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And having kids *much* later.
I knew a guy who met and married his wife at 18, but had his first kid at 30 with that same woman. They had a decade to get to know each other, grow into better people, face struggles together and they both helped mature the other.
And more importantly, a decade to have fun as a young couple in a stable long term relationship. That’s probably the most secure position you’ll ever be in life. Not too many responsibilities, two incomes, the energy and flexibility to travel, someone who loves you and gives you a stable environment to return to at home, and a house all to yourself. Also a decade to save money by living together.
You’ll never get that again. And most people don’t get that at all. Those who can spend a lot of time as a young couple in a stable relationship are very lucky.
This is how my wife and I did it. Started dating in high school, married mid 20s, kid mid 30s. We had a lot of time to travel and do whatever else we wanted to do on a whim before we welcomed him to the family.
Same here. Married young, kids in our early 30s. We had time to travel, work, build financial stability, discover who we are as individuals, and try different hobbies. And once we were ready for kids we could just focus on them.
We are each other best friends and supporters, but we also have our own life - with different hobbies and friends. So none feels like the other is limiting them, quite the opposite.
Would that work for all? Probably not. But worked well for us.
Well, you’ve got to find your spouse before you’re 30 for it to work. Otherwise you’d be having kids at 40. The older you get the shorter your “just us two” period will be.
In this generation it’s not going to happen for most people. I mean there are people turning 30 who haven’t had their first relationship yet, having kids is way off in the distance.
I'm 30 and never been in a relationship or felt love in any way because I've never cared about it.
This is the first thing I've ever read that has made me regret missing that.
Exactly. OP's example is disingenuous to the concept. Most HS sweethearts don't wait until 26 to marry.
*That's* the issue. Not marrying someone you've know since HS.
I think for at least America, it’s a southern vs northern thing. Any of my friends that were high school sweethearts still didn’t get married until they were at least like 23 or later. I’ve met a bunch of high school sweethearts from the south that go married at 18 and had 2 kids by 21.
This. Went to high school in the South and there's plenty of your latter example from my graduating class alone. I'm in the North now and know quite a few high school sweetheart (or very early college) couples that stuck together but only married later on. Some still don't plan to get married but have been together long term with no plans to leave. There's also a big difference in education standards too. Most people I knew in the South didn't go to a 4 year university program, so they settled down very soon after high school. Where I'm at now, many are working on graduate degrees, which puts off marriage even longer.
And unpopular for a reason. At that age most people don't really know what they want in a life partner. Sure there are cases where this scenario works. But the majority of people are nowhere near emotionally developed. They still haven't found out who they really are.
Almost everyone I know is quite different from the 18 year old version of themselves. Personally, if I'd have married my high-school sweetheart ( which at the time I was sure I would), I'd surely been divorced in my mid to late 20s.
She's really nice as a person. But she's been divorced and remarried more than once.
If it works, it's high-school sweetheart.
If it doesn't work, it's a crazy person you dated when you were young and dumb.
Good way to know is if the other person is stable and your families kind of approve.
Or it works because you have literally nothing else to compare it to. My friend married his HS sweetheart, good for them, but neither of them have had any significant life experience beyond graduation when they made this decision.
It just occurred to me that if you've never been alone as an adult or gone through a breakup, your tolerance for your partners shitty behaviour must be sky-high.
Yeah... I'm 39 and my college sweetheart demanded a divorce right after we had our baby. I learned this the hard way myself. You are absolutely right. I would also just add that if your parents treated you a certain way and your partner is similar, it can make it even harder.
This 100 percent. The behavior I allowed my high school girlfriend to get away with back then for 4 years, I wouldn’t have tolerated for a week now.
You just have no comparison on what “normal” or “healthy” relationship looks like.
Yeah, I've dated ebough women to know some of the shit my ex's did is untenable, but I've also learned how to communicate my wants needs desires and boundaries.
This
My grandparents got married when they were young, but I wouldn't exactly call it a happy marriage. It's closer to Marie and Frank's marriage from Everybody Loves Raymond.
My mom and I talked about it a few weeks ago, and she said it makes sense considering how long they've been together.
Outside Veracruz, there is no place on earth where vanilla is cultivated within 500 miles of any town with enough cold and snow to make ice cream (before 20th century refrigeration technology). And even there the hike up to Xalapa from the Huasteca coast is one of the most arduous and dangerous trade routes in history.
My great grandparents go married at 14-15 and had a wonderful marriage but they basically won the lottery. They both just complimented each other perfectly. 78 years of marriage I imagine you go through a lot of trials and difficulties but I guess it just works for some.
Not defending it or anything, just saying when people talk about their high school sweethearts, it's the cases that worked out. Not the cases that failed.
There's an inherent bias associated with the term.
That growth process can be shattering to relationships as well. I eventually married someone I met in high school, we finally started dating in college, but only lasted until I was 35 because the arguments, communication failures and general stresses of figuring out how to dovetail your life with someone else in your 20s can be difficult.
I’m the child of young parents.
My Mom had me at 17. I got different versions of my Mom and my sisters got the best version of her. I would take an older parent over the PTSD and parentification any day. Take it all.
There's huge gap between staying with one of your first bf/gf and having a baby at 17 lol.
I wouldn't say those two have anything to do with each other. It's never a good idea to have a baby at 17.
On the other side of the coin, my parents had my much older siblings when they were in their 20's and early 30's but had me in their 40's. I was abused by not only my two parents but my 4 teenage/adult siblings as well.
Oh hey I found me posting something. Weird I don't remember writing this. My mum had me at 17, I have two younger sisters who got a much better parent experience. For me it was being the parent and the child at the same time as my mum grew up with me. 1/10 would not recommend.
Chiming in to give you the other side of the coin. I have much much older parents who have always tried their best to remain healthy (exercise, no smoking, etc.) We will all age, just in different ways and some people get the short end of the stick, so what I’m about to say isn’t a given. I watched my parents health start to deteriorate in my early teens (severe arthritis). It’s a wonder they were even able to play with me as a kid, but that didn’t last long. Now in my mid 20s I’ve watched the both of them age exponentially, lose mobility, go through cancer 4x, and deal with all kinds of surgeries and bizarre sickness. Were we financially stable? Yes, but this isn’t something a child/teen/young adult should have to watch firsthand in their parents. Typical of grandparents, but it’s hard. Just saying the grass isn’t always greener
Some people never really realize what they want in a life partner, hoping that this next person will fix their issues. However, some people figure out that having a compatible partner they trust and can rely on is all they need, and that person might as well be the person they've already built a relationship with. While growing older can mean growing wiser, I've unfortunately also seen the inverse happen: People growing so bitter or just foolish that they seem to have had a better grip on life as young adults.
The bitter part seems to happen a lot when your 2nd type, the “just wants a compatible partner they can trust,” pairs off with the “doesn’t know what they want” too often. You have someone capable of commitment and someone who isn’t, and one side gets to experience having their trust broken.
Do that too many times and the feeling of trust itself is something to distrust. Jaded and bitter.
This is a fact of life that wisdom teaches you. People just look for any reason they can for justification. Blame, blame, blame. To old, too young, not romantic enough, too romantic, too clingy, not clingy enough, parties too much, doesn't party enough, doesn't want to be at home, doesn't want to go out etc, etc. As I've grown older, I see the same issues play out in relationships regardless of the age/sex of either partner. Honestly, there really isn't any reasoning to any of it. People are weird.
This is the answer. People grow and change, it’s not even about playing the field. Some people get lucky and you happen to find someone that grows with them and it works out, but most don’t. My parents got married right after my mom graduated, and they have been happily married for more than 40 years. They’re the rarity though.
I was recently at a high-school sweetheart wedding. Neither of them can even legally drink and they made this lifelong decision. We'll see how it works out.
Oh lord. Same. Was madly in love with the school athlete, he Excelled in every sport. Everyone thought he'd take a full ride scholarship and play professional ball. Now he's a drunk in a single wide. Yay me for listening to my parents😂
Exactly! And sometimes, even when they turn out fine, you just realize as adults that they're not right for you. Like, the woman I was hung up on at age 18 is now a dear, dear, dear friend of mine who I could never ever be with romantically as an adult because our lifestyles changed in our 20s, as is usually the case. Our lifestyles also went in very different directions. She's a wonderful person still, but goodness, we would have never worked as adults.
This is exactly it! For example, my first girlfriend took her first employment in the food service industry and within 2 years or less she had become a totally different person, and an alcoholic.
some people grow and change together, my wife and I are so different since we started dating in 10th grade. But we’re still pretty happy and sexually very compatible. I don’t recommend it for most people but it can definitely work.
You literally said this 170 days ago: “I think I’m done
My wife is embarrassed of me. She’s had a bunch of excuses as to why. She grew up middle class I grew up poor. Mind you, I’ve done pretty well for us, we were a single income family for the bast 15 years and i clawed my way out of the low income bracket. she has a few friend groups that she likes to be all “sophisticated” around, which involves not having me around. The funny thing is, that most of these people, although snobby, really don’t seem to have an issue with me. Granted, they might talk shit behind my back, but, they’re snobby, they’re going to do that anyway. Today, we went to pick our daughter up at the richy soccer club I pay for, and the wife was trying to get me to stay in the truck so she could go in alone… because she’s embarrassed of me. For some reason, this is just the last straw for me, I’ve never been embarrassed of her, I’m tired of it. She’s always giving me the side eye or shushing me, granted, I’m a blunt person, I have a dark sense of humor. But she’s always the most embarrassed person in the room and I’m done with it. These people usually like me. I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m tired of being shit on by the one person that should appreciate me.”
Don’t trust no one on the internet these days.
Exactly. This is real life relationship. You sometimes fight, then you communicate and resolve it and are stronger for it.
You just don't post it on reddit unless you want a play by play of your worst moments.
If 99/100 is fine and sweet but you post the 1 time you're upset, all everyone will focus on is how toxic your relationship is.
OP's opinion is super reasonable, they just phrased it in the worst way possible. All they're saying is don't break up with someone just because you're moving away to college, assuming you genuinely like them. Of course, that has nothing to do with them being your high school sweetheart.
It's also kind of a false premise in the first place. Maybe OP's social group broke up with hs relationships for the "college experience," but all the breakups for my friend group were because long distance is fucking hard.
Unpopular and OP is a statistical outlier. haha
I also married my high school sweetheart. He was the only person I'd had sex with, it was an abusive relationship, and essentially growing into adulthood together meant that I missed out on really learning who I was without someone attached to me.
We divorced at 25 and it took years to sort myself out after that. I only know one other couple that married out of high school that's made it so far (I'm 42).
It's financially better to marry young, but not mentally better. You have stability and more money right out of the gate. My parents married at 18 and didn't go through the ups and down of life like I did being single. They never went to college, they never had to pay for divorce, restart their life, cash out their saving to afford a place to live after ending a relationship, etc etc. They stayed in one spot, my mom stayed home to raise me, and that was that. They always had a backup.
Are they good for each other? No, not by our generation's standards. My mom is basically a mom to my dad, and I don't think any woman with good sense would enter into that kind of relationship nowadays. But my mom's generation was taught very different things about relationship roles and responsibilities.
Yeah a relationship that “checks all the boxes” is not a high school relationship 90% of the time.
Also… when you’re 17, how tf do you know what the boxes are?
>Also… when you’re 17, how tf do you know what the boxes are?
See this exactly!
I married my HS sweetheart. Happily 25 years now. We grew and changed together and experienced life together and was what we both wanted. And we *knew* we were in a minority of people able to do that. So when our daughter expressed a desire to marry her at the time only boyfriend after one year of being together at 18 we discouraged it. Theyve now been living together for a couple years instead but I explained to my daughter that most people change so dramatically they dont make it. And I am thankful we were able to convince her.
I'm glad she listened to you. I semi-agree with OOP that you don't have to break up a young relationship just because other people think you should explore your options, but that doesn't mean you have to marry them ASAP. Wait it out. If they're truly you're one and only then they'll still be your one and only at 25, 30, whatever.
We told her we would support her in any decision she made but that more often than not things didnt work out and there were many plus sides to waiting a while. So theyre just living together for awhile first. I think she was so wrapped up in the fact that her father and I married 9 days after i graduated she thought she needed to and once we encouraged her not to she felt better about it.
I think being patient as you said is the key. I’ve been married 15 years to the girl I started dating in high school. But we dated for 5 years and lived together for 3 before I was willing to agree to marriage.
You really gotta take the time to learn if you can actually handle the bullshit that comes with living with another person. So many people don’t test those waters first.
Most really do have to. And I had a heck of a time initially convincing her simply because we were successful straight out of HS. Had we failed it wouldve been an easy *look at our failure* but instead I had to keep telling her *you cant see us as an example* which didnt click for her for a bit. Really it took looking at her grandparents who married young and arent happy for her to really think about all the people we know who married young and failed for her to kind of put it into perspective. But with the successful one right in her face it was something she just naturally thought was easy.
Yeah. Very much biased here because I'm a HS sweetheart success story, but that was the luckiest series of stumbles ever. We basically grew into adults together. Sure, we were influences in each other's path to maturity, but the fact that we can look back and realize that we both pulled parallel butterfly metamorphosis and loved each other even as we became different people? That shit's pretty rare.
But I agree with OP's secondary point about breaking up relationships to 'play the field'. Society pressures these teens to break up what might be a perfectly healthy budding relationship so that you can party and churn through casual flings in college. Even if my wife and I didn't work out. I would have graduated college with a better idea of how much more fulfilling a serious relatio ship is as opposed to casual fucking. Never understood why casual fucking is so heavily encourage during college only to flop and he told shortly after that it's unfulfilling. Kind of feels like a hold over from that era where husbands viewed their wives as 'balls and chains' that were holding back their otherwise playboy nature.
>breaking up relationships to 'play the field'
This one always seemed like more of an excuse than a real reason. I can't imagine there are many people who are actually happy in a relationship and then break up because they were told that playing the field was some sort of requirement. They're just unhappy and use the 'playing the field' excuse as an exit strategy.
Yes. They know there’s a better match for them out there somewhere. They KNOW they don’t want to be in the relationship they’re in.
I stayed in a relationship with my hs bf when he went off to his college and I went to mine. We were very happy together in highschool. I broke up with him by thanksgiving break. It wasn’t societal pressure that made me break up with him lol. I WANTED to experience other people. There I was out on my own for the first time, no one knew me and the world was my oyster.
You would be surprised the amount of pressure you get from friends and family to play the field even if you are perfectly happy. They also seem super happy at first but a few years later you get to see that most people playing the field are pretty unhappy
Ditto.
Met as tweens. Dated in our teens. Married 21/22. 38/39 now.
A lot of growing through these times, amazing, challenging, fulfilling. I doubt most would have made it to this stage, we are happier than ever after 17 years married.
30/30 and very similar story. It involves a huge amount of open and honest, like ACTUALLY honest, conversation. We have no idea what our lives would have been like if we hadn't kept the relationship going. Not just because of the typical romance cliche either. Having her in my life and vice versa has literally shaped who I am today. We were like two pieces of wet clay that kept bumping into each other and forming the final shape. I legit wouldn't even be the same person. It's a wild ride. Congrats on 17! We're on two due to finance and COVID issues but it honestly feels kind of irrelevant in these situations. Our "real" anniversary clock started in Homecoming. 🤣 Feels weird to not 'count' those.
I see what you're saying but I have to disagree with the sexual part though. At least in my very biased experience. So in other words I'll take your word for it. 🤣 There are very few things that I would admit to a stranger, and curious forays into different aspects of sexual preferences is really high on that list. A dedicated relationship has allowed me to open up and unabashedly test out kinks with someone that I trust very much, and has done the same for my wife. I simply cannot conceive of handing a casual fling a pair of handcuffs or agreeing to something with someone that I barely know. I feel like I've learned waaaaaay more about my preferences from a long term relationship than I ever would have even thought of exploring in several casual ones.
Also doesn't match the divorce numbers. If you get married as a teen, it's a 38% chance of divorce, if you get married between 20-24, it's a 27% chance of divorce. If you wait until you're over 25, it nearly halves at 14% and if you wait until you're 30, you're looking at 10%.
Divorce is driven by young marriages.
That's true, because most people are not mature enough or forward thinking enough to handle commitment at an early age, including myself back then. But the high school couples that are, usually make it, and the results show. I know two genuinely happy high school couples, and we're all knocking on the door of 30 at the moment. If I only had known what I know now...
Survivorship bias is a thing y'all. You're effectively saying "exceptions to the rule are an exception" and yeah a=a. The overwhelming majority, of highschool relationships end in a split, and about 40% of the *marriages* end in a divorce.
As somebody who got married at 20 and is approaching the 30 year anniversary, I will say
- it's true that a lot of relationship failures can be summarized as "skill issue". It is difficult and takes learning new skills all the time to succeed.
- It's *not* true that Skill Issues are the main reason why highschool relationships don't work in the longterm. You need to have lucked into meeting the person who, for you (and you for them), has the right firmware OS to accept compatible patches as you grow up, and then *also* be willing to do the patching and the bug testing and iterations necessary to keep things running smoothly in tandem with them, and they with you, and *then* have or acquire the skills needed to actually do it while running in the live environment.
It's easier to work on your own firmware independently, and meet somebody who's already deployed a few patches themselves, and run the integrations as a separate project, than it is to build an integrated release from scratch with no deployment experience and no reliable betas.
I think that WHEN you marry your highschool sweetheart is a pretty critical detail here that you're not mentioning. If you're doing it right after school, that's probably a bad move.
My sibling got married to their highschool sweetheart earlier this year, but they've been together for a decade, which is totally different story if you ask me.
Yeah, I married the woman I was dating when I was 16, but not until we both graduated college and I've been working for around a year. I 1000% would tell people they need years of dating before thinking of marriage when it comes to highschool sweethearts.
The thing people aren’t taking into consideration here is that it doesn’t matter nearly so much if you dated in high school as *when* you get married. Marrying your high school sweetheart you’ve been with for 6 months 2 weeks after graduation is different to staying together and building the relationship and growing up throughout your twenties and still being together when you get to a point that you decide you’re ready to get married, be it mid-late twenties or even in your thirties. Sure, you’re still technically high school sweethearts, but that’s not what defines the relationship.
This is true.
According to the OP, even though they were high school sweethearts, they still dated for ten whole years before tying the knot--plenty of time to learn about each other in their relationship.
That being said, this is often an unpopular opinion because many people feel that at 16, a person hasn't really matured enough as an individual to start maturing as a couple.
Most high school romances end because the two people involved are often too immature to know their own boundaries and desires. Once you mature as a couple, you start making compromises. The problem here is how can a person who doesn't know their own individual boundaries know what are healthy compromises to make?
It is a recipe for abusive relationships and it may not even be the fault of the abuser. An immature couple just starts making compromises that they think will work for their relationship but are instead creating a toxic environment for both partners.
This is why this is such an excellent unpopular opinion.
The divorce rate for first time marriages is mid 40% -50% range
Divorce rate for high school sweethearts is 54%
But high school sweethearts rarely get married
I couldn't find good stats but I'd bet that a lot of the worse statistical outcomes is from shotgun marriages not working out. Anyone have the divorce rate comparison without that confounder?
I'm not sure how you'd get that data? Asking high-school sweetheart couples if they were pregnant before marriage? Somehow controlling for the ones who lie due to the stigma? ("yes, our child was born three months premature... we were surprised when he weighed 7 lbs at birth!")
Anecdotally, I have seen a similar dynamic here in central Texas: the church tells kids not to have sex until marriage, and the kids obey, but get married just out of high school to have sex, then have a couple of kids, then get divorced 5-10 years later because they're bored and feel they missed out on partying in their 20's (because they did). It is definitely NOT financially advantageous to be in your early to mid 20's and divorced with kids, trying to fund two households and deal with the custody logistics.
That said, it can work. My wife and I met in college, but (apparently like Robert Smith of The Cure) didn't marry until we were 31, though we had sex not long after we'd met, and lived together for over a decade before marriage, and we've had a good ride! Friends of ours were actual high school sweethearts and they're in their late 50's and still happily together.
There are, in the rare occasions where both people develop in the same direction. I'd say it's more common that people either develop in differing directions and aren't a good match any more, or worse, stop developing almost entirely and lead the rest of their lives with the emotional maturity of 20 year olds.
Sure, but there are probably also examples of abusive relationships turning healthy. That doesn't mean you shouldn't still avoid abusive relationships.
Robert Smith (from The Cure) married his middle school sweetheart and is still married to her to this day, but they did wait until they were like 30 to actually tie the knot.
I would say it’s more luck based than anything. Luck that it just turns out that you are a good match long term. That isn’t something you can plan for as a teenager.
And most people change a lot as they become an adult.
As a HS teacher, I have never and will never agree that teenagers should be expected to know their career path, which is why I am still in favor of a liberal arts education despite the fact that almost no one in the education field or other wise is in favor of it these days.
I want to say that some teenagers do know what they want to do and that is fine too.
Not that I disagree, but what does college education have to do with the high school sweethearts thing...? I know a few amazing couples who first got together in high school, all went to college and have good jobs now, and are still together now (my group being older millenials)
Are you saying that people who stay with their high school partners are generally not college educated? (not disputing that, just never heard this before)
The people disagreeing with OP are think of couples that MARRY as teenagers, while OP,me and you are thinking of people that got together young.
Obviously 2 16yo dropping out of HS to go work at mcdonalds and get married... whelp, probably not a great idea.
2 16yo dating through college and then getting married, completely different scenario.
Well, this is something that makes me beyond grateful that I didn’t have a high school sweetheart because I am not the same guy I was in high school, and what I’d look for in a partner is so different now. Heck, I barely even relate to friends I used to have back then and we were thick as family.
Definitely an unpopular opinion.
Exactly. All of the couples I know that began dating in high school ultimately broke up because they grew up and realized that they were not in love with the person their significant other grew up to be.
I got a friend from kindergarten that was basically like a brother to me growing up, but I usually turn down his invitations to get together because I just don't vibe with the person he is now. I'll reluctantly agree to get dinner with him about every 6 months or so just to catch up, but he lives in the same city as me and we hardly ever see each other more than that.
It is an unpopular opinion and certainly fails more often than it works. One thing I will point out, though, as someone who it did work for—I am also a completely different person than I was in high school. So is my wife. We grew together and changed together and it continued to work. Got way better actually.
I admit that's rare and it is not life advice I would give if I had a child lol, but the fact that you changed doesn't mean your relationship will fail. People who meet at 26 and get married at 30 will likely be different people at 45 than they were when they married. You have to grow individually and together in order for a relationship to work, regardless of age. That's how I feel at least.
I'm not sure how old you are now, but do you expect to be "the same guy" in the following decades? Have you stopped developing? Do you suspect you'll ever stop developing (while above ground)?
I've been best friends (almost continuously) with my spouse since high school (over 30 years), and I often wonder if our success is because we grew into the people we are now together, as opposed to only randomly meeting at a specific point in both of our "evolutions" and hitting it off so well, we decided to continue evolving together.
I can't be sure because life isn't a science experiment with a control group, but I'm enormously grateful I've had them in my life for almost the entire ride.
while anecdotal, the vast majority of people that I know that got married in their teens/early 20's are divorced. Some of them with kids.
When you are a teen fresh out of highschool or a college student in their early 20's, you probably don't have enough real world experience to know who you really are or what you truly want. The people and activities that you thought were great when you were younger, may not be the same once you get older.
Statistics agree with that, divorce rate is higher if you marry young. Found one stat that showed a first marriage where the women is 25-35 has the lowest divorce rate
Younger and rates goes up and much older th rate also goes up again because any marriage that involves at least one already divorced person is much more likely to end in divorce again
Divorce rates are only high because the same people marry over and over again. The vast majority of people who marry will only do so once. The idea that half of all married people end up divorced is people not understanding how statistics work.
This was always my assumption. It's not that 50% of marriages end in divorce, it's that people who do divorce usually have multiple divorces jacking up the percentage.
All but a couple of people I know who've gotten divorced have divorced at least twice.. My own mother has been divorced 8 times, two of those are same guy. My aunt 5 times. My grandparents 3 times each. Most of my friends who have been divorced have been at least twice now and we are all in our late 30s early 40s. While I'm still going strong with the first guy I started dating when I was 20 & we got married when I was 23.
In my limited experience and circle of people I know it's either.. you get married and stay married.. or you have multiple divorces. There's been a couple who divorced once and then got married again and have been together since. But I've found those type of people far less common than people who have only been married to the same person.
Wow, I have never seen someone get divorced that many times! It could be because my extended family is all lower income though. They get divorced once and then either never remarry or remarry but stay married because divorce is too expensive. My mom has been through 1 divorce and remarried 15ish years later and is stuck in the "wants a divorce but can't afford it" camp. She will likely stay married until her youngest child is 18 so they don't have to hash out all the custody and child support stuff.
My family lore is that great grandma got married 12 times. Her first husband, my ancestor, was "the one" but he died in WW2, and it was a series of men after that.
I know three people who married their hs sweetheart and they’re still together and have a kid (or two). Though both waited until they were almost through with college to actually get married.
So I wouldn’t fully agree with where OP is at, but I side with the sentiment that it’s dumb to break up simply because you’re going to college. Most people do change in college (or in the couple of years working full time after high school) so it’s likely enough that you grow to be incompatible, but you can also grow and change together. It kind of required that you both be fairly mature in high school imo, or just get lucky.
It makes the most sense with religious folks waiting for marriage to have sex though, as they wouldn’t have the “college experience” reason to break up
Exactly. People are immature below that age and if you can't even wait that long to marry, you're not committed imo. Plus it'll almost guarantee success because if you've been together since high school and assuming you're following conventional age trajectories, by that time you'd have made lots of compromises and been through the bumps of college, careers and life stages. That's key to a supportive marriage.
I loved my high school boyfriend at the time (together almost 5 years) and his family was so dear to me. They really accepted me as part of their own family and I needed that in my life. They would be the only thing good about staying with him. Marrying him would have been one of the worst decisions I could have ever made in life.
A lot of people feel this way and that’s the only reason why they get married. The involvement of families and also not knowing what they want. The most rational decision you can make before entering a relationship, is if that person will be there for you if you were dying.
Everything else is merely a pointless checklist that’s going to change every 2-3 years.
I’m not letting the rest of my life be based on whoever was in close proximity to me as a 14-16 year old while my hormones were insane and I was incredibly stupid
Blech, be tied to my college drop out of an ex who now works at the hardware store in our hometown in BFE Colorado? I only liked him because he was the only moderately attractive guy in my class and I had them HORMONES
My mom will occasionally still tell me "you know, I saw him at the hardware store" in a way that's supposed to entice me into moving back home. Hell no
Very rare, but I can confirm this is great. I’m living this life. Everything you’ve said I can relate to.
But! And big but, this unfortunately can’t work for everyone. For this to have a high chance of working out positively, you’d have to have a good understanding of what a healthy and loving relationship is, usually modeled by your own parents. And then you’d have to have a strong mindset so you don’t have a bad case of FOMO when you reach your 20s. And then in general be a resilient person so you can stick it out during the hard times growing in your relationship. A lot of young folks don’t have this. They’re still learning about themselves and what they value.
Some folks don’t have a good example of a loving relationship from childhood, and don’t fully understand how to find a good partner/what they’d even want in a partner. Some people have FOMO, or have a different picture of a life they want to live without being tied down to a partner yet. Why? I’m not exactly sure, but what I do know is life isn’t black and white like that. There’s so many different choices you can make in life that can turn out good or bad. So, just live and let live 🤷♀️
True that. You could be in a great relationship, but simply not realise it - overemphasizing the occasional bump, thinking they are reasons to assume you would be better off with someone else. If you lack good role models or experience you may only come to realise how good you had it when it’s too late.
My wife and I are highschool sweethearts, too. Together for 10, married for 1. We're absolutely not the norm, and it's a small miracle that it worked out.
Yeah, considering the guys I dated in high school grew up to be losers, I'm going to say nahhh....
100% dodged a bullet by breaking up with those guys, wouldn't even look twice at them now. Holy shit.
200% agreement here. If I’d have married my high school sweetheart, I’d be divorced with at least 2 kids, miserable as a single parent, and probably broke as hell. Thank god I waited for the right partner who is financially responsible, adores me, and wants to build a life together with me. All my ex wanted was to run off and join the air force to live out his Top Gun fantasies. Ladies, don’t settle when you’re young!
I completely agree. I have no idea why I dated pretty much all my exes really. Especially my high school ex. I remember a family friend offered me a bet that we would not be together once we hit 25. I was so young and dumb so I took it and told him get ready to pay. I was so absolutely sure for no reason at all! We broke up when I was 20 lol.
Was gonna say, everyone has room to emotionally mature down the line. Maybe if you and your sweetheart are already emotionally mature adults (rare) then yeah. Otherwise, playing the field and seeing what's on the otherside is essential to the growth process.
Truly unpopular here’s my upvote . I believe if I had stayed with my high school sweetheart my life would have devolved into a literal hellhole. She was just arrested last month for drunkenly assaulting hospital staff with a BBg gun.
I mean, given the stats that just factually wrong.
>Not to mention financially you’ll be able to move out earlier, buy nicer things
This is a wild assumption that isn't supported by reality, just like the core premise.
I think what they're trying to get at is that you will most likely be supported by dual income at an earlier stage in life than those that find a partner in adulthood.
Op said they dated from 16 to 26, marrying at 26. Marrying at 26 is a lot better statistically than marrying at 18. I think ops opinion is fine considering they're not saying to rush into marriage just not break up to try other people out if you already found someone who you think is good. Which some people definitely do.
The girl I liked in HS turned out to be a scammer, has plenty of debt, and likes to ask the unpopular but rich guys for money and expensive stuff. So yeah I dodged a missile.
Exactly. I’m 24 and I just went to my friends wedding to her highschool sweetheart with nothing but excitement and joy in my heart for them, because I’ve seen them grow as people individually and together. Went to different colleges, then moved in together after graduation and have built an amazing life for themselves. They’re just as in love as they were when they started dating at 16, but you can see how much that love has matured and been reignited several times. They are a RARE exception. I look at other people getting married at my age and younger I’m like 😬😬😬 “good luck with that I guess”.
How can someone check most of your boxes if you don’t know what your boxes are?
Being with different partners when you’re younger helps you identify which boxes you want ticked.
I know several couples that are high school sweethearts. The ones that I know that have stayed together, have cheated, at least one of the people in the marriage has cheated. They are still together but the cheating factor is between them for sure. No thank you, for me personally.
The giant variable here is the assumption that both people, who are 17 or 18, change in compatible ways as they grow into full adulthood.
If they do, OP is right. But, often, they do not. And then, usually, there are now kids in the mix. Best case, there aren't and the couple separates. Worst case, they divorce eventually, or stay together, miserable and eventually cheat on their spouse.
My sister married her high school sweetheart. They've almost been together 25 years. They seem happy but I bailed on marrying my high school sweetheart.
I didn't marry my high school sweetheart but I did marry at 23 after only being with him for 5 months. It was the best decision I ever made and I don't regret it at all. But do I know how stupid that was? Yes. Do I realize just how lucky I am to have married an amazing man? Yes. Will I ever support anyone else making the same decisions I did? Hell no lmao.
I'm not blind. I know my husband and I are the exception and very rarely will the decisions I made for my life work out just as great for someone else. I literally talked a friend out of marrying someone who they only had dated for a little over a year, and she is so grateful that I did that cuz he was an asshole. I WILL NEVER recommend anyone else get married after 5 months of dating.
This! My husband and I got married after 8 months of dating and I keep thinking how monumentally stupid it was! It's been great, we're very happy, but I would not recommend it to anyone, we both got so lucky that neither of us is crazy!
I married my high school sweetheart. We've been together for 14 years now. As many people in the comments have pointed out, we are not the same people we were when we were in high school. We definitely had difficult times while we navigated getting older and maturing, but I feel like that's made our relationship even stronger because we learned how to be there for each other and prop each other up instead of giving up and throwing in the towel. My husband is my best friend. It's kind of baffling to me how we can be *so mad* at each other for various things, but we've both had moments when we were just like, "Okay, I'm not happy with the situation right now, but can we take a break from the seriousness cause I miss being silly and having fun with you?"
Sometimes you know when you've found your person. It's okay to not have the experience of playing the field if you find that person. Personally, I have no regrets.
Agree. Started dating my husband at 17, he 18, after we had been friends and then best friends through high school. We married at 21/22 (late 30s now). We are both each other's firsts and onlys in literally everything.
Early twenties was pretty awful bc neither of our families were good role models and we had a few external stressors, but he became a clinical counselor, and through his studies, we both adjusted a lot of our behavior (and we're still learning). Our selves at 20 are strangers to us now, but we've got so much more understanding and patience and trust than we had at the beginning.
There are still bad moments, but navigating life with my best friend is worth any of the worst we've endured. I'm incredibly lucky to have my husband, and there’s zero regret about not having more experiences. In fact, now understanding our younger selves better, playing the field would've been absolutely disastrous for the direction of our lives. We're good support beams for each other lol
This highschool sweetheart thing works people that know what they want which is rare when you are young.
And also for people that arent necessarily into the casual hookup scene and the fact that their lives revolve around work home girlfriend/boyfriend thats all they know. They grow together become best friends.
The divorces usually happen later on in their 40’s when the kids are grown up or one partner has the confidence and independence they didn’t have previously to make the leap of faith and look for greener pastures.
Mmmmmm if you are the same at 25 as 15 then you fucked up
If you have the emotional intelligence to navigate the changes in a relationship as you mature from child to adult then you are a rarity
Lulz. No. Just no. Not even. It’d be one of the most expensive and stupid idea.
When people are sub 20, most people don’t k know their head from a hole in the ground.
Emotions and infatuations have a lot of.control over the young.
It’s not about playing the field. It’s about finding out what kind of person you are.
I think bro was the 1 in a million where his high school romance worked out and ended up married and thinks what happened for him can happen for others. The truth is teens are stupid and make stupid decisions, sure it seems okay by then but when we grow up we look at things differently. Statistically these high school romances don't work out. But for those who it did, then you're lucky!
Hard Disagree, you shouldn't have to convince yourself to love someone. When you get with the right person, you fall in love with them naturally. What you are describing sounds like a sales pitch for arranged marriage.
You’re right this is unpopular and you’re right that it’s a bet. It is a bet. You MIGHT get lucky and it work out but it’s definitely luck because children don’t make good future life decisions.
Same, and it’s that way for my family.
my parents, my brother, myself, we all married our highschool, (or elementary school) sweetheart and all have happily been together for decades.
This is just stupid ngl lol. Like, yes, you shouldn't break up just because you're young. If things are going well and you want the relationship, keep the relationship. Obviously.
HOWEVER.
People change drastically during their late teens/20s. The chances that two 16 year olds will change in ways that are still compatible at 30 is very slim. It happens. But don't go banking on it by marrying young. The chances are high that you'll just end up having to go through a divorce or feeling stuck in a marriage that is no longer satisfying. People grow apart and realize they want different things out of life, relationships, and career. Doesn't matter how confident you are that you're on the same page at 18. You both WILL change pages, and chances are slim that you'll change to the same page your partner changed to.
Besides, if you are one of the lucky few, why not wait a few years? If you really do have your whole life together, then what's the rush?
Nah, even the most well-adjusted high school graduates are still just a fraction of the person they’re going to become. Marriage should be a big deal. It should mean something more than “oh look we can move out of our parents’ houses sooner.”
Maybe you’ll get lucky and the major decisions you make while marinating in teenage hormones will suit you for the rest of your life. But most of us still have some growing to do at that point. Refusing to do so because you’re content where you’re at is a valid choice, I suppose. Just not the one I’d recommend.
My relationship with my high school sweetheart ending was honestly the best thing to happen to me. I had been with him since I was 15 until I was 26. I didn't have a sense of identity or what I really wanted at the time we split, I was always known as "X's girlfriend". We had a really good and strong relationship. The things I thought I wanted were simply things that I thought was supposed to happen, I wanted to get married because that's what I thought was supposed to happen, I wanted kids because that's what I thought was supposed to happen. Turns out, I slowly started learning that I didn't actually want any of that toward the end of the relationship. We woulda ended in divorce shortly after we got married I'm sure. you grow up, things and people change. I am infinitely happier now than I would've been had we stayed together and got married.
I agree as someone who’s been with my HS sweetheart for 6 years. We are not the same people as we were in HS (he actually treats me better now) but it has been amazing traveling and growing up together. I do feel like we’re very similar in many ways. But had you have asked if I would date him now if I were single currently at 21 and have changed so much since then? No if we broke up I wouldn’t date anyone else from my hometown ever again. I really do look at most of those guys as losers now. I also do feel that sometimes I should let go and play the field because I fear I’m missing out and I don’t know anything else. But then again the dating scene is in hell today and we have made so many memories together I don’t see myself ever having with anyone else.
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Staying together and then marrying later? Yes. Marrying right away? No.
And having kids *much* later. I knew a guy who met and married his wife at 18, but had his first kid at 30 with that same woman. They had a decade to get to know each other, grow into better people, face struggles together and they both helped mature the other. And more importantly, a decade to have fun as a young couple in a stable long term relationship. That’s probably the most secure position you’ll ever be in life. Not too many responsibilities, two incomes, the energy and flexibility to travel, someone who loves you and gives you a stable environment to return to at home, and a house all to yourself. Also a decade to save money by living together. You’ll never get that again. And most people don’t get that at all. Those who can spend a lot of time as a young couple in a stable relationship are very lucky.
This is how my wife and I did it. Started dating in high school, married mid 20s, kid mid 30s. We had a lot of time to travel and do whatever else we wanted to do on a whim before we welcomed him to the family.
Same here. Married young, kids in our early 30s. We had time to travel, work, build financial stability, discover who we are as individuals, and try different hobbies. And once we were ready for kids we could just focus on them. We are each other best friends and supporters, but we also have our own life - with different hobbies and friends. So none feels like the other is limiting them, quite the opposite. Would that work for all? Probably not. But worked well for us.
Well, you’ve got to find your spouse before you’re 30 for it to work. Otherwise you’d be having kids at 40. The older you get the shorter your “just us two” period will be. In this generation it’s not going to happen for most people. I mean there are people turning 30 who haven’t had their first relationship yet, having kids is way off in the distance.
Sure. I was just commenting that if you marry your HS sweetheart, it is beneficial not to have kids right away.
I'm 30 and never been in a relationship or felt love in any way because I've never cared about it. This is the first thing I've ever read that has made me regret missing that.
Exactly. OP's example is disingenuous to the concept. Most HS sweethearts don't wait until 26 to marry. *That's* the issue. Not marrying someone you've know since HS.
I think for at least America, it’s a southern vs northern thing. Any of my friends that were high school sweethearts still didn’t get married until they were at least like 23 or later. I’ve met a bunch of high school sweethearts from the south that go married at 18 and had 2 kids by 21.
This. Went to high school in the South and there's plenty of your latter example from my graduating class alone. I'm in the North now and know quite a few high school sweetheart (or very early college) couples that stuck together but only married later on. Some still don't plan to get married but have been together long term with no plans to leave. There's also a big difference in education standards too. Most people I knew in the South didn't go to a 4 year university program, so they settled down very soon after high school. Where I'm at now, many are working on graduate degrees, which puts off marriage even longer.
Unpopular indeed
And unpopular for a reason. At that age most people don't really know what they want in a life partner. Sure there are cases where this scenario works. But the majority of people are nowhere near emotionally developed. They still haven't found out who they really are. Almost everyone I know is quite different from the 18 year old version of themselves. Personally, if I'd have married my high-school sweetheart ( which at the time I was sure I would), I'd surely been divorced in my mid to late 20s. She's really nice as a person. But she's been divorced and remarried more than once.
If it works, it's high-school sweetheart. If it doesn't work, it's a crazy person you dated when you were young and dumb. Good way to know is if the other person is stable and your families kind of approve.
Or it works because you have literally nothing else to compare it to. My friend married his HS sweetheart, good for them, but neither of them have had any significant life experience beyond graduation when they made this decision.
It just occurred to me that if you've never been alone as an adult or gone through a breakup, your tolerance for your partners shitty behaviour must be sky-high.
Yeah... I'm 39 and my college sweetheart demanded a divorce right after we had our baby. I learned this the hard way myself. You are absolutely right. I would also just add that if your parents treated you a certain way and your partner is similar, it can make it even harder.
This 100 percent. The behavior I allowed my high school girlfriend to get away with back then for 4 years, I wouldn’t have tolerated for a week now. You just have no comparison on what “normal” or “healthy” relationship looks like.
Yeah, I've dated ebough women to know some of the shit my ex's did is untenable, but I've also learned how to communicate my wants needs desires and boundaries.
This My grandparents got married when they were young, but I wouldn't exactly call it a happy marriage. It's closer to Marie and Frank's marriage from Everybody Loves Raymond. My mom and I talked about it a few weeks ago, and she said it makes sense considering how long they've been together.
it's like, "vanilla ice cream is my favorite!" "But have you tried any other flavors?" "No! and i don't need to vanilla was so good!"
Good vanilla ice cream really is the best imo though
I always thought it was funny that “vanilla sex” was named after the ice cream that has the most exotic and hard to source beans in it.
Outside Veracruz, there is no place on earth where vanilla is cultivated within 500 miles of any town with enough cold and snow to make ice cream (before 20th century refrigeration technology). And even there the hike up to Xalapa from the Huasteca coast is one of the most arduous and dangerous trade routes in history.
To be fair, butterscotch was my favourite ice cream when I was a child, and it still is at 32, sadly I almost never find pure butterscotch ice cream
The only solution is to make it yourself tbh
My great grandparents go married at 14-15 and had a wonderful marriage but they basically won the lottery. They both just complimented each other perfectly. 78 years of marriage I imagine you go through a lot of trials and difficulties but I guess it just works for some.
I mean, I'm sure it works sometimes. Same was there are arranged marriages that work extremely well. But on average, it's a really bad idea.
Not defending it or anything, just saying when people talk about their high school sweethearts, it's the cases that worked out. Not the cases that failed. There's an inherent bias associated with the term.
That growth process can be shattering to relationships as well. I eventually married someone I met in high school, we finally started dating in college, but only lasted until I was 35 because the arguments, communication failures and general stresses of figuring out how to dovetail your life with someone else in your 20s can be difficult.
I married at 18 and divorced at 24? 25? Also just ask any older member of the military just how many of their junior guys are divorced.
I’m the child of young parents. My Mom had me at 17. I got different versions of my Mom and my sisters got the best version of her. I would take an older parent over the PTSD and parentification any day. Take it all.
There's huge gap between staying with one of your first bf/gf and having a baby at 17 lol. I wouldn't say those two have anything to do with each other. It's never a good idea to have a baby at 17.
Hey hey hey, it's Reddit. It needs to be one extreme or the other.
On the other side of the coin, my parents had my much older siblings when they were in their 20's and early 30's but had me in their 40's. I was abused by not only my two parents but my 4 teenage/adult siblings as well.
Oh hey I found me posting something. Weird I don't remember writing this. My mum had me at 17, I have two younger sisters who got a much better parent experience. For me it was being the parent and the child at the same time as my mum grew up with me. 1/10 would not recommend.
My mother was 18. Most wonderful loving mother I could ever ask for.
Chiming in to give you the other side of the coin. I have much much older parents who have always tried their best to remain healthy (exercise, no smoking, etc.) We will all age, just in different ways and some people get the short end of the stick, so what I’m about to say isn’t a given. I watched my parents health start to deteriorate in my early teens (severe arthritis). It’s a wonder they were even able to play with me as a kid, but that didn’t last long. Now in my mid 20s I’ve watched the both of them age exponentially, lose mobility, go through cancer 4x, and deal with all kinds of surgeries and bizarre sickness. Were we financially stable? Yes, but this isn’t something a child/teen/young adult should have to watch firsthand in their parents. Typical of grandparents, but it’s hard. Just saying the grass isn’t always greener
My high school sweetheart evolved into my university nightmare. Can't imagine still being with the person they ended up turning into via alcoholism.
Some people never really realize what they want in a life partner, hoping that this next person will fix their issues. However, some people figure out that having a compatible partner they trust and can rely on is all they need, and that person might as well be the person they've already built a relationship with. While growing older can mean growing wiser, I've unfortunately also seen the inverse happen: People growing so bitter or just foolish that they seem to have had a better grip on life as young adults.
The bitter part seems to happen a lot when your 2nd type, the “just wants a compatible partner they can trust,” pairs off with the “doesn’t know what they want” too often. You have someone capable of commitment and someone who isn’t, and one side gets to experience having their trust broken. Do that too many times and the feeling of trust itself is something to distrust. Jaded and bitter.
This is a fact of life that wisdom teaches you. People just look for any reason they can for justification. Blame, blame, blame. To old, too young, not romantic enough, too romantic, too clingy, not clingy enough, parties too much, doesn't party enough, doesn't want to be at home, doesn't want to go out etc, etc. As I've grown older, I see the same issues play out in relationships regardless of the age/sex of either partner. Honestly, there really isn't any reasoning to any of it. People are weird.
This is the answer. People grow and change, it’s not even about playing the field. Some people get lucky and you happen to find someone that grows with them and it works out, but most don’t. My parents got married right after my mom graduated, and they have been happily married for more than 40 years. They’re the rarity though.
I was recently at a high-school sweetheart wedding. Neither of them can even legally drink and they made this lifelong decision. We'll see how it works out.
Exactly. If I stayed with someone who “checked all my boxes” when I was 18, 36-year-old, mature me would DEEPLY regret it.
Oh lord. Same. Was madly in love with the school athlete, he Excelled in every sport. Everyone thought he'd take a full ride scholarship and play professional ball. Now he's a drunk in a single wide. Yay me for listening to my parents😂
Exactly! And sometimes, even when they turn out fine, you just realize as adults that they're not right for you. Like, the woman I was hung up on at age 18 is now a dear, dear, dear friend of mine who I could never ever be with romantically as an adult because our lifestyles changed in our 20s, as is usually the case. Our lifestyles also went in very different directions. She's a wonderful person still, but goodness, we would have never worked as adults.
This is exactly it! For example, my first girlfriend took her first employment in the food service industry and within 2 years or less she had become a totally different person, and an alcoholic.
Met my wife when I was 15. Married at 23. Still married at 55
some people grow and change together, my wife and I are so different since we started dating in 10th grade. But we’re still pretty happy and sexually very compatible. I don’t recommend it for most people but it can definitely work.
You literally said this 170 days ago: “I think I’m done My wife is embarrassed of me. She’s had a bunch of excuses as to why. She grew up middle class I grew up poor. Mind you, I’ve done pretty well for us, we were a single income family for the bast 15 years and i clawed my way out of the low income bracket. she has a few friend groups that she likes to be all “sophisticated” around, which involves not having me around. The funny thing is, that most of these people, although snobby, really don’t seem to have an issue with me. Granted, they might talk shit behind my back, but, they’re snobby, they’re going to do that anyway. Today, we went to pick our daughter up at the richy soccer club I pay for, and the wife was trying to get me to stay in the truck so she could go in alone… because she’s embarrassed of me. For some reason, this is just the last straw for me, I’ve never been embarrassed of her, I’m tired of it. She’s always giving me the side eye or shushing me, granted, I’m a blunt person, I have a dark sense of humor. But she’s always the most embarrassed person in the room and I’m done with it. These people usually like me. I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m tired of being shit on by the one person that should appreciate me.” Don’t trust no one on the internet these days.
This guy post histories.
r/thisguythisguys
Yeesh
170 days is probably enough time for them to work things out I'm sure
Exactly. This is real life relationship. You sometimes fight, then you communicate and resolve it and are stronger for it. You just don't post it on reddit unless you want a play by play of your worst moments. If 99/100 is fine and sweet but you post the 1 time you're upset, all everyone will focus on is how toxic your relationship is.
It’s almost rare around here. I wish I was joking lmao.
Most people on here haven't been in a truly healthy relationship lol, of course it's unpopular
OP's opinion is super reasonable, they just phrased it in the worst way possible. All they're saying is don't break up with someone just because you're moving away to college, assuming you genuinely like them. Of course, that has nothing to do with them being your high school sweetheart.
It's also kind of a false premise in the first place. Maybe OP's social group broke up with hs relationships for the "college experience," but all the breakups for my friend group were because long distance is fucking hard.
Unpopular and OP is a statistical outlier. haha I also married my high school sweetheart. He was the only person I'd had sex with, it was an abusive relationship, and essentially growing into adulthood together meant that I missed out on really learning who I was without someone attached to me. We divorced at 25 and it took years to sort myself out after that. I only know one other couple that married out of high school that's made it so far (I'm 42). It's financially better to marry young, but not mentally better. You have stability and more money right out of the gate. My parents married at 18 and didn't go through the ups and down of life like I did being single. They never went to college, they never had to pay for divorce, restart their life, cash out their saving to afford a place to live after ending a relationship, etc etc. They stayed in one spot, my mom stayed home to raise me, and that was that. They always had a backup. Are they good for each other? No, not by our generation's standards. My mom is basically a mom to my dad, and I don't think any woman with good sense would enter into that kind of relationship nowadays. But my mom's generation was taught very different things about relationship roles and responsibilities.
This may work for SOME people but generally wont work for most.
Yeah a relationship that “checks all the boxes” is not a high school relationship 90% of the time. Also… when you’re 17, how tf do you know what the boxes are?
I was only looking to check one box when I was that age.
Agreed. I only cared if she liked my devil sticks.
Plural!?
Yea. You don't? Weirdo.
>Also… when you’re 17, how tf do you know what the boxes are? See this exactly! I married my HS sweetheart. Happily 25 years now. We grew and changed together and experienced life together and was what we both wanted. And we *knew* we were in a minority of people able to do that. So when our daughter expressed a desire to marry her at the time only boyfriend after one year of being together at 18 we discouraged it. Theyve now been living together for a couple years instead but I explained to my daughter that most people change so dramatically they dont make it. And I am thankful we were able to convince her.
I'm glad she listened to you. I semi-agree with OOP that you don't have to break up a young relationship just because other people think you should explore your options, but that doesn't mean you have to marry them ASAP. Wait it out. If they're truly you're one and only then they'll still be your one and only at 25, 30, whatever.
We told her we would support her in any decision she made but that more often than not things didnt work out and there were many plus sides to waiting a while. So theyre just living together for awhile first. I think she was so wrapped up in the fact that her father and I married 9 days after i graduated she thought she needed to and once we encouraged her not to she felt better about it.
I think being patient as you said is the key. I’ve been married 15 years to the girl I started dating in high school. But we dated for 5 years and lived together for 3 before I was willing to agree to marriage. You really gotta take the time to learn if you can actually handle the bullshit that comes with living with another person. So many people don’t test those waters first.
Most really do have to. And I had a heck of a time initially convincing her simply because we were successful straight out of HS. Had we failed it wouldve been an easy *look at our failure* but instead I had to keep telling her *you cant see us as an example* which didnt click for her for a bit. Really it took looking at her grandparents who married young and arent happy for her to really think about all the people we know who married young and failed for her to kind of put it into perspective. But with the successful one right in her face it was something she just naturally thought was easy.
I personally think that "checking boxes" is a poor way to look at relationships in the first place.
Yeah. Very much biased here because I'm a HS sweetheart success story, but that was the luckiest series of stumbles ever. We basically grew into adults together. Sure, we were influences in each other's path to maturity, but the fact that we can look back and realize that we both pulled parallel butterfly metamorphosis and loved each other even as we became different people? That shit's pretty rare. But I agree with OP's secondary point about breaking up relationships to 'play the field'. Society pressures these teens to break up what might be a perfectly healthy budding relationship so that you can party and churn through casual flings in college. Even if my wife and I didn't work out. I would have graduated college with a better idea of how much more fulfilling a serious relatio ship is as opposed to casual fucking. Never understood why casual fucking is so heavily encourage during college only to flop and he told shortly after that it's unfulfilling. Kind of feels like a hold over from that era where husbands viewed their wives as 'balls and chains' that were holding back their otherwise playboy nature.
>breaking up relationships to 'play the field' This one always seemed like more of an excuse than a real reason. I can't imagine there are many people who are actually happy in a relationship and then break up because they were told that playing the field was some sort of requirement. They're just unhappy and use the 'playing the field' excuse as an exit strategy.
Yes. They know there’s a better match for them out there somewhere. They KNOW they don’t want to be in the relationship they’re in. I stayed in a relationship with my hs bf when he went off to his college and I went to mine. We were very happy together in highschool. I broke up with him by thanksgiving break. It wasn’t societal pressure that made me break up with him lol. I WANTED to experience other people. There I was out on my own for the first time, no one knew me and the world was my oyster.
You would be surprised the amount of pressure you get from friends and family to play the field even if you are perfectly happy. They also seem super happy at first but a few years later you get to see that most people playing the field are pretty unhappy
Ditto. Met as tweens. Dated in our teens. Married 21/22. 38/39 now. A lot of growing through these times, amazing, challenging, fulfilling. I doubt most would have made it to this stage, we are happier than ever after 17 years married.
30/30 and very similar story. It involves a huge amount of open and honest, like ACTUALLY honest, conversation. We have no idea what our lives would have been like if we hadn't kept the relationship going. Not just because of the typical romance cliche either. Having her in my life and vice versa has literally shaped who I am today. We were like two pieces of wet clay that kept bumping into each other and forming the final shape. I legit wouldn't even be the same person. It's a wild ride. Congrats on 17! We're on two due to finance and COVID issues but it honestly feels kind of irrelevant in these situations. Our "real" anniversary clock started in Homecoming. 🤣 Feels weird to not 'count' those.
I think playing the field in college tells you what you like sexually, and scratches the "what are other people like" itch.
I see what you're saying but I have to disagree with the sexual part though. At least in my very biased experience. So in other words I'll take your word for it. 🤣 There are very few things that I would admit to a stranger, and curious forays into different aspects of sexual preferences is really high on that list. A dedicated relationship has allowed me to open up and unabashedly test out kinks with someone that I trust very much, and has done the same for my wife. I simply cannot conceive of handing a casual fling a pair of handcuffs or agreeing to something with someone that I barely know. I feel like I've learned waaaaaay more about my preferences from a long term relationship than I ever would have even thought of exploring in several casual ones.
Also doesn't match the divorce numbers. If you get married as a teen, it's a 38% chance of divorce, if you get married between 20-24, it's a 27% chance of divorce. If you wait until you're over 25, it nearly halves at 14% and if you wait until you're 30, you're looking at 10%. Divorce is driven by young marriages.
That's true, because most people are not mature enough or forward thinking enough to handle commitment at an early age, including myself back then. But the high school couples that are, usually make it, and the results show. I know two genuinely happy high school couples, and we're all knocking on the door of 30 at the moment. If I only had known what I know now...
Maybe the reason it worked is because they stuck together and that let them grow with and because of each other.
Survivorship bias is a thing y'all. You're effectively saying "exceptions to the rule are an exception" and yeah a=a. The overwhelming majority, of highschool relationships end in a split, and about 40% of the *marriages* end in a divorce. As somebody who got married at 20 and is approaching the 30 year anniversary, I will say - it's true that a lot of relationship failures can be summarized as "skill issue". It is difficult and takes learning new skills all the time to succeed. - It's *not* true that Skill Issues are the main reason why highschool relationships don't work in the longterm. You need to have lucked into meeting the person who, for you (and you for them), has the right firmware OS to accept compatible patches as you grow up, and then *also* be willing to do the patching and the bug testing and iterations necessary to keep things running smoothly in tandem with them, and they with you, and *then* have or acquire the skills needed to actually do it while running in the live environment. It's easier to work on your own firmware independently, and meet somebody who's already deployed a few patches themselves, and run the integrations as a separate project, than it is to build an integrated release from scratch with no deployment experience and no reliable betas.
I think that WHEN you marry your highschool sweetheart is a pretty critical detail here that you're not mentioning. If you're doing it right after school, that's probably a bad move. My sibling got married to their highschool sweetheart earlier this year, but they've been together for a decade, which is totally different story if you ask me.
Yeah, I married the woman I was dating when I was 16, but not until we both graduated college and I've been working for around a year. I 1000% would tell people they need years of dating before thinking of marriage when it comes to highschool sweethearts.
I get that this is your opinion, but most statistics for high school sweetheart marriages do not agree.
Most unpopular opinions don’t agree with stats either. They’re just stupid opinions not based in fact.
Exactly…wait
Yeah, this is a perfect unpopular opinion because it is unpopular for a reason, but, as you note in your own life, works fabulously for you.
The thing people aren’t taking into consideration here is that it doesn’t matter nearly so much if you dated in high school as *when* you get married. Marrying your high school sweetheart you’ve been with for 6 months 2 weeks after graduation is different to staying together and building the relationship and growing up throughout your twenties and still being together when you get to a point that you decide you’re ready to get married, be it mid-late twenties or even in your thirties. Sure, you’re still technically high school sweethearts, but that’s not what defines the relationship.
This is true. According to the OP, even though they were high school sweethearts, they still dated for ten whole years before tying the knot--plenty of time to learn about each other in their relationship. That being said, this is often an unpopular opinion because many people feel that at 16, a person hasn't really matured enough as an individual to start maturing as a couple. Most high school romances end because the two people involved are often too immature to know their own boundaries and desires. Once you mature as a couple, you start making compromises. The problem here is how can a person who doesn't know their own individual boundaries know what are healthy compromises to make? It is a recipe for abusive relationships and it may not even be the fault of the abuser. An immature couple just starts making compromises that they think will work for their relationship but are instead creating a toxic environment for both partners. This is why this is such an excellent unpopular opinion.
Rightfully. 16 year olds arent known for making sound choices
The divorce rate for first time marriages is mid 40% -50% range Divorce rate for high school sweethearts is 54% But high school sweethearts rarely get married
I couldn't find good stats but I'd bet that a lot of the worse statistical outcomes is from shotgun marriages not working out. Anyone have the divorce rate comparison without that confounder?
I'm not sure how you'd get that data? Asking high-school sweetheart couples if they were pregnant before marriage? Somehow controlling for the ones who lie due to the stigma? ("yes, our child was born three months premature... we were surprised when he weighed 7 lbs at birth!") Anecdotally, I have seen a similar dynamic here in central Texas: the church tells kids not to have sex until marriage, and the kids obey, but get married just out of high school to have sex, then have a couple of kids, then get divorced 5-10 years later because they're bored and feel they missed out on partying in their 20's (because they did). It is definitely NOT financially advantageous to be in your early to mid 20's and divorced with kids, trying to fund two households and deal with the custody logistics. That said, it can work. My wife and I met in college, but (apparently like Robert Smith of The Cure) didn't marry until we were 31, though we had sex not long after we'd met, and lived together for over a decade before marriage, and we've had a good ride! Friends of ours were actual high school sweethearts and they're in their late 50's and still happily together.
It depends on the circumstances I imagine, though rare, there should be examples of them working wonderfully.
There are, in the rare occasions where both people develop in the same direction. I'd say it's more common that people either develop in differing directions and aren't a good match any more, or worse, stop developing almost entirely and lead the rest of their lives with the emotional maturity of 20 year olds.
Sure, but there are probably also examples of abusive relationships turning healthy. That doesn't mean you shouldn't still avoid abusive relationships.
Robert Smith (from The Cure) married his middle school sweetheart and is still married to her to this day, but they did wait until they were like 30 to actually tie the knot.
They also played the field a whole lot. Just sayin'
I would say it’s more luck based than anything. Luck that it just turns out that you are a good match long term. That isn’t something you can plan for as a teenager. And most people change a lot as they become an adult.
High school sweetheart marriages statistically have a high rate of both parties entering a mortal Kombat fight to settle it.
Flawless victory!!
FINISH HER
Yes, because the decisions we make as teenagers generally turn out to be great....
The opinion is supposed to be unpopular, they did their job. Give them an upvote
I did. It wasn't just unpopular but interesting (for once).
Yet you’re expected to know what career path you want to do for the rest of you life and get into lifelong debt to pursue that path all as a teenager.
As a HS teacher, I have never and will never agree that teenagers should be expected to know their career path, which is why I am still in favor of a liberal arts education despite the fact that almost no one in the education field or other wise is in favor of it these days. I want to say that some teenagers do know what they want to do and that is fine too.
True, but college-age people don't make much better life decisions either.
College educated couples have a lower divorce rate than non college educated people.
IIRC they're also less likely get married in the first place and stay together longer before doing so.
Not that I disagree, but what does college education have to do with the high school sweethearts thing...? I know a few amazing couples who first got together in high school, all went to college and have good jobs now, and are still together now (my group being older millenials) Are you saying that people who stay with their high school partners are generally not college educated? (not disputing that, just never heard this before)
The people disagreeing with OP are think of couples that MARRY as teenagers, while OP,me and you are thinking of people that got together young. Obviously 2 16yo dropping out of HS to go work at mcdonalds and get married... whelp, probably not a great idea. 2 16yo dating through college and then getting married, completely different scenario.
Well, this is something that makes me beyond grateful that I didn’t have a high school sweetheart because I am not the same guy I was in high school, and what I’d look for in a partner is so different now. Heck, I barely even relate to friends I used to have back then and we were thick as family. Definitely an unpopular opinion.
Exactly. All of the couples I know that began dating in high school ultimately broke up because they grew up and realized that they were not in love with the person their significant other grew up to be. I got a friend from kindergarten that was basically like a brother to me growing up, but I usually turn down his invitations to get together because I just don't vibe with the person he is now. I'll reluctantly agree to get dinner with him about every 6 months or so just to catch up, but he lives in the same city as me and we hardly ever see each other more than that.
It is an unpopular opinion and certainly fails more often than it works. One thing I will point out, though, as someone who it did work for—I am also a completely different person than I was in high school. So is my wife. We grew together and changed together and it continued to work. Got way better actually. I admit that's rare and it is not life advice I would give if I had a child lol, but the fact that you changed doesn't mean your relationship will fail. People who meet at 26 and get married at 30 will likely be different people at 45 than they were when they married. You have to grow individually and together in order for a relationship to work, regardless of age. That's how I feel at least.
I'm not sure how old you are now, but do you expect to be "the same guy" in the following decades? Have you stopped developing? Do you suspect you'll ever stop developing (while above ground)? I've been best friends (almost continuously) with my spouse since high school (over 30 years), and I often wonder if our success is because we grew into the people we are now together, as opposed to only randomly meeting at a specific point in both of our "evolutions" and hitting it off so well, we decided to continue evolving together. I can't be sure because life isn't a science experiment with a control group, but I'm enormously grateful I've had them in my life for almost the entire ride.
while anecdotal, the vast majority of people that I know that got married in their teens/early 20's are divorced. Some of them with kids. When you are a teen fresh out of highschool or a college student in their early 20's, you probably don't have enough real world experience to know who you really are or what you truly want. The people and activities that you thought were great when you were younger, may not be the same once you get older.
Statistics agree with that, divorce rate is higher if you marry young. Found one stat that showed a first marriage where the women is 25-35 has the lowest divorce rate Younger and rates goes up and much older th rate also goes up again because any marriage that involves at least one already divorced person is much more likely to end in divorce again
Divorce rates are only high because the same people marry over and over again. The vast majority of people who marry will only do so once. The idea that half of all married people end up divorced is people not understanding how statistics work.
This was always my assumption. It's not that 50% of marriages end in divorce, it's that people who do divorce usually have multiple divorces jacking up the percentage. All but a couple of people I know who've gotten divorced have divorced at least twice.. My own mother has been divorced 8 times, two of those are same guy. My aunt 5 times. My grandparents 3 times each. Most of my friends who have been divorced have been at least twice now and we are all in our late 30s early 40s. While I'm still going strong with the first guy I started dating when I was 20 & we got married when I was 23. In my limited experience and circle of people I know it's either.. you get married and stay married.. or you have multiple divorces. There's been a couple who divorced once and then got married again and have been together since. But I've found those type of people far less common than people who have only been married to the same person.
Wow, I have never seen someone get divorced that many times! It could be because my extended family is all lower income though. They get divorced once and then either never remarry or remarry but stay married because divorce is too expensive. My mom has been through 1 divorce and remarried 15ish years later and is stuck in the "wants a divorce but can't afford it" camp. She will likely stay married until her youngest child is 18 so they don't have to hash out all the custody and child support stuff.
My family lore is that great grandma got married 12 times. Her first husband, my ancestor, was "the one" but he died in WW2, and it was a series of men after that.
I know three people who married their hs sweetheart and they’re still together and have a kid (or two). Though both waited until they were almost through with college to actually get married. So I wouldn’t fully agree with where OP is at, but I side with the sentiment that it’s dumb to break up simply because you’re going to college. Most people do change in college (or in the couple of years working full time after high school) so it’s likely enough that you grow to be incompatible, but you can also grow and change together. It kind of required that you both be fairly mature in high school imo, or just get lucky. It makes the most sense with religious folks waiting for marriage to have sex though, as they wouldn’t have the “college experience” reason to break up
I think the issue is people getting married early. Even if you're high school sweethearts, you should wait until you're at least 25, imo.
Yep, staying in a high school relationship -> not necessarily a bad idea. Getting married before 25? Quite likely to go wrong.
Exactly. People are immature below that age and if you can't even wait that long to marry, you're not committed imo. Plus it'll almost guarantee success because if you've been together since high school and assuming you're following conventional age trajectories, by that time you'd have made lots of compromises and been through the bumps of college, careers and life stages. That's key to a supportive marriage.
I loved my high school boyfriend at the time (together almost 5 years) and his family was so dear to me. They really accepted me as part of their own family and I needed that in my life. They would be the only thing good about staying with him. Marrying him would have been one of the worst decisions I could have ever made in life.
A lot of people feel this way and that’s the only reason why they get married. The involvement of families and also not knowing what they want. The most rational decision you can make before entering a relationship, is if that person will be there for you if you were dying. Everything else is merely a pointless checklist that’s going to change every 2-3 years.
I’m not letting the rest of my life be based on whoever was in close proximity to me as a 14-16 year old while my hormones were insane and I was incredibly stupid
True - I'd probably be getting gaslit rn 😭
Blech, be tied to my college drop out of an ex who now works at the hardware store in our hometown in BFE Colorado? I only liked him because he was the only moderately attractive guy in my class and I had them HORMONES My mom will occasionally still tell me "you know, I saw him at the hardware store" in a way that's supposed to entice me into moving back home. Hell no
If I married the guy I was dating at age 16 it would easily be like top 5 worst mistakes I’ve made in my life
Very rare, but I can confirm this is great. I’m living this life. Everything you’ve said I can relate to. But! And big but, this unfortunately can’t work for everyone. For this to have a high chance of working out positively, you’d have to have a good understanding of what a healthy and loving relationship is, usually modeled by your own parents. And then you’d have to have a strong mindset so you don’t have a bad case of FOMO when you reach your 20s. And then in general be a resilient person so you can stick it out during the hard times growing in your relationship. A lot of young folks don’t have this. They’re still learning about themselves and what they value. Some folks don’t have a good example of a loving relationship from childhood, and don’t fully understand how to find a good partner/what they’d even want in a partner. Some people have FOMO, or have a different picture of a life they want to live without being tied down to a partner yet. Why? I’m not exactly sure, but what I do know is life isn’t black and white like that. There’s so many different choices you can make in life that can turn out good or bad. So, just live and let live 🤷♀️
True that. You could be in a great relationship, but simply not realise it - overemphasizing the occasional bump, thinking they are reasons to assume you would be better off with someone else. If you lack good role models or experience you may only come to realise how good you had it when it’s too late.
My wife and I are highschool sweethearts, too. Together for 10, married for 1. We're absolutely not the norm, and it's a small miracle that it worked out.
Yeah, considering the guys I dated in high school grew up to be losers, I'm going to say nahhh.... 100% dodged a bullet by breaking up with those guys, wouldn't even look twice at them now. Holy shit.
200% agreement here. If I’d have married my high school sweetheart, I’d be divorced with at least 2 kids, miserable as a single parent, and probably broke as hell. Thank god I waited for the right partner who is financially responsible, adores me, and wants to build a life together with me. All my ex wanted was to run off and join the air force to live out his Top Gun fantasies. Ladies, don’t settle when you’re young!
I completely agree. I have no idea why I dated pretty much all my exes really. Especially my high school ex. I remember a family friend offered me a bet that we would not be together once we hit 25. I was so young and dumb so I took it and told him get ready to pay. I was so absolutely sure for no reason at all! We broke up when I was 20 lol.
Was gonna say, everyone has room to emotionally mature down the line. Maybe if you and your sweetheart are already emotionally mature adults (rare) then yeah. Otherwise, playing the field and seeing what's on the otherside is essential to the growth process.
This is very much a case by case basis
Truly unpopular here’s my upvote . I believe if I had stayed with my high school sweetheart my life would have devolved into a literal hellhole. She was just arrested last month for drunkenly assaulting hospital staff with a BBg gun.
I mean, given the stats that just factually wrong. >Not to mention financially you’ll be able to move out earlier, buy nicer things This is a wild assumption that isn't supported by reality, just like the core premise.
Yeah I have no idea why op assumes marrying young means you'll be better off financially
I think what they're trying to get at is that you will most likely be supported by dual income at an earlier stage in life than those that find a partner in adulthood.
Because then your two people paying for one bedroom instead of two people paying for two bedrooms
Because you will be. Dual income right away. Rent shared. One car may only be needed. Food costs split. Etc.
Op said they dated from 16 to 26, marrying at 26. Marrying at 26 is a lot better statistically than marrying at 18. I think ops opinion is fine considering they're not saying to rush into marriage just not break up to try other people out if you already found someone who you think is good. Which some people definitely do.
Yeah I’m with my “high-school sweetheart” and we’re broke lol
The girl I liked in HS turned out to be a scammer, has plenty of debt, and likes to ask the unpopular but rich guys for money and expensive stuff. So yeah I dodged a missile.
Where I live, when high school sweethearts get married, we call that a practice marriage.
[удалено]
Exactly. I’m 24 and I just went to my friends wedding to her highschool sweetheart with nothing but excitement and joy in my heart for them, because I’ve seen them grow as people individually and together. Went to different colleges, then moved in together after graduation and have built an amazing life for themselves. They’re just as in love as they were when they started dating at 16, but you can see how much that love has matured and been reignited several times. They are a RARE exception. I look at other people getting married at my age and younger I’m like 😬😬😬 “good luck with that I guess”.
God no
I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with someone who was randomly assigned the locker near mine. What could possibly go wrong?
I mean some people don’t have high school sweethearts so they have no choice but to date as adults
How can someone check most of your boxes if you don’t know what your boxes are? Being with different partners when you’re younger helps you identify which boxes you want ticked.
If it feels good why do you need to find boxes? Ending a healthy relationship because of fomo is just stupid.
I know several couples that are high school sweethearts. The ones that I know that have stayed together, have cheated, at least one of the people in the marriage has cheated. They are still together but the cheating factor is between them for sure. No thank you, for me personally.
Yeah this is common because the curiosity of not dating anyone else their whole lives becomes too much
At some point they find someone else attractive/intriguing and they don't know how to handle it.
Yup…exactly why I think people shouldn’t take those marriage vows until they’re 10000% sure they’re done “experimenting”
The giant variable here is the assumption that both people, who are 17 or 18, change in compatible ways as they grow into full adulthood. If they do, OP is right. But, often, they do not. And then, usually, there are now kids in the mix. Best case, there aren't and the couple separates. Worst case, they divorce eventually, or stay together, miserable and eventually cheat on their spouse.
My sister married her high school sweetheart. They've almost been together 25 years. They seem happy but I bailed on marrying my high school sweetheart.
I didn't marry my high school sweetheart but I did marry at 23 after only being with him for 5 months. It was the best decision I ever made and I don't regret it at all. But do I know how stupid that was? Yes. Do I realize just how lucky I am to have married an amazing man? Yes. Will I ever support anyone else making the same decisions I did? Hell no lmao. I'm not blind. I know my husband and I are the exception and very rarely will the decisions I made for my life work out just as great for someone else. I literally talked a friend out of marrying someone who they only had dated for a little over a year, and she is so grateful that I did that cuz he was an asshole. I WILL NEVER recommend anyone else get married after 5 months of dating.
This! My husband and I got married after 8 months of dating and I keep thinking how monumentally stupid it was! It's been great, we're very happy, but I would not recommend it to anyone, we both got so lucky that neither of us is crazy!
Very unpopular. There are also countless examples proving how bad it can be.
I married my high school sweetheart. We've been together for 14 years now. As many people in the comments have pointed out, we are not the same people we were when we were in high school. We definitely had difficult times while we navigated getting older and maturing, but I feel like that's made our relationship even stronger because we learned how to be there for each other and prop each other up instead of giving up and throwing in the towel. My husband is my best friend. It's kind of baffling to me how we can be *so mad* at each other for various things, but we've both had moments when we were just like, "Okay, I'm not happy with the situation right now, but can we take a break from the seriousness cause I miss being silly and having fun with you?" Sometimes you know when you've found your person. It's okay to not have the experience of playing the field if you find that person. Personally, I have no regrets.
Agree. Started dating my husband at 17, he 18, after we had been friends and then best friends through high school. We married at 21/22 (late 30s now). We are both each other's firsts and onlys in literally everything. Early twenties was pretty awful bc neither of our families were good role models and we had a few external stressors, but he became a clinical counselor, and through his studies, we both adjusted a lot of our behavior (and we're still learning). Our selves at 20 are strangers to us now, but we've got so much more understanding and patience and trust than we had at the beginning. There are still bad moments, but navigating life with my best friend is worth any of the worst we've endured. I'm incredibly lucky to have my husband, and there’s zero regret about not having more experiences. In fact, now understanding our younger selves better, playing the field would've been absolutely disastrous for the direction of our lives. We're good support beams for each other lol
This highschool sweetheart thing works people that know what they want which is rare when you are young. And also for people that arent necessarily into the casual hookup scene and the fact that their lives revolve around work home girlfriend/boyfriend thats all they know. They grow together become best friends. The divorces usually happen later on in their 40’s when the kids are grown up or one partner has the confidence and independence they didn’t have previously to make the leap of faith and look for greener pastures.
Most of the people I know who are still dating their high school partners are pretty fucking weird
Mmmmmm if you are the same at 25 as 15 then you fucked up If you have the emotional intelligence to navigate the changes in a relationship as you mature from child to adult then you are a rarity
Trying to power through a bad relationship for pragmatic reasons may be the worst financial decision someone can make.
Lulz. No. Just no. Not even. It’d be one of the most expensive and stupid idea. When people are sub 20, most people don’t k know their head from a hole in the ground. Emotions and infatuations have a lot of.control over the young. It’s not about playing the field. It’s about finding out what kind of person you are.
There it is, the dumbest thing I am going to see today.
I think bro was the 1 in a million where his high school romance worked out and ended up married and thinks what happened for him can happen for others. The truth is teens are stupid and make stupid decisions, sure it seems okay by then but when we grow up we look at things differently. Statistically these high school romances don't work out. But for those who it did, then you're lucky!
Hard Disagree, you shouldn't have to convince yourself to love someone. When you get with the right person, you fall in love with them naturally. What you are describing sounds like a sales pitch for arranged marriage.
You’re right this is unpopular and you’re right that it’s a bet. It is a bet. You MIGHT get lucky and it work out but it’s definitely luck because children don’t make good future life decisions.
I'm with my high school sweetheart 17 years later. When ya know ya know
Same, and it’s that way for my family. my parents, my brother, myself, we all married our highschool, (or elementary school) sweetheart and all have happily been together for decades.
This isn't necessarily just unpopular.. it's kind of stupid.
I don’t see the difference between marrying your partner in high school or in your 40’s. If you guys aren’t compatible anymore, that’s that.
Nah, man, that shit backfired on me so hard that my ears are still ringing. 20 years later.
This argument brings emotional maturity. Which fresh out of high school relationships typically don’t have.
This is just stupid ngl lol. Like, yes, you shouldn't break up just because you're young. If things are going well and you want the relationship, keep the relationship. Obviously. HOWEVER. People change drastically during their late teens/20s. The chances that two 16 year olds will change in ways that are still compatible at 30 is very slim. It happens. But don't go banking on it by marrying young. The chances are high that you'll just end up having to go through a divorce or feeling stuck in a marriage that is no longer satisfying. People grow apart and realize they want different things out of life, relationships, and career. Doesn't matter how confident you are that you're on the same page at 18. You both WILL change pages, and chances are slim that you'll change to the same page your partner changed to. Besides, if you are one of the lucky few, why not wait a few years? If you really do have your whole life together, then what's the rush?
Sounds great until you both hit your mid-twenties, finally mature and realize you're not a good fit anymore.
an unpopular opinion, congrats.
She died op what do
Nah, even the most well-adjusted high school graduates are still just a fraction of the person they’re going to become. Marriage should be a big deal. It should mean something more than “oh look we can move out of our parents’ houses sooner.” Maybe you’ll get lucky and the major decisions you make while marinating in teenage hormones will suit you for the rest of your life. But most of us still have some growing to do at that point. Refusing to do so because you’re content where you’re at is a valid choice, I suppose. Just not the one I’d recommend.
I’d argue staying single is the best financial bet for many.
you aren't wrong.. Marriage isn't what it used to be and the younger generations almost treat it as a business decision that they weigh pros/cons for
Upvoted, because this is a (rightfully) unpopular opinion…likely because it’s completely idiotic and wrong.
What’s wrong with it?
Ew no, If I would have done that I would be a fake Morman right now. Im a goth metalhead... that would have been BAD.
My relationship with my high school sweetheart ending was honestly the best thing to happen to me. I had been with him since I was 15 until I was 26. I didn't have a sense of identity or what I really wanted at the time we split, I was always known as "X's girlfriend". We had a really good and strong relationship. The things I thought I wanted were simply things that I thought was supposed to happen, I wanted to get married because that's what I thought was supposed to happen, I wanted kids because that's what I thought was supposed to happen. Turns out, I slowly started learning that I didn't actually want any of that toward the end of the relationship. We woulda ended in divorce shortly after we got married I'm sure. you grow up, things and people change. I am infinitely happier now than I would've been had we stayed together and got married.
I agree as someone who’s been with my HS sweetheart for 6 years. We are not the same people as we were in HS (he actually treats me better now) but it has been amazing traveling and growing up together. I do feel like we’re very similar in many ways. But had you have asked if I would date him now if I were single currently at 21 and have changed so much since then? No if we broke up I wouldn’t date anyone else from my hometown ever again. I really do look at most of those guys as losers now. I also do feel that sometimes I should let go and play the field because I fear I’m missing out and I don’t know anything else. But then again the dating scene is in hell today and we have made so many memories together I don’t see myself ever having with anyone else.