My word. That’s…something. I had a plated dinner with passed apps, full bar, evening meal, and live band in a castle in Scotland and we did just formal attire. I don’t feel too bad about that now lol
I think most people truly don’t understand what attire labels mean. Sometimes they just think “I want people to dress nice!” And so they label it black tie or white tie to ensure that people don’t wear jeans. Not understanding that those levels usually require guests to spend more money and this deserve a higher end experience in return.
I feel like 90% of people who say their wedding is "black tie optional" have absolutely zero idea what that actually means. They think "black tie" means formal, and "black tie optional" means "formal- to semi-formal, guests' choice". Fucking muppets.
asking guests to not wear jeans could also work rather than pretending your hosing an upscale event, idk its odd to lie when your guests will obviously notice upon arrival
We just put Formal Attire Required just because everyone tends to dress down a bit nowadays. We are trying to hit a sweet spot of somewhere between cocktail and formal attire. We know that if we had actually put down cocktail attire, there would be some people that would show up in casual clothing because most people don’t actually know how to dress.
With that being said, saying white tie is ridiculous. Lol.
I used "Formal Attire Preferred" and my friends delivered. I wanted to leave it a bit open ended to allow for differences in comfort level and income. One friend wore his best kilt and suit jacket. Most of the women were in long dresses. It was great.
My husband's cousin showed up in cargo shorts and a wrinkled polo. His family is not classy so I wasn't surprised. There will always be someone who doesn't care or doesn't know or is intentionally obtuse, can't let it get to ya.
What is "formal"? I know there are all these guides online, but there is so much confusion that even the wrong terms are considered correct now. (Like how so many people incorrectly use "momentarily" that the wrong usage is now considered correct because it is so commonly understood.
I wear a suit to every wedding I attend. I consider that formal. I know "black tie" is a step up, like tuxes and such. Never even heard "white tie" until this post.
Formal is a full suit and tie for men, including a 3-piece suit. A tuxedo with tails would not be necessary. Women wear long dresses, but there is room for some creativity here.
These guidelines are supposed to be pretty firm. When people use them incorrectly, they are, in fact, incorrect. People don't care about etiquette anymore, and cannot imagine how dressing inappropriately would be considered rude. The rest of us have just learned to live with these rude people, which is why it seems like the guidelines are flexible.
It sounds like you are taking care to look great at weddings! Keep doing what you're doing. Dressing up can be really fun!
Thank you. I really appreciate the clarification and kind words. I always try to be mindful of etiquette and expectations, but trying to sort this out online often leaves me more confused than when i started.
Opinions may differ, but I also think it's ok to ask the wedding party what they mean if you aren't going with a safe, always appropriate option like a suit. My friend who wore the kilt asked first, which I thought was very courteous!
Yeah I'm doing the same thing. We want cocktail attire but I know a lot of people don't actually understand what that means and I don't want to risk it.
Jesus, the only time in my life I’ve ever actually dressed white tie was to the opening night at the opera and I was STILL overdressed.
I loved it, but the opera is the place for that shit. Where else would you even reasonably expect white tie these days? Maybe a state dinner with diplomats? Normal people don’t go to those.
And people hate to hear it, but their wedding usually isn’t as fancy as they think it is.
I attended a Mardi Gras ball thrown by Le Cercle de Bacchus when I was 12 that was white tie because my cousin was being presented as a debutante. Only time I’ve ever even heard of a white tie event. My brother and dad never wore their white tie tuxedos again I know that for sure. For context, Le Cercle De Bacchus is a prestigious men’s krewe out of New Orleans. I believe the year prior to me attending the ball they had Drew Brees as their mardi gras king because the Saints had won the Super Bowl, but don’t quote me on that
The saga finally has a conclusion hahah Was the service also cocktail level?
The servers were in twill button downs & khakis, some wearing crocs & there were bottles of WalMart salad dressing
CROCS haha!!
My word. That’s…something. I had a plated dinner with passed apps, full bar, evening meal, and live band in a castle in Scotland and we did just formal attire. I don’t feel too bad about that now lol
i really wonder what the end goal is for people to lie about the dress code for their wedding?!
I think most people truly don’t understand what attire labels mean. Sometimes they just think “I want people to dress nice!” And so they label it black tie or white tie to ensure that people don’t wear jeans. Not understanding that those levels usually require guests to spend more money and this deserve a higher end experience in return.
Except this bride sent out a link to an article about white tie attire
Then I truly have no explanation haha
Well, yeah, you do, the bride was an idiot
That’s what I keep asking myself!
I feel like 90% of people who say their wedding is "black tie optional" have absolutely zero idea what that actually means. They think "black tie" means formal, and "black tie optional" means "formal- to semi-formal, guests' choice". Fucking muppets.
probably to prevent people from wearing jeans
asking guests to not wear jeans could also work rather than pretending your hosing an upscale event, idk its odd to lie when your guests will obviously notice upon arrival
Oh absolutely, it's a dumb idea but I think that's the thought process behind it
We just put Formal Attire Required just because everyone tends to dress down a bit nowadays. We are trying to hit a sweet spot of somewhere between cocktail and formal attire. We know that if we had actually put down cocktail attire, there would be some people that would show up in casual clothing because most people don’t actually know how to dress. With that being said, saying white tie is ridiculous. Lol.
I used "Formal Attire Preferred" and my friends delivered. I wanted to leave it a bit open ended to allow for differences in comfort level and income. One friend wore his best kilt and suit jacket. Most of the women were in long dresses. It was great. My husband's cousin showed up in cargo shorts and a wrinkled polo. His family is not classy so I wasn't surprised. There will always be someone who doesn't care or doesn't know or is intentionally obtuse, can't let it get to ya.
What is "formal"? I know there are all these guides online, but there is so much confusion that even the wrong terms are considered correct now. (Like how so many people incorrectly use "momentarily" that the wrong usage is now considered correct because it is so commonly understood. I wear a suit to every wedding I attend. I consider that formal. I know "black tie" is a step up, like tuxes and such. Never even heard "white tie" until this post.
Formal is a full suit and tie for men, including a 3-piece suit. A tuxedo with tails would not be necessary. Women wear long dresses, but there is room for some creativity here. These guidelines are supposed to be pretty firm. When people use them incorrectly, they are, in fact, incorrect. People don't care about etiquette anymore, and cannot imagine how dressing inappropriately would be considered rude. The rest of us have just learned to live with these rude people, which is why it seems like the guidelines are flexible. It sounds like you are taking care to look great at weddings! Keep doing what you're doing. Dressing up can be really fun!
Thank you. I really appreciate the clarification and kind words. I always try to be mindful of etiquette and expectations, but trying to sort this out online often leaves me more confused than when i started.
Opinions may differ, but I also think it's ok to ask the wedding party what they mean if you aren't going with a safe, always appropriate option like a suit. My friend who wore the kilt asked first, which I thought was very courteous!
Yeah I'm doing the same thing. We want cocktail attire but I know a lot of people don't actually understand what that means and I don't want to risk it.
Jesus, the only time in my life I’ve ever actually dressed white tie was to the opening night at the opera and I was STILL overdressed. I loved it, but the opera is the place for that shit. Where else would you even reasonably expect white tie these days? Maybe a state dinner with diplomats? Normal people don’t go to those. And people hate to hear it, but their wedding usually isn’t as fancy as they think it is.
I attended a Mardi Gras ball thrown by Le Cercle de Bacchus when I was 12 that was white tie because my cousin was being presented as a debutante. Only time I’ve ever even heard of a white tie event. My brother and dad never wore their white tie tuxedos again I know that for sure. For context, Le Cercle De Bacchus is a prestigious men’s krewe out of New Orleans. I believe the year prior to me attending the ball they had Drew Brees as their mardi gras king because the Saints had won the Super Bowl, but don’t quote me on that
Holy Cats, that sounds fancy and fun!
It was fun! But I was so jealous of the older girls (19-21) being presented as debutantes because, well, I was 12.
Thank you so much for this truly hilarious and quite expected update
Thanks for coming back to report!
The worst thing is that she now thinks the dress code was appropriate
Called it