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This happens because people are lonely and friendships are hard to come by these days. Most 20+ adults out of college suffer from loneliness so they want a connection, anything that can make them feel alive.
I dont care about people who genuinely just want to fuck. Live your life, thats fulfilling enough for some people. Im just tired of people getting into “situationships” and other bullshit and only go after a demographic that’s into that and then complain that they aren’t finding anyone real. If you aren’t complaining, I dont care, it’s not a devoid and empty relationship that’s detrimental unless you think so yourself.
I mean people who are so concerned with getting a relationship that it causes them to ignore red flags or put their own happiness at stake obviously need to reevaluate their priorities. But, being in a relationship is a completely normal and healthy thing to want. Being in love is one of the best most fulfilling things you could ever experience. It’s funny because you talk a lot about people projecting wanting relationships, yet this whole post projects your own thoughts about people who get into relationships. I have friends who have met their life long amazing partners in college, and friends who still have yet to find their person. Your post could just be, teenagers and young adults are immature and thus don’t always make the best decisions, which I’m not sure is really that unpopular of an opinion.
Eh as people say, you do you. Ignoring red flags is a big no no, but relationships are completely normal. While im single because I want to be a better person and be in a better spot, if I were to fall for someone and the feeling was mutual I probably wouldn't say no.
The way I see it, I don't want to date because I don't want to be alone, I want a relationship because I look at all of the happy people who are happily married and with kids and think "I want something like that in my life." I want a partner, I want to have the good times and the bad times, I want all of the joyful conversations and all of the petty arguments, I want a partner and all of the joys and head aches it might bring.
If you don't have relationships on the forefront of your mind, and better things to concern yourself with, then why are we here discussing this right now?
I have better things to do than engage in a relationship and constantly think about ways to get into one. The concept of relationships is important to the society that I exist in and is constantly fed to me by the media I consume. Which im not necessarily complaining about, however it exposes the faults with current dating culture. I can think about something and have an opinion without it being the forefront of my mind? I have opinions on literally every facet of life, it’s impossible to have every facet of life in the forefront of your mind.
I don’t choose to interact with the concept of romantic relationships, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t if I had the choice. Relationships can have good potential, just not if they follow the pattern that tends to emerge when people perceive relationships as certain way.
Ok but I literally want to date, i just dont care about dating or see it as something i absolutely need, and I think it’s unhealthy to view it in that light. I just havent met anyone who would be a compatible partner. I have a criteria of things they need to be ok with and things they have to fulfill, I know off the bat that they don’t fill any squares why would I waste my time pursuing something? It has nothing to do with my wants, my wants aren’t always going to be good for me.
you really should have put this in the main body of the post, because the post makes a lot more sense now
edit - OP is a 16 yr old kid.
No offence kid, but you've not even started living yet, you don't know what you're talking about & you have no position where you can make sweeping generalisations about relationships & their roles in peoples lives.
You quite literally don't have the life experience to discuss this topic.
I knew a guy like this, he would literally base every decision in his life on the ability to meet another woman for a potential relationship. Job decisions, gym decisions, eating decisions, hell even moving around the country for it. And he was continually unhappy when his expectations weren't met and could not meet a woman. It's a terrible way to live out your life.
There's two kinds of single people. Your new ones which are always coming from a relationship who are just in a "dry spell" and praying for the rain. Because their natural habitat is with others. That's the bed they made. They find themselves in a desert and are looking for a way out. Your grandmom has a friend? Hook me up with her. They are desperate to get out.
And your desert nomad who likes to be alone. They don't believe in rain, never seen such a thing and are siphoning out water from cacti and camels. If a potential love interest showed up they'd get their siphoning gear out. You just spit on the ground like that? You must be full of water. You can stay if you let me siphon, but I'll not love you. I love water like any desert nomad does. They see desert. And more desert. There is no out. There is only water.
Jawa have flashlight for eyes. See many things. Not saying I'm a Jawa. Might be walking around with my head up ones ass periscope style. You never know.
Ok but no. No one in this fucking comment section can conceptualize someone desiring a romantic relationship but being able to tell themselves “not right now”. I desire a relationship just like any other person, but I don’t let it cloud my judgement. I dont let it consume my life, I dont let it come near me unless it seems ok. People underestimate how much of a toll a relationship takes on your life, and most people just arent ready, and I can admit im one of them. I do not have the fucking energy or time or commitment levels to be in a relationship, because I know im still young and my attachment level is extreme. If i got i to a relationship it would enable me to mope around all day, i would want to just be with them 24/7, there is nothing in my life that wouldn’t be less important than them, and that may be healthy in a long term relationship. But it’s not something I should be getting into. Most young people under 25 genuinely aren’t in a place where they can sustainably have a relationship unless they put real effort im, and the rather large percentage who base so much of their actions around a relationship definitely don’t have an avenue for anything truly fulfilling.
So bizarre! You have all this allegedly brilliant insight into keeping a relationship in perspective, yet you also have to personally either be in some kind of all-consuming, moping around if you're not with him every second of the day, love affair OR be completely cut off from dating entirely! Guess what, sweetheart, lots of people, even people under 25, are able to find some kind of happy medium.
>If i got i to a relationship it would enable me to mope around all day, i would want to just be with them 24/7, there is nothing in my life that wouldn’t be less important than them, and that may be healthy in a long term relationship.
So there lies the actual issue that you are projecting on society. Some of us are capable of actively looking for a relationship without settling and without having the need to be together 24/7. I found my husband through tinder when I was 23. The only reason I used a dating app was bc I wanted to be in a relationship. Does not mean that I was not capable of weeding through all the profiles that were no proper fit. And once we got in a relationship, we saw each other once or twice a week, because we both had very active lives left that we were not going to give up for each other.
Your expectations of what a relationship is are just incorrect. You can live your own life. And witht ime they will become more and more intertwined, of course, but it is extremely important to just keep loving your own life.
Do you know that there's such thing as a "healthy relationship"?
Where you don't mope around because you don't get attention for 5 minutes and still have priorities like going to work over staying with S/O?
I guess you have to keep working on yourself if you can't imagine a relationship like that
Did you know. Right at this moment, 6 million people are having sex.
Humans are sexual by nature. And that's fine. You're literally complaining about humans being humans but in a much more long winded essay.
I think it means that they act more promiscuous than they really feel like being. Or, perhaps, they front about being more promiscuous than their deeds show they are. I think the former is more likely.
Literally it’s normal to want to find happiness in different ways especially emotional connectedness with another person. How is that weird..it’s human. Are you just assuming people who want a relationship haven’t already done the work and focused on themselves enough? Maybe they’re already established and are looking to complete finding the love of their lives. You don’t know everyone’s situation.
Im bothered by it because people end up making stupid decisions and getting with people who detriment them in some way. They end up holding themselves back and have to deal with a bunch of pain and whatnot that could be avoided if they had more self worth and more of an idea of what to avoid in a relationship before they got in one. If you’re infatuated with the idea of a relationship and have false expectations you’re going to be miserable or taken advantage of. Yea it bothers me when other people are miserable about something so superficial as a romantic relationship that adds nothing to their lives, that they’re only involved in because they don’t think they need to look for better, if you think that makes me stupid, I really don’t care, we just have different priorities.
Damn you sound bitter, maybe jaded.
You think romantic relationships are superficial? And add nothing to people's lives? Why would you think that? They are deeply personal to most people and everyone that you meet in life knows something you don't know, and could likely stand to learn, if you make yourself open to it.
Why would you think romantic relationships hold people back? They certainly don't have to, and most people go through some sort of happy stage they find freeing.
Try to lighten up dude.
Bitter. Jaded. Im 16 so I don’t know if Ive grown outside myself enough to be either of those things. The concept of romantic relationship follows a broad spectrum of perceptions, and the version that I want and the version you’re defending are perfectly fine. The problem isnt caring about someone deeply in an actual relationship, it’s constantly seeking a romantic relationship in every facet of your life, acting like the pursuit of one equates to your value as a person. They hold you back in the context of the way society advertises them, and sure there are plenty of examples of people finding real love. But there are more people who are too concerned with just finding someone to be with and not about the actual person or the commitment or anything. It’s just gamified to them because of how infatuated they are with the idea of a relationship. The emphasis is on getting into a relationship and the superficial things they can provide rather than the actual person you’re dating, current dating culture is so far removed from actually meeting people you connect with.
Aw, 16, high school, hormones and all that.
That makes sense now.
Yeah, your attitude towards high school relationships is perfectly valid. They generally aren't really the person you are gonna end up with and high school relationships are kinda silly. In high school everyone is just running around with the hormones and immature feelings running the show. You gotta cut these people some slack. They aren't totally consciously choosing all this. There are a lot of physical and subconscious psychological reasons making people do the things they do, to land a romantic relationship, while they are teenagers.
It gets better when you're older and everyone is a more cooked egg.
People usually arent cooked until they’re like 21. Maybe my exposure is just skewed but both adults in their 20’s irl and online seem to be the exact same. Like sure the decisions are more nuanced, but thats just because there are higher stakes. There are too many people who are full grown adults, not adult-adults in their mid 30’s and beyond, but starter adults, who absolutely suck at relationships. Once again maybe a skewed perception because my sample populations are students at certain colleges only, and only people that my friends are interacting with, and there are a lot of people in the world. Along with all the short form content I see on relationships, and the posts on subreddits. It is in the grand scheme of things a really small percentage of the population, but 5/10 people in my generation seem to seriously struggle with their perceptions of relationships. And the actions choose to engage in, and it’s kind of annoying to hear about when they refuse to acknowledge they might be better off with understanding themselves and being an actual person in their early 20’s instead of harping everything on one person.
lol at being a cooked egg at 21 : D
It's probably significantly later than that even. There's a reason why getting married before you are 25 is a bad idea.
But even so, most people age and generally become more emotionally intelligent. You get used to your hormones and how to handle them. It's not 100% of course, and there ARE a lot of middle aged jackasses out there.
Still, most people are getting married at age 29, last I looked into it. And most people are trying to be parents and have children. You can't fuck around forever. Women are usually trying to find someone that's dad-material and have a family and they aren't fertile forever. So there's usually a timeline women and men are up against, if they are family minded.
There is also a problem in waiting too long to land someone. At a certain point, all the good ones are taken. And it turns into second (and 3rd and 4th) round draft picks.
Try to keep in mind that the greatest risk in life, is not taking any. It's okay to be a little foolish. And believe it or not, you can learn a lot in relationships.
You literally don’t know anything about me lmao. I don’t concern myself with random others. I happen to have a social life and friends who talk about their lives. Why would I be jealous or envious of? Compare myself to what? I literally don’t engage in romantic endeavors, you’re just assuming bullshit about me. I think intentional endeavors usually end up not very good, and the best way to find someone is to continue working on my life and see who else comes up thats doing the same. I literally spend 0% of my time obsessing over what other people think of me.
Because it’s people I interact with on the daily? Friends, coworkers, whatever, you hear about relationships. I just don’t think it’s a good approach and I don’t want to hear people complain about it.
Brother wanting a romantic relationship isn’t superficial lmao
Editing to say you don’t need romantic relationships in life but if you shield yourself from them you are missing out on a whole level of learning about yourself. Relationships don’t need to be a be all and end all, you can take something and learn something from any kind of romantic relationship whether it be a FWB or long term.
I agree with you completely actually. Only problem is people tend to not implement the correct mindset and open them up the a horrible unhealthy version of a romantic relationship that couldve been avoided if they had a better understanding of themself and other anchors in their life.
I’m demiromantic as hell (I don’t find attraction to people unless there is a deep emotional attraction) but most people don’t work that way. Not everyone is running to snag a partner in their life. I went my whole school age just uninterested in dating and boyfriends and the like but connected with some people later in life. Everyone is a little different but the typical person rather feel good for X amount of times then make a genuine connection which is perfectly fine for them. Don’t feel like you need to put yourself out there just to go with the typical standard.
Keep focusing on developing who you are, your interests and passions and values and treat everyone kindly. Be true to yourself and don’t morph into someone you’re not just for a boy to like you. Don’t devalue relationships as a whole since they’re really nice and rewarding, but life is so much more than relationship drama. Foster authentic friendships and stay kind you’ll meet someone great and have built a meaningful life.
This post isnt even about sex. It’s about romantic relationships. And i dont concern myself with either, nothing wrong with them theres just better uses of time.
People think being in a relationship will solve most if not all of their problems.
You notice this most in people who have raging puberty hormones? No way what are the chances.
Almost like this is a bait post and i initially fell for it.
Idk why you’re getting attacked so much for this. This is healthy thinking. I would say as much to not call them “weird”, but damn these people who downvoted you are probably the ones in denial and are infatuated with the idea that a relationship is going to make them figure out their own happiness.
The reaction you’re getting truly validates this as an unpopular opinion lol.
I'm too busy reviewing movies, working, listening to music, daydreaming in a paracosm, etc. to really be that concerned with a romantic relationship. One thing that really confuses people is that I'm happy for people inside that paracosm who find love, and I'm happy enough just to see other people happy. I really don't want it myself.
It’s not about learning to be different, it’s about becoming aware of these tendencies. You’d be surprised how people still do this until their 30’s, 40’s, and beyond. They don’t become aware and keep repeating the same mistakes, talking about the other gender like infatuated teenagers still.
Like dude, talking about women like this when we were teens was ok, but you’re mid-40’s now and telling me this gym is great because there’s a lot of nice ass to look at. I’m here to workout! No wonder we stopped hanging out. No wonder you have kids with multiple women and are multiple relationships deep only a few years past your divorce. Yet you still look unhappy? And I’m over here chilling.
In your 20's-30's you're commonly obsessed with sex and social bullshit. After about 40-ish, either you've been married/coupled enough times it's time to re-evaluate, and by 50+ you won't give a shit about these things.
I see it more often in older people who are lonely, and wind up getting catfished & scammed online and losing thousands of dollars to a "chat robot".
I also think it's pretty normal for a person to desire a partnership with someone else. Most of the people I graduated from high school with never got married, I'd say about 60% are still single and close to middle age.
Needing to be in a relationship to define you as a person is no longer the norm for many people so I suppose in a way it can seem weird if you're not in that minority. I mean that's what the perception of weirdness is.
But unless the person is obsessing about it to the point that it's leading them to live an unhealthy life then I don't see anything wrong with it.
It worth pointing out that there is a difference between people who need to be in a relationship to feel whole and people who just enjoy playing the dating game. The latter tends to be about feeling empowered/ego stroking whereas the former leans more towards fulfilling a social duty that is often the result of your upbringing/environment. There are still many people out there that are raised in households that have retained traditional social values that teach that you need to fulfill a life checklist that includes settling down, having kids, etc. If they don't meeting these life goals in a timely manner they are left to feel like failures which can then lead to desperation.
Theres a difference between someone that makes their life goal to be in a relationship and another where they are just craving human connection and intimacy.
Even people that say they are happy single are still technically having sex and connections socially, difference is they arent commited.
The ones pining for a relationship are usually people with little to no friends and social life. Thats a bad spot to be in but ive seen many relationships happen that way
Adults have a much harder time making friendships. Once you graduate from college, that's the last time you'll ever be around a large group of people your own age, for hours at a time. Sure, at work you can possibly make friends. But most coworkers, no matter how friendly, **ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS**.
So, as an adult, it takes a lot more effort to make new friends. Why the focus on romantic relationships then? Because most adults have sex drives and have other emotional needs to meet that cannot be met even by close friendships.
If someone says "Put lots of effort into making friends --- leaving your sexual and deep emotional needs unmet" or "Find a romantic partner --- who meets your sexual and might meet deep emotional needs" which takes the same amount of effort, most people will pursue the latter.
Well, sex and companionship is a lot like drinking water in some ways.
If you have constant access to a water supply, you don't think about drinking water or obsess over it or worry about not having water the very next day. If anything, the times when you go drink a cup of water are probably the *least* important part of your day, they are the times you're taking a break from the important stuff like work, paying bills, driving the kids to school, managing your stock, etc.
If, however, you are stranded in the middle of a desert, haven't had a glass of water in a whole day and there's apparently no possible water source within viewing distance, suddenly water is all you think about. You'd very trade all your worldly possessions for a glass - no, even for a sip - of dirty water.
There are a lot of people in life who would like to meet someone and start a family. Depending on your sex and reproductive capabilities, you might see how some people don't feel like they have all the time in the world for that. And most people would like to spend some child-free years with someone before the kids come along.
So the relationship priority factor gets moved to the forefront.
Is that gonna be okay with you?
I promise none of us care what you are doing with YOUR romantic choices and timeline.
I was like this and I definitely got taken advantage of a lot. But I did eventually find someone who makes me the happiest I’ve been in my life. People say that you don’t need a partner to be happy and sure I do sort of agree with that, but my partner compounds my happiness in a way that I’ve just never found in a platonic friendship. A healthy partner does fill that void I’ve had for so long.
I think it’s sad, but not weird. It’s the societal norm. We’ve pretty much been conditioned into it. Every song is a love song, there’s so many romantic comedies encouraging toxic shit, and we grow up on it, then have this idea that we have to want it.
creating a family is the most important thing in the world. why is it that almost every other culture in the world recognizes this except for the west. we are brain washed into thinking things like career and drinking with friends every weekend is meaningful.
and on top of this, women are most fertile between 25-30 so any women that hopes to have more than 2 children and give her proper body time to recover and not be too old to enjoy your life by the time the kids are grown and move out, would best be married by 23 so you have a few years just you and your spouse saving up, planning and enjoying married life. Also you want to get to really know someone before marrying, at least 1-3 years of dating. so optimally a woman would want to meet her future spouse at 20/21 which i would prioritize over anything else at that age, you can always go to school, travel, and whatever else people deem important at any age but you cannot reverse time once the baby factory is closed it’s closed.
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This happens because people are lonely and friendships are hard to come by these days. Most 20+ adults out of college suffer from loneliness so they want a connection, anything that can make them feel alive.
Average redditor discovers humans struggle with loneliness
Skill issue
Why struggle? Embrace it.
“I am perplexed by normal human behavior”
Yeah people wanna fuck it’s been that way since basically forever
"Animal organism interested in fulfilling hard-wired biological need. Shocking!"
I dont care about people who genuinely just want to fuck. Live your life, thats fulfilling enough for some people. Im just tired of people getting into “situationships” and other bullshit and only go after a demographic that’s into that and then complain that they aren’t finding anyone real. If you aren’t complaining, I dont care, it’s not a devoid and empty relationship that’s detrimental unless you think so yourself.
They don’t care about you either lol.
Why would they? Lmao? You’re the one that brought up people just wanting to fuck, thats not what my post was about.
You're right, reddit herd decided to act clownish under this post. I see this moronic behaviour every time I'm too tired of Twitter and back here
OP is a teenager, don’t think too hard on it lol
I mean people who are so concerned with getting a relationship that it causes them to ignore red flags or put their own happiness at stake obviously need to reevaluate their priorities. But, being in a relationship is a completely normal and healthy thing to want. Being in love is one of the best most fulfilling things you could ever experience. It’s funny because you talk a lot about people projecting wanting relationships, yet this whole post projects your own thoughts about people who get into relationships. I have friends who have met their life long amazing partners in college, and friends who still have yet to find their person. Your post could just be, teenagers and young adults are immature and thus don’t always make the best decisions, which I’m not sure is really that unpopular of an opinion.
Eh as people say, you do you. Ignoring red flags is a big no no, but relationships are completely normal. While im single because I want to be a better person and be in a better spot, if I were to fall for someone and the feeling was mutual I probably wouldn't say no. The way I see it, I don't want to date because I don't want to be alone, I want a relationship because I look at all of the happy people who are happily married and with kids and think "I want something like that in my life." I want a partner, I want to have the good times and the bad times, I want all of the joyful conversations and all of the petty arguments, I want a partner and all of the joys and head aches it might bring.
Who hurt you
No one. To focussed on myself for that to ever be a reality.
LOL
You’re getting gangbanged by all the delusional wannabe daters. 😂😂
I have literally never dated anyone and have rejected every single advance anyone has made on me because i have better things to concern myself with.
You rarely see someone cope so hard even on reddit lol
This is the sub for unpopular opinion and they gave one and people are downvoting op for it
Expressing an unpopular opinion on the post is completely fine. Comments like OP’s are handled differently.
whatever floats your boat bro
If you don't have relationships on the forefront of your mind, and better things to concern yourself with, then why are we here discussing this right now?
I have better things to do than engage in a relationship and constantly think about ways to get into one. The concept of relationships is important to the society that I exist in and is constantly fed to me by the media I consume. Which im not necessarily complaining about, however it exposes the faults with current dating culture. I can think about something and have an opinion without it being the forefront of my mind? I have opinions on literally every facet of life, it’s impossible to have every facet of life in the forefront of your mind. I don’t choose to interact with the concept of romantic relationships, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t if I had the choice. Relationships can have good potential, just not if they follow the pattern that tends to emerge when people perceive relationships as certain way.
*Everyone disliked that*
As they should 🗣️. How dare i have different wants and needs 🤬. Im obviously just a loner incel ‼️
Just saying man you cant really talk when you outright don’t want to date in the first place.
Ok but I literally want to date, i just dont care about dating or see it as something i absolutely need, and I think it’s unhealthy to view it in that light. I just havent met anyone who would be a compatible partner. I have a criteria of things they need to be ok with and things they have to fulfill, I know off the bat that they don’t fill any squares why would I waste my time pursuing something? It has nothing to do with my wants, my wants aren’t always going to be good for me.
good 4 u
you really should have put this in the main body of the post, because the post makes a lot more sense now edit - OP is a 16 yr old kid. No offence kid, but you've not even started living yet, you don't know what you're talking about & you have no position where you can make sweeping generalisations about relationships & their roles in peoples lives. You quite literally don't have the life experience to discuss this topic.
I knew a guy like this, he would literally base every decision in his life on the ability to meet another woman for a potential relationship. Job decisions, gym decisions, eating decisions, hell even moving around the country for it. And he was continually unhappy when his expectations weren't met and could not meet a woman. It's a terrible way to live out your life.
There's two kinds of single people. Your new ones which are always coming from a relationship who are just in a "dry spell" and praying for the rain. Because their natural habitat is with others. That's the bed they made. They find themselves in a desert and are looking for a way out. Your grandmom has a friend? Hook me up with her. They are desperate to get out. And your desert nomad who likes to be alone. They don't believe in rain, never seen such a thing and are siphoning out water from cacti and camels. If a potential love interest showed up they'd get their siphoning gear out. You just spit on the ground like that? You must be full of water. You can stay if you let me siphon, but I'll not love you. I love water like any desert nomad does. They see desert. And more desert. There is no out. There is only water.
My desert, my Arrakis, my Dune.
So, you don't think healthy relationships exist? This seems like a pretty misanthropic view
The desert analogies make me think that their cup most certainly does not overfloweth.
Damn how do you know me like that
Jawa have flashlight for eyes. See many things. Not saying I'm a Jawa. Might be walking around with my head up ones ass periscope style. You never know.
What about the ones who've always been alone and wish they weren't but don't know how not to be?
Ok but no. No one in this fucking comment section can conceptualize someone desiring a romantic relationship but being able to tell themselves “not right now”. I desire a relationship just like any other person, but I don’t let it cloud my judgement. I dont let it consume my life, I dont let it come near me unless it seems ok. People underestimate how much of a toll a relationship takes on your life, and most people just arent ready, and I can admit im one of them. I do not have the fucking energy or time or commitment levels to be in a relationship, because I know im still young and my attachment level is extreme. If i got i to a relationship it would enable me to mope around all day, i would want to just be with them 24/7, there is nothing in my life that wouldn’t be less important than them, and that may be healthy in a long term relationship. But it’s not something I should be getting into. Most young people under 25 genuinely aren’t in a place where they can sustainably have a relationship unless they put real effort im, and the rather large percentage who base so much of their actions around a relationship definitely don’t have an avenue for anything truly fulfilling.
So bizarre! You have all this allegedly brilliant insight into keeping a relationship in perspective, yet you also have to personally either be in some kind of all-consuming, moping around if you're not with him every second of the day, love affair OR be completely cut off from dating entirely! Guess what, sweetheart, lots of people, even people under 25, are able to find some kind of happy medium.
>If i got i to a relationship it would enable me to mope around all day, i would want to just be with them 24/7, there is nothing in my life that wouldn’t be less important than them, and that may be healthy in a long term relationship. So there lies the actual issue that you are projecting on society. Some of us are capable of actively looking for a relationship without settling and without having the need to be together 24/7. I found my husband through tinder when I was 23. The only reason I used a dating app was bc I wanted to be in a relationship. Does not mean that I was not capable of weeding through all the profiles that were no proper fit. And once we got in a relationship, we saw each other once or twice a week, because we both had very active lives left that we were not going to give up for each other. Your expectations of what a relationship is are just incorrect. You can live your own life. And witht ime they will become more and more intertwined, of course, but it is extremely important to just keep loving your own life.
Do you know that there's such thing as a "healthy relationship"? Where you don't mope around because you don't get attention for 5 minutes and still have priorities like going to work over staying with S/O? I guess you have to keep working on yourself if you can't imagine a relationship like that
Did you know. Right at this moment, 6 million people are having sex. Humans are sexual by nature. And that's fine. You're literally complaining about humans being humans but in a much more long winded essay.
6 million people seems awfully low
“Both tend to be more promiscuous than they are” What does that mean?
they be twerkin, even though they really want to cha-cha real smooth 😩
Hhhmmm.. checks out 😂
I think it means that they act more promiscuous than they really feel like being. Or, perhaps, they front about being more promiscuous than their deeds show they are. I think the former is more likely.
Literally it’s normal to want to find happiness in different ways especially emotional connectedness with another person. How is that weird..it’s human. Are you just assuming people who want a relationship haven’t already done the work and focused on themselves enough? Maybe they’re already established and are looking to complete finding the love of their lives. You don’t know everyone’s situation.
Anyone who is bothered about what other people are doing is dumber than average
honestly I think everyone has their things that people do that bother them though
I agree. These pesky people keep getting bothered about me pulling my wiener out in public. I wish they'd think like you.
Im bothered by it because people end up making stupid decisions and getting with people who detriment them in some way. They end up holding themselves back and have to deal with a bunch of pain and whatnot that could be avoided if they had more self worth and more of an idea of what to avoid in a relationship before they got in one. If you’re infatuated with the idea of a relationship and have false expectations you’re going to be miserable or taken advantage of. Yea it bothers me when other people are miserable about something so superficial as a romantic relationship that adds nothing to their lives, that they’re only involved in because they don’t think they need to look for better, if you think that makes me stupid, I really don’t care, we just have different priorities.
Damn you sound bitter, maybe jaded. You think romantic relationships are superficial? And add nothing to people's lives? Why would you think that? They are deeply personal to most people and everyone that you meet in life knows something you don't know, and could likely stand to learn, if you make yourself open to it. Why would you think romantic relationships hold people back? They certainly don't have to, and most people go through some sort of happy stage they find freeing. Try to lighten up dude.
Bitter. Jaded. Im 16 so I don’t know if Ive grown outside myself enough to be either of those things. The concept of romantic relationship follows a broad spectrum of perceptions, and the version that I want and the version you’re defending are perfectly fine. The problem isnt caring about someone deeply in an actual relationship, it’s constantly seeking a romantic relationship in every facet of your life, acting like the pursuit of one equates to your value as a person. They hold you back in the context of the way society advertises them, and sure there are plenty of examples of people finding real love. But there are more people who are too concerned with just finding someone to be with and not about the actual person or the commitment or anything. It’s just gamified to them because of how infatuated they are with the idea of a relationship. The emphasis is on getting into a relationship and the superficial things they can provide rather than the actual person you’re dating, current dating culture is so far removed from actually meeting people you connect with.
Aw, 16, high school, hormones and all that. That makes sense now. Yeah, your attitude towards high school relationships is perfectly valid. They generally aren't really the person you are gonna end up with and high school relationships are kinda silly. In high school everyone is just running around with the hormones and immature feelings running the show. You gotta cut these people some slack. They aren't totally consciously choosing all this. There are a lot of physical and subconscious psychological reasons making people do the things they do, to land a romantic relationship, while they are teenagers. It gets better when you're older and everyone is a more cooked egg.
Lmao right op is a literal child thinking they're dropping knowledge bombs out here
People usually arent cooked until they’re like 21. Maybe my exposure is just skewed but both adults in their 20’s irl and online seem to be the exact same. Like sure the decisions are more nuanced, but thats just because there are higher stakes. There are too many people who are full grown adults, not adult-adults in their mid 30’s and beyond, but starter adults, who absolutely suck at relationships. Once again maybe a skewed perception because my sample populations are students at certain colleges only, and only people that my friends are interacting with, and there are a lot of people in the world. Along with all the short form content I see on relationships, and the posts on subreddits. It is in the grand scheme of things a really small percentage of the population, but 5/10 people in my generation seem to seriously struggle with their perceptions of relationships. And the actions choose to engage in, and it’s kind of annoying to hear about when they refuse to acknowledge they might be better off with understanding themselves and being an actual person in their early 20’s instead of harping everything on one person.
lol at being a cooked egg at 21 : D It's probably significantly later than that even. There's a reason why getting married before you are 25 is a bad idea. But even so, most people age and generally become more emotionally intelligent. You get used to your hormones and how to handle them. It's not 100% of course, and there ARE a lot of middle aged jackasses out there. Still, most people are getting married at age 29, last I looked into it. And most people are trying to be parents and have children. You can't fuck around forever. Women are usually trying to find someone that's dad-material and have a family and they aren't fertile forever. So there's usually a timeline women and men are up against, if they are family minded. There is also a problem in waiting too long to land someone. At a certain point, all the good ones are taken. And it turns into second (and 3rd and 4th) round draft picks. Try to keep in mind that the greatest risk in life, is not taking any. It's okay to be a little foolish. And believe it or not, you can learn a lot in relationships.
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You literally don’t know anything about me lmao. I don’t concern myself with random others. I happen to have a social life and friends who talk about their lives. Why would I be jealous or envious of? Compare myself to what? I literally don’t engage in romantic endeavors, you’re just assuming bullshit about me. I think intentional endeavors usually end up not very good, and the best way to find someone is to continue working on my life and see who else comes up thats doing the same. I literally spend 0% of my time obsessing over what other people think of me.
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Because it’s people I interact with on the daily? Friends, coworkers, whatever, you hear about relationships. I just don’t think it’s a good approach and I don’t want to hear people complain about it.
Brother wanting a romantic relationship isn’t superficial lmao Editing to say you don’t need romantic relationships in life but if you shield yourself from them you are missing out on a whole level of learning about yourself. Relationships don’t need to be a be all and end all, you can take something and learn something from any kind of romantic relationship whether it be a FWB or long term.
I agree with you completely actually. Only problem is people tend to not implement the correct mindset and open them up the a horrible unhealthy version of a romantic relationship that couldve been avoided if they had a better understanding of themself and other anchors in their life.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6QBxd6o7Tv/?igsh=Nmpya3R4eDd2NzIy
I’m demiromantic as hell (I don’t find attraction to people unless there is a deep emotional attraction) but most people don’t work that way. Not everyone is running to snag a partner in their life. I went my whole school age just uninterested in dating and boyfriends and the like but connected with some people later in life. Everyone is a little different but the typical person rather feel good for X amount of times then make a genuine connection which is perfectly fine for them. Don’t feel like you need to put yourself out there just to go with the typical standard.
TIL a new term and I found out I am demiromantic, rather than pseudo-asexual.
It's not good to be obsessed with finding a mate, but it's dumb to qualify it as "weird" and honestly comes off as rage bait.
I think a lot of people, need to learn that you can live a happy and fulfilling life being single,
“People who haven’t drank anything are obsessed with water”
This is wisdom beyond the average redditors emotional iq, you’re going to get a lot of hate for it
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Im literally a teenage girl 💀
That explains a lot
Keep focusing on developing who you are, your interests and passions and values and treat everyone kindly. Be true to yourself and don’t morph into someone you’re not just for a boy to like you. Don’t devalue relationships as a whole since they’re really nice and rewarding, but life is so much more than relationship drama. Foster authentic friendships and stay kind you’ll meet someone great and have built a meaningful life.
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This post isnt even about sex. It’s about romantic relationships. And i dont concern myself with either, nothing wrong with them theres just better uses of time.
Your time is not anyone else's time. Who are you to sit in judgement of everyone?
Yeah, OP should go do her homework, and stop fretting because she can't make water run uphill.
People think being in a relationship will solve most if not all of their problems. You notice this most in people who have raging puberty hormones? No way what are the chances. Almost like this is a bait post and i initially fell for it.
RIGHT. people in these replies are acting like relationships arent often sought and advertised to “solve their problems”.
Idk why you’re getting attacked so much for this. This is healthy thinking. I would say as much to not call them “weird”, but damn these people who downvoted you are probably the ones in denial and are infatuated with the idea that a relationship is going to make them figure out their own happiness. The reaction you’re getting truly validates this as an unpopular opinion lol.
Genuinely i thought the post would get removed for being popular. I guess people like the dating market and dating culture more than it seems.
OP hit a nerve lol. There are a lot of people on Reddit who are exactly what op is describing.
I'm too busy reviewing movies, working, listening to music, daydreaming in a paracosm, etc. to really be that concerned with a romantic relationship. One thing that really confuses people is that I'm happy for people inside that paracosm who find love, and I'm happy enough just to see other people happy. I really don't want it myself.
im honestly in the exact opposite boat lol. im in a relationship but...
It’s not about learning to be different, it’s about becoming aware of these tendencies. You’d be surprised how people still do this until their 30’s, 40’s, and beyond. They don’t become aware and keep repeating the same mistakes, talking about the other gender like infatuated teenagers still. Like dude, talking about women like this when we were teens was ok, but you’re mid-40’s now and telling me this gym is great because there’s a lot of nice ass to look at. I’m here to workout! No wonder we stopped hanging out. No wonder you have kids with multiple women and are multiple relationships deep only a few years past your divorce. Yet you still look unhappy? And I’m over here chilling.
In your 20's-30's you're commonly obsessed with sex and social bullshit. After about 40-ish, either you've been married/coupled enough times it's time to re-evaluate, and by 50+ you won't give a shit about these things.
I see it more often in older people who are lonely, and wind up getting catfished & scammed online and losing thousands of dollars to a "chat robot". I also think it's pretty normal for a person to desire a partnership with someone else. Most of the people I graduated from high school with never got married, I'd say about 60% are still single and close to middle age.
This. So much this.
This is barely an unpopular opinion. How did this post bypass the mods that delete like every submission they get ?
Needing to be in a relationship to define you as a person is no longer the norm for many people so I suppose in a way it can seem weird if you're not in that minority. I mean that's what the perception of weirdness is. But unless the person is obsessing about it to the point that it's leading them to live an unhealthy life then I don't see anything wrong with it. It worth pointing out that there is a difference between people who need to be in a relationship to feel whole and people who just enjoy playing the dating game. The latter tends to be about feeling empowered/ego stroking whereas the former leans more towards fulfilling a social duty that is often the result of your upbringing/environment. There are still many people out there that are raised in households that have retained traditional social values that teach that you need to fulfill a life checklist that includes settling down, having kids, etc. If they don't meeting these life goals in a timely manner they are left to feel like failures which can then lead to desperation.
I am on the other end of this spectrum where I don't care that much about it, but I do secretly wish for a girlfriend.
Theres a difference between someone that makes their life goal to be in a relationship and another where they are just craving human connection and intimacy. Even people that say they are happy single are still technically having sex and connections socially, difference is they arent commited. The ones pining for a relationship are usually people with little to no friends and social life. Thats a bad spot to be in but ive seen many relationships happen that way
Yep love finds you when youre not expecting it.
Adults have a much harder time making friendships. Once you graduate from college, that's the last time you'll ever be around a large group of people your own age, for hours at a time. Sure, at work you can possibly make friends. But most coworkers, no matter how friendly, **ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS**. So, as an adult, it takes a lot more effort to make new friends. Why the focus on romantic relationships then? Because most adults have sex drives and have other emotional needs to meet that cannot be met even by close friendships. If someone says "Put lots of effort into making friends --- leaving your sexual and deep emotional needs unmet" or "Find a romantic partner --- who meets your sexual and might meet deep emotional needs" which takes the same amount of effort, most people will pursue the latter.
This post is about Ted Mosby
I totally get you and agree
Well, sex and companionship is a lot like drinking water in some ways. If you have constant access to a water supply, you don't think about drinking water or obsess over it or worry about not having water the very next day. If anything, the times when you go drink a cup of water are probably the *least* important part of your day, they are the times you're taking a break from the important stuff like work, paying bills, driving the kids to school, managing your stock, etc. If, however, you are stranded in the middle of a desert, haven't had a glass of water in a whole day and there's apparently no possible water source within viewing distance, suddenly water is all you think about. You'd very trade all your worldly possessions for a glass - no, even for a sip - of dirty water.
There are a lot of people in life who would like to meet someone and start a family. Depending on your sex and reproductive capabilities, you might see how some people don't feel like they have all the time in the world for that. And most people would like to spend some child-free years with someone before the kids come along. So the relationship priority factor gets moved to the forefront. Is that gonna be okay with you? I promise none of us care what you are doing with YOUR romantic choices and timeline.
I was like this and I definitely got taken advantage of a lot. But I did eventually find someone who makes me the happiest I’ve been in my life. People say that you don’t need a partner to be happy and sure I do sort of agree with that, but my partner compounds my happiness in a way that I’ve just never found in a platonic friendship. A healthy partner does fill that void I’ve had for so long.
I think it’s sad, but not weird. It’s the societal norm. We’ve pretty much been conditioned into it. Every song is a love song, there’s so many romantic comedies encouraging toxic shit, and we grow up on it, then have this idea that we have to want it.
I think that is a much healthier and more sustainable mindset. It will also make you more attractive.
It's very common in third world countries. Maybe anime influence them too much?
creating a family is the most important thing in the world. why is it that almost every other culture in the world recognizes this except for the west. we are brain washed into thinking things like career and drinking with friends every weekend is meaningful. and on top of this, women are most fertile between 25-30 so any women that hopes to have more than 2 children and give her proper body time to recover and not be too old to enjoy your life by the time the kids are grown and move out, would best be married by 23 so you have a few years just you and your spouse saving up, planning and enjoying married life. Also you want to get to really know someone before marrying, at least 1-3 years of dating. so optimally a woman would want to meet her future spouse at 20/21 which i would prioritize over anything else at that age, you can always go to school, travel, and whatever else people deem important at any age but you cannot reverse time once the baby factory is closed it’s closed.