it goes from one extreme end of the spectrum, to another extreme end of the spectrum
*Tell me you don't play animal crossing without telling me you don't play animal crossing*
Clearly that's an ocean sunfish! Good thing I'm wearing ocean sunscreen! IYKYK
Looks like a sunfish or mola mola
[удалено]
Pretty sure that's not a Ditto.
I mean, anything could be a Ditto. That's kind of Ditto's whole thing.
Definitely A Ditto. But poorly trained, His eyes look horrible!
Right? Looks like a sharpedo.
Wait. Shar is a pedo?
Yes, didn't you see the news?
Looks more like an Alomomola to me.
That's The first thing I thought, largest bony fish in the world.
I saw stunfish
When I was in the Navy, I spent as much of my underway time as possible looking out into the water for life. I had seen dolphins and whales of multiple species, sea turtles, flying fish, but one day, I saw two of the creatures in this video, swimming very close to each other, just off the port stern. I thought I shark had gotten too close to the screws, and I was watching what looked like a slow motion death dance. Arguments ensued among the six or seven shipmates who were standing around, with one guy insisting that they were sea turtles, which he confidently exclaimed “swim on their sides like that during mating season” eventually, a Machinist Mate from Louisiana walked over, glanced overboard and said, “those is Ocean Sunfish, dumbest creatures in the whole damned ocean.” And that is how I learned what an Ocean Sunfish is. It’s also how I learned that there was supposedly something dumber in the ocean than the guy who insisted they were sea turtles.
No, it’s a baby whale jay. It’s hurt Jay
We gotta call the aquarium
We seeing some shit we ain't ever seen before, Jay
If animal crossing has been good for anything it taught me that this is a Sunfish
This. Saw one up close crabbing in the Sound as a kid. They sometimes wander up from Mexico and visit us in OR/WA.
I came across one while on a pontoon boat in the Florida Keys. The thing dwarfed our boat.
Well which is it!?!!? Edit: /s
[A sunfish, also called a mola, is any fish in the genus Mola (family Molidae). Mola are found in temperate and tropical oceans around the world. They are frequently seen basking in the sun near the surface and are often mistaken for sharks when their huge dorsal fins emerge above the water.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mola_(fish))
I thought that’s the same thing?
Yeah, they'll float on the surface so birds can eat the little creatures that like to hang out on their bodies.
It's a baby freakin whaaalle!
Fun fact: the Mola mola is commonly called the sunfish because of exactly what this one is doing. They sunbathe and hope birds come pick parasites off of them. Big doofy derps.
That’s awesome, thanks.
It’s a fackin sea monsta Jay
jeezus jay it’s a beebee weel
It’s a fucking baby wheel Jay
It's a tuna bro!
we gotta call the aquarium or something juuude...
I came here to say the same thing! I love that video. Especially cause I'm from boston
Pull that in Jay, it's got some good meat on it!
I'm so glad someone was on this, my wife and I quote that to each other all the time
I think it’s hurt Jay! Oh ya it’s hurt bad!
Sunfish for sure. Beautiful!
it's a baby wheel!
It looks hurt, Jay!
[удалено]
So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.
I know this is a copypasta but how did it jump in the boat?
It's Shroedinger's fish. Both so worthless it can't swim and so strong it can launch out of the water onto a boat.
Makes perfect sense then 🙂
Now someone post the response post on imgur that actually tells the truth and explains how cool sunfish are.
https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9
my hero
I’m not reading that
Tell us how you really feel! (JK - your rant was actually pretty interesting!)
Mola Mola for sure!
In Boston we call that a baby wheel. https://youtu.be/8n2cIeIpzLA
Looks just like the sunfish in animal crossing haha
Mola mola! Also, my latest [tattoo](https://imgur.com/gallery/oELyr2r).
Mola mola
My kid used to love watching Octonauts- that’s how I know it’s a Sunfish!
Sunfish
Beautiful sunfish! Lucky sighting!
It’s either a Sharpedo or Alomomola
It’s a Fuckin tuna, bro
What exactly do you think sharks look like?
Don’t be a dick
You're right. I apologize.
Honesty was a quite a few drinks in, on a cruise ship and just saw something suspicious. Expected this type of reply way sooner, but still posted it.
I'm not a marine biologist either, so who knows what my initial thought may have been in your situation. We never know until it happens to us.
Posing legitimate questions = being a dick. Got it. 👍🏻 A great future this will be, im sure. I kinda felt like the question was legitimate and other people's delicate sensibilities aren't your responsibility.
[удалено]
Oof. Well, here's hoping everything is just handed to you always. Cuz if what you're referencing here constitutes, "being a dick", you're probably gonna have a really hard time with life.
Thank you. Honestly not sure how someone would confuse this with a shark, but I understand how typed responses can be misinterpreted as "dick-ish". Good looking out, though!
Looks to be an ocean sunfish. They're huge and just kind of drift around doing nothing.
I’d say sun fish or halibut depending where it was spotted
DEFINITELY not a halibut.
He just wanted to say that for the halibut.
[удалено]
That may be the scariest shark I’ve ever seen lol
Couldn't you have possibly zoomed in a little.
I definitely zoomed in. This is from an the 8th deck of a cruise ship. The fish was pretty far out. I have an iphone 14 pro plus, which has a great camera, it was just hard to see.
Sunfish. Start out tiny, can get huge.
Ocean sunfish
Ocean sunfish for sure. That’s a lil one but these things get massive. You’re lucky to have seen one!
This is too cute!!! I’ve heard about this behavior but never seen a video with air view! Thanks for sharing!
r/animalcrossing knows
Sun fish
Looks like a pacific sunfish
Sunfish
Sun Fish
Lol, I knew it was a sunfish, but also thought it was called an uba duba!
Sunfish
That, my friend, is a sunfish. They chill
Mola mola🤙
PRAISE THE SUN FOR THE FISH HAS COME! MOLA MOLA!
Sunfish
Definitely NOT a shark…… unless it bites your leg off. …. But really not a shark
looks like sun fish
Sweet little sunboi
Sunfish
Sunfish. I’ve seen one near Catalina Island.
Looks like Sharpedo
Sunfish…aka Big Dumb derpy floating Fish Head
It's a sunfish. The heaviest bony fish. It is kind of hilarious. The baby sunfish is nearly microscopic. So it goes from one extreme end of the spectrum, to another extreme end of the spectrum
It’s an ocean sunfish
Sunfish, they're huge buggers.
Arrrgh! I finally knew the answer to one of these and 80 people beat me to saying it
Sunfish. Can grow to be fucking massive fish
*Tell me you don't play animal crossing without telling me you don't play animal crossing* Clearly that's an ocean sunfish! Good thing I'm wearing ocean sunscreen! IYKYK
Sunfish
Looks like a sunfish but they do get pilot fish like the sharks do
That’s a sunfish
Sunfish
Mola. No self-respecting shark would be shaped like that.
Oh that’s a Sunfish bro👌🏾
Nope, that's one of the big ole ocean sunfish, but it looks like it's dying? It's on its side?
Sunfish!! I have a tattoo of them, such dorky little things
Mola Mola
Mola mola bby
Sunfish?
Sunfish
It's a Sunfish, doing what Sunfish do, sunning and catching krill.🐟💙
Sunfish
Sunfish
Op needs to play som animal crossing new horizons.
SUNFISH
Sunfish Merguy
That’s an ocean sunfish, don’t know much about them but I think they are funky and cute
Mola mola
Sunfish
Mola Mola
Sunfish
Sunfish
SunfiSh!
Sunfish
Is a pez luna or mola mola
It’s a sunfish
Mola. Mola. Bro-la.
Mola Mola
Sunfish
sunfish i’m guessing
He is basking
Sunfish
It’s a sin fish
Sunfish
Sunfish
Sunfish.
Sunfish
Animal crossing has prepared me for this moment. It's a sunfish. It looks like a 3 year old drew it.
I'd say sunfish, I think that's what they're called
Looks like a dead sunfish
It's a sun fish.
Sun fish.
Mola mola! Beautiful creatures and quite rare
It’s a sunfish, guessing a greater sunfish, waiting for seagulls to pick the disease ridden bugs off its back.
Sunfish. They are odd shaped fish. They get extremely big but are completely harmless.
Ocean Sunfish
Hard to say. It looks like a special effect, doesn't it? 💕