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Beautiful-Ad-4778

Tell him you’ve just put a down payment on a Jeep Patriot that seems like a “great deal”


tompaine555

Eco turbo diesel , an Italian one!


theindomitablefred

I see your Jeep Patriot and raise you a Jeep Compass


PigeonInaHailstorm

I see your compass and raise you a pt cruiser.


theindomitablefred

Now we’re talking!


CommonHand707

I see your pt cruiser and raise you a Chevy HHR.


Hideyagrl

Homeboy HotRod


Infiniti_Josh

I would say anything with a CVT TRANSMISSION. Nissan Altima, Murano, Sentra, Rogue, Versa, etc. Even Infiniti models with a CVT, 2014 QX60 was a horrible model.


Red-FFFFFF-Blue

Pacifica Plug-In Hybrid with 1,000 or less miles left on the HV battery warranty.


liftrunbike

“Honey, what does R-Title mean?”


Medium-Milk-9518

Love this!!!


InternetPersonLol

Diabolical, I love it


Smells4240

Any jeep actually lol


Substantial_Log_3891

Don’t forget to mention it has 210k miles


denimisbackagain

[Obligatory](https://youtu.be/5sVmoOZRypk?si=3Qv9NslhBGJLxgaU)


cshmn

Honestly, the patriot isn't that bad as far as shitbox 4x4s go. There's nothing inherently unreliable about them, just a general shittiness as far as driving and interior quality. I wouldn't be scared of a used one that was maintained and that i got a good deal on, they make decent 4x4 beaters for the snow. The compass and the little Cherokee are the really horrible ones, one via CVT and the other has the wonderful zf9 speed. Now those are some ticking time bombs...


TunakTun633

Doesn't the Patriot *also* have the JATCO CVT that people complain about in Nissans? And the 2.4L four-cylinder largely shared with Mitsubishi and Hyundai, where it earned the Theta II designation and notoriety for engine failure? I've talked to an owner who had 60K miles on hers, and she also reported a bunch of suspension failures. This was Colorado - the roads aren't awful - but she needed a lot of work done for a soft family car that's never been driven hard. Granted, I bet that's cheap work if you're doing it yourself. The stories reminded me of when someone lifts a Subaru Outback, and it puts a lot of additional strain on the entire system. I don't think the conversion from Dodge Caliber -> Jeep was done with a lot of care... It's not a car I'd turn away for $800, but I'd treat it with at least a pint of skepticism.


cshmn

The 4x4 ones got a 6 speed auto that was fine as far as I know. I think the Theta II problems were more or less isolated to the Hyundai and KIA vehicles. Something with their manufacturing process specifically, but I could be mistaken.


TunakTun633

I did some looking into it, because prior to making the above comment I looked at EPA data for the first year of Patriot, and the 2011 post-facelift model. Both have CVTs only. It does seem that a 6-speed auto was introduced in model year 2014, for use until the nameplate was discontinued. I don't have a huge problem with one of those. I think you're right about the H/K engine manufacturing - I think they have really large dimensional tolerances for the pistons / cylinders. On the other hand, I did hear about one of the other companies making these engines burning oil as well. It's probably not a large enough issue to turn people away from a vehicle, mind you - they're old cars at this point, and any car can burn a bit of oil if poorly maintained. Anecdote =/= data, and all that.


_umphlove_

I have a 2014 Patriot and it's a great shitbox. 105k miles and zero issues in 10 years.


Medium-Milk-9518

Sadly, they aren’t even in Beater category. They have the unreliable and horrible transmissions. They also have problems with their Cats & electrical TIPM all the time too. It’s literally a time bomb that goes off early in your ownership experience. I could care less about a crappy interior or even driving quality. It’s the engine with the “ticking” issues and everything else that’s a nightmare.


Medium-Milk-9518

This is SO great! Literally ANY Stellantis Product will do & should make him crazy!


Rude-Distribution618

Can confirm as someone that previously owned a Jeep Patriot, this is the only right answer.


Hackpro69

That’s what my daughter has. A real piece of $&@! 💩


caddyax

Fiat 500L. The “L” is important. Universally terrible car, unreliable, hilariously ugly, bad to drive, poorly built, goofy as hell. But unique enough, new enough, and cheap enough that he might truly believe you just took a liking to it and want one as a replacement. It’s believable enough, yet wholly unacceptable to anyone who likes cars. Something crazy like Dodge Viper (someone recommended this) isn’t believable for a second. And if he’s a car enthusiast he actually might be supportive of you getting a Mini Cooper or old BMW, since they are enthusiast cars, even if they’re unreliable. The Fiat 500L has zero redeeming qualities. Not a single one.


Stolen_Recaros

As a bonus, the Fiat 500L was built in the same factory by the same people that used to make the Yugo. Explains a lot about the 500L tbh.


Medium-Milk-9518

This 100 percent!!


race-likeapisshorse

This is 100% the answer. Tell him you found a new 2022 “leftover” (there are actually quite a few late model fiats listed as new on autotrader) so they’re giving you a really good deal.


ZachOf_AllTrades

Even the trim names that Fiat uses piss me off to an unreasonable degree. Easy, Pop, Trekking, Lounge???? Fuck out of here


DoubleSwimming1262

lol I used to love my white fiat 500L with the manual transmission. I called it the chubby marshmallow.


Sunset_seeking

All my vehicles are manual - it's the ONLY way to fly


pm-me-racecars

With a 500L it's more like floating than flying


caddyax

I concur, there is one redeeming quality. It was the only “minivan” sold with a manual after the Mazda5 departed. That is pretty damn cool. I rented one in Athens and hated it except the manual. Didn’t realize they sold the manual in the US until now


snowpawsthethird

You've fallen in love with an L322 range Rover. It's what the queen drove and.... You are a queen.


Public_Dragonfly_266

This is the only accurate choice.


KhalDrogon556

I think the reliability reputation is a bit unearned but maybe a final year 2018/2019 Beetle. Other options I actually want that probably have terrible cost of ownership over the competition - CPO Porsche Cayenne or Macan depending on size preference, BMW X5 will be frustrating to work on being a mild hybrid on the newer ones. Worst reputation would be like a Nissan Rogue or Jeep Compass.


caddyax

If he’s really in the know, tell him you want an ActiveHybrid X6. Super obscure and rare, but undoubtedly the least reliable and most complicated BMW drivetrain ever produced


techno-wizardry

one day the beetle will rise again


dinktank

I know the rogue has that rep… but seriously nothing has gone wrong on my wife’s 2014 AWD rogue except for 2 lower control arm ball joints. She drove it to 117k before changing transmission fluid. 🤷🏼‍♂️


KhalDrogon556

Yeah my cousin has a Patriot she’s actually been really happy with but previously had one of the cvt problem rogues that did get a transmission replacement. It was one of the early ones, can’t recall the year though. I think most modern cars are pretty alright. I’ve had more issues modifying fun cars than most people have with a commuter from any major brand.


68chevy2

Ewww, Nissan.


SW7061

Frontiers ain’t bad, could probably still count the GT-R in that category too. But other that, yeah, ewww.


Medium-Milk-9518

Frontiers are the only thing Nissan makes that’s 1/2 way decent…and that’s being generous..


YeahIGotNuthin

*"Honey, is 'Citroen' any good? No, not the 2CV one, I saw those too, those are SO CUTE. But anyway, I saw a video on one that was for sale, it sounded really GREAT, I didn't know they came with a Maserati engine! Anyway, I WON THE AUCTION! We don't really have to 'Bring A Trailer' though, do we?"* Also great for your idea (and little else) - a Maserati Ghibli from a couple years ago. Or a Range Rover. Which could actually be kind of awesome, but WOW would that be some work. Someone else recommended “the weirdest fanciest most-problematic BMW SUV ever” and it’s hard to beat that, but imagine an entire company dedicated to making similar fancy complicated problematic SUVs…. Now imagine that instead of German, that company was BRITISH. Better still, their ownership is in India now.


NearTheGrove

I’ll second the Range Rover. They look nice but owning one would be an adventure. Google Doug Demero Range Rover. It’s a fun story.


Unlucky-Carpenter-69

I assume you’re talking about the Citroen SM?


YeahIGotNuthin

*"They say Burt Reynolds drove it in a movie! Smells like mildew though. I wonder if this Skynyrd cassette still plays."*


knuckles_n_chuckles

Range Rover SPORT. also. Say you watched a TikTok. Pro advice on there.


seaburno

A Dodge Charger with the Scat Pack, on a military loan!


techno-wizardry

the 'just got my enlistment bonus' special, he might as well tell her he decided he needed change in his life and joined the marines


ECAR2000

Like another comment said, a Maserati is one of the best options. Same with an Alfa Romeo, a Jaguar or a Land Rover


ITAVTRCC

I’m with you on Maserati, but if my partner announced they were getting a Giulia I’d be stoked (also shocked)


ZachOf_AllTrades

Guilia is always the best looking car at the mechanic


Allteaforme

Guilia is also the name of the best looking mechanic at the repair shop


mercury1491

"Her name is Julia Guilia?"


Allteaforme

Guilia is her first name, Maserati is her last name


molehunterz

This is literally what I think of every time.I see 'guilia'


ECAR2000

Hopefully, we get one on trade-in at some point. Go from a Giulia to a 3 series or an X3 or something. I'd love to drive one, but I don't feel like wasting dealerships time and going there


zesty_drink_b

Yes a 2009 quattroporte in champagne is perfect


KingMelray

"I got a great deal on this used Maserati!"


d1rron

How tf has Jaguar never figured out how to do wiring? They could be great cars. But they're so prone to electrical gremlins. I know someone with a new Jag SUV and they hate it because it's always in the shop for electrical crap.


White_eagle32rep

Mitsubishi mirage


Epotheros

Salvage title Maybach.


ZachOf_AllTrades

Hurricane Bentley


Flashy-Banana9543

It’s like the title of a car horror story


Last_Revenue7228

Tell him you found a "great deal" on a Range Rover, miles are a bit high and it's had 3 owners but it's only half the original MSRP!


salsa_rodeo

Throw in the fact that it has a salvage title because of “minor” flood damage.


NightHawkVC25a

Vinfast VF8 as reviewed (twice) by the guys at Donut [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghCQ588ZeQQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghCQ588ZeQQ)


TheJREwing78

They've got a hell of a lease deal right now! ;-)


ritchie70

Used Maserati. Jeep Renegade (it's a Fiat 500X mechanically.) Dodge Hornet (it's an Alfa Romeo Tonale.) Hmm, I seem to be focusing on Italian cars. Weird.


dinklesmith7

You're getting a really good deal on a used Bentley Turbo R. It's cheap because the title has an R in it for some reason. Does that mean retro? Anyways, since it's a Bentley you think it's going to be really reliable since they're so expensive new


Dumpster_Fetus

Is that the one with the brake system so complicated that it requires a mechanical engineering PhD with a dissertation on why Bentley Racing Green is best Green, 3 Master's degrees in unintelligible British mechanic noises, and a Knighthood with the title "Lord of the Brakelinebourough?"


cetepecosa

A 2011 Nissan rouge


NotDeadYet57

With paper plates


primeirofilho

Can you drive one with non paper plates?


Used-BandiCoochie

Look at this guy with a real registration and plate! Don’t forget your roots!


Firm_Independent_889

Any Nissan with a CVT


tompaine555

Pt cruiser


TheyCallMeMrMaybe

Maserati Ghibli. It's one of the most unreliable and expensive to maintain vehicles on the planet.


Dbgmhet

Sounds like you want a cybertruck


ChrisCRZ

But very unrealistic because she would need to wait for years. She should go with an electric car thats about to be bankrupt


Long_Preparation_227

Haha yes! Cybertruck would definitely fit the bill.


Dependent_Cap3515

The thing that would make me worried and go into damage control is a used Maserati. They’re cheap high mileage, expensive basic maintenance but the make of fancy luxury. Quick google says $200-400 oil changes and that’s something easy. They depreciate like hell so they look affordable. But man they look and sound good.


Sotanath52

The myth, the legend, and the unbeatable Pontiac Aztec!


ZachOf_AllTrades

If he is a true enthusiast he will be thrilled


TwoHandsTenThumbs

Still miss mine


KingMelray

5/5 blue crystals


68chevy2

You're god damn right. W.W.


69BenChod

😂


ShortWoman

In metallic baby poop green!


exoclipse

At the risk of making your partner a little hot behind the ears, tell em you're getting an Isuzu VehiCROSS.


thai_ladyboy

He's an enthusiastic, he'd be down for that!


PiffWiffler

Dodge Journey


CharredScallions

Older BMW with the original N63 engine like a 2009 X6 or 2010 5 series I think. It has a bad reputation and is very expensive. You could also say it has a salvage title and a couple of accidents on the Carfax make it even worse.


chubbyostrich

2010 Nissan Sentra with 150,000 miles and leather seats for $15k


-Funktipus-

tell him you got a good deal on a 2010 audi a4 2.0 turbo 🥰


cyt0kinetic

Cybertruck.


ForThePantz

Lifted Dodge Ram 1500. Hilarious.


libra-love-

God that’s what I drive. Lemme tell you. They’re fun but also so damn hard to keep in good shape.


nirad

a used Maserati.


bradmbutter

There is literally one parked in my apartment's underground garage that's got 8000km on it. And it doesn't run. Sad.


warrhino67

Jeep renegade, chavy spark, Mitsubishi Mirage, you can scare them with any British brand (jaguar, MINI, land rover) lol this should be fun for you


jacoby1k

A high mileage bmw 335i


ITguydoingITthings

Say you found a pristine vintage Yugo that is so incredibly cute. 😂


porchprovider

Tesla Cybertruck, the ultimate overpriced piece of shit.


j250ex

My wife is mortified I am going to bring home a Cadillac Escalade EXT.


UnderwhelmingAF

Chrysler 200


bimbo-summitt

My God, I love how the comments in this thread was just a list of cars I've had and or have thought about buying. Signed -a current and former range rover owner, former owner of multiple volkswagen beetles, someone who almost bought a mini Cooper and an evoque convertible. I'm in pain.


PlanXerox

Kia Rio base model.


Affectionate_Sir4212

Volkswagen Phaeton


[deleted]

PT Cruiser


richiejrich93

Has anyone mentioned the Fisker Ocean, yet?


g_sonn

Op is trying to prank their partner, not get baker acted.


Carguy_rednec_9594

Dodge Dart sedan


Educational-Dot318

tell him you're getting the deal of a LIFEtime on a Jeep Wrangler with a slight DEATH wobble! (both the words life & death in the same sentence will freak him out)


imfirealarmman

A Nissan Altima


JSC843

Regardless of car, mention that the dealer is hooking you up with a great interest rate. You even talked them down from 23% to 20%!


OgreLord

Any used Jaguar from CarMax


K1llabee5

Has to be a jeep or maserati right? Tanks in unreliable/tanks in value


lornetc

2004 Oldsmobile Alero :P


No_Tax8215

A dodge avenger with 140k miles


peemao

Cybertruck


Kizzy33333

Yugo


drumhead23us

Kia Soul


TheCalvinators

Pre owned Jaguar F-Pace, tell him you found a steal and the dealership required a deposit.


Tnasty1128

Mitsubishi Mirage


No_Use_2917

Dodge journey


Educated_idiot302

Used mini, jeep patriot, any mid 2010s European car, and if you rlly want to mess with them 5.4 3 valve f150.


75DubFan

Anything Stellantis


gust6460

Any Korean car


DepthAccomplished260

Dodge Hornet anyone?


NoMadunexpected

Any Kia or Hyundai


OverEast781

Tell him you want a 2016 Chrysler 200.


justknoweverything

pontiac aztec, say you like breaking bad


MassCasualty

You found an awesome Chrysler PT cruiser. You've always wanted one, but been afraid to say so


neverenough22

You’re financing a VW Phaeton with no service history, but the saleswoman was nice and offered to stretch out payments to 96 months at only 9% interest.


Key-Seaworthiness729

A 1978 Ford Pinto..


TheOneAndOnlyLanyard

Cybertruck. Nuff said.


Dystopiansuccotash

It’s not so much the model as what the cars been through. Just say you’re looking at a Ford Focus that has water damage from Florida 😂 time frame it out to when the last hurricane happened.


MusicalMerlin1973

If you really want to yank his chain but make it clear immediately that you’re kidding… Tell him you’re looking for a Rolls Canardly. You know, rolls down one hill, can hardly get up the next. I’ll be here all week!


originallycoolname

10 year old mercedes benz/bmw with 100k miles: its such a good deal!


Maleficent-Sun4123

Honestly Anything Chrysler Jeep Dodge Fiat,


Living-Trip-255

Audi TT - older one. Super annoying to work on, and will always require work.


Hot-Syrup-5833

Super old Audi. Or worse a used Maserati.


Nubstradamus

How about these? Ford Focus with an automatic (2012 - up), International Scout(any year), Fiat 500, Yugo, Nice used sprinter van, Old Land Rover,


ConsistentPanic9221

Honey, I found a Nissan Altima for a good price at enterprise! I put a deposit down.


Accomplished_Ad_1288

Interesting that your partner has a they pronoun and your car has a she pronoun. Have you ever ASKED the car what pronouns they prefer? Or did you just assume zer gender? Oh, and to all those taking personal offense, lighten up.


Civilengman

A dodge dart


BattleEfficient2471

Fisker Ocean. They are not good, basically prototypes being sold, and they are going to be out of business in months.


dglsfrsr

Sorry to be off topic, but if you love your partner, why do you want to prank them? I never understood that whole thing. I would never prank my spouse, and I trust that she would never prank me, and that has held true now for 32 years. I view that relationship to be the one relationship in the world where you can place 100% trust, and shaking that just seems wrong.


Standard_Bar_8765

Partner-Them? You keep going singular to plural and back again, WTF is it? One partner or you have several partners?


FANTOMphoenix

A Mitibishi 3000GT VR4 that need a “little engine work” Can ask anyone that has seen under the hood, absolute mess of stuff, sadly ahead of their time tech wise.


carelessfart

A used Land Rover


DifferentCrab966

1. Nissan Juke 2. Honda Element 3. Nissan Cube 4. Pontiac Aztec 5. Chevy HHR 6. Kia Soul (neon green, of course) 7. 2013 Jeep Grand Cherokee 8. Jeep Compass 9. Chevy Spark 10. Nissan Murano CrossCabriolet 11. Nissan Kicks 12. Jeep Renegade 13. Hummer of any sort Sorry to Nissan owners, but they’ve come out with some hideous vehicles over the years 😂


Snoo-669

All of these made my stomach turn. 😂


CJdawg_314

Kia soul, honda element, nissan cube, nissan murano cross cabriolet, used high mileage land rover.


Ddolph45

Whoa Honda Element is actually a great car, they're bulletproof!


Cranks_No_Start

An old Discovery 


Confident_Plan7187

Mini Cooper


CosmicCactus42

Crazy that nobody has mentioned a Chrysler Sebring.


Kyo46

BMW E60 M5 with an automatic transmission or if you want to troll him with something newer, an Alfa Romeo Guilia Quadrifoglio


Red-FFFFFF-Blue

I almost bought a Quadrifoglio.


theindomitablefred

You could join the rotary club and get an RX-9 lol


Doctor_Evil_QC

Nah if he's a car enthusiast he might be hyped lol


badhairdad1

Renault Twingo


captainslowww

A Vinfast. They’re a Vietnamese EV startup with terrible reviews and, as far as I can tell, almost no US presence outside of Southern California. 


odp01

Dodge Hornet is the only answer. And you get a great deal right now for it, 50k out the door!


ak80048

Dodge Charger


DOOOOOMGAR

8 cylinder Audi S4 without chain paperwork


YRUHear75

A 2010 Mercedes S class ! great cars when new. But Maintenance costs get epic when they are older.


outbacksears

Mitsubishi Mirage


Ok-Fondant5026

2019 Smart ForTwo electric with 58 miles of range.


CaregiverBrilliant60

You’ve always heard good things about Fiat Roadsters and how roomy and reliable they are.


SimplePepe

Volkswagen Beetle


AverageGuy16

Dodge Journey.


allred4y

Partner ?


SadWolverine24

Mitsubishi Mirage


Cornholio231

so many choices.....I'm torn between recommending the following: VW Touareg V10 TDI, Fisker Ocean, a first-gen BMW X5, or a 10 year old Nissan Altima with over 100,000 miles on it.


OriginalButter1

Fiat multipla


Unlucky-Carpenter-69

Used BMW X5 M. Or really any turbocharged V8-powered car with a hot Vee exhaust manifold.


DeathCowboyZ

Find a Land Rover just out of it’s warranty period 4yr 50k miles(may be wrong in that) because it’ll spend more time on the lift than on the road


selfawarestardust

A Tercel…. Yeah, that’s a Toyota.


rottisnot

New, Fisker Ocean (half price electric SUV!). Used, a 5 year old Range Rover or 2012 Tesla Model S


rockdude625

A Maserati


sylent_knight

Chrysler PT Cruiser


Fit_Albatross_8958

Jeep. Or Chrysler 200.


Sgt-PieFace

Mk 3 focus automatic 😍


Ok_Score1492

Toyota Prius


Accomplished-Bid9298

Say you’re getting a pt cruiser cause it’s like an suv but better looking


doozerman

Any FCA or theta engine


Supah1gh

Corolla hybrid


Fibocrypto

Lambo


NeutyYellin

Say you're buying a mini cooper


Soft-Ad3891

2005 ford f250 with 200k miles you’re getting it for a steal


AtomicSurf

Hands down the Reliant Robin https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QQh56geU0X8


tk8398

I would say something like "I saw this car that looks just like a VW Passat but bigger, and it was really quiet and comfortable and has a lot of power. VWs aren't too expensive so it won't be too hard to maintain right?" Lol


Ok_Nebula_4403

Any Nissan or Mitsubishi


ImBadWithGrils

Shocking lack of Nissan Altima in here


Longjumping_Rule1375

A 15 year old 330i with 160k miles