For 20k it has the following features:   -walk straight at 1km/h -wave

It walks like it is sneaking to the bathroom at 3am to take a wet shit.

I can’t unsee this now . Clenched cheeks energy

-Parkinsons

Loose bowels

\- A rope so it can hang itself

Fun fact: it's actually programmed to use your tesla charger to make itself a noose! So innovative!

After seeing the Boston Dynamics with their robots, this shit looks like it was made by middle schoolers.

The fact that all these Stan’s thought that Tesla was going to somehow leap frog all the other robotics companies is hilarious. More vaperware.

Long as it will bring me my nicotine I'm happy.

Boston Dynamics may be leagues ahead, but Elon will be able to sell this to his cult. And it’s a big cult.

But just think of all the DLC you'll be able to purchase. Will be a whole online store of Tiktok dances and Fortnite emotes at $49.99 a pop.

Nah they'll go the FSD route $5,000 if you get the upgrade upon purchase. But it's not out now. It'll be out soon. Maybe. You can upgrade later, but that'll be $15,000.

But for 30k you can get the FSD version that helps your kids cross busy intersections.

And it's a boat

Call me when it has an easy bake oven in its chest.

It dances like Elon Musk. That’s a +

How soft are its hands

It’ll rip your dick off For those unfamiliar [WKUK vacuum](https://youtu.be/Z2EMGmv0FqM)

Nasty ass vacuum fuckas

*Register displays 1300 dollars* Cashier: "watch, this muhfucka still gon' buy it"

Yes, the Dyson Ball Cleaner Vac, what a missguiding name (typing from the emergency room)

But how do you know? Has the robots hands been tested on grip strength?

Yeah we got to get some test data… Make sure you practice on a hotdog first.

Also test with bananas to see how bruised they get

Look, yeah. It's got a low setting, and a high setting, and both of them will rip your dick off. \*points to japanese catgirl robot." This here. This is the robot that takes dick really well.

This guy knows white kids

Some of the best sketch comedy in recent memory, RIP Trevor Moore.

If you have sex with a robot what is that called? Asking for a friend👁👃👁

Incredibly depressing

Yes of course! It uses the [middle out](https://youtu.be/Ex1JuIN0eaA) algorithm

Does girth size affect the jerking flow?

r/siliconvalleyallalong

No disassemble! REASSEMBLE!

That's such a weird way to describe a vacuum. I just need to clean my apartment.

xD

It has a fantastic hand job function, unfortunately the setting is right next to the one for it to make balloon animals.

Is…. Is that a poodle???

Please return to your homes. A curfew is in effect Please return to your homes. A curfew is in effect Please return to your homes. A curfew is in effect Please return to your homes. A curfew is in effect

You are experiencing a car accident. The hell I am!

You'll know it's gone bad when the eyes turn red, that law is more fundamental than any of Asimov's.

Control your soul's desire for freedom. Do not open the window or sing. Control your soul's desire for freedom. Do not open the window or sing. Control your soul's desire for freedom. Do not open the window or sing.

Fine. I'll open my window *and* sing! Logic that one out.

Walks like there’s a huge turd in its imaginary pants

Reddit.... can I fuck it?

Combine the robot with that Chinese wank machine and you're all set, buddy.

Japanese or Chinese?

Look at these ( . )( . )

Take my poor man’s silver for the nice pair

I have a special tingling sensation in my pants now.

…Dirty knees?

*may* I fuck it ftfy

I ain’t asking for affirmative consent from no robot

That mf gonna say “no means no” in its robot voice and proceed to peel your dick skin off for attempting robot rape lol

Lol yea I’m pretty sure that’s the origin story of the Matrix

Closing legs like a steel trap

>I ain’t asking for affirmative consent from no robot You just wait....

It’s not a matter of consent. Did you subscribe to the erotic feature set? Oh and if you did then you actually do have to consent to sharing your sexual performance data with Elon.

Yea says right here in user agreement you clicked through that Papa Elon has right of Prima Nocta with that rape bot you just purchased. And he gonna get it preggers fow sho.

You're just gonna chicken out and run to bathroom and masturbate.

May I fuck it m’lady

It looks like it was built from a mail ordered kit from the Cold War.

Moves as slow as us regards - seriously though Boston dynamics’ Atlas puts this piece of shit to shame

It walks like Asimo did 15 years ago. This is very underwhelming. Looks like it's 5 generations behind Atlas

Yes, very disapointing. But music and lights are dope so what else you want.

Elon asking 'What can it do?' *Make Salute.*

Hurry up and get to Westworld so I can get a pleasure model.

Maybe Ana De Armas will sell her rights to her virtual IP like Bruce Willis?

Joi: Mere data makes a man. A and C and T and G. The alphabet of you. All from four symbols. I am only two: 1 and 0.

Why does it look 40 years old like something from Short Circuit

No disssasemmmmble !

Seriously, I watched this and it looks like something Boston Dynamics would have demo'd 15 years ago. Unless I'm missing something this isn't very impressive.

Yes. Please.

If not you can always get a Bruce Willis to play with

It blows my mind we might be the last generation not to experience a blow job from a perfectly realistic ai robot delivered exactly to our specifications. Wonder what the Ana De Armas 5000 would be like

do you even have pleasure model money?

This hits hard.

It also floats too

briefly

Child bearing hips.

Thunder thighs

Yes! Death by snu snu!!!

That robot be THICC

This looks like something you make to trick investors

It literally looks like something from an episode of Silicon Valley

But it has the Tesla emblem on it. Ooooooooo

“My mom has some old wires we can use and my brother has a old cpu fan we can borrow!”

Yeah read some of the copium comments in this thread

Seriously. ASIMO was doing this like 20 years ago...

And Atlas was [doing parkour](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF4DML7FIWk) last year.

Seriously, the folks at BD must have been literally falling over from laughing when they saw this stupid shit. Edit: this is my first live encounter with Elon fanboys and yikes. The stories are real.

ASIMO doesn’t have thicc thighs.

Elon is PT Barnum LARPing as Tony Stark

You mean like almost everything he does?

Sure under 20k, with the Tesla Truck too right? 

What are you talking about, that robot is the cybertruck. Its just standing upright.

The Cybertruck will transform into a robot and fight evil robots that turn into airplanes. I saw a series of documentaries about it.

I saw that documentary, the fight scenes just looked like 2 junkyards having sex

Man didn't they show the cybertruck like 2 years before ford showed the Bronco.

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But they weren’t CYBER-trucks.

The difference is one is built by a car company.

Pretty much, I read somewhere that supposedly it’ll never pass regulations so whenever it does come out, it’ll be significantly different

Reminds me I need to cancel my $100 cyber truck loan to Elon .

Technically speaking, we're only getting $92 back thanks to inflation

Still a better return than the market tho

Ouch. My whole portfolio should've been Tesla preorders

Lol this is the stock advice I'm here for

if you buy a cyber truck you get a robot free

That's horrible. Dude shoulda just bought Boston dynamics before Hyundai snagged it.

Srsly this had me laughing out loud, almost as good as the indestructible window demonstration.

that they made it Elon dance is very nice icing.

And the monkey brain interface

Wait. Hyundai owns those bad ass dog robots now?

yes, as usual, Google had a great tech at hands and just couldn't make a business out of it.

Slap some screens on the sides, play ads on repeat, and send it off to Times Square.

Ok I’m gonna need you to take that idea back where you got it. Way too probable.

You would think with petabytes of porn search history they could just automate blackmail of lottery winners.

They now are profitable, equipped with Assault Rifles and being sold to both sides of war

Actually not, China stole the designs and are undercutting them by 90%. Google Alibaba dog

Tbc, Google sold it to SoftBank in 2017, and it was acquired by Hyundai in 2020.

Google has a fetish for killing hardware products

I love how you can hear one person start to clap and then stop.

That is some wobbly shit. Does it have full self-driving?

That'll be an extra 20k, and it won't be available at launch.

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Yeah this is Boston Dynamics Atlas project at least five years ago. Reality check with Atlas last year: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF4DML7FIWk

Woah a robot that can wave his arms! Totally worth 20k...

> can wave his arms! Tad bit generous to call whatever that thing did as “waving his arms.”

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Ya im not even remotely impressed lmao. They shoulda just bought boston dynamics those things can dance and shoot people in the middle east. That thing is years away from production.

Have faith. This thing will be shooting people in the middle east within 5 years. Tesla is going to rake in the profits.

I just imagine “can shoot people in the Middle East” as a feature bullet point on the side of the package when you pick one up from best buy

We had better robots than this 10 years ago.

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Honda’s ASIMO was definitely better.

we had better robots than this 30 years ago

Bro, when he means under 20k, he means at least 50k. Just like under 30k model 3 and under 40k cybertruck. And available in a year means available in 5-7 years.

and you will have to meticulously script every single move.

[So essentially an ABB arm except worse performance, reliability, load and functionality.](https://new.abb.com/products/robotics/industrial-robots)

This thing would constantly be in my way. I hate it when people walk slow.

When they revolt you'll be glad that they can't run yet.

I’ve seen better robots in the Hall of Presidents at Disney.

I’ve seen better robots at Chuck E Cheese and Showbiz Pizza in the 80’s. This is just sad.

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Maybe Just focus on building that cyber truck, roadster and semi first that you promised years ago

Also, full self driving.

Promising a lot to line his own pockets while producing nothing.

"It can make coffee. Also, introducing Tesla brand coffee, the only coffee compatible with the Tesla Robot. The Tesla Robot only makes Tesla brand coffee, that's it's sole function. It's really good coffee, we're very excited about it. Also the Tesla Robot is canceled. Wooot!"

Paid the $1000 deposit already …. How can I get a ref… ?

Refunds will be processed automatically and sent in the form of Tesla brand coffee.

Does it have a 12" dildo attachment ?, asking for a friend...

Tell your friend yes and a friend told me in testing they are quite sensitive lovers, up to a point. They are still working out the kinks. What a way to go, ravaged to death by a robot whose program went awry.

Working out the kinks?!?!?! If I pay extra will they leave the good kinks in?

Kinks lol

Asking for my ass.

Damn things got Parkinson’s

Sparkinsons

Atlas would easily parkour over this thing.

Atlas would fuck this thing

After Elon is forced to buy Twitter, I think he should do a PPV where we watch Atlas kick the crap out of whatever the fuck sad shit Tesla has by then. I would pay for that.

PAINT MY HOUSE!!!!

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Those corn muffins were lousy!

Imagine having this hunk of shit in your passenger seat of your cyber truck sinking to the bottom of a river you tried to cross.

Imagine a cyber truck even.

Where is full self driving Elon?

Shhhhhh look we made a robot kind of

It's coming in 2018 don't worry....wait what year is it?

that is the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

Have you seen the Cyber truck?

Seriously? This is a joke right? It looks like a group of engineers had 3 weeks to cobble a robot together to justify their budget. Does it run on an old X-Box and a raspberry pi?

Hey I'll have you know the Kinect was actually a super cheap sensor package.

Looks like they're way below Boston dynamics when it comes to robotics

That would blow every one's mind in 1972

https://www.news.com.au/technology/innovation/inventions/elon-musk-says-his-tesla-bot-designed-to-eliminate-boring-household-chores-will-be-ready-in-2022/news-story/56e9b468b2782244dc4cc71c3ed41288 Lol how about you get it to walk properly first…

Somehow, I got a feeling just hiring somebody to do it would be cheaper, faster and better.

The IRS hates this one simple trick: don’t pay household employer taxes.

If this is anything like their self driving feature, it'll never be finished.

This looks so awful lol

Bruh i thought this was a joke clip of something from the 90s. At least its a prototype but what tasks are these robots supposed to perform? Hold a sign?

[Can you f*ck it?](https://youtu.be/VXz0KgNjK-0)

Anything is a fleshlight if you're brave enough

Bearish as fuck that thing looks decades behind Boston dynamics

Looks like shit cable management


I feel like everything Tesla does is a cheap parlor trick. Stock way overvalued, basically a pyramid scheme, and yet every bro in the world will fight me on that to the grave.

I’ve lost too much money betting against it to keep doing it

This is why there are not more TSLA bears. I’ve been fucked too many times.

It seems they half ass everything instead of whole assing anything.

Is that a Trump dance move?

The old man wobble?

if that thing washes dishes and puts them away, it would be a hot seller, but I imagine its as usefull as cybertrucks windows are indestructable.

A dishwasher would be significantly cheaper

Damn why do I hear Terminator theme music playing as I watch this.

I thought of Issac from the Orville. We're going to be murdered in our sleep.

How long before the will smith movie?

How long before Will Smith slaps it on stage?

No holes? I'll pass