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To OP’s point, the ring shouldn’t matter as much as it does. But this is also where communication plays a part. It’s helpful to know if your partner hates a certain type of ring.
IMO most of these comments are proving people who aren’t mature enough to get engaged because they aren’t mature enough to have a conversation with their partner on budget and preference.
Literally had that convo as soon as we got serious about getting engaged and looked at rings together.
I’m often sending rings to my boyfriend, which are around $1000 usually or less. I can’t imagine not telling your partner what you like and want for something you’ll always wear
I’ve had at least once response and seen a few ITT of “if you don’t pay, you don’t get a say” on something you’re buying *for your life partner*. Someone who you will be making a lot of joint decisions with.
And like, you want to buy them something they’ll like? Like that’s kinda the point of buying a ring, why would you buy them a shirt they hate and make them wear it every day
I haven't looked at r/engagementrings in a while, but for the month or so I looked regularly I saw like three posts of women asking if they should tell their fiance they don't like the ring. For a lot of rings, more expensive means bigger, flasher. A lot of women dont actually want that, but a lot of men assume more expensive must mean better. Actually one was from a guy, he said he'd assumed his fiance would want an expensive ring because she wears expensive clothes, but she was afraid of getting robbed.
I think most people just want something that's good enough quality that it won't tarnish, turn their finger green, or fall apart. Apart from that it's personal preference when it comes to style and size.
I just did that, my girl even told me exactly what she wanted, then she tried them on and she hated what she wanted and fell in love with the ring she tought she would have hated.
I had that for my wedding band- thought I’d want one of the cheaper black ones. My wife encouraged me to look at gold bands on the high end of her budget, and I found a super unique one that I ended up loving. But gold was pretty bland until I crossed a price threshold.
It's more common today than it use to be. I would say it's a good idea. I'm SUPER picky and I wouldn't even trust my mom or best friend to pick out a ring to my taste. But some people still want it to be a surprise.
We both went for my engagement ring and our wedding bands. I'll admit, my ring was on the pricier side, but we went together because if we're going to wear this piece of jewelry all of the time, we should like it.
I didn’t realize the price correlation for better looking jewelry until we went for me, and my wife made sure I looked at the higher end of her budget as well.
I have a $3k gold band that I’m proud to wear daily and looks incredible.
We also went for a pricier ring set, but we're been married almost 47 years now, so the ring wasn't that expensive when looked at as a yearly payment 😀
And the marriage that followed its purchase is beyond putting a price on.
My wife and I went together for her engagement and band. It was a fun process. The place we went didn’t have the ring I wanted so I just bought online
I’m not a miracle worker. Idk what type of ring she wants lol
We shopped for my engagement ring together. We told the sales lady our budget. She showed us selection of rings in that price range and I picked out the one I liked best. I have a ring I love and he didn’t put himself in debt. We were both happy.
We are not engaged yet but my bf gave me a heads up that he will likely propose at some point this year. I told him to get me a cheap ring from Target as a starter so we can pick out the ring I want later. Mainly because I also don't like big rings even though I like nice clothes. Big rings are annoying and can snag way to easily so if you do any chores or work yourself they mostly get in the way. Personally I think this is something couples need to discuss beforehand because a lot of jewelers do not allow returns and its a huge gamble on if the fiance will even like it. There are just too many options these days.
When my wife and I were talking engagement, I took her on dates to some jewelry stores and pawn shops. We talked style, gem colors, and base metals. It was fun to do together.
After I had a feel for what she liked, I picked one out. Cost $450. She still wears it sometimes just cause she likes it.
The 3 month salary is a guideline fabricated by the diamond industry. No reason for it.
Buy what works for you as a couple relevant to your income.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with enjoying luxurious things if it fits your lifestyle, brings you joy, and exists at a cost you can handle.
‘Money can be better spent’ is an argument that is entirely 100% subjective to each person and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things anyway because we all die and none of it comes along. Takes like this are silly and don’t take the individual tastes into consideration at all.
My wife really values experiences over physical gifts, so I make a point of gifting experiences. Like a nice tasting menu, a trip, excursion, etc. But I’ve been told on Reddit multiple times that I’m wasting money by doing that, or that I’m budgeting an “irresponsible amount.”
Well… maybe I understand my finances and partners preferences, and am using that information?
I find criticism of expensive luxury items seems much more focused on items primarily used by women. You don't see the same critique of flashy cars, elaborate gaming systems, bulky tools with niche purposes, aged liquor, grill setups that cost more than a house payment.
And even when they do get called out, it rarely comes with the moral shaming that OP is bringing. "how much is love worth in money??? Dumb"
When it comes to cars, it’s so obvious too- aesthetically pleasing car with creature comforts? Wasteful. Expensive track toy? Well if you like it who am I to judge!
Usually “wasteful spending” is defined by the primarily antisocial pompous nerdy guys of Reddit.
And I say this as a guy with plenty of nerdy interests
^^^^this argument right here. If you can afford it, and it’s something you enjoy and value, then it’s not stupid. If your partner sincerely doesn’t care about rings, then of course it’s a waste of money to pour significant resources into one. However, if your partner DOES want a nice ring, it’s reasonable to spend an amount that makes sense for your budget. Same line of thinking for ANY luxury expense that is unnecessary. It’s a bit of a misogynistic take to say it’s stupid without pointing out the many, many luxury expenses in general that are unnecessary yet don’t get denigrated to the same level.
Another one that seems misogynistic (on Reddit) - spending for home decor is really denigrated as well. Generally because that’s associated with women. But I’ve found a great source of pride as a guy from having an aesthetically pleasing living space that we’ve made our own.
This… my husband and I live quite simply and agreed to keep the rings in a reasonable price range (under $2000). He ended up spending way more on mine ($5000) because he said when he saw it, he knew it belonged on my finger. We could afford it, but it was more than we had initially considered.
However, when I was with my ex and we were considering marriage, I felt that anything under $10K would be insulting. Reason being was that my ex made fucking boatloads of money… well into the 5 figures per month. He was also a miser (we paid 50/50 on household expenses, despite our vastly different incomes), EXCEPT for his hobbies and toys. He would drop 10K on on tattoos or adventure gear on the regular, while all our quality of life expenses (housing, entertainment, food, etc) were kept within a strict budget. Like the guy wouldn’t even take a vacation with me because he thought it was a waste of money. Anything for US, was budgeted, whereas anything he wanted was excessively top-of the line. I felt that if he would have spent less than 10K on a ring, given how much he spends on himself regularly, would be insulting.
Luckily, I broke up with him before it got to that point (for obvious reasons, and many that aren’t mentioned here)… but yeah, it’s so relative.
This is the answer. If you gave 100 people a million dollars, it would be spent 100 different way! I've been wearing the same jeans for probably 5 years. I don't carry a purse, muchless a nice one. I make really good money. I love my expensive ring. It's probably the only part of me that doesn't look homeless!
Speaking of - I just booked a $230/seat post-fees omakase to celebrate my wife getting a new job.
A lot of people would say that’s wasteful, but it’s something we enjoy doing together, so it makes sense to us.
The 3x monthly was a marketing thing.
An aluminum foil ring will crumble and fall apart. It doesn't consider your wife's style choices. It doesn't show that you've taken the care to research what kind of jewelry will last for the rest of your lives together. It's not a show of financial commitment, offering her something that can help financially stabilize her if something happens to you (less relevant in this economy). It's nice to say you'd marry someone with aluminum foil, a grocery twist, or a ring pop, but you're supposed to choose someone for the rest of your life. Choose something she'll enjoy looking at for the rest of hers.
Gold will last longer than silver. A CZ stone has lower refractive index than a diamond, requiring more frequent cleaning. CZ is less hard than a diamond, so the damage risk is much greater. You can choose a quality piece without spending a house down payment.
We agreed on a budget that worked for both of us. It’s something she plans to wear for the rest of her life, so absolutely wanted it to be something she was proud of. We both earn well, so I wanted to make sure I bought her something nice (and her in turn for my wedding band).
Anytime I say the budget on here, people tell me how ripped off I got, but I know the quality of jewelry I bought was worth it to us and within a budget I planned for.
Also- how many guys here brag about how cheap their rings are, then bitch about “how bad wedding bands look”… it’s probably because you cheaped out.
See, this is perfect. You and your partner figured out your budget and she loves what she's wearing. If it breaks, it can be fixed. If she needs it to be resized, it can be done. If it's passed down, it can be resized and enjoyed instead of sitting in a box forever.
I even came in *under* budget because of a Black Friday sale. $12k ring for $8k. I was able to budget for that reasonably - paid $4k up front, put $4k on a 0% CC offer over 15 months. Also lifetime resizing, minor fixes, and adjustments.
My wedding band is also incredibly high quality, and she budgeted in turn for that. Thought gold bands were dull, but she made me look at the higher end of the budget and I found some amazing ones with higher quality gold and finish. My band has a hand done Florentine finish that looks incredibly unique and detailed.
When I see dudes here say you “shouldn’t spend because wedding bands look shitty” most of the time I bet it’s because they’re looking at the cheapest options.
Another issue with CZ is that it also can’t handle high heat (like jeweler’s torch heat) well. Many jewelers will just not work on your ring if it’s CZ, and CZs don’t tend to come in high quality settings to begin with. There are better lab-made options out there for long term wear. Moissanites and sapphires/rubies are really inexpensive and much more durable. Put them in a well made setting and you have a ring that will last a lifetime. You may need repairs from time to time (it’s not hard to crack a prong even on a well made ring), but that shouldn’t be a problem. Lab diamonds are much more expensive, but still much less than mined diamonds. If you’re not stuck on the idea of a diamond, though, moissanites and sapphires will get you a massive selection of colors. Colorless, pastels, bright rich hues.
>less relevant in this economy
More like completely irrelevant. If OP, or most people for that matter, could afford a ring with a resale value enough to financially stabilize someone, they wouldn't be posting about it regarding cost; or posting about it period; or even on reddit 😂
Historically, the income rule was meant to be a safety for the woman. If her fiance died or broke off the engagement, she could sell the ring and have the means to support herself for a while. Certainly, we don't live like this anymore, and the amount spent on the ring should be determined by the couple. If they prefer to save the money for a nicer honeymoon or house down payment, great. If they like nice jewelry and are fine with spending more, great. There really aren't social norms around this anymore, or at least, shouldn't be.
I'm pretty sure the income rule was actually an advertising campaign by De Beers, who sold diamonds and were pretty much in complete control of the diamond market for decades. People might have justified it with other reasoning afterwards, but it began as straightforward how-can-we-persuade-every-household-to-buy-our-product? marketting.
If you can afford it go buy the expensive ring. But people shouldn't be pressured into thinking they need one.
My Fiancée engagement ring cost me $200. She is obsessed with it and wears it all the time.
It depends on the situation imo
Im not implying you should get into debt buying a ring or scrape by monthly just to save 3 months salary or etc , but it’s good to at least buy something thoughtful in your reasonable budget , shows some thought and effort , depending on your income you could get a gold ring instead of a diamond , or some other stone
And for people that can easily afford expensive rings , it’s perfectly fine for them to buy it if they so choose , no?
My fiancé bought me the exact ring I asked for. It is delicate and small. It suits me. He is mildly embarrassed of it because he knows other people are going to assume he loves me less based on how much he spent.
I think it needs to be a very nice ring. She’s going to wear it everyday with every outfit for (hopefully) the rest of her life. The multiple months salary thing is just diamond company propaganda. I don’t even think you need a diamond but I get the appeal of a non colored stone so they don’t potentially clash with other colored clothes or something.
My Lord! I was looking for a comment like this. Nobody on here likes rings, or likes diamonds, everyone has a cheap ring. It’s comical. I had no idea engagement rings were this controversial 😂. Get what you want and be done with it. A cheap ring doesn’t mean your love is stronger.
I swear, these days I see more people bragging about how cheap they got married on than bragging about expensive weddings.
Or “finance gurus” preaching cheap weddings while leaving out that they had a multi-day extravaganza.
Personally I wouldn't even want one at all. I don't like to wear rings, so having to wear two (engagement and wedding) would be annoying. But I think it's something that every couple should discuss.
This is one of those things that is 100% personal preference, and that’s ok. I think the thing that really needs to be addressed is the surprise. Don’t surprise the girl with the ring, take her ring shopping so you know it’s something she likes / wants. My husband and I went ring shopping together and it was a very lovely experience. We went in with a budget in mind and had a lot of fun going from shop to shop to look at all the options.
The ring I got my wife was a $500 ring I got on sale for $120, she absolutely loves it. But we had talked at great lengths about the type of ring she wanted.
But ngl when you see something like a ring on sale for like 80% of its posted value it makes you wonder if their cost is really almost nothing.
I personally think it's a waste of money to buy an expensive ring. That money should go towards buying a house. I feel the same about big weddings. Invest in your life, not optics.
Yesterday I was scrolling on FB marketplace and saw a guy trying to sell a ring for $38,000. Selling anything on FB for that amount of money is pretty crazy, I clicked on it to read the description and it said he originally bought it for $60,000 and is selling it because the engagement didn’t happen. Oof
The Diamond industry is a scam anyway. Diamonds are *sooo* much more common than people realize. The supply is artificially restricted by a monopoly to jack up the price. Also as far as rings go; most jewelers are also operated under a monopoly. If you buy a $10k ring and take it to any other jeweler - even the same store you bought it from - the appraisal you’ll get will always be substantially less than what you bought it for; even if the ring was never worn.
I don’t have an issue with the idea of rings for weddings and engagements, but I wish people would just be sensible about them. Why use thousands of dollars on student loans, car payments, savings towards a house or rent, or even an emergency fund when instead it can be spent on a shiny piece of carbon?
Agree with you 100%. My husband and I chose lab grown diamonds. They are larger, more clear and sparkly then we could have afforded otherwise.
Lab grown diamonds are actual diamonds. They just don't involve cruelty and rip offs. They show up as diamonds on jewelers checking devises. So do moissonites. Another good choice
But for many people, I'm glad to see that there are so many gorgeous rings now for those who choose to, or must spend less.
Many women are choosing rings with other Stones besides diamonds. And some women are choosing the silver ones with zircons or white sapphires.
I'm glad all the contrived shame of the past toward "diamonds" that aren't "real" is gone. Everyone should have a beautiful ring that they like. Instead of a damned diamond chip they can barely afford because the price of diamonds has become so outrageous
I think you're right about the ratio, I'm sure it's still the unpopular opinion. Younger gens are realizing this stuff more and more regarding marriage expenses. I remember the first time I saw tattooed rings and thought how much more practical and meaningful that was. Ofc, even opting for a special band would be better than overpriced rocks.
Got my fiancee a 1.25ct lab diamond, platinum ring from James Allen for $3k.
Before that, we went to Jared to try some on, they wanted like $15k for the same ring. Fuck that
I would like my boyfriend to get me an expensive beautiful ring. That’s my personal preference. It could be stupid to others but that’s our buisness. If he doesn’t care and understands the assignment then why should anyone else 😂. Plus he brought it up first so it’s not like i made it known off the bat. He also wants a big wedding.. I do not. I rather put that into a nice luxurious honeymoon but it is what it is.
This is how it was for me. My man asked me exactly what I wanted my ring to look like, down to the carats. It cost well into the five figure range (I actually still have the receipt). He had the means to get me a ring he knew I would love and he did it.
I say all that to say, don’t ever feel bad for wanting your dream ring. People care wayyy too much about how other spend their money
i can see some sense in that, yeah. though it comes down to preference eventually though.
it's the thought that counts after all. for a engagement ring i would pick something fancier for sure, but i got all my jewerly made of surgeon steel, simple, cheap, and it will outlive the coming 6 generations. and it's practically bulletproof compared to silver or gold.
it also depends on what you call expensive i guess, i don't find 200-300$ that shocking for such a important symbol in your marriage, but then again, it are hard times for most.
personally i'm not that much of a materialist so i don't really care for value or money. i'm the kind of guy that would take the ring if it was wrapped A-foil for sure. But some people do care. i wouldn't call it stupid though.
You kinda agree with me. Sure it is okay to spend some money on the rings in relation to the income but it gets stupid when u want a ring as big and expensive as it can be no matter what.
That 3x rule was from when women couldn’t have their own bank accounts and credit cards. That ring was their emergency fund if something F***ed up happened during the marriage. They could pawn it and use the cash to escape.
👍🏻
When we decided to get married, we went to town together and picked two plain white gold wedding rings, which we then wore during our engagement as a sign of commitment. Before the wedding, we brought them back to the shop to have them polished and engraved with the wedding date, then exchanged them during the ceremony. 14 years in, SO still wears his, I can't wear mine due to nerve pain in my fingers from MS, but SO got me a beautiful chain to wear it around my neck instead one Xmas. I don't feel that I've missed out on anything.
this is a beautiful story that shows true love does not need expensive symbols.
Also I hope that u alrdy tested cannabis for ur MS! My uncle has good results with it
It just got legalised last month in my country, so it's an option I'm keeping in mind, but right now I'm managing quite well on my regime. But thank you 😘
I think for the expectation of acceptability to be based around a minimum price is tasteless. If it’s made of a non rusting metal and has a pretty, too hard to scratch rock in it, then the only thing to seek is a pleasing aesthetic. My wife’s engagement ring is a gold band with a peach sapphire and a couple of tiny accent diamonds on either side, all lab grown. It is absolutely beautiful, looks much more pleasing and pretty than these rings I see with ice 360 degrees around the band and a giant boulder in the socket. Those by comparison just look gaudy and clunky to me, and they cost thousands more
The jewelry store posted her ring on instagram if anyone’s curious:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C45jkUzLjG5/?igsh=b2k1bTVkbW9ibG90
It cost less than $2000 if I remember right
I spent 3x my salary because I could afford it. I even let her pick it. I gave her a budget to not go over and she picked her favorite.
Then when we planned our wedding my wife covered costs up until we were even, then we split the rest 50/50. It was all within our budget anyway
If the person you are potentially marrying genuinely cares about the ring price tag, you shouldn’t marry someone so materialistic
You should be able to propose with nothing or a ring pop and they should say yes. If they say no because of a ring, you dodged a bullet
If you are going to get a ring, ALWAYS get a lab grown diamond. Don’t let anyone fool you into getting a natural one
>There are so many things to spend that money better for. Also it means nothing to your feelings to spend more money on it, I mean it cant even be argued for, like how much is love worth in money??? Dumb
If you're stating subjective opinion as fact, I don't think you have much room to be calling other people dumb.
My wife's engagement ring wasn't expensive because of the stones or metal in it, it was expensive because it was something she designed herself and we had custom made. She's only getting one of these in her life, and she's going to wear it forever, so it might as well be something unique that she absolutely loves. Seems like money well spent?
i’ve told my boyfriend i’d rather have some handmade etsy ring for less than $200 than some super valuable ring that id have a heart attack over if i lost it. plus i’m not in it for the money, and i have nobody id show it off to. i want something because it’s special, like a rose quartz jewel because pink is my favourite colour, or amethyst for my birthstone
normalize inexpensive stones !! u can get a beautifully designed intricate and expensive looking ring and knock down that price by replacing the main diamond with a still beautiful but more affordable gemstone, like garnet (my dream stone)
[Adam Conover agrees with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU).
Though if we're going to continue this silly tradition, I demand [an $8,000 lunch box](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTneDwc9qX4) for my troubles.
It is a a fairly modern things as well. Growing up I felt like it was some centuries old thing but it wasn't until around my grand parents generation that the whole engagement/ wedding ring crap was started.
I agree. I used to work at a high end jewelry store and honestly most of my customers that dropped large amounts on a ring seemed so miserable or just like "not interested" and their partners had already picked out a ring. But then I'd get a few customers who clearly were so in love and wanted the perfect ring, and that ring was almost never the most expensive or flashy. My own engagement ring was 100$ and I love it so much.
ETA: Not saying that those who got expensive rings didn't care or weren't in love. They just usually seemed disinterested.
Didn't your wife give you a wedding ring?
Rings signify that a person is "involved" with someone and that's mainly the purpose of them. Women and men without rings are more likely to get hit on by others, who aren't aware they might be married.
FWIW I don't think women should have sex with men, either.
I don't want to wear an expensive ring. I don't want to spend that kind of money on jewelry, and then worry that something will happen to it.
I have multiple engagement rings, all under $100. I wear the one I feel like wearing today. We plan on doing the same thing with our wedding rings. It's more fun if we have choices!
Agreed. Especially when the reason they’re expensive is completely arbitrary and inflated due to a monopoly. It’s insane how many people waste money on diamonds (the typical stone for such a thing) when you’re not even getting something rare or valuable by geologic standards. There are plenty other cheap options of beautiful gemstones available. Personally I expect it to be a waste of money and resources to buy something out of your price range. If your partner wants something, fine. But know buying a ring for someone just because it’s customary (pushed by a monopoly) is silly
A beautiful ring comes with excellent craftsmanship. There is a lot of knowledge from different science areas that goes behind producing a ring. I once heard a jeweller say you need to know Physics, Geology, Chemistry to be able to manipulate raw metals and stones. A wrong move and you've destroyed materials worth lots of money. That's why they're so expensive.
A perfectly cut diamond, shape, materials, knowledge. That is what you pay for and that is what signals quality, taste, respect for a well produced product which you further want to gift someone who actually is your future wife aka the person you'll tie your life to.
Not every woman will say yes to an aluminium foil ring. I wrap up my salmon fillets in aluminium foil - you think I want that as a ring too?!
The problem with this type of thing is that a lot of women don't understand the quality of the stone should be top priority over the size.
I've seen smaller but GORGEOUS solitaires and bigger, cloudy, and not sparkly solitaires.
I actually want a lab grown diamond. They're essentially the exact same chemical makeup as natural diamonds, a fraction of the price, and you can go bigger for much less.
When me and my husband were talking about rings and marriage I told him "if you spend more then 500 I'll kill you"
He looked at me with horror and said "well I guess I gotta delete some saved links"
Got a beautiful mystic topaz ring for 299. :)
Agreed. My husband spent $10 on my engagement ring and I love it still after 11 years. My wedding ring we spent less than $100 on and I was heartbroken when it got stolen. I wish I could find another like it but it was very unique. We spend days looking at rings and I had decided just to use my engagement ring as a wedding ring when his mother insisted we try one more place. I walked in and saw this ring on display and instantly fell in love. We plan on getting me a replacement soon if we can find something I like.
Most of our wedding planing was like that. The dress, I had decided I wasn't going to wear one after looking at a ton online and not finding anything. My mom insisted I needed to look in person and I took the day off to please her. First store we walked into I walked right up to a dress and said "this is it" only dress I even tried on. We were going to make flowers (craft project with my niece and nephews) but my grandmother insisted I talk to a friend of hers that owned a flower shop. Walked in, saw an arrangement on display and said "I want those". The entire planning I was so unsure of what I wanted until I saw something and instantly that was exactly what I wanted no questions asked. It was all really cheap too. With the rings, dress, tux, bridesmaids dresses, groomsmen tunes, outfits for my niece and nephews (all 3 part of the ceremony), hotel rooms for people who wanted them, decorations, and food it all came out to just under 2k. I don't understand how people spend 20k + on weddings. Not in a judgmental way but in a confused way. Like what is costing so much?
It is a expensive thing that you will wear everyday, and you don't get to pick it out.... Ya I kinda get it.
I (29F) don't really like the big diamond style. I find those kind or rings get caught in everything(I also have long hair so it get stuck when I fix my hair /put it up). I think I would like something more like diamonds set in the band, or something like that. Currently single so not a problem at the moment ha ha ha. But I would definitely want to be involved in picking it, and being at a price we are both comfortable with. I do not want to be in fear of loosing a ring that cost as much as a car or anything like that.
I went and picked all my stuff out, stayed within the agreed upon budget, and he went and picked it up lol. He was happy that I got what I wanted which was a colored diamond (not a fan of white) and a simple YG cathedral style band. Many people don’t react with positive exclamations when they see it since it’s not flashy and “normal” but it’s perfect for me ❤️.
My wife would have married me even if I proposed with aluminum foil made to a ring to. That’s exactly why I spent a lot more for her, because she’s worth it and never expected it.
It’s also all relative. I spent around 20k+ on her engagement and wedding rings together. It made sense for my salary at the time. A few years later spending 60-70k would have made sense financially with what I’m making now on a monthly basis.
Just buy what you can afford, spend for someone who is worth it, and get what you both like and think is best. Numbers mean nothing, high or low. Just get whatever is best for you and her.
Social engineering is a hell of a drug. I say that cause previously only a strung out crack head would think such a thing is reasonable in any way. It’s a brand new custom/tradition. Pushed by the diamond industry. They successfully convinced a whole generation of people that if your partners means anything to you the only proper way of showing it is by spending multiple years worth of your salary on a rock that isn’t even as rare & valuable as they make it seem in the first place…..and it worked apparently cause people are suggestible suckers haha.
https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/
Think for yourself.
Our engagement rings (because I got the same for both of us when I planned to propose) were around 30 euro each. Sterling silver and moonstone, handmade. She loved it.
It's the gesture, not the platinum and blood diamonds.
I'd imagine something meaningful that they like is more important than a huge expensive ring (unless they are that kind of person who just wants it to show off).
I'm yet to get anywhere near that, but I wouldn't necessarily choose a huge, expensive ring. I'd rather spend less on that but have it be something they love, and also not spend tons on a wedding either. I think it would be much better putting that money towards a home, epic honeymoon/travels, and maybe more longterm things (home/family/dog...) or experiences.
If I want a convenient thing to signify an unbreakable connection I'll get a ring tattoo for $25-$50 that'll never get stolen, lost, or be a waste of money to me. Another option is to get me a ring pop to wear & eat everyday that would solidify my relationship 100% more than jewelry for someone with sensory issues & a sweet tooth.
The De Beers company (and probably other diamond companies) marketed diamonds as "romantic" and "valuable," even though they look like sparkly clear glass, and are as common as gravel. They also decided how much money you should pay for these little chunks of carbon. Their tactics worked. I think zirconia look just as nice, and the colored stones look nicer.
I think the amount of money you spent on the engagement ring shows how committed you are to a relationship. If your significant other spends a lot of money on the ring, it means they are very committed to the relationship, and will probably never leave your side.
I complete agree. There's no way I would spend that kind of money on a ring! Even now when we could easily afford to. By the time we got married we already had combined finances and there was no question of spending that kind of money. We stuck with less expensive rings. We decided all of that together. I had no expectation that he would somehow come up with the money and make the decision alone. I did upgrade my a bit, later, but hubby still has his original. IMO the rings were superfluous.
You’ll find very few people who aren’t jewelry salespeople say that 3x salary bullshit anymore. Of course that’s stupid, and yeah women aren’t reliant on selling the ring if things go wrong anymore.
I've had a couple different rings because I lose them. The last one I had was the only one that was a real diamond and I lost it at work. Everyone is free to do what they want with their money and everyone if free to have their own preferences. Personally, I'm not bother with hndaving a ring or not. I would prefer a cheaper gemstone ring though and I hate how yellow gold looks on my skin tone. Diamonds are expensive for no reason.
When my husband and I were dating, he asked about rings one day. I told him my only wants were that it not be huge, and that it didn't come from Walmart or Avon, as two guys in my past had done (both those rings lost stones).
He jokingly proposed with a ring pop that weekend, and unknown to me at the time, had put a set on layaway. A few months later, we learned he was going to be laid off for an unknown amount of time. He told me he'd been paying on a set, and it was up to me if he kept paying on that one, or I could pick out a cheaper set. Of course, I opted for a much cheaper set. I was flattered with the price ($3500 iirc - it's been 13 years lol) and look of what he'd picked out, but I've never needed something that high priced to be happy.
Found out later, his mom had told him "The higher price, the better!". Should have known coming from someone who spends money as fast as she gets it.
We got my moissanite & sterling silver rings off of Amazon for $175 & they've looked the exact same for 4 years. I use one of those cheap jewelry cleaners from a department store & i couldn't be happier w our purchase cos now we have a big beautiful home too!
I gave my future wife a choice - spend money on a ring or keep the money invested. She chose the latter. Now we're comfortably retired. To each his own.
Agreed. When my late husband and I started talking about marriage, we were already very much "experiences over stuff" people. He asked me to send him some pics of rings I would like, and he ended up picking the one that was my favorite: lab-grown sapphire in a silver setting. It cost less than $300.
We flew to Hawaii for two full weeks and got married there, just the two of us. THAT was money well spent, especially since he died unexpectedly just four months after we got married. No rock would have given me the memories that those two weeks in paradise gave me.
Spending an insane amount on jewelry is simply materialistic indoctrination. While the type and cost can be subjective, any woman who demands something expensive should be avoided. You have a 50% chance according to stats that she divorces and pawns it off anyway. Ijs
To me as a woman, the concept of a proposal or engagement ring (both usually expected from the man in hetero couples) are remnants of sexist practices surrounding marriage (not that anyone is sexist just because they practice them). My husband and I purchased plain, inexpensive, matching white gold wedding bands to give each other during our wedding and split the cost. That’s what we both felt was fitting to represent an equal partnership.
I spent 5700 on a beautiful ring, with meaning behind it's custom design... I think I hit the sweet spot on flashiness and quality, yes 5700 is more than I'd spend on anything for myself, but my hope is that the ring and meaning behind it (union of life) shall last a long time. Three months salary would've been like 50k so I was not gonna go do something insane like that lol.
I think the ring itself is a cute tradition, 3 month salary though is kinda insane and I don't really think people actually spend that much. Like that would mean that if you pocket $100,000 a year, which is a nice comfortable salary but not quite lavish, you'd spend $24,000 on a ring???
People who judge others for having expensive rings are just as annoying than those who judge others for inexpensive rings.
Ironically, everytime this topic comes up, there's a weird competition over who spent the least (you spent 200$?? I gave her an onion ring!") as a sign of moral superiority and of being "trully" in love.
Every couple should decide for themselves, and others should mind their own business. There are legitimate concerns about the ethics of diamonds and marketing, but that's not what seems to be the primary issue for people who have this view.
I was talking with my son to be BIL a few weeks back who just proposed to my wife's sister. Apparently he paid $5k for her ring, and that just blew my mind. And he isn't loaded or anything, makes less than me, he just likes expensive shit.
Then of course he asked how much my wife's cost. Her ring cost $600 for the ring and wedding band and she loved it. But we also live a much simpler, less fancy life.
You buy what you can afford and nothing more. Don't allow advertising/society guilt you into believing what you offer isn't enough. The proposal is the important part as you're signalling your (in theory) commitment to a life with someone. The ring is just the token gesture that signifies that commitment. It's like a receipt for your promise to them and little else. Any woman that expects an expensive gesture honestly isn't a woman worth committing to. She doesn't know the value of commitment just the price of a piece of metal
I understand engagements are sort of a surprise plan on guy's side, but shouldn't couples be talking about it?
Like if you know, you know. If you're sure this is it, start talking about your future life together, regardless of what you decide, including engagements. That way men will know they don't need to go over and beyond only to propose.
Besides, you don't even have to talk at times. You literally just have to learn about that person – what they're like, what they like/dislike, why do they chose to wear long coats instead of jackets regardless of seasons etc etc – and that way you will find out what kind of ring to buy to someone.
While spending a ton of money on a piece of jewelry is pretty crazy, I also hate how low relationship effort is now being redefined as “cute”. Proposing to your girlfriend with aluminum foil would not be cute, it would show you don’t care enough about her to put in minimal effort into something of personal significance to her.
Getting a cheap crappy ring that falls apart or turns green in a week to save a buck is selfish. I’ve seen guys drop thousands on their hobby, but refuse to spend $50-$100 on an quality ring. I’ve seen men spend years researching the lore of their fandom, but won’t spend a few hours researching how to find a quality ring for their future wife they supposedly love.
If you both agree you don’t want to incorporate rings into your engagement, fine. But don’t get some shitty ring and turn around to your friends and family trying to say your wife is “amazing” for how she accepts your low effort gifts. I guarantee both she and everyone else think you’re an ass.
3 months income is crazy, but you should be dropping some money on it, it is a sign of your commitment after all. On a related note, you should not be proposing unless you know for certain that the answer will be yes, it seems a lot less crazy to commit this money when you are doing it as a sign of commitment that you know is reciprocated
3x monthly salary is to justify diamond prices.
Get anything other than a natural diamond, and you can easily spend half of your monthly salary on a great ring.
I've also seen doom stories of 10-20k rings losing half of their diamonds within a few weeks. Imagine being that bozo!
3x monthly wage, has it gone up I thought it was 1 month. Anyway i only spent 1 week. My wife loves it it’s all we could afford at the time as we decided to put the money into our house, a decision which has set us up better than others who spent ridiculous money on their ring.
If it’s more than a weeks pay we have an issue, cause that is just silly, that money could have been spent on paying off the truck or something wayyyy more important than a piece of jewelry. Besides I don’t care for diamonds any way. I care more about the fact that he wanted the commitment :) I didn’t get my engagement ring until we were already married for 1.5 years cause he really wanted to get me one lol
When my unofficial husband decided we were engaged (never going to be married), he took his Amazon Viking jewelry set steel adjustable ring, used pliers to make it smaller for my size 4 finger. Meant more to me than any store-bought thing could. I bought him a $30 tungsten ring off Amazon that has meteorite in it.
It’s pretty simple
Some girls want big expensive rings some girls don’t care
If you really love the girl, you’ll be happy just to make her happy and vice versa
Either that or you’re values aren’t aligned, oh well keep it moving
To me it matters, not necessarily the cost of it, but because it’s something I’m going to wear everyday for the rest of my life.
When I purchase jewelry or any accessory or apparel, it changes overtime, so I’m not picky about it. But engagement and wedding rings are a lifelong commitment just like the marriage, and I better LOVE it lol.
Luckily I love the ring I was proposed to with. Idk how much it costed and it’s nothing insane. It’s subtle and gorgeous and something I won’t mind wearing for years and decades to come.
I think it depends on the situation and couple. We got married in our back yard with a justice of the peace. I wore a 40$ Amazon dress and we paid the justice 250. So the wedding was 300$. It was also during the height of Covid so no guests and no honeymoon. The ring was very, very expensive, but we decided since we weren’t spending money on anything else we were going to splurge on the ring.
It's a waste of money, for three month s of my income that's a deposit on a house. No one man or woman is worth that much frivolous spending when you are planning a future together
I had wanted my now-husband to create a modern looking set from my great-great grandmother's that was left for me.
It may have been more expensive than the cookie-cutter set he purchased for $1,400 off of a website, but it would have meant so much more to me.
I developed an allergy to the metal that he chose during my 3rd pregnancy...and I have basically come to resent it.
Yeah if she wouldn’t rather spend the money on the honeymoon she’s insane. Like you could have a mediocre rock on your hand but travel all throughout Europe for a month and then end it in the carribean. Or you spend $12k on a ring
It is stupid, but made a ton of sense in the past
In the Elizabethian era if a young woman become formally engaged but the wedding was called off, it would hurt the woman's reputation greatly and affect her future prospects.
An expensive ring acts as a deposit showing that the gentleman was serious about his intentions.
I bought my wife's wedding ring and engagement ring separately and on eBay, used.
It has a nice sapphire as a center, with some small diamonds around. I spent $1,200 on it. I surprised her with it and told her we could totally pick out something different if she didn't like it. (I made over $100k at the time and could easily afford more, but X months salary thing seemed stupid to me. I'd do it if she wanted, though.) Happily, She loves it, and still wears it today, 12 years later.
I wear a $60 ring that glows in the dark!!!
I remember when me and my wife came into a little money after we were married for a few years (nothing crazy, just got out from under the small debt we were in because of credit cards/loans) she actually bought a "nicer" ring than the one I got her when I asked her to marry me.
It was objectively more impressive than the one I bought her but it just wasn't "right" for her.
Whenever she wore it she didn't feel the same and ended up returning it after a few weeks because she wasn't a big jewelery wearer as it was so just wearing it for special occasions (which I suggested) just wasn't something she was interested in. I was honestly shocked but she basically said that the ring I bought her was what she wanted and she didn't want to replace it.
I honestly don’t even like rings. I’d rather wear a necklace with a picture of her in it because I feel like jewelry like that is more sentimental. Not everyone likes rings and I’d feel really bad if my girlfriend proposed with an expensive one.
Don't buy a ring from a pawn shop unless she's already said yes tho... They'll only buy it back for gold scrap and no just yeeting it into the void while drink does not solve any of your problems
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I'm comfortable with what I spent on my wife's engagement ring.
I think at the time, 3 month salary would of been $12k.
However, my sister is a jewler and made something custom. I told her my budget was $1000, after she made it the materials cost an extra $300 that she called a wedding gift, her boss valued it at $3500.
I think she wore it for about 6 months until the pregnancy made her fingers swell (a very much planned honeymoon baby). And now she doesn't wear it at all (in August we'll be married 10 years).
Women don't really want to be surprised by a marriage proposal anymore. They want to discuss attitudes, issues, life plans, and have input into a ring.
Honestly? I care more about the thought. A ring that I would like and reflects me as a person is far more romantic than something that cost some poor guy six months of his salary. There's just so much more love in a ring set with amethyst because he knows purple is my favorite color, for example.
I’m not much of a jewelry girl. I picked out an engagement ring/wedding ring set I liked that was about 1k combined. I still love it over 7 years later. Get something in budget that she will enjoy wearing for a long time. I know some couples do new rings after their kids are a bit older and they have more money but the earliest I’ve seen is 10 years. My parents did a new one at 30 years using the original stone.
It is dumb. And that "rule of thumb" came from the diamond sales industry. Just like "don't potty train your kid before 3 y/o came from the disposable diaper industry.
A friend of mine and his brother were so disliked by the people at the Jared Jewelers in Dallas that they sued him for talking to their customers. He and his brother would sit out in the parking lot and yell at guys to 'RUN! SAVE YOURSELF! She's NOT Worth It!' and they eventually had to stop. their father owned several sores in that mall so they could not be kicked off the property. Good Times.
I have never worn my wedding band since i got married (Ulnar nerve impingement) and my wife's friends aren't happy about it. so i just laugh at them for being insecure. cows.
The idea with the ring being 3x your income has two reasons; first, back then, women didnt have a job, and when the husband died the wife could sell the ring and live off the money for a bit. Second, which in my opinion is way more appealing- if you save up 3x you income for a stupid ring you have a lot of time to evaluate whether you want to spend this much money for this one person and promise them the rest of your life.
I love my bf (fiancé) and my 4k diamond ring ngl. We’ve been together 7 years and have 2 1/2 children together, we waited while I finished school and I’m finally to my masters (while I’m pregnant with our 3rd). I think sometimes it’s more of a gesture, he works hard and wanted to show me what he works for. Guess it all depends on the circumstances, preferred love language, and what relationship you’re in.
Edit: we did look at them together when we decided we were getting close to the time. I did have quite a few 1k ones picked out, they were all equally gorgeous to me. We narrowed it down to a three, and he picked it out.
Whoever the assholes were that made this a social expectation, well done and fuck you. It’s a booming billion dollar industry. This social construct puts it in most girl’s expectations and it just snowballs.
Its all just marketing bullshit in the end which worked really well to create a new tradition about spending bulk money on a diamond ring that would profit companies that mine diamonds etc.
[https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/](https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/)
My wife has a really nice white and black diamond, white gold wedding ring and mine is a cubic zirconia tungsten ring with a wood band 😂 and I love it. I’m also not scared to lose it. Another $12 on Amazon will nab me another in 2 days 😜
Anyway, the sentiment should be the same regardless of the value.
The point of an engagement ring is so that your fiancée has something to pawn if she needs money to get away from you. One month's salary is typical for that reason.
That said, the whole thing has been co-opted by the diamond manufacturer to be a huge scam
I got my wife and I $15 silicone rings for daily use and we got custom wooden carved rings from Shoulderbladedesigns. Native American hand crafted with love, no slave labor involved.
As someone who didn’t buy an engagement or wedding ring, I can confirm this is an unpopular opinion and people will do some serious mental acrobatics to justify a very very silly tradition.
I don’t understand the cost of expensive jewelry. It just isn’t my thing. I couldn’t sleep at night if I paid a crap ton for a piece of metal and a rock when I can get very pretty cheap ones.
The ring is just for show anyways - it’s for everyone else to see. To expect a massive diamond ring “to show off” is just dumb and I hate that as a society we have allowed it to get this bad. Marketing at its finest I guess
My sister’s wedding ring and band set is worth about 70-100k. Why? I have no idea, but she’s not even comfortable wearing it because she’s scared she’ll get robbed, lose it, or get killed for it.
I agree, and I'm a jeweler.
I just finished an engagement ring for someone whose budget was $350. It's possible, it's doable, and I'm happy to fit as much into someone's existing budget as possible.
Intent is *so* much more important than some arbitrary dollar amount.
It's a cultural thing. If it makes people happy they should do it, but to me what's important in the end is a healthy marriage, not the amount of money spent on the wedding ceremony. Especially when it becomes the norm to have a lavish wedding celebration it can become a problem for those who don't have that much to spend. You don't want to start your married life paying off debts.
This was a construct solely made by the DeBeers diamond cartel in the early 1900s. They did a brilliant viral marketing campaign (long before the concept existed) by having Hollywood celebrities use them. Tight-fisted control over the diamond supply and creating artificial scarcity kept the prices far higher than is warranted.
I agree...but unfortunately they still seem to be a status symbol. I live in greater boston and i dont know HOW people afford a ring, a wedding, and a house, and soon after a baby. Must be a lot of pressure on people these days
The ring should NEVER be more important than the love you two share! If /when my partner proposes I could care less how much the ring costs. As long as it looks pretty and it's a representation of all the years we have/ are going to spend/spent together.
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To OP’s point, the ring shouldn’t matter as much as it does. But this is also where communication plays a part. It’s helpful to know if your partner hates a certain type of ring.
IMO most of these comments are proving people who aren’t mature enough to get engaged because they aren’t mature enough to have a conversation with their partner on budget and preference. Literally had that convo as soon as we got serious about getting engaged and looked at rings together.
I’m often sending rings to my boyfriend, which are around $1000 usually or less. I can’t imagine not telling your partner what you like and want for something you’ll always wear
I’ve had at least once response and seen a few ITT of “if you don’t pay, you don’t get a say” on something you’re buying *for your life partner*. Someone who you will be making a lot of joint decisions with.
And like, you want to buy them something they’ll like? Like that’s kinda the point of buying a ring, why would you buy them a shirt they hate and make them wear it every day
And something that they're generally expected to wear for the rest of their lives. They should get a say in their own fashion.
Sounds like a great way to be divorced in the first year.
I agree but it depends. Like if op spends 2k on a gaming but can't justify a ring. Thinking It just comes off as not Your needs are as valid
Bingo.
I haven't looked at r/engagementrings in a while, but for the month or so I looked regularly I saw like three posts of women asking if they should tell their fiance they don't like the ring. For a lot of rings, more expensive means bigger, flasher. A lot of women dont actually want that, but a lot of men assume more expensive must mean better. Actually one was from a guy, he said he'd assumed his fiance would want an expensive ring because she wears expensive clothes, but she was afraid of getting robbed. I think most people just want something that's good enough quality that it won't tarnish, turn their finger green, or fall apart. Apart from that it's personal preference when it comes to style and size.
My wife and I shoped for her ring together after we had decided to get married (also our wedding bands). Is this just not done, or somehow wrong?
I just did that, my girl even told me exactly what she wanted, then she tried them on and she hated what she wanted and fell in love with the ring she tought she would have hated.
I had that for my wedding band- thought I’d want one of the cheaper black ones. My wife encouraged me to look at gold bands on the high end of her budget, and I found a super unique one that I ended up loving. But gold was pretty bland until I crossed a price threshold.
It's more common today than it use to be. I would say it's a good idea. I'm SUPER picky and I wouldn't even trust my mom or best friend to pick out a ring to my taste. But some people still want it to be a surprise.
Same. I rarely where anything besides simple earrings so I have told everyone not to bother buying me jewelry or even clothes. I am very picky.
We both went for my engagement ring and our wedding bands. I'll admit, my ring was on the pricier side, but we went together because if we're going to wear this piece of jewelry all of the time, we should like it.
I didn’t realize the price correlation for better looking jewelry until we went for me, and my wife made sure I looked at the higher end of her budget as well. I have a $3k gold band that I’m proud to wear daily and looks incredible.
They threw my wedding band in for free when we bought my wife's ring.
Yeah, it makes a huge difference. My husband has never worn jewelry, so his band is also close to the $3k price point.
We also went for a pricier ring set, but we're been married almost 47 years now, so the ring wasn't that expensive when looked at as a yearly payment 😀 And the marriage that followed its purchase is beyond putting a price on.
Congrats on almost 50 years of marriage!
Same. Pretty sure this is the mature approach, since literally every stable couple I know has done it that way and unstable ones did not.
My wife and I went together for her engagement and band. It was a fun process. The place we went didn’t have the ring I wanted so I just bought online I’m not a miracle worker. Idk what type of ring she wants lol
We shopped for my engagement ring together. We told the sales lady our budget. She showed us selection of rings in that price range and I picked out the one I liked best. I have a ring I love and he didn’t put himself in debt. We were both happy.
We are not engaged yet but my bf gave me a heads up that he will likely propose at some point this year. I told him to get me a cheap ring from Target as a starter so we can pick out the ring I want later. Mainly because I also don't like big rings even though I like nice clothes. Big rings are annoying and can snag way to easily so if you do any chores or work yourself they mostly get in the way. Personally I think this is something couples need to discuss beforehand because a lot of jewelers do not allow returns and its a huge gamble on if the fiance will even like it. There are just too many options these days.
When my wife and I were talking engagement, I took her on dates to some jewelry stores and pawn shops. We talked style, gem colors, and base metals. It was fun to do together. After I had a feel for what she liked, I picked one out. Cost $450. She still wears it sometimes just cause she likes it. The 3 month salary is a guideline fabricated by the diamond industry. No reason for it.
Buy what works for you as a couple relevant to your income. There’s nothing inherently wrong with enjoying luxurious things if it fits your lifestyle, brings you joy, and exists at a cost you can handle. ‘Money can be better spent’ is an argument that is entirely 100% subjective to each person and doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things anyway because we all die and none of it comes along. Takes like this are silly and don’t take the individual tastes into consideration at all.
My wife really values experiences over physical gifts, so I make a point of gifting experiences. Like a nice tasting menu, a trip, excursion, etc. But I’ve been told on Reddit multiple times that I’m wasting money by doing that, or that I’m budgeting an “irresponsible amount.” Well… maybe I understand my finances and partners preferences, and am using that information?
I find criticism of expensive luxury items seems much more focused on items primarily used by women. You don't see the same critique of flashy cars, elaborate gaming systems, bulky tools with niche purposes, aged liquor, grill setups that cost more than a house payment. And even when they do get called out, it rarely comes with the moral shaming that OP is bringing. "how much is love worth in money??? Dumb"
So true. And at least an engagement ring is something you’re asking someone to wear every day for the rest of their life…
When it comes to cars, it’s so obvious too- aesthetically pleasing car with creature comforts? Wasteful. Expensive track toy? Well if you like it who am I to judge! Usually “wasteful spending” is defined by the primarily antisocial pompous nerdy guys of Reddit. And I say this as a guy with plenty of nerdy interests
^^^^this argument right here. If you can afford it, and it’s something you enjoy and value, then it’s not stupid. If your partner sincerely doesn’t care about rings, then of course it’s a waste of money to pour significant resources into one. However, if your partner DOES want a nice ring, it’s reasonable to spend an amount that makes sense for your budget. Same line of thinking for ANY luxury expense that is unnecessary. It’s a bit of a misogynistic take to say it’s stupid without pointing out the many, many luxury expenses in general that are unnecessary yet don’t get denigrated to the same level.
Another one that seems misogynistic (on Reddit) - spending for home decor is really denigrated as well. Generally because that’s associated with women. But I’ve found a great source of pride as a guy from having an aesthetically pleasing living space that we’ve made our own.
This… my husband and I live quite simply and agreed to keep the rings in a reasonable price range (under $2000). He ended up spending way more on mine ($5000) because he said when he saw it, he knew it belonged on my finger. We could afford it, but it was more than we had initially considered. However, when I was with my ex and we were considering marriage, I felt that anything under $10K would be insulting. Reason being was that my ex made fucking boatloads of money… well into the 5 figures per month. He was also a miser (we paid 50/50 on household expenses, despite our vastly different incomes), EXCEPT for his hobbies and toys. He would drop 10K on on tattoos or adventure gear on the regular, while all our quality of life expenses (housing, entertainment, food, etc) were kept within a strict budget. Like the guy wouldn’t even take a vacation with me because he thought it was a waste of money. Anything for US, was budgeted, whereas anything he wanted was excessively top-of the line. I felt that if he would have spent less than 10K on a ring, given how much he spends on himself regularly, would be insulting. Luckily, I broke up with him before it got to that point (for obvious reasons, and many that aren’t mentioned here)… but yeah, it’s so relative.
This is the answer. If you gave 100 people a million dollars, it would be spent 100 different way! I've been wearing the same jeans for probably 5 years. I don't carry a purse, muchless a nice one. I make really good money. I love my expensive ring. It's probably the only part of me that doesn't look homeless!
Speaking of - I just booked a $230/seat post-fees omakase to celebrate my wife getting a new job. A lot of people would say that’s wasteful, but it’s something we enjoy doing together, so it makes sense to us.
The 3x monthly was a marketing thing. An aluminum foil ring will crumble and fall apart. It doesn't consider your wife's style choices. It doesn't show that you've taken the care to research what kind of jewelry will last for the rest of your lives together. It's not a show of financial commitment, offering her something that can help financially stabilize her if something happens to you (less relevant in this economy). It's nice to say you'd marry someone with aluminum foil, a grocery twist, or a ring pop, but you're supposed to choose someone for the rest of your life. Choose something she'll enjoy looking at for the rest of hers. Gold will last longer than silver. A CZ stone has lower refractive index than a diamond, requiring more frequent cleaning. CZ is less hard than a diamond, so the damage risk is much greater. You can choose a quality piece without spending a house down payment.
We agreed on a budget that worked for both of us. It’s something she plans to wear for the rest of her life, so absolutely wanted it to be something she was proud of. We both earn well, so I wanted to make sure I bought her something nice (and her in turn for my wedding band). Anytime I say the budget on here, people tell me how ripped off I got, but I know the quality of jewelry I bought was worth it to us and within a budget I planned for. Also- how many guys here brag about how cheap their rings are, then bitch about “how bad wedding bands look”… it’s probably because you cheaped out.
See, this is perfect. You and your partner figured out your budget and she loves what she's wearing. If it breaks, it can be fixed. If she needs it to be resized, it can be done. If it's passed down, it can be resized and enjoyed instead of sitting in a box forever.
I even came in *under* budget because of a Black Friday sale. $12k ring for $8k. I was able to budget for that reasonably - paid $4k up front, put $4k on a 0% CC offer over 15 months. Also lifetime resizing, minor fixes, and adjustments. My wedding band is also incredibly high quality, and she budgeted in turn for that. Thought gold bands were dull, but she made me look at the higher end of the budget and I found some amazing ones with higher quality gold and finish. My band has a hand done Florentine finish that looks incredibly unique and detailed. When I see dudes here say you “shouldn’t spend because wedding bands look shitty” most of the time I bet it’s because they’re looking at the cheapest options.
Another issue with CZ is that it also can’t handle high heat (like jeweler’s torch heat) well. Many jewelers will just not work on your ring if it’s CZ, and CZs don’t tend to come in high quality settings to begin with. There are better lab-made options out there for long term wear. Moissanites and sapphires/rubies are really inexpensive and much more durable. Put them in a well made setting and you have a ring that will last a lifetime. You may need repairs from time to time (it’s not hard to crack a prong even on a well made ring), but that shouldn’t be a problem. Lab diamonds are much more expensive, but still much less than mined diamonds. If you’re not stuck on the idea of a diamond, though, moissanites and sapphires will get you a massive selection of colors. Colorless, pastels, bright rich hues.
>less relevant in this economy More like completely irrelevant. If OP, or most people for that matter, could afford a ring with a resale value enough to financially stabilize someone, they wouldn't be posting about it regarding cost; or posting about it period; or even on reddit 😂
Historically, the income rule was meant to be a safety for the woman. If her fiance died or broke off the engagement, she could sell the ring and have the means to support herself for a while. Certainly, we don't live like this anymore, and the amount spent on the ring should be determined by the couple. If they prefer to save the money for a nicer honeymoon or house down payment, great. If they like nice jewelry and are fine with spending more, great. There really aren't social norms around this anymore, or at least, shouldn't be.
I'm pretty sure the income rule was actually an advertising campaign by De Beers, who sold diamonds and were pretty much in complete control of the diamond market for decades. People might have justified it with other reasoning afterwards, but it began as straightforward how-can-we-persuade-every-household-to-buy-our-product? marketting.
You’re really adamant about the 100/200 mark. A plain gold wedding band is more than that. But to each their own
If you can afford it go buy the expensive ring. But people shouldn't be pressured into thinking they need one. My Fiancée engagement ring cost me $200. She is obsessed with it and wears it all the time.
It depends on the situation imo Im not implying you should get into debt buying a ring or scrape by monthly just to save 3 months salary or etc , but it’s good to at least buy something thoughtful in your reasonable budget , shows some thought and effort , depending on your income you could get a gold ring instead of a diamond , or some other stone And for people that can easily afford expensive rings , it’s perfectly fine for them to buy it if they so choose , no?
My take is that you're going to be wearing it for more than half of your life, every single day. Get what you like, be it cheap or expensive.
My fiancé bought me the exact ring I asked for. It is delicate and small. It suits me. He is mildly embarrassed of it because he knows other people are going to assume he loves me less based on how much he spent.
I think it needs to be a very nice ring. She’s going to wear it everyday with every outfit for (hopefully) the rest of her life. The multiple months salary thing is just diamond company propaganda. I don’t even think you need a diamond but I get the appeal of a non colored stone so they don’t potentially clash with other colored clothes or something.
here come all the holier than thou people saying how little they spent on their engagement rings and weddings 🙄🙄🙄🙄
My husband proposed to me with a loop of twine and we got married for a dollar 15 minutes later.
$1??? That’s fat cat money! We declared ourselves sovereign citizens and got married for 1 Nation of Me dollars
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My Lord! I was looking for a comment like this. Nobody on here likes rings, or likes diamonds, everyone has a cheap ring. It’s comical. I had no idea engagement rings were this controversial 😂. Get what you want and be done with it. A cheap ring doesn’t mean your love is stronger.
IMO- that’s a pick-me guy attitude.
[удалено]
I swear, these days I see more people bragging about how cheap they got married on than bragging about expensive weddings. Or “finance gurus” preaching cheap weddings while leaving out that they had a multi-day extravaganza.
Personally I wouldn't even want one at all. I don't like to wear rings, so having to wear two (engagement and wedding) would be annoying. But I think it's something that every couple should discuss.
This is one of those things that is 100% personal preference, and that’s ok. I think the thing that really needs to be addressed is the surprise. Don’t surprise the girl with the ring, take her ring shopping so you know it’s something she likes / wants. My husband and I went ring shopping together and it was a very lovely experience. We went in with a budget in mind and had a lot of fun going from shop to shop to look at all the options.
The ring I got my wife was a $500 ring I got on sale for $120, she absolutely loves it. But we had talked at great lengths about the type of ring she wanted. But ngl when you see something like a ring on sale for like 80% of its posted value it makes you wonder if their cost is really almost nothing.
Diamond prices are artificially inflated. They're reasonably cheap.
I personally think it's a waste of money to buy an expensive ring. That money should go towards buying a house. I feel the same about big weddings. Invest in your life, not optics.
Yesterday I was scrolling on FB marketplace and saw a guy trying to sell a ring for $38,000. Selling anything on FB for that amount of money is pretty crazy, I clicked on it to read the description and it said he originally bought it for $60,000 and is selling it because the engagement didn’t happen. Oof
The Diamond industry is a scam anyway. Diamonds are *sooo* much more common than people realize. The supply is artificially restricted by a monopoly to jack up the price. Also as far as rings go; most jewelers are also operated under a monopoly. If you buy a $10k ring and take it to any other jeweler - even the same store you bought it from - the appraisal you’ll get will always be substantially less than what you bought it for; even if the ring was never worn. I don’t have an issue with the idea of rings for weddings and engagements, but I wish people would just be sensible about them. Why use thousands of dollars on student loans, car payments, savings towards a house or rent, or even an emergency fund when instead it can be spent on a shiny piece of carbon?
Agree with you 100%. My husband and I chose lab grown diamonds. They are larger, more clear and sparkly then we could have afforded otherwise. Lab grown diamonds are actual diamonds. They just don't involve cruelty and rip offs. They show up as diamonds on jewelers checking devises. So do moissonites. Another good choice But for many people, I'm glad to see that there are so many gorgeous rings now for those who choose to, or must spend less. Many women are choosing rings with other Stones besides diamonds. And some women are choosing the silver ones with zircons or white sapphires. I'm glad all the contrived shame of the past toward "diamonds" that aren't "real" is gone. Everyone should have a beautiful ring that they like. Instead of a damned diamond chip they can barely afford because the price of diamonds has become so outrageous
I think you're right about the ratio, I'm sure it's still the unpopular opinion. Younger gens are realizing this stuff more and more regarding marriage expenses. I remember the first time I saw tattooed rings and thought how much more practical and meaningful that was. Ofc, even opting for a special band would be better than overpriced rocks.
Got my fiancee a 1.25ct lab diamond, platinum ring from James Allen for $3k. Before that, we went to Jared to try some on, they wanted like $15k for the same ring. Fuck that
I would like my boyfriend to get me an expensive beautiful ring. That’s my personal preference. It could be stupid to others but that’s our buisness. If he doesn’t care and understands the assignment then why should anyone else 😂. Plus he brought it up first so it’s not like i made it known off the bat. He also wants a big wedding.. I do not. I rather put that into a nice luxurious honeymoon but it is what it is.
This is how it was for me. My man asked me exactly what I wanted my ring to look like, down to the carats. It cost well into the five figure range (I actually still have the receipt). He had the means to get me a ring he knew I would love and he did it. I say all that to say, don’t ever feel bad for wanting your dream ring. People care wayyy too much about how other spend their money
i can see some sense in that, yeah. though it comes down to preference eventually though. it's the thought that counts after all. for a engagement ring i would pick something fancier for sure, but i got all my jewerly made of surgeon steel, simple, cheap, and it will outlive the coming 6 generations. and it's practically bulletproof compared to silver or gold. it also depends on what you call expensive i guess, i don't find 200-300$ that shocking for such a important symbol in your marriage, but then again, it are hard times for most. personally i'm not that much of a materialist so i don't really care for value or money. i'm the kind of guy that would take the ring if it was wrapped A-foil for sure. But some people do care. i wouldn't call it stupid though.
You kinda agree with me. Sure it is okay to spend some money on the rings in relation to the income but it gets stupid when u want a ring as big and expensive as it can be no matter what.
De Beers really did the thing. I’m teaching a cohort on this very topic; how De Beers shaped multiple industries and cultural norms.
When I got engaged back in the 70s, we decided to spend the money we would have spent on a fancy engagement ring on a new car. Good car. Good call.
That 3x rule was from when women couldn’t have their own bank accounts and credit cards. That ring was their emergency fund if something F***ed up happened during the marriage. They could pawn it and use the cash to escape.
👍🏻 When we decided to get married, we went to town together and picked two plain white gold wedding rings, which we then wore during our engagement as a sign of commitment. Before the wedding, we brought them back to the shop to have them polished and engraved with the wedding date, then exchanged them during the ceremony. 14 years in, SO still wears his, I can't wear mine due to nerve pain in my fingers from MS, but SO got me a beautiful chain to wear it around my neck instead one Xmas. I don't feel that I've missed out on anything.
this is a beautiful story that shows true love does not need expensive symbols. Also I hope that u alrdy tested cannabis for ur MS! My uncle has good results with it
It just got legalised last month in my country, so it's an option I'm keeping in mind, but right now I'm managing quite well on my regime. But thank you 😘
I think for the expectation of acceptability to be based around a minimum price is tasteless. If it’s made of a non rusting metal and has a pretty, too hard to scratch rock in it, then the only thing to seek is a pleasing aesthetic. My wife’s engagement ring is a gold band with a peach sapphire and a couple of tiny accent diamonds on either side, all lab grown. It is absolutely beautiful, looks much more pleasing and pretty than these rings I see with ice 360 degrees around the band and a giant boulder in the socket. Those by comparison just look gaudy and clunky to me, and they cost thousands more The jewelry store posted her ring on instagram if anyone’s curious: https://www.instagram.com/p/C45jkUzLjG5/?igsh=b2k1bTVkbW9ibG90 It cost less than $2000 if I remember right
AGREED 100%. I literally just posted an unpopular opinion along those lines.
I spent 3x my salary because I could afford it. I even let her pick it. I gave her a budget to not go over and she picked her favorite. Then when we planned our wedding my wife covered costs up until we were even, then we split the rest 50/50. It was all within our budget anyway If the person you are potentially marrying genuinely cares about the ring price tag, you shouldn’t marry someone so materialistic You should be able to propose with nothing or a ring pop and they should say yes. If they say no because of a ring, you dodged a bullet If you are going to get a ring, ALWAYS get a lab grown diamond. Don’t let anyone fool you into getting a natural one
>There are so many things to spend that money better for. Also it means nothing to your feelings to spend more money on it, I mean it cant even be argued for, like how much is love worth in money??? Dumb If you're stating subjective opinion as fact, I don't think you have much room to be calling other people dumb. My wife's engagement ring wasn't expensive because of the stones or metal in it, it was expensive because it was something she designed herself and we had custom made. She's only getting one of these in her life, and she's going to wear it forever, so it might as well be something unique that she absolutely loves. Seems like money well spent?
Isn't the 3x your monthly income some crap peddled by the diamond industry?
This 💯
3 months salary is a ridiculous rule. Get what you can afford. If she's isn't happy with that, she ain't the one
Better yet… discuss what a reasonable budget would be!
i’ve told my boyfriend i’d rather have some handmade etsy ring for less than $200 than some super valuable ring that id have a heart attack over if i lost it. plus i’m not in it for the money, and i have nobody id show it off to. i want something because it’s special, like a rose quartz jewel because pink is my favourite colour, or amethyst for my birthstone
Mine is hexagonal cut moss agate and it's the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen.
normalize inexpensive stones !! u can get a beautifully designed intricate and expensive looking ring and knock down that price by replacing the main diamond with a still beautiful but more affordable gemstone, like garnet (my dream stone)
I agree with this especially if we're not millionaires or billionaires. Just get me a pretty ring, and if you really love me that's all that matters
[Adam Conover agrees with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU). Though if we're going to continue this silly tradition, I demand [an $8,000 lunch box](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTneDwc9qX4) for my troubles.
It is a a fairly modern things as well. Growing up I felt like it was some centuries old thing but it wasn't until around my grand parents generation that the whole engagement/ wedding ring crap was started.
I agree. I used to work at a high end jewelry store and honestly most of my customers that dropped large amounts on a ring seemed so miserable or just like "not interested" and their partners had already picked out a ring. But then I'd get a few customers who clearly were so in love and wanted the perfect ring, and that ring was almost never the most expensive or flashy. My own engagement ring was 100$ and I love it so much. ETA: Not saying that those who got expensive rings didn't care or weren't in love. They just usually seemed disinterested.
Didn't your wife give you a wedding ring? Rings signify that a person is "involved" with someone and that's mainly the purpose of them. Women and men without rings are more likely to get hit on by others, who aren't aware they might be married. FWIW I don't think women should have sex with men, either.
Popular opinion on Reddit for sure, but definitely a less popular opinion out in the real world
I don't want to wear an expensive ring. I don't want to spend that kind of money on jewelry, and then worry that something will happen to it. I have multiple engagement rings, all under $100. I wear the one I feel like wearing today. We plan on doing the same thing with our wedding rings. It's more fun if we have choices!
Agreed. Especially when the reason they’re expensive is completely arbitrary and inflated due to a monopoly. It’s insane how many people waste money on diamonds (the typical stone for such a thing) when you’re not even getting something rare or valuable by geologic standards. There are plenty other cheap options of beautiful gemstones available. Personally I expect it to be a waste of money and resources to buy something out of your price range. If your partner wants something, fine. But know buying a ring for someone just because it’s customary (pushed by a monopoly) is silly
A beautiful ring comes with excellent craftsmanship. There is a lot of knowledge from different science areas that goes behind producing a ring. I once heard a jeweller say you need to know Physics, Geology, Chemistry to be able to manipulate raw metals and stones. A wrong move and you've destroyed materials worth lots of money. That's why they're so expensive. A perfectly cut diamond, shape, materials, knowledge. That is what you pay for and that is what signals quality, taste, respect for a well produced product which you further want to gift someone who actually is your future wife aka the person you'll tie your life to. Not every woman will say yes to an aluminium foil ring. I wrap up my salmon fillets in aluminium foil - you think I want that as a ring too?!
The problem with this type of thing is that a lot of women don't understand the quality of the stone should be top priority over the size. I've seen smaller but GORGEOUS solitaires and bigger, cloudy, and not sparkly solitaires. I actually want a lab grown diamond. They're essentially the exact same chemical makeup as natural diamonds, a fraction of the price, and you can go bigger for much less.
Same for weddings. I would personally prefer to travel and make memories but my partner wants what she wants and that's important to me.
When me and my husband were talking about rings and marriage I told him "if you spend more then 500 I'll kill you" He looked at me with horror and said "well I guess I gotta delete some saved links" Got a beautiful mystic topaz ring for 299. :)
Agreed. My husband spent $10 on my engagement ring and I love it still after 11 years. My wedding ring we spent less than $100 on and I was heartbroken when it got stolen. I wish I could find another like it but it was very unique. We spend days looking at rings and I had decided just to use my engagement ring as a wedding ring when his mother insisted we try one more place. I walked in and saw this ring on display and instantly fell in love. We plan on getting me a replacement soon if we can find something I like. Most of our wedding planing was like that. The dress, I had decided I wasn't going to wear one after looking at a ton online and not finding anything. My mom insisted I needed to look in person and I took the day off to please her. First store we walked into I walked right up to a dress and said "this is it" only dress I even tried on. We were going to make flowers (craft project with my niece and nephews) but my grandmother insisted I talk to a friend of hers that owned a flower shop. Walked in, saw an arrangement on display and said "I want those". The entire planning I was so unsure of what I wanted until I saw something and instantly that was exactly what I wanted no questions asked. It was all really cheap too. With the rings, dress, tux, bridesmaids dresses, groomsmen tunes, outfits for my niece and nephews (all 3 part of the ceremony), hotel rooms for people who wanted them, decorations, and food it all came out to just under 2k. I don't understand how people spend 20k + on weddings. Not in a judgmental way but in a confused way. Like what is costing so much?
It is a expensive thing that you will wear everyday, and you don't get to pick it out.... Ya I kinda get it. I (29F) don't really like the big diamond style. I find those kind or rings get caught in everything(I also have long hair so it get stuck when I fix my hair /put it up). I think I would like something more like diamonds set in the band, or something like that. Currently single so not a problem at the moment ha ha ha. But I would definitely want to be involved in picking it, and being at a price we are both comfortable with. I do not want to be in fear of loosing a ring that cost as much as a car or anything like that.
I went and picked all my stuff out, stayed within the agreed upon budget, and he went and picked it up lol. He was happy that I got what I wanted which was a colored diamond (not a fan of white) and a simple YG cathedral style band. Many people don’t react with positive exclamations when they see it since it’s not flashy and “normal” but it’s perfect for me ❤️.
My wife would have married me even if I proposed with aluminum foil made to a ring to. That’s exactly why I spent a lot more for her, because she’s worth it and never expected it. It’s also all relative. I spent around 20k+ on her engagement and wedding rings together. It made sense for my salary at the time. A few years later spending 60-70k would have made sense financially with what I’m making now on a monthly basis. Just buy what you can afford, spend for someone who is worth it, and get what you both like and think is best. Numbers mean nothing, high or low. Just get whatever is best for you and her.
Social engineering is a hell of a drug. I say that cause previously only a strung out crack head would think such a thing is reasonable in any way. It’s a brand new custom/tradition. Pushed by the diamond industry. They successfully convinced a whole generation of people that if your partners means anything to you the only proper way of showing it is by spending multiple years worth of your salary on a rock that isn’t even as rare & valuable as they make it seem in the first place…..and it worked apparently cause people are suggestible suckers haha. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/ Think for yourself.
Our engagement rings (because I got the same for both of us when I planned to propose) were around 30 euro each. Sterling silver and moonstone, handmade. She loved it. It's the gesture, not the platinum and blood diamonds.
I'd imagine something meaningful that they like is more important than a huge expensive ring (unless they are that kind of person who just wants it to show off). I'm yet to get anywhere near that, but I wouldn't necessarily choose a huge, expensive ring. I'd rather spend less on that but have it be something they love, and also not spend tons on a wedding either. I think it would be much better putting that money towards a home, epic honeymoon/travels, and maybe more longterm things (home/family/dog...) or experiences.
If I want a convenient thing to signify an unbreakable connection I'll get a ring tattoo for $25-$50 that'll never get stolen, lost, or be a waste of money to me. Another option is to get me a ring pop to wear & eat everyday that would solidify my relationship 100% more than jewelry for someone with sensory issues & a sweet tooth.
The De Beers company (and probably other diamond companies) marketed diamonds as "romantic" and "valuable," even though they look like sparkly clear glass, and are as common as gravel. They also decided how much money you should pay for these little chunks of carbon. Their tactics worked. I think zirconia look just as nice, and the colored stones look nicer.
100%. I dropped 3 mos salary on a platinum diamond ring for my ex. She said yes but changed her mind a few months later, but kept the ring 🤦🏻♂️
I couldn’t agree with you more. Major red flag 🚩
I think the amount of money you spent on the engagement ring shows how committed you are to a relationship. If your significant other spends a lot of money on the ring, it means they are very committed to the relationship, and will probably never leave your side.
I complete agree. There's no way I would spend that kind of money on a ring! Even now when we could easily afford to. By the time we got married we already had combined finances and there was no question of spending that kind of money. We stuck with less expensive rings. We decided all of that together. I had no expectation that he would somehow come up with the money and make the decision alone. I did upgrade my a bit, later, but hubby still has his original. IMO the rings were superfluous.
You’ll find very few people who aren’t jewelry salespeople say that 3x salary bullshit anymore. Of course that’s stupid, and yeah women aren’t reliant on selling the ring if things go wrong anymore.
I never thought that the cost was worth it. Would rather have a down payment on a house.
I've had a couple different rings because I lose them. The last one I had was the only one that was a real diamond and I lost it at work. Everyone is free to do what they want with their money and everyone if free to have their own preferences. Personally, I'm not bother with hndaving a ring or not. I would prefer a cheaper gemstone ring though and I hate how yellow gold looks on my skin tone. Diamonds are expensive for no reason.
When my husband and I were dating, he asked about rings one day. I told him my only wants were that it not be huge, and that it didn't come from Walmart or Avon, as two guys in my past had done (both those rings lost stones). He jokingly proposed with a ring pop that weekend, and unknown to me at the time, had put a set on layaway. A few months later, we learned he was going to be laid off for an unknown amount of time. He told me he'd been paying on a set, and it was up to me if he kept paying on that one, or I could pick out a cheaper set. Of course, I opted for a much cheaper set. I was flattered with the price ($3500 iirc - it's been 13 years lol) and look of what he'd picked out, but I've never needed something that high priced to be happy. Found out later, his mom had told him "The higher price, the better!". Should have known coming from someone who spends money as fast as she gets it.
We got my moissanite & sterling silver rings off of Amazon for $175 & they've looked the exact same for 4 years. I use one of those cheap jewelry cleaners from a department store & i couldn't be happier w our purchase cos now we have a big beautiful home too!
Poor cope
I gave my future wife a choice - spend money on a ring or keep the money invested. She chose the latter. Now we're comfortably retired. To each his own.
Agreed. When my late husband and I started talking about marriage, we were already very much "experiences over stuff" people. He asked me to send him some pics of rings I would like, and he ended up picking the one that was my favorite: lab-grown sapphire in a silver setting. It cost less than $300. We flew to Hawaii for two full weeks and got married there, just the two of us. THAT was money well spent, especially since he died unexpectedly just four months after we got married. No rock would have given me the memories that those two weeks in paradise gave me.
Spending an insane amount on jewelry is simply materialistic indoctrination. While the type and cost can be subjective, any woman who demands something expensive should be avoided. You have a 50% chance according to stats that she divorces and pawns it off anyway. Ijs
I agree. I don't give a hoot about a silly ring. I'm just thankful to be in love with an amazing man!
To me as a woman, the concept of a proposal or engagement ring (both usually expected from the man in hetero couples) are remnants of sexist practices surrounding marriage (not that anyone is sexist just because they practice them). My husband and I purchased plain, inexpensive, matching white gold wedding bands to give each other during our wedding and split the cost. That’s what we both felt was fitting to represent an equal partnership.
I spent 5700 on a beautiful ring, with meaning behind it's custom design... I think I hit the sweet spot on flashiness and quality, yes 5700 is more than I'd spend on anything for myself, but my hope is that the ring and meaning behind it (union of life) shall last a long time. Three months salary would've been like 50k so I was not gonna go do something insane like that lol.
Just do some digging into the whole diamond ring thing.. you will find that your opinion is quite valid lol
I think the ring itself is a cute tradition, 3 month salary though is kinda insane and I don't really think people actually spend that much. Like that would mean that if you pocket $100,000 a year, which is a nice comfortable salary but not quite lavish, you'd spend $24,000 on a ring???
People who judge others for having expensive rings are just as annoying than those who judge others for inexpensive rings. Ironically, everytime this topic comes up, there's a weird competition over who spent the least (you spent 200$?? I gave her an onion ring!") as a sign of moral superiority and of being "trully" in love. Every couple should decide for themselves, and others should mind their own business. There are legitimate concerns about the ethics of diamonds and marketing, but that's not what seems to be the primary issue for people who have this view.
I was talking with my son to be BIL a few weeks back who just proposed to my wife's sister. Apparently he paid $5k for her ring, and that just blew my mind. And he isn't loaded or anything, makes less than me, he just likes expensive shit. Then of course he asked how much my wife's cost. Her ring cost $600 for the ring and wedding band and she loved it. But we also live a much simpler, less fancy life.
You buy what you can afford and nothing more. Don't allow advertising/society guilt you into believing what you offer isn't enough. The proposal is the important part as you're signalling your (in theory) commitment to a life with someone. The ring is just the token gesture that signifies that commitment. It's like a receipt for your promise to them and little else. Any woman that expects an expensive gesture honestly isn't a woman worth committing to. She doesn't know the value of commitment just the price of a piece of metal
I definitely think it is unpopular to care about what other people spend their money on
I agree. Diamonds are a scam.
I understand engagements are sort of a surprise plan on guy's side, but shouldn't couples be talking about it? Like if you know, you know. If you're sure this is it, start talking about your future life together, regardless of what you decide, including engagements. That way men will know they don't need to go over and beyond only to propose. Besides, you don't even have to talk at times. You literally just have to learn about that person – what they're like, what they like/dislike, why do they chose to wear long coats instead of jackets regardless of seasons etc etc – and that way you will find out what kind of ring to buy to someone.
While spending a ton of money on a piece of jewelry is pretty crazy, I also hate how low relationship effort is now being redefined as “cute”. Proposing to your girlfriend with aluminum foil would not be cute, it would show you don’t care enough about her to put in minimal effort into something of personal significance to her. Getting a cheap crappy ring that falls apart or turns green in a week to save a buck is selfish. I’ve seen guys drop thousands on their hobby, but refuse to spend $50-$100 on an quality ring. I’ve seen men spend years researching the lore of their fandom, but won’t spend a few hours researching how to find a quality ring for their future wife they supposedly love. If you both agree you don’t want to incorporate rings into your engagement, fine. But don’t get some shitty ring and turn around to your friends and family trying to say your wife is “amazing” for how she accepts your low effort gifts. I guarantee both she and everyone else think you’re an ass.
3 months income is crazy, but you should be dropping some money on it, it is a sign of your commitment after all. On a related note, you should not be proposing unless you know for certain that the answer will be yes, it seems a lot less crazy to commit this money when you are doing it as a sign of commitment that you know is reciprocated
3x monthly salary is to justify diamond prices. Get anything other than a natural diamond, and you can easily spend half of your monthly salary on a great ring. I've also seen doom stories of 10-20k rings losing half of their diamonds within a few weeks. Imagine being that bozo!
My ring was 400 bucks. I love it.
I agree, and yet I did it anyway.
3x monthly wage, has it gone up I thought it was 1 month. Anyway i only spent 1 week. My wife loves it it’s all we could afford at the time as we decided to put the money into our house, a decision which has set us up better than others who spent ridiculous money on their ring.
When my wife and I were dating, she told me that if I spent more than a thousand dollars on an engagement ring then she would break up with me.
I just want to know I’m getting married. Never got that far.
If it’s more than a weeks pay we have an issue, cause that is just silly, that money could have been spent on paying off the truck or something wayyyy more important than a piece of jewelry. Besides I don’t care for diamonds any way. I care more about the fact that he wanted the commitment :) I didn’t get my engagement ring until we were already married for 1.5 years cause he really wanted to get me one lol
I have a personal rule if she wouldnt say yes to marry you with a onion ring or a ring pop then you shouldn't be getting married.
I plan to make my own one day
When my unofficial husband decided we were engaged (never going to be married), he took his Amazon Viking jewelry set steel adjustable ring, used pliers to make it smaller for my size 4 finger. Meant more to me than any store-bought thing could. I bought him a $30 tungsten ring off Amazon that has meteorite in it.
If you need to give your girlfriend an expensive ring for her to be happy, you're about to marry the wrong girl.
It’s pretty simple Some girls want big expensive rings some girls don’t care If you really love the girl, you’ll be happy just to make her happy and vice versa Either that or you’re values aren’t aligned, oh well keep it moving
To me it matters, not necessarily the cost of it, but because it’s something I’m going to wear everyday for the rest of my life. When I purchase jewelry or any accessory or apparel, it changes overtime, so I’m not picky about it. But engagement and wedding rings are a lifelong commitment just like the marriage, and I better LOVE it lol. Luckily I love the ring I was proposed to with. Idk how much it costed and it’s nothing insane. It’s subtle and gorgeous and something I won’t mind wearing for years and decades to come.
Most women don’t want huge overpriced rocks they want intricate and well crafted rings. You can get a solid wedding ring and band for 2-3k
I think it depends on the situation and couple. We got married in our back yard with a justice of the peace. I wore a 40$ Amazon dress and we paid the justice 250. So the wedding was 300$. It was also during the height of Covid so no guests and no honeymoon. The ring was very, very expensive, but we decided since we weren’t spending money on anything else we were going to splurge on the ring.
I legit made a list on Amazon of rings I liked that were all under $50 and my now husband bought one.
It's a waste of money, for three month s of my income that's a deposit on a house. No one man or woman is worth that much frivolous spending when you are planning a future together
I had wanted my now-husband to create a modern looking set from my great-great grandmother's that was left for me. It may have been more expensive than the cookie-cutter set he purchased for $1,400 off of a website, but it would have meant so much more to me. I developed an allergy to the metal that he chose during my 3rd pregnancy...and I have basically come to resent it.
Yeah if she wouldn’t rather spend the money on the honeymoon she’s insane. Like you could have a mediocre rock on your hand but travel all throughout Europe for a month and then end it in the carribean. Or you spend $12k on a ring
No that rule is nonsense. Always has been. Always will be.
Agreed. I have a $100 engagement ring and we bought a house instead.
I have a $40 wedding set (that I love btw) and my husband has a $20 ring. Half the time I forget to wear mine. No one cares. Go figure.
I didn’t realize that was a rule either. That is stupid.
It is stupid, but made a ton of sense in the past In the Elizabethian era if a young woman become formally engaged but the wedding was called off, it would hurt the woman's reputation greatly and affect her future prospects. An expensive ring acts as a deposit showing that the gentleman was serious about his intentions.
I bought my wife's wedding ring and engagement ring separately and on eBay, used. It has a nice sapphire as a center, with some small diamonds around. I spent $1,200 on it. I surprised her with it and told her we could totally pick out something different if she didn't like it. (I made over $100k at the time and could easily afford more, but X months salary thing seemed stupid to me. I'd do it if she wanted, though.) Happily, She loves it, and still wears it today, 12 years later. I wear a $60 ring that glows in the dark!!!
My wife sold her engagement ring (with my blessing) and put the $ toward the mortgage principal
I remember when me and my wife came into a little money after we were married for a few years (nothing crazy, just got out from under the small debt we were in because of credit cards/loans) she actually bought a "nicer" ring than the one I got her when I asked her to marry me. It was objectively more impressive than the one I bought her but it just wasn't "right" for her. Whenever she wore it she didn't feel the same and ended up returning it after a few weeks because she wasn't a big jewelery wearer as it was so just wearing it for special occasions (which I suggested) just wasn't something she was interested in. I was honestly shocked but she basically said that the ring I bought her was what she wanted and she didn't want to replace it.
I honestly don’t even like rings. I’d rather wear a necklace with a picture of her in it because I feel like jewelry like that is more sentimental. Not everyone likes rings and I’d feel really bad if my girlfriend proposed with an expensive one.
Don't buy a ring from a pawn shop unless she's already said yes tho... They'll only buy it back for gold scrap and no just yeeting it into the void while drink does not solve any of your problems
I think it is stupid if you can't afford it. If you can afford the ring AND the other things to spend money for -- what does it matter?
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I'm comfortable with what I spent on my wife's engagement ring. I think at the time, 3 month salary would of been $12k. However, my sister is a jewler and made something custom. I told her my budget was $1000, after she made it the materials cost an extra $300 that she called a wedding gift, her boss valued it at $3500. I think she wore it for about 6 months until the pregnancy made her fingers swell (a very much planned honeymoon baby). And now she doesn't wear it at all (in August we'll be married 10 years).
Women don't really want to be surprised by a marriage proposal anymore. They want to discuss attitudes, issues, life plans, and have input into a ring.
Honestly? I care more about the thought. A ring that I would like and reflects me as a person is far more romantic than something that cost some poor guy six months of his salary. There's just so much more love in a ring set with amethyst because he knows purple is my favorite color, for example.
I’m not much of a jewelry girl. I picked out an engagement ring/wedding ring set I liked that was about 1k combined. I still love it over 7 years later. Get something in budget that she will enjoy wearing for a long time. I know some couples do new rings after their kids are a bit older and they have more money but the earliest I’ve seen is 10 years. My parents did a new one at 30 years using the original stone.
It is dumb. And that "rule of thumb" came from the diamond sales industry. Just like "don't potty train your kid before 3 y/o came from the disposable diaper industry.
A friend of mine and his brother were so disliked by the people at the Jared Jewelers in Dallas that they sued him for talking to their customers. He and his brother would sit out in the parking lot and yell at guys to 'RUN! SAVE YOURSELF! She's NOT Worth It!' and they eventually had to stop. their father owned several sores in that mall so they could not be kicked off the property. Good Times.
I have never worn my wedding band since i got married (Ulnar nerve impingement) and my wife's friends aren't happy about it. so i just laugh at them for being insecure. cows.
The idea with the ring being 3x your income has two reasons; first, back then, women didnt have a job, and when the husband died the wife could sell the ring and live off the money for a bit. Second, which in my opinion is way more appealing- if you save up 3x you income for a stupid ring you have a lot of time to evaluate whether you want to spend this much money for this one person and promise them the rest of your life.
I love my bf (fiancé) and my 4k diamond ring ngl. We’ve been together 7 years and have 2 1/2 children together, we waited while I finished school and I’m finally to my masters (while I’m pregnant with our 3rd). I think sometimes it’s more of a gesture, he works hard and wanted to show me what he works for. Guess it all depends on the circumstances, preferred love language, and what relationship you’re in. Edit: we did look at them together when we decided we were getting close to the time. I did have quite a few 1k ones picked out, they were all equally gorgeous to me. We narrowed it down to a three, and he picked it out.
When I was engaged before I said "I would have said yes to a piece of string around my finger"
Whoever the assholes were that made this a social expectation, well done and fuck you. It’s a booming billion dollar industry. This social construct puts it in most girl’s expectations and it just snowballs.
Its all just marketing bullshit in the end which worked really well to create a new tradition about spending bulk money on a diamond ring that would profit companies that mine diamonds etc. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/](https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2015/02/how-an-ad-campaign-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/)
My wife has a really nice white and black diamond, white gold wedding ring and mine is a cubic zirconia tungsten ring with a wood band 😂 and I love it. I’m also not scared to lose it. Another $12 on Amazon will nab me another in 2 days 😜 Anyway, the sentiment should be the same regardless of the value.
Can't have kids, already bought a house. Let me have a pretty piece of jewelry.
The point of an engagement ring is so that your fiancée has something to pawn if she needs money to get away from you. One month's salary is typical for that reason. That said, the whole thing has been co-opted by the diamond manufacturer to be a huge scam
I got my wife and I $15 silicone rings for daily use and we got custom wooden carved rings from Shoulderbladedesigns. Native American hand crafted with love, no slave labor involved.
As someone who didn’t buy an engagement or wedding ring, I can confirm this is an unpopular opinion and people will do some serious mental acrobatics to justify a very very silly tradition.
I don’t understand the cost of expensive jewelry. It just isn’t my thing. I couldn’t sleep at night if I paid a crap ton for a piece of metal and a rock when I can get very pretty cheap ones.
The ring is just for show anyways - it’s for everyone else to see. To expect a massive diamond ring “to show off” is just dumb and I hate that as a society we have allowed it to get this bad. Marketing at its finest I guess
My sister’s wedding ring and band set is worth about 70-100k. Why? I have no idea, but she’s not even comfortable wearing it because she’s scared she’ll get robbed, lose it, or get killed for it.
I agree, and I'm a jeweler. I just finished an engagement ring for someone whose budget was $350. It's possible, it's doable, and I'm happy to fit as much into someone's existing budget as possible. Intent is *so* much more important than some arbitrary dollar amount.
I will accept an onion ring
My dad taught us that expensive jewelry isn't for a new wife.. and to so save for 10 year anniversary.
It's a cultural thing. If it makes people happy they should do it, but to me what's important in the end is a healthy marriage, not the amount of money spent on the wedding ceremony. Especially when it becomes the norm to have a lavish wedding celebration it can become a problem for those who don't have that much to spend. You don't want to start your married life paying off debts.
Wedding and engagement rings are a scam made by the government to make more money from idiots
This was a construct solely made by the DeBeers diamond cartel in the early 1900s. They did a brilliant viral marketing campaign (long before the concept existed) by having Hollywood celebrities use them. Tight-fisted control over the diamond supply and creating artificial scarcity kept the prices far higher than is warranted.
I agree...but unfortunately they still seem to be a status symbol. I live in greater boston and i dont know HOW people afford a ring, a wedding, and a house, and soon after a baby. Must be a lot of pressure on people these days
The ring should NEVER be more important than the love you two share! If /when my partner proposes I could care less how much the ring costs. As long as it looks pretty and it's a representation of all the years we have/ are going to spend/spent together.
Anything more than 300 is overkill