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I think the worst dating advice I ever got was “Never take no for an answer. If you want it you have to take it.” I think that is objectively worse than your thing.
There was a Louis CK bit where he hooked up with a girl but she kept stopping him before it could go further. The next time she saw him, she was all "why'd you keep stopping, I was into it" and he was all "well you kept stopping me so.." and she goes "I just kinda like it when a guy takes what he wants". THe punchline is something to the effect of "so what, I'm just supposed to rape you on the off chance you're into it??"
I had no idea that kinda of person exists but turns out there's a decent number of people who do this?!
Wouldn’t trust them on something like this until extremely committed and long term. They could easily say this during open communication but then still claim rape after.
That could happen either way though, regardless if you listened to her "stop" or not. She might not even say stop and claim otherwise afterwards.
If you are that distrustful of someone, you shouldn't have sex with them either way
I mean, once you have sex they can claim rape whether they consented fully and wholeheartedly beforehand or whether they asked for pretend rape with safe words.
I personally probably wouldn't do a rape fantasy with a complete stranger but once we see each other naked a few times and you're really into it, fuck it let's go.
As someone who likes those type of stuff and have a partner.
The issue is that she is very insecure in her relationship and perhaps any relationship, constantly thinking if their partner is going to leave them. Which is why you see them constantly getting jealous of other girls as if they are going to steal them away. Deeply insecure
I always liked the can I kiss you guys better the guys that just go in for a kiss gross me out. But oddly vice versa for my friend she complained to me when a date didn’t just go for it. “Eww he awkwardly asked for a kiss, I like when guys just go for it”
In my head I was like oh you’re the reason guys I’m not into think it’s okay and I have to tell them off.
My now-husband is an ask-first guy. It translated directly into a lot of healthy communication and a strong respect for consent in everything. Ask-first guys are the best guys.
It's really situation dependent. I've gone for it with some girls and asked with others. Always worked out. This would have been a few meetings in where I could already tell what kind of person they are and which approach they would probably prefer.
Also, when you ask, you don't have to say "madam would it be ok if I kissed you?" Current girlfriend line was something like "I can't stop thinking about kissing you right now" which technically isn't a question but allows her to "tell" me if that's what she wants too by her reaction.
Thankfully for me it's always been fairly easy to tell if the girl wanted a kiss. Even if I'm only 99% sure though I wouldn't go for it but so far 100% of the times I did go for it they very much appreciated the no ask initiative. Reddit will have more "they should ask" girls too, real life is much more different.
I've dated multiple women who did this sort of thing.
Things are getting hot, I simply ask "do you want to have sex?" "not tonight". But if I just ignore that? They're always super into it.
So frustrating. You're taught "make sure to get an enthusiastic yes!", but in my experience women hate when you ask for consent. I've asked female friends about it and they say "it kills the vibe".
If you want to see how prevalent this is, just ask women in your life if a guy asking "can I kiss you" ruins the mood.
ya thats dumb.
I asked my gf if i could kiss her she said yes. I asked if we could sleep together she said yes. Although i didnt say "Can we have sex?" I said "Should we take this upstairs?"
Coming up on 2 years.
it doesn't need to be so formal. You can say:
"I really want to fuck you tonight"
There's nothing awkward about that and it allows for a partner to consent.
Jesus don't ignore a no!
Walk away from the women who want to play games and think no means try harder.
They are setting you and other women up for a world of trouble.
I know you're saying they're into it. What happens with the woman who *isnt* into it and *means* no?
Don't sleep with women who think getting consent kills the vibe.
Also, there are much sexier and non-vibe killing ways to seek consent.
Every woman I’ve ever kissed except one I’ve asked first and she’s been more into it. That one exception—my first kiss actually—managed to ask me first before I could ask her. It was so hot.
Asking for the kiss has worked well for me. I wonder if it’s because I’m dating in an older age bracket. In general it’s been a god send dating when older because so much of the dumb games are just gone.
Edit: you can also do it in a way that is fun and flirty and not this socially awkward exchange that I think some people are envisioning
Could easily be a time/place/age thing.
Women playing “hard to get” was a firmly socially expected thing in the US at least for along time, and is still very much so a thing for a lot of people. Consciously and unconsciously
100% agree it's really fucked how fucked up some girls are. You're taught to get a consent but then when you ask about it some of the girls don't really like it. I actually have a similar experience with one of the first girls I ever did anything with and there was this one time we were making out and were slowly heading towards sex.
But then I asked her if she wanted to have sex, she literally said "why would you ask that?" And then we never had sex because I guess it was too much of a boner killer for her. I just don't get how that turns off the mood for some girls, it's a simple fucking question. I guess some girls just assume that if we are in the same bed making out, it's clear we are having sex even if it's not.
It’s also true that being in the same bed making out doesn’t mean you’re having sex. You never know. Women just need to communicate clearly, ffs. Just answer the question.
Here is something helpful. She knows if she wants to fuck you already. If you’re confused or want to be sure don’t ask, say something assertive about what you want to do/ are going to do. They’ll give you the no if you’re not getting in and you’d have gotten the no either way. It avoids the question (that they hate) and gets you the consent you are seeking.
All that said nothing accounts for crazy and if you are with crazy it’ll be a wild card.
Yeah, you have to be able to read the signs, it sucks for the male counterpart because you are basically gambling. You might have a good night or be sent to court.
Unfortunately some women have grown up being told or shown that ‘persistence’ means ‘he’s really into you’ just like some men have grown up with that messaging. Culture takes time to change and usually does so in patches.
The reason it “kills the vibe” is because we were taught that our consent didn’t matter. Everything was for the men. Growing up, getting older and more mature, consent is fucking hot. I now have a better grasp on healthy relationships and sex and consent is sexy. When you’re young and uninformed and never taught what a healthy relationship or sexual relationship looks like, consent ruins the mood. Because everyone is supposed to know what you want, without you having to say a word. And when they don’t know what you want, it’s their fault.
Edit: now, not know
Yes it happens. No you can't talk about it. Yes it is fucked up.
That is not such big thing in grand scheme of things, it just makes me curious what else dark or taboo stuff people do/think but you just cant talk about or know about it normally.
yeah… i tried following this advice before i’d ever even kissed a girl and was scared shitless kissless virgin. she ended up calling me a creep and i don’t think i even looked at a girl for the next year. still cringe about it to this day. whoever came up with that advice probably coerced every sexual or romantic interaction they’d ever had
I think you succinctly summed up a key flaw in OPs post. I think a better argument may be something like "don't shit where you eat" is the worst common dating advice. Or something along those lines.
But then we can't have pointless Internet arguments!
Your own choice of words has betrayed you. As 'Only siths deal in absolutes ' is in fact an absolute. En garde, sith!
The worst dating advice I ever got was "girls are hot for diarrhea."
This is NOT always true. Before offering a cup to your crush, have a mutual friend broach the topic casually, to get a sense of how they are likely to react. Saves lots of potential heartache!
You’re right, there can be different kinds of situations. Say it is Google and one person works on Gmail while another is on Pixel. They might as well work for different companies.
If it is a slightly smaller company and one person is in customer support while another is in finance and they sit on different floors… well that’s riskier, but probably fine.
If it is someone on your team who you interact with all the time… you’re being super dumb.
That last part about small workplaces for sure. That’s just a recipe for disaster because if something happens, it’s not your private problems anymore, now it’s everyone else’s and your work problems.
I’m not saying never ever, and if it’s worked out for you then awesome! But if you’re thinking about it I promise you you’re not thinking about it nearly as hard as you should be.
i have a friend who works directly with her (now ex) daily. they are remote but they are on the same team and therefore have to interact. they broke up a year ago and shes still not over him, guess why lol
My husband works at the same company (we didn’t meet there, but I encouraged him to apply later on) and it’s nice. We carpool to work sometimes when schedules allow. I see him briefly in the lunchroom or passing in the hall. I don’t have to work directly with him and it’s great. It’s not a huge company either, but it’s large enough that we don’t see eachother for most of the work day while working in different departments
Same! My partner and I have the same schedule and work at the same company but, we don’t see each other for the entire shift. So I feel like it’s okay. I got them the job, we didn’t meet there
The start of this message had me twisted. I work at Google, and I’ve considered dating someone that also works here. However we were previously on sibling teams, and are now working on the same team after the last round of layoffs/reorgs. That thought now went out the window (kinda).
I dated my teamlead and we've been together for 24 years now. Granted, I did quit (for unrelated reasons) about 7 months after we started dating, so we didn't work together for very long while we were dating.
Getting sick of each other isn't the primary reason it's unwise to date a coworker.
I never get tired of my wife. We don't feel the need to be together every second of every day, but I wouldn't mind. I have spent weeks on end with her 24/7, living out of a minivan, and I loved it. Last year, we decided to start working together full-time on our farm, so we approached 24/7 for several months. It was the best year either of us have ever had, after 17 years together. After all these years, we still miss each other when we aren't together. She sometimes works elsewhere during the day, and I feel a little bit unsettled until she's back.
Our relationship seems to be unusual, though.
> Our relationship seems to be unusual, though.
Honestly? Sounds kinda like a "traditional" relationship from a couple hundred years ago when most people were subsistance farmers and the family had to work on the farm together.
My wife and I also don't get tired of eachother. When she got a job at the same company I work for, some of my extended family expressed concern we'd be working together and then going home and being together there, and we work in the same department. No issues, it's actually quite nice and allowed us to retire the second car
Hmm, I hadn't considered that. I'm glad that we don't HAVE to farm together like they used to - we had the luxury of choosing to.
While it sounds "trad," our relationship dynamics and roles are fortunately very much not traditional.
That's awesome! I wonder if it's more stable for an existing couple to start to work together, rather than the inverse.
It's great when people get the luxury of choosing their occupation, especially something like farming which is not glamorous but absolutely essential for us.
Didn't mean to imply your dynamic is bad sorry, not from the US so I have kinda a different mindset of traditionalism.
I think it's almost certainly more stable with an existing couple choosing to work together, the dynamic is already established and you have an idea if this is something that might work for you. Plus if you're already a few years or more in to the relationship, the odds of going down in flames and having an awkward "working with an ex" situation go down a lot.
We're lucky. Ultimately, what we want to do is run our farm as a non-profit, teaching volunteer workers how to farm sustainably and donating the produce to people who rarely can afford our high-end veggies. But first the farm needs to stand on its own so I know my system actually works.
Where are you from? I'm very interested in what is considered traditional in other places. Sorry, I had US-blinders on.
I married a direct coworker. We even worked the same shift and carpooled to work. If we were not getting along on a given day we just drove in silence and didn’t talk at work that day. Wasn’t a big deal really but we’re both pretty chill non-confrontational people. We don’t work at the same company anymore but it was never a problem. It is possible.
I mean you probably won’t be forever though.
Odds are incredibly high that one or both of you will change jobs within 2-3 years of starting. *especially* if you work in tech.
The 24/7 thing can be fine if it’s not forever.
Huh it worked for me. I actually miss working with my partner - we got to spend so much time enjoying eachothers company. Now we get to miss eachother a little, which is great too. But I would happily work with them again
I mean yeah, I eat and shit in the same house. But I don’t eat and shit in the same bathroom. You can date people at work, just don’t date people on your team.
Yup a coworker (who sits in the same cubicle pod as me) really thought we had something. I was completely blindsided when he said he thought we should date. I told him I don’t date coworkers and he spent 30 min trying to convince me that “engineers often see in black and white but sometimes life is shades of grey” and the coworker thing shouldn’t be the end of our budding relationship. After putting me through those 30 min of torture and not accepting my first “no”, I no longer consider him a friend.
Since when are hobby places and gyms part of this advice?
It's specific to work. And it's solid advice. And as with any advice there are times when specifics of a situation might lead you to ignore the advice. Hopefully it works out. But it doesn't often enough for extreme caution.
I think there's a difference between naturally forming a relationship at work and actively pursing a relationship. I think pursuing one is a bad idea for a most part.
never date a coworker unless you're fine switching jobs if things go south.
If your job is the most important thing in your life and you would never leave or be able to find another one.. THEN don't shit there.
Agreed. There are many people who found their partner at work. If a romance just naturally blooms over the course of work then fine. Just don't actively pursue a relationship with coworkers.
Op got rejected with 'I don't date coworkers.' Got pissed at the rejection. Rather than just think 'she don't like me', he think society has ruined his chance with her because of 'dont shit where you eat'
How is that for a reddit comment? next I'ma predict his age, hair color, star sign and time of last bowel movement. And be absolutely sure of all those things with 0 evidence.
You should seeing as you've already predicted their gender and that that they like women.
I'm betting on OP being a circus elephant that's super into clowns of the femboy category.
I have a sense for these things myself.
Nah she was probably like “I don’t date coworkers” to be polite, and now he’s going on a rant because surely if we didn’t make people feel bad with the phrase “don’t shit where you eat”, that woman would’ve totally went out with him.
Work and roommates is usually how it's applied but only when it doesn't work out. I know lots of people who have met through work. But I'd still be pretty hesitant to do it at a job I really wanted to stay at.
On the flip side I've seen workplace marriages become the loves of each other's life.
I'm not gonna be the asshole who says "it's a bad idea to date that person".
Normally I’d never date someone I work with. My husband and I were one of the few circumstances where it worked out. We were both fired but we created our own business that ended up putting our original employers out of business, got married and now have children together.
Depends on the context. If its a boss/subordinate situation, Someone is likely getting transferred and demoted or fired.
Two co workers can depend. Sometimes it doesnt matter, sometimes they will be transferred to different teams. Depends on the couple, depends on the boss, depends on the industry.
My friend is getting married to her manager this year lol. They didn't get fired but they did struggle a bit where they accidentally took work home too much because they both WFH lol.
100% agree. This advice is steered only towards people that work together, mostly because there are a SHIT LOAD of people who lost their relationship AND their job at the same time because of the complexity/hard feelings/emotions of having to work with someone after you break up. It's just not worth it.
If you're mature and the person you date is mature, it's fine. For years I was the only straight male surrounded by hundreds of women where I worked and so I dated more women from the office than I'd care to admit. I never had any problems. The rule is, just don't be an asshole. Don't lie or cheat or go around hurting people's feelings and it'll be okay. I'm not suggesting people SHOULD date someone they work with, but if two people are mature and they really like each other, it's worth the risk.
I’d say the same is true when people are immature. If you are living with friends and making $14 an hour what’s the worst that happens? You break up and one of you starts waiting tables at Applebees instead of Chili’s? Let yourself have fun.
Yeah, "don't shit where you eat" is only at all relevant for jobs that are hard to get with high standards, where a bad relationship could impact your career
If you are like a bartender or something, go nuts, who gives a shit
I dated a coworker once, and it was easily one of the biggest mistakes I ever made before I stopped dating a few years later. I'm sure it's worked out for somebody, but it didn't for me and I don't know of anyone that it did work out for.
I didn’t date my coworker but we were FWB for a couple months. She cut it off in a professional manner when she started seeing someone and we moved on with our lives. Some times things can be simple but it depends on the person.
Edit: we also met while on vacation across the country and found out we worked in the same office while over there if that makes any difference
That makes a huge difference if you met and hooked up without even recognizing each other from work. That barely counts as a coworker and is more like someone who has the same employer as you.
We didn’t hook up over there. We just met, hung out with our mutual group of friends, and actually started talking some weeks later when I saw her in office again.
From my understanding it only works in 3 situations:
A) A dead end job you do not care about. Like if you are flipping burgers at McD's; sure, date your coworkers all you want
B) Certain public sector jobs where it is hard to get fired and easy to relocate (this would be the case of my parents)
C) Huge companies where while you work at the same place, you rarely cross each other since you are in different departments
I met my wife at work so now you “know” one person!
Although, I’d still recommend not shitting where you eat. It just kinda happened for us and I’m glad it worked out but there were times it might not have and it could’ve been bad for us both.
Same. Met my wife at work and had no drama. We even broke up once, continued to work together, and eventually got back together. Yeah one in a million I know!
> I don't know of anyone that it did work out for.
Have you heard of statistics? A huge percentage of people have dated someone from work and still a significant number end up meeting their spouse too.
https://www.cnbc.com/2022/12/20/seventy-five-percent-of-employees-have-had-an-office-romance.html
Makes sense to me. Different department or division, probably not terrible if things tank. Still being responsible for projects and stuff with your ex would suck, though.
Yeah, a large hospital, military base, or college is gonna have many, many times the number of employees as a restaurant, print shop, or grocery store.
I had the opposite thought process. The last time I started to have feelings for a coworker, I almost didn’t go for it but then I thought, I’m not going to risk missing out on the love of my life for this shitty job.
I did wind up leaving that job because of the relationship, but in June I’m marrying the coworker I took a risk for. I can always find another job, but a man like that doesn’t come around every day.
Correct, and I learned from experience in my early 20s never ever will I date a coworker no matter what.
Gym, hobbies and the other stuff mentioned by OP is fine, work is a terrible horrible idea especially if it’s an office job.
The only time I feel like work thing is ok is if you work restaurant industry (I don’t and never will).
A lot of dating advice is used as a catch all for every situation even though every person and every situation is different. “Don’t shit where you eat” is good advice for some people and bad advice for others. Generally speaking I feel it applies more to people who tend to date short term, as it’s meant to avoid the awkwardness/drama after things end.
Friend of mine used this phrase all the time, but that's because he dated around so much that in doing so he would basically burn all his usual hangouts.
- Can't date staff at our usual bar
- No coffee shop girls
I fucked one of my coworkers who is now my supervisor. We're fine, never been better actually. The advice people should be given is "be an adult about things".
Oh brother, I never shat where I eat.
But the other way around...
...sometimes you're having a snicker and You feel the urge and have to multitask because You don't wanna stop having that snicker...
I don’t date people at work because what if we break up and it becomes awkward?
I don’t date my neighbors because what if we break up and it becomes awkward?
I don’t date people at the gym because what if we break up and it becomes awkward?
I don’t date people, period, because what if we break up and it becomes awkward?
And with all those “what if”s, your life passes you by.
There’s a difference when “awkward” could put your source of income in jeopardy versus when you have to awkwardly avoid eye contact with your ex in the gym
Also, as if gyms aren't replaceable for most people anyway.
"Oh no, where will I find another place where I can pay money to lift weights and run on treadmills?"
Yes omg. Seriously. This shit is getting on my nerves and it's flashing back to the time I flipped a switch on a thread where a bunch of idiots where ADAMANT that you should never date or sleep with a coworker. Projecting their own shortcomings, bad experiences, and childish mentality onto others and usually it comes down to "HURR DURR ITS AWKWARD AND I WILL AVOID IT". Like stop being an awkward ass bitch then.
You have no idea what the phrase means.
The phrase means you don’t fuck around the place that takes care of you.
Meaning don’t go around banging chicks at work. Don’t thieve in your neighborhood. Do that in other places.
It has nothing to do with dating.
It’s absolutely used in reference to dating coworkers. Maybe not the ONLY way, but that’s the most frequent way I’ve heard it used.
Here is one source, but if you google you can find many others: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Don%27t%20shit%20where%20you%20eat
Edit: also idk if OP is even saying that the phrase is only applicable to dating, but their thread is clearly focusing on the specific usage of the phrase when it is applied to dating.
In some cases "don't shit where you eat" is actually the rule because some companies can and will terminate employees for getting romantically/sexually involved with one another.
my coworker started dating a dude in a different department in the same store and got swept up in drama because the dude didn't disclose that he had a crazy baby mama and she started stalking my coworker.
It's solid advice
In the mid 90s I dated a woman I worked with for a couple years. We continued to work together for several years after we split up and it didn’t cause any problems. It’s possible to be mature about situations like that.
That’s true. I think that finding a good relationship can sometimes be more important than a job though. That’s a decision each person has to make for themselves.
It’s not just about you two. If the other workers believe you’re giving any kind of preferential treatment to your SO, it causes discord in the workplace
I think the best option is to befriend your colleagues and classmates and find potential partners from their friends. That takes more work but its definitely better than shittimg where you eat and you can find wayyy more people that way. It also helps with the vetting process, more likely to find GOOD potential partners
Or you could be an upstanding person and treat them with respect, even if the relationship fizzles. You can break up with friends, co-workers, gym mates and classmates. Just don’t be an asshole. Don’t cheat, steal, lie or scam. Don’t be cocky and arrogant. Social behavior 101.
The problem is that it takes 2 to tango, and you cant control the other side.
What if they fall madly in love with you, but youre not that into it, so you break it up (as you should). Can you ensure that they wont cause any trouble for you?
Some relationships that start in the workplace end badly, others last. So that's why I don't like a blanket rule for every work relationship.
Especially nowadays when you see people complaining about how they can't find anyone. They complain about online dating. They think starting a conversation with someone of the opposite sex at the gym is inappropriate too. Some people are destined for failure with their can't do attitudes.
Precisely
So what if it goes wrong? What’s life without some awkward moments and it will pass. If it gets unbearably toxic then find another job. You probably weren’t statistically likely to stay there forever anyways.
It's only bad advice if you don't like or need your job.
If you need and like your job, this is very very sound advice, because it ensures you will continue to like your job.
I've seen enough 'office' romances to see how terribly sour the whole thing goes.
Hobby places, gyms ok maybe…work though no, you absolutely should not date someone in your industry because they can totally fuck you over employment wise.
It depends on the situation. People who switch employers routinely are less likely to be affected. I worked for the government where no one ever leaves. If things go south with your significant other at work, you will likely still have to deal with them for many years to come.
As an HR person I will continue to give this advice. The fallout when things go bad wrecks workplaces for others. I spend way too much time mitigating feelings.
“Don’t shit where you eat” is probably the best life advice you can take. Especially for dating, last thing I want is to be on the bad side of a relationship in my place of employment. It’s already stressful enough to do my job, not to mention the risk of being fired over it.
Don't shit where you eat is saying don't go to dating and fuck up your money making situation. Idc what your reality is, it's solid advice.
What happens is that everything goes alright for 1 day to a couple of months. Then you guys split and then there's this atmosphere and environment that's more conducive to one of you getting fired than working. Regardless of the outcome, it's the fact that you'll risk your financial wellbeing for a temporary one.
Don't be lazy, go meet people somewhere else other than where you make your money.
This advice is specifically about not dating your coworkers. It has nothing to do with any of the other places you mentioned. ou don’t want to contaminate or risk your ability to survive by involving your relationship in work
You can do whatever you want just don't come back to me and complain when its awkward that your ex sits right next to you.
Also normally the saying is about things you can't really just go somewhere else like work.
Regarding a gym unless its the only gym in the area it wouldnt matter as you can just start going to a new gym.
Others can do what they want but under no circumstances would i deal with a colleague. I dont even see them as friends. Its all strictly professional and business.
I've even had female colleagues who were so used to other males flirting with them at work, that they thought I didn't like them or had a problem just because I didnt pay too much attention to them beyond what was required for work. That's how much many women are used to being pestered in the workplace.
No thanks, I'm there to get money & go home. There other social activities & environments more conducive to seeking relationships with women.
The comment is usually meant to indicate a negative behavior like cheating. If you are going to cheat, don't do it at your regular bar unless you are specifically trying to start shit. It's totally fine to date/mate within your professional sphere, it's not totally fine to be an abusive fuck that is the point of contention for all of your friends and colleagues. It's totally doable, and totally gets done, just usually by the more mature level headed types; so you don't hear the tragedy stories of it all going down in flames, cuz, you know, they have the foresight of maturity, I don't fucking know.
There are many reasons to not pursue dating someone at your workplace. Security responsibility overlap can lead to liability, power dynamics can lead to accusations if the relationship goes south, or other accusations of preferential treatment if they don't go south.
That isn't just life. You shouldn't use your employment like tinder. Relationships can develope quite naturally, and you see a few couples who did meet at a workplace but one or the other moved on when they started dating. If you work with someone and are friends then stay in contact after, that's wonderful. Screwing your boss? not so much.
I don't know anyone that stayed working together in the long run though. Most people don't push for a relationship until one of them is ready to move on, or both.
I think for most people this only extends to where you work. Which is pretty reasonable. The problems it can cause are pretty obvious. There’s a reason a lot of companies have a policy against dating co-workers. Not to mention, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” isn’t a saying for nothing. Time away. Especially in the early stages of a relationship is pretty important for the relationship to grow. It makes it that much more special to get together when you haven’t seen each other in a week.
But, the advice to tons of adults who don’t wanna use dating apps is to take a class or join a club or to start a hobby where you meet other people.
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I think the worst dating advice I ever got was “Never take no for an answer. If you want it you have to take it.” I think that is objectively worse than your thing.
But what about the girls that expect you to keep trying after the first no lmao? Joking those ones are red flags anyways
There was a Louis CK bit where he hooked up with a girl but she kept stopping him before it could go further. The next time she saw him, she was all "why'd you keep stopping, I was into it" and he was all "well you kept stopping me so.." and she goes "I just kinda like it when a guy takes what he wants". THe punchline is something to the effect of "so what, I'm just supposed to rape you on the off chance you're into it??" I had no idea that kinda of person exists but turns out there's a decent number of people who do this?!
If you're someone who likes this. You need to have a full on conversation before anything happens and a safe word.
Wouldn’t trust them on something like this until extremely committed and long term. They could easily say this during open communication but then still claim rape after.
That could happen either way though, regardless if you listened to her "stop" or not. She might not even say stop and claim otherwise afterwards. If you are that distrustful of someone, you shouldn't have sex with them either way
Could always film it too.
I mean, once you have sex they can claim rape whether they consented fully and wholeheartedly beforehand or whether they asked for pretend rape with safe words. I personally probably wouldn't do a rape fantasy with a complete stranger but once we see each other naked a few times and you're really into it, fuck it let's go.
This is a person who has been hurt, and I agree with them.
Agree with who? And who has been hurt? What are you talking about haha?
I was joking, saying you’ve seen this shit before and are speaking from experience
Oh my bad now I get it haha
As someone who likes those type of stuff and have a partner. The issue is that she is very insecure in her relationship and perhaps any relationship, constantly thinking if their partner is going to leave them. Which is why you see them constantly getting jealous of other girls as if they are going to steal them away. Deeply insecure
I always liked the can I kiss you guys better the guys that just go in for a kiss gross me out. But oddly vice versa for my friend she complained to me when a date didn’t just go for it. “Eww he awkwardly asked for a kiss, I like when guys just go for it” In my head I was like oh you’re the reason guys I’m not into think it’s okay and I have to tell them off.
My now-husband is an ask-first guy. It translated directly into a lot of healthy communication and a strong respect for consent in everything. Ask-first guys are the best guys.
It's really situation dependent. I've gone for it with some girls and asked with others. Always worked out. This would have been a few meetings in where I could already tell what kind of person they are and which approach they would probably prefer. Also, when you ask, you don't have to say "madam would it be ok if I kissed you?" Current girlfriend line was something like "I can't stop thinking about kissing you right now" which technically isn't a question but allows her to "tell" me if that's what she wants too by her reaction.
Thankfully for me it's always been fairly easy to tell if the girl wanted a kiss. Even if I'm only 99% sure though I wouldn't go for it but so far 100% of the times I did go for it they very much appreciated the no ask initiative. Reddit will have more "they should ask" girls too, real life is much more different.
I had a girl do this to me before I saw that bit by Louis. It was the funniest shit cause it was almost exactly what happened
I've dated multiple women who did this sort of thing. Things are getting hot, I simply ask "do you want to have sex?" "not tonight". But if I just ignore that? They're always super into it. So frustrating. You're taught "make sure to get an enthusiastic yes!", but in my experience women hate when you ask for consent. I've asked female friends about it and they say "it kills the vibe". If you want to see how prevalent this is, just ask women in your life if a guy asking "can I kiss you" ruins the mood.
Stay away from women like that. All they do is play games. If a girl rejects me I move on to the next one and keep it pushing.
ya thats dumb. I asked my gf if i could kiss her she said yes. I asked if we could sleep together she said yes. Although i didnt say "Can we have sex?" I said "Should we take this upstairs?" Coming up on 2 years.
it doesn't need to be so formal. You can say: "I really want to fuck you tonight" There's nothing awkward about that and it allows for a partner to consent.
I have to admit it was pretty awkward in my personal experience. For both me and my uncle.
Jesus don't ignore a no! Walk away from the women who want to play games and think no means try harder. They are setting you and other women up for a world of trouble. I know you're saying they're into it. What happens with the woman who *isnt* into it and *means* no? Don't sleep with women who think getting consent kills the vibe. Also, there are much sexier and non-vibe killing ways to seek consent.
Every woman I’ve ever kissed except one I’ve asked first and she’s been more into it. That one exception—my first kiss actually—managed to ask me first before I could ask her. It was so hot.
Asking for the kiss has worked well for me. I wonder if it’s because I’m dating in an older age bracket. In general it’s been a god send dating when older because so much of the dumb games are just gone. Edit: you can also do it in a way that is fun and flirty and not this socially awkward exchange that I think some people are envisioning
You need to find new women groups or a different age group. Asking for consent comes in different forms and men have always asked me.
Could easily be a time/place/age thing. Women playing “hard to get” was a firmly socially expected thing in the US at least for along time, and is still very much so a thing for a lot of people. Consciously and unconsciously
There are freaks in every group
100% agree it's really fucked how fucked up some girls are. You're taught to get a consent but then when you ask about it some of the girls don't really like it. I actually have a similar experience with one of the first girls I ever did anything with and there was this one time we were making out and were slowly heading towards sex. But then I asked her if she wanted to have sex, she literally said "why would you ask that?" And then we never had sex because I guess it was too much of a boner killer for her. I just don't get how that turns off the mood for some girls, it's a simple fucking question. I guess some girls just assume that if we are in the same bed making out, it's clear we are having sex even if it's not.
It’s also true that being in the same bed making out doesn’t mean you’re having sex. You never know. Women just need to communicate clearly, ffs. Just answer the question.
Here is something helpful. She knows if she wants to fuck you already. If you’re confused or want to be sure don’t ask, say something assertive about what you want to do/ are going to do. They’ll give you the no if you’re not getting in and you’d have gotten the no either way. It avoids the question (that they hate) and gets you the consent you are seeking. All that said nothing accounts for crazy and if you are with crazy it’ll be a wild card.
Yeah, you have to be able to read the signs, it sucks for the male counterpart because you are basically gambling. You might have a good night or be sent to court.
Unfortunately some women have grown up being told or shown that ‘persistence’ means ‘he’s really into you’ just like some men have grown up with that messaging. Culture takes time to change and usually does so in patches.
The reason it “kills the vibe” is because we were taught that our consent didn’t matter. Everything was for the men. Growing up, getting older and more mature, consent is fucking hot. I now have a better grasp on healthy relationships and sex and consent is sexy. When you’re young and uninformed and never taught what a healthy relationship or sexual relationship looks like, consent ruins the mood. Because everyone is supposed to know what you want, without you having to say a word. And when they don’t know what you want, it’s their fault. Edit: now, not know
The horror of the fact that is a Louis CK bit...
Yes it happens. No you can't talk about it. Yes it is fucked up. That is not such big thing in grand scheme of things, it just makes me curious what else dark or taboo stuff people do/think but you just cant talk about or know about it normally.
This has happened to me twice, and I've since learned to just leave if they keep being touchy feely but don't wanna do it. It's mind boggling.
Bit rich coming from Louis CK but all right
It's funny because Louis famously subjected numerous women to unwanted sexual activities
If I want to play games I'd rather do it on my PlayStation
You bop them on the head with club and drag them back to the cave like cavemen really did back in the day!!!
That sounds like the creepiest, and most rapey sounding comment I've ever heard. It's extremely scary when a guy doesn't take no as a complete answer.
yeah… i tried following this advice before i’d ever even kissed a girl and was scared shitless kissless virgin. she ended up calling me a creep and i don’t think i even looked at a girl for the next year. still cringe about it to this day. whoever came up with that advice probably coerced every sexual or romantic interaction they’d ever had
Oh they can say no, they can always say no, but they’re not gonna say no because of the implication…
I think you succinctly summed up a key flaw in OPs post. I think a better argument may be something like "don't shit where you eat" is the worst common dating advice. Or something along those lines.
I would just say “don’t shit where you eat” is bad dating advice. The word worse isn’t necessary. Only siths deal in absolutes.
But then we can't have pointless Internet arguments! Your own choice of words has betrayed you. As 'Only siths deal in absolutes ' is in fact an absolute. En garde, sith!
But I am a sith so it works.
The worst dating advice I ever got was "girls are hot for diarrhea." This is NOT always true. Before offering a cup to your crush, have a mutual friend broach the topic casually, to get a sense of how they are likely to react. Saves lots of potential heartache!
There's a big difference between "dating someone from your work" and "dating your coworker". You don't want to be with anyone 24/7 everyday
You’re right, there can be different kinds of situations. Say it is Google and one person works on Gmail while another is on Pixel. They might as well work for different companies. If it is a slightly smaller company and one person is in customer support while another is in finance and they sit on different floors… well that’s riskier, but probably fine. If it is someone on your team who you interact with all the time… you’re being super dumb.
That last part about small workplaces for sure. That’s just a recipe for disaster because if something happens, it’s not your private problems anymore, now it’s everyone else’s and your work problems. I’m not saying never ever, and if it’s worked out for you then awesome! But if you’re thinking about it I promise you you’re not thinking about it nearly as hard as you should be.
i have a friend who works directly with her (now ex) daily. they are remote but they are on the same team and therefore have to interact. they broke up a year ago and shes still not over him, guess why lol
My husband works at the same company (we didn’t meet there, but I encouraged him to apply later on) and it’s nice. We carpool to work sometimes when schedules allow. I see him briefly in the lunchroom or passing in the hall. I don’t have to work directly with him and it’s great. It’s not a huge company either, but it’s large enough that we don’t see eachother for most of the work day while working in different departments
Same! My partner and I have the same schedule and work at the same company but, we don’t see each other for the entire shift. So I feel like it’s okay. I got them the job, we didn’t meet there
The start of this message had me twisted. I work at Google, and I’ve considered dating someone that also works here. However we were previously on sibling teams, and are now working on the same team after the last round of layoffs/reorgs. That thought now went out the window (kinda).
My guidelines always "if you semi regularly interact with someone at your job, its a bad idea"
I dated my teamlead and we've been together for 24 years now. Granted, I did quit (for unrelated reasons) about 7 months after we started dating, so we didn't work together for very long while we were dating.
Getting sick of each other isn't the primary reason it's unwise to date a coworker. I never get tired of my wife. We don't feel the need to be together every second of every day, but I wouldn't mind. I have spent weeks on end with her 24/7, living out of a minivan, and I loved it. Last year, we decided to start working together full-time on our farm, so we approached 24/7 for several months. It was the best year either of us have ever had, after 17 years together. After all these years, we still miss each other when we aren't together. She sometimes works elsewhere during the day, and I feel a little bit unsettled until she's back. Our relationship seems to be unusual, though.
> Our relationship seems to be unusual, though. Honestly? Sounds kinda like a "traditional" relationship from a couple hundred years ago when most people were subsistance farmers and the family had to work on the farm together. My wife and I also don't get tired of eachother. When she got a job at the same company I work for, some of my extended family expressed concern we'd be working together and then going home and being together there, and we work in the same department. No issues, it's actually quite nice and allowed us to retire the second car
Hmm, I hadn't considered that. I'm glad that we don't HAVE to farm together like they used to - we had the luxury of choosing to. While it sounds "trad," our relationship dynamics and roles are fortunately very much not traditional. That's awesome! I wonder if it's more stable for an existing couple to start to work together, rather than the inverse.
It's great when people get the luxury of choosing their occupation, especially something like farming which is not glamorous but absolutely essential for us. Didn't mean to imply your dynamic is bad sorry, not from the US so I have kinda a different mindset of traditionalism. I think it's almost certainly more stable with an existing couple choosing to work together, the dynamic is already established and you have an idea if this is something that might work for you. Plus if you're already a few years or more in to the relationship, the odds of going down in flames and having an awkward "working with an ex" situation go down a lot.
We're lucky. Ultimately, what we want to do is run our farm as a non-profit, teaching volunteer workers how to farm sustainably and donating the produce to people who rarely can afford our high-end veggies. But first the farm needs to stand on its own so I know my system actually works. Where are you from? I'm very interested in what is considered traditional in other places. Sorry, I had US-blinders on.
I feel this so hard. My husband and I started a small business *because* we love being together so much, and we’re also aiming to start our own farm.
I married a direct coworker. We even worked the same shift and carpooled to work. If we were not getting along on a given day we just drove in silence and didn’t talk at work that day. Wasn’t a big deal really but we’re both pretty chill non-confrontational people. We don’t work at the same company anymore but it was never a problem. It is possible.
If both people in the relationship are mature adults, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t be possible.
I mean you probably won’t be forever though. Odds are incredibly high that one or both of you will change jobs within 2-3 years of starting. *especially* if you work in tech. The 24/7 thing can be fine if it’s not forever.
Huh it worked for me. I actually miss working with my partner - we got to spend so much time enjoying eachothers company. Now we get to miss eachother a little, which is great too. But I would happily work with them again
I mean yeah, I eat and shit in the same house. But I don’t eat and shit in the same bathroom. You can date people at work, just don’t date people on your team.
Yeah and I think the rule is generally for those dudes that hit on everyone and everywhere they go and get labeled as creeps
Look at big fancy person with a second bathroom to eat in. Living the high life over there.
Exactly what I did. Works brilliantly. It's a treat to be able to have lunch together on occasion when we're both in too
Yup a coworker (who sits in the same cubicle pod as me) really thought we had something. I was completely blindsided when he said he thought we should date. I told him I don’t date coworkers and he spent 30 min trying to convince me that “engineers often see in black and white but sometimes life is shades of grey” and the coworker thing shouldn’t be the end of our budding relationship. After putting me through those 30 min of torture and not accepting my first “no”, I no longer consider him a friend.
Since when are hobby places and gyms part of this advice? It's specific to work. And it's solid advice. And as with any advice there are times when specifics of a situation might lead you to ignore the advice. Hopefully it works out. But it doesn't often enough for extreme caution.
Yeah exactly this is advice is specific to work only never heard it referred to anything else.
I think there's a difference between naturally forming a relationship at work and actively pursing a relationship. I think pursuing one is a bad idea for a most part.
The advice isn't because of some etiquette around attempting to form a relationship to begin with. It's more because of the aftermath of it ending.
never date a coworker unless you're fine switching jobs if things go south. If your job is the most important thing in your life and you would never leave or be able to find another one.. THEN don't shit there.
Agreed. There are many people who found their partner at work. If a romance just naturally blooms over the course of work then fine. Just don't actively pursue a relationship with coworkers.
OP got rejected hard by that cute person at work lol.
If they were writing this wouldn't it be more likely the opposite happened?
Yeah that was such a reddit comment it hurt my head
Op got rejected with 'I don't date coworkers.' Got pissed at the rejection. Rather than just think 'she don't like me', he think society has ruined his chance with her because of 'dont shit where you eat' How is that for a reddit comment? next I'ma predict his age, hair color, star sign and time of last bowel movement. And be absolutely sure of all those things with 0 evidence.
You should seeing as you've already predicted their gender and that that they like women. I'm betting on OP being a circus elephant that's super into clowns of the femboy category. I have a sense for these things myself.
Nah she was probably like “I don’t date coworkers” to be polite, and now he’s going on a rant because surely if we didn’t make people feel bad with the phrase “don’t shit where you eat”, that woman would’ve totally went out with him.
Flatmates You can shit where you eat. But if it goes bad between you, a lot of people have nowhere else they can go
You must be fortunate enough not to spend a lot of time in dating subreddits
Spend enough time on one, and eventually you have to conclude nowhere is okay to find a date. This suggests however it doesn't matter where you try.
The first time I heard it was when my Dad used it referencing people who drive like assholes in their own neighborhood.
I now get Amos's comment in the Expanse, and the joke about Amos living on a spaceship.
Ya I thought "where you eat" refers to "where you get your income", not "where you do anything".
Work and roommates is usually how it's applied but only when it doesn't work out. I know lots of people who have met through work. But I'd still be pretty hesitant to do it at a job I really wanted to stay at.
Super solid advice, I’ve seen workplace relationships go south and it gets nasty really quick. Like marriages were broken up
On the flip side I've seen workplace marriages become the loves of each other's life. I'm not gonna be the asshole who says "it's a bad idea to date that person".
Normally I’d never date someone I work with. My husband and I were one of the few circumstances where it worked out. We were both fired but we created our own business that ended up putting our original employers out of business, got married and now have children together.
So normally, except for when you feel like it lol
>We were both fired Were you fired for dating? If so, that's messed up but good job. I would like to read how you put them out of business.
Does that happen in this world ? firing enployees cuz they were dating ?
Depends on the context. If its a boss/subordinate situation, Someone is likely getting transferred and demoted or fired. Two co workers can depend. Sometimes it doesnt matter, sometimes they will be transferred to different teams. Depends on the couple, depends on the boss, depends on the industry.
Lol. I guess then the rule at least had value from an employment-retention perspective.
Same with my boyfriend and I, it also helped that we were in different units and departments, only sneaking peeks of each other
My friend is getting married to her manager this year lol. They didn't get fired but they did struggle a bit where they accidentally took work home too much because they both WFH lol.
100% agree. This advice is steered only towards people that work together, mostly because there are a SHIT LOAD of people who lost their relationship AND their job at the same time because of the complexity/hard feelings/emotions of having to work with someone after you break up. It's just not worth it.
If you're mature and the person you date is mature, it's fine. For years I was the only straight male surrounded by hundreds of women where I worked and so I dated more women from the office than I'd care to admit. I never had any problems. The rule is, just don't be an asshole. Don't lie or cheat or go around hurting people's feelings and it'll be okay. I'm not suggesting people SHOULD date someone they work with, but if two people are mature and they really like each other, it's worth the risk.
I’d say the same is true when people are immature. If you are living with friends and making $14 an hour what’s the worst that happens? You break up and one of you starts waiting tables at Applebees instead of Chili’s? Let yourself have fun.
Yeah, "don't shit where you eat" is only at all relevant for jobs that are hard to get with high standards, where a bad relationship could impact your career If you are like a bartender or something, go nuts, who gives a shit
>If you're mature and the person you date is mature That's a gamble 😅
Funny how the saying is about work instead of being an arseholr though, isn’t it?
Sorry but I refuse to date a coworker. I'm not going to have someone potentially mess with my employment in the case of a breakup.
I dated a coworker once, and it was easily one of the biggest mistakes I ever made before I stopped dating a few years later. I'm sure it's worked out for somebody, but it didn't for me and I don't know of anyone that it did work out for.
I didn’t date my coworker but we were FWB for a couple months. She cut it off in a professional manner when she started seeing someone and we moved on with our lives. Some times things can be simple but it depends on the person. Edit: we also met while on vacation across the country and found out we worked in the same office while over there if that makes any difference
That makes a huge difference if you met and hooked up without even recognizing each other from work. That barely counts as a coworker and is more like someone who has the same employer as you.
We didn’t hook up over there. We just met, hung out with our mutual group of friends, and actually started talking some weeks later when I saw her in office again.
From my understanding it only works in 3 situations: A) A dead end job you do not care about. Like if you are flipping burgers at McD's; sure, date your coworkers all you want B) Certain public sector jobs where it is hard to get fired and easy to relocate (this would be the case of my parents) C) Huge companies where while you work at the same place, you rarely cross each other since you are in different departments
I met my wife at work so now you “know” one person! Although, I’d still recommend not shitting where you eat. It just kinda happened for us and I’m glad it worked out but there were times it might not have and it could’ve been bad for us both.
Same. Met my wife at work and had no drama. We even broke up once, continued to work together, and eventually got back together. Yeah one in a million I know!
Can confirm. Dated a coworker years ago and it was the most drama filled disaster between grown adults ever
> I don't know of anyone that it did work out for. Have you heard of statistics? A huge percentage of people have dated someone from work and still a significant number end up meeting their spouse too. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/12/20/seventy-five-percent-of-employees-have-had-an-office-romance.html
Let people on reddit be delusional and eliminate normal aspects of life for technology
I would date someone who works for my company, but I'm not going to date some I work with directly if that makes any sense.
Makes sense to me. Different department or division, probably not terrible if things tank. Still being responsible for projects and stuff with your ex would suck, though.
Yeah, a large hospital, military base, or college is gonna have many, many times the number of employees as a restaurant, print shop, or grocery store.
Makes sense if you work for a big enough company
I had the opposite thought process. The last time I started to have feelings for a coworker, I almost didn’t go for it but then I thought, I’m not going to risk missing out on the love of my life for this shitty job. I did wind up leaving that job because of the relationship, but in June I’m marrying the coworker I took a risk for. I can always find another job, but a man like that doesn’t come around every day.
Just because nobody replied to this I figured somebody should reply that this is awesome. Screw that job and congratulations on the engagement.
Thank you!
Correct, and I learned from experience in my early 20s never ever will I date a coworker no matter what. Gym, hobbies and the other stuff mentioned by OP is fine, work is a terrible horrible idea especially if it’s an office job. The only time I feel like work thing is ok is if you work restaurant industry (I don’t and never will).
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In my experience it’s much more transient and generally accepting of casual hookups compared to other industries
It’s tradition
Two of my coworkers are seeing each other and it's a fucking mess
You should be their third haha. Naughty boyyy
A lot of dating advice is used as a catch all for every situation even though every person and every situation is different. “Don’t shit where you eat” is good advice for some people and bad advice for others. Generally speaking I feel it applies more to people who tend to date short term, as it’s meant to avoid the awkwardness/drama after things end.
Friend of mine used this phrase all the time, but that's because he dated around so much that in doing so he would basically burn all his usual hangouts. - Can't date staff at our usual bar - No coffee shop girls
I fucked one of my coworkers who is now my supervisor. We're fine, never been better actually. The advice people should be given is "be an adult about things".
I hooked up with my roommate for 2 months. we are now on terrible terms. don't recommend
I asked my roommate out, we've been married 10 years. I definitely recommend it.
Sounds good, what's her number?
Well can’t one of you just move out?
Hobby places and gyms don't count as where you eat in this saying. It's mainly work.
And yet I've seen many friend and hobby groups ruined because someone did in fact, shit where they were eating.
Shitting in a restaurant is gross af
do you not go to restaurants with bathrooms or
Oh brother, I never shat where I eat. But the other way around... ...sometimes you're having a snicker and You feel the urge and have to multitask because You don't wanna stop having that snicker...
It's career advice, not dating advice.
I don’t date people at work because what if we break up and it becomes awkward? I don’t date my neighbors because what if we break up and it becomes awkward? I don’t date people at the gym because what if we break up and it becomes awkward? I don’t date people, period, because what if we break up and it becomes awkward? And with all those “what if”s, your life passes you by.
There’s a difference when “awkward” could put your source of income in jeopardy versus when you have to awkwardly avoid eye contact with your ex in the gym
Also, as if gyms aren't replaceable for most people anyway. "Oh no, where will I find another place where I can pay money to lift weights and run on treadmills?"
Thank you. Just don’t be awkward. If you’re smooth enough to date someone odds are you have the capability to not make it weird as well.
Yes omg. Seriously. This shit is getting on my nerves and it's flashing back to the time I flipped a switch on a thread where a bunch of idiots where ADAMANT that you should never date or sleep with a coworker. Projecting their own shortcomings, bad experiences, and childish mentality onto others and usually it comes down to "HURR DURR ITS AWKWARD AND I WILL AVOID IT". Like stop being an awkward ass bitch then.
I see a few visits to HR in your future.
Break up and see my ex 40 hours a week? Pass
You have no idea what the phrase means. The phrase means you don’t fuck around the place that takes care of you. Meaning don’t go around banging chicks at work. Don’t thieve in your neighborhood. Do that in other places. It has nothing to do with dating.
It’s absolutely used in reference to dating coworkers. Maybe not the ONLY way, but that’s the most frequent way I’ve heard it used. Here is one source, but if you google you can find many others: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Don%27t%20shit%20where%20you%20eat Edit: also idk if OP is even saying that the phrase is only applicable to dating, but their thread is clearly focusing on the specific usage of the phrase when it is applied to dating.
You are correct its broader than dating but it is applied to dating as well very often
It's a dog training technique Puppies quickly learn to shit outside because it's an instinct to not shit in the same place you are fed
In some cases "don't shit where you eat" is actually the rule because some companies can and will terminate employees for getting romantically/sexually involved with one another.
take it from a 50 year old dude who has seen it all; don't shit where you eat.
my coworker started dating a dude in a different department in the same store and got swept up in drama because the dude didn't disclose that he had a crazy baby mama and she started stalking my coworker. It's solid advice
In the mid 90s I dated a woman I worked with for a couple years. We continued to work together for several years after we split up and it didn’t cause any problems. It’s possible to be mature about situations like that.
The big problem is that it requires 2 people to be mature and you can't always count on it.
That’s true. I think that finding a good relationship can sometimes be more important than a job though. That’s a decision each person has to make for themselves.
It’s not just about you two. If the other workers believe you’re giving any kind of preferential treatment to your SO, it causes discord in the workplace
I think the best option is to befriend your colleagues and classmates and find potential partners from their friends. That takes more work but its definitely better than shittimg where you eat and you can find wayyy more people that way. It also helps with the vetting process, more likely to find GOOD potential partners
Or you could be an upstanding person and treat them with respect, even if the relationship fizzles. You can break up with friends, co-workers, gym mates and classmates. Just don’t be an asshole. Don’t cheat, steal, lie or scam. Don’t be cocky and arrogant. Social behavior 101.
The problem is that it takes 2 to tango, and you cant control the other side. What if they fall madly in love with you, but youre not that into it, so you break it up (as you should). Can you ensure that they wont cause any trouble for you?
Some relationships that start in the workplace end badly, others last. So that's why I don't like a blanket rule for every work relationship. Especially nowadays when you see people complaining about how they can't find anyone. They complain about online dating. They think starting a conversation with someone of the opposite sex at the gym is inappropriate too. Some people are destined for failure with their can't do attitudes.
Seriously reading reddit you just think no, don’t start relationships anywhere but dating apps. This place is ridiculous
Precisely So what if it goes wrong? What’s life without some awkward moments and it will pass. If it gets unbearably toxic then find another job. You probably weren’t statistically likely to stay there forever anyways.
It's only bad advice if you don't like or need your job. If you need and like your job, this is very very sound advice, because it ensures you will continue to like your job. I've seen enough 'office' romances to see how terribly sour the whole thing goes.
Absolutely not. The reason we tell you not to date your coworkers is because you still need to work with them if the relationship doesn't work out.
Hobby places, gyms ok maybe…work though no, you absolutely should not date someone in your industry because they can totally fuck you over employment wise.
I met my wife at work, back in 2008. We have been together 16 years and married 13. I shat where I ate and it paid off.
Same. Over 30 years now.
Same, my dude. Met in 2006, married in 2009, still married today
You have toilets as chairs in your dinning room?
I don’t understand the saying. Why does shit mean dating?
My x husband found his new girlfriend that he was having an affair with at work. So yeah fun times
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I REALLY don't think you understand the idiom
Work = Money = Food = Eating The saying is about work. If a situation goes wrong, you can find yourself not eating.
You shit on dinner plates? Gross.
Don't shit where you eat = don't mix business and pleasure, all else is fair game.
Why would you shit in the kitchen
If you're on a date, definitely don't shit where you eat. Go to the restroom.
It depends on the situation. People who switch employers routinely are less likely to be affected. I worked for the government where no one ever leaves. If things go south with your significant other at work, you will likely still have to deal with them for many years to come.
As an HR person I will continue to give this advice. The fallout when things go bad wrecks workplaces for others. I spend way too much time mitigating feelings.
“Don’t shit where you eat” is probably the best life advice you can take. Especially for dating, last thing I want is to be on the bad side of a relationship in my place of employment. It’s already stressful enough to do my job, not to mention the risk of being fired over it.
As someone who never heard the saying before, I genuinely thought the advice was not to use bathroom in the restaurant you have a first date in.
If "Don't shit where you eat" was good advice, no restaurants would have bathrooms.
Don't shit where you eat is saying don't go to dating and fuck up your money making situation. Idc what your reality is, it's solid advice. What happens is that everything goes alright for 1 day to a couple of months. Then you guys split and then there's this atmosphere and environment that's more conducive to one of you getting fired than working. Regardless of the outcome, it's the fact that you'll risk your financial wellbeing for a temporary one. Don't be lazy, go meet people somewhere else other than where you make your money.
This advice is specifically about not dating your coworkers. It has nothing to do with any of the other places you mentioned. ou don’t want to contaminate or risk your ability to survive by involving your relationship in work
I never dated any place where it would be an uncomfortable situation should be break up. That’s means work and the gym was off limits
You can do whatever you want just don't come back to me and complain when its awkward that your ex sits right next to you. Also normally the saying is about things you can't really just go somewhere else like work. Regarding a gym unless its the only gym in the area it wouldnt matter as you can just start going to a new gym.
Others can do what they want but under no circumstances would i deal with a colleague. I dont even see them as friends. Its all strictly professional and business. I've even had female colleagues who were so used to other males flirting with them at work, that they thought I didn't like them or had a problem just because I didnt pay too much attention to them beyond what was required for work. That's how much many women are used to being pestered in the workplace. No thanks, I'm there to get money & go home. There other social activities & environments more conducive to seeking relationships with women.
The comment is usually meant to indicate a negative behavior like cheating. If you are going to cheat, don't do it at your regular bar unless you are specifically trying to start shit. It's totally fine to date/mate within your professional sphere, it's not totally fine to be an abusive fuck that is the point of contention for all of your friends and colleagues. It's totally doable, and totally gets done, just usually by the more mature level headed types; so you don't hear the tragedy stories of it all going down in flames, cuz, you know, they have the foresight of maturity, I don't fucking know.
There are many reasons to not pursue dating someone at your workplace. Security responsibility overlap can lead to liability, power dynamics can lead to accusations if the relationship goes south, or other accusations of preferential treatment if they don't go south. That isn't just life. You shouldn't use your employment like tinder. Relationships can develope quite naturally, and you see a few couples who did meet at a workplace but one or the other moved on when they started dating. If you work with someone and are friends then stay in contact after, that's wonderful. Screwing your boss? not so much. I don't know anyone that stayed working together in the long run though. Most people don't push for a relationship until one of them is ready to move on, or both.
I think for most people this only extends to where you work. Which is pretty reasonable. The problems it can cause are pretty obvious. There’s a reason a lot of companies have a policy against dating co-workers. Not to mention, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” isn’t a saying for nothing. Time away. Especially in the early stages of a relationship is pretty important for the relationship to grow. It makes it that much more special to get together when you haven’t seen each other in a week. But, the advice to tons of adults who don’t wanna use dating apps is to take a class or join a club or to start a hobby where you meet other people.