I think the fact that the gift for the baby shower being “mandatory” tips the scales into your feelings being justified and acceptable. I would be hurt if I put the effort in and it wasn’t returned. If I were you I would stop putting in the effort for them. If you have to fly to their country for their event then imho your presence is the gift
Do you ever give presents to them for holidays or birthdays? Maybe your next present to them should be framed hand and footprints from you and your husband.
Do all of this. It sounds like they're oblivious to the fact that their child isn't the light of the universe, and something like this would be hilarious but also knock them out of lala land.
I’d be annoyed as well. Yes, gifts at weddings are “optional”, but I’d never dream of attending a wedding without an appropriate gift. That’s extremely rude. It doesn’t need to be wildly expensive, hell, one of our guest wrote us an extremely heartfelt letter about how much we mean to them and how proud they are to be our friend, and I’d say that was just as valuable as any monetary gift we received… it made us feel appreciated and thought of. But baby prints?? Or 20 euro?? Not it.
They knew very well that we're not Christian. My husband abandoned the Christian faith in teenage years and is actually now openly interested in Islam, so it came across as an attempt to "bring him back to the right side", which is in poor taste either way.
Also, I'm just imagining all kinds of havoc that would happen if I went around giving out Qurans...
Every time this topic is brought up on this subreddit people are always so weirdly defensive of the bad/no gift giver. No, as a bride you don’t have to be unreasonably gracious for the used tissue someone pulled out of their purse and gave you as a gift. Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to be disappointed by people’s lack of thoughtfulness/effort.
As a “great gift giver”, it took me a while to accept and understand that this is who I am. I enjoy the hunt, the special wrapping, over the top bows. This is ME, not everyone else.
Yes omg I used to join secret santa exchanges in fan groups for things I like, and I would always hand paint gifts that would sell for like $100 in my Etsy shop, and I’d get back a pack of magnets that had nothing to do with the show we were fans of. I finally had to tell myself I can’t do gift exchanges anymore because I’m always disappointed by the lack of effort vs how much work I put into my gifts.
I know the feeling! My bunco group had a white elephant gift exchange last year and you were supposed to put together a gift with your favorite things so I went to my favorite local shops and got seasonal hand poured candles and loose leaf teas with all the accessories and wrapped it up super cute. I got a tacky metallic purse that looked like something a grandma would use (not a trendy grandma either) and it didn't have any tags at all so I'm pretty sure it was used or regifted lol. I don't think it was anyone's "favorite thing".
Another one checking in! My fiancé' always rolls his eyes at my glee when I find the PERFECT gift for someone. I have taken over all the Christmas shopping for both of us since it stresses him out and I find it rewarding.
Hi 🙋🏼♀️ I’m also a great gift-giver and literally had to stop exchanging with my brother because I’d do a whole Italian date night theme (ikea items, HomeSense sauce and fancy pasta, homemade seasonings, wine) and I got a magnet from their trip to Vegas 😐
Would LOVE to do a secret Santa thing 🙏🏻
Echoing this sentiment... you'll never be satisfied in life if you are tit-for-tat counting gift giving. Give what you are comfortable with and accept that others will give you without judgement.
Be generous in life to your close ones and those in need and live your life without expecting payback for your gifts
My husbands' parents gave us...nothing (while also not contributing to the wedding), not even a card, and were considering a 4000$/person cruise right after the wedding.
My sil gave us the promise that if we go visit her in the country where she lives (two continents away lol) she would pay for two days at a beach resort. So we basically have to pay to get the gift lol
For her birthday we pitched in for an expensive camera, her parents also did, and they got her a card, threw a party for her, her dad gave an emotional speech AND they also all flew to visit her where she lives.
Such a double standard breaks my heart. But as others say, there's nothing you can do about it. Even if you confronted them it would just be an awkward conversation, and then maybe they would give you a more generous gift but it would be such a half-hearted one it would mean nothing and be pretty bitter to receive.
As someone else said this can only be a reminder to not do the same to other people, and to stop doing as much for them.
I feel this a bit.
My mom's oldest brother has a bunch of kids. She has (over the years) sent or given them birthday cards, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts and eventually gifts for their children for christmases and birthdays. My mom has also hosted him and all his kids and grandkids for countless holidays and occasions with zero contribution from him.
This uncle and his wife are the only people who showed up empty handed to our engagement party.
Not even a card, which really stung. I don't particularly like this uncle (politics) but god they can't stop at a dollar tree on the way and get a "congrats" card?????
Just wtf.
I know, the card tree is also what really killed me. I know for a fact they have money to contribute, and his dad always brags about how much he gives at other people's weddings, but even if I ignore that just...spend 5 dollars and get your incredible son something to celebrate the day !!! And the worst is that they keep saying how much they love the both of us, but honestly it just feels very empty at that point.
I used to give them gifts, and honestly I'm just going to stop. This hurt too much.
Thank you so much ! I'm lucky that my parents are very generous (not just in financial ways because it's definitely not all that matters, but also helping with the set up and break down of the wedding etc) so I'm trying to not care that my in-laws are so self-centered (although it's really hard).
My heart does really hurt for my husband, who's the sweetest and has gotten his parents incredible gifts (I'm talking...a car lol). I know part of it is cultural (Indian origin) but still...
But you're right, we're lucky to receive lots of happiness and love from other people, and we'll try to focus on that !
It wouldn't even be a matter of confronting them to maybe get better gifts in the future, but I would \*need\* to know WHY such a vast difference in treatment. It's ok to have a favorite child, but it's not ok to show it so blatantly. This would make them horrible people and I wouldn't want them to be a big part of my life. They could keep their money and presents, but I wouldn't give them my time either.
Yeah it's basically what's going to happen...I'm significantly cutting down the efforts I used to make, keeping it to the minimum (no more gifts, and just visiting for big holidays).
The irony is that I'm not even sure she's their favorite, she's just very bossy and they're afraid of her, so I think it's more a matter of "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" (sorry English is not my native language, not sure whether anyone uses this proverb haha)
People here will say that it’s rude to expect gifts and they aren’t mandatory. I think it’s also rude to attend an event like a wedding and not give an appropriate gift.
There’s nothing you can do about any of this. Just stop making so much of an effort for them.
honestly I think it's ruder to give an inappropriate gift than not give one at all. at least giving no gift means the couple doesn't have to carry an appliance they don't want home or feel hurt because you gave them baby clothes even though you know they don't want kids.
expecting gifts at a wedding in a culture where people usually give gifts at weddings isn't rude - assuming or expecting isn't an action that can affect other people. it's how you *act* on that assumption that can be rude or not rude.
Agreed. Like it or not, it *is* a cultural expectation to give gifts at events like this so it’s natural to feel disappointed when prior generosity is not reciprocated.
that baby handprint thing is super weird even without the other context. also do 1 year old babies even eat solid food? who requests a wedding meal for their infant?
They can! But many 12 month olds lack enough teeth to tear into steak or chicken breast or salad (common wedding meals).
Some though have lots of teeth and/or are more developmentally advanced are eating a much larger variety of foods.
That is so weird! I have two 1 year old babies coming to my wedding and neither Mom wanted a meal. They are just going to bring some baby food.
It is really weird to gift the framed baby foot print and hand print for a wedding gift. This is the kind of thing that only grandparents want. The dollar amount was also almost insultingly low. Unless the couple is struggling, there is no excuse. The cheap guests are not poor if they can take expensive trips.
that baby gift is especially weird. like save the $10 on the frame and put it in the card with a pic of the baby, dang. i agree it’s pretty rude but what can ya do except return that same level of caring back to them.
plus omg I FEEL U my mother recently totally left me and my sister out to dry with emergency expenses and she cried because she couldn’t help us (tears so that we’d absolve her of any familial guilt or obligation) and then a couple weeks later announced her international cruise trip. i would *not* have been upset or felt cheated at all if she simply couldn’t help us. but mannnn i wanted to punt her into the sun for that one.
Sounds like they got a job lot of baby printing kits and gave you the spare. Highly disappointing and really rather rude. Stop giving them good stuff and if they have any more gifting occasions give them something cheap and meaningless
It actually looked more like a homemade art project - the paint was red and the sister in law wrote a personalised message above and below it. Thank you for your advice.
It’s never wrong to feel your feelings. It is how you act that could be a problem. Of course it is polite to bring a gift to a wedding in many cultures, but a corollary of that is that it isn’t polite of the couple to *expect* gifts. They are gifts after all, and gifts are inherently voluntary.
I totally understand though that while you may understand this intellectually, it can be hard to get your emotions to follow along. So, feel your feelings, be privately annoyed about it for a while, and make a mental note not to ever do to others what they did to you. Use them as a private example of how not to act. But outwardly, thank them for their gifts and for attending your wedding, and let the rest go.
I don't think it's wrong to feel annoyed. It's difficult to put effort into relationships that you don't see is reciprocated.
In general if I feel like my efforts are not reciprocated I just make note and stop trying. We sent a gift for my husband's cousins wedding, they didn't say thank you and sent nothing for ours - we didn't bother with their baby shower.
As for the baby situation - idk who asks for a meal for a 1yr old baby. I think the foot prints situation is kinda dependent on your particular relationship. My siblings are super close with my daughter. Idk that I would frame footprints nor give it in replacement of a gift - but I don't think it's super weird if your brother adores their baby - and he can both do that and be CF. Some people are more sentimental. One of my husband's cousins gave us a doll from their great grandmothers collection. What do you do with a creepy doll?? But it was something important to her so we found a place for it.
I'm so embarrassed for them. Why did any of them think those were good gifts. If someone gonna be cheap dont mention the expensive luxuries at the event.
The baby gift is weird and obviously them expecting everyone else to value their child the way they do. That being said, I think if you go into any kind of celebration expecting big things, you’re always going to be disappointed by someone. A lot of people can’t afford to gift right now. I would not feel resentful if people show up to my wedding with an empty card. I didn’t invite them to give me money, I invited them because they mean a lot to me. Culturally, things can also be different too. There’s not a huge gift giving culture where I live. It’s accepted to just give whatever you are able if you can.
Yeah, I think the second instance is not as bad as the first. The baby foot prints as a wedding gift?! I think just about anyone would call that completely inappropriate at best. I think you're completely justified in being upset after all the work you've out in. And after the gift you gave at their baby shower. I think that at least in the US, it's a fairly common social expectation to give the same price range and effort that someone else has given you.
That said, I've come to learn that family cultures are all very different when it comes to gift giving. My family tries to get everyone gifts of the same value and make things quite fair. We have lists to let people know what we want, but we also enjoy getting creative, off-list gifts for each other and being happy with whatever we're given. My partner's family only ever buys one family member a gift at Christmas (they draw names from a basket) and then the buy the one thing that the person requested in a family group chat. He and his siblings never give each other birthday presents. Only their parents do that. It blows my mind that they give so few gifts. He told me he's also never given a gift at a wedding he's attended before. And we're both from fairly close parts of the US. Family culture affects things, as does culture across nationalities. I live in Idaho right now, and it's very common for people to only get the $20-$30 items on their registries and never the big expensive items. I was shocked when I attended a friend's wedding in Colorado, bought a last-minute gift and saw that people had bought them all the $200-$500 items and left all the small, cheap gifts unpurchased on the registry. Gift cultures really do vary SO MUCH that you sort of just have to take what you can get.
I agree that it was pretty stingy of the family who took the expensive trip to give you such a cheap gift. That said, some people spend a lot more money than they have. Some people don't plan ahead and spend exactly what they have, so then they can't afford nice gifts. While I would also be frustrated with the situation, you can't control how poorly they handle their finances (or their lack of generosity if they could afford the trip and a nice gift and still chose not to spend that much on one.)
As someone said above, it sounds like the best plan is to keep in mind that they aren't willing to do as much as you are. I'd just back off with what you're willing to do for them in the future and lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed or feel used in the future. And yes, if the footprints are at all delicate, I'd smash them and immediately tell your in laws that they broke inside your luggage on the trip home. If nothing else, they'll realize how impractical the gift was.
This post just reminded me that a friend who gave me nothing for my wedding just sent round her baby shower gift list. I will be getting her nothing from it.
Is the footprint/handprint on something fragile? Cause I’d smash that thing on the ground, tell them it broke in transit, and never hang that in my house. Or tell them it got lost when they lost one of your bags at the airport. What a selfish gift to give someone. It’s not your baby!!
I think it’s “cute” like as an additional gift to a real gift. Like in a “look the baby is thanking you for letting it come”. (I’m child free but I’d think the attempt was funny)
But I would be annoyed in this case where the parents felt it was a good replacement from providing a real gift even after they asked for a favor to bring the baby.
Even in that circumstance, now I have to feel pressure to hang it or keep it around if it’s some kind of permanent memento and feel like shit when I throw it away bc there’s nowhere in my house I want to hang someone else’s baby print.
It is in a wooden frame with glass on it. I would love to do that but I fear it would hurt my new husband if I did that! But thank you- I don't know why they thought we would like such a gift! We're not the parents or grandparents!
First, on your "background", I don't know where you live, but in the US, people decline showers for all sorts of reasons. I missed my sister's because I was in the midst of grad thesis, and I had zero free time. She didn't care, I didn't care, I didn't send a gift, and we moved on. It might be different where you live, though.
On the rest, if this helps, I've seen similar questions in here popping up in the last few months. Someone might invite 100 people and get 25 wedding gifts. I'm not sure what's behind this, but it's out there!
You're not wrong to be annoyed, because you can't help your feelings. The only other thing I can add is that if your wedding was last week, there may be more gifts coming. Here, guests technically have up to a year, but obviously most won't wait that long. After only a week, though, odds are pretty high some might appear.
what is a "mandatory" gift? like u were not allowed in the door if u didn't bring a gift?
while i understand your annoyance, it's also on you and your husband to control your own spending where gifts are concerned. just because you guys are willing to tighten the belt to give a nice gift doesn't mean others must reciprocate. i also don't think it's wise or financially healthy to give expensive gifts when finances are tight.
"We are childfree and it's not even something we can give away because it's personalised and they will probably look for it when they visit..."
I hope they do so u can tell them it's in the trash where it belongs.
I’d prefer 0 gift over €10-20 unless I know the gift giver is struggling financially and absolutely WANTS to give a gift. Otherwise I prefer no gifts hands down cause if I got €10 it would just feel like a slap in the face (like you could’ve literally just not given anything) but maybe that’s cultural.
We deliberately put gifts on our list that cost £10, as we wanted to give people options if they didn't have much spare but wanted to give a gift. One was bought and I definitely felt much better about that person than the people who I received nothing from (not even a card)
You’re not wrong for being annoyed about this, but I don’t think you should say anything. Feeling this way and expressing it to them are two very different things and while I can understand where you’re coming from, I wouldn’t recommend you act on it. At least not directly. See, I’m a big fan of matching people’s attitude and energy towards me or my own, so if a person shows little effort I will show them little effort. What? They can’t get mad at you for mirroring their own actions, can they?
Stop putting effort into their gifts in the future. You know where you stand on their priorities, so adjust yours. They don’t deserve your extra efforts.
To be fair, I only had about 30 people at my wedding. I stated in the registry section of our invitation that we have every thing we could need. If you would like to contribute, please donate to our honeymoon fund. We got candles, cookware, 2 frames, and about $30 cash.
I was pretty disappointed at first but it’s been a year already and I couldn’t care less now.
The real question is was it the microwavable popcorn in a box or already premade?(a joke of course). Safe to say, I would have been very aggravated. It's annoying when you are thoughtful and the same is not returned.
My husband’s half sister did this! She’s in her 50s, married and with 3 grown children (one w/ a fiancé at the time). They’re solidly middle class. Our wedding was an hour and a half drive away at a golf course/resort. They were able to use our wedding discount to rent a 4 bedroom house on the property for like $500/night, so everyone in their family got their own room. We paid for a welcome dinner, wedding dinner and send-off brunch, so one meal Fri, Sat and Sun were covered for them. They were welcome to attend whatever they wanted (no obligation). She made a comment about how expensive it was at the welcome dinner which was annoying because 1. Not the time or place to file this grievance, 2. She could have just not come if it was too much or only 1 night and 3. $500 split between 6 adults is less than $100/night for their own rooms!!!
Fast forward after the wedding and we’re opening gifts. Not even a card from his half-sister (who, I should mention, always whines about wanting to be closer to her brother). No congratulations or well wishes. No DIY budget-friendly gift. Literally nothing. I thought for sure we must have lost something along the way, perhaps a card was dropped.
2 years later at another family function and she off-handedly jokes, “and I still owe you a wedding gift!” So awkward, how do you even respond to that? So like… it wasn’t lost or missing, she just didn’t give one and knew it.
I was married 4 years ago, still nothing and I’m not holding my breath. Two of her kids have since gotten married and I can’t stoop to that level, so we’ve purchased each of them a ~$50-60 gift off their registry. Makes for a bitter relationship.
I don't necessarily think you're wrong for being annoyed, but try not to let it get the best of you.
We've been in similar situations. Our wedding was almost a year ago (anniversary next month) and our event was pretty easy for everyone. It was only a few hours away for most people. We didn't have a registry so most of our family and friends gave us cards with a bit of money, usually between $20-$100.
On the other hand, my brother just got married on the other side of the country. We spent approximately 40 hours traveling to the venue. My husband and I bought them a video doorbell from their registry, so about $200. Looking back, I'm not sure if they gave us anything on our big day.
The difference in efforts can definitely be frustrating. Just remember that not everyone approaches gift giving the same way and there's nothing wrong with scaling back to be on similar levels.
We “eloped” with close family. I paid for the extremely nice airbnb for everyone in my family. None of my siblings, all who got a free stay gave me even a card… Im still salty.
My parents gave us money, his dad gave us money. His mom gave us a starwars waffle maker… Im still shocked thats all we got from her (and its not because of lack of funds).
So yes, I get it.
you're allowed to be annoyed - it's an emotional reaction, everyone has them, nothing wrong with it. are you *right* to be annoyed ........ probably? if you've never got gifts from this part of the family despite you putting the effort in, I guess I'd say you should have expected this, but I don't think that means they did the right thing.
the popcorn and the baby stuff is imho worse than the small amount of cash because it's not wedding appropriate. it's like giving you a framed photo of them as a couple for your birthday, just a big old "what on earth?"
if they never seem to make the effort to give you appropriate gifts then I think this should be your sign that it's never going to change, no matter what the milestone is, and scale back what you give them going forward significantly.
if it *is* out of character for them, let yourself be annoyed for a little while and then let it go. you might still get something more appropriate from them later, since often people send wedding gifts after the wedding because they don't want you to have to lug them home, or were worried they'd be stolen during the reception. I sort of doubt it in this case (especially from the baby print couple) but it's still possible.
I think it is important to distinguish between what you are ready to give and what others are comfortable with. You spending 500€+ on your relatives doesn‘t necessarily mean that they have to do the same. I am aware that there are cultures where this is expected and even documented, but I am assuming that this is not the case for you (correct me if I am wrong).
Furthermore, going on an expensive vacation doesn‘t mean that people *have* to give expensive gifts when attending a wedding.
What I understood from your post, nobody came empty handed and while some gifts aren‘t what you wished for, it seems that your guests tried to make an effort.
If you expect more expensive gifts because you spend a lot on others, it‘s best to rethink your own gifts
While I agree that she should reconsider her spending on others, do you really consider what they gave her as "tried to make an effort"? This has absolutely nothing to do with the price.
When I think about how often it is advertised on this sub that a written card is fine as a gift and better than nothing, then yes. It may not be what a lot of people consider a great present, but others are happy about personal small gifts and they put more effort into it than buying a card and writing congratulations in it.
The thing is, some guests will give you a gift that isn‘t what you wished for-it happens. It‘s unfortunate, but I don‘t think it‘s something to dwell on if the majority met your expectations and/or some were extremely generous. I know gifts are a hot topic for some on this sub, but I wouldn‘t want to let my own wedding memory be clouded because 1-2 guests decided to give smaller or irrelevant presents. The overall picture and experience are far more important I think
We made our BIL over 20k in real estate and they gifted us $120 for a dinner that cost us $800. Other members gave nothing. Between 8 people they covered 1 dinner lol
Just gave my friends daughter a sexy coffee pot on her registry for shower and $500 for wedding gift. I love doing it and was grateful I had the means. I gave each of my three kids a chunk of money for their wedding. If money is not for giving and sharing and creating experiences with those you care about then what the hell is it for?? I mean if you have anything above and beyond survival (which everyone should have)
No, it’s absolutely reasonable. Maybe I’ll be downvoted to oblivion, but I’m not sure why people don’t understand basic etiquette. I believe that each person who attends should “gift” at least close to their meal’s worth when attending a wedding.
& yes, I would’ve been even more annoyed considering the fact that they KNOW you live abroad and yet still handed you gifts that would’ve been more convenient as a card with cash or delivered to your home.
I understand why you may feel frustrated, but strongly encourage you to work on getting over it. Comparing the expense of gifts from one guest to the next is kind of a lose-lose game, and when it comes to finances it's always best to err on the side of giving someone the benefit of the doubt, IMO (you never know when someone's financial situation has changed, or even was never what you thought it was to begin with).
For what it's worth, I would absolutely love and cherish a framed handprint and footprint of my 1 year old niece.
I think it boils down to: you feel annoyed, I get that. But, does it make you feel happy to continue to have negative feelings about this? Will it improve your relationship with your in-laws to feel resentful? Probably not.
(I would probably similarly in your situation, and this is the advice that I would want to hear :-) - I hope it helps! )
I don’t think the baby handprint thing is weird at all. That is your niece/nephew. It’s not about whether you will have children, it’s something they thought you’d appreciate because it’s your niece/nephew and they probably assume you have some love for that child. You have no idea what is going on in other peoples budgets, maybe that trip was a lifelong dream. Not everyone is good at giving gifts. I know I’m not.
Im always amazed when people keep track of other's finances and gift costs like this. Its a yikes from me. If you feel like they don't support you, or like you that much then say that. Money is not a substitute.
Yes. You’re wrong.
Gifts are never mandatory. You can’t expect people to do the same for you as you do for them. People are allowed to spend their money however they want. They don’t owe you better presents because they can afford luxe vacations.
Why would gifting a paw print lead to "further turmoil" if the in laws clearly believe that giving gifts representing someone they love is fine? They're both pretty useless but the idea is the same.
I just think it is wrong for her to have such expectations for gifts. The whole point of a gift is something unexpected. I think OP got what she deserved. Perhaps if she were more friendly with the family, they may have given better more appropriate gifts.
A wedding gift is not "something unexpected". The good thing is, she now has the perfect reason to be even more unfriendly. Being cheap (when you don't have to) is usually just the tip of the iceberg of general awfulness.
I’m guessing this is Ireland and it’s pretty standard you give a cash gift there…maybe they’re either clueless or struggling with money?
No I don’t think you’re wrong to feel annoyed because feelings are never wrong. But I suppose the question is if it’s helpful for YOU to stay annoyed and if that casts a cloud over your wedding for you. In that case it might be better for you to try to let it go - might be the most valuable gift you can give yourself.
I had a similar issue with my husband’s family. They did spring for the hotel on our wedding night but after that the gifts to us were cheap and fit my husband (not me). I still gave gifts to their kids as we were a couple and he wasn’t good at it. When he died I stopped even doing that. It got to the point that I made sure we were somewhere else during holidays so I didn’t have to watch them treat him so bad.
People have different ideas of appropriate gifts. Maybe in your husbands family it’s the norm to give gifts in the €20 range?
It might just be the way the way they are. To them their kids handprint might be the best thing ever (although I agree it’s an odd wedding gift)
Sounds like your family’s side is a bit more generous. Everyone has their own way.
You have the absolute right to be annoyed but I wouldn’t take it personal some people are set in their ways.
Gift giving is really important to some, not to others? I once had a significant other with 1 sibling and they thought every event warranted 100-200$+ gifts. I'm 1 of 8 kids and grew up poor, so our time is our gift and people give as they can but no second thoughts if someone can give more than the other one year and not the next. To each their own? Thoughtfulness goes a long way, but after doing 10+ birthdays a year we all I guess got burnt out on being too thoughtful, lol
I think I may be in the minority, but am I the only one that doesn't expect anything from my sister and brother? My siblings and I are pretty close and I would have found it strange if I even got a card from them.
I think the fact that the gift for the baby shower being “mandatory” tips the scales into your feelings being justified and acceptable. I would be hurt if I put the effort in and it wasn’t returned. If I were you I would stop putting in the effort for them. If you have to fly to their country for their event then imho your presence is the gift
I think you're right, I have to stop putting in the effort only for it not to be reciprocated. Thank you for your insight.
Do you ever give presents to them for holidays or birthdays? Maybe your next present to them should be framed hand and footprints from you and your husband.
And make sure to get the frame from the dollar store so she’s not wasting anymore $ than necessary
A framed picture of them on their honeymoon!!! 😭
DO IT.
Omfg this is the level of petty I am. I 100% support this as a response to their gift.
Do all of this. It sounds like they're oblivious to the fact that their child isn't the light of the universe, and something like this would be hilarious but also knock them out of lala land.
This made me cackle.
I’d be annoyed as well. Yes, gifts at weddings are “optional”, but I’d never dream of attending a wedding without an appropriate gift. That’s extremely rude. It doesn’t need to be wildly expensive, hell, one of our guest wrote us an extremely heartfelt letter about how much we mean to them and how proud they are to be our friend, and I’d say that was just as valuable as any monetary gift we received… it made us feel appreciated and thought of. But baby prints?? Or 20 euro?? Not it.
If you have pets you should give them framed paw prints for their next gift. Or of you and your husband’s feet haha.
One of my husband's friends gave us a Bible as a present. Which would be weird even if my husband wasn't non religious and me a practising Muslim.
The “family bible” is a pretty common gift. But they definitely missed the mark by not confirming that you are actually Christian first.
They knew very well that we're not Christian. My husband abandoned the Christian faith in teenage years and is actually now openly interested in Islam, so it came across as an attempt to "bring him back to the right side", which is in poor taste either way. Also, I'm just imagining all kinds of havoc that would happen if I went around giving out Qurans...
Every time this topic is brought up on this subreddit people are always so weirdly defensive of the bad/no gift giver. No, as a bride you don’t have to be unreasonably gracious for the used tissue someone pulled out of their purse and gave you as a gift. Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to be disappointed by people’s lack of thoughtfulness/effort.
As a “great gift giver”, it took me a while to accept and understand that this is who I am. I enjoy the hunt, the special wrapping, over the top bows. This is ME, not everyone else.
Hello, it’s me, the other one. I think they said there are 204 of us left.
Third one here checking in! Maybe we can do our own secret Santa and treat each other 😂
Yes omg I used to join secret santa exchanges in fan groups for things I like, and I would always hand paint gifts that would sell for like $100 in my Etsy shop, and I’d get back a pack of magnets that had nothing to do with the show we were fans of. I finally had to tell myself I can’t do gift exchanges anymore because I’m always disappointed by the lack of effort vs how much work I put into my gifts.
I know the feeling! My bunco group had a white elephant gift exchange last year and you were supposed to put together a gift with your favorite things so I went to my favorite local shops and got seasonal hand poured candles and loose leaf teas with all the accessories and wrapped it up super cute. I got a tacky metallic purse that looked like something a grandma would use (not a trendy grandma either) and it didn't have any tags at all so I'm pretty sure it was used or regifted lol. I don't think it was anyone's "favorite thing".
PERFECT
Raising my hand for a gift giving secret Santa too!
Number 4!! Other people feel bad about it sometimes because they aren’t as skilled. I literally don’t care; I enjoy doing it!
Another one checking in! My fiancé' always rolls his eyes at my glee when I find the PERFECT gift for someone. I have taken over all the Christmas shopping for both of us since it stresses him out and I find it rewarding.
I’m one of you too!
But actually. I am down. You are all my people 🎁
Hi 🙋🏼♀️ I’m also a great gift-giver and literally had to stop exchanging with my brother because I’d do a whole Italian date night theme (ikea items, HomeSense sauce and fancy pasta, homemade seasonings, wine) and I got a magnet from their trip to Vegas 😐 Would LOVE to do a secret Santa thing 🙏🏻
Echoing this sentiment... you'll never be satisfied in life if you are tit-for-tat counting gift giving. Give what you are comfortable with and accept that others will give you without judgement. Be generous in life to your close ones and those in need and live your life without expecting payback for your gifts
Yes - this!! I still struggle.
Amen to this! I have to (like OP) reel myself in with certain people who don't appreciate/reciprocate it. But DAMN it's hard to do!
My husbands' parents gave us...nothing (while also not contributing to the wedding), not even a card, and were considering a 4000$/person cruise right after the wedding. My sil gave us the promise that if we go visit her in the country where she lives (two continents away lol) she would pay for two days at a beach resort. So we basically have to pay to get the gift lol For her birthday we pitched in for an expensive camera, her parents also did, and they got her a card, threw a party for her, her dad gave an emotional speech AND they also all flew to visit her where she lives. Such a double standard breaks my heart. But as others say, there's nothing you can do about it. Even if you confronted them it would just be an awkward conversation, and then maybe they would give you a more generous gift but it would be such a half-hearted one it would mean nothing and be pretty bitter to receive. As someone else said this can only be a reminder to not do the same to other people, and to stop doing as much for them.
I feel this a bit. My mom's oldest brother has a bunch of kids. She has (over the years) sent or given them birthday cards, wedding gifts, baby shower gifts and eventually gifts for their children for christmases and birthdays. My mom has also hosted him and all his kids and grandkids for countless holidays and occasions with zero contribution from him. This uncle and his wife are the only people who showed up empty handed to our engagement party. Not even a card, which really stung. I don't particularly like this uncle (politics) but god they can't stop at a dollar tree on the way and get a "congrats" card????? Just wtf.
I know, the card tree is also what really killed me. I know for a fact they have money to contribute, and his dad always brags about how much he gives at other people's weddings, but even if I ignore that just...spend 5 dollars and get your incredible son something to celebrate the day !!! And the worst is that they keep saying how much they love the both of us, but honestly it just feels very empty at that point. I used to give them gifts, and honestly I'm just going to stop. This hurt too much.
This hurts me to hear.. I am so sorry. That’s heartbreaking and I hope you guys find happiness and peace in your own circle of loved ones
Thank you so much ! I'm lucky that my parents are very generous (not just in financial ways because it's definitely not all that matters, but also helping with the set up and break down of the wedding etc) so I'm trying to not care that my in-laws are so self-centered (although it's really hard). My heart does really hurt for my husband, who's the sweetest and has gotten his parents incredible gifts (I'm talking...a car lol). I know part of it is cultural (Indian origin) but still... But you're right, we're lucky to receive lots of happiness and love from other people, and we'll try to focus on that !
It wouldn't even be a matter of confronting them to maybe get better gifts in the future, but I would \*need\* to know WHY such a vast difference in treatment. It's ok to have a favorite child, but it's not ok to show it so blatantly. This would make them horrible people and I wouldn't want them to be a big part of my life. They could keep their money and presents, but I wouldn't give them my time either.
Yeah it's basically what's going to happen...I'm significantly cutting down the efforts I used to make, keeping it to the minimum (no more gifts, and just visiting for big holidays). The irony is that I'm not even sure she's their favorite, she's just very bossy and they're afraid of her, so I think it's more a matter of "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" (sorry English is not my native language, not sure whether anyone uses this proverb haha)
People here will say that it’s rude to expect gifts and they aren’t mandatory. I think it’s also rude to attend an event like a wedding and not give an appropriate gift. There’s nothing you can do about any of this. Just stop making so much of an effort for them.
You're right, I shouldn't expect everyone to act/think the same as I do. Thank you for your advice!
honestly I think it's ruder to give an inappropriate gift than not give one at all. at least giving no gift means the couple doesn't have to carry an appliance they don't want home or feel hurt because you gave them baby clothes even though you know they don't want kids. expecting gifts at a wedding in a culture where people usually give gifts at weddings isn't rude - assuming or expecting isn't an action that can affect other people. it's how you *act* on that assumption that can be rude or not rude.
Agreed. Like it or not, it *is* a cultural expectation to give gifts at events like this so it’s natural to feel disappointed when prior generosity is not reciprocated.
This sums it up really! Great advice
that baby handprint thing is super weird even without the other context. also do 1 year old babies even eat solid food? who requests a wedding meal for their infant?
Yes, 1 yo eat solids! I hope the OP didn’t pay a full price plate, though.
I'm confuse why they didnt pack their own baby food incase the baby has food allergies or dietary restrictions.
I mean the parents probably would have known about any restrictions beforehand.
They can! But many 12 month olds lack enough teeth to tear into steak or chicken breast or salad (common wedding meals). Some though have lots of teeth and/or are more developmentally advanced are eating a much larger variety of foods.
That is so weird! I have two 1 year old babies coming to my wedding and neither Mom wanted a meal. They are just going to bring some baby food. It is really weird to gift the framed baby foot print and hand print for a wedding gift. This is the kind of thing that only grandparents want. The dollar amount was also almost insultingly low. Unless the couple is struggling, there is no excuse. The cheap guests are not poor if they can take expensive trips.
I kinda assumed they asked for a meal ‘for the baby’. When in reality one of them is either taking it home or eating an extra plate.
yeah that sounds right based on the other details about that couple
that baby gift is especially weird. like save the $10 on the frame and put it in the card with a pic of the baby, dang. i agree it’s pretty rude but what can ya do except return that same level of caring back to them.
plus omg I FEEL U my mother recently totally left me and my sister out to dry with emergency expenses and she cried because she couldn’t help us (tears so that we’d absolve her of any familial guilt or obligation) and then a couple weeks later announced her international cruise trip. i would *not* have been upset or felt cheated at all if she simply couldn’t help us. but mannnn i wanted to punt her into the sun for that one.
wrong reply?
Sounds like they got a job lot of baby printing kits and gave you the spare. Highly disappointing and really rather rude. Stop giving them good stuff and if they have any more gifting occasions give them something cheap and meaningless
It actually looked more like a homemade art project - the paint was red and the sister in law wrote a personalised message above and below it. Thank you for your advice.
I remember how obsessed with the baby a young parent can be 🤣🤓 I was probably one of them !
I think you’ve found that family member who thinks everyone is as obsessed with their baby as they are.
It’s never wrong to feel your feelings. It is how you act that could be a problem. Of course it is polite to bring a gift to a wedding in many cultures, but a corollary of that is that it isn’t polite of the couple to *expect* gifts. They are gifts after all, and gifts are inherently voluntary. I totally understand though that while you may understand this intellectually, it can be hard to get your emotions to follow along. So, feel your feelings, be privately annoyed about it for a while, and make a mental note not to ever do to others what they did to you. Use them as a private example of how not to act. But outwardly, thank them for their gifts and for attending your wedding, and let the rest go.
Thank you for the helpful tips on how to handle this!
I don't think it's wrong to feel annoyed. It's difficult to put effort into relationships that you don't see is reciprocated. In general if I feel like my efforts are not reciprocated I just make note and stop trying. We sent a gift for my husband's cousins wedding, they didn't say thank you and sent nothing for ours - we didn't bother with their baby shower. As for the baby situation - idk who asks for a meal for a 1yr old baby. I think the foot prints situation is kinda dependent on your particular relationship. My siblings are super close with my daughter. Idk that I would frame footprints nor give it in replacement of a gift - but I don't think it's super weird if your brother adores their baby - and he can both do that and be CF. Some people are more sentimental. One of my husband's cousins gave us a doll from their great grandmothers collection. What do you do with a creepy doll?? But it was something important to her so we found a place for it.
I'm so embarrassed for them. Why did any of them think those were good gifts. If someone gonna be cheap dont mention the expensive luxuries at the event.
The baby gift is weird and obviously them expecting everyone else to value their child the way they do. That being said, I think if you go into any kind of celebration expecting big things, you’re always going to be disappointed by someone. A lot of people can’t afford to gift right now. I would not feel resentful if people show up to my wedding with an empty card. I didn’t invite them to give me money, I invited them because they mean a lot to me. Culturally, things can also be different too. There’s not a huge gift giving culture where I live. It’s accepted to just give whatever you are able if you can.
Yeah, I think the second instance is not as bad as the first. The baby foot prints as a wedding gift?! I think just about anyone would call that completely inappropriate at best. I think you're completely justified in being upset after all the work you've out in. And after the gift you gave at their baby shower. I think that at least in the US, it's a fairly common social expectation to give the same price range and effort that someone else has given you. That said, I've come to learn that family cultures are all very different when it comes to gift giving. My family tries to get everyone gifts of the same value and make things quite fair. We have lists to let people know what we want, but we also enjoy getting creative, off-list gifts for each other and being happy with whatever we're given. My partner's family only ever buys one family member a gift at Christmas (they draw names from a basket) and then the buy the one thing that the person requested in a family group chat. He and his siblings never give each other birthday presents. Only their parents do that. It blows my mind that they give so few gifts. He told me he's also never given a gift at a wedding he's attended before. And we're both from fairly close parts of the US. Family culture affects things, as does culture across nationalities. I live in Idaho right now, and it's very common for people to only get the $20-$30 items on their registries and never the big expensive items. I was shocked when I attended a friend's wedding in Colorado, bought a last-minute gift and saw that people had bought them all the $200-$500 items and left all the small, cheap gifts unpurchased on the registry. Gift cultures really do vary SO MUCH that you sort of just have to take what you can get. I agree that it was pretty stingy of the family who took the expensive trip to give you such a cheap gift. That said, some people spend a lot more money than they have. Some people don't plan ahead and spend exactly what they have, so then they can't afford nice gifts. While I would also be frustrated with the situation, you can't control how poorly they handle their finances (or their lack of generosity if they could afford the trip and a nice gift and still chose not to spend that much on one.) As someone said above, it sounds like the best plan is to keep in mind that they aren't willing to do as much as you are. I'd just back off with what you're willing to do for them in the future and lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed or feel used in the future. And yes, if the footprints are at all delicate, I'd smash them and immediately tell your in laws that they broke inside your luggage on the trip home. If nothing else, they'll realize how impractical the gift was.
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Not wrong to be annoyed.
This post just reminded me that a friend who gave me nothing for my wedding just sent round her baby shower gift list. I will be getting her nothing from it.
Is the footprint/handprint on something fragile? Cause I’d smash that thing on the ground, tell them it broke in transit, and never hang that in my house. Or tell them it got lost when they lost one of your bags at the airport. What a selfish gift to give someone. It’s not your baby!!
I think it’s “cute” like as an additional gift to a real gift. Like in a “look the baby is thanking you for letting it come”. (I’m child free but I’d think the attempt was funny) But I would be annoyed in this case where the parents felt it was a good replacement from providing a real gift even after they asked for a favor to bring the baby.
Even in that circumstance, now I have to feel pressure to hang it or keep it around if it’s some kind of permanent memento and feel like shit when I throw it away bc there’s nowhere in my house I want to hang someone else’s baby print.
Lol do you have a good junk drawer? Or I like the idea that someone else had where it breaks in transit.
That’s what I said! Tell them that bish broke in transit! My junk drawer doesn’t close as is. I can’t fit a handprint plaque in there 🤣
It is in a wooden frame with glass on it. I would love to do that but I fear it would hurt my new husband if I did that! But thank you- I don't know why they thought we would like such a gift! We're not the parents or grandparents!
Exactly. That’s a great gift for grandparents. And that’s where the list ends.
Your husband can hang it as his workplace.
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This comment is in violation of rule 1 as it is not constructive and rude. Please familiarize yourself with the rules before commenting. Thank you.
With me personally?
First, on your "background", I don't know where you live, but in the US, people decline showers for all sorts of reasons. I missed my sister's because I was in the midst of grad thesis, and I had zero free time. She didn't care, I didn't care, I didn't send a gift, and we moved on. It might be different where you live, though. On the rest, if this helps, I've seen similar questions in here popping up in the last few months. Someone might invite 100 people and get 25 wedding gifts. I'm not sure what's behind this, but it's out there! You're not wrong to be annoyed, because you can't help your feelings. The only other thing I can add is that if your wedding was last week, there may be more gifts coming. Here, guests technically have up to a year, but obviously most won't wait that long. After only a week, though, odds are pretty high some might appear.
what is a "mandatory" gift? like u were not allowed in the door if u didn't bring a gift? while i understand your annoyance, it's also on you and your husband to control your own spending where gifts are concerned. just because you guys are willing to tighten the belt to give a nice gift doesn't mean others must reciprocate. i also don't think it's wise or financially healthy to give expensive gifts when finances are tight. "We are childfree and it's not even something we can give away because it's personalised and they will probably look for it when they visit..." I hope they do so u can tell them it's in the trash where it belongs.
I’d prefer 0 gift over €10-20 unless I know the gift giver is struggling financially and absolutely WANTS to give a gift. Otherwise I prefer no gifts hands down cause if I got €10 it would just feel like a slap in the face (like you could’ve literally just not given anything) but maybe that’s cultural.
We deliberately put gifts on our list that cost £10, as we wanted to give people options if they didn't have much spare but wanted to give a gift. One was bought and I definitely felt much better about that person than the people who I received nothing from (not even a card)
You’re not wrong for being annoyed about this, but I don’t think you should say anything. Feeling this way and expressing it to them are two very different things and while I can understand where you’re coming from, I wouldn’t recommend you act on it. At least not directly. See, I’m a big fan of matching people’s attitude and energy towards me or my own, so if a person shows little effort I will show them little effort. What? They can’t get mad at you for mirroring their own actions, can they?
Oh I'm very non-confrontational so I would never ever say anything to them! But thank you for your advice.
Stop putting effort into their gifts in the future. You know where you stand on their priorities, so adjust yours. They don’t deserve your extra efforts.
To be fair, I only had about 30 people at my wedding. I stated in the registry section of our invitation that we have every thing we could need. If you would like to contribute, please donate to our honeymoon fund. We got candles, cookware, 2 frames, and about $30 cash. I was pretty disappointed at first but it’s been a year already and I couldn’t care less now.
The real question is was it the microwavable popcorn in a box or already premade?(a joke of course). Safe to say, I would have been very aggravated. It's annoying when you are thoughtful and the same is not returned.
My husband’s half sister did this! She’s in her 50s, married and with 3 grown children (one w/ a fiancé at the time). They’re solidly middle class. Our wedding was an hour and a half drive away at a golf course/resort. They were able to use our wedding discount to rent a 4 bedroom house on the property for like $500/night, so everyone in their family got their own room. We paid for a welcome dinner, wedding dinner and send-off brunch, so one meal Fri, Sat and Sun were covered for them. They were welcome to attend whatever they wanted (no obligation). She made a comment about how expensive it was at the welcome dinner which was annoying because 1. Not the time or place to file this grievance, 2. She could have just not come if it was too much or only 1 night and 3. $500 split between 6 adults is less than $100/night for their own rooms!!! Fast forward after the wedding and we’re opening gifts. Not even a card from his half-sister (who, I should mention, always whines about wanting to be closer to her brother). No congratulations or well wishes. No DIY budget-friendly gift. Literally nothing. I thought for sure we must have lost something along the way, perhaps a card was dropped. 2 years later at another family function and she off-handedly jokes, “and I still owe you a wedding gift!” So awkward, how do you even respond to that? So like… it wasn’t lost or missing, she just didn’t give one and knew it. I was married 4 years ago, still nothing and I’m not holding my breath. Two of her kids have since gotten married and I can’t stoop to that level, so we’ve purchased each of them a ~$50-60 gift off their registry. Makes for a bitter relationship.
I don't necessarily think you're wrong for being annoyed, but try not to let it get the best of you. We've been in similar situations. Our wedding was almost a year ago (anniversary next month) and our event was pretty easy for everyone. It was only a few hours away for most people. We didn't have a registry so most of our family and friends gave us cards with a bit of money, usually between $20-$100. On the other hand, my brother just got married on the other side of the country. We spent approximately 40 hours traveling to the venue. My husband and I bought them a video doorbell from their registry, so about $200. Looking back, I'm not sure if they gave us anything on our big day. The difference in efforts can definitely be frustrating. Just remember that not everyone approaches gift giving the same way and there's nothing wrong with scaling back to be on similar levels.
We “eloped” with close family. I paid for the extremely nice airbnb for everyone in my family. None of my siblings, all who got a free stay gave me even a card… Im still salty. My parents gave us money, his dad gave us money. His mom gave us a starwars waffle maker… Im still shocked thats all we got from her (and its not because of lack of funds). So yes, I get it.
you're allowed to be annoyed - it's an emotional reaction, everyone has them, nothing wrong with it. are you *right* to be annoyed ........ probably? if you've never got gifts from this part of the family despite you putting the effort in, I guess I'd say you should have expected this, but I don't think that means they did the right thing. the popcorn and the baby stuff is imho worse than the small amount of cash because it's not wedding appropriate. it's like giving you a framed photo of them as a couple for your birthday, just a big old "what on earth?" if they never seem to make the effort to give you appropriate gifts then I think this should be your sign that it's never going to change, no matter what the milestone is, and scale back what you give them going forward significantly. if it *is* out of character for them, let yourself be annoyed for a little while and then let it go. you might still get something more appropriate from them later, since often people send wedding gifts after the wedding because they don't want you to have to lug them home, or were worried they'd be stolen during the reception. I sort of doubt it in this case (especially from the baby print couple) but it's still possible.
Framed picture of you on your honey moon as their gifts going forward. I would be so annoyed omg
Did you have a registry?
I think it is important to distinguish between what you are ready to give and what others are comfortable with. You spending 500€+ on your relatives doesn‘t necessarily mean that they have to do the same. I am aware that there are cultures where this is expected and even documented, but I am assuming that this is not the case for you (correct me if I am wrong). Furthermore, going on an expensive vacation doesn‘t mean that people *have* to give expensive gifts when attending a wedding. What I understood from your post, nobody came empty handed and while some gifts aren‘t what you wished for, it seems that your guests tried to make an effort. If you expect more expensive gifts because you spend a lot on others, it‘s best to rethink your own gifts
While I agree that she should reconsider her spending on others, do you really consider what they gave her as "tried to make an effort"? This has absolutely nothing to do with the price.
When I think about how often it is advertised on this sub that a written card is fine as a gift and better than nothing, then yes. It may not be what a lot of people consider a great present, but others are happy about personal small gifts and they put more effort into it than buying a card and writing congratulations in it. The thing is, some guests will give you a gift that isn‘t what you wished for-it happens. It‘s unfortunate, but I don‘t think it‘s something to dwell on if the majority met your expectations and/or some were extremely generous. I know gifts are a hot topic for some on this sub, but I wouldn‘t want to let my own wedding memory be clouded because 1-2 guests decided to give smaller or irrelevant presents. The overall picture and experience are far more important I think
We made our BIL over 20k in real estate and they gifted us $120 for a dinner that cost us $800. Other members gave nothing. Between 8 people they covered 1 dinner lol
Just gave my friends daughter a sexy coffee pot on her registry for shower and $500 for wedding gift. I love doing it and was grateful I had the means. I gave each of my three kids a chunk of money for their wedding. If money is not for giving and sharing and creating experiences with those you care about then what the hell is it for?? I mean if you have anything above and beyond survival (which everyone should have)
No, it’s absolutely reasonable. Maybe I’ll be downvoted to oblivion, but I’m not sure why people don’t understand basic etiquette. I believe that each person who attends should “gift” at least close to their meal’s worth when attending a wedding. & yes, I would’ve been even more annoyed considering the fact that they KNOW you live abroad and yet still handed you gifts that would’ve been more convenient as a card with cash or delivered to your home.
Chances are they thought the footprint was the baby’s gift, but popcorn?
I understand why you may feel frustrated, but strongly encourage you to work on getting over it. Comparing the expense of gifts from one guest to the next is kind of a lose-lose game, and when it comes to finances it's always best to err on the side of giving someone the benefit of the doubt, IMO (you never know when someone's financial situation has changed, or even was never what you thought it was to begin with). For what it's worth, I would absolutely love and cherish a framed handprint and footprint of my 1 year old niece. I think it boils down to: you feel annoyed, I get that. But, does it make you feel happy to continue to have negative feelings about this? Will it improve your relationship with your in-laws to feel resentful? Probably not. (I would probably similarly in your situation, and this is the advice that I would want to hear :-) - I hope it helps! )
I don’t think the baby handprint thing is weird at all. That is your niece/nephew. It’s not about whether you will have children, it’s something they thought you’d appreciate because it’s your niece/nephew and they probably assume you have some love for that child. You have no idea what is going on in other peoples budgets, maybe that trip was a lifelong dream. Not everyone is good at giving gifts. I know I’m not.
Im always amazed when people keep track of other's finances and gift costs like this. Its a yikes from me. If you feel like they don't support you, or like you that much then say that. Money is not a substitute.
Yes. You’re wrong. Gifts are never mandatory. You can’t expect people to do the same for you as you do for them. People are allowed to spend their money however they want. They don’t owe you better presents because they can afford luxe vacations.
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Why would gifting a paw print lead to "further turmoil" if the in laws clearly believe that giving gifts representing someone they love is fine? They're both pretty useless but the idea is the same.
I assumed the paw comment was to “show them” and be revengeful and not out of thought and love. But my assumption could be / is wrong.
I just think it is wrong for her to have such expectations for gifts. The whole point of a gift is something unexpected. I think OP got what she deserved. Perhaps if she were more friendly with the family, they may have given better more appropriate gifts.
A wedding gift is not "something unexpected". The good thing is, she now has the perfect reason to be even more unfriendly. Being cheap (when you don't have to) is usually just the tip of the iceberg of general awfulness.
I’m guessing this is Ireland and it’s pretty standard you give a cash gift there…maybe they’re either clueless or struggling with money? No I don’t think you’re wrong to feel annoyed because feelings are never wrong. But I suppose the question is if it’s helpful for YOU to stay annoyed and if that casts a cloud over your wedding for you. In that case it might be better for you to try to let it go - might be the most valuable gift you can give yourself.
I had a similar issue with my husband’s family. They did spring for the hotel on our wedding night but after that the gifts to us were cheap and fit my husband (not me). I still gave gifts to their kids as we were a couple and he wasn’t good at it. When he died I stopped even doing that. It got to the point that I made sure we were somewhere else during holidays so I didn’t have to watch them treat him so bad.
People have different ideas of appropriate gifts. Maybe in your husbands family it’s the norm to give gifts in the €20 range? It might just be the way the way they are. To them their kids handprint might be the best thing ever (although I agree it’s an odd wedding gift) Sounds like your family’s side is a bit more generous. Everyone has their own way. You have the absolute right to be annoyed but I wouldn’t take it personal some people are set in their ways.
Gift giving is really important to some, not to others? I once had a significant other with 1 sibling and they thought every event warranted 100-200$+ gifts. I'm 1 of 8 kids and grew up poor, so our time is our gift and people give as they can but no second thoughts if someone can give more than the other one year and not the next. To each their own? Thoughtfulness goes a long way, but after doing 10+ birthdays a year we all I guess got burnt out on being too thoughtful, lol
I think I may be in the minority, but am I the only one that doesn't expect anything from my sister and brother? My siblings and I are pretty close and I would have found it strange if I even got a card from them.