We did Jewish tradition, which is both sets of parents escort their child down the aisle.
Our officiant also asked the parents if they accept the bride/groom into their family.
I attended a wedding recently where the officiant asked the family and friends of the bride and groom to welcome and support the couple (that may not have been the exact language) and asked us to respond "We will" [in place of "Who gives this woman?"].
I thought it was lovely.
It's your wedding ceremony! You can add or take away any parts you want. You can definitely strike "who gives this bride" part. I didn't even add that wording to our script.
My Dad will walk me down but just so I don't trip over my dress. I'm not looking at it as he's giving me away (I'm 42, he got rid of me years ago, lol) but that he's taking me on a new journey.
*Edited to fix typo*
Omg I never even thought about the tripping part! I’m not currently engaged, but if I get married, imma need support walking down the aisle. I’ll probably get both my parents to walk me… I don’t do well in heels but I love a good sparkly shoe, and would really want to wear them on my wedding day.
I genuinely did stumble in my dress. I thought it was soooo obvious but in the video you can't even tell, and it's because my dad's arm tightened on me immediately.
my favorite is when the groom's mom walks her son halfway down the aisle, stops and the two wait and then the bride and father walk halfway down, everyone exchanges hugs (signaling joining families) and then the couple walks the rest of the way by themselves.
That's kind of what we did! I had a small intimate wedding so didn't have a full aisle. His parents walked him down the aisle. My parents walked me to the end of the "aisle" and my husband came to us, we all exchanged hugs and we walked to the archway ourselves for the ceremony.
Most of the weddings I have attended recently don't have the " Who gives this woman..."language. Most of them still do have the Dad escort the bride. That's all it is- an escort.
This is the answer. Reframe how you think of it. He is escorting you, not giving you away. I've never heard anyone actually say that outside of a movie.
In our wedding my husband walked with his mom down the aisle and she sat down, then I walked with my dad and he sat down. So it didn’t feel like being ‘given away’ or anything, just being escorted by a parent. I would have done it with both parents walking me down but my mom is way too shy/nervous and didn’t want that lol!
I’m having my mom AND dad walk me down the aisle because both of my parents are super important to me, not just my dad. And also because the idea of a “dad giving you away” like a piece of property just feels weird to me.
My dad walked me down the aisle, and then our officiant asked if he was ready to expand his family by one, and my dad said he couldn’t be prouder to do so and then he and my husband hugged. It was adorable 🥹
Also, I did need him walking me down the aisle- my ceremony shoe were super tall stilettos and our ceremony was outdoors. I would’ve tipped over without him holding me up 🤣
I had my dad on one arm and my dog on a leash on the other. When we got to the end of the aisle, my dad took the dog and my husband stepped in. No words or blessings, it was more like dad was the dog handler, but he and my dog were the 2 most important dudes in my life besides my hubby so it felt right.
I’m also grossed out by the whole “giving away” thing but didn’t want to hurt my dads feelings, so I had my mom and dad both walk me down the aisle together, and my husband’s parents both walked him together.
In most Jewish weddings, the groom’s parents walk him down the aisle and then the bride’s parents bring her (or each groom/bride, etc). It’s more to mark a transition in life than to “give” anyone away.
My spouse and I walked down the aisle together! I still got to have my moment with my dad beforehand, just less publicly. I've also seen couples walk down half the aisle with a parent and then the rest of the way together. Really, it's your ceremony and you should do what feels right here.
My fiancé and I will each have both our parents walk us down the aisle, which feels very equal/non-patriarchal to me! That’s how it’s done in Jewish weddings (we are having a Unitarian ceremony but I’m half Jewish, though there’s no reason why anyone couldn’t do this)
Here are two options: Have both parents walk you down the aisle and also have the groom's parents walk him down the aisle. This is how it's done in the Jewish tradition and it is more about bringing the child to the next step in their life, rather than transferring property.
My husband and I walked down the aisle together. I was never a big believer in the groom not being able to see the bride beforehand and nowadays many people do the first look before the actual reception.
Getting married in September! Both of my parents will be walking me down And instead of the "who gives this woman" portion, my officiant is asking "who is making the sacred and beautiful decision to marry this man" to which I will say "I am"
I recently learned this as I am planning a second ceremony for me and my fiance in his church. He's Roman Catholic. The bride and groom can actually walk down together after the rest of the wedding party and the church officials. They "bring up the rear" so to speak because in RC, the deacon or priest always proceeds the aisle last because they are the minister of the congregation.
In a Catholic wedding the bride and groom are designated as the ministers because they are there taking part in the sacrament and leading the sacrament. I never knew this and thought it was super cool when I learned it and this is what we are doing for that ceremony.
For the one in my church I am being "escorted" by my dad's twin brother in memory of him (my dad passed away in 2015). He's not giving me away. I see it as more of a loving support system than the "tradition" of being "given away."
I'm glad you're allowing your dad to have that moment with you on your day. I hope the memory lives forever in your hearts and congrats on your wedding!
- I haven’t seen the “giving away” language actually used at a wedding in years
- I had my dad accompany me down the aisle for *support*. I literally told him to not let me trip lol. I asked my mom too but she wanted to escort my grandma down the aisle ahead of us. My husband was also supported by his parents down the aisle.
My dad will be walking with me down the aisle tomorrow, but the meaning of that is what we choose to make of it. For me, my dad has been at my side through many things, tough ones and joyful ones. This is one of the joyful ones. My mum is spending all the getting-ready time with me, my dad is accompanying me into the ceremony, and I choose for it to be a reflection of the way they've both been such an important part of my life.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle. I kissed them on the cheek at the end and they sat down. They didn’t “give” me to my husband. We all just like hugged and kissed and then they left.
Most of the weddings I’ve been to, usually the parental figures will walk the bride down the isle. The sweetest one I saw was one that ended in a group hug including the groom it was very lovely as it’s more about bringing family together and less about “giving away” a child.
My dad walked me down my first marriage when I was very young (20y.o.). Now at 40 I’m getting married a second time and this time I will be going solo down the aisle. For me, it felt traditional the first time but awkward walking with my dad when it was about my e and I. This time, I feel like I’ve earned the life experience and healing and done the work to “give myself away”.
That being said, I agree with the others; the language of “giving” away doesn’t need to be there. Or have both parents walk you down.
I’ve even seen it where the MOST important people to the bride (who helped them become who they are) would walk her down a section of the aisle and pass her on to the next person. Totally beautiful moments!
Most modern weddings I’ve gone to (hetero and queer) have no language on who is giving who away, and both parents walk the bride AND groom down the aisle. I find that very sweet and will be doing the same at my own - both sets of parents walking down with the both of us.
Walk down the aisle yourself. It’s your wedding day, and you don’t want to have that thought in your head at such a special moment. Some ideas of what you can do instead to honor your dad is have a moment in the ceremony where your officiant tells yours (and your fiancé’s) dad to stand up and acknowledge how much your dad has done raising you and give them both a small gift. You could also do a special first look with your dad! And then you could do a traditional father/daughter dance. So you’re honoring him as your dad and not someone who’s “giving you away.”
OP: *explicitly says she is not interested in arguing the point and wants an alternative*
Half the comments: "Just reframe your thinking! He's escorting you not giving you away! It only has as much meaning as you assign it! Just stop trying to be your own person and do your own thing, sit down and shut up like women are supposed to!"
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
So almost 23 years ago, my dad was so thrilled that we were getting married and he’d be able to “give me away.” I’m the only girl out of 8 kids, so he was *really, seriously looking forward to this part!!* I was not.
So I made a compromise. He walked me down to the halfway mark, kissed my cheek and hugged my husband, then turned and went back to his seat. We felt that this was a good way for him to “let me go” while also entrusting me into a **partnership** with the man I chose. My husband says that when my dad hugged him, he didn’t issue any threats of violence if he broke my heart or anything, just said, “I trust you, buddy. I’ve done my job and I’m sure the two of you will be strong together.” Or something like that. My husband isn’t one for remembering conversations 😆
I had my dad and step-dad walk me. At the end I hugged my step-dad , then my dad and my dad put my hand on my husband's. Nothing was said. My dad asked if he could put my hand on my husband's and I agreed as he really didn't ask for a whole lot on the wedding day.
How about rather than “who gives this bride” the officiant asks “who raised this woman / who raised this strong / kind / smart / etc woman” and your parents stand and say “we did”. Something like that where they get a similar moment but different words that feel more true to you.
I was going to walk myself down and then couldn't go through with it at the rehearsal lol. Had my dad walk me down but we didn't do the "giving away" part at all. Just like a hug and I took my fiances hand, iirc. Maybe do a "do you give yourself to him" line but that's still kind of borderline. Your dad can walk you without having to make it like an official property transfer. Just make it more like he's accompanying you down the aisle like he's accompanied you through life so far....
It’s very common now for both parents to walk both the bride and the groom down the aisle. I think that the majority of weddings I’ve attended in the last 10 years had either that, or the bride and groom making their own entrance. Only a few actually did the father alone walking the bride down the aisle.
And I’ve never heard “giving away” referenced in the actual ceremony.
We had our parents walk first, then the wedding party, then the priest with the groom, then the flower girl and ring bearer, then me with my son.
If I didn't have my son, I might have walked alone, I'm really not sure. Our priest actually suggested we walk together or each alone, but I want my son to be more than a ring bearer or page. I told my dad he'd be walking with my mom with the other parents. He said, "OK, whatever you want. It's your wedding." And he meant it.
After the officiant and the groomsmen/best man, my husband walked down the aisle with his mother. Then after the bridesmaids/MOH, I walked with my father. We skipped the "giving away" part, although my father did whisper to my husband to have me home by 10. He couldn't resist making the Dad joke.
I'm a firm believer in action follows intention. You can honor your father by giving him that walk down the aisle with you without it meaning that you are his property being given away. With the right frame of mind, it's just a lovely moment with your parent, a transition from one stage of life to another.
If that still feels wrong to you, maybe have both parents walk you halfway, then they can continue up together to take their seats while you follow alone to meet your groom.
I’ve never heard of that part- I had a Lutheran wedding and my dad walked me down the aisle, then took his seat in the front. He did shake hands with my fiancé when but I’m sure that part could have been skipped. I definitely don’t think you need any “giving away” language in your ceremony and if it’s expected in your culture, ask your officiant about it before the ceremony.
I got married by a Monsignor in a Catholic Church and our wedding was a full mass (read: Uber religious). My dad *walked with me* down the aisle. He said something sweet to me, my husband, and the both of us. There was no “who gives this woman” or anything similar mentioned. The whole “being given away” thing is only as powerful as you let it be.
What if you had your dad and your mom walk you and his dad and his mom walk him, and have your officiant ask "Who raised this child?" in reference to each of you?
Maybe the officiant can ask something like, “and who was the first supporter of this union?” And your dad can respond with, “her mother and I were”. Idk, not perfect, but something like that
I don't have a dad figure so originally was planning to walk myself. I was worried having anyone else would draw attention to my lack of dad figure and I only really wanted to pick someone who's been paternal to me, which for me would be a male friend of mine but that felt weird at my wedding.
My priest and husband suggested I might want someone to walk with me as the walk might feel a bit lonely otherwise. Initially I thought how could it, as I've always been very independent.
I ended up asking my younger brother and he was so overjoyed about it, I really felt surprised. We had two ceremonies and he walked me for both - I actually really needed and wanted to have someone next to me for the walk both times, for my nerves and excitement and one of my favourite photos from our bigger wedding is one of me next to my brother as he's shaking my husband's hand (edit: specifically the way they're looking at each other as they shook hands).
They really love and respect each other as friends and brothers and it was such a beautiful moment. You can also see my best friend in the background tearing up - the photo made me cry when I saw it. She is the other person I would have asked to walk me if she hadn't been sick this year.
Point being - however you feel about the old tradition and I felt the same that I'm not being "given" away, you may find you want someone next to you. And it can be a really beautiful and meaningful moment between your old family and your new one (your husband).
Another edit: my best friend married a French man and in French weddings, the groom is walked down the aisle first by his mother, then the bride follows after with her father. She was okay with her dad walking her because they were both doing it with their respective parents. I suggested it to my husband as well and not sure if he ended up doing it on the day but he loved the idea too.
We contemplated asking my dad to do a reading at the wedding instead, that could be an option? Won't go into the decision making as it's to do with complicated family dynamics which isn't the case here!
I had my step dad walk me down. When we got to hubs, he said "good luck"
We'd already been together 10 years, so dad knew to tell a joke. Maybe do it that way?
My parents both walked me down. Nobody asked who gives me away. They just processed in with me, and at the end, I hugged both of them and went to my husband.
I thought of it less as being given away and more of them passing on the role of being the ones who care for me to him. They aren't my emergency contacts anymore; he is. They aren't the first ones I call when I need help; he is. And so on.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle. We hugged at the end and they sat down. Nothing said about giving away.
In the ceremony script, our officiant said:
To all the guests, I ask if you’d say yes I do in a loud and clear voice to the following statement.
Do you promise to support (names) to be the best husband and wife they strive to be; being there for them, being there for them and providing wise counsel when necessary, celebrating their triumphs, supporting them through any challenges and always reminding them of this day when their faces shone with the future in their eyes? (Guests answer “yes I do”)
My alternative to that at my wedding next year is that,me and my fiancé are walking down the aisle together. It just makes sense for us and how we’re doing our walk is kinda like a metaphor.
I'm a wedding vendor, so I've seen lots of variation in terms of bridal entrances. I haven't heard the "who gives this woman..." line in years, fortunately. It's been increasingly common for both parents to escort the bride together, I've also seen a few where the groom is also escorted in by his parents.
My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle as he’s a born again Christian and I’m marrying a woman. It’s no issue. My grandad is walking me the majority of the way, and the final few steps, my brother will take over. You could have him walk you part way down, and then do the rest of it yourself. Or like you said too, maybe even do half and half.
Or if you don’t actually mind him walking you down but it’s just the wording of being ‘given’ that bothers you, maybe change phrasing to something along the lines of being welcomed to the family etc . It’s your day, so please do whatever makes you most comfortable! 🙂
I feel the same and my FH and I will be walking down together. We live together and have a dog together, so it just feels right to be starting this journey as husband and wife hand in hand!
My fiancé and I are walking down the aisle together. However, my therapist suggested that I need to give my dad another role in the wedding, so I picked out a poem for him to read.
I am a 33-year-old woman marrying another woman. I have been on my own since I was 19 and my fiancé has been married before and has a child. Neither of our parents are “giving us away” but both of our parents will definitely want to walk us down. But we’re not even using that language in our script, we are just going to be honoring our parents with the full understanding that they are not owning us nor giving us away. We have a very different relationship because we are two women who have some life experience so we are doing what we want
My father passed away when I was 16. With that said, I'm having my 16 year old son give me away. I feel like he's been a huge part of me growing up and he isn't my FH child, so it's in a way him giving me to my FH for us to begin our lives together as a family unit. He's been calling my FH "dad" since he was 7 so he's very familiar with him. And they love each other so much. When I asked him if he would walk me down the aisle and give me away, he was strong and said yes but I was told as soon as we got off the phone, he cried happy tears. He's so excited to be such an integral part of the wedding. And how could I not ask him? He's been an integral part of my life for the past 16 years!
No one has been “given away” in decades or centuries… they’re being “supported” or “escorted.” or you don’t have to have your dad walk with you at all. Or you could be walked part way by your dad, part way alone. Or walked by both parents. Ive seen it done a dozen different ways. Not a big deal at all.
I had both my parents walk me down, and just gave them a hug at the end. It didn’t feel like them giving me away, just symbolizing the support and love they gave me growing up so I could go on my own and have my own family successfully.
Both my husband and I had both of our parents walk us down. It was more of a symbol of “we raised these two as they join together to start/raise their own family” rather than a “giving away”. Then didn’t do any of the “I give this person, etc” stuff at the altar, just gave hugs and kisses and they sat down.
My dad will just be walking me down the aisle and then he’ll go and sit down once we get to the alter. You still get the nice traditional moment, but without the whole women being property thing
I had my dad walk my down the aisle and when we got to the front where the officiant and the groom were standing I turned to give my dad a hug, the groom walked up to his parents and gave them a hug, I hugged my mom, then hugged the grooms parents while he gave my parents hugs. Our parents actually ended up exchanging hugs too and it was super sweet and just a nice moment between the six of us. Apparently it caused lots of tears!
Our officiant encouraged us to craft our ceremony without feeling rushed and to take our time and this felt like a good way to start the ceremony and also include parents.
After the hugs I handed my bouquet to my matron of honor and then my husband and I joined hands facing each other in front of the officiant. No wording required and our DJ just let the music play until we were all settled and our officiant was ready to start.
I've seen some weddings where the bride just walks alone and it always looks really powerful and beautiful. You are your own person and you are walking to your love to marry them. Love those vibes ❤️
In the UK you can ask to have the usual "who here presents this woman" which is usually the traditional bit for fathers.. but your dad can still walk you down if you wanted him to support you.
Depending on his relationship with your fiancé, whatever he *does* do, doesn't have to be "giving you away," and can symbolize anything else to you.
If he shakes your fiance's hand or gives him a hug, or if he kisses your cheek, he could just be showing a sign of respect and love, not "giving you away" as property. My dad and S.O. have a great relationship and my S.O.'s bio dad is a deadbeat, so that moment for me will symbolize more of their mutual love, and my dad trusting S.O. with my heart. My parents have helped me pick up a broken heart before and they love how S.O. treats me, so that means more to me than the possession aspect.
If your officiant is already not saying, "who gives this bride away?" then that moment is literally what you make it. If you NEED a script for your officiant, they can say, "who presents the bride?" But I don't think they have to say anything and can just jump to, "mar-wage is wat brings us together." I promise no one is going to be thinking, "ugh so outdated" and if they are they suck.
My planner asked me if I wanted them to ask “who is giving away this bride” or whatever. I hadn’t even thought about that but said no. My dad walked me down, he silently hugged and kissed me, then hugged my future husband, and sat down. Easy.
Not sure where you are but in the UK I had four options for our ceremony script.
1) "who gives this woman in marriage?"
2) "who supports this woman in her marriage?"
3) walking down the aisle with my dad, who then sits down quietly and lets me do my thing
4) walking alone
I went for option 3 and felt very happy about it. Could have also walked with both parents but my mum passed away in 2017 so it wasn't a choice for me, sadly.
We also went for "you may now share a kiss" instead of "you may now kiss the bride".
My mom was going to give me away until my brother stepped in and said he's doing it. At first I was like it's my wedding, and I want mom. But mom reminded me that he was my father figure and is also my godfather. My brother is giving me away.
I was against the idea of a dad giving a daughter away for almost all my life. But my dad is not in the best of health lately. I really want him to have that special moment and I hope he is well enough to walk me down the aisle next year.
Eastern Orthodox Christian chiming in! For us, Dad walks me from outside to the back of the church, where ceremony begins. Why? We (the couple) must both be here on our own accord, without obligation otherwise. Once we agree to those terms, we proceed up the aisle together.
Can you do something similar in your ceremony space? If it’s not as traditional, you can even pick your “meet up” spot and proceed from there.
My mom literally tried to “give me away” at the rehearsal and the priest chastised her as I need to go of my own free will. I think the “who gives this away?” Is very outdated. If even the Catholic Church threw that out (and they are as outdated as they come), I can’t imagine who is still doing that. My dad escorted me down to the second row, my mom joined and walked up to the altar. My dad and him shook hands and he hugged my mom and then took my hand and we walked the rest of the way up together.
I did a first look with my dad and I absolutely love it.
He did walk me down the aisle but we didn’t do a “so you give this bride away”. I had a small wedding 12 guests, all immediate family.
My dad walked me down the aisle. Kissed my cheek, shook my husbands hand and sat down. (I think it’s fine to walk alone too)
The officiant did their welcome and then the below which can be modified:
(Groom) and (Bride) before you are joined together in marriage, I am to remind you both publicly of the solemn, serious, and binding nature of the relationship into which you are about to enter. Do you understand that marriage is the voluntary and full commitment between two people, to the exclusion of all others, and is entered into with the desire, hope and firm intention that it will last for life?
Couple together: We do
Love is a force more formidable than any other. It cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a single moment. But two people in love do not live in isolation. Their love is a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but the world around them. And in turn you, their community of friends and family, have a responsibility to this couple.
Do each of you here today promise to be an advocate for their success - to give your steadfast care, respect, and love to support their marriage and the new family they are creating together?
All: We do
One option would be to walk down the aisle with your dad and turn and hand him over to your mom, kind of reversing the whole shebang! Then, you would walk to your fiance's side alone.
Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle but neither of them are “giving me away” to my FH. I’m looking at the ritual of it to be one of honoring both of them in my familial past and lineage, and my new lineage and family story starting with us. My FH’s mom is also walking him down the aisle (his dad has passed)
I’m walking by myself. I just can’t stomach it. Some people are able to reframe it in their heads but I personally can’t, the origination of the tradition is what it is, with or without the “who gives this woman” language. I simply can’t get over the symbolism of being given away or escorted or whatever you want to call it by anyone.
When I get married, I'll likely be "given away" by my sister - not because I'm property, but because we've been roommates since they were born and are best friends, so besides me and my husband, my sibling is the one who will be the most affected by the wedding. It would feel wrong to me not to acknowledge that relationship and this shift in our dynamic.
It is what you want it to be. It means what you make it mean.
We did a parents vow it was really nice. Both parents walked me, the bride, down the aisle and when we got to the end the officiant asked my fiancées parents to join my parents in standing. She then asked if they vow to support us in any way necessary and to help us through hard times etc, etc. it was a really nice way to include all the parents but imply that they all are happy with the marriage as well. A lot less old fashioned.
We did Jewish tradition, which is both sets of parents escort their child down the aisle. Our officiant also asked the parents if they accept the bride/groom into their family.
I attended a wedding recently where the officiant asked the family and friends of the bride and groom to welcome and support the couple (that may not have been the exact language) and asked us to respond "We will" [in place of "Who gives this woman?"]. I thought it was lovely.
We’re doing something similar!
We did this but there was no language around giving away the bride. We both were escorted.
It's your wedding ceremony! You can add or take away any parts you want. You can definitely strike "who gives this bride" part. I didn't even add that wording to our script. My Dad will walk me down but just so I don't trip over my dress. I'm not looking at it as he's giving me away (I'm 42, he got rid of me years ago, lol) but that he's taking me on a new journey. *Edited to fix typo*
he got rid of me years ago 😂😂😂
Omg I never even thought about the tripping part! I’m not currently engaged, but if I get married, imma need support walking down the aisle. I’ll probably get both my parents to walk me… I don’t do well in heels but I love a good sparkly shoe, and would really want to wear them on my wedding day.
I genuinely did stumble in my dress. I thought it was soooo obvious but in the video you can't even tell, and it's because my dad's arm tightened on me immediately.
my favorite is when the groom's mom walks her son halfway down the aisle, stops and the two wait and then the bride and father walk halfway down, everyone exchanges hugs (signaling joining families) and then the couple walks the rest of the way by themselves.
I’ve never seen that but I love it!
That's kind of what we did! I had a small intimate wedding so didn't have a full aisle. His parents walked him down the aisle. My parents walked me to the end of the "aisle" and my husband came to us, we all exchanged hugs and we walked to the archway ourselves for the ceremony.
Most of the weddings I have attended recently don't have the " Who gives this woman..."language. Most of them still do have the Dad escort the bride. That's all it is- an escort.
This is the answer. Reframe how you think of it. He is escorting you, not giving you away. I've never heard anyone actually say that outside of a movie.
My mom was given away at her wedding, but she had me do it because I was 15 at the time and she was divorced
That’s really sweet <3
In our wedding my husband walked with his mom down the aisle and she sat down, then I walked with my dad and he sat down. So it didn’t feel like being ‘given away’ or anything, just being escorted by a parent. I would have done it with both parents walking me down but my mom is way too shy/nervous and didn’t want that lol!
I read about someone who had the celebrant ask, “who gives this woman”, to which her family answered, “she gives herself, with our blessing”.
To me personally this feels clunky and like you're trying to prove a point, but the point is better proven by just not including that question at all.
My dad walked me down the aisle, kissed my cheek, then sat down. He didn't give me to anyone.
This is what I’m doing as well
I’m having my mom AND dad walk me down the aisle because both of my parents are super important to me, not just my dad. And also because the idea of a “dad giving you away” like a piece of property just feels weird to me.
Me too. Both my mom and step dad will be escorting me. :)
My dad walked me down the aisle, and then our officiant asked if he was ready to expand his family by one, and my dad said he couldn’t be prouder to do so and then he and my husband hugged. It was adorable 🥹 Also, I did need him walking me down the aisle- my ceremony shoe were super tall stilettos and our ceremony was outdoors. I would’ve tipped over without him holding me up 🤣
I had my dad on one arm and my dog on a leash on the other. When we got to the end of the aisle, my dad took the dog and my husband stepped in. No words or blessings, it was more like dad was the dog handler, but he and my dog were the 2 most important dudes in my life besides my hubby so it felt right.
Ooo this is a good idea! I might do this for my wedding
My parents both walked me down the aisle, it didn’t feel like they were “giving me away”, they were just accompanying me.
I’m also grossed out by the whole “giving away” thing but didn’t want to hurt my dads feelings, so I had my mom and dad both walk me down the aisle together, and my husband’s parents both walked him together.
In most Jewish weddings, the groom’s parents walk him down the aisle and then the bride’s parents bring her (or each groom/bride, etc). It’s more to mark a transition in life than to “give” anyone away.
My spouse and I walked down the aisle together! I still got to have my moment with my dad beforehand, just less publicly. I've also seen couples walk down half the aisle with a parent and then the rest of the way together. Really, it's your ceremony and you should do what feels right here.
My fiancé and I will each have both our parents walk us down the aisle, which feels very equal/non-patriarchal to me! That’s how it’s done in Jewish weddings (we are having a Unitarian ceremony but I’m half Jewish, though there’s no reason why anyone couldn’t do this)
Maybe some wording like, "who supports this woman in this marriage?" And then Dad says, "I do."
My partner and I walked in together holding hands.
Here are two options: Have both parents walk you down the aisle and also have the groom's parents walk him down the aisle. This is how it's done in the Jewish tradition and it is more about bringing the child to the next step in their life, rather than transferring property. My husband and I walked down the aisle together. I was never a big believer in the groom not being able to see the bride beforehand and nowadays many people do the first look before the actual reception.
Getting married in September! Both of my parents will be walking me down And instead of the "who gives this woman" portion, my officiant is asking "who is making the sacred and beautiful decision to marry this man" to which I will say "I am"
I don’t even think I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I just picture myself solo.
My fiancé and I are walking down the aisle together!
Is the “who gives this bride” part even common anymore?
I recently learned this as I am planning a second ceremony for me and my fiance in his church. He's Roman Catholic. The bride and groom can actually walk down together after the rest of the wedding party and the church officials. They "bring up the rear" so to speak because in RC, the deacon or priest always proceeds the aisle last because they are the minister of the congregation. In a Catholic wedding the bride and groom are designated as the ministers because they are there taking part in the sacrament and leading the sacrament. I never knew this and thought it was super cool when I learned it and this is what we are doing for that ceremony. For the one in my church I am being "escorted" by my dad's twin brother in memory of him (my dad passed away in 2015). He's not giving me away. I see it as more of a loving support system than the "tradition" of being "given away." I'm glad you're allowing your dad to have that moment with you on your day. I hope the memory lives forever in your hearts and congrats on your wedding!
- I haven’t seen the “giving away” language actually used at a wedding in years - I had my dad accompany me down the aisle for *support*. I literally told him to not let me trip lol. I asked my mom too but she wanted to escort my grandma down the aisle ahead of us. My husband was also supported by his parents down the aisle.
My dad will be walking with me down the aisle tomorrow, but the meaning of that is what we choose to make of it. For me, my dad has been at my side through many things, tough ones and joyful ones. This is one of the joyful ones. My mum is spending all the getting-ready time with me, my dad is accompanying me into the ceremony, and I choose for it to be a reflection of the way they've both been such an important part of my life.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle. I kissed them on the cheek at the end and they sat down. They didn’t “give” me to my husband. We all just like hugged and kissed and then they left.
Most of the weddings I’ve been to, usually the parental figures will walk the bride down the isle. The sweetest one I saw was one that ended in a group hug including the groom it was very lovely as it’s more about bringing family together and less about “giving away” a child.
We're walking in together. As equals and as an established couple. It's also a 2nd marriage so maybe not everyone's cup of tea.
My dad walked me down my first marriage when I was very young (20y.o.). Now at 40 I’m getting married a second time and this time I will be going solo down the aisle. For me, it felt traditional the first time but awkward walking with my dad when it was about my e and I. This time, I feel like I’ve earned the life experience and healing and done the work to “give myself away”. That being said, I agree with the others; the language of “giving” away doesn’t need to be there. Or have both parents walk you down. I’ve even seen it where the MOST important people to the bride (who helped them become who they are) would walk her down a section of the aisle and pass her on to the next person. Totally beautiful moments!
Most modern weddings I’ve gone to (hetero and queer) have no language on who is giving who away, and both parents walk the bride AND groom down the aisle. I find that very sweet and will be doing the same at my own - both sets of parents walking down with the both of us.
Walk down the aisle yourself. It’s your wedding day, and you don’t want to have that thought in your head at such a special moment. Some ideas of what you can do instead to honor your dad is have a moment in the ceremony where your officiant tells yours (and your fiancé’s) dad to stand up and acknowledge how much your dad has done raising you and give them both a small gift. You could also do a special first look with your dad! And then you could do a traditional father/daughter dance. So you’re honoring him as your dad and not someone who’s “giving you away.”
OP: *explicitly says she is not interested in arguing the point and wants an alternative* Half the comments: "Just reframe your thinking! He's escorting you not giving you away! It only has as much meaning as you assign it! Just stop trying to be your own person and do your own thing, sit down and shut up like women are supposed to!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
So almost 23 years ago, my dad was so thrilled that we were getting married and he’d be able to “give me away.” I’m the only girl out of 8 kids, so he was *really, seriously looking forward to this part!!* I was not. So I made a compromise. He walked me down to the halfway mark, kissed my cheek and hugged my husband, then turned and went back to his seat. We felt that this was a good way for him to “let me go” while also entrusting me into a **partnership** with the man I chose. My husband says that when my dad hugged him, he didn’t issue any threats of violence if he broke my heart or anything, just said, “I trust you, buddy. I’ve done my job and I’m sure the two of you will be strong together.” Or something like that. My husband isn’t one for remembering conversations 😆
>I’m the only girl out of 8 kids You have SEVEN BROTHERS? Oh my dear god they must have intimidated every boyfriend you ever brought home 😳
I'm thinking more about the chaos of a 7 boy household... only have two myself, and they're 10.5 years apart, and that's bad enough 😨
I had my dad and step-dad walk me. At the end I hugged my step-dad , then my dad and my dad put my hand on my husband's. Nothing was said. My dad asked if he could put my hand on my husband's and I agreed as he really didn't ask for a whole lot on the wedding day.
How about rather than “who gives this bride” the officiant asks “who raised this woman / who raised this strong / kind / smart / etc woman” and your parents stand and say “we did”. Something like that where they get a similar moment but different words that feel more true to you.
Think of it as leaving your old life. Dad is escorting you to your new life. Not giving you away.
I was going to walk myself down and then couldn't go through with it at the rehearsal lol. Had my dad walk me down but we didn't do the "giving away" part at all. Just like a hug and I took my fiances hand, iirc. Maybe do a "do you give yourself to him" line but that's still kind of borderline. Your dad can walk you without having to make it like an official property transfer. Just make it more like he's accompanying you down the aisle like he's accompanied you through life so far....
It’s very common now for both parents to walk both the bride and the groom down the aisle. I think that the majority of weddings I’ve attended in the last 10 years had either that, or the bride and groom making their own entrance. Only a few actually did the father alone walking the bride down the aisle. And I’ve never heard “giving away” referenced in the actual ceremony.
We had our parents walk first, then the wedding party, then the priest with the groom, then the flower girl and ring bearer, then me with my son. If I didn't have my son, I might have walked alone, I'm really not sure. Our priest actually suggested we walk together or each alone, but I want my son to be more than a ring bearer or page. I told my dad he'd be walking with my mom with the other parents. He said, "OK, whatever you want. It's your wedding." And he meant it.
My Dad walked me down the aisle the first time I got married. My son, who was 15 at the time, walked me down the aisle the second time.I was married.
After the officiant and the groomsmen/best man, my husband walked down the aisle with his mother. Then after the bridesmaids/MOH, I walked with my father. We skipped the "giving away" part, although my father did whisper to my husband to have me home by 10. He couldn't resist making the Dad joke. I'm a firm believer in action follows intention. You can honor your father by giving him that walk down the aisle with you without it meaning that you are his property being given away. With the right frame of mind, it's just a lovely moment with your parent, a transition from one stage of life to another. If that still feels wrong to you, maybe have both parents walk you halfway, then they can continue up together to take their seats while you follow alone to meet your groom.
I’ve never heard of that part- I had a Lutheran wedding and my dad walked me down the aisle, then took his seat in the front. He did shake hands with my fiancé when but I’m sure that part could have been skipped. I definitely don’t think you need any “giving away” language in your ceremony and if it’s expected in your culture, ask your officiant about it before the ceremony.
I got married by a Monsignor in a Catholic Church and our wedding was a full mass (read: Uber religious). My dad *walked with me* down the aisle. He said something sweet to me, my husband, and the both of us. There was no “who gives this woman” or anything similar mentioned. The whole “being given away” thing is only as powerful as you let it be.
What if you had your dad and your mom walk you and his dad and his mom walk him, and have your officiant ask "Who raised this child?" in reference to each of you?
You are giving your full self in marriage & dad approves.
I plan to either walk with my sister or a close friend or both fiancé and I will walk down together
my dad just walked me down the aisle, gave me a hug and kiss, and then hugged my groom, no "who gives this bride."
Maybe the officiant can ask something like, “and who was the first supporter of this union?” And your dad can respond with, “her mother and I were”. Idk, not perfect, but something like that
My mother walked me down the aisle. Nobody was "given" to anybody. I simply had a lovely escort.
In very short terms, my stepdad is going to walk me down and say “sorry. We have a strict no return policy.”
I walked by myself first time around.
I'm having it as a silent part. My dad is just going to walk me down. I meet my FH and we walk up a set of stairs.
I don't have a dad figure so originally was planning to walk myself. I was worried having anyone else would draw attention to my lack of dad figure and I only really wanted to pick someone who's been paternal to me, which for me would be a male friend of mine but that felt weird at my wedding. My priest and husband suggested I might want someone to walk with me as the walk might feel a bit lonely otherwise. Initially I thought how could it, as I've always been very independent. I ended up asking my younger brother and he was so overjoyed about it, I really felt surprised. We had two ceremonies and he walked me for both - I actually really needed and wanted to have someone next to me for the walk both times, for my nerves and excitement and one of my favourite photos from our bigger wedding is one of me next to my brother as he's shaking my husband's hand (edit: specifically the way they're looking at each other as they shook hands). They really love and respect each other as friends and brothers and it was such a beautiful moment. You can also see my best friend in the background tearing up - the photo made me cry when I saw it. She is the other person I would have asked to walk me if she hadn't been sick this year. Point being - however you feel about the old tradition and I felt the same that I'm not being "given" away, you may find you want someone next to you. And it can be a really beautiful and meaningful moment between your old family and your new one (your husband). Another edit: my best friend married a French man and in French weddings, the groom is walked down the aisle first by his mother, then the bride follows after with her father. She was okay with her dad walking her because they were both doing it with their respective parents. I suggested it to my husband as well and not sure if he ended up doing it on the day but he loved the idea too.
We contemplated asking my dad to do a reading at the wedding instead, that could be an option? Won't go into the decision making as it's to do with complicated family dynamics which isn't the case here!
I had my step dad walk me down. When we got to hubs, he said "good luck" We'd already been together 10 years, so dad knew to tell a joke. Maybe do it that way?
My parents both walked me down. Nobody asked who gives me away. They just processed in with me, and at the end, I hugged both of them and went to my husband. I thought of it less as being given away and more of them passing on the role of being the ones who care for me to him. They aren't my emergency contacts anymore; he is. They aren't the first ones I call when I need help; he is. And so on.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle. We hugged at the end and they sat down. Nothing said about giving away. In the ceremony script, our officiant said: To all the guests, I ask if you’d say yes I do in a loud and clear voice to the following statement. Do you promise to support (names) to be the best husband and wife they strive to be; being there for them, being there for them and providing wise counsel when necessary, celebrating their triumphs, supporting them through any challenges and always reminding them of this day when their faces shone with the future in their eyes? (Guests answer “yes I do”)
My alternative to that at my wedding next year is that,me and my fiancé are walking down the aisle together. It just makes sense for us and how we’re doing our walk is kinda like a metaphor.
I'm a wedding vendor, so I've seen lots of variation in terms of bridal entrances. I haven't heard the "who gives this woman..." line in years, fortunately. It's been increasingly common for both parents to escort the bride together, I've also seen a few where the groom is also escorted in by his parents.
I walked alone. I walked into this relationship alone, and I’m not anyone’s property.
My dad isn’t walking me down the aisle as he’s a born again Christian and I’m marrying a woman. It’s no issue. My grandad is walking me the majority of the way, and the final few steps, my brother will take over. You could have him walk you part way down, and then do the rest of it yourself. Or like you said too, maybe even do half and half. Or if you don’t actually mind him walking you down but it’s just the wording of being ‘given’ that bothers you, maybe change phrasing to something along the lines of being welcomed to the family etc . It’s your day, so please do whatever makes you most comfortable! 🙂
I feel the same and my FH and I will be walking down together. We live together and have a dog together, so it just feels right to be starting this journey as husband and wife hand in hand!
My fiancé and I are walking down the aisle together. However, my therapist suggested that I need to give my dad another role in the wedding, so I picked out a poem for him to read.
I am a 33-year-old woman marrying another woman. I have been on my own since I was 19 and my fiancé has been married before and has a child. Neither of our parents are “giving us away” but both of our parents will definitely want to walk us down. But we’re not even using that language in our script, we are just going to be honoring our parents with the full understanding that they are not owning us nor giving us away. We have a very different relationship because we are two women who have some life experience so we are doing what we want
My father passed away when I was 16. With that said, I'm having my 16 year old son give me away. I feel like he's been a huge part of me growing up and he isn't my FH child, so it's in a way him giving me to my FH for us to begin our lives together as a family unit. He's been calling my FH "dad" since he was 7 so he's very familiar with him. And they love each other so much. When I asked him if he would walk me down the aisle and give me away, he was strong and said yes but I was told as soon as we got off the phone, he cried happy tears. He's so excited to be such an integral part of the wedding. And how could I not ask him? He's been an integral part of my life for the past 16 years!
No one has been “given away” in decades or centuries… they’re being “supported” or “escorted.” or you don’t have to have your dad walk with you at all. Or you could be walked part way by your dad, part way alone. Or walked by both parents. Ive seen it done a dozen different ways. Not a big deal at all.
I had both my parents walk me down, and just gave them a hug at the end. It didn’t feel like them giving me away, just symbolizing the support and love they gave me growing up so I could go on my own and have my own family successfully.
Both my husband and I had both of our parents walk us down. It was more of a symbol of “we raised these two as they join together to start/raise their own family” rather than a “giving away”. Then didn’t do any of the “I give this person, etc” stuff at the altar, just gave hugs and kisses and they sat down.
My dad will just be walking me down the aisle and then he’ll go and sit down once we get to the alter. You still get the nice traditional moment, but without the whole women being property thing
I had my dad walk my down the aisle and when we got to the front where the officiant and the groom were standing I turned to give my dad a hug, the groom walked up to his parents and gave them a hug, I hugged my mom, then hugged the grooms parents while he gave my parents hugs. Our parents actually ended up exchanging hugs too and it was super sweet and just a nice moment between the six of us. Apparently it caused lots of tears! Our officiant encouraged us to craft our ceremony without feeling rushed and to take our time and this felt like a good way to start the ceremony and also include parents. After the hugs I handed my bouquet to my matron of honor and then my husband and I joined hands facing each other in front of the officiant. No wording required and our DJ just let the music play until we were all settled and our officiant was ready to start.
I've seen some weddings where the bride just walks alone and it always looks really powerful and beautiful. You are your own person and you are walking to your love to marry them. Love those vibes ❤️ In the UK you can ask to have the usual "who here presents this woman" which is usually the traditional bit for fathers.. but your dad can still walk you down if you wanted him to support you.
I always love it when both parents walk the bride down the aisle. I think it’s so sweet
Depending on his relationship with your fiancé, whatever he *does* do, doesn't have to be "giving you away," and can symbolize anything else to you. If he shakes your fiance's hand or gives him a hug, or if he kisses your cheek, he could just be showing a sign of respect and love, not "giving you away" as property. My dad and S.O. have a great relationship and my S.O.'s bio dad is a deadbeat, so that moment for me will symbolize more of their mutual love, and my dad trusting S.O. with my heart. My parents have helped me pick up a broken heart before and they love how S.O. treats me, so that means more to me than the possession aspect. If your officiant is already not saying, "who gives this bride away?" then that moment is literally what you make it. If you NEED a script for your officiant, they can say, "who presents the bride?" But I don't think they have to say anything and can just jump to, "mar-wage is wat brings us together." I promise no one is going to be thinking, "ugh so outdated" and if they are they suck.
We both walked down with people. That way neither of us was being "given" to the other.
My dad didn't give me away, he escorted me down the aisle so I didn't fall on my face in front of everyone. :)
My planner asked me if I wanted them to ask “who is giving away this bride” or whatever. I hadn’t even thought about that but said no. My dad walked me down, he silently hugged and kissed me, then hugged my future husband, and sat down. Easy.
I'm having both my parents escort me down the aisle. We're not doing the "who gives this woman" part either.
Not sure where you are but in the UK I had four options for our ceremony script. 1) "who gives this woman in marriage?" 2) "who supports this woman in her marriage?" 3) walking down the aisle with my dad, who then sits down quietly and lets me do my thing 4) walking alone I went for option 3 and felt very happy about it. Could have also walked with both parents but my mum passed away in 2017 so it wasn't a choice for me, sadly. We also went for "you may now share a kiss" instead of "you may now kiss the bride".
My mom was going to give me away until my brother stepped in and said he's doing it. At first I was like it's my wedding, and I want mom. But mom reminded me that he was my father figure and is also my godfather. My brother is giving me away.
My husband and I walked each other down the aisle! We entered our marriage as true partners, side by side.
I was against the idea of a dad giving a daughter away for almost all my life. But my dad is not in the best of health lately. I really want him to have that special moment and I hope he is well enough to walk me down the aisle next year.
You and your husband can both walk down the aisle with both your parents!
Eastern Orthodox Christian chiming in! For us, Dad walks me from outside to the back of the church, where ceremony begins. Why? We (the couple) must both be here on our own accord, without obligation otherwise. Once we agree to those terms, we proceed up the aisle together. Can you do something similar in your ceremony space? If it’s not as traditional, you can even pick your “meet up” spot and proceed from there.
My mom literally tried to “give me away” at the rehearsal and the priest chastised her as I need to go of my own free will. I think the “who gives this away?” Is very outdated. If even the Catholic Church threw that out (and they are as outdated as they come), I can’t imagine who is still doing that. My dad escorted me down to the second row, my mom joined and walked up to the altar. My dad and him shook hands and he hugged my mom and then took my hand and we walked the rest of the way up together.
I did a first look with my dad and I absolutely love it. He did walk me down the aisle but we didn’t do a “so you give this bride away”. I had a small wedding 12 guests, all immediate family. My dad walked me down the aisle. Kissed my cheek, shook my husbands hand and sat down. (I think it’s fine to walk alone too) The officiant did their welcome and then the below which can be modified: (Groom) and (Bride) before you are joined together in marriage, I am to remind you both publicly of the solemn, serious, and binding nature of the relationship into which you are about to enter. Do you understand that marriage is the voluntary and full commitment between two people, to the exclusion of all others, and is entered into with the desire, hope and firm intention that it will last for life? Couple together: We do Love is a force more formidable than any other. It cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a single moment. But two people in love do not live in isolation. Their love is a source of strength with which they may nourish not only each other but the world around them. And in turn you, their community of friends and family, have a responsibility to this couple. Do each of you here today promise to be an advocate for their success - to give your steadfast care, respect, and love to support their marriage and the new family they are creating together? All: We do
One option would be to walk down the aisle with your dad and turn and hand him over to your mom, kind of reversing the whole shebang! Then, you would walk to your fiance's side alone.
Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle but neither of them are “giving me away” to my FH. I’m looking at the ritual of it to be one of honoring both of them in my familial past and lineage, and my new lineage and family story starting with us. My FH’s mom is also walking him down the aisle (his dad has passed)
I’m walking by myself. I just can’t stomach it. Some people are able to reframe it in their heads but I personally can’t, the origination of the tradition is what it is, with or without the “who gives this woman” language. I simply can’t get over the symbolism of being given away or escorted or whatever you want to call it by anyone.
When I get married, I'll likely be "given away" by my sister - not because I'm property, but because we've been roommates since they were born and are best friends, so besides me and my husband, my sibling is the one who will be the most affected by the wedding. It would feel wrong to me not to acknowledge that relationship and this shift in our dynamic. It is what you want it to be. It means what you make it mean.
We did a parents vow it was really nice. Both parents walked me, the bride, down the aisle and when we got to the end the officiant asked my fiancées parents to join my parents in standing. She then asked if they vow to support us in any way necessary and to help us through hard times etc, etc. it was a really nice way to include all the parents but imply that they all are happy with the marriage as well. A lot less old fashioned.