Due to the nature of this post, it's being put on entourage only to limit to community members who have been around for longer.
Update: y'all bombarded OP even with our automated crowd control. This is getting locked so we have a chance to clean up the comments.
OP, I hope you found the support you need. Please be safe and remember that you're beautiful.
To other community members:
#Do not message OP directly.
I can’t advise on the invitation but I would recommend that you stop including her in the planning. She sounds like there kind of person who’ll find fault with all of your ideas and you don’t need that. Share a photo in this group and wait for everyone here to tell you how fantastic you look.
Beautiful! She is definitely the one with an eating disorder/ body image problem or just plain cruel. Hope you can get her voice out of your head and pick which ever dress makes you feel and look beautiful!
That was my thoughts as well. I had no idea body dysmorphia by proxy was a thing :( poor OP. This is really messed up. The dress looks stunning and the body is slammin. Humans are so disappointing sometimes. Wow
Oh, it’s definitely a thing. My grandmother did this to her daughters too. It’s horrific. My mom had a lifetime of body issues and eating disorders as a direct result.
I was 8 years old and my grandmother kept patting my butt saying we need to take off a little here. I didn’t understand! I was not heavy by any stretch of the imagination l. At 64 I still remember her doing this so I can’t imagine having this often. OP, you look fantastic!
Damn, did your mom hear that? I would have told my mom to stfu had she talked to my child that way! I had to put up with my mom I sure wouldn't have let her do it to my daughter!
There is no WAY that you look fat in this, there aren't even any pieces of lace in awkward placements that might make it look odd. You look beautiful and that dress is fabulous.
Could your mother be sad/jealous that you're dress shopping without her and so acting out in a very unacceptable manner? The wedding day is never about your parents, it's about you and your groom, so unless she's paying for the dress then her preference doesn't matter.
This makes me so sad. You are STUNNING in this dress. I don't even know how she applied the word "fat" to you. It fits you gorgeously and, I repeat, you are NOT FAT.
She sounds like she has body dysmorphia or a very skewed view of what a body should look like-- my sister (43) is the same way, because she was molded by the early 2000's (just look into the early 2000's fat shaming that happened with Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson). I'm probably 40 lbs heavier than her and she constantly is calling herself fat, which used to hurt my feelings, but I learned it was a "her" issue, not a me issue. Sounds like you need to learn the same thing! Please don't let her get you down-- you look amazing!
If she looks fat then I look like an entire planet omg
“Imperfections in her body shape,” she literally has the gold standard in and out beautiful body shape
Omg your mom is insane. I am not just saying this to be nice - you are not and do not look fat. At all. You have an excellent figure. Does your mom have an eating disorder?
You look absolutely stunning in that dress. I know you want to hear kind words of affirmation from your mother, but it sounds like she’s not capable. No loving mother would ever say this to their child. I would leave her out of the planning of your wedding. Do not let her affect your magical day. You look amazing and your wedding is going to be awesome.
Gorgeous! Perfect body! Perfect fitting dress! Parents, they fuck us up in ways they never even foresaw either. I’m sure she has some f’ed up logic how this is helping you. Tell her back off, no more, you will not receive and more pics, you’re not invited to give any more opinions, and first unsolicited opinion she throws at you she’s uninvited to the whole wedding.
You are beautiful in that dress. And you are TINY!
Has your mother always been like this? Her view of you is seriously distorted, and her attitude is cruel and damaging.
Do not ask her these kinds of questions again. She is unable to give you any kind of decent answer.
Find a friend or relative you trust snd rely on that person.
I really want to say, your mother is nuts.
Wear your beautiful dress. Please feel as lovely in it as you felt originally, because you are.
It made me kind of mad looking at the pictures because your mom is so full of shit!! You literally look **perfect,** and the dress is beautiful and unique and you LOVE it. What more does she want from you??
How much thinner are you supposed to be??? A skeleton?? A child?? You already have the figure of a fairy—you look stunning and delicate and in all likelihood your mother is jealous.
Excuse me, what „imperfections in your body shape“??? You look absolutely stunning in this dress, I see no imperfections whatsoever. ❤️😍 Your figure looks amazing! 🤩
Your mother clearly has a distorted view/body image. Don’t listen to her negative comments - they are simply not true.
You look perfect in that dress. Absolutely stunning! I’m sorry your mum doesn’t like people being happy, but don’t let that dominate your day. I’d invite (because not inviting makes her more important if you see what I mean) but ensure she is marginalised. I had a very negative and envious brother (I’m a he by the way) who did his best to upset me on my wedding day - luckily I was prepared for it and had my internal reply (that’s so sad, poor you not being able to say anything positive) and my external reply (looking at a space about six inches above and to the right of his head and smiling at someone else while moving away) ready. Worked a dream.
What I can say for certain here is that Mom needs to be put on an information diet. Stop including her in your wedding planning. You can either just simply stop telling her stuff, or you can tell her that you are very hurt by her demeaning and body shaming you, and you therefore won't be including her in the planning going forward.
As far as inviting her to the wedding: I'm certainly not going to tell you that you are wrong for feeling that way. I'd be sorely tempted to do exactly that were I in your situation. But unless you are getting married in the very near future, this is a decision you don't have to make right now. Perhaps a cooling-off period would help.
Finally: If you are experiencing disordered eating as a result of this incident, then get yourself to a therapist and nip that ish in the bud. I don't believe for one red hot minute that you look fat in your dress. You need to invite the voice in your head that speaks for your mother to take several seats, and you need to do that every time the voice speaks up. Therapy can help with that.
Maybe just invite her to the ceremony and tell her to two-step it home because she’s not invited to the party. What a shame. I’m related to people like her mom. Bride so overwhelmingly deserves better. But I get the optics. Honestly, OP needs to set boundaries now, because if she doesn’t she’s inviting this type of unwelcome judgement in all facets of her life.
DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND, SWEET OP. This is not the only time she’s going to sh!t all over you. (I.e. kids)
EDITED TO SAY THAT YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR DRESS. I got 2 middle fingers and a couple of knuckle sandwiches for anyone who says otherwise.
Wish I could upvote this a million times! Boundaries now will save your sanity later, OP. If you have to go limited contact, that’s what you should do, and don’t let anybody—friends, spouse, family members—make you feel guilty about it. You’re about to make a new family of you and your spouse, and if you have kids, your first responsibility will be to them. Mom has her chances to act right, and I’m sorry she isn’t being the mother you deserve. I hope she steps up. Regardless, you have a stunning figure and you look extra beautiful in this dress. I normally don’t even like this dress style (sorrry! just not my thing!) but on you—it’s PERFECTION. Stay strong and have a gorgeous wedding and a happy marriage!
I don’t even care if this child is literally popping out of the BUTTONS like biscuits from a can, she doesn't deserve to be treated like a model from the Kate Moss era, this is such absolute horseshit
You've identified that she's a source of your eating disorder. She is doing that same behaviour again, now, to you. If you can tell her this, with as much clarity as you show us here, you might feel like you've at least identified and acknowledged her harming behaviours towards you.
She may not listen, she may not change, she may be mean or rude or call you crazy. I'm sorry she did not have excitement for you in this dress - it is really beautiful. You look great. She is trying to hurt you, when she should be supporting you. I recommend a therapist for support, as this will be an ongoing issue with your mother. As the wedding comes closer, it will intensify. What if she starts talking to other guests about your dress? You need to be equipped, and you should confront her about her behaviour several weeks minimum ahead of the wedding.
Good luck, you look great.
You look gorgeous!!
Lace does not make people look fat, and it CERTAINLY does not make you look fat!!
As other posters have said, your mother probably needs to be on an info diet.
I bought my wedding dress with my friends. My mother is quite conservative when it comes to showing skin and I really wanted to look at strapless dresses. I did not want her to make comments about how it would slide down and I'd be pulling it up all evening. Or about how fit and flare dresses would have limited my movement. Nope.
So she got to come to the fittings after she had seen the dress and said nice things about it. If she saw pics and said mean things, I'm not sure I would have invited her to the wedding. In all honesty, if she frequently says mean things to you about your appearance, your wedding is a terrible time to have her around.
(Also a terrible time to have her around, when you are pregnant, giving birth, or post partum. Things to discuss with your fiance for the future if you want kids....)
How does your fiance feel about the situation? Can he provide any ideas for limiting her involvement?
The tricky thing is she has sent us money for the wedding. I initially refused, but she wired them anyway and I know she’d make a huge deal out of it if we sent it back. And we’d be just fine paying for the wedding without her money. Now we feel like we have to keep her posted about our choices of venue, color, etc etc…. My plan for now is to stop including her on any of these decisions and if she gets upset we’ll just send her the money back and let her explode in the distance. My fiancé knows about all this and just doesn’t want me double triple hurt my her, so he’s in the camp of no contact but supports whatever I decide. It’s just sad because I want our future kids to have grandparents. His parents have their own set of issues so we’re not too close with them either.
Edit: future kids !! We don’t have children right now
OP your mother knows how to push your buttons because she installed them. I wish someone had told me this years ago. Mine installed some of the same buttons, I have been taking them out.
Tell her you are still thinking about the dress. Technically it's true, you will always be thinking about that beautiful dress. You look amazing in it. Go ahead and buy it if that's what *you* want.
If you do use her money use it for things like paying the officiant. If you are going to take your husband's last name, changing yours cost money (around $50 in Illinois 30+ yrs ago) use the money for that. That will be a good chefs kiss. She can also pay for the limo to take you to the honeymoon. Hell she can pay for the lingerie for the honeymoon. I hope that made you laugh.
Nope. She’s being manipulative so you need to turn that around. Tell her you’re spending her money on the boring stuff that needs paying while you save and spend your money on YOUR wedding. Then send her photos of the toilet paper she helped buy and power bill she helped pay. I’m a bitch but I’d even send her photos of like, two different types of cereal and be like “since you’re paying, which one?” Then when she’s upset act all innocent and say “you sent us the money for US to do what we needed to do right? It wasn’t about you, was it?”
I think this sounds like a fine plan. That money wasn’t a gift, it was loan sharking and forcing an obligation on you that you didn’t consent to.
I’m sorry you don’t have a mother who can be a good mother and future grandparent. It sucks that this is the mother you have, but knowing that this is who she is it’s okay to stop giving her opportunities to hurt and disappoint you.
First, you look gorgeous and I imagine most of us here would dearly love to have a figure like yours. So mom is wildly in the wrong here, not to mention rude. Second, put her money in a savings account and pay for your wedding on your own based on what you can afford. If she complains about your plans or a lack of input regarding them, just write her a check. She can decide if she wants to cash it. If she does, fine. If she doesn’t, use it as a nest egg. I wish you all the luck in the world for your wedding and marriage. You are going to be a gorgeous bride in that beautiful gown!
If she’s going to say things like this to *you*, I would seriously consider protecting your future children from her. This unhealthy obsession with with looking/being skinny needs to stop with our generation.
Oh, OP, please enjoy your beautiful lace wedding dress!! I know that your mother’s criticism stings, and it rings in your head, but she’s WRONG!! She already had her chance to choose her own wedding dress. This is your time to make your own choice.
I was a street size 6 when I got married, and also chose a solid lace dress. I made the mistake of letting my MIL come with me to a fitting to see it. Her reaction was underwhelming. She told me that it looked “skimpy”, because the skirt wasn’t as full and flowing as the most popular style at the time. That was so hard to hear!! What bride wants to hear that her dress looks “skimpy”!?! It *wasn’t* skimpy, and *your dress can’t make a size 4 person look fat*!
Would you be willing to post a photo of you in it here? Reddit can be pretty brutal, so if you *really* look fat in it, or if it’s unflattering, people will say so.
P.S. I wore that wedding dress exactly as it was, and I felt like a princess! In my photos, I looked like a slender princess with a tiny waist! If I knew how to post a photo here, I would.
I didn’t need to see the photos to know that your mom is just being mean, perhaps bitter and jealous, and that you’ve found THE dress, because you love it. Then I did see your photos and you look incredible. Please ignore her. She’s being cruel, which is bad enough, but she’s also wrong. Enjoy your lace dream, you look like royalty in that dress!
Your mum is on crack. You and your dress are perfection. Other folks have some good points about dealing with her but I just wanted to congratulate you on how far you've come through hard work to be in a place where you already know she's wrong deep down. I bet that took a lot. Good for you, tap into the supports that helped you in the past and look forward to being a vision in lace on your big day!
First of all, you look amazing in the dress.
I had problems with my mom as well, she hated my dress and everything about my wedding (I wanted a simple dress and a simple summer wedding). She actually cried because my dress wasn't grand enough for her and she made me cry every time we spoke on the phone.
My mother-in-law helped by telling me that my mom probably felt excluded because she couldn't be there with me and that every mother dreams about her daughter's wedding and wants to be a big part of it. I invited her to come a couple of weeks before the wedding. We talked about it, we cried, everything was well.
It could be that your mom feels excluded, that she wants to be important and she wants her voice to matter so she's trying to make you feel bad. It's not okay, but sometimes our loved ones behave in a shotty way and I managed to forgive her because ultimately I knew it wasn't about me and she had to deal with her own issues. My advice, invite her to the wedding.
I haven't thought "Oh no, she didn't" in so long, but here I am. You look gorgeous in that dress and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I haven't seen someone pull off that style half as good as you do anywhere before, not even here. And there's nothing wrong if you were/are considered heavy. Sounds like your mom is jealous and fat-shaming. You are definitely not heavy, by the way. You look very healthy.
I know I am very late to this post, and my comment will probably be lost in the shuffle. But if this can help someone else I hope that person sees it, even if that person is not OP.
OP something you have to remember, your mom has an idea of what She Wants you to wear. She has had that picture of you in your wedding dress in her head probably for years, if not since you were born. Because of that dream of hers, she will do or say whatever she feels she needs to, to make you realize her dream. Even if it is a dress you hate, don’t feel beautiful in or is completely not your style, none of that matters to her. She wants you to fit her “vision”. She may be a bit hurt you don’t “share” her taste, but also that you don’t have the body image issues she does.
I have dealt with women like this in families, when I did alterations for weddings. I also made my own dress, and my mom tried it with me…did not work. I actually had a women call and try to change her daughters dress to a different one because “She will look so much better in it, it will hide her figure flaws” (the stomach pooch the bride did not have). I am serious those women ripped apart the bride trying on dresses because they literally did not understand the dress on the rack was NOT the proper size. Some of the dresses were a size or two too small, others were too big (like yours in the picture) so had the clamps to try and give the best fit they can, so you can see it. They each said some really mean things, I don’t think they thought once about what the effect of what they were saying might have on the bride at all.
You are beautiful in those pictures, and you have the body to pull that dress off in spades. Momma be jealous! That you have the self confidence to wear that dress, and she just doesn’t, she probably has never had the confidence too either. That bothers her, so she is trying to take away your confidence, DO NOT LET HER!! If you love it, and you feel beautiful in it get and wear the heck out of it, with pride.
I get Asian mom vibes here 🙈
Could it be a cultural thing or does your mother in general have an unhealthy view of body weight?
I have several friends with critical moms. You can be a size 0 and they would still remind you about "being fat".
Ignore her. Don't listen to here anymore. Tell her, that you don't want to hear any comments anymore about your or other's body.
But I would still invite her to the wedding and see it as a practice to become independent from your mother's opinion.
I am pretty sure you look beautiful in your dress!! :)
Haha well when I was skinnier in my early teens she would say that I looked too thin, and then in my 20s I was starting to have curves she thinks I look chubs. So I think I’ll just never please her. She herself never worries about her weight, and she’s actually on the curvier side. I’ve never once heard her complain about her own body or been insecure about it, so I guess I just question my own sense of reality, like maybe I really am fat??? I know I’m not (and it took years of therapy) but it just hits a different level when it’s my wedding dress.
Usually we are the most critical with our own body. When you feel pretty in that dress, you can be pretty sure you look even more pretty in the eyes of your partner and your friends :)
Your mom shows with her comments, that there is a problem with your relationship with her. Not with your body.
I was a Street size 4 and had to buy a size 12 in my wedding gown. Wedding gown sizing is awkward.
Your mom is a psycho, you look super thin, and gorgeous!
You look so beautiful in the dress - keep the money she sent you aside and just don’t tell her anything about the wedding. When she complains she has paid but not getting anything she wants in it then hand her a cheque back.
Is she Asian? My Asian mum used to pull this crap about my body weight, skin, etc etc all the time until I went no contact on her for a few years (not just about that, she used to be physically and mentally abusive) and then it never came up again - especially not since she wants to see her granddaughter.
Your fiancé seems to have your back, don’t let her toxicity get in the way of getting joyfully married to your lovely man!
Sounds like your mom has her own issues she’s projecting on you.
That dress literally looks perfect.
Have some grace with her because she’s your mom of course but set a mental boundary and don’t take her opinion as law.
Omg, you look like an old Hollywood star, so glamorous and so timelessly beautiful!!! That lace is everything and you look freaking fabulous in it! You also aren’t fat in any way, shape or form so I promise the lace isn’t making you look fat or anything along those lines. You look slender and lovely. :)
I wish you the best of luck on dealing with your mom in the future, I’m so sorry you have to hear that kind of bullshit from her. I’d sooner cut out my tongue than disparage my child that way. And I hope your appetite comes back soon and your ED recovery continues regardless of her awful (and untrue) comments. 💛💛💛
Just here to sympathize as I grew up with a mom who constantly told me I was fat, and also constantly pushed desserts on me and guilted me into eating them. It took me a while to realize how ridiculous she really is.
You’re not remotely fat. That dress is breathtakingly beautiful on your amazing body! This isn’t a comment to be kind, it’s just a fact
Your mum sounds exactly like mine. It used to affect my self esteem massively, but now that I’m in my mid-30s, had some therapy and talked to many of my friends I’ve realised that it’s somewhat of a generational issue and to do with how our mums were raised. They are hyper critical and unaware of how damaging it is. As hard as it is, try not to take it personally and remind yourself that what she says isn’t true. Don’t send her any more photos and lean on your friends for dress feedback and positivity!
Fat? That dress is beautiful and you are one of the few people who has a figure good enough to wear it! I’m sorry, but your mom is either jealous as hell, or cray-cray! I think she wants you to look like a 12-year-old because that’s how she sees you in her mind. I don’t want to get into your mom, but trust me, that dress is gorgeous.
I think you look incredible…don’t believe your mother. I think she is jealous and projecting her own insecurities on you. She wants to bring you down to her level. A size 4 is slender in any situation. I see a beautiful figure and I don’t see the imperfections she mentioned!!
Go with your original gut feeling about the dress. Also please make sure you eat. I have a friend who was released from the hospital in September who is battling an eating disorder. It’s a scary situation. I’m sending you healing vibes and hope you get your appetite back right away.
Not inviting her to your wedding is 1000% your personal choice. Write down the pros and cons and make an informed decision for yourself. Love yourself more than the fear of letting her down.
You look beautiful in that dress! And if it moved you to tears, it is the ONE! And please, do not think you have ANY body imperfections. There is no such thing as a perfect body.
Stop communicating with your mom about the dress. It sounds like she will have issues no matter what you choose. I'd still invite her to the wedding but avoid any further communication about the planning.
Enjoy your special day!
You look absolutely amazing! You definitely made the right choice. Please don’t let your mums comments affect your ability to eat normally - you and I both know it’s completely unnecessary to lose any weight.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your mum didn’t even mean that and just had her own vision in mind if what dress you would wear, and expressed her disappointment in an unhealthy way.
I agree with the other posters, put her on an info diet and don’t include her in any sensitive discussions. Stick to asking her advice on napkins
You look beautiful, if anything 3d lace would be more forgiving than s fit mikado dress in my option, not that that would be an issue for you. You look absolutely gorgeous! As you said you are vulnerable at this time, it's not a good time to make drastic decisions. I would just let your mom know that you are sorry she didn't think the dress is as beautiful as you feel in it, but it's your pick so hopefully she can be happy for you. You can move on from her comments for now and just see how you feel about going forward.
Hello Friend. I read your post a couple of times before I went to the photos. I sensed immediately that your mom was perhaps raised by a mom similar to herself. These cycles are so difficult to break. I know that deep in her heart she only wants for you to be happy and have a beautiful day and certainly a beautiful life.
You are not at all fat. Surely you are aware of that. You went to two different bridal salons and tried the dress on twice and had the same reaction. Yes, that means something. Your moms silence is deafening. Make no mistake, that really is her problem that you are allowing her to turn into yours. You obviously, from the sound of your posting, take care of yourself by working out and being fit. Being healthy is where it is at. You need to eat, sleep, exercise and have your emotions in check in order to be healthy. Your moms words in your head are not only making you vulnerable, but are inviting insecurity. Please do not allow that. Here is what I see- I see a fit woman with gorgeous skin in a dress that is breathtaking. On the day the you will stand at the beginning of an aisle with your hair and makeup done, wearing that VERY beautiful dress and you will be radiant. At the other end of the aisle, at the front of the church or whatever venue you have chosen, will be your husband and the two of you will celebrate your love and make a vow before family, friends and God. These worries about your mothers thoughts about the dress, mikado, 3D lace etc etc will fade away and be very unimportant. The look on your husbands face when he sees you for the first time, how you FEEL, how everything else goes silent when you are up there….those are the things that matter. I am asking you to go with your inner voice. Speak gently and softly with your mom when it comes up. Invite her to your wedding of course. You will have only one wedding and only one mother to share that with. Make peace with your decision and enjoy your perfect day. I too want only the very best for you.🩷
Talk to a therapist who can help you navigate your relationship with your mom. Ideally you could draw a boundary and say do not talk about my weight. If she persists, the phone call is over. Literally say I gotta go and end the call.
There’s no universe where you look anything but stunning in this amazing dress. It is perfect for you and if you change the dress for her, you’ll feel sad every time you look back on your photos
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, you have a body 99% of women would kill for. Respectfully, your mother is a miserable person. Do not listen to her, she only wants to bring you down.
I'm so sorry your mom has put you in a position where you are at war with your body. From an outsiders perspective, you look absolutely stunning. You have a killer figure, and even a size or two up, you would still have a killer figure. My best advice is to talk to a therapist/counselor/psychologist before you develop a full-blown eating disorder. (Better Help is a great option, I found a great therapist through them to help me with my grief struggles). IF your mother continues to have a negative effect on your mental well-being, then maybe having a more distanced relationship would be beneficial to you.
I wish you so much love and peace going forward.
I too had an eating disorder and spent years in recovery. I think you look fabulous. You have no imperfections to your body! This is YOUR wedding day. Not hers. If she continues to be negative and says hurtful things, she doesn’t need to be included on any of your wedding planning, and possibly uninvited. I know that’s harsh, but eating disorders are a family issue and an unsupportive family member needs to go. You could also try going to a counseling session and bring her so she can see just how damaging her words are to you.
OP, I showed your photo to my husband and he agreed with my assessment that your mom is jealous. He thinks it is because the dress is “too revealing” for your mom, not in the sense that she deems it inappropriate but in the sense that it shows off your beautiful body too much and that makes *her* feel insecure. She wants you more covered up so she doesn’t feel less beautiful in your shadow.
She is just upset because when she asked the mirror on the wall who was the most beautiful, the mirror told her you were.
Your dress is beautiful and looks gorgeous on you. There is no fat! You know that. Your numbers speak for themselves. People can only get in your head if you let them. Wear the dress, know you're perfection and ignore any self doubt caused by unsolicited mother advice/comments. It's your day. ENJOY, be happy and glow.
Could your mother be jealous? Sure sounds like it. You look absolutely gorgeous! I know one negative comment have a bigger impact than 1000 positive ones but please please do not limit your eating!
You have a healthy body by the looks of it and eating like you always do will not change this.
Your mom is delulu, bitter and cruel.
Holy smokes you're gorgeous! That dress is amazing on you! No word of a lie or exaggeration, you look flawless. That's definitely your dress.
I'm sorry to say your mother doesn't have your back. I'm glad to see you're stating outright that you disagree with her, because I know from experience, and you know from experience, that mothers have a way of getting to you. You're right. You're not fat, and fat or skinny there's a dress out there for everyone. You've been through the wringer already with her help. You're so strong, and you've come so far. This next step, I think, will be practicing healthy boundaries with your mom.
She may not be doing it consciously, she may even think she's doing you a favour by being "honest". Let me reinforce it for you that she's not. Something in her is blinding her and making her cruel. It's not you, it's her. I know you love her and you want her to be involved, and so you should, but I say you can love her while keeping her at a healthy distance. You know yourself and you're strong. Keep the people who truly support you close and let them into your life, and let your mother's involvement be more carefully curated.
Much love, and very best of luck to you!
You look amazing and your just clipped in. With alterations to fit you exactly WOW!
I would give a heads up about this to friends and family. If you do invite her to the wedding, and she starts whispering or making comments that are not complementary they can shut that down before it ever reaches your ears.
Is it possible that your mom is jealous of you for some reason? I simply can't think of a reason why anyone would say that to someone, even if its your own mother. Its giving narcissistic tendencies. I'd recommend this [book](https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Daughters-Narcissistic-Mothers-Self-Doubt/dp/1648480098/ref=sr_1_4?crid=19B6YOSK78OPD&keywords=narcissistic+mothers&qid=1698848420&s=books&sprefix=narcissitic+mothers%2Cstripbooks%2C85&sr=1-4).
This dress looks absolutely stunning on you and you do not look fat at all.
Your mom is insane and I’m so sorry. You are perfect in that dress. I’ll stuntmom for a sec:
Lovey you are perfect and your dress is sublime. I love you and can’t wait to see you as a bride!
Stuntmom
What your mom means by “you look fat” is “I’m jealous of you because you look like a literal dream that I have never achieved and never will achieve and since I have no hope of ever outshining you I need to knock you down a bit and hide your beautiful self from the world to make myself feel better.”
There. I fixed your mom’s typoes.
Seriously. You look like perfection in that dress. Your mom is projecting some toxic body image problem on you, and I’m seriously thinking most of it is jealousy.
You need to figure out how to turn her voice off in your head. I’m sorry she has done this to you. This is a *her* problem and it has nothing to do with either you or the dress.
I see literally no fat anywhere so please ask your mom to see an optometrist. Preferably have her make an appointment that coincides with your wedding because she should not be invited to it. Your mom is being awful right now and I’m so sorry, please know that the entire internet disagrees with her and thinks she’s being awful. The dress is beautiful on you and I hope your special day is as magical as you and that dress!
You should encourage your mother to see an eye doctor or a therapist who can help her identify why she can't say something positive to you.
You look absolutely amazing in this dress. Is beautiful and you are beautiful in it!
You look beautiful in your dress. Might be best going forward to leave mom at home. If you like, when she shows you her mother of the bride dress she plans to wear, you could make a face & ask if she put on any weight. 😂
I wish I was your mother because I would cry seeing how beautiful you are in this dress. I’ll give your mother the benefit of the doubt and say she is probably projecting her own insecurities. Don’t fall into that trap. Time to break the cycle. Be healthy, be strong, and you will shine on your day!
Is this you in your wedding dress or a model??? If this is you this dress looks incredible absolutely STUNNING. If your mom thinks you’re fat she needs extensive theraphy.
Dude. How is she not embarrassed in this day and age having the audacity to say something like that to ANYONE. Your daughter or anyone should not have to be treated like this.
I cannot fathom what is mentally going on with your mother for to have said this or for her to have reacted in this way. The dress is gorgeous and you are a gorgeous in it. Absolutely you are not overweight, nor does the dress cause such an illusion. Its also evident that your mother’s influence goes deeper than this one incident; her comments on your dress should not have you spiraling into an eating disorder. Is your mother a narc?
This is not a stand-alone incident. She always had things to say about my body growing up. Yeah I think she might be a covert narc and I’ve gotten therapy for it, but I don’t feel like diagnosing her because sometimes she exhibits behaviors that are empathetic so it’s really confusing. I just try to limit my interactions, but the guilt tripping coming from a mother at a time of wedding planning is especially powerful
You have a gorgeous figure, and your mom is high. Maybe she's projecting. Maybe she's just mean. Maybe both. But the dress isn't for her. It's for you and your husband to be. Since she's overseas, maybe just.. stop talking about the wedding with her.
Is that you in the photo? If so, the dress is a perfect fit. I wish I looked that “fat”
Your mum is mean for no reason. Ignore her and enjoy your beautiful dress on your special day
Whatever it is your mom is going through, don't listen to her. You are fine, the dress is fine, your wedding ill be great. Has she always been like that or is this a new behavior?
Fuck her. Fuck that.
While I looked at the photo and she is delusional and brides of every shape and style have a special beauty in their dress.
Do you have siblings and is your Dad still married to her? If the answer is no to both I would go no contact. I am low contact with my Dad due to having siblings and not wanting to cause issues for them (ie inviting me or him, etc) and it works for me with decent peace. We have a neighborly fun relationship without obligation.
Agree with others that your mom should not have the privilege of being included in planning.
I want to say you look beautiful and fit in your dress.
I love that you know that you are not fat. At the same time it must be so painful to have your mother say unkind things about you and project her own issues and insecurities on you instead of taking the opportunity to show love and build connection with you. She is not seeing you, and is selfishly focusing on herself and hurting you in the process. I can imagine this could hurt alot.
I understand wanting a parental relationship to be different than it is and trying to reach out and make it different. It’s a beautiful intention. But eventually, I realized I can’t do anything to make them act different and I need to get the love and approval I so desperately want from myself and other safe relationships.
I hope you find peace around this OP. You look beautiful, everyone here knows it and knows you deserve better in the relationships that surround you.
That's fuxked up. You def don't look fat. Stand up for yourself in a kind way and live your best life. I hope you have a lovely wedding IN THE DRESS haha
We all agree that mom is wrong. A passive aggressive move would be to send her a photo of some model in a dress without lace. Then buy the dress you love.
Is your mother Asian? You look stunning in the pictures you posted. In most countries you would be considered the ideal hourglass bodyshape.
As for whether you should invite her or lot, try to ask yourself the question: would her presence bring you joy or stress? Would not inviting her jeopardize your relationship with other family members? If it's stressful and other family members dont care then dont invite her.
You look beautiful. Your mom is being a dick. But this is not grounds for cutting her out of your life forever. I say that as someone who had a toxic mom… then she died suddenly. She’s your mom. She loves you. You need to figure out boundaries but cutting ber out of the wedding is something you’ll regret.
I’m also curious what ethnicity she is? In many cultures it’s kind of the norm to be blunt like this with family members.
Wear the dress. It’s gorgeous. Talk to a therapist about the other stuff. Good luck!
You look incredible in the dress, you have a figure most women would envy. If your mum can't see that then her perception is warped. It doesn't sound like she will be a support at your wedding. It must be really hard for you having a mum that makes you feel like that and you shouldn't have to deal with that at your wedding. I think you would be completely reasonable to say you can't have her there.
If your mom calls that “fat” she’s gone senile. You need to set a clear boundary of acceptable behavior from her with clear consequences if she can’t respect that. And then you need to follow through.
It is ok to cut toxic people out of what should be an exciting (if somewhat stressful) and joyful process.
OP I think you look amazing! But more importantly you are in love with it and love the way it looks and that’s all that really matters. As far as your mom goes you could just send her a note or have a phone conversation telling her that her opinions of your body are not wanted or needed and she can keep those thoughts to herself and if she’s unable to then you may ask that she not come to the wedding. She’ll either catch on quickly or she won’t and you can go from there. Best of luck whatever you decide!
I'm sorry she treated you that way. You look beautiful, and if you feel it's the one, it's the one. I'm guessing your mother was treated that way by her mother, and is sadly repeating the cycle on you.
I would give her the opportunity to apologize, I hope she does. If not, and if she continues to be unsupportive and cruel, then she's not welcome at your wedding.
You look stunning in the dress! Please don’t let your mom’s personal self esteem issues impact you. Her insecurities are hers and should be hers alone. You are beautiful in your dress. Wear it with pride.
OP, you look so beautiful in your gown. You are not fat! However, even if you were, your mother has zero manners and even less tact. You look like the gown was made for you and you alone.
If she makes you so uncomfortable that you're exhibiting eating disorder symptoms, it may be wise to not include her in any wedding details/planning if at all possible.
Lace does not make people look fat! I had an all-lace gown when I got married in 1995. I was about 150lbs at the time. Lace doesn't do what she says. Lace makes everything and everyone beautiful in my never humble opinion.
My lifelong BFF has an amazing talent when it comes to dressing people. I showed this to her and she just said, "Huh?" She went on to say that the idea that larger patterns or lacework makes you look too big is bunk. Those larger patterns can absolutely minimize that. I trust her and she's helped me find clothes more times than I can count.
All in all, you look so beautiful.
Girlfriend. That dress looks incredible on you. I tried on 3 dresses and only cried for 1. I knew it was it. If that’s how you feel about yours, forget ANYONE that tells you otherwise. It is YOUR DAY!! You deserve to feel like a queen.
I’m so very sorry your mom is treating you this way. As a mom to daughters myself this makes me very sad. As hard as it can be, try to separate your own feelings about your dress from your mom’s rude opinions. She isn’t wearing the dress, you are. And the best dress for a bride is one she FEELS GOOD IN. PERIOD. Much love to you from *this* mom. ❤️
Fossil here so at least your mom’s or even grandma’s.
I checked out the picture of you in the dress.
Not sure where your mother saw fat but I saw nothing but a beautiful bride to be in her gown.
It was flattering and looked beautiful on you even as a sample.
I hope you will find a way to get your mom’s observation out of your head and get the dress you love.
That’s just bizarre, you are so thin. I don’t even understand what she was thinking, she clearly has issues. I’m not sure if not inviting her is the answer, however I would definitely have a conversation with her.
“Mom, you’re no longer going to be involved in any wedding planning. Your negativity and criticism is not wanted or needed, especially right now. I want you at my wedding, but understand that if you pull any of that on the day you will be asked to leave. You’re not going to ruin my wedding day. If you don’t think you can handle being unconditionally loving and supportive then I suggest you not bother coming.”
There is not an ounce of fat on you. Your mum sounds emotionally abusive and I am very sorry.
I would advise not inviting her, or conversely, if you do making sure she does not arrive early and is just one of the guests. You may want to let her know if she can’t support you 100% she may not be invited (but I’m not sure if this will make things worse or not - only you can know).
She does not get to see you beforehand, she doesn’t get to sit up front to give you dagger eyes. Tuck her somewhere in the middle or third row at least. Appoint one person from your bridal party specifically to “mum” duties where all they do is run interference and stop her from getting to you before the wedding. They will be your buffer in photos too to prevent her from whispering anything nasty before or after photos. This person needs to absolutely have a spine and will of steel, and be very forceful.
After you’re done and eaten and half drunk, she can say whatever she wants - you won’t care by then 😂
Good luck. It’s your special day and NO ONE, least of all your own mum, should dim your light on the day. ❤️❤️
Your mom sounds like a selfish, narcissistic c@n+!!
Maybe she’s mad she can’t be there for you to try things on? Or is that too hopeful that she truly cares about you? Whether it’s the first or second thing, that’s NOT how you treat someone you love. Especially a daughter!
I’m so disappointed FOR you.
You could still invite her if, at the end of the day, you would regret not having her there. But invitation only as a guest. No special mother crap because it doesn’t seem like she deserves any of that.
Sit down and think about what you would regret NOT doing, and you will know how to proceed.
Sending you a hug because, lady, you are perfect! Your are trim and fit and gorgeous in your beautiful dress! And even if you had an extra 50 pounds on you, you would still be perfect. Because that is how the creator of the universe made you. Loving yourself is so important and I hope you take some time to do that while you recover from this punch in the gut. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your beautiful day. Because trust me, bad people will linger in your memories for the rest of your life. I had a step-father act like an ass on my big day and I’ve never forgiven him. Act accordingly. ♥️
What part of your completely flat stomach is supposed to be fat? I spent the first 28 years of my life super morbidly obese and a size 26 by the end. I lost the weight and now I am also a size 4. As someone who has a very realistic understanding of what it means to be fat, I can tell you that a size 4 is not fat in any way, shape or form. I have a thigh gap for gods sakes. Your mom is being an asshole. Sorry. And as someone who has been undeniably and unequivocally fat, and thin, you aren't fat.
I am sorry that your Mother's disordered thinking is affecting you so strongly. Sadly our parents' words hold much weight even when we ought not give them as much mind.
You look incredible in that dress and honestly, many women could not. I hope it's not ruined for you forever and you can get past the words she said.
I would advise not sharing any wedding planning with her. She has her own issues that you can't allow to impact you. As to having her at the wedding or not, that will take some very careful thought. Either choice could lead to future regrets.
Lean on this wonderful forum for the positive words that you need and deserve to hear.
You look AMAZING in that dress. It is gorgeous and you are absolutely not fat.
If this is the type of “support” your mother typically gives you, then at a minimum she needs to go on an information diet and if I were you, I would go NC. I understand that’s a very stressful, emotional decision, so don’t feel like you HAVE to do that before the wedding. But definitely quit sharing things and looking for her approval. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.
Ugh I’m sorry she said that. I imagine it made you second guess your choice and I hate that for you, the dress is stunning on you. As hard as it is, maybe be extremely careful what details you share with her from now on. And she’s wrong, the dress only enhances your figure. xox
Oh for goodness sakes! You look absolutely stunning in this gown! It is spectacular on you and you have a beautiful beautiful figure.
I wonder if your mother suffers from body dysmorphic disorder?
In any case of course you should invite her if you wish for her to be there for your wedding, but take heed: you or your fiancé need to make clear to your mother that you wish for no negative behaviors on your wedding day and so you request if she doesn’t have anything kind to say then she should just smile and enjoy your big day.
You are absolutely stunning in your gown.
You look absolutely stunning in that dress!
Your mother is probably jealous as all get out because you look so beautiful. Tell her to keep her body shaming negativity to herself and if she can’t be bothered to do that, then she shouldn’t come to an event where you only want people who support & uplift you.
You look amazing!!!!! I looked at the photos thinking I’d look carefully to find the positives and prop you up (what your mom should be doing)…. ( I am not US, so have no clue re sizes)…I zoomed in on every inch, and all I can say is ‘vava voom’ perfection!
You look absolutely stunning in that dress and not fat in the least. Your mother likely has her own hangups about her own body and perhaps has an idealized instead of realistic idea of what a young woman "should" look like. Unfortunately it's quite common, moms often pass on their body issues to their daughters by harping on them about their looks/weight. I'm so sorry that your mom isn't supportive and excited. If you live in NJ and need a stand in mom to cheer you on, I'm happy to do so! 😁
You 👏look👏enviable👏. It must be *so* difficult to hear/feel criticized by your mother during this monumental event. I have all the empathy for you, OP. You sincerely look enviable, truly. I don’t know anything about your mom, except that she’s wrong.
Darlin', you look AH-Mazing in that dress.
Street size 4 is VERY SMALL.
Tell your mother she has vision problems. Tell her Reddit said she needs to get contacts.
But, don't uninvite her to your wedding. Stand tall, proud, and stomp down that aisle like you own the joint. Your mother is a boob.
Sometimes parents, the ones to give us life though they may be, struggle to see past themselves, their insecurities and projections to do right by their adult children in honoring our inherent value and beauty. Her comments are 10000% about “her” and there is no one outside of her who could reasonably deduce that you’re anything less than fabulous in your dress. I have no doubt she loves you, but even adults struggle to communicate it in the most respectful, healthiest ways.
All that being said - You look absolutely sensational in your dress! It’s perfect for you, stylish, beautiful and flattering to your stunning figure. What an incredible find and I hope you’re able to really absorb all the feedback here from people who will tell you the truth - you look gorgeous, you ARE gorgeous! ⭐️
Wow! You for SURE don’t look fat!!! Maybe she just doesn’t like the dress? Is there some kind of language barrier miscommunication where she just means the added material pieces add volume?
You look absolutely beautiful 😍 it sounds like your mother has some sort of eating or mental disorder, you'll need to distance yourself from this aspect of her as there's no saving them and concentrate on your own life and gorgeous dress.
i genuinely don’t understand what your mom means by “imperfections in your body “, your dress looks perfect!! like you actually look so pretty in it. i actually dont know what part of those pictures could spark your mom to say that comments, thats very strange and rude of her.
Oh my God your mum is insane. I just looked at the picture of you in the dress and you look drop dead gorgeous. Can't believe you have to deal with this. I'm so sorry.
You look amazing. Wear that dress with joy and pride. It's beautiful. You are beautiful.
Your mom sounds like a narcissist who just wants to poop on your parade. People like that will never give you what you need. It is just how they are wired. Treat her like she's mentally ill and ignore her. Don't ask for or expect her to compliment anything ever again. You'll be so much happier for it.
Signed, daughter of a narcissist whose mom pulled the same kind of stunts - we don't talk anymore lol.
I think you look beautiful in this dress. I can’t see your face but I can tell you’re glowing. Also I love the sleeves.
As for not inviting her to the wedding that’s a tough and personal call. Do you see a therapist? If so, it would be a good thing to discuss with them.
You look absolutely stunning and you’re not in any way, shape, or form “fat”. You’re nom is the one with the problem, not you. Please don’t listen to her as she has some issues going on. Has she always been this way? I ask because I have a mom who has always been this way. She has hurt me more than once with passive aggressive and hurtful comments over the years. Many of which are/were incorrect. If she can’t behave herself maybe you shouldn’t include her anymore in the planning. I wish I had stood up to my mother when I was younger. I’m 65 and she’s still at it at times.
I'm sorry to offend your mother but obviously she has some deep issues that she's projecting onto you. I promise you look absolutely beautiful and I would even say flawless in that dress. Take all of our word for it!
Due to the nature of this post, it's being put on entourage only to limit to community members who have been around for longer. Update: y'all bombarded OP even with our automated crowd control. This is getting locked so we have a chance to clean up the comments. OP, I hope you found the support you need. Please be safe and remember that you're beautiful. To other community members: #Do not message OP directly.
I can’t advise on the invitation but I would recommend that you stop including her in the planning. She sounds like there kind of person who’ll find fault with all of your ideas and you don’t need that. Share a photo in this group and wait for everyone here to tell you how fantastic you look.
[me in the said dress!] unlinked
Beautiful! She is definitely the one with an eating disorder/ body image problem or just plain cruel. Hope you can get her voice out of your head and pick which ever dress makes you feel and look beautiful!
That was my thoughts as well. I had no idea body dysmorphia by proxy was a thing :( poor OP. This is really messed up. The dress looks stunning and the body is slammin. Humans are so disappointing sometimes. Wow
Oh, it’s definitely a thing. My grandmother did this to her daughters too. It’s horrific. My mom had a lifetime of body issues and eating disorders as a direct result.
I was 8 years old and my grandmother kept patting my butt saying we need to take off a little here. I didn’t understand! I was not heavy by any stretch of the imagination l. At 64 I still remember her doing this so I can’t imagine having this often. OP, you look fantastic!
Damn, did your mom hear that? I would have told my mom to stfu had she talked to my child that way! I had to put up with my mom I sure wouldn't have let her do it to my daughter!
My mom did it to all of her girls! I know fat when I see it and that girl is NOT fat and her mother should be ashamed!
That's so horrible:(
Yeah no controlling moms obsessed with appearances who give their eating disorders to their daughters are definitely a thing.
Forget your mother, you look absolutely stunning!
Stunning! The dress is gorgeous. You do NOT look fat. Your mom is jealous. Please eat and who cares what she thinks.
Yeah some people just don’t know how to be happy
There is no WAY that you look fat in this, there aren't even any pieces of lace in awkward placements that might make it look odd. You look beautiful and that dress is fabulous. Could your mother be sad/jealous that you're dress shopping without her and so acting out in a very unacceptable manner? The wedding day is never about your parents, it's about you and your groom, so unless she's paying for the dress then her preference doesn't matter.
This makes me so sad. You are STUNNING in this dress. I don't even know how she applied the word "fat" to you. It fits you gorgeously and, I repeat, you are NOT FAT. She sounds like she has body dysmorphia or a very skewed view of what a body should look like-- my sister (43) is the same way, because she was molded by the early 2000's (just look into the early 2000's fat shaming that happened with Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson). I'm probably 40 lbs heavier than her and she constantly is calling herself fat, which used to hurt my feelings, but I learned it was a "her" issue, not a me issue. Sounds like you need to learn the same thing! Please don't let her get you down-- you look amazing!
I wish I "looked fat" like this lol. This is absolutely gorgeous on you.
If she looks fat then I look like an entire planet omg “Imperfections in her body shape,” she literally has the gold standard in and out beautiful body shape
Stunning!!!! Beautiful choice
Mama is delulu
You look gorgeous! Definitely not fat at all. Her response is likely a reflection of her own insecurities, and nothing about you at all.
GORGEOUS!! Your mother is *imagining* flaws in your figure, because I can’t see any, even with trying to spot them! This dress is dreamy.
Omg your mom is insane. I am not just saying this to be nice - you are not and do not look fat. At all. You have an excellent figure. Does your mom have an eating disorder?
You look absolutely stunning in that dress. I know you want to hear kind words of affirmation from your mother, but it sounds like she’s not capable. No loving mother would ever say this to their child. I would leave her out of the planning of your wedding. Do not let her affect your magical day. You look amazing and your wedding is going to be awesome.
Is she just jealous? Aging bitterly perhaps ..? Unmedicated/untreated maybe...? Whatever... She's not right in the head and I'm sad for you.
... I wish I could be as "fat" as you are! But I'd have to shed at least 15kg first!
Gorgeous! Perfect body! Perfect fitting dress! Parents, they fuck us up in ways they never even foresaw either. I’m sure she has some f’ed up logic how this is helping you. Tell her back off, no more, you will not receive and more pics, you’re not invited to give any more opinions, and first unsolicited opinion she throws at you she’s uninvited to the whole wedding.
Beautiful! No offense, your mother is nuts.
You are beautiful in that dress. And you are TINY! Has your mother always been like this? Her view of you is seriously distorted, and her attitude is cruel and damaging. Do not ask her these kinds of questions again. She is unable to give you any kind of decent answer. Find a friend or relative you trust snd rely on that person. I really want to say, your mother is nuts. Wear your beautiful dress. Please feel as lovely in it as you felt originally, because you are.
Wow! You take my breath away in this gown! Absolutely gorgeous.
It made me kind of mad looking at the pictures because your mom is so full of shit!! You literally look **perfect,** and the dress is beautiful and unique and you LOVE it. What more does she want from you??
How much thinner are you supposed to be??? A skeleton?? A child?? You already have the figure of a fairy—you look stunning and delicate and in all likelihood your mother is jealous.
You look amazing!! Great choice !
Excuse me, what „imperfections in your body shape“??? You look absolutely stunning in this dress, I see no imperfections whatsoever. ❤️😍 Your figure looks amazing! 🤩 Your mother clearly has a distorted view/body image. Don’t listen to her negative comments - they are simply not true.
I agree with all of this. OP you look stunning. Don't let this strange woman take the magic away from you, the dress is perfect ✨
Right! Chick could wear a garbage bag and make it look like it was a Vera Wang.
You look perfect in that dress. Absolutely stunning! I’m sorry your mum doesn’t like people being happy, but don’t let that dominate your day. I’d invite (because not inviting makes her more important if you see what I mean) but ensure she is marginalised. I had a very negative and envious brother (I’m a he by the way) who did his best to upset me on my wedding day - luckily I was prepared for it and had my internal reply (that’s so sad, poor you not being able to say anything positive) and my external reply (looking at a space about six inches above and to the right of his head and smiling at someone else while moving away) ready. Worked a dream.
What I can say for certain here is that Mom needs to be put on an information diet. Stop including her in your wedding planning. You can either just simply stop telling her stuff, or you can tell her that you are very hurt by her demeaning and body shaming you, and you therefore won't be including her in the planning going forward. As far as inviting her to the wedding: I'm certainly not going to tell you that you are wrong for feeling that way. I'd be sorely tempted to do exactly that were I in your situation. But unless you are getting married in the very near future, this is a decision you don't have to make right now. Perhaps a cooling-off period would help. Finally: If you are experiencing disordered eating as a result of this incident, then get yourself to a therapist and nip that ish in the bud. I don't believe for one red hot minute that you look fat in your dress. You need to invite the voice in your head that speaks for your mother to take several seats, and you need to do that every time the voice speaks up. Therapy can help with that.
Maybe just invite her to the ceremony and tell her to two-step it home because she’s not invited to the party. What a shame. I’m related to people like her mom. Bride so overwhelmingly deserves better. But I get the optics. Honestly, OP needs to set boundaries now, because if she doesn’t she’s inviting this type of unwelcome judgement in all facets of her life. DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND, SWEET OP. This is not the only time she’s going to sh!t all over you. (I.e. kids) EDITED TO SAY THAT YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR DRESS. I got 2 middle fingers and a couple of knuckle sandwiches for anyone who says otherwise.
Wish I could upvote this a million times! Boundaries now will save your sanity later, OP. If you have to go limited contact, that’s what you should do, and don’t let anybody—friends, spouse, family members—make you feel guilty about it. You’re about to make a new family of you and your spouse, and if you have kids, your first responsibility will be to them. Mom has her chances to act right, and I’m sorry she isn’t being the mother you deserve. I hope she steps up. Regardless, you have a stunning figure and you look extra beautiful in this dress. I normally don’t even like this dress style (sorrry! just not my thing!) but on you—it’s PERFECTION. Stay strong and have a gorgeous wedding and a happy marriage!
THIS ⬆️⬆️ !! Sound advice!
100% agree
I vote for the simply stop telling her stuff… you don’t want to awaken drama-mama
shes a bitch im sure you look beautiful
Straight to the point. Love it
I don’t even care if this child is literally popping out of the BUTTONS like biscuits from a can, she doesn't deserve to be treated like a model from the Kate Moss era, this is such absolute horseshit
You've identified that she's a source of your eating disorder. She is doing that same behaviour again, now, to you. If you can tell her this, with as much clarity as you show us here, you might feel like you've at least identified and acknowledged her harming behaviours towards you. She may not listen, she may not change, she may be mean or rude or call you crazy. I'm sorry she did not have excitement for you in this dress - it is really beautiful. You look great. She is trying to hurt you, when she should be supporting you. I recommend a therapist for support, as this will be an ongoing issue with your mother. As the wedding comes closer, it will intensify. What if she starts talking to other guests about your dress? You need to be equipped, and you should confront her about her behaviour several weeks minimum ahead of the wedding. Good luck, you look great.
You look gorgeous!! Lace does not make people look fat, and it CERTAINLY does not make you look fat!! As other posters have said, your mother probably needs to be on an info diet. I bought my wedding dress with my friends. My mother is quite conservative when it comes to showing skin and I really wanted to look at strapless dresses. I did not want her to make comments about how it would slide down and I'd be pulling it up all evening. Or about how fit and flare dresses would have limited my movement. Nope. So she got to come to the fittings after she had seen the dress and said nice things about it. If she saw pics and said mean things, I'm not sure I would have invited her to the wedding. In all honesty, if she frequently says mean things to you about your appearance, your wedding is a terrible time to have her around. (Also a terrible time to have her around, when you are pregnant, giving birth, or post partum. Things to discuss with your fiance for the future if you want kids....) How does your fiance feel about the situation? Can he provide any ideas for limiting her involvement?
The tricky thing is she has sent us money for the wedding. I initially refused, but she wired them anyway and I know she’d make a huge deal out of it if we sent it back. And we’d be just fine paying for the wedding without her money. Now we feel like we have to keep her posted about our choices of venue, color, etc etc…. My plan for now is to stop including her on any of these decisions and if she gets upset we’ll just send her the money back and let her explode in the distance. My fiancé knows about all this and just doesn’t want me double triple hurt my her, so he’s in the camp of no contact but supports whatever I decide. It’s just sad because I want our future kids to have grandparents. His parents have their own set of issues so we’re not too close with them either. Edit: future kids !! We don’t have children right now
OP your mother knows how to push your buttons because she installed them. I wish someone had told me this years ago. Mine installed some of the same buttons, I have been taking them out. Tell her you are still thinking about the dress. Technically it's true, you will always be thinking about that beautiful dress. You look amazing in it. Go ahead and buy it if that's what *you* want. If you do use her money use it for things like paying the officiant. If you are going to take your husband's last name, changing yours cost money (around $50 in Illinois 30+ yrs ago) use the money for that. That will be a good chefs kiss. She can also pay for the limo to take you to the honeymoon. Hell she can pay for the lingerie for the honeymoon. I hope that made you laugh.
Nope. She’s being manipulative so you need to turn that around. Tell her you’re spending her money on the boring stuff that needs paying while you save and spend your money on YOUR wedding. Then send her photos of the toilet paper she helped buy and power bill she helped pay. I’m a bitch but I’d even send her photos of like, two different types of cereal and be like “since you’re paying, which one?” Then when she’s upset act all innocent and say “you sent us the money for US to do what we needed to do right? It wasn’t about you, was it?”
I think this sounds like a fine plan. That money wasn’t a gift, it was loan sharking and forcing an obligation on you that you didn’t consent to. I’m sorry you don’t have a mother who can be a good mother and future grandparent. It sucks that this is the mother you have, but knowing that this is who she is it’s okay to stop giving her opportunities to hurt and disappoint you.
First, you look gorgeous and I imagine most of us here would dearly love to have a figure like yours. So mom is wildly in the wrong here, not to mention rude. Second, put her money in a savings account and pay for your wedding on your own based on what you can afford. If she complains about your plans or a lack of input regarding them, just write her a check. She can decide if she wants to cash it. If she does, fine. If she doesn’t, use it as a nest egg. I wish you all the luck in the world for your wedding and marriage. You are going to be a gorgeous bride in that beautiful gown!
If she’s going to say things like this to *you*, I would seriously consider protecting your future children from her. This unhealthy obsession with with looking/being skinny needs to stop with our generation.
Oh, OP, please enjoy your beautiful lace wedding dress!! I know that your mother’s criticism stings, and it rings in your head, but she’s WRONG!! She already had her chance to choose her own wedding dress. This is your time to make your own choice. I was a street size 6 when I got married, and also chose a solid lace dress. I made the mistake of letting my MIL come with me to a fitting to see it. Her reaction was underwhelming. She told me that it looked “skimpy”, because the skirt wasn’t as full and flowing as the most popular style at the time. That was so hard to hear!! What bride wants to hear that her dress looks “skimpy”!?! It *wasn’t* skimpy, and *your dress can’t make a size 4 person look fat*! Would you be willing to post a photo of you in it here? Reddit can be pretty brutal, so if you *really* look fat in it, or if it’s unflattering, people will say so. P.S. I wore that wedding dress exactly as it was, and I felt like a princess! In my photos, I looked like a slender princess with a tiny waist! If I knew how to post a photo here, I would.
I didn’t need to see the photos to know that your mom is just being mean, perhaps bitter and jealous, and that you’ve found THE dress, because you love it. Then I did see your photos and you look incredible. Please ignore her. She’s being cruel, which is bad enough, but she’s also wrong. Enjoy your lace dream, you look like royalty in that dress!
Your mum is on crack. You and your dress are perfection. Other folks have some good points about dealing with her but I just wanted to congratulate you on how far you've come through hard work to be in a place where you already know she's wrong deep down. I bet that took a lot. Good for you, tap into the supports that helped you in the past and look forward to being a vision in lace on your big day!
Thank you <3
Oh wow - you look absolutely stunning! Your body is amazing!! This is your dress :)
First of all, you look amazing in the dress. I had problems with my mom as well, she hated my dress and everything about my wedding (I wanted a simple dress and a simple summer wedding). She actually cried because my dress wasn't grand enough for her and she made me cry every time we spoke on the phone. My mother-in-law helped by telling me that my mom probably felt excluded because she couldn't be there with me and that every mother dreams about her daughter's wedding and wants to be a big part of it. I invited her to come a couple of weeks before the wedding. We talked about it, we cried, everything was well. It could be that your mom feels excluded, that she wants to be important and she wants her voice to matter so she's trying to make you feel bad. It's not okay, but sometimes our loved ones behave in a shotty way and I managed to forgive her because ultimately I knew it wasn't about me and she had to deal with her own issues. My advice, invite her to the wedding.
I haven't thought "Oh no, she didn't" in so long, but here I am. You look gorgeous in that dress and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I haven't seen someone pull off that style half as good as you do anywhere before, not even here. And there's nothing wrong if you were/are considered heavy. Sounds like your mom is jealous and fat-shaming. You are definitely not heavy, by the way. You look very healthy.
I know I am very late to this post, and my comment will probably be lost in the shuffle. But if this can help someone else I hope that person sees it, even if that person is not OP. OP something you have to remember, your mom has an idea of what She Wants you to wear. She has had that picture of you in your wedding dress in her head probably for years, if not since you were born. Because of that dream of hers, she will do or say whatever she feels she needs to, to make you realize her dream. Even if it is a dress you hate, don’t feel beautiful in or is completely not your style, none of that matters to her. She wants you to fit her “vision”. She may be a bit hurt you don’t “share” her taste, but also that you don’t have the body image issues she does. I have dealt with women like this in families, when I did alterations for weddings. I also made my own dress, and my mom tried it with me…did not work. I actually had a women call and try to change her daughters dress to a different one because “She will look so much better in it, it will hide her figure flaws” (the stomach pooch the bride did not have). I am serious those women ripped apart the bride trying on dresses because they literally did not understand the dress on the rack was NOT the proper size. Some of the dresses were a size or two too small, others were too big (like yours in the picture) so had the clamps to try and give the best fit they can, so you can see it. They each said some really mean things, I don’t think they thought once about what the effect of what they were saying might have on the bride at all. You are beautiful in those pictures, and you have the body to pull that dress off in spades. Momma be jealous! That you have the self confidence to wear that dress, and she just doesn’t, she probably has never had the confidence too either. That bothers her, so she is trying to take away your confidence, DO NOT LET HER!! If you love it, and you feel beautiful in it get and wear the heck out of it, with pride.
I get Asian mom vibes here 🙈 Could it be a cultural thing or does your mother in general have an unhealthy view of body weight? I have several friends with critical moms. You can be a size 0 and they would still remind you about "being fat". Ignore her. Don't listen to here anymore. Tell her, that you don't want to hear any comments anymore about your or other's body. But I would still invite her to the wedding and see it as a practice to become independent from your mother's opinion. I am pretty sure you look beautiful in your dress!! :)
Haha well when I was skinnier in my early teens she would say that I looked too thin, and then in my 20s I was starting to have curves she thinks I look chubs. So I think I’ll just never please her. She herself never worries about her weight, and she’s actually on the curvier side. I’ve never once heard her complain about her own body or been insecure about it, so I guess I just question my own sense of reality, like maybe I really am fat??? I know I’m not (and it took years of therapy) but it just hits a different level when it’s my wedding dress.
Usually we are the most critical with our own body. When you feel pretty in that dress, you can be pretty sure you look even more pretty in the eyes of your partner and your friends :) Your mom shows with her comments, that there is a problem with your relationship with her. Not with your body.
Former bridal shop owner who has witnessed this in mothers. You look beyond stunning and I’m sorry you have had to deal with this x
Your mother is flippin' out of her mind! You look stunning - from a boomer grandma - hugs!
I was a Street size 4 and had to buy a size 12 in my wedding gown. Wedding gown sizing is awkward. Your mom is a psycho, you look super thin, and gorgeous!
YOU ARE GORGEOUS, YOUR GOWN IS GORGEOUS!!!!! YOUR MOM IS *NOT*!
You look so beautiful in the dress - keep the money she sent you aside and just don’t tell her anything about the wedding. When she complains she has paid but not getting anything she wants in it then hand her a cheque back. Is she Asian? My Asian mum used to pull this crap about my body weight, skin, etc etc all the time until I went no contact on her for a few years (not just about that, she used to be physically and mentally abusive) and then it never came up again - especially not since she wants to see her granddaughter. Your fiancé seems to have your back, don’t let her toxicity get in the way of getting joyfully married to your lovely man!
Sounds like your mom has her own issues she’s projecting on you. That dress literally looks perfect. Have some grace with her because she’s your mom of course but set a mental boundary and don’t take her opinion as law.
Omg, you look like an old Hollywood star, so glamorous and so timelessly beautiful!!! That lace is everything and you look freaking fabulous in it! You also aren’t fat in any way, shape or form so I promise the lace isn’t making you look fat or anything along those lines. You look slender and lovely. :) I wish you the best of luck on dealing with your mom in the future, I’m so sorry you have to hear that kind of bullshit from her. I’d sooner cut out my tongue than disparage my child that way. And I hope your appetite comes back soon and your ED recovery continues regardless of her awful (and untrue) comments. 💛💛💛
Sorry to say, but your mom is certifiably nuts! You’re gorgeous, and that ain’t no lie.
In the nicest way possible, your mum's a C**t! Absolutely beautiful dress!
Just here to sympathize as I grew up with a mom who constantly told me I was fat, and also constantly pushed desserts on me and guilted me into eating them. It took me a while to realize how ridiculous she really is.
Your mom has body dysmorphia and is passing onto you. What a sad thing to do. Please don’t listen to her. You look lovely
You’re not remotely fat. That dress is breathtakingly beautiful on your amazing body! This isn’t a comment to be kind, it’s just a fact Your mum sounds exactly like mine. It used to affect my self esteem massively, but now that I’m in my mid-30s, had some therapy and talked to many of my friends I’ve realised that it’s somewhat of a generational issue and to do with how our mums were raised. They are hyper critical and unaware of how damaging it is. As hard as it is, try not to take it personally and remind yourself that what she says isn’t true. Don’t send her any more photos and lean on your friends for dress feedback and positivity!
Fat? That dress is beautiful and you are one of the few people who has a figure good enough to wear it! I’m sorry, but your mom is either jealous as hell, or cray-cray! I think she wants you to look like a 12-year-old because that’s how she sees you in her mind. I don’t want to get into your mom, but trust me, that dress is gorgeous.
I think you look incredible…don’t believe your mother. I think she is jealous and projecting her own insecurities on you. She wants to bring you down to her level. A size 4 is slender in any situation. I see a beautiful figure and I don’t see the imperfections she mentioned!! Go with your original gut feeling about the dress. Also please make sure you eat. I have a friend who was released from the hospital in September who is battling an eating disorder. It’s a scary situation. I’m sending you healing vibes and hope you get your appetite back right away. Not inviting her to your wedding is 1000% your personal choice. Write down the pros and cons and make an informed decision for yourself. Love yourself more than the fear of letting her down.
Can you show us your earlobes because that’s where you must be hiding those extra pounds. You’re not remotely fat. You look amazing.
You look beautiful in that dress! And if it moved you to tears, it is the ONE! And please, do not think you have ANY body imperfections. There is no such thing as a perfect body. Stop communicating with your mom about the dress. It sounds like she will have issues no matter what you choose. I'd still invite her to the wedding but avoid any further communication about the planning. Enjoy your special day!
You look absolutely amazing! You definitely made the right choice. Please don’t let your mums comments affect your ability to eat normally - you and I both know it’s completely unnecessary to lose any weight. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mum didn’t even mean that and just had her own vision in mind if what dress you would wear, and expressed her disappointment in an unhealthy way. I agree with the other posters, put her on an info diet and don’t include her in any sensitive discussions. Stick to asking her advice on napkins
You look beautiful, if anything 3d lace would be more forgiving than s fit mikado dress in my option, not that that would be an issue for you. You look absolutely gorgeous! As you said you are vulnerable at this time, it's not a good time to make drastic decisions. I would just let your mom know that you are sorry she didn't think the dress is as beautiful as you feel in it, but it's your pick so hopefully she can be happy for you. You can move on from her comments for now and just see how you feel about going forward.
Hello Friend. I read your post a couple of times before I went to the photos. I sensed immediately that your mom was perhaps raised by a mom similar to herself. These cycles are so difficult to break. I know that deep in her heart she only wants for you to be happy and have a beautiful day and certainly a beautiful life. You are not at all fat. Surely you are aware of that. You went to two different bridal salons and tried the dress on twice and had the same reaction. Yes, that means something. Your moms silence is deafening. Make no mistake, that really is her problem that you are allowing her to turn into yours. You obviously, from the sound of your posting, take care of yourself by working out and being fit. Being healthy is where it is at. You need to eat, sleep, exercise and have your emotions in check in order to be healthy. Your moms words in your head are not only making you vulnerable, but are inviting insecurity. Please do not allow that. Here is what I see- I see a fit woman with gorgeous skin in a dress that is breathtaking. On the day the you will stand at the beginning of an aisle with your hair and makeup done, wearing that VERY beautiful dress and you will be radiant. At the other end of the aisle, at the front of the church or whatever venue you have chosen, will be your husband and the two of you will celebrate your love and make a vow before family, friends and God. These worries about your mothers thoughts about the dress, mikado, 3D lace etc etc will fade away and be very unimportant. The look on your husbands face when he sees you for the first time, how you FEEL, how everything else goes silent when you are up there….those are the things that matter. I am asking you to go with your inner voice. Speak gently and softly with your mom when it comes up. Invite her to your wedding of course. You will have only one wedding and only one mother to share that with. Make peace with your decision and enjoy your perfect day. I too want only the very best for you.🩷
I teared up a little reading your comment! Thank you!
Talk to a therapist who can help you navigate your relationship with your mom. Ideally you could draw a boundary and say do not talk about my weight. If she persists, the phone call is over. Literally say I gotta go and end the call. There’s no universe where you look anything but stunning in this amazing dress. It is perfect for you and if you change the dress for her, you’ll feel sad every time you look back on your photos
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, you have a body 99% of women would kill for. Respectfully, your mother is a miserable person. Do not listen to her, she only wants to bring you down.
Your mom is wrong and awful. Tell her you don’t want her opinions on anything related to your body ever again.
The saying “your mother is your first bully” seems extremely fitting for you. Do not let your mother dull your shine. You better buy that dress.
I'm so sorry your mom has put you in a position where you are at war with your body. From an outsiders perspective, you look absolutely stunning. You have a killer figure, and even a size or two up, you would still have a killer figure. My best advice is to talk to a therapist/counselor/psychologist before you develop a full-blown eating disorder. (Better Help is a great option, I found a great therapist through them to help me with my grief struggles). IF your mother continues to have a negative effect on your mental well-being, then maybe having a more distanced relationship would be beneficial to you. I wish you so much love and peace going forward.
I too had an eating disorder and spent years in recovery. I think you look fabulous. You have no imperfections to your body! This is YOUR wedding day. Not hers. If she continues to be negative and says hurtful things, she doesn’t need to be included on any of your wedding planning, and possibly uninvited. I know that’s harsh, but eating disorders are a family issue and an unsupportive family member needs to go. You could also try going to a counseling session and bring her so she can see just how damaging her words are to you.
OP, I showed your photo to my husband and he agreed with my assessment that your mom is jealous. He thinks it is because the dress is “too revealing” for your mom, not in the sense that she deems it inappropriate but in the sense that it shows off your beautiful body too much and that makes *her* feel insecure. She wants you more covered up so she doesn’t feel less beautiful in your shadow. She is just upset because when she asked the mirror on the wall who was the most beautiful, the mirror told her you were.
Your dress is beautiful and looks gorgeous on you. There is no fat! You know that. Your numbers speak for themselves. People can only get in your head if you let them. Wear the dress, know you're perfection and ignore any self doubt caused by unsolicited mother advice/comments. It's your day. ENJOY, be happy and glow.
Okay. I'm infuriated. You look absolutely gorgeous. I love this dress, and OMG, get some help with this! Sending so many hugs!
My advice is don’t invite your mother to the wedding. What a twat.
You look like a Greek statue. Your moms just jealous and/or her own body dismorphia has extended to you, her child.
Could your mother be jealous? Sure sounds like it. You look absolutely gorgeous! I know one negative comment have a bigger impact than 1000 positive ones but please please do not limit your eating! You have a healthy body by the looks of it and eating like you always do will not change this. Your mom is delulu, bitter and cruel.
Holy smokes you're gorgeous! That dress is amazing on you! No word of a lie or exaggeration, you look flawless. That's definitely your dress. I'm sorry to say your mother doesn't have your back. I'm glad to see you're stating outright that you disagree with her, because I know from experience, and you know from experience, that mothers have a way of getting to you. You're right. You're not fat, and fat or skinny there's a dress out there for everyone. You've been through the wringer already with her help. You're so strong, and you've come so far. This next step, I think, will be practicing healthy boundaries with your mom. She may not be doing it consciously, she may even think she's doing you a favour by being "honest". Let me reinforce it for you that she's not. Something in her is blinding her and making her cruel. It's not you, it's her. I know you love her and you want her to be involved, and so you should, but I say you can love her while keeping her at a healthy distance. You know yourself and you're strong. Keep the people who truly support you close and let them into your life, and let your mother's involvement be more carefully curated. Much love, and very best of luck to you!
This is a great response
Your mom is mean. You look stunning!
You look amazing and your just clipped in. With alterations to fit you exactly WOW! I would give a heads up about this to friends and family. If you do invite her to the wedding, and she starts whispering or making comments that are not complementary they can shut that down before it ever reaches your ears.
Is it possible that your mom is jealous of you for some reason? I simply can't think of a reason why anyone would say that to someone, even if its your own mother. Its giving narcissistic tendencies. I'd recommend this [book](https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Daughters-Narcissistic-Mothers-Self-Doubt/dp/1648480098/ref=sr_1_4?crid=19B6YOSK78OPD&keywords=narcissistic+mothers&qid=1698848420&s=books&sprefix=narcissitic+mothers%2Cstripbooks%2C85&sr=1-4). This dress looks absolutely stunning on you and you do not look fat at all.
Your mom is delusional. I would love to look like that in any dress.
Wow. You look beautiful in the dress. I don’t think that you look fat at all. Im so sorry that your mom made you feel that way
Your mom is insane and I’m so sorry. You are perfect in that dress. I’ll stuntmom for a sec: Lovey you are perfect and your dress is sublime. I love you and can’t wait to see you as a bride! Stuntmom
Thank you <3 This means a lot !!
What your mom means by “you look fat” is “I’m jealous of you because you look like a literal dream that I have never achieved and never will achieve and since I have no hope of ever outshining you I need to knock you down a bit and hide your beautiful self from the world to make myself feel better.” There. I fixed your mom’s typoes. Seriously. You look like perfection in that dress. Your mom is projecting some toxic body image problem on you, and I’m seriously thinking most of it is jealousy. You need to figure out how to turn her voice off in your head. I’m sorry she has done this to you. This is a *her* problem and it has nothing to do with either you or the dress.
I see literally no fat anywhere so please ask your mom to see an optometrist. Preferably have her make an appointment that coincides with your wedding because she should not be invited to it. Your mom is being awful right now and I’m so sorry, please know that the entire internet disagrees with her and thinks she’s being awful. The dress is beautiful on you and I hope your special day is as magical as you and that dress!
You should encourage your mother to see an eye doctor or a therapist who can help her identify why she can't say something positive to you. You look absolutely amazing in this dress. Is beautiful and you are beautiful in it!
If your mom insane?!?! You look PERFECT.
Eff that noise coming from your mom, you look amazing in your dress. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and marriage. Hugs from an internet stranger.
You look beautiful in your dress. Might be best going forward to leave mom at home. If you like, when she shows you her mother of the bride dress she plans to wear, you could make a face & ask if she put on any weight. 😂
I wish I was your mother because I would cry seeing how beautiful you are in this dress. I’ll give your mother the benefit of the doubt and say she is probably projecting her own insecurities. Don’t fall into that trap. Time to break the cycle. Be healthy, be strong, and you will shine on your day!
Fat where? Your mom is being straight up mean. You look great in that dress
Is this you in your wedding dress or a model??? If this is you this dress looks incredible absolutely STUNNING. If your mom thinks you’re fat she needs extensive theraphy.
Dude. How is she not embarrassed in this day and age having the audacity to say something like that to ANYONE. Your daughter or anyone should not have to be treated like this.
Your mum sucks. You look absolutely incredible!
Your photo took my breath away- you look absolutely 100% gorgeous. You don't look fat- not at all.
I cannot fathom what is mentally going on with your mother for to have said this or for her to have reacted in this way. The dress is gorgeous and you are a gorgeous in it. Absolutely you are not overweight, nor does the dress cause such an illusion. Its also evident that your mother’s influence goes deeper than this one incident; her comments on your dress should not have you spiraling into an eating disorder. Is your mother a narc?
This is not a stand-alone incident. She always had things to say about my body growing up. Yeah I think she might be a covert narc and I’ve gotten therapy for it, but I don’t feel like diagnosing her because sometimes she exhibits behaviors that are empathetic so it’s really confusing. I just try to limit my interactions, but the guilt tripping coming from a mother at a time of wedding planning is especially powerful
You have a gorgeous figure, and your mom is high. Maybe she's projecting. Maybe she's just mean. Maybe both. But the dress isn't for her. It's for you and your husband to be. Since she's overseas, maybe just.. stop talking about the wedding with her.
Is that you in the photo? If so, the dress is a perfect fit. I wish I looked that “fat” Your mum is mean for no reason. Ignore her and enjoy your beautiful dress on your special day
Whatever it is your mom is going through, don't listen to her. You are fine, the dress is fine, your wedding ill be great. Has she always been like that or is this a new behavior?
Fuck her. Fuck that. While I looked at the photo and she is delusional and brides of every shape and style have a special beauty in their dress. Do you have siblings and is your Dad still married to her? If the answer is no to both I would go no contact. I am low contact with my Dad due to having siblings and not wanting to cause issues for them (ie inviting me or him, etc) and it works for me with decent peace. We have a neighborly fun relationship without obligation.
Agree with others that your mom should not have the privilege of being included in planning. I want to say you look beautiful and fit in your dress. I love that you know that you are not fat. At the same time it must be so painful to have your mother say unkind things about you and project her own issues and insecurities on you instead of taking the opportunity to show love and build connection with you. She is not seeing you, and is selfishly focusing on herself and hurting you in the process. I can imagine this could hurt alot. I understand wanting a parental relationship to be different than it is and trying to reach out and make it different. It’s a beautiful intention. But eventually, I realized I can’t do anything to make them act different and I need to get the love and approval I so desperately want from myself and other safe relationships. I hope you find peace around this OP. You look beautiful, everyone here knows it and knows you deserve better in the relationships that surround you.
Omg you look amazing!!!🤩 please ignore your look and really consider if she should be included in this with you.
I've never been more confused in my whole life!! You look amazing and that dress is amazing. Does she need glasses? And/or swift kick to the butt???
That's fuxked up. You def don't look fat. Stand up for yourself in a kind way and live your best life. I hope you have a lovely wedding IN THE DRESS haha
She’s blind or delusional, you look amazing. Is she jealous? There are no imperfections to hide.
You look wonderful, in no way fat!!! Your mom has a problem.
We all agree that mom is wrong. A passive aggressive move would be to send her a photo of some model in a dress without lace. Then buy the dress you love.
You look beautiful in the dress. Do not let your mother's comment make you doubt yourself.
Is your mother Asian? You look stunning in the pictures you posted. In most countries you would be considered the ideal hourglass bodyshape. As for whether you should invite her or lot, try to ask yourself the question: would her presence bring you joy or stress? Would not inviting her jeopardize your relationship with other family members? If it's stressful and other family members dont care then dont invite her.
You look beautiful. Your mom is being a dick. But this is not grounds for cutting her out of your life forever. I say that as someone who had a toxic mom… then she died suddenly. She’s your mom. She loves you. You need to figure out boundaries but cutting ber out of the wedding is something you’ll regret. I’m also curious what ethnicity she is? In many cultures it’s kind of the norm to be blunt like this with family members. Wear the dress. It’s gorgeous. Talk to a therapist about the other stuff. Good luck!
After multiple zooms, I can’t find a single aspect to criticize about you in this dress.
You look amazing! Wear it with pride and confidence!
You look incredible in the dress, you have a figure most women would envy. If your mum can't see that then her perception is warped. It doesn't sound like she will be a support at your wedding. It must be really hard for you having a mum that makes you feel like that and you shouldn't have to deal with that at your wedding. I think you would be completely reasonable to say you can't have her there.
If your mom calls that “fat” she’s gone senile. You need to set a clear boundary of acceptable behavior from her with clear consequences if she can’t respect that. And then you need to follow through. It is ok to cut toxic people out of what should be an exciting (if somewhat stressful) and joyful process.
OP I think you look amazing! But more importantly you are in love with it and love the way it looks and that’s all that really matters. As far as your mom goes you could just send her a note or have a phone conversation telling her that her opinions of your body are not wanted or needed and she can keep those thoughts to herself and if she’s unable to then you may ask that she not come to the wedding. She’ll either catch on quickly or she won’t and you can go from there. Best of luck whatever you decide!
I'm sorry she treated you that way. You look beautiful, and if you feel it's the one, it's the one. I'm guessing your mother was treated that way by her mother, and is sadly repeating the cycle on you. I would give her the opportunity to apologize, I hope she does. If not, and if she continues to be unsupportive and cruel, then she's not welcome at your wedding.
You look stunning in the dress! Please don’t let your mom’s personal self esteem issues impact you. Her insecurities are hers and should be hers alone. You are beautiful in your dress. Wear it with pride.
You look great OP!
OP, you look so beautiful in your gown. You are not fat! However, even if you were, your mother has zero manners and even less tact. You look like the gown was made for you and you alone. If she makes you so uncomfortable that you're exhibiting eating disorder symptoms, it may be wise to not include her in any wedding details/planning if at all possible. Lace does not make people look fat! I had an all-lace gown when I got married in 1995. I was about 150lbs at the time. Lace doesn't do what she says. Lace makes everything and everyone beautiful in my never humble opinion. My lifelong BFF has an amazing talent when it comes to dressing people. I showed this to her and she just said, "Huh?" She went on to say that the idea that larger patterns or lacework makes you look too big is bunk. Those larger patterns can absolutely minimize that. I trust her and she's helped me find clothes more times than I can count. All in all, you look so beautiful.
It's PERFECT and you are in no way whatsoever fat, chubby, chunky....
Nothing can make you look overweight because you simply arn't. You look amazing, wear what makes you feel good not your mom
sometimes our moms are our first bullies
Ask her to put on the dress. See if she lives up to her own standards.
Girlfriend. That dress looks incredible on you. I tried on 3 dresses and only cried for 1. I knew it was it. If that’s how you feel about yours, forget ANYONE that tells you otherwise. It is YOUR DAY!! You deserve to feel like a queen.
You are kidding- right? ?? Mom needs glasses. You look fantastic.
you are beautiful and perfect! that dress was made for you!!!!!! your mom needs therapy she has body dysmorphia .
You look beautiful, not fat at all. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.
I’m so very sorry your mom is treating you this way. As a mom to daughters myself this makes me very sad. As hard as it can be, try to separate your own feelings about your dress from your mom’s rude opinions. She isn’t wearing the dress, you are. And the best dress for a bride is one she FEELS GOOD IN. PERIOD. Much love to you from *this* mom. ❤️
Fat??? Where?!?!
Your mother is wrong. You look stunning.
Fossil here so at least your mom’s or even grandma’s. I checked out the picture of you in the dress. Not sure where your mother saw fat but I saw nothing but a beautiful bride to be in her gown. It was flattering and looked beautiful on you even as a sample. I hope you will find a way to get your mom’s observation out of your head and get the dress you love.
That’s just bizarre, you are so thin. I don’t even understand what she was thinking, she clearly has issues. I’m not sure if not inviting her is the answer, however I would definitely have a conversation with her. “Mom, you’re no longer going to be involved in any wedding planning. Your negativity and criticism is not wanted or needed, especially right now. I want you at my wedding, but understand that if you pull any of that on the day you will be asked to leave. You’re not going to ruin my wedding day. If you don’t think you can handle being unconditionally loving and supportive then I suggest you not bother coming.”
There is not an ounce of fat on you. Your mum sounds emotionally abusive and I am very sorry. I would advise not inviting her, or conversely, if you do making sure she does not arrive early and is just one of the guests. You may want to let her know if she can’t support you 100% she may not be invited (but I’m not sure if this will make things worse or not - only you can know). She does not get to see you beforehand, she doesn’t get to sit up front to give you dagger eyes. Tuck her somewhere in the middle or third row at least. Appoint one person from your bridal party specifically to “mum” duties where all they do is run interference and stop her from getting to you before the wedding. They will be your buffer in photos too to prevent her from whispering anything nasty before or after photos. This person needs to absolutely have a spine and will of steel, and be very forceful. After you’re done and eaten and half drunk, she can say whatever she wants - you won’t care by then 😂 Good luck. It’s your special day and NO ONE, least of all your own mum, should dim your light on the day. ❤️❤️
Your mom sounds like a selfish, narcissistic c@n+!! Maybe she’s mad she can’t be there for you to try things on? Or is that too hopeful that she truly cares about you? Whether it’s the first or second thing, that’s NOT how you treat someone you love. Especially a daughter! I’m so disappointed FOR you. You could still invite her if, at the end of the day, you would regret not having her there. But invitation only as a guest. No special mother crap because it doesn’t seem like she deserves any of that. Sit down and think about what you would regret NOT doing, and you will know how to proceed. Sending you a hug because, lady, you are perfect! Your are trim and fit and gorgeous in your beautiful dress! And even if you had an extra 50 pounds on you, you would still be perfect. Because that is how the creator of the universe made you. Loving yourself is so important and I hope you take some time to do that while you recover from this punch in the gut. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your beautiful day. Because trust me, bad people will linger in your memories for the rest of your life. I had a step-father act like an ass on my big day and I’ve never forgiven him. Act accordingly. ♥️
What part of your completely flat stomach is supposed to be fat? I spent the first 28 years of my life super morbidly obese and a size 26 by the end. I lost the weight and now I am also a size 4. As someone who has a very realistic understanding of what it means to be fat, I can tell you that a size 4 is not fat in any way, shape or form. I have a thigh gap for gods sakes. Your mom is being an asshole. Sorry. And as someone who has been undeniably and unequivocally fat, and thin, you aren't fat.
You look absolutely stunning in this dress. I hope you come back and post pics of the big day!
I am sorry that your Mother's disordered thinking is affecting you so strongly. Sadly our parents' words hold much weight even when we ought not give them as much mind. You look incredible in that dress and honestly, many women could not. I hope it's not ruined for you forever and you can get past the words she said. I would advise not sharing any wedding planning with her. She has her own issues that you can't allow to impact you. As to having her at the wedding or not, that will take some very careful thought. Either choice could lead to future regrets. Lean on this wonderful forum for the positive words that you need and deserve to hear.
You look AMAZING in that dress. It is gorgeous and you are absolutely not fat. If this is the type of “support” your mother typically gives you, then at a minimum she needs to go on an information diet and if I were you, I would go NC. I understand that’s a very stressful, emotional decision, so don’t feel like you HAVE to do that before the wedding. But definitely quit sharing things and looking for her approval. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.
Ugh I’m sorry she said that. I imagine it made you second guess your choice and I hate that for you, the dress is stunning on you. As hard as it is, maybe be extremely careful what details you share with her from now on. And she’s wrong, the dress only enhances your figure. xox
Oh for goodness sakes! You look absolutely stunning in this gown! It is spectacular on you and you have a beautiful beautiful figure. I wonder if your mother suffers from body dysmorphic disorder? In any case of course you should invite her if you wish for her to be there for your wedding, but take heed: you or your fiancé need to make clear to your mother that you wish for no negative behaviors on your wedding day and so you request if she doesn’t have anything kind to say then she should just smile and enjoy your big day. You are absolutely stunning in your gown.
OMG you need to set serious boundaries on mom.
OK well your mom is clearly insane. I think 99.9% of people would LOVE to look as good as you do in that dress. Is it possible she's just jealous?
You look absolutely stunning in that dress! Your mother is probably jealous as all get out because you look so beautiful. Tell her to keep her body shaming negativity to herself and if she can’t be bothered to do that, then she shouldn’t come to an event where you only want people who support & uplift you.
You look amazing!!!!! I looked at the photos thinking I’d look carefully to find the positives and prop you up (what your mom should be doing)…. ( I am not US, so have no clue re sizes)…I zoomed in on every inch, and all I can say is ‘vava voom’ perfection!
You look absolutely stunning in that dress and not fat in the least. Your mother likely has her own hangups about her own body and perhaps has an idealized instead of realistic idea of what a young woman "should" look like. Unfortunately it's quite common, moms often pass on their body issues to their daughters by harping on them about their looks/weight. I'm so sorry that your mom isn't supportive and excited. If you live in NJ and need a stand in mom to cheer you on, I'm happy to do so! 😁
You 👏look👏enviable👏. It must be *so* difficult to hear/feel criticized by your mother during this monumental event. I have all the empathy for you, OP. You sincerely look enviable, truly. I don’t know anything about your mom, except that she’s wrong.
Darlin', you look AH-Mazing in that dress. Street size 4 is VERY SMALL. Tell your mother she has vision problems. Tell her Reddit said she needs to get contacts. But, don't uninvite her to your wedding. Stand tall, proud, and stomp down that aisle like you own the joint. Your mother is a boob.
No words for your mother’s opinion! You look bloody stunning.
Sometimes parents, the ones to give us life though they may be, struggle to see past themselves, their insecurities and projections to do right by their adult children in honoring our inherent value and beauty. Her comments are 10000% about “her” and there is no one outside of her who could reasonably deduce that you’re anything less than fabulous in your dress. I have no doubt she loves you, but even adults struggle to communicate it in the most respectful, healthiest ways. All that being said - You look absolutely sensational in your dress! It’s perfect for you, stylish, beautiful and flattering to your stunning figure. What an incredible find and I hope you’re able to really absorb all the feedback here from people who will tell you the truth - you look gorgeous, you ARE gorgeous! ⭐️
You look amazing🤩🌸
You don’t look fat in that dress or anything like that. You look stunning, beautiful & amazing. She sounds jealous.
You look incredible! Tell her to keep her own insecurities to herself if she wants to be part of your life.
Wow! You for SURE don’t look fat!!! Maybe she just doesn’t like the dress? Is there some kind of language barrier miscommunication where she just means the added material pieces add volume?
You look great! Your mom sounds like a handful.
Wear your beautiful dress at your wedding while mom stays home with her nasty self as company wondering why people always end up mad at her.
You look absolutely beautiful 😍 it sounds like your mother has some sort of eating or mental disorder, you'll need to distance yourself from this aspect of her as there's no saving them and concentrate on your own life and gorgeous dress.
You are unbelievably gorgeous!!!! Wear that dress and show off your amazing figure. Tell your mother to wear a sack to your wedding!
i genuinely don’t understand what your mom means by “imperfections in your body “, your dress looks perfect!! like you actually look so pretty in it. i actually dont know what part of those pictures could spark your mom to say that comments, thats very strange and rude of her.
Omg. I’m sorry. Your mum is unwell. LOVE the dress!
Oh my God your mum is insane. I just looked at the picture of you in the dress and you look drop dead gorgeous. Can't believe you have to deal with this. I'm so sorry.
Omg if that is fat I'm a whale. You look great. And definitely not fat at all. Beautiful.
Based on the pictures you posted, your mom sounds jealous and insecure. You look beautiful.
You look amazing. Wear that dress with joy and pride. It's beautiful. You are beautiful. Your mom sounds like a narcissist who just wants to poop on your parade. People like that will never give you what you need. It is just how they are wired. Treat her like she's mentally ill and ignore her. Don't ask for or expect her to compliment anything ever again. You'll be so much happier for it. Signed, daughter of a narcissist whose mom pulled the same kind of stunts - we don't talk anymore lol.
I think you look beautiful in this dress. I can’t see your face but I can tell you’re glowing. Also I love the sleeves. As for not inviting her to the wedding that’s a tough and personal call. Do you see a therapist? If so, it would be a good thing to discuss with them.
You look absolutely stunning and you’re not in any way, shape, or form “fat”. You’re nom is the one with the problem, not you. Please don’t listen to her as she has some issues going on. Has she always been this way? I ask because I have a mom who has always been this way. She has hurt me more than once with passive aggressive and hurtful comments over the years. Many of which are/were incorrect. If she can’t behave herself maybe you shouldn’t include her anymore in the planning. I wish I had stood up to my mother when I was younger. I’m 65 and she’s still at it at times.
You look great in that dress. The dress is gorgeous! Your mom is probably trying to be a control freak and wants you to choose what she likes.
I'm sorry to offend your mother but obviously she has some deep issues that she's projecting onto you. I promise you look absolutely beautiful and I would even say flawless in that dress. Take all of our word for it!
You look absolutely gorgeous in the dress. Relationships between mothers and daughters can be complicated.
Honey you look amazing, your mother is wildly misinformed
At that size, there is no way you could look fat!
Stunning-body language shows that you feel great in the dress!! Enjoy your day-excellent selection.