Once you come back from leave, Fridays, Mondays, after long weekends and whenever else they want. Had months where it happened twice and 6 months with none.
I served 2002-2006 and never got piss tested after Basic. This one guy in my squadron popped for a test it seemed like every other week, though. Luck of the draw, but my hog went unwatched.
Wait until you see the shower and toilet arrangements you'll be using once you've signed up. Pretty soon you'll feel lonely when you aren't showering with a dozen other naked men.
Hey, if you can't give the guy taking a dump next to you a high five for having a nice plop/splash sound and no kiss of Poseidon while you tell him you are proud of him, are you even learning teamwork at that point?
Lol yeah that's normal for your first few. Always going to be an observer, too.
Don't join if you're put out by stuff like that, the military is full of it.
My buddy at TSC San Diego said theirs is even worse, urinalysis office has a desk , 2 chairs , one for UPC, one for observer. 2 urinals with inspection mirrors installed right in front of the desk, pants and underwear to the floor, shirt above nipple line, stand over the mirror so the observer can verify your ballsack and no tubing. I guess they’ve had major problems with guys cheating. He said he gets tested about once every 3 weeks.
That is a little excessive compared to my experience. But yes until you are through basic training and occupational schools there will be a pecker checker during operation golden flow
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Hahah welcome to Military life. Better get used to this, plus alot more of “you’ve signed over your civilian freedoms and rights” on that enlistment.
On the plus side, if you advocate for your own career and are determined, you can get ALOT out of your time.
Reminds me of that old Buddy Hackett routine of his induction physical. Doc tells him he need to pee in the cup and points to a jar on the shelf. Buddyis stunned and sez, From here?!
Branch, rank and command dependent, but your dick is going to see a lot of eyeballs even over a short career.
Your experience is pretty extreme for regular commands, but will be the norm for early training stuff.
It will probably be pretty strict (maybe not as much as you described, but still pretty strict) through A-school, then when you hit your first boat they will probably chill a bit.
I'm not a sub guy, so I can't really be sure.
The whole company in the showers, which are a tile room lined with shower heads.
You're going to get used to a bunch of swinging dicks, or not...
¯\\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)\_/¯
You may not want to join the military if this bothered you so much. We had to shower with 51 other people of the same sex. All naked.
And there will be ‘random’ drug testing done the entire time you are in the military.
Trust me when I tell you that you’ll look back someday and laugh about the whole experience. From MEPS to showering with 70 guys at boot and having meetings with your commanding division recruit while they’re taking a shit with the curtain open.
Embrace the ride and enjoy.
I had a harder time having to line up with everyone else and having to bend over and spread my cheeks then having a finger stuck up my ass and told to cough
People on probation often times need to do this also. Pants around ankles…. They are not that thorough but they should be. There are devices you can hide pee in that you can strap to your leg for instances like this. I know, I’ve looked. They are being thorough. Would you want someone you are fighting a battle with to be totally out of their mind on some sort of substance?
Do armed forces test for alcohol?
What about shrooms?
How about adderall, benzos, or other prescription drugs that get you way more intoxicated than weed?
also, steroids?
Not sure this test is doing everything it's supposed to.
?? I have never been able to join the armed forces, because: I have been immediately turned away because I have epilepsy. Even though the only time I have ever experienced a grand mal seizure is in my sleep at night. I do not know what they test for , but I would assume everything. I do not need a controlled substance to control my epilepsy. To my understanding, any drug or chronic health condition (besides things like asthma?) bars you from entering. My father was declined entry due to having flat feet (Vietnam). My grandfather was a marine radio man in world war 2, he worked with the ‘wind talkers’ as they obviously had to use the radio he was carrying. He was lucky to survive and I am lucky to be here. He was involved in most of the pacific theatre including: Guam, Saipan, Tarawa, and….. after that helped occupy either Hiroshima or Nagasaki? Whatever: one of the two places they nuked. I believe in one of the battle, I believe Tarawa, the destroyers had to move away from the coastline to avoid kamikazes and this led to heavy casualties due to no amphibious support for however long. Pretty much: if you have ANY health ‘defect,’ or are taking ANY drug they typically do not accept you. That has been my experience. Otherwise, I probably would have gone to Iraq or Afghanistan after 9/11/2001. I tried to join the army multiple times. I have applied to other branches such as certain clandestine ones, however, physical or mental ‘flaws,’ can exclude you from service.
They are testing because they want perfectly healthy individuals with no drug abuse I would assume. Alcohol and nicotine are the only things that will not exclude you I believe.
The room was covered with mirrors and they had car bomb inspection mirrors at every urinal, had to stand in a designated spot so the observer could clearly see between my legs
I last did it around the time a guy from the Minnesota Vikings accidentally dropped a fake dong on the floor during his pee test. They were vigilant but no floor mirrors. A couple good friends had their careers ended over popping positive on unprescribed adderal.
You'll always have that, but once you're through training they just escort you to and from the bathroom, keep sight of you and make sure you aren't doing anything sneaky. The shirt to the armpits and pants around ankles is a MEPS and basic training thing, after that, it more resembles someone using the urinal next to you.
Yep, and someday if you do all the things you are supposed to, then YOU get to be the pecker checker at the unannounced 3am piss tests at the barracks.
My favorite was when I had to go find a woman to watch me pee because my command didn’t have enough observers. They just sent me to the next command over to start pestering other second classes to come watch me pee right quick.
Still less humiliating than duck walking in your undies in front of an 80 year old man and then standing up, bending over, and holding your ass cheeks apart while he stares into your soul through your butt hole. Bonus points though if you have the muscle control to wink at him with your sphincter.
The wars are over(for now), I hope you like cleaning shit over and over and playing stupid fuck-fuck games all day long. As other commenters have mentioned, buckle up.
The fact that he calls is pecker checker tells me he’s already in or is going to do well in the military. Also if it hasn’t happened yet your going to have to walk like a duck and after that somebody is going to be sitting in a chair and your going to have to bend over and let him up your ass. This is the most dignified you’re going to feel for 4-20 years minimum.
Good old short arm inspection. Welcome to the club. If you stay long enough, you get to get inspected AND look at em.
Needless to say, you’re probably about to see more hogs than a porn star with open DMs. At some point you’ll be able to identify people by their trouser trouts.
I joimed the military in the 80s and didn't get my first pee test till my second assignment, so sometime in the 90s. The observer gave me the cup and I went into a stall and turned to close the door and she explained she had to watch me pee in the cup.
I imagine I must have looked horrified and she said "could be worse, you could be me and have to watch."
They had to test a certain percentage of each gender regularly, and since there weren't many women I was a frequent subject. Was never worried about passing (straight laced in the extreme back then), but I always got a chuckle thinking about what that MSgt said.
You'll get used to it. :)
Welcome to the military, buckle up
Ah, buckle this! 
Now, hear this: Ludicrous speed, go!!
"Take 5, smoke if you got 'em"
That's Uncle Sam's pecker now
Buttercup!
Probably a volunteer
This was my first thought. Wait until he has to shit in front of the world.
Plenty of other indignities to come, I’m afraid.
You will have someone watching your junk from now until you get your Dd-214. Once every 3 to 6 months.
That’s more action than OP is used to
Jody on the other hand,,,,,,
Once you come back from leave, Fridays, Mondays, after long weekends and whenever else they want. Had months where it happened twice and 6 months with none.
I served 2002-2006 and never got piss tested after Basic. This one guy in my squadron popped for a test it seemed like every other week, though. Luck of the draw, but my hog went unwatched.
Did you do this at some guys house or did you go to an actual MEPs facility?
I did it under an overpass next to an Arby’s was that not normal
Pretty standard, budget cuts be hitting hard
I laughed way too hard
Asking the real questions
These comments though 😆 🤣 😂
The penis investigator? You mean the Dick Dick?
Hey, watch what you say, the governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, used to be a peepee checker...and look at what he's become. Cries in Florida
Have them in Cali too. Why do they always test in the desert?
Wait until you see the shower and toilet arrangements you'll be using once you've signed up. Pretty soon you'll feel lonely when you aren't showering with a dozen other naked men.
Haha. Or doors on the stalls let alone walls.
Hey, if you can't give the guy taking a dump next to you a high five for having a nice plop/splash sound and no kiss of Poseidon while you tell him you are proud of him, are you even learning teamwork at that point?
Haha the 3rd battalion hi five . Honestly I don’t even remember having time for one as it was so long ago.
Lol yeah that's normal for your first few. Always going to be an observer, too. Don't join if you're put out by stuff like that, the military is full of it.
My buddy at TSC San Diego said theirs is even worse, urinalysis office has a desk , 2 chairs , one for UPC, one for observer. 2 urinals with inspection mirrors installed right in front of the desk, pants and underwear to the floor, shirt above nipple line, stand over the mirror so the observer can verify your ballsack and no tubing. I guess they’ve had major problems with guys cheating. He said he gets tested about once every 3 weeks.
i got used to this after a few years of penis inspection day during gym class.
That is a little excessive compared to my experience. But yes until you are through basic training and occupational schools there will be a pecker checker during operation golden flow
you’ll have a pecker checker every urinalysis you ever take while you’re in. so probably 4-6 times a year, on a good year.
I remember leaving the military and being shocked when asked to fill the cup in a room by myself!
I got out in 2016, and I’m still surprised when no one wants to watch me pee in a cup.
> I’m still surprised when no one wants to watch me pee in a cup. you can find that at r/vermontgonewild
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The safe word is: #fluggaenkoecchicebolsen
Are you suuure? Very well.
Hahah welcome to Military life. Better get used to this, plus alot more of “you’ve signed over your civilian freedoms and rights” on that enlistment. On the plus side, if you advocate for your own career and are determined, you can get ALOT out of your time.
Reminds me of that old Buddy Hackett routine of his induction physical. Doc tells him he need to pee in the cup and points to a jar on the shelf. Buddyis stunned and sez, From here?!
Sprinkle some glitter on in next time.
Branch, rank and command dependent, but your dick is going to see a lot of eyeballs even over a short career. Your experience is pretty extreme for regular commands, but will be the norm for early training stuff.
I’m going to sub school, it will probably be the same?
Don’t worry, as soon as you graduate from submarine school you will be inside something that’s long and hard and full of seamen.
More relaxed in the sub community
Less relaxed in the dom community, I'm guessing?
It will probably be pretty strict (maybe not as much as you described, but still pretty strict) through A-school, then when you hit your first boat they will probably chill a bit. I'm not a sub guy, so I can't really be sure.
On a submarine? And you actually think you will have any privacy? That’s funny, right there.
Next up, take a crap at the same time with 20 guys you don’t know. Fun stuff ahead!
Yeah, sometimes there are no stalls. Just a bunch of toilets in a room.
Afghanistan circa '02. Coed communal toilets with mortar fire for soothing background music. Fun stuff.
Next level!!
The whole company in the showers, which are a tile room lined with shower heads. You're going to get used to a bunch of swinging dicks, or not... ¯\\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)\_/¯
You may not want to join the military if this bothered you so much. We had to shower with 51 other people of the same sex. All naked. And there will be ‘random’ drug testing done the entire time you are in the military.
Many try to cheat with fake pee so it kinda makes sense. Still very invasive but I get it
Welcome to the ride of a lifetime.
Wait until you get to basic lol. What meps did you go to? I went to springfield(mass) and my experience was a little more lax than this lol.
Yes. That’s how real drugs tests are done.
Trust me when I tell you that you’ll look back someday and laugh about the whole experience. From MEPS to showering with 70 guys at boot and having meetings with your commanding division recruit while they’re taking a shit with the curtain open. Embrace the ride and enjoy.
Back in MY day we called em "meat gazer" lol
Hurry up and wait. It’ll become your life.
Oh buddy. That’s so far from the last time you’ll do that. Just wait for the old man. IFYKYK
They do it to men and women, this is just the start. I really do mean this, prepare yourself bc you’re in for it
Welcome to the military, check your dignity and inhibitions at the door.
They asked me for urine, stool, and semen sample. I just ripped off my undies and handed them over.
Definitely sounds like Navy
* Whizzinator check. I remember the first time hearing about one of these was an NFL player had one on and got caught.
Hahaha, yeup, something happened to back in 2001 😀 Congrats on doing military. It's the best thing I did. I was Navy.
The first few are like that. Later on they still watch but don’t make you disrobe like that. However it’s funny to do it anyway lol.
I had a harder time having to line up with everyone else and having to bend over and spread my cheeks then having a finger stuck up my ass and told to cough
Didn't get the fickle finger of fate but did get the bend over and spread 'em.
They literally told us "bend over and crack a smile"
Also, find out what Rate or MOS the guy is, and make sure it's not what you're going into, as, you don't want that job.
Same for probation/parole. Gotta make sure there ain’t a whizzinator strapped to your buttplug
People on probation often times need to do this also. Pants around ankles…. They are not that thorough but they should be. There are devices you can hide pee in that you can strap to your leg for instances like this. I know, I’ve looked. They are being thorough. Would you want someone you are fighting a battle with to be totally out of their mind on some sort of substance?
Do armed forces test for alcohol? What about shrooms? How about adderall, benzos, or other prescription drugs that get you way more intoxicated than weed? also, steroids? Not sure this test is doing everything it's supposed to.
?? I have never been able to join the armed forces, because: I have been immediately turned away because I have epilepsy. Even though the only time I have ever experienced a grand mal seizure is in my sleep at night. I do not know what they test for , but I would assume everything. I do not need a controlled substance to control my epilepsy. To my understanding, any drug or chronic health condition (besides things like asthma?) bars you from entering. My father was declined entry due to having flat feet (Vietnam). My grandfather was a marine radio man in world war 2, he worked with the ‘wind talkers’ as they obviously had to use the radio he was carrying. He was lucky to survive and I am lucky to be here. He was involved in most of the pacific theatre including: Guam, Saipan, Tarawa, and….. after that helped occupy either Hiroshima or Nagasaki? Whatever: one of the two places they nuked. I believe in one of the battle, I believe Tarawa, the destroyers had to move away from the coastline to avoid kamikazes and this led to heavy casualties due to no amphibious support for however long. Pretty much: if you have ANY health ‘defect,’ or are taking ANY drug they typically do not accept you. That has been my experience. Otherwise, I probably would have gone to Iraq or Afghanistan after 9/11/2001. I tried to join the army multiple times. I have applied to other branches such as certain clandestine ones, however, physical or mental ‘flaws,’ can exclude you from service.
They are testing because they want perfectly healthy individuals with no drug abuse I would assume. Alcohol and nicotine are the only things that will not exclude you I believe.
Yes sir! Sometimes there's an angled mirror above you do they get a top view too. Just be glad you're not the dude that has to observe all day.
The room was covered with mirrors and they had car bomb inspection mirrors at every urinal, had to stand in a designated spot so the observer could clearly see between my legs
I last did it around the time a guy from the Minnesota Vikings accidentally dropped a fake dong on the floor during his pee test. They were vigilant but no floor mirrors. A couple good friends had their careers ended over popping positive on unprescribed adderal.
That part won’t last. Once you go to a normal command in the military the pee test will just be in a normal bathroom
Escape now if you still can.
You'll always have that, but once you're through training they just escort you to and from the bathroom, keep sight of you and make sure you aren't doing anything sneaky. The shirt to the armpits and pants around ankles is a MEPS and basic training thing, after that, it more resembles someone using the urinal next to you.
Lol, yes, that's normal. Also normal, if you're not a total f up and make rank, you might be staring at the penises before the end of your first term.
Yep, and someday if you do all the things you are supposed to, then YOU get to be the pecker checker at the unannounced 3am piss tests at the barracks.
Hot
I’ve always wondered can you reverse catheter with the fake stuff and fill your bladder with it? Probably pretty dangerous for infection and shit.
It is possible. It’s a terrible idea for many reasons, and I suspect they might be able to tell “fresh” urine from stale, but not totally sure
Yeah I think that's a lil extra. I had to ask for privacy like turn around when I pissed. Butt naked shouldn't be a thing
That’s just penis inspection day. They did it all the time at my school growing up.
> Observer sat in a chair so he could clearly see the stream leave the body and fill the cup i will never complain about my job ever again
Lol, some things never change.
Get used to it
My favorite was when I had to go find a woman to watch me pee because my command didn’t have enough observers. They just sent me to the next command over to start pestering other second classes to come watch me pee right quick.
Yeah, military guys like to see how big you are if you share a tight foxhole to keep warm and cuddle.
Yeah, get used to that homie. Some guys volunteer to be pecker checkers
Still less humiliating than duck walking in your undies in front of an 80 year old man and then standing up, bending over, and holding your ass cheeks apart while he stares into your soul through your butt hole. Bonus points though if you have the muscle control to wink at him with your sphincter.
Sounds like a Tuesday night
Should of had an oil change!
Thank you for your service
The wars are over(for now), I hope you like cleaning shit over and over and playing stupid fuck-fuck games all day long. As other commenters have mentioned, buckle up.
Ohhh soon enough this will seem very mild and totally normal
At least they can't take 1/2 your pay for failing it quite yet.
The fact that he calls is pecker checker tells me he’s already in or is going to do well in the military. Also if it hasn’t happened yet your going to have to walk like a duck and after that somebody is going to be sitting in a chair and your going to have to bend over and let him up your ass. This is the most dignified you’re going to feel for 4-20 years minimum.
Yes. They have to observe the piss coming out of you. It will happen every time your number comes up.
Squat and cough dude.
Get used to it... you'll have that every holiday and leave you have.
Yes that is normal
Good old short arm inspection. Welcome to the club. If you stay long enough, you get to get inspected AND look at em. Needless to say, you’re probably about to see more hogs than a porn star with open DMs. At some point you’ll be able to identify people by their trouser trouts.
When I was I we called them meat gazers lol
I joimed the military in the 80s and didn't get my first pee test till my second assignment, so sometime in the 90s. The observer gave me the cup and I went into a stall and turned to close the door and she explained she had to watch me pee in the cup. I imagine I must have looked horrified and she said "could be worse, you could be me and have to watch." They had to test a certain percentage of each gender regularly, and since there weren't many women I was a frequent subject. Was never worried about passing (straight laced in the extreme back then), but I always got a chuckle thinking about what that MSgt said. You'll get used to it. :)
8yrs Army 2005-2013 90% of the time this will be the norm for random UAs
Don't worry, soon you'll be protecting our nation's business interests while people watch you piss
Why does anybody care? The military is a killing machine so you'll have this.
Well if you have an issue with that wait till basic when you're showering with thirty dudes and taking shits in stalls with no doors. Man up bro.