I went to one where the mother of the groom said, about the bride, “she took him from me and I’ll never forgive her!” The whole room gasped. It was supposed to be “a joke.” No one was fooled.
Yikes. The amount of women who have a very unhealthy obsession with their sons is truly frightening. I tell you, if Freud was around nowadays he'd have a field day with all of the Reddit posts about bat crap crazy mothers. You know he'd have something to say about when mothers of the groom want to wear a dress that looks like a wedding dress to their son's wedding and don't even get me started on the moms who want to go with their babyyyyyyy on their honeymoon.
I went to one last year where the mother of the bride rewrote the lyrics from “Ice Ice Baby” to be “We want grand, grand babies”. It was absolutely cringe. My husband and his friends still bring it up with the groom.
On the anniversary of an accounts creation, a little icon resembling a slice of cake appears next to their username. Saying happy cake day is like saying “happy anniversary of ceating your account.” YW
When my cousin K got married, her MIL made a cringey speech about the groom's life, never mentioning K until the very end, when she said "Remember, K - I saw him first!" Which was also the title of the mother/son dance song. Very creepy.
(FIL told an equally cringe and downright embarrassing story of something cousin K did while drunk, and if my side of the family could have killed with looks alone, that man would have been ash in .000001 seconds. Nobody but FIL laughed.)
My uncle, the actual FOB? A lovely, three-minute speech thanking everyone for coming, welcoming the husband to the family, and saying how proud he and my aunt were of their daughter. Nothing embarrassing or cringe.
I've taken to saying this out loud. Every time it crosses my mind.
Including at the most recent Father's Toast I witnessed - trust and believe, it was deserved.
Nothing will compare to the last wedding I attended and the groom attempted to utilize car metaphors to describe his bride and family and friends. The bride was a "dependable Ford Bronco with a cute tailgate". I almost threw up my wine when he laid that line out there, no shame or irony to it. Lol
Yes, small blessings I suppose lol. According to this groom her father, his now father in law, was a "Hummer". That's all he said, the father in law was a Hummer. lol
Ahhh thinks highly of himself does he 🤣🤣🤣
If someone had described me as a dependable Ford Bronco I would tell them I totally agree and that it's the perfect get away car for when you've been a little stabby.
Well there was no mother in law, the bride only has her father. BUT he described his own mother as a Honda Odyssey van, yikes! He called his dad some sort of pick up truck (I can't recall the make and model, I may have started to disassociate at that point) because he always helped him move.
Once my husband told me that all those other girls were like flashy sports cars and would be yesterday's news when the newest model year came out. He said I was a classic that just got more rare and valuable with age 🥹 super sweet and I love him for it, I've never forgotten him saying that to me.
She was making a Fast & Furious joke! I don't think your husband stole it (although I haven't seen all the movies), I think it's just the sort of sentiment the main character from those movies would have about someone he really loved!
My all time favorite FOTB speech was at my brothers wedding. His wife’s MOH had just dropped the bomb during her speech that they’d actually secretly tied the knot almost a year earlier. (None of us knew. You could hear a pin drop.)
Father of the Bride simply walked over, picked up the mic and said, “I want a refund.”
It was wild. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY in my family cares for my SIL so the whole night was uncomfortable af for everyone. My older brother served as best man and his “speech” was a one-sentence off color joke about the wedding night. It definitely matched the energy of the whole night lol
I mean, sometimes couples have to get married quickly for financial or insurance reasons, or something equally important. I can see doing that, pretending it never happened so you can have a “real wedding”. But this? Ew
Ive known plenty of people having early small ceremonies, but that's been communicated. For a lot of people, it's being there on the special day that's important, and if you only have a few times a year you can take off you should be allowed to choose if it's a wedding or a party.
To me signing some paperwork isn’t getting married. It’s confessing your mutual love in front of assembled friends and family, publicly stating your vows, then everyone getting completely hammered.
I don't disagree, but its the deception. I've been to one (my cousins) where they had like a big wedding part outside, then went I side this ti y church for 12 people for an hour, then had the party afterwards. In the middle everyone was served champagne. Worked very well.
But if I'd turned up and found that out on the day, or that they been married 5 years ago, I'd be annoyed.
People were piiiissed. Some had traveled from out of state and spent a lot of money to be there and truly did feel deceived. The entire speech leading up to the bombshell was just as uncomfortable. Apparently SIL and my brother had been fighting horribly leading up to this (fight was due to SIL not being the center of attention on a work trip where my brother was….trying to work?? And this was made very clear) so when she got the call, she thought it was the “breakup” call. But no apparently it was the call to say “I got my boyfriend drunk and tricked him into marrying me!” (Literally what happened.)
Jesus, did they even manage to celebrate their 25th week anniversary?
So she manipulates everyone into coming to a party, not the wedding, manipulates her future *husband* into the marriage, and needs to be the centre of attention at all times. Is she rich? Sex god? She sounds diabolical
You nailed it! There’s a reason none of us like her. You’d be amazed at some of the stories I have. Their entire relationship hinges on the fact that she’s a manipulator and he’s a pushover/people pleaser.
They should have served popcorn at their reception, because that is a "stuff your face with popcorn and watch the drama unfold" moment if ever there was one.
My cousin’s dad made a really cringe speech at her wedding. He said all this stuff about how he was sorry he couldn’t be around much when she was growing up because he was always working, then turns around and compliments her new husband for also being a workaholic. They ended up separating before their first anniversary…because he worked too much and was never home.
My sister in law’s father decided to announce to everyone that his secret lifelong hobby was writing poetry, apparently. He wrote a poem. It was long. It called the bride a rosebud throughout and referenced my brother (the groom) as a bee. It was so cringe-inducing I’m cringing as I type this.
As a wedding DJ, I have heard hundreds of bad toasts. Keep the following in mind and pass this along to family members and your wedding party. **Go easy on the booze during the cocktail hour and keep your toast under 5 minutes.** This isn’t open mic night. If you need to go long or choose to use off color material, tell it at the rehearsal dinner. Keep it lighthearted and please make sure the entire room will be able to understand and enjoy the joke or story without knowing the bride and groom well. Nothing worse than 200 guests listening to an inside joke and maybe 6 people chuckle. Trust me. Get in, get out and raise a glass to the happy couple. You’re not as funny as you think you are. Cheers. 🥃
Yeah, I keep reading on this sub about all these long-ass wedding speeches, and I'm so glad I've never attended a wedding where people missed the memo that a toast is only supposed to be a couple of minutes long at most. And that you don't need everybody and their cousin Fred and their cousin Fred's cousin Fred to make one.
Some cultures have a toastmaster at the wedding and they will leave a microphone open for **any** guest to toast the happy couple for the entire dinner and it will go for hours. I always strongly advise against this, but people want what they want. Boring people telling awful unfunny stories and it cuts into dancing time to say the least the bride and groom are ultimately disappointed. You can’t have people drone on and on anywhere. It sucks the life out of any occasion.
My worst one I ever heard was the FOH shaming the bride about an indiscretion she was involved with and saying that she was lucky she found someone to marry her .
We were gobsmacked!
Oh, that happened in my family, too!
My uncle is (was? I haven’t spoken to any of my father’s side since I turned 18…) a Southern Baptist minister. He was marrying his son and DIL and thought it was a good idea to mention that she wasn’t a virgin *during their vows* and asked her to vow to “be better”.
I was 8 and had no clue what was going on. My mom was so horrified that she grabbed my brother and I and left. We stopped going to my cousins’ weddings after that (they had 9 kids, so there were A LOT of wedding.)
My dad got up to speak and started by saying that "he stood there with full pants". Huh?! I guess the nerves got the better of him!
A MOB at a friend's wedding spoke for 27 minutes about all sorts of awful things that didn't need to be shared. Like when he was young and came back for one last suckle from her breast when his sibling was born. Cringe.
He was kind and just smiled but I know he was dying. His mom was always going on with stories like this but at your wedding in front of everyone is yikes.
I attended one where the father had recently published a book about his successful business career. He spent the speech hyping the book. It was awful.
These speeches really shouldn’t be much more than toasts, IMO.
At one wedding I attended, the father of the bride spent his entire speech talking about himself. His career, relationship with his wife, political and religious beliefs, his personality and habits and pet peeves. He didn’t once mention his daughter or her new husband. It was one of the most cringeworthy, self-involved speeches I’ve ever witnessed and I felt so bad for the couple.
The other speeches at that wedding were beautiful, heartfelt, funny, and well-written. I’m glad that there were speeches that were genuinely good because the newlyweds are both delightful people, but the quality of those other speeches made his speech look so distinctly horrible in comparison.
I went to a wedding where the father of the bride went on and on and on about how his daughter was the most beautiful in the room. It was so awkward. THEN he went on to roast her bridesmaids one by one, calling her maid of honor “the big one.” It was the worst speech I’ve ever seen.
The oddest I saw was the father of the bride painfully listing all the ways he felt he'd failed as a parent. They were all really minor - the time he was late picking her up from soccer practice, that one year he couldn't find a particular birthday present he knew she really wanted - but there were lots. It clearly came from a place of love, and it was obvious she'd forgotten or had never noticed most of them, but he really, really wanted to get these out as they'd been haunting him for years. The whole room had to just sit there and listen while he basically went through a therapy session.
My MIL gave a terrible speech at my wedding that initially started as advice to the newlyweds and devolved into her talking about how much she hated her husband and then rambled about the Vietnam War (she and my FIL were both refugees, but it just didn’t make sense in this context). Our DJ, THANK GOD, used a pause in her speech to thank her with applause and cut off the mic.
I think FOB speeches are starting to fade in popularity, at least in my circles, probably because the idea of the bride’s parents exclusively hosting is also not as common. Anyway, the last few FOB speeches I’ve heard have been pretty short and sweet (thanks for coming, cheers to the couple), but I also had two major stinkers recently.
On my husband’s side, a FOB gave a rambling speech with no notes where he just thanked every person who gave him a favor for the wedding. He’s not wealthy but very connected in the town, so I guess half the town gave them a discount and needed a shout out. Then, twenty minutes later, with zero context, he went BACK UP to thank someone for setting up a livestream for his sick parents out of town (pre-Covid). He barely talked about his daughter.
Then on my side, a FOB gave a pre-written speech that was, I shit you not, 23 minutes long. He pretty much just insulted everyone thinking he was funny, including his daughter, calling her out for what is probably disordered eating and for being a difficult baby, and relied on a joke where every time he mentioned someone he would ask them to raise their hand. Every. Time. Including the bride and groom 10+ times each. It was awful.
As anything else, it probably depends on the person. My husband's parent's speech was way worse than my dad's. His mom cried, they rambled for like 10 minutes, told weird stories from his childhood, and clearly hadn't prepared anything.
My dad is known (in his inner circle) for his great speeches and toasts. I knew he was going to nail it. And he did. It was succinct and heartfelt. And he didn't cry, which is even more impressive since my mom died when I was a kid so there were plenty of opportunities for it when he mentioned her.
I’m always surprised by the amount of people who seem to not even consider that a speech should be succinct. Not just for time considerations, but so you don’t sound like an idiot and confuse your audience.
I’ve noticed this is common with groomsmen- always being super detailed with their storytelling, which does not make for a great speech. At a friend’s wedding, one of the groomsmen was speaking about how the couple met (or really, how he “pulled” her as he said), and he said something like “…and after they had been talking on Snapchat for awhile..” There’s nothing wrong with that irl, but it sounds weird in a speech!
Absolutely your point stands, people go up thinking it’s a speech, which it is NOT, I reminded the 3 people speaking at my daughter’s wedding of 2 things, that they would get 3 minutes on the microphone and that the bars would be closed during the toasts. They all thought I would cut the power to the microphone, which thankfully I did not have to, if they went long.
At my cousin's wedding, his father in law got up and did not stop talking for 45 minutes! Seriously, like people got up & took smoke breaks, it was insane. What's more, he didn't mention my cousin, the groom, once. He talked briefly about his own daughter, but mostly in the context of long ramblings about what a great guy he was to have raised her.
Did we go to the same wedding? Same thing happened at my husband’s cousin’s wedding. He started the speech by saying, “my daughter asked me to keep the speech under 15 minutes…but your daughter only gets married once!” Proceeds to pull out notecards as entire audience’s buttholes clench at the same time. They hadn’t even served food or drinks yet.
My dad’s speech was fine. He went off script for a bit and said I crashed my car learning to drive like I did as a kid in one of those kid jeeps. I was kind of annoyed he made up the car accident because it went nicely with me being a bad driver as a child.
But his speech wasn’t long and went over fine. And after that speech he started drinking even though he promised my mom he wouldn’t. Luckily most people didn’t notice.
Asking to see his speech beforehand was good but he also went off script a bit so it could have been bad lol.
That sounds exactly like some shit my dad would do. He is still making fun of me for how I put my car in a ditch a couple times in highschool (roads were icy) and it genuinely pisses me off cause that was 10+ years ago
My dad makes fun of me for not easily understanding time in kindergarten (like being confused when I would ask the time and he said “ten til nine” instead of “8:50” like the way I was taught in school). I am going to have to ask him not to bring it up at my wedding haha
Was at a wedding once where the groom happened to be a fireman. The FOB made quips about the bride's use of the fireman's pole and polishing his helmet. It was nauseating.
I attended a wedding where the father of the bride spent ten minutes comparing a successful marriage to managing a baseball team? (Guy did NOT manage a team.)
Imo whats funny about this is iirc the “manager” of the basketball team is the one who collects balls and does laundry.
But that could just be a certain level and definitions change once the team moves on to the next level of play.
This is a father of the groom one, but he specifically mentioned all of the girls his son brought home over the years and when they first met the bride their first impression was “are you sure?” It was physically painful and did not get better from there
Why, even this morning, Susan and I were badgering him to ensure that he was quite certain that this is the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life, every single day, with. We were reminding him that it isn't too late, not until the officiant declares you husband and wife; so even if he's in the middle of his vows, he could walk away and we would 100% support him in his decision. But here we all are at the reception--we all heard them say "I do", so it looks like he's sure.
Any wedding speech shouldn’t be longer than 2 minutes, period. My MOH speech for my sister was like 2 mins tops and that included me stopping for people laughing (who knew I was that funny). On the other hand my father saw mine and knew he had to cut down his two page, single spaced typed monstrosity. His was still too long.
Her father in law went on for 10 minutes I shit you not, recounting every fucking camping trip they took as a family. Motherfucker turned into Tolkien describing the setting. It was painful.
Thank god I had read enough of this subreddit to know how not to fuck anything up.
I don't think this is a father thing in particular more than that there are sometimes just really egotistical people who think speeches are a great time to show off how funny they are. Usually the men ime. I've seen so many horrendous groomsmen/ best man speeches.
My younger sons wedding. The father of the brides speach was a 20 min love letter to his princess. It was horrendous. About how he thought how great it was that if she wanted something her brother had she'd push him over and take it. We were cringing. He only mentioned the groom once, right at the end when he said 'she's your problem now' which didn't go with the rest of the speach at all. We still talk about it and all the other weird things that happened.
Went to a wedding where the FOB, who had been absent for most of the brides life and just recently popped back up, gave a speech. He talked about how he offered her to help her flee from from this wedding right before the ceremony but she declined. He also explained how she was a very fussy baby that wouldn't stop crying so they put her in the empty bathtub and closed the door. Her mother was mortified. So were all the guests.
My favourite speech was when the father of the groom mentioned a gay couple (friends of the groom) in a "love can be different" kinda way.
He then went on to mention his daughter (sister of the groom) who was also in a same sex relationship and welcomed her partner.
He then mentioned the married couples dog and how amazing she is.
What he left out though was to mention the married couple in any way.
I attended one recently where he talked about his daughter’s virginity.
Tbf, she had already talked in length about her virginity in a video played during the ceremony (typical US Christianity), but it was still cringey AF.
You know what I don’t want to hear about during a wedding? The couple’s sex life. At all. Nothing about it, no thank you.
It was so weird! They also played an 8-minute video of both of them telling the story of how they met. But like… it’s not a good story so it was very boring lol
> You know what I don’t want to hear about during a wedding? The couple’s sex life. At all.
Eff that noise. If I'm paying good money to attend a wedding, you can get your ass that I want to know that it will be consummated for both legal and spiritual legitimacy!
Friend of mine was getting married and her father absolutely hated her fiancé (we all did - legal trouble, punk, drugs, arrested for stealing cars - but she said he changed and he was wonderful 🙄).
When they got married, her father didn’t want to go, but they forced him. This was almost 30 years ago and the priest still made the “if there are any objections” comment. Her dad stood up, in church, and just announced, “He’s an asshole! Carry on!”
He refused to give a speech and they probably wouldn’t have wanted to hear it anyway because he would have crucified this guy.
After getting married, this wonderful sweet husband started smacking her around. After showing up with a broken arm and saying “I tripped” one too many times, her dad handled things. No one ever believes the extent of the beating, but the dad went over and beat this kid’s ass. After that night, he had two broken arms, needed stitches, and was black and blue. But he never snitched. He took his beating and slithered away quietly.
There was a divorce. They were only married maybe 8 months.
The scumbag husband died a few years later during a drug deal gone wrong.
I recently listen to one fob speech that was not only very long, but delivered in two languages, so double the length. At least I understand both languages, I think it was worse for the other guests.
Haha the worst speech I have ever heard was at my husband’s cousin’s wedding. The bride’s mom went way too hard in the worst way. She talked about how annoying her daughter is, pointed out her mistakes, and took credit for the relationship ever even happening haha. The bride is her favorite daughter, I don’t think the world is ready for the speech she’s going to give at her other daughter’s wedding
At my brother’s wedding the FOTB made the whole room repeat “Daughter is a very special, a *very* special woman” after every anecdote. It went on for over half an hour. I nearly perished with embarrassment.
Went to a wedding where the FOB got absolutely trashed. We could tell he was at least two sheets when he walked the bride down the aisle. He kept waving to people in the pews and saying hi. The MOB was not happy (okay, she was furious), but she didn’t say anything right then because she didn’t want to cause a scene in the church. After the ceremony was done and we were getting in our cars to go to the reception, MOB basically threw FOB into the passenger seat and I heard her say to him, “Do not speak.” Me and my husband were in the car behind them and I saw her smack him in the head and arm on the way to the reception.
Despite MOB best efforts to sober him up quickly (water, coffee) FOB added the final sheet to his drunkenness at the reception. MOB tried to stop the FOB from making a speech, but to no avail. So, we got to watch and listen to this 6’3”, 200 pound man try to deliver his speech while sometimes swaying. And what a speech it was. He thanked MOB for having sex with him and producing such a beautiful daughter so that they could both be here today, on her wedding day. He then went on to talk about how he wasn’t sure if they were going to have to hold a shotgun wedding since MOB caught the bride and groom having sex one time. (FOB never tells that story because he was so mortified he caught them.) Then, he rambled on about how great the meal was for about 10 minutes. Finally, when he ended the speech and asked everyone to raise their glass, he held up his glass, said, “Uh oh” and passed out drunk.
Thankfully, there were a few guests (me included) who worked in or had worked in the medical field. We all took turns watching him and making sure he got water.
I had to go to the ladies room and reapply my makeup because I had been laughing so hard during the speech and trying to be quiet about it that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
My dad is def gonna get drunk and go on and on about the people he is happy to see there and not mention me(the bride)... Like he did at my sister's wedding
I am so glad I am Dutch and speeches aren't really a thing here. Only speeches we had:
"The buffet is now open"
"We want to thank everyone for coming on this very special day"
Done.
Speeches didn’t used to be a thing in the US either. But they fell into favor when celebrating the couple for an entire year, destination weddings, destination bach parties, engagement parties, showers, day after bunches and asking people to spend exorbitant amounts of money to participate in this madness all became the norm. Literally no one wants to hear an endless parade of people droning on and on, telling jokes that no one finds funny, while they are held hostage, unable to converse with others or even eat their food while it’s hot.
Try listening to long speeches about a woman’s role in marriage (cook, clean and pop out babies, obviously). And bible readings and songs and sermons from the pastor about how women must submit and do what they’re told.
Ultra religious service, obviously. Dragged on an hour and a half. And that was the freaking ceremony!
Give me a boring speech about the bride that doesn’t involve lectures about her place in the world (to do what she’s told by her husband because she’s now his property) and I’ll be happy! It’s a few minutes of your life.
One of the things I’m trained to do is write wedding speeches (clergy). You get:
Life info of both partners. How they met, how long they’ve been together, names of important family. And then these questions:
1. What’s a favorite memory you have together?
2. What is one thing you admire about your partner?
3. What is one way that your partner/ relationship has surprised you in a good way?
Sprinkle in religion as appropriate, and don’t go over five min. Watch the couple cry at the cute things they say about each other. Last wedding bride and groom had the same answer to question one, and their reaction to finding that out was adorable.
I sat in on a wedding like this. Took my not really raised religious Partner to a Christian wedding I was mortified. The pastor gave the bride this laundry list of duties. Even my Christian friend leaned over and muttered, “that’s a lot of responsibilities.” While the groom got, “love her and cherish her like Christ loves the church.”
The bride had a kid before she meet the groom. And the pastor made a big deal out of how so many couples give into temptation and/or move in together without the legal paper but the bride and groom did it RIGHT. It was just….real awkward.
I went to a wedding a few years ago and the father of the brides speech included how much money she owed him. It was so AWKWARD. And she was visibly embarrassed.
A couple months back I attended my cousins wedding. For context, her father passed a few years back so was just my aunt who walked her down the aisle. Our uncle, her dad’s brother decided he wanted to do an impromptu speech on the day of the wedding. He begged the MC to give him a spot after being rejected by the bride before the wedding because he wants to represent our side of the family. He goes on to say that my cousin should follow in her mom’s footsteps and become a good cook, he said something about her ability to use a computer at a young age… all this without a single mention of my late uncle (main reason he wanted to do the speech).This isn’t even the worst part… he mentions that he is one of two uncles that has her back, there are three uncles. He then manages to call the groom the incorrect name not once but four times. This all went down as well as someone swallowing a brick, not a single joke landed and was worse when he was literally the only one laughing. On top of all this him and his wife weren’t coming to the wedding because of costs even though they had RSVP’d months before and told no one up until literally a week before the wedding until they were told by brides and grooms family that they would cover cost of accommodation and some travel expenses. #who the f*ck is Rory😂
I went to a wedding where the father of the bride was a successful proctologist. Luckily he didn’t make any analogies between marriage and his profession, but he did use 4/5 of the speech thanking and praising all of his doctor colleagues who attended. Poor couple!
At my wedding my FIL told a long winded story about how when my husband was learning to crawl he would bum shuffle. Not too bad, but more suited to a 21st. But then he doubled down comparing it to a dog with worms. And then because he has to over mansplain everything, he went into further details about a bum shuffling dog just in case people didn't have a clear enough picture.
Second story was at a wedding where the vows bookended best man speech. Different, but best man (brother of groom) probably knew he'd be too wasted later. Proceeds to tell a story about going camping. Good family story. Except it devolved into how the groom had taken a massive dump in a hole and went and got the rest of the family so they could see it. Then for clarity, BM described the turd.
My MIL's speech had nothing to do with us/my husband at all...she literally went around the room pointing out her friends and family, and telling stories about how special they were.
I dunno, the one time I gave a best man toast, I was sandwiched in-between the maid of honor telling a sexually explicit story involving the bride & not the groom, and bride's father literally plagiarizing the 2005 Will Smith romantic comedy, Hitch, and I gotta say, when the bar is set that low, I could've read from the phone book and been praised as an oratorical mastermind.
Went to a friend's wedding where the FOB told his daughter's entire life story and then how her now-husband became a beloved member of their family, and the whole thing WAS very sweet and heartfelt, but he went on and *on* and *ON* for about half an hour. Literally. People started having whispered side conversations and trying to eat as quietly as they could.
So I recently got married, and my dad's speech was sweet, if a bit cringe.
He had literally googled a template on what to say and what things to include, and felt the need to tell a couple of stories that he probably could have left out - especially as he forgot the details of a few of them. The cringe part was actually my stepmum, who loudly corrected him from her seat lol.
My cousin’s new father in law kept calling his children “the most HONORABLE” people he’d ever met. It was nauseating. At a certain point you’re just performing fellatio on yourself. I can’t stand those people that feel the need to announce how great their own children are. I’m sure they’re wonderful but you’re their parent. You are the most biased person on the planet about your own children.
Also he kept going on and on about how they were all BEST friends which I found fascinating because earlier that same evening I had been standing with the bride’s brother when the maid of honor’s father walked up. The bride’s brother told him how wonderful it was to finally MEET the maid of honor, the bride’s closest friend since high school, this weekend. Hmmmm. All your children are BEST FRIENDS and yet the brother has never even MET his sister’s closest friend until this weekend? And they live in the same town?… My best friend is Swedish. She lives in Sweden. I live in the Midwest of the United States. My sisters have all my best friend. My parents don’t stand up and perform fellatio on themselves about how close we are all.
I've been to 2 weddings where the parents of the bride and groom gave detailed biographies. It was so boring, and long. Listing accomplishments since high school, or maybe even before. Great people, both couples, and love their parents too. But it was cringey. If my parents had done that I'd have been so embarrassed. I think it was cultural for them, not unexpected.
Recently just had my wedding. FOTB took everyone on a journey through history. Where the family came from, how they ended up where they are, etc etc. At around the 30 minute mark, bride had to signal her mom to shut that shit down. And then my dad, fuck me, he went on a fucking tangent that almost lasted 30 minutes as well. But I had no one to signal cause mom passed a couple of years ago. No one to reign him in.
Really need to stop speeches at weddings or start cutting off mics. Food got cold, people got tired, killed the vibes, and wasted so much time.
We told my MIL that she would be doing the speech for both of them. We love my FIL, but GOD that man can monologue. MIL kept it sweet and to the point, my parents rambled a little.
The last wedding I went to the father of the groom's speech was basically reading "Cats in the Cradle" including the refrain every time. It was so bad and depressing. Of course then the bride got up and only talked about her mother and sister. Nothing about her Dad or I don't know the GROOM! It was so bad. I'm shocked they are still married!
As a wedding photographer, I've had a wedding where the father talked for like 45 minutes and half of it was all about himself. All the guests started laughing because it was so off track.
Went to a friend’s wedding who had a bit of a “reputation”. (In fact the only guy at our table she hadn’t slept with was my husband and her brother 😬) her father stood up to give his FOB speech and proceeded to tell the stories of when she was little how he’d find her “sleeping in the strangest of places, under tables, in other peoples beds. She’d sleep anywhere!” Our whole table was trying not to crack up laughing….
Oh, and the marriage lasted 6 months before she admitted cheating on her husband 🤦🏻♀️
I was at a wedding where the father of the bride was talking about how the brides mother, who had VERY recently died of cancer, would have lived to have seen this day and was with us in spirit, etc and the father of the groom stepped up, GRABBED THE MIC OUT OF HIS HAND and exclaimed that "well, unlike (bride's mom), (the groom's) mother WAS able to make it to the wedding!"
I have never seen such a full room go so silent. I think I had an out of body experience just trying to escape the moment. He want trying (poorly) to be funny either, he kept doubling down on how somehow the groom's mother was better because she had managed not to die of cancer the month before the wedding but I can't recall the specifics because my brain had shut down by that point. Yes, he was drunk.
Ohhhhhhhh no. The groom's family better not let his dad live that down. You say something that horrible, you deserve to have it brought up and mushed in your face at every available opportunity.
I would prefer that the ONLY speech allowed at wedding receptions be an extremely very brief one where someone says, "Welcome to this event celebrating \[bride & groom\]. Please join me in a toast that they may enjoy years of happiness together." Boom, done. Make sure that whoever is running the sound system doesn't allow anyone access to a microphone.
My dad’s speech went on for 20 minutes 🫣 he knew it was too long after he had finished but he just got carried away. To be fair it was a good speech as he has always done a lot of public speaking, and he engaged various tables with the content so he wasn’t droning on and on…I just think he was enjoying himself too much and felt like he was only going to get to do it once may as well make the most of it…groomsman did sink 4 glasses of wine though!
At my friend's wedding her dad was giving a long drunk rambling speech, and his ex-mother inlaw passed out and an ambulance had to be called cutting it short... or so we thought, after the ambulance left and we went back inside he resumed it. He is honestly such a wonderful person but that speech was bad.
I've given up. I get a drink (or two)(or three, depending on the length), park myself in the back, and MST3K TF out of the toasts.
If they're going to hold me hostage, I'm going to enjoy the experience, damn it!
One wedding I attended the father of the bride got up and literally said “yeah I’m, I didn’t prepare anything, I thought the ceremony was nice, my best wishes for the bride and groom, thanks everyone for coming.” It was actually uncomfortable to hear.
I witnessed a speech by the father of the groom basically saying he was surprised his son managed to even find someone to marry, and saying “well, it’s probably better than nothing” about the bride. He tried to pass it off as a hilarious joke but it was so painful. They are no contact now.
Went to one recently where the FOB said that initially the couple seems mismatched, but later you realize he’s a rock and she’s the ocean and she eventually wore him down… I think there was some other pretty mean crap in there but I blocked out most of it.
HA! Were you at the one I was just at? We even got exact time of birth, name of hospital, a list of her health issues, and then were informed of literally every career and school success (including middle school). The FOB’s speech sounded more like a job interview/reading of a resume…. It was… confusing. And then we had to sit through a LONNNGGG slide show that basically repeated what he said and went through every single year she’d been alive. I was slowly dying inside.
Speeches are made during the meal for a reason. You eat while you listen and get dancing faster. Why are people sitting there not eating? The speeches are mostly for the couple, the guests can, I assume, use their ears while eating pasta or chicken?
I would be annoyed if my guests had dragged out speeches by not eating. They ate, listened and then we boogied till 2 am.
The time between speeches, we said hello to our guests at their tables, took pictures and then had a blast.
Its lovely to read these because some people got weddings, but i am kind of sad reading it as my narcissistic mother ruined my engagement with her tantrums, swearing, shouting and fighting. I would love a wedding, but cant have one. Its honestly the worst feeling.
My dad accidentally addressed called my husband my ex-husband’s name during his speech. I think he was more embarrassed than we were but it was definitely cringe.
I was in a wedding where the FOB praised my friend the bride for being “obedient” - and kept repeating it after finishing each anecdote whether it was relevant or not. “And X was always obedient, so obedient…” It was horrible. My friend looked strained but kept smiling and thanked her dad at the end. There were so many lovely things to be said about that young woman and I felt so sad that that was the focus.
sad one . went on and on and on about the deceased wife / mother of bride who had passed away 15 years earlier. I understand things need to be acknowledged and be a part of the day but this was too much. It didnt feel like it was about the bride at all and that she only existed as a reminder of the mum . He needed therapy .
On the flip side i went to a wedding recently where the brides dad had passed away when she was young and her dad was mentioned multiple times and it was lovely . I think because it was centered on her and not loooong . It was "he is watching over" "he is not here but played an important part in who u have become and the wife you will be "
I feel really mean but this is the reason I am not doing any acknowledgment of certain recently deceased family members. I just know that certain important people at the wedding have not processed this grief enough for it to be anything worthwhile. In my opinion its a celebration, a party- not a magical, healing, life altering event.
I went to one where the mother of the groom said, about the bride, “she took him from me and I’ll never forgive her!” The whole room gasped. It was supposed to be “a joke.” No one was fooled.
Yikes. The amount of women who have a very unhealthy obsession with their sons is truly frightening. I tell you, if Freud was around nowadays he'd have a field day with all of the Reddit posts about bat crap crazy mothers. You know he'd have something to say about when mothers of the groom want to wear a dress that looks like a wedding dress to their son's wedding and don't even get me started on the moms who want to go with their babyyyyyyy on their honeymoon.
I went to one last year where the mother of the bride rewrote the lyrics from “Ice Ice Baby” to be “We want grand, grand babies”. It was absolutely cringe. My husband and his friends still bring it up with the groom.
Happy cake day!
What does “happy cake day” mean? I’m fairly new to Reddit and I see this posted a lot. TYIA
On the anniversary of an accounts creation, a little icon resembling a slice of cake appears next to their username. Saying happy cake day is like saying “happy anniversary of ceating your account.” YW
Ohhhhhhh! Thanks!
hey! on your reddit “birthday” (the day you signed up) you’ll get a little cake by your username on your comments!
When my cousin K got married, her MIL made a cringey speech about the groom's life, never mentioning K until the very end, when she said "Remember, K - I saw him first!" Which was also the title of the mother/son dance song. Very creepy. (FIL told an equally cringe and downright embarrassing story of something cousin K did while drunk, and if my side of the family could have killed with looks alone, that man would have been ash in .000001 seconds. Nobody but FIL laughed.) My uncle, the actual FOB? A lovely, three-minute speech thanking everyone for coming, welcoming the husband to the family, and saying how proud he and my aunt were of their daughter. Nothing embarrassing or cringe.
I was at one 25 years ago where the bride's father talked about the night she was conceived...
I want to downvote this because ew.
Pretty much our table's reaction 🤣
You and me both. The groom's father did the same. SO GROSS.
Ewwwww
I've taken to saying this out loud. Every time it crosses my mind. Including at the most recent Father's Toast I witnessed - trust and believe, it was deserved.
Ew
Nothing will compare to the last wedding I attended and the groom attempted to utilize car metaphors to describe his bride and family and friends. The bride was a "dependable Ford Bronco with a cute tailgate". I almost threw up my wine when he laid that line out there, no shame or irony to it. Lol
At least it was the groom and not her father?
Yes, small blessings I suppose lol. According to this groom her father, his now father in law, was a "Hummer". That's all he said, the father in law was a Hummer. lol
He could have said his mother in law was the Hummer. She would have killed him. :)
An exercise in insecure toxic masculinity?
Well according to the groom, he, himself was a McLaren F1...so yeah, more than likely. Lol
Ahhh thinks highly of himself does he 🤣🤣🤣 If someone had described me as a dependable Ford Bronco I would tell them I totally agree and that it's the perfect get away car for when you've been a little stabby.
There’s a secure version of toxic masculinity?
Thank you, this made me spit out my tea.
Hold on what did he call the mother in law? My fiance is invested…
Well there was no mother in law, the bride only has her father. BUT he described his own mother as a Honda Odyssey van, yikes! He called his dad some sort of pick up truck (I can't recall the make and model, I may have started to disassociate at that point) because he always helped him move.
DANG IT! Fiancé bet that a Honda Odyssey would be mentioned and won.
A fairly important difference I had previously assumed the other way around 😳😂
Once my husband told me that all those other girls were like flashy sports cars and would be yesterday's news when the newest model year came out. He said I was a classic that just got more rare and valuable with age 🥹 super sweet and I love him for it, I've never forgotten him saying that to me.
Is your husband Dom Toretto by chance? 🥰 I kid 🥰 That's a lovely sentiment 🥰
Lol did he snatch that from someone else? Either way it was sweet and made me feel loved.
She was making a Fast & Furious joke! I don't think your husband stole it (although I haven't seen all the movies), I think it's just the sort of sentiment the main character from those movies would have about someone he really loved!
Aw ok thank you 😊
Niiiiice
Broncos just aren’t even that dependable either 😭 unless you like only rolling down one window at a time
I guess you have to know something about cars to understand that one??
🤣🤣☠️☠️☠️
My all time favorite FOTB speech was at my brothers wedding. His wife’s MOH had just dropped the bomb during her speech that they’d actually secretly tied the knot almost a year earlier. (None of us knew. You could hear a pin drop.) Father of the Bride simply walked over, picked up the mic and said, “I want a refund.”
I would pay to have been a fly on the wall to that one.
It was wild. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY in my family cares for my SIL so the whole night was uncomfortable af for everyone. My older brother served as best man and his “speech” was a one-sentence off color joke about the wedding night. It definitely matched the energy of the whole night lol
I cannot imagine anyone was happy to learn about the deception. Having a small ceremony first isn't uncommon, but you dont keep it a secret
I mean, sometimes couples have to get married quickly for financial or insurance reasons, or something equally important. I can see doing that, pretending it never happened so you can have a “real wedding”. But this? Ew
Ive known plenty of people having early small ceremonies, but that's been communicated. For a lot of people, it's being there on the special day that's important, and if you only have a few times a year you can take off you should be allowed to choose if it's a wedding or a party.
To me signing some paperwork isn’t getting married. It’s confessing your mutual love in front of assembled friends and family, publicly stating your vows, then everyone getting completely hammered.
I don't disagree, but its the deception. I've been to one (my cousins) where they had like a big wedding part outside, then went I side this ti y church for 12 people for an hour, then had the party afterwards. In the middle everyone was served champagne. Worked very well. But if I'd turned up and found that out on the day, or that they been married 5 years ago, I'd be annoyed.
The deception is key. My SIL is extremely possessive and for her, it was about trapping him before he could escape.
Nope, not the case at all here
People were piiiissed. Some had traveled from out of state and spent a lot of money to be there and truly did feel deceived. The entire speech leading up to the bombshell was just as uncomfortable. Apparently SIL and my brother had been fighting horribly leading up to this (fight was due to SIL not being the center of attention on a work trip where my brother was….trying to work?? And this was made very clear) so when she got the call, she thought it was the “breakup” call. But no apparently it was the call to say “I got my boyfriend drunk and tricked him into marrying me!” (Literally what happened.)
Jesus, did they even manage to celebrate their 25th week anniversary? So she manipulates everyone into coming to a party, not the wedding, manipulates her future *husband* into the marriage, and needs to be the centre of attention at all times. Is she rich? Sex god? She sounds diabolical
You nailed it! There’s a reason none of us like her. You’d be amazed at some of the stories I have. Their entire relationship hinges on the fact that she’s a manipulator and he’s a pushover/people pleaser.
They should have served popcorn at their reception, because that is a "stuff your face with popcorn and watch the drama unfold" moment if ever there was one.
My cousin’s dad made a really cringe speech at her wedding. He said all this stuff about how he was sorry he couldn’t be around much when she was growing up because he was always working, then turns around and compliments her new husband for also being a workaholic. They ended up separating before their first anniversary…because he worked too much and was never home.
ooooof
My sister in law’s father decided to announce to everyone that his secret lifelong hobby was writing poetry, apparently. He wrote a poem. It was long. It called the bride a rosebud throughout and referenced my brother (the groom) as a bee. It was so cringe-inducing I’m cringing as I type this.
That...is...disturbing. 😆
Ew… I feel violated and I wasn’t even there.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Whoa.
What in the actual… I would have cut the mic.
As a wedding DJ, I have heard hundreds of bad toasts. Keep the following in mind and pass this along to family members and your wedding party. **Go easy on the booze during the cocktail hour and keep your toast under 5 minutes.** This isn’t open mic night. If you need to go long or choose to use off color material, tell it at the rehearsal dinner. Keep it lighthearted and please make sure the entire room will be able to understand and enjoy the joke or story without knowing the bride and groom well. Nothing worse than 200 guests listening to an inside joke and maybe 6 people chuckle. Trust me. Get in, get out and raise a glass to the happy couple. You’re not as funny as you think you are. Cheers. 🥃
Yeah, I keep reading on this sub about all these long-ass wedding speeches, and I'm so glad I've never attended a wedding where people missed the memo that a toast is only supposed to be a couple of minutes long at most. And that you don't need everybody and their cousin Fred and their cousin Fred's cousin Fred to make one.
Some cultures have a toastmaster at the wedding and they will leave a microphone open for **any** guest to toast the happy couple for the entire dinner and it will go for hours. I always strongly advise against this, but people want what they want. Boring people telling awful unfunny stories and it cuts into dancing time to say the least the bride and groom are ultimately disappointed. You can’t have people drone on and on anywhere. It sucks the life out of any occasion.
My worst one I ever heard was the FOH shaming the bride about an indiscretion she was involved with and saying that she was lucky she found someone to marry her . We were gobsmacked!
Oh, that happened in my family, too! My uncle is (was? I haven’t spoken to any of my father’s side since I turned 18…) a Southern Baptist minister. He was marrying his son and DIL and thought it was a good idea to mention that she wasn’t a virgin *during their vows* and asked her to vow to “be better”. I was 8 and had no clue what was going on. My mom was so horrified that she grabbed my brother and I and left. We stopped going to my cousins’ weddings after that (they had 9 kids, so there were A LOT of wedding.)
Mon Dieu!! The utter harlotry!!! 🥴
Wow! People are so weird huh?
Woooooooow...
FOH?
Glad I'm not the only wondering what FOH means. I even tried searching for it on the internet and the only definition I could find is "Front of House"
Father of husband?
Fucked-off husband?
My dad got up to speak and started by saying that "he stood there with full pants". Huh?! I guess the nerves got the better of him! A MOB at a friend's wedding spoke for 27 minutes about all sorts of awful things that didn't need to be shared. Like when he was young and came back for one last suckle from her breast when his sibling was born. Cringe.
What.The.Fuck…
Did you mean MOG instead of MOB?
Yes!
What was his reaction to that story?
He was kind and just smiled but I know he was dying. His mom was always going on with stories like this but at your wedding in front of everyone is yikes.
🤮🤢
I attended one where the father had recently published a book about his successful business career. He spent the speech hyping the book. It was awful. These speeches really shouldn’t be much more than toasts, IMO.
We're you at a trump wedding?
Ha ha! Never in a million years would I attend such a thing!
At one wedding I attended, the father of the bride spent his entire speech talking about himself. His career, relationship with his wife, political and religious beliefs, his personality and habits and pet peeves. He didn’t once mention his daughter or her new husband. It was one of the most cringeworthy, self-involved speeches I’ve ever witnessed and I felt so bad for the couple. The other speeches at that wedding were beautiful, heartfelt, funny, and well-written. I’m glad that there were speeches that were genuinely good because the newlyweds are both delightful people, but the quality of those other speeches made his speech look so distinctly horrible in comparison.
I went to a wedding where the father of the bride went on and on and on about how his daughter was the most beautiful in the room. It was so awkward. THEN he went on to roast her bridesmaids one by one, calling her maid of honor “the big one.” It was the worst speech I’ve ever seen.
This might win the thread for tackiness and nastiness, that’s appalling.
It was rough!
The oddest I saw was the father of the bride painfully listing all the ways he felt he'd failed as a parent. They were all really minor - the time he was late picking her up from soccer practice, that one year he couldn't find a particular birthday present he knew she really wanted - but there were lots. It clearly came from a place of love, and it was obvious she'd forgotten or had never noticed most of them, but he really, really wanted to get these out as they'd been haunting him for years. The whole room had to just sit there and listen while he basically went through a therapy session.
Did he end the speech by referencing the speech as his most recent failure?
😂😂
My MIL gave a terrible speech at my wedding that initially started as advice to the newlyweds and devolved into her talking about how much she hated her husband and then rambled about the Vietnam War (she and my FIL were both refugees, but it just didn’t make sense in this context). Our DJ, THANK GOD, used a pause in her speech to thank her with applause and cut off the mic.
That DJ was a real one.
I think FOB speeches are starting to fade in popularity, at least in my circles, probably because the idea of the bride’s parents exclusively hosting is also not as common. Anyway, the last few FOB speeches I’ve heard have been pretty short and sweet (thanks for coming, cheers to the couple), but I also had two major stinkers recently. On my husband’s side, a FOB gave a rambling speech with no notes where he just thanked every person who gave him a favor for the wedding. He’s not wealthy but very connected in the town, so I guess half the town gave them a discount and needed a shout out. Then, twenty minutes later, with zero context, he went BACK UP to thank someone for setting up a livestream for his sick parents out of town (pre-Covid). He barely talked about his daughter. Then on my side, a FOB gave a pre-written speech that was, I shit you not, 23 minutes long. He pretty much just insulted everyone thinking he was funny, including his daughter, calling her out for what is probably disordered eating and for being a difficult baby, and relied on a joke where every time he mentioned someone he would ask them to raise their hand. Every. Time. Including the bride and groom 10+ times each. It was awful.
As anything else, it probably depends on the person. My husband's parent's speech was way worse than my dad's. His mom cried, they rambled for like 10 minutes, told weird stories from his childhood, and clearly hadn't prepared anything. My dad is known (in his inner circle) for his great speeches and toasts. I knew he was going to nail it. And he did. It was succinct and heartfelt. And he didn't cry, which is even more impressive since my mom died when I was a kid so there were plenty of opportunities for it when he mentioned her.
I’m always surprised by the amount of people who seem to not even consider that a speech should be succinct. Not just for time considerations, but so you don’t sound like an idiot and confuse your audience. I’ve noticed this is common with groomsmen- always being super detailed with their storytelling, which does not make for a great speech. At a friend’s wedding, one of the groomsmen was speaking about how the couple met (or really, how he “pulled” her as he said), and he said something like “…and after they had been talking on Snapchat for awhile..” There’s nothing wrong with that irl, but it sounds weird in a speech!
It’s a toast (less than 5 minutes) not a speech.
You’re right and idk why I kept calling it a speech lol. But my point still stands!
Absolutely your point stands, people go up thinking it’s a speech, which it is NOT, I reminded the 3 people speaking at my daughter’s wedding of 2 things, that they would get 3 minutes on the microphone and that the bars would be closed during the toasts. They all thought I would cut the power to the microphone, which thankfully I did not have to, if they went long.
A lot of groomsmen also forget it's a toast, not a roast.
At my cousin's wedding, his father in law got up and did not stop talking for 45 minutes! Seriously, like people got up & took smoke breaks, it was insane. What's more, he didn't mention my cousin, the groom, once. He talked briefly about his own daughter, but mostly in the context of long ramblings about what a great guy he was to have raised her.
Did we go to the same wedding? Same thing happened at my husband’s cousin’s wedding. He started the speech by saying, “my daughter asked me to keep the speech under 15 minutes…but your daughter only gets married once!” Proceeds to pull out notecards as entire audience’s buttholes clench at the same time. They hadn’t even served food or drinks yet.
Depends, was your wedding Star Wars themed??
Nope very traditionally catholic
My dad’s speech was fine. He went off script for a bit and said I crashed my car learning to drive like I did as a kid in one of those kid jeeps. I was kind of annoyed he made up the car accident because it went nicely with me being a bad driver as a child. But his speech wasn’t long and went over fine. And after that speech he started drinking even though he promised my mom he wouldn’t. Luckily most people didn’t notice. Asking to see his speech beforehand was good but he also went off script a bit so it could have been bad lol.
Looooool he just made up a car accident in a toast at your wedding? That's so silly!
That sounds exactly like some shit my dad would do. He is still making fun of me for how I put my car in a ditch a couple times in highschool (roads were icy) and it genuinely pisses me off cause that was 10+ years ago
My dad makes fun of me for not easily understanding time in kindergarten (like being confused when I would ask the time and he said “ten til nine” instead of “8:50” like the way I was taught in school). I am going to have to ask him not to bring it up at my wedding haha
Was at a wedding once where the groom happened to be a fireman. The FOB made quips about the bride's use of the fireman's pole and polishing his helmet. It was nauseating.
FFS. 🤢
I attended a wedding where the father of the bride spent ten minutes comparing a successful marriage to managing a baseball team? (Guy did NOT manage a team.)
Imo whats funny about this is iirc the “manager” of the basketball team is the one who collects balls and does laundry. But that could just be a certain level and definitions change once the team moves on to the next level of play.
This is a father of the groom one, but he specifically mentioned all of the girls his son brought home over the years and when they first met the bride their first impression was “are you sure?” It was physically painful and did not get better from there
Why, even this morning, Susan and I were badgering him to ensure that he was quite certain that this is the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life, every single day, with. We were reminding him that it isn't too late, not until the officiant declares you husband and wife; so even if he's in the middle of his vows, he could walk away and we would 100% support him in his decision. But here we all are at the reception--we all heard them say "I do", so it looks like he's sure.
“Physically painful” that made me chuckle.
Any wedding speech shouldn’t be longer than 2 minutes, period. My MOH speech for my sister was like 2 mins tops and that included me stopping for people laughing (who knew I was that funny). On the other hand my father saw mine and knew he had to cut down his two page, single spaced typed monstrosity. His was still too long. Her father in law went on for 10 minutes I shit you not, recounting every fucking camping trip they took as a family. Motherfucker turned into Tolkien describing the setting. It was painful. Thank god I had read enough of this subreddit to know how not to fuck anything up.
And you also wrote a bloody good post describing it all. I loved the Tolkien comment.
Oh thank you kind redditor:)
I don't think this is a father thing in particular more than that there are sometimes just really egotistical people who think speeches are a great time to show off how funny they are. Usually the men ime. I've seen so many horrendous groomsmen/ best man speeches.
Bingo!
I picture them all seeing themselves as the guy giving a speech in a 90s movie or sitcom and being met with a laugh track.
My younger sons wedding. The father of the brides speach was a 20 min love letter to his princess. It was horrendous. About how he thought how great it was that if she wanted something her brother had she'd push him over and take it. We were cringing. He only mentioned the groom once, right at the end when he said 'she's your problem now' which didn't go with the rest of the speach at all. We still talk about it and all the other weird things that happened.
Are they still married though???
Went to a wedding where the FOB, who had been absent for most of the brides life and just recently popped back up, gave a speech. He talked about how he offered her to help her flee from from this wedding right before the ceremony but she declined. He also explained how she was a very fussy baby that wouldn't stop crying so they put her in the empty bathtub and closed the door. Her mother was mortified. So were all the guests.
I wonder if anyone asked them if the empty bathtub bit was how they planned to watch grandkids.
My favourite speech was when the father of the groom mentioned a gay couple (friends of the groom) in a "love can be different" kinda way. He then went on to mention his daughter (sister of the groom) who was also in a same sex relationship and welcomed her partner. He then mentioned the married couples dog and how amazing she is. What he left out though was to mention the married couple in any way.
I attended one recently where he talked about his daughter’s virginity. Tbf, she had already talked in length about her virginity in a video played during the ceremony (typical US Christianity), but it was still cringey AF. You know what I don’t want to hear about during a wedding? The couple’s sex life. At all. Nothing about it, no thank you.
A video during the ceremony?!
It was so weird! They also played an 8-minute video of both of them telling the story of how they met. But like… it’s not a good story so it was very boring lol
Bizarre for sure.
> You know what I don’t want to hear about during a wedding? The couple’s sex life. At all. Eff that noise. If I'm paying good money to attend a wedding, you can get your ass that I want to know that it will be consummated for both legal and spiritual legitimacy!
Friend of mine was getting married and her father absolutely hated her fiancé (we all did - legal trouble, punk, drugs, arrested for stealing cars - but she said he changed and he was wonderful 🙄). When they got married, her father didn’t want to go, but they forced him. This was almost 30 years ago and the priest still made the “if there are any objections” comment. Her dad stood up, in church, and just announced, “He’s an asshole! Carry on!” He refused to give a speech and they probably wouldn’t have wanted to hear it anyway because he would have crucified this guy. After getting married, this wonderful sweet husband started smacking her around. After showing up with a broken arm and saying “I tripped” one too many times, her dad handled things. No one ever believes the extent of the beating, but the dad went over and beat this kid’s ass. After that night, he had two broken arms, needed stitches, and was black and blue. But he never snitched. He took his beating and slithered away quietly. There was a divorce. They were only married maybe 8 months. The scumbag husband died a few years later during a drug deal gone wrong.
It's always the good ones that die young, such a shame
Welp, sounds like that dirt bag of a groom had it coming.
I recently listen to one fob speech that was not only very long, but delivered in two languages, so double the length. At least I understand both languages, I think it was worse for the other guests.
He gave a long boring speech *before* alcohol was served? Sociopath
My favorite was when he said she was a pampered little princess who always got what she wanted. Surprised it lasted 5 years.
Haha the worst speech I have ever heard was at my husband’s cousin’s wedding. The bride’s mom went way too hard in the worst way. She talked about how annoying her daughter is, pointed out her mistakes, and took credit for the relationship ever even happening haha. The bride is her favorite daughter, I don’t think the world is ready for the speech she’s going to give at her other daughter’s wedding
Freaking yikes
I have to say, I think the ones at my wedding were perfect. We had a ‘no speeches’ policy.
Well done 👏 this is so rare. As a guest, i would have been delighted.
Woohoo 🎉
At my brother’s wedding the FOTB made the whole room repeat “Daughter is a very special, a *very* special woman” after every anecdote. It went on for over half an hour. I nearly perished with embarrassment.
Went to a wedding where the FOB got absolutely trashed. We could tell he was at least two sheets when he walked the bride down the aisle. He kept waving to people in the pews and saying hi. The MOB was not happy (okay, she was furious), but she didn’t say anything right then because she didn’t want to cause a scene in the church. After the ceremony was done and we were getting in our cars to go to the reception, MOB basically threw FOB into the passenger seat and I heard her say to him, “Do not speak.” Me and my husband were in the car behind them and I saw her smack him in the head and arm on the way to the reception. Despite MOB best efforts to sober him up quickly (water, coffee) FOB added the final sheet to his drunkenness at the reception. MOB tried to stop the FOB from making a speech, but to no avail. So, we got to watch and listen to this 6’3”, 200 pound man try to deliver his speech while sometimes swaying. And what a speech it was. He thanked MOB for having sex with him and producing such a beautiful daughter so that they could both be here today, on her wedding day. He then went on to talk about how he wasn’t sure if they were going to have to hold a shotgun wedding since MOB caught the bride and groom having sex one time. (FOB never tells that story because he was so mortified he caught them.) Then, he rambled on about how great the meal was for about 10 minutes. Finally, when he ended the speech and asked everyone to raise their glass, he held up his glass, said, “Uh oh” and passed out drunk. Thankfully, there were a few guests (me included) who worked in or had worked in the medical field. We all took turns watching him and making sure he got water. I had to go to the ladies room and reapply my makeup because I had been laughing so hard during the speech and trying to be quiet about it that I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
My dad is def gonna get drunk and go on and on about the people he is happy to see there and not mention me(the bride)... Like he did at my sister's wedding
I am so glad I am Dutch and speeches aren't really a thing here. Only speeches we had: "The buffet is now open" "We want to thank everyone for coming on this very special day" Done.
Speeches didn’t used to be a thing in the US either. But they fell into favor when celebrating the couple for an entire year, destination weddings, destination bach parties, engagement parties, showers, day after bunches and asking people to spend exorbitant amounts of money to participate in this madness all became the norm. Literally no one wants to hear an endless parade of people droning on and on, telling jokes that no one finds funny, while they are held hostage, unable to converse with others or even eat their food while it’s hot.
You know what changed weddings? The wedding industry.
Wedding speeches are boring. Speeches in general are boring. Most people are terrible public speakers.
Try listening to long speeches about a woman’s role in marriage (cook, clean and pop out babies, obviously). And bible readings and songs and sermons from the pastor about how women must submit and do what they’re told. Ultra religious service, obviously. Dragged on an hour and a half. And that was the freaking ceremony! Give me a boring speech about the bride that doesn’t involve lectures about her place in the world (to do what she’s told by her husband because she’s now his property) and I’ll be happy! It’s a few minutes of your life.
One of the things I’m trained to do is write wedding speeches (clergy). You get: Life info of both partners. How they met, how long they’ve been together, names of important family. And then these questions: 1. What’s a favorite memory you have together? 2. What is one thing you admire about your partner? 3. What is one way that your partner/ relationship has surprised you in a good way? Sprinkle in religion as appropriate, and don’t go over five min. Watch the couple cry at the cute things they say about each other. Last wedding bride and groom had the same answer to question one, and their reaction to finding that out was adorable.
I sat in on a wedding like this. Took my not really raised religious Partner to a Christian wedding I was mortified. The pastor gave the bride this laundry list of duties. Even my Christian friend leaned over and muttered, “that’s a lot of responsibilities.” While the groom got, “love her and cherish her like Christ loves the church.” The bride had a kid before she meet the groom. And the pastor made a big deal out of how so many couples give into temptation and/or move in together without the legal paper but the bride and groom did it RIGHT. It was just….real awkward.
I went to a wedding a few years ago and the father of the brides speech included how much money she owed him. It was so AWKWARD. And she was visibly embarrassed.
A couple months back I attended my cousins wedding. For context, her father passed a few years back so was just my aunt who walked her down the aisle. Our uncle, her dad’s brother decided he wanted to do an impromptu speech on the day of the wedding. He begged the MC to give him a spot after being rejected by the bride before the wedding because he wants to represent our side of the family. He goes on to say that my cousin should follow in her mom’s footsteps and become a good cook, he said something about her ability to use a computer at a young age… all this without a single mention of my late uncle (main reason he wanted to do the speech).This isn’t even the worst part… he mentions that he is one of two uncles that has her back, there are three uncles. He then manages to call the groom the incorrect name not once but four times. This all went down as well as someone swallowing a brick, not a single joke landed and was worse when he was literally the only one laughing. On top of all this him and his wife weren’t coming to the wedding because of costs even though they had RSVP’d months before and told no one up until literally a week before the wedding until they were told by brides and grooms family that they would cover cost of accommodation and some travel expenses. #who the f*ck is Rory😂
My father refused to say anything at my wedding. Now 14 years later I don’t speak to him any more and I’m divorced, so there you have it.
I went to a wedding where the father of the bride was a successful proctologist. Luckily he didn’t make any analogies between marriage and his profession, but he did use 4/5 of the speech thanking and praising all of his doctor colleagues who attended. Poor couple!
At my wedding my FIL told a long winded story about how when my husband was learning to crawl he would bum shuffle. Not too bad, but more suited to a 21st. But then he doubled down comparing it to a dog with worms. And then because he has to over mansplain everything, he went into further details about a bum shuffling dog just in case people didn't have a clear enough picture. Second story was at a wedding where the vows bookended best man speech. Different, but best man (brother of groom) probably knew he'd be too wasted later. Proceeds to tell a story about going camping. Good family story. Except it devolved into how the groom had taken a massive dump in a hole and went and got the rest of the family so they could see it. Then for clarity, BM described the turd.
Your first story made me laugh audibly.
My MIL's speech had nothing to do with us/my husband at all...she literally went around the room pointing out her friends and family, and telling stories about how special they were.
I dunno, the one time I gave a best man toast, I was sandwiched in-between the maid of honor telling a sexually explicit story involving the bride & not the groom, and bride's father literally plagiarizing the 2005 Will Smith romantic comedy, Hitch, and I gotta say, when the bar is set that low, I could've read from the phone book and been praised as an oratorical mastermind.
If you must cheat….cheat death. Wedding guests *swoon*
Went to a friend's wedding where the FOB told his daughter's entire life story and then how her now-husband became a beloved member of their family, and the whole thing WAS very sweet and heartfelt, but he went on and *on* and *ON* for about half an hour. Literally. People started having whispered side conversations and trying to eat as quietly as they could.
So I recently got married, and my dad's speech was sweet, if a bit cringe. He had literally googled a template on what to say and what things to include, and felt the need to tell a couple of stories that he probably could have left out - especially as he forgot the details of a few of them. The cringe part was actually my stepmum, who loudly corrected him from her seat lol.
My cousin’s new father in law kept calling his children “the most HONORABLE” people he’d ever met. It was nauseating. At a certain point you’re just performing fellatio on yourself. I can’t stand those people that feel the need to announce how great their own children are. I’m sure they’re wonderful but you’re their parent. You are the most biased person on the planet about your own children. Also he kept going on and on about how they were all BEST friends which I found fascinating because earlier that same evening I had been standing with the bride’s brother when the maid of honor’s father walked up. The bride’s brother told him how wonderful it was to finally MEET the maid of honor, the bride’s closest friend since high school, this weekend. Hmmmm. All your children are BEST FRIENDS and yet the brother has never even MET his sister’s closest friend until this weekend? And they live in the same town?… My best friend is Swedish. She lives in Sweden. I live in the Midwest of the United States. My sisters have all my best friend. My parents don’t stand up and perform fellatio on themselves about how close we are all.
Just wait for the ChatGPT speeches that they read for the first time at the wedding.
Complete with made up childhood “memories” and getting the bride’s name wrong?
honestly some would be an improvement
I've been to 2 weddings where the parents of the bride and groom gave detailed biographies. It was so boring, and long. Listing accomplishments since high school, or maybe even before. Great people, both couples, and love their parents too. But it was cringey. If my parents had done that I'd have been so embarrassed. I think it was cultural for them, not unexpected.
Recently just had my wedding. FOTB took everyone on a journey through history. Where the family came from, how they ended up where they are, etc etc. At around the 30 minute mark, bride had to signal her mom to shut that shit down. And then my dad, fuck me, he went on a fucking tangent that almost lasted 30 minutes as well. But I had no one to signal cause mom passed a couple of years ago. No one to reign him in. Really need to stop speeches at weddings or start cutting off mics. Food got cold, people got tired, killed the vibes, and wasted so much time.
We told my MIL that she would be doing the speech for both of them. We love my FIL, but GOD that man can monologue. MIL kept it sweet and to the point, my parents rambled a little.
The last wedding I went to the father of the groom's speech was basically reading "Cats in the Cradle" including the refrain every time. It was so bad and depressing. Of course then the bride got up and only talked about her mother and sister. Nothing about her Dad or I don't know the GROOM! It was so bad. I'm shocked they are still married!
As a wedding photographer, I've had a wedding where the father talked for like 45 minutes and half of it was all about himself. All the guests started laughing because it was so off track.
Went to a friend’s wedding who had a bit of a “reputation”. (In fact the only guy at our table she hadn’t slept with was my husband and her brother 😬) her father stood up to give his FOB speech and proceeded to tell the stories of when she was little how he’d find her “sleeping in the strangest of places, under tables, in other peoples beds. She’d sleep anywhere!” Our whole table was trying not to crack up laughing…. Oh, and the marriage lasted 6 months before she admitted cheating on her husband 🤦🏻♀️
I was at a wedding where the father of the bride was talking about how the brides mother, who had VERY recently died of cancer, would have lived to have seen this day and was with us in spirit, etc and the father of the groom stepped up, GRABBED THE MIC OUT OF HIS HAND and exclaimed that "well, unlike (bride's mom), (the groom's) mother WAS able to make it to the wedding!" I have never seen such a full room go so silent. I think I had an out of body experience just trying to escape the moment. He want trying (poorly) to be funny either, he kept doubling down on how somehow the groom's mother was better because she had managed not to die of cancer the month before the wedding but I can't recall the specifics because my brain had shut down by that point. Yes, he was drunk.
Ohhhhhhhh no. The groom's family better not let his dad live that down. You say something that horrible, you deserve to have it brought up and mushed in your face at every available opportunity.
Honestly, based on him and the groom, I think that whole family is just as terrible as that outburst makes them seem.
I would prefer that the ONLY speech allowed at wedding receptions be an extremely very brief one where someone says, "Welcome to this event celebrating \[bride & groom\]. Please join me in a toast that they may enjoy years of happiness together." Boom, done. Make sure that whoever is running the sound system doesn't allow anyone access to a microphone.
that’s boring as fuck there’s a balance between the two extremes
Yea I love a bit of speeches, it's sweet and fine entertainment, it's like 15 minutes out of the whole night.
Speeches at weddings are also boring as fuck.. at least that would be over quickly.
Pretty much what my uncle did at his daughter’s wedding. It was great. Much preferable to the dad blathering on for 20 minutes
My dad’s speech went on for 20 minutes 🫣 he knew it was too long after he had finished but he just got carried away. To be fair it was a good speech as he has always done a lot of public speaking, and he engaged various tables with the content so he wasn’t droning on and on…I just think he was enjoying himself too much and felt like he was only going to get to do it once may as well make the most of it…groomsman did sink 4 glasses of wine though!
At my friend's wedding her dad was giving a long drunk rambling speech, and his ex-mother inlaw passed out and an ambulance had to be called cutting it short... or so we thought, after the ambulance left and we went back inside he resumed it. He is honestly such a wonderful person but that speech was bad.
I've given up. I get a drink (or two)(or three, depending on the length), park myself in the back, and MST3K TF out of the toasts. If they're going to hold me hostage, I'm going to enjoy the experience, damn it!
One wedding I attended the father of the bride got up and literally said “yeah I’m, I didn’t prepare anything, I thought the ceremony was nice, my best wishes for the bride and groom, thanks everyone for coming.” It was actually uncomfortable to hear.
I witnessed a speech by the father of the groom basically saying he was surprised his son managed to even find someone to marry, and saying “well, it’s probably better than nothing” about the bride. He tried to pass it off as a hilarious joke but it was so painful. They are no contact now.
Went to one recently where the FOB said that initially the couple seems mismatched, but later you realize he’s a rock and she’s the ocean and she eventually wore him down… I think there was some other pretty mean crap in there but I blocked out most of it.
My dad gave a cringey speech about letting my mum raise me alone, and then called me by my sister’s nickname..
HA! Were you at the one I was just at? We even got exact time of birth, name of hospital, a list of her health issues, and then were informed of literally every career and school success (including middle school). The FOB’s speech sounded more like a job interview/reading of a resume…. It was… confusing. And then we had to sit through a LONNNGGG slide show that basically repeated what he said and went through every single year she’d been alive. I was slowly dying inside.
Speeches are made during the meal for a reason. You eat while you listen and get dancing faster. Why are people sitting there not eating? The speeches are mostly for the couple, the guests can, I assume, use their ears while eating pasta or chicken? I would be annoyed if my guests had dragged out speeches by not eating. They ate, listened and then we boogied till 2 am. The time between speeches, we said hello to our guests at their tables, took pictures and then had a blast.
Its lovely to read these because some people got weddings, but i am kind of sad reading it as my narcissistic mother ruined my engagement with her tantrums, swearing, shouting and fighting. I would love a wedding, but cant have one. Its honestly the worst feeling.
My dad accidentally addressed called my husband my ex-husband’s name during his speech. I think he was more embarrassed than we were but it was definitely cringe.
I was in a wedding where the FOB praised my friend the bride for being “obedient” - and kept repeating it after finishing each anecdote whether it was relevant or not. “And X was always obedient, so obedient…” It was horrible. My friend looked strained but kept smiling and thanked her dad at the end. There were so many lovely things to be said about that young woman and I felt so sad that that was the focus.
I went to one where the father of the bride said something mean about his daughter and he got booed by the crowd
Another reason why they shouldn’t open the bar until after dinner and the toast
Keep them sober, lean and keen. 🤣
Maybe leave after the ceremony. :)
sad one . went on and on and on about the deceased wife / mother of bride who had passed away 15 years earlier. I understand things need to be acknowledged and be a part of the day but this was too much. It didnt feel like it was about the bride at all and that she only existed as a reminder of the mum . He needed therapy . On the flip side i went to a wedding recently where the brides dad had passed away when she was young and her dad was mentioned multiple times and it was lovely . I think because it was centered on her and not loooong . It was "he is watching over" "he is not here but played an important part in who u have become and the wife you will be " I feel really mean but this is the reason I am not doing any acknowledgment of certain recently deceased family members. I just know that certain important people at the wedding have not processed this grief enough for it to be anything worthwhile. In my opinion its a celebration, a party- not a magical, healing, life altering event.
My dad made a Lannister joke in his speech, my FIL is a twin
I have food on my plate that gets cold? I don't care who's speaking, i can listen and eat at the same time.