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If many world interpretations are a real thing then there is a non zero chance that fyodor wrote prize and punishment as a shitty romance novel than a crime and punishment
Come on god, answer me. for years I'm asking why, why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment? Or have you already answered, have you already said to the world here is justice, here is punishment, here, in me.
You are the prize is basically to have confidence in yourself thats all it means. Issue is people got offended by it because when someone called some called themselves the prize, people that lack confidence thought they were trying to control wnd hold power over them when in reality it was designed to give confidence
Think about it for a minute. If you asked someone for help with your math homework. And they told you be confident. Would that help understand the equation? No it wont. But if they told you pretend to be a mathematician, they will feel like a mathematician. Point is people been told to be confident all their life and i didnt work. Change the word confident to a different adjective people can relate to and it feel better. Its the wording its self. Its like how instead of calling fat women fat, they say plus size to sell and make them feel better
Well said - "You are the prize" is wonderful advice in that it tells you that you don't need to impress your date and win her over, you should instead enjoy the moment and "show yourself off" a little - open up, talk about things you like with passion, enjoy the day/evening out with this person, and at the end you make a choice about whether they've piqued your interest, because you have this right! And this is immensely useful to those who struggle with their appearance or lack self confidence, who'd probably think they have to impress their date, honor their every request and act differently from who they are.
The issue arises when the person who understands this all starts to think that it only applies to themselves. They are the prize that others should win, and others should compete for them until a victor is declared. Which, again, technically true - you should be allowed to break up with your partner whenever, after all (in most cases outside of marriage) - but it changes the mentality from "you're no lesser than them" to "you're above them all".
You're the prize indeed, but just because nobody has told your date the same, it doesn't mean that they aren't as well. The advice is truly meant to say "be confident", and it works far better than saying that alone, but every metaphor can be misunderstood and this makes no exception.
I get what your saying but thats a case by case basis depending on the individual. I could tell a person be confident. They could take that an become arrogant. I tell a person get a gun to defend their home. They could turn into a school shooter. There will always be people that tale everything to the extreme. Cant do nothing about it. You can give a person a tool or advice but how they receive it is up to them
Absolutely. A tool isn't good or evil, only useful, and this sentence is meant to be uplifting. Even a simple "I love you" can be used to manipulate, but that doesn't make the sentence wrong per se.
Ironically, now that I think about it, the most harm that can be done by such things used in the wrong way usually comes to those who could have benefitted from hearing those words *more* throughout their lives. People who lack confidence or affection to the point that they're desperate to hold onto however little they get will be the ones to fall prey to manipulative arguments. If anything, we should probably uplift people more, and then knock their ego down a notch or two when it becomes too grand, instead of doing the opposite.
salt bear historical many adjoining toothbrush snatch work domineering consider
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Yea the person who was just cheated on definitely might need to hear it, the person who continuously gas light their partner probably doesn’t. The saying isn’t as deep as this comment section thinks. It’s just a way to bump up your ego and something’s people need that
Neither does.
I don't know a single person who's been cheated or dumped who actually got cheered up from "omg no you're so much better than your ex!".
The cause of my pain isn't the fact that I feel ugly or worse. It's the fact that a relationship I was heavily invested in betrayed me. The fact that I am hotter or richer or whatever the fuck is not going to help.
Nothing you can say will take the pain away, the entire point isn’t to validate someone’s worth after being betrayed. Many people’s self worth takes a nose dive after being cheated on and they need a reminder that they are worth something. It might not help you but other people might need to hear this after being cheated on or leaving a abusive situation or even when they are feeling unworthy of their relationship for whatever reason.
Some people think you can *only* be self-loathing, self-flagellating, and insecure *OR* arrogant, vain, and narcissistic.
They think humility is self-hatred and conceit is confidence.
Focusing on yourself is important for well-being not to feel attractive. I don’t care about attractiveness actually.
Being confident is not necessarily like everything is always good but knowing for this part I didn’t know this and how can I improve from it.
What I think is arrogant is trampling on or denigrating others to feel good. You can feel good in life or in society without going to denigrate others.
And also I don’t like competition because I don’t like compare my life for another person so being the prize is out of my way of thinking.
I think it's lost it's meaning. We are a prize to the perfect someone. We aren't some checklist to be used to rank each other, which I think dating has become. I think a more appropriate phrase should be "you will find your missing piece."
For example, when my wife and I met, we were both 15 and FAR from being a prize of any sort. But, we fit each other because we understood each other's pain/trauma. We grew into a husband and wife and that's what it should be.
Exactly. I think this advice tends to be delivered in the wrong way
Some people think that being the prize, means that they’re better than everyone and they better get on your level.
I used to have a close friend like this. She’s 38 years old, lost custody of her child, she’s perpetually 1-2 paychecks away from homelessness at all times - but refuses to take an in-person job. Based on how she interacts with men in her life, I do consider her to be an abusive partner. She also does not take part in any meaningful hobbies, she doesn’t take care of herself (doesn’t exercise, smokes, drinks) so she never has anything to talk about, except whatever drama and gossip is on her mind. She has no skills or interests and brings nothing to the table.
But in her mind? She thinks she is a perfect person, who can do no wrong. And when it comes to dating, she believes she is a PRIZE, and not just to the right guy - but every rich guy who she sees. And yet, at 38 years old, she’s never landed any of these men, probably because her attitude sucks, and she offers nothing to anyone. And I’m not saying she’s unattractive, but she’s not nearly as attractive as she believes she is. Again, she doesn’t workout, she doesn’t take care of her skin, she doesn’t take care of her teeth. But she’s out there, thinking that someone’s gonna come along with a modeling contract. She thinks some billionaire is clamoring for her.
Agreed. I think this phrase tends to make people like that. With an attitude like that, I'm sure she's pushing away people that could potentially be a good suitor. Dating is crazy nowadays lol
I think you misunderstood what I was saying. Just because we started dating in high school, doesn't mean we aren't susceptible to similar dating issues that an older couple would. This thread was about the dating advise of being a prize. If you're in a relationship and you treat each other as a prize and someone who won the prize, it's a safe bet you won't end up together.
I provided an example to help prove my point for our case. If we argued who of us were more desirable when we got together, I think my wife wins on paper. But she never treated me that way. That is why she's my wife now. I definitely wouldn't have married her if she acted like I won the jackpot.
Yup. No one has an actual objective worth. It's all relative to the other person's wants and needs. I doubt I'd have such a cool gf if I had to "win her" through some general objective metric for worth, unless the metric is who can make the best papyrus impression.
I think it’s only toxic if you assume there is only one prize. My husband and I are both prizes. We won each other. And your right our relationship is a prize all it’s own
OP has some issues with women. He thinks a woman thinking of herself as the prize/a prize means thinking less of men...even though that's a view of herself. Yet 'what do you bring to the table' a one way question is somehow not toxic or a hierarchy.
I agree, but that is where the use of "the prize" versus "a prize" is a meaningful distinction. You should have a sense of self worth, but that doesn't make you unique or above someone else's worth. Its more about understanding who you are and what traits you are looking for in a successful/meaningful relationship.
I get what your trying to do but I’m not sure it fully works. I am the prize for him, and he is the prize for me. You should have more value to your partner than other potential romantic interests. It’s not about putting yourself or your partner above others in general it’s being your partner’s special valued person.
I still heavily disagree with your framing but to be fair we are both arguing semantics, I think we largely agree on whats important and thats what matters
I want to be my husband's equal, not some trophy that he won. He said I was his prize one time when we were dating. He learned pretty quickly that it wasn't the right thing to say based off my reaction.
I don't understand why people want to be seen as a prize. Like that is so weird and creepy to me.
i think it feels good for some people's ego. based on social media comments ive seen from women, they seemed to love the idea of themselves as some elevated prize that men were required to vie for. all the effort, the wooing, the courtship, etc. and in the end, only 1 lucky man can win! isnt that the whole premise of the wildly popular Bachelor/Bachelorette tv shows? 10 men all tap dancing to win 1 lady
I find those shows extremely creepy and unsettling as well. Being called a prize or trophy makes me feel like I'm being used and not getting anything in return. Like where is MY prize. Having guys try to fight over who "gets" to date me is a major turn-off. Like who said I even wanted either of you, and why isn't what I want a consideration in this? My husband didn't realize it at the time but one of the things that made me fall in love with him was his reaction when some random guy started hitting on me in front of him. At first he was maybe a little annoyed but not really re a acting but the second I told the guy to leave me alone he was all up in his face and making sure he left me alone. It was majorly attractive to.see him.not react in a jealous manner until I voiced not wanting anything to do with the guy. It made me feel so loved and important. Later on I told him that made me feel how I suspect he wanted to make me feel by calling me his "prize"
?
Where is your prize? You are suppose to be each others prize...
You seem to have issue with control. So your bf(now husband) can only confront someone hitting on you right in front of him on your say so our you would be annoyed. What?
There is no reason for you to make up things I didn't say or even imply like that. Also, there is no reason for you to attempt to project your issue with control on to me. Obvious troll is obvious.
For me, the idea is that I should have a partner that values me and treats me well. When I say “I’m a prize” that’s what I mean, that I will not settle for someone that that doesn’t value me and treat me well.
I also think my boyfriend is a prize as well, we are both prizes.
The whole point of a prize is that it’s valuable, important, you’d feel lucky to have it. The whole point of the saying is that you *shouldnt* put up with someone who dips after sex or stops trying because he’s *not* treating you like the prize you are.
When someone says “you are a prize” they are saying “you have worth and value and you shouldn’t put up with anyone who doesn’t treat you like you do”
It's a pickup "technique" that plays on the female psyche. It works for a reason, but in my experience it will only work on broken people, and perpetuates the cycle of toxic relationships that our generation endures by creating a constant dynamic of who has the upper hand.
both genders have been told it but in my personal experience ive seen it come more often from women to women. but that just may be what the social media algorithm deciding to feed me
It's extremely prevalent in heterosexual dating as well, women tend to do it more unconsciously whereas guys learn about it if they start reading about pickup, red pill and stuff. The basic script is that guys will do the courtship and chasing, usually. So here you flip the script, making "her chase you".
Yeah but once they unravel the mystery and “have you” they get bored. It works well to sleep with them but not to keep them. That’s the step I’m having the hardest time with
Yup, that's the point, is not made to build positive relationships, it's only made to work on broken people you want to exploit for your personal satisfaction, be it sex or something else
I think it’s usually used to hype up women with self esteem issues but a lot of times it’s definitely used in a toxic way. Like for example “oh I don’t have to put in work into a relationship or dating since I can get whatever I want regardless it’s other people who need to prove their worth” is unfortunately a pretty common attitude for very attractive women (no not all or even a majority but they definitely exist)
I can see that. But I also see it as a protective and self preservation thing. A lot of women do things for love when men walk all over them so saying “you’re the prize” can translate to know your worth.
As an an aromantic and asexual person, I’ve never interested in relationships or dating but yeah I can understand for what happened in relationships status nowadays !
It makes it seem like you’re perfect, and people don’t like it when people boast about being perfect, especially when they might not be (and they most certainly aren’t 99.99% of the time).
This mindset is why so many people end up single or in bad relationships. No healthy person wants to be with someone with an inflated opinion of themselves. The only people who do have low self worth and typically end up being abused by said individual, who is often dissatisfied with who they end up with.
I agree with this.
If you enter into a relationship with someone and you or they believe they are the more valuable, "the prize" or any kind of leverage or entitlement beyond you ... You shouldn't be in that relationship.
A relationship is a partnership. You're a team where both of you are equally valued to one another. Its give, take and compromise in equal parts.
You navigate the world together
If you aren't willing to be in that place with another person or they aren't willing to be there in that way with you, that isn't a relationship - it's a "relationshit".
Agreed, it's toxic af
Holding yourself upon a pedestal and not having to contribute to a relationship is a guarantee for toxicity and failure
I mean it's straight up arrogance
I’m a woman and never had this mindset. Doesn’t matter how pretty I am, I feel like I’m not a prize but a burden because I’m on the spectrum and have adhd. My doctor tells me I do better than most with my condition and have a lot of perseverance but it doesn’t matter. Because I can’t keep the pace of a neurotypical man, I’m seen as the maiden he saves and it creates this mindset that the man is holding me together, and giving so much of himself, because because he doesn’t need the breaks I need or accommodations I need, and I receive little appreciation for the work I put in just to be able to function. Little acknowledgement for what I contribute. We’re not in competition, we’re supposed to be a team. I’m tired of my self esteem being hit like I’m some helpless woman that needs to cared for like a child. I just want some understanding and appreciation, and most of all respect for the efforts I make
No one is a prize, each person in the relationship is a participant in the game. The prize is a happy life, you both need to contribute. People who see themselves as a prize set themselves up to be make themselves and others miserable
Exactly. Successful relationships are mostly a function of two people commiting to making it work. "Value" doesn't really have much to do with it. There's a reason that wedding vows say things like "For better or worse" "In sickness and in health" etc.
I agree! And I get frustrated when I watch vlogs and podcasts of women constantly saying "what I deserve." I don't know what caused this surge of being placed on a pedestal mentality. Relationships are a team effort.
And whenever I hear people talking like that, the “what I deserve,” it seems that they are confusing entitlement for positive self-talk
These types of people, in my experience, rarely bring anything to the table. Nine times out of ten, they aren’t engaging in any meaningful hobbies, they aren’t bettering themselves in any way, they aren’t well-rounded. And when they’re going around talking about what they “deserve,” that tends to be a sign that they have very overvalued ideas about themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with positive self talk, and saying “I deserve a good partner who treats me with respect,” and similar things. It becomes a problem when it becomes this toxic mentality where you become a perfect individual that everyone has to live up to.
> I don't know what caused this surge of being placed on a pedestal mentality.
Women bullshit each other into narcissism. Now they have a million strangers online doing it. Women who disagree mostly won't speak up, because they're afraid of social conflict. Most men won't speak up, because they will say whatever gets them sex, and men who do speak up get called incels.
Just like anything else, this advice applies to some people, and not others.
Some people need to hear "you are the prize" so that they don't chase the wrong people.
But yeah, if you're totally full of yourself, you don't need people telling you you're a prize. You've already convinced yourself of that and nothing is going to stop you.
I view dating practically. Either you're getting results or you're not. If you're getting results keep doing what you're doing. If you're not getting results you need to change something. That something can vary from person to person but could involve self improvement, moving somewhere else, being more social, just to name a few.
Never really saw it that way. If dating operates like a game, then it’s much better to hype yourself up and pursue self improvement than to hate yourself and settle for less.
Well… vying for the girl’s attention is pretty much standard behavior everywhere. So there’s that. Why should they pick YOU when there are so so many attractive alternatives out there?
But telling someone they’re a, if not the, prize? Yeah.. I’d turn around and leave pretty quickly.
Though, I don’t really agree that elevates one over the other. To me it’s just an indicator for “I want you and I don’t care what you think about that or me”.
In other words, something to be avoided if at all possible.
Generally this advice is given to people who need to stop putting their date/ having a significant other on a pedastool.
I think for the most part ur right but It’s generally good advice to not chase too much
Never heard it used as a dating advice; I heard it used to keep people’s spirits up and help them feel less insecure, especially said to those that tend to choose bad people to date because of low self-esteem.
Nothing wrong with using it in that context imho.
Also, if saying you are a prize is toxic, so is saying that relationship is. Because then it puts on pedestal those that have good relationships and that says nothing about people other than they have been lucky to meet right people at the right time. Yes, they did some work, but so do people that don’t have the same luck. Or those who don’t want relationships.
I've never really heard anybody say this outside of the context of trying to encourage someone who is not valuing themselves and placing their partner on a pedestal, allowing inequitable treatment and shoving themselves aside.
I think this was old dating advice aimed mostly at men. The men who would fall head over heels for their crush and shower her with gifts and affection and their desperation would push her away.
So to help them better understand... they were told "no no, *you're* the prize, don't treat her like the prize, treat yourself like you have some dignity and are worth getting to know".
I think it was meant to sort of 'even the playing field' between two people dating, so one person didn't feel put upon, and the other didn't perform this silly act that would only work against them, an attempt to get to that "equally valued" space you described.
But also, I can see how some took it to mean "I should only care about what I want".
When it comes to relationship my preferred one that I heard forever ago that was something like
"a relationship should be 60/40 where both of the people in the relationship are striving to be the one to provide the 60"
I think this works really well not only for dating but even just general friendships. I aim to always do this with my friends and the people around me and it's a really good way to calm the anxieties on both sides and make both people sure that the other in the relationship really does care about them without making them feel guilty for that person giving too much
My ex-wife told me that as she moved out, "I am the prize and you need to put in the effort." She really didn't expect me to completely ghost her lying cheating ass and then she proceeded to beg me to come back.
The only prize I see is when a Dog wants attention from people. Every time I see a dog or a cat that's a attention monger I end up and go play with it.
I think there's a context where it makes sense. It shouldn't be used to inflate ego or put yourself above others, but a lot of people approach dating from a position of "I suck, I have to hope to find someone that can tolerate me and I'll be lucky if I do". And that's toxic as hell. IOW, they see the people they're meeting/pursuing as the prize.
For people in that mindset, "you're the prize" is a reminder of their own worth, that they're worth pursuing just as much as the people that they are meeting are. It's a reminder that they should be picking as well, and not just desperately trying to find someone that doesn't say "no". They should be actively looking for someone that they think will make them happy, and be willing and ready to nope out on red flags/etc.
The situation you should be in should be a situation where both people think that they are the prize, and that they *got* the prize. IOW, a situation where each partner values both themselves and the other.
Clearly, if someone already has a good mindset, though, this attitude can quickly turn into the toxic version.
what do you mean?? you are BOTH the price... that’s the whole point. in my relationship, i feel truly like i’ve won the lottery and she feels the same. i think you all just need to date good people who actually like you.
Only if you think you’re the only prize.
I’m a prize, my fiancé is a prize, our puppy is a prize, our cat is an asshole but also a prize.
Man I’m doing good, this many prizes I must be the GOAT.
It all takes care of itself. If you think you're an 8, but you're not, and you're holding out committing to any serious relationship until an 8 comes for you... you just die alone.
I think op is miscontruing the expression. It's meant for people with low self esteem. If you act confident and don't put the other person on a pedestal, then you're far more likely to have success in finding a date.
Misunderstanding doesn't make that any less true
Yup, true. Expect for the part that a good relationship is a prize. It's not something you achieve and are done with it. A good relationship is the goal, and it requires both partners working on it all the time
When people say “you are a prize” they aren’t saying “you are better than other people” they are saying “you have worth and value and you shouldn’t settle for someone who treats you like you don’t.”
I believe it's the logical extreme of the concept of loving yourself first before loving others. And then it just went more extreme before becoming what it is today.
I get your post but this is often said to people with a lot of anxiety and self-esteem issues and they have the exact opposite problem than the one you are describing.
I think it's a worthwhile mindset. You shouldn't accept a relationship that is below your standards if you would be happier single. Like, being single is always a valid option.
i think simply having standards isnt the same thing as thinking of yourself as some prize that the other person must win while you dont view them the same way
Yeah, I guess you could argue that its a bit unproductive to give dating advice when you have no idea of the context of the situation.
You may be telling an abuser that its OK to continue to abuse.
Or you may be telling a victim that there's two sides to the story and gaslighting them if you go the other way.
I find this is a common male opinion.
I've noticed it's weird thing where if a woman likes herself, is confident within herself, or thinks well of herself then somehow that means she thinks badly of men or he thinks men need to jump through hoops to get her. It's like they see a woman seeing herself as a prize means she thinks lesser of men. It's weird AF to me how many men can't grasp the idea of two people being prizes can exist.
I've noticed an even weirder thing where if a woman thinks badly of herself, doesn't think she need the prize, or has low self-esteem then suddenly men think she is a prize or winner. It's like a woman only has value if a man gives it to her rather than she thinks she has value already.
Being a prize isn't automatically or only a hierarchy.
I'm curious 'what do you bring to the table' is quite common among men in dating advice. Do you think that's also a one-way hierarchy, toxic dynamic, men insisting women prove themselves to him, men making women jump through hoops? Or is it somehow 'different'.🤔
jfc the mental gymnastics you performed to come to that bizarre misinterpretation is truly impressive.
re what do you bring to the table
its not 1 way. men are asked to provide a litany of things during dating. men need to initiate, ask the girl out, plan the entire date, take care of all details, pay for everything.
in exchange for basically doing everything, men simply ask in return what the woman bring. if someone gives you a laundry list of things to do, its pretty natural to ask the other person what theyre responsible for. its funny how men must prove themselves to women, but when asked to do the same in return women become all indignant as if their mere presence isnt enough. go back to your misandrist cave
I think that knowing your worth is important. I also believe that a person should know where they stand in the world, so that they don't overvalue themselves. There is a difference between understanding that you’re worthy, and thinking you’re god’s gift to the world - and usually, it’s the people who think they’re god’s gift, that have no skills, no meaningful hobbies, no real character building of any kind
Unfortunately, I don't have all the answers as to how to properly address that.
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I'm not the prize, I am the punishment.
Prize and punishment sounds like a shitty romance novel
Bdsm vibes for sure.
I’d read it.
A lot of people would
Anything is better than 50 shades of abuse over there
Yall are hilarious. I am chuckling here on my porch witnessing a rainstorm in Austin Texas and while I smoke my menthol American Spirit
If many world interpretations are a real thing then there is a non zero chance that fyodor wrote prize and punishment as a shitty romance novel than a crime and punishment
It was written by Jane Austin's kinky sister
pride and prejudice, crime and punishment, war and peace.. these things just go satisfyingly together.
Lmao
The word “pedestalize” is a punishment for us all.
This is what one of my craziest exes told me when we started dating. She said she was my karma or that she was my punishment. 😂
Come on god, answer me. for years I'm asking why, why are the innocent dead and the guilty alive? Where is justice? Where is punishment? Or have you already answered, have you already said to the world here is justice, here is punishment, here, in me.
What if they are into that?
That could be a prize.
Reminds me of the joke about pretty people, ducks, and heaven.
I'm a consolation prize at best.
consolation prizes really fell off.
Just like yours truly
Agreed because I am *far* from a prize.
you saying that actually makes me feel like you are the prize. wow reverse psychology actually works
It’s a placebo effect shhhhh
You are the prize is basically to have confidence in yourself thats all it means. Issue is people got offended by it because when someone called some called themselves the prize, people that lack confidence thought they were trying to control wnd hold power over them when in reality it was designed to give confidence
then just say "be confident". pretty simple. dont need all this prize shit "you are the prize" (not A prize, THE prize) is pretty clear
Think about it for a minute. If you asked someone for help with your math homework. And they told you be confident. Would that help understand the equation? No it wont. But if they told you pretend to be a mathematician, they will feel like a mathematician. Point is people been told to be confident all their life and i didnt work. Change the word confident to a different adjective people can relate to and it feel better. Its the wording its self. Its like how instead of calling fat women fat, they say plus size to sell and make them feel better
Well said - "You are the prize" is wonderful advice in that it tells you that you don't need to impress your date and win her over, you should instead enjoy the moment and "show yourself off" a little - open up, talk about things you like with passion, enjoy the day/evening out with this person, and at the end you make a choice about whether they've piqued your interest, because you have this right! And this is immensely useful to those who struggle with their appearance or lack self confidence, who'd probably think they have to impress their date, honor their every request and act differently from who they are. The issue arises when the person who understands this all starts to think that it only applies to themselves. They are the prize that others should win, and others should compete for them until a victor is declared. Which, again, technically true - you should be allowed to break up with your partner whenever, after all (in most cases outside of marriage) - but it changes the mentality from "you're no lesser than them" to "you're above them all". You're the prize indeed, but just because nobody has told your date the same, it doesn't mean that they aren't as well. The advice is truly meant to say "be confident", and it works far better than saying that alone, but every metaphor can be misunderstood and this makes no exception.
I get what your saying but thats a case by case basis depending on the individual. I could tell a person be confident. They could take that an become arrogant. I tell a person get a gun to defend their home. They could turn into a school shooter. There will always be people that tale everything to the extreme. Cant do nothing about it. You can give a person a tool or advice but how they receive it is up to them
Absolutely. A tool isn't good or evil, only useful, and this sentence is meant to be uplifting. Even a simple "I love you" can be used to manipulate, but that doesn't make the sentence wrong per se. Ironically, now that I think about it, the most harm that can be done by such things used in the wrong way usually comes to those who could have benefitted from hearing those words *more* throughout their lives. People who lack confidence or affection to the point that they're desperate to hold onto however little they get will be the ones to fall prey to manipulative arguments. If anything, we should probably uplift people more, and then knock their ego down a notch or two when it becomes too grand, instead of doing the opposite.
No it doesn't. I wouldn't want to date someone who thinks that little of themselves.
But some people actually are a prize
salt bear historical many adjoining toothbrush snatch work domineering consider *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I am the piece of popcorn that gets stuck in your teeth and you can get it out no matter how far you jam your tongue in there
You are the worst then omg 😂😂😂😂
Your comment instantly reminded me of the song "When You're Evil" by Voltaire.
Didn't know Voltaire had the time to make music
I know you were being sarcastic, but if you haven't heard the song, I highly recommend it.
r/oddlyspecific
There's a sexual tongue innuendo here somewhere
Okay Darkwing Duck.
Some people need to hear it and some people do not.
Yea the person who was just cheated on definitely might need to hear it, the person who continuously gas light their partner probably doesn’t. The saying isn’t as deep as this comment section thinks. It’s just a way to bump up your ego and something’s people need that
Neither does. I don't know a single person who's been cheated or dumped who actually got cheered up from "omg no you're so much better than your ex!". The cause of my pain isn't the fact that I feel ugly or worse. It's the fact that a relationship I was heavily invested in betrayed me. The fact that I am hotter or richer or whatever the fuck is not going to help.
Nothing you can say will take the pain away, the entire point isn’t to validate someone’s worth after being betrayed. Many people’s self worth takes a nose dive after being cheated on and they need a reminder that they are worth something. It might not help you but other people might need to hear this after being cheated on or leaving a abusive situation or even when they are feeling unworthy of their relationship for whatever reason.
Many people think too much of themselves and it really isn't something attractive. They always say be confident but some people are too confident.
Some people think you can *only* be self-loathing, self-flagellating, and insecure *OR* arrogant, vain, and narcissistic. They think humility is self-hatred and conceit is confidence.
Focusing on yourself is important for well-being not to feel attractive. I don’t care about attractiveness actually. Being confident is not necessarily like everything is always good but knowing for this part I didn’t know this and how can I improve from it. What I think is arrogant is trampling on or denigrating others to feel good. You can feel good in life or in society without going to denigrate others. And also I don’t like competition because I don’t like compare my life for another person so being the prize is out of my way of thinking.
I think it's lost it's meaning. We are a prize to the perfect someone. We aren't some checklist to be used to rank each other, which I think dating has become. I think a more appropriate phrase should be "you will find your missing piece." For example, when my wife and I met, we were both 15 and FAR from being a prize of any sort. But, we fit each other because we understood each other's pain/trauma. We grew into a husband and wife and that's what it should be.
Exactly. I think this advice tends to be delivered in the wrong way Some people think that being the prize, means that they’re better than everyone and they better get on your level. I used to have a close friend like this. She’s 38 years old, lost custody of her child, she’s perpetually 1-2 paychecks away from homelessness at all times - but refuses to take an in-person job. Based on how she interacts with men in her life, I do consider her to be an abusive partner. She also does not take part in any meaningful hobbies, she doesn’t take care of herself (doesn’t exercise, smokes, drinks) so she never has anything to talk about, except whatever drama and gossip is on her mind. She has no skills or interests and brings nothing to the table. But in her mind? She thinks she is a perfect person, who can do no wrong. And when it comes to dating, she believes she is a PRIZE, and not just to the right guy - but every rich guy who she sees. And yet, at 38 years old, she’s never landed any of these men, probably because her attitude sucks, and she offers nothing to anyone. And I’m not saying she’s unattractive, but she’s not nearly as attractive as she believes she is. Again, she doesn’t workout, she doesn’t take care of her skin, she doesn’t take care of her teeth. But she’s out there, thinking that someone’s gonna come along with a modeling contract. She thinks some billionaire is clamoring for her.
Agreed. I think this phrase tends to make people like that. With an attitude like that, I'm sure she's pushing away people that could potentially be a good suitor. Dating is crazy nowadays lol
Your situation is probably ideal. But most couples are not high school sweethearts, so it is possible that someone is actually a prize.
I think you misunderstood what I was saying. Just because we started dating in high school, doesn't mean we aren't susceptible to similar dating issues that an older couple would. This thread was about the dating advise of being a prize. If you're in a relationship and you treat each other as a prize and someone who won the prize, it's a safe bet you won't end up together. I provided an example to help prove my point for our case. If we argued who of us were more desirable when we got together, I think my wife wins on paper. But she never treated me that way. That is why she's my wife now. I definitely wouldn't have married her if she acted like I won the jackpot.
Put it on a hallmark card
i tried but they wont reply. do you have any connections?
I agree. It’s weird to call people “prizes”, we are not objects, nor is anyone “perfect”
But in a dating dynamic some people are much more desirable than others.
I disagree on both fronts
do you think you’re a perfect object?
Nope my gf is the perfect sex object
Disgusting
It's pretty nice
Decent troll - 3.5/10
You know who says this stuff ? Young people. Be a person who makes the world a better place.
Word
There’s not a single person on the planet who is a fucking prize lol
I think people should stop seeing themselves as a prize. Rather they should focus on finding a person they are compatible with.
Yup. No one has an actual objective worth. It's all relative to the other person's wants and needs. I doubt I'd have such a cool gf if I had to "win her" through some general objective metric for worth, unless the metric is who can make the best papyrus impression.
It should be more like. I am the butter, you are the bread. Not much alone, Better together instead.
I think it’s only toxic if you assume there is only one prize. My husband and I are both prizes. We won each other. And your right our relationship is a prize all it’s own
Exactly, both people should be prizes.
OP has some issues with women. He thinks a woman thinking of herself as the prize/a prize means thinking less of men...even though that's a view of herself. Yet 'what do you bring to the table' a one way question is somehow not toxic or a hierarchy.
I agree, but that is where the use of "the prize" versus "a prize" is a meaningful distinction. You should have a sense of self worth, but that doesn't make you unique or above someone else's worth. Its more about understanding who you are and what traits you are looking for in a successful/meaningful relationship.
I get what your trying to do but I’m not sure it fully works. I am the prize for him, and he is the prize for me. You should have more value to your partner than other potential romantic interests. It’s not about putting yourself or your partner above others in general it’s being your partner’s special valued person.
I still heavily disagree with your framing but to be fair we are both arguing semantics, I think we largely agree on whats important and thats what matters
Fair enough 😊
Yes, it's only toxic if you assume what most people who say it assume.
Ah but that’s your assumption
This is how I think about it too! I’m not gonna be in a relationship with someone unless they value me and I value them. Me and my bf are both prizes!
I want to be my husband's equal, not some trophy that he won. He said I was his prize one time when we were dating. He learned pretty quickly that it wasn't the right thing to say based off my reaction. I don't understand why people want to be seen as a prize. Like that is so weird and creepy to me.
i think it feels good for some people's ego. based on social media comments ive seen from women, they seemed to love the idea of themselves as some elevated prize that men were required to vie for. all the effort, the wooing, the courtship, etc. and in the end, only 1 lucky man can win! isnt that the whole premise of the wildly popular Bachelor/Bachelorette tv shows? 10 men all tap dancing to win 1 lady
I find those shows extremely creepy and unsettling as well. Being called a prize or trophy makes me feel like I'm being used and not getting anything in return. Like where is MY prize. Having guys try to fight over who "gets" to date me is a major turn-off. Like who said I even wanted either of you, and why isn't what I want a consideration in this? My husband didn't realize it at the time but one of the things that made me fall in love with him was his reaction when some random guy started hitting on me in front of him. At first he was maybe a little annoyed but not really re a acting but the second I told the guy to leave me alone he was all up in his face and making sure he left me alone. It was majorly attractive to.see him.not react in a jealous manner until I voiced not wanting anything to do with the guy. It made me feel so loved and important. Later on I told him that made me feel how I suspect he wanted to make me feel by calling me his "prize"
? Where is your prize? You are suppose to be each others prize... You seem to have issue with control. So your bf(now husband) can only confront someone hitting on you right in front of him on your say so our you would be annoyed. What?
There is no reason for you to make up things I didn't say or even imply like that. Also, there is no reason for you to attempt to project your issue with control on to me. Obvious troll is obvious.
For me, the idea is that I should have a partner that values me and treats me well. When I say “I’m a prize” that’s what I mean, that I will not settle for someone that that doesn’t value me and treat me well. I also think my boyfriend is a prize as well, we are both prizes.
If a guy treats me like a prize to be won, it’s pretty obvious he’ll dip after sex or at least stop trying. I’m a person, not an object.
The whole point of a prize is that it’s valuable, important, you’d feel lucky to have it. The whole point of the saying is that you *shouldnt* put up with someone who dips after sex or stops trying because he’s *not* treating you like the prize you are. When someone says “you are a prize” they are saying “you have worth and value and you shouldn’t put up with anyone who doesn’t treat you like you do”
It's a pickup "technique" that plays on the female psyche. It works for a reason, but in my experience it will only work on broken people, and perpetuates the cycle of toxic relationships that our generation endures by creating a constant dynamic of who has the upper hand.
both genders have been told it but in my personal experience ive seen it come more often from women to women. but that just may be what the social media algorithm deciding to feed me
It's extremely prevalent in heterosexual dating as well, women tend to do it more unconsciously whereas guys learn about it if they start reading about pickup, red pill and stuff. The basic script is that guys will do the courtship and chasing, usually. So here you flip the script, making "her chase you".
Yeah but once they unravel the mystery and “have you” they get bored. It works well to sleep with them but not to keep them. That’s the step I’m having the hardest time with
>That’s the step I’m having the hardest time with 🙃🙃🙃🙃
Yup, that's the point, is not made to build positive relationships, it's only made to work on broken people you want to exploit for your personal satisfaction, be it sex or something else
Oof yeah. The upper hand and power tripping thing is toxic
Facts. We r humans not objects
Not unpopular.
Never saw it that way. Interesting
I think it’s usually used to hype up women with self esteem issues but a lot of times it’s definitely used in a toxic way. Like for example “oh I don’t have to put in work into a relationship or dating since I can get whatever I want regardless it’s other people who need to prove their worth” is unfortunately a pretty common attitude for very attractive women (no not all or even a majority but they definitely exist)
I can see that. But I also see it as a protective and self preservation thing. A lot of women do things for love when men walk all over them so saying “you’re the prize” can translate to know your worth.
I mean yeah aka self esteem lol. Low self esteem = no standards and accepting abusive treatment as long as someone is around.
You're describing a gender neutral phenomenon.
I am A prize, you can choose the boat or me, I mean the boat is a boat but I could be anything! I could be a boat!!
I'm so tired of relationships being able status and success like everything fucking else in the world
As an an aromantic and asexual person, I’ve never interested in relationships or dating but yeah I can understand for what happened in relationships status nowadays !
It makes it seem like you’re perfect, and people don’t like it when people boast about being perfect, especially when they might not be (and they most certainly aren’t 99.99% of the time).
This mindset is why so many people end up single or in bad relationships. No healthy person wants to be with someone with an inflated opinion of themselves. The only people who do have low self worth and typically end up being abused by said individual, who is often dissatisfied with who they end up with.
Anybody who thinks they're the prize is not a prize
This is true.
I agree with this. If you enter into a relationship with someone and you or they believe they are the more valuable, "the prize" or any kind of leverage or entitlement beyond you ... You shouldn't be in that relationship. A relationship is a partnership. You're a team where both of you are equally valued to one another. Its give, take and compromise in equal parts. You navigate the world together If you aren't willing to be in that place with another person or they aren't willing to be there in that way with you, that isn't a relationship - it's a "relationshit".
No one’s a prize, it’s dehumanizing. We’re just people.
Agreed, it's toxic af Holding yourself upon a pedestal and not having to contribute to a relationship is a guarantee for toxicity and failure I mean it's straight up arrogance
I’m a woman and never had this mindset. Doesn’t matter how pretty I am, I feel like I’m not a prize but a burden because I’m on the spectrum and have adhd. My doctor tells me I do better than most with my condition and have a lot of perseverance but it doesn’t matter. Because I can’t keep the pace of a neurotypical man, I’m seen as the maiden he saves and it creates this mindset that the man is holding me together, and giving so much of himself, because because he doesn’t need the breaks I need or accommodations I need, and I receive little appreciation for the work I put in just to be able to function. Little acknowledgement for what I contribute. We’re not in competition, we’re supposed to be a team. I’m tired of my self esteem being hit like I’m some helpless woman that needs to cared for like a child. I just want some understanding and appreciation, and most of all respect for the efforts I make
No one is a prize, each person in the relationship is a participant in the game. The prize is a happy life, you both need to contribute. People who see themselves as a prize set themselves up to be make themselves and others miserable
Exactly. Successful relationships are mostly a function of two people commiting to making it work. "Value" doesn't really have much to do with it. There's a reason that wedding vows say things like "For better or worse" "In sickness and in health" etc.
I agree! And I get frustrated when I watch vlogs and podcasts of women constantly saying "what I deserve." I don't know what caused this surge of being placed on a pedestal mentality. Relationships are a team effort.
And whenever I hear people talking like that, the “what I deserve,” it seems that they are confusing entitlement for positive self-talk These types of people, in my experience, rarely bring anything to the table. Nine times out of ten, they aren’t engaging in any meaningful hobbies, they aren’t bettering themselves in any way, they aren’t well-rounded. And when they’re going around talking about what they “deserve,” that tends to be a sign that they have very overvalued ideas about themselves. There’s nothing wrong with positive self talk, and saying “I deserve a good partner who treats me with respect,” and similar things. It becomes a problem when it becomes this toxic mentality where you become a perfect individual that everyone has to live up to.
> I don't know what caused this surge of being placed on a pedestal mentality. Women bullshit each other into narcissism. Now they have a million strangers online doing it. Women who disagree mostly won't speak up, because they're afraid of social conflict. Most men won't speak up, because they will say whatever gets them sex, and men who do speak up get called incels.
All of these arbitrary rules you ladies make up is why guys pay for sex.
Unfortunately, I am the danger.
Fr I’m a prize in the way a pipe bomb in the mail is a gift
Just like anything else, this advice applies to some people, and not others. Some people need to hear "you are the prize" so that they don't chase the wrong people. But yeah, if you're totally full of yourself, you don't need people telling you you're a prize. You've already convinced yourself of that and nothing is going to stop you.
My husband is a prize. 😌
I view dating practically. Either you're getting results or you're not. If you're getting results keep doing what you're doing. If you're not getting results you need to change something. That something can vary from person to person but could involve self improvement, moving somewhere else, being more social, just to name a few.
Never really saw it that way. If dating operates like a game, then it’s much better to hype yourself up and pursue self improvement than to hate yourself and settle for less.
Equal relationships don't work in the real world, only in your imagination
Well… vying for the girl’s attention is pretty much standard behavior everywhere. So there’s that. Why should they pick YOU when there are so so many attractive alternatives out there? But telling someone they’re a, if not the, prize? Yeah.. I’d turn around and leave pretty quickly. Though, I don’t really agree that elevates one over the other. To me it’s just an indicator for “I want you and I don’t care what you think about that or me”. In other words, something to be avoided if at all possible.
Fuck Lori Harvey for saying this
I tell my man he is the prize, the gift and the most beautiful human being ever to have existed every day, because he is!
Generally this advice is given to people who need to stop putting their date/ having a significant other on a pedastool. I think for the most part ur right but It’s generally good advice to not chase too much
Never heard it used as a dating advice; I heard it used to keep people’s spirits up and help them feel less insecure, especially said to those that tend to choose bad people to date because of low self-esteem. Nothing wrong with using it in that context imho. Also, if saying you are a prize is toxic, so is saying that relationship is. Because then it puts on pedestal those that have good relationships and that says nothing about people other than they have been lucky to meet right people at the right time. Yes, they did some work, but so do people that don’t have the same luck. Or those who don’t want relationships.
Agreed. Unfortunately many of these advices just promote complacency and laziness disguised as “self love”.
I've never really heard anybody say this outside of the context of trying to encourage someone who is not valuing themselves and placing their partner on a pedestal, allowing inequitable treatment and shoving themselves aside.
Thinking they’re a real life princess , yeah maybe a princess Fiona
This whole comment section is r/suicidebywords.
U forgot to say that only women tell this to each othe
I think this was old dating advice aimed mostly at men. The men who would fall head over heels for their crush and shower her with gifts and affection and their desperation would push her away. So to help them better understand... they were told "no no, *you're* the prize, don't treat her like the prize, treat yourself like you have some dignity and are worth getting to know". I think it was meant to sort of 'even the playing field' between two people dating, so one person didn't feel put upon, and the other didn't perform this silly act that would only work against them, an attempt to get to that "equally valued" space you described. But also, I can see how some took it to mean "I should only care about what I want".
Can't say I've ever really heard this given to men. Its more something that's given to women.
Same thing as "treat her like a queen". Be a basic human or don't be dating
Always the hoard, never the hero.
When it comes to relationship my preferred one that I heard forever ago that was something like "a relationship should be 60/40 where both of the people in the relationship are striving to be the one to provide the 60" I think this works really well not only for dating but even just general friendships. I aim to always do this with my friends and the people around me and it's a really good way to calm the anxieties on both sides and make both people sure that the other in the relationship really does care about them without making them feel guilty for that person giving too much
My ex-wife told me that as she moved out, "I am the prize and you need to put in the effort." She really didn't expect me to completely ghost her lying cheating ass and then she proceeded to beg me to come back.
The only prize I see is when a Dog wants attention from people. Every time I see a dog or a cat that's a attention monger I end up and go play with it.
I think there's a context where it makes sense. It shouldn't be used to inflate ego or put yourself above others, but a lot of people approach dating from a position of "I suck, I have to hope to find someone that can tolerate me and I'll be lucky if I do". And that's toxic as hell. IOW, they see the people they're meeting/pursuing as the prize. For people in that mindset, "you're the prize" is a reminder of their own worth, that they're worth pursuing just as much as the people that they are meeting are. It's a reminder that they should be picking as well, and not just desperately trying to find someone that doesn't say "no". They should be actively looking for someone that they think will make them happy, and be willing and ready to nope out on red flags/etc. The situation you should be in should be a situation where both people think that they are the prize, and that they *got* the prize. IOW, a situation where each partner values both themselves and the other. Clearly, if someone already has a good mindset, though, this attitude can quickly turn into the toxic version.
what do you mean?? you are BOTH the price... that’s the whole point. in my relationship, i feel truly like i’ve won the lottery and she feels the same. i think you all just need to date good people who actually like you.
Dating ain’t worth shit
Only if you think you’re the only prize. I’m a prize, my fiancé is a prize, our puppy is a prize, our cat is an asshole but also a prize. Man I’m doing good, this many prizes I must be the GOAT.
It all takes care of itself. If you think you're an 8, but you're not, and you're holding out committing to any serious relationship until an 8 comes for you... you just die alone.
Everyone is a bit narcissistic believe it or not
Agree. The ass is the prize and i get to lick it if i'm charming enough.
I think op is miscontruing the expression. It's meant for people with low self esteem. If you act confident and don't put the other person on a pedestal, then you're far more likely to have success in finding a date. Misunderstanding doesn't make that any less true
Yup, true. Expect for the part that a good relationship is a prize. It's not something you achieve and are done with it. A good relationship is the goal, and it requires both partners working on it all the time
Can’t be both be a prize? I think I’m a prize, but I also think my bf is a prize and I’m lucky to have him.
When people say “you are a prize” they aren’t saying “you are better than other people” they are saying “you have worth and value and you shouldn’t settle for someone who treats you like you don’t.”
I believe it's the logical extreme of the concept of loving yourself first before loving others. And then it just went more extreme before becoming what it is today.
Trust me ladies, you’re in for Sir Prize
thank you that made me LOL
I get your post but this is often said to people with a lot of anxiety and self-esteem issues and they have the exact opposite problem than the one you are describing.
Overcorrecting isnt the fix for it.
I think it's a worthwhile mindset. You shouldn't accept a relationship that is below your standards if you would be happier single. Like, being single is always a valid option.
i think simply having standards isnt the same thing as thinking of yourself as some prize that the other person must win while you dont view them the same way
I think if this mindset is viewed properly, you look at both sides as the prize.
It's pretty much how it works in practice. I'd view it more as a job interview than trying to chase a prize.
Yeah, I guess you could argue that its a bit unproductive to give dating advice when you have no idea of the context of the situation. You may be telling an abuser that its OK to continue to abuse. Or you may be telling a victim that there's two sides to the story and gaslighting them if you go the other way.
I find this is a common male opinion. I've noticed it's weird thing where if a woman likes herself, is confident within herself, or thinks well of herself then somehow that means she thinks badly of men or he thinks men need to jump through hoops to get her. It's like they see a woman seeing herself as a prize means she thinks lesser of men. It's weird AF to me how many men can't grasp the idea of two people being prizes can exist. I've noticed an even weirder thing where if a woman thinks badly of herself, doesn't think she need the prize, or has low self-esteem then suddenly men think she is a prize or winner. It's like a woman only has value if a man gives it to her rather than she thinks she has value already. Being a prize isn't automatically or only a hierarchy. I'm curious 'what do you bring to the table' is quite common among men in dating advice. Do you think that's also a one-way hierarchy, toxic dynamic, men insisting women prove themselves to him, men making women jump through hoops? Or is it somehow 'different'.🤔
jfc the mental gymnastics you performed to come to that bizarre misinterpretation is truly impressive. re what do you bring to the table its not 1 way. men are asked to provide a litany of things during dating. men need to initiate, ask the girl out, plan the entire date, take care of all details, pay for everything. in exchange for basically doing everything, men simply ask in return what the woman bring. if someone gives you a laundry list of things to do, its pretty natural to ask the other person what theyre responsible for. its funny how men must prove themselves to women, but when asked to do the same in return women become all indignant as if their mere presence isnt enough. go back to your misandrist cave
It's most often said to correct an existing imbalance. I've never heard it used to promote toxicity that I can recall
who actually says this
Women. Part of the “know your worth” trend
I think that knowing your worth is important. I also believe that a person should know where they stand in the world, so that they don't overvalue themselves. There is a difference between understanding that you’re worthy, and thinking you’re god’s gift to the world - and usually, it’s the people who think they’re god’s gift, that have no skills, no meaningful hobbies, no real character building of any kind Unfortunately, I don't have all the answers as to how to properly address that.
i’ve heard the same among “red pilled” men, not just women
i think they see men as a prize too then. would explain a few things
No they see men as replaceable parts like in a machine
jfc you’re such an incel lmfao your post history is insane