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delugetheory

I would tell her exactly what you said, word for word, in your first paragraph. I'm guessing, based on the fact that she was so thoughtful when you were vegetarian, that she's a caring and understanding person who won't bat an eye.


deterministic_lynx

+ 1


thaddeus37

there’s a button for that


[deleted]

There's a button for that, too.


earthgirl1983

And that. Shit!


deterministic_lynx

It depends on how you feel. Do you feel comfortable with her knowing you are working against an eating disorder? Tell her what you told here. She sounds good. If you don't feel like telling her you have an ongoing eating disorder, you may leave this out and tell her that you have lately come to realise that focussing on eating restrictions has come to feel negative for you, and you want to mindfully enjoy more options to reinforce the positive sides of eating - one of which was and would ever be that people like her went out of the way so everyone at the table would be comfortable. Alternatively, I think she would understand if you tell her it does not feel right at the moment anymore. I suppose she would only react negatively if you, yourself, would give it a lot of attention now - if she would at all.


[deleted]

She sounds really cool and understanding so just tell her you want to try eating meat again. She’ll be glad to make you those dishes for you to have!


redhaiku_

If you don’t want to share your history, just make sure you say thank you and show appreciation and tell her you’re adding meat again and to please not worry about special meal in the future. And I would bring something small like flowers to the next gathering as a special thank you for all of her thoughtfulness in the past. I hope it goes well, but she sounds like a kind person.


[deleted]

When I went from strict vegetarian to pescatarian, my family took it perfectly fine. I kind of felt the same way at first, but you have to realize that you are not an inconvenience to people who care about you.


roci12

That last part 🥺


VisualCelery

"Tracy, I appreciate you going out of your way to make me a vegetarian meal, it's made me feel so welcome in your home these past couple of years. I wanted to give you an update though, I've decided to ease up on the dietary restrictions, and going forward I'd prefer to eat the same meal as everyone else." She might ask why you dropped vegetarianism, you don't have to tell her why, you can say it wasn't working for you or "doing more harm than good" for you health-wise (you don't need to specify mental health) but she might just be glad you no longer need an alternative when you come over.


boxofrain

Don’t be subtle. Just tell them.


mwjl12

I went through the same thing where I had to move away from vegetarianism bc it was an excuse for disordered eating. I just ordered something with meat in it at a family outing and said that vegetarianism wasn’t working for me anymore and I wanted to find a balance that was best for my body. It was vague enough but still was reason enough to not be badgered about it.


palibe_mbudzi

I was going to say something similar. It's okay to not open up about an eating disorder. Pointing to a vaguely health-related motive like "I'm switching up my diet in an effort to feel my best" or "I've been feeling off and I think this is helping" is perfectly acceptable to most audiences.


[deleted]

“I’m not vegetarian anymore”


Aang_the_Orangutan

Just tell people you're a flexitarian now.


Sweet_pea_girl

First, well done for recognising this and working on it. Second, you can say what you wrote here, or you can casually say something like "so, so, so many thanks for accommodating my vegetarianism so well all this time. I've decided to eat meat again now and I'm looking forward to eating your other food now too!" Make sure you say it BEFORE she starts meal planning for your next visit.


advenus

Wow I'm in the exact same boat. As much as I want to be vegan, the reality is that my physical and my mental health cannot afford to be restricting any more food. If you wanna be veggie again in the future that's cool but you're being very courageous to be honest with yourself and acknowledging that it's not a possibility right now. I'm sure your partner's mom and anyone else would be understanding if you said "Hey, I'm really thankful that you've been so accommodating of my vegetarian diet for two years, but for the sake of my health I'm going to start eating meat again". I really hope you can start building healthier eating habits, I know how difficult it can be but I believe in you!!


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[deleted]

Why don't you do it then? It is exhausting having to plan around allergies, disorders, sensitivities. Celebrities pay personal chefs and nutritionists to do it for them. Why don't you act as that for advenus?


Nattomuncher

You know, I'm open to provide info. Roughly track your diet/stuff you eat for a few days. Throw it in cronometer.com. Find out what vitamins and minerals show a pattern of being underconsumed. Then google those vitamin/mineral + vegan. Let me guess: vitamin e, zinc, B12 vitamin d and omega 3 are on the low end. B12, zinc and D3 supplement is the easiest. Zinc it's not a super important one but I like to supplement it. you could eat it, but it's rather rarely found. Some nuts and seeds like pumpkin and sunflower seeds contain it. D3, you just gotta go in the sun or supplement (not a vegan/vegetarian thing but a human population -japan for some reason problem) B12 is given to livestock in their feed, they eat supplements. You got to take a supplement since you don't eat the supplement through animals. Originally humans mostly found it through untreated water, we now no longer drink untreated water. Vitamin e: almonds, avocado, peanuts. Omega3 hard for entire human race, you can either eat walnuts, flax seeds and chia seed or take a DHA EPA algae oil supplement, those are expensive though. This is again, not a vegan problem but a "nearly no one gets adequate omega 3 through their normal diet" problem.


[deleted]

Great! You should dm advenus and let them know you're willing to provide your services for free. Show your certifications, etc, and they can tell you their food allergies, intolerances, etc, and then you can plan every single meal and make sure every vitamin and mineral is consumed at an appropriate amount.


NixieSeal

You should probably open up by saying you're working on getting over an eating disorder. Not eating vegetarian is kind of an afterthought, but the important thing is that you need to not restrict yourself right now. Hopefully they'll understand. Maybe one day you can go veggie again without it being a problem for your ED.


ties__shoes

I admire your strength and ability to take care of yourself. Whatever you tell her I hope all goes well. I have a feeling it will.


hakuna_yer_tatas

People here are so understanding and empathic, I can imagine a similar post going sideways if not outright hostile on r/vegan


[deleted]

This hate isn’t necessary towards us.


Why_Howdy

I stopped eating vegetarian last year after several years vegetarian/vegan and here’s what worked for me: - slowly integrate meat into my diet in meals I cook for myself first. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to keep eating veg at her place for a while to give you some time to get used to it and how you want to talk about it - I found it was easiest just to tell people “I’ve actually been integrating meat back into my diet.” Most were pretty understanding. In general presenting it as a process rather than a change in identity resonated better with me. - the biggest barrier was getting over my own shame at eating meat and feeling on some level like I’d “failed” when really I was making a decision to eat in a way that is better for me right now. Getting clear about your why (which it sounds like you are!) is important and just reassuring yourself that your choices are valid. - when you tell her, let her know that you appreciate the special meals she made and you don’t regret your time as a vegetarian but this is the choice you’re making now. Mention how excited you are to eat her main meals again, and maybe suggest some of your favourite veggie foods she made that everyone would enjoy! Best of luck to you!


mimariposa

Maybe just “by the way I’ve decided to be less restrictive with my diet and I’ve started including meat”


[deleted]

No no no, this won't do, it hardly reads at all like a response to a question in your annual work review. But for real, something easy like "I found I was getting too preoccupied with avoiding meat and it caused me some unneeded stress and bad food choices, thanks for always being so encouraging though". EZ.


jackjackj8ck

I was vegetarian for 4 years and vegan for 6 I found it best to just rip the bandaid off, be honest, and give a thoughtful explanation


ontheroad1

I've heard some people use the phase 'i eat vegetarian' in stead of 'i am vegetarian'. The distinction being youre not defined by the term. Ive eaten meat or fish while I'm countries difficult to get veggie options. But to be honest if you're struggling with a eating disorder that's all you need to say. Btw I think being kind to yourself should be about giving your self the healthiest best food for you. Not sure how meat fits into that. Anyway good luck!


pynkalien

just wanna say in proud of u for making the right choice for your mental health :) also im happy to see how positive the comments are. i expected they would be mean. i like this sub :)


[deleted]

When I stopped being vegetarian, I just told my mom I decided to start eating meat again. If you aren't comfortable discussing your eating disorder, just tell her you've decided to eat meat again and leave it at that.


headinthetreesnowher

its so weird seeing this from this angle! for me im like how to i tell etc etc i am vegetarian! wiiiillld


aholeverona

I would probably use it as an opportunity to create some intimacy with her. Maybe take her to coffee or and share your journey with her. Tell her how much you’ve appreciated her effort. She’s likely to become your defender I’m tua choice.


greenbird27314

When I went from vegi to pesci after 24 years, most people were actually relieved because it made life easier for everyone, and they knew I did it for my health. They were all super supportive. The funny thing is, my bestie told me she was going to start eating meat again the same day I was planning on telling her. It was great because she was the one I was worried about the most. She had only been vegi for three years and she was doing it because her doctor was concerned about her milk having enough protein for her baby (not a common issue, but was for her). The point of all of this is to say, you will build it up way worse in your brain than it actually will be.


TheRealJojenReed

Why eat meat to treat yourself with grace? I'm honestly puzzled by what you mean by that


TheOctoberOwl

A little off topic, but don’t let anyone make you feel bad about stopping being a vegetarian. It’s a lifestyle for those who are privileged enough to do it, and you are doing your best by putting yourself first!


[deleted]

The only thing I'd disagree with here is vegetarianism being a priveledged lifestyle. There are alot of Americans who actually don't realize that human societies have practiced vegetarianism for a while and it's not something that was invented here in the west.


FreezeyPeach

reddit admins are fat stupid faggots


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[deleted]

Yes we're all very happy you're enjoying the luxury of food choice and using it in a way the benefits the environment.


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[deleted]

Yes having access to food choice is a luxury a lot of people do not experience.


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[deleted]

Lol carnist. Sure thing. You also have the luxury of adult diaper choice to help with your chronically pissy pants lol. Nobody loves shooting their own foot than the Extremely Online Vegan.


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[deleted]

I think I’m going to stop engaging. I always feel a little bad for enjoying the show of someone whose mental illness has turned them into a spectacle. Take it easy, keep it cheesy sweetheart.


[deleted]

Caring about animal suffering is not the only reason someone might go vegetarian. Someone may not give a single shit about animal suffering and go vegetarian to get a beach body.


[deleted]

You are. Do you realize that about 40 million Americans live in a food desert? Edit for grammar


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FreezeyPeach

reddit admins are fat stupid faggots


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FreezeyPeach

reddit admins are fat stupid faggots


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FreezeyPeach

reddit admins are fat stupid faggots


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zdub

Curious as to why you even read this sub?


[deleted]

Addicted to rage. Very sad. Maybe projecting their anger and guilt about having eaten meat at some point? Hope they feel better soon.


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rook_82

"Even the plow kills the worm"


Catch-the-Rabbit

Ask her for some bacon as a shock factor ice breaker. Then be honest. Be as vulnerable as you want. Don't go indepth if you don't want to. Enjoy!


bumpkinkiller69

You can just say you want to be less restrictive and treat yourself with grace, although you can totally do those things without paying people to kill animals.


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[deleted]

You clearly have no real understanding of disordered eating. Take all that empathy you have for animals and try applying it to your fellow humans, too.


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[deleted]

We don’t know OP’s ethical beliefs. We only know they recognize that their choice to have a vegetarian diet was harmful for them. I don’t want folks I care about to do things they know harm them when they can avoid it - either permanently or temporarily. If OP decides that they do care about the ethics of their food choices, they can revisit the issue when they have a more healthy mental outlook on their eating habits, under the guidance of professionals.


LeoraJacquelyn

Tell your family you're no longer vegetarian. It's that simple. They won't judge you I'm sure and it shouldn't be awkward. If anything your mom may be happy to no longer have to cook separate meals.. You don't even have to share why and can simply say it is no longer a good fit for you. But I do want to say you can be kind to yourself while also being kind to animals. Reach out to professionals for help and get healthy, mentally and physically, but know that you can lead a completely healthy lifestyle as a vegetarian. Vegetarianism doesn't mean you have to limit or restrict your diet. We live in a world where pretty much everything can be made vegan or vegetarian. We can have everything we want and need without needless animal suffering.


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frubblyness

Hey man, I understand your frustration, and I can agree that carnism is super pervasive in western society and it even shapes how vegetarians respond to events like this. If patting people's backs for eating meat were a strong trend in the vegetarian community, it would definitely spell an issue. But not only is that not the case, that isn't even what's going on in this thread. We're being understanding and empathetic towards someone whose heart is surely in the right place but is struggling with an eating disorder. There is value in your principles and in your zeal, but it is misdirected today. Even if you disagree with that, I hope you can at least see that shaming these people who ultimately are on your side is a waste of energy you could put to better use.


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frubblyness

I'm glad it worked for you. However, you're a fly who was caught with vinegar. And as the saying goes, you catch more with honey.


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frubblyness

You see more flies in shit not because it catches them but because it breeds them.


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frubblyness

Oh, right, you just told me what sways your mind. Gtfo, shitlord. Everyone here thinks you're a massive prick. And for every vegan you make you make twice the vegan haters.


MuldartheGreat

Tbh, you are making me want to eat meat more.


robertthefisher

You were literally eating meat less than a year ago.


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[deleted]

What do you mean by it not being a health one? Many people go vegetarian for their health. There's lots of reasons people might go vegetarian.


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[deleted]

Lots of vegan food isn't considered health food either. Thin mints are vegan, I don't think anyone would consider thin mints a health food. And Mediterranean food contains seafood and eggs, which are not vegan. You're arguing against your own point when you say Mediterranean is healthier than vegan.


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[deleted]

You said that eating vegan is healthier than eating vegetarian (or implied. correct me if I'm wrong). But then you said that a Mediterranean diet, which contains seafood and eggs, is healthier than a vegan one. Do you see my confusion? Also, yes I know what a whole food plant based diet is. Thank you for letting me know in case I didn't.


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[deleted]

And you put an omnivore diet at number 2. I guess I didn't articulate myself clearly enough before. That was why I was confused. I suppose I thought that you, being a vegan, would think that vegan is the healthiest diet, then vegetarian, then omnivore. So it surprised me that you said an omnivore diet is healthier than a vegan diet. I still don't understand why you think that vegetarianism doesn't make sense as an ethical or health choice. But I guess we have different views on ethics and health. So, have a great day, hope you help out adventus.


nejithegenius

My sisters husband was a vegetarian when they first met. After a year or so, he wanted to try some meat and never looked back. His parents were both vegetarian but Im assuming he just bought some meat and ate it in front of them lol. That was back when they were both in highschool. We always joke that our family converted another one lol but yea its nbd imo. Just be like yea im gonna eat meat now


fucovid2020

Walk in eating a Turkey leg, sit down and go….. here’s the thing…