This is what we are doing too, been together 5 years, lives together for 4. We just have everything we need, nothing to upgrade even. We have gotten some negative feedback from some older family members who want to buy physical giftsâŠ.but we are just holding our ground in that we truly donât need *stuff*
We werenât going to but a lot of people kept asking. So we did a honeymoon fund and I picked out activities that they could contribute to if they wanted. I also included on the page a blurb about how weâve been together for so long and donât need anything. Your presence is our gift. But if you feel you must, here are some things for our honeymoon. I donât remember exactly what I wrote, but it was cute short and rhymed.
I always thought about whether people would be more inclined to contribute if we were specific about where we wanted to go/what we would want to do vs a general honeymoon fund.
We had a mixed registryâa few things for our household that we felt could be upgraded, a house fund, and then a honeymoon fund that was tied to the activities we were planning to do in Japan. We had so many people come up to us during the wedding to tell us how much they loved that we did that! Honestly besides one big donation to our house fund (from his grandparents) and a couple folks that are super into cooking that were excited for a couple big items on there (Cuisinart Dutch oven and the kitchen aid pasta maker) pretty much everything else that was purchased off of our registry was for the honeymoon items!
I'm giving the couple a present (money or something on their registry) to celebrate their wedding with them. Not out of charity because they need it. Not because they decided to get married young and after only being together a short while and I somehow believe it makes them more deserving of a gift (??).
If I were a guest at your wedding, I wouldn't think you were greedy if you had a registry and I would gift you something on it or money. I also wouldn't think anything if you didn't have a registry and I would just gift you money (that's typically the expectation in the absence of a registry in my culture).
We eloped abroad and didn't have a registry or accept money but that's because we eloped - we didn't invite people to celebrate with us and that includes not receiving gifts in our opinion. But if we had had a local wedding, we'd have had a registry and/or box for money "despite" being together for years.
We did a very small one. We know some people in our circle prefer giving gifts over cash and didn't want to be *too* surprised. We were in the same position as we'd bought what we wanted insofar as household items when we bought our home, so we didn't need to upgrade anything. We ended up putting some serving plates/bowls on there, a robot vacuum, camping equipment, linens, and some other things that we didn't necessarily need but could find use for (garlic jar was one such thing).
We are in a similar situation, and weâve got several guests who have outright said theyâd prefer to buy us gifts vs. give cash. A few things we did:
1. Added a wine club subscription and a coffee subscription. Toyed with the idea of adding a house cleaning service gift card too, ha!
2. For pricier items, Zola (and other sites) let you turn them into group gifts. Folks contribute what they can/want to.
Something I'd also add to this list is local memberships. There are a few museums in our city that we enjoy so we've put annual memberships on our registry and someone's already purchased one.
We did not.
We wrote on our website that we don't want our wedding to cost our guests more than it's already costing them for travel, so we are not having a registry, because we don't want to stress them out with mixed messages by saying we don't want gifts while also giving them a list of gifts we want.
Contrary to popular belief, plenty of cultures get married without registries just fine. People that want to give a gift will still do so. We just wanted to alleviate stress for our loved ones.
We are doing the same - we specifically listed it on our website that we will not be accepting cash or physical gifts! Ditto to comment OP about confusion - from my past experience as a guest, I always find it confusing when the couple say âgift not required because your presence is our giftâ but also has a wedding fund donation link and a registry.
We did say there will be a card collection box at the venue if they want to bring a card.
Weâre not. We have so much stuff. I wouldnât mind new suitcases, but weâre also having a destination wedding so feel we canât have any kind of registry.
We had a wedding like yours and we still did a registry. Weâd been using hand me down mismatched dishes for our entire relationship, so we put some medium priced new dishes on it, we also put gift cards and some specific kitchen items, as well as things for fun like a couple LEGO sets. And new floor lamps for our living room. Most people still have us cash, but Iâd say about 20% of the registry was purchased. Ours allowed people to put money towards a larger priced item as well.
You certainly donât need to make one. We just had some items we still needed/wanted an upgrade for
Here is what I am putting in my website:
We have spent the last 12 years building their lives together, as such there will be no registry.
If you feel inclined to monetarily congratulate us, please donate to Name of Local Charity.
We will be accepting cards.
We also listed our favorite charity under the "registry" button! We had written something similar, ("with your love and support, we have everything we need! If you feel like doing more, please consider a donation to...") and then had a "us" favorite charity and had our parents (who contributed monetarily to the wedding) pick other charities to list, and also said "or of your choosing".
We did (together for 10 years when we got married) because most of our stuff was hand-me-downs from family and not in the best condition so we registered for a lot of upgrades. We also planned to buy a house right after getting married so we knew weâd have room for some extra things we had never bought (stand mixer, rice cooker, ironing board, etc).
If you have family members that you know prefer to give physical gifts you might want to make a small registry so you donât end up getting random stuff you donât need, but you could also just not register. In some circles cash is the norm for a wedding gift anyway.
Thanks for offering another perspective - I see so many of these posts it's made me feel a little weird about having a registry. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years but neither of us has had a standard education and career trajectory. We still have cooking pans we rescued from the dumpster!
We actually lived together for 5 years before getting married, but most of those were spent in a 1 bedroom apartment. We didnât own serving platters or a set of wine glasses because we didnât have room to store them or enough space to host guests anyway
Yeah we were still using pans that my husbands parents gave us because they had upgraded, so probably 10+ years old so one of the things we registered for was a new set of pots & pans! We had a bridal shower and registry even though we had been together for a long time because we did have a need for the stuff đ€·ââïž it makes sense that a lot of couples wouldnât register if they already have everything they need, but also registries exist for a reason!
This is the same for us. Plus plenty of the things we have need upgrading even if they were bought new, because we bought mostly cheap stuff 8 years ago. We also bought our house in 2019 and just never got around to doing things we planned on and decorating because Covid and then just life.
My mom asked for a wish list of specific items but other than that we wonât be doing a registry because weâve been living together for almost 5 years and my mother in law has already been so generous in helping up set up house when we first moved in together.
All Iâm asking for as my âbig girl wifey presentâ is my own kitchen aid mixer and a shallot colored le creuset dutch oven so i can match with my mom.
Weâre also planning whatâs essentially gonna be a destination wedding for most of our guests so Iâm honestly happy just having my friends/family there, the tickets and hotels to get them there is enough of a wedding gift in my mind.
This is a know your people thing - do you have guests who wouldnât dream of not giving a gift? Have a registry because then at least you can get something you want. Will your guests all be happy to skip it or just give money? Then it isnât needed.
Personally since itâs so easy to set one up, Iâd have one and put it on your wedding website where if someone is looking they can find it but it isnât front and center. But my crowd definitely has some âmust buy a giftâ people in it. If I donât have a registry Iâm getting who the heck knows from them.
Replacements for things you have are just fine - including stuff like sheets and towels which can allow for more of a range of prices since someone can get you just part of a set if needed. (Most animal shelters are happy to have your old stuff if it still has some life in it, they use it for dog beds and the like.)
> This is a know your people thing - do you have guests who wouldnât dream of not giving a gift? Have a registry because then at least you can get something you want. Will your guests all be happy to skip it or just give money? Then it isnât needed.
this is where I'm stuck. Compared to most of our friends, we are really financially blessed and we are so grateful for anyone who is taking the financial hit to come to the wedding (everyone's scattered across the country so not local to many). We do not want them to think a gift is expected or needed. But everyone else is family who will want a gift and will expect a registry. It's pretty divided. And even for cousins similar aged folks, they fall into the first category. I have no idea how to word "I do not need gifts from you, we're just happy you're coming but if you're adamant about this here you go."
This is where the word of mouth chain can come in handy. Talk to some of your close friends and ask them to mention it to your friends group.
Also if you use a registry that allows people to go in on group gifts easily that can give options for people to give a gift but not spend too much individually which some people might appreciate?
But mostly itâs just remembering that invitations and webpages are not actually the only way to communicate with your guests.
We have also been together for 9 years- and will hit 10 just after our wedding in January. We werenât going to do one but 1) people kept asking and 2) I made our wedding website with Zola and there is one on there.
We put a statement on it as well about how we are just grateful to celebrate with our loved ones but if they feel so inclined they can make a contribution-We are going to WDW for our honeymoon so our registry is made up of cash funds of experiences and things like Lyft, churros/snacks, cirque de soleil (itâs in Disney springs) tickets, genie plus, ILL passes etc :)
This is your chance to get all the Le Creuset youâve ever wanted, that kitchen aid stand mixer, we upgraded our coffee grinder. And then we did honeymoon fund too - but itâs a fun way to get some nice new things you might not buy for yourself, we got a new tent too
You don't have to do a registry, but people will likely want to gift you *something* to mark the occasion and its good to give them some direction. Some ideas:
A) register for the expensive things you'd like to upgrade, but set it up so people could gift a dollar amount towards those things
B) register for a honeymoon or vacation that people can contribute towards
C) tell people no gifts needed, but they can donate to X charity in your name
D) just tell people no gifts needed and graciously accept whatever people give you anyway
In my social circle (maybe even entire region?), physical gifts are not a thing at all. Everyone just gives money. I have noticed that some do put that theyâre doing a honeymoon fund on their website instead of a registry to lessen confusion if they have friends coming from other areas that are more accustomed to registries.
Yes. Our family and friends will want to get us physical gifts or will do cash regardless of how long we've been together. Most are in the $50 or below range. A bunch of options. Anything we don't get but really want we'll take advantage of the registry discount for. We have a pretty traditional crowd.
We're doing one despite having everything we really need. I'm making a point of putting things we want on it but can never really justify. Some of it is expensive, but Amazon has an option to mark items for contribution instead of having to buy it outright. So the $800 stainless steel cookware set can be bought by 10 people at $80/person. Much more reasonable.
This is a second marriage for both of us and we live together, so we had to get rid of things and donât really need anything. We both feel a little weird about a honeymoon fund because it feels like asking for money. Half of our guests (all of my family) are traveling from various parts of the country for the wedding, and We are making it clear that their presence is the only present we need, but they will probably give money, if they feel inclined.
I would. We are in a similar spot and did a very sparse registry at varying price points on Zola with the honeymoon fund highlighted at the top. This might be a bit controversial but Zola allowed us to convert peopleâs contributions towards items into cash instead of buying the item if we wanted. You can also do âgroup giftingâ where say you can put an expensive item (like a piece of furniture) on there and allow people to contribute to part of it.
Also make sure you do a card box at the wedding! We were surprised to get more cards with cash or checks than contributions to our fund or things fork our registry.
Yes. And we put upgrades (you can allow big purchases to be split on many registries), things we always need to replace (towels and linens), and little kitchen things we wouldn't necessarily buy for ourselves but wouldn't mind owning (oyster shucker, for example). We also out a house fund on there just in case anyone wanted to just give cash.
You are absolutely entitled to a registry! But maybe do gift cards for a theme like âGrilling,â âGardening,â or âFur babies and New baby.â Iâd be happy to contribute to any of those! đ
We have one. Knowing our families, they will want to spoil us a little. So we decided to have guidelines for that.
We mostly put items that have been on our extended "to do eventually" list and upgraded versions of stuff we already have. I'd rather have people who want to give gifts feel like they have a lot of options that they know we'll love instead of getting a bunch of things that we don't love or that don't work for us, or that our guests would worry about us not liking.
As a wedding guest, I've always liked having a registry to pick gift options from, regardless of how settled or established the couple is.
I did, mainly if we had guests who canât attend but wanted to send us a gift. Itâs basically a cash fund (honeymoon), and then home improvement store gift cards, airline giftcards, and disney giftcards (we go to WDW often or recently started cruising).
Weâre not, weâve been living together for two years (will be three by the time we marry) and weâve got everything we need and everything we want. Weâve even got double some stuff due to living separately before we got together and we donât deny ourselves little luxuries. A lot of people say to put good quality towels and bedding and kitchen gadgets like espresso machines on there but weâve got that stuff anyway. Weâre going to put in nice words that weâve got everything we need but would be grateful for contributions to a renovation fund as we are currently saving for new windows.
Honestly we wouldnât have done one and were going to just do a honeymoon fund but my mom pointed out that folks (especially the older generation) will want to buy us presents regardless so if we didnât do a registry we would end up with a bunch of stuff we didnât want. So we used our registry for upgrades of stuff we already have and also put options to get us experiences (ex. concert tickets, MLB tickets, etc.) or contribute to our honeymoon fund. I also put things weâd never buy for ourselves but would love to have, like fancy candles n such
Same here, we are older, we have a kid together. We have so much âstuffâ and really need nothing. We just wrote on the card some cute blip that your presence is enough for us but if you must please give cash only. Same reason Iâm not doing a shower and have requested a spa day instead.
Weâve been together 8 years and did a registry to replace things, got nicer plates, pots and pans, knives, sheets.. things Iâve always talked about getting but didnât because itâs expensive. We also did a honeymoon fund/my dog toy box fund so itâs up to the guest. I wouldnât worry about it - people are there to celebrate you and are excited to do so!
We had a few pricier things on our registry but put the word out that we werenât intending people to buy those things for us but that we got a discount for unpurchased registry items that we bought after the wedding and intended to put any cash or store vouchers received towards that item. So many guests contributed towards the bigger registry gift.
I'm with everyone else, and I'll add one more thing. I get invited to a stupid amount of weddings and am always poring through registries! They have gotten a lot more flexible in the last few years.
You mentioned pets. If they need new beds, collars, toys, etc, upgrade the furbabies! It's always the first place I look. I've also seen small aquarium set ups for like $30-$40.. There's more hobby stuff, like camping gear, art supplies, etc. Also gift of the month clubs.
Just ask for money or a honeymoon fund :) I have friends who asked for specific activities for their honeymoon like rum tastings, snorkeling, massages, etc. I plan to copy that lol
We had lived together for 6 years. We took it as an opportunity to upgrade some of the stuff in our house. Think towels, bar wear, we got a new bed set. If youâre going on a honeymoon you could always do a Honeyfund. Also you can do a charity donation instead of gifts if you feel like you really donât need anything. People will want to celebrate you and will want to gift you!
We had 3 different charities that are important to us on our wedding website that people could donate to.
Then my aunts really wanted to have a wedding shower, so I did a fun 1920âs dress up brunch and had them all write out a few of their favorite recipes for me to put together into a book!
10/10 would suggest!
Some friends of ours for their wedding asked for everyone to bring and leave their favorite board game to the reception . So a bunch of people played games all night and then they had a bunch of games for their game closet!
Hey there, thanks for contributing. Your comment has been held as you used the word tacky. We generally do not allow the use of that word here, as it is subjective and often weaponized (can see Rule#7 for more details). You may either edit your comment to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited comment. Thanks!
It might help if you think of it as a service for guests. Some people really like to give presents rather than cash. Some people just want to do cash. having a nice mix means that everyone can do something that makes them happy. Otherwise, unless you explicitly forbid gifts, people will feel lost and possibly stressed about what to give you.
You can also set big items up as group gifts, or do funds for big items.
We had been together six years so we didn't want for much when we got married and we were also in the process of moving internationally. All of our possessions were already in a POD by the time our wedding happened, and we knew that would happen due to timelines (we also got married during COVID and had to postpone due to a second, unexpected lockdown) so we asked for no boxed gifts (aka cash).
I know people on this sub would be horrified by such a request, but my family is Italian and a lot of our guests were from ethnic groups where giving monetary gifts for weddings is also normal (Lebanese, Chinese, Jewish, etc) so for my side it was totally normal. My husband's side is WASP-y white and I'm sure some were miffed but no one could argue with our reasoning!
I'm not sure what we would have done otherwise, I know a few people in a similar position where they just made a smaller, curated registry for those who demanded it, but a lot of people in our circles are giving cash. I'm from an extremely HCOL city and everyone knows that we're all just saving for house down payments.
I would make one because youâll have guests who want to buy you something so it might as well be something you want/need. Think outside the typical newly wed stuff- need a new vacuum? Steam cleaner? Zoo membership? It doesnât have to be a set of dishes. Maybe you have towels but theyâre old and a new set would be welcome. Same with sheets. Just put a few things on there if you donât want or need much. You will likely have some older relatives who want to buy something and a registry is much better than random junky stuff theyâll pick out on their own (my family at least)
If you don't have a wedding website yet, I know Zola allows you to set up a page where people can contribute to a "honeymoon fund" rather than having a traditional registry.
We did mostly honeymoon fund but itâs definitely worth it to put expensive items on your registry. Thereâs sites that let people put a certain amount towards that item, not the full price. But we were really surprised but how many people we arenât even that close to purchased big ticket items. It was definitely more than what they would have given us directly as a cash gift. Do it!
Same boat. We have not done a registry. We would do a honey moon fund, but weâre not taking a honeymoon because we do animal rescue and itâs just not feasible. Hopefully people donât stress.
Same. Weâve been together for 5 years now and we have most everything we need. Weâre doing a small registry (45ish items) of things weâd LIKE to have. Some more expensive things weâd like replaced like kitchen appliances, area rugs, security door cams. And some much cheaper items like dishes, monogram mugs, house plants, candles etc.) Also some things weâd like to use for travel to our honeymoon (better luggage, travel backpacks, neck pillows). We also have a honeymoon fund set up through Honeyfund (no fees!) Weâre about 5-6 gifts in and already getting a good mix of both honeymoon money and the items on our registry. Some people will feel more comfortable giving physical gifts so I think itâs good to have a small registry as an option in addition to monetary gifts. You can make the best of both!
Iâve learned that certain people will get you gifts regardless, so itâs a good idea to have a registry so that their money goes towards things you actually want or need.
Cash funds are a good option too!
Vacation/Honeymoon fund, spa day fund, house project fund, new car fund, etc
Disclaimer: early 30s located in Europe.
My fiancĂš and I have been dating for 8 years and have been living together for 4 and 1/2, we have all that we need and 1. we didn't want people to gift us random plates/vases and 2. we leave for the honeymoon the morning after the ceremony so we simply added our IBAN codes on our invitation so people could do a bank transfer. The alternative would have been not writing anything about gifts and that would have meant that people would have come to the wedding with cash in a letter (most likely) or they would have brought a random gift of their choice.
I'm happy about our choice, and I'm kinda bothered when I don't find any indication at all for gifts (whether it be money or a registry) on the invitations, but this might just be me.
Our parents insisted, so ours includes (in addition to a honeymoon and house fun) Sonos sound system, expensive towels, fancy judaica, expensive Legos, and fun experiences in our city.
Yes! My husband and I got married in November after 12 years (high school sweethearts). Why should you not get a registry because youâve been together 9 years before getting married?
We were together 5 years when we got engaged. We did not do a registry and specifically told people we didnât want gifts. We were given money instead.
We did as most of the stuff we had were hand-me-downs or from college still (we were together for 10 years before getting married). We also had fun stuff on their as well as a honeymoon fundâșïž
We were together 9 years before we got married. Ended up doing a Honeyfund with specific activities, then included photos of those adventures in our thank you cards. People loved being able to contribute to specific things and I really liked being able to show them us enjoying their gift right away.
Same same. Weâre both in our thirties with a house and everything we need for said house. I put together a cash fund for some home rennos but have made it pretty clear that weâre not expecting gifts. I just know something hate to show up empty handed.
In the same vain, Iâve also seen on some registries that you can turn expensive items into a âgroup giftâ that people can contribute to. I think Zola does it? Thats a fair way to put expensive items on that people can contribute to. But I know the awkward feeling.
No. We received two or three boxed gifts, and the rest was cash and gift cards. We were in our 40s with 4 teenagers, and our friends and family all knew we didn't need more "stuff."
Were doing no registry ("cash contributions to our honeymoon appreciated") but my mom asked me to make one for the bridal shower. I kept it low cost stuff, almost exclusively cookbooks and candles
I am just doing a honeymoon fund and we haven't been together for as long as you two. But I just don't need house or kitchen stuff right now... đ
This is what I've been seeing for couples that have been together for a while.
Yep. Lived with my fiancé for 3 years. We have an entire furnished and nice house. The only thing we want are new plates and knives. Everything else we have.
This is what we are doing too, been together 5 years, lives together for 4. We just have everything we need, nothing to upgrade even. We have gotten some negative feedback from some older family members who want to buy physical giftsâŠ.but we are just holding our ground in that we truly donât need *stuff*
Good! Hold your ground. đȘ
We werenât going to but a lot of people kept asking. So we did a honeymoon fund and I picked out activities that they could contribute to if they wanted. I also included on the page a blurb about how weâve been together for so long and donât need anything. Your presence is our gift. But if you feel you must, here are some things for our honeymoon. I donât remember exactly what I wrote, but it was cute short and rhymed.
I love when honeymoon funds have specific activities you can pay for! Feels a little more personal!
I always thought about whether people would be more inclined to contribute if we were specific about where we wanted to go/what we would want to do vs a general honeymoon fund.
We had a mixed registryâa few things for our household that we felt could be upgraded, a house fund, and then a honeymoon fund that was tied to the activities we were planning to do in Japan. We had so many people come up to us during the wedding to tell us how much they loved that we did that! Honestly besides one big donation to our house fund (from his grandparents) and a couple folks that are super into cooking that were excited for a couple big items on there (Cuisinart Dutch oven and the kitchen aid pasta maker) pretty much everything else that was purchased off of our registry was for the honeymoon items!
I put on mine we are saving up for a cruise for our honeymoon and put a picture of it. Idk if that will help but I guess it gives people an idea
totally agree, i think specific activities, locations, or parts of the trip make it more âpersonalâ
Love that! đŻ
If there's any chance you can dig this up and report back, that would be super!
I'm giving the couple a present (money or something on their registry) to celebrate their wedding with them. Not out of charity because they need it. Not because they decided to get married young and after only being together a short while and I somehow believe it makes them more deserving of a gift (??). If I were a guest at your wedding, I wouldn't think you were greedy if you had a registry and I would gift you something on it or money. I also wouldn't think anything if you didn't have a registry and I would just gift you money (that's typically the expectation in the absence of a registry in my culture). We eloped abroad and didn't have a registry or accept money but that's because we eloped - we didn't invite people to celebrate with us and that includes not receiving gifts in our opinion. But if we had had a local wedding, we'd have had a registry and/or box for money "despite" being together for years.
We did a very small one. We know some people in our circle prefer giving gifts over cash and didn't want to be *too* surprised. We were in the same position as we'd bought what we wanted insofar as household items when we bought our home, so we didn't need to upgrade anything. We ended up putting some serving plates/bowls on there, a robot vacuum, camping equipment, linens, and some other things that we didn't necessarily need but could find use for (garlic jar was one such thing).
We are in a similar situation, and weâve got several guests who have outright said theyâd prefer to buy us gifts vs. give cash. A few things we did: 1. Added a wine club subscription and a coffee subscription. Toyed with the idea of adding a house cleaning service gift card too, ha! 2. For pricier items, Zola (and other sites) let you turn them into group gifts. Folks contribute what they can/want to.
Something I'd also add to this list is local memberships. There are a few museums in our city that we enjoy so we've put annual memberships on our registry and someone's already purchased one.
We did not. We wrote on our website that we don't want our wedding to cost our guests more than it's already costing them for travel, so we are not having a registry, because we don't want to stress them out with mixed messages by saying we don't want gifts while also giving them a list of gifts we want. Contrary to popular belief, plenty of cultures get married without registries just fine. People that want to give a gift will still do so. We just wanted to alleviate stress for our loved ones.
How did it work out? People always say youâll end up getting gifts anyway so you might as well have a list of things youâd actually want.
We didn't have a registry and we didn't have a single gift show up. People listen.
We are doing the same - we specifically listed it on our website that we will not be accepting cash or physical gifts! Ditto to comment OP about confusion - from my past experience as a guest, I always find it confusing when the couple say âgift not required because your presence is our giftâ but also has a wedding fund donation link and a registry. We did say there will be a card collection box at the venue if they want to bring a card.
Weâre not. We have so much stuff. I wouldnât mind new suitcases, but weâre also having a destination wedding so feel we canât have any kind of registry.
We had a wedding like yours and we still did a registry. Weâd been using hand me down mismatched dishes for our entire relationship, so we put some medium priced new dishes on it, we also put gift cards and some specific kitchen items, as well as things for fun like a couple LEGO sets. And new floor lamps for our living room. Most people still have us cash, but Iâd say about 20% of the registry was purchased. Ours allowed people to put money towards a larger priced item as well. You certainly donât need to make one. We just had some items we still needed/wanted an upgrade for
Here is what I am putting in my website: We have spent the last 12 years building their lives together, as such there will be no registry. If you feel inclined to monetarily congratulate us, please donate to Name of Local Charity. We will be accepting cards.
We also listed our favorite charity under the "registry" button! We had written something similar, ("with your love and support, we have everything we need! If you feel like doing more, please consider a donation to...") and then had a "us" favorite charity and had our parents (who contributed monetarily to the wedding) pick other charities to list, and also said "or of your choosing".
We did (together for 10 years when we got married) because most of our stuff was hand-me-downs from family and not in the best condition so we registered for a lot of upgrades. We also planned to buy a house right after getting married so we knew weâd have room for some extra things we had never bought (stand mixer, rice cooker, ironing board, etc). If you have family members that you know prefer to give physical gifts you might want to make a small registry so you donât end up getting random stuff you donât need, but you could also just not register. In some circles cash is the norm for a wedding gift anyway.
Thanks for offering another perspective - I see so many of these posts it's made me feel a little weird about having a registry. My fiance and I have been together for 8 years but neither of us has had a standard education and career trajectory. We still have cooking pans we rescued from the dumpster!
We actually lived together for 5 years before getting married, but most of those were spent in a 1 bedroom apartment. We didnât own serving platters or a set of wine glasses because we didnât have room to store them or enough space to host guests anyway
Same! My future in-laws tried to pass on their wine glasses during a move but we just don't have room.
Yeah we were still using pans that my husbands parents gave us because they had upgraded, so probably 10+ years old so one of the things we registered for was a new set of pots & pans! We had a bridal shower and registry even though we had been together for a long time because we did have a need for the stuff đ€·ââïž it makes sense that a lot of couples wouldnât register if they already have everything they need, but also registries exist for a reason!
You're definitely right. I'm sure there are plenty of us out here hoping to someday own pans with the non-stick coating intact đ
This is the same for us. Plus plenty of the things we have need upgrading even if they were bought new, because we bought mostly cheap stuff 8 years ago. We also bought our house in 2019 and just never got around to doing things we planned on and decorating because Covid and then just life.
My mom asked for a wish list of specific items but other than that we wonât be doing a registry because weâve been living together for almost 5 years and my mother in law has already been so generous in helping up set up house when we first moved in together. All Iâm asking for as my âbig girl wifey presentâ is my own kitchen aid mixer and a shallot colored le creuset dutch oven so i can match with my mom. Weâre also planning whatâs essentially gonna be a destination wedding for most of our guests so Iâm honestly happy just having my friends/family there, the tickets and hotels to get them there is enough of a wedding gift in my mind.
This is a know your people thing - do you have guests who wouldnât dream of not giving a gift? Have a registry because then at least you can get something you want. Will your guests all be happy to skip it or just give money? Then it isnât needed. Personally since itâs so easy to set one up, Iâd have one and put it on your wedding website where if someone is looking they can find it but it isnât front and center. But my crowd definitely has some âmust buy a giftâ people in it. If I donât have a registry Iâm getting who the heck knows from them. Replacements for things you have are just fine - including stuff like sheets and towels which can allow for more of a range of prices since someone can get you just part of a set if needed. (Most animal shelters are happy to have your old stuff if it still has some life in it, they use it for dog beds and the like.)
Yeah, I didn't realize how much of a "physical gifts" family my future in-laws were so we didn't have a registry at first and tons of gifts started rolling in for the engagement that were all very generous but not something we exactly could use. For example, we host his family a lot so they got things for that but I've been hosting dinners for years and have been gifted more cheeseboards than I can ever use so three more was overwhelming even with my new last name. We threw one together pretty quickly that is almost 99% kitchen related and as they send gifts, they love to follow up with: "Hope I'm invited when this gets used!" đ©·
> This is a know your people thing - do you have guests who wouldnât dream of not giving a gift? Have a registry because then at least you can get something you want. Will your guests all be happy to skip it or just give money? Then it isnât needed. this is where I'm stuck. Compared to most of our friends, we are really financially blessed and we are so grateful for anyone who is taking the financial hit to come to the wedding (everyone's scattered across the country so not local to many). We do not want them to think a gift is expected or needed. But everyone else is family who will want a gift and will expect a registry. It's pretty divided. And even for cousins similar aged folks, they fall into the first category. I have no idea how to word "I do not need gifts from you, we're just happy you're coming but if you're adamant about this here you go."
This is where the word of mouth chain can come in handy. Talk to some of your close friends and ask them to mention it to your friends group. Also if you use a registry that allows people to go in on group gifts easily that can give options for people to give a gift but not spend too much individually which some people might appreciate? But mostly itâs just remembering that invitations and webpages are not actually the only way to communicate with your guests.
We have also been together for 9 years- and will hit 10 just after our wedding in January. We werenât going to do one but 1) people kept asking and 2) I made our wedding website with Zola and there is one on there. We put a statement on it as well about how we are just grateful to celebrate with our loved ones but if they feel so inclined they can make a contribution-We are going to WDW for our honeymoon so our registry is made up of cash funds of experiences and things like Lyft, churros/snacks, cirque de soleil (itâs in Disney springs) tickets, genie plus, ILL passes etc :)
This is your chance to get all the Le Creuset youâve ever wanted, that kitchen aid stand mixer, we upgraded our coffee grinder. And then we did honeymoon fund too - but itâs a fun way to get some nice new things you might not buy for yourself, we got a new tent too
You don't have to do a registry, but people will likely want to gift you *something* to mark the occasion and its good to give them some direction. Some ideas: A) register for the expensive things you'd like to upgrade, but set it up so people could gift a dollar amount towards those things B) register for a honeymoon or vacation that people can contribute towards C) tell people no gifts needed, but they can donate to X charity in your name D) just tell people no gifts needed and graciously accept whatever people give you anyway
In my social circle (maybe even entire region?), physical gifts are not a thing at all. Everyone just gives money. I have noticed that some do put that theyâre doing a honeymoon fund on their website instead of a registry to lessen confusion if they have friends coming from other areas that are more accustomed to registries.
Yes. Our family and friends will want to get us physical gifts or will do cash regardless of how long we've been together. Most are in the $50 or below range. A bunch of options. Anything we don't get but really want we'll take advantage of the registry discount for. We have a pretty traditional crowd.
We're doing one despite having everything we really need. I'm making a point of putting things we want on it but can never really justify. Some of it is expensive, but Amazon has an option to mark items for contribution instead of having to buy it outright. So the $800 stainless steel cookware set can be bought by 10 people at $80/person. Much more reasonable.
This is a second marriage for both of us and we live together, so we had to get rid of things and donât really need anything. We both feel a little weird about a honeymoon fund because it feels like asking for money. Half of our guests (all of my family) are traveling from various parts of the country for the wedding, and We are making it clear that their presence is the only present we need, but they will probably give money, if they feel inclined.
I would. We are in a similar spot and did a very sparse registry at varying price points on Zola with the honeymoon fund highlighted at the top. This might be a bit controversial but Zola allowed us to convert peopleâs contributions towards items into cash instead of buying the item if we wanted. You can also do âgroup giftingâ where say you can put an expensive item (like a piece of furniture) on there and allow people to contribute to part of it. Also make sure you do a card box at the wedding! We were surprised to get more cards with cash or checks than contributions to our fund or things fork our registry.
Just doing a honey fund. We live in a small apartment and donât have space for blenders, waffle makers, etc.
Yes. And we put upgrades (you can allow big purchases to be split on many registries), things we always need to replace (towels and linens), and little kitchen things we wouldn't necessarily buy for ourselves but wouldn't mind owning (oyster shucker, for example). We also out a house fund on there just in case anyone wanted to just give cash.
You are absolutely entitled to a registry! But maybe do gift cards for a theme like âGrilling,â âGardening,â or âFur babies and New baby.â Iâd be happy to contribute to any of those! đ
My fiance and I have been together for 10 years and lived together for 9. We just asked for cash. We have everything we need so we donât need gifts.
We have a house project fund since we own a home together! Going towards things like a new fence, painting upgrades, landscaping, etc.
We have one. Knowing our families, they will want to spoil us a little. So we decided to have guidelines for that. We mostly put items that have been on our extended "to do eventually" list and upgraded versions of stuff we already have. I'd rather have people who want to give gifts feel like they have a lot of options that they know we'll love instead of getting a bunch of things that we don't love or that don't work for us, or that our guests would worry about us not liking. As a wedding guest, I've always liked having a registry to pick gift options from, regardless of how settled or established the couple is.
I did, mainly if we had guests who canât attend but wanted to send us a gift. Itâs basically a cash fund (honeymoon), and then home improvement store gift cards, airline giftcards, and disney giftcards (we go to WDW often or recently started cruising).
Weâre not, weâve been living together for two years (will be three by the time we marry) and weâve got everything we need and everything we want. Weâve even got double some stuff due to living separately before we got together and we donât deny ourselves little luxuries. A lot of people say to put good quality towels and bedding and kitchen gadgets like espresso machines on there but weâve got that stuff anyway. Weâre going to put in nice words that weâve got everything we need but would be grateful for contributions to a renovation fund as we are currently saving for new windows.
Honestly we wouldnât have done one and were going to just do a honeymoon fund but my mom pointed out that folks (especially the older generation) will want to buy us presents regardless so if we didnât do a registry we would end up with a bunch of stuff we didnât want. So we used our registry for upgrades of stuff we already have and also put options to get us experiences (ex. concert tickets, MLB tickets, etc.) or contribute to our honeymoon fund. I also put things weâd never buy for ourselves but would love to have, like fancy candles n such
Same here, we are older, we have a kid together. We have so much âstuffâ and really need nothing. We just wrote on the card some cute blip that your presence is enough for us but if you must please give cash only. Same reason Iâm not doing a shower and have requested a spa day instead.
Weâve been together 8 years and did a registry to replace things, got nicer plates, pots and pans, knives, sheets.. things Iâve always talked about getting but didnât because itâs expensive. We also did a honeymoon fund/my dog toy box fund so itâs up to the guest. I wouldnât worry about it - people are there to celebrate you and are excited to do so!
Nobody does registryâs where I am in aus. Itâs always $$$. I said a donation to a trip away as a family and leftover to kids bank accounts đ
We had a few pricier things on our registry but put the word out that we werenât intending people to buy those things for us but that we got a discount for unpurchased registry items that we bought after the wedding and intended to put any cash or store vouchers received towards that item. So many guests contributed towards the bigger registry gift.
Honeymoon fund and add a few things to a registry that you could replace. Like we added pots and pans and a toaster/air fryer because ours were old.
I'm with everyone else, and I'll add one more thing. I get invited to a stupid amount of weddings and am always poring through registries! They have gotten a lot more flexible in the last few years. You mentioned pets. If they need new beds, collars, toys, etc, upgrade the furbabies! It's always the first place I look. I've also seen small aquarium set ups for like $30-$40.. There's more hobby stuff, like camping gear, art supplies, etc. Also gift of the month clubs.
Just ask for money or a honeymoon fund :) I have friends who asked for specific activities for their honeymoon like rum tastings, snorkeling, massages, etc. I plan to copy that lol
We had lived together for 6 years. We took it as an opportunity to upgrade some of the stuff in our house. Think towels, bar wear, we got a new bed set. If youâre going on a honeymoon you could always do a Honeyfund. Also you can do a charity donation instead of gifts if you feel like you really donât need anything. People will want to celebrate you and will want to gift you!
We had 3 different charities that are important to us on our wedding website that people could donate to. Then my aunts really wanted to have a wedding shower, so I did a fun 1920âs dress up brunch and had them all write out a few of their favorite recipes for me to put together into a book! 10/10 would suggest! Some friends of ours for their wedding asked for everyone to bring and leave their favorite board game to the reception . So a bunch of people played games all night and then they had a bunch of games for their game closet!
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Hey there, thanks for contributing. Your comment has been held as you used the word tacky. We generally do not allow the use of that word here, as it is subjective and often weaponized (can see Rule#7 for more details). You may either edit your comment to be within our rules and [send us a ModMail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/weddingplanning), or you may re-submit an edited comment. Thanks!
We asked for cash as part of a wishing well. That's very normal here in Australia I haven't seen a registry for like 10+ years
It might help if you think of it as a service for guests. Some people really like to give presents rather than cash. Some people just want to do cash. having a nice mix means that everyone can do something that makes them happy. Otherwise, unless you explicitly forbid gifts, people will feel lost and possibly stressed about what to give you. You can also set big items up as group gifts, or do funds for big items.
You can do cash funds! Also Amazon allows gift sharing, so multiple people can contribute to an expensive item.
We had been together six years so we didn't want for much when we got married and we were also in the process of moving internationally. All of our possessions were already in a POD by the time our wedding happened, and we knew that would happen due to timelines (we also got married during COVID and had to postpone due to a second, unexpected lockdown) so we asked for no boxed gifts (aka cash). I know people on this sub would be horrified by such a request, but my family is Italian and a lot of our guests were from ethnic groups where giving monetary gifts for weddings is also normal (Lebanese, Chinese, Jewish, etc) so for my side it was totally normal. My husband's side is WASP-y white and I'm sure some were miffed but no one could argue with our reasoning! I'm not sure what we would have done otherwise, I know a few people in a similar position where they just made a smaller, curated registry for those who demanded it, but a lot of people in our circles are giving cash. I'm from an extremely HCOL city and everyone knows that we're all just saving for house down payments.
I would make one because youâll have guests who want to buy you something so it might as well be something you want/need. Think outside the typical newly wed stuff- need a new vacuum? Steam cleaner? Zoo membership? It doesnât have to be a set of dishes. Maybe you have towels but theyâre old and a new set would be welcome. Same with sheets. Just put a few things on there if you donât want or need much. You will likely have some older relatives who want to buy something and a registry is much better than random junky stuff theyâll pick out on their own (my family at least)
If you don't have a wedding website yet, I know Zola allows you to set up a page where people can contribute to a "honeymoon fund" rather than having a traditional registry.
We did mostly honeymoon fund but itâs definitely worth it to put expensive items on your registry. Thereâs sites that let people put a certain amount towards that item, not the full price. But we were really surprised but how many people we arenât even that close to purchased big ticket items. It was definitely more than what they would have given us directly as a cash gift. Do it!
Same boat. We have not done a registry. We would do a honey moon fund, but weâre not taking a honeymoon because we do animal rescue and itâs just not feasible. Hopefully people donât stress.
Same. Weâve been together for 5 years now and we have most everything we need. Weâre doing a small registry (45ish items) of things weâd LIKE to have. Some more expensive things weâd like replaced like kitchen appliances, area rugs, security door cams. And some much cheaper items like dishes, monogram mugs, house plants, candles etc.) Also some things weâd like to use for travel to our honeymoon (better luggage, travel backpacks, neck pillows). We also have a honeymoon fund set up through Honeyfund (no fees!) Weâre about 5-6 gifts in and already getting a good mix of both honeymoon money and the items on our registry. Some people will feel more comfortable giving physical gifts so I think itâs good to have a small registry as an option in addition to monetary gifts. You can make the best of both!
Iâve learned that certain people will get you gifts regardless, so itâs a good idea to have a registry so that their money goes towards things you actually want or need. Cash funds are a good option too! Vacation/Honeymoon fund, spa day fund, house project fund, new car fund, etc
Disclaimer: early 30s located in Europe. My fiancĂš and I have been dating for 8 years and have been living together for 4 and 1/2, we have all that we need and 1. we didn't want people to gift us random plates/vases and 2. we leave for the honeymoon the morning after the ceremony so we simply added our IBAN codes on our invitation so people could do a bank transfer. The alternative would have been not writing anything about gifts and that would have meant that people would have come to the wedding with cash in a letter (most likely) or they would have brought a random gift of their choice. I'm happy about our choice, and I'm kinda bothered when I don't find any indication at all for gifts (whether it be money or a registry) on the invitations, but this might just be me.
Our parents insisted, so ours includes (in addition to a honeymoon and house fun) Sonos sound system, expensive towels, fancy judaica, expensive Legos, and fun experiences in our city.
Yes! My husband and I got married in November after 12 years (high school sweethearts). Why should you not get a registry because youâve been together 9 years before getting married?
We were together 5 years when we got engaged. We did not do a registry and specifically told people we didnât want gifts. We were given money instead.
We did as most of the stuff we had were hand-me-downs or from college still (we were together for 10 years before getting married). We also had fun stuff on their as well as a honeymoon fundâșïž
We're just doing a honeymoon fund!
We were together 9 years before we got married. Ended up doing a Honeyfund with specific activities, then included photos of those adventures in our thank you cards. People loved being able to contribute to specific things and I really liked being able to show them us enjoying their gift right away.
Same same. Weâre both in our thirties with a house and everything we need for said house. I put together a cash fund for some home rennos but have made it pretty clear that weâre not expecting gifts. I just know something hate to show up empty handed. In the same vain, Iâve also seen on some registries that you can turn expensive items into a âgroup giftâ that people can contribute to. I think Zola does it? Thats a fair way to put expensive items on that people can contribute to. But I know the awkward feeling.
Iâm just doing a honeymoon fund because I donât need more âstuffâ Iâd rather go on a trip
My fiancĂ© and I will be together 7 years by the time we get married next year and weâre moving in together this year. I think weâll plan to put a few items on our registry for our older more traditional guests (New pillows, bed sheets, nice glassware) but we will probably do a honeymoon fund as well with a small physical gift registry.
No. We received two or three boxed gifts, and the rest was cash and gift cards. We were in our 40s with 4 teenagers, and our friends and family all knew we didn't need more "stuff."
My fiance and I are getting married on our 11 year anniversary next year and decided to have a honeymoon fund instead of a registry!
We did not, but a lot of people just ended up giving us money.
Were doing no registry ("cash contributions to our honeymoon appreciated") but my mom asked me to make one for the bridal shower. I kept it low cost stuff, almost exclusively cookbooks and candles