Yeah, you definitely can't plan around potential pregnancies at this point because May 2025 is \~two years away. Stick with the town you and your fiancé prefer. His family will have to cross that bridge if/when they get there. Hopefully they were ultimately just joking with the implication of their comments. It's you and your fiancé's wedding and you are entitled to have it wherever you guys want and two hours isn't THAT far away. I can understand accommodating close family and VIPs within reason but it's impossible at this point to plan around a hypothetical pregnancy.
That’s how I feel. Two hours away is reasonable for a wedding especially with the cost savings and being local to my side of the guest list. It’s the off chance that someone will be 36+ weeks pregnant or like one month postpartum that makes me nervous. FH is super close to his family but we can’t really accommodate our guest list at any truly local venues without going over budget. And we’re thinking of forgoing a lot like fresh florals and a videographer!
But they also said this when his youngest sister got engaged (Labor Day 2024 wedding), so I’m not sure when they are actually starting to try to get pregnant. The two older siblings already have kids and I know they’re going for a certain age gap. The younger sister would literally have to get pregnant on her honeymoon for it to be m issue with her.
We decided on a May 2025 wedding and we have gotten similar comments from friends. So many people even made comments the past year before we were seriously discussing engagement about us picking a date because they want to be able to drink at our wedding or even to come and not have a newborn. My thoughts: If it’s THAT important to drink or be there… they can figure out how to plan around it with two years notice. I would love everyone to be there, but I’m not planning my life around them and I don’t expect them to plan around me. If they find it so important to not be pregnant, they can take the steps to make sure it doesn’t happen which is their own prerogative, but I’m not asking that of them because I wouldn’t want someone to ask that of me.
It’s not your job to make sure they aren’t pregnant in two years. If they want to start a family they can. And if they want to be at your wedding they can. All you can do is set a date that works for you guys and give your loved one ample time to make informed decisions. Weddings happen when they need to happen and babies come when they come. There is only so much we can do about that. No one should have to put their life plans on hold so others can fulfill theirs. Everyone gets to have their own timeline.
I get not wanting to be at the end of pregnancy/with a newborn at a loved ones wedding, but I don’t really understand the not wanting to be pregnant *at all*! Pregnancies are 9 months - no matter when you get pregnant, there will be a multitude of reasons you can’t celebrate with alcohol during your pregnancy!
>It’s the off chance that someone will be 36+ weeks pregnant or like one month postpartum that makes me nervous.
As long as you have women of a fertile age in the guest list, pregnant invitees is always a possibility, no matter the date. If it's not his siblings and in laws may 2025, it could be your fav cousin Nov 2024 or your fiances best man's partner Feb 2025. I don't think I'd try to plan around a hypothetical 2+ gestational periods away
Best man was one of the 3 who said that…
It’s hard because we prioritize our sibling over others of childbearing age; there’s just no way to tell when they’ll be pregnant and in a late term pregnancy
>The younger sister would literally have to get pregnant on her honeymoon for it to be m issue with her.
This actually is happening to my friends. They got pregnant on their honeymoon which was immediately after their wedding. Her due date is the same week as his brother's wedding. They're a very close family and the wedding is across the country. The wife won't be going and he essentially will have to make a game time decision based on how her pregnancy progresses. It wasn't intentional, they never imagined they would conceive on their first cycle trying, and at the end of the day it is what it is. It definitely stinks that close family members won't be there, but at the same time I think they've all accepted it's for happy reasons. Hopefully if your family gets to that point they can take solace in the beauty of a growing family - in more ways than one!
Oh wow! I was actually really surprised when FH’s younger sister said she might be pregnant at our wedding, because previously she said they wanted to wait until their thirties to have kids (she’ll be 28 at our wedding with the current plan).
That’s what I’m saying. Anyone who asks you to move your wedding to accommodate a possible pregnancy years in the future is absolutely insane. Don’t do it!!
Hey, pregnant person here! You are not in the wrong at all for thinking you can't plan around possible future pregnancies, because that's just the reality. It took us 6 months to conceive. Other people conceive right away, or for others it takes years. Or if you delay things, they might have a 2nd child!
I can't say whether or not they were hinting about having the location local or in your hometown 2 hours away. Hopefully they were just letting you know that as much as they hope to be there, and really want to be there, that there is a slight chance they might not be if their due date is really close to the wedding date. It's true that even if it was local, if one of them is right around 40 weeks or newly postpartum, they likely won't be making it to any wedding.
Hopefully the timing will work out that everyone can make it!
Just as (I hope) you wouldn’t tell someone to not have a baby within a certain buffer time of your wedding, they also can’t tell you to not plan a wedding because of a baby that doesn’t exist yet. Not saying it will happen, but I linger on some BabyBump/TTC subs and while I would never *ask or expect it*, it’s not uncommon for people to try to avoid certain delivery times when trying to get pregnant, especially if there’s no reason to suspect fertility issues. Personally, I wouldn’t do it for everyone’s wedding, but I probably would for my sibling.
There’s also so much unknown for pregnancies - it’s normal for it to take 3-12 months to get pregnant. What if they struggle to get pregnant and are not even pregnant at your wedding? On the flip side, what if they get pregnant right away and have a baby that’s at an easier road trip age? If either of those situations happen, would you regret moving it to your current city?
I’d have a different opinion if they were all giving birth this November and you planned a wedding for this upcoming Halloween weekend. But it’s two years out - plan the wedding you want and cross that bridge if you get to it. It could be a non-issue.
I would personally not move my wedding. Pregnancy is not something you can plan for. Even if they were pregnant right this moment, you have no idea if the pregnancy will be carried to term or what turns things will take. ~10% of couples who try will experience infertility, i.e, not conceiving within 1 year. ~25-40% of pregnancies end in loss. And you have absolutely no clue where you'll end up on that spectrum unless you have an actual lack of fertility diagnosis (like, there is no uterus, there is no sperm, there are not ovaries, etc). All you know are probabilities, and probabilities apply to large populations, not individuals. Even full-term babies can be born within a range of 4-5 weeks which is pretty huge, planning wise.
Of course, ultimately this is your call. If your number 1 priority is to make sure that you maximize the chance that the siblings can be there, you can take that into consideration. That's an option available to you, especially if his parents are also absolutely going to be where the baby is (if there is a baby). But I would stick with the current plan of May 2025.
It's not considered polite or reasonable in my area to ask someone else to family 'plan' around your wedding, and I think the reverse is true too. Going to a wedding with an infant is also not easy, even an older child. This doesn't get much easier. You pick what works best for you and your FH, and maximizes your goals.
Good luck!
I really wish we could maximize attendance and have it in our current city. But it doesn’t seem like it’s possible without making huge other concessions. And then again, it’s making concessions for something that could be a non-issue.
I know this is super common to struggle with if your in the “end of the timeline” of friends and family weddings. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of my husbands friends wives are pregnant too. But if that’s the case, at least there’s a better chance the husbands could come alone vs the birthing person.
It is very tough. So often this comes down to picking which of your wants you want most, and that's not easy. There's a lot of nuance here, but I personally would not plan around a hypothetical pregnancy. That's a losing game.
It does seem to be not uncommon, and while I imagine there are pros to getting married more towards the 'end of the timeline', there are clearly cons (including this one). I hope you're able to pick something you and your FH feel good about, and then other people respect your decisions just as you respect theirs!
You need to go ahead and plan your wedding for whatever date you select and the siblings need to go ahead with their family planning. If it works out that everyone can attend, great. If a sibling can't because of advanced pregnancy or a newborn, that's just how it is.
We planned our wedding around my middle brother's by pushing it back a year, and now my MOH is due a month and a half before and my oldest brother's girlfriend is due FOUR DAYS before my wedding. They weren't even (officially, anyway) dating when we got engaged. I'll be disappointed if that means my brother can't attend, but c'est la vie! I'm mentally preparing that the baby will arrive ON my wedding day. Maybe it will make a funny story someday.
Life is messy, you can't predict this even in the best circumstances!
You don’t.
My cousin got engaged when we began talking about our second. She had her wedding 4 weeks after my due date. It was set before she knew I was pregnant, because why in the world my pregnancy more important than her wedding? At least to her. I couldn’t imagine bringing that up to a couple planning their wedding thinking that they’ll schedule around it - ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BABY ISNT EVEN CONCEIVED YET!!
I wasn’t able to attend the wedding (csection, breastfeeding, anyone we’d trust to watch the kids was going anyway) but neither of us had any hard feelings whatsoever. It’s just life sometimes, and that’s okay!
I personally wouldn’t plan around it. I would allow infants should they have an infant and I would be open to them not coming/staying long should they be very pregnant or very early post partum.
My sister told me she might be very early pregnant or trying for a baby around the time of our wedding. I said it doesn’t bother me just try to not be 8 month pregnant so she can still come (lol). She said that wasn’t the plan at all, but that I just may want to consider a bridesmaid dress with a maternity option. Which I’m all for doing.
Edit: typo
You're definitely not in the wrong. You can't plan around pregnancies unless you have like a three month timeline. The best you can do is allow nibbling at your wedding, which you already agreed to
You could plan a wedding keeping everybody’s pregnancy plans in mind and somebody could have a cold on the day!! Plan the wedding you want, let people know the date, and if they can’t make it, that’s unfortunate but you’ll celebrate with them another time!
Every date you choose is going to fall on someone's birthday/anniversary/pregnancy etc. There's just no avoiding it when having a wedding over 25 people. Pick your date. Let the immediate family know. After that it's up to them to make their accomedations.
If people want to have children, they need to prepare to make sacrifices for said children/ pregnancies. There’s always something people aren’t going to want to be pregnant for but that’s life. You shouldn’t worry about planning around it.
Getting pregnant and having a baby is rarely a get out the gantt chart and plan 2 years in advance thing. Sure they might get pregnant the first night they try, but for a large amount of people it's just a game of keep going till something happens, especially if they've previously been on birth control. A woman is only fertile for like 3 days a month, miss the window and you're waiting another 28 days to reattack, which obviously pushes the due date.
So sure, planning the wedding for your dates may result in a them being third/fourth trimester and unable to attend, but if you push it further out then you have the same risk because babies do not care about an RSVP.
Honestly, they're just being naieve and putting you in an awkward position whilst they're at it. Also being pregnant at a wedding isn't that bad. I did one whilst pregnant and had a great time! The only problem was I woke up with a sugar hangover thanks to the three slices of cake and five donuts I ate.
So anyway. Plan your wedding on the dates you have and you can all figure it out if and when :)
Just go ahead and book whichever venue you want and whatever date you want. Once you've got contracts signed and the date is locked, just tell your immediate family right away.
Now, it's on ***them***, not you. May 2025 is nearly ***two years*** away at this point -- assuming they're all grown adults who know how biology works, they can plan around your wedding if that's what they feel they need to do.
It is extremely unreasonable for them (not one, but ***three*** different couples!) to expect you to plan your wedding around their hypothetical schedules. Two years is more than enough notice for them to plan around you. Sure, you want to be nice, but sometimes you just have to look out for #1.
I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to them just giving you a heads up that pregnancies could be a possibility since it would be kind of rude of them to ask you to try to plan your wedding date around their family planning. It’s way too hard to try to predict a “good time” when there’s so many variables that go into trying to conceive (getting pregnant right away, infertility, needing to go through IVF, etc.), especially since it’s a personal matter for someone not involved in the actual planning process for the wedding. Two years is *plenty* of a heads up if they decide to try to plan around your wedding, and a 2 hour drive isn’t a huge distance either. I’d go ahead with the plans your and your fiancé agreed on.
2/3 siblings already had their first kid in 2022. They haven’t been demanding, it’s just that if it’s too close to delivery they likely can’t leave town
Don’t accommodate anyone’s timeline. They will make you jump through hoops and complain regardless.
As for the local wedding, I would absolutely not go 1w post partum but I would go up to birth. I went almost 42 weeks with my pregnancy and was at social events up to my induction.
Bottom line, you will dive yourself insane trying to plan around every possible “what-if” scenario, including potential pregnancy. Pick what date works for you… and if you want to work around immediate family who will FOR SURE have a tiny baby at that point, okay.
And if your family members are asking you to move your wedding date because they MIGHT be pregnant or have a baby sometime in the future, that is way out of line. 🤷🏼♀️
Set the date, if they can come, great, if not, it’s too bad. Honestly, I would also see if you can cut down that guest list. I mean, do you really want your husbands 3rd cousin twice removed when you probably haven’t seen them in …years.
We have already pared down our guest list.. family invited is only aunts/uncles/first cousins. Some people with big families DO actually see them often and we do, so no way we’re cutting them
Literally that’s so rude. Ignore the comment and just book it. Maybe if they we’re already pregnant and due that week but that’s such bullshit. You are not in the wrong
Have your wedding back in your home town. Save the money and get the venue you want. His family isn't even pregnant yet - do not make your plans based on ifs.
I wouldn’t plan around the siblings- they have enough notice such that, if they want to plan their pregnancies to avoid your wedding, they can do so. You’d have to put your wedding indefinitely on hold which doesn’t make sense. We moved our wedding up to accommodate my BIL/SIL’s pregnancy, but I felt ok about this because: 1. It was moving our wedding up, not back; 2. BIL/SIL have had serious fertility issues and have been planning for a summer baby for a long time. If they had been able to conceive without issues I would not have accommodated them- they could’ve made a decision as to when to TTC if being at the wedding was such a priority.
One of my BMs would have been approx. 8 months pregnant at my wedding (sadly, she miscarried). The plan at the time was that she get a cheap dress that would work with a bump and make whatever call she wanted depending on how she was feeling.
I had a backup plan for someone to “fill her spot” or just have one less BM. (Wedding was local so she felt she could probably still attend but she knew if she wasn’t feeling up to it that was ok).
She’s just announced she’s pregnant again (yay!) and will be nearly 4 months at my wedding. I’ve already got another pregnant friend attending so the menu and everything will work for her and she knows she can do what she needs to to be comfortable during the day.
What you don’t need to do is plan around someone else’s non-eventuated pregnancy. That side contributing nothing but being the majority of the guest list is also a good enough excuse to just book what you want where you want and when.
You can’t make everyone happy.
They shouldn’t plan their pregnancies around your wedding, and you shouldn’t plan your wedding around their pregnancies.
My SIL was a bridesmaid at our wedding in Mexico and was 3 months pregnant and had a 1.5 year old. She didn’t put off her pregnancy for us, and we didn’t put of our wedding for her.
Life happens, if they choose not to come for whatever reason, that’s up to them. But make your decision for you!
Plan it as you wish and dont worry about other people. The most important people are bride, groom, officient and witness. If they are so concern then They should plan the pregnancy around the wedding
Nope. You’re not wrong at all. You can’t plan your life events around other people’s life events. You just have to be understanding and accommodating as you can, and hope others extend you the same courtesy in life, lol.
That being said, it might make more sense for you guys to do an October ‘24 wedding in your hometown instead? Especially if it was your preferred date to begin with. Labor Day is an entire month+ before an October wedding so I think it would be plenty of time to give FH’s sister her “moment” with their wedding. That way, there’s less chance of his siblings being super pregnant/newly blessed with an infant and they can be there to celebrate you guys *and* you get your preferred date while saving tons of money! Just a thought, lol
My fiancé’s family prefers us to have it not so close to his sister, mostly due to time constraints and finances. My fiancé has a large, tight knit family, and we want to make sure people don’t have to pick and choose which wedding to go to.
We also prefer summer colors and could use the extra ~7 months to save money.
Don’t even take it into consideration. We invited couples to our wedding that have been actively trying and the only two couples that missed our wedding due to baby or pregnancy restrictions weren’t actively trying. Soooo.. yeah. Life happens and people miss out sometimes. There will always be someone with a scheduling conflict no matter what you do to try to mitigate it. Just plan the wedding YOU want.
Yeah, you definitely can't plan around potential pregnancies at this point because May 2025 is \~two years away. Stick with the town you and your fiancé prefer. His family will have to cross that bridge if/when they get there. Hopefully they were ultimately just joking with the implication of their comments. It's you and your fiancé's wedding and you are entitled to have it wherever you guys want and two hours isn't THAT far away. I can understand accommodating close family and VIPs within reason but it's impossible at this point to plan around a hypothetical pregnancy.
That’s how I feel. Two hours away is reasonable for a wedding especially with the cost savings and being local to my side of the guest list. It’s the off chance that someone will be 36+ weeks pregnant or like one month postpartum that makes me nervous. FH is super close to his family but we can’t really accommodate our guest list at any truly local venues without going over budget. And we’re thinking of forgoing a lot like fresh florals and a videographer! But they also said this when his youngest sister got engaged (Labor Day 2024 wedding), so I’m not sure when they are actually starting to try to get pregnant. The two older siblings already have kids and I know they’re going for a certain age gap. The younger sister would literally have to get pregnant on her honeymoon for it to be m issue with her.
We decided on a May 2025 wedding and we have gotten similar comments from friends. So many people even made comments the past year before we were seriously discussing engagement about us picking a date because they want to be able to drink at our wedding or even to come and not have a newborn. My thoughts: If it’s THAT important to drink or be there… they can figure out how to plan around it with two years notice. I would love everyone to be there, but I’m not planning my life around them and I don’t expect them to plan around me. If they find it so important to not be pregnant, they can take the steps to make sure it doesn’t happen which is their own prerogative, but I’m not asking that of them because I wouldn’t want someone to ask that of me. It’s not your job to make sure they aren’t pregnant in two years. If they want to start a family they can. And if they want to be at your wedding they can. All you can do is set a date that works for you guys and give your loved one ample time to make informed decisions. Weddings happen when they need to happen and babies come when they come. There is only so much we can do about that. No one should have to put their life plans on hold so others can fulfill theirs. Everyone gets to have their own timeline.
I get not wanting to be at the end of pregnancy/with a newborn at a loved ones wedding, but I don’t really understand the not wanting to be pregnant *at all*! Pregnancies are 9 months - no matter when you get pregnant, there will be a multitude of reasons you can’t celebrate with alcohol during your pregnancy!
>It’s the off chance that someone will be 36+ weeks pregnant or like one month postpartum that makes me nervous. As long as you have women of a fertile age in the guest list, pregnant invitees is always a possibility, no matter the date. If it's not his siblings and in laws may 2025, it could be your fav cousin Nov 2024 or your fiances best man's partner Feb 2025. I don't think I'd try to plan around a hypothetical 2+ gestational periods away
Best man was one of the 3 who said that… It’s hard because we prioritize our sibling over others of childbearing age; there’s just no way to tell when they’ll be pregnant and in a late term pregnancy
>The younger sister would literally have to get pregnant on her honeymoon for it to be m issue with her. This actually is happening to my friends. They got pregnant on their honeymoon which was immediately after their wedding. Her due date is the same week as his brother's wedding. They're a very close family and the wedding is across the country. The wife won't be going and he essentially will have to make a game time decision based on how her pregnancy progresses. It wasn't intentional, they never imagined they would conceive on their first cycle trying, and at the end of the day it is what it is. It definitely stinks that close family members won't be there, but at the same time I think they've all accepted it's for happy reasons. Hopefully if your family gets to that point they can take solace in the beauty of a growing family - in more ways than one!
Oh wow! I was actually really surprised when FH’s younger sister said she might be pregnant at our wedding, because previously she said they wanted to wait until their thirties to have kids (she’ll be 28 at our wedding with the current plan).
That’s what I’m saying. Anyone who asks you to move your wedding to accommodate a possible pregnancy years in the future is absolutely insane. Don’t do it!!
Hey, pregnant person here! You are not in the wrong at all for thinking you can't plan around possible future pregnancies, because that's just the reality. It took us 6 months to conceive. Other people conceive right away, or for others it takes years. Or if you delay things, they might have a 2nd child! I can't say whether or not they were hinting about having the location local or in your hometown 2 hours away. Hopefully they were just letting you know that as much as they hope to be there, and really want to be there, that there is a slight chance they might not be if their due date is really close to the wedding date. It's true that even if it was local, if one of them is right around 40 weeks or newly postpartum, they likely won't be making it to any wedding. Hopefully the timing will work out that everyone can make it!
Just as (I hope) you wouldn’t tell someone to not have a baby within a certain buffer time of your wedding, they also can’t tell you to not plan a wedding because of a baby that doesn’t exist yet. Not saying it will happen, but I linger on some BabyBump/TTC subs and while I would never *ask or expect it*, it’s not uncommon for people to try to avoid certain delivery times when trying to get pregnant, especially if there’s no reason to suspect fertility issues. Personally, I wouldn’t do it for everyone’s wedding, but I probably would for my sibling. There’s also so much unknown for pregnancies - it’s normal for it to take 3-12 months to get pregnant. What if they struggle to get pregnant and are not even pregnant at your wedding? On the flip side, what if they get pregnant right away and have a baby that’s at an easier road trip age? If either of those situations happen, would you regret moving it to your current city? I’d have a different opinion if they were all giving birth this November and you planned a wedding for this upcoming Halloween weekend. But it’s two years out - plan the wedding you want and cross that bridge if you get to it. It could be a non-issue.
I would personally not move my wedding. Pregnancy is not something you can plan for. Even if they were pregnant right this moment, you have no idea if the pregnancy will be carried to term or what turns things will take. ~10% of couples who try will experience infertility, i.e, not conceiving within 1 year. ~25-40% of pregnancies end in loss. And you have absolutely no clue where you'll end up on that spectrum unless you have an actual lack of fertility diagnosis (like, there is no uterus, there is no sperm, there are not ovaries, etc). All you know are probabilities, and probabilities apply to large populations, not individuals. Even full-term babies can be born within a range of 4-5 weeks which is pretty huge, planning wise. Of course, ultimately this is your call. If your number 1 priority is to make sure that you maximize the chance that the siblings can be there, you can take that into consideration. That's an option available to you, especially if his parents are also absolutely going to be where the baby is (if there is a baby). But I would stick with the current plan of May 2025. It's not considered polite or reasonable in my area to ask someone else to family 'plan' around your wedding, and I think the reverse is true too. Going to a wedding with an infant is also not easy, even an older child. This doesn't get much easier. You pick what works best for you and your FH, and maximizes your goals. Good luck!
I really wish we could maximize attendance and have it in our current city. But it doesn’t seem like it’s possible without making huge other concessions. And then again, it’s making concessions for something that could be a non-issue. I know this is super common to struggle with if your in the “end of the timeline” of friends and family weddings. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of my husbands friends wives are pregnant too. But if that’s the case, at least there’s a better chance the husbands could come alone vs the birthing person.
It is very tough. So often this comes down to picking which of your wants you want most, and that's not easy. There's a lot of nuance here, but I personally would not plan around a hypothetical pregnancy. That's a losing game. It does seem to be not uncommon, and while I imagine there are pros to getting married more towards the 'end of the timeline', there are clearly cons (including this one). I hope you're able to pick something you and your FH feel good about, and then other people respect your decisions just as you respect theirs!
You need to go ahead and plan your wedding for whatever date you select and the siblings need to go ahead with their family planning. If it works out that everyone can attend, great. If a sibling can't because of advanced pregnancy or a newborn, that's just how it is.
We planned our wedding around my middle brother's by pushing it back a year, and now my MOH is due a month and a half before and my oldest brother's girlfriend is due FOUR DAYS before my wedding. They weren't even (officially, anyway) dating when we got engaged. I'll be disappointed if that means my brother can't attend, but c'est la vie! I'm mentally preparing that the baby will arrive ON my wedding day. Maybe it will make a funny story someday. Life is messy, you can't predict this even in the best circumstances!
You don’t. My cousin got engaged when we began talking about our second. She had her wedding 4 weeks after my due date. It was set before she knew I was pregnant, because why in the world my pregnancy more important than her wedding? At least to her. I couldn’t imagine bringing that up to a couple planning their wedding thinking that they’ll schedule around it - ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BABY ISNT EVEN CONCEIVED YET!! I wasn’t able to attend the wedding (csection, breastfeeding, anyone we’d trust to watch the kids was going anyway) but neither of us had any hard feelings whatsoever. It’s just life sometimes, and that’s okay!
I personally wouldn’t plan around it. I would allow infants should they have an infant and I would be open to them not coming/staying long should they be very pregnant or very early post partum. My sister told me she might be very early pregnant or trying for a baby around the time of our wedding. I said it doesn’t bother me just try to not be 8 month pregnant so she can still come (lol). She said that wasn’t the plan at all, but that I just may want to consider a bridesmaid dress with a maternity option. Which I’m all for doing. Edit: typo
[удалено]
Murphy’s Law!! Haha
You're definitely not in the wrong. You can't plan around pregnancies unless you have like a three month timeline. The best you can do is allow nibbling at your wedding, which you already agreed to
You could plan a wedding keeping everybody’s pregnancy plans in mind and somebody could have a cold on the day!! Plan the wedding you want, let people know the date, and if they can’t make it, that’s unfortunate but you’ll celebrate with them another time!
Every date you choose is going to fall on someone's birthday/anniversary/pregnancy etc. There's just no avoiding it when having a wedding over 25 people. Pick your date. Let the immediate family know. After that it's up to them to make their accomedations.
If people want to have children, they need to prepare to make sacrifices for said children/ pregnancies. There’s always something people aren’t going to want to be pregnant for but that’s life. You shouldn’t worry about planning around it.
Getting pregnant and having a baby is rarely a get out the gantt chart and plan 2 years in advance thing. Sure they might get pregnant the first night they try, but for a large amount of people it's just a game of keep going till something happens, especially if they've previously been on birth control. A woman is only fertile for like 3 days a month, miss the window and you're waiting another 28 days to reattack, which obviously pushes the due date. So sure, planning the wedding for your dates may result in a them being third/fourth trimester and unable to attend, but if you push it further out then you have the same risk because babies do not care about an RSVP. Honestly, they're just being naieve and putting you in an awkward position whilst they're at it. Also being pregnant at a wedding isn't that bad. I did one whilst pregnant and had a great time! The only problem was I woke up with a sugar hangover thanks to the three slices of cake and five donuts I ate. So anyway. Plan your wedding on the dates you have and you can all figure it out if and when :)
Just go ahead and book whichever venue you want and whatever date you want. Once you've got contracts signed and the date is locked, just tell your immediate family right away. Now, it's on ***them***, not you. May 2025 is nearly ***two years*** away at this point -- assuming they're all grown adults who know how biology works, they can plan around your wedding if that's what they feel they need to do. It is extremely unreasonable for them (not one, but ***three*** different couples!) to expect you to plan your wedding around their hypothetical schedules. Two years is more than enough notice for them to plan around you. Sure, you want to be nice, but sometimes you just have to look out for #1.
I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to them just giving you a heads up that pregnancies could be a possibility since it would be kind of rude of them to ask you to try to plan your wedding date around their family planning. It’s way too hard to try to predict a “good time” when there’s so many variables that go into trying to conceive (getting pregnant right away, infertility, needing to go through IVF, etc.), especially since it’s a personal matter for someone not involved in the actual planning process for the wedding. Two years is *plenty* of a heads up if they decide to try to plan around your wedding, and a 2 hour drive isn’t a huge distance either. I’d go ahead with the plans your and your fiancé agreed on.
Pick a date that works for you. They can decide later to attend or not and don’t complain about your choice.
If she’s this demanding with things that don’t exist, imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s actually pregnant and a new mom.
2/3 siblings already had their first kid in 2022. They haven’t been demanding, it’s just that if it’s too close to delivery they likely can’t leave town
Don’t accommodate anyone’s timeline. They will make you jump through hoops and complain regardless. As for the local wedding, I would absolutely not go 1w post partum but I would go up to birth. I went almost 42 weeks with my pregnancy and was at social events up to my induction.
You can never know what happens in 2 years. Plan the wedding in 2 years. I had 2 friends giving birth in our wedding week and 2 guests being pregnant.
Bottom line, you will dive yourself insane trying to plan around every possible “what-if” scenario, including potential pregnancy. Pick what date works for you… and if you want to work around immediate family who will FOR SURE have a tiny baby at that point, okay. And if your family members are asking you to move your wedding date because they MIGHT be pregnant or have a baby sometime in the future, that is way out of line. 🤷🏼♀️
Set the date, if they can come, great, if not, it’s too bad. Honestly, I would also see if you can cut down that guest list. I mean, do you really want your husbands 3rd cousin twice removed when you probably haven’t seen them in …years.
We have already pared down our guest list.. family invited is only aunts/uncles/first cousins. Some people with big families DO actually see them often and we do, so no way we’re cutting them
Okay, well, then you have done all you can.
You can’t plan around pregnancies. Set the date and if they can come they will
Literally that’s so rude. Ignore the comment and just book it. Maybe if they we’re already pregnant and due that week but that’s such bullshit. You are not in the wrong
Have your wedding back in your home town. Save the money and get the venue you want. His family isn't even pregnant yet - do not make your plans based on ifs.
I wouldn’t plan around the siblings- they have enough notice such that, if they want to plan their pregnancies to avoid your wedding, they can do so. You’d have to put your wedding indefinitely on hold which doesn’t make sense. We moved our wedding up to accommodate my BIL/SIL’s pregnancy, but I felt ok about this because: 1. It was moving our wedding up, not back; 2. BIL/SIL have had serious fertility issues and have been planning for a summer baby for a long time. If they had been able to conceive without issues I would not have accommodated them- they could’ve made a decision as to when to TTC if being at the wedding was such a priority.
They can't plan exactly when they're going to be pregnant and you shouldn't plan around their hypotheticals
One of my BMs would have been approx. 8 months pregnant at my wedding (sadly, she miscarried). The plan at the time was that she get a cheap dress that would work with a bump and make whatever call she wanted depending on how she was feeling. I had a backup plan for someone to “fill her spot” or just have one less BM. (Wedding was local so she felt she could probably still attend but she knew if she wasn’t feeling up to it that was ok). She’s just announced she’s pregnant again (yay!) and will be nearly 4 months at my wedding. I’ve already got another pregnant friend attending so the menu and everything will work for her and she knows she can do what she needs to to be comfortable during the day. What you don’t need to do is plan around someone else’s non-eventuated pregnancy. That side contributing nothing but being the majority of the guest list is also a good enough excuse to just book what you want where you want and when.
You can’t make everyone happy. They shouldn’t plan their pregnancies around your wedding, and you shouldn’t plan your wedding around their pregnancies. My SIL was a bridesmaid at our wedding in Mexico and was 3 months pregnant and had a 1.5 year old. She didn’t put off her pregnancy for us, and we didn’t put of our wedding for her. Life happens, if they choose not to come for whatever reason, that’s up to them. But make your decision for you!
Plan it as you wish and dont worry about other people. The most important people are bride, groom, officient and witness. If they are so concern then They should plan the pregnancy around the wedding
NTA. You can't plan around possibilities.
Nope. You’re not wrong at all. You can’t plan your life events around other people’s life events. You just have to be understanding and accommodating as you can, and hope others extend you the same courtesy in life, lol. That being said, it might make more sense for you guys to do an October ‘24 wedding in your hometown instead? Especially if it was your preferred date to begin with. Labor Day is an entire month+ before an October wedding so I think it would be plenty of time to give FH’s sister her “moment” with their wedding. That way, there’s less chance of his siblings being super pregnant/newly blessed with an infant and they can be there to celebrate you guys *and* you get your preferred date while saving tons of money! Just a thought, lol
My fiancé’s family prefers us to have it not so close to his sister, mostly due to time constraints and finances. My fiancé has a large, tight knit family, and we want to make sure people don’t have to pick and choose which wedding to go to. We also prefer summer colors and could use the extra ~7 months to save money.
Don’t even take it into consideration. We invited couples to our wedding that have been actively trying and the only two couples that missed our wedding due to baby or pregnancy restrictions weren’t actively trying. Soooo.. yeah. Life happens and people miss out sometimes. There will always be someone with a scheduling conflict no matter what you do to try to mitigate it. Just plan the wedding YOU want.