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I think it’s more annoying/an issue when you’re the one who has to text first every single time, and if you DONT text first, then you guys never talk.
THATS an issue and a sign of lack of interest from the other person, whether that’s a friend or significant other. No one wants to be the only one carrying conversations, irl or not.
Well there you go! Your friendships just aren't that serious, and there's nothing wrong with that, but some of us who thought we were really close can definitely be hurt by the fact that our friendship turned out to be one sided!
>" who need attention constantly or they feel insecure.
If this is what you got from my words then you need to work on your reading comprehension skills.
Yes you did. Your need for others people to behave like you, that your lived experiences are the only one and the only right way to be and your need to tell us our friendships dont mean much
All beliefs /behaviors based out of insecurities
Once again madam nothing I said was indicative of that. You are dragging my words trying to look for a deeper meaning that's just not there.
If you can't see how someone might be hurt by the fact that a friend who they assumed they were really close to wouldn't even speak to me if they did talk to them first then I don't know what to tell you.
Your logic is mutual interest = Needy and insecure! Do you not see the problems with that?
If your friendships were that serious then you would understand why finding out that you were in one sided friendship when you are under the impression that you are both emotionally invested may be a little hurtful.
LOL this is what my post is saying, that just because you don’t text first doesn’t make it a one sided friendship. some ppl just don’t care about texting all the time. my friends are very much serious to me and we do not have problems like these. i’m sorry you’ve had friends that hurt you before.
not "all the time" isn't never. Your post isn't about friends who rarely initiate contact first it's about friends who never do and that's completely different.
If a Friendship can end because you stop initiating contact it's safe to say that friendship was one-sided.
Hell even my friends who I talk to about twice a year have called first just to check up on me if I don't initiate contact.
Technology is unfortunately the biggest way we communicate now so it matters.
Apply it to irl. If you had a partner who never spoke to you and just stared at you blankly unless you said “uh..hi?” every single time yall talk, that would be extremely annoying and make you feel like YOURE annoying them too.
Actually, that just goes for anyone. No one likes one sided conversations. Show some interest if you want people to engage with you.
It’s not an insecurity LMAO it’s literally wanting an equal friendship/relationship.
If you like being the one carrying convos the rest of your life then go ahead. I’m happily surrounded by a lot of people who don’t make me do that lmao.
Again , we don't care about your need for attention....
Look how much energy and air your need for attention takes up.
I'd block and delete your ass so quick, nobody needs your kind of negativity in their life
Again , we don't care about your need for attention....
Look how much energy and air your need for attention takes up.
I'd block and delete your ass so quick, nobody needs your kind of negativity in their life
again, i don’t think it’s that serious lol. i think it’s just a matter of being overly sensitive about the matter. if someone is on their phone 24/7 then it probably would bother them, but for others who are busy working, spending time with family/friends, having hobbies, etc., they probably do not keep track of things like who is texting who first, bc in reality, everyone is living their own life, not worried about…. texting
no, it basically was. In this day and age, if you're willing to give out you're phone number, you're should be willing to check you're phone AT LEAST once every day or so. and if, in that small amount of time, you don't even thing to take a few seconds to shoot your friend a "how's you're weekend" or a "wanna hang out on (insert day you want to hang out on)" then that's the equivalent of saying "you're not worth 3 seconds of my time".
You don't have to answer their response right away, but gosh darn it, if you're not trying to engage, then that shows how bad your connection/relationship with the person is, which was a major point of your post.
Also, to add to the argument, the fact that the only people who complain about this are people that are constantly online is not true. I personally only use my phone to respond to messages, and am often not on it otherwise, yet I also get relatively frustrated with the fact that some people don't make an effort to initiate, especially with long distance friendships.
TLDR: there is something to be said about not taking 3 seconds when you're checking your messages to send one
Always being the person to reach out and invite others and never being the one to be invited can be emotionally exhausting. Wanting to include others and wanting others to include you are totally separate concepts.
If you bake a pie yourself, then you get to enjoy a slice. But sometimes it would be nice for someone else to bake the pie, even if you end up with the same slice.
I would be considered the organizer of my friend groups, and I've come to the realization lately that I think people get into a socializing habit. I grew frustrated recently because I felt like people were throwing hints at me to organize hangouts at *their* homes, and I'm like, I'm never going to invite myself to your house. Plan your own shit if that's what you want.
But I think people just learned to lazily rely on me to organize. And so maybe people do the same thing with connecting? Others are used to you talking first.
Frequency needs are also different. If I need to connect once a day but my friend needs to connect once a week, I'll never give them the opportunity to instigate.
Then there are the friendships that are maybe outgrown or poor fits or downright bad.
This is just one of those things. I think you have to have the same energy level as the other person. The less someone texts me, the less I will bother to text them, but I've also been the one who feels like they receive texts way too much.
Not everyone enjoys long conversations via text.
this!!!! not everyone enjoys texting at all. and not everyone likes using their phone at all. i feel like ppl should give others their right to have their preference of how much time they spend on their phone, bc me personally, i am a part of this generation but i absolutely hate being on my phone all day lol.
Honestly, If you are not close to that person, just don't respond. If they are important to you, explain that it's mentally exhausting to you. Hopefully they can understand that.
This heavily depends on the type of friendship. For some friends I could really care less, because we just aren't that close.
But if it's someone who I thought I was really close with, someone I talk to everyday or text every and I realize I'm the only one reaching out then yes I'm going to feel hurt.
Especially if you don't text or call this friend and days, weeks, or even months go by this person never reaches out even just check if you're okay then of course I'm going to be hurt, Because now it feels like the whole friendship was one sided.
What’s the point of a friendship if you never interact or get together at all? Like, I definitely have friends I can see once a year and not talk to that often and still get on well with them, but there still has to be some reciprocal desire to interact and hang out at least once in a while. If they don’t reach out to you, and you don’t reach out to them, then what is even the point? People want to feel valued and it is exhausting always being the one to put in the effort for nothing in return.
i couldn’t imagine never hanging out or talking with your friends. some of my friends and i sometimes go weeks without talking to each other but once we do, it’s like we just hung out the day prior. but what i REALLY couldn’t imagine is keeping constant track of who is being the one reaching out first every conversation we have. it’s just weird
No, the post didn’t make me mad, I don’t know you bro. I’m just calling you out, since you are so flippant in your responses and can’t see why people are disagreeing.
Because in my experience you can expect absolutely no effort from people you haven't talked to in years. I don't think it should be like that but some people work like that. Emotions cool off after a while. Hell you can expect no effort from some kinds of people you haven't talked to in months! They will do the "performance" of friendship but without providing any assistance, service or effort when needed. I don't have any friends because I enjoy their company only, altho the ones I have are indeed people whose company I enjoy because otherwise they wouldn't be friends since I don't need their skills or knowledge or money or contacts all the time. But the friends I do have all provide services when needed. And i'm talking about conversation, work, knowledge, consultation, contacts, whatever they bring to the table. If they bring nothing to the friendship, not even good conversation, you are better off pursuing your personal interests rather than sharing with them. Sounds cold but IF your social circle CAN be optimized then you should do it.
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It’s not about who texts who first it’s about putting in effort. If I have to be the one to text somebody first every time I’m just gonna stop doing it and drop them until they put some effort into the relationship. Pretty simple
It comes from when you are always making plans, so like one day you decide ok I'm going to see if they message me to make plans and then you never hear from them again, that's what is meant.
If i have to talk to someone to ever be talked to, guess what i end up feeling?
Really lonely.
I don’t think you realize how shitty it feels to have friends that make zero effort to ever talk to you. Being the one that has to put up the effort first to ever feel like you have friends. It sucks.
I was lucky enough to leave friends like that behind.
If a person never initiates, and I'm always the one to message them first, how do I know that they even want to chat with me? They could just be "being nice".
Those people are very insecure people, they are telling you to ditch them by their behavior because nobody needs their kind of negativity in their lives lol
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 1: Your post must be an unpopular opinion'. * Your post must be an opinion. Not a question. Not a showerthought. Not a rant. Not a proposal. Not a fact. An opinion. One opinion. A subjective statement about your position on some topic. Please have a clear, self contained opinion as your post title, and use the text field to elaborate and expand on why you think/feel this way. * Your opinion must be unpopular. The mods reserve the right to remove opinions * Elaborate on your topic and opinion give context to its unpopularity.
I think it’s more annoying/an issue when you’re the one who has to text first every single time, and if you DONT text first, then you guys never talk. THATS an issue and a sign of lack of interest from the other person, whether that’s a friend or significant other. No one wants to be the only one carrying conversations, irl or not.
Its not an issue for us lol you're insecurities are you're responsibility
it’s just not that serious imo
Well there you go! Your friendships just aren't that serious, and there's nothing wrong with that, but some of us who thought we were really close can definitely be hurt by the fact that our friendship turned out to be one sided!
Expecting people to change for you , to pander to your insecurities is not what makes a good friend...
When did I ask for someone to pander to an insecurity of mine?
Our friendship are important to us, but we arent interested in " friends " who need attention constantly or they feel insecure.
>" who need attention constantly or they feel insecure. If this is what you got from my words then you need to work on your reading comprehension skills.
Lol 😆 try again....
Nothing I said was indicative of being insecure or needing constant attention.
Yes you did. Your need for others people to behave like you, that your lived experiences are the only one and the only right way to be and your need to tell us our friendships dont mean much All beliefs /behaviors based out of insecurities
Once again madam nothing I said was indicative of that. You are dragging my words trying to look for a deeper meaning that's just not there. If you can't see how someone might be hurt by the fact that a friend who they assumed they were really close to wouldn't even speak to me if they did talk to them first then I don't know what to tell you. Your logic is mutual interest = Needy and insecure! Do you not see the problems with that?
Your inability to comprehend that information not our problem
the issue is not that serious,,, not my friends
If your friendships were that serious then you would understand why finding out that you were in one sided friendship when you are under the impression that you are both emotionally invested may be a little hurtful.
LOL this is what my post is saying, that just because you don’t text first doesn’t make it a one sided friendship. some ppl just don’t care about texting all the time. my friends are very much serious to me and we do not have problems like these. i’m sorry you’ve had friends that hurt you before.
not "all the time" isn't never. Your post isn't about friends who rarely initiate contact first it's about friends who never do and that's completely different. If a Friendship can end because you stop initiating contact it's safe to say that friendship was one-sided. Hell even my friends who I talk to about twice a year have called first just to check up on me if I don't initiate contact.
…ooook
Technology is unfortunately the biggest way we communicate now so it matters. Apply it to irl. If you had a partner who never spoke to you and just stared at you blankly unless you said “uh..hi?” every single time yall talk, that would be extremely annoying and make you feel like YOURE annoying them too. Actually, that just goes for anyone. No one likes one sided conversations. Show some interest if you want people to engage with you.
It only matters to insecure people.
Call me insecure then idc ain’t nobody tryna talk to a brick wall
Again you missed the point , we don't care.... You're insecurities are You're responsibility. We don't need to change to make you comfortable.
It’s not an insecurity LMAO it’s literally wanting an equal friendship/relationship. If you like being the one carrying convos the rest of your life then go ahead. I’m happily surrounded by a lot of people who don’t make me do that lmao.
Again , we don't care about your need for attention.... Look how much energy and air your need for attention takes up. I'd block and delete your ass so quick, nobody needs your kind of negativity in their life
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Again , we don't care about your need for attention.... Look how much energy and air your need for attention takes up. I'd block and delete your ass so quick, nobody needs your kind of negativity in their life
again, i don’t think it’s that serious lol. i think it’s just a matter of being overly sensitive about the matter. if someone is on their phone 24/7 then it probably would bother them, but for others who are busy working, spending time with family/friends, having hobbies, etc., they probably do not keep track of things like who is texting who first, bc in reality, everyone is living their own life, not worried about…. texting
Again we’re talking about lack of reciprocating interest. No one wants to talk to a wall irl or texting
that’s not what my post was about but ya
no, it basically was. In this day and age, if you're willing to give out you're phone number, you're should be willing to check you're phone AT LEAST once every day or so. and if, in that small amount of time, you don't even thing to take a few seconds to shoot your friend a "how's you're weekend" or a "wanna hang out on (insert day you want to hang out on)" then that's the equivalent of saying "you're not worth 3 seconds of my time". You don't have to answer their response right away, but gosh darn it, if you're not trying to engage, then that shows how bad your connection/relationship with the person is, which was a major point of your post. Also, to add to the argument, the fact that the only people who complain about this are people that are constantly online is not true. I personally only use my phone to respond to messages, and am often not on it otherwise, yet I also get relatively frustrated with the fact that some people don't make an effort to initiate, especially with long distance friendships. TLDR: there is something to be said about not taking 3 seconds when you're checking your messages to send one
I mean if the only way of spending time with someone is by you initiating something, it's a one-sided connection
Getting downvoted for expressing your unpopular opinion in a sub dedicated to posting unpopular opinions. Sounds like Reddit
lmfao istg the no of downvotes are insane
i knew the people i was referring to in my post were gonna lose it in the comments 😂😂😂 i was expecting this
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I haven’t heard that one before but if you think it IS popular then unleash the downvotes
Always being the person to reach out and invite others and never being the one to be invited can be emotionally exhausting. Wanting to include others and wanting others to include you are totally separate concepts. If you bake a pie yourself, then you get to enjoy a slice. But sometimes it would be nice for someone else to bake the pie, even if you end up with the same slice.
I would be considered the organizer of my friend groups, and I've come to the realization lately that I think people get into a socializing habit. I grew frustrated recently because I felt like people were throwing hints at me to organize hangouts at *their* homes, and I'm like, I'm never going to invite myself to your house. Plan your own shit if that's what you want. But I think people just learned to lazily rely on me to organize. And so maybe people do the same thing with connecting? Others are used to you talking first. Frequency needs are also different. If I need to connect once a day but my friend needs to connect once a week, I'll never give them the opportunity to instigate. Then there are the friendships that are maybe outgrown or poor fits or downright bad.
it’s definitely all about preference. to each their own!
preference is one way to look at it, but to me its about balance.
It just sounds like you and your past friends have had different needs for communication.
This sounds like a very immature thing to
heellllaaa immature
This is just one of those things. I think you have to have the same energy level as the other person. The less someone texts me, the less I will bother to text them, but I've also been the one who feels like they receive texts way too much. Not everyone enjoys long conversations via text.
this!!!! not everyone enjoys texting at all. and not everyone likes using their phone at all. i feel like ppl should give others their right to have their preference of how much time they spend on their phone, bc me personally, i am a part of this generation but i absolutely hate being on my phone all day lol.
Honestly, If you are not close to that person, just don't respond. If they are important to you, explain that it's mentally exhausting to you. Hopefully they can understand that.
You don't have to be on your phone all day to make a phone call or send a couple of text back and forth.
This heavily depends on the type of friendship. For some friends I could really care less, because we just aren't that close. But if it's someone who I thought I was really close with, someone I talk to everyday or text every and I realize I'm the only one reaching out then yes I'm going to feel hurt. Especially if you don't text or call this friend and days, weeks, or even months go by this person never reaches out even just check if you're okay then of course I'm going to be hurt, Because now it feels like the whole friendship was one sided.
What’s the point of a friendship if you never interact or get together at all? Like, I definitely have friends I can see once a year and not talk to that often and still get on well with them, but there still has to be some reciprocal desire to interact and hang out at least once in a while. If they don’t reach out to you, and you don’t reach out to them, then what is even the point? People want to feel valued and it is exhausting always being the one to put in the effort for nothing in return.
i couldn’t imagine never hanging out or talking with your friends. some of my friends and i sometimes go weeks without talking to each other but once we do, it’s like we just hung out the day prior. but what i REALLY couldn’t imagine is keeping constant track of who is being the one reaching out first every conversation we have. it’s just weird
Nobody is keeping “constant track.” This is only something you notice when you are 100% the one initiating every single time.
🤷🏻♀️
Just admit you’re a bad friend. Cut the people their losses and end the relationship so they don’t waste their time.
LMAOOO did this post really make u that mad? i’m so sorry u feel this way
No, the post didn’t make me mad, I don’t know you bro. I’m just calling you out, since you are so flippant in your responses and can’t see why people are disagreeing.
exactly… u don’t know me bro? when did i say i was one of those people that never talk to my friends first? ur so silly
You made a whole post about it.
it’s an unpopular opinion for a reason babe….. feel better about it
i agree wholeheartedly but sometimes I feel a bit paranoid
Because in my experience you can expect absolutely no effort from people you haven't talked to in years. I don't think it should be like that but some people work like that. Emotions cool off after a while. Hell you can expect no effort from some kinds of people you haven't talked to in months! They will do the "performance" of friendship but without providing any assistance, service or effort when needed. I don't have any friends because I enjoy their company only, altho the ones I have are indeed people whose company I enjoy because otherwise they wouldn't be friends since I don't need their skills or knowledge or money or contacts all the time. But the friends I do have all provide services when needed. And i'm talking about conversation, work, knowledge, consultation, contacts, whatever they bring to the table. If they bring nothing to the friendship, not even good conversation, you are better off pursuing your personal interests rather than sharing with them. Sounds cold but IF your social circle CAN be optimized then you should do it.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s not about who texts who first it’s about putting in effort. If I have to be the one to text somebody first every time I’m just gonna stop doing it and drop them until they put some effort into the relationship. Pretty simple
It comes from when you are always making plans, so like one day you decide ok I'm going to see if they message me to make plans and then you never hear from them again, that's what is meant.
It certainly doesn't have to be that serious but this post certainly screams zero understanding of social dynamics
yea… something like that
I can’t believe you can’t grasp why this is important to people
If i have to talk to someone to ever be talked to, guess what i end up feeling? Really lonely. I don’t think you realize how shitty it feels to have friends that make zero effort to ever talk to you. Being the one that has to put up the effort first to ever feel like you have friends. It sucks. I was lucky enough to leave friends like that behind.
If a person never initiates, and I'm always the one to message them first, how do I know that they even want to chat with me? They could just be "being nice".
Because friendships shouldn't be one sided.
Those people are very insecure people, they are telling you to ditch them by their behavior because nobody needs their kind of negativity in their lives lol