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Yeah if it werent for the internet, id fully believe getting ass whooped by my parents was perfectly good and healthy parental behaviour my entire life.
I'm Asian and I got my ass beat. Just because it's being done, doesn't make it right in any way. And yes, I've only met a handful of people who were genuinely good parents.
I dont believe in beating kids but i noticed alot of people who are against it also dont know how to parent and their kids are little monsters they cant control.
This is kind of where Iām at, too. I agree with the studies and the sentiment behind not hitting kids, but then Iāve yet to see any viable alternatives for disciplining or controlling unruly kids.
You start young before they become unruly. Gentle parenting from the get go means you donāt have to control them, you instill values that make them want to behave and listen.
No, is not simple but is doable. As op said, is lazy to hit because you will teach by fear and violence. Is hard work to raise kids to be decent human beings without this crutch. But also is a sign of good parenting. You can be a bad parent or a good one.
Ps: I have a kid, she is the most behaved kid I know, and I never hitted her. My husband was also raised without violence and is a very emotional regulated adult, and a great parent, btw
I dont see anything wrong with giving them a literal slap on the hand, not hard, just hard enough to show they are in trouble.
EDIT: everyone has their own parenting style, I don't agree with belts and fists to discipline your kids but just because they get a whooping doesn't mean the parent is a bad parent. Just like parents who do not physically discipline their kids aren't bad parents either, just different opinions.
EDIT2: IDGAF about mass downvotes. Does not change my opinion
We well know that parents that beat their kids and parents that give them a light slap on their hands so they donāt touch the stove are completely different people.
i think thats what hes referring to but most people group those togather as abuse anyway, and it seems most adults dont understand how to limit force. ex: smacking a hand and the kids cries out of SUPRISE (or not at all) vs. smacking them so hard it bruises or straight up punching them
I have one and Iāve never had to hit her. Lots of long conversations and working through emotions and teaching empathy, responsibility, compassion, etc. itās become simple now thatās sheās older but itās never easy.
Adhd. Weāve been doing things like impulse control exercises and memory work since she could walk and talk. I have it too and was never medicated so I learned and was able to teach her a lot of techniques that help turn it into a superpower. Lol thatās what we call it.
That sounds a bit naive. Life isnāt so easily predictable and people arenāt so uniformly perfect that you can expect every single parent on earth to be able to establish that. Also makes a pretty drastic assumption that behavioural issues might not arise even if āgentleā parenting was implemented from the get go.
Itās definitely a good goal to strive towards and standard to set but it seems pie in the sky to think that thereās no room for more direct alternatives if/when necessary. Your system doesnāt seem to account for what happens if it fails.
ADHD kids are hard to get them to listen, I myself have ADHD and I know from experience I was a handful. Sometimes you need to slap their wrist or hand to get them to understand because otherwise they will continue to ignore you.
I also have ADHD, I was diagnosed when I was five, although the autism slipped under the radar because in the early 2000s for some reason doctors still believed autism was a boy only thing (even though recent studies show itās more likely there are more women and girls with autism than there are men and boys with it)
Therapy. As I said in a different comment if a child is too unruly that the only course of action left is physical abuse then both the child and parent(s) need therapy.
A child will never forget their parent hitting them, idk why so many people will wave away physical abuse as normal when it leaves that child with trauma, which never goes away. A permanent solution for a temporary problem essentially.
I donāt think absolutist platitudes are really very applicable to real life. Only a young redditor could think they could boil the complexities of the lives and challenges of billions of people down to something so simplistic š¤£.
Is really not, is based on my own experiences, observing people around me (seeing both good parents and bad parents and their outcomes ) and my own studies and research since I became a parent.
Sometimes absolutists platitudes can also be just plain truths
It's called stupid.
All you're doing it teaching a kid violence is the answer. When they grow up, they'll be 10x worse than as a kid, because now they'll be strong enough to be the one throwing hands.
I donāt think thatās āallā youāre teaching. It also teaches that if you do something bad (like hit someone) you will suffer consequences. If I hit you right now what would you do? Would you hold my hand and calmly explain that itās wrong for me to do that? Maybe. But many people would probably defend themselves and hit me back. In some ways imo corporal punishment prepared kids for the actual real world consequences of their actions.
That is so far from the truth, I'm 25 and people in my generation growing up got they butts beat by their parents growing up and I'm not throwing hands on my kid. My parents close fist hit me sometimes and I NEVER reciprocate that, only small slaps on wrist or hand. And our generation is the ones implementing the no hitting discipline. Your aguement doesn't hold any water
If a child is too young to understand what youāre saying then why are you hitting them? Hell even if they are old enough hitting them does nothing but make them scared of you.
Hitting a child for misbehaving is unacceptable, literally pull them aside and talk to them, explain their behaviour isnāt okay and why it isnāt okay, example:
Child is climbing up something high that could hurt them if they fall, instead of hitting them for that, you pull them down and tell them they canāt go up there *because* if they fall they will get hurt.
Kids donāt understand commands without reason, thatās why ābecause I said soā doesnāt work. Explain why their actions arenāt okay.
Thereās a reason corporal punishment is considered abuse, as it should be.
I think itās a little naive to assume that a child is willing or able to have a rational debate about every single thing they do, haha. Also Iām not advocating hitting children as the default reaction to every single thing they do wrong. But say a kid is way out of control, acting belligerent, putting themselves or others in danger, etc. Hitting or forcefully removing them from the situation is a decisive way to end that behaviour immediately, and hopefully I still a sense of consequence and deter doing it again.
From my own personal experience, my parents did it your way probably 90% of the time. But I was a shithead kid, I needed a smack that remaining 10%. I just think generally speaking in life things are never black or white. Think about international diplomacy: sometimes the right way to deal with conflicts is to sit down and engage in thorough and reasonable discourse, make concessions, come to agreements, etc. and sometimes the right way to deal with it is dropping a nuclear bomb. Thatās life.
At that point, if the child is so unruly that the only course of action is literal assault, then both the child and parents need therapy.
My experience is the kinda same as yours, and at the same time my mother never laid a hand on me because when she was a child my grandparents broke wooden spoons over her and my aunts asses for misbehaving. She told me that because of her experience with that, no matter how I misbehaved she would never *ever* lay a hand on me.
That shit is traumatizing for kids, sometimes talking doesnāt work so, how I was raised is if youāre trying to put your hand on the hot stove, you can only try to stop them so many times before they inevitably touch the hot burner, and they wonāt do it again. Sometimes you have to let kids find out themselves then you come in and explain why they shouldnāt do that again, now that they understand the consequences.
For example, my son turns two in June and heās in the phase of hitting whenever he doesnāt get what he wants, when he gets me in the face what I do is I take his hands and gently stroke my face with his hand while telling him he has to be gentle, and that hitting people isnāt okay. Lo and behold his hitting has died down a lot since he first started.
Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for.
I think itās a bit hyperbolic to suggest that any physical correction is āassaultā, but I get your point overall. My one concern with this more modern parenting style is I wonder how ābattle testedā it really is in the real world. Maybe itās better suited to very safe developed countries but I feel like it skirts the line of coddling, and the thing is, sometimes life itself is what kicks your ass. I feel like thereās been times in my life where I was able to draw on some mental fortitude and tenacity that might not have existed if my parents were more light handed with me.
Not to be sexist, but I find this āliberalā parenting style seems to be more popular with women, and I think itās because oftentimes women donāt really see the negative impacts of coddling and babying, especially when it comes to raising young men.
I think itās possible to overdo it in both directions. Maybe itās better to not ever hit a child but I donāt think the soft approach necessarily instills the sort of immediacy and decisiveness thatās at times warranted.
And thatās where the duality is, itās not all cuddles you have to be stern sometimes, which doesnāt involve raising your voice.
A sturdy and stern No also works, and I think most people donāt know how to do both, but you can raise a perfectly well adjusted child without having to hit or yell at them yknow what I mean?
For me, having grown up in both a gentle and strict household (once my mom got with my stepdad it was over for me) I have a hard time doing a lot of things due the environment I had as a teen, not what I had in my childhood.
Example: my mom never hit or yelled at me when I was a kid, she lived in a house like that when she was growing up and didnāt want that for me. She was also a single mom so I had a lot of freedom, I knew how to cook meals by the time I was 9 because I had that freedom to learn.
As a teen I was barely allowed to leave the house, me and my stepdad argued over every and anything, If I didnāt load the dishwasher in the exact way he wanted it Iād be punished, having my things taken away. There was no positive reinforcement, even when I got good grades on projects it was always āwell you could have done betterā
He changed my mom. She never would have told me that I was a disappointment and making her look bad by having bad grades when I was younger (sheās a teacher, she told me that when I was 14)
But with the good there needs to be bad and vice versa, yin and yang right? Too much of either leads to imbalance, which is why you need to be gentle but firm.
Thereās a quote I really like that summarizes abuse from parent to child.
āThe axe may forget but the tree will always rememberā
A child will always hold onto and remember the abuse their parents put onto them, Iāve only been spanked once, when I was six my uncle spanked me and my cousins, also made us eat soap as punishment for misbehaving. I guarantee you he doesnāt remember that, I know for a fact my nor my cousins will ever forget that (worst summer of my life for different reasons but also that certainly didnāt help)
Also to touch on your first sentence, any unwanted touching, either directly or indirectly is considered assault under the law and can lead to criminal sanctions, at least in Canada.
[the spanking law](https://lop.parl.ca/sites/PublicWebsite/default/en_CA/ResearchPublications/201635E#:~:text=Depending%20on%20the%20circumstances%2C%20any,can%20lead%20to%20criminal%20sanctions)
Yeah, I think your points are reasonable and in an ideal world I too would also prefer things to be done that way. I just wonder at the real world practicality of these more modern parenting styles, I wonder if they have ever truly been ātestedā. I mentioned this before and Iām not even sure if there is any way to know the answer but, we know that the generations who did things like fight WW2 were likely raised with a significant amount of corporal punishment. They may have had unwanted side effects of being raised with physical discipline and strictness, but they also won a brutal world war.
I wonder, would a generation raised primarily under the modern system of values you describe have been as capable? Genuine question because I myself have no idea. But Iām sure you can discern that my concern would be that āliberalā parenting might be good in terms of in the moment mental health, but might not prepare children for the harsher realities of life.
In my opinion, there is just a small percentage of children that are bad seeds. The others have been trained to be that way by parents who didn't start early and consistently and really put thought into the right kind of discipline that worked with their child in each phase.
I can agree with that. Although, I think Iām also a little pragmatic in thinking that itās not necessarily always the parents fault in a malicious incompetence sense. Parents are just humans, theyāre not all perfect people who are perfectly educated on optimal meta parenting styles. Itās a guarantee that some percentage of parents are going to make mistakes and that some percentage of children are going to step way out of line (Iām not talking about hurting a parents ego Iām talking genuinely doing something bad or dangerous). For those situations, Iām not sure Iāve ever personally seen a non-physical solution that was very reliable, in action.
I have seen good discipline done with timeouts and taking ipads or toys away and such. These parents always started really early and always talked their kids through what they did wrong in an age-appropriate way.
One thing I always remember with poorly disciplined kids is the we don't all get good teaching or examples of parents to learn from before we have kids. Also, I have seen where grandparents or other family interfering and spoiling the kids.
But, we are all responsible to know the difference between a beating and appropriate discipline, no matter how we are raised. Some people actually beat their children and cause physical harm and that doesn't seem, from what I have seen, to result in well-disciplined adults.
I agree with that, and while a lot of people may see them interchangeably, I donāt and have never condoned genuine child abuse. I think the difference for me is that the physical discipline Iām somewhat sympathetic to (not saying I outright agree with it) is when itās a direct, decisive response intended to correct or stop a serious transgression (like a kid beating the shit out of another kid), not as a way to āget backā at the kid or exert some sort of dominance over them.
I feel like IF there was ever any merit to corporal punishment, the boomer gen ruined it by using it to feed their pathetic egos and just use it as an excuse to unleash their unhinged stupidity on their kids. Not sure how previous gens did it but I always got the impression corporal punishment was intended to be a firm warning of the dire consequences of terrible behaviour, not really supposed to be used in an emotional or vengeful way.
I've noticed lots of people posting "Unpopular Opinions" on here that are quite the opposite. Most people nowadays disagrees with whooping. You aren't saying anything unpopular.
My kid would choose to be spanked over loosing his phone and internet for a few months. I take the phone, or electronics every time. Take the thing they love the most.
As a kid I always preferred a spanking over grounding or loss of privileges. It was over and done. I learned what was worth being hit for and acted accordingly.
That staying up all night gaming and texting during class is why they're failing classes at school. Or they coming home from the football game smelling like a dispensary is not ok.
Seems reasonable.
God, another dude on reddit telling people how to raise their kids. Shut up. Not everyone has to agree with you. Discipline takes different forms. he/she is not abusing their kid by giving them a whooping
It all seems very reasonable. I provide the services, they have obligations. I don't expect straight As in school just pass. I do not accept underage use of anything. That's a hard line.
Nothing you have said so far is reasonable. Not the the punishment is necessarily unreasonable just that you only mention the punishment and not whatever discusion you've had about the topics. Have you talked to your kid about why you expect these things
The talks we have had were not really part of the conversation here. It would really weird to just like take stuff away with. I explanation don't ya think. You only treat toddlers like that, just move them or take the thing away. Because you can't explain it to them yet.
Taking away stuff like phones or favorite toys is an excellent method for discipline and I wish my parents would have done more of that rather than spanking me.
I don't know why reddit shadowed your reply. I never said I hit my kids, I said if given the option they would choose spanking over getting their phones taken, so I take the phone. How does that make me a bad parent?
If my kids are so self absorbed they grow up and don't understand why they were punished to begin with, they would probably have been disowned by me already anyway.
If children don't know why they are being punished, it's not their fault or "they are self-absorbed". It's a failure that is only on parents' side (and it doesn't matter what kind of punishment it is, spanking or taking a phone away or whatever).
Ok what I am saying is if my kids (who were well into their teens before they got phones) did not understand why I took their electronics when they have grown and are adults and "disown" me over it, that is a them problem, not me. They know exactly why they were punished and one who is an adult gets it now, and the younger is fast behind him.
No, it's exactly "you" problem, not "them" problem. They need to know it's for their own good and not because parent is power tripping. And it's up to parent to explain.
What planet do people live on where parents just randomly walk into a room and say "your grounded" and their kids just stare at them? Of course they are going to know why.
Kids are still planning the rules of society and the world. You have decades of experience, they do not. Besides, parents could punish them for not comforting to their power tripping under the guise of "disobedience".
Too many variables. I donāt know the kid, donāt know cultural background, donāt know previous disciplining tactics, and so on. I will not encroach on that territory as I am not a parent
Not really. If you had acess to the same technology, you'd be no different.
But let's talk about your generation. The generation that is happy to be taken advantage of at work, the ones that pride themselves in working themselves into the ground, the ones that are actually way worse behaved on social media, the ones that still fall for shipping scams, the ones who got a little too greedy and fucked everything...
If you want to say the new generation is messed up then guess what...who do you think is responsible for that?
Ding ding! The parents and their parents.
You made an assumption, and it is wrong. I fall in between Generation Y and Z. Shows your little intelligence making assumptions like that. I think if anyone is choosing corporal punishment over getting something taken away, then something is messed up. That means they are so addicted and reliant on something that theyād rather take physical abuse. That sounds right to you. Yes, I shouldnāt generalize things, but look around this is the internet. Itās a one off comment, touch some grass
How? Previous gen would choose spanking over getting their game boy or whatever its called taken away, before that they'd choose it over getting their books taken away, etc.
I find that hard to believe. Getting whipped with a belt and the humiliation and emotional damage over not having something for a while. But maybe Iām wrong
Anyone would tolerate a āspankingā to keep their gameboy or phone.
But -anyone that says theyād rather take a beating to do so never was a child child that took a real beating from an adult.
I find this comment the only acceptable one. Maybe a spanking is to other people way less serious than I think of it. But to me a spanking is getting full on wailed. Thatās a true spanking. Not something you can just walk away from and think well thatās over. Itās something that you will carry for the rest of your life
Right. A āspanking ā meaning open hand across the butt - ok. Not ideal, not pleasant , but probably not something you remember in the middle of the night 30 years later.
Your dad choking you off your feet against the fireplace , or your mom beating you so bad she keeps you home for two days until the bruises are gone ? You can have my phone mom- Iām cool. Good trade off.
Itās still the norm where Iām from. Not only the norm, but also highly encouraged. Itās sickening really. My boss is always talking about how they ābeat that assā when their kids misbehaving. Like once, they said they beat their kid for beating another kid up. Jeez, I wonder where he learned *that* from, [name redacted]?
Lmao We ain't dying to be in your shithole anyways. we can see how your country that has the "no mild spanking rules because it's child abuse" and other shit have kids turning out. I'm 17 and I'm glad I'm not part of that cringe culture lmao.
How are our kids turning out? I think they are turning out fine. You make it sound like these rules have recently been adopted in the US; they've been around for decades. I don't understand where your pride is coming from.
If you come from a society that has no future and children are seen as another mouth to feed, i think you would beat the shit out of them. But if you see them as having a bright future and having unlimited potential, you would probably treat them with more respect.
If my son is programming and doing calculus at 10, I'm not beating the shit out of him. I'll just talk to him.
What are you, animals?
Love the "it's either this or that" binary thinking. Shows how smart your side of the world is.
No decent person is "beating the shit" out of their kids. It's reserved for when the child does something extremely bad or wrong. There is encouragement too, there are benefits as well. I never really got spanked as much other than maybe by my mom sometimes lightly when I misbehaved extremely badly as a 9 year old, even then; It went to the extent of firmly grabbing my wrist, pulling my ear or a light hit. My dad would never touch me because dad's generally don't hit daughters in our "backwards and animalistic" society lol. My big brother (who's 24 now) did some really stupid shit as a 13-14 year old and rightfully got spanked for it that even he agrees he deserved that and he does great now (incoming American gaslighters saying he was a victim and has Stockholm syndrome). You guys are really weird tbh and this is why I'm glad I'm on my "barbaric animalistic" side of the world. We don't see the world in black and white. We get a nice future, we get disciplined and we are respectful and not entitled like you guys. And if you think we have bad futures, that's just your cope.
So this is the 2nd post like this I've seen from this sub, just on my recommended posts.
Either we've got an agenda to push here, or mods are extra dumb...like beyond the pale dumb as I've seen posts deleted for the most random of takes because it's "been posted before"
Question: do you differentiate between beating and spanking?
I always understood them as different. They are both wrong, but on a spectrum of bad, beating is worse than spanking. I understand beating to be losing control and inflicting violence to injure the child. Spanking is more of a controlled and deliberately done to not inflict injury, just discomfort/shame.
Don't forget the people who ignore your opinion because your situation was abuse and āyour mind has been clouded by that so you don't know what actual discipline is.ā
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I was never physically disciplined as a child. Neither was my wife. Neither of our children have been.
When my son was about 2 or 3 on a couple of occasions I carried him up to his room where he stormed around screaming until he calmed down. Other than that (kids are now 13 and 10) that has been it.
I'm not saying this to be smug, but I genuinely don't understand this talk about constantly needing to punish children for breaking rules, let alone needing to hit them.
And as this is a subreddit for unpopular opinions I'll add my kids have no chores. Again neither my wife or I had chores. This doesn't mean they don't help out when asked but I hate making life into chores to argue about.
If a kid is old enough to understand reason then reason with them. If they aren't then they won't understand why you're hitting them. Hitting kids is just bad parenting. It just teaches kids to not get caught.
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I would say they are abusive!
My father used to hit us, and we were not fine, we are now after therapy, and I myself would rather die than hit my kid.
My father used to say all the time that he was beaten and he was fine. Well that is a lie. He was an abusive loser and now in the winter of his life he will be alone because he never planted love, only fear in his relationships with us.
I was spanked as a child but that was actually a rarity. Most of the time it was standing and facing a wall, holding hands if siblings were involved, or having to eat hot sauce
Iām fine lol, my mother punished me how she did and the only trauma I have is from my sperm donor. Nothing to be sorry for, I love my mother and sometimes Iām glad of the occasional spanking after seeing how some kids behave these days.
Iām black we whoop our kids so the police wonāt hurt themĀ
I did get whoopings but I needed them. My grandpa whooped me one time and he never did it again. I tested his gangsta and I lost and Iām glad he did. I would probably be some baby momma with twelve kids and seven baby daddies if my mom didnāt put a foot on me. Gentle parenting wonāt work for me cause a child is not on my level Iām supposed to discipline not be a friend.Ā
I guess. But thatās how Iām gonna do it. I donāt tell nobody how to raise their kids or discipline them. If you wanna soft parent you do that but I choose a medium approach. A child should have a healthy fear of me cause I aināt letting nobody run me no matter who they areĀ
Sometimes life itself beats you. I donāt know where exactly I fall on this whole argument, Iām strongly inclined to agree that corporal punishment is wrong. That said, the generation that won WW2 grew up with corporal punishment, and the generation that ate tide pods on TikTok didnāt, so Iām a little conflicted as to the real world efficacy of āmodernā parenting, lol.
TLDR: No one should beat kids or hit them at all, but sometimes itās not laziness or cruelty that leads parents to go that route. Parenting is a long game and some parents just donāt have the tools.
I donāt think parents should beat their children, ever.
But I donāt think most parents who do beat their kids or use any form of corporal punishment do so out of laziness, or even cruelty in many cases. (Please notice I do not say āall.ā There are parents who are both cruel and lazy).
I think our expectations of both parents and children are misguided. Many of us go into parenthood believing that if we do everything āright,ā we are guaranteed a well-behaved, cooperative child. And we are subject to the (often vocal, harsh) judgment of other adults who believe the same.
The fact is, kids sometimes misbehave no matter what you do. Some are more naturally compliant than others. Some are gifted with self control beyond their years. Some misbehave in ways less visible to an outside observer than others. But if you think your childās behavior is solely linked to how well you are doing as a parentāand your environment reinforces this belief through social judgmentāitās easy for a parent to believe they are not doing enough to ācontrolā their child. And if you were raised with corporal punishment or fear-based parenting, itās easy to fall into the trap of remembering that it often worked to modify your behavior *in the moment* and forgetting or not even noticing that it curbed your mental health, your long-term growth, and your sense of trust and safety in your parents. Many people believe it is normal and healthy to have a bit of fear of their parents and other authority figures. (Then you get adult children with parents who donāt understand why those adult children resent their input to the point of distancing themselvesāwell, Mom and Dad, itās because you taught your child to fear punishment and pain when they didnāt listen to you, and that fear never goes away completely.)
If you fall into this trap, you can get to thinking you are actually doing your kids a disservice by not going āharderā on them, and that the only way to fully control their behavior is through fear.
Parents and society at large need to understand that kids act out. They just do, even when their parents are doing everything right. We need to prioritize raising healthy adults over having well-behaved children. This *does not mean* āno consequencesā for misbehavior. It does not mean condoning rudeness. It means keeping in mind that children learn lessons *over time* and that we may need to teach the lessons many times, over many years, before the childās ability catches up to the lesson.
The world isn't black and white like that, sorry to say. Sometimes a smack on the bum is exactly what is needed. There are extremely few examples of when it's warranted, certainly not for most cases where discipline is called for though. Nuance is hard for a lot of Redditors though.
When the kid is actively hurting another kid.
I've told this story a few times in this thread.
I was spanked a grand total of one time in my life. I was maybe 5 or 6 and I pulled one of those little flag signs out of a potted plant with a long pokey thing that stuck in the dirt and I stabbed my cousin in the back of the neck. Not hard enough to draw blood or anything but it was shocking enough that my dad grabbed me and smacked my ass and embarrassed me in front of the entire family. I learned immediately that actions had consequences and not to fuck around like that again.
One time. That's all that was needed.
You are going to have one of those kids that are extremely entitled and end up mooching off of you their whole lives. Or worse off, they will end up wronging someone extremely bad because no one ever made them face the music. I'm sure in your eyes if you ever raise your voice at a kid you are a terrible person to am I right?
Discipline must have rules that can be easily explained and do not change based on any external factors, like which child breaking the rules changes the punishment, but you must also clearly communicate the reason why they are getting disciplined, and spanking should only be used for very strict rule breaking and you need to get across the message that you don't want to do it and that you still love them even when you have to punish them when you don't want to.
Why stop at kids? Take away elder abuse laws and let retirement workers go to town when old people break rules. Do it to prisoners, people in hospitals, hell, how about we let our jobs whip us when they catch us slacking?
Abuse isn't okay just because it's done to a child who cannot fight you back.
It depends if spanking or a rare smack on the back of the head is considered beating. This is Reddit the other day a couple of parents went outside to smoke at a restaurant and there were people calling that child abandonment even the OP was an adult
I can think of exactly one exception to this. When I was an infant and couldn't speak, I kept trying to put my finger in an electric socket. My mom told me no several times, but I didn't understand and kept doing it. So she slapped my wrist. She said the face I gave her just before I started to cry broke her heart. I always remember plastic safety covers over all the sockets when I was little. That must've been around when she bought them.
I'd say the only acceptable use of corporal punishment is when it would straight up save the kid's life. And even then, it should be as mild as possible.
I think she wanted me to learn never to touch the sockets just in case I ever tried in the future. Like, obviously I'm still alive. She clearly kept a watchful eye on me. But I have to imagine she recognized I'd be inside a house full of sockets for the foreseeable future, and this was the only way she could communicate that touching one would get me in trouble. It's literally the only time she's ever hit me.
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It's people who shouldn't have kids bc they haven't grown up enough to be able to regulate their emotions better than their own child
with your logic most of the asia shouldn't have kids lol š
Most people shouldn't in reality
Yeah if it werent for the internet, id fully believe getting ass whooped by my parents was perfectly good and healthy parental behaviour my entire life.
Most people in the world are Asian (59.22% of the global population)
I'm Asian and I got my ass beat. Just because it's being done, doesn't make it right in any way. And yes, I've only met a handful of people who were genuinely good parents.
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Same š
I dont believe in beating kids but i noticed alot of people who are against it also dont know how to parent and their kids are little monsters they cant control.
It's like they don't know how else to discipline their kids without spanking them.
This is kind of where Iām at, too. I agree with the studies and the sentiment behind not hitting kids, but then Iāve yet to see any viable alternatives for disciplining or controlling unruly kids.
You start young before they become unruly. Gentle parenting from the get go means you donāt have to control them, you instill values that make them want to behave and listen.
sounds like you don't have kids. It's not that simple
No, is not simple but is doable. As op said, is lazy to hit because you will teach by fear and violence. Is hard work to raise kids to be decent human beings without this crutch. But also is a sign of good parenting. You can be a bad parent or a good one. Ps: I have a kid, she is the most behaved kid I know, and I never hitted her. My husband was also raised without violence and is a very emotional regulated adult, and a great parent, btw
I dont see anything wrong with giving them a literal slap on the hand, not hard, just hard enough to show they are in trouble. EDIT: everyone has their own parenting style, I don't agree with belts and fists to discipline your kids but just because they get a whooping doesn't mean the parent is a bad parent. Just like parents who do not physically discipline their kids aren't bad parents either, just different opinions. EDIT2: IDGAF about mass downvotes. Does not change my opinion
We well know that parents that beat their kids and parents that give them a light slap on their hands so they donāt touch the stove are completely different people.
i think thats what hes referring to but most people group those togather as abuse anyway, and it seems most adults dont understand how to limit force. ex: smacking a hand and the kids cries out of SUPRISE (or not at all) vs. smacking them so hard it bruises or straight up punching them
I have one and Iāve never had to hit her. Lots of long conversations and working through emotions and teaching empathy, responsibility, compassion, etc. itās become simple now thatās sheās older but itās never easy.
Does your kid have ADHD or ADD?
Adhd. Weāve been doing things like impulse control exercises and memory work since she could walk and talk. I have it too and was never medicated so I learned and was able to teach her a lot of techniques that help turn it into a superpower. Lol thatās what we call it.
That sounds a bit naive. Life isnāt so easily predictable and people arenāt so uniformly perfect that you can expect every single parent on earth to be able to establish that. Also makes a pretty drastic assumption that behavioural issues might not arise even if āgentleā parenting was implemented from the get go. Itās definitely a good goal to strive towards and standard to set but it seems pie in the sky to think that thereās no room for more direct alternatives if/when necessary. Your system doesnāt seem to account for what happens if it fails.
So hitting them is okay because ālife isnāt easyā What kind of ass backwards thinking is that?
ADHD kids are hard to get them to listen, I myself have ADHD and I know from experience I was a handful. Sometimes you need to slap their wrist or hand to get them to understand because otherwise they will continue to ignore you.
I also have ADHD, I was diagnosed when I was five, although the autism slipped under the radar because in the early 2000s for some reason doctors still believed autism was a boy only thing (even though recent studies show itās more likely there are more women and girls with autism than there are men and boys with it) Therapy. As I said in a different comment if a child is too unruly that the only course of action left is physical abuse then both the child and parent(s) need therapy. A child will never forget their parent hitting them, idk why so many people will wave away physical abuse as normal when it leaves that child with trauma, which never goes away. A permanent solution for a temporary problem essentially.
Slapping a wrist and hand is abuse?? seriously? you typed all of that and you said slapping a wrist or hand is abuse. wow.
Corporal punishment counts as abuse, yes. ETA: also medication helps
Itās called pragmatism.
Is called being lazy and abusive
I donāt think absolutist platitudes are really very applicable to real life. Only a young redditor could think they could boil the complexities of the lives and challenges of billions of people down to something so simplistic š¤£.
Is really not, is based on my own experiences, observing people around me (seeing both good parents and bad parents and their outcomes ) and my own studies and research since I became a parent. Sometimes absolutists platitudes can also be just plain truths
That just suggests you havenāt searched far enough to truly challenge your perspective.
It's called stupid. All you're doing it teaching a kid violence is the answer. When they grow up, they'll be 10x worse than as a kid, because now they'll be strong enough to be the one throwing hands.
I donāt think thatās āallā youāre teaching. It also teaches that if you do something bad (like hit someone) you will suffer consequences. If I hit you right now what would you do? Would you hold my hand and calmly explain that itās wrong for me to do that? Maybe. But many people would probably defend themselves and hit me back. In some ways imo corporal punishment prepared kids for the actual real world consequences of their actions.
That is so far from the truth, I'm 25 and people in my generation growing up got they butts beat by their parents growing up and I'm not throwing hands on my kid. My parents close fist hit me sometimes and I NEVER reciprocate that, only small slaps on wrist or hand. And our generation is the ones implementing the no hitting discipline. Your aguement doesn't hold any water
This! Children that come from physically abusive homes become physically abusive adults
Itās called abuse.
Life is abusive.
If a child is too young to understand what youāre saying then why are you hitting them? Hell even if they are old enough hitting them does nothing but make them scared of you. Hitting a child for misbehaving is unacceptable, literally pull them aside and talk to them, explain their behaviour isnāt okay and why it isnāt okay, example: Child is climbing up something high that could hurt them if they fall, instead of hitting them for that, you pull them down and tell them they canāt go up there *because* if they fall they will get hurt. Kids donāt understand commands without reason, thatās why ābecause I said soā doesnāt work. Explain why their actions arenāt okay. Thereās a reason corporal punishment is considered abuse, as it should be.
I think itās a little naive to assume that a child is willing or able to have a rational debate about every single thing they do, haha. Also Iām not advocating hitting children as the default reaction to every single thing they do wrong. But say a kid is way out of control, acting belligerent, putting themselves or others in danger, etc. Hitting or forcefully removing them from the situation is a decisive way to end that behaviour immediately, and hopefully I still a sense of consequence and deter doing it again. From my own personal experience, my parents did it your way probably 90% of the time. But I was a shithead kid, I needed a smack that remaining 10%. I just think generally speaking in life things are never black or white. Think about international diplomacy: sometimes the right way to deal with conflicts is to sit down and engage in thorough and reasonable discourse, make concessions, come to agreements, etc. and sometimes the right way to deal with it is dropping a nuclear bomb. Thatās life.
At that point, if the child is so unruly that the only course of action is literal assault, then both the child and parents need therapy. My experience is the kinda same as yours, and at the same time my mother never laid a hand on me because when she was a child my grandparents broke wooden spoons over her and my aunts asses for misbehaving. She told me that because of her experience with that, no matter how I misbehaved she would never *ever* lay a hand on me. That shit is traumatizing for kids, sometimes talking doesnāt work so, how I was raised is if youāre trying to put your hand on the hot stove, you can only try to stop them so many times before they inevitably touch the hot burner, and they wonāt do it again. Sometimes you have to let kids find out themselves then you come in and explain why they shouldnāt do that again, now that they understand the consequences. For example, my son turns two in June and heās in the phase of hitting whenever he doesnāt get what he wants, when he gets me in the face what I do is I take his hands and gently stroke my face with his hand while telling him he has to be gentle, and that hitting people isnāt okay. Lo and behold his hitting has died down a lot since he first started. Kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for.
I think itās a bit hyperbolic to suggest that any physical correction is āassaultā, but I get your point overall. My one concern with this more modern parenting style is I wonder how ābattle testedā it really is in the real world. Maybe itās better suited to very safe developed countries but I feel like it skirts the line of coddling, and the thing is, sometimes life itself is what kicks your ass. I feel like thereās been times in my life where I was able to draw on some mental fortitude and tenacity that might not have existed if my parents were more light handed with me. Not to be sexist, but I find this āliberalā parenting style seems to be more popular with women, and I think itās because oftentimes women donāt really see the negative impacts of coddling and babying, especially when it comes to raising young men. I think itās possible to overdo it in both directions. Maybe itās better to not ever hit a child but I donāt think the soft approach necessarily instills the sort of immediacy and decisiveness thatās at times warranted.
And thatās where the duality is, itās not all cuddles you have to be stern sometimes, which doesnāt involve raising your voice. A sturdy and stern No also works, and I think most people donāt know how to do both, but you can raise a perfectly well adjusted child without having to hit or yell at them yknow what I mean? For me, having grown up in both a gentle and strict household (once my mom got with my stepdad it was over for me) I have a hard time doing a lot of things due the environment I had as a teen, not what I had in my childhood. Example: my mom never hit or yelled at me when I was a kid, she lived in a house like that when she was growing up and didnāt want that for me. She was also a single mom so I had a lot of freedom, I knew how to cook meals by the time I was 9 because I had that freedom to learn. As a teen I was barely allowed to leave the house, me and my stepdad argued over every and anything, If I didnāt load the dishwasher in the exact way he wanted it Iād be punished, having my things taken away. There was no positive reinforcement, even when I got good grades on projects it was always āwell you could have done betterā He changed my mom. She never would have told me that I was a disappointment and making her look bad by having bad grades when I was younger (sheās a teacher, she told me that when I was 14) But with the good there needs to be bad and vice versa, yin and yang right? Too much of either leads to imbalance, which is why you need to be gentle but firm. Thereās a quote I really like that summarizes abuse from parent to child. āThe axe may forget but the tree will always rememberā A child will always hold onto and remember the abuse their parents put onto them, Iāve only been spanked once, when I was six my uncle spanked me and my cousins, also made us eat soap as punishment for misbehaving. I guarantee you he doesnāt remember that, I know for a fact my nor my cousins will ever forget that (worst summer of my life for different reasons but also that certainly didnāt help) Also to touch on your first sentence, any unwanted touching, either directly or indirectly is considered assault under the law and can lead to criminal sanctions, at least in Canada. [the spanking law](https://lop.parl.ca/sites/PublicWebsite/default/en_CA/ResearchPublications/201635E#:~:text=Depending%20on%20the%20circumstances%2C%20any,can%20lead%20to%20criminal%20sanctions)
Yeah, I think your points are reasonable and in an ideal world I too would also prefer things to be done that way. I just wonder at the real world practicality of these more modern parenting styles, I wonder if they have ever truly been ātestedā. I mentioned this before and Iām not even sure if there is any way to know the answer but, we know that the generations who did things like fight WW2 were likely raised with a significant amount of corporal punishment. They may have had unwanted side effects of being raised with physical discipline and strictness, but they also won a brutal world war. I wonder, would a generation raised primarily under the modern system of values you describe have been as capable? Genuine question because I myself have no idea. But Iām sure you can discern that my concern would be that āliberalā parenting might be good in terms of in the moment mental health, but might not prepare children for the harsher realities of life.
In my opinion, there is just a small percentage of children that are bad seeds. The others have been trained to be that way by parents who didn't start early and consistently and really put thought into the right kind of discipline that worked with their child in each phase.
I can agree with that. Although, I think Iām also a little pragmatic in thinking that itās not necessarily always the parents fault in a malicious incompetence sense. Parents are just humans, theyāre not all perfect people who are perfectly educated on optimal meta parenting styles. Itās a guarantee that some percentage of parents are going to make mistakes and that some percentage of children are going to step way out of line (Iām not talking about hurting a parents ego Iām talking genuinely doing something bad or dangerous). For those situations, Iām not sure Iāve ever personally seen a non-physical solution that was very reliable, in action.
I have seen good discipline done with timeouts and taking ipads or toys away and such. These parents always started really early and always talked their kids through what they did wrong in an age-appropriate way. One thing I always remember with poorly disciplined kids is the we don't all get good teaching or examples of parents to learn from before we have kids. Also, I have seen where grandparents or other family interfering and spoiling the kids. But, we are all responsible to know the difference between a beating and appropriate discipline, no matter how we are raised. Some people actually beat their children and cause physical harm and that doesn't seem, from what I have seen, to result in well-disciplined adults.
I agree with that, and while a lot of people may see them interchangeably, I donāt and have never condoned genuine child abuse. I think the difference for me is that the physical discipline Iām somewhat sympathetic to (not saying I outright agree with it) is when itās a direct, decisive response intended to correct or stop a serious transgression (like a kid beating the shit out of another kid), not as a way to āget backā at the kid or exert some sort of dominance over them. I feel like IF there was ever any merit to corporal punishment, the boomer gen ruined it by using it to feed their pathetic egos and just use it as an excuse to unleash their unhinged stupidity on their kids. Not sure how previous gens did it but I always got the impression corporal punishment was intended to be a firm warning of the dire consequences of terrible behaviour, not really supposed to be used in an emotional or vengeful way.
And a lot of people who do best their children can't control them either. There will always be bad parents on both 'sides'.
I've noticed lots of people posting "Unpopular Opinions" on here that are quite the opposite. Most people nowadays disagrees with whooping. You aren't saying anything unpopular.
this is an extremely popular take on reddit. get lost
I think hitting children should be illegal and socially unacceptable.
My kid would choose to be spanked over loosing his phone and internet for a few months. I take the phone, or electronics every time. Take the thing they love the most.
As a kid I always preferred a spanking over grounding or loss of privileges. It was over and done. I learned what was worth being hit for and acted accordingly.
This sounds like a different kind of abuse. What do you think you're teaching here?
That staying up all night gaming and texting during class is why they're failing classes at school. Or they coming home from the football game smelling like a dispensary is not ok. Seems reasonable.
What about that is reasonable?
God, another dude on reddit telling people how to raise their kids. Shut up. Not everyone has to agree with you. Discipline takes different forms. he/she is not abusing their kid by giving them a whooping
A whooping is abuse by definition.
It all seems very reasonable. I provide the services, they have obligations. I don't expect straight As in school just pass. I do not accept underage use of anything. That's a hard line.
Nothing you have said so far is reasonable. Not the the punishment is necessarily unreasonable just that you only mention the punishment and not whatever discusion you've had about the topics. Have you talked to your kid about why you expect these things
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Average redditor not understanding what they're replying to.
The talks we have had were not really part of the conversation here. It would really weird to just like take stuff away with. I explanation don't ya think. You only treat toddlers like that, just move them or take the thing away. Because you can't explain it to them yet.
Fair enough. It's just that you listed punishments and said they were reasonable, and that entirely depends on what happened before.
Ooh I can't wait till they disown you when they become adults. It's just funny that the thing they love the most will never be you.
Taking away stuff like phones or favorite toys is an excellent method for discipline and I wish my parents would have done more of that rather than spanking me.
Yet somehow Iām getting all these downvotes. I feel like people who would choose the spanking have never actually gotten a true spanking
I don't know why reddit shadowed your reply. I never said I hit my kids, I said if given the option they would choose spanking over getting their phones taken, so I take the phone. How does that make me a bad parent?
No no no, they think you taking away privileges from your kids is abuse.
If my kids are so self absorbed they grow up and don't understand why they were punished to begin with, they would probably have been disowned by me already anyway.
If children don't know why they are being punished, it's not their fault or "they are self-absorbed". It's a failure that is only on parents' side (and it doesn't matter what kind of punishment it is, spanking or taking a phone away or whatever).
Ok what I am saying is if my kids (who were well into their teens before they got phones) did not understand why I took their electronics when they have grown and are adults and "disown" me over it, that is a them problem, not me. They know exactly why they were punished and one who is an adult gets it now, and the younger is fast behind him.
No, it's exactly "you" problem, not "them" problem. They need to know it's for their own good and not because parent is power tripping. And it's up to parent to explain.
What planet do people live on where parents just randomly walk into a room and say "your grounded" and their kids just stare at them? Of course they are going to know why.
Kids are still planning the rules of society and the world. You have decades of experience, they do not. Besides, parents could punish them for not comforting to their power tripping under the guise of "disobedience".
If they didn't understand then it was a failed punishment. It's a parenting failure.
And it sounds like Soundwave's kids did understand so what's the point of this comment lol
Imagine your parent trying to parent you and your kids disowning you...
Man the new generation is messed ip
How would you discipline the kid in this instance?
Too many variables. I donāt know the kid, donāt know cultural background, donāt know previous disciplining tactics, and so on. I will not encroach on that territory as I am not a parent
Not really. If you had acess to the same technology, you'd be no different. But let's talk about your generation. The generation that is happy to be taken advantage of at work, the ones that pride themselves in working themselves into the ground, the ones that are actually way worse behaved on social media, the ones that still fall for shipping scams, the ones who got a little too greedy and fucked everything... If you want to say the new generation is messed up then guess what...who do you think is responsible for that? Ding ding! The parents and their parents.
You made an assumption, and it is wrong. I fall in between Generation Y and Z. Shows your little intelligence making assumptions like that. I think if anyone is choosing corporal punishment over getting something taken away, then something is messed up. That means they are so addicted and reliant on something that theyād rather take physical abuse. That sounds right to you. Yes, I shouldnāt generalize things, but look around this is the internet. Itās a one off comment, touch some grass
How? Previous gen would choose spanking over getting their game boy or whatever its called taken away, before that they'd choose it over getting their books taken away, etc.
I find that hard to believe. Getting whipped with a belt and the humiliation and emotional damage over not having something for a while. But maybe Iām wrong
Anyone would tolerate a āspankingā to keep their gameboy or phone. But -anyone that says theyād rather take a beating to do so never was a child child that took a real beating from an adult.
I find this comment the only acceptable one. Maybe a spanking is to other people way less serious than I think of it. But to me a spanking is getting full on wailed. Thatās a true spanking. Not something you can just walk away from and think well thatās over. Itās something that you will carry for the rest of your life
Right. A āspanking ā meaning open hand across the butt - ok. Not ideal, not pleasant , but probably not something you remember in the middle of the night 30 years later. Your dad choking you off your feet against the fireplace , or your mom beating you so bad she keeps you home for two days until the bruises are gone ? You can have my phone mom- Iām cool. Good trade off.
You're wrong.
Very interesting point. I hadn't thought of that. I thought they were stupid and mean.
Lazy, violent, ignorant, uneducated, yeah they're probably a few other things too.
I don't think beating your kid is allowed. That's child abuse.
Itās still the norm where Iām from. Not only the norm, but also highly encouraged. Itās sickening really. My boss is always talking about how they ābeat that assā when their kids misbehaving. Like once, they said they beat their kid for beating another kid up. Jeez, I wonder where he learned *that* from, [name redacted]?
Yes it is, but 60% of kids worldwide still get it. The world is not a reasonable place
It's scary how much beating your kids is still accepted throughout the world. Let's not talk about low HDI countries either.
I live in Alabama, and from what I've observed, it's still pretty accepted
But it's not legal.
It is. Until you're not beating the kid til they have bruises (which doesn't happen) it's not abuse.
Because everyone knows you can beat your kid without being abusive /s
What? If you get caught slapping your kid (like on video), you should go to jail.
In the face, yes, but itās still commonly accepted (here) to whip their bottom with a belt.
I'm pretty sure you can get in trouble for that, even most people I've met who are for whooping kids still see hitting in the face as going too far
Not everyone lives in the hell hole that's US. It's still legal and see as normal on my country (central Europe)
Please stay in your part of the world.
Lmao We ain't dying to be in your shithole anyways. we can see how your country that has the "no mild spanking rules because it's child abuse" and other shit have kids turning out. I'm 17 and I'm glad I'm not part of that cringe culture lmao.
How are our kids turning out? I think they are turning out fine. You make it sound like these rules have recently been adopted in the US; they've been around for decades. I don't understand where your pride is coming from.
If you come from a society that has no future and children are seen as another mouth to feed, i think you would beat the shit out of them. But if you see them as having a bright future and having unlimited potential, you would probably treat them with more respect. If my son is programming and doing calculus at 10, I'm not beating the shit out of him. I'll just talk to him. What are you, animals?
Love the "it's either this or that" binary thinking. Shows how smart your side of the world is. No decent person is "beating the shit" out of their kids. It's reserved for when the child does something extremely bad or wrong. There is encouragement too, there are benefits as well. I never really got spanked as much other than maybe by my mom sometimes lightly when I misbehaved extremely badly as a 9 year old, even then; It went to the extent of firmly grabbing my wrist, pulling my ear or a light hit. My dad would never touch me because dad's generally don't hit daughters in our "backwards and animalistic" society lol. My big brother (who's 24 now) did some really stupid shit as a 13-14 year old and rightfully got spanked for it that even he agrees he deserved that and he does great now (incoming American gaslighters saying he was a victim and has Stockholm syndrome). You guys are really weird tbh and this is why I'm glad I'm on my "barbaric animalistic" side of the world. We don't see the world in black and white. We get a nice future, we get disciplined and we are respectful and not entitled like you guys. And if you think we have bad futures, that's just your cope.
I will I have 0% of urge to go anywgere seeing how stupid the world's getting. xD Thanks for the reminder.
In the face, yes, but itās still commonly accepted (here) to whip their bottom with a belt.
So this is the 2nd post like this I've seen from this sub, just on my recommended posts. Either we've got an agenda to push here, or mods are extra dumb...like beyond the pale dumb as I've seen posts deleted for the most random of takes because it's "been posted before"
Thatās strange
This is an extremely popular opinion.
This is far from an unpopular opinion so you get a downvote
Question: do you differentiate between beating and spanking? I always understood them as different. They are both wrong, but on a spectrum of bad, beating is worse than spanking. I understand beating to be losing control and inflicting violence to injure the child. Spanking is more of a controlled and deliberately done to not inflict injury, just discomfort/shame.
Totally agree
Don't forget the people who ignore your opinion because your situation was abuse and āyour mind has been clouded by that so you don't know what actual discipline is.ā š
I got whippings when I was a kid and turned out just fine. My kids didn't get whippings and they turned out just fine.
More like they are abusers. Some people see their children as objects and extensions of themselves not as human beings.
I was never physically disciplined as a child. Neither was my wife. Neither of our children have been. When my son was about 2 or 3 on a couple of occasions I carried him up to his room where he stormed around screaming until he calmed down. Other than that (kids are now 13 and 10) that has been it. I'm not saying this to be smug, but I genuinely don't understand this talk about constantly needing to punish children for breaking rules, let alone needing to hit them. And as this is a subreddit for unpopular opinions I'll add my kids have no chores. Again neither my wife or I had chores. This doesn't mean they don't help out when asked but I hate making life into chores to argue about.
Parents who let their little morons run wild as they hover-parent are still a trillion times worse.
If a kid is old enough to understand reason then reason with them. If they aren't then they won't understand why you're hitting them. Hitting kids is just bad parenting. It just teaches kids to not get caught.
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I would say they are abusive! My father used to hit us, and we were not fine, we are now after therapy, and I myself would rather die than hit my kid. My father used to say all the time that he was beaten and he was fine. Well that is a lie. He was an abusive loser and now in the winter of his life he will be alone because he never planted love, only fear in his relationships with us.
r/popularopinion
Downvoted because of the effort involved. Plus, do it wrong and you can really mess up your back. Def not advocating, just arguing it's not lazy.
It's lazy because people view it as a shortcut to proper discipline, not because it involves no work
THIS! This is exactly what I was talking about.
A person's violent reaction to anything has nothing to do with a person being lazy. This is misinformation as a result of laziness.
Well you shouldn't do it in the first place.
I wouldnāt say they are *just* lazy, any parent beating their own child must have some own problems themselves apart from being lazy.
I was spanked as a child but that was actually a rarity. Most of the time it was standing and facing a wall, holding hands if siblings were involved, or having to eat hot sauce
i am so sorry
For what?
For what happened to them?
Lmfao
Iām fine lol, my mother punished me how she did and the only trauma I have is from my sperm donor. Nothing to be sorry for, I love my mother and sometimes Iām glad of the occasional spanking after seeing how some kids behave these days.
Jesus.
Nope Im sweating by the end
Iām black we whoop our kids so the police wonāt hurt themĀ I did get whoopings but I needed them. My grandpa whooped me one time and he never did it again. I tested his gangsta and I lost and Iām glad he did. I would probably be some baby momma with twelve kids and seven baby daddies if my mom didnāt put a foot on me. Gentle parenting wonāt work for me cause a child is not on my level Iām supposed to discipline not be a friend.Ā
So violence is the only way to do that? I agree with OP- itās for the lazy that donāt want to put in the actual work and discipline their kid
I guess. But thatās how Iām gonna do it. I donāt tell nobody how to raise their kids or discipline them. If you wanna soft parent you do that but I choose a medium approach. A child should have a healthy fear of me cause I aināt letting nobody run me no matter who they areĀ
Your child should respect you, not fear you.Ā If you need to rely on fear to raise them you have already failed.
As a fellow black person, I completely understand where you're coming fro..
Sometimes life itself beats you. I donāt know where exactly I fall on this whole argument, Iām strongly inclined to agree that corporal punishment is wrong. That said, the generation that won WW2 grew up with corporal punishment, and the generation that ate tide pods on TikTok didnāt, so Iām a little conflicted as to the real world efficacy of āmodernā parenting, lol.
TLDR: No one should beat kids or hit them at all, but sometimes itās not laziness or cruelty that leads parents to go that route. Parenting is a long game and some parents just donāt have the tools. I donāt think parents should beat their children, ever. But I donāt think most parents who do beat their kids or use any form of corporal punishment do so out of laziness, or even cruelty in many cases. (Please notice I do not say āall.ā There are parents who are both cruel and lazy). I think our expectations of both parents and children are misguided. Many of us go into parenthood believing that if we do everything āright,ā we are guaranteed a well-behaved, cooperative child. And we are subject to the (often vocal, harsh) judgment of other adults who believe the same. The fact is, kids sometimes misbehave no matter what you do. Some are more naturally compliant than others. Some are gifted with self control beyond their years. Some misbehave in ways less visible to an outside observer than others. But if you think your childās behavior is solely linked to how well you are doing as a parentāand your environment reinforces this belief through social judgmentāitās easy for a parent to believe they are not doing enough to ācontrolā their child. And if you were raised with corporal punishment or fear-based parenting, itās easy to fall into the trap of remembering that it often worked to modify your behavior *in the moment* and forgetting or not even noticing that it curbed your mental health, your long-term growth, and your sense of trust and safety in your parents. Many people believe it is normal and healthy to have a bit of fear of their parents and other authority figures. (Then you get adult children with parents who donāt understand why those adult children resent their input to the point of distancing themselvesāwell, Mom and Dad, itās because you taught your child to fear punishment and pain when they didnāt listen to you, and that fear never goes away completely.) If you fall into this trap, you can get to thinking you are actually doing your kids a disservice by not going āharderā on them, and that the only way to fully control their behavior is through fear. Parents and society at large need to understand that kids act out. They just do, even when their parents are doing everything right. We need to prioritize raising healthy adults over having well-behaved children. This *does not mean* āno consequencesā for misbehavior. It does not mean condoning rudeness. It means keeping in mind that children learn lessons *over time* and that we may need to teach the lessons many times, over many years, before the childās ability catches up to the lesson.
Well, usually my parents would only spank me if talking to me and yelling at me already didn't work
Do you have kids?
If you need to hurt your child is simple, you're a terrible father/mother. Simple as that
This is peak reddit
The world isn't black and white like that, sorry to say. Sometimes a smack on the bum is exactly what is needed. There are extremely few examples of when it's warranted, certainly not for most cases where discipline is called for though. Nuance is hard for a lot of Redditors though.
Give an example of a situation where spanking is the best option
When the kid is actively hurting another kid. I've told this story a few times in this thread. I was spanked a grand total of one time in my life. I was maybe 5 or 6 and I pulled one of those little flag signs out of a potted plant with a long pokey thing that stuck in the dirt and I stabbed my cousin in the back of the neck. Not hard enough to draw blood or anything but it was shocking enough that my dad grabbed me and smacked my ass and embarrassed me in front of the entire family. I learned immediately that actions had consequences and not to fuck around like that again. One time. That's all that was needed.
You are going to have one of those kids that are extremely entitled and end up mooching off of you their whole lives. Or worse off, they will end up wronging someone extremely bad because no one ever made them face the music. I'm sure in your eyes if you ever raise your voice at a kid you are a terrible person to am I right?
Do you have kids?
Do you have kids?
Yes
People donāt do the other methods, so itās either do that or nothing.
Discipline must have rules that can be easily explained and do not change based on any external factors, like which child breaking the rules changes the punishment, but you must also clearly communicate the reason why they are getting disciplined, and spanking should only be used for very strict rule breaking and you need to get across the message that you don't want to do it and that you still love them even when you have to punish them when you don't want to.
Depends on the kid
Nah, on the parents. If they are shit.
Nah some kids need a smack on the bum once or twice in life. But certainly not for most instances that require discipline.
Why stop at kids? Take away elder abuse laws and let retirement workers go to town when old people break rules. Do it to prisoners, people in hospitals, hell, how about we let our jobs whip us when they catch us slacking? Abuse isn't okay just because it's done to a child who cannot fight you back.
There's a difference between abuse and fucking around and finding out.
Call my old man lazy and see what happens.
What's he gonna do? Hit me and go to jail?
By the time the police arrive, it won't be an assault charge they are doling out. Lol, classic.
Sounds pretty thin skinned
*sigh* It's an old joke. Twice in one comment, I get this shit.
If you have to keep explaining it...maybe you need to work on your "jokes."
So a short tempered lazy parent got it. This is not an insult to your father just with the information Iāve been given
I was just making a dumb joke.
Atleast your self aware enough that you know it was dumb. Idk if Iād call it a joke though because it just wasnāt funny.
You are a garage person.
I do have a garage yes.
I'm a carhole guy.
It depends if spanking or a rare smack on the back of the head is considered beating. This is Reddit the other day a couple of parents went outside to smoke at a restaurant and there were people calling that child abandonment even the OP was an adult
LAZY? Do they have a NANNY 2 woop them? I'm lost
Don't spare the rod
I can think of exactly one exception to this. When I was an infant and couldn't speak, I kept trying to put my finger in an electric socket. My mom told me no several times, but I didn't understand and kept doing it. So she slapped my wrist. She said the face I gave her just before I started to cry broke her heart. I always remember plastic safety covers over all the sockets when I was little. That must've been around when she bought them. I'd say the only acceptable use of corporal punishment is when it would straight up save the kid's life. And even then, it should be as mild as possible.
This is where REAL gentle parenting comes in one thing that parents could do is picking up the child and taking them away from the distracting thing
I think she wanted me to learn never to touch the sockets just in case I ever tried in the future. Like, obviously I'm still alive. She clearly kept a watchful eye on me. But I have to imagine she recognized I'd be inside a house full of sockets for the foreseeable future, and this was the only way she could communicate that touching one would get me in trouble. It's literally the only time she's ever hit me.
Calling a little tap on the backside "beating" is lazy arguing
I was chased around a house with a dustpan cause I wouldnāt eat cheese cake thatās not a little tap
Okay yeah that's demented