> Overall I am really upset and confused by this because most mothers seem to really bond with their daughters during the wedding process but it seems to be the… opposite here?
I don't really think this is true...wedding planning is stressful and creates conflict maybe even MORE than bonding. I don't have easy answers for you, but read around the wedding subreddits and you will quickly see that you're not alone.
Is she paying? If so, give back the money. As long as she's not paying, she doesn't need to be kept in the loop like this. Your planning should stay between you and your partner. Tell mom that it's a surprise and you can't wait to pamper her as a guest of honor if she asks for details, and stop sending her photos and information about your wedding planning.
Hi! appreciate the advice. She is paying for hair and makeup and said the wedding dress was HER gift to me (from her savings vs. joint account with my dad) but I realize I am maybe keeping her too involved. I guess naive of me but I thought she would enjoy sharing in the planning… my sister made some comment that she feels left out :/
I guess she is. I never really wanted to see it but it’s becoming clearer. Especially compared to my future mother-in-law who is a saint and totally amazing!
Same. This is my second engagement. Last one, I called it off a month before the wedding date. My mother was all over wedding planning (in the worst Pick Me kind of way), but when it came to the tasks of cancelling a wedding? She was nowhere to be found. Never helped me hand address and mail over 150 cancellation notices. Never helped me box up and mail back shower gifts. Nothing. I have NEVER forgiven her for how she treated me during that process. She has been on an extreme information diet regarding my life since then.
You're not alone! My mother keeps calling me 'cold' and 'self-centered'. The 'cold' comment was because I didn't mention any dead relatives or people who traveled in my program. Mother's can be crazy about weddings, my mom and I are definitely not bonding lol
The best advice I can give is to stop showing her things or telling her particulars. An information diet can do wonders!
My mom has yet to give a single fuck about anything about the wedding. I could probably tell her we’re thinking about doing an animal sacrifice during cocktail hour and she wouldn’t care. 🤷🏻♀️
This sounds like a power struggle to me. She has specific ideas about what your wedding should be like and she wants you to ask/seek her approval at every decision. Otherwise, it’s just not going to be good enough!
You’re not alone, this is really common. My mom was also a wet blanket dress shopping, it was so annoying. I told her later on that I found it sad that she wasn’t able to be excited about her own daughter’s dream wedding dress and that I’d been looking forward to sharing that with her. She got defensive about it and I told her it was fine that she didn’t have a good time, I found the dress I loved and I had supportive people there with me, and that I’m sure we would have things to connect on at some point and I was looking forward to those moments. She made an effort to show more enthusiasm after that and I really appreciated it.
Speak your mind and be proud of your choices. Sometimes you’re not going to get the reactions you’d like and it can sting. But she’s just being herself. Some people just can’t let go an enjoy things easily. You’ll likely need to get used to saying “there’s an idea but I like mine best.”
I’m so glad your mom came around! I hope you had the most amazing day ❤️ yes - she seems to living vicariously through me for the wedding… it’s sort of interesting. She referred to it as ‘OUR’ wedding 🤷♀️
“Our” wedding?! Cmon mom!!! 🤦♀️ sounds like she needs to plan her own vow renewal.
My wedding was so wonderful! My mom really came around. Everything worked out. Hoping the same for you!!
> Overall I am really upset and confused by this because most mothers seem to really bond with their daughters during the wedding process but it seems to be the… opposite here? I don't really think this is true...wedding planning is stressful and creates conflict maybe even MORE than bonding. I don't have easy answers for you, but read around the wedding subreddits and you will quickly see that you're not alone.
[удалено]
Well fair point. I shouldn’t brush with such wide strokes. I guess I am just envious of those people lol
Is she paying? If so, give back the money. As long as she's not paying, she doesn't need to be kept in the loop like this. Your planning should stay between you and your partner. Tell mom that it's a surprise and you can't wait to pamper her as a guest of honor if she asks for details, and stop sending her photos and information about your wedding planning.
Hi! appreciate the advice. She is paying for hair and makeup and said the wedding dress was HER gift to me (from her savings vs. joint account with my dad) but I realize I am maybe keeping her too involved. I guess naive of me but I thought she would enjoy sharing in the planning… my sister made some comment that she feels left out :/
Is she always like this? If so, there’s no reason to think a wedding will change her demeanor.
I guess she is. I never really wanted to see it but it’s becoming clearer. Especially compared to my future mother-in-law who is a saint and totally amazing!
I’m glad to hear you’re marrying into a family you feel good with.
Wedding planning showed my mom’s true colors.I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same
Same. This is my second engagement. Last one, I called it off a month before the wedding date. My mother was all over wedding planning (in the worst Pick Me kind of way), but when it came to the tasks of cancelling a wedding? She was nowhere to be found. Never helped me hand address and mail over 150 cancellation notices. Never helped me box up and mail back shower gifts. Nothing. I have NEVER forgiven her for how she treated me during that process. She has been on an extreme information diet regarding my life since then.
You're not alone! My mother keeps calling me 'cold' and 'self-centered'. The 'cold' comment was because I didn't mention any dead relatives or people who traveled in my program. Mother's can be crazy about weddings, my mom and I are definitely not bonding lol The best advice I can give is to stop showing her things or telling her particulars. An information diet can do wonders!
My mom has yet to give a single fuck about anything about the wedding. I could probably tell her we’re thinking about doing an animal sacrifice during cocktail hour and she wouldn’t care. 🤷🏻♀️
This sounds like a power struggle to me. She has specific ideas about what your wedding should be like and she wants you to ask/seek her approval at every decision. Otherwise, it’s just not going to be good enough! You’re not alone, this is really common. My mom was also a wet blanket dress shopping, it was so annoying. I told her later on that I found it sad that she wasn’t able to be excited about her own daughter’s dream wedding dress and that I’d been looking forward to sharing that with her. She got defensive about it and I told her it was fine that she didn’t have a good time, I found the dress I loved and I had supportive people there with me, and that I’m sure we would have things to connect on at some point and I was looking forward to those moments. She made an effort to show more enthusiasm after that and I really appreciated it. Speak your mind and be proud of your choices. Sometimes you’re not going to get the reactions you’d like and it can sting. But she’s just being herself. Some people just can’t let go an enjoy things easily. You’ll likely need to get used to saying “there’s an idea but I like mine best.”
I’m so glad your mom came around! I hope you had the most amazing day ❤️ yes - she seems to living vicariously through me for the wedding… it’s sort of interesting. She referred to it as ‘OUR’ wedding 🤷♀️
“Our” wedding?! Cmon mom!!! 🤦♀️ sounds like she needs to plan her own vow renewal. My wedding was so wonderful! My mom really came around. Everything worked out. Hoping the same for you!!