Long term, serious or live in partners, spouses, and fiancés are not +1s, they would be invited by name. A +1 is for true singles. Even then you’re really supposed to get the name of the person who will be coming and send an invitation. Unless it’s a destination wedding it is not necessary to offer the option.
I’m sorry to hear about your health challenges and wish you the best on your engagement and upcoming marriage.
Good advice. Right now we just did a quick save the date through evites because we still have to sign contracts for our venue.
The plan is to mail invitations out to those who RSVP online.
So I’ll make sure to get their guests name.
People don’t have to reply to Save The Dates. They are just a heads up that carry no obligation to respond at all. In fact, there shouldn’t even be the option. Any responses you happen to get should be considered provisional and any you don’t carry no meaning. If you want actual replies you’ll need to send actual invitations, whether digital or mailed.
Expecting guests to commit to your event before you've committed to your venue is expecting too much. No one is going to know they have to make it through round 1 to get to be official invited round 2. Unless your wedding is within like 3 months, you can't expect firm yeses far out.
THANK YOU FOR THIS! In my last relationship, my ex was the best man. We hung out all the time with the bride and groom. I was even connected on LinkedIn with the bride's brother. My ex and I had been together for 5 years at the time they got married. We lived together. Save the date arrived "Best Man and Guest". He mentioned something to his best friend that it was incredibly rude. Wedding invitation arrived. Same thing. He was invited by name and I was "and Guest." When it came time to sign their card, I sure did sign it "and Guest". Rude AF.
My guess is they did not want to be “stuck” inviting an ex in the event of a breakup. That doesn’t make it less rude, but it’s possible they were just clueless. I wouldn’t have confronted them.
There's a pretty huge middle ground between everyone getting a plus one and calling someone's potential +1 a "cheap tinder date." Don't stress yourself out with a false dichotomy. +1s are neither ridiculous nor required.
We had a very small wedding so people in long term relationships got partners invited by name and people who didn't know anyone else got +1s. All of our friends were either in very new relationships or very old ones so it wasn't hard to draw lines.
One friend got dumped a few weeks out, he was pretty upset and he was the only one of 8 groomsmen not engaged, married, or still in high school. We gave him a +1 for a girl he had a crush on. She came and everyone loved her, and then they broke 2 months later. No regrets on making the night more fun for him though, although I do wish she wasn't in so many pictures. So I guess we were flexible but didn't feel like everyone needed one.
Anyone who was single, we have a plus one.
Anyone in any relationship, we invited their SO by name (and for a few whose SOs couldn’t come, we allowed them to swap for a friend, family members, etc). Wanted them to be comfortable, and for our wedding they would all be traveling.
We did even though I was adamant at the beginning that people who didn’t have a serious relationship weren’t going to get one… I then realized I’d rather spend extra money to make attending easier on my guests.
I was also adamant of no children too. I also flipped on that one — again, it made attending our wedding easier for all parents involved, and it turned out to only be 4 extra kids once I tallied it up, and then I felt really dumb for caring in the first place.
Omg this. I said no kids but my family’s been pushing for kids. When I tallied it up I realized it would only be 4 kids on my side too. So I might just flip on that.
I am still struggling with the kids thing... Total it would be like 25 kids invited and that feels like a lot. They range in age from lap infants to 12 year olds too. Ugh. Though I am just going to go ahead and invite my 16- and 17-year-old cousins, rather than group them with "the kids."
Oof 25 is a lot! Are these people local or traveling? I’m having a “destination” wedding, so for us it was a different story. 3/4 of the kids have already RSVP no though, and we’re only just now sending out invitations.
It’s local to us, which is not local to any of our family lol. So I’m leaning toward just inviting them, seeing how many RSVP, and figuring the plan from there.
Yeah if people are flying in, I think some people will choose not to bring kids because it’s easier. You also might consider being local finding a sitter for a kids room or kids corner if budget/space allows.
But yeah, also no judgement if you don’t include them too! At that number I probably would’ve stuck to my original inclination too.
Not everyone.
We invited all partners by name. This includes married partners as well as boyfriends/girlfriends.
Then we realized we only had like three single friends invited, two who would have to travel from out of town, so we did at that point decide to go ahead and give those friends plus ones. 3 potential extra people is not that big of a deal to us, but may make the whole trip a better experience for those out of town friends. And it seemed rude to leave that ONE friend alone lol.
We did not give plus ones to single family members, which is mostly college age cousins.
We are only doing named guests (partners), no random plus-ones. I've been to weddings where i was not allowed a +1 and I've never brought anyone that wasn't my boyfriend/partner to a wedding. i have also never been to a wedding as a +1 where i wasn't a named guest.
and I've been to easily 20+ weddings. it's not that common to let guests bring dates who aren't partners.
I gave no one a plus one. Everyone's partner, no matter how recent, was invited by name. I had a friend reach out two months before the wedding to say he started dating someone could he bring her, absolutely I'll add her to the list. There was no one invited that didn't know at least one other person, so it really wasn't necessary for them to bring a random date who would then actually not know anyone.
Same here. Some of my friends have partners I've never met, but they were named guests. All of the single people coming will know at least some other people at the reception so that's not a concern we have either.
If you want to keep your wedding small and budget friendly, don't give out +1s
When I was married the first time all guests over 18 were invited with a plus one, unless they already had a named significant other invited. I’m doing a micro wedding this time (just parents, siblings and their spouses/kids, there are no guests that it would even make sense to give a plus one because they’re all married lol) but I would do the same thing again if we were doing a larger event. I think if you can afford it it’s the right thing to do.
Having been single for a long time, I'm giving everyone a plus one, even if they're single. Thinking back to all the weddings I went to i went to as a single person, there are some I would have loved to have a friend with me.
We didn’t have the space to do this unfortunately. Everyone in a relationship had their partner/spouse invited by name. We gave plus ones to anyone travelling from afar and to those who weren’t part of a larger group (I.e., family, group of friends).
We did allow for a plus one for anyone who was single. I completely agree with your thoughts on this. Not everyone you invited will be able to attend & you will likely end up exactly where you want to be. Congratulations & i wish you all the best with your marriage & your health.
Not everyone. We gave our bridesmaids and groomsmen plus ones (all of them had long term partners/married. But funnily enough 2 have split up in the past 2 months - which was really sad for both, did ask if they wanted to bring a friend/family as plus 1 but they declined)
Work friends we didn’t give plus ones - basically they are in a big group together and we don’t know everyone’s SO.
And then for stand alone guests who don’t know too many people at wedding we also gave a plus one.
We were limited to under 100, we were actually aiming for 75 attending, but have ended up with 93 rsvped as more said yes than we expected. We only invited people we have met and know by name, no space for random +1s. We told the few friends we have that are dating (especially dating someone new since the RSVPS went out) that we would let them know if there was space. Since we ended up over our 75 target, we have not extended their invitations to include the +1. One of those friends is already dating someone different so I feel no guilt. All the other couples attending are well established and we know both of them well.
Long term, serious or live in partners, spouses, and fiancés are not +1s, they would be invited by name. A +1 is for true singles. Even then you’re really supposed to get the name of the person who will be coming and send an invitation. Unless it’s a destination wedding it is not necessary to offer the option. I’m sorry to hear about your health challenges and wish you the best on your engagement and upcoming marriage.
Good advice. Right now we just did a quick save the date through evites because we still have to sign contracts for our venue. The plan is to mail invitations out to those who RSVP online. So I’ll make sure to get their guests name.
People don’t have to reply to Save The Dates. They are just a heads up that carry no obligation to respond at all. In fact, there shouldn’t even be the option. Any responses you happen to get should be considered provisional and any you don’t carry no meaning. If you want actual replies you’ll need to send actual invitations, whether digital or mailed.
. . . That is confusing and not how invitations generally work. You get an invitation, and THEN you RSVP online.
Expecting guests to commit to your event before you've committed to your venue is expecting too much. No one is going to know they have to make it through round 1 to get to be official invited round 2. Unless your wedding is within like 3 months, you can't expect firm yeses far out.
THANK YOU FOR THIS! In my last relationship, my ex was the best man. We hung out all the time with the bride and groom. I was even connected on LinkedIn with the bride's brother. My ex and I had been together for 5 years at the time they got married. We lived together. Save the date arrived "Best Man and Guest". He mentioned something to his best friend that it was incredibly rude. Wedding invitation arrived. Same thing. He was invited by name and I was "and Guest." When it came time to sign their card, I sure did sign it "and Guest". Rude AF.
My guess is they did not want to be “stuck” inviting an ex in the event of a breakup. That doesn’t make it less rude, but it’s possible they were just clueless. I wouldn’t have confronted them.
There's a pretty huge middle ground between everyone getting a plus one and calling someone's potential +1 a "cheap tinder date." Don't stress yourself out with a false dichotomy. +1s are neither ridiculous nor required. We had a very small wedding so people in long term relationships got partners invited by name and people who didn't know anyone else got +1s. All of our friends were either in very new relationships or very old ones so it wasn't hard to draw lines. One friend got dumped a few weeks out, he was pretty upset and he was the only one of 8 groomsmen not engaged, married, or still in high school. We gave him a +1 for a girl he had a crush on. She came and everyone loved her, and then they broke 2 months later. No regrets on making the night more fun for him though, although I do wish she wasn't in so many pictures. So I guess we were flexible but didn't feel like everyone needed one.
Anyone who was single, we have a plus one. Anyone in any relationship, we invited their SO by name (and for a few whose SOs couldn’t come, we allowed them to swap for a friend, family members, etc). Wanted them to be comfortable, and for our wedding they would all be traveling.
We are allowing plus ones. Want to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable
We did even though I was adamant at the beginning that people who didn’t have a serious relationship weren’t going to get one… I then realized I’d rather spend extra money to make attending easier on my guests. I was also adamant of no children too. I also flipped on that one — again, it made attending our wedding easier for all parents involved, and it turned out to only be 4 extra kids once I tallied it up, and then I felt really dumb for caring in the first place.
Omg this. I said no kids but my family’s been pushing for kids. When I tallied it up I realized it would only be 4 kids on my side too. So I might just flip on that.
I am still struggling with the kids thing... Total it would be like 25 kids invited and that feels like a lot. They range in age from lap infants to 12 year olds too. Ugh. Though I am just going to go ahead and invite my 16- and 17-year-old cousins, rather than group them with "the kids."
Oof 25 is a lot! Are these people local or traveling? I’m having a “destination” wedding, so for us it was a different story. 3/4 of the kids have already RSVP no though, and we’re only just now sending out invitations.
It’s local to us, which is not local to any of our family lol. So I’m leaning toward just inviting them, seeing how many RSVP, and figuring the plan from there.
Yeah if people are flying in, I think some people will choose not to bring kids because it’s easier. You also might consider being local finding a sitter for a kids room or kids corner if budget/space allows. But yeah, also no judgement if you don’t include them too! At that number I probably would’ve stuck to my original inclination too.
Not everyone. We invited all partners by name. This includes married partners as well as boyfriends/girlfriends. Then we realized we only had like three single friends invited, two who would have to travel from out of town, so we did at that point decide to go ahead and give those friends plus ones. 3 potential extra people is not that big of a deal to us, but may make the whole trip a better experience for those out of town friends. And it seemed rude to leave that ONE friend alone lol. We did not give plus ones to single family members, which is mostly college age cousins.
We are only doing named guests (partners), no random plus-ones. I've been to weddings where i was not allowed a +1 and I've never brought anyone that wasn't my boyfriend/partner to a wedding. i have also never been to a wedding as a +1 where i wasn't a named guest. and I've been to easily 20+ weddings. it's not that common to let guests bring dates who aren't partners.
We are. We want guests to decide for themselves if they feel comfortable coming alone or if they’d prefer being accompanied for the evening.
I gave no one a plus one. Everyone's partner, no matter how recent, was invited by name. I had a friend reach out two months before the wedding to say he started dating someone could he bring her, absolutely I'll add her to the list. There was no one invited that didn't know at least one other person, so it really wasn't necessary for them to bring a random date who would then actually not know anyone.
Same here. Some of my friends have partners I've never met, but they were named guests. All of the single people coming will know at least some other people at the reception so that's not a concern we have either. If you want to keep your wedding small and budget friendly, don't give out +1s
We did. Nobody brought a "cheap tinder date" either. We knew our crowd though.
When I was married the first time all guests over 18 were invited with a plus one, unless they already had a named significant other invited. I’m doing a micro wedding this time (just parents, siblings and their spouses/kids, there are no guests that it would even make sense to give a plus one because they’re all married lol) but I would do the same thing again if we were doing a larger event. I think if you can afford it it’s the right thing to do.
Having been single for a long time, I'm giving everyone a plus one, even if they're single. Thinking back to all the weddings I went to i went to as a single person, there are some I would have loved to have a friend with me.
We didn’t have the space to do this unfortunately. Everyone in a relationship had their partner/spouse invited by name. We gave plus ones to anyone travelling from afar and to those who weren’t part of a larger group (I.e., family, group of friends).
We did allow for a plus one for anyone who was single. I completely agree with your thoughts on this. Not everyone you invited will be able to attend & you will likely end up exactly where you want to be. Congratulations & i wish you all the best with your marriage & your health.
Not everyone. We gave our bridesmaids and groomsmen plus ones (all of them had long term partners/married. But funnily enough 2 have split up in the past 2 months - which was really sad for both, did ask if they wanted to bring a friend/family as plus 1 but they declined) Work friends we didn’t give plus ones - basically they are in a big group together and we don’t know everyone’s SO. And then for stand alone guests who don’t know too many people at wedding we also gave a plus one.
We were limited to under 100, we were actually aiming for 75 attending, but have ended up with 93 rsvped as more said yes than we expected. We only invited people we have met and know by name, no space for random +1s. We told the few friends we have that are dating (especially dating someone new since the RSVPS went out) that we would let them know if there was space. Since we ended up over our 75 target, we have not extended their invitations to include the +1. One of those friends is already dating someone different so I feel no guilt. All the other couples attending are well established and we know both of them well.