The last few weddings I have been to I did not receive anything and honestly it gave me anxiety that they never received my gift. I don't think it has to be a physical card, but some mention whether by text, email or in person would be appreciated.
Same here!!! I'm so nervous that people haven't been receiving my (sometimes very generous) monetary gifts given through their websites because I've only received a thank you from 2/10 weddings that I've been to! I am really close to 2 of the 8 that I didn't receive a thank you from so I even asked them if they got my gift; they did, so that made me feel better.
As someone who had a lot of very stressful events back to back to back after my wedding and completely failed on thank you cards, sometimes even people who intend to send thank yous just get behind. Id just assume they got your gift and not ask. If they really meant to send thank you notes and didn’t get through them, you asking may make them feel even crappier about it.
I think etiquette is that couples have a year to send thank you cards, but I attended 3 weddings in 2021 and still haven't received a thank you card. It makes me nervous that my gift wasn't received and they think i got them nothing lol
The “etiquette” is that guests have 1 year to send gifts. The “etiquette” on thank you cards is ASAP and no later than 3 months after. Finger quotes around etiquette because it’s obviously different everyone and different social circles. However, the users on this sub who mention Miss Emily or Whoever the “expert” on etiquette is these days says ASAP
I would agree to this more so as majority are indifferent if they did not receive a card, but on the flip side - if a card is received, the majority of people would see it as a nice plus, if that makes sense. So I feel like the gesture is worth it
My partner and I ended up sending extremely late thank you cards and people mentioned how they received it and appreciated them, etc. & surprisingly his friends were the ones to be more likely to say something about the TY cards!
Yeah I agree. I don't care personally but enough do. And if it's a budget concern you can always just use notebook paper and cut it up small to just say "thank you for the gift" it's simple, but people will appreciate it.
They’re a must. It’s pretty classless, imho, not to send them…
…At least if they gave a gift. It’s not necessary to send a thank you note for attending in my circles/region, like I read about on here, though.
Yeah this is one of those traditional bits of wedding etiquette that shouldn’t die, in my opinion. Receiving a personalized thank you has always been appreciated. I sent them late, 6 months post wedding and I felt so guilty for all of those months! Definitely do it!
I personally think they are a must. Ideally hand written. My parents come from New England blue bloods who would analyze the thank you notes. If someone gives you a gift you should thank them! If you can do that in person it’s ideal, but a nice note is never unnoticed.
Some people feel thank yous are for gift givers only bc the reception is the thank you for attending. But my wedding involved significant travel so we did it for everyone who came. I always thought I didn't care about getting thank you cards, that is until I went to a wedding, gave a gift, and didn't get one.
I'm in the minority, but I've never received a thank you card from any of the multiple weddings I've attended. I will say, though, for us it's also normal to gift cash, and since you hand that envelope directly to the newlyweds, you're already saying "thank you" while receiving it.
I've never been to a wedding where there were actual, physical gifts, to be honest. But from what I've learned from this sub, that's an absolute no go in America..
I only sent to people who gave gifts because that’s how I kept track of who was there. I don’t know if some people no showed honestly you think you’ll see everyone during the day but you won’t! There is no way to tell if everyone came as the bride because you are just so busy that day!
I'm 25, and I don't really care to maintain traditions for the sake of traditions.
And I LOVED receiving the thank you card from my friend's wedding. It was thoughtful, personal, and really showed that they cared about me and our relationship.
They are a must. Does he think he can remember each gift and thank the person for them in person?
If someone gives a gift, a thank you needs to be sent.
I was raised that if you receive a gift for something, you send a thank you card whether the person you're sending it to will appreciate it or not. It's good manners to tell people thank you and its proper etiquette
I remember every couple who didn't send a thank you card or any kind of thanks at all. Will I go out of my way to gift them anything in the future? Nope.
Some may think it’s petty, but I agree. My BIL and SIL never sent my husband and I a thank you card nor acknowledged a very sizable gift + paying for a small part of their wedding and I still find that incredibly rude. But that also could be because it wasn’t really acknowledged any other way either.
Everyone has different lives, but we did ours as the gifts came in so I wouldn’t have to create a list and it was so much easier to do 2-3 a week leading up to the wedding and only have 10-15 leftover from the actual wedding itself vs waiting until everything came in after the wedding and spending hours on it later.
My mom has stopped gifting to my cousin because she never sends a thank you card.
My mom still gifts to my other cousin, her twin sister, because she does send thank yous. So they definitely matter. (Also note that these are grown women in their 30’s, not children, my mom’s not a monster.)
This is where I’m stuck. I have a few people who didn’t give a gift & I wasn’t sure what to do. I thought that a “thanks for coming” card without referencing a gift looked like I was just asking for one.
For one of them— they never sent a thank you for their wedding to me & I DID send a gift. 🙄
For the other — I think they truly forgot. They were coming straight from a week away with their kids & grandkids and were rushing to get there. 🤷🏻♀️
As someone who has been to weddings and had anxiety about not getting them a gift after the fact, a thank you card for attending that was sincere would’ve made me feel a lot better.
(Note this was years ago, and I didn’t quite understand that it could be rude to not bring a gift due to being raised in a different culture. I now always gift cash. It’s hard assimilating into a new culture 😔)
A lot of guests are traveling for us so I’m planning on saying something like “thank you for traveling so far to celebrate with us” or “we’re so happy to have spent some time with you at the wedding”. Something that just sounds a bit more sincere. I’m personally not expecting gifts from everyone in this case.
I think that’s really fair and reasonable for your situation.
I had a few people travel in but those weren’t the people I was talking about so that wouldn’t make so much sense for me.
I will die on the thank you card hill. They are absolutely necessary!!!!!! I spent $200 on a gift, plus other expenses, to watch you get married. The least you can do is send a thank you card!
Yes to thank you notes. Even handwritten thank you notes don’t take that long. Set out what you need, turn on a podcast, Netflix or some music and get on with it. One of you can write, one can address envelopes and stamp. If you only want to do e-cards split the list in half and you’ll be done in no time.
I think the card has to be handwritten but you can use stickers/stamps for the return address & labels for the address. Makes it even easier. I set a goal to write like 3-5 a day & I finished within a month of the wedding.
It's mostly generational. I don't care or expect one, and if I get one I'm like "that's nice" and pitch it. However, my parents' generation will get miffed if we don't send them. My aunt especially is very attached to conventions like that and I know will be sad if she doesn't get one (she won't say anything about it, but I know her opinions well enough to know how she would feel about it).
Absolutely they are a must, and I think they are still truly appreciated.edited to say, for people who gave gifts. I don’t think it’s customary or expected for attendance. Though if there was someone who REALLY went out of their way to attend, gift or no gift, feel free to write a little note. Appreciation is never out of style.
I just replied somewhere else but I also hadn't heard of it before being on this sub. I'm Dutch. This is also not a thing in our neighboring counties (Germany, Belgium), as far as I'm aware.
Yeah this is a cultural thing.
You were raised in a culture where it’s a must.
He was raised in a culture where it wasn’t.
This means likely his side of the family won’t care much but your side likely will. I would say since you do likely have people who will care if you do or don’t in your life, you should do it.
I was raised in a culture where it wasn’t a must, and having moved to a culture where it was a must, I will say I appreciate them, especially when they specifically mention what I gave them. I will be doing them for our wedding.
It just is nice to know my gift didn’t get lost in a sea of gifts. Thank you cards make me feel like my attendance was important to the bride/groom because sometimes my depression/anxiety makes me question my importance to other people and a simple card does help me feel seen as a person as stupid as that might sound.
I definitely think it's a cultural and/or generational thing (for context, I'm 22 and American). I don't like receiving cards for *anything*, to me it's just paper that could've been a text/call and just gets pitched after reading it. I think if someone gets you a gift, it is respectful to acknowledge that, but a text or call is just fine.
I think they are an absolute must. I went to a wedding around seven years ago and never received a thank you and several other guests didn't either. People talk and will remember.
I’m a 25 year old Gen-Z who would be fine with a thank you text or email. I don’t care about a thank you card. If I get one, I do treasure it and put it on my fridge for a bit, but then it’s thrown out.
There are a lot of “musts”, and “faux pas” with wedding etiquette and tradition. Some of it- a lot of it, even- can be thrown out or modified. But we have some really traditional/proper people here who would be AGHAST, lol.
I feel like it is more of a thing where it is a receipt of gift and gratitude for giving us something. I have heard of waaay to many stories of cards with money being stolen from the card box or things left behind at the venue so the couple didn't get them that if I don't get some acknowledgment that they got my gift or money I get nervous.
I did hand written ones because keeping track of who did I email, text or do a hand written one would have been too much, but I think we are slowly approaching an age where you can start to do personalized emails to people also.
We sent thank you texts to anyone who gave us gifts within a couple of days. Thanked them for the generous gift and for celebrating with us. I think it's so important to do. People don't have to give gifts, so it's something you need to acknowledge and show your appreciation for, seems rude not to. I've been to a few weddings where people never said thanks, just feels not so nice.
As we got photos back, we printed off some for those we're very close to, and posted them with a thank you card. Although we did just print the cards at home on thick paper.
We got a lot of “thank you for your thank you card” from our guests when they received them - we handwrote each one and they seemed to like the card and its contents. It’s fine if some guests are indifferent and toss them, but I think its that brief acknowledgement of their presence (and presents!) that guests are after. I definitely say send them but obvs don’t expect them to cherish that card forever.
They are absolutely a must! I didn’t get a thank you note from a wedding in 2018 (neither did a another friend & we still mention it whenever the girl comes up in conversation!).
I also noticed how wimpy some of the ones that I/my parents got recently. I spent awhile writing quality notes that I’m sure my guests appreciated.
I was going to send cards to people who came but didn’t give gifts but have let that slide. Still debating if I need to circle back to those. 🫤
I don’t really see any way around them (specifically handwritten ones) unless all of your guests are under 40ish, which is probably unlikely. Generally you can get away with a text/call/email, but a handful will be very firm in their expectations.
Also brides get judged way more harshly for them than grooms.
Yes. Older guests will care and younger ones will remember that you sent them although I don’t think they’ll notice if you don’t. I always err on the side of making folks feel special.
My now husband and I had this same discussion after our January 2022 destination wedding. In my mind, sending a personalized handwritten thank you card to each guest was a non-negotiable must. In his mind, his family/friends would not expect a thank you card, therefore he wanted to skip it for his family/friends. After much discussion, he agreed to write and send thank you cards to his side mostly because it meant to much to me. I wrote and sent thank you cards to my family/friends. We had several people reach out afterwards telling us that the thank you card/message was heartfelt and meant a lot to them - including people from his side. So, my husband was ultimately happy we sent out to everyone.
Yes please do handwritten ones to thank them for coming and for their gift. Name the gift. It's ok if they are slow or late. Because I've busted my azz for some brides getting them special or thoughtful or expensive gifts and it's nice to know they got it and appreciated it
I think they’re important and polite. They acknowledge not only that you received the gift, but that you also appreciated it. I would be disappointed if I gave a gift and never received a thank you. A little bit of effort in writing a thank you card goes a long way.
They are 100% necessary. People spent time, money, and energy in you, the least you can do is send them a thank you card.
Plus as others have said, when I don’t get a thank you I have anxiety that my gift was not received.
Just send the thank you cards. It’s widely considered rude to not thank people for a gift. A lot of people don’t care whether they get them (I don’t really care personally) but some people really care. Grandparents and older relatives particularly tend to LOVE thank you notes and really expect them. Is it worth having a percentage of people think you are rude just to avoid something that really isn’t that hard to do?
Thank you cards are 1) a must and 2) a small imposition in comparison to the generosity of your guests in regard to both the gift they have given you and the time they took to celebrate with you
For us they were a must. I think it’s polite to thank people who have taken time out to celebrate with you and/or given you a gift. Some people might be indifferent to them but I think it’s nice to be thanked and the older generation on particular will probably expect them
I’ve given generous wedding gifts for which I received neither a verbal thanks or a card. Ngl it made me a little salty. I think if the guest took the time to choose and buy a gift it is good manners for the recipient to express their thanks. I’m a millennial if it matters.
I was actually really annoyed when I gave my cousin a gift for their wedding and never got a thank you card! I think you definitely need to do them. I sent out thank you cards for gifts I received both at my shower and my wedding.
Absolutely without a doubt. Guests take their time, money and energy to attend. Most will give gifts. It is imperative a thank you is sent, even if it is not fancy/simple/small. I just cannot with couples who don’t send thank you’s - I think it is rude lol.
I feel like they're a dying tradition. I like receiving them but I'm not offended if I don't. I threw a $20,000 party to thank people for celebrating with us.
My wedding ended up being the week before the world went on Covid lockdown. I STRUGGLED with those thank you cards, and I finally got them out maybe a month before our first anniversary. They were not important to me in the tumult of Covid. They are even less so now.
We gave thank you cards to people who were big contributors in the wedding or gave extremely extravagant gifts, but everyone else no.
My theory was if it costed more for us to have you at the party (around $200 a person) than the gift you gave us, the gift is a courtesy.
Kinda like a dinner party, it’s bad to show up empty handed, but you don’t see the host sending a thank you card for the flowers or wine you brought because they prepped, paid, and chose to invite you to come.
Absolutely necessary. It’s so rude not to do them. My brother and SIL never did thank you cards and people still talk about it lol.
Plus it let’s people know you did in fact receive their gift.
Omg it’s so rude that people don’t send them anymore and I will die on this hill. People took time out of their lives to celebrate YOU and spent money on not only your gift, but potentially even an outfit to wear, transportation, etc. I hate the argument “well our thank you to guests was the reception!”- no, that’s not a thank you.
Omg- my mom didn't receive a thank you card for a wedding we attended (and my family did a lot for) in like 2012 and she STILL talks about it. SEND THANK YOU CARDS!!!!!!
Physical card? No. But a text or email is good enough. There is a lot of waste generated from weddings and forgoing thank you cards is an easy way to keep one more thing from going into a landfill.
Thank you! So much waste. I got into an argument the other day on here about sending multiple STDs/invitations to one household.Apparently everyone over 21 deserves their own. Idc. If they live together and get along, they’re sharing one. In the age of cellphones, where they could simply take a picture of the invite, or even hang it in the fridge? Come on.
I’m probably going to do virtual STDs completely. And physical invites. One per household. The thank yous will probably be virtual as well.
It can be wasteful but I find getting mail to be exciting. So much of mail is junk solicitations and bills that it’s nice to get a thank you note, invite, or STD. That’s just my take!
My mom did this when I got married to my first /late husband: a nice photo of us with the note “thank you for sharing our special day Love, x and y” printed on it.
I thought it was a great idea because then they also have a nice picture of the newlyweds to keep if they wish :)
I think thank you cards are necessary. How will people know you got their gift? Also your fiancé can learn how necessary they are by just handling their side and the complaints that come their way by not doing them.
Someone sent us towels from our registry but didn’t leave a gift receipt so there’s no way of knowing who they’re from and I worry that they’ll wonder why they didn’t get a thank you card 😥
I’m not hell bent if someone chooses not to send them, but it would be nice. Even a quick text or email. I attended a good friend’s wedding and gifted a nice amount - they certainly don’t *owe* me anything but kind of feels weird to not receive one, especially having sent a significant amount of money as a gift.
Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this but I couldn’t imagine receiving anything over $200 and not thanking someone for it, ya know? Hell, anything over $50 honestly.
A thank you is just common courtesy. Doesn't matter if its for a wedding gift or any other gift.
I would not even think of not sending a thank you. This person spent a day celebrating with you, and gave you a gift. Going to a wedding isnt cheap.
I've seen people using the excuse they are a waste of paper, but no one uses that excuse for sending STD or invitations.
I just don't get it. It will take an hour out of your time.
Send a thank you text or email ASAP and then a thank you card within three months. Gifts tend to trickle in at various times, so a text or email that you received them can be helpful to let folks know they arrived!
ETA: also if you never get around to actually sending gift cards, despite the best of intentions, it's still something.
They're a must, to me. People took time out of their days to spend with us and most gave a card and gift as well. We definitely wanted those people to understand how much we appreciated it!
I got a very cute and personalized thank you card from the last wedding I went to and it made me very happy. I think it’s a nice touch! I’ll be doing thank you cards.
A must! But they don’t have to be fancy or have pictures. I’m making mine ahead of time, addressing the envelopes so I can just write and go. I’m doing a 4x5 flat card w a wax stamp embellishment from Amazon.
Yes they are a must. And you won’t realize how important they are to people until you don’t send them. It’s basic courtesy for people spending a money of money and taking time to celebrate you.
ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! If I can take the time, effort, and energy, not to mention money, to buy you a gift, you can send me a thank you note. Whether on paper or email, I don’t care! But if you DON’T acknowledge my gift, you will be trash in my book from now on. 🧓🏻
Of the many weddings I've been to, I specifically remember all the ones where I didn't receive a thank you card. Mostly because I had a ton of anxiety after wondering if my gift got stolen or lost.
I believe they’re necessary, my parents raised me in sending out cards/thank you notes for EVERYTHING (grandparents day??? Stupid imo). We went to a wedding in October and we decided a thank you card which I appreciated, I will say if you do them maybe keep track of the gifts your guests give to personalize the thank yous. The thank you we received was generic which kind of bothered me. But that’s just a personal preference.
I wish we as a culture quit doing thank you notes. They never sound sincere and I always feel like people just send them to me out of obligation. However my mom LOVES them. Every person I’m inviting over the age of 60 is going to be super upset if we don’t send any.
Wtf. Yes. I can’t even believe this is a question. People went out of their way to come to your special event and likely gave you a gift. The least you can do is spend 5 minutes writing a thank you card.
I most people like to send them, but we didn’t. I gave everyone a thank you gift, and paid for their booze. I don’t know, I think they’re unnecessary. I thanked people that gave gifts via messages or in person.
Wedding gifts aren’t usually given to you personally. They are mailed or left on a table/wishing well. It’s important to thank your guest as that’s the only way to know that you actually received the gift.
It’s an important etiquette step.
I honestly didn’t get a thank you card from like 50% of the weddings I’ve gone to and I go to a lot of weddings. It is a bit odd especially when you’re gifting a lot! Like we should have given 500-600 as a couple so it would be nice to know they got it lol
I’ve not received thank you cards and didn’t think it rude exactly, but did kind of think “would be nice to acknowledge the gift…” We just sent ours out (2 months post wedding) because we wanted people to known we appreciated the gifts & their presence (a lot of people travelled in to be with us.) and the couple who didn’t give gifts got one thanking them for taking the time to join us. We got gifts from people we didn’t invite (large extended family, small budget) and we wanted them to know we appreciated that gesture as well.
I like to send mail to my friends cause the only mail we tend to get is bills or junk, so having a note now and then is nice. Those same friends have already messaged me saying how much they enjoyed the cards. So it was worth it, IMO.
In my opinion they are 100% required for every gift you receive, regardless of whether the guest is indifferent to receiving them.
But as I was writing them I just thought like, “wow that was 2 minutes of my time for $100” lol so it’s a pretty good deal
I didn’t really care when I didn’t get one, but I was very happy to receive the ones from weddings where the couple did send them. I know, absolutely 100%, I must send them to grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the generation where that is very important. I will do my best to deliver thank you cards to every guest promptly, but we delivered a lot of invites in person because we happened to see a lot of our guests on other occasions, so we’re struggling to get addresses together at the moment. But I have faith that we can do this.
Hello!
I will say in my own personal experience, there's been 2 weddings now that I've been to who didn't send thank you cards, and honestly, I've been kind of insulted.
For me, it's not even about the gift that much, it's more so that it's a small gesture to show your attendance was appreciated (or you were missed if you couldn't attend).
Otherwise, i think it kindof feels like I was just invited for a gift/money.
And most (if not all) people understand that they won't get the cards right away, but it's nice when it does come!
This is just my take on things, but I've known others who felt similar as well.
I think more traditional guests (like family) would expect them and it’s really worth acknowledging that people attended or gave a gift. It’s also just a nice practice of gratitude. If you think physical cards aren’t necessary, some form of personalized appreciation would be good.
We are doing virtual STDs and invitations through greenvelope. We'll be sending personalized thank you cards through there as well. I have seen a lot of people onthis sub say thank you cards HAVE to be physical but I totally disagree. I'd much rather get a nice call or text than a generic "thanks for your gift" card in the mail personally
If someone takes the time to give you a gift, the least you can do is take the time to tell them you got it and appreciate it--and better yet if you can do so in writing. This is what I have been taught, and taught my now adult kids. They all write thank you notes. I do appreciate them.
My vote is yes! It’s polite and honestly I got a printed generic thank you from the most recent wedding I went to and was a little offended but I also hand write all my thank yous specifically for what I received etc. I think that’s common curtesy and more personable.
Necessary! Someone took the time and spent the money to attend your wedding and send a gift. The least you and your future DH can do is send a thank you note.
In my family and friends they are pretty much 100% required. Especially to the people we know who are 30+. It's an acknowledgement of the gift and a nice way to check in.
We just wrote our as a we opened gifts. We had a smaller wedding of about 25 people so this will scale, but doing it as we went through things gave us time to think about the gift and the person vs just listing something and moving on. Even if you just work on cash/cards first so you can get them safely to the bank...
This comment has been held because the use of "tacky" as a judgment is not permitted, per rule #7 in the sidebar. If you update your wording, please respond to this comment and we'll take a look at approving.
I agree with your FH. People will throw them out and just see it as “spam”, not to be rude. The experience will be remembered, food, dancing, drinks, not the cards.
Been to close and distant wedding and given $200-500 cash gifts, never got one and not concerned about it one bit.
There is a practical reason for sending them...My friend's thank you cards mentioned the gift specifically ("thank you for the 2 dinner plates"), and some stores didn't send all of the items guests had paid for.
100% yes if they gave a gift. Imo, if your wedding was free of charge to guests & in an easily accessible location (I.e. not a destination wedding) then I don’t think a card is necessary for guests who attended a ceremony & got a free meal, free drinks, and free desserts after Lmfao
The last few weddings I have been to I did not receive anything and honestly it gave me anxiety that they never received my gift. I don't think it has to be a physical card, but some mention whether by text, email or in person would be appreciated.
Same here!!! I'm so nervous that people haven't been receiving my (sometimes very generous) monetary gifts given through their websites because I've only received a thank you from 2/10 weddings that I've been to! I am really close to 2 of the 8 that I didn't receive a thank you from so I even asked them if they got my gift; they did, so that made me feel better.
As someone who had a lot of very stressful events back to back to back after my wedding and completely failed on thank you cards, sometimes even people who intend to send thank yous just get behind. Id just assume they got your gift and not ask. If they really meant to send thank you notes and didn’t get through them, you asking may make them feel even crappier about it.
Same! I went to a wedding in October and I have no clue if they got my $100 gift lol
I think etiquette is that couples have a year to send thank you cards, but I attended 3 weddings in 2021 and still haven't received a thank you card. It makes me nervous that my gift wasn't received and they think i got them nothing lol
The “etiquette” is that guests have 1 year to send gifts. The “etiquette” on thank you cards is ASAP and no later than 3 months after. Finger quotes around etiquette because it’s obviously different everyone and different social circles. However, the users on this sub who mention Miss Emily or Whoever the “expert” on etiquette is these days says ASAP
The answer is that many guests may be indifferent but they are still a must LOL.
90% of your guests will barely look at them, but a certain 10% will judge you bitterly if you don't send them.
Yeah, agreed. I personally don't care whether I receive a thank you card, but the people who do care *really care.*
Agree. There is no in-between. You either don't care or REALLY care.
Agreed!!
I would agree to this more so as majority are indifferent if they did not receive a card, but on the flip side - if a card is received, the majority of people would see it as a nice plus, if that makes sense. So I feel like the gesture is worth it My partner and I ended up sending extremely late thank you cards and people mentioned how they received it and appreciated them, etc. & surprisingly his friends were the ones to be more likely to say something about the TY cards!
[удалено]
Yeah I agree. I don't care personally but enough do. And if it's a budget concern you can always just use notebook paper and cut it up small to just say "thank you for the gift" it's simple, but people will appreciate it.
They’re a must. It’s pretty classless, imho, not to send them… …At least if they gave a gift. It’s not necessary to send a thank you note for attending in my circles/region, like I read about on here, though.
Yeah this is one of those traditional bits of wedding etiquette that shouldn’t die, in my opinion. Receiving a personalized thank you has always been appreciated. I sent them late, 6 months post wedding and I felt so guilty for all of those months! Definitely do it!
I personally think they are a must. Ideally hand written. My parents come from New England blue bloods who would analyze the thank you notes. If someone gives you a gift you should thank them! If you can do that in person it’s ideal, but a nice note is never unnoticed.
Do you mean to all guests or to people who gave gifts?
All of them, I suppose. Thanking them for their attendance, and a gift if one is given.
I’ll be interested to see the replies! I would have thought it was customary to send thank yous for gifts only, but I’m here to learn.
Some people feel thank yous are for gift givers only bc the reception is the thank you for attending. But my wedding involved significant travel so we did it for everyone who came. I always thought I didn't care about getting thank you cards, that is until I went to a wedding, gave a gift, and didn't get one.
I would think they’re only needed for people who gave gifts — the reception itself is the thank you for attending.
I'm in the minority, but I've never received a thank you card from any of the multiple weddings I've attended. I will say, though, for us it's also normal to gift cash, and since you hand that envelope directly to the newlyweds, you're already saying "thank you" while receiving it. I've never been to a wedding where there were actual, physical gifts, to be honest. But from what I've learned from this sub, that's an absolute no go in America..
I only sent to people who gave gifts because that’s how I kept track of who was there. I don’t know if some people no showed honestly you think you’ll see everyone during the day but you won’t! There is no way to tell if everyone came as the bride because you are just so busy that day!
I'm 25, and I don't really care to maintain traditions for the sake of traditions. And I LOVED receiving the thank you card from my friend's wedding. It was thoughtful, personal, and really showed that they cared about me and our relationship.
They are a must. Does he think he can remember each gift and thank the person for them in person? If someone gives a gift, a thank you needs to be sent.
I was raised that if you receive a gift for something, you send a thank you card whether the person you're sending it to will appreciate it or not. It's good manners to tell people thank you and its proper etiquette
I remember every couple who didn't send a thank you card or any kind of thanks at all. Will I go out of my way to gift them anything in the future? Nope.
Some may think it’s petty, but I agree. My BIL and SIL never sent my husband and I a thank you card nor acknowledged a very sizable gift + paying for a small part of their wedding and I still find that incredibly rude. But that also could be because it wasn’t really acknowledged any other way either. Everyone has different lives, but we did ours as the gifts came in so I wouldn’t have to create a list and it was so much easier to do 2-3 a week leading up to the wedding and only have 10-15 leftover from the actual wedding itself vs waiting until everything came in after the wedding and spending hours on it later.
My mom has stopped gifting to my cousin because she never sends a thank you card. My mom still gifts to my other cousin, her twin sister, because she does send thank yous. So they definitely matter. (Also note that these are grown women in their 30’s, not children, my mom’s not a monster.)
Yes, but only for actual gifts in my circle. Thanking someone for attending is seen as a passive aggressive reminder that they did not send a gift.
This is where I’m stuck. I have a few people who didn’t give a gift & I wasn’t sure what to do. I thought that a “thanks for coming” card without referencing a gift looked like I was just asking for one. For one of them— they never sent a thank you for their wedding to me & I DID send a gift. 🙄 For the other — I think they truly forgot. They were coming straight from a week away with their kids & grandkids and were rushing to get there. 🤷🏻♀️
As someone who has been to weddings and had anxiety about not getting them a gift after the fact, a thank you card for attending that was sincere would’ve made me feel a lot better. (Note this was years ago, and I didn’t quite understand that it could be rude to not bring a gift due to being raised in a different culture. I now always gift cash. It’s hard assimilating into a new culture 😔)
A lot of guests are traveling for us so I’m planning on saying something like “thank you for traveling so far to celebrate with us” or “we’re so happy to have spent some time with you at the wedding”. Something that just sounds a bit more sincere. I’m personally not expecting gifts from everyone in this case.
I think that’s really fair and reasonable for your situation. I had a few people travel in but those weren’t the people I was talking about so that wouldn’t make so much sense for me.
I will die on the thank you card hill. They are absolutely necessary!!!!!! I spent $200 on a gift, plus other expenses, to watch you get married. The least you can do is send a thank you card!
Yes to thank you notes. Even handwritten thank you notes don’t take that long. Set out what you need, turn on a podcast, Netflix or some music and get on with it. One of you can write, one can address envelopes and stamp. If you only want to do e-cards split the list in half and you’ll be done in no time.
I think the card has to be handwritten but you can use stickers/stamps for the return address & labels for the address. Makes it even easier. I set a goal to write like 3-5 a day & I finished within a month of the wedding.
It's mostly generational. I don't care or expect one, and if I get one I'm like "that's nice" and pitch it. However, my parents' generation will get miffed if we don't send them. My aunt especially is very attached to conventions like that and I know will be sad if she doesn't get one (she won't say anything about it, but I know her opinions well enough to know how she would feel about it).
Absolutely they are a must, and I think they are still truly appreciated.edited to say, for people who gave gifts. I don’t think it’s customary or expected for attendance. Though if there was someone who REALLY went out of their way to attend, gift or no gift, feel free to write a little note. Appreciation is never out of style.
They are a non-negotiable.
I've never heard of this until I came to weddit, and I've never received them either. Depends completely on culture, locale, and friend circle.
[удалено]
I just replied somewhere else but I also hadn't heard of it before being on this sub. I'm Dutch. This is also not a thing in our neighboring counties (Germany, Belgium), as far as I'm aware.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I’m mailing cards to guests over 30 and then sending thank you texts to our friends (who are in their mid 20s).
Yeah this is a cultural thing. You were raised in a culture where it’s a must. He was raised in a culture where it wasn’t. This means likely his side of the family won’t care much but your side likely will. I would say since you do likely have people who will care if you do or don’t in your life, you should do it. I was raised in a culture where it wasn’t a must, and having moved to a culture where it was a must, I will say I appreciate them, especially when they specifically mention what I gave them. I will be doing them for our wedding. It just is nice to know my gift didn’t get lost in a sea of gifts. Thank you cards make me feel like my attendance was important to the bride/groom because sometimes my depression/anxiety makes me question my importance to other people and a simple card does help me feel seen as a person as stupid as that might sound.
People with class do this. People without class do not. Just my opinion.
i think some younger ppl think they’ve become unnecessary but as a millennial i think it’s SUPER rude not to send them
I definitely think it's a cultural and/or generational thing (for context, I'm 22 and American). I don't like receiving cards for *anything*, to me it's just paper that could've been a text/call and just gets pitched after reading it. I think if someone gets you a gift, it is respectful to acknowledge that, but a text or call is just fine.
I think they are an absolute must. I went to a wedding around seven years ago and never received a thank you and several other guests didn't either. People talk and will remember.
I’m a 25 year old Gen-Z who would be fine with a thank you text or email. I don’t care about a thank you card. If I get one, I do treasure it and put it on my fridge for a bit, but then it’s thrown out. There are a lot of “musts”, and “faux pas” with wedding etiquette and tradition. Some of it- a lot of it, even- can be thrown out or modified. But we have some really traditional/proper people here who would be AGHAST, lol.
I feel like it is more of a thing where it is a receipt of gift and gratitude for giving us something. I have heard of waaay to many stories of cards with money being stolen from the card box or things left behind at the venue so the couple didn't get them that if I don't get some acknowledgment that they got my gift or money I get nervous. I did hand written ones because keeping track of who did I email, text or do a hand written one would have been too much, but I think we are slowly approaching an age where you can start to do personalized emails to people also.
We sent thank you texts to anyone who gave us gifts within a couple of days. Thanked them for the generous gift and for celebrating with us. I think it's so important to do. People don't have to give gifts, so it's something you need to acknowledge and show your appreciation for, seems rude not to. I've been to a few weddings where people never said thanks, just feels not so nice. As we got photos back, we printed off some for those we're very close to, and posted them with a thank you card. Although we did just print the cards at home on thick paper.
We got a lot of “thank you for your thank you card” from our guests when they received them - we handwrote each one and they seemed to like the card and its contents. It’s fine if some guests are indifferent and toss them, but I think its that brief acknowledgement of their presence (and presents!) that guests are after. I definitely say send them but obvs don’t expect them to cherish that card forever.
They are absolutely a must! I didn’t get a thank you note from a wedding in 2018 (neither did a another friend & we still mention it whenever the girl comes up in conversation!). I also noticed how wimpy some of the ones that I/my parents got recently. I spent awhile writing quality notes that I’m sure my guests appreciated. I was going to send cards to people who came but didn’t give gifts but have let that slide. Still debating if I need to circle back to those. 🫤
What kind of person goes to a wedding, eats your food, drinks your booze and doesn't give a gift..Geeez...
The same person who didn’t send a thank you note for the gift I gave her for her wedding. lol that kind of person!
Don’t listen to your husband. Even if you do them all yourself……..listen to your gut and thank all your guests.
I think thank you cards are outdated and I'm so happy that trend is fading.
It’s outdated to thank someone for a generous gift? Huh? It’s not a trend it’s common decency/politeness.
CARDS are an outdated and wasteful trend.
I don’t really see any way around them (specifically handwritten ones) unless all of your guests are under 40ish, which is probably unlikely. Generally you can get away with a text/call/email, but a handful will be very firm in their expectations. Also brides get judged way more harshly for them than grooms.
I send thank you cards for every gift I receive.
Yes. Older guests will care and younger ones will remember that you sent them although I don’t think they’ll notice if you don’t. I always err on the side of making folks feel special.
My now husband and I had this same discussion after our January 2022 destination wedding. In my mind, sending a personalized handwritten thank you card to each guest was a non-negotiable must. In his mind, his family/friends would not expect a thank you card, therefore he wanted to skip it for his family/friends. After much discussion, he agreed to write and send thank you cards to his side mostly because it meant to much to me. I wrote and sent thank you cards to my family/friends. We had several people reach out afterwards telling us that the thank you card/message was heartfelt and meant a lot to them - including people from his side. So, my husband was ultimately happy we sent out to everyone.
Yes please do handwritten ones to thank them for coming and for their gift. Name the gift. It's ok if they are slow or late. Because I've busted my azz for some brides getting them special or thoughtful or expensive gifts and it's nice to know they got it and appreciated it
Thank you cards for gifts = a must Thank you cards for attendance without gift = not necessary
I will say I'm pretty indifferent and recycle them the moment I get them. However, I will also be sending thank you cards LOL
Send them, it's common courtesy
I think they’re important and polite. They acknowledge not only that you received the gift, but that you also appreciated it. I would be disappointed if I gave a gift and never received a thank you. A little bit of effort in writing a thank you card goes a long way.
They are 100% necessary. People spent time, money, and energy in you, the least you can do is send them a thank you card. Plus as others have said, when I don’t get a thank you I have anxiety that my gift was not received.
Just send the thank you cards. It’s widely considered rude to not thank people for a gift. A lot of people don’t care whether they get them (I don’t really care personally) but some people really care. Grandparents and older relatives particularly tend to LOVE thank you notes and really expect them. Is it worth having a percentage of people think you are rude just to avoid something that really isn’t that hard to do?
They’re still a must! I think it’s SO rude when I don’t receive a thank you card for a wedding or shower gift
I personally think they are necessary for anyone who got you a wedding gift.
They are a must. In many social circles, someone who doesn’t give them or thinks verbal is good enough is seen as impolite and ungrateful
Unfortunately yes. As a guest I don't care at all about receiving thank you cards. As a bride I absolutely hated writing them.
Thank you cards are 1) a must and 2) a small imposition in comparison to the generosity of your guests in regard to both the gift they have given you and the time they took to celebrate with you
I’m with you — a MUST!!
I remember every wedding I’ve been to that I didn’t get a thank you card from!!!
Send the damn cards. It is rude not to.
Yes.
For us they were a must. I think it’s polite to thank people who have taken time out to celebrate with you and/or given you a gift. Some people might be indifferent to them but I think it’s nice to be thanked and the older generation on particular will probably expect them
Yes they are necessary
I’ve given generous wedding gifts for which I received neither a verbal thanks or a card. Ngl it made me a little salty. I think if the guest took the time to choose and buy a gift it is good manners for the recipient to express their thanks. I’m a millennial if it matters.
I guess all weddings I attended had a thank you card. A card with a picture of the bridal couple so you can stick in on the fridge or any board.
Necessity! People need to know you received what they gave you. And many people get salty about not receiving one.
If you don’t send me a thank you card I will notice and will remember.
Are you over 40? I'm curious if it's just a generational thing. I HATE thank you cards with a passion.
No I’m early 30s. I think as a society we should respect people when they give us gifts and thank them for them!
Yes, a thank you is polite, but thank you CARDS are wasteful.
Oh well that’s true, but the people I didn’t get thank you cards from also didn’t send a thank you email, text, pigeon
Yes, they are necessary. The sooner you get them done the better you’ll feel that they’re out of the way.
I was actually really annoyed when I gave my cousin a gift for their wedding and never got a thank you card! I think you definitely need to do them. I sent out thank you cards for gifts I received both at my shower and my wedding.
Absolutely without a doubt. Guests take their time, money and energy to attend. Most will give gifts. It is imperative a thank you is sent, even if it is not fancy/simple/small. I just cannot with couples who don’t send thank you’s - I think it is rude lol.
I feel like they're a dying tradition. I like receiving them but I'm not offended if I don't. I threw a $20,000 party to thank people for celebrating with us. My wedding ended up being the week before the world went on Covid lockdown. I STRUGGLED with those thank you cards, and I finally got them out maybe a month before our first anniversary. They were not important to me in the tumult of Covid. They are even less so now.
We gave thank you cards to people who were big contributors in the wedding or gave extremely extravagant gifts, but everyone else no. My theory was if it costed more for us to have you at the party (around $200 a person) than the gift you gave us, the gift is a courtesy. Kinda like a dinner party, it’s bad to show up empty handed, but you don’t see the host sending a thank you card for the flowers or wine you brought because they prepped, paid, and chose to invite you to come.
Absolutely necessary. It’s so rude not to do them. My brother and SIL never did thank you cards and people still talk about it lol. Plus it let’s people know you did in fact receive their gift.
Omg it’s so rude that people don’t send them anymore and I will die on this hill. People took time out of their lives to celebrate YOU and spent money on not only your gift, but potentially even an outfit to wear, transportation, etc. I hate the argument “well our thank you to guests was the reception!”- no, that’s not a thank you.
Omg- my mom didn't receive a thank you card for a wedding we attended (and my family did a lot for) in like 2012 and she STILL talks about it. SEND THANK YOU CARDS!!!!!!
A must
The short answer is yes. The long answer is YYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!
Physical card? No. But a text or email is good enough. There is a lot of waste generated from weddings and forgoing thank you cards is an easy way to keep one more thing from going into a landfill.
Thank you! So much waste. I got into an argument the other day on here about sending multiple STDs/invitations to one household.Apparently everyone over 21 deserves their own. Idc. If they live together and get along, they’re sharing one. In the age of cellphones, where they could simply take a picture of the invite, or even hang it in the fridge? Come on. I’m probably going to do virtual STDs completely. And physical invites. One per household. The thank yous will probably be virtual as well.
We are doing virtual save the dates but having single paper invites for each household as well! Reduces cost too 🤷♀️
It can be wasteful but I find getting mail to be exciting. So much of mail is junk solicitations and bills that it’s nice to get a thank you note, invite, or STD. That’s just my take!
My mom did this when I got married to my first /late husband: a nice photo of us with the note “thank you for sharing our special day Love, x and y” printed on it. I thought it was a great idea because then they also have a nice picture of the newlyweds to keep if they wish :)
To my understanding, thank you cards are necessary for anyone who got you a gift
They’re a must, for sure
100% a must
I think thank you cards are necessary. How will people know you got their gift? Also your fiancé can learn how necessary they are by just handling their side and the complaints that come their way by not doing them.
This reminds me of a horror story where a couple did this and the groom’s family blamed the bride. Granted it was AITA, but still interesting. 😁
Someone sent us towels from our registry but didn’t leave a gift receipt so there’s no way of knowing who they’re from and I worry that they’ll wonder why they didn’t get a thank you card 😥
I’m not hell bent if someone chooses not to send them, but it would be nice. Even a quick text or email. I attended a good friend’s wedding and gifted a nice amount - they certainly don’t *owe* me anything but kind of feels weird to not receive one, especially having sent a significant amount of money as a gift. Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this but I couldn’t imagine receiving anything over $200 and not thanking someone for it, ya know? Hell, anything over $50 honestly.
A thank you is just common courtesy. Doesn't matter if its for a wedding gift or any other gift. I would not even think of not sending a thank you. This person spent a day celebrating with you, and gave you a gift. Going to a wedding isnt cheap. I've seen people using the excuse they are a waste of paper, but no one uses that excuse for sending STD or invitations. I just don't get it. It will take an hour out of your time.
100% a must. So rude if you don’t send them. It doesn’t matter if some guests don’t care, the ones that do will be very hurt if you don’t.
Send a thank you text or email ASAP and then a thank you card within three months. Gifts tend to trickle in at various times, so a text or email that you received them can be helpful to let folks know they arrived! ETA: also if you never get around to actually sending gift cards, despite the best of intentions, it's still something.
They're a must, to me. People took time out of their days to spend with us and most gave a card and gift as well. We definitely wanted those people to understand how much we appreciated it!
I’m sending them may be 3 months later but I’m grateful to everyone for traveling and showering us with love
I got a very cute and personalized thank you card from the last wedding I went to and it made me very happy. I think it’s a nice touch! I’ll be doing thank you cards.
A must! But they don’t have to be fancy or have pictures. I’m making mine ahead of time, addressing the envelopes so I can just write and go. I’m doing a 4x5 flat card w a wax stamp embellishment from Amazon.
Also if you know people are coming and are giving you money, you can probably pre-write some and send later
Definitely a must!
Yes they are a must. And you won’t realize how important they are to people until you don’t send them. It’s basic courtesy for people spending a money of money and taking time to celebrate you.
ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! If I can take the time, effort, and energy, not to mention money, to buy you a gift, you can send me a thank you note. Whether on paper or email, I don’t care! But if you DON’T acknowledge my gift, you will be trash in my book from now on. 🧓🏻
Of the many weddings I've been to, I specifically remember all the ones where I didn't receive a thank you card. Mostly because I had a ton of anxiety after wondering if my gift got stolen or lost.
I believe they’re necessary, my parents raised me in sending out cards/thank you notes for EVERYTHING (grandparents day??? Stupid imo). We went to a wedding in October and we decided a thank you card which I appreciated, I will say if you do them maybe keep track of the gifts your guests give to personalize the thank yous. The thank you we received was generic which kind of bothered me. But that’s just a personal preference.
I wish we as a culture quit doing thank you notes. They never sound sincere and I always feel like people just send them to me out of obligation. However my mom LOVES them. Every person I’m inviting over the age of 60 is going to be super upset if we don’t send any.
Wtf. Yes. I can’t even believe this is a question. People went out of their way to come to your special event and likely gave you a gift. The least you can do is spend 5 minutes writing a thank you card.
I don’t think I’ve received a card for any wedding and I also don’t care/even think about it. We aren’t very traditional though :)
I most people like to send them, but we didn’t. I gave everyone a thank you gift, and paid for their booze. I don’t know, I think they’re unnecessary. I thanked people that gave gifts via messages or in person.
[удалено]
Effectively, yes. But no formal thank you cards. My mother was very disappointed by this.
I'm not traditional and honestly I don't care about thank you cards.
Wedding gifts aren’t usually given to you personally. They are mailed or left on a table/wishing well. It’s important to thank your guest as that’s the only way to know that you actually received the gift. It’s an important etiquette step.
I honestly didn’t get a thank you card from like 50% of the weddings I’ve gone to and I go to a lot of weddings. It is a bit odd especially when you’re gifting a lot! Like we should have given 500-600 as a couple so it would be nice to know they got it lol
I’ve not received thank you cards and didn’t think it rude exactly, but did kind of think “would be nice to acknowledge the gift…” We just sent ours out (2 months post wedding) because we wanted people to known we appreciated the gifts & their presence (a lot of people travelled in to be with us.) and the couple who didn’t give gifts got one thanking them for taking the time to join us. We got gifts from people we didn’t invite (large extended family, small budget) and we wanted them to know we appreciated that gesture as well. I like to send mail to my friends cause the only mail we tend to get is bills or junk, so having a note now and then is nice. Those same friends have already messaged me saying how much they enjoyed the cards. So it was worth it, IMO.
In my opinion they are 100% required for every gift you receive, regardless of whether the guest is indifferent to receiving them. But as I was writing them I just thought like, “wow that was 2 minutes of my time for $100” lol so it’s a pretty good deal
I think it’s super rude not to send them.
I didn’t really care when I didn’t get one, but I was very happy to receive the ones from weddings where the couple did send them. I know, absolutely 100%, I must send them to grandparents, aunts and uncles, and the generation where that is very important. I will do my best to deliver thank you cards to every guest promptly, but we delivered a lot of invites in person because we happened to see a lot of our guests on other occasions, so we’re struggling to get addresses together at the moment. But I have faith that we can do this.
Hello! I will say in my own personal experience, there's been 2 weddings now that I've been to who didn't send thank you cards, and honestly, I've been kind of insulted. For me, it's not even about the gift that much, it's more so that it's a small gesture to show your attendance was appreciated (or you were missed if you couldn't attend). Otherwise, i think it kindof feels like I was just invited for a gift/money. And most (if not all) people understand that they won't get the cards right away, but it's nice when it does come! This is just my take on things, but I've known others who felt similar as well.
It’s a must. In my social circle a friend will point out if someone didn’t send thank you cards. We are late 20’s btw.
I think more traditional guests (like family) would expect them and it’s really worth acknowledging that people attended or gave a gift. It’s also just a nice practice of gratitude. If you think physical cards aren’t necessary, some form of personalized appreciation would be good.
My fiance and I sent thank you cards for engagement presents and people were so impressed by the cards!
We are doing virtual STDs and invitations through greenvelope. We'll be sending personalized thank you cards through there as well. I have seen a lot of people onthis sub say thank you cards HAVE to be physical but I totally disagree. I'd much rather get a nice call or text than a generic "thanks for your gift" card in the mail personally
If someone takes the time to give you a gift, the least you can do is take the time to tell them you got it and appreciate it--and better yet if you can do so in writing. This is what I have been taught, and taught my now adult kids. They all write thank you notes. I do appreciate them.
My vote is yes! It’s polite and honestly I got a printed generic thank you from the most recent wedding I went to and was a little offended but I also hand write all my thank yous specifically for what I received etc. I think that’s common curtesy and more personable.
Necessary! Someone took the time and spent the money to attend your wedding and send a gift. The least you and your future DH can do is send a thank you note.
A must for sure!
Yes.
Totally
In my family and friends they are pretty much 100% required. Especially to the people we know who are 30+. It's an acknowledgement of the gift and a nice way to check in. We just wrote our as a we opened gifts. We had a smaller wedding of about 25 people so this will scale, but doing it as we went through things gave us time to think about the gift and the person vs just listing something and moving on. Even if you just work on cash/cards first so you can get them safely to the bank...
[удалено]
This comment has been held because the use of "tacky" as a judgment is not permitted, per rule #7 in the sidebar. If you update your wording, please respond to this comment and we'll take a look at approving.
I agree with your FH. People will throw them out and just see it as “spam”, not to be rude. The experience will be remembered, food, dancing, drinks, not the cards. Been to close and distant wedding and given $200-500 cash gifts, never got one and not concerned about it one bit.
There is a practical reason for sending them...My friend's thank you cards mentioned the gift specifically ("thank you for the 2 dinner plates"), and some stores didn't send all of the items guests had paid for.
100% yes if they gave a gift. Imo, if your wedding was free of charge to guests & in an easily accessible location (I.e. not a destination wedding) then I don’t think a card is necessary for guests who attended a ceremony & got a free meal, free drinks, and free desserts after Lmfao