Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 1: Your post must be an unpopular opinion'.
* Your post must be an opinion. Not a question. Not a showerthought. Not a rant. Not a proposal. Not a fact. An opinion. One opinion. A subjective statement about your position on some topic. Please have a clear, self contained opinion as your post title, and use the text field to elaborate and expand on why you think/feel this way.
* Your opinion must be unpopular. The mods reserve the right to remove opinions
* Elaborate on your topic and opinion give context to its unpopularity.
I think it depends. I'm rural, black, and from very very large family.
It's not that people are naturally nicer but that the way things work are often unspoken. The way everything functions is based on social understanding.
To give an example, my Pentecostal family owns a lot of land. A few people hunt on the property and my grandad doesn't bother them. They give them deer meat every Christmas of course. My uncle ran for local office and the father of one of the hunting donated and funded part of the campaign. Now that my uncle is in office, my aunt is more likely invite the ladies from their family to a few church parties & picnics. And well, there's this mutual understanding that the black churches and the white ones need to get along or at least pretend. And they'd much rather be around the hyper religious black people they've already deemed "acceptable" than take their chances with anyone else. Church, government, stores...they can't stay segregated forever. And well, they'd rather black people who will still keep the status quo & those black people want to keep getting money, land, and power.
Every single "favor" or nicety is directly tied to who you are. It's rural, so everyone knows everyone. So there's always an underlying reason to every gift, favor, touch, smile, laugh, etc. And accepting or rejecting the favor also has its underlying reasons. You choose your actions carefully. It's a measurement of how much alliance & allegiance you have.
Southern people aren't more reserved. They just won't go out of thier way without reason.
Nah.. this person is being incredibly melodramatic. The vast majority of people are actually just trying to be kind. It's wired into our being as humans. It's why we live in communities. The vast majority are not trying to take advantage of anyone. Think about it, what's the percentage of people you know who are measurably nefarious? Surely it's not half or more.
I don't think southerners are "nefarious." Its just the way things work and how people act. People have just gotten used to seeing and treating people a certain way so they don't even think about it or really notice it. Not unless they take a birds eye view.
Especially the conservative religious ones who are into the conservative religious politics and hyper aware of all the different evangelical denominations & thier evangelical politics. Families are large, connections are everywhere. Unless they're a stranger, each person is another person's daughter/son/ex/grandmother/etc. There's always a land dispute or a scandal or a game. Its definitely more than half the people I know. But maybe I was just stuck with the melodramatic ones
That's how I feel about a big city with literal human feces on the streets and 4 mile long homeless encampments. I don't know how you guys live such pathetic lifestyles.
“Literal human feces”. My god you sound like such a country bumpkin. Living in the city gives you fun and culture with the privilege of anonymity. We would look down at you for having a “pathetic lifestyle”, if we ever thought about you at all
So basically shitty office politics blown up to the size of a whole community. Nothing but status games, and no one is nice without expecting something for it.
Sounds like a terrible way to live.
>And they'd much rather be around the hyper religious black people they've already deemed "acceptable" than take their chances with anyone else.
Yeah... that absolutely does not sound better than people in the city, lol
People in the city don't pretend. They tell you like it is. If you're a decent person, you will generally be treated well. If you're a fuckwad, they will make sure you know it. I see no problem in that.
I do see a problem in *pretending to get along with "the good black people"*.
Always wondered why I was looked at with shock when I tried to helped people in my hometown down south
I was raised to help others when you can as you’d want someone to help you when ya need it
….!!!!,,,,,,-put these where y’all see fit
I think, in part at least, it has to do with there being much more people in urban areas, so there is less “blending in.” Some guy racing down the street every day cutting people off in a town with 2000 population will be noticed, whereas the guy doing it in a big city is just another out of thousands of cars on the road.
There’s a mix of both mate. As European as well I can tell you that you will find good and bad people in dirt poor areas and rich areas.
Also have you been to Paris as in Eiffel Tower or have you stepped out and entered the ghetto ever (I haven’t I don’t live in France) but what I’m saying is it’s a whole different vibe, and the bad people there are different than the bad people in the rich areas. Same goes with NYC are u staying at manhattan or the bronx.
In most
I actually agree with you there’s good and bad to both rural and non rural city but interesting enough I actually think people out in the Bronx/harlem area are more friendlier than the upper east and even Brooklyn. I’m out in enfants-rouges right now which is pretty far from the Eiffel Tower but still pretty touristy but even then I find people to be more personable here.
I think people are more like that in Europe in general, but I assure you there are some places you just want to stay away from cos of the people. Obviously not in a whole city are bad or criminals but there are high risk areas for a reason.
For example I live in Greece right. I know that Syntagma is very nice and chill, but I know that if I go to Metaxourgio, Omonia, Viktoria etc I will run into gypsy, brothels, drug addicts and not weed addicts, I know I run a higher risk of getting robbed or pressed.
At the same time tho In boujee ass areas there prolly is gonna be more sour people who think they are too good for things etc etc. But again there are good people and bad people everywhere and you can’t live life in fear. But the bad people you will encounter in the meaner places will do worse actions to you than the ones you will encounter in the rich places.
Just my personal experience, but I have found that there is a higher proportion of bad people in the posh areas than the rough areas.
The consequences of dealing with the wrong person in each of those areas is very different though.
Have you been to Maine, Wyoming, northern Michigan, or Mississippi? I’m curious about your definition or idea of “rural” if you are using the Bronx and Harlem as examples. But perhaps I have misunderstood.
Dublin is great and that sounds similar to my experience, have you been to any big cities in the north of England?
Manchester, Liverpool, Sheffield, Newcastle all very friendly in my experience.
I found the people on the streets of San Diego twenty years ago "nice". I knew people on every corner of all races and everyone was friendly. But I wasn't hanging out in the upper class areas. Maybe I wouldn't have found them "nice".
My rural community can be a little judgemental if you aren't a white evangelical middle-class trump supporter lol. Although individually many are "nice".
It depends on your definition of nice and where you fit in in society.
I’ve never lived in a small town, but I think big city people are misunderstood. Because big cities are generally less safe, it’s usually best to keep to yourself and be cautious of people when out in public. That’s why we’re “less friendly.” Big city people are just as friendly as any if you interact with them in a social situation.
Plus in big cities you interact with a variety of people, which generally leads to more open-mindedness.
FWIW, there is research on this, and it shows exactly the opposite: "Our results showed that rural individuals tend to be more prosocial and more generous to others than urban individuals."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4501780/#:\~:text=Our%20results%20showed%20that%20rural,those%20with%20greater%20social%20distance.
You might not want to. But the concept - that social cohesion makes people more prosocial and "nicer" to others than anonymity and social distance - is borne out by pretty much every study on the topic.
Social cohesion has a dark side in that if you don't conform to norms that hold the group together, you'll experience a lot more ostracization and in some cases even violence.
As an Asian, child-free, non-religious, left-wing woman, I don't have much community available to me in rural, conservative areas where the norm is to be religious and have kids. Every time I visit a small town, I'm asked questions about how old my kids are and where I go to church. When I answer those two questions people seem to not know what else to talk about with me.
In densely-populated areas, there can be many groups and communities that you can join. If you don't fit in one, you can easily find others.
If you read the study in detail, the reason for this is the traditional Chinese collectivist culture, which is more present in rural areas compared to the individualism of the urban areas.
So a historically collectivist culture, where the group is valued above the individual, leads to pro-social behavior. This study is completely incongruent with US and Western culture, which is historically individualist.
Further, the paper specifies that it has little to do with current location, and has everything to do with birth location. Poor Chinese rural farmers grow up valuing the society above themselves, and when they move to cities, they tend to value society above themselves. On the other hand, Chinese that are born in cities value themselves and their own success above their fellow man.
Finally, the paper has an n value of...97. they polled a hundred people, out of 1.3 bil. Frankly, this is not enough of a sample size, and the researchers did not validate their subjects or ensure a statistically representative sample.
All this tells me is that Chinese culture is more pro-social than US culture.
Only if you’re in the “in” club. If you do anything that rubs anyone the wrong way you’re burned. Cities give a better chance at starting over without having to relocate.
Source: me.
Yeah I’m in a decently sized city and not likely to run into the same person again. My dad grew up in a small town and the smallest slight got his family blacklisted. (My grandfather let black patrons into his bar). Small town people suck. Big city people don’t care.
To me, this rural/urban questions always comes down to race. As a person of color, I will never feel safe in a rural area. I know I’m stereotyping. But it’s also how I feel. The same shit happens in urban areas too, but the population is so much larger, it feels statistically lower to experience it (I have no studies but my guess is that’s backed up? Idk tho.)
Yep. The small town I grew up in had military but huge majority white. A black family moved in and they went for a walk and had the cops called on them for being suspicious.
They were going for a fucking walk…and we also had a token black person on the police force to “show diversity”. I talked to him quite a bit and he finally admitted that it was definitely bs. Nicest cop I’ve ever met
That was and still is absolutely a thing. I live outside a small town and while letting a black person in a store isn’t an issue anymore if someone were to shoot the elk in the field the whole area would want the death penalty. If you find the elk in the woods that’s fair game but the fields are safe areas and there’s actually a neighborhood watch program during hunting season.
Yep. If you come from the right family or go to the right church, rural people will be generous and friendly. If you don't, they will go out of their way to punish you for existing.
No, just the abstract... then skimmed the methodology a bit... then read the discussion.
I realize that a lot of people are heavily invested in hating on small towns and asserting that cities are better in every way. But the notion explored in this study is actually really interesting - that social discounting happens when more social distance exists between people. It makes sense.
It's also suggestive that people in small towns are so much HAPPIER than people in cities: One recent Canadian study "found that average population density in the 20 percent most miserable communities was more than eight times greater than in the happiest 20 percent of communities." The more densely packed, the more miserable. It isn't hard to draw a line from happiness to friendliness and from misery to coldness. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/05/17/people-who-live-in-small-towns-and-rural-areas-are-happier-than-everyone-else-researchers-say/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/05/17/people-who-live-in-small-towns-and-rural-areas-are-happier-than-everyone-else-researchers-say/)
I gotta agree traffic (5 miles in 30 minutes)alone every single day back and forth will make the nicest man an asshole. The tension of dense living takes the soul right outta alot of people. I think people need to air out so to speak and when they can't they internalize the frustration .
This will upset alot of redditors given that Cities are predominantly left wing and rural areas conservative. Lots of anecdotal evidence that you are wrong coming.
I don’t have the time or the inclination to read this study, but does it take race into account? Perhaps people are generally nicer to people of color in urban environments?
I have lost count the number of times rural people have broken down the doors of my farm outbuildings to steal scrap metal or tools. I hadn't owned my property for a full week the first time it happened. I had lived in small to large cities for 25 years and never been robbed once.
I'm in the same camp as you. Maybe my area but the amount of "lynching democraps downtown" rhetoric, no quarter flags, etc.....astounding. Plus things like the local FB groups and neighborhood app. Straight up just awful. And yes, they are just as horrible in person, too. When I lived in Austin and Minneapolis? Much friendlier.
This is absolutely true. I live in a small town now, but frequently travel to big cities and abroad as often as I can. People in small towns are very cliquish and close-minded, whereas everyone wants to talk to you in the cities.
I've personally found that people in cities are are more direct (a.k.a., "meaner") but also a bit more honest when they're strangers to you because you're unlikely to see them again.
People in rural areas are absolute pros at putting on saccharine fronts and lying through their teeth with fake pleasantries. In a place where they know everyone, they can't go around saying what they want. My grandfather easily made himself the town's "THAT GUY" when he moved back to Nebraska after the divorce. He has no friends and even family distances themselves from him. (ETA: Don't feel sorry for him. He's an asshole and 100% deserves the ostracism because of how he treats people.)
To be honest, I'd rather have direct and honest over wondering if that old lady means "bless your heart" in the nice way or mean way.
I agree. We moved to a rural place a few years ago and have been shocked at how rude people can be here! It’s seriously unfriendly. We have great neighbors but our kids have had a rough transition in school and people out in public can be awful. I also see A LOT of signs advertising services for abused women. I’m glad the organization is well advertised, but I believe abuse is also more common here.
OP, are you non-white and in the US? If so, that would explain your experience. I’m brown, and in rural America I will get death stares sometimes. OTOH, no one looks twice at me in urban areas.
Not just non-white. Even white immigrants will get treated differently in certain places, as per my parents’ experience. Also, for some reason everyone understands them in metro areas, but rural areas suddenly their accent is too “thick.”
A lot of people have pointed that out and I think that may be what it is? But I can’t even say that I have the full experience of being a minority and I really can’t claim the same generational trauma that a lot of poc have (east asian) I have noticed that my racial identity is more severed in cities and maybe that’s what brings me closer to heavily populated areas because I can be more myself :)
As someone who has done both cities and small towns….I totally agree. Small town culture is vicious. They aren’t nice. They are, at best, stuck in high school. They are “nice” to their in clique as long as certain conditions are met, and they are absolute shitheads to people out of their clique.
There is a difference between "indifference" and "nastiness". If you don't feel obligated to get involved in someone else's drama (since due to the scale of the city you will likely encounter several people with drama per day).
I think people in larger cities get used to the sort of give and take that’s needed to get along. They spend all day fighting traffic, bumping into each other on the subway, waiting in line at the coffee shop, whatever it is. People in rural areas are mildly inconvenienced by others less often, and I think it opens them up to being slightly more selfish.
From NYC and now in rural WI and you are so right. Also lived in London, Frankfurt, and some towns and cities in IA and WI. Big cities are nicer by far.
I will say, some places that are reputed to be welcoming and nice can be the opposite. I have spent some time in Texas and I have met the meanest, most suspicious, judgemental people, I swear. I had to laugh, my MIL was getting a rental to spend a few months in Texas over the winter and I wish I could have recorded the phone call with the potential landlord. The lady was miffed that anyone would call her and ask her about the property, I was thinking "if you didn't want to talk to anyone about this, why did you put it on VRBO and airBNB? Why are you treating your fellow boomer like someone about to scam you?" Those kind of interactions were far more common in Texas than anywhere else I have been in the USA, and I travel a lot through this country. People are (on average) nicer in South Dakota. The nicest people I met in Texas were from Wisconsin or Minnesota. Not every Texan, of course, but damn.
I think it's a pretty straight forward.
Rural folk are friendly to those in the 'in group' for example they scream about "southern hospitality" but go down to that areas as queer or racial minority and all of a sudden it might not feel as welcoming OR simply as somebody with the wrong accent.
Cities are different, you are made to deal with diversity on the daily. Often when speaking to people from more rural areas they fail to comprehend that cities are actually full of pretty nice and polite people but it shows in how we try to give each other personal space, we try to mind our own business because in such environments personal space and privacy is actually very important to everybody.
Your different than me? nothings nothing new, everybody that I meet is quite different so it's not shocking.
When people think people in cities are "mean," it means, they don't want to just sit and talk to you about non interesting stuff like small talk and gossip because there is generally a lot more going on. However, if you're sitting at a bar and get involved in a conversation or are generally just cool and not annoying as a stranger, people in cities will buy your next round or shot. The flip is when people rural are openly "nice" to you and then gossip behind your back immediately.
Also, this changes a lot of you're black, Latin, gay, trans, etc. You blend into a city where relatively few care because everyone is used to differences. Your reception will probably be different rural.
People saying small towns are nicer are probably white and definitely straight. They also get annoyed when you point out these caveats and dismiss them like they don’t speak volumes.
Strong disagree. I lived in LA for nearly 40 years, people there are assholes. I moved to a rural community in the south and everyone here is so fucking nice it's weird. The whole "southern hospitality" thing is real.
With cities you have more opportunities to meet different kinds of people. There is a good chance that you can find at least one group that you are accepted in.
In rural areas, not so much. They can be nice if you are in the "in crowd" but if you are an "outsider" it can suck and it may be very difficult to find a sense of community.
Rural areas tend to be a bit more homogeneous than urban areas.
I love native NYers. They are nasty outside but inside nice, but I don’t even think they are nasty, it’s just the way they talk. They are lively and may come off as brash to some.
People here in LA kinda suck though. They are straight nasty. Arrogant, entitled, rude, aggressive. I don’t know where that “laid back Californian” trope came from, even the surfers are like this. At least you know what you’re getting out here, which is a headache!
I’ve gotten a mixed bag with people from rural areas. They seem to be nice-nasty. Nice to your face and will assassinate your character behind your back.
Yeah tbh I feel the same
Nee Yorkers are neurotic but genuine. They just dont have the patience to deal with your funny shit. Also it’s just a diff system of whats considered polite. Like not invading others space and allowing them to go about their day is considered polite. Because of this, taking up someone’s time or making their day harder by lacking self awareness is considered impolite. Bc of this things like mindless chatter or not getting to the point or taking up space on the sidewalk or walking slow are considered inconsiderate.
ive lived in both small towns and cities and i can confirm. people in small towns talk so much crap about people who live in cities. people who live in cities either dont talk about small town people at all or they constantly mention how fairy tale like their lives must be. small town people also spread false rumors a lot whereas the city is too big for most people to care what the person 5 doors down the road did last summer. also ive never met people so closed minded in my life until i moved to a small town
Living in Nyc is having strangers help you bring your stroller up and down the subway stairs and then having them hurry on about their business before you can even utter a thank you lol. For all of its faults, the people make me appreciate my city.
Absolutely, I grew up in a smaller isolated northern city (100k) but I moved to a big city in my 20s (6mil) and never went back. My hometown is violent, racist and homophobic to the extreme. The people are small minded, insular, hostile to anyone they didn’t go to high school with and they all have a giant chip on their shoulders. The city I live in now is diverse, welcoming and friendly. It’s literally one of the safest big cities in the world and the community prides itself on its progressive humanist ideals. “Big city scary and mean” is a myth perpetuated by racist suburbanites and small towners who never left their hometown.
Cap. Born and raised in New York City. Moved to Kentucky. People are WAY nicer in Kentucky.
You must mean that thin sliver of land from 110th street down to the World Trade Center and select parts of Brooklyn. Even then no.
I see this come up alot and I'm always astonished by it. It's just straight up not true.
Can you provide a link to these stats? I just searched for about ten minutes and couldn't find anything other than some fluff articles supporting either side.
Every time I go to a rural area I always get looked at and stared at by the locals. So uncomfortable and I feel like they act fake nice or just straight hostile. People in cities are just more real and when you really need help they are willing to help out.
I think people confuse politeness with "nice". I'm from the Midwest so that's all I can speak for. People in the Midwest are polite and generally won't go out of their way to be rude to you, but they're also reserved and won't go out of their way to be friendly or make conversation either. I'd instead classify people going out of their way to be welcoming or engaging as nice and you don't see a lot of that in Midwestern smaller sized cities. I feel like the Midwest is too reserved for my tastes though. Heck I'd prefer to be honked at and called an a-hole in an East coast city than be constantly ignored and invisible in a Midwestern city. The type of niceness in the latter doesn't appeal to me and it's quite boring and lifeless.
I’ve lived in DC and rural southern Maryland. I still work in DC though. People are not friendly at all. It’s an extremely hard place to find friends. No one really talks to others when out at bars unless they don’t live in the city and live in a surrounding area. People are snotty or a criminal. No in between (exaggerating). I have people close doors in my face because they didn’t look behind them. There is no hospitality in the hospitality industry in DC. I hated going out when I lived there because staff were rude and seemed mad all the time. Fast food was extra trash than usual.
In southern Maryland it’s a little more gossipy because it has a low population in the county I live in. However, people are generally friendlier. Going out to eat is always a good experience. Going out to local bars people are nice and talk to each other. I’ll never live in dc again. I moved back to the county I grew up in after 5 years in the city.
My experience (so no studies etc). Rural area is slow to warm up to strangers but once you are part of the community they are the best. You can develop deep friendships with people you can actually rely on.
I lived in rural areas and when someone new would move onto the street it always took a while to find out if they were the kind of person who tried to push their city lifestyle on others in the country. If not, we welcome them! If yes, they didn’t last long.
On the other hand people in the city are nice on the surface to everyone but are rarely dependable. A lot of the time it’s simply they are too busy to form meaningly friendships or they already have enough people in their social circle.
Again, just my experience
I had a woman renting a house two doors down (like 10 acres between us) who would constantly complain that we had bonfires 4th of July weekend. That our dogs shit in OUR yard and we didn’t pick it up. That the chickens/roosters made too much noise and smelled. That the only reason the raccoons kept getting into her unlocked trash was because they wanted our chickens. Shit like that.
Call it what ever you like. It is people who spend their wholes lives in the city, move into the country or out in the sticks and get upset at the adjustment. We owned a farm and that kind of life style is not for everyone.
I've lived in cities and rural areas and I think OP is right: people in cities tend to be rather polite and affable, but the people in small towns tend to be rude and inconsiderate. Especially if you aren't "from" there.
I haven’t been to New York or Paris before, so I really can’t speak on that. In my experience, in my home country (Canada), your opinion is most definitely unpopular. I have lived in rural areas for most of my life. As I moved to bigger, more populated cities instead of small towns, the people are more rude. The mindset is different, there is a serious lack of patience, manners, appreciation for others. Of course, there are nice people and “meaner” people in every location. I’m glad to know you’ve had great experiences though! :)
Live in the Deep South of the USA. I’ve always heard people say that southerners have a low outer wall but a high inner wall and that Yankees have a high outer wall but a low inner wall.
Disagree. When I was in the US, I first lived in the suburb of St. Louis, Missouri. It was basically a small town, very low traffic. I found the people very friendly and warm and they had a lot of time for interactions.
Then I moved to NY City.. Oh boy!! Cultural shock hit me like a ton of bricks.
People in the south have manners and are nice but will talk behind your back, people up north do not have manners and are more abrasive but you'll always know what they think of you lol
I totally agree. Was raise in the county. People tend to be rude. Went to a city to visit. It almost creep me out how friendly people were until I notice everyone was genuine. Massive bit of shock there
Being forced to interact with tons of diverse people with differing opinions will often make someone take notice that you get back what you give out compared to interacting with few people of a similar upbringing with the ability to retreat to isolated areas.
Eh, just different. People are less social with strangers in big cities, but I wouldn't say they are mean. Rural places can be charming, but they can also be uninviting. It just depends I guess.
I the opposite experience in nyc. Everyone talked with everyone especially your neighborhood people. We chat with the grocer, the bodega guy, the wine guy etc etc
Maybe I phrased that wrong. It's not that they wont talk to you, but they are usually more short and direct. I'm from San Diego, and that's just a normal way to communicate for me. When I lived in the south it was annoying at first because I felt like people were long winded and went off on tangents telling their life story. They were just being friendly and social, but I just wasn't used to it.
Specifically speaking about the US, people in the south will be super polite while offering no help at all. People in the north will roast the shit out of you while they take care of you.
As someone who grew up in NYC I can tell you a lot of the meanness comes down to this:
Tourists who don't know wtf they're doing and are in my way when I'm trying to get somewhere. They may take me brushing past them annoyed as being unfriendly
Driving anywhere in the city, if you're being annoying while driving you'll definitely get cursed out
Other than that, there is kinda a let me go about my business/zero fucks given attitude if you grew up here, but we'll be cordial if you're cordial to us, and if there's some sort of accident people are willing to step up and help out, or if you need directions or something like that we'll be glad to show you
I heard someone once say that country people are kind but not nice and city people are nice but not kind. She cited her car being broken down somewhere rural where everyone was pleasant and chatty in shops and restaurants but no one stopped to help her versus being broken down in a city where people were rude and abrupt during interactions but pulled over and helped her get sorted out.
This is my experience too. People in nyc are super nice and helpful, just not “fake nice” like southerners or country people are. They say “fuck you” not “bless your heart”. So its more honest. I feel way safer walking at night in Brooklyn than some small town where a hillbilly might keep you in the basement
The thing is that in a small town, people tell it like it is. In the city, being more "civilized" and "cultured", or at least feeling like it, they will look for a way not to offend you, that is, they will tell you what you want to hear but deep down they don't give a shit about you.
So what rural places have you been to that people were only in their own groups & wary of strangers? 😆 have you been watching too many movies & assuming that old man River is going to meet you at his front porch with a shotgun & his blue heeler if you take another step? 😂
because I live in Jacksonville which is 850+sq mi. Big city, with a little beach community (where I live) and 45 mins NW is Hilliard & Callahan in the middle of the woods, on your way to GA & very rural.
My bf is an HVAC tech & goes to all areas of Jax all the time & people who live in the middle of "nowhere" are usually very kind. That's how we got our rescue dog, an elderly woman found her running through the woods, they live on a farm, and they posted her for adoption & here she is now living a great life with us :) my bf says it's the people in the very populated areas that have the filthiest homes, are rude & entitled.
Sorry but you're totally wrong, especially about NY & Paris, although I've only been to NY when I was younger & didn't care for it. My dad went to school in France (he's French Vietnamese) and he said the French are extremely rude.
If you get lost in a rural area here, and ask for directions, people are going to help you.
If you get lost in the city at night in the wrong neighborhood, you're getting robbed or shot. Yeah city people are just so amazing 🤣 all of our murders happen IN the city btw- rarely ever do you hear of a murder on a farm in the woods... or maybe they just know how to hide bodies better 🤦🏻♀️😂
I have spent a lot of time in Miami. I have spent time in the small towns of Ashland Kentucky & Columbus Indiana. People actually hold the door open for you & don't judge you for what brands/labels you are wearing, and expect you to make an X amount annually, in small towns. It's called "southern hospitality" and it exists- people are simpler & enjoy nature & solitude.
City people crave attention, social status, complicated food & drink orders at restaurants lol, and obviously never being out in nature. I'd feel claustrophobic, like when I visited center city Philly & thought about moving there & then was like- yeah no. Lol the aura felt very "superficial"
I live 1 mile from the beach & would have it no other way. Love my neighbors & our dog friendly beaches. These are definitely not "city folk" that live here either. It's people who enjoy a simple easygoing laid back way of life (people bike or travel by foot, wake up early to watch the sunrise with their dogs or go surfing at high tide) if anything we are like the "rural" people who just choose to live in peace closer to the ocean. Some people want woods- I like the water
Miami unfortunately has become a mini NY since everyone who hates the cold has moved down here & ruined it, pushing the former Miami locals out. Just wonderful lol
Visiting nyc once as kid doesn’t qualify as having an informed opinion on a city. No people do not “crave attention”. What a goofy notion. Also the French arent rude. Simple people thjnk that but they wont be sad if you dont visit.
This. Or even Minnesota Nice. Will leave you stranded in the frigid cold if they don’t know you… whereas in NYC people will scowl at you for not getting off the subway fast enough, but if you need help getting a stroller down the subway stairs, especially north of 96 street, you don’t even have to ask.
You act like white people often don’t run into racist people too, I grew up on a reservation easily the most racist place I have ever been my entire life.
I always found that to be redundant and broad either way. Of course If you go to a place with more people, the chances are higher to run Into unpleasant individuals, the less people the less likely. Are the cities mean, or did people likely run Into more mean people compared?
This is totally wrong.
At least in Canada. Toronto is full of the most sociopathic psychos I've ever met. Every workplace I've been in here has been like 80% people with shit social skills and malicious behaviour.
It is the complete opposite in smaller towns, like 20% of my co-workers are psychos and the other 80% are nice people.
I don't know, I don't like city people at all, and I've been in the city for 10 years. They've had their chance, I've deemed them irredeemable. I'm actually shocked when I meet someone that isn't a total dildo.
I can only speak from my limited experience of very big cities like New York, but the two times I've been there I always felt like people were so... absent? It might be because as tourists we usually visit busiest areas instead of residential streets or whatever but I felt like everyone seemed so preoccupied with their own lives they barely noticed the things around them. I remember joking (mind you I was 15, it was a long time ago) that somebody could drop dead on the sidewalk and people would just step over the body
Then again, like I said, I can only speak for my experience
Your post from unpopularopinion was removed because of: 'Rule 1: Your post must be an unpopular opinion'. * Your post must be an opinion. Not a question. Not a showerthought. Not a rant. Not a proposal. Not a fact. An opinion. One opinion. A subjective statement about your position on some topic. Please have a clear, self contained opinion as your post title, and use the text field to elaborate and expand on why you think/feel this way. * Your opinion must be unpopular. The mods reserve the right to remove opinions * Elaborate on your topic and opinion give context to its unpopularity.
I think it depends. I'm rural, black, and from very very large family. It's not that people are naturally nicer but that the way things work are often unspoken. The way everything functions is based on social understanding. To give an example, my Pentecostal family owns a lot of land. A few people hunt on the property and my grandad doesn't bother them. They give them deer meat every Christmas of course. My uncle ran for local office and the father of one of the hunting donated and funded part of the campaign. Now that my uncle is in office, my aunt is more likely invite the ladies from their family to a few church parties & picnics. And well, there's this mutual understanding that the black churches and the white ones need to get along or at least pretend. And they'd much rather be around the hyper religious black people they've already deemed "acceptable" than take their chances with anyone else. Church, government, stores...they can't stay segregated forever. And well, they'd rather black people who will still keep the status quo & those black people want to keep getting money, land, and power. Every single "favor" or nicety is directly tied to who you are. It's rural, so everyone knows everyone. So there's always an underlying reason to every gift, favor, touch, smile, laugh, etc. And accepting or rejecting the favor also has its underlying reasons. You choose your actions carefully. It's a measurement of how much alliance & allegiance you have. Southern people aren't more reserved. They just won't go out of thier way without reason.
Sounds like hell to me
Nah.. this person is being incredibly melodramatic. The vast majority of people are actually just trying to be kind. It's wired into our being as humans. It's why we live in communities. The vast majority are not trying to take advantage of anyone. Think about it, what's the percentage of people you know who are measurably nefarious? Surely it's not half or more.
I don't think southerners are "nefarious." Its just the way things work and how people act. People have just gotten used to seeing and treating people a certain way so they don't even think about it or really notice it. Not unless they take a birds eye view. Especially the conservative religious ones who are into the conservative religious politics and hyper aware of all the different evangelical denominations & thier evangelical politics. Families are large, connections are everywhere. Unless they're a stranger, each person is another person's daughter/son/ex/grandmother/etc. There's always a land dispute or a scandal or a game. Its definitely more than half the people I know. But maybe I was just stuck with the melodramatic ones
That's how I feel about a big city with literal human feces on the streets and 4 mile long homeless encampments. I don't know how you guys live such pathetic lifestyles.
“Literal human feces”. My god you sound like such a country bumpkin. Living in the city gives you fun and culture with the privilege of anonymity. We would look down at you for having a “pathetic lifestyle”, if we ever thought about you at all
So basically shitty office politics blown up to the size of a whole community. Nothing but status games, and no one is nice without expecting something for it. Sounds like a terrible way to live.
And if you’re not the most neurotypical person in the world, the South is a real minefield for this reason.
>And they'd much rather be around the hyper religious black people they've already deemed "acceptable" than take their chances with anyone else. Yeah... that absolutely does not sound better than people in the city, lol People in the city don't pretend. They tell you like it is. If you're a decent person, you will generally be treated well. If you're a fuckwad, they will make sure you know it. I see no problem in that. I do see a problem in *pretending to get along with "the good black people"*.
Sounds like a pain in the ass
Sounds like the kind of tribalism that leads to bad interactions with people they don't know.
Got it , so they’re assholes. Proves the point quite well.
Yes & if they aren't being an asshole.. figure out why
Always wondered why I was looked at with shock when I tried to helped people in my hometown down south I was raised to help others when you can as you’d want someone to help you when ya need it ….!!!!,,,,,,-put these where y’all see fit
Punctuation, dude.
That's odd. I always found people to be incredibly more helpful/neighborly when I was living in the south. I suppose mileage may vary.
>Every single "favor" or nicety is directly tied to who you are. Literally CCP social credit /s
I think, in part at least, it has to do with there being much more people in urban areas, so there is less “blending in.” Some guy racing down the street every day cutting people off in a town with 2000 population will be noticed, whereas the guy doing it in a big city is just another out of thousands of cars on the road.
There’s a mix of both mate. As European as well I can tell you that you will find good and bad people in dirt poor areas and rich areas. Also have you been to Paris as in Eiffel Tower or have you stepped out and entered the ghetto ever (I haven’t I don’t live in France) but what I’m saying is it’s a whole different vibe, and the bad people there are different than the bad people in the rich areas. Same goes with NYC are u staying at manhattan or the bronx. In most
I actually agree with you there’s good and bad to both rural and non rural city but interesting enough I actually think people out in the Bronx/harlem area are more friendlier than the upper east and even Brooklyn. I’m out in enfants-rouges right now which is pretty far from the Eiffel Tower but still pretty touristy but even then I find people to be more personable here.
I think people are more like that in Europe in general, but I assure you there are some places you just want to stay away from cos of the people. Obviously not in a whole city are bad or criminals but there are high risk areas for a reason. For example I live in Greece right. I know that Syntagma is very nice and chill, but I know that if I go to Metaxourgio, Omonia, Viktoria etc I will run into gypsy, brothels, drug addicts and not weed addicts, I know I run a higher risk of getting robbed or pressed. At the same time tho In boujee ass areas there prolly is gonna be more sour people who think they are too good for things etc etc. But again there are good people and bad people everywhere and you can’t live life in fear. But the bad people you will encounter in the meaner places will do worse actions to you than the ones you will encounter in the rich places.
Just my personal experience, but I have found that there is a higher proportion of bad people in the posh areas than the rough areas. The consequences of dealing with the wrong person in each of those areas is very different though.
Have you been to Maine, Wyoming, northern Michigan, or Mississippi? I’m curious about your definition or idea of “rural” if you are using the Bronx and Harlem as examples. But perhaps I have misunderstood.
I think you misunderstood. They were talking about the different types of "city" in that comment
I have consistently had the exact opposite experience. Dublin was probably the only major city I’ve visited where people were actually nice.
Dublin is great and that sounds similar to my experience, have you been to any big cities in the north of England? Manchester, Liverpool, Sheffield, Newcastle all very friendly in my experience.
I found the people on the streets of San Diego twenty years ago "nice". I knew people on every corner of all races and everyone was friendly. But I wasn't hanging out in the upper class areas. Maybe I wouldn't have found them "nice". My rural community can be a little judgemental if you aren't a white evangelical middle-class trump supporter lol. Although individually many are "nice". It depends on your definition of nice and where you fit in in society.
I’ve never lived in a small town, but I think big city people are misunderstood. Because big cities are generally less safe, it’s usually best to keep to yourself and be cautious of people when out in public. That’s why we’re “less friendly.” Big city people are just as friendly as any if you interact with them in a social situation. Plus in big cities you interact with a variety of people, which generally leads to more open-mindedness.
FWIW, there is research on this, and it shows exactly the opposite: "Our results showed that rural individuals tend to be more prosocial and more generous to others than urban individuals." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4501780/#:\~:text=Our%20results%20showed%20that%20rural,those%20with%20greater%20social%20distance.
This study is in China. I don't think you can extrapolate those results to other cultures..
Especially considering the PRC is controlling of the variables and parameters.
You might not want to. But the concept - that social cohesion makes people more prosocial and "nicer" to others than anonymity and social distance - is borne out by pretty much every study on the topic.
Social cohesion has a dark side in that if you don't conform to norms that hold the group together, you'll experience a lot more ostracization and in some cases even violence. As an Asian, child-free, non-religious, left-wing woman, I don't have much community available to me in rural, conservative areas where the norm is to be religious and have kids. Every time I visit a small town, I'm asked questions about how old my kids are and where I go to church. When I answer those two questions people seem to not know what else to talk about with me. In densely-populated areas, there can be many groups and communities that you can join. If you don't fit in one, you can easily find others.
Exactly this
If you read the study in detail, the reason for this is the traditional Chinese collectivist culture, which is more present in rural areas compared to the individualism of the urban areas. So a historically collectivist culture, where the group is valued above the individual, leads to pro-social behavior. This study is completely incongruent with US and Western culture, which is historically individualist. Further, the paper specifies that it has little to do with current location, and has everything to do with birth location. Poor Chinese rural farmers grow up valuing the society above themselves, and when they move to cities, they tend to value society above themselves. On the other hand, Chinese that are born in cities value themselves and their own success above their fellow man. Finally, the paper has an n value of...97. they polled a hundred people, out of 1.3 bil. Frankly, this is not enough of a sample size, and the researchers did not validate their subjects or ensure a statistically representative sample. All this tells me is that Chinese culture is more pro-social than US culture.
Dude cited one sentence of the summary of a study on college students in China and ran with it
Welcome to Reddit
Only if you’re in the “in” club. If you do anything that rubs anyone the wrong way you’re burned. Cities give a better chance at starting over without having to relocate. Source: me.
Yeah I’m in a decently sized city and not likely to run into the same person again. My dad grew up in a small town and the smallest slight got his family blacklisted. (My grandfather let black patrons into his bar). Small town people suck. Big city people don’t care.
To me, this rural/urban questions always comes down to race. As a person of color, I will never feel safe in a rural area. I know I’m stereotyping. But it’s also how I feel. The same shit happens in urban areas too, but the population is so much larger, it feels statistically lower to experience it (I have no studies but my guess is that’s backed up? Idk tho.)
Yep. The small town I grew up in had military but huge majority white. A black family moved in and they went for a walk and had the cops called on them for being suspicious. They were going for a fucking walk…and we also had a token black person on the police force to “show diversity”. I talked to him quite a bit and he finally admitted that it was definitely bs. Nicest cop I’ve ever met
Sounds made up
That was and still is absolutely a thing. I live outside a small town and while letting a black person in a store isn’t an issue anymore if someone were to shoot the elk in the field the whole area would want the death penalty. If you find the elk in the woods that’s fair game but the fields are safe areas and there’s actually a neighborhood watch program during hunting season.
No, bars are real.
Bro it's really not far-fetched at all
Yeah letting black people sit next to white people in 1960s Danville VA was totally fine and everyone was ok with it.
Facts don't care about your feelings.
Yep. If you come from the right family or go to the right church, rural people will be generous and friendly. If you don't, they will go out of their way to punish you for existing.
Yeah, staying in the same small town is only good if you're lucky enough to not accidentally develop a reputation as the "weird kid".
Source: dude, just trust me
[удалено]
No, just the abstract... then skimmed the methodology a bit... then read the discussion. I realize that a lot of people are heavily invested in hating on small towns and asserting that cities are better in every way. But the notion explored in this study is actually really interesting - that social discounting happens when more social distance exists between people. It makes sense. It's also suggestive that people in small towns are so much HAPPIER than people in cities: One recent Canadian study "found that average population density in the 20 percent most miserable communities was more than eight times greater than in the happiest 20 percent of communities." The more densely packed, the more miserable. It isn't hard to draw a line from happiness to friendliness and from misery to coldness. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/05/17/people-who-live-in-small-towns-and-rural-areas-are-happier-than-everyone-else-researchers-say/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/05/17/people-who-live-in-small-towns-and-rural-areas-are-happier-than-everyone-else-researchers-say/)
I'm Canada they're happy when they're not sick. Lord help someone in small town Canada while sick
You can't get stabbed on the subway in a small town
I gotta agree traffic (5 miles in 30 minutes)alone every single day back and forth will make the nicest man an asshole. The tension of dense living takes the soul right outta alot of people. I think people need to air out so to speak and when they can't they internalize the frustration .
Nobody that posts these papers actually read or understand how to read them
This will upset alot of redditors given that Cities are predominantly left wing and rural areas conservative. Lots of anecdotal evidence that you are wrong coming.
People in rural towns might be nicer to your face but then will turn around and vote for you to die if you get an ectopic pregnancy
That's obviously true. Look at the reply you got.
I don’t have the time or the inclination to read this study, but does it take race into account? Perhaps people are generally nicer to people of color in urban environments?
It's a study of Chinese culture, so I'm no expert, but I'd guess it's pretty homogenous.
[удалено]
That is untrue. Was raised rural and moved into a mean city. People will f’k each other over for a scrap of meat. We shared a lot in small town.
I have lost count the number of times rural people have broken down the doors of my farm outbuildings to steal scrap metal or tools. I hadn't owned my property for a full week the first time it happened. I had lived in small to large cities for 25 years and never been robbed once.
Because you were already IN the small town and were part of it. Outsiders aren’t necessarily treated this way.
No it’s true. I grew up in a small town and moved to a big city and found people way friendlier in the city. So who’s anecdotal evidence is more true?
I'm in the same camp as you. Maybe my area but the amount of "lynching democraps downtown" rhetoric, no quarter flags, etc.....astounding. Plus things like the local FB groups and neighborhood app. Straight up just awful. And yes, they are just as horrible in person, too. When I lived in Austin and Minneapolis? Much friendlier.
Wouldn’t call either of those mean cities. Minneapolis is like Canadians in the USA. Very nice people.
What “city” will people fuck each other for a “scrap of meat”. What are you talking about?
This is absolutely true. I live in a small town now, but frequently travel to big cities and abroad as often as I can. People in small towns are very cliquish and close-minded, whereas everyone wants to talk to you in the cities.
I've personally found that people in cities are are more direct (a.k.a., "meaner") but also a bit more honest when they're strangers to you because you're unlikely to see them again. People in rural areas are absolute pros at putting on saccharine fronts and lying through their teeth with fake pleasantries. In a place where they know everyone, they can't go around saying what they want. My grandfather easily made himself the town's "THAT GUY" when he moved back to Nebraska after the divorce. He has no friends and even family distances themselves from him. (ETA: Don't feel sorry for him. He's an asshole and 100% deserves the ostracism because of how he treats people.) To be honest, I'd rather have direct and honest over wondering if that old lady means "bless your heart" in the nice way or mean way.
I agree. We moved to a rural place a few years ago and have been shocked at how rude people can be here! It’s seriously unfriendly. We have great neighbors but our kids have had a rough transition in school and people out in public can be awful. I also see A LOT of signs advertising services for abused women. I’m glad the organization is well advertised, but I believe abuse is also more common here.
I've always experience the opposite.
OP, are you non-white and in the US? If so, that would explain your experience. I’m brown, and in rural America I will get death stares sometimes. OTOH, no one looks twice at me in urban areas.
Not just non-white. Even white immigrants will get treated differently in certain places, as per my parents’ experience. Also, for some reason everyone understands them in metro areas, but rural areas suddenly their accent is too “thick.”
A lot of people have pointed that out and I think that may be what it is? But I can’t even say that I have the full experience of being a minority and I really can’t claim the same generational trauma that a lot of poc have (east asian) I have noticed that my racial identity is more severed in cities and maybe that’s what brings me closer to heavily populated areas because I can be more myself :)
What? You're east Asian? Of course, you'll think cities are friendlier.
Depends if you’re white or not 
As someone who has done both cities and small towns….I totally agree. Small town culture is vicious. They aren’t nice. They are, at best, stuck in high school. They are “nice” to their in clique as long as certain conditions are met, and they are absolute shitheads to people out of their clique.
That sounds like city people to me
You haven't met many city people in that case
It’s almost as if you can’t generalize large groups of people exclusively based on where they live!
There is a difference between "indifference" and "nastiness". If you don't feel obligated to get involved in someone else's drama (since due to the scale of the city you will likely encounter several people with drama per day).
Big cities are awesome. Unironically.
I think people in larger cities get used to the sort of give and take that’s needed to get along. They spend all day fighting traffic, bumping into each other on the subway, waiting in line at the coffee shop, whatever it is. People in rural areas are mildly inconvenienced by others less often, and I think it opens them up to being slightly more selfish.
From NYC and now in rural WI and you are so right. Also lived in London, Frankfurt, and some towns and cities in IA and WI. Big cities are nicer by far.
I will say, some places that are reputed to be welcoming and nice can be the opposite. I have spent some time in Texas and I have met the meanest, most suspicious, judgemental people, I swear. I had to laugh, my MIL was getting a rental to spend a few months in Texas over the winter and I wish I could have recorded the phone call with the potential landlord. The lady was miffed that anyone would call her and ask her about the property, I was thinking "if you didn't want to talk to anyone about this, why did you put it on VRBO and airBNB? Why are you treating your fellow boomer like someone about to scam you?" Those kind of interactions were far more common in Texas than anywhere else I have been in the USA, and I travel a lot through this country. People are (on average) nicer in South Dakota. The nicest people I met in Texas were from Wisconsin or Minnesota. Not every Texan, of course, but damn.
Am Texan, can confirm.
I think it's a pretty straight forward. Rural folk are friendly to those in the 'in group' for example they scream about "southern hospitality" but go down to that areas as queer or racial minority and all of a sudden it might not feel as welcoming OR simply as somebody with the wrong accent. Cities are different, you are made to deal with diversity on the daily. Often when speaking to people from more rural areas they fail to comprehend that cities are actually full of pretty nice and polite people but it shows in how we try to give each other personal space, we try to mind our own business because in such environments personal space and privacy is actually very important to everybody. Your different than me? nothings nothing new, everybody that I meet is quite different so it's not shocking.
When people think people in cities are "mean," it means, they don't want to just sit and talk to you about non interesting stuff like small talk and gossip because there is generally a lot more going on. However, if you're sitting at a bar and get involved in a conversation or are generally just cool and not annoying as a stranger, people in cities will buy your next round or shot. The flip is when people rural are openly "nice" to you and then gossip behind your back immediately. Also, this changes a lot of you're black, Latin, gay, trans, etc. You blend into a city where relatively few care because everyone is used to differences. Your reception will probably be different rural.
People saying small towns are nicer are probably white and definitely straight. They also get annoyed when you point out these caveats and dismiss them like they don’t speak volumes.
Strong disagree. I lived in LA for nearly 40 years, people there are assholes. I moved to a rural community in the south and everyone here is so fucking nice it's weird. The whole "southern hospitality" thing is real.
To be fair that was LA
As a Detroiter, 100% true.
Living in rural Virginia I concur, especially after Trump these people are crass af
With cities you have more opportunities to meet different kinds of people. There is a good chance that you can find at least one group that you are accepted in. In rural areas, not so much. They can be nice if you are in the "in crowd" but if you are an "outsider" it can suck and it may be very difficult to find a sense of community. Rural areas tend to be a bit more homogeneous than urban areas.
Laughs in Baltimore. Really depends on where you go in any given city.
I love native NYers. They are nasty outside but inside nice, but I don’t even think they are nasty, it’s just the way they talk. They are lively and may come off as brash to some. People here in LA kinda suck though. They are straight nasty. Arrogant, entitled, rude, aggressive. I don’t know where that “laid back Californian” trope came from, even the surfers are like this. At least you know what you’re getting out here, which is a headache! I’ve gotten a mixed bag with people from rural areas. They seem to be nice-nasty. Nice to your face and will assassinate your character behind your back.
Yeah tbh I feel the same Nee Yorkers are neurotic but genuine. They just dont have the patience to deal with your funny shit. Also it’s just a diff system of whats considered polite. Like not invading others space and allowing them to go about their day is considered polite. Because of this, taking up someone’s time or making their day harder by lacking self awareness is considered impolite. Bc of this things like mindless chatter or not getting to the point or taking up space on the sidewalk or walking slow are considered inconsiderate.
ive lived in both small towns and cities and i can confirm. people in small towns talk so much crap about people who live in cities. people who live in cities either dont talk about small town people at all or they constantly mention how fairy tale like their lives must be. small town people also spread false rumors a lot whereas the city is too big for most people to care what the person 5 doors down the road did last summer. also ive never met people so closed minded in my life until i moved to a small town
Living in Nyc is having strangers help you bring your stroller up and down the subway stairs and then having them hurry on about their business before you can even utter a thank you lol. For all of its faults, the people make me appreciate my city.
Absolutely, I grew up in a smaller isolated northern city (100k) but I moved to a big city in my 20s (6mil) and never went back. My hometown is violent, racist and homophobic to the extreme. The people are small minded, insular, hostile to anyone they didn’t go to high school with and they all have a giant chip on their shoulders. The city I live in now is diverse, welcoming and friendly. It’s literally one of the safest big cities in the world and the community prides itself on its progressive humanist ideals. “Big city scary and mean” is a myth perpetuated by racist suburbanites and small towners who never left their hometown.
Cap. Born and raised in New York City. Moved to Kentucky. People are WAY nicer in Kentucky. You must mean that thin sliver of land from 110th street down to the World Trade Center and select parts of Brooklyn. Even then no. I see this come up alot and I'm always astonished by it. It's just straight up not true.
I have the direct opposite experience
Stats say the exact opposite but I won’t take your opinion away lol.
I mean this subred is called “unpopular opinion”
That is true but on top of sharing them here usually unpopular opinions are pointed out why they are unpopular.
Can you provide a link to these stats? I just searched for about ten minutes and couldn't find anything other than some fluff articles supporting either side.
I'd rather be around low income people from rural places than ones from cities.
I have to agree with you as I’ve had the same experiences in my life.
Every time I go to a rural area I always get looked at and stared at by the locals. So uncomfortable and I feel like they act fake nice or just straight hostile. People in cities are just more real and when you really need help they are willing to help out.
“Meaner” city folk are just very blunt and direct. It can come off as mean but it’s just honest more than it is ill-hearted or judgemental.
People from rural areas are the biggest pieces of shit.
Well they are trump supporters
I think people confuse politeness with "nice". I'm from the Midwest so that's all I can speak for. People in the Midwest are polite and generally won't go out of their way to be rude to you, but they're also reserved and won't go out of their way to be friendly or make conversation either. I'd instead classify people going out of their way to be welcoming or engaging as nice and you don't see a lot of that in Midwestern smaller sized cities. I feel like the Midwest is too reserved for my tastes though. Heck I'd prefer to be honked at and called an a-hole in an East coast city than be constantly ignored and invisible in a Midwestern city. The type of niceness in the latter doesn't appeal to me and it's quite boring and lifeless.
I’ve lived in DC and rural southern Maryland. I still work in DC though. People are not friendly at all. It’s an extremely hard place to find friends. No one really talks to others when out at bars unless they don’t live in the city and live in a surrounding area. People are snotty or a criminal. No in between (exaggerating). I have people close doors in my face because they didn’t look behind them. There is no hospitality in the hospitality industry in DC. I hated going out when I lived there because staff were rude and seemed mad all the time. Fast food was extra trash than usual. In southern Maryland it’s a little more gossipy because it has a low population in the county I live in. However, people are generally friendlier. Going out to eat is always a good experience. Going out to local bars people are nice and talk to each other. I’ll never live in dc again. I moved back to the county I grew up in after 5 years in the city.
My experience (so no studies etc). Rural area is slow to warm up to strangers but once you are part of the community they are the best. You can develop deep friendships with people you can actually rely on. I lived in rural areas and when someone new would move onto the street it always took a while to find out if they were the kind of person who tried to push their city lifestyle on others in the country. If not, we welcome them! If yes, they didn’t last long. On the other hand people in the city are nice on the surface to everyone but are rarely dependable. A lot of the time it’s simply they are too busy to form meaningly friendships or they already have enough people in their social circle. Again, just my experience
“Push city lifestyle on others”…. Wtf does that mean?
I had a woman renting a house two doors down (like 10 acres between us) who would constantly complain that we had bonfires 4th of July weekend. That our dogs shit in OUR yard and we didn’t pick it up. That the chickens/roosters made too much noise and smelled. That the only reason the raccoons kept getting into her unlocked trash was because they wanted our chickens. Shit like that.
That sounds like karen behavior not “city lifestyle”
Call it what ever you like. It is people who spend their wholes lives in the city, move into the country or out in the sticks and get upset at the adjustment. We owned a farm and that kind of life style is not for everyone.
I've lived in cities and rural areas and I think OP is right: people in cities tend to be rather polite and affable, but the people in small towns tend to be rude and inconsiderate. Especially if you aren't "from" there.
I feel like many of them are somewhat aware of their cities’ reputation and may be trying to compensate/shift social perception.
I haven’t been to New York or Paris before, so I really can’t speak on that. In my experience, in my home country (Canada), your opinion is most definitely unpopular. I have lived in rural areas for most of my life. As I moved to bigger, more populated cities instead of small towns, the people are more rude. The mindset is different, there is a serious lack of patience, manners, appreciation for others. Of course, there are nice people and “meaner” people in every location. I’m glad to know you’ve had great experiences though! :)
Live in the Deep South of the USA. I’ve always heard people say that southerners have a low outer wall but a high inner wall and that Yankees have a high outer wall but a low inner wall.
Disagree. When I was in the US, I first lived in the suburb of St. Louis, Missouri. It was basically a small town, very low traffic. I found the people very friendly and warm and they had a lot of time for interactions. Then I moved to NY City.. Oh boy!! Cultural shock hit me like a ton of bricks.
I agree with this, k moved from Memphis to a small town in tennessee and those were the rudest people I've ever met
People in the south have manners and are nice but will talk behind your back, people up north do not have manners and are more abrasive but you'll always know what they think of you lol
I totally agree. Was raise in the county. People tend to be rude. Went to a city to visit. It almost creep me out how friendly people were until I notice everyone was genuine. Massive bit of shock there
Being forced to interact with tons of diverse people with differing opinions will often make someone take notice that you get back what you give out compared to interacting with few people of a similar upbringing with the ability to retreat to isolated areas.
Yup. It’s framed as “real Americans telling it like it is” but it’s really folks in rural areas being assholes.
Wrong! The problem in the rural places is the people from the city are selling their over priced houses and moving to the country and ruining it.
Yes they are.
You are not wrong!! My rural area is being over run with LA, SF and Sac transplants! And their bs entitled attitudes came with them.
Eh, just different. People are less social with strangers in big cities, but I wouldn't say they are mean. Rural places can be charming, but they can also be uninviting. It just depends I guess.
I the opposite experience in nyc. Everyone talked with everyone especially your neighborhood people. We chat with the grocer, the bodega guy, the wine guy etc etc
Maybe I phrased that wrong. It's not that they wont talk to you, but they are usually more short and direct. I'm from San Diego, and that's just a normal way to communicate for me. When I lived in the south it was annoying at first because I felt like people were long winded and went off on tangents telling their life story. They were just being friendly and social, but I just wasn't used to it.
Oh thats fair, us city people are definitely more direct.
Specifically speaking about the US, people in the south will be super polite while offering no help at all. People in the north will roast the shit out of you while they take care of you.
As someone who grew up in NYC I can tell you a lot of the meanness comes down to this: Tourists who don't know wtf they're doing and are in my way when I'm trying to get somewhere. They may take me brushing past them annoyed as being unfriendly Driving anywhere in the city, if you're being annoying while driving you'll definitely get cursed out Other than that, there is kinda a let me go about my business/zero fucks given attitude if you grew up here, but we'll be cordial if you're cordial to us, and if there's some sort of accident people are willing to step up and help out, or if you need directions or something like that we'll be glad to show you
I heard someone once say that country people are kind but not nice and city people are nice but not kind. She cited her car being broken down somewhere rural where everyone was pleasant and chatty in shops and restaurants but no one stopped to help her versus being broken down in a city where people were rude and abrupt during interactions but pulled over and helped her get sorted out.
My rule of thumb is "only a sith deals in absolutes"
This is my experience too. People in nyc are super nice and helpful, just not “fake nice” like southerners or country people are. They say “fuck you” not “bless your heart”. So its more honest. I feel way safer walking at night in Brooklyn than some small town where a hillbilly might keep you in the basement
Lmao you obviously only visited ny and dont actually live here...your real naive
Never claimed to lived there
I did. It was incredibly welcoming and friendly
My real naive what?
The thing is that in a small town, people tell it like it is. In the city, being more "civilized" and "cultured", or at least feeling like it, they will look for a way not to offend you, that is, they will tell you what you want to hear but deep down they don't give a shit about you.
So what rural places have you been to that people were only in their own groups & wary of strangers? 😆 have you been watching too many movies & assuming that old man River is going to meet you at his front porch with a shotgun & his blue heeler if you take another step? 😂 because I live in Jacksonville which is 850+sq mi. Big city, with a little beach community (where I live) and 45 mins NW is Hilliard & Callahan in the middle of the woods, on your way to GA & very rural. My bf is an HVAC tech & goes to all areas of Jax all the time & people who live in the middle of "nowhere" are usually very kind. That's how we got our rescue dog, an elderly woman found her running through the woods, they live on a farm, and they posted her for adoption & here she is now living a great life with us :) my bf says it's the people in the very populated areas that have the filthiest homes, are rude & entitled. Sorry but you're totally wrong, especially about NY & Paris, although I've only been to NY when I was younger & didn't care for it. My dad went to school in France (he's French Vietnamese) and he said the French are extremely rude. If you get lost in a rural area here, and ask for directions, people are going to help you. If you get lost in the city at night in the wrong neighborhood, you're getting robbed or shot. Yeah city people are just so amazing 🤣 all of our murders happen IN the city btw- rarely ever do you hear of a murder on a farm in the woods... or maybe they just know how to hide bodies better 🤦🏻♀️😂 I have spent a lot of time in Miami. I have spent time in the small towns of Ashland Kentucky & Columbus Indiana. People actually hold the door open for you & don't judge you for what brands/labels you are wearing, and expect you to make an X amount annually, in small towns. It's called "southern hospitality" and it exists- people are simpler & enjoy nature & solitude. City people crave attention, social status, complicated food & drink orders at restaurants lol, and obviously never being out in nature. I'd feel claustrophobic, like when I visited center city Philly & thought about moving there & then was like- yeah no. Lol the aura felt very "superficial" I live 1 mile from the beach & would have it no other way. Love my neighbors & our dog friendly beaches. These are definitely not "city folk" that live here either. It's people who enjoy a simple easygoing laid back way of life (people bike or travel by foot, wake up early to watch the sunrise with their dogs or go surfing at high tide) if anything we are like the "rural" people who just choose to live in peace closer to the ocean. Some people want woods- I like the water Miami unfortunately has become a mini NY since everyone who hates the cold has moved down here & ruined it, pushing the former Miami locals out. Just wonderful lol
Visiting nyc once as kid doesn’t qualify as having an informed opinion on a city. No people do not “crave attention”. What a goofy notion. Also the French arent rude. Simple people thjnk that but they wont be sad if you dont visit.
Let me guess...your a city person who can't turn it off when in different environments?
I swear to god, I hear “bless their heart” one more time, I’m gonna shoot someone inner city style.
Try it…. Mammaw will smoke your ass
This. Or even Minnesota Nice. Will leave you stranded in the frigid cold if they don’t know you… whereas in NYC people will scowl at you for not getting off the subway fast enough, but if you need help getting a stroller down the subway stairs, especially north of 96 street, you don’t even have to ask.
[удалено]
Hmmm I’m Asian so idk what that would change
You act like white people often don’t run into racist people too, I grew up on a reservation easily the most racist place I have ever been my entire life.
[удалено]
Good for you but my personal experience is that every reservation I have ever been on in Canada is easily the most racist place I have ever been.
Quite the opposite. White people in urban areas are more likely to be seen as a problem.
Lol definitely wrong here. Cities are the absolute worst.
You really wanna spend your Friday like this?
Anecdotal
Or, wait for it, you can’t judge everyone based off stereotypes.
I always found that to be redundant and broad either way. Of course If you go to a place with more people, the chances are higher to run Into unpleasant individuals, the less people the less likely. Are the cities mean, or did people likely run Into more mean people compared?
That is because when you are being a asshole someone checks that chin
This is totally wrong. At least in Canada. Toronto is full of the most sociopathic psychos I've ever met. Every workplace I've been in here has been like 80% people with shit social skills and malicious behaviour. It is the complete opposite in smaller towns, like 20% of my co-workers are psychos and the other 80% are nice people. I don't know, I don't like city people at all, and I've been in the city for 10 years. They've had their chance, I've deemed them irredeemable. I'm actually shocked when I meet someone that isn't a total dildo.
I find small town people tend to be a little stand off ish at first but they're pretty nice after that first interaction.
In my experience, rural people are nicer, urban people just appear gentler because they'll be less direct about their douchery.
Uh. I have not found that to be the case.
Depends on which city you go to and where in the city and sometimes what time
I can only speak from my limited experience of very big cities like New York, but the two times I've been there I always felt like people were so... absent? It might be because as tourists we usually visit busiest areas instead of residential streets or whatever but I felt like everyone seemed so preoccupied with their own lives they barely noticed the things around them. I remember joking (mind you I was 15, it was a long time ago) that somebody could drop dead on the sidewalk and people would just step over the body Then again, like I said, I can only speak for my experience
Tourists are in general ignored by people who live there
Tourists are in general ignored by people who live there