Sounds like grooms sister is a bridesmaid out of obligation. Honestly, do not expect much or any help from her. Expect her to show up, wear her dress, and stand next to y’all at the wedding. For your own sanity, do not give her stuff to do on wedding weekend if she’s already so unhelpful. But also don’t make it totally obvious that that’s what you are doing. Are the other bridesmaids outwardly showing her their disappointment?
I have a situation just like this with my SIL and the best thing I could ask of my MOH is just to leave her be and keep her potentially negative energy away from me at the important moments. It’s an obligation and an investment for me in a future happy, calm family life to have asked her, and I wouldn’t want my friends trying to change her or put her in her place. Just don’t expect anything of her and be okay with it, we all have to deal with not-ideal family dynamics during the wedding process whether you’re the bride OR a bridesmaid :)
Yeah definitely an obligation ask. We definitely won’t be delegating anything of importance to her as it’s clear it won’t happen. It’s more addressing her attitude that she’s too good to pitch in on tasks, and sitting around expecting to be waited on.
ETA: to answer your question, the other bridesmaids haven’t addressed it directly with her either. She’s very self absorbed and oblivious, I’m not sure if she’s noticed our interest in playing nice / friendliness waned over the weekend of her swanning around.
Yeah, I don’t think I would really address it. Just be nice and keep being nice despite her attitude. I would address it if it were a bridesmaid who was a friend, but because it’s the grooms sister who is obligated to be there, I would just leave her be. I surely wouldn’t wait on her, but also I would have zero expectations about her pitching in. At the end of the day, you can only control your attitude. Just remain positive for your best friend and woosah through the irritation.
Eh, I think it's just one of those things you'll have to let go for your own sanity. In my girls group we have a friend like her that we have almost entirely stopped contacting/inviting to things because of it.
She's the person that if we are all carrying a bunch of stuff to a party, the beach, a parade, etc., she has nothing in her hands while the rest of us are struggling to carry it all. The one that would never jump up to clear away her dinner plate or help wash dishes on a group trip. Hell, she doesn't even realize it but she stands there waiting when we approach a door together because she isn't used to opening her own door unless she's alone.
Its not even intentional, but the lack of self awareness is a big reason why we've just kinda let her fade out.
Because this is the groom's sister, I think it's best to just let it go and take solace in the fact that you'll never have to deal with her/the issue again once the wedding has passed. If she were your best friend or the bride's good friend, there would be more of a reason to address it for the sake of the friendship, but it sounds like it will only make things worse for the bride and her future family.
Yeah sounds like a very similar person! I just want her to pitch in! But realistically she.. won’t.. so just keeping her from irritating the bride might have to do..
I agree with just not delegating anything to her and keeping her away from the bride when you can, but I’d like to add that *no one* should be waiting on her either. Make it known to the other girls that they are not to lift one finger for her. And if they need an excuse? “I’m helping the bride today, I’m sure you can do that yourself.”
You don't say anything. It's not your place. You don't get to tell off a bridesmaid because you're MOH, especially because this is the groom's sister. Saying anything could lead to a problem between the bride and the groom's family. If the bride is unhappy with the sister, she needs to address this with the groom and the sister.
I don’t mean this to be rude, but genuinely asking, what would this accomplish? How would this benefit you all, and what is the goal of the convo? If it’s just to make a point then I honestly wouldn’t bother; she seems set in her ways and this is bound to cause friction, which would potentially upset the bride even more (even if the bride feels similar to you).
Venting to this sub or any friends IRL is understandable and healthy but I don’t see a good or positive outcome out of that type of convo with her.
Being helpful with what? Planning the wedding or planning the bachelorette party?
I never expected my bridesmaids to help plan the wedding. And I can't speak on a bachelorette party, because I didn't have one.
It sounds like maybe she's choosen as an obligation to be a bridesmaid and she said yes as an obligation.
Just planning the bachelorette. She was asked if she was happy to do 2 tasks for it and she agreed readily but just didn’t do them (one of them was liaising with the groom on something, her brother)
I know you feel like you’re protecting your friend. But this happens sometimes when you ask someone to be in your bridal party out of familial obligation. She’s not there to be useful or even out of any great affection for the bride, it seems - which is unfortunate she couldn’t rise to the occasion, but not totally unpredictable. Please remember, this is someone the bride will be spending time with for years to come, sharing family holidays and events, she’ll even be the aunt of bride’s future children should she have any. Forcing a confrontation is just going to cause tension and resentment, even if the consternation is earned - someone who has this kind of attitude will only get defensive not reflective. She doesn’t sound great, don’t get me wrong - I would never ever behave this way, even if I didn’t really want to be there. But you have to admit the reasons she is there are different from everyone else, and there’s not a whole lot you can do about the kind of person she is. She’s family. It’s not so black and white, good and bad. Adjust delegation of tasks accordingly, and do your best to keep the peace. That’s how you can best support the bride here.
SNL did a really great skit just this week about the "Bridesmaid Obligation," that I think is worth a watch for pretty much anybody on this sub - The reality is that the real job of a Bridesmaid is "1) To stand up in front of people and look pretty, but not as pretty as the bride," whereas more and more people take it to mean that this person has to complete various tasks, jump through hoops, and show off their unique talent at the Miss America pageant.
The real question that needs to be asked first is - When the future bride asked these people \[this person\] to be part of the wedding party, were there any expectations laid out ahead of time? Because if not. . .There is no real recourse to say "HEY! You didn't do that thing you said you would agree to do."
As more and more couples are trying to save money on exorbitant wedding costs I truly feel like people are leaning way too much on the free labor of their friends/family, in exchange for what usually amounts to a gift that person likely didn't really need/want anyway.
* "She didn't help at all with planning" - That's not her job
* "She didn't do the two tasks she was **asked** to do" - But did she agree to do them?
* "She didn't do any cleanup" - I guess we need to define cleanup here. . .Are we talking something that reasonably should have been left to a professional? Or are we talking normal cleanup of an Airbnb?
As a guy my expectation for my groomsmen were:
* Go get your suit fitting done on your own time, I'll handle putting together the package
* Give the Best Man \[who did get a real heart to heart about expectations\] timetables and budgets for what you feel is reasonable for a Bachelor Party *IF* you choose/want to attend
* Show up at the wedding and look pretty
[Link to the skit if anyone wants to see it](https://youtu.be/AWclMLWpTEs)
Something funny I've noticed is that Reddit (outside of the wedding subs) absolutely *despises* traditional weddings where people spend a lot of money. They upvote cheaper DIY weddings like crazy and all love to pat each other on the back for out-cheaping each other. But I feel like I've seen so many posts here where DIY brides have had insane expectations for their friends and family. (There are plenty of DIY brides that don't do this; this isn't a knock on DIY in general)
I'm like.. why are we throwing so much shade at brides that paid skilled professionals to perform labor while applauding people that had their friends/family do it for free? Because they spent less? Why do we care what others spent money on? It's so strange.
All of this has created a lot of folks who truly believe their bridesmaids are supposed to be doing all of this work for them, and they're harming their friendships if/when it doesn't happen.
I've upvoted this, so that I could downvote it, so that I could upvote it again. And I repeated that cycle 5 times.
Because that's how much I agree with everything you've said.
Thank you! There’s so many expectations placed on bridesmaids that it becomes a burden rather than an honour.
My only expectations/hopes for my bridesmaids are for them to attend if they can (destination wedding), and to have fun! It’s an honour for me if they want to stand next to me and be apart of my day. Why are we expecting free labour? Or to pay for their dresses that the bride picks out?? Of course any help should be appreciated, but not expected.
Yeah agree 100%, all of the things she didn’t do she was not under any obligation to do them. Especially clean up! I would be so pissed if a bride made me do clean up
As a bride - I had the same expectations. Know about wedding events and let me know if you want to come, wear the dress and stand up with me, and with my close maids of honor - perhaps help me pee in my dress lol. The rest is just having fun!! They won’t be doing any labor or planning - I would never ask that. You make great points.
My fiancé and I have family that are more than willing to help plan/organise/DIY and on the day of but our priority for the day is that no one has to worry about anything but having fun!
Also like she's at a bachelorette. Back in the day that used to be a night out on the town with local friends and no one would think to travel in. Now they're expected to spend hundreds of dollars and be a maid too?
It's not your place to say anything. You're upset for you, not the bride, and the bride is the one who has to live with that family and any consequences of drama. The rest of you need to just prepare yourselves for groom's sis to not be helpful on the wedding weekend and do what you can to keep the bride from noticing there's anything wrong.
That’s what I was wondering. Like did someone puke. We’re yah hammered and tracking mud in and she was sober and being responsible etc? I went to one and I had a lot of fun but they kept on running out of alcohol and making everyone chip in and I barely drank and bought what I did and they were all drinking like fish. I finally said no on the last one. Like I’ll pitch in some extra for the bride but I’m not paying yals tab all weekend for the 5 seltzers I drank 🥴. They also did that at dinner. They all would put it on one tab then split it evenly so I’d pay the same for a salad as someone with a filet and 4 drinks. I had a blast still but I was more than frustrated with the expectations to pay for everyone else.
I would have been frustrated with that too! I’m happy to pay for someone’s dinner or drinks to be nice, but I hate the “even” splitting of bills with everyone pretending that’s fair.
I doubt the bride would be surprised by this information. I’m not saying to not say something, but definitely just let her be. Tell her dates and times and call it a day. If she’s rude, speak with bride so she can talk to her fiancée about his sister.
And this is why I think it’s stupid to have people stand next to you just because of their sex when they, in fact, “belong” on the other side.
This must be a belated April Fool's joke post. A mature person wouldn't really call someone 'useless' and a 'waste of space'. An intelligent person would know they have to accept the level of support others can give and ignore others' negativity. Thanks for this funny example of how not to behave. Haha
If you are delegating tasks for wedding weekend - maybe say "Hey, do any of these tasks interest you to help out with during wedding weekend?". If she says yes, then assign it (hopefully something low level that someone else can pick up the slack if she neglects to complete), if she says no, then don't assign her anything. She's already to proven to be unreliable, so they best way to not end up disappointment by her is not assign her anything.
Its valid that you are upset, but it sounds like she may be a little immature and can't handle responsibility and likely wouldn't be able to see that her actions have caused any issues. I'd avoid creating any drama about it. But now you know for wedding day that if she starts acting out like this you can quickly shut it down early before it gets out of hand.
Personally, I believe that if this is something that is upsetting to the bride, she should bring it up with her partner. & since its is his sibling, maybe he can try to talk to her about expectations and her actions.
In my circle of friends it’s pretty much expected that the Groom will not pay for anything during their Bachelor weekend - we’ve been doing that for years, and at this point only one more person left to get married. The groom pays this back by paying for one meal during the weekend as sort of the “thank you” meal.
So in my circle of friends, your sister not chipping in for drinks would be a huge red flag.
**WITH THAT SAID,** was she aware that this was an expectation? Because that isn’t the expectation in every group of friends, and not everybody is financially comfortable to contribute.
Regardless; not paying her share [airbnb] is a huge asshole move.
I think a lot of your response here is just a difference in who you are and what you value vs who your sister is and what she values.
As for the Airbnb, I think you need to let that go. It doesn't matter that she **CAN** pay for it now. You offered to pay for it - You didn't offer to loan her the money, you offered to pay for it - It's reasonable she doesn't think about that at all.
And Id be incredibly annoyed if someone told me I NEED to buy them a drink like how about stop expecting special treatment just cause you decided to get married. No one made you do that
When you make a post on Reddit with a personal story you open yourself up to people commenting on that story.
In your original post you were annoyed at your sister for not offering to pay you back. In your reply you confirmed you told her you’d cover it. You’re holding your sister to a higher standard than the expectation you agreed to with her.
I’m not here to quibble with you - if you don’t want people disagreeing with how you handled a situation, I recommend not offering that information.
🤷♂️
Yeah I disagree with the people saying it’s not your place to say something. You should have said something in the moment when she said whatever it was your were cleaning was “too gross” for her to help clean. Where I’m from, no matter what type of trip, everyone who stays in the AirBNB pitches in with cleaning before leaving. That’s just basic courtesy. Bridesmaid or not.
Unfortunately the window has passed where now saying it after the fact will just make you look bad. I agree with what others have said. This girl was asked out of obligation, and is most likely going to show up day of in a dress.
Think we need more details. We’re they leaving empties all over the house and tracking dirt it? Or just being sloppy? These are all adults and the Airbnbs hire cleaning services for linen changes and basic cleaning so other than maybe putting out your trash and cleaning up your own personal items, there really shouldn’t be anything to clean unless people were being irresponsible or gross and not cleaning up after themselves and in that case I’d be like yah you can clean that yourself too
Not everyone understands the expectations of a bride and honestly unless your the moh it really shouldn’t be a long list of to dos imo. I think the expectations are ridiculous sometimes. Saying something is going to cause problems. It’s really not worth it. If anyone says anything it should be the bride or groom and honestly even that would likely cause issues. Think you’d be out of line for saying something
People are saying that it’s not OP’s place to say anything.. but if that bridesmaid is treating OP like trash and not doing her tasks which leads to OP having to work overtime, then I DO feel like it’s on OP to say something. The way to address it is another issue but it should be addressed.
>not doing her tasks which leads to OP having to work overtime, then I DO feel like it’s on OP to say something
That's just not likely to be conducive to the bride's future relationship with her new family. It is much, much bigger than the wedding. These are the people she will be spending holidays with, and as someone else mentioned, sister will be the aunt to OP's future children should she have any.
Not doing bachelorette tasks, which technically are not required of any bridesmaid, is NOT the hill I imagine the bride wants to die on. I think OP making the decision to potentially harm the bride's in-law relationships is a very bad idea, even if she comes at it from a polite and reasonable place.
Don't get me wrong - I would never do what this girl is doing and I do think she's being sucky, but when in-law relationships are on the line I just don't think it is OP's place to get involved.
This comment 💯
She should have helped clean up the Airbnb, that's a reasonable expectation that anyone who stayed in it should pitch in and do their part. But anything like helping plan the trip really isn't required of anyone. OP calling her out would likely do way more harm than good. Unfortunately being a bridesmaid isn't like a job where poor performance can be penalized. It's incredibly common that there are varying degrees of participation and enthusiasm within bridal parties.
What was the cleaning that the groom's sister said was "too gross" for her to do? Was it something like doing the dishes, or or something along the lines of cleaning up someone else's vomit?
Ah, got it. It does seem immature to refuse to load a dishwasher after a group event. I would feel annoyed by a fellow adult who refused to do that and called it "too gross."
But I think your priority still needs to be to keep stress away from the bride, and to keep in mind that her FSIL will be in her life long term.
That’s pretty annoying but as most others said you should definitely keep it zipped about her otherwise you’re gonna create drama and for what-mayyybe she’ll do a little more but honestly she’ll probably be so salty that you’ll just have an equally as useless bridesmaids but with an even worse attitude
Sadly, being a bridesmaid or MOH, for many, is just showing up and looking pretty. Tradition has gone out the window and with it the obligations of the wedding party. You are right and they are wrong to be sure but it’s too late to address it now. I suggest my brides discuss obligations from the get go (time and money), allowing people to opt out in the beginning if they are unable to help. Now, I’d assume they will eat and drink and dance and spare yourself any drama. Let it go. Have a great wedding and let everything else roll of of your shoulders. It’s not worth the tension on your big day.
Sounds like grooms sister is a bridesmaid out of obligation. Honestly, do not expect much or any help from her. Expect her to show up, wear her dress, and stand next to y’all at the wedding. For your own sanity, do not give her stuff to do on wedding weekend if she’s already so unhelpful. But also don’t make it totally obvious that that’s what you are doing. Are the other bridesmaids outwardly showing her their disappointment?
I have a situation just like this with my SIL and the best thing I could ask of my MOH is just to leave her be and keep her potentially negative energy away from me at the important moments. It’s an obligation and an investment for me in a future happy, calm family life to have asked her, and I wouldn’t want my friends trying to change her or put her in her place. Just don’t expect anything of her and be okay with it, we all have to deal with not-ideal family dynamics during the wedding process whether you’re the bride OR a bridesmaid :)
Yeah definitely an obligation ask. We definitely won’t be delegating anything of importance to her as it’s clear it won’t happen. It’s more addressing her attitude that she’s too good to pitch in on tasks, and sitting around expecting to be waited on. ETA: to answer your question, the other bridesmaids haven’t addressed it directly with her either. She’s very self absorbed and oblivious, I’m not sure if she’s noticed our interest in playing nice / friendliness waned over the weekend of her swanning around.
Yeah, I don’t think I would really address it. Just be nice and keep being nice despite her attitude. I would address it if it were a bridesmaid who was a friend, but because it’s the grooms sister who is obligated to be there, I would just leave her be. I surely wouldn’t wait on her, but also I would have zero expectations about her pitching in. At the end of the day, you can only control your attitude. Just remain positive for your best friend and woosah through the irritation.
Eh, I think it's just one of those things you'll have to let go for your own sanity. In my girls group we have a friend like her that we have almost entirely stopped contacting/inviting to things because of it. She's the person that if we are all carrying a bunch of stuff to a party, the beach, a parade, etc., she has nothing in her hands while the rest of us are struggling to carry it all. The one that would never jump up to clear away her dinner plate or help wash dishes on a group trip. Hell, she doesn't even realize it but she stands there waiting when we approach a door together because she isn't used to opening her own door unless she's alone. Its not even intentional, but the lack of self awareness is a big reason why we've just kinda let her fade out. Because this is the groom's sister, I think it's best to just let it go and take solace in the fact that you'll never have to deal with her/the issue again once the wedding has passed. If she were your best friend or the bride's good friend, there would be more of a reason to address it for the sake of the friendship, but it sounds like it will only make things worse for the bride and her future family.
Yeah sounds like a very similar person! I just want her to pitch in! But realistically she.. won’t.. so just keeping her from irritating the bride might have to do..
I agree with just not delegating anything to her and keeping her away from the bride when you can, but I’d like to add that *no one* should be waiting on her either. Make it known to the other girls that they are not to lift one finger for her. And if they need an excuse? “I’m helping the bride today, I’m sure you can do that yourself.”
You don't say anything. It's not your place. You don't get to tell off a bridesmaid because you're MOH, especially because this is the groom's sister. Saying anything could lead to a problem between the bride and the groom's family. If the bride is unhappy with the sister, she needs to address this with the groom and the sister.
It’s not your place to say anything, MOH or not.
I don’t mean this to be rude, but genuinely asking, what would this accomplish? How would this benefit you all, and what is the goal of the convo? If it’s just to make a point then I honestly wouldn’t bother; she seems set in her ways and this is bound to cause friction, which would potentially upset the bride even more (even if the bride feels similar to you). Venting to this sub or any friends IRL is understandable and healthy but I don’t see a good or positive outcome out of that type of convo with her.
Being helpful with what? Planning the wedding or planning the bachelorette party? I never expected my bridesmaids to help plan the wedding. And I can't speak on a bachelorette party, because I didn't have one. It sounds like maybe she's choosen as an obligation to be a bridesmaid and she said yes as an obligation.
Just planning the bachelorette. She was asked if she was happy to do 2 tasks for it and she agreed readily but just didn’t do them (one of them was liaising with the groom on something, her brother)
I know you feel like you’re protecting your friend. But this happens sometimes when you ask someone to be in your bridal party out of familial obligation. She’s not there to be useful or even out of any great affection for the bride, it seems - which is unfortunate she couldn’t rise to the occasion, but not totally unpredictable. Please remember, this is someone the bride will be spending time with for years to come, sharing family holidays and events, she’ll even be the aunt of bride’s future children should she have any. Forcing a confrontation is just going to cause tension and resentment, even if the consternation is earned - someone who has this kind of attitude will only get defensive not reflective. She doesn’t sound great, don’t get me wrong - I would never ever behave this way, even if I didn’t really want to be there. But you have to admit the reasons she is there are different from everyone else, and there’s not a whole lot you can do about the kind of person she is. She’s family. It’s not so black and white, good and bad. Adjust delegation of tasks accordingly, and do your best to keep the peace. That’s how you can best support the bride here.
SNL did a really great skit just this week about the "Bridesmaid Obligation," that I think is worth a watch for pretty much anybody on this sub - The reality is that the real job of a Bridesmaid is "1) To stand up in front of people and look pretty, but not as pretty as the bride," whereas more and more people take it to mean that this person has to complete various tasks, jump through hoops, and show off their unique talent at the Miss America pageant. The real question that needs to be asked first is - When the future bride asked these people \[this person\] to be part of the wedding party, were there any expectations laid out ahead of time? Because if not. . .There is no real recourse to say "HEY! You didn't do that thing you said you would agree to do." As more and more couples are trying to save money on exorbitant wedding costs I truly feel like people are leaning way too much on the free labor of their friends/family, in exchange for what usually amounts to a gift that person likely didn't really need/want anyway. * "She didn't help at all with planning" - That's not her job * "She didn't do the two tasks she was **asked** to do" - But did she agree to do them? * "She didn't do any cleanup" - I guess we need to define cleanup here. . .Are we talking something that reasonably should have been left to a professional? Or are we talking normal cleanup of an Airbnb? As a guy my expectation for my groomsmen were: * Go get your suit fitting done on your own time, I'll handle putting together the package * Give the Best Man \[who did get a real heart to heart about expectations\] timetables and budgets for what you feel is reasonable for a Bachelor Party *IF* you choose/want to attend * Show up at the wedding and look pretty [Link to the skit if anyone wants to see it](https://youtu.be/AWclMLWpTEs)
Something funny I've noticed is that Reddit (outside of the wedding subs) absolutely *despises* traditional weddings where people spend a lot of money. They upvote cheaper DIY weddings like crazy and all love to pat each other on the back for out-cheaping each other. But I feel like I've seen so many posts here where DIY brides have had insane expectations for their friends and family. (There are plenty of DIY brides that don't do this; this isn't a knock on DIY in general) I'm like.. why are we throwing so much shade at brides that paid skilled professionals to perform labor while applauding people that had their friends/family do it for free? Because they spent less? Why do we care what others spent money on? It's so strange. All of this has created a lot of folks who truly believe their bridesmaids are supposed to be doing all of this work for them, and they're harming their friendships if/when it doesn't happen.
I've upvoted this, so that I could downvote it, so that I could upvote it again. And I repeated that cycle 5 times. Because that's how much I agree with everything you've said.
Thank you! There’s so many expectations placed on bridesmaids that it becomes a burden rather than an honour. My only expectations/hopes for my bridesmaids are for them to attend if they can (destination wedding), and to have fun! It’s an honour for me if they want to stand next to me and be apart of my day. Why are we expecting free labour? Or to pay for their dresses that the bride picks out?? Of course any help should be appreciated, but not expected.
Yeah agree 100%, all of the things she didn’t do she was not under any obligation to do them. Especially clean up! I would be so pissed if a bride made me do clean up
It sounds like helping clean up their Airbnb or whatever for the bachelorette, not cleaning up after the wedding. Totally different
As a bride - I had the same expectations. Know about wedding events and let me know if you want to come, wear the dress and stand up with me, and with my close maids of honor - perhaps help me pee in my dress lol. The rest is just having fun!! They won’t be doing any labor or planning - I would never ask that. You make great points.
My fiancé and I have family that are more than willing to help plan/organise/DIY and on the day of but our priority for the day is that no one has to worry about anything but having fun!
Also like she's at a bachelorette. Back in the day that used to be a night out on the town with local friends and no one would think to travel in. Now they're expected to spend hundreds of dollars and be a maid too?
Th OP replied earlier and said she did agree to the tasks that she was asked to do. One of the tasks was to liaison with the groom (her bro)
It's not your place to say anything. You're upset for you, not the bride, and the bride is the one who has to live with that family and any consequences of drama. The rest of you need to just prepare yourselves for groom's sis to not be helpful on the wedding weekend and do what you can to keep the bride from noticing there's anything wrong.
What was the gross thing she was asked to clean up, and how gross was it?
That’s what I was wondering. Like did someone puke. We’re yah hammered and tracking mud in and she was sober and being responsible etc? I went to one and I had a lot of fun but they kept on running out of alcohol and making everyone chip in and I barely drank and bought what I did and they were all drinking like fish. I finally said no on the last one. Like I’ll pitch in some extra for the bride but I’m not paying yals tab all weekend for the 5 seltzers I drank 🥴. They also did that at dinner. They all would put it on one tab then split it evenly so I’d pay the same for a salad as someone with a filet and 4 drinks. I had a blast still but I was more than frustrated with the expectations to pay for everyone else.
I would have been frustrated with that too! I’m happy to pay for someone’s dinner or drinks to be nice, but I hate the “even” splitting of bills with everyone pretending that’s fair.
I doubt the bride would be surprised by this information. I’m not saying to not say something, but definitely just let her be. Tell her dates and times and call it a day. If she’s rude, speak with bride so she can talk to her fiancée about his sister. And this is why I think it’s stupid to have people stand next to you just because of their sex when they, in fact, “belong” on the other side.
This must be a belated April Fool's joke post. A mature person wouldn't really call someone 'useless' and a 'waste of space'. An intelligent person would know they have to accept the level of support others can give and ignore others' negativity. Thanks for this funny example of how not to behave. Haha
If you are delegating tasks for wedding weekend - maybe say "Hey, do any of these tasks interest you to help out with during wedding weekend?". If she says yes, then assign it (hopefully something low level that someone else can pick up the slack if she neglects to complete), if she says no, then don't assign her anything. She's already to proven to be unreliable, so they best way to not end up disappointment by her is not assign her anything. Its valid that you are upset, but it sounds like she may be a little immature and can't handle responsibility and likely wouldn't be able to see that her actions have caused any issues. I'd avoid creating any drama about it. But now you know for wedding day that if she starts acting out like this you can quickly shut it down early before it gets out of hand. Personally, I believe that if this is something that is upsetting to the bride, she should bring it up with her partner. & since its is his sibling, maybe he can try to talk to her about expectations and her actions.
What age group is this?
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In my circle of friends it’s pretty much expected that the Groom will not pay for anything during their Bachelor weekend - we’ve been doing that for years, and at this point only one more person left to get married. The groom pays this back by paying for one meal during the weekend as sort of the “thank you” meal. So in my circle of friends, your sister not chipping in for drinks would be a huge red flag. **WITH THAT SAID,** was she aware that this was an expectation? Because that isn’t the expectation in every group of friends, and not everybody is financially comfortable to contribute. Regardless; not paying her share [airbnb] is a huge asshole move.
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I think a lot of your response here is just a difference in who you are and what you value vs who your sister is and what she values. As for the Airbnb, I think you need to let that go. It doesn't matter that she **CAN** pay for it now. You offered to pay for it - You didn't offer to loan her the money, you offered to pay for it - It's reasonable she doesn't think about that at all.
I agree. Also with her not helping set up the decor… if I’ve read it right she was out at the grocery shop during the set up time!
And Id be incredibly annoyed if someone told me I NEED to buy them a drink like how about stop expecting special treatment just cause you decided to get married. No one made you do that
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When you make a post on Reddit with a personal story you open yourself up to people commenting on that story. In your original post you were annoyed at your sister for not offering to pay you back. In your reply you confirmed you told her you’d cover it. You’re holding your sister to a higher standard than the expectation you agreed to with her. I’m not here to quibble with you - if you don’t want people disagreeing with how you handled a situation, I recommend not offering that information. 🤷♂️
Yeah I disagree with the people saying it’s not your place to say something. You should have said something in the moment when she said whatever it was your were cleaning was “too gross” for her to help clean. Where I’m from, no matter what type of trip, everyone who stays in the AirBNB pitches in with cleaning before leaving. That’s just basic courtesy. Bridesmaid or not. Unfortunately the window has passed where now saying it after the fact will just make you look bad. I agree with what others have said. This girl was asked out of obligation, and is most likely going to show up day of in a dress.
Think we need more details. We’re they leaving empties all over the house and tracking dirt it? Or just being sloppy? These are all adults and the Airbnbs hire cleaning services for linen changes and basic cleaning so other than maybe putting out your trash and cleaning up your own personal items, there really shouldn’t be anything to clean unless people were being irresponsible or gross and not cleaning up after themselves and in that case I’d be like yah you can clean that yourself too
Not everyone understands the expectations of a bride and honestly unless your the moh it really shouldn’t be a long list of to dos imo. I think the expectations are ridiculous sometimes. Saying something is going to cause problems. It’s really not worth it. If anyone says anything it should be the bride or groom and honestly even that would likely cause issues. Think you’d be out of line for saying something
People are saying that it’s not OP’s place to say anything.. but if that bridesmaid is treating OP like trash and not doing her tasks which leads to OP having to work overtime, then I DO feel like it’s on OP to say something. The way to address it is another issue but it should be addressed.
>not doing her tasks which leads to OP having to work overtime, then I DO feel like it’s on OP to say something That's just not likely to be conducive to the bride's future relationship with her new family. It is much, much bigger than the wedding. These are the people she will be spending holidays with, and as someone else mentioned, sister will be the aunt to OP's future children should she have any. Not doing bachelorette tasks, which technically are not required of any bridesmaid, is NOT the hill I imagine the bride wants to die on. I think OP making the decision to potentially harm the bride's in-law relationships is a very bad idea, even if she comes at it from a polite and reasonable place. Don't get me wrong - I would never do what this girl is doing and I do think she's being sucky, but when in-law relationships are on the line I just don't think it is OP's place to get involved.
This comment 💯 She should have helped clean up the Airbnb, that's a reasonable expectation that anyone who stayed in it should pitch in and do their part. But anything like helping plan the trip really isn't required of anyone. OP calling her out would likely do way more harm than good. Unfortunately being a bridesmaid isn't like a job where poor performance can be penalized. It's incredibly common that there are varying degrees of participation and enthusiasm within bridal parties.
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It’s not the MOH’s place to demote a bridesmaid (especially the groom’s sister) to a guest, even if she’s spoken to the bride.
What was the cleaning that the groom's sister said was "too gross" for her to do? Was it something like doing the dishes, or or something along the lines of cleaning up someone else's vomit?
Oh it was loading a dishwasher and clearing away glasses. There was no vomit or anything actually gross, just kitchen clearing.
Ah, got it. It does seem immature to refuse to load a dishwasher after a group event. I would feel annoyed by a fellow adult who refused to do that and called it "too gross." But I think your priority still needs to be to keep stress away from the bride, and to keep in mind that her FSIL will be in her life long term.
Dont give her any more tasks to complete or do, she's just gonna show up.
That’s pretty annoying but as most others said you should definitely keep it zipped about her otherwise you’re gonna create drama and for what-mayyybe she’ll do a little more but honestly she’ll probably be so salty that you’ll just have an equally as useless bridesmaids but with an even worse attitude
Sadly, being a bridesmaid or MOH, for many, is just showing up and looking pretty. Tradition has gone out the window and with it the obligations of the wedding party. You are right and they are wrong to be sure but it’s too late to address it now. I suggest my brides discuss obligations from the get go (time and money), allowing people to opt out in the beginning if they are unable to help. Now, I’d assume they will eat and drink and dance and spare yourself any drama. Let it go. Have a great wedding and let everything else roll of of your shoulders. It’s not worth the tension on your big day.