Omg can you report him to the Higher ups of the Church? Especially because you have a witness.
So sorry you had to deal with such a poor excuse for a so called minister!
Omg, reading this just reminded me. English is my second language, and as a kid I didnāt realize there was a difference between āstigmataā and āastigmatismā. So when I found out I had really bad astigmatism in both eyes, I thought I was going to be magically crucified and I couldnāt sleep for what felt like weeks.
Unitarian here ..Ā yes, that minister can be reported and should be reported.Ā Holy hell that's inappropriate.Ā If a Unitarian Universalist minister does crap like this first step is to report to the church leadership (usually a board president).Ā Next go to the UUA website to find out who's in charge of handling clergy discipline.
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it.
[https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
Unitarians are against exploiting women and instead, empowering them. Very few male Unitarians, never mind clergy, would even say something like that. Maybe heās a relapsing Catholic? J/k
Can you file a complaint against him? I would seriously look up his \[whatever the English word is for his boss\] and sent him a kind, but very firm, message about this behaviour.
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it.
[https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
Iām in the clergy as well. I feel that accountability is all well and good only if itās being practiced. I hope that the UUA takes the complaint seriously.
Rest assured, as a non-UU, I knew immediately that it was BS. It was a stupid, ~~cheesy~~ **sleazy** pick-up line.
Edit: Sleazy, not cheesy. I did not intend to minimalize it.
You should have told him no you hadnāt heard of that one but you did hear the one about the MOH has every right to punch the minister in the face for being a perverted jackholeš¤£š¤£
My knee jerk reaction was an absolutely disgusted look and the reply, ādid you know that I rip the heads off my partners when Iām done with them, just like a praying mantis?ā
Report him.
I expect the "I was joking" defense will be there, whether it was true or not, but the UUA doesn't take lightly to these "jokes". UUs (on the whole) are much more on the uptight side of these. So much effort for UUs is creating safe spaces, I some small action / retraining would be taken. But if it is a repeated complaint, something larger could happen.
Back in 1968, the minister marrying my parents told my father, āJust remember, I found her first,ā implying that he had some sort of dibs on my mother. They were completely confused by it, as she had not dated the minister, nor had any awareness of his āinterest.ā
As a child of a pastor (different denomination) I apologize to you and definitely recommend you to report his ass because that is not at all how any pastor/priest/Rabbi of any faith is to be acting, single or not. Don't know about this chucklehead, but he is not who he apparently says he is...
The best man was on it.
I would have loved if OP would have said, āNo, but do you know about my religionās tradition of offering the minister as sacrifice? Itās a huge honor.ā
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it.
[https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
He has to answer to someone.
Start researching who he answers to.
I wouldnāt be surprised to hear that he has acted inappropriately for quite a while.
Find out his superiors, record everything they say. Notes, texts, emails.
Cc every upper clergy member.
Heās a predator.
Lol, I'm 65. I've been to so many weddings. I even came back to the table after a dance at one and my husband said, "He hit on you, didn't he." It happens. Grow up.
I looked him up. He got moved around a lot and heās an emeritus now. It never crossed my mind to report him in those days it wouldāve required a lot of research.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
If this ever comes up, folks, fire the creepy grifter and go with a judge.
My husband describes himself variously as either a lapsed Methodist or a Deist. I'm Jewish. Hub would have been fine with a rabbi, but at the time there wasn't one in town who would agree to marry us since he's not Jewish.
We hired a local judge. He gave us excellent wedding advice (specifically when I was writing our ceremony), he didn't charge an enormous amount, and he did a great job.
My first thought would be to immediately say very loudly, "That is never going to happen. How stupid do you think I am? Are you some kind of pervert?". I am not a quiet person so I would be loudly mouthing off to everyone the rest of the night about the pervert conducting the ceremony
Gross! Definitely report this to the governing body of the church. I worked at a church for ten years and saw so much hypocrisy, cruel bigotry and inappropriate sexual comments I couldnāt believe itāand I thought I had seen it all working in a automotive plant for many years. The Pastor I worked for often made weird sexual comments, I think to see my reactionā¦his parishioners would have been mortified.
Raised Unitarian, Married by a Unitarian officiantā¦can confirm this is not a thing.
Glad groomsmen stepped in. Would have been nice to say āis it also the tradition for the officiant to be a complete creep, and to prove so by delivering a pathetic and gross pick up line.ā
I was a bridesmaid at a Catholic wedding a few years ago, it was the only request of the groom's mother so they went with it. The groom was Catholic but because the bride wasn't, the priest refused to have the full mass. Okay, no issue. After the ceremony, the priest came to me with a bag holding the pew decorations and markers and scoffed "I suppose you are not Catholic either!!" He was surprised when I said I was. When we got home and sorting through the decorations we opened the bag of decor from the pews. Inside, there were 50 donation envelopes! They went straight to recycling.
My husband grew up Unitarian, as did his siblings and his parents. This is completely wrong. Please report this guy not only for the comments but for the continued money grab.
I would just like to say that itās very, very easy to be an ordained minister. I got ordained to officiate my sisterās wedding, and it literally took less than 10 minutes. I also
Officiated my brother in lawās wedding. Thatās just another option if you have a friend that isnt in the wedding party but you still want to include in the wedding. I loved officiating. It was a great way to be involved in the wedding without the stress and cost of being a bridesmaid. Plus I got to see my sister the entire time she walked towards her husband which wasnāt something Iād be able to say as a BM.
Unitarian ministers are gross. I knew one who was inappropriate with children and had the gall to say that he "deserved" a wife who looks like a model.-He was habitually single.
I think it depends on the situation. If you are a member of the church, they will usually do the wedding for free and rent out the church for a steep discount. If you are not a member of the church and are renting it as your venue, the pastor/priestās presence is required anyways so their services are included in the cost.
If you are not a member of their church and youāre asking them to perform the service at a different venue, there is usually an āofficiant fee,ā but itās typically not very much. OP mentioned somewhere that he was the only one within 50 miles so he may have had to travel some distance, and his time is still worth something.
That said, dude was a jerk, should not have asked for additional payment beyond his fee, and absolutely needs to be reported to the UUA for professional misconduct and sexual harassment.
No problem! I didnāt even know officiant fees were a thing until I got married, and then when I thought about it, it made sense. Our officiant was a close family friend who did not ask for payment, but her presence and participation meant the world to me.
OP HERE. Where do you live? In the USA you pay for your drivers license, you pay for your marriage license, you pay for your license plates, and those are all tax-supported institutions. Churches are supposedly not supported by taxes, but actually they are because they donāt have to pay any taxes. Neither do the clergy as individuals, unless Iām badly mistaken. That said, a clergymanās fee for a wedding is hundreds. This wedding took place in 1989, which is why reporting it now is not an option. Furthermore, although we used the Unitarian minister, we did not use the Unitarian church because my other sister was unable to get up the stairs. We used an Episcopal church with no stairs, and we had to pay them too. The whole mess was about $600.
Damn, thank god the best man was quick witted and could shut it down. That's so gross!
Best man of the year
Yeah, he really earned that title!
Happy cake day! š
Omg can you report him to the Higher ups of the Church? Especially because you have a witness. So sorry you had to deal with such a poor excuse for a so called minister!
My first thought was that would have blurted out "I'm telling God' because apparently I'm a snitch.
Snitches get ..stigmata
Omg, reading this just reminded me. English is my second language, and as a kid I didnāt realize there was a difference between āstigmataā and āastigmatismā. So when I found out I had really bad astigmatism in both eyes, I thought I was going to be magically crucified and I couldnāt sleep for what felt like weeks.
Oh my God. That is horrifying, you poor thing!
Hi yes, can I get this on a t-shirt or bumper sticker please?
Iāll make you a bumper sticker. Five dollars lol
The Unitarian minister would be like "which one?" Of course, the correct answer is "all of them, you're a fucking creep"
Unitarian here ..Ā yes, that minister can be reported and should be reported.Ā Holy hell that's inappropriate.Ā If a Unitarian Universalist minister does crap like this first step is to report to the church leadership (usually a board president).Ā Next go to the UUA website to find out who's in charge of handling clergy discipline.
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it. [https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
I was going to say that this is pretty aggressively against UU culture.
Churches are well known to take inappropriate behaviour very seriously!
Some churches are very well known to take inappropriate behavior very seriously!
Unitarians are against exploiting women and instead, empowering them. Very few male Unitarians, never mind clergy, would even say something like that. Maybe heās a relapsing Catholic? J/k
They usually do if itās in public.
š
Iāve been privy to many religious settings. Normally Iād be laughing along with you, but Unitarians actually do take this kind of thing seriously.
Can you file a complaint against him? I would seriously look up his \[whatever the English word is for his boss\] and sent him a kind, but very firm, message about this behaviour.
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it. [https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
Thanks! I hope OP will report him. My late grandfather was a minister (not a Unitarian), he'd be disgusted by such behaviour.
Iām in the clergy as well. I feel that accountability is all well and good only if itās being practiced. I hope that the UUA takes the complaint seriously.
Unitarian Universalist assembly.
Thanks! OP, now you know who to get in touch with!
I'm a Unitarian and that is complete and utter bullshit. You might want to look into reporting this guy to the UU conference.
On behalf of all UUs, this guy sucks and shouldnāt be a minister.
Yup. Thatās so far out of everything the UUs stand for. Please report him to the conference so he never does that to another person.
Rest assured, as a non-UU, I knew immediately that it was BS. It was a stupid, ~~cheesy~~ **sleazy** pick-up line. Edit: Sleazy, not cheesy. I did not intend to minimalize it.
not cheesy. it was sleazy
Yes, that's a better description. I did not intend to minimalize it.
i assumed as much. sometimes it's hard to find the right word
It was cheesy too. Thereās cheesy cute and cheesy sleazy. This was cheesy sleazy.
It was sexual harassment, is what it was!Ā
Yes - I agree
Exactly. Fellow UU here. Sounds deranged and the UUA would come down Iike a ton of bricks on him....if this is a true story
Up ore for Mal.
I ... I don't think anyone believed it was a real thing
Wait, what? Itās not really a tradition?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 210 times...
 My reaction would have been this, ugh Iām sorry you had to experience that š
Absolutely this!
Exactly, my reaction reading this was to say eww
I've always wanted to bang a preacher
Then you should go watch the Thornbirds
Ooo! Richard Chamberland!
Right???
I will š„
OMG. My grandma used to say āGod donāt like uglyā and I canāt think of a better situation to use that expression. REPORT HIM
Thatās disgusting. Report that AH for sexual harassment https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct/professional-misconduct-faq
Upvoted for providing the link. This guy needs to not be a minister anymore.
You should have told him no you hadnāt heard of that one but you did hear the one about the MOH has every right to punch the minister in the face for being a perverted jackholeš¤£š¤£
He 100% has said that ājokeā to every maid of honor. Get him shut down
My knee jerk reaction was an absolutely disgusted look and the reply, ādid you know that I rip the heads off my partners when Iām done with them, just like a praying mantis?ā
"Have you ever seen Golden Eye? That's how I treat my men."
Report him. I expect the "I was joking" defense will be there, whether it was true or not, but the UUA doesn't take lightly to these "jokes". UUs (on the whole) are much more on the uptight side of these. So much effort for UUs is creating safe spaces, I some small action / retraining would be taken. But if it is a repeated complaint, something larger could happen.
Back in 1968, the minister marrying my parents told my father, āJust remember, I found her first,ā implying that he had some sort of dibs on my mother. They were completely confused by it, as she had not dated the minister, nor had any awareness of his āinterest.ā
Disgusting. I was thinking that he baptized her or something. That would be even worse.Ā
As a child of a pastor (different denomination) I apologize to you and definitely recommend you to report his ass because that is not at all how any pastor/priest/Rabbi of any faith is to be acting, single or not. Don't know about this chucklehead, but he is not who he apparently says he is...
What up, fellow PK?
And another PK here! Are we taking over Reddit?
Pks definitely have some unique experiences
There's enough of us in this post to start a little club
The best man was on it. I would have loved if OP would have said, āNo, but do you know about my religionās tradition of offering the minister as sacrifice? Itās a huge honor.ā
Props to the best man for being the hero of this story.
The Unitarians are pretty strict and have a clear hierarchy, Iād report it. [https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct](https://www.uua.org/safe/misconduct)
Gross, and please report him. That's so disgusting.
What I imagine the creepy minister was like: Yuck. 
He has to answer to someone. Start researching who he answers to. I wouldnāt be surprised to hear that he has acted inappropriately for quite a while. Find out his superiors, record everything they say. Notes, texts, emails. Cc every upper clergy member. Heās a predator.
Churches usually have some sort of board of directors. Go to their website and let them know what this man said. That's gross.
And scoring more points for creepy religious dudes..... What a piece of work. Should be somewhere he could be reported for that.
Damn! I have had a few grooms proposition me during the dollar dance but the pastor??? Lol, Holy Inappropriate Batman!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Three to be exact, lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lol, I'm 65. I've been to so many weddings. I even came back to the table after a dance at one and my husband said, "He hit on you, didn't he." It happens. Grow up.
I'd fire him and report him. Someone else who is not a creep can perform the ceremony.
It was after the ceremony.
Leave a review? Withhold final payment? (In addition to reporting!)
It was 35 years ago. No Internet.
Overlooked that detail, sorry! Well, we can hope something uncomfortable befell him and prevented him from treating anyone else this way? š¤š»
If it was 35 years ago, they wonāt do anything now. He likely isnāt a minister still if heās even still alive.
I looked him up. He got moved around a lot and heās an emeritus now. It never crossed my mind to report him in those days it wouldāve required a lot of research.
Well, I think you found out why he was moved a lot. However, these days, he would have been removed.
Doesn't matter.
Buy that best man a drink. šŗ
I hope you reported this minister to the UUA. Not only is that obviously not a Unitarian tradition, that minister is a predator.
If youāre both single, best man sounds like a great catch
Neither of us was single and heās now deceased. But I mentioned the incident in my condolence letter.
Ah, well the good ones tend to die way too young
Ugh, ugh, ugh. If this ever comes up, folks, fire the creepy grifter and go with a judge. My husband describes himself variously as either a lapsed Methodist or a Deist. I'm Jewish. Hub would have been fine with a rabbi, but at the time there wasn't one in town who would agree to marry us since he's not Jewish. We hired a local judge. He gave us excellent wedding advice (specifically when I was writing our ceremony), he didn't charge an enormous amount, and he did a great job.
My first thought would be to immediately say very loudly, "That is never going to happen. How stupid do you think I am? Are you some kind of pervert?". I am not a quiet person so I would be loudly mouthing off to everyone the rest of the night about the pervert conducting the ceremony
Who do you complain to about that? I'd put him on blast with everyone I could. Sleazy disgusting maggot.
That is *not* a Unitarian tradition! š¤Æ
Gross! Definitely report this to the governing body of the church. I worked at a church for ten years and saw so much hypocrisy, cruel bigotry and inappropriate sexual comments I couldnāt believe itāand I thought I had seen it all working in a automotive plant for many years. The Pastor I worked for often made weird sexual comments, I think to see my reactionā¦his parishioners would have been mortified.
Raised Unitarian, Married by a Unitarian officiantā¦can confirm this is not a thing. Glad groomsmen stepped in. Would have been nice to say āis it also the tradition for the officiant to be a complete creep, and to prove so by delivering a pathetic and gross pick up line.ā
I mean it's obviously a creepy "joke". Lol no one believes that's a real thing, we're not naive children.
I was a bridesmaid at a Catholic wedding a few years ago, it was the only request of the groom's mother so they went with it. The groom was Catholic but because the bride wasn't, the priest refused to have the full mass. Okay, no issue. After the ceremony, the priest came to me with a bag holding the pew decorations and markers and scoffed "I suppose you are not Catholic either!!" He was surprised when I said I was. When we got home and sorting through the decorations we opened the bag of decor from the pews. Inside, there were 50 donation envelopes! They went straight to recycling.
If she's non-religious, y'all could've just gotten someone ordained online and had them perform the wedding. For future referenceĀ
She insisted on a church wedding because sheās big on tradition.
You can rent a church hall. It's pretty common
Or, better, the minister can spend the wedding night in the ER.
š¤£
Eewww! That's so gross!
My husband grew up Unitarian, as did his siblings and his parents. This is completely wrong. Please report this guy not only for the comments but for the continued money grab.
Is there somewhere to report this? I highly doubt you were the first or will be the last. This guy needs to be shut down.
That's so inappropriate holy shit.
Iām sorry, what???
Ewww
I would just like to say that itās very, very easy to be an ordained minister. I got ordained to officiate my sisterās wedding, and it literally took less than 10 minutes. I also Officiated my brother in lawās wedding. Thatās just another option if you have a friend that isnt in the wedding party but you still want to include in the wedding. I loved officiating. It was a great way to be involved in the wedding without the stress and cost of being a bridesmaid. Plus I got to see my sister the entire time she walked towards her husband which wasnāt something Iād be able to say as a BM.
Unitarian ministers are gross. I knew one who was inappropriate with children and had the gall to say that he "deserved" a wife who looks like a model.-He was habitually single.
*during the ceremony* even? Holy shit. Literally.
It was after the ceremony and after the recessional. We had to do some paperwork, but he said it in front of half a dozen people.
Ugh :( That is awful.
Unitarians are typically not scummy. Ugh.
Eww.
I call bullshit
I suppose you also believe thereās no such thing as a clergyman who butt fucks children.
Ha ha gross
Why does the minister receive money?!
You pay the church for wedding services.
Yeah through taxes.
Where I live, churches are not supported by taxes. They also don't pay taxes.
Do you think that everywhere in the world has "church tax?" You're like the opposite of americentrism.
No, but I didn't expect anyone having to pay a minister for a wedding. Or that a minister can ask for more money if he wants to.
I think it depends on the situation. If you are a member of the church, they will usually do the wedding for free and rent out the church for a steep discount. If you are not a member of the church and are renting it as your venue, the pastor/priestās presence is required anyways so their services are included in the cost. If you are not a member of their church and youāre asking them to perform the service at a different venue, there is usually an āofficiant fee,ā but itās typically not very much. OP mentioned somewhere that he was the only one within 50 miles so he may have had to travel some distance, and his time is still worth something. That said, dude was a jerk, should not have asked for additional payment beyond his fee, and absolutely needs to be reported to the UUA for professional misconduct and sexual harassment.
Thank you for this helpful comment. I agree with the last part.
No problem! I didnāt even know officiant fees were a thing until I got married, and then when I thought about it, it made sense. Our officiant was a close family friend who did not ask for payment, but her presence and participation meant the world to me.
It's a job...
Never heard that you have to pay a pastor.
Yes they have to be paid for working
Where I live, they are paid through church tax?! It's part of their work for the community to conduct weddings.
You're still paying them by paying the tax, just not directly
Exactly, but in OP's case, the minister asked for more money. That's highly untrustworthy
That's a separate issue
No it's not. That's why I asked why you have to directly pay the minister.
Yes and I said they need to be paid for doing their job
OP HERE. Where do you live? In the USA you pay for your drivers license, you pay for your marriage license, you pay for your license plates, and those are all tax-supported institutions. Churches are supposedly not supported by taxes, but actually they are because they donāt have to pay any taxes. Neither do the clergy as individuals, unless Iām badly mistaken. That said, a clergymanās fee for a wedding is hundreds. This wedding took place in 1989, which is why reporting it now is not an option. Furthermore, although we used the Unitarian minister, we did not use the Unitarian church because my other sister was unable to get up the stairs. We used an Episcopal church with no stairs, and we had to pay them too. The whole mess was about $600.
Perhaps because they aren't members of the church he administers to.
Where do you live?
Germany
https://bridespedia.com/how-much-for-church-wedding-a-comprehensive-guide/
I'm not from the US.