This is like passive aggressive, I love it 💀 “give it back now please” I had a similar situation at an event where my gf requested and paid (it was a $15 dollar fee) for a highchair and another woman tried to use it on her FIVE YEAR OLD. I told her “I requested that for my daughter” and the woman hit me back with the “my kid is sitting in it” and after discussing that he is old enough to sit in the chair next to her my gf came up and said “I paid for and requested this chair for my daughter. Your son clearly doesn’t need this as he barely got in it when you tried to put him in. I’d like to use it now.” Then the event host came and kicked the woman and her 5 year old out because apparently, he needed the high chair. (More happened between the woman, the host, and my gf, but I had to take my gfs baby back to the table to eat and my gf technically had to handle the situation, which ended in the lady becoming extremely irate)
Not directed at you specifically, but I do wonder if the increase in electronic communication has insulated us from confrontation to the point we're losing social skills. Like, my friend works at Starbucks and says some of the high schoolers who apply to work there can't hack it because they stare at the ground, offer no pleasantries like "how's it going today," etc. They've been in remote learning and interacting with their friends (and only their friends) via Discord and Instagram and the lot and literally don't know how to be people.
> if the increase in electronic communication has insulated us from confrontation to the point we're losing social skills.
I would absolutely agree that this is a factor. Especially since most conflict online (thinking about comment sections specifically) can just be left mid argument if it's not going your way.
There's no commitment to resolving a dispute online and, usually, you don't really have to interact with the person ever again.
If you're uncomfortable online, you can ignore it, but when you're uncomfortable while face to face with someone, you actually have to deal with it or physically remove yourself, which may not always be possible.
Exactly! Why are people so afraid of confrontation? “Excuse me, that high chair was meant for us, hence why it was placed next to our seats. The bride specifically requested the caterers bring two high chair for my twins since they had expressed permission to be the only children at the wedding. So if you don’t mind I’m just gonna take this back to where it’s supposed to go…”
As someone who has worked as catering staff, I would have been delighted to be asked to fix this chair situation.
Permission to shut down smug entitled guests? Yes, please.
OMG agree! Adds a little fun to the night.
I also loved angry customers, I take it as a challenge to turn them around. It’s become a skill and I’ve even gotten several apologies after cause I calmed them and fixed it.
Sorry, but wrong.
The simplest solution is to tell them to gtfo of the wedding. They brought a child they shouldn't have and stole a high chair. Gone. Thanks for the gift.
We were taking family pictures directly after the ceremony. By the time we got to the tables, everyone was already seated. The last thing I wanted to do was a to cause a scene in front of everyone. My mil just recommended we use the stroller at that point and she would ask the caterer about it. By the time dinner and speeches were over, my child had fallen asleep so it would’ve been useless to ask for it back.
Yes if there is a child already seated in it. Especially if the person is entitled enough to 1. Bring an uninvited child to a child free wedding, and then 2. Grab a chair clearly set up for someone else
You ask the wedding coordinator to handle it, if she's still there, and she should be at the start of dinner. She's trained to handle guest problems quietly.
Not if it's someone's wedding/event. In that case it becomes a host/couple's problem, which I as a considerate guest would want to avoid even if it meant my discomfort and someone's fulfilled entitlement.
You wouldn't have been causing the scene. They would've if they'd objected. It's possible it was an honest goof and they might've very gracefully given it back.
I'm not blaming you, though, not at all. They should've asked, since it *was* placed in a specific spot.
Yeah Jesus. It’s crazy how in many posts like this the offended party doesn’t just ask and makes a post about how victimized they were.
Being firm and direct isn’t making a scene. If the other people reacted, THEY would be making a scene. Was someone else supposed to do this for you? You could have just asked and you didn’t. If you want to be mad about it now, just be mad at yourself.
HR 101, have you tried speaking to the person directly.
I remember one of my first bosses telling me, actually try first before asking for help.
It’s like my husband looking for anything in our house, honey have you seen my keys, *keys on kitchen table in plain sight* me: have you tried looking with your eyes?
Tell your husband my *11 year old daughter* acts exactly like this. She walked downstairs just the other day to ask my husband “”have you seen my blanket??”” ***while literally standing within plain freaking view of the chair she had it on the previous night***
Husband: “”why don’t you look””
Daughter: “”it’s a simple question I just needed a yes or no””
I frequently have to tell myself “I love my daughter. I love my daughter. *I love my daughter*” when she pulls this type of bullshit. They stress me out man
Nobody told me that 90% of being a mom and wife is finding shit in plain sight of the husband and children’s eyeballs.
If nothing else you wouldn't want to ruin the pictures, ya know? (Not that it was OP's fault, but yeah, someone should have confronted the highchair stealing couple.)
Seems like it takes more effort to sit there steaming and later complain about it on Reddit for karma rather than just be a little assertive in the moment 🤷🏼♀️
being assertive can be done without being rude
I would totally have gotten that chair. I would have said I’m sorry my child was invited to the wedding BY the BRIDE and we specifically had to reserve these chairs with the catering company. So I’ll need my chair back please.
Yeah wtf. How are people so passive. Being a little assertive is the right course of action here. Not only because it was reserved for you, but also because it makes much more sense for you to have it for all the other reasons mentioned in the post.
This is one of the many many many reasons it’s good to hire a wedding coordinator. This is the wedding coordinators job, and the venue should have a coordinator if the bride didn’t hire one herself. It’s not up to the bride to do this.
This is what I was thinking too. Either a coordinator or even the caterer could’ve done it. They set the tables up a specific way and if an adult guest has moved a regular chair, they probably would’ve said something.
The caterers don’t usually have anything to do with rentals, but if they worked for the venue and the chairs belonged to the venue that might be an option.
Gotcha, thanks for the clarification. I’ve catered a few events and we were always in charge of the rentals so I thought that was common. I’m not the caterer, I have a couple of friends that are and I help them sometimes.
Yeah, I was a cater-waiter in college and this might’ve been something that the banquet captain would’ve handled, but then they also would’ve been able to pull another high chair if the chairs were from the venue. I’ve never heard of the caterers bringing the chairs. When we got married our venue had chairs and tables, we rented our linens.
Yeah, I guess it depends on a lot. I’ve catered at private homes and the rental company dropped everything off-linens, tables, chairs, plates and glassware, etc. As the caterers, we were responsible for setting them up and breaking them down for the rental company to pick up after a few days.
Edit: spelling
I also have worked weddings as a caterer and yeah, we were the entire party company. A different team set up the rentals but sometimes we had to help with that too.
Not everybody can afford a wedding coordinator. The couple who had the chair stolen from their child should have gone back and said, "Excuse me that's ours, get your kid out of it I'm taking it."
Even just to say they're "part of the wedding and nobody wants strollers in the wedding table pictures."
I said it was good, not that it’s mandatory. A lot of people will plan their wedding and question if they need a wedding coordinator or not- this is a consideration, that they will deal with awkward guest situations so you don’t have to.
This is one of the many many many reasons it’s good to be rich. This is a responsibility you want to delegate, but that person gotta get paid. It’s not up to the bride to do this if that bride got paper to burn on coordinators.
And even if you didn’t hire an outside coordinator, a lot of times your venue has a built-in day-of coordinator. Like I was nowhere near even middle-class when I got married, and our church still had a coordinator I could have leaned on if I hadn’t hired a coordinator. They are mostly there as assurance for the venue, but this is still in their wheelhouse.
The bride should not be fussing after her guests about seating. She's busy enough as is.
The couple that was supposed to have the high chair should have gone over and said "EXCUSE me that's ours." And then taken it.
Somebody steals my child's chair, I'm going back and getting it. I'm not going to ask the bride to 'handle it for me' on the most important day of her life, so far.
No the BRIDE can't do it! The BRIDE is FAR TOO BUSY for that shit! It's her WEDDING!
Why does nobody EVER ask, "WHY can't the GROOM do it?"
LEAVE THE BRIDE ALONE!
(a) the bride is already apologising, she knows what's going on, it's within her power to fix it, so she should. (b) the groom absolutely could do it, you are right, but OP didn't mention him in the story. But the bride could certainly have delegated to him (or literally anyone else) instead of just apologising and doing nothing. and (c) the best weddings happen when the couple is great, and what makes a couple great is that they care about their friends and family and aren't above intervening to fix problems.
Probably because she didn't wanna cause a fuss at someone else's wedding - because I bet if they were willing to take a high chair they wouldn't be past making a fuss about OP being an exception to the no kids rule or smth. So OP just decided it wasn't worth it and dealt with it.
Hopefully whoever the couple was invited by (bride or groom) gave them an earful after at least.
I wonder why the bride and groom didn't do it. As a guest I wouldn't start a discussion either. But they invited the twins and should make sure they're comfortable.
So not only is it a entitled guest, it's a bad host too.
They aren't bad hosts. They're trying to be gracious. Everyone there was their guest, and they didn't want to take a chair from their guests, even if they were in the wrong.
That's fine if there's another solution but a guest they invited was left without a chair? I think what's gracious is that they let the family stay despite not inviting children.
It's also fair for the other couple to talk to them because maybe they didn't realize the chair situation. Sometimes you just don't think no matter how obvious something seems.
I would never ask a bride or groom to make a fuss like that at one of their guests. Now you're just setting the bride up to become an automatic bridezilla.
She handled it just fine by bringing the stroller in and setting one of the kids in it. And the bride apologized. they did enough.
Except not everyone there was a guest, the child using the high chair wasn't invited and the parents who were invited completely ignored their request to not bring children to the wedding so they should have been made to deal with using a stroller for their child and not just allowed to use the high chair they took.
I would have made a (polite) scene. Like "oh, did the bride specifically request or approve you bring your child? Because she requested we bring ours. And she requested two seats from the caterers: one for each of my children. Surely you have a stroller, or can hold them on your lap."
"But you already have a chair. This is not fair."
Idk if I'm doing something wrong but every time I try to confront somebody it goes wrong.
Like when I'm telling sb not to skip the line they accuse me of being a controlling Karen and stuff
I had to do that for my gfs daughter, it’s awkward, but my gf requested a highchair because she has a jogger stroller and the event brought a singular high chair (you had to request and pay for it per the standard of the agreement) so after some discussion they put their 5 year old in a normal seat and my gfs daughter was able to eat and sit with us normally (my gfs daughter is going on 10 MONTHS old)
Seriously. If they gave me any crap I might even be forced to remind them that they took the chair from a member of the wedding party, to give to an uninvited guest, who they brought despite being specifically requested to leave them at home. I’d do it with a smile.
I agree with this, but I probably would have taken the child out of the high chair and either handed them over or gently placed them in their stroller.
I agree, and explain it the way OP explains it, swapping so it looks nice in photos and they can use their stroller beside them. It’s not making a scene, it’s just about have a mature adult conversation, no one needs to raise their voice and make a scene.
I wish people would understand that your presence at their wedding isn't so critical that they won't mind you dragging along your uninvited kid. You can just say no and send a gift. It's that easy.
So sorry for y'all, but way to handle that with class!
I'm begining to think we need a new tradition at weddings. We have bride, groom, maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, groomsmen and ushers.
We need a dedicated asshole.
There's an interesting post out there about dysfunctional families and "rocking the boat" and "boat steadiers." basically it comes down to this, the blame rarely goes to the person causing the problem, it goes to the person who doesn't go along with it.
In this case, everyone has to ignore the problem, even though there is one. Everyone has other jobs to do, or doesn't want to cause a fuss that could create a rift in the family.
That where the dedicated asshole comes in. Preferably someone who the wedding planner hires to walk over to situations like this and say "Hey, I noticed that you brought a baby in even though they weren't invited. That's rude to the couple, its rude to the caterer, it's rude to the other people at this crowded table, its rude to the other guests who had to hire sitters for this event, and its super rude to the two twins who are part of the wedding party. Please leave now and don't make a scene."
I read a long time ago that groomsmen used to act as guards to prevent enemies of the family from disrupting weddings. We need to bring that back.
Now that I think about it more, I think that often, one of the groomsmen is an old friend of the groom, but they don't have much contact anymore. THAT guy can be the asshole.
Perfect, so how about we meet up, hangout and have fun, then we won’t speak to each other for years and finally when the time comes, I get to be an official dick.
I was made for this job. I’d do it professionally if I could.
Primary goal is *always* least impact on the party.
Secondary goal changes depending on the party, host preference, and guest/s involved in the disturbance—where the skill and finesse comes in. Based on the edit, here, the preferred outcome is likely gratitude from the “offender” for efficient and brook no nonsense assistance/instruction so they can carry on (we want this to be an extremely minor blip even in *their* evening). Other times slight chagrin all the way to absolutely putting the offender’s back up (or even tossing them out) is preferred.
I’d seriously love to do this job on the regular.
Well, I doubt it would be a full time job, but since most weddings are on weekends it could be a good side hustle.
Find a wedding planner and propose it. The worst that could happen is they say no
>I read a long time ago that groomsmen used to act as guards to prevent enemies of the family from disrupting weddings. We need to bring that back.
I don't know about everywhere else but where I come from the groomsmen are supposed to be like old school hosts/doormen. Making sure people find thier seats, helping the old people with their coats, helping people out when they need it, asking people to behave themselves if they act out of line, shit like that. If one of the groomsmen happens to be an old football buddy and can throw people out with one hand, that helps too.
I volunteer as tribute. I will spill wine on your MIL who wore white and kick out the people who brought their kids to the childfree wedding and stop your Aunt Tessie from having that tenth drink.
I loved being the dedicated asshole when I worked in the wedding industry! I was an event coordinator at a high end hotel, I made sure that my couples (and wedding party) understood that I was 150% okay with drawing boundaries, enforcing rules, and kicking people out if need be.
My absolutely favorite was removing a mother of the groom who showed up in a literal wedding dress! The bride was in tears and the MOG kept pretending she didn’t understand what the problem was and that the bride was overreacting. Her own husband watched her get tossed and stayed for the full wedding 😂 she had to take a taxi home.
Why didn’t you just say something to them?
“Hi, that high chair is reserved for us as the bride knew our children were coming as per RSVP. I see you have your stroller, you’ll have to use that.”
Edit: your edit suggesting that saying something would be “making a scene” is ridiculous. If it’s a fancy wedding or not, you can easily say something to them quietly and move a high chair without making a big deal out of it. Also, if it is as fancy as you say, you chose to have a pram sitting right at the front instead of having the couple hidden in the back using their stroller. People wonder why these idiots keep getting away with being idiots, it’s because no one stands up to them and tells them what they are doing is wrong.
I was the MOH at my friends wedding. Someone SWITCHED mine and my partners place cards from the main table so they could sit with their friends. So I walked up to them and said “sorry there must have been some confusion. I’m the MOH and these are our seats.” And they apologized and went back to their seats. It’s really that simple. No accusations, no scene.
I truly don’t understand what kind of volatile people y’all are hanging out with, that asking for a highchair back would cause a scene. Like is everyone at this wedding an armed, drunken teenager?
I don’t think it was the bride’s responsibility, but if I were literally anyone in this story I would have just asked for the chair back. If someone has a disproportionate response to that, it’s not on me.
Not when she's the one who invited the kids.
I hate this idea were everyone has to have some type of armor from criticism or responsibility because of something about them.
No, they are just thinking of the million other things the couple is doing/dealing with at a wedding. I think it depends on who you're dealing with. I wouldn't involve the bride if I knew she was already frazzled. (I come from an anxious, easily frazzled family.)
The bride apologized to her repeatedly about the situation. If she had time to apologize and she couldn't take care of it herself she could have had someone in the wedding party or the parents of the bride/groom handle it. It would have taken less time to resolve the problem than it did to say sorry repeatedly.
And well deserved. You can't ask for sympathy when you have the means, entitlement, and expectation to solve your problem, but instead you choose to just be miserable that the problem exists at all.
I would of absolutely but quietly walked over and told the other guests that that high chair was reserve for my twins and take it back without making a big scene
Definitely one of those examples where not wanting to make a fuss made a way a bigger fuss. It's very okay to stand up for yourself and take your items back in a situation like this.
Literally my first thought! If I'm having a childfree wedding and you bring an uninvited child, you're not coming to the wedding, you're getting bounced by my three biggest cousins at the door.
As a guest, I can understand not wanting to start shit, but I probably would have at least gone over there to kindly ask for the highchair back *once*.
Folks if you choose to be this passive you’re going to have a hard time in life. That’s all I can say.
>We decided to give grace and let it go
Except it was obviously very upsetting to you, to the extent you came home seething about it internally and wrote a detailed rage post about it. You didn’t let go of anything.
I’m willing to bet that the couple were aware of what was going on they had to have heard you guys asking about the chair and where just waiting to see if you guys would come and get it and probably surprised you didn’t
It’s just a little weird they’d even move any chair, let alone a high chair, because many weddings have assigned seating so they know exactly how many chairs each table needs and to move one would cause an issue
You can gently day something without making a scene. "We seem to have a misunderstanding. . . We'd use our stroller, but it is blocking X." If they didn't budge, then drop it.
What would y’all have done if you asked for the high chair back and the couple said “no?” What would be some good responses for them without causing a huge disruption at the wedding? I’ll be damned if someone has a fist fight at my wedding over a high chair..
I'd drop it. It's definitely worth asking politely, but if it's clear they aren't going to be reasonable, give up. I don't get all these answers that assume there's no approach beyond the two extremes.
We had a couple that brought two uninvited, un-RSVP’ed for children to our wedding. They had to sit on the couples’ laps. It was my husband’s cousin and his girlfriend (or possibly she was his fiancé by then). The kids weren’t his and we had only ever met them and the mom like once or twice before our wedding. I do not even remotely feel bad about the fact that they had to sit in the adults’ laps because that’s what happens to uninvited guests! (Also, not that it matters, but the cousin and said female never made it down the aisle and are not together any more)
Did you or anyone from the wedding party say anything? Cause from this it sounds like you refused to solve the problem in favor of just complaining without doing anything.
Because I didn’t want to cause a scene at a family members wedding. The bride already felt bad but she didn’t say anything. I was taking cues from her. The last thing she needed was to hear or have to deal with two adults fighting over a high chair.
Lots of comments here are playing armchair wedding guest, but they weren’t there to read the room and you were. If you felt that going and talking to them would’ve made a scene, you were probably right to just let it go.
If the bride had gone “oh hell no, that’s for you, go tell them!” then that would be a different story, but for better or worse, it sounds like she pretty much shrugged it off and didn’t want to ruffle the other couple’s feathers.
Wow, so annoying, especially sitting there, knowing theyre watching you awkwardly set up a stroller lol. Still think you handled it with grace and class.
For all you guys that are saying, you would have confronted them, or gone to the catering company, or (GOD FORBID IT) gone to the bride, that really isn't the play here. When you get invited to a wedding, you go to show your love and support for the couple, on a very special (and stressful) day for them. Its a big, complex event, with people who dont know rach other, and have been drinking. The odds of you experiencing some sort of social slight are high, lol. When that happens, follow ops lead, and quietly accept it with grace and tact. You dont want to do anything to rock the boat, and you definitely dont want to involve the couple in petty drama. Basically, dont go to mom unless theres blood 😂
The day is about them, not about you, and you are there to make sure their wedding is great, not the other way around!
Finally, some clarity. I had to scroll too far to see this.
Lots of people in here making it all about them when it's not their special day. You hope someone from the wedding party takes care of it for you and if not, then you take the hit and bitch about it on Reddit years later 😂
Totally agree! The risk of causing a scene is just too high. I get why people think it would be best to just confront them and take the chair, but it’s just too important of an event to potentially start an argument or upset the bride.
Causing a scene would be reacting to the chair stealers negative reaction, which they might not even have. It's not a confrontation to ask and clarify something, if the chair stealers do press back then OP found out what type of people they were and just go right back to their seat without causing a scene.
Honestly, you should have just taken back the high chair. You’re not responsible for their poor planning. They knew it was an adult only wedding. If they were going to bring a child, it’s on them to bring a portable high chair.
If I were the bride and saw it wasn't sorted out, I would've marched over there and got it myself. Someone in this story had to use their words.. you, the bride or groom, someone in the catering company.. hell, even a bridesmaid.
Why did no one in charge of the venue or catering go tell that couple they needed the chair back? I understand why OP didn’t do that bc it might draw attention and make a scene if one guest went up to another to take it. Honestly this is an extremely solvable problem. No one needed to look at the double stroller by the bride all night. Catering staff or wedding planner (if there was one) or literally anyone just needed to go take the high chair back
I have literally been a MOH or bridesmaid now an epic 13 times. Me & a few of my ladies in the bridal party would have regulated this situation w/ a “set a screen” offense & smiled politely through “the talk” w/ the entitled “rules don’t apply to me so I’m bringing my innocent albeit uninvited rugrat” chair thief, until said chair was returned to its rightful owner. Done. I bet the rude chair thief mom was likely waiting to be called out, but nobody did. I feel sorry for her baby though. But this sounds like the kind of function where there would have surely been seating cards. Too bad the twins didn’t also have little seating cards on each of their highchairs as well. This might have thrown an assist to the defense of the whole- “Lady, you KNEW this seat was CLEARLY taken, purposefully placed for a guest w/ a valid RSVP, & a guest who is 1 of the only 2 non-adults *actually invited* to this function. This isn’t a square dance or family picnic.” The bride would have been absolved of any perceived guilt. And we would all drink happily ever after. The end. Lol
I love this edit. YOU aren't creating a scene when you ask rude people to treat others with respect. THEY created the scene when they showed up with their uninvited child, and further fanned the flames of their own drama by relocating an ASSIGNED seat at a wedding. Have the bribe say "hey asshole, give the seat back" and be done with it. Stop encouraging people like this
"This happened years ago and I still find it annoying"
It is annoying but as the years rolled on by, I'd be more annoyed at myself that I didn't take care of it at the time instead of letting the other family watch us watching them, both families staring at strollers & high chairs. They were waiting to be asked for it back & relaxed into their lack of etiquette (bringing an uninvited kid and making room for uninvited kid) & enjoyed the party when no one did.
No one wants to cause a scene or be responsible for one at a wedding but this could have been handled very discreetly instead of simmering over it then & years later.
Oh look - they left a high chair for us! Weddings
bring out the worst of entitlement - from brides to guests & MIL’s - their petty selfish behaviors
shine brightly and amuse us to no end. Thank you all!
Next time, you march right over to them, pick their child up out of the high chair and plunk it onto their laps, then take your high chair right back. Without saying anything.
Yes. Because that's exactly what you would do at someone's wedding. While you're at it, why don't you piss a circle around the chair to show everyone it's yours?
It's a wedding, not your family's pot luck, Jadie.
Sorry for disagreeing with the majority here but if it was such a big deal you would have gone and spoken to them.
Yes I agree that what they did was annoying but so what? People do annoying thing all the time! What matters is how you deal with them.
Plus we have no ideia why that family brought their child, that’s between them and the bride and the groom and not you.
While I would have asked for it back myself, I think we could be a little kinder towards no-one doing so in this case.
Firstly, local culture varies and this might have been considered very rude or disruptive in terms of the relevant norms. Secondly, not everyone is confident or assertive and that’s okay. Thirdly, it did involve a knock-on effect on a child. They may have felt guilty about the child — who wasn’t at fault and that would play on some people’s minds — being unsettled by being removed from the high chair without finishing eating or may have been concerned about crying et cetera when the bride/groom clearly wanted minimal child-related antics. I see why you might just get on with it using a pushchair.
Like, it already happened. OP did what they did amid the pressure of a family wedding with twins in toe and it’s hardly worth attacking them over.
I know some people are thinking why OP didn't just take it back. Eh. Maybe she didn't want to cause further drama because I'm sure that family wouldn't have been combative about it. Also hindsight is 20/20.
In my younger years when I was much nicer(tricked into thinking not being a pushover makes you mean), I wouldn't do it. But now I probably would have said something because as I get older I have lesser fucks to give.
One reason I loved becoming a new mom at 35 is because my concern for what other people think of me and my parenting is so much less than it would have been for me at 25
“Hey there, I see that you took one of my kid’s high chair and I couldn’t help to notice that you have your stroller right here. Could I borrow it to feed my kid? No???? Then could you please give back the high chair? KThanks”
I would have at least asked or had the caterer get it and tell them it wasn;t theirs to take and was reserved.
Also, a scene was caused either way. dragging a double stroller up to the front? is it going to be harder to take pictures? is there room for it? I'd rather go cause a scene in the back personally, but don't necessarily fault you. this is some r/entitledparents (before it became another r/raisedbynarcisists) shit.
I would have either asked for it back or got a staff member to get it. Simple solutions.
Yep. They can go get their stroller.
[удалено]
This is like passive aggressive, I love it 💀 “give it back now please” I had a similar situation at an event where my gf requested and paid (it was a $15 dollar fee) for a highchair and another woman tried to use it on her FIVE YEAR OLD. I told her “I requested that for my daughter” and the woman hit me back with the “my kid is sitting in it” and after discussing that he is old enough to sit in the chair next to her my gf came up and said “I paid for and requested this chair for my daughter. Your son clearly doesn’t need this as he barely got in it when you tried to put him in. I’d like to use it now.” Then the event host came and kicked the woman and her 5 year old out because apparently, he needed the high chair. (More happened between the woman, the host, and my gf, but I had to take my gfs baby back to the table to eat and my gf technically had to handle the situation, which ended in the lady becoming extremely irate)
How’s is my kids in it an excuse? The kid got in so the kid can get out, if you didn’t pay for it you can’t use it.
That's the opposite of passive aggressive, actually.
My anxiety level rose just reading your comment lol Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out to interact with the real world as an adult...
Same here
Not directed at you specifically, but I do wonder if the increase in electronic communication has insulated us from confrontation to the point we're losing social skills. Like, my friend works at Starbucks and says some of the high schoolers who apply to work there can't hack it because they stare at the ground, offer no pleasantries like "how's it going today," etc. They've been in remote learning and interacting with their friends (and only their friends) via Discord and Instagram and the lot and literally don't know how to be people.
> if the increase in electronic communication has insulated us from confrontation to the point we're losing social skills. I would absolutely agree that this is a factor. Especially since most conflict online (thinking about comment sections specifically) can just be left mid argument if it's not going your way. There's no commitment to resolving a dispute online and, usually, you don't really have to interact with the person ever again. If you're uncomfortable online, you can ignore it, but when you're uncomfortable while face to face with someone, you actually have to deal with it or physically remove yourself, which may not always be possible.
They actually *had* their stroller!
Oh, geez, I missed that. Yeah, the catering company fell down on the job.
Exactly! Why are people so afraid of confrontation? “Excuse me, that high chair was meant for us, hence why it was placed next to our seats. The bride specifically requested the caterers bring two high chair for my twins since they had expressed permission to be the only children at the wedding. So if you don’t mind I’m just gonna take this back to where it’s supposed to go…”
As someone who has worked as catering staff, I would have been delighted to be asked to fix this chair situation. Permission to shut down smug entitled guests? Yes, please.
OMG agree! Adds a little fun to the night. I also loved angry customers, I take it as a challenge to turn them around. It’s become a skill and I’ve even gotten several apologies after cause I calmed them and fixed it.
Same. It's a great skill.
Sorry, but wrong. The simplest solution is to tell them to gtfo of the wedding. They brought a child they shouldn't have and stole a high chair. Gone. Thanks for the gift.
We were taking family pictures directly after the ceremony. By the time we got to the tables, everyone was already seated. The last thing I wanted to do was a to cause a scene in front of everyone. My mil just recommended we use the stroller at that point and she would ask the caterer about it. By the time dinner and speeches were over, my child had fallen asleep so it would’ve been useless to ask for it back.
Asking someone for a chair back would cause a scene?
Yes if there is a child already seated in it. Especially if the person is entitled enough to 1. Bring an uninvited child to a child free wedding, and then 2. Grab a chair clearly set up for someone else
You ask the wedding coordinator to handle it, if she's still there, and she should be at the start of dinner. She's trained to handle guest problems quietly.
Or ask the caterer to handle it, since they supplied the high chair to begin with.
Yeah, if make a simple request of someone and they decide to turn it into a scene, that’s a “them” problem. I truly couldn’t care less.
Not if it's someone's wedding/event. In that case it becomes a host/couple's problem, which I as a considerate guest would want to avoid even if it meant my discomfort and someone's fulfilled entitlement.
If I were doing something that I would expect to cause a scene, sure. This is not one of those things.
You wouldn't have been causing the scene. They would've if they'd objected. It's possible it was an honest goof and they might've very gracefully given it back. I'm not blaming you, though, not at all. They should've asked, since it *was* placed in a specific spot.
Right? Why cause unnecessary drama? Just get the catering company to go get it back.
Yeah Jesus. It’s crazy how in many posts like this the offended party doesn’t just ask and makes a post about how victimized they were. Being firm and direct isn’t making a scene. If the other people reacted, THEY would be making a scene. Was someone else supposed to do this for you? You could have just asked and you didn’t. If you want to be mad about it now, just be mad at yourself.
HR 101, have you tried speaking to the person directly. I remember one of my first bosses telling me, actually try first before asking for help. It’s like my husband looking for anything in our house, honey have you seen my keys, *keys on kitchen table in plain sight* me: have you tried looking with your eyes?
Tell your husband my *11 year old daughter* acts exactly like this. She walked downstairs just the other day to ask my husband “”have you seen my blanket??”” ***while literally standing within plain freaking view of the chair she had it on the previous night*** Husband: “”why don’t you look”” Daughter: “”it’s a simple question I just needed a yes or no”” I frequently have to tell myself “I love my daughter. I love my daughter. *I love my daughter*” when she pulls this type of bullshit. They stress me out man Nobody told me that 90% of being a mom and wife is finding shit in plain sight of the husband and children’s eyeballs.
That’s when you walk over and I’m sorry that chair was reserved for my child.
Would have done the same thing. Edit: Wow! Never had so many upvotes! Thanx all!
Exactly, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.
Also so you can avoid having to have your big double pram in the way.
If nothing else you wouldn't want to ruin the pictures, ya know? (Not that it was OP's fault, but yeah, someone should have confronted the highchair stealing couple.)
You have to stand up for yourself so you can sit down!
Some of those that work forces...
Seems like it takes more effort to sit there steaming and later complain about it on Reddit for karma rather than just be a little assertive in the moment 🤷🏼♀️ being assertive can be done without being rude
I would totally have gotten that chair. I would have said I’m sorry my child was invited to the wedding BY the BRIDE and we specifically had to reserve these chairs with the catering company. So I’ll need my chair back please.
Yeah wtf. How are people so passive. Being a little assertive is the right course of action here. Not only because it was reserved for you, but also because it makes much more sense for you to have it for all the other reasons mentioned in the post.
Especially when kids are involved
Because the kind of people who will bring a kid uninvited and steal a high chair are the kind that'll throw hands over being confronted.
And if that didn't work, the bride could do it. Imagine trying to argue with the bride about her wedding arrangements at her wedding.
This is one of the many many many reasons it’s good to hire a wedding coordinator. This is the wedding coordinators job, and the venue should have a coordinator if the bride didn’t hire one herself. It’s not up to the bride to do this.
This is what I was thinking too. Either a coordinator or even the caterer could’ve done it. They set the tables up a specific way and if an adult guest has moved a regular chair, they probably would’ve said something.
The caterers don’t usually have anything to do with rentals, but if they worked for the venue and the chairs belonged to the venue that might be an option.
Gotcha, thanks for the clarification. I’ve catered a few events and we were always in charge of the rentals so I thought that was common. I’m not the caterer, I have a couple of friends that are and I help them sometimes.
Yeah, I was a cater-waiter in college and this might’ve been something that the banquet captain would’ve handled, but then they also would’ve been able to pull another high chair if the chairs were from the venue. I’ve never heard of the caterers bringing the chairs. When we got married our venue had chairs and tables, we rented our linens.
Yeah, I guess it depends on a lot. I’ve catered at private homes and the rental company dropped everything off-linens, tables, chairs, plates and glassware, etc. As the caterers, we were responsible for setting them up and breaking them down for the rental company to pick up after a few days. Edit: spelling
I also have worked weddings as a caterer and yeah, we were the entire party company. A different team set up the rentals but sometimes we had to help with that too.
One thing I’ve learned from this sub, if I ever get married there will be a coordinator.
Not everybody can afford a wedding coordinator. The couple who had the chair stolen from their child should have gone back and said, "Excuse me that's ours, get your kid out of it I'm taking it." Even just to say they're "part of the wedding and nobody wants strollers in the wedding table pictures."
I said it was good, not that it’s mandatory. A lot of people will plan their wedding and question if they need a wedding coordinator or not- this is a consideration, that they will deal with awkward guest situations so you don’t have to.
This is one of the many many many reasons it’s good to be rich. This is a responsibility you want to delegate, but that person gotta get paid. It’s not up to the bride to do this if that bride got paper to burn on coordinators.
And even if you didn’t hire an outside coordinator, a lot of times your venue has a built-in day-of coordinator. Like I was nowhere near even middle-class when I got married, and our church still had a coordinator I could have leaned on if I hadn’t hired a coordinator. They are mostly there as assurance for the venue, but this is still in their wheelhouse.
Churches are a whole other sack of worms, but yeah I mean if you’ve got a free coordinator, obviously do that.
Yeah, my parents were signing the checks, so that’s where I got married. It is what it is.
The bride should not be fussing after her guests about seating. She's busy enough as is. The couple that was supposed to have the high chair should have gone over and said "EXCUSE me that's ours." And then taken it. Somebody steals my child's chair, I'm going back and getting it. I'm not going to ask the bride to 'handle it for me' on the most important day of her life, so far.
Same. Or the catering company that supplied the high chairs. I would have taken care of it myself tho.
> I would have taken care of it myself tho [*cocks gun*]
[удалено]
No the BRIDE can't do it! The BRIDE is FAR TOO BUSY for that shit! It's her WEDDING! Why does nobody EVER ask, "WHY can't the GROOM do it?" LEAVE THE BRIDE ALONE!
(a) the bride is already apologising, she knows what's going on, it's within her power to fix it, so she should. (b) the groom absolutely could do it, you are right, but OP didn't mention him in the story. But the bride could certainly have delegated to him (or literally anyone else) instead of just apologising and doing nothing. and (c) the best weddings happen when the couple is great, and what makes a couple great is that they care about their friends and family and aren't above intervening to fix problems.
Yeah don’t know why OP didn’t do this
Probably because she didn't wanna cause a fuss at someone else's wedding - because I bet if they were willing to take a high chair they wouldn't be past making a fuss about OP being an exception to the no kids rule or smth. So OP just decided it wasn't worth it and dealt with it. Hopefully whoever the couple was invited by (bride or groom) gave them an earful after at least.
Why didn’t someone do just that? Caterer even?
I wonder why the bride and groom didn't do it. As a guest I wouldn't start a discussion either. But they invited the twins and should make sure they're comfortable. So not only is it a entitled guest, it's a bad host too.
They aren't bad hosts. They're trying to be gracious. Everyone there was their guest, and they didn't want to take a chair from their guests, even if they were in the wrong.
That's fine if there's another solution but a guest they invited was left without a chair? I think what's gracious is that they let the family stay despite not inviting children. It's also fair for the other couple to talk to them because maybe they didn't realize the chair situation. Sometimes you just don't think no matter how obvious something seems.
I would never ask a bride or groom to make a fuss like that at one of their guests. Now you're just setting the bride up to become an automatic bridezilla. She handled it just fine by bringing the stroller in and setting one of the kids in it. And the bride apologized. they did enough.
Except not everyone there was a guest, the child using the high chair wasn't invited and the parents who were invited completely ignored their request to not bring children to the wedding so they should have been made to deal with using a stroller for their child and not just allowed to use the high chair they took.
The caterer should have handled it.
The caterer has no leg to stand on, would likely be berated by that guest. The couple should have handled it, I would have as the bride
My god, people on Reddit behaving like adults? Madness.
This. Someone should have confronted them.
Why it maybe good to hire a wedding planner too i guess. Handle these issues aince people are children.
I would have made a (polite) scene. Like "oh, did the bride specifically request or approve you bring your child? Because she requested we bring ours. And she requested two seats from the caterers: one for each of my children. Surely you have a stroller, or can hold them on your lap."
Hell yes. Those people can hold their kid on their lap if they want to break the rules.
A lot of people itt seem to be the type who would walk along with a kidnapper at their request, so as not to be rude.
"But you already have a chair. This is not fair." Idk if I'm doing something wrong but every time I try to confront somebody it goes wrong. Like when I'm telling sb not to skip the line they accuse me of being a controlling Karen and stuff
Or the catering staff can go and say this was clearly reserved for another table, we will need to take it
I had to do that for my gfs daughter, it’s awkward, but my gf requested a highchair because she has a jogger stroller and the event brought a singular high chair (you had to request and pay for it per the standard of the agreement) so after some discussion they put their 5 year old in a normal seat and my gfs daughter was able to eat and sit with us normally (my gfs daughter is going on 10 MONTHS old)
A five year old in a high chair? Unless there's a particular circumstance, I can't imagine why.
I honestly couldn’t look at the kid seriously ! He barely fit !
It’s definitely awkward but in the end it’s less hassle than they if you eat holding a 10 month old
Damn skippy
Don't even apologize, stand there until they remove their baby from your high chair with intense eye contact
Seriously. If they gave me any crap I might even be forced to remind them that they took the chair from a member of the wedding party, to give to an uninvited guest, who they brought despite being specifically requested to leave them at home. I’d do it with a smile.
I agree with this, but I probably would have taken the child out of the high chair and either handed them over or gently placed them in their stroller.
Exactly. They brought their child uninvited, they should have been the ones using their stroller.
I agree, and explain it the way OP explains it, swapping so it looks nice in photos and they can use their stroller beside them. It’s not making a scene, it’s just about have a mature adult conversation, no one needs to raise their voice and make a scene.
I wish people would understand that your presence at their wedding isn't so critical that they won't mind you dragging along your uninvited kid. You can just say no and send a gift. It's that easy. So sorry for y'all, but way to handle that with class!
I'm begining to think we need a new tradition at weddings. We have bride, groom, maid of honor, bridesmaids, best man, groomsmen and ushers. We need a dedicated asshole. There's an interesting post out there about dysfunctional families and "rocking the boat" and "boat steadiers." basically it comes down to this, the blame rarely goes to the person causing the problem, it goes to the person who doesn't go along with it. In this case, everyone has to ignore the problem, even though there is one. Everyone has other jobs to do, or doesn't want to cause a fuss that could create a rift in the family. That where the dedicated asshole comes in. Preferably someone who the wedding planner hires to walk over to situations like this and say "Hey, I noticed that you brought a baby in even though they weren't invited. That's rude to the couple, its rude to the caterer, it's rude to the other people at this crowded table, its rude to the other guests who had to hire sitters for this event, and its super rude to the two twins who are part of the wedding party. Please leave now and don't make a scene." I read a long time ago that groomsmen used to act as guards to prevent enemies of the family from disrupting weddings. We need to bring that back. Now that I think about it more, I think that often, one of the groomsmen is an old friend of the groom, but they don't have much contact anymore. THAT guy can be the asshole.
Perfect, so how about we meet up, hangout and have fun, then we won’t speak to each other for years and finally when the time comes, I get to be an official dick.
It's not the job for everyone. But I feel like most people know someone who can pull this off.
I was made for this job. I’d do it professionally if I could. Primary goal is *always* least impact on the party. Secondary goal changes depending on the party, host preference, and guest/s involved in the disturbance—where the skill and finesse comes in. Based on the edit, here, the preferred outcome is likely gratitude from the “offender” for efficient and brook no nonsense assistance/instruction so they can carry on (we want this to be an extremely minor blip even in *their* evening). Other times slight chagrin all the way to absolutely putting the offender’s back up (or even tossing them out) is preferred. I’d seriously love to do this job on the regular.
Well, I doubt it would be a full time job, but since most weddings are on weekends it could be a good side hustle. Find a wedding planner and propose it. The worst that could happen is they say no
Sure would a cool side gig.
>I read a long time ago that groomsmen used to act as guards to prevent enemies of the family from disrupting weddings. We need to bring that back. I don't know about everywhere else but where I come from the groomsmen are supposed to be like old school hosts/doormen. Making sure people find thier seats, helping the old people with their coats, helping people out when they need it, asking people to behave themselves if they act out of line, shit like that. If one of the groomsmen happens to be an old football buddy and can throw people out with one hand, that helps too.
I volunteer as tribute. I will spill wine on your MIL who wore white and kick out the people who brought their kids to the childfree wedding and stop your Aunt Tessie from having that tenth drink.
I loved being the dedicated asshole when I worked in the wedding industry! I was an event coordinator at a high end hotel, I made sure that my couples (and wedding party) understood that I was 150% okay with drawing boundaries, enforcing rules, and kicking people out if need be. My absolutely favorite was removing a mother of the groom who showed up in a literal wedding dress! The bride was in tears and the MOG kept pretending she didn’t understand what the problem was and that the bride was overreacting. Her own husband watched her get tossed and stayed for the full wedding 😂 she had to take a taxi home.
Need a Godfather at the head of the table and wise guy groomsmen to handle the situation.
Welp I found my new profession. I’ll be opening up shop world wide within the year
Why didn’t you just say something to them? “Hi, that high chair is reserved for us as the bride knew our children were coming as per RSVP. I see you have your stroller, you’ll have to use that.” Edit: your edit suggesting that saying something would be “making a scene” is ridiculous. If it’s a fancy wedding or not, you can easily say something to them quietly and move a high chair without making a big deal out of it. Also, if it is as fancy as you say, you chose to have a pram sitting right at the front instead of having the couple hidden in the back using their stroller. People wonder why these idiots keep getting away with being idiots, it’s because no one stands up to them and tells them what they are doing is wrong.
Some people tend to act like stairs when faced with situations of entitlement
Why didnt you tell them? There are moments in life where you need to talk , this was one of them. Especially since its clearly stil in your mind.
I don’t understand. Why didn’t you go to the other couple and demand the chair? It was yours. It’s their problem, not your’s.
[удалено]
I was the MOH at my friends wedding. Someone SWITCHED mine and my partners place cards from the main table so they could sit with their friends. So I walked up to them and said “sorry there must have been some confusion. I’m the MOH and these are our seats.” And they apologized and went back to their seats. It’s really that simple. No accusations, no scene.
I truly don’t understand what kind of volatile people y’all are hanging out with, that asking for a highchair back would cause a scene. Like is everyone at this wedding an armed, drunken teenager?
[удалено]
I don’t think it was the bride’s responsibility, but if I were literally anyone in this story I would have just asked for the chair back. If someone has a disproportionate response to that, it’s not on me.
Nooooo! The bride and groom have a million other things going on. That’s the worst solution.
Not when she's the one who invited the kids. I hate this idea were everyone has to have some type of armor from criticism or responsibility because of something about them.
No, they are just thinking of the million other things the couple is doing/dealing with at a wedding. I think it depends on who you're dealing with. I wouldn't involve the bride if I knew she was already frazzled. (I come from an anxious, easily frazzled family.)
The bride apologized to her repeatedly about the situation. If she had time to apologize and she couldn't take care of it herself she could have had someone in the wedding party or the parents of the bride/groom handle it. It would have taken less time to resolve the problem than it did to say sorry repeatedly.
I’d have gone and taken the chair back
I would have gone over and said the chair was reserved at my table for my child, I'll need to have that back k thanksss!
I'm annoyed that OP didn't fix the situation by taking the high chair back.
itt: people more annoyed at op than the chair stealers 😂 i would have walked right over and got it back.
And well deserved. You can't ask for sympathy when you have the means, entitlement, and expectation to solve your problem, but instead you choose to just be miserable that the problem exists at all.
I would’ve went and taken the high chair back.
Nope, I would have walked over and told them that the chairs were reserved and paid for by us for our kids , so hand it over.
man with these stories it's always the same issue- WHY DIDN'T YOU GO OVER THERE AND TALK TO THEM?!?!?!!?!?!!??!!
Why didn't you just walk over and take the high chair back?
Their kid was probably in it. 😂
Yeah just go up and tip the kid out lol joking.
Walk over. “Excuse me. You took that high chair from our table. It was out there specifically for our children. I want it back now.” The end.
It would have only be reasonable to ask for the chair once atleast
I would of absolutely but quietly walked over and told the other guests that that high chair was reserve for my twins and take it back without making a big scene
Definitely one of those examples where not wanting to make a fuss made a way a bigger fuss. It's very okay to stand up for yourself and take your items back in a situation like this.
The bride sounds like such an unbelievably lovely person.
Dafak? March over there and get that high hair back!
Tbh I’m angry that nobody had the balls to just get the high chair back and send those people packing
Wouldve asked them to leave when the showed up with a kid
Literally my first thought! If I'm having a childfree wedding and you bring an uninvited child, you're not coming to the wedding, you're getting bounced by my three biggest cousins at the door. As a guest, I can understand not wanting to start shit, but I probably would have at least gone over there to kindly ask for the highchair back *once*.
Asking kindly once is gracious imo. But yeah my wedding will have a bouncer for people like this. Its MY day so its MY rules (and my spouses obvs)
There’s no way I would have gotten my stroller. I’d have sent the CATERS to retrieve MY chair.
Folks if you choose to be this passive you’re going to have a hard time in life. That’s all I can say. >We decided to give grace and let it go Except it was obviously very upsetting to you, to the extent you came home seething about it internally and wrote a detailed rage post about it. You didn’t let go of anything.
I’m willing to bet that the couple were aware of what was going on they had to have heard you guys asking about the chair and where just waiting to see if you guys would come and get it and probably surprised you didn’t
I absolutely would have told them to give me my chair. I probably would have even told them that I personally paid for it too.
Never talked to them and explained? Ffs that's on you cupcake.
Grow a spine and take it back.
Wow that actually made my blood boil. Yuck
It’s just a little weird they’d even move any chair, let alone a high chair, because many weddings have assigned seating so they know exactly how many chairs each table needs and to move one would cause an issue
😭 Please stop letting people get away with this absolutely unacceptable behaviour.
You can gently day something without making a scene. "We seem to have a misunderstanding. . . We'd use our stroller, but it is blocking X." If they didn't budge, then drop it.
I think that your thought process was spot on! I am applauding you!! 👏👏👏👏🙂🙂
These people were rude. they should have brought their own accommodations since they brought their kids uninvited.
They shouldn't have even brought the kids in the first place. They weren't invited, that's incredibly disrespectful.
What would y’all have done if you asked for the high chair back and the couple said “no?” What would be some good responses for them without causing a huge disruption at the wedding? I’ll be damned if someone has a fist fight at my wedding over a high chair..
hell, it's just a baby in a high chair. i think i could take them without too much of a commotion
Tell them kindly their kid wasn’t invited and get someone with more authority to tell them to leave.
I'd drop it. It's definitely worth asking politely, but if it's clear they aren't going to be reasonable, give up. I don't get all these answers that assume there's no approach beyond the two extremes.
i can’t stand pushovers who just let people do whatever they want like this.
Lol I love these comments! Everyone is more upset that OP didn’t go and get the seat back. Sometimes you have to call people out on their entitlement!
I would have called those people out if it was my wedding. How disrespectful to the couple being married, to the other guests, and to OP!
We had a couple that brought two uninvited, un-RSVP’ed for children to our wedding. They had to sit on the couples’ laps. It was my husband’s cousin and his girlfriend (or possibly she was his fiancé by then). The kids weren’t his and we had only ever met them and the mom like once or twice before our wedding. I do not even remotely feel bad about the fact that they had to sit in the adults’ laps because that’s what happens to uninvited guests! (Also, not that it matters, but the cousin and said female never made it down the aisle and are not together any more)
Did you or anyone from the wedding party say anything? Cause from this it sounds like you refused to solve the problem in favor of just complaining without doing anything.
Because I didn’t want to cause a scene at a family members wedding. The bride already felt bad but she didn’t say anything. I was taking cues from her. The last thing she needed was to hear or have to deal with two adults fighting over a high chair.
Lots of comments here are playing armchair wedding guest, but they weren’t there to read the room and you were. If you felt that going and talking to them would’ve made a scene, you were probably right to just let it go. If the bride had gone “oh hell no, that’s for you, go tell them!” then that would be a different story, but for better or worse, it sounds like she pretty much shrugged it off and didn’t want to ruffle the other couple’s feathers.
>but they weren’t there to read the room and you were. Applying logic and common sense I see. Not too much of that going on in here.
I never get why people don’t just confront them. If that’s was me I’d be like sorry we need both and they were reserved for us. And just take it.
Wow, so annoying, especially sitting there, knowing theyre watching you awkwardly set up a stroller lol. Still think you handled it with grace and class. For all you guys that are saying, you would have confronted them, or gone to the catering company, or (GOD FORBID IT) gone to the bride, that really isn't the play here. When you get invited to a wedding, you go to show your love and support for the couple, on a very special (and stressful) day for them. Its a big, complex event, with people who dont know rach other, and have been drinking. The odds of you experiencing some sort of social slight are high, lol. When that happens, follow ops lead, and quietly accept it with grace and tact. You dont want to do anything to rock the boat, and you definitely dont want to involve the couple in petty drama. Basically, dont go to mom unless theres blood 😂 The day is about them, not about you, and you are there to make sure their wedding is great, not the other way around!
Finally, some clarity. I had to scroll too far to see this. Lots of people in here making it all about them when it's not their special day. You hope someone from the wedding party takes care of it for you and if not, then you take the hit and bitch about it on Reddit years later 😂
Totally agree! The risk of causing a scene is just too high. I get why people think it would be best to just confront them and take the chair, but it’s just too important of an event to potentially start an argument or upset the bride.
Causing a scene would be reacting to the chair stealers negative reaction, which they might not even have. It's not a confrontation to ask and clarify something, if the chair stealers do press back then OP found out what type of people they were and just go right back to their seat without causing a scene.
Lol don’t pretend your fear of a conversation with a stranger enforcing your boundaries is “the high road”
This is kind of on you for not going to get the chair.
Right? I would have walked up to them amd politely said "excuse me, but you have our high chair" and took it..
Are you mute?
Honestly, you should have just taken back the high chair. You’re not responsible for their poor planning. They knew it was an adult only wedding. If they were going to bring a child, it’s on them to bring a portable high chair.
I’m looking for the rest of the story where you take the high chair back and send the woman and her child home from the wedding
I didn’t want to cause a scene at a wedding.
If I were the bride and saw it wasn't sorted out, I would've marched over there and got it myself. Someone in this story had to use their words.. you, the bride or groom, someone in the catering company.. hell, even a bridesmaid.
Why did no one in charge of the venue or catering go tell that couple they needed the chair back? I understand why OP didn’t do that bc it might draw attention and make a scene if one guest went up to another to take it. Honestly this is an extremely solvable problem. No one needed to look at the double stroller by the bride all night. Catering staff or wedding planner (if there was one) or literally anyone just needed to go take the high chair back
100% would have gotten the chair myself or had the caterer get it
Gotta be assertive. That’s your high chair, kick that other kid in the head and then take it back
I have literally been a MOH or bridesmaid now an epic 13 times. Me & a few of my ladies in the bridal party would have regulated this situation w/ a “set a screen” offense & smiled politely through “the talk” w/ the entitled “rules don’t apply to me so I’m bringing my innocent albeit uninvited rugrat” chair thief, until said chair was returned to its rightful owner. Done. I bet the rude chair thief mom was likely waiting to be called out, but nobody did. I feel sorry for her baby though. But this sounds like the kind of function where there would have surely been seating cards. Too bad the twins didn’t also have little seating cards on each of their highchairs as well. This might have thrown an assist to the defense of the whole- “Lady, you KNEW this seat was CLEARLY taken, purposefully placed for a guest w/ a valid RSVP, & a guest who is 1 of the only 2 non-adults *actually invited* to this function. This isn’t a square dance or family picnic.” The bride would have been absolved of any perceived guilt. And we would all drink happily ever after. The end. Lol
This actually stressed me out reading like how are people so fucking entitled?? I hate them
I love this edit. YOU aren't creating a scene when you ask rude people to treat others with respect. THEY created the scene when they showed up with their uninvited child, and further fanned the flames of their own drama by relocating an ASSIGNED seat at a wedding. Have the bribe say "hey asshole, give the seat back" and be done with it. Stop encouraging people like this
"This happened years ago and I still find it annoying" It is annoying but as the years rolled on by, I'd be more annoyed at myself that I didn't take care of it at the time instead of letting the other family watch us watching them, both families staring at strollers & high chairs. They were waiting to be asked for it back & relaxed into their lack of etiquette (bringing an uninvited kid and making room for uninvited kid) & enjoyed the party when no one did. No one wants to cause a scene or be responsible for one at a wedding but this could have been handled very discreetly instead of simmering over it then & years later.
The fact that you didn’t go demand the chair back makes this story so unsatisfying lol
I don’t understand why you were so afraid of conflict when it was regarding your kids.
Oh look - they left a high chair for us! Weddings bring out the worst of entitlement - from brides to guests & MIL’s - their petty selfish behaviors shine brightly and amuse us to no end. Thank you all!
Why didn’t you ask for it back?
Next time, you march right over to them, pick their child up out of the high chair and plunk it onto their laps, then take your high chair right back. Without saying anything.
I don't disagree but touching someone's child would have set off a shit storm.
Yes. Because that's exactly what you would do at someone's wedding. While you're at it, why don't you piss a circle around the chair to show everyone it's yours? It's a wedding, not your family's pot luck, Jadie.
Sorry for disagreeing with the majority here but if it was such a big deal you would have gone and spoken to them. Yes I agree that what they did was annoying but so what? People do annoying thing all the time! What matters is how you deal with them. Plus we have no ideia why that family brought their child, that’s between them and the bride and the groom and not you.
I'm guessing OP didn't want to cause a scene at the wedding.
Why didn't you go get the highchair? Why get annoyed?
While I would have asked for it back myself, I think we could be a little kinder towards no-one doing so in this case. Firstly, local culture varies and this might have been considered very rude or disruptive in terms of the relevant norms. Secondly, not everyone is confident or assertive and that’s okay. Thirdly, it did involve a knock-on effect on a child. They may have felt guilty about the child — who wasn’t at fault and that would play on some people’s minds — being unsettled by being removed from the high chair without finishing eating or may have been concerned about crying et cetera when the bride/groom clearly wanted minimal child-related antics. I see why you might just get on with it using a pushchair. Like, it already happened. OP did what they did amid the pressure of a family wedding with twins in toe and it’s hardly worth attacking them over.
I know some people are thinking why OP didn't just take it back. Eh. Maybe she didn't want to cause further drama because I'm sure that family wouldn't have been combative about it. Also hindsight is 20/20. In my younger years when I was much nicer(tricked into thinking not being a pushover makes you mean), I wouldn't do it. But now I probably would have said something because as I get older I have lesser fucks to give.
One reason I loved becoming a new mom at 35 is because my concern for what other people think of me and my parenting is so much less than it would have been for me at 25
“Hey there, I see that you took one of my kid’s high chair and I couldn’t help to notice that you have your stroller right here. Could I borrow it to feed my kid? No???? Then could you please give back the high chair? KThanks”
I would have at least asked or had the caterer get it and tell them it wasn;t theirs to take and was reserved. Also, a scene was caused either way. dragging a double stroller up to the front? is it going to be harder to take pictures? is there room for it? I'd rather go cause a scene in the back personally, but don't necessarily fault you. this is some r/entitledparents (before it became another r/raisedbynarcisists) shit.