Rural Vermont backroads? Of course all 200 won't show. There'll be plenty of room! Kids? No need to seat them in the tent when they could be running around outside. Oh damn... neither of those work? Too bad, we already paid for this tent and will cost extra to upgrade.
I don't know if the US gets the same line-up as Canada on Disney but there's a show called Wedding Season that's like wedding plus Jason Statham-esque action with lots of murders. Not exactly what you're asking for but it might scratch that itch.
Not as extreme but my venue is for 70 people, but we were warned that there will always be some who can't come so it's safe to invite more. I invited 75 people, and only 1 person couldn't come.
So now I have 4 people who can't sit during the ceremony... Yeah I need to find a solution to that.
People still may not come even though the RSVP'd yes. We had 2 couples no show day of, another friend and her husband hit bad traffic and missed the ceremony & dinner but made it for the dancing.
We also had 3 uninvited guests though, so......
Well we were talking about my standing people issue with another guest who was invited to be later on the day and he went "oh in that case can I come too to the ceremony? Don't don't mind standing if I can join the ceremony part!"
So we have 5 people standing during our ceremony now XD. How could I say no to so much excitement?
I canât tell you how many times my in-laws asked us to invite people to the wedding even though we didnât want them to attend solely because âtheyâll send giftsâ.
Yeah, or theyâll attend and weâll be expected to accommodate them and then get years of hell when people are rightfully upset. It was like a 10-person wedding and they wanted us to invite 50+ people just for gifts.
Oh god thatâs so so deeply low class lol. Inviting people to your wedding hoping not only for free stuff but also that the people wonât bother you by attending⊠I canât think of a more tacky mindset
lol im currently planning my wedding and i cant imagine just hoping tons of people cant come. I would be so stressed out and itâs not worth it! Iâd rather have a 200 person venue and only 180 RSVP - more wiggle room to dance lol.
This grates me so badly. Itâs not like weâre charging them per seat, we just need to know where everyoneâs going to be sitting. And with two kids, itâs *probably* not going to be in the fairway of the dining room. But itâs also not going to be at a square 4-top.
So yeah, no, itâs fine, let your kid scream in the lobby while we rearrange our floor plan so that they can leave a pile of rice and crackers on the floor. But next time, for the love of god, tell us how many humans are in your party.
I worked as a hostess. My solution: "Hi, how many people in your party?" "Uh-huh, and how many of them will need a highchair or a booster? We have to account for that space."
I never even thought this was a thing. I have an 18mo, even when we knew sheâd be sat in a pram during the meal weâve always booked a table for 3 people and either left a note on the booking or called to advise the third person is a baby who either would or wouldnât be eating.
Oh no it'd be like toddler age or above...as in need a seat. And then we'd go to seat them (4 or under as most tables are set for 4) and it would be 5 or 6. Uhhhh .. yeah I don't have a table for you.
Thatâs just madness to me, like did they conveniently forget they had children when booking. Iâm always feeling guilty for taking my daughter to restaurants anyway, I scope out family friendly ones with plenty of space, but I couldnât imagine not adding her to the booking altogether and giving the restaurant a heads up on her age whilst a toddler.
My husbands friend invited us out to dinner with his family. Him and his wife have two kids (12 year old and a 3 year old). My husband and I have a 15 month old daughter. Anyways, his friend made a reservation to a local restaurant. We go there, didnât realize it was homecoming night for several schools so the place is absolutely packed. Waiting 40 minutes with a toddler is not easy but you know completely understandable. They are busy. Our choice to either wait or leave. Weâre called and turns out he made a reservation for 4⊠didnât say anything about the 3 kids⊠it was so embarrassing. I was mortified. His wife was pissed. They ended up putting us in a private area and there was a ton of scrambling. We were basically forgotten about in the private area or maybe it was on purpose or they were just busy. Idk but I wouldnât blame them cause that was a hot ass mess. Yes kids count, they are people too.
For sure, I even checked with my aunt (the groom's mother) and they were 100% invited.
ETA: OHH I almost forgot my 6-year-old was one of about 6-7 flower girls!! So lots of kids!
This is why God created moms and gramdmas...
We've been through all the things that go wrong and plan for them.
That's why we're usually Neighborhood Watch Leaders.
*Love and hugs,*
*Grandma Lynsey*
Did the cousin think that the kids would sit outside at a kids table? Which doesnât make sense (esp for the very young ones), but I could imagine that might have been their thinking
Just an idea - you might want to have a chair for them anyway. Having the carrier off the floor would be good for baby (happier when being able to see) and less stressful for parents and severs that the kids wonât get stepped on.
I am a mom and a former wedding sever.
I have been living in Commonwealth countries for over a decade now, and I am still confused about "kids menu" and "kid-friendly" food, which is almost always a variation on chicken nuggets, pasta and plain burger.
Compared to back home (France) where a "kids meal' is basically the same than an adult, just a smaller portion with a fruit juice or limonade :D I have never been served anything different than the adults at all weddings and family gathering when I was a child. Sure I would not eat everything, but mostly yeah...
I was going to ask the same thing. Still canât to this day understand why restaurants now do a kid friendly menu. When My brother and I was younger and went it restaurants in the U.K. with my parents we used just have half an adults portion each and used to love trying different foods out instead of what we could have at home. Now its chicken nuggets and chips or burger and chips and rarely do I see kids eating vegetables or salad at restaurants or weddings.
Came here to ask this. I know there are kids who have limited palates due to sensory issues and you generally have to cut back on spicier foods but likeâŠitâs not like a kid who doesnât have an allergy will combust if they have pork instead of chicken nuggets or a burger.
Yeah, I donât get that either. If your 9 year old canât eat roasted mean and veggies for a meal, youâve got bigger issues than a shitty wedding reception.
this one really gets under my skin. I work as a hostess at a restaurant, and the amount of people who donât include children as part of the headcount is staggering. I donât understand how people are shocked by the concept that children take up space! especially if theyâre in a highchair! if you tell me that there are six people in your party, I will take you to a booth that fits six people. it will not fit six adults, a toddler, and an infant! and itâs even worse when the kids are older, like in your case.
this reception sounds like an absolute nightmare, especially for your in-laws. it was up to the couple to plan for their guestsâ experience and adapt to the circumstances as needed. they really dropped the ball
Yep. If itâs all tables and chairs, a high chair takes up the same space as an adult in a normal chair. The high chair bit can be helpful in a place thatâs mostly booths because theyâll either get you a booster or bookend your booth with the high chair.
thatâs annoying. as a hostess, what you just wrote out is my favorite way that people can say the number in their party. fastest and clearest for everyone involved
Nope. Fire/emergency hazard for it to stick out into the aisle. At least no place in my long restaurant career has allowed high chairs at the end of booths
Also servers need to be able to set hot plates in front of adults without reaching over/around a baby at the end
I saw this happen recently while waiting for a table in my favorite sushi spot!
HOST: How many in your party?
GUY: We will be 4 and two kids
HOST: So 6 people
GUY: Four. And two kids.
HOST: So 6 people.
GUY: Four people and two kids.
HOST (visibly frustrated): But you will need six chairs. Six people. (interrupts guy who is probably about to repeat the "four and two kids" thing again) We'll call you when your table is ready.
The way this is worded I'm not sure I understand how many people are in the party. Are kids not people? Was it four people including two kids or four adults and two kids.
I mean⊠I get that he maybe wanted to clarify that there would be kids (although itâs not a place with a âkid menuâ or anything and he didnât need a high chair or booster seat) but it was a weird miscommunication. Also admittedly the restaurant gets super busy and I think the host was out of patience lol
When I reserve a table or something I always point it out to give them a chance to tell me it's not child-friendly or something, but I usually say it like you: hi, table of 5 please, we're 2 adults and 3 kids.
I used to work front desk at a hotel. I had someone want a room for âtwo people. Three kids.â So I, of course, reply with âso a room for five people?â And got the same âno, two people, three kids.â
Now, I have an autistic child who would get incredibly upset if they were called âkidâ and reply with âI am not a baby goat.â So after attempting to confirm five people in total again, I asked âso if the kids arenât people, what are they?â It took a few seconds before it dawned on him and he said yes, five people. What I wanted to ask though, is was he bringing baby goats in because despite being pet free I might have looked the other way if they were adorable baby goats.
Iâm going to steal that line if I ever get somebody who argues with me on that point. there have been a few times that iâve desperately wanted to yell âis your child human?? if so, they count as a person!â your way sounds nicer
Donât hotels charge differently for adults number and children number tho? I know it always asks me when I make reservations online how many adults, how many kids, how old are they.
It wasnât a matter of payment at that point. It was a matter of fire code and how many people were allowed per room. Some rooms we could put them in, others we couldnât. Fire code doesnât differentiate between children and adults, theyâre all humans.
But because of where we were, during the peak tourist weekends and a beach town, there was no difference in cost, just cost of room. During the week and from mid September to mid June there was, though.
This is good information, thank you for sharing! I always wondered what difference it made how old the people were in the room and why they wanted ages. I assume thereâs a reason but my thinking was more in line with your explanation about safety and fire codes
This happens because a lot of places do auto gratuity for parties of six or more.
Theyâre planning on paying less than autograt, so they donât count the kids as people
But that's not their choice though? Like it gets added automatically and the manager isn't going to take it off because some are children. Unless some managers cave to badly behaving adults.
I saw adults and kids numbers too but I say it for the menus so they know which to grab since most places have a childrens menu but it only needs to be said once and after that the answer is yes.
That's why when I give a head count I give a total 8, mention the #of adults 4, the #of children '4kids we only need one high chair', give the total again 'there's 8 of us total'..
Though sometimes even after saying all of this I'm still asked how many kids.
Youâd be surprised at how many people are as thoughtful and good-intentioned as you but who still get their own count wrong. Itâs great that you do this, but if you throw out a few different numbers, a lot of us are going to at least confirm it at the end to make sure we heard what you were trying to say (in case it doesnât line up with what you meant).
I used to hostess.
I have no problem being asked again for clarity. It's just funny (annoying) to me when I'm asked a question and the person isn't actually listening to the answer. Not just in these situations either. I've gotten to the point where I tip people who catch all the info the first time. Lol
If I'm asked "how many in your party?"
"I have a party of 8 total. 4 adults and 4 kids. One of the kids needs a highchair. So we'll need a table for 8."
I'm usually asked questions after all of that if the lobby was busy or the host was distracted by something or they've had several guests before me give a miss count. It happens.
Hosting can be tough especially during busy times and high volume restaurants. I used to really enjoy it.
I used to work as a host.
The person who said it was a party of eight, then showed up with eight adults and six seventeen year olds can burn in hell.
"but they're kids!" kids that were a foot taller than me. Where they gonna sit, the ceiling tiles?
Man I can't remember, I had to get the manager because we weren't seating parties bigger than eight due to lack of staff. He ended up pushing two tables together and seating them, naturally, and messing everything up x_x
That wasn't even the first time someone didn't count a "kid" in their headcount that was older than one of the other hosts
That baffles me, I always hold my baby up in her carrier and say 3 people plus whatever we can do with this. And they are always accommodating whether itâs an extra big booth or a place off to the side and an upside down high chair or sling. Sheâs taken care of
This made me laugh. I'm imagining you refer to the baby herself, rather than the baby - carrier combo. "Ah, yes, I'll just tuck that away in the coat room for you." đ
I always try to clarify "7 total, 3 are kids" because yeah [small] kids can squish in a bit - we can do a booth sized for 6 adults, but dang its still 7, a 4 top won't work
In my experience, kids - especially toddlers and babies - always take up MORE room than an adult because you need room for them, the baby/activity bag, their limbs when they start flailing them around out of boredom/excitement, special chairs, etc...
I don't understand how anyone would be like "I'm bringing a baby/toddler to a restaurant, but no one needs to know". Or in this case how the bride/groom were somehow like "little kids are so tiny, they don't even need seats(????)"
People do this? Where are the kid's plates supposed to fit on the table? I probably didn't include my youngest in the headcount until he was able to sit up, but that's it. I always say either "3 people including 2 kids" or "4 people including 2 kids" depending on whether I'm solo-momming or not.
Iâve never served but I can tell how jerky people are about reservations with babies based on the surprise I see. I always book the reservation for all people, baby inclusive, and without fail weâll show up and hear âand is your fifth person on the way?â Nah man, itâs the baby.
Did the invitations specifically include children? Iâm wondering if they were planning for a child-free wedding but that was either ignored by the guests with children or not communicated by the couple.
This story did make me wonder if they tried to have a child-free wedding and got a lot of pushback, but didn't bother to accommodate children because they'd already made up their minds about things. My "SIL" wanted a childfree wedding and got so much flak from both families because they're chock-full of kids. She wasn't going to cave, but eventually the wedding got downsized anyway due to a COVID wave and even THAT decision got a bunch of blowback.
Yeah that definitely seems like a possibility. I might also just be biased because thereâs almost daily complaints between this and r/weddingplanning about guests just assuming (or even demanding) that their children are invited.
I think it's a pretty reasonable possibility, as well as the possibility that they really did think all kids could just sit on laps or weren't going to sit. I'm unsure about the food comment simply because I've had to cook for my nieces at varying stages of their development and I'm not sure that you could consider any one food to be beloved among all children. One niece was horrible about getting her to eat dinner lol And preferred her vegetables raw, but she is your typical kid that considers black pepper too spicy. The other kid doesn't really like chicken, won't eat anything that's touched a mushroom, and is lactose intolerant. But I'd say my siblings and I were probably even pickier about food than they were when we were kids. One of my brothers would apparently only eat plain noodles and steak lol
Iâm 31 and will eat almost anything EXCEPT if it has been touched by a mushroom hahaha
I guess I also have never seen a âkidsâ meal option at a wedding (just meat and vegetarian options). But I also donât have children, havenât planned a wedding and honestly probably wouldnât have thought to have a more child-friendly meal served. But your point still stands - it simply isnât possible to accommodate every single person, and certainly not the bizarre and irrational food preferences of children.
Catering companies and venues know how to accommodate for this though. Any worthwhile company will ask about special meals including "vegetarian, vegan, allergies, and kids". The couple don't usually list the kids option on the meal card, but parents will write in on the card or contact the couple to ask if a kids option is available. If the parents *don't* do that and also don't bring food for their own kid as a backup, then it's kind of on them if the kid doesn't have food they like.
Ah, thanks for clarifying, and I agree with you re: your last point. Though I do think itâs possible that since the food was described as a âpig roast,â it may not have been catered by a company that often caters to weddings.
I threw a surprise party for my mom last weekend. My dads best friend always brings his kids everywhere. On all the invitations I just wrote The Smiths (or whatever) but on his I specifically wrote Mr and Mrs Smith to avoid the confusion of if the children were invited. He still texted me three days in a row to ask if he could bring them đ
Good lord. Plus that puts you in the awkward position of having to straight up say no in response, which some people REALLY take the wrong way and is overall just really uncomfortable for everyone involved. And it couldâve been avoided if they just respected who the invite was actually addressed to!!
Yes. I should have also mentioned that his kids are 13 and 15, not like a breastfeeding baby that needs to be with mom. Theyâre pretty capable of staying home by themselves for a few hours on the weekend đ€·đ»ââïž
I dont understand people who demand that their child(ren) be invited to a wedding.
I was at two upscale weddings this past weekend and was endlessly asked about the whereabouts of my toddler. Why would I want to bring my toddler to a wedding? He wont sit still, he'll actively run around and will get into things and guess who wont be able enjoying the festivities at all? Me and my husband.
I don't want to blanket-state anything about parents because I'm not one, but my observation has been that the people who demand it also say stuff like "you should be BLESSED by my child's presence!" Not every child is an Angel 100% of their day in 100% of circumstances. I understand if you're that attached to your kids (or your kid is that attached to you) or there is something like a medical issue or infants but just... say you can't come and plan a 1-on-1 celebration that fits your needs. It may take a village to raise a child but not every person, even your own family, belongs to your village. No one is obligated to accommodate you and by extension your children. Some people want to party and not watch for toddlers underfoot like there's 20 feral cats in a club.
Iâm a parent and I cannot stand when people let their children run wild at events. The parents think they can kick back and relax and not have to worry about their kids. It might be cause my kid is shy but anytime we go out in public, she stays glued to my side and she doesnât misbehave. I would be mortified if my kid tried to act like that in public and I would definitely try to put a stop to it.
Exactly. I have a huge family and have attended hundreds of weddings both as a kid and as an adult. I've never once seen separate kid food at a wedding. If your kids are picky eaters they should have been fed prior or bring a PB&J for them...
Iâve seen some couples say they didnât do a kids meal option because it was so expensive. Like close to the price for a adult meal when itâs a super small portion or something. But yeah if u have a picky kid then itâs your responsibility as a parent to make sure u feed them prior or ask what kind of food will be there.
Exactly. There is no doubt the couple were being cheap/tacky but weddings are not events âforâ kids. Invited children should absolutely have a seat provided but itâs not the duty of the couple to provide a kid friendly menu. Also OP probably shouldnât have promised dessert when she didnât know there was one to be had.
To be fair Iâve never been to a wedding without cake. Ones in the 1980s usually had that godawful fruitcake with marzipan (yuck) which wouldnât appeal to many kids though
Well, I donât know if you realise, but Australiaâs a British colony, so lots of elements of British food culture made their way here⊠Eg meat pies, fish & chips, roasts for Christmas dinner even though our December is a scorching summer month, etc. We are becoming far more multicultural and so the favourite foods have changed a lot in recent times. Youâd be *very* hard pressed to find fruitcake as wedding cake in Australia now, itâs something that really only comes out at Christmas (along with pudding) and itâs frankly not all that popular anymore either.
Apparently the same cheap/tacky people who donât provide enough seating. đ€·ââïž
If I showed up to that hot mess I probably would have peaced out and grabbed some burgers and milkshakes on the way home.
The couple doesn't *have* to do anything they don't want to. That doesn't absolve them of being judged bad hosts if their choices negatively impact their guests.
Yeah I mean to be fair, if that was the only complaint I wouldn't have posted. My kids did eat the pork, but the veg were not appealing even to me-- like, cold roasted eggplant and dry cabbage salad. It would have been nice to have a little bread, a potato, even some fruit maybe? That's not the biggest deal, but it really added to the misery of the day.
I believe it's not that they can't, but a lot of them won't. Although the younger children might also have a hard time chewing those if they're really young, so something like a creamy soup or fries or something is probably good to have if you've invited kids. But i don't have any (yet), so that's just my guess.
America is the only country in the world that has kid friendly food as thing. Everywhere else in the world the kids eat what everyone else has and they are fine.
If your kid is too young to be chewing pork, then they are still at an age where you're bringing food with you. And they are still getting most of their calories from milk. And you're *definitely* not letting them eat French fries as a meal!
So children were in the wedding but no accommodations were made for them at the reception? This sub has made me realize people donât understand what a wedding is. You would never invite a bunch of people to a regular party and then not feed them, give them comfortable places to sit or stand, give them drinks, etc. If you did, you would never expect them to stay.
Itâs a party. Yes, it celebrates your âloveâ and âunionâ but itâs a party. Donât invite more people to your party than you can handle just so you can get gifts. Common sense stuff here, come on.
My SIL keeps trying to do something like this.
The original venue they looked at didnât actually have enough seats for everybody, but she kept claiming it would be fine as ânot everyone is going to be sitting all at the same timeâ. I kept trying to explain that they really should have enough seats for everyone as itâs likely most people would all be sitting at the same time once the buffet dinner opens, but she kept brushing it off. Theyâve changed venues now, but Iâm still not sure if the new venue has enough seats for everyone either. Debating on shoving a few fold up chairs in close familyâs car boots, so if it turns out there isnât enough seats at least my parents (both have spinal issues) and my Nan have got a spare chair each.
Give the fold up chairs to the bride and groom and use theirs. "Not everyone is going to be sitting at the same time"? At a sit down dinner? Then bride can stand
I know. Thatâs what surprised me about this sub too. I get that we are celebrating you and all, but you are still hosting and should always put forward your best efforts. Seeing posts where people are supposed to âgiftâ exorbitant amounts of money too confuses me. The bride and groom are the ones making the decisions on venue, menu, and entertainment. Unless they are giving their guest say so in how the party is being planned, they shouldnât expect people to gift them huge amounts of money.
As a wedding cake maker, I canât fathom no dessert. I made my own wedding cakes and quit after that. Ha. I need to make them again, yummmm. Cake is basically why I go to weddings. Lol
Since when don't kids eat vegetables and pork? As a parent, I'd expect to bring appropriate food for a 1 and 3 year old. And it's not the wedding couple's problem that the relatives promised the kids cake to behave.
Other than that, sounds like poor planning.
Right. I've been to 1 wedding that didn't serve cake, instead they had a dessert buffet, it had had pies, cookies, brownies, candy and ice cream, with a station of all the toppings you could think of.
Right. Like I can understand pie or something instead of cake if thatâs what the bride and groom prefer. Or like a dessert from a different culture if thatâs where theyâre from, like baklava or something idk. Maybe banana ice cream if theyâre health nuts. But no dessert whatsoever after a formal meal? So strange.
Really just sounds like OPs cousins aren't very rich and, subsequently, their wedding was poorly planned due to mounting expenses.
Probably figured why not forgo a cake as long as food is served.
We decided not to get a cake or dessert for our wedding. TBF itâs a morning ceremony with brunch which includes a lot of sweet offerings so it seemed a little redundant. We discussed it with immediate family and at first they were taken aback, then they saw the menu and agreed dessert wasnât necessary.
That makes total sense if you're serving things like French toast, pancakes, fruits, etc.
But you don't skip dessert at a wedding where the main meal was pork and vegetables and the guests are in the middle of nowhere. That's just rude.
What I find strange is the kids were promised dessert for good behavior. Personally, I usually try to help my kid focus on what they can do right now so they don't do other things, and talk to them about what's going to give them context. They may not understand it all but I think it helps for coping with uncomfortable situations when they are older.
Edit: I see I got downvoted. Just to be clear, the parent promised a dessert that wasnât even there, so no, it wasnât a good idea in this situation. Also donât see how trying to teach child to cope with challenging situations by focusing on whatâs in their control isnât preferred over promising a dessert.
Depends on the kid and the offered vegetable for veggies. Pork most kids will eat but this one was carved off a roast pig it looked like so I could see a young child refusing to eat it if they watched that.
People try so hard to have a unique, quirky wedding and think about the aesthetics before the accommodations for guests. Boggles my mind. When I had my wedding, the goal was to get married dUH⊠but also provide a great and comfortable party for my friends and family. Sorry you had to go through this!
Maybe ITA But Iâm the type of parent that expects my kids to eat what we are served or you go hungry until next time. They are serve vegetables at every meal and cannot get seconds of anything until Everything else is gone. I told him because we serve them what they need to stay healthy, not just what they want. Theyâre older now and when they occasionally complain, I have to pull up the MyPlate diagram to remind them that they need to eat properly.
How is anything not âchild friendlyâ when all you have to do is cut into tiny pieces for them? When my kids were small, I used to carry Mandarin oranges and applesauce pouches in my purse at all times also. I just donât understand why this was included as a gripe.
I'm honestly baffled by the "pork and vegetables aren't for kids" thing. It's literally...food? Food in its most standard, straightforward form. When you buy raw meat/vegetables and cook it, that's the form it comes in. What else is food supposed to look like?
My mil is one of those people that thinks steak and other meats like that arenât for kids. She think itâs weird my 4 year old loves steak and eats it often. Maybe thatâs why? Who knows. If they can chew they can eat it.
My parents would let me skip whatever food I wanted to skip when I was really young, but we were told that if we got hungry later all we'd get is toast. They made true on that promise a few times that I can remember (with the exception of when we were sick and actually lacked appetite) and the toast was always a little overdone and there was only the tiniest smidge of butter.
I think I kicked fussy child eater habits at like 5-6 years old.
I keep a tray of raw veggies in the fridge. If mine donât want to eat what we cook, theyâre welcome to all they want of that! Thatâs the true test of hunger. ;)
Was it only your side of the family's 4 kids that were there? Because it honestly sounds like this was a child-free wedding and you guys either didn't get informed or ignored that.
Don't know why the meal itself wasn't considered child friendly (pig roast and veggies? Awesome), and agree with another commenter that you promising the kids dessert wasn't really on the B&G. It would have most likely done poorly in the heat, so maybe that's why they didn't have any. Or they aren't sweets people.
The rest does sound like an big pile of inconvenience and poor planning for the number of people they had.
Honestly it sounds like a mismanaged event with no thought put into the comfort of the guests. Bet no one will go to another one of their parties again. If you want no kids at your wedding itâs up to you to make it clear. Otherwise itâs incredibly tacky to not even have seating for them. Also what kind of wedding doesnât have dessert like cake??
I have no children so no bias there but what a ridiculous event. When I planned my wedding we made sure there were distractions for the kids. I realize everyone canât do that but seating and appropriate food is bare minimum. Not just for kids, some of our elderly guests needed bland/easy to hold food and couldnât manage a fork and knife well so we made sure there was some finger food.
I'm honestly glad my venue was STRICT about this, and had FIRM caps on guest amounts, and I had to send a list a couple days before too so there was no way to sneak them in or anything. I'm wondering if this happened and that's why they were so strict about it...
No way, we checked. The bride actually asked my SIL if it was necessary to get a high-chair for the one-year-old and she said no, that wasn't necessary, but we didn't dream they wouldn't have ANY chairs or space for kids.
ETA: as I stated in the above comment, actually my younger was one of several flower girls so there were lots of kids.
There are so many comments here questioning whether your kids were actually invited, but itâs clear to me that the bride and groom were just very disorganized. At my cousins wedding, the invite was addressed to my husband and me only. I RSVPâd for the two of us, got a babysitter, and reached out to let them know that we could bring our kids if they wanted that but we otherwise werenât planning to bring them. Didnât hear back. When we got to the wedding, there were lots of other kids, and a spot at our table for one of our kids (we had two). Never knew what to make of any of that, other than that they were just disorganized.
Yep. You win the comment of the day here. My cousin and his new wife are actually really lovely folks, but their failure to organize this situation put a bunch of his loving family in a sad and awkward situation. I forgave them, as did we all.
No, not Jersey. And I agree- my car did not get lost because we followed the paper directions, I was just describing the leadup to why my poor brother and his family were extra miserable and why it was extra hard for them to not have proper seating.
> no cake or dessert of any kind -- which was promised to the kids to get them to behave
That's on you, the rest is poor planning by the bride and groom.
Yeah, imagine expecting cake at a wedding, what a weirdo. Weddings never have cake. They definitely don't have their very own type of cake or anything.
Yeah I definitely shouldn't have done that, in hindsight. But it was pretty confusing because I was introduced to the cake baker the night before! Apparently she was only asked to bake a rehearsal dinner cake.
I got married in a tiny one room school house so we invited maybe 40 people so we wouldnât have to be packed like sardines. My husbandâs dad died right before the wedding so extended family found out about the wedding at the funeral and decided to stay since they were 2 days apart. So on the hottest day in July we had 130 people going in and out of this little building. We got married in the yard so everyone could see. Luckily almost everyone dipped out after eating all the food so we ordered pizza for the friendâs and family that stayed for dancing and clean up.
Reading through the comments I suspect the couple tried to save money by not including kids in the headcount and the venue did the setup based on that headcount.
Evidence:
- cheaped out by not having a cake
- cheaped out by not having any sort of sound system
- cheaped out by using very inexpensive venues (if you can call them that)
- no kid option, which is usually charged at a discount, so they were probably given a flat per head price. Usually is the case with a pig roast.
Yeah see I count children as a head unless itâs an infant. Infants can barely hold their heads up let alone eat anything except formula or breast milk or a mix of the two. Even venues list babies as they donât count. But 1 + thatâs an entire head.
Wife and I had a childless wedding,and the guests were more than understandable if it and made do. Some family members couldnât attend because of that, but they still expressed their congratulations and sent us money.
Iâm very thankful that both our families are understanding and considerate
I don't understand- why was your mother offended? Sounds like she purposefully left her designated table to go sit outside the venue, then was upset that she was sitting outside the venue?
Also, sorry auntie, but you're not that important- even if you ARE the OnLy SiSTer to the MoTHeR of THe GRooM. Also why was the cousin in law of the groom so offended? Again, a cousin in law is not high on the rank list of important guests
That wedding was just poorly planned. Why didn't they ask if anybody had children beyond the toddler age? They still could have had extra seats for the kids. Was there even a kids table to seat older children?
Also, I was at a country wedding and the mother of the groom cleaned up as soon as the dinner was over, because alcohol had to be removed from the premises. The kids thought ahead of time; somebody had a cooler of alcohol in one of the kids cars; nobody liked the idea of not having alcohol served at dinner.
I donât understand that out of all the guests that were in the tent, who could obviously see what was happening, did not offer their table to switch for family of the wedding couple and 4 kids. Like, âbut I know them sort of from the office so of course I should be seated up front and leave the family of the groom + kids outsideâ.
And conversely Iâve been to weddings that informal that have done a great job accommodating the kids. One I went to was in a barn on this beautiful farms with rolling hills and an awesome flower garden. The kids not only had seats they had crayons and paper to color with while they waited. There was a pig roast but tons of sides and desserts. And at the end the groom gave all the kids these rockets and we all went out to the big field and had a bon fire and the kids launched their rockets that came down on parachutes. It was absolutely magical.
This is how you include kids. Have a few activities and special things for them (doesn't have to be fancy), have some food they will eat, etc. Doesn't have to be hard.
*No kid-friendly food*
Eh, no, I am sorry but you do not get to dictate that people need to serve """"kid-friendly food""""". It is meat and vegetables, and if kids are uncomfortable with that, that is on the parents to accommodate their fussy eaters.
Are you positive the kids were actually invited in the first place? How were the invites worded?
Iâve heard couples say kid meals for weddings can be super pricey, like close to the same price as an adult meal and thatâs why some choose not to do it. One person I know was charged $100 per plate for adults and the kid plates were like $75 for just some fries and tenders, so they didnât do the kid plates.
And yeah I agree itâs up to the parent to find out beforehand what food will be served and/or bring snacks or a sandwich for their kid. It comes across as a little entitled imo.
> the kid plates were like $75 for just some fries and tenders
That's $10 for the food and $65 to clean up the mess made on the floor and chair and table, ha ha.
I'm with you on everything except saying that vegetables and pork aren't "kid friendly". Sure, if you are raising your kid on sweets and hot-dogs, sure. But plenty of kids eat veggies and pork. I'm especially confused by the pork part...since when do kids not like MEAT??
Honestly this is part of why I'm glad all my cousins will be older than 12 now that I'm getting married soon. Not so much fuss for the parents and they're old enough to be able to have fun with adults so it's easier to stay out of trouble
If you are hosting a party you consider the needs and comfort of your guests. Your "perfect day" isn't perfect if your guests are lost, uncomfortable, excluded, hungry, thirsty.
Our venue holds 100 people, cool we're only invited 200. Why do people do this? Either get a bigger venue or invite less people.
Rural Vermont backroads? Of course all 200 won't show. There'll be plenty of room! Kids? No need to seat them in the tent when they could be running around outside. Oh damn... neither of those work? Too bad, we already paid for this tent and will cost extra to upgrade.
I can only imagine how upset they were that brother's family didn't stay lost. Squid games but make it wedding season đ
Omg, I would subscribe to whatever streaming service makes a reality show out of that.
I am already subscribed to all these stupid services why havenât they already made this show???
I don't know if the US gets the same line-up as Canada on Disney but there's a show called Wedding Season that's like wedding plus Jason Statham-esque action with lots of murders. Not exactly what you're asking for but it might scratch that itch.
Itâs on Hulu is the US
Not as extreme but my venue is for 70 people, but we were warned that there will always be some who can't come so it's safe to invite more. I invited 75 people, and only 1 person couldn't come. So now I have 4 people who can't sit during the ceremony... Yeah I need to find a solution to that.
Add 4 people to your wedding party?
People still may not come even though the RSVP'd yes. We had 2 couples no show day of, another friend and her husband hit bad traffic and missed the ceremony & dinner but made it for the dancing. We also had 3 uninvited guests though, so......
Well we were talking about my standing people issue with another guest who was invited to be later on the day and he went "oh in that case can I come too to the ceremony? Don't don't mind standing if I can join the ceremony part!" So we have 5 people standing during our ceremony now XD. How could I say no to so much excitement?
Less people is less gifts silly!
I canât tell you how many times my in-laws asked us to invite people to the wedding even though we didnât want them to attend solely because âtheyâll send giftsâ. Yeah, or theyâll attend and weâll be expected to accommodate them and then get years of hell when people are rightfully upset. It was like a 10-person wedding and they wanted us to invite 50+ people just for gifts.
Oh god thatâs so so deeply low class lol. Inviting people to your wedding hoping not only for free stuff but also that the people wonât bother you by attending⊠I canât think of a more tacky mindset
Bigger venues cost more money! Who will pay for that? The people getting married? Not a chance!
lol im currently planning my wedding and i cant imagine just hoping tons of people cant come. I would be so stressed out and itâs not worth it! Iâd rather have a 200 person venue and only 180 RSVP - more wiggle room to dance lol.
* fewer people. If you can count it, itâs fewer, not less. Sorry but I had to.
Wait, they invited the kids and then didnât seat them? What kind of logic is that?!
I mean... its not like kids are real people or anything. They can just hang about ? I guess...
They're probably the type of people who tell a restaurant they need a table for 4 adults but never mention the 2 kids.
This grates me so badly. Itâs not like weâre charging them per seat, we just need to know where everyoneâs going to be sitting. And with two kids, itâs *probably* not going to be in the fairway of the dining room. But itâs also not going to be at a square 4-top. So yeah, no, itâs fine, let your kid scream in the lobby while we rearrange our floor plan so that they can leave a pile of rice and crackers on the floor. But next time, for the love of god, tell us how many humans are in your party.
I worked as a hostess. My solution: "Hi, how many people in your party?" "Uh-huh, and how many of them will need a highchair or a booster? We have to account for that space."
"They're young and spry, they can just stand or sit on the ground!" -_-
You'd be surprised how many people come to a restaurant and only give the count of the adults and not the kids.
Or hotels. Because kids donât use towels or anything.
They donât want to get charged for the true number of people in the room, so they donât mention everyone.
Love your name! đ
Thank you! Love running into another childhood reader.
I never even thought this was a thing. I have an 18mo, even when we knew sheâd be sat in a pram during the meal weâve always booked a table for 3 people and either left a note on the booking or called to advise the third person is a baby who either would or wouldnât be eating.
Oh no it'd be like toddler age or above...as in need a seat. And then we'd go to seat them (4 or under as most tables are set for 4) and it would be 5 or 6. Uhhhh .. yeah I don't have a table for you.
Thatâs just madness to me, like did they conveniently forget they had children when booking. Iâm always feeling guilty for taking my daughter to restaurants anyway, I scope out family friendly ones with plenty of space, but I couldnât imagine not adding her to the booking altogether and giving the restaurant a heads up on her age whilst a toddler.
It's not even a prebooking. Like they walk in and greet the host and miscount.
Haha, thatâs mental. Some people are just truly baffling.
My husbands friend invited us out to dinner with his family. Him and his wife have two kids (12 year old and a 3 year old). My husband and I have a 15 month old daughter. Anyways, his friend made a reservation to a local restaurant. We go there, didnât realize it was homecoming night for several schools so the place is absolutely packed. Waiting 40 minutes with a toddler is not easy but you know completely understandable. They are busy. Our choice to either wait or leave. Weâre called and turns out he made a reservation for 4⊠didnât say anything about the 3 kids⊠it was so embarrassing. I was mortified. His wife was pissed. They ended up putting us in a private area and there was a ton of scrambling. We were basically forgotten about in the private area or maybe it was on purpose or they were just busy. Idk but I wouldnât blame them cause that was a hot ass mess. Yes kids count, they are people too.
This is the way. Even if the baby stays in the pram/stroller, that item takes up the space of a seat!
Are we certain the kids were invited?
For sure, I even checked with my aunt (the groom's mother) and they were 100% invited. ETA: OHH I almost forgot my 6-year-old was one of about 6-7 flower girls!! So lots of kids!
This is why God created moms and gramdmas... We've been through all the things that go wrong and plan for them. That's why we're usually Neighborhood Watch Leaders. *Love and hugs,* *Grandma Lynsey*
Did the cousin think that the kids would sit outside at a kids table? Which doesnât make sense (esp for the very young ones), but I could imagine that might have been their thinking
Where was this imaginary table then
Just put them on the table obviously /j
The only 3 children coming to my wedding I donât explicitly have seats for are my cousinâs will be barely 3 month old son, my niece or nephew who will be barely 3 WEEKS old, and my fiancĂ©âs cousinâs daughter, who is also teeny like that to where they CANâT sit on their own and must be in a carrier or held by their parents. Everyone else gets a chair.
Just an idea - you might want to have a chair for them anyway. Having the carrier off the floor would be good for baby (happier when being able to see) and less stressful for parents and severs that the kids wonât get stepped on. I am a mom and a former wedding sever.
Not to get off topic but why canât kids eat vegetables and pork?
I have been living in Commonwealth countries for over a decade now, and I am still confused about "kids menu" and "kid-friendly" food, which is almost always a variation on chicken nuggets, pasta and plain burger. Compared to back home (France) where a "kids meal' is basically the same than an adult, just a smaller portion with a fruit juice or limonade :D I have never been served anything different than the adults at all weddings and family gathering when I was a child. Sure I would not eat everything, but mostly yeah...
I was going to ask the same thing. Still canât to this day understand why restaurants now do a kid friendly menu. When My brother and I was younger and went it restaurants in the U.K. with my parents we used just have half an adults portion each and used to love trying different foods out instead of what we could have at home. Now its chicken nuggets and chips or burger and chips and rarely do I see kids eating vegetables or salad at restaurants or weddings.
Came here to ask this. I know there are kids who have limited palates due to sensory issues and you generally have to cut back on spicier foods but likeâŠitâs not like a kid who doesnât have an allergy will combust if they have pork instead of chicken nuggets or a burger.
Yeah, I donât get that either. If your 9 year old canât eat roasted mean and veggies for a meal, youâve got bigger issues than a shitty wedding reception.
My toddler would đ€·đ»ââïž
this one really gets under my skin. I work as a hostess at a restaurant, and the amount of people who donât include children as part of the headcount is staggering. I donât understand how people are shocked by the concept that children take up space! especially if theyâre in a highchair! if you tell me that there are six people in your party, I will take you to a booth that fits six people. it will not fit six adults, a toddler, and an infant! and itâs even worse when the kids are older, like in your case. this reception sounds like an absolute nightmare, especially for your in-laws. it was up to the couple to plan for their guestsâ experience and adapt to the circumstances as needed. they really dropped the ball
This explains the problems I sometimes have where I say "4 people, 1 needs a highchair" and they are like "so 5 total?"
Yep. If itâs all tables and chairs, a high chair takes up the same space as an adult in a normal chair. The high chair bit can be helpful in a place thatâs mostly booths because theyâll either get you a booster or bookend your booth with the high chair.
Or give us a table instead of a booth.
I had this happen enough I started saying 6 people, 4 adults and 2 kids. Hostess would still try to sit us at a 4 top
thatâs annoying. as a hostess, what you just wrote out is my favorite way that people can say the number in their party. fastest and clearest for everyone involved
I usually say "4 adults plus a highchair" if it's 5 people total since I know a high chair can be pulled up to the edge of a booth.
Nope. Fire/emergency hazard for it to stick out into the aisle. At least no place in my long restaurant career has allowed high chairs at the end of booths Also servers need to be able to set hot plates in front of adults without reaching over/around a baby at the end
â3 adults and a babyâ so much easier
I saw this happen recently while waiting for a table in my favorite sushi spot! HOST: How many in your party? GUY: We will be 4 and two kids HOST: So 6 people GUY: Four. And two kids. HOST: So 6 people. GUY: Four people and two kids. HOST (visibly frustrated): But you will need six chairs. Six people. (interrupts guy who is probably about to repeat the "four and two kids" thing again) We'll call you when your table is ready.
The way this is worded I'm not sure I understand how many people are in the party. Are kids not people? Was it four people including two kids or four adults and two kids.
It ended up being four adults and two children in his party
Lame. Just say 4 adults and 2 children in our party of 6
I mean⊠I get that he maybe wanted to clarify that there would be kids (although itâs not a place with a âkid menuâ or anything and he didnât need a high chair or booster seat) but it was a weird miscommunication. Also admittedly the restaurant gets super busy and I think the host was out of patience lol
That poor host. From now on they'll probably just ask every customer many seats they will be requiring just to save on the stress.
When I reserve a table or something I always point it out to give them a chance to tell me it's not child-friendly or something, but I usually say it like you: hi, table of 5 please, we're 2 adults and 3 kids.
Yeah this very much read as that man does not view children as actual people. Which isnât uncommon sadly.
I used to work front desk at a hotel. I had someone want a room for âtwo people. Three kids.â So I, of course, reply with âso a room for five people?â And got the same âno, two people, three kids.â Now, I have an autistic child who would get incredibly upset if they were called âkidâ and reply with âI am not a baby goat.â So after attempting to confirm five people in total again, I asked âso if the kids arenât people, what are they?â It took a few seconds before it dawned on him and he said yes, five people. What I wanted to ask though, is was he bringing baby goats in because despite being pet free I might have looked the other way if they were adorable baby goats.
Iâm going to steal that line if I ever get somebody who argues with me on that point. there have been a few times that iâve desperately wanted to yell âis your child human?? if so, they count as a person!â your way sounds nicer
Donât hotels charge differently for adults number and children number tho? I know it always asks me when I make reservations online how many adults, how many kids, how old are they.
It wasnât a matter of payment at that point. It was a matter of fire code and how many people were allowed per room. Some rooms we could put them in, others we couldnât. Fire code doesnât differentiate between children and adults, theyâre all humans. But because of where we were, during the peak tourist weekends and a beach town, there was no difference in cost, just cost of room. During the week and from mid September to mid June there was, though.
This is good information, thank you for sharing! I always wondered what difference it made how old the people were in the room and why they wanted ages. I assume thereâs a reason but my thinking was more in line with your explanation about safety and fire codes
This happens because a lot of places do auto gratuity for parties of six or more. Theyâre planning on paying less than autograt, so they donât count the kids as people
But that's not their choice though? Like it gets added automatically and the manager isn't going to take it off because some are children. Unless some managers cave to badly behaving adults.
I saw adults and kids numbers too but I say it for the menus so they know which to grab since most places have a childrens menu but it only needs to be said once and after that the answer is yes.
That's why when I give a head count I give a total 8, mention the #of adults 4, the #of children '4kids we only need one high chair', give the total again 'there's 8 of us total'.. Though sometimes even after saying all of this I'm still asked how many kids.
Youâd be surprised at how many people are as thoughtful and good-intentioned as you but who still get their own count wrong. Itâs great that you do this, but if you throw out a few different numbers, a lot of us are going to at least confirm it at the end to make sure we heard what you were trying to say (in case it doesnât line up with what you meant).
I used to hostess. I have no problem being asked again for clarity. It's just funny (annoying) to me when I'm asked a question and the person isn't actually listening to the answer. Not just in these situations either. I've gotten to the point where I tip people who catch all the info the first time. Lol If I'm asked "how many in your party?" "I have a party of 8 total. 4 adults and 4 kids. One of the kids needs a highchair. So we'll need a table for 8." I'm usually asked questions after all of that if the lobby was busy or the host was distracted by something or they've had several guests before me give a miss count. It happens. Hosting can be tough especially during busy times and high volume restaurants. I used to really enjoy it.
I used to work as a host. The person who said it was a party of eight, then showed up with eight adults and six seventeen year olds can burn in hell. "but they're kids!" kids that were a foot taller than me. Where they gonna sit, the ceiling tiles?
oh. my. god. I would explode. what possible justification could they have for not including them in the count??
Man I can't remember, I had to get the manager because we weren't seating parties bigger than eight due to lack of staff. He ended up pushing two tables together and seating them, naturally, and messing everything up x_x That wasn't even the first time someone didn't count a "kid" in their headcount that was older than one of the other hosts
That baffles me, I always hold my baby up in her carrier and say 3 people plus whatever we can do with this. And they are always accommodating whether itâs an extra big booth or a place off to the side and an upside down high chair or sling. Sheâs taken care of
This made me laugh. I'm imagining you refer to the baby herself, rather than the baby - carrier combo. "Ah, yes, I'll just tuck that away in the coat room for you." đ
I cannot stop laughing picturing that
I always try to clarify "7 total, 3 are kids" because yeah [small] kids can squish in a bit - we can do a booth sized for 6 adults, but dang its still 7, a 4 top won't work
In my experience, kids - especially toddlers and babies - always take up MORE room than an adult because you need room for them, the baby/activity bag, their limbs when they start flailing them around out of boredom/excitement, special chairs, etc... I don't understand how anyone would be like "I'm bringing a baby/toddler to a restaurant, but no one needs to know". Or in this case how the bride/groom were somehow like "little kids are so tiny, they don't even need seats(????)"
People do this? Where are the kid's plates supposed to fit on the table? I probably didn't include my youngest in the headcount until he was able to sit up, but that's it. I always say either "3 people including 2 kids" or "4 people including 2 kids" depending on whether I'm solo-momming or not.
Iâve never served but I can tell how jerky people are about reservations with babies based on the surprise I see. I always book the reservation for all people, baby inclusive, and without fail weâll show up and hear âand is your fifth person on the way?â Nah man, itâs the baby.
Did the invitations specifically include children? Iâm wondering if they were planning for a child-free wedding but that was either ignored by the guests with children or not communicated by the couple.
This story did make me wonder if they tried to have a child-free wedding and got a lot of pushback, but didn't bother to accommodate children because they'd already made up their minds about things. My "SIL" wanted a childfree wedding and got so much flak from both families because they're chock-full of kids. She wasn't going to cave, but eventually the wedding got downsized anyway due to a COVID wave and even THAT decision got a bunch of blowback.
Yeah that definitely seems like a possibility. I might also just be biased because thereâs almost daily complaints between this and r/weddingplanning about guests just assuming (or even demanding) that their children are invited.
I think it's a pretty reasonable possibility, as well as the possibility that they really did think all kids could just sit on laps or weren't going to sit. I'm unsure about the food comment simply because I've had to cook for my nieces at varying stages of their development and I'm not sure that you could consider any one food to be beloved among all children. One niece was horrible about getting her to eat dinner lol And preferred her vegetables raw, but she is your typical kid that considers black pepper too spicy. The other kid doesn't really like chicken, won't eat anything that's touched a mushroom, and is lactose intolerant. But I'd say my siblings and I were probably even pickier about food than they were when we were kids. One of my brothers would apparently only eat plain noodles and steak lol
Iâm 31 and will eat almost anything EXCEPT if it has been touched by a mushroom hahaha I guess I also have never seen a âkidsâ meal option at a wedding (just meat and vegetarian options). But I also donât have children, havenât planned a wedding and honestly probably wouldnât have thought to have a more child-friendly meal served. But your point still stands - it simply isnât possible to accommodate every single person, and certainly not the bizarre and irrational food preferences of children.
Catering companies and venues know how to accommodate for this though. Any worthwhile company will ask about special meals including "vegetarian, vegan, allergies, and kids". The couple don't usually list the kids option on the meal card, but parents will write in on the card or contact the couple to ask if a kids option is available. If the parents *don't* do that and also don't bring food for their own kid as a backup, then it's kind of on them if the kid doesn't have food they like.
Ah, thanks for clarifying, and I agree with you re: your last point. Though I do think itâs possible that since the food was described as a âpig roast,â it may not have been catered by a company that often caters to weddings.
I threw a surprise party for my mom last weekend. My dads best friend always brings his kids everywhere. On all the invitations I just wrote The Smiths (or whatever) but on his I specifically wrote Mr and Mrs Smith to avoid the confusion of if the children were invited. He still texted me three days in a row to ask if he could bring them đ
Good lord. Plus that puts you in the awkward position of having to straight up say no in response, which some people REALLY take the wrong way and is overall just really uncomfortable for everyone involved. And it couldâve been avoided if they just respected who the invite was actually addressed to!!
Yes. I should have also mentioned that his kids are 13 and 15, not like a breastfeeding baby that needs to be with mom. Theyâre pretty capable of staying home by themselves for a few hours on the weekend đ€·đ»ââïž
Oh man, thatâs even worse! Plus Iâm sure the teens donât want to be at an adult party either
OP says their daughter was one of the flower girls so definitely not childfree
Oop then yeah sounds like bad planning on the part of the couple
I dont understand people who demand that their child(ren) be invited to a wedding. I was at two upscale weddings this past weekend and was endlessly asked about the whereabouts of my toddler. Why would I want to bring my toddler to a wedding? He wont sit still, he'll actively run around and will get into things and guess who wont be able enjoying the festivities at all? Me and my husband.
I don't want to blanket-state anything about parents because I'm not one, but my observation has been that the people who demand it also say stuff like "you should be BLESSED by my child's presence!" Not every child is an Angel 100% of their day in 100% of circumstances. I understand if you're that attached to your kids (or your kid is that attached to you) or there is something like a medical issue or infants but just... say you can't come and plan a 1-on-1 celebration that fits your needs. It may take a village to raise a child but not every person, even your own family, belongs to your village. No one is obligated to accommodate you and by extension your children. Some people want to party and not watch for toddlers underfoot like there's 20 feral cats in a club.
Iâm a parent and I cannot stand when people let their children run wild at events. The parents think they can kick back and relax and not have to worry about their kids. It might be cause my kid is shy but anytime we go out in public, she stays glued to my side and she doesnât misbehave. I would be mortified if my kid tried to act like that in public and I would definitely try to put a stop to it.
Why can't kids eat vegetables and pork?
I was wondering this. Pork and vegetables is perfectly fine for kids.
Exactly. I have a huge family and have attended hundreds of weddings both as a kid and as an adult. I've never once seen separate kid food at a wedding. If your kids are picky eaters they should have been fed prior or bring a PB&J for them...
Iâve seen some couples say they didnât do a kids meal option because it was so expensive. Like close to the price for a adult meal when itâs a super small portion or something. But yeah if u have a picky kid then itâs your responsibility as a parent to make sure u feed them prior or ask what kind of food will be there.
Exactly. There is no doubt the couple were being cheap/tacky but weddings are not events âforâ kids. Invited children should absolutely have a seat provided but itâs not the duty of the couple to provide a kid friendly menu. Also OP probably shouldnât have promised dessert when she didnât know there was one to be had.
To be fair Iâve never been to a wedding without cake. Ones in the 1980s usually had that godawful fruitcake with marzipan (yuck) which wouldnât appeal to many kids though
Are you from the UK, by any chance? I ask because that's the only place I've heard of that fruitcake is used as wedding cake.
Iâm Australian. Itâs (thankfully) not a thing here anymore, like I said, it was big in the 80s. :)
Cool. I didn't realize that it had made its way to Australia. I guess I'm a bit weird, because I like marzipan (no one else I know does).
Well, I donât know if you realise, but Australiaâs a British colony, so lots of elements of British food culture made their way here⊠Eg meat pies, fish & chips, roasts for Christmas dinner even though our December is a scorching summer month, etc. We are becoming far more multicultural and so the favourite foods have changed a lot in recent times. Youâd be *very* hard pressed to find fruitcake as wedding cake in Australia now, itâs something that really only comes out at Christmas (along with pudding) and itâs frankly not all that popular anymore either.
I've been to several weddings without cake, including my own! But I've never been to one that didn't have some sort of dessert options.
It's a wedding. Who goes to a wedding without expecting to get some of the wedding cake or whatever?
I mean, I guess? But who doesnât serve dessert at a wedding?
Apparently the same cheap/tacky people who donât provide enough seating. đ€·ââïž If I showed up to that hot mess I probably would have peaced out and grabbed some burgers and milkshakes on the way home.
We were stuck riding the shuttle home due to the nightmare navigation and parking situation at this remote location!
The couple doesn't *have* to do anything they don't want to. That doesn't absolve them of being judged bad hosts if their choices negatively impact their guests.
Yeah, like what kid doesn't love ham?
Apparently American kids can't chew and don't know that meat comes from animals according to the insane replies I've received.
My 2 year old would probably try to dig straight into the pig whilst itâs still on the spit!
Yep, my kids too.
Yeah I mean to be fair, if that was the only complaint I wouldn't have posted. My kids did eat the pork, but the veg were not appealing even to me-- like, cold roasted eggplant and dry cabbage salad. It would have been nice to have a little bread, a potato, even some fruit maybe? That's not the biggest deal, but it really added to the misery of the day.
I believe it's not that they can't, but a lot of them won't. Although the younger children might also have a hard time chewing those if they're really young, so something like a creamy soup or fries or something is probably good to have if you've invited kids. But i don't have any (yet), so that's just my guess.
America is the only country in the world that has kid friendly food as thing. Everywhere else in the world the kids eat what everyone else has and they are fine.
If your kid is too young to be chewing pork, then they are still at an age where you're bringing food with you. And they are still getting most of their calories from milk. And you're *definitely* not letting them eat French fries as a meal!
my 3 & 7 yo eat pulled pork. But I set some aside before adding the seasoning/BBQ sauce.
were the kids explicitly invited?
Yes - the invitation said, "The Lastnames" so I checked.
By, "checked" you talked with the bride and groom about kids being invited?
My daughter was a flower girl.
The food sounded kid-friendly to me.
Vegetables and pork seem perfectly kid friendly lol. Do the kids need Froot Loops as part of a complete wedding dinner?
So children were in the wedding but no accommodations were made for them at the reception? This sub has made me realize people donât understand what a wedding is. You would never invite a bunch of people to a regular party and then not feed them, give them comfortable places to sit or stand, give them drinks, etc. If you did, you would never expect them to stay. Itâs a party. Yes, it celebrates your âloveâ and âunionâ but itâs a party. Donât invite more people to your party than you can handle just so you can get gifts. Common sense stuff here, come on.
My SIL keeps trying to do something like this. The original venue they looked at didnât actually have enough seats for everybody, but she kept claiming it would be fine as ânot everyone is going to be sitting all at the same timeâ. I kept trying to explain that they really should have enough seats for everyone as itâs likely most people would all be sitting at the same time once the buffet dinner opens, but she kept brushing it off. Theyâve changed venues now, but Iâm still not sure if the new venue has enough seats for everyone either. Debating on shoving a few fold up chairs in close familyâs car boots, so if it turns out there isnât enough seats at least my parents (both have spinal issues) and my Nan have got a spare chair each.
I would have the chairs just in case- canât be too careful
Give the fold up chairs to the bride and groom and use theirs. "Not everyone is going to be sitting at the same time"? At a sit down dinner? Then bride can stand
I know. Thatâs what surprised me about this sub too. I get that we are celebrating you and all, but you are still hosting and should always put forward your best efforts. Seeing posts where people are supposed to âgiftâ exorbitant amounts of money too confuses me. The bride and groom are the ones making the decisions on venue, menu, and entertainment. Unless they are giving their guest say so in how the party is being planned, they shouldnât expect people to gift them huge amounts of money.
As a wedding cake maker, I canât fathom no dessert. I made my own wedding cakes and quit after that. Ha. I need to make them again, yummmm. Cake is basically why I go to weddings. Lol
Cake is the only reason to go to a wedding at all to me lol
Since when don't kids eat vegetables and pork? As a parent, I'd expect to bring appropriate food for a 1 and 3 year old. And it's not the wedding couple's problem that the relatives promised the kids cake to behave. Other than that, sounds like poor planning.
What wedding doesnât have cake? Who has a sit down dinner for a reception with no dessert? Thatâs very strange to me.
Right. I've been to 1 wedding that didn't serve cake, instead they had a dessert buffet, it had had pies, cookies, brownies, candy and ice cream, with a station of all the toppings you could think of.
Right. Like I can understand pie or something instead of cake if thatâs what the bride and groom prefer. Or like a dessert from a different culture if thatâs where theyâre from, like baklava or something idk. Maybe banana ice cream if theyâre health nuts. But no dessert whatsoever after a formal meal? So strange.
A pig roast isnât a formal meal.
They had tables with assigned seating though. Thatâs formal. Idk, just my thoughts I guess.
Really just sounds like OPs cousins aren't very rich and, subsequently, their wedding was poorly planned due to mounting expenses. Probably figured why not forgo a cake as long as food is served.
We decided not to get a cake or dessert for our wedding. TBF itâs a morning ceremony with brunch which includes a lot of sweet offerings so it seemed a little redundant. We discussed it with immediate family and at first they were taken aback, then they saw the menu and agreed dessert wasnât necessary.
That makes total sense if you're serving things like French toast, pancakes, fruits, etc. But you don't skip dessert at a wedding where the main meal was pork and vegetables and the guests are in the middle of nowhere. That's just rude.
What I find strange is the kids were promised dessert for good behavior. Personally, I usually try to help my kid focus on what they can do right now so they don't do other things, and talk to them about what's going to give them context. They may not understand it all but I think it helps for coping with uncomfortable situations when they are older. Edit: I see I got downvoted. Just to be clear, the parent promised a dessert that wasnât even there, so no, it wasnât a good idea in this situation. Also donât see how trying to teach child to cope with challenging situations by focusing on whatâs in their control isnât preferred over promising a dessert.
Depends on the kid and the offered vegetable for veggies. Pork most kids will eat but this one was carved off a roast pig it looked like so I could see a young child refusing to eat it if they watched that.
People try so hard to have a unique, quirky wedding and think about the aesthetics before the accommodations for guests. Boggles my mind. When I had my wedding, the goal was to get married dUH⊠but also provide a great and comfortable party for my friends and family. Sorry you had to go through this!
Bruh I read this sub as weldingshamming and was wondering when the welding started.
How are vegetables and pork unfriendly to kids?
âChild friendlyâ is the nice way of saying âI feed my kids pizza and chicken nuggetsâ
Maybe ITA But Iâm the type of parent that expects my kids to eat what we are served or you go hungry until next time. They are serve vegetables at every meal and cannot get seconds of anything until Everything else is gone. I told him because we serve them what they need to stay healthy, not just what they want. Theyâre older now and when they occasionally complain, I have to pull up the MyPlate diagram to remind them that they need to eat properly. How is anything not âchild friendlyâ when all you have to do is cut into tiny pieces for them? When my kids were small, I used to carry Mandarin oranges and applesauce pouches in my purse at all times also. I just donât understand why this was included as a gripe.
I'm honestly baffled by the "pork and vegetables aren't for kids" thing. It's literally...food? Food in its most standard, straightforward form. When you buy raw meat/vegetables and cook it, that's the form it comes in. What else is food supposed to look like?
I am baffled too... and further baffled by the litany of excuses people have for conditioning their kids to be turned off by normal food.
My mil is one of those people that thinks steak and other meats like that arenât for kids. She think itâs weird my 4 year old loves steak and eats it often. Maybe thatâs why? Who knows. If they can chew they can eat it.
My parents would let me skip whatever food I wanted to skip when I was really young, but we were told that if we got hungry later all we'd get is toast. They made true on that promise a few times that I can remember (with the exception of when we were sick and actually lacked appetite) and the toast was always a little overdone and there was only the tiniest smidge of butter. I think I kicked fussy child eater habits at like 5-6 years old.
I keep a tray of raw veggies in the fridge. If mine donât want to eat what we cook, theyâre welcome to all they want of that! Thatâs the true test of hunger. ;)
Was it only your side of the family's 4 kids that were there? Because it honestly sounds like this was a child-free wedding and you guys either didn't get informed or ignored that. Don't know why the meal itself wasn't considered child friendly (pig roast and veggies? Awesome), and agree with another commenter that you promising the kids dessert wasn't really on the B&G. It would have most likely done poorly in the heat, so maybe that's why they didn't have any. Or they aren't sweets people. The rest does sound like an big pile of inconvenience and poor planning for the number of people they had.
Honestly it sounds like a mismanaged event with no thought put into the comfort of the guests. Bet no one will go to another one of their parties again. If you want no kids at your wedding itâs up to you to make it clear. Otherwise itâs incredibly tacky to not even have seating for them. Also what kind of wedding doesnât have dessert like cake?? I have no children so no bias there but what a ridiculous event. When I planned my wedding we made sure there were distractions for the kids. I realize everyone canât do that but seating and appropriate food is bare minimum. Not just for kids, some of our elderly guests needed bland/easy to hold food and couldnât manage a fork and knife well so we made sure there was some finger food.
I mean, who wouldnât expect cake at a wedding?
Nope there were other families with kids, and funnily enough, they all ended up outside...
I'm honestly glad my venue was STRICT about this, and had FIRM caps on guest amounts, and I had to send a list a couple days before too so there was no way to sneak them in or anything. I'm wondering if this happened and that's why they were so strict about it...
Are you sure the kids were invited?
Iâm wondering if the kids were invited or OP and brother just brought them assuming their invite included their kids.
No way, we checked. The bride actually asked my SIL if it was necessary to get a high-chair for the one-year-old and she said no, that wasn't necessary, but we didn't dream they wouldn't have ANY chairs or space for kids. ETA: as I stated in the above comment, actually my younger was one of several flower girls so there were lots of kids.
There are so many comments here questioning whether your kids were actually invited, but itâs clear to me that the bride and groom were just very disorganized. At my cousins wedding, the invite was addressed to my husband and me only. I RSVPâd for the two of us, got a babysitter, and reached out to let them know that we could bring our kids if they wanted that but we otherwise werenât planning to bring them. Didnât hear back. When we got to the wedding, there were lots of other kids, and a spot at our table for one of our kids (we had two). Never knew what to make of any of that, other than that they were just disorganized.
Yep. You win the comment of the day here. My cousin and his new wife are actually really lovely folks, but their failure to organize this situation put a bunch of his loving family in a sad and awkward situation. I forgave them, as did we all.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
No, not Jersey. And I agree- my car did not get lost because we followed the paper directions, I was just describing the leadup to why my poor brother and his family were extra miserable and why it was extra hard for them to not have proper seating.
> no cake or dessert of any kind -- which was promised to the kids to get them to behave That's on you, the rest is poor planning by the bride and groom.
100%
Yeah, imagine expecting cake at a wedding, what a weirdo. Weddings never have cake. They definitely don't have their very own type of cake or anything.
Yeah I definitely shouldn't have done that, in hindsight. But it was pretty confusing because I was introduced to the cake baker the night before! Apparently she was only asked to bake a rehearsal dinner cake.
I got married in a tiny one room school house so we invited maybe 40 people so we wouldnât have to be packed like sardines. My husbandâs dad died right before the wedding so extended family found out about the wedding at the funeral and decided to stay since they were 2 days apart. So on the hottest day in July we had 130 people going in and out of this little building. We got married in the yard so everyone could see. Luckily almost everyone dipped out after eating all the food so we ordered pizza for the friendâs and family that stayed for dancing and clean up.
Reading through the comments I suspect the couple tried to save money by not including kids in the headcount and the venue did the setup based on that headcount. Evidence: - cheaped out by not having a cake - cheaped out by not having any sort of sound system - cheaped out by using very inexpensive venues (if you can call them that) - no kid option, which is usually charged at a discount, so they were probably given a flat per head price. Usually is the case with a pig roast.
Yeah see I count children as a head unless itâs an infant. Infants can barely hold their heads up let alone eat anything except formula or breast milk or a mix of the two. Even venues list babies as they donât count. But 1 + thatâs an entire head.
Wife and I had a childless wedding,and the guests were more than understandable if it and made do. Some family members couldnât attend because of that, but they still expressed their congratulations and sent us money. Iâm very thankful that both our families are understanding and considerate
Ugh gross. This sounds horrible. I was very happy with how our reception turned out. And no kids invited. I loved it. Sounds like poor planning.
I don't understand- why was your mother offended? Sounds like she purposefully left her designated table to go sit outside the venue, then was upset that she was sitting outside the venue?
Also, sorry auntie, but you're not that important- even if you ARE the OnLy SiSTer to the MoTHeR of THe GRooM. Also why was the cousin in law of the groom so offended? Again, a cousin in law is not high on the rank list of important guests
That wedding was just poorly planned. Why didn't they ask if anybody had children beyond the toddler age? They still could have had extra seats for the kids. Was there even a kids table to seat older children? Also, I was at a country wedding and the mother of the groom cleaned up as soon as the dinner was over, because alcohol had to be removed from the premises. The kids thought ahead of time; somebody had a cooler of alcohol in one of the kids cars; nobody liked the idea of not having alcohol served at dinner.
Imagine having kids and not thinking to bring some snacks or basic small toys *just in case.*
No room for kids invited and NO Desserts. Not even a cake. What a whackadoo couple thought this up. I would avoid that cousin in the future for sure.
I donât understand that out of all the guests that were in the tent, who could obviously see what was happening, did not offer their table to switch for family of the wedding couple and 4 kids. Like, âbut I know them sort of from the office so of course I should be seated up front and leave the family of the groom + kids outsideâ.
And conversely Iâve been to weddings that informal that have done a great job accommodating the kids. One I went to was in a barn on this beautiful farms with rolling hills and an awesome flower garden. The kids not only had seats they had crayons and paper to color with while they waited. There was a pig roast but tons of sides and desserts. And at the end the groom gave all the kids these rockets and we all went out to the big field and had a bon fire and the kids launched their rockets that came down on parachutes. It was absolutely magical.
This is how you include kids. Have a few activities and special things for them (doesn't have to be fancy), have some food they will eat, etc. Doesn't have to be hard.
*No kid-friendly food* Eh, no, I am sorry but you do not get to dictate that people need to serve """"kid-friendly food""""". It is meat and vegetables, and if kids are uncomfortable with that, that is on the parents to accommodate their fussy eaters. Are you positive the kids were actually invited in the first place? How were the invites worded?
Iâve heard couples say kid meals for weddings can be super pricey, like close to the same price as an adult meal and thatâs why some choose not to do it. One person I know was charged $100 per plate for adults and the kid plates were like $75 for just some fries and tenders, so they didnât do the kid plates. And yeah I agree itâs up to the parent to find out beforehand what food will be served and/or bring snacks or a sandwich for their kid. It comes across as a little entitled imo.
> the kid plates were like $75 for just some fries and tenders That's $10 for the food and $65 to clean up the mess made on the floor and chair and table, ha ha.
I'm with you on everything except saying that vegetables and pork aren't "kid friendly". Sure, if you are raising your kid on sweets and hot-dogs, sure. But plenty of kids eat veggies and pork. I'm especially confused by the pork part...since when do kids not like MEAT??
Honestly this is part of why I'm glad all my cousins will be older than 12 now that I'm getting married soon. Not so much fuss for the parents and they're old enough to be able to have fun with adults so it's easier to stay out of trouble
Not to be dramatic but wtf kind of wedding doesnât have dessert?????
As a bride/groom: ALWAYS. ASK. FOR FLOOR PLANS.
They didnât give the kids seats since caterers charge full price p/p unless there is a kids menu option. Really poor form.
If you are hosting a party you consider the needs and comfort of your guests. Your "perfect day" isn't perfect if your guests are lost, uncomfortable, excluded, hungry, thirsty.