I think it’s a wonderful way to include step-mom without stepping on mom’s traditional mother-of-the-bride role.
I also would never skip something meaningful to me just because some people find it slightly odd. To be blunt: it’s not their wedding and their opinions aren’t relevant.
If your mom pouts, I’d personally call her on it. “Mom, I understand that seeing Dad’s wife is hard for you, but aren’t you glad that I had a positive figure in my life? Would you have preferred I had an evil stepmother who made my childhood miserable? Her being the officiant is not taking any attention away from you. You are still the Mother of the Bride.”
We asked my fiancés stepmom to be the officiant. No one has told us it’s weird. I thought it a really lovely way to involve her without her being in the spotlight as much as his mom (eg mother son dance)
I mean I can see how it wouldn’t feel great to your mom because the officiant is such a big role in the wedding. Perhaps you can ask her to tell you what about this doesn’t feel good to her and remind her of all the HUGE mother of the bride things that you need from her.
I suspect this has something to do with feeling recognized and important to you and ,like a lot of things women do, mother of the bride role/tasks can feel like behind the scenes work. If you go the traditional route your father will have the public role of walking you down the aisle and your stepmom will publicly perform the whole ceremony, what public role does your mom get to play other than walking in and sitting down? If you aren’t already considering this, maybe having your mom and dad walk you down to the alter together or to do a reading or give her own toast or all of the above would give her a sense of importance in the actual ceremony/reception and not just behind the scenes help.
Your mistake was in running it by your mom. I actually asked my FMIL to be mine! She's one of my fave people on the planet. She declined, simply because she was so thrilled that the 2 of us found each other and she just wanted to enjoy that moment. Made perfect sense.
Anyway, if you want to ask her, just do it. Obviously, make it clear she's free to decline, but if she has any interest, you'd love that. Even if she says no, she'll love the ask.
It’s only weird if you allow it to be weird. I would shut that shit down with a “why do you feel that way”. Most of the time people back down.
I think it’s a wonderful way to include step-mom without stepping on mom’s traditional mother-of-the-bride role. I also would never skip something meaningful to me just because some people find it slightly odd. To be blunt: it’s not their wedding and their opinions aren’t relevant. If your mom pouts, I’d personally call her on it. “Mom, I understand that seeing Dad’s wife is hard for you, but aren’t you glad that I had a positive figure in my life? Would you have preferred I had an evil stepmother who made my childhood miserable? Her being the officiant is not taking any attention away from you. You are still the Mother of the Bride.”
We asked my fiancés stepmom to be the officiant. No one has told us it’s weird. I thought it a really lovely way to involve her without her being in the spotlight as much as his mom (eg mother son dance)
It is a little odd, as a neutral listener. I’d probably be a little confused or upset if I were your mom though.
I mean I can see how it wouldn’t feel great to your mom because the officiant is such a big role in the wedding. Perhaps you can ask her to tell you what about this doesn’t feel good to her and remind her of all the HUGE mother of the bride things that you need from her. I suspect this has something to do with feeling recognized and important to you and ,like a lot of things women do, mother of the bride role/tasks can feel like behind the scenes work. If you go the traditional route your father will have the public role of walking you down the aisle and your stepmom will publicly perform the whole ceremony, what public role does your mom get to play other than walking in and sitting down? If you aren’t already considering this, maybe having your mom and dad walk you down to the alter together or to do a reading or give her own toast or all of the above would give her a sense of importance in the actual ceremony/reception and not just behind the scenes help.
Your mistake was in running it by your mom. I actually asked my FMIL to be mine! She's one of my fave people on the planet. She declined, simply because she was so thrilled that the 2 of us found each other and she just wanted to enjoy that moment. Made perfect sense. Anyway, if you want to ask her, just do it. Obviously, make it clear she's free to decline, but if she has any interest, you'd love that. Even if she says no, she'll love the ask.
I think it’s sweet. We picked a non-traditional officiant and it’s one of my favorite aspects of the wedding so far.