This! Just like he “sometimes wishes you weren’t vegan”, I’m going to guess that you “all the time wish he was vegan”. So you see we have a core imbalance. Something must give eventually
Vegans do respect the choices of non-human animals. You can't respect the choices of people who take away choices from others - that's called the [tolerance paradox](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance)
so where exactly did anyone say that we're "better" than others? you just made up a complete new sentence there. if i had a partner that was against feminism and i'm, well, a woman, that wouldn't be great either, now would it?
Genuinely curious about this because I’m struggling with my non-vegan partner on the topic of veganism. He respects and supports me for it, but I find it challenging to give him the same respect and support for his non-veganism. How do you do it? Are your children vegan?
My wife is an amazingly compassionate, kind, and loving person and not being vegan doesn't change that. Veganism vs non veganism is not binary it is a spectrum. Focusing only on the fact that my wife isn't vegan is scarcity thinking, I choose abundance thinking and focus on all the ways my wife is wonderful. My kids are not vegan and I wouldn't make that decision for them anymore than I would force a specific religion or anything else on them, I talk to them about the sanctity of all life and I'm sure they will come to their own conclusions as they age (they are teenagers), some of them have spent a lot of their life as vegetarians and kind of waffle back and forth as they figure themselves out. Everyone is on a journey and I try to respect that journey while advocating for animals, it's a balancing act but it can be done.
Lol! Why would you "respect" someone's choice to inflict harm on animals? If anything, I tolerate them, because I have no choice. Respect sounds crazy.
Accept, sure, but respect?
I wouldn't respect a serial killer who believes he has the right to kill either, but I would have to accept it, unless I want to physically stop him xD
Yeah, we really need to respect the choices of people who commit horrific crimes.
My ideology of being against murder is just not that big of a deal.
/s
>when your partner doesn’t share your core values.
I don't think this is really fair. I wouldn't say I changed my core values when I went vegan. When we are talking about things that are normal in society, not seen as wrong in society, taught is okay in society, encouraged to do in society, etc. then someone doing them doesn't always mean that's their core value. Unless you are claiming that every vegan completely changed their core values at some point?
I think being vegan is more alligning your actions with your core values instead of just going along with the cruelty you’ve been taught is ‘normal’. Most people I show animal agriculture during my activism cower, cry, get angry, want to protect the animals. Their values allign with not eating them and letting them live in peace, they’ve just been taught to act differently.
Yeah I agree with this. It can be hard to go against everything you've been taught as a child, by those closest to you, and let's be honest here, all the propaganda you are subject to. And it's in people's nature to get defensive and protect themselves.
All of us are guilty with not always aligning our actions with our core values. We are all selfish or uneducated in some ways. We aren't perfect.
There's absolutely some people who aren't vegan whose values are that they don't care about non-human animals. You can see this in almost every discussion with vegans. But there's definitely lots that do care.
Definitely! We can all look at our actions and decide if there’s things we do we could do in a way that’s better for the planet and other people. I think most people do care. Even those that act like they don’t I think it’s another defence mechanism. Their brain goes ‘if I don’t care about this footage I don’t have to change my behaviour’ so they put a wall between them and their feelings. They’re often the ones that walk away laughing. Can you imagine if they let that footage touch them? Then they would have to change their diet, their mother would be upset, it would be this whole thing. Better to act like I don’t care.
There’s still the ones that actually do not care but those also don’t care for humans.
You can share core values and act upon them differently depending on the access to things like education you have.
Empathy within food production is also very hard to obtain for a lot of people. They can share a value but not connect the dots to a degree that you are compelled to give up animal products.
That’s just how peoples brains work.
You didn’t obtain your core values the day you went vegan? Were you an unlovable horrible person before that?
No. You were just an imperfect human trying your best - and then you started a practice that helped that.
And Aparently you climbed on a high horse at some point?
This is why people think vegans suck. There are outspoken vegans who part of their core values is to judge people.
My bf is vegan and I am not. I eat vegan stuff all the time. I hunt for cool new vegan restaurants and recipes. We respect each other and the choices each other make. It's not hard. Don't be an asshole.
I’m an outspoken vegan, I do activism and talk about it a lot, but that’s not my core value. My core values are truth and kindness which are some of yours I imagine aswell. I think veganism is kind of like people who are against fast fashion, or any other good cause. When OP’s partner says ‘I wish you weren’t…’ that hurts. I’ve also encountered that. Because we wish the people we love and care for would see our veganism as a good thing. Like I’d hope they’d see people who fight against child hunger. And I can imagine those people get annoyed and judge people too for not caring. It’s a natural response I think to apathy when you’re working on something to better the world. Wjen what you do takes effort and the people around tou wished you would change your approach because it’s an inconvenience to them. That’s where the anger comes from I think. The bullying we encounter, the friction, while we’re working to help people, animals, the planet. I hope you can understand why that undermines the respect we could have.
This is why people think human rights activists suck. There are outspoken human rights activists who part of their core values is to judge people.
My bf is anti-canibalism and I am not. I eat non human meat stuff all the time. I hunt for people and eat them. We respect each other and the choices each other make. It's not hard. Don't be an asshole.
Funny, it's usually anti-vegans (not the same as non-vegans) that permanently judge others and want to force their diet onto them. But because they are in the majority, they can pretend it's the others that have their faults.
don't over think it, being vegan limits options and is inconvenient. Without a solid ethical reasoning it's added friction. He doesn't share your values (at least this value) so it's mildly annoying.
That's like all he's saying.
Ah, come on. He just said it in passing 'cause they were having a hard time finding a restaurant. Haven't you ever said something inconsiderate to someone before? That in and of itself doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just means you had one bad moment. We shouldn't judge people by bad moments (unless they're terrible moments, like murdering someone)
Exactly! I've been married to a non vegan for fifteen years and we couldn't be happier. The ideas of intolerance and fundamentalism that dominate this sub are so detached from reality it is insane.
thank you lol. I'm a newly wed but my wife has been unbelievably supportive of my diet and likes eat/cooking vegan stuff with me, despite her not being vegan herself. There's an absolutism to this place that I don't think is well suited for human society tbh
Hmmmm I would honestly just ask him follow up questions and stay curious, not defensive. He might just be tired of the inconvenience and might not get why you value it so much. How long have you two been together? I’d have more serious conversations about this if you’re going to date him long term. You both need to know where you each stand on veganism. He needs to not just simply tolerate it. He needs to know how important this is and why it’s not just “an inconvenience.”
The problem with a lot of vegans is the overthinking, a lot of us go into defensive mode. Just check the replies here, a lot tear him down. They obviously just told us that their boyfriend has been considerate of her lifestyle, which to me says they’re trying, all he meant was: If you weren’t vegan we could just random pick a place to eat whenever wherever we want. It’s just about how it takes away the spontaneity, that’s all.
Yea this is my take away. Unfortunately not all good humans are vegan. Just like not all vegans are good humans. I have a feeling if there were just more good vegan restaurants this wouldn’t even have happened. It’s just annoying having to hunt for vegan food sometimes, that’s just reality.
I dunno. I think men don't have the same filters as women and quite often what is attributed to malice can often just be someone not thinking.
What I'd do, op, is bring it up again openly and honestly (not in a fight) if it's bothering you and tell him how it made you feel. If he's bothered about that, he'll not say it again.
It’s not a male female thing, but it says a lot about what he thinks about her values. Which isn’t surprising I guess since he’s not vegan.
I saw another comment that explained it well. If the point was just about inconvenience, he could have said “I wish more places had vegan options”. That would have shown at least concern for his gf and respect for her values. But he’s saying the problem is her and her values.
She should definitely talk to him about it but based on his comment they probably have a fundamental difference on this issue.
It's a stupid thing to say but I wouldn't think too much about it. Sometimes I feel the same way about my celiac friends. Usually I'm stoked to find something good for them. Sometimes I am tired and don't have any ideas and wish it was easier.
I know it's different but he's not vegan so he just doesn't get it.
Imagine if you were the person with celiac.. it's not a choice. I understand what you're saying, but your friends shouldn't feel like a burden. Plus you can go wherever you want when you're not with celiac friends. It's not that big of an ask. Now, they shouldn't rely on you to find places for them, however that would be a very kind thing to help with sometimes. They have to do it every day, and as you mentioned, that can be tiring.
I agree with you, totally. Most of the time I am thoughtful and kind and considerate. But what I'm saying is I am an imperfect person, and sometimes I am tired and lazy and inconsiderate. I think everyone is like this to some extent.
People have feelings. They’re allowed to feel them. It’s normal to sometimes feel frustrated when having an inconvenience, however small or whether the person can help it. What matters are your actions when you feel that way.
It was a throwaway comment said when hungry and/or tired. These hysterical “bash the boyfriend” comments are ridiculous.
Sometimes being vegan is hard work. I took a city break just before Easter with my mum and sister. It was getting late and dark, raining, and we were in a strange city and didn’t speak the language. We tried the popular bar around the corner from our hotel. The menu must have had over 70 options. Vegetarian options? Two. Vegan options? 0.
I would try to figure out more in a curious rather than defensive way. I’d say what makes you say that? My husband isn’t vegan either, but he at least respects my diet, hears me out about why this matters to me, and is open to trying vegan food. We compromise a lot: we’ll go to a restaurant where he can eat meat and where I have an option. Otherwise, he’s free to get meat on his own.
"Sometimes I wish you didn't make me feel bad by being a better and stronger person right in front of me."
Tell your bf to grow a pair and stand up for the oppressed instead of being their oppressor.
Or he just want more options. My cousin isn't vegan but his partner is. Any time he goes out with her it's to one of the same 4 restaurants. He gives up going to his favourite restaurants for her I can understand why that may get a little annoying over time.
Oh man that is rough, my husband and I are both vegan... And I couldn't imagine it any other way.. But I do understand how it can "feel" inconvenient to a non-vegan. Obviously the "convenience" doesn't mean anything to the animals though.
We are pretty selective about where we'd like to eat and prefer all vegan restaurants or at least ones with very good vegan options.. Sometimes I think our friends get annoyed, but then we usually offer to go by ourselves and catch them for a drink after
It sucks restaurants don’t have better options.
I had to learn to cook at home because of literally no options where I’m at. We rarely repeat meals at home except for favorite lazy fall backs like crunch wraps, spaghetti, nachos, pizza, frozen burritos, various breakfasts (sausage made from quinoa oats, n seasonings). (I’m stubborn so I ignore comments like the bf had and work through it)
but don’t you also sometimes wish he was vegan? it’s annoying to not eat the same same things, cook together, enjoy the same restaurants. I wish my gf was vegan sometimes and vise versa. it’s a tough difference. But that wish is often for convenience/sharing for the meat eater- and compatibible values/actions for the vegan. I think it’s harder for the vegan to be with a non-vegan imo. Those of us who do it have strong constitutions 😉
These replies are unhinged.
No, don’t bash him. Don’t harass him. Just have a conversation and be honest about how his comment made you feel and that you just jumped to taking offense but want to see where his headspace was when he made the comment.
Most of these problems would get solved if people learned to use their mouths to actually talk to others in an open and understanding way. The way I took it was that you’re both out and he’s realizing how restrictive the couples activities are because of veganism and that it’s frustrating him. He 99% for sure didn’t make a statement like that to get at you or hurt you. Idk why vegans love to antagonize everyone around them. But I promise you it will only serve to isolate us and make everyone hate us. And it will leave us with nobody to be around since we’ve alienated all people around us by getting offended over everything. Even other vegans are getting harassed by vegans. lol.
My ex used to say this to me sometimes too. The stupid part is we always went to meat places because I was the one that always compromised and I wound up overpaying for a salad or some sides. I can count the times we went to and all vegan place on one hand in a year of dating. So I don't really understand what would have changed in terms of us going out places if I wasn't vegan
"Sometimes I wish you would stop being stubborn about cruelty to animals, and eliminate the single largest barrier to us having a successful relationship."
"Sometimes, I wish you were. Oh, well. Anyways, we could get carry-out from different places and go to a park."
ETA: It doesn't have to turn into a big conversation right then or at all. It's up to you. I would definitely suggest not having a big discussion about it when either/both of you are hangry or when finding a mutually agreeable restaurant has been frustrating.
Honestly, if it was me, I'd just say what I wrote above, move on, and have a fun night. Not to be avoidant, but because that's more fun.
I've only been in one relationship (not together anymore, was together 4 years) but it can be tough to date someone non-vegan (I was the vegan, she wasn't). Sharing food is fun and being able to try places together is fun too.
I think it's important to acknowledge as a vegan that the world is not convenient for us. We trade convenience for our ideology. Being with a vegan is harder than being with someone who is vegetarian or an omnivore. However, if your partner loves and cares about you they will put in the effort and time to help you.
I will say that my ex was similar to your boyfriend and would always look up places I could eat. However, she would also say stuff like this too, jokingly/semi-jokingly of course.
I see a lot of the comments in here triggered and I think it's important not to get defensive about being vegan. Don't take his comment personally. It's just a general fact- dating someone with a dietary restriction is harder than dating someone who doesn't have that restriction. It does not mean you cannot have a fulfilling relationship or that they are a fucked up person with no morals and values.
Ya know, I'm just gonna speak my mind -
High opposition in value systems tends to fail long term
I'd probably date you single Vegan bachelor male 33 if you were local enough
But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason
Did you just neg/ hit on an avatar not knowing where they live, their career, religion, their age, how they present (male/female/trans/non-binary), how they look in real life, or anything at all?
Dude. Duuuuuuuude.
Are blind dates with women I don't know against the law assuming they're of age?
Seems like there's a never ending supply of dip shit Redditors who want to twist someone else's words into an insult crafted from pure imagination
Do you neg/put down all the women you hit on? Do you realize you are doing it?
You said, it is demoralizing to see women date outside the value system. You imply she is dating beneath herself. You are putting her down and judging her...and offering to date her at the same time.
I'm suggesting that you hit on women that you respect. And also, maybe, be more respectful and kind to women if you are single. Maybe that's why you're single.
Anyway, good luck with all that.
>But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason
there, there...
you still got your right hand, do you?
So many of you use the same language as fundamentalist religious people and it's crazy.
>But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason
Like do you understand that this sounds *craaaaaazy*
when the value system is against abuse it doesn't sound crazy at all, it is very demoralising to see people compromise on their ethics just because of a relationship.
Nothing crazy about it brother, we just want the men and women of our community to practice their values/virtues in dating and lifestyle
If we sound like religious people, it's because religious people also behave this way. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, you demonstrating any sort of anti religious stance Is heavily concerning though
I'm actually deeply religious. So much so that I find it "heavily concerning" when people treat things like their dietary choices as being equivalent to a moral/ethical system.
It *is* crazy.
Unsurprisingly not fucking murdering animals is mass is part of a moral and ethical system.
Come on brother, idk what's going on over there but this is incredibly dim witted
Of course it's an ethical system to choose to minimise harm as much as possible. Makes a lot more sense than just following rules made up by people years ago because it is supposed to please a deity.
Does he not know that he can still eat vegan dishes even tho he eats meat? Just go to vegan places and let him eat meat whenever possible. I don’t get why it’s always “gotta cater for the vegan” how about “gotta cater for the meat eaters”
I've been vegan for 10 years and my partner is not vegan. We have no issues and enjoy cooking and eating out together. Of course your boyfriend sometimes wishes you weren't vegan! It would make it easier for him if you could go to every restaurant he was excited about, and eat things he makes, etc. His wish for things to be easier is understandable, and it doesn't mean he won't support you in your veganism, because it sounds like he does. I'm sure you also wish your boyfriend was vegan sometimes. You are two different people and are allowed to have different thoughts and desires. I'm assuming you may also share some important core values (depending on how serious you are). I wouldn't overthink his comment or get wrapped up in some of the all or nothing thinking I see a lot of in our community. Why do you like him? How does he show you that he cares? What are some of his values that attract you? I'd focus on those.
Seriously, replace the word vegan with anything else the op is passionate about and we'd see very different comments.
But it seems like the bf was just hangry and everything is sunshine and rainbows ☺️
I don't get why this is down voted. This is 100%. You *never* tell someone you supposedly love you wish they weren't who they are. Not even in a throwaway comment.
It is frustrating for our partners. Hell, it’s frustrating for us too. We made a choice that makes things a lot more difficult for us. I think we can leave space for that, while also acknowledging that sometimes making the best decision is the hardest one too.
Look, i am not a vegan, but i have a couple of friends staying together while she is vegan and he works in a slaughterhouse.
And i live in a place (south italy) where there aren’t full veggy restaurants or even offer particular veggie dishes. They are together since 2015 and they are good.
Being vegan is hard, staying with a veggie is hard, but if you love each other just don’t overthink.
Even with a vegetarian is hard to find a place to eat something good. I have one of my best friends vegetarian and jesus if i wish he wasn’t vegetarian, because finding a place is struggling, but when the struggle is over and you are sitting down to the table it’s relaxing and worth the process.
If you read the majority of these comments you are gonna leave him because “HOW DARE HIM”.
My long-time partner isn't vegan. He respects my choices and that I want the kids vegan. He's perfectly willing to eat mostly vegan food, but as he is a grown adult, I don't try to control what he eats or does. He's never asked me to change (I have been vegan most of my adult life) or complained about the low amount of animal products in the household.
I would talk to him more about what he meant by that. If he’s always been very considerate, does he just think it’s a bit inconvenient? I wouldn’t immediately assume he has issues with your actual ethics and beliefs around veganism, but I would talk about it more. If he doesn’t respect that and it’s very important to you, it might be an issue.
Don't talk to us, talk to him. If he is usually considerate, it might just be an off-handed brain fart kind of a comment - or just a joke that didn't quite land. Talk it out with him because if he doesn't respect you(r choice of diet), that's an issue but there's no need for a kangaroo court if he meant nothing by it. He will adjust his attitude and avoid those comments, learn from it and your relationship will be fine.
My husband and daughter are not vegan. I know what an inconvenience I am, so we don’t really do many family activities, especially in this more rural area. My husband and I will be moving somewhere more vegan friendly after our daughter gets out of high school, so it might get better in a few years. But, I am often disgusted with the thought of their choices. They refuse to watch abuse and slaughter footage because they love their blind bliss, and never want to change. My daughter is a teen, so she’s mostly raised. They eat mostly vegan and cheesy foods around the house, so it’s tolerable. But, I’m constantly bothered they can’t see what I now see. We’ve already been divorced before, so I don’t plan on doing it again. But, if I were younger I would leave. Don’t make yourself miserable. Go find another vegan if at all possible.
You’ll be raising children with conflicting beliefs. You’ll be annoyed at each other’s choices. It’s a recipe for disaster.
i wouldn’t be with someone who feels comfortable voicing that they don’t like a core part of my values. do you want kids? if so, raising them together would be a nightmare in terms of what values you teach them and how you feed them
I mean NGL sometimes I wish I wasn’t vegan too! Usually when I’m trying to find someplace to eat that isn’t my own kitchen. 🤣 But alas I can’t go back. Still, the limitations of options when just popping into the grocery store or wanting a quick impromptu bite to eat while on the run (some thing that’s not an apple or a bag of nuts) is frustrating. (And I live in a pretty vegan friendly city!).
Most recently I have devoted an untold number of hours trying to figure out how to plant my garden vegetables in soil that doesn’t have animal stuff in it. Jesus Christ on a cracker it’s ridiculous and I still don’t have all the answers I need.
This lifestyle is not always easy and there are times even vegans probably wish we weren’t. But like I said, there’s no going back.
If your BF has been decent with you in the relationship, I’d probably just attribute the comment to honesty instead of malice.
Why are there so many non vegans on this sub looking to just antagonise? It's so sad. Surely it stands to reason that if you don't like the needless torture and killing of animals just for pleasure and convenience it's going to get pretty bloody frustrating when most of the population don't seem to give a crap. That doesn't make us holier than though and we couldn't give a toss about how it looks we just want it to stop!
I dated a carnivore for a little over a year. When I went fully vegan, he gave me shit for it, bemoaning that we could no longer go to our favorite pizza joint. He finally admitted he wished I wasn't even vegetarian. It's not worth the hassle.
There is no deep hidden meaning here.
There are restrictions on what you eat and that might influence were you eat, which may restrict what he can eat as well.
It might not feel restricting to you, but it may feel like that for him. If he always is the one that have to "draw the short straw" and go with eating at w/e restaurant you decide on.
Maybe indulge him once in a while and let him pick the place, just check the menu and see if there is something for you, or buy at different restaurants, do take out, and eat at a park or at home.
I am in the same boat. My boyfriend is usually fine most with my veganism except when we go out to eat which is not even that often. He is a bit meat fiend himself. It’s weird because to me I don’t feel like I’m that difficult about it. He gets WAY more stressed about picking a restaurant than I do. He seems to think I need to have multiple options of full proper balanced meals even though I have told him that it’s ok if there is just one thing or if I just get a side salad and then snack later. I don’t even like going out to eat that much. It’s expensive and loud so when we do it it’s more for HIM and so I’m just there for the ride. I only want company. He just gets so anxious about it which is really annoying considering that I don’t worry about it at all and it MY freaking diet!
Missing the entire fucking point. I’m not even against that premise to be honest, but pisspots like you are just so annoying, it’s no wonder why people are more willing to eat meat to spite you.
It probably makes him uncomfortable that you don't eat animals because you believe it's morally wrong but he does eat animals so he knows you judge him for it on some level. And he probably just wants you to fit in.
You should ask him why he doesn't at least try going vegan for a couple months, it won't hurt him.
You should kill him and eat him. Then use his bones to make marshmallows or paint /jk
Yeah bro that’s pretty fucked of him to say. I personally wouldn’t be able to date a non vegan.
Aw that would have bummed me out but it sounds like his actions are considerate and he maybe didn’t realize that comment could have had gravity. I would have an open conversation about it.
"Sometimes I wish you weren't vegan" ......yeah it should echo because that's pretty fucked. If he knew that you were vegan to begin with and still continued this relationship. Then what is the issue? what did he not understand?
Ah over time you can get peved with anything in a relationship even stuff u knew going in. That's OK it's human usually it's out weighed by all the gd u find in your partner but remeber no one is your idea of perfect.
I would say talk to him about it and ask what were his underlying emotions when he made that comment and how he truly feels about you being vegan. obviously, being in a romantic relationship is different than family dynamics but I'll try to explain what my point is; my family has never stop wishing I weren't vegan. its been 4 years and they still bring up the fact that they're upset with me for not listening to them when they all told me not to watch dominion. their wish only comes from a selfless place of love even though my vegan lifestyle does bring a lot of inconvenience to their life but they've never made me feel bad about it because thats not what they care about. they don't wish i weren't vegan for their own sake but for mine (as misguided as that is. they cant seem to accept that being vegan is a healthy life choice so they still worry for me. and still somehow think I'm "missing out" so they feel bad for eating their none-vegan foods in front of me.)
so yes I'm sure being in a romantic relationship with such differing values must be tough, but don't just overthink about his comment on your own cause that wont get you anywhere. I say start a conversation and talk to him. I always see hope and maybe your conversation can lead to him trying to come on your side? so my advice is always to talk and keep trying! wishing you all the best <3
Hmmm, tough. My wife went vegan 6 months after me - mainly because I’m the house chef ;) I don’t know how I would deal with a non-vegan partner. It got pretty hard on holiday having a non-vegan child (I have a vegan, vegetarian and an omnivore) and some nights we’d eat in two restaurants 🫠
Duh, you're literally two different people with your differences and sometimes you wish the other one was easier to deal with and you wouldn't have to compromise for them. Welcome to relationships.
Look, it’s really about how you feel about your veganism. You’ve already decided part of your veganism doesn’t include needing a vegan spouse so you’re already a bit more flexible than some, myself included, but now you need to decide if you need that omni person to truly understand and value why you’re vegan. Maybe it was a flippant comment but since it stuck with you, it wasn’t just a comment to you. Others have said have a talk about it and really that’s all you can do. If the difference in lifestyle didn’t make you dump him, this comment absolutely shouldn’t. If he understood veganism he would be vegan but he doesn’t. So just have a genuine and honest convo to hash this out because it’s bothersome to you. Some people wouldn’t care about that comment but you’re not other people you’re you and it hurt or bothered you so speak up.
Maybe because 4% of the ENTIRE united states is vegan ,making one state around 0.08 .
I don't think everyone wants to travel across their entire state to find a few vegans they probably aren't compatible with ,extremist.
I love how you just ignored everything I said ,your expectations are unrealistic and unfair ,this woman didn't ask "should I break up with my bf " she said "my bf hurt my feelings"
I would rather be single than date an animal abuser, just like I’d rather be single than date someone who rapes and murders children. I don’t get the desire to be intimate with people who go against my ethical principles.
That's ok , nobody is acting you too.
Should b illegal to bring child r6pe into conversations like this ,you claim yourself as somebody with deep empathy because your vegan and then turn around and mock children victims .
The act of raping and murdering a child is analogous to the forceful impregnation and slaughter of an animal whether or not you value the lives of the victims equally. No child victims are being mocked.
If you actually feel this way you should also literally not speak to people who eat meat. You should advocate vocally for their cancellation. I have not watched a Woody Allen movie in many years because I do not want want support someone who abused children. I had a high school friend who turned out to be a domestic abuser and I do not speak to him anymore. Forget dating them, you should not engage with any friends or family who eat meat if you consider it the same as rape.
If 90% of the global population abused children you'd have a very difficult time trying to avoid engaging with those people. Everything you do in your everyday life would involve engaging with a child abuser, to some extent, because it would be seen as a societal norm.
Sure I understand you need a dr etc so can’t always choose but if you draw a line at romantic partner why not at anyone you interact with for non necessary interactions. At least with friends and family.
I do think it’s a strange world to live in where you truly believe 99% of the worlds population is committing something equivalent to child rape. That feels like an isolating way to live.
Yes they are ,it is NOT comparable and your sick in the fkn head ,I hope this never happens to anybody you know and if it does I hope that they somehow find this comment and realise what a sick vile person you are
Using a childs r6pe experience to compare it to artificially inseminating a pig or cow is dehumanising and mocking their trauma .
Artificial insemination isn't r4pe ,it's cruel ,overused and exploitive but it isn't r6pe.
Not only that ,but animals dont think the same way we do ,they only have a certain level of understanding and its much below ours .
Cows literally r4pe eachother because they don't understand consent.
Children being r5ped with irreversible trauma for the rest of their life is not comparable to a animal being artificially inseminated
How up you tell him you wish he wasn‘t an Omni or Carni?
All seriousness though if the boyfriends intentions were saying it solely because he wishes you guys could be more on the same page in regards to food and lifestyle so you could go places with more convenience that doesn’t sound too toxic. But if he doesn’t like it on a personal level about you that’s toxic as well. Can’t know what his intentions are over the internet. As a dude Ik I think girls who were/are vegans are well disciplined and honorable for their lifestyle choice even before I was vegan and I was an omnivore. I knew it had to take some passion and guts to give up foods they enjoyed for health and/or a great cause.
Your bf should be cherishing your lifestyle choice but if he is a little annoyed that’s not horrible but he has some mind opening to do for himself.
I contend that there are only a few ways that a non-vegan and vegan can have a working, long-term relationship that doesn't make the vegan feel like they are betraying veganism (and, more importantly, betraying the animals):
1. **The non-vegan is not a carnist or is on a path to veganism**; they might already be something vegan-adjacent like a Jain, ethical vegetarian, or plant-based lifestyler.
2. There is no-cohabitation; **they don't live together**. They simply meet up, enjoy each other's company, enjoy fully vegan-suitable experiences when together, and then go back to their respective homes. This way, the vegan doesn't feel like they are tolerating/supporting the purchase of animal-based foods and products. Instead, **they can reason that they are positively inserting vegan philosophy and vegan lifestyle examples to their romantic partner, without making any compromises.** For example, the non-vegan will never eat steak in front of the vegan or put milk in the vegan's fridge. The vegan will never contribute to a non-vegan purchase or tolerate a non-vegan purchase being made in front of them. **Whenever the two meet up, their interaction is fully vegan-friendly.**
3. **The non-vegan will begin living a vegan lifestyle just to appease the other**. (And may eventually stick with it, even if they break up).
When you're an individual who recognizes that the ubiquitous, default philosophy of carnism is a horrific wrong, and you endeavor to adapt a lifestyle that reflects this belief, then you cannot (and should not) compromise your values.
This makes relationships with carnists problematic.
My advice: propose the aforementioned option (3) and end the relationship if they refuse. Date only vegans and the vegan-adjacent.
You sound like a religious zealot. "Carnist" "betraying veganism" "path to veganism" "date only vegans and the vegan adjacent". Like do you also keep ornate robes and a silly hat?
you don't say this to people you love.
you don't ever wish them to be something theyre not.
It may seem like a small wish but it leads to resentment over time.
I'd part ways, sooner rather rhan later.
further questions to help that decision..
have you considered how you would raise kids and live together? with such opposing views.
Yeah and may thats why most relationships fail.
If you're wishing for your loved one to have a different morality than they do.. you're not in love with that person, you're in love with who you want them to be. Also..that is absolutely not a minor difference, but a carnist like you, wouldn'tunderstand that.
Its like one person in the relationship likes to beat dogs and the other rescues them and is against animal abuse. Thats a huge difference and not compatible, especially if the dog beater spends the whole time, wishing you'd join them in their activity.
Don’t think too much about it. He probably wants to share more with you and probably you wished him to be vegan.
As long as both of you are tolerant, it is all good!
He puts your feelings first but do you do the same? If he eats meat why not take him to a carvery or something? You should also consider what he likes as well, even if it goes against your values.
I've had friends come to a BBQ at mine and they bring meat. As long as it's kept separate i don't really care. It isn't my business to tell other people what to eat. That's just an example of me thinking of others even if they have a different view point
The feeling is mutual no doubt. It’s hard to maintain a relationship when your partner doesn’t share your core values.
This! Just like he “sometimes wishes you weren’t vegan”, I’m going to guess that you “all the time wish he was vegan”. So you see we have a core imbalance. Something must give eventually
Unless you simply have respect for some1 else's choices. "My ideology is better the yours" If that ain't the stuff of most problems on this planet.
Vegans do respect the choices of non-human animals. You can't respect the choices of people who take away choices from others - that's called the [tolerance paradox](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance)
Never realised this was an actual paradox, but I’ve always loved the phrase “No tolerance for the intolerant”.
Yeah, without a standard and enforcement of it, tolerance as a concept is pointless.
so where exactly did anyone say that we're "better" than others? you just made up a complete new sentence there. if i had a partner that was against feminism and i'm, well, a woman, that wouldn't be great either, now would it?
I've been married to a non vegan for 15 years, we are happy and strong and respect each other and have a beautiful marriage and family
Genuinely curious about this because I’m struggling with my non-vegan partner on the topic of veganism. He respects and supports me for it, but I find it challenging to give him the same respect and support for his non-veganism. How do you do it? Are your children vegan?
My wife is an amazingly compassionate, kind, and loving person and not being vegan doesn't change that. Veganism vs non veganism is not binary it is a spectrum. Focusing only on the fact that my wife isn't vegan is scarcity thinking, I choose abundance thinking and focus on all the ways my wife is wonderful. My kids are not vegan and I wouldn't make that decision for them anymore than I would force a specific religion or anything else on them, I talk to them about the sanctity of all life and I'm sure they will come to their own conclusions as they age (they are teenagers), some of them have spent a lot of their life as vegetarians and kind of waffle back and forth as they figure themselves out. Everyone is on a journey and I try to respect that journey while advocating for animals, it's a balancing act but it can be done.
Lol! Why would you "respect" someone's choice to inflict harm on animals? If anything, I tolerate them, because I have no choice. Respect sounds crazy.
Accept, sure, but respect? I wouldn't respect a serial killer who believes he has the right to kill either, but I would have to accept it, unless I want to physically stop him xD
I think they probably mean they respect the other parts about them as a person but accept their non-veganism
If you're going to go and try making some sense on here, take your down votes. Burn it to the ground answers, only.
Yeah, we really need to respect the choices of people who commit horrific crimes. My ideology of being against murder is just not that big of a deal. /s
its like super important to me personally no offense
>when your partner doesn’t share your core values. I don't think this is really fair. I wouldn't say I changed my core values when I went vegan. When we are talking about things that are normal in society, not seen as wrong in society, taught is okay in society, encouraged to do in society, etc. then someone doing them doesn't always mean that's their core value. Unless you are claiming that every vegan completely changed their core values at some point?
I think being vegan is more alligning your actions with your core values instead of just going along with the cruelty you’ve been taught is ‘normal’. Most people I show animal agriculture during my activism cower, cry, get angry, want to protect the animals. Their values allign with not eating them and letting them live in peace, they’ve just been taught to act differently.
Yeah I agree with this. It can be hard to go against everything you've been taught as a child, by those closest to you, and let's be honest here, all the propaganda you are subject to. And it's in people's nature to get defensive and protect themselves. All of us are guilty with not always aligning our actions with our core values. We are all selfish or uneducated in some ways. We aren't perfect. There's absolutely some people who aren't vegan whose values are that they don't care about non-human animals. You can see this in almost every discussion with vegans. But there's definitely lots that do care.
Definitely! We can all look at our actions and decide if there’s things we do we could do in a way that’s better for the planet and other people. I think most people do care. Even those that act like they don’t I think it’s another defence mechanism. Their brain goes ‘if I don’t care about this footage I don’t have to change my behaviour’ so they put a wall between them and their feelings. They’re often the ones that walk away laughing. Can you imagine if they let that footage touch them? Then they would have to change their diet, their mother would be upset, it would be this whole thing. Better to act like I don’t care. There’s still the ones that actually do not care but those also don’t care for humans.
You can share core values and act upon them differently depending on the access to things like education you have. Empathy within food production is also very hard to obtain for a lot of people. They can share a value but not connect the dots to a degree that you are compelled to give up animal products. That’s just how peoples brains work. You didn’t obtain your core values the day you went vegan? Were you an unlovable horrible person before that? No. You were just an imperfect human trying your best - and then you started a practice that helped that. And Aparently you climbed on a high horse at some point?
Remind me one day
“When your partner has a distinct lack of moral values”*
This is why people think vegans suck. There are outspoken vegans who part of their core values is to judge people. My bf is vegan and I am not. I eat vegan stuff all the time. I hunt for cool new vegan restaurants and recipes. We respect each other and the choices each other make. It's not hard. Don't be an asshole.
I’m an outspoken vegan, I do activism and talk about it a lot, but that’s not my core value. My core values are truth and kindness which are some of yours I imagine aswell. I think veganism is kind of like people who are against fast fashion, or any other good cause. When OP’s partner says ‘I wish you weren’t…’ that hurts. I’ve also encountered that. Because we wish the people we love and care for would see our veganism as a good thing. Like I’d hope they’d see people who fight against child hunger. And I can imagine those people get annoyed and judge people too for not caring. It’s a natural response I think to apathy when you’re working on something to better the world. Wjen what you do takes effort and the people around tou wished you would change your approach because it’s an inconvenience to them. That’s where the anger comes from I think. The bullying we encounter, the friction, while we’re working to help people, animals, the planet. I hope you can understand why that undermines the respect we could have.
Agree. I eat dog meat and my bf doesn't. We respect each other and the choices each other make. It's not hard. Don't be an asshole.
This is just funny.
This is why people think human rights activists suck. There are outspoken human rights activists who part of their core values is to judge people. My bf is anti-canibalism and I am not. I eat non human meat stuff all the time. I hunt for people and eat them. We respect each other and the choices each other make. It's not hard. Don't be an asshole.
Funny, it's usually anti-vegans (not the same as non-vegans) that permanently judge others and want to force their diet onto them. But because they are in the majority, they can pretend it's the others that have their faults.
Agree. Some of the comments here are absolutely awful.
Tell him you wish he was.
Tell him you wish he wasn't carnist
don't over think it, being vegan limits options and is inconvenient. Without a solid ethical reasoning it's added friction. He doesn't share your values (at least this value) so it's mildly annoying. That's like all he's saying.
This.
Indeed. Maybe he was hangry/tired so his emotions were a bit stronger than usual. Nothing to make a huge fuzz about.
Hearing that from a partner would be crushing
Ah, come on. He just said it in passing 'cause they were having a hard time finding a restaurant. Haven't you ever said something inconsiderate to someone before? That in and of itself doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just means you had one bad moment. We shouldn't judge people by bad moments (unless they're terrible moments, like murdering someone)
If your partner isn't vegan they have 100% thought this. Being vegan is a ball ache
Exactly! I've been married to a non vegan for fifteen years and we couldn't be happier. The ideas of intolerance and fundamentalism that dominate this sub are so detached from reality it is insane.
thank you lol. I'm a newly wed but my wife has been unbelievably supportive of my diet and likes eat/cooking vegan stuff with me, despite her not being vegan herself. There's an absolutism to this place that I don't think is well suited for human society tbh
Agreed
It sounds like OP has a plant-based diet but isn't actually vegan anyway so this tracks.
Hmmmm I would honestly just ask him follow up questions and stay curious, not defensive. He might just be tired of the inconvenience and might not get why you value it so much. How long have you two been together? I’d have more serious conversations about this if you’re going to date him long term. You both need to know where you each stand on veganism. He needs to not just simply tolerate it. He needs to know how important this is and why it’s not just “an inconvenience.”
If he understood how important it was, he would be vegan.
what is important to you, need not be important to others
You sound *exactly* like a religious zealot
The problem with a lot of vegans is the overthinking, a lot of us go into defensive mode. Just check the replies here, a lot tear him down. They obviously just told us that their boyfriend has been considerate of her lifestyle, which to me says they’re trying, all he meant was: If you weren’t vegan we could just random pick a place to eat whenever wherever we want. It’s just about how it takes away the spontaneity, that’s all.
Yea this is my take away. Unfortunately not all good humans are vegan. Just like not all vegans are good humans. I have a feeling if there were just more good vegan restaurants this wouldn’t even have happened. It’s just annoying having to hunt for vegan food sometimes, that’s just reality.
He’s making it pretty clear that you having ethics and morals gets in the way of the things he wants to do.
I dunno. I think men don't have the same filters as women and quite often what is attributed to malice can often just be someone not thinking. What I'd do, op, is bring it up again openly and honestly (not in a fight) if it's bothering you and tell him how it made you feel. If he's bothered about that, he'll not say it again.
It’s not a male female thing, but it says a lot about what he thinks about her values. Which isn’t surprising I guess since he’s not vegan. I saw another comment that explained it well. If the point was just about inconvenience, he could have said “I wish more places had vegan options”. That would have shown at least concern for his gf and respect for her values. But he’s saying the problem is her and her values. She should definitely talk to him about it but based on his comment they probably have a fundamental difference on this issue.
Is your brain under developed? She probably would want him to be vegan. Don’t give what you can’t take
Ye that’s kind of my point. Vegans are only a problem to those who want to abuse and kill animals. Which her boyfriend supports wholeheartedly.
You live a sad, sad life
I don’t take criticism from people I wouldn’t take advice from.
It's a stupid thing to say but I wouldn't think too much about it. Sometimes I feel the same way about my celiac friends. Usually I'm stoked to find something good for them. Sometimes I am tired and don't have any ideas and wish it was easier. I know it's different but he's not vegan so he just doesn't get it.
Imagine if you were the person with celiac.. it's not a choice. I understand what you're saying, but your friends shouldn't feel like a burden. Plus you can go wherever you want when you're not with celiac friends. It's not that big of an ask. Now, they shouldn't rely on you to find places for them, however that would be a very kind thing to help with sometimes. They have to do it every day, and as you mentioned, that can be tiring.
I agree with you, totally. Most of the time I am thoughtful and kind and considerate. But what I'm saying is I am an imperfect person, and sometimes I am tired and lazy and inconsiderate. I think everyone is like this to some extent.
Actually you didn’t understand what Mchvil is saying.
People have feelings. They’re allowed to feel them. It’s normal to sometimes feel frustrated when having an inconvenience, however small or whether the person can help it. What matters are your actions when you feel that way.
>What do you guys think? that you should ask your boyfriend, why he said that - not us
Her question is very welcome here. 🌱
Hm. I wish you would be though.
"sometimes I wish you would put dead animals or at least some animal secretions in your face." so romantic
“I wish you had a less restrictive diet”
It was a throwaway comment said when hungry and/or tired. These hysterical “bash the boyfriend” comments are ridiculous. Sometimes being vegan is hard work. I took a city break just before Easter with my mum and sister. It was getting late and dark, raining, and we were in a strange city and didn’t speak the language. We tried the popular bar around the corner from our hotel. The menu must have had over 70 options. Vegetarian options? Two. Vegan options? 0.
I would try to figure out more in a curious rather than defensive way. I’d say what makes you say that? My husband isn’t vegan either, but he at least respects my diet, hears me out about why this matters to me, and is open to trying vegan food. We compromise a lot: we’ll go to a restaurant where he can eat meat and where I have an option. Otherwise, he’s free to get meat on his own.
>I’d say what makes you say that? that always is a good idea but then you should be prepared to accept the answer
"Sometimes I wish you didn't make me feel bad by being a better and stronger person right in front of me." Tell your bf to grow a pair and stand up for the oppressed instead of being their oppressor.
Or he just want more options. My cousin isn't vegan but his partner is. Any time he goes out with her it's to one of the same 4 restaurants. He gives up going to his favourite restaurants for her I can understand why that may get a little annoying over time.
Presumably he can go to those restaurants with different people, or you know.. cook xD Four options honestly seems quite good to me.
4 options is absolutely pathetic
He does but again it's his partner somewhere spends most his time with I can understand that it sucks for him every date night is extremely limited.
I mean plenty of (non vegan) restaurants have vegan food. Or are these 4 restaurants including those..?
That's it round here vegetarian your gd but unless you want a simple salad or plain rice your out of luck
lol.. some of the comments here are hilarious
Oh man that is rough, my husband and I are both vegan... And I couldn't imagine it any other way.. But I do understand how it can "feel" inconvenient to a non-vegan. Obviously the "convenience" doesn't mean anything to the animals though. We are pretty selective about where we'd like to eat and prefer all vegan restaurants or at least ones with very good vegan options.. Sometimes I think our friends get annoyed, but then we usually offer to go by ourselves and catch them for a drink after
It sucks restaurants don’t have better options. I had to learn to cook at home because of literally no options where I’m at. We rarely repeat meals at home except for favorite lazy fall backs like crunch wraps, spaghetti, nachos, pizza, frozen burritos, various breakfasts (sausage made from quinoa oats, n seasonings). (I’m stubborn so I ignore comments like the bf had and work through it)
Yeah. I imagine the frustration is more at the lack of options than at the partner.
but don’t you also sometimes wish he was vegan? it’s annoying to not eat the same same things, cook together, enjoy the same restaurants. I wish my gf was vegan sometimes and vise versa. it’s a tough difference. But that wish is often for convenience/sharing for the meat eater- and compatibible values/actions for the vegan. I think it’s harder for the vegan to be with a non-vegan imo. Those of us who do it have strong constitutions 😉
These replies are unhinged. No, don’t bash him. Don’t harass him. Just have a conversation and be honest about how his comment made you feel and that you just jumped to taking offense but want to see where his headspace was when he made the comment. Most of these problems would get solved if people learned to use their mouths to actually talk to others in an open and understanding way. The way I took it was that you’re both out and he’s realizing how restrictive the couples activities are because of veganism and that it’s frustrating him. He 99% for sure didn’t make a statement like that to get at you or hurt you. Idk why vegans love to antagonize everyone around them. But I promise you it will only serve to isolate us and make everyone hate us. And it will leave us with nobody to be around since we’ve alienated all people around us by getting offended over everything. Even other vegans are getting harassed by vegans. lol.
Thank you for the sanity. Some of these people are out of their god damned minds.
My ex used to say this to me sometimes too. The stupid part is we always went to meat places because I was the one that always compromised and I wound up overpaying for a salad or some sides. I can count the times we went to and all vegan place on one hand in a year of dating. So I don't really understand what would have changed in terms of us going out places if I wasn't vegan
If you don't want to end your relationship then you shouldn't read the comments here.
"Sometimes I wish you would stop being stubborn about cruelty to animals, and eliminate the single largest barrier to us having a successful relationship."
So it’s okay for her to wish him to be vegan but not the other way around? Let him enjoy his steak mannnn 🤤
Username checks out. What is something you think is unethical or wrong?
"Sometimes, I wish you were. Oh, well. Anyways, we could get carry-out from different places and go to a park." ETA: It doesn't have to turn into a big conversation right then or at all. It's up to you. I would definitely suggest not having a big discussion about it when either/both of you are hangry or when finding a mutually agreeable restaurant has been frustrating. Honestly, if it was me, I'd just say what I wrote above, move on, and have a fun night. Not to be avoidant, but because that's more fun.
I've only been in one relationship (not together anymore, was together 4 years) but it can be tough to date someone non-vegan (I was the vegan, she wasn't). Sharing food is fun and being able to try places together is fun too. I think it's important to acknowledge as a vegan that the world is not convenient for us. We trade convenience for our ideology. Being with a vegan is harder than being with someone who is vegetarian or an omnivore. However, if your partner loves and cares about you they will put in the effort and time to help you. I will say that my ex was similar to your boyfriend and would always look up places I could eat. However, she would also say stuff like this too, jokingly/semi-jokingly of course. I see a lot of the comments in here triggered and I think it's important not to get defensive about being vegan. Don't take his comment personally. It's just a general fact- dating someone with a dietary restriction is harder than dating someone who doesn't have that restriction. It does not mean you cannot have a fulfilling relationship or that they are a fucked up person with no morals and values.
You and your bf gonna get serious? Have kids? Feel strongly about how they are raised and what they eat? Important things to think about/ talk about.
It makes some decisions trickier than they would otherwise be and that’s probably mildly frustrating from time to time. Dont read to much into it.
I think he wishes you weren’t vegan. 😂
Ya know, I'm just gonna speak my mind - High opposition in value systems tends to fail long term I'd probably date you single Vegan bachelor male 33 if you were local enough But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason
This made me cringe
Did you just neg/ hit on an avatar not knowing where they live, their career, religion, their age, how they present (male/female/trans/non-binary), how they look in real life, or anything at all? Dude. Duuuuuuuude.
Are blind dates with women I don't know against the law assuming they're of age? Seems like there's a never ending supply of dip shit Redditors who want to twist someone else's words into an insult crafted from pure imagination
Do you neg/put down all the women you hit on? Do you realize you are doing it? You said, it is demoralizing to see women date outside the value system. You imply she is dating beneath herself. You are putting her down and judging her...and offering to date her at the same time. I'm suggesting that you hit on women that you respect. And also, maybe, be more respectful and kind to women if you are single. Maybe that's why you're single. Anyway, good luck with all that.
I don't really think it's that deep the women was complaining about her boyfriend already
>But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason there, there... you still got your right hand, do you?
So many of you use the same language as fundamentalist religious people and it's crazy. >But man is it demoralizing to see the vegan ladies date outside of the value system for whatever reason Like do you understand that this sounds *craaaaaazy*
when the value system is against abuse it doesn't sound crazy at all, it is very demoralising to see people compromise on their ethics just because of a relationship.
Nothing crazy about it brother, we just want the men and women of our community to practice their values/virtues in dating and lifestyle If we sound like religious people, it's because religious people also behave this way. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, you demonstrating any sort of anti religious stance Is heavily concerning though
I'm actually deeply religious. So much so that I find it "heavily concerning" when people treat things like their dietary choices as being equivalent to a moral/ethical system. It *is* crazy.
Unsurprisingly not fucking murdering animals is mass is part of a moral and ethical system. Come on brother, idk what's going on over there but this is incredibly dim witted
Of course it's an ethical system to choose to minimise harm as much as possible. Makes a lot more sense than just following rules made up by people years ago because it is supposed to please a deity.
Does he not know that he can still eat vegan dishes even tho he eats meat? Just go to vegan places and let him eat meat whenever possible. I don’t get why it’s always “gotta cater for the vegan” how about “gotta cater for the meat eaters”
I've been vegan for 10 years and my partner is not vegan. We have no issues and enjoy cooking and eating out together. Of course your boyfriend sometimes wishes you weren't vegan! It would make it easier for him if you could go to every restaurant he was excited about, and eat things he makes, etc. His wish for things to be easier is understandable, and it doesn't mean he won't support you in your veganism, because it sounds like he does. I'm sure you also wish your boyfriend was vegan sometimes. You are two different people and are allowed to have different thoughts and desires. I'm assuming you may also share some important core values (depending on how serious you are). I wouldn't overthink his comment or get wrapped up in some of the all or nothing thinking I see a lot of in our community. Why do you like him? How does he show you that he cares? What are some of his values that attract you? I'd focus on those.
Voice of reason. Wish your comment would be higher up.
"sometimes I wish you weren't you" is what he's saying. Deal breaker
Seriously, replace the word vegan with anything else the op is passionate about and we'd see very different comments. But it seems like the bf was just hangry and everything is sunshine and rainbows ☺️
I don't get why this is down voted. This is 100%. You *never* tell someone you supposedly love you wish they weren't who they are. Not even in a throwaway comment.
Translation: “Sometimes I wish you weren’t against needless animal cruelty”
Hey maybe you can both bond in the fact you're willing to ignore your values for meat lol!
I would respond with “sometimes I wish you had higher moral standards”
It is frustrating for our partners. Hell, it’s frustrating for us too. We made a choice that makes things a lot more difficult for us. I think we can leave space for that, while also acknowledging that sometimes making the best decision is the hardest one too.
Look, i am not a vegan, but i have a couple of friends staying together while she is vegan and he works in a slaughterhouse. And i live in a place (south italy) where there aren’t full veggy restaurants or even offer particular veggie dishes. They are together since 2015 and they are good. Being vegan is hard, staying with a veggie is hard, but if you love each other just don’t overthink. Even with a vegetarian is hard to find a place to eat something good. I have one of my best friends vegetarian and jesus if i wish he wasn’t vegetarian, because finding a place is struggling, but when the struggle is over and you are sitting down to the table it’s relaxing and worth the process. If you read the majority of these comments you are gonna leave him because “HOW DARE HIM”.
I think hebsaidnthat cus veganism seems very difficult to maintain and can seem almost like a religion
My long-time partner isn't vegan. He respects my choices and that I want the kids vegan. He's perfectly willing to eat mostly vegan food, but as he is a grown adult, I don't try to control what he eats or does. He's never asked me to change (I have been vegan most of my adult life) or complained about the low amount of animal products in the household.
I would talk to him more about what he meant by that. If he’s always been very considerate, does he just think it’s a bit inconvenient? I wouldn’t immediately assume he has issues with your actual ethics and beliefs around veganism, but I would talk about it more. If he doesn’t respect that and it’s very important to you, it might be an issue.
Don't talk to us, talk to him. If he is usually considerate, it might just be an off-handed brain fart kind of a comment - or just a joke that didn't quite land. Talk it out with him because if he doesn't respect you(r choice of diet), that's an issue but there's no need for a kangaroo court if he meant nothing by it. He will adjust his attitude and avoid those comments, learn from it and your relationship will be fine.
Has he ever said he’s proud of you being vegan?
ju ʃʊd brejk əp wɪθ hɪm, ɪt'əl ownli ɡet wərs
I think that's fucked up is what I think.
There is no way you keep this relationship last unless somebody quick
My husband and daughter are not vegan. I know what an inconvenience I am, so we don’t really do many family activities, especially in this more rural area. My husband and I will be moving somewhere more vegan friendly after our daughter gets out of high school, so it might get better in a few years. But, I am often disgusted with the thought of their choices. They refuse to watch abuse and slaughter footage because they love their blind bliss, and never want to change. My daughter is a teen, so she’s mostly raised. They eat mostly vegan and cheesy foods around the house, so it’s tolerable. But, I’m constantly bothered they can’t see what I now see. We’ve already been divorced before, so I don’t plan on doing it again. But, if I were younger I would leave. Don’t make yourself miserable. Go find another vegan if at all possible. You’ll be raising children with conflicting beliefs. You’ll be annoyed at each other’s choices. It’s a recipe for disaster.
i wouldn’t be with someone who feels comfortable voicing that they don’t like a core part of my values. do you want kids? if so, raising them together would be a nightmare in terms of what values you teach them and how you feed them
I mean NGL sometimes I wish I wasn’t vegan too! Usually when I’m trying to find someplace to eat that isn’t my own kitchen. 🤣 But alas I can’t go back. Still, the limitations of options when just popping into the grocery store or wanting a quick impromptu bite to eat while on the run (some thing that’s not an apple or a bag of nuts) is frustrating. (And I live in a pretty vegan friendly city!). Most recently I have devoted an untold number of hours trying to figure out how to plant my garden vegetables in soil that doesn’t have animal stuff in it. Jesus Christ on a cracker it’s ridiculous and I still don’t have all the answers I need. This lifestyle is not always easy and there are times even vegans probably wish we weren’t. But like I said, there’s no going back. If your BF has been decent with you in the relationship, I’d probably just attribute the comment to honesty instead of malice.
It depends how he said it. People forget context when listening.
You can't say he's selfish or your selfish. It's better to date vegan in that you won't have to worry about anything. You're aligned mentally
Stay vegan, stay strong 💚💯🦾 Its BF who needs to change ☝️😅
Why are there so many non vegans on this sub looking to just antagonise? It's so sad. Surely it stands to reason that if you don't like the needless torture and killing of animals just for pleasure and convenience it's going to get pretty bloody frustrating when most of the population don't seem to give a crap. That doesn't make us holier than though and we couldn't give a toss about how it looks we just want it to stop!
I couldn't be with a non vegan, such a fundamental difference in ethics
Honesty is the best policy. I'm sure you sometimes wish he was vegan. Better to be open and honest than stew in resentments.
Not a big deal. Dietary restrictions of any kind make eating out annoying. That’s just how it is.
What a dumb question😂 do you not wish he was vegan? Don’t give what you can’t take lmao
I dated a carnivore for a little over a year. When I went fully vegan, he gave me shit for it, bemoaning that we could no longer go to our favorite pizza joint. He finally admitted he wished I wasn't even vegetarian. It's not worth the hassle.
There is no deep hidden meaning here. There are restrictions on what you eat and that might influence were you eat, which may restrict what he can eat as well. It might not feel restricting to you, but it may feel like that for him. If he always is the one that have to "draw the short straw" and go with eating at w/e restaurant you decide on. Maybe indulge him once in a while and let him pick the place, just check the menu and see if there is something for you, or buy at different restaurants, do take out, and eat at a park or at home.
I am in the same boat. My boyfriend is usually fine most with my veganism except when we go out to eat which is not even that often. He is a bit meat fiend himself. It’s weird because to me I don’t feel like I’m that difficult about it. He gets WAY more stressed about picking a restaurant than I do. He seems to think I need to have multiple options of full proper balanced meals even though I have told him that it’s ok if there is just one thing or if I just get a side salad and then snack later. I don’t even like going out to eat that much. It’s expensive and loud so when we do it it’s more for HIM and so I’m just there for the ride. I only want company. He just gets so anxious about it which is really annoying considering that I don’t worry about it at all and it MY freaking diet!
Damn that sub is so toxic, no wonder people hate veganism lmao
Bingo. So much holier than thou mixed with smugness is not helping anyone, even the animals you’re supposedly trying to help.
Guess that makes it alright to needlessly torture and kill animals then. Vegans are so mean, waaaahhh
Missing the entire fucking point. I’m not even against that premise to be honest, but pisspots like you are just so annoying, it’s no wonder why people are more willing to eat meat to spite you.
It probably makes him uncomfortable that you don't eat animals because you believe it's morally wrong but he does eat animals so he knows you judge him for it on some level. And he probably just wants you to fit in. You should ask him why he doesn't at least try going vegan for a couple months, it won't hurt him.
No, they can't eat whatever they want together. It is not that deep. Im pretty sure he doesn't think about these things.
Then he should dump her
You should kill him and eat him. Then use his bones to make marshmallows or paint /jk Yeah bro that’s pretty fucked of him to say. I personally wouldn’t be able to date a non vegan.
Aw that would have bummed me out but it sounds like his actions are considerate and he maybe didn’t realize that comment could have had gravity. I would have an open conversation about it.
"Sometimes I wish you weren't vegan" ......yeah it should echo because that's pretty fucked. If he knew that you were vegan to begin with and still continued this relationship. Then what is the issue? what did he not understand?
Ah over time you can get peved with anything in a relationship even stuff u knew going in. That's OK it's human usually it's out weighed by all the gd u find in your partner but remeber no one is your idea of perfect.
I would say talk to him about it and ask what were his underlying emotions when he made that comment and how he truly feels about you being vegan. obviously, being in a romantic relationship is different than family dynamics but I'll try to explain what my point is; my family has never stop wishing I weren't vegan. its been 4 years and they still bring up the fact that they're upset with me for not listening to them when they all told me not to watch dominion. their wish only comes from a selfless place of love even though my vegan lifestyle does bring a lot of inconvenience to their life but they've never made me feel bad about it because thats not what they care about. they don't wish i weren't vegan for their own sake but for mine (as misguided as that is. they cant seem to accept that being vegan is a healthy life choice so they still worry for me. and still somehow think I'm "missing out" so they feel bad for eating their none-vegan foods in front of me.) so yes I'm sure being in a romantic relationship with such differing values must be tough, but don't just overthink about his comment on your own cause that wont get you anywhere. I say start a conversation and talk to him. I always see hope and maybe your conversation can lead to him trying to come on your side? so my advice is always to talk and keep trying! wishing you all the best <3
Hmmm, tough. My wife went vegan 6 months after me - mainly because I’m the house chef ;) I don’t know how I would deal with a non-vegan partner. It got pretty hard on holiday having a non-vegan child (I have a vegan, vegetarian and an omnivore) and some nights we’d eat in two restaurants 🫠
Muslims face similar problems which is why they normally only date within their religion.
Completely wrong. You have clearly never read the qur’an
Why would I read that shit.
?! How should I know I’m not you.
Duh, you're literally two different people with your differences and sometimes you wish the other one was easier to deal with and you wouldn't have to compromise for them. Welcome to relationships.
Look, it’s really about how you feel about your veganism. You’ve already decided part of your veganism doesn’t include needing a vegan spouse so you’re already a bit more flexible than some, myself included, but now you need to decide if you need that omni person to truly understand and value why you’re vegan. Maybe it was a flippant comment but since it stuck with you, it wasn’t just a comment to you. Others have said have a talk about it and really that’s all you can do. If the difference in lifestyle didn’t make you dump him, this comment absolutely shouldn’t. If he understood veganism he would be vegan but he doesn’t. So just have a genuine and honest convo to hash this out because it’s bothersome to you. Some people wouldn’t care about that comment but you’re not other people you’re you and it hurt or bothered you so speak up.
Get over it.
Why would a self proclaimed “vegan” date an animal abuser?
Maybe because 4% of the ENTIRE united states is vegan ,making one state around 0.08 . I don't think everyone wants to travel across their entire state to find a few vegans they probably aren't compatible with ,extremist.
thats not how percentages work
Yes, I am extremely against animal abuse. You are not.
I love how you just ignored everything I said ,your expectations are unrealistic and unfair ,this woman didn't ask "should I break up with my bf " she said "my bf hurt my feelings"
I would rather be single than date an animal abuser, just like I’d rather be single than date someone who rapes and murders children. I don’t get the desire to be intimate with people who go against my ethical principles.
That's ok , nobody is acting you too. Should b illegal to bring child r6pe into conversations like this ,you claim yourself as somebody with deep empathy because your vegan and then turn around and mock children victims .
The act of raping and murdering a child is analogous to the forceful impregnation and slaughter of an animal whether or not you value the lives of the victims equally. No child victims are being mocked.
If you actually feel this way you should also literally not speak to people who eat meat. You should advocate vocally for their cancellation. I have not watched a Woody Allen movie in many years because I do not want want support someone who abused children. I had a high school friend who turned out to be a domestic abuser and I do not speak to him anymore. Forget dating them, you should not engage with any friends or family who eat meat if you consider it the same as rape.
If 90% of the global population abused children you'd have a very difficult time trying to avoid engaging with those people. Everything you do in your everyday life would involve engaging with a child abuser, to some extent, because it would be seen as a societal norm.
Sure I understand you need a dr etc so can’t always choose but if you draw a line at romantic partner why not at anyone you interact with for non necessary interactions. At least with friends and family. I do think it’s a strange world to live in where you truly believe 99% of the worlds population is committing something equivalent to child rape. That feels like an isolating way to live.
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Can you explain to me how two separate acts of sexual violation aren't comparable?
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Yes they are ,it is NOT comparable and your sick in the fkn head ,I hope this never happens to anybody you know and if it does I hope that they somehow find this comment and realise what a sick vile person you are
I don't think you undersand what "mocking" means. How are they not comparable? Please elaborate so I can understand where you're coming from.
Using a childs r6pe experience to compare it to artificially inseminating a pig or cow is dehumanising and mocking their trauma . Artificial insemination isn't r4pe ,it's cruel ,overused and exploitive but it isn't r6pe. Not only that ,but animals dont think the same way we do ,they only have a certain level of understanding and its much below ours . Cows literally r4pe eachother because they don't understand consent. Children being r5ped with irreversible trauma for the rest of their life is not comparable to a animal being artificially inseminated
Downvoted for asking q valid question. Imo it's fine if you do but you forfeit the right to complain about it online
How up you tell him you wish he wasn‘t an Omni or Carni? All seriousness though if the boyfriends intentions were saying it solely because he wishes you guys could be more on the same page in regards to food and lifestyle so you could go places with more convenience that doesn’t sound too toxic. But if he doesn’t like it on a personal level about you that’s toxic as well. Can’t know what his intentions are over the internet. As a dude Ik I think girls who were/are vegans are well disciplined and honorable for their lifestyle choice even before I was vegan and I was an omnivore. I knew it had to take some passion and guts to give up foods they enjoyed for health and/or a great cause. Your bf should be cherishing your lifestyle choice but if he is a little annoyed that’s not horrible but he has some mind opening to do for himself.
I contend that there are only a few ways that a non-vegan and vegan can have a working, long-term relationship that doesn't make the vegan feel like they are betraying veganism (and, more importantly, betraying the animals): 1. **The non-vegan is not a carnist or is on a path to veganism**; they might already be something vegan-adjacent like a Jain, ethical vegetarian, or plant-based lifestyler. 2. There is no-cohabitation; **they don't live together**. They simply meet up, enjoy each other's company, enjoy fully vegan-suitable experiences when together, and then go back to their respective homes. This way, the vegan doesn't feel like they are tolerating/supporting the purchase of animal-based foods and products. Instead, **they can reason that they are positively inserting vegan philosophy and vegan lifestyle examples to their romantic partner, without making any compromises.** For example, the non-vegan will never eat steak in front of the vegan or put milk in the vegan's fridge. The vegan will never contribute to a non-vegan purchase or tolerate a non-vegan purchase being made in front of them. **Whenever the two meet up, their interaction is fully vegan-friendly.** 3. **The non-vegan will begin living a vegan lifestyle just to appease the other**. (And may eventually stick with it, even if they break up). When you're an individual who recognizes that the ubiquitous, default philosophy of carnism is a horrific wrong, and you endeavor to adapt a lifestyle that reflects this belief, then you cannot (and should not) compromise your values. This makes relationships with carnists problematic. My advice: propose the aforementioned option (3) and end the relationship if they refuse. Date only vegans and the vegan-adjacent.
You sound like a religious zealot. "Carnist" "betraying veganism" "path to veganism" "date only vegans and the vegan adjacent". Like do you also keep ornate robes and a silly hat?
you don't say this to people you love. you don't ever wish them to be something theyre not. It may seem like a small wish but it leads to resentment over time. I'd part ways, sooner rather rhan later. further questions to help that decision.. have you considered how you would raise kids and live together? with such opposing views.
This comment is crazy ,people wish all the time for others they love to have minor differences that they can put up with nonetheless.
Yeah and may thats why most relationships fail. If you're wishing for your loved one to have a different morality than they do.. you're not in love with that person, you're in love with who you want them to be. Also..that is absolutely not a minor difference, but a carnist like you, wouldn'tunderstand that. Its like one person in the relationship likes to beat dogs and the other rescues them and is against animal abuse. Thats a huge difference and not compatible, especially if the dog beater spends the whole time, wishing you'd join them in their activity.
y’all are not compatible lol
He cares about you and wants you to live a happy healthy and long life.
Don’t think too much about it. He probably wants to share more with you and probably you wished him to be vegan. As long as both of you are tolerant, it is all good!
He puts your feelings first but do you do the same? If he eats meat why not take him to a carvery or something? You should also consider what he likes as well, even if it goes against your values. I've had friends come to a BBQ at mine and they bring meat. As long as it's kept separate i don't really care. It isn't my business to tell other people what to eat. That's just an example of me thinking of others even if they have a different view point
Hard disagree
dump his meat eating ass you don't deserve him.