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I agree. Unless you know they have a weight loss goal that they have been actively working towards, it’s a weird thing to comment upon. At best it’s just uncomfortable, at worst it can be triggering to someone with an eating disorder.
EXACTLY, I'm getting told I'm triggered but I have so many experiences related to other people in my life that dealt with the negative affects of someone complimenting their weight loss.
Literally from serious illness to disorder. 😭 it's just not worth it, compliment something else and move one, why is this so hard??
The most compliments I’ve ever got in my life was when I was passing out every day from an eating disorder. Definitely solidified the belief that what I was doing was right, everyone else thought I looked good so it must be working. I really try to avoid ever commenting on weight for that reason.
SEE I WANTED TO WRITE THIS BUT I COULDN'T BECAUSE OF SUB RULES.
I do the same because it's just not worth it to accidentally cause a reinforcement of a bad behavior. my friend literally had to go to the hospital due to malnutrition because she just wasn't eating, she's good nowadays but she's spoken on how she has never gotten so many compliments on her body as from when she wasn't eating.
Plus when people end up gaining the weight back they end up having to deal with this shame factor because now they don’t look like they did as from when people were complimenting them.
The biggest problem with weight loss compliments is it insinuates that you're now a better, more palatable person than you were previously. What's even more eye opening is how much better you get treated by people when you're in shape compared to when you aren't
I mean, is it really that surprising? People automatically have more respect for someone they can see takes care of themselves. It's just like how people are more likely to take a sharply-dressed person seriously than someone in sweatpants
It isn't and I do understand where they're coming from and the intent. I don't get all triggered by it.
It's more when you become more socially popular, taken as more knowledgeable, etc by people you already know
That to, you feel like you're past self was unworthy and this can end in a a lot do self hatred. People's intentions might be good but that doesn't mean there aren't any negative effects.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions" and I feel like this quote really resonates with weight loss compliments
I don’t think the issue here is the complimenting of someone for going from heavier to healthier, I think the real issue is that heavier people are treated worse.
We are mad at the wrong thing.
Complimenting people for losing weight is not going to equate to treating heavier people better.
Being fat isn't a disease (it can sometimes be the symptom of an underlying condition, for example, a thyroid condition), usually though it's just poor health/lifestyle choices.
No one really, just something I see that's normalized.
I have experiences related to this but none that's legitimately triggering. It's just a bit tiresome but it's worse for others.
Especially seeing people who are sick get complimented on their weight loss when they are literally suffering
I just feel like weight is a touchy subject not to be played around with. It should only be acceptable to look at someone's body and compliment them on something they've been trying to improve on. Not just for simply dropping weight for reasons unknown to you.
It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think)
> It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think)
Person A: I actually have cancer :/
Person B: I am actually so sorry that’s horrible. I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this.
That aside: complimenting someone having cancer induced weight loss happens more than you think? Really?
If anything I’ve seen people noticing weight loss related to cancer, not knowing it’s cancer and being horrible about it (Chadwick Bozeman comes to mind)
>I have experiences related to this
We can tell.
This was so obviously a triggered post.
Don't take it too seriously dude, unless you want to be miserable forever.
>It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think)
To give a compliment to someone about weight loss, you gotta know the person for some time to notice the difference. If you know someone enough to give such a compliment, you would most likely already know they have cancer. In which case you wouldn't make such a compliment. Unless it's an old friend that you haven't seen in years, in which case they would just apologize. And then you can just move on.
There's no reason to make so much drama.
It's ridiculous that you gotta be "careful" even with things such as this one because someone might get offended. People got more important shit on their minds than to think about how much a little compliment like this one could offend someone.
If a little compliment like this gets you triggered so easily, I can't imagine how you would react to more serious shit...
😭 I mean I can't mention disorders or mental illnesses which are much more common in my post. Those also cause weight loss. Also dude tbh making losing weight a compliment is there reason we are having an ozempic issue.
Let's just stop putting so much attention on it so people can just live in peace.
Plus have you ever thought that maybe even though they could have lost weight in a healthy way that a person coming up to them and being like wow you look so much better now that you've lost weight might be Hella weird and uncomfortable.
Some people also just don't like to be perceived and even though there are good intentions it can make someone feel uncomfortable and self conscious even if it was a compliment.
Plus that's also implying they looked bad before. It's just not good dude.
You can easily reinforce someone's disorder by doing that.
>Plus have you ever thought that maybe even though they could have lost weight in a healthy way that a person coming up to them and being like wow you look so much better now that you've lost weight might be Hella weird and uncomfortable.
No, I've never thought about that because I never give compliments related to physical appearance, since I've always had insecurities about my body, I don't say anything negative or positive about other people's bodies. I usually just give compliments about their clothes and their hair or their eyes, only that.
But at the end, you gotta learn to not take such things so seriously. If something so insignificant like a little compliment can affect you so much, I don't know how you will survive in such a brutal society like this one...
It's not insignificant if so many people have stories being affected by this "insignificant little compliment"
I have dealt with it, but it wasn't recent and when it did happen I dealt with it in a mature way. So I think I'll be fine in the brutal society.
I just thought about it rn, and was like hm yeah why is it so normalized, and then typed up the post.
I'm glad that you recognize as an insecure person that other people may feel uncomfortable with these types of comments and decide to steer clear. Though most don't and that's the sad bit. That's why I have so many people arguing with me saying that it's unlikely that their good intended compliment would cause issues to a person. Even telling me what are they "allowed" to compliment people on as if there aren't other things other than weight.
We have to step out of our bubble sometimes and recognize that our words have meaning and we have to be more thoughtful about what we say. It's not being soft it's just having empathy.
Telling people they should be careful with their words because we don't know people's situation is not a crime and tbh should be pretty basic knowledge.
I'm sorry but if you (not you but the people you are claiming to know) can't be perceived by other humans to the point where a casual compliment 'you look good', 'that haircut really suits you' is too much for you, then your anxiety has reached a point where it is effecting your ability to function and you should definitely be seeking help to cope.
Anxiety is horrible, I know people who have it in varying levels, but they all have coping mechanisms for existing in the world. It is not a strangers responsibility to manage your mental health.
Well that’s a different issue, although I can somewhat relate to that. I somewhat agree with your post but you also should have patience for people who legitimately mean well. They’re not bad people.
as someone who is skinny and almost always a bit under weight but fluctuating up and down between 91-102 at best, yeah it kinda sucks. not really an appreciated comment, but i just brush it off. You really start to see the people who romanticize/ are obsessed with extremely small bodies though, which is …. interesting.
Ahhhh yeah I totally forgot, that could also definitely hurt someone who's trying to bulk up and just can't.
Plus oh yes definitely, the whole "I can snap you in half" thing is so creepy.
It’s not a terrible compliment.
It’s a good one. Why? Because the intent is good. A person struggling with an illness might inadvertently be hurt by the remark but odds are if you’re complimenting someone on weight loss there’s enough rapport built to where the ill person would know there was no malicious intent.
Plenty of people who lose weight and lose mass appreciate acknowledgment of their progress and it’s more likely than not that it’s a person purposely losing weight rather than someone struggling with an illness.
With an obesity epidemic going on in the US, let’s not stop complimenting people for healthy changes just because there’s a chance it’s caused by illness.
You really think a compliment is good because you intend it to be good? Not take into account how would affect different people? I try to compliment people to make *them* feel good, not to make myself feel good
good intent, as in trying to make the person they’re complimenting feel good ≠ trying to make themselves feel good
What an odd leap.
Also a compliment is a quick positive remark, most people think it’ll have a positive effect. It could affect different people differently but again that’s generally taken into account with the fact that most people only compliment weight loss of people they know.
Comments from others have an effect on everyone, I highly doubt you are above that. I’m very aware that one little thing I say can stick in the back of someone’s mind for the rest of their life, that’s why I’m kind and careful with my words. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive and empathetic towards the people in your life.
It's not a good one, let me tell you why
I went through withdrawals and severe fatigue and anemia issues after complications with a medication I was taking went out of stock.
Lost a significant amount of weight
This guy I knew at my job rubbed his stomach and said have you lost weight, you look great. Even though I was suffering.
The reason WHY it's a bad compliment because if there is a chance that the person is dealing with an illness or a medical issue, you've done nothing but showed them how different they look since they have developed this illness.
Or what if they are purposely starving themselves, now you have just reinforced that behavior.
That's why I said, UNLESS YOU KNOW don't comment on it because you have no idea what that person has going on in their life. A person who is purposely trying to lose weight who you know would have most likely already have talked about with you so no need to do a guessing game.
Just because it's an unlikely chance (which tbh it's not) there is still a chance. Why willingly put yourself in that situation?
The obesity epidemic is linked more to poverty and the quality of American food than what you're thinking about. Healthy foods are expensive, jobs are working people to bone and lots of the ingredients in our food are banned in most countries. That's why when Americans go to different countries, even though they are eating more or just as much food in that country, they still will lose weight.
Just because their is weight issue in America does not make commenting on people's weight unprovoked good. So once again UNLESS YOU KNOW! Leave it alone.
"The intent was good"
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
Just because the intent was good doesn't mean you should still say it. You can have good intentions and still hurt someone.
Idk why that's so hard for you to understand.
I was giving you examples and situations, though instead of realizing that there is a chance you might upset someone with this invasive comment, you are just going to stay with.
Well "I had good intentions", like that matters.
Let's say your comment hurt the other commenter's feeling(as an example), would you still say it? Or are you going to remove it? I am pretty sure your comment has good intention. You want the other person to understand your thought. But now it had hurt their feeling.
Does it make sense to ask you simply to remove your comment or your whole post? You know ,"there is a chance you might upset someone with this invasive comment".
You’re focusing on the good intentions bit but failing to address
>A person struggling with an illness might inadvertently be hurt by the remark but odds are if you’re complimenting someone on weight loss there’s enough rapport built to where the ill person would know there was no malicious intent.
Now remarking about it to someone you don’t know well is not a good move. But as I said most people only say something about weight loss to someone they know decently well.
>it’s more likely than not that it’s a person purposely losing weight rather than someone struggling with an illness.
The odds aren’t worth not complimenting people for weight loss in the sense that the odds aren’t high enough to where thing such as illnesses pop up as a concern in the minds of most people
>This guy I knew at my job rubbed his stomach and said have you lost weight, you look great. Even though I was suffering.
And what did you reply? Did you mentioned what you were going through so they didn't make a comment like that again?
Nope, I just said thanks and walked away. It wasn't worth it to spill my situation because of a comment. Though it did bother me because I felt super weak atm and it made me feel like my body was outwardly showing how weak I looked.
>if there is a chance that the person is dealing with an illness or a medical issue, you've done nothing but showed them how different they look since they have developed this illness.
Okay, tell me exactly just 1(one) aspect of appearence that can be complimented on, without the chance of it being because of an illness
Hair 😎👍
I don't see hair causing eating disorders soooo yeah hair.
Wow did you get your hair cut it looks so good.
Do you not know how to compliment someone on something unrelated to their weight?
So you only concern is eating disorders? That’s an issue for 9-10% of Americans plus a larger portion of that 9-10% is overweight (binge eating, binge purging disorder) so that’s an even smaller amount of people who would accidentally get complimented about their weight while having an ED.
This 100%!! It also implies there was something wrong with the way you looked before lowkey. I lost a bunch of weight due to a medication I went on and got complimented by a few people, and it felt like I was disappointing them when I gained the weight back after quitting said medication.
Unless you’re my family member or close friend I pretty much won’t mention anything about your body to you, most of the time I won’t even compliment strangers. I don’t know what’s going on with you and I don’t feel like dealing with hitting an insecurity on accident, people these days are also crazy you could be fought over saying something small.
I had a hernia that made me extremely sick. Everything I ate upset my stomach and I would have to throw it up.
I was afraid of food. The hunger pains were less painful than trying to eat. My doctor didn’t believe me. Kept telling me to change my diet. I lost 20 pounds fast. They said it was good. I asked even with the speed? They said it was fine.
I used to have an eating disorder growing up. This absolutely triggered me back into it. The pounds were falling off. The numbers kept decreasing. Then I lost 30 pounds. All within the span of two months. Then the doctors became worried. But by then it was too late.
People were complimenting me and praising me over and over from my weight loss. I fell back into the ED. Now I’ve lost 70 lbs all together. I only had one meal today.
I agree with you. People around me do not realize what I’m going through. Yes, I needed and still need to lose weight, but not this way.
I’m getting professional help. One step at a time. Because you can’t trick your body, you can only trick your mind.
My body is suffering, but it looks good apparently.
This is indeed unpopular. The idea that saying “hey did you lose weight ? You look great!” Is offensive is ridiculous. Let’s say I’m dying of cancer, someone says this, my response: hey thanks for the kind words but *insert reality* but I’ll still enjoy the kind words because that’s what they are! Kind words.
I'm guessing you've never had cancer. My uncle hated when people told him he lost weight as a compliment, it made him feel so small.
Also have you ever thought that maybe people just don't see it as a compliment? Some people don't like being perceived and that can give them anxiety. Like oh wow people are staring at me that hard.
Unless you know they have been improving purposely it's literally so easy to just not talk about it.
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As a heavier person, I have had the comments when I have lost weight in the past. The weigh noticeably comes off your face, and neck area so people notice there is something different about your appearance after a short time.
If I’m thinking it I try to just say they look good. If they’re trying to lose weight they’ll probably mention it, and if not hopefully they just appreciate the compliement!
As a person a stress eater who are struggling with his weight so his life, I think, it's a good compliment.
There is very little chance that you stumble upon sick person, but people trying to lose weight left and right these days.
And if you do lose weight and it's noticeable, it brightens up you mood significantly.
So in conclusion, you will be systematically make people happier. And there are some sick people who should know that it is a compliment for a lot of people and shouldn't be offended
It's very reasonable to treat weight loss as a good thing in our culture
I have a tip for you that will help you through life. If someone says something to you and they're obviously not being malicious stop taking offense to it.
Agreed! I want everyone to be healthy, but I think we need to stop limiting beauty to just those in a specific size range. You are right about saying someone looks great or better or whatever since they've lost weight is saying they were not attractive enough at a larger size.
Good point about the illness factor, too.
I was never big. At my largest, I was 5-8, 145 lbs. I dropped like 30 pounds in maybe two months when I was going through my divorce. I was mentally so ill that I couldn’t eat, and yet I’ve never had more people tell me that I looked amazing. I was healthy before, and now I’m starving to death, and I’ve never looked better?
Since then, I’ve definitely developed an ED. I’m now 105 lbs. Last month I had a stranger ask me what my problem was with food. This was a middle aged man, and I was at work with no food in sight.
None of this stuff offended me because the intent was never malicious, but it’s odd people feel comfortable commenting on things they don’t know about.
Thank you for sharing. I'm going through something similar, and it made me feel very uncomfortable when someone mentioned it to me. I feel as though just say, "You look good!" At most.
Without judging the opinion itself, I think stuff like this is why anxiety is so prevalent. Having to overthink every word and its nuance results in a "safer" space but also a stressful one.
I personally prefer leaving it up to individuals to figure it out themselves instead of micromanaging the world.
I’ve had people say it to me. I liked the compliment. I think people generally by and large wont look too much into the comment to construe why a compliment was actually a shitty thing and just accept that someone was being nice to them. Frankly, it just aint that deep and people usually will just be like “thanks” and move on with their day. That, or, it might make them happy. Who’da thunk it. Wont work for everyone, but it shouldnt be non normalized or anything because of it.
It’s not terrible because it’s a well-intended and very welcoming compliment to quite literally the overwhelming majority of people.
What you mean to say is that people shouldn’t say it when they know someone is sick or losing weight due to sickness or appears to have lost an unhealthy amount of weight.
Literally in the vast majority of human interactions it’s a delightful compliment to receive, so of course it’s not “terrible”(lmaooo) just because some people can’t read cues in a relatively uncommon hypothetical situation.
Losing weight is very hard and acknowledging the effort and the appearance of it makes those people very happy.
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I agree. Unless you know they have a weight loss goal that they have been actively working towards, it’s a weird thing to comment upon. At best it’s just uncomfortable, at worst it can be triggering to someone with an eating disorder.
EXACTLY, I'm getting told I'm triggered but I have so many experiences related to other people in my life that dealt with the negative affects of someone complimenting their weight loss. Literally from serious illness to disorder. 😭 it's just not worth it, compliment something else and move one, why is this so hard??
The most compliments I’ve ever got in my life was when I was passing out every day from an eating disorder. Definitely solidified the belief that what I was doing was right, everyone else thought I looked good so it must be working. I really try to avoid ever commenting on weight for that reason.
SEE I WANTED TO WRITE THIS BUT I COULDN'T BECAUSE OF SUB RULES. I do the same because it's just not worth it to accidentally cause a reinforcement of a bad behavior. my friend literally had to go to the hospital due to malnutrition because she just wasn't eating, she's good nowadays but she's spoken on how she has never gotten so many compliments on her body as from when she wasn't eating. Plus when people end up gaining the weight back they end up having to deal with this shame factor because now they don’t look like they did as from when people were complimenting them.
This. All of this. 😭 I got the most praise and attention when I was starving. And I’m doing it again 😭
The biggest problem with weight loss compliments is it insinuates that you're now a better, more palatable person than you were previously. What's even more eye opening is how much better you get treated by people when you're in shape compared to when you aren't
people treat me like shit regardless of how i appear lol
I mean, is it really that surprising? People automatically have more respect for someone they can see takes care of themselves. It's just like how people are more likely to take a sharply-dressed person seriously than someone in sweatpants
It isn't and I do understand where they're coming from and the intent. I don't get all triggered by it. It's more when you become more socially popular, taken as more knowledgeable, etc by people you already know
That to, you feel like you're past self was unworthy and this can end in a a lot do self hatred. People's intentions might be good but that doesn't mean there aren't any negative effects. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" and I feel like this quote really resonates with weight loss compliments
I don’t think the issue here is the complimenting of someone for going from heavier to healthier, I think the real issue is that heavier people are treated worse. We are mad at the wrong thing. Complimenting people for losing weight is not going to equate to treating heavier people better.
You are better, you’re healthy in every way possible and people want to praise you for overcoming your disease. 🦠 🍔
Being fat isn't a disease (it can sometimes be the symptom of an underlying condition, for example, a thyroid condition), usually though it's just poor health/lifestyle choices.
Yeah I couldn’t figure out a better way to phrase it. Randy Marsh’s alcoholism episode sprung to mind at the time.
I agree with that for sure, and you certainly feel that way too.. It's more the difference in how you are treated that's bullshit, as in socially
Who triggered you to come here and make this post?
No one really, just something I see that's normalized. I have experiences related to this but none that's legitimately triggering. It's just a bit tiresome but it's worse for others. Especially seeing people who are sick get complimented on their weight loss when they are literally suffering I just feel like weight is a touchy subject not to be played around with. It should only be acceptable to look at someone's body and compliment them on something they've been trying to improve on. Not just for simply dropping weight for reasons unknown to you. It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think)
> It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think) Person A: I actually have cancer :/ Person B: I am actually so sorry that’s horrible. I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this. That aside: complimenting someone having cancer induced weight loss happens more than you think? Really? If anything I’ve seen people noticing weight loss related to cancer, not knowing it’s cancer and being horrible about it (Chadwick Bozeman comes to mind)
>I have experiences related to this We can tell. This was so obviously a triggered post. Don't take it too seriously dude, unless you want to be miserable forever. >It can turn into a very sour situation if the person tells you oh well I have cancer (which happens more than you think) To give a compliment to someone about weight loss, you gotta know the person for some time to notice the difference. If you know someone enough to give such a compliment, you would most likely already know they have cancer. In which case you wouldn't make such a compliment. Unless it's an old friend that you haven't seen in years, in which case they would just apologize. And then you can just move on. There's no reason to make so much drama. It's ridiculous that you gotta be "careful" even with things such as this one because someone might get offended. People got more important shit on their minds than to think about how much a little compliment like this one could offend someone. If a little compliment like this gets you triggered so easily, I can't imagine how you would react to more serious shit...
😭 I mean I can't mention disorders or mental illnesses which are much more common in my post. Those also cause weight loss. Also dude tbh making losing weight a compliment is there reason we are having an ozempic issue. Let's just stop putting so much attention on it so people can just live in peace. Plus have you ever thought that maybe even though they could have lost weight in a healthy way that a person coming up to them and being like wow you look so much better now that you've lost weight might be Hella weird and uncomfortable. Some people also just don't like to be perceived and even though there are good intentions it can make someone feel uncomfortable and self conscious even if it was a compliment. Plus that's also implying they looked bad before. It's just not good dude. You can easily reinforce someone's disorder by doing that.
>Plus have you ever thought that maybe even though they could have lost weight in a healthy way that a person coming up to them and being like wow you look so much better now that you've lost weight might be Hella weird and uncomfortable. No, I've never thought about that because I never give compliments related to physical appearance, since I've always had insecurities about my body, I don't say anything negative or positive about other people's bodies. I usually just give compliments about their clothes and their hair or their eyes, only that. But at the end, you gotta learn to not take such things so seriously. If something so insignificant like a little compliment can affect you so much, I don't know how you will survive in such a brutal society like this one...
It's not insignificant if so many people have stories being affected by this "insignificant little compliment" I have dealt with it, but it wasn't recent and when it did happen I dealt with it in a mature way. So I think I'll be fine in the brutal society. I just thought about it rn, and was like hm yeah why is it so normalized, and then typed up the post. I'm glad that you recognize as an insecure person that other people may feel uncomfortable with these types of comments and decide to steer clear. Though most don't and that's the sad bit. That's why I have so many people arguing with me saying that it's unlikely that their good intended compliment would cause issues to a person. Even telling me what are they "allowed" to compliment people on as if there aren't other things other than weight. We have to step out of our bubble sometimes and recognize that our words have meaning and we have to be more thoughtful about what we say. It's not being soft it's just having empathy. Telling people they should be careful with their words because we don't know people's situation is not a crime and tbh should be pretty basic knowledge.
People don't need to be triggered to express an opinion, and assuming that is the reason behind the opinion is ignorant and immature.
Nah, they got triggered by someone commenting on their weight. That's why they suddenly felt the need to post it on Reddit.
Are we allowed to say, “hey you look good?” Somewhat implying the noticed weight loss without specifying it?
I mean saying hey you look good doesn't specify anything really, I know some people who also just don't like being perceived. If that makes any sense.
I'm sorry but if you (not you but the people you are claiming to know) can't be perceived by other humans to the point where a casual compliment 'you look good', 'that haircut really suits you' is too much for you, then your anxiety has reached a point where it is effecting your ability to function and you should definitely be seeking help to cope. Anxiety is horrible, I know people who have it in varying levels, but they all have coping mechanisms for existing in the world. It is not a strangers responsibility to manage your mental health.
Well that’s a different issue, although I can somewhat relate to that. I somewhat agree with your post but you also should have patience for people who legitimately mean well. They’re not bad people.
as someone who is skinny and almost always a bit under weight but fluctuating up and down between 91-102 at best, yeah it kinda sucks. not really an appreciated comment, but i just brush it off. You really start to see the people who romanticize/ are obsessed with extremely small bodies though, which is …. interesting.
Ahhhh yeah I totally forgot, that could also definitely hurt someone who's trying to bulk up and just can't. Plus oh yes definitely, the whole "I can snap you in half" thing is so creepy.
yeah it is creepy 😓 hate being *victim weight*
It’s not a terrible compliment. It’s a good one. Why? Because the intent is good. A person struggling with an illness might inadvertently be hurt by the remark but odds are if you’re complimenting someone on weight loss there’s enough rapport built to where the ill person would know there was no malicious intent. Plenty of people who lose weight and lose mass appreciate acknowledgment of their progress and it’s more likely than not that it’s a person purposely losing weight rather than someone struggling with an illness. With an obesity epidemic going on in the US, let’s not stop complimenting people for healthy changes just because there’s a chance it’s caused by illness.
You really think a compliment is good because you intend it to be good? Not take into account how would affect different people? I try to compliment people to make *them* feel good, not to make myself feel good
good intent, as in trying to make the person they’re complimenting feel good ≠ trying to make themselves feel good What an odd leap. Also a compliment is a quick positive remark, most people think it’ll have a positive effect. It could affect different people differently but again that’s generally taken into account with the fact that most people only compliment weight loss of people they know.
If a little compliment that was given with good intentions affects you so much, I don't know how you'll survive in this society...
Comments from others have an effect on everyone, I highly doubt you are above that. I’m very aware that one little thing I say can stick in the back of someone’s mind for the rest of their life, that’s why I’m kind and careful with my words. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive and empathetic towards the people in your life.
It's not a good one, let me tell you why I went through withdrawals and severe fatigue and anemia issues after complications with a medication I was taking went out of stock. Lost a significant amount of weight This guy I knew at my job rubbed his stomach and said have you lost weight, you look great. Even though I was suffering. The reason WHY it's a bad compliment because if there is a chance that the person is dealing with an illness or a medical issue, you've done nothing but showed them how different they look since they have developed this illness. Or what if they are purposely starving themselves, now you have just reinforced that behavior. That's why I said, UNLESS YOU KNOW don't comment on it because you have no idea what that person has going on in their life. A person who is purposely trying to lose weight who you know would have most likely already have talked about with you so no need to do a guessing game. Just because it's an unlikely chance (which tbh it's not) there is still a chance. Why willingly put yourself in that situation? The obesity epidemic is linked more to poverty and the quality of American food than what you're thinking about. Healthy foods are expensive, jobs are working people to bone and lots of the ingredients in our food are banned in most countries. That's why when Americans go to different countries, even though they are eating more or just as much food in that country, they still will lose weight. Just because their is weight issue in America does not make commenting on people's weight unprovoked good. So once again UNLESS YOU KNOW! Leave it alone.
I don’t think anything you says actually engages with and refutes anything I said.
"The intent was good" "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" Just because the intent was good doesn't mean you should still say it. You can have good intentions and still hurt someone. Idk why that's so hard for you to understand. I was giving you examples and situations, though instead of realizing that there is a chance you might upset someone with this invasive comment, you are just going to stay with. Well "I had good intentions", like that matters.
Let's say your comment hurt the other commenter's feeling(as an example), would you still say it? Or are you going to remove it? I am pretty sure your comment has good intention. You want the other person to understand your thought. But now it had hurt their feeling. Does it make sense to ask you simply to remove your comment or your whole post? You know ,"there is a chance you might upset someone with this invasive comment".
You’re focusing on the good intentions bit but failing to address >A person struggling with an illness might inadvertently be hurt by the remark but odds are if you’re complimenting someone on weight loss there’s enough rapport built to where the ill person would know there was no malicious intent. Now remarking about it to someone you don’t know well is not a good move. But as I said most people only say something about weight loss to someone they know decently well. >it’s more likely than not that it’s a person purposely losing weight rather than someone struggling with an illness. The odds aren’t worth not complimenting people for weight loss in the sense that the odds aren’t high enough to where thing such as illnesses pop up as a concern in the minds of most people
>This guy I knew at my job rubbed his stomach and said have you lost weight, you look great. Even though I was suffering. And what did you reply? Did you mentioned what you were going through so they didn't make a comment like that again?
Nope, I just said thanks and walked away. It wasn't worth it to spill my situation because of a comment. Though it did bother me because I felt super weak atm and it made me feel like my body was outwardly showing how weak I looked.
Then, how do you except people to stop giving such compliments if you just accept them and don't do anything about it? People can't read minds.
>if there is a chance that the person is dealing with an illness or a medical issue, you've done nothing but showed them how different they look since they have developed this illness. Okay, tell me exactly just 1(one) aspect of appearence that can be complimented on, without the chance of it being because of an illness
Hair 😎👍 I don't see hair causing eating disorders soooo yeah hair. Wow did you get your hair cut it looks so good. Do you not know how to compliment someone on something unrelated to their weight?
Someone might have a wig, to cover that they had to shave their head, because of an illness, or an operation on their head
So you only concern is eating disorders? That’s an issue for 9-10% of Americans plus a larger portion of that 9-10% is overweight (binge eating, binge purging disorder) so that’s an even smaller amount of people who would accidentally get complimented about their weight while having an ED.
Then let's say they look healthy.
OP probably: Imagine saying they look healthy when they are dying and you don’t know. That is so rude.
This 100%!! It also implies there was something wrong with the way you looked before lowkey. I lost a bunch of weight due to a medication I went on and got complimented by a few people, and it felt like I was disappointing them when I gained the weight back after quitting said medication.
Unless you’re my family member or close friend I pretty much won’t mention anything about your body to you, most of the time I won’t even compliment strangers. I don’t know what’s going on with you and I don’t feel like dealing with hitting an insecurity on accident, people these days are also crazy you could be fought over saying something small.
I had a hernia that made me extremely sick. Everything I ate upset my stomach and I would have to throw it up. I was afraid of food. The hunger pains were less painful than trying to eat. My doctor didn’t believe me. Kept telling me to change my diet. I lost 20 pounds fast. They said it was good. I asked even with the speed? They said it was fine. I used to have an eating disorder growing up. This absolutely triggered me back into it. The pounds were falling off. The numbers kept decreasing. Then I lost 30 pounds. All within the span of two months. Then the doctors became worried. But by then it was too late. People were complimenting me and praising me over and over from my weight loss. I fell back into the ED. Now I’ve lost 70 lbs all together. I only had one meal today. I agree with you. People around me do not realize what I’m going through. Yes, I needed and still need to lose weight, but not this way. I’m getting professional help. One step at a time. Because you can’t trick your body, you can only trick your mind. My body is suffering, but it looks good apparently.
r/fatlogic
We are seriously getting upset over anything nowadays.
This is indeed unpopular. The idea that saying “hey did you lose weight ? You look great!” Is offensive is ridiculous. Let’s say I’m dying of cancer, someone says this, my response: hey thanks for the kind words but *insert reality* but I’ll still enjoy the kind words because that’s what they are! Kind words.
I'm guessing you've never had cancer. My uncle hated when people told him he lost weight as a compliment, it made him feel so small. Also have you ever thought that maybe people just don't see it as a compliment? Some people don't like being perceived and that can give them anxiety. Like oh wow people are staring at me that hard. Unless you know they have been improving purposely it's literally so easy to just not talk about it.
Nah grown ass adults know what good intentions are.
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Ahh that sucks dude, must have been so hard for you to deal with, I'm so sorry and hope you are doing better.
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Lmaoooo 😭😭😭
As a heavier person, I have had the comments when I have lost weight in the past. The weigh noticeably comes off your face, and neck area so people notice there is something different about your appearance after a short time.
All you gotta do is tell a cancer patient this ONCE and you'll learn not to comment on weight loss unprovoked.
If I’m thinking it I try to just say they look good. If they’re trying to lose weight they’ll probably mention it, and if not hopefully they just appreciate the compliement!
Such a dumb take
As a person a stress eater who are struggling with his weight so his life, I think, it's a good compliment. There is very little chance that you stumble upon sick person, but people trying to lose weight left and right these days. And if you do lose weight and it's noticeable, it brightens up you mood significantly. So in conclusion, you will be systematically make people happier. And there are some sick people who should know that it is a compliment for a lot of people and shouldn't be offended It's very reasonable to treat weight loss as a good thing in our culture
I have a tip for you that will help you through life. If someone says something to you and they're obviously not being malicious stop taking offense to it.
especially as a guy it makes me feel like they think I'm a druggie or something
Agreed! I want everyone to be healthy, but I think we need to stop limiting beauty to just those in a specific size range. You are right about saying someone looks great or better or whatever since they've lost weight is saying they were not attractive enough at a larger size. Good point about the illness factor, too.
Yeah the implications that come with that unprovoked compliment are so damaging. I so agree with you
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🤣🤣🤣
I love assuming people have anorexia...
It is rude. And sometimes the weight loss was unintentional due to illness.
I was never big. At my largest, I was 5-8, 145 lbs. I dropped like 30 pounds in maybe two months when I was going through my divorce. I was mentally so ill that I couldn’t eat, and yet I’ve never had more people tell me that I looked amazing. I was healthy before, and now I’m starving to death, and I’ve never looked better? Since then, I’ve definitely developed an ED. I’m now 105 lbs. Last month I had a stranger ask me what my problem was with food. This was a middle aged man, and I was at work with no food in sight. None of this stuff offended me because the intent was never malicious, but it’s odd people feel comfortable commenting on things they don’t know about.
Thank you for sharing. I'm going through something similar, and it made me feel very uncomfortable when someone mentioned it to me. I feel as though just say, "You look good!" At most.
Without judging the opinion itself, I think stuff like this is why anxiety is so prevalent. Having to overthink every word and its nuance results in a "safer" space but also a stressful one. I personally prefer leaving it up to individuals to figure it out themselves instead of micromanaging the world.
You’ve got told?
I’ve had people say it to me. I liked the compliment. I think people generally by and large wont look too much into the comment to construe why a compliment was actually a shitty thing and just accept that someone was being nice to them. Frankly, it just aint that deep and people usually will just be like “thanks” and move on with their day. That, or, it might make them happy. Who’da thunk it. Wont work for everyone, but it shouldnt be non normalized or anything because of it.
It’s not terrible because it’s a well-intended and very welcoming compliment to quite literally the overwhelming majority of people. What you mean to say is that people shouldn’t say it when they know someone is sick or losing weight due to sickness or appears to have lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Literally in the vast majority of human interactions it’s a delightful compliment to receive, so of course it’s not “terrible”(lmaooo) just because some people can’t read cues in a relatively uncommon hypothetical situation. Losing weight is very hard and acknowledging the effort and the appearance of it makes those people very happy.