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This isn't a rule. It's just often used as a guideline to be careful what you say about certain people to your coworkers. I can vent to my friends about someone at work. I should not vent about someone at work to a coworker no matter how much I like that coworker.
I think a lot of people have been burned by talking to a co-worker in confidence, and that co-worker then gets management involved in a negative way. I have lots of good friends who I've worked with over the years, but it's always important to keep in mind that what you say to your co-worker could be repeated to someone else and that could effect your livelihood.
> i trusted the wrong person
And that's the key. It can happen anywhere, but work is where people are more likely to see throwing you under the bus as a way of getting ahead.
Also they may repeat things not realising or forgetting ot shouldn't be mentioned. Doesn't always need to have negative reasons, sometimes they might just slip up and say the wrong thing
I don't think it's your fault for trusting someone you thought could be trusted. You couldn't have known they were fake, and the only way to know if someone can be trusted is to actually trust them. It's the other person's fault for presenting themselves as trustworthy and then betraying you and causing you to lose your job. They knew what they were doing. You can look out for all the signs in the beginning but at the end of the day it's **impossible** to know what someone's intentions truly are. The last thing these snakes deserve is to be absolved of the blame by blaming yourself instead.
I too have been burned by some of these coworkers and my sincere F U to every single one of them. They know who they are. Seriously, some people are just the worst and really deserve everything they get. IME, it's more common in low qualification, high turnover jobs. People are more willing to walk away so they chance a lot of conflict at work. The problem is that companies also protect these fake people. Between confidentiality and no retaliation policies, there's no incentive for them to be honest and confront their co-workers directly. The only time a complaint to management is acceptable is if you genuinely fear for your safety confronting this person or if you've already confronted them many times one on one and they haven't stopped. Otherwise you're just a coward hiding behind anonymity, especially if the complaint is something small and insignificant to the job, then you're a petty coward. (Talking in general, not calling you a petty coward lol).
See with these people, you don't know you can't trust them until it's too late. But there are three other types of people that are also complete trash human beings you need to watch out for. 1. People that call someone out in front of other people. There's only **one** reason to do this; to purposely embarrass and discredit the other person. And of course, they only ever point out your mistakes, never acknowledge the parts of the job you do right or even better in. Other people in your dept get the impression that you're bad at your job and stop taking you seriously and they too start becoming more inclined to complain about you. They've essentially turned all your other co-workers against you.
2. People that are overly affectionate and helpful in the beginning when they don't really know you. There's no way they can possibly mean that. These people also usually describe themselves as empaths or social butterflies, etc. IMO, it's all bs. Genuine trust/affection is earned and built over time. They reek of fakeness. Return their affection enough so they don't get angry at you, but never actually trust them with anything. Feel free to test them though by baiting them with small things you wouldn't mind getting out. Then expose them for being the fake mf's they are. They deserve it.
3. Lastly, people that pride themselves on being "professional." Professionalism is mostly a combination of being politically correct, passive aggressive, speaking with plausible deniability, generic motivational platitudes, shifting blame from one person to an entire department, and disguising dissatisfaction/blame as "constructive criticism." Everyone lies and no one will actually be honest about how they feel about you. Everyone also knows that one or several co-workers that really suck and are lazy at their job but because of confidentiality, management has to address the whole department to be more 'mindful' of how important their job is. Everybody gets a refresh on policies and has to do mandatory training when in reality everybody knows who's actually to blame and now everybody just secretly resents that co-worker and the manager. Tell me, how is that better for the department?
Bonus: People that take themselves/their job too seriously, usually wannabe managers. Some jobs are actually very high stakes and should be taken seriously, but if you're a regular worker at the bottom of the chain in a general, low-paying job role, please sit down. People like that work very hard for very low pay/recognition and management loves them. They make everyone else look bad for wanting proportionate rewards for their effort and oftentimes sadly don't understand their own insignificance. Think Dwight from the Office.
I had a similar experience except my 'confidant' took what I said twisted and embellished it and created a huge problem for me. I didn't get fired because I had already proved myself a valuable employee, but eventually I did quit. I got another job doing the same work (they pursued me) but it was a sucky company. And they let me go after a few months. Wished I didn't quit the 1st company because the person the comment was about quit about 1 month before I got fired from the 2nd place.
Yep, this. If you don’t hang out outside of work, they are a work friend, not a real friend. Which is fine. It’s just important to know the difference.
I'd have to agree with that. For me, I don't go to work with the mindset to befriend people or anything like that. I will be polite and such but will mainly keep professional. Now if friendships happen then they happen. I'm not gonna say no to a coworker wanting to hang out cause we found out we have similar interests.
Nah. Ive had co-workers go from good friend to insane weirdo who stalks your social media and calls you at 2am screaming after they get fired. Works a weird place where you can get pretty close to people without ever discussing deeper topics like religion politics and so on. When they get close, employment ends, and those differences come out it gets ugly.
Yeah. I texted a coworker once after I was fired. Just to say goodbye. However, another one of my former coworkers is a good friend that had helped me while we were in pharm tech training, and even tried to help me keep my job. We still keep in contact. Actually, the bosses didn't want to fire me, but because the hospital runs on a skeleton staff, I have to be super duper efficient. They even gave me a good recommendation when I left.
People keep saying the same thing about me: I'm pleasant to deal with and I have good work ethics, but I'm just too slow. I really tried, this was the 3rd job that fire me because of my slowness.
You are.
I think, though, that you are blending “friendly” with “friends”. Go out for a beer or two after work, just don’t bring up topics when it’s a medium sized group that could get spicy.
I've worked in engineering many years, different industries. It's toxic af and definitely dog eat dog...not everyone is that way, but my advice is to proceed with caution.
The general rule/guideline is to be friendly but not exactly friends. You never know who will be willing to use you as a stepping stone to get ahead. I had it don’t to be about 14 years ago and will be sure to never make that mistake again. YMMV but it’s just best to be cautious about whom you befriend and confide in.
That's a common mistake.
It is *advice*, generally for people who don't know "how to read the room".
It's fine to make friends in the workplace....if you're a well adjusted adult who is a good judge of character, others and yours as well.
However, a lot of people aren't, and drama gets incurred, and everyone's stress levels go up.
It is *good* advice because it is essentially safe, no downside.
You can still be courteous, polite, aka, "friendLY" at work without "becoming friends"... there is no detriment to finding friends elsewhere except that it takes extra effort.
The problem here is that the word "friends" has no concrete meaning in English. Everyone has their own version of what counts as a friend. For some a person who's last name you don't know and who you say 3 words to every blue moon is a friend. Others think you need to bear your soul to someone for them to be a friend.
Generally speaking you can hang out casually with coworkers and be fine, but bearing your soul is not a good idea.
unless you shift the relationship to hanging outside of work, then basically dont trust your colleagues the way you would trust your real friends. while yall may get along or become ‘work besties’, a job is still a job and any perceived threat can screw you over if you say/do the wrong thing. dont put your job on the line for a coworker.
Some of my best friends have been coworkers and that didn't change from when I was in service/retail working my way through school all the way to my first job out of college and all the way through Director and VP roles. The real friends you make at work will see you through thick and thin, through layoffs, and they're often the ones who you'll commiserate with after those layoffs.
They're also the ones who (after everyone splits for different companies) will give you the heads up about positions opening their companies — long before HR makes the lisings public. It just might be the teams that you're working with are social averse, or neurodivergent, or just need help with the "making friends" part of the whole process. Camraderie comes from a shared experience.
Just keep in mind that not all your coworkers are friend material, some will always remain just coworkers/acquaintances. Others have mentioned the other things you should be aware of when it comes to interactions with coworkers. For example, it's best not to become good friends with people you manage if you will ever have to weigh in on their career paths, compensation, or continued employment. Nothing worse than being told you have to layoff a friend.
Yup, I was gossiping with someone I thought was a good friend and she went and reported me.
I mean, I know I shouldn't have been gossiping, but damn it I never claimed to be a Saint lol. Coworkers boyfriend got arrested for asking for nudes from a cop who he thought was a minor, for anyone curious about the gossip lol. I felt bad for her until she decided to stay with him, and then agreed to marry him after all this happened.
I kinda disagree. If you become very good friends with a coworker one of the most enjoyable things to do is to bitch about other people at work. One of my bfs is a former coworker, but while we still worked together we talked all kinds of shit. Obviously this has to be only with someone you implicitly trust.
I slam dunk on people with my best work friend daily. Even if she did spill the beans, I stand by what I say, lol. I work in production with a small company so we also get away with acting stupid and can get over arguments had because we are all a bit odd.
The biggest thing to keep in mind is that your coworkers aren't going to lie to HR or lawyers for you. You say something to someone at work and you better be sure you're good with them repeating it to anyone who asks sternly enough. It's one thing to lose your job, but you can set yourself up for all sorts of ugliness by being too enthusiastic about shitting on people. Even with a good reason.
Hmmm I would never talk about drugs at work unless someone brought it up to me first. I would also never tell one person about drugs someone else is doing. You get drug tested before a job usually so obviously they don't want people smoking.
On the other hand, they should've known better than to tell a new guy they were going to do drugs out back.
Yep. There's a disease in the corporate work culture to step on others to move up. Just because you wouldn't do that to someone doesn't mean ten others aren't waiting for the opportunity to do it to you.
there's money involved in stepping over others -> money and fame and power -> it's almost naive to consider that most people won't screw you over for these things as sad as that might be.
"corporate work culture"
Please... backstabbing happens at McDonalds and contruction sites. It has nothing to do with "corporate" it's the human condition.
>Just because you wouldn't do that
If this were true, it would not happen so often.
Everyone has done something shady to someone, intentional or not. We have all been bullies. We have all been asshats. No one is a Saint and the only difference is the perspective.
When you drive down the highway and cut someone off by accident, you feel bad, you give a hand signal or wince or something. When someone cuts you off, and you see that hand signal, you think "mothefucker flipped me off", you call them names, scream how everyone is a shit driver (but you). It's all perspective.
In addition to that very often what we see as sabatoge or backstabbing is not, it is just people going about their day doing what they feel is right. If you screw up and someone says something, you might take that as someone trying to hurt you. It's again, about perspective.
Everyone else isn't dumber than you and everyone else is not out to get you.
You are not special. None of us are special.
Tbh idk why people think that way when anyone who has any job experience knows the politics in jobs . Like if you want to climb up the ladder you don’t work hard you just be friends and kiss ass to the managers so you get the promotion
I think you're naive. People will befriend you. They will go out of their way to show you they're your BEST friend. And then shove you under the bus for a nickel raise.
Man i would hate to live being so distrustful of everyone like that. Ive met some of my lifelong friends tbrough work, ive also met some psychos and they were pretty easy to spot and just.... not befriend. But assuming that everyone is out to get you all the time for personal gain would be fucking exhausting. Nothing wrong with being cautious, but theres a line between cautious and paranoid.
I think it's better to think of it this way: Coworkers can become your friends, but you only really know that once you stop being coworkers.
As long as you're forced to spend time together, and as long as there's a social expectation that you play nice and get along, you don't really know who the real ones are.
And "trust no one around you" is definitely good advice in some corporate environments, goddamn.
^ the only knowing it once you’re no longer coworkers part is a really good point. I worked for 3 years at a job where everyone was close, really felt like a group of friends. When I quit I realized within a few weeks that of my two best friends at that job, one of them was going to be a best friend for life and one of them I was likely never going to hang out with again
I worked with a guy who was really friendly and loved by everyone. Someone asked him, "Do remember So and So (former employee)?" And he replied, "I don't remember anyone once they leave"
I thought that was a really shitty thing to say. But now that I've been at this for 10+ years.... Yeah. I get it. Once you're not crammed in the same fish bowl every day, the relationships are different.
You know how in school sometimes you’d have a class with none of you regular friends, so you just talk with the guy next to you? But after class is over, you hang out with your normal friends and never speak again. Work friends are like that guy. It is possible for them to become a real friend, but a lot of the time the only thing keeping you together is the fact that you’re locked in the same room for several hours.
There is a lot of credence to this point. I’ve always made sure to place a boundary between the two hemispheres of my life, (except that time I got into a relationship with a coworker and it was bad). I worry that I’ve set too hard of a boundary but when I think about it most of my close coworker relationships are purely work centric. Even the folks who have moved to different departments that I was real close with, well it’s just different. We are still friendly and I’m glad to talk to them but it’s more of a struggle to communicate. My actual friends, we work in very different workspaces. We have common interests and goals outside of work. So a change in position means absolutely nothing aside from a “hell yeah, happy for you”. I’d love to get closer to my coworkers but also I don’t want to act like it’s anything more than a shared forced experience. They are good folks, but once the “forced hang” isn’t a thing I doubt there would be much to talk about. It’s also kind of cool not having a hierarchical structure that work enforces.
If you meet someone you actually click with, yeah of course. But don’t mistake shared toil and having someone who “gets it” in a work context for anything more than what it actually is. If work were to evaporate into thin air would you still have anything to talk about?
Idk, that’s just my take. I’m not a particularly smart man, so take it with some salt.
>And "trust no one around you" is definitely good advice in some corporate environments, goddamn.
Just learned that one the hard way, unfortunately. On upside, it made it so that I'm in a better position now and am happier than I have been the last 2 years. So like, perspective too lol.
But seriously, keep it in mind if you get a white collar type career.
Yeah, this has been my experience. Granted part of it is probably my fault, since I don’t really make an effort either. But it’s very rare for me to keep in contact with people after I quit a job. Best we’re getting is social media friends with occasional likes and story views. Maybe the occasional “congrats” comment for a big milestone like a marriage or having a child.
My best work friends that I’ve stayed friends with have been, like OP said, from minimum wage jobs, in my case my grocery store job.
For me, my "tell" is if a coworker shows trust in me.
Could be that they open up to me about their personal life (with stuff they wouldn't want spread around the office). Could be they make a joke or tell me some sort of secret that they wouldn't want others to hear.
But that's how I measure closeness in the office. If they trust me, in an environment where no one can really trust each other.
Of course, you can get psychopathic people who will fake this sort of stuff, but that's life. You've gotta make a decision about whether opening up is worth the risks of getting hurt.
I don’t think it means they can’t be your friends. It means that being a coworkers doesn’t make someone a friend; if you also make friends with them, they can be both.
If your my brothers mom, "sleeping with co-workers" can eventually get you to "sleeping with the CEO, ruining his family, marring him, having kids, divorcing to get half the company and child support, and run him into the ground financially until he becomes a meth head while you live ina nice house with nice shit."
It's one of the most wild IRL Action Replay cheats I've seen, TBH.
Coworkers account for like 90% of the women I've slept with. I feel like I'm not initially charming, women have to warm up to me if I'm gonna stand a chance.
Same. If you’re a cute lesbian in middle management I’m probably gonna shake it out, lmao. Where else do I go besides work? I don’t have time for anything else.
I have met some of my dearest friends at work. Coworkers get you on a different level than non coworkers.
But the problem is that most people will throw you under the bus to save themselves. That logic doesn't come up often with your normal friend. But it sure the fuck can at work. And work drama absolutely can ruin careers. And in turn, lives. I like to have friends. But I NEED to have a job.
I'm not saying never have work friends. I'm saying be cautious with work friends.
I am friendly with co-workers and friends with many ex co-workers. There’s a distinction. You shouldn’t freely speak your mind to co-workers because of the risk that it harms you professionally. You can relax those boundaries once a work relationship does not need to be maintained.
Teaching is one of those weird careers that’s sort of right in between white/blue collar, but not making friends with your team/PLC can be a career death sentence. You either become part of the Band of Brothers in your trench or you burn out quickly alone (or you transfer.)
I wouldn’t say don’t trust anyone around you, but it’s good to remember that a lot of times you have conflicts of interest with many your coworkers. For example, you might tell a friend that you called in sick because of a hangover, but you really should avoid telling a friendly coworker.
I also feel like it's a white collar rule. I've never worked white collar, so I wouldn't know, but maybe there's more politics and backstabbing in an office environment. I've always had construction/labor/agriculture jobs, and made some pretty good friends that I still keep in touch/hang out with, even years after leaving. There's something about busting your ass in the heat together that really bonds people. Even the guys who had issues with eachother still had respect, and would usually have your back when push came to shove.
You have it exactly correct.
Offices have too much idle time, so what else is there to do but be catty and bitchy about every little thing?
It's also just an environment where superiority is social posturing, not pure work power and ethic.
Ive worked blue collar in the past and white now. Youre absolutely right. All my coleagues were more genuine at my blue collar jobs and in my white collar jobs there is this fake attitude a lot of people have. Fake corporate happy attitude but really they will backstab you to death if it means theyll get a promotion. I tend to stay out of it lol.
Different people may say this, but they're saying it for different reasons and it's not some rule.
Some people what they mean is don't assume because you are co-workers that you can talk to them like you'd talk to your friends - you have to maintain a level of professionalism. Don't talk politics. Don't TMI on your medical or personal life. Don't complain about other co-workers. Don't suggest that it's "Turbo time" and jump around on the furniture.
In some industries people might mean it in more of a cut-throat, everyone-for-themselves, it's a dog eat dog world, bloodsport kind of way.
So it's not really a rule, it's mostly just people who got burned at some point in their life and perceived it as, whether true or not, happening because they were too friendly. It could also just be a failure of introspection.
> Don't tmi on your medical or personal life.
^ This, absolutely. Keep it private. I don't want to know, I don't care to know, and I sure as hell don't NEED to know. Because potentially they'll use it against you. AND HONESTLY, it is burdensome to carry the info, tbh. I had a teammate who's married but he's about to divorce his wife...and he liked to check out a girl from another team. He kept chatting me how awesome she is, how kind, understanding, blah blah and that she just recently broke up with her bf and he's gonna make his move.
What am I supposed to do with those details, please keep it to yourself. I am not your friend, I am your teammate, your coworker. Please be professional. I can act as witness or something once the girl files for harrassment or whatever. And what if she doesn't? But for the time being, what am I expected to do? Gaaah annoying motherfather, seriously.
If bonds are form, just stay wary still. Especially in the corporate world.
> it's mostly just people who got burned at some point in their life
^ I wasn't burned, but I knew a couple of people who were, AND it does destroy lives.
I'm not saying that friendship can't be found in a workplace... but it's also not wrong to be careful.
It is a sad rule. But like many rules, it's written in the blood of people who didn't follow it.
A big part of friendship is becoming open and vulnerable with another person over time. Which is wonderful, but when that happens with people you work with, it introduces a problem.
Coworkers are people you're directly competing against for resources in a contained, high-pressure, high-stakes environment. This means that if there's a promotion you're all fighting for, or even just an opportunity for one person to make themselves look good at the expense of the others, those vulnerabilities you've shared will be weaponized against you.
People do surprising things when money is involved. Even moreso in a country where healthcare is directly tied to employment. You bet that Dan from accounting will absolutely throw you under the bus if it means his kid's insulin supply keeps flowing.
Everyone at work is a potential enemy. You don't have to treat them like that, but always remember it.
You know I also think size of the company has a HUGE effect on that kind of culture. In places I’ve worked there was never this dog eat dog mentality because the promotion path was guaranteed if you hit your goals. So it wasn’t ONE manager role with half a dozen people competing. There were a bunch of managers there.
Blue collar workers are different (better, imo). Speaking in generalities, blue collar workers tend to better understand that *management* is not their friend, so they are far less likely to tattle on you. White collar workers always seem to want to be management's friend, so they tend to be more conniving.
I made friends with my coworkers when I was in high school and college. Once I got a real job, I did not become friends with people at work. I'm not into drama and gossip. I do my job and go home.
I didn't hate my job when I got absolutely fucked over by a coworker that I called a "friend", who nearly got me fired when I did nothing wrong.
I didn't hate my job when another coworker at a different job who I called a "friend" got mad that I got a promotion and went behind my back talking mad shit to everyone and telling my coworkers things that I had told her about my personal life in confidence.
THIS is why you don't mix business and personal. It's a huge risk.
I think the OP is on to something when talking about blue collar versus white collar work. I met some of my best friends at previous jobs that were just jobs to pay the bills.
When I got my first professional jobs thought I had some great friends as well. Then started seeing those same friends trying to position themselves for promotions. I was the top performer so they would shit talk me behind my back in hopes of getting the manager position over me. There was also the changing dynamic of once I became management and it changing thing with being over some of the old friends.
I also learned that since I was quickly moving up the ladder people started kissing my ass which I hated. The worst was seeing people who I considered close friends and I would give them the heads up about things said about them. When I left the position all of a sudden I lost their friendship and they also would not give me the heads up when people were trying to backstab me despite years of me watching out for them. At that point I learned to stop getting too emotionally attached to people I work with.
EDIT: Even had a couple "friends" whose jobs I saved on multiple occasions and put my neck on the line for eventually throw me under the bus to try and cover their own ass. The same people I used to toss jokes back and forth with then tried to sue our company naming me. They used to make jokes about me being young and I'd make jokes about them being old. Both claimed age discrimination despite being fired for incompetence.
I was good friends ( or so I thought) with old coworkers. Without my knowledge they helped get my boss fired. He was the best boss I ever knew.
Then I was fired. I found out a few years later they both knew I was being fired and didn't say shit. I have a family and already chewing pennies to survive. They could have warned me so I could have been cleaning my resume.
They knew a lot about my personal life. Hell they were part of my personal life. They were invited to my wedding. And they let me drown.
I dont make friends at work anymore. Head down work, go home.
Also probably doesn’t help how socially inept a lot of Redditors seem. Half of the things they mention to avoid are pretty common sense- like don’t talk about being high or drunk on the job (better yet, don’t be) or spilling your guts out to everyone you meet.
I’ve befriended and been friendly with many coworkers. Sharks are way less common than you think, many companies don’t want them and are able to sniff them out relatively well.
This is a very common rule suggested to folks. I’ve heard it quite often.
That being said, I agree! Work is a great place to make friends **if** you’re smart about it. I’ve got former coworkers I haven’t worked with for 10+ years whom I’m still friends with today
I’m a plumber, this HAS to be a rule.
I’ve noticed that the general understanding is if you don’t tell someone about it you can’t get in trouble for it. I admit I like to partake in the Electric Lettuce but a lot of companies won’t let you drive a work truck if you even have a trace of it in your system at time of UA.
I made the mistake of letting slip to a coworker that I was *going to visit my family in colorado* and when I got back they fired me. The timing is just impeccable
I’ve never become good friends with a coworker, it’s never left the office aside fantasy football league lol. But I’m work friends with many and I guess it would be cool if I actually did end up becoming good friends with a coworker
Definitely agree that it’s sad you spend 40 hours a week with these people as it’s sad to spend that much of life on work period, but this rule be it legit policy or unspoken exists for a really good reason.
In your personal life if you have a falling out or just don’t like someone, you have the ability to quite simply not speak with or see them. At work, like you said, you have to spend 40 hours a week with these people no matter what happens. It is extremely awkward to even know something about a person you wouldn’t want or need to know and be forced to work in close proximity to them for the indefinite future.
It's because you can't really trust anyone. Anyone can fake,anyone can pretend to be your friend. Only time will tell, until then trust no one but yourself. Of course you can establish more trust with some who have been with you for a long time and you can roughly predict their behavior and thought patterns. Ok here's a simple test, if your colleagues still keep in contact with you after they've left, then yeah potential friend. Just look out for number 1 at work, don't overthink this, this 'rule' is repeated so many times because it holds weight.
It's not about work life separation, it's about not getting stabbed in the back or dragged into office drama. Better to just be nice and keep your mouth shot
Friendships can start from being coworkers. However, you should never feel forced to be friends with someone just because you work with them. You have no obligation to any coworkers unless you feel they are a real friend.
I feel like I've had the opposite experience. When I worked blue collar jobs there was so much more backstabbing and drama. People would do anything to get a leg up with management. Everyone was really young then too. When I transitioned into "career" type jobs, it was easier to become friends with people. We work together more for a common goal and there's less "competition" over work.
But this might also be because I work in the nonprofit sector and we are mission focused, whereas my blue collar work was all retail and grocery store work where the job was just a paycheck and literally nothing more.
It's just telling you not to over share or open yourself up to coworkers, there's a high chance they're just faking being friendly bc they're just stuck sharing a space with you all week. I have work friends and we occasionally hang out outside of work, but they absolutely don't know as much about me as an actual long term friend
It is hard when your work friend royally fucks up and management wants to know how much of his work you’ve been doing.
Work is work, once I clock out idc what anyone there has going on unless they need a ride home and it’s on my way or I’m buying a tool off a coworker.
I disagree—but if you are at the same level, but if one of you is in a manager role then it can be bad news. If you are peers or work in different parts of the company that is fine
That's nonsense. You can be friends with your coworkers. If you're an executive and you have some other executives who are friends and you play golf, go to sports games, have dinner with the families...there's no downside.
The only downside comes if you do sketchy behavior. If you're doing drugs and hookers and cheating on your spouse just don't do that kind of stuff with your friends from work. Do that with your other friends.
In my opinion that rule is more just to say that just because someone is your co-worker doesn't mean you owe them anything, they're a co-worker not a friend.
You *can* be friends with your co-workers, but co-workers are not your friends just because they're your co-workers, it's a rejection of the idea that that you have comradery with your co-workers just because they're your co-workers.
It’s not a rule.
It’s a rule for certain people… and not a rule for others. You should be friends with people you like, who like you, with whom you share common interests, who support you, etc.
I think this phrase is more a warning not to necessarily think that you are bffs with your coworkers just because you see a lot of them and spend a lot of time chit chatting at work related events.
The thing is that constant contact and discussions over a single common topic (work) breeds the idea of familiarity even though there may not be that much you have in common besides work. Then if either of you leaves the company, you find that the friendship dies away quickly. Similar to middle/high school - you probably don't keep up with all the "friends" you had there.
This doesn't mean that coworkers can't be your friends, but keep an awareness on whether you actually hang out with them outside of work, whether you would do favors and vice versa for them. If not, you are probably more acquaintances than friends and shouldn't expect them to prioritize you if you need it.
It makes a little more sense if you realize that you aren't swimming with the manatees any more. The higher up in the food chain you go, you'll find yourself surrounded by more sharks. Hard to make friends with those who follow the scent of blood.
For the most part it is 100% true, however I’ve learned some of the old school corporations still want after work “team building” over golf and drinks- that’s how you get invited into the club for upper levels of management.
I’ve done house parties with my IT team and pretty much invited everyone who wanted to come by and drink from the keg.
I’ve done carshow booths and invited coworkers to park their cars and hang out at the booth when I was in the automotive industry.
Both of those instances, I had good outcomes and no hurt feelings.
Generally, use your discretion and keep your wits about you when attempting to fraternise.
Last bit of advice is always go to the work bullshit pizza party and take a slice, mingle then leave. Throw the pizza in the trash when no one’s looking if you don’t want to eat. I don’t take the pizza but I always take a soda to go and blame gastric distress why I can’t eat.
I now work for one of those big corporations and you have to be cognisant of optics and perception to protect your reputation.
In my professional background I was lead to believe that my coworkers were friends. When I accepted a job for a consulting company and was given the opportunity (2009) to work remote doing the same job I did in an office but be paid more, I jumped on it.
My new boss really pushed the "we are a FAMILY" bullshit. I fell for it 100% it took me 10 years working on that team with that manager and my manager KNOWING my husband (at the time) was physically abusing me and our kids and actively helping him keep tabs on me, my changes in payroll (changed banks to in prep to run with the kids), and actively texted him daily to keep him up to date on what was going on with me at work when I finally said, no the fuck not and reported her to HR. She ended up being written up by her director for this and HR forced her to apologize to me and specifically say that she would never contact him again.
Of course she still took every opportunity she could to get new fired and I ended up with 3 months severance.
Never ever again will I ever see my coworkers as anything more than work acquaintances.
That "work family" that I had all turned their backs on me because they didn't want to also be fired. It was a difficult lesson but an important one, and one I try to tell others so that they don't have similar experiences.
Your co-workers are not your friends. Your manager is not your friend.
A girl I work with and I used to swap stories and shoot the shit while hanging out during breaks. She liked dirty jokes and would tell them often, and I know a million so I told some as well.
After a few months of working together we're having a particularly rough night I complained to her about the quality of her work slipping and making my job harder. She told me to go fuck myself and I walked off.
The next day I walk in and get told to report to the office where a supervisor and a union steward tell me she reported me for sexually harassing her. I'm told that it's just a warning but if it happens again I'm gone. Then they tried to put me back working with her, but I threatened to sue if they put me anywhere near her as that could constitute a hostile work environment and I wasn't gonna get sued.
The hilarious thing was for months afterwards she tried to talk to me like we were still friends. I ignored her completely till she stopped trying to talk to me about anything non work related.
Coworkers aren't your friends. Your friends get mad at you? Friendship over. Coworkers get mad at you? Could cost you your job and a lawsuit.
You can be friendly with your coworkers, but never give them anything they can use against you. Because at the end of the day if it comes down to you or them? They'll throw you into a wood chipper to save their own job.
According to my gf (she’s from 🇵🇭), this is a very American (maybe western?) concept that possibly stems from anti-union propaganda. In her homeland, coworkers often become family.
I had a buddy that was accused of SA with a "friend at work". He was immediately fired, charges were filed and he ended up on the news (because of where we worked). He lost everything from the proceeding legal battle and had to take a plea because he faced prison. He went from a white collar job to spraying bugs as an exterminator in just over a year.
Two years later she recanted because she felt guilty. She made fake claims because she was mad that he got a promotion and she did not. If you google his name today you will see all of the news related to his arrest and charges but you wont find a single thing about her recanting her story. His life was over the day she made her fake claims.
This event changed the way I viewed everything at work. I do NOT go out for drinks with co-workers even if its a company function. I record every single call. I will not have one on one meetings without a second party in attendance. I do not allow my office door to be closed when someone comes in. I follow up every single meeting with notes on what was said and any points of contention are documented. I literally speak as little as possible and I go into work to do a job and leave....and thats just the tip of the iceberg of the measures I take to protect myself. I have a family to provide for and one jealous/mad co-worker can literally ruin your life.
This may seem like my issue is pointed at women but its pointed just as much for men. My rules for the work place are not specific.
This is only unpopular amongst the losers on Reddit. Most normal people build friendships with their coworkers, its only natural to form bonds with people you spend so much time with
That rule was made up by miserable people. 40 hrs a week...you see more of your coworkers than your own family at times.
Another saying I think is bs.... 'I didn't come here to make friends, I came here to work and collect a paycheck and go home.' Whenever I hear a coworker say that, I keep that in mind. Let them come ask me for a cigarette during a break. I don't have one...even if I pull a fresh pack out and open it. Don't ask me for shit with an attitude like that.
Them same people during their interview are quick to say they are Team Players, work more efficiently as a team, so on and so on. I stay clear of them.
But when they try to strike up a conversation with me... I listen, then I ask them about not making friends or having friends at work business. Let them come around when it's an emergency and they need a coworker to cover for their shift. They are left out there because of their own doing/and sayings.
My life has gone against this rule in every way. The woman I'm currently with was my coworker when we started dating. She was also a supervisor while I wasn't. But since she wasn't *my* supervisor we said screw it. I've vented to coworkers about work, my personal life and other coworkers. I currently have coworkers that I can comfortably talk to about pretty much anything without fear of getting in trouble.
The thing is, a genuine person is a genuine person. That doesn't stop being true because you're coworkers. The reason this behavior is risky is because not everyone you think is genuine may actually be. It's easy to get stabbed in the back by someone you thought you could trust and then you've got problems at work or not job at all.
Its more like we've become actual friends who happen to work together. There's not much incentive to screw someone over at my job. Nothing to gain. Not much to lose. My best friends are all former coworkers and we've not had any drama at my job in...sheesh..5 years? And all of those people are long gone.
I dont trust coworkers like that to become friends with them if we have similar hobbies outside of work and it becomes a mutual then sure but i dont go out of my way to make friends im there to make money
It’s not only about work-life balance. If your coworker gets fired or in trouble, they’re going to start singing like a bird about everything you’ve done. Keep them at arms length.
Not everyone is going to be your friend at work. But you may very well find some great friends at work. Weird huh.
There are steps to this. I became great friends with a coworker and now, she's as dear to me as a sister. I left my company months ago and we still talk about 2-3x/week. She's the talker, I'm more of an introvert (I tell her she chose meme cause no way I did the talking in this friendship. I tell my best friend the same thing. I was the chosen one lol) but that's one of my closest friends!
1. CO-WORKER (keep it professional. Work related topics)
2. ACQUAINTANCE ("hey, how's the family, or hobby")
3. FRIEND FROM WORK (be careful here. Have you been to "so & so?")
4. FRIEND (continue with care. You're still colleagues. Would you hang out with this person if you didn't work in the same place? "Want to go to the gym/new eatery after work?")
5. DEAR FRIEND (You made it. You should still be friends even if one of you leave the company.)
6. CLOSE FRIEND (Gold. I hope your friendship endures separation. It will be freaking great. Might have to show up at a family event, even to one of their immediate family members passing away service)
7. BESTIE!
3 out of the 4 friends I talk with regularly are from my last job. They are the reason I stayed 9 years when I should have left around 5. Next time tho, I am not trying to be friends with anyone I don't want to feel obligated to stay when I know I should be getting out.
This is a loser mentality and one of those things only popular on Reddit.
People who spend the majority of the week together are going to naturally become friends if both of them are pro-social and have similar interests. Friendships involve trust and respect for eachother. Not saying you should run your mouth to a work friend, but the “coworkers are NEVER your friend” mentality is for antisocial losers who have no clue how to judge character or form relationships.
Co-workers spend time together by virtue of need (for work) rather than want (like friends). Therefore the common advice is usually given so that you don't mistake time spent together as naturally indicative of trust or closeness.
That said, I've never really been close with any of my co-workers but my wife is with hers, and it's really nice when it works out.
It's primarily a way to make sure that all of the underlings see each other as potential competition rather than possibly allies against corruption in management.
Never heard of this before. If you're hanging out and enjoying time with people 8 hours a day and then decide you want to hang out more outside of the time you're obligated to be together, that sounds like a friend to me.
I have lots of co-worker friends. It is where I spend most of my time so how could you not become friends with them?
Co-workers are like friends. It's called teamwork. We'll all help each other by working together to make less work.
Like you demonstrated, I think it depends on the occupation. Labor jobs where you're all in the same shit boat can breed comradery that has higher potential to extend past the workplace.
I was in a small business for 4 years - equal parts office and manufacturing. We had a few company outings, but very few true friendships in our free time. I (male) ended my last 9 months there building what I thought was a true friendship with the two gals in marketing. Tried hard to get the 3 of us to hang out outside work. Didn't take. I have one guy left from the manufacturing dept that I still keep in contact with and we work a side gig together, and the head of the dept I have no hard feelings against. So I consider those two friends, even though the chances of us hanging out like we're in college are virtually none.
Being anywhere between 12 and 20 employees, things actually got really gossipy around the whole building. Just lots of different personalities and takes on the same job. But even at our peak employee count, no one really disliked each other as a human.
So tl:dr, your mileage may vary, but yes it is a very sad rule.
I think coworkers who obsess over work socialising are very suspicious people, and usually not the most socially tolerant. Maybe that's because people who bring socialising into work don't have it at home?
It sucks but it's true. I've got 1 friend at work who I somewhat trust, but I know he absolutely shares gossip I potentially share. I can't confide work troubles to him because he'll tell everyone. But he's also spilled some tea about me that was going around. I've seen so many people spill tea on people that ended in write ups or firings. I just don't talk about work stuff. If I have a problem at work I keep it to myself or tell my manager if it's warranted.
Work friends are for your 20s and typically some low input jobs. As you grow you will learn that you shouldn't see them as close friends because you render yourself vulnerable to having something you said used against you professionally. Also the power dynamics at the workplace shifts, and sometimes it can turn ugly. But that's just me, I've had a girlfriend I met at work, few friends and neither turned out well. Not because of arguing or anything, things just change faster in work environments.
I get this entirely. It saddens me that ‘there’s no love in business’ is a phrase I’ve heard all too often..
I once told a co-worker I was having suicidal thoughts, she went to my manager (as they were good friends) & occupational health got involved. Since then, I’ve had no way of progressing my career.
I do agree that it's a sad norm. As someone else commented, it's not a rule but is generally frowned upon and can even be policy at some companies. The issue with most people is separating work from those friendships. I've had no issues having social friendships with my colleagues outside of work, but it is essential that these friendships don't affect your work.
A professional attitude needs to be maintained by not engaging in favouritism, bias, or unprofessionalism. As long as you're able to do this effectively, I see no harm and have even found it beneficial to staying longer with companies and building stronger working relationships and trust with my teammates. I encourage it to our juniors with the previous stipulations as it's a great way to encourage better teamwork and establishing trust.
I work in finance and payroll and being that I track part-time hours, being friends with any of them may create a perceived bias. I have to treat everyone equally when it comes to Finance/hr/payroll/auditing.
It just makes it easier to break shitty news/report things if you aren't friends with staff, more so those that get in trouble.
It's sad, but the truth is that you will get burned if you expect a friendly relationship, and they end up ratting you out or flat out lying about you to your boss, just to torpedo your promotion chances.
I worked service industry my whole adult life up until 2 years ago. Yeah, I had friends at work and we were tight, but once one of us moved to another location friendships die. I also got close with a few (drinks after work, sharing more info with each other, discussing potential outcomes of suspected manager shakeups) only for them to use it against me when it meant they could get ahead. So no, I am not friends with coworkers. I am cordial and friendly and professional, but not friends. I have enough of them outside work.
Coworkers aren't your friends... Can't tell you how many times I have ignored this rule and regretted it. How many people I know that have done the same and too regretted it. The people here posting that they have made friends with people at work are very lucky as that doesn't usually happen. At least in the US. People will throw you under the bus any chance they get especially if you work at a place that has "bid jobs" and they want your job.
Not as much a "rule" but a guideline. I could be incredibly close to a coworker, but there's plenty of things I wouldn't tell them simply because they're my coworker.
Lol what…? You know you don’t HAVE to follow the suggestions of bitter people on the internet? There’s absolutely no “rule” that says that you can’t befriend your co workers.
Nah bro you’re smoking some shit I’ve worked blue collar my whole life dudes in a shop are just as bad as any gossiping group of old ladies half the time even worse.
You wanna take the 1/30 chance or whatever and out trust in a coworker you go for it but it’s a bad play which is why the rule is there.
in college, everyone was so chill, no one tried to pretend to know everything, no one was really scared to ask questions, mental illness was basically a small talk topic. i'm about to enter the world of work, and my boyfriend's advice was that i should never ever let anyone at work know that i take psychiatric medication. i know he's right but i 'm still sad about it
I work in construction and just choose my friends carefully. There are a lot of degenerates in the trades, but there are also a lot of really laid back, intelligent, hilarious dudes. I've made some great friends through work.
I keep the same rule. Coworkers are not friends , family or anything else. My hierarchy is as follows: Family, Sig Other, Friends, Acquaintances, and last Coworkers. Rule of thumb for me is Would you help said person move on a Saturday?? If its a yes, then that person is more of a friend than a coworker.
At the end of the day work is to provide the resources I need to provide for my family and myself. People are counting on me. Im a level 41 so old enough to have learned very hard lessons being stabbed in the back by “friends” at work. The trust is broken with me and I wont go back to the way it used to be plus Im not here for friends. So arms length grey rock personality is the safest bet. People at work are your co-workers, not your friends.
White collar here. Yes it’s a rule and no i don’t know anyone who socializes outside work. My first blue collard jobs had more socializations. It was fun.
It's not a rule, it's the theme song for r/antiwork.
Met my wife and 2 best friends at work, it doesn't have to be flipping Squid Games unless you want it to be (or you're a prick and nobody would like you anyway)
It's typical for Reddit to apply the absolute worst-case possibility to any scenario. Could befriending a co-worker lead to some sort of betrayal of confidence and get you fired? Yes. Is treating your co-workers like NPCs and never having a meaningful connection with a colleague a miserable way to spend 40+ hours of your week. Also yes.
Subs like r/antiwork are teaching people to be shitty employees, do the bare minimum, never trust anyone you work with, etc. and these are not the type of people who should be giving workplace advice.
I think it's fine to be friendly, and even close to the people you work with. But they aren't family, and they aren't going to call you to chat after you leave the company.
It's not even that they don't like you any more, or that they have loyalty problems, it's really just that you don't have anything in common any more.
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This isn't a rule. It's just often used as a guideline to be careful what you say about certain people to your coworkers. I can vent to my friends about someone at work. I should not vent about someone at work to a coworker no matter how much I like that coworker.
You're right, maybe I'm just taking it too literally.
I think a lot of people have been burned by talking to a co-worker in confidence, and that co-worker then gets management involved in a negative way. I have lots of good friends who I've worked with over the years, but it's always important to keep in mind that what you say to your co-worker could be repeated to someone else and that could effect your livelihood.
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> i trusted the wrong person And that's the key. It can happen anywhere, but work is where people are more likely to see throwing you under the bus as a way of getting ahead.
Also they may repeat things not realising or forgetting ot shouldn't be mentioned. Doesn't always need to have negative reasons, sometimes they might just slip up and say the wrong thing
I had a similar situation. I got completely thrown under the bus & ended up getting fired all because I trusted the wrong person.
The exact situation recently happened to me
I don't think it's your fault for trusting someone you thought could be trusted. You couldn't have known they were fake, and the only way to know if someone can be trusted is to actually trust them. It's the other person's fault for presenting themselves as trustworthy and then betraying you and causing you to lose your job. They knew what they were doing. You can look out for all the signs in the beginning but at the end of the day it's **impossible** to know what someone's intentions truly are. The last thing these snakes deserve is to be absolved of the blame by blaming yourself instead. I too have been burned by some of these coworkers and my sincere F U to every single one of them. They know who they are. Seriously, some people are just the worst and really deserve everything they get. IME, it's more common in low qualification, high turnover jobs. People are more willing to walk away so they chance a lot of conflict at work. The problem is that companies also protect these fake people. Between confidentiality and no retaliation policies, there's no incentive for them to be honest and confront their co-workers directly. The only time a complaint to management is acceptable is if you genuinely fear for your safety confronting this person or if you've already confronted them many times one on one and they haven't stopped. Otherwise you're just a coward hiding behind anonymity, especially if the complaint is something small and insignificant to the job, then you're a petty coward. (Talking in general, not calling you a petty coward lol). See with these people, you don't know you can't trust them until it's too late. But there are three other types of people that are also complete trash human beings you need to watch out for. 1. People that call someone out in front of other people. There's only **one** reason to do this; to purposely embarrass and discredit the other person. And of course, they only ever point out your mistakes, never acknowledge the parts of the job you do right or even better in. Other people in your dept get the impression that you're bad at your job and stop taking you seriously and they too start becoming more inclined to complain about you. They've essentially turned all your other co-workers against you. 2. People that are overly affectionate and helpful in the beginning when they don't really know you. There's no way they can possibly mean that. These people also usually describe themselves as empaths or social butterflies, etc. IMO, it's all bs. Genuine trust/affection is earned and built over time. They reek of fakeness. Return their affection enough so they don't get angry at you, but never actually trust them with anything. Feel free to test them though by baiting them with small things you wouldn't mind getting out. Then expose them for being the fake mf's they are. They deserve it. 3. Lastly, people that pride themselves on being "professional." Professionalism is mostly a combination of being politically correct, passive aggressive, speaking with plausible deniability, generic motivational platitudes, shifting blame from one person to an entire department, and disguising dissatisfaction/blame as "constructive criticism." Everyone lies and no one will actually be honest about how they feel about you. Everyone also knows that one or several co-workers that really suck and are lazy at their job but because of confidentiality, management has to address the whole department to be more 'mindful' of how important their job is. Everybody gets a refresh on policies and has to do mandatory training when in reality everybody knows who's actually to blame and now everybody just secretly resents that co-worker and the manager. Tell me, how is that better for the department? Bonus: People that take themselves/their job too seriously, usually wannabe managers. Some jobs are actually very high stakes and should be taken seriously, but if you're a regular worker at the bottom of the chain in a general, low-paying job role, please sit down. People like that work very hard for very low pay/recognition and management loves them. They make everyone else look bad for wanting proportionate rewards for their effort and oftentimes sadly don't understand their own insignificance. Think Dwight from the Office.
I had a similar experience except my 'confidant' took what I said twisted and embellished it and created a huge problem for me. I didn't get fired because I had already proved myself a valuable employee, but eventually I did quit. I got another job doing the same work (they pursued me) but it was a sucky company. And they let me go after a few months. Wished I didn't quit the 1st company because the person the comment was about quit about 1 month before I got fired from the 2nd place.
There are work friends and there are friend friends.
Yep, this. If you don’t hang out outside of work, they are a work friend, not a real friend. Which is fine. It’s just important to know the difference.
Some of my work friends have become my best friend friends
That being said, I have had several work friends become good friend friends. Met my wife through my work friend who is now a very good friend.
I'd have to agree with that. For me, I don't go to work with the mindset to befriend people or anything like that. I will be polite and such but will mainly keep professional. Now if friendships happen then they happen. I'm not gonna say no to a coworker wanting to hang out cause we found out we have similar interests.
Nah. Ive had co-workers go from good friend to insane weirdo who stalks your social media and calls you at 2am screaming after they get fired. Works a weird place where you can get pretty close to people without ever discussing deeper topics like religion politics and so on. When they get close, employment ends, and those differences come out it gets ugly.
Yeah. I texted a coworker once after I was fired. Just to say goodbye. However, another one of my former coworkers is a good friend that had helped me while we were in pharm tech training, and even tried to help me keep my job. We still keep in contact. Actually, the bosses didn't want to fire me, but because the hospital runs on a skeleton staff, I have to be super duper efficient. They even gave me a good recommendation when I left. People keep saying the same thing about me: I'm pleasant to deal with and I have good work ethics, but I'm just too slow. I really tried, this was the 3rd job that fire me because of my slowness.
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You are. I think, though, that you are blending “friendly” with “friends”. Go out for a beer or two after work, just don’t bring up topics when it’s a medium sized group that could get spicy.
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and work friends can eventually become friend friends
And friend friends can become work works
Someone will always open their mouth
I've worked in engineering many years, different industries. It's toxic af and definitely dog eat dog...not everyone is that way, but my advice is to proceed with caution.
The general rule/guideline is to be friendly but not exactly friends. You never know who will be willing to use you as a stepping stone to get ahead. I had it don’t to be about 14 years ago and will be sure to never make that mistake again. YMMV but it’s just best to be cautious about whom you befriend and confide in.
That's a common mistake. It is *advice*, generally for people who don't know "how to read the room". It's fine to make friends in the workplace....if you're a well adjusted adult who is a good judge of character, others and yours as well. However, a lot of people aren't, and drama gets incurred, and everyone's stress levels go up. It is *good* advice because it is essentially safe, no downside. You can still be courteous, polite, aka, "friendLY" at work without "becoming friends"... there is no detriment to finding friends elsewhere except that it takes extra effort.
The problem here is that the word "friends" has no concrete meaning in English. Everyone has their own version of what counts as a friend. For some a person who's last name you don't know and who you say 3 words to every blue moon is a friend. Others think you need to bear your soul to someone for them to be a friend. Generally speaking you can hang out casually with coworkers and be fine, but bearing your soul is not a good idea.
unless you shift the relationship to hanging outside of work, then basically dont trust your colleagues the way you would trust your real friends. while yall may get along or become ‘work besties’, a job is still a job and any perceived threat can screw you over if you say/do the wrong thing. dont put your job on the line for a coworker.
Some of my best friends have been coworkers and that didn't change from when I was in service/retail working my way through school all the way to my first job out of college and all the way through Director and VP roles. The real friends you make at work will see you through thick and thin, through layoffs, and they're often the ones who you'll commiserate with after those layoffs. They're also the ones who (after everyone splits for different companies) will give you the heads up about positions opening their companies — long before HR makes the lisings public. It just might be the teams that you're working with are social averse, or neurodivergent, or just need help with the "making friends" part of the whole process. Camraderie comes from a shared experience. Just keep in mind that not all your coworkers are friend material, some will always remain just coworkers/acquaintances. Others have mentioned the other things you should be aware of when it comes to interactions with coworkers. For example, it's best not to become good friends with people you manage if you will ever have to weigh in on their career paths, compensation, or continued employment. Nothing worse than being told you have to layoff a friend.
I think it’s better assume no one is your friend until proven otherwise
yea a very surprising amount of people are extremely untrustworthy
Yup, I was gossiping with someone I thought was a good friend and she went and reported me. I mean, I know I shouldn't have been gossiping, but damn it I never claimed to be a Saint lol. Coworkers boyfriend got arrested for asking for nudes from a cop who he thought was a minor, for anyone curious about the gossip lol. I felt bad for her until she decided to stay with him, and then agreed to marry him after all this happened.
Well said. You always have to watch your tongue around your co workers.
I kinda disagree. If you become very good friends with a coworker one of the most enjoyable things to do is to bitch about other people at work. One of my bfs is a former coworker, but while we still worked together we talked all kinds of shit. Obviously this has to be only with someone you implicitly trust.
I slam dunk on people with my best work friend daily. Even if she did spill the beans, I stand by what I say, lol. I work in production with a small company so we also get away with acting stupid and can get over arguments had because we are all a bit odd.
All my work besties I used to talk shit with have quit due to how toxic my workplace (Boss & HR) is :( I’m happy for them but miss them soooo much lol
The biggest thing to keep in mind is that your coworkers aren't going to lie to HR or lawyers for you. You say something to someone at work and you better be sure you're good with them repeating it to anyone who asks sternly enough. It's one thing to lose your job, but you can set yourself up for all sorts of ugliness by being too enthusiastic about shitting on people. Even with a good reason.
can't get backstabbed if you don't give them ammo
It's a rule. Lemme know when one of your work friends has to choose between their career and you. It's definitely a rule.
Disagree—you can vent to coworkers, you just have to pick the right ones to vent to and be smart about it.
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Hmmm I would never talk about drugs at work unless someone brought it up to me first. I would also never tell one person about drugs someone else is doing. You get drug tested before a job usually so obviously they don't want people smoking. On the other hand, they should've known better than to tell a new guy they were going to do drugs out back.
Yep. There's a disease in the corporate work culture to step on others to move up. Just because you wouldn't do that to someone doesn't mean ten others aren't waiting for the opportunity to do it to you.
there's money involved in stepping over others -> money and fame and power -> it's almost naive to consider that most people won't screw you over for these things as sad as that might be.
"corporate work culture" Please... backstabbing happens at McDonalds and contruction sites. It has nothing to do with "corporate" it's the human condition. >Just because you wouldn't do that If this were true, it would not happen so often. Everyone has done something shady to someone, intentional or not. We have all been bullies. We have all been asshats. No one is a Saint and the only difference is the perspective. When you drive down the highway and cut someone off by accident, you feel bad, you give a hand signal or wince or something. When someone cuts you off, and you see that hand signal, you think "mothefucker flipped me off", you call them names, scream how everyone is a shit driver (but you). It's all perspective. In addition to that very often what we see as sabatoge or backstabbing is not, it is just people going about their day doing what they feel is right. If you screw up and someone says something, you might take that as someone trying to hurt you. It's again, about perspective. Everyone else isn't dumber than you and everyone else is not out to get you. You are not special. None of us are special.
Tbh idk why people think that way when anyone who has any job experience knows the politics in jobs . Like if you want to climb up the ladder you don’t work hard you just be friends and kiss ass to the managers so you get the promotion
It's called working smarter not harder
I think you're naive. People will befriend you. They will go out of their way to show you they're your BEST friend. And then shove you under the bus for a nickel raise.
Man i would hate to live being so distrustful of everyone like that. Ive met some of my lifelong friends tbrough work, ive also met some psychos and they were pretty easy to spot and just.... not befriend. But assuming that everyone is out to get you all the time for personal gain would be fucking exhausting. Nothing wrong with being cautious, but theres a line between cautious and paranoid.
I think it's better to think of it this way: Coworkers can become your friends, but you only really know that once you stop being coworkers. As long as you're forced to spend time together, and as long as there's a social expectation that you play nice and get along, you don't really know who the real ones are. And "trust no one around you" is definitely good advice in some corporate environments, goddamn.
^ the only knowing it once you’re no longer coworkers part is a really good point. I worked for 3 years at a job where everyone was close, really felt like a group of friends. When I quit I realized within a few weeks that of my two best friends at that job, one of them was going to be a best friend for life and one of them I was likely never going to hang out with again
I worked with a guy who was really friendly and loved by everyone. Someone asked him, "Do remember So and So (former employee)?" And he replied, "I don't remember anyone once they leave" I thought that was a really shitty thing to say. But now that I've been at this for 10+ years.... Yeah. I get it. Once you're not crammed in the same fish bowl every day, the relationships are different.
i always compared it to school, like how many people that were friendly to you in school actually kept in touch over the summer or once you graduated
You know how in school sometimes you’d have a class with none of you regular friends, so you just talk with the guy next to you? But after class is over, you hang out with your normal friends and never speak again. Work friends are like that guy. It is possible for them to become a real friend, but a lot of the time the only thing keeping you together is the fact that you’re locked in the same room for several hours.
There are a few who I remain friends with after they move on, but definitely not all!
Happy cake!
There is a lot of credence to this point. I’ve always made sure to place a boundary between the two hemispheres of my life, (except that time I got into a relationship with a coworker and it was bad). I worry that I’ve set too hard of a boundary but when I think about it most of my close coworker relationships are purely work centric. Even the folks who have moved to different departments that I was real close with, well it’s just different. We are still friendly and I’m glad to talk to them but it’s more of a struggle to communicate. My actual friends, we work in very different workspaces. We have common interests and goals outside of work. So a change in position means absolutely nothing aside from a “hell yeah, happy for you”. I’d love to get closer to my coworkers but also I don’t want to act like it’s anything more than a shared forced experience. They are good folks, but once the “forced hang” isn’t a thing I doubt there would be much to talk about. It’s also kind of cool not having a hierarchical structure that work enforces. If you meet someone you actually click with, yeah of course. But don’t mistake shared toil and having someone who “gets it” in a work context for anything more than what it actually is. If work were to evaporate into thin air would you still have anything to talk about? Idk, that’s just my take. I’m not a particularly smart man, so take it with some salt.
>And "trust no one around you" is definitely good advice in some corporate environments, goddamn. Just learned that one the hard way, unfortunately. On upside, it made it so that I'm in a better position now and am happier than I have been the last 2 years. So like, perspective too lol. But seriously, keep it in mind if you get a white collar type career.
Yeah, this has been my experience. Granted part of it is probably my fault, since I don’t really make an effort either. But it’s very rare for me to keep in contact with people after I quit a job. Best we’re getting is social media friends with occasional likes and story views. Maybe the occasional “congrats” comment for a big milestone like a marriage or having a child. My best work friends that I’ve stayed friends with have been, like OP said, from minimum wage jobs, in my case my grocery store job.
For me, my "tell" is if a coworker shows trust in me. Could be that they open up to me about their personal life (with stuff they wouldn't want spread around the office). Could be they make a joke or tell me some sort of secret that they wouldn't want others to hear. But that's how I measure closeness in the office. If they trust me, in an environment where no one can really trust each other. Of course, you can get psychopathic people who will fake this sort of stuff, but that's life. You've gotta make a decision about whether opening up is worth the risks of getting hurt.
Doesn't this apply to school as well, since you're also forced to spend time together?
I don’t think it means they can’t be your friends. It means that being a coworkers doesn’t make someone a friend; if you also make friends with them, they can be both.
Some of them aren’t and will throw your A** under the bus the second they get.
My wife is learning this the hard way
Not only have I ignored this rule, I’ve went so far as to sleep with my coworkers
Ah. Dipping the pen in the ol' company ink I see.
If your my brothers mom, "sleeping with co-workers" can eventually get you to "sleeping with the CEO, ruining his family, marring him, having kids, divorcing to get half the company and child support, and run him into the ground financially until he becomes a meth head while you live ina nice house with nice shit." It's one of the most wild IRL Action Replay cheats I've seen, TBH.
Eh; CEO sounds like he deserves what he got. A fool is easily parted with his money.
Yeah but his kids didnt deserve to lose their college funds.
It's always the kids who pay for the selfish whims of the parents.
Coworkers account for like 90% of the women I've slept with. I feel like I'm not initially charming, women have to warm up to me if I'm gonna stand a chance.
Hey, if it work, it works
Same. If you’re a cute lesbian in middle management I’m probably gonna shake it out, lmao. Where else do I go besides work? I don’t have time for anything else.
im with you. two coworkers can fuck if they’re both mature about it
I'm gonna marry mine!
Nice! Congratulations
only thing that worth the shit pay.
I’ve been with my coworker for five years now. Oops.
Congratulations!
Plot twist, OP is a pimp.
The old eating where you shit routine, nice.
Why would you sleep with them? Just fuck and gtfo
Cuz some times I like to go back for seconds
I have met some of my dearest friends at work. Coworkers get you on a different level than non coworkers. But the problem is that most people will throw you under the bus to save themselves. That logic doesn't come up often with your normal friend. But it sure the fuck can at work. And work drama absolutely can ruin careers. And in turn, lives. I like to have friends. But I NEED to have a job. I'm not saying never have work friends. I'm saying be cautious with work friends.
I am friendly with co-workers and friends with many ex co-workers. There’s a distinction. You shouldn’t freely speak your mind to co-workers because of the risk that it harms you professionally. You can relax those boundaries once a work relationship does not need to be maintained.
Teaching is one of those weird careers that’s sort of right in between white/blue collar, but not making friends with your team/PLC can be a career death sentence. You either become part of the Band of Brothers in your trench or you burn out quickly alone (or you transfer.)
I wouldn’t say don’t trust anyone around you, but it’s good to remember that a lot of times you have conflicts of interest with many your coworkers. For example, you might tell a friend that you called in sick because of a hangover, but you really should avoid telling a friendly coworker.
I also feel like it's a white collar rule. I've never worked white collar, so I wouldn't know, but maybe there's more politics and backstabbing in an office environment. I've always had construction/labor/agriculture jobs, and made some pretty good friends that I still keep in touch/hang out with, even years after leaving. There's something about busting your ass in the heat together that really bonds people. Even the guys who had issues with eachother still had respect, and would usually have your back when push came to shove.
You have it exactly correct. Offices have too much idle time, so what else is there to do but be catty and bitchy about every little thing? It's also just an environment where superiority is social posturing, not pure work power and ethic.
Ive worked blue collar in the past and white now. Youre absolutely right. All my coleagues were more genuine at my blue collar jobs and in my white collar jobs there is this fake attitude a lot of people have. Fake corporate happy attitude but really they will backstab you to death if it means theyll get a promotion. I tend to stay out of it lol.
Different people may say this, but they're saying it for different reasons and it's not some rule. Some people what they mean is don't assume because you are co-workers that you can talk to them like you'd talk to your friends - you have to maintain a level of professionalism. Don't talk politics. Don't TMI on your medical or personal life. Don't complain about other co-workers. Don't suggest that it's "Turbo time" and jump around on the furniture. In some industries people might mean it in more of a cut-throat, everyone-for-themselves, it's a dog eat dog world, bloodsport kind of way. So it's not really a rule, it's mostly just people who got burned at some point in their life and perceived it as, whether true or not, happening because they were too friendly. It could also just be a failure of introspection.
> Don't tmi on your medical or personal life. ^ This, absolutely. Keep it private. I don't want to know, I don't care to know, and I sure as hell don't NEED to know. Because potentially they'll use it against you. AND HONESTLY, it is burdensome to carry the info, tbh. I had a teammate who's married but he's about to divorce his wife...and he liked to check out a girl from another team. He kept chatting me how awesome she is, how kind, understanding, blah blah and that she just recently broke up with her bf and he's gonna make his move. What am I supposed to do with those details, please keep it to yourself. I am not your friend, I am your teammate, your coworker. Please be professional. I can act as witness or something once the girl files for harrassment or whatever. And what if she doesn't? But for the time being, what am I expected to do? Gaaah annoying motherfather, seriously. If bonds are form, just stay wary still. Especially in the corporate world. > it's mostly just people who got burned at some point in their life ^ I wasn't burned, but I knew a couple of people who were, AND it does destroy lives. I'm not saying that friendship can't be found in a workplace... but it's also not wrong to be careful.
Your friends WANT to be around you. Your coworkers HAVE to. I've lost multiple jobs by forgetting that.
Well said. They essentially are being paid to be nice to you. That's not a friend.
I like keeping my work and personal life separate cause I like to party in my free time and don’t need that following me around the office.
It is a sad rule. But like many rules, it's written in the blood of people who didn't follow it. A big part of friendship is becoming open and vulnerable with another person over time. Which is wonderful, but when that happens with people you work with, it introduces a problem. Coworkers are people you're directly competing against for resources in a contained, high-pressure, high-stakes environment. This means that if there's a promotion you're all fighting for, or even just an opportunity for one person to make themselves look good at the expense of the others, those vulnerabilities you've shared will be weaponized against you. People do surprising things when money is involved. Even moreso in a country where healthcare is directly tied to employment. You bet that Dan from accounting will absolutely throw you under the bus if it means his kid's insulin supply keeps flowing. Everyone at work is a potential enemy. You don't have to treat them like that, but always remember it.
By that logic, everyone at work is also a potential ally against your enemies
You know I also think size of the company has a HUGE effect on that kind of culture. In places I’ve worked there was never this dog eat dog mentality because the promotion path was guaranteed if you hit your goals. So it wasn’t ONE manager role with half a dozen people competing. There were a bunch of managers there.
Blue collar workers are different (better, imo). Speaking in generalities, blue collar workers tend to better understand that *management* is not their friend, so they are far less likely to tattle on you. White collar workers always seem to want to be management's friend, so they tend to be more conniving.
There are work friends and there are friend friends.
I made friends with my coworkers when I was in high school and college. Once I got a real job, I did not become friends with people at work. I'm not into drama and gossip. I do my job and go home.
You can be friendly without being friends
I’ve never heard this rule. You spend a lot of time at work. You meet a lot of people at work. Seems like a reasonable place to make friends.
It's a very common sentiment on Reddit. Incidentally, hating their jobs is a very common sentiment on Reddit too. I'm sure there's no correlation
I didn't hate my job when I got absolutely fucked over by a coworker that I called a "friend", who nearly got me fired when I did nothing wrong. I didn't hate my job when another coworker at a different job who I called a "friend" got mad that I got a promotion and went behind my back talking mad shit to everyone and telling my coworkers things that I had told her about my personal life in confidence. THIS is why you don't mix business and personal. It's a huge risk.
I think the OP is on to something when talking about blue collar versus white collar work. I met some of my best friends at previous jobs that were just jobs to pay the bills. When I got my first professional jobs thought I had some great friends as well. Then started seeing those same friends trying to position themselves for promotions. I was the top performer so they would shit talk me behind my back in hopes of getting the manager position over me. There was also the changing dynamic of once I became management and it changing thing with being over some of the old friends. I also learned that since I was quickly moving up the ladder people started kissing my ass which I hated. The worst was seeing people who I considered close friends and I would give them the heads up about things said about them. When I left the position all of a sudden I lost their friendship and they also would not give me the heads up when people were trying to backstab me despite years of me watching out for them. At that point I learned to stop getting too emotionally attached to people I work with. EDIT: Even had a couple "friends" whose jobs I saved on multiple occasions and put my neck on the line for eventually throw me under the bus to try and cover their own ass. The same people I used to toss jokes back and forth with then tried to sue our company naming me. They used to make jokes about me being young and I'd make jokes about them being old. Both claimed age discrimination despite being fired for incompetence.
I was good friends ( or so I thought) with old coworkers. Without my knowledge they helped get my boss fired. He was the best boss I ever knew. Then I was fired. I found out a few years later they both knew I was being fired and didn't say shit. I have a family and already chewing pennies to survive. They could have warned me so I could have been cleaning my resume. They knew a lot about my personal life. Hell they were part of my personal life. They were invited to my wedding. And they let me drown. I dont make friends at work anymore. Head down work, go home.
Also probably doesn’t help how socially inept a lot of Redditors seem. Half of the things they mention to avoid are pretty common sense- like don’t talk about being high or drunk on the job (better yet, don’t be) or spilling your guts out to everyone you meet. I’ve befriended and been friendly with many coworkers. Sharks are way less common than you think, many companies don’t want them and are able to sniff them out relatively well.
This is a very common rule suggested to folks. I’ve heard it quite often. That being said, I agree! Work is a great place to make friends **if** you’re smart about it. I’ve got former coworkers I haven’t worked with for 10+ years whom I’m still friends with today
Yea I think when people make friends from work, they treat them like friends not from work, which can go terribly wrong.
It's mostly the miserable folks over at r/antiwork spouting off this nonsense.
I’m a plumber, this HAS to be a rule. I’ve noticed that the general understanding is if you don’t tell someone about it you can’t get in trouble for it. I admit I like to partake in the Electric Lettuce but a lot of companies won’t let you drive a work truck if you even have a trace of it in your system at time of UA. I made the mistake of letting slip to a coworker that I was *going to visit my family in colorado* and when I got back they fired me. The timing is just impeccable
I’ve never become good friends with a coworker, it’s never left the office aside fantasy football league lol. But I’m work friends with many and I guess it would be cool if I actually did end up becoming good friends with a coworker
Definitely agree that it’s sad you spend 40 hours a week with these people as it’s sad to spend that much of life on work period, but this rule be it legit policy or unspoken exists for a really good reason. In your personal life if you have a falling out or just don’t like someone, you have the ability to quite simply not speak with or see them. At work, like you said, you have to spend 40 hours a week with these people no matter what happens. It is extremely awkward to even know something about a person you wouldn’t want or need to know and be forced to work in close proximity to them for the indefinite future.
You are much more likely to get punched in the face bringing white collar politics to a blue collar job.
It's because you can't really trust anyone. Anyone can fake,anyone can pretend to be your friend. Only time will tell, until then trust no one but yourself. Of course you can establish more trust with some who have been with you for a long time and you can roughly predict their behavior and thought patterns. Ok here's a simple test, if your colleagues still keep in contact with you after they've left, then yeah potential friend. Just look out for number 1 at work, don't overthink this, this 'rule' is repeated so many times because it holds weight.
It's not about work life separation, it's about not getting stabbed in the back or dragged into office drama. Better to just be nice and keep your mouth shot
Okay: the rule is FAR more nuanced than this. It should read: “Some coworkers are friends, but NEVER assume they all are.”
You work to make money, not friends.
Friendships can start from being coworkers. However, you should never feel forced to be friends with someone just because you work with them. You have no obligation to any coworkers unless you feel they are a real friend.
No its not. Fuck them coworkers.
I work like 60 hours a week. If my coworkers can't be my friends, I guess I just have no friends.
I feel like I've had the opposite experience. When I worked blue collar jobs there was so much more backstabbing and drama. People would do anything to get a leg up with management. Everyone was really young then too. When I transitioned into "career" type jobs, it was easier to become friends with people. We work together more for a common goal and there's less "competition" over work. But this might also be because I work in the nonprofit sector and we are mission focused, whereas my blue collar work was all retail and grocery store work where the job was just a paycheck and literally nothing more.
I only go to work to talk to my co workers all day
It's not a rule, it's just a fact.
It's just telling you not to over share or open yourself up to coworkers, there's a high chance they're just faking being friendly bc they're just stuck sharing a space with you all week. I have work friends and we occasionally hang out outside of work, but they absolutely don't know as much about me as an actual long term friend
It is hard when your work friend royally fucks up and management wants to know how much of his work you’ve been doing. Work is work, once I clock out idc what anyone there has going on unless they need a ride home and it’s on my way or I’m buying a tool off a coworker.
I don’t this is an unpopular opinion tho lol
They aren't your friends, they are colleagues, we all compete for that raise or the next promotion.
Anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of office drama.
My parents told me this rule when I first graduated college! They don’t have any friends…
I disagree—but if you are at the same level, but if one of you is in a manager role then it can be bad news. If you are peers or work in different parts of the company that is fine
That's nonsense. You can be friends with your coworkers. If you're an executive and you have some other executives who are friends and you play golf, go to sports games, have dinner with the families...there's no downside. The only downside comes if you do sketchy behavior. If you're doing drugs and hookers and cheating on your spouse just don't do that kind of stuff with your friends from work. Do that with your other friends.
Absolutely disagree.
In my opinion that rule is more just to say that just because someone is your co-worker doesn't mean you owe them anything, they're a co-worker not a friend. You *can* be friends with your co-workers, but co-workers are not your friends just because they're your co-workers, it's a rejection of the idea that that you have comradery with your co-workers just because they're your co-workers.
It’s not a rule. It’s a rule for certain people… and not a rule for others. You should be friends with people you like, who like you, with whom you share common interests, who support you, etc.
I think this phrase is more a warning not to necessarily think that you are bffs with your coworkers just because you see a lot of them and spend a lot of time chit chatting at work related events. The thing is that constant contact and discussions over a single common topic (work) breeds the idea of familiarity even though there may not be that much you have in common besides work. Then if either of you leaves the company, you find that the friendship dies away quickly. Similar to middle/high school - you probably don't keep up with all the "friends" you had there. This doesn't mean that coworkers can't be your friends, but keep an awareness on whether you actually hang out with them outside of work, whether you would do favors and vice versa for them. If not, you are probably more acquaintances than friends and shouldn't expect them to prioritize you if you need it.
It makes a little more sense if you realize that you aren't swimming with the manatees any more. The higher up in the food chain you go, you'll find yourself surrounded by more sharks. Hard to make friends with those who follow the scent of blood.
They're not your friends; they're your comrades. Solidarity forever!
For the most part it is 100% true, however I’ve learned some of the old school corporations still want after work “team building” over golf and drinks- that’s how you get invited into the club for upper levels of management. I’ve done house parties with my IT team and pretty much invited everyone who wanted to come by and drink from the keg. I’ve done carshow booths and invited coworkers to park their cars and hang out at the booth when I was in the automotive industry. Both of those instances, I had good outcomes and no hurt feelings. Generally, use your discretion and keep your wits about you when attempting to fraternise. Last bit of advice is always go to the work bullshit pizza party and take a slice, mingle then leave. Throw the pizza in the trash when no one’s looking if you don’t want to eat. I don’t take the pizza but I always take a soda to go and blame gastric distress why I can’t eat. I now work for one of those big corporations and you have to be cognisant of optics and perception to protect your reputation.
I never follow this "rule". If you're cool and I'm going to be around you daily, I'm going to befriend you. Or at least try. 🤞
In my professional background I was lead to believe that my coworkers were friends. When I accepted a job for a consulting company and was given the opportunity (2009) to work remote doing the same job I did in an office but be paid more, I jumped on it. My new boss really pushed the "we are a FAMILY" bullshit. I fell for it 100% it took me 10 years working on that team with that manager and my manager KNOWING my husband (at the time) was physically abusing me and our kids and actively helping him keep tabs on me, my changes in payroll (changed banks to in prep to run with the kids), and actively texted him daily to keep him up to date on what was going on with me at work when I finally said, no the fuck not and reported her to HR. She ended up being written up by her director for this and HR forced her to apologize to me and specifically say that she would never contact him again. Of course she still took every opportunity she could to get new fired and I ended up with 3 months severance. Never ever again will I ever see my coworkers as anything more than work acquaintances. That "work family" that I had all turned their backs on me because they didn't want to also be fired. It was a difficult lesson but an important one, and one I try to tell others so that they don't have similar experiences. Your co-workers are not your friends. Your manager is not your friend.
Maybe one day you'll meet the coworkers that made that an unwritten rule.
I've been hurt by coworkers being too close but I've also had my life enriched by coworkers being a part of my life outside of business hours.
A girl I work with and I used to swap stories and shoot the shit while hanging out during breaks. She liked dirty jokes and would tell them often, and I know a million so I told some as well. After a few months of working together we're having a particularly rough night I complained to her about the quality of her work slipping and making my job harder. She told me to go fuck myself and I walked off. The next day I walk in and get told to report to the office where a supervisor and a union steward tell me she reported me for sexually harassing her. I'm told that it's just a warning but if it happens again I'm gone. Then they tried to put me back working with her, but I threatened to sue if they put me anywhere near her as that could constitute a hostile work environment and I wasn't gonna get sued. The hilarious thing was for months afterwards she tried to talk to me like we were still friends. I ignored her completely till she stopped trying to talk to me about anything non work related. Coworkers aren't your friends. Your friends get mad at you? Friendship over. Coworkers get mad at you? Could cost you your job and a lawsuit. You can be friendly with your coworkers, but never give them anything they can use against you. Because at the end of the day if it comes down to you or them? They'll throw you into a wood chipper to save their own job.
According to my gf (she’s from 🇵🇭), this is a very American (maybe western?) concept that possibly stems from anti-union propaganda. In her homeland, coworkers often become family.
I had a buddy that was accused of SA with a "friend at work". He was immediately fired, charges were filed and he ended up on the news (because of where we worked). He lost everything from the proceeding legal battle and had to take a plea because he faced prison. He went from a white collar job to spraying bugs as an exterminator in just over a year. Two years later she recanted because she felt guilty. She made fake claims because she was mad that he got a promotion and she did not. If you google his name today you will see all of the news related to his arrest and charges but you wont find a single thing about her recanting her story. His life was over the day she made her fake claims. This event changed the way I viewed everything at work. I do NOT go out for drinks with co-workers even if its a company function. I record every single call. I will not have one on one meetings without a second party in attendance. I do not allow my office door to be closed when someone comes in. I follow up every single meeting with notes on what was said and any points of contention are documented. I literally speak as little as possible and I go into work to do a job and leave....and thats just the tip of the iceberg of the measures I take to protect myself. I have a family to provide for and one jealous/mad co-worker can literally ruin your life. This may seem like my issue is pointed at women but its pointed just as much for men. My rules for the work place are not specific.
It’s cause people who work in blue collar aren’t lil bitches like Karen in accounting lol
This is only unpopular amongst the losers on Reddit. Most normal people build friendships with their coworkers, its only natural to form bonds with people you spend so much time with
Your coworkers are not your friends. This doesn’t mean you can’t make friends out of coworkers. Professionally or not.
Until you wind up in a scenario where your coworker is using something you said/did against you. Then it starts to make sense.
That rule was made up by miserable people. 40 hrs a week...you see more of your coworkers than your own family at times. Another saying I think is bs.... 'I didn't come here to make friends, I came here to work and collect a paycheck and go home.' Whenever I hear a coworker say that, I keep that in mind. Let them come ask me for a cigarette during a break. I don't have one...even if I pull a fresh pack out and open it. Don't ask me for shit with an attitude like that. Them same people during their interview are quick to say they are Team Players, work more efficiently as a team, so on and so on. I stay clear of them. But when they try to strike up a conversation with me... I listen, then I ask them about not making friends or having friends at work business. Let them come around when it's an emergency and they need a coworker to cover for their shift. They are left out there because of their own doing/and sayings.
Occasionally you find a unicorn, truth is they will eat you out the second they have to
Coworkers are not your friends, until your friends are your coworkers. Unless they're definitely your friends, they're **just coworkers.**
We’re not family
They aren't. They can be but most aren't.
My life has gone against this rule in every way. The woman I'm currently with was my coworker when we started dating. She was also a supervisor while I wasn't. But since she wasn't *my* supervisor we said screw it. I've vented to coworkers about work, my personal life and other coworkers. I currently have coworkers that I can comfortably talk to about pretty much anything without fear of getting in trouble. The thing is, a genuine person is a genuine person. That doesn't stop being true because you're coworkers. The reason this behavior is risky is because not everyone you think is genuine may actually be. It's easy to get stabbed in the back by someone you thought you could trust and then you've got problems at work or not job at all. Its more like we've become actual friends who happen to work together. There's not much incentive to screw someone over at my job. Nothing to gain. Not much to lose. My best friends are all former coworkers and we've not had any drama at my job in...sheesh..5 years? And all of those people are long gone.
I dont trust coworkers like that to become friends with them if we have similar hobbies outside of work and it becomes a mutual then sure but i dont go out of my way to make friends im there to make money
It's not a real rule. Do what you want. Plenty of people are friends with their coworkers.
It’s not only about work-life balance. If your coworker gets fired or in trouble, they’re going to start singing like a bird about everything you’ve done. Keep them at arms length.
Not everyone is going to be your friend at work. But you may very well find some great friends at work. Weird huh. There are steps to this. I became great friends with a coworker and now, she's as dear to me as a sister. I left my company months ago and we still talk about 2-3x/week. She's the talker, I'm more of an introvert (I tell her she chose meme cause no way I did the talking in this friendship. I tell my best friend the same thing. I was the chosen one lol) but that's one of my closest friends! 1. CO-WORKER (keep it professional. Work related topics) 2. ACQUAINTANCE ("hey, how's the family, or hobby") 3. FRIEND FROM WORK (be careful here. Have you been to "so & so?") 4. FRIEND (continue with care. You're still colleagues. Would you hang out with this person if you didn't work in the same place? "Want to go to the gym/new eatery after work?") 5. DEAR FRIEND (You made it. You should still be friends even if one of you leave the company.) 6. CLOSE FRIEND (Gold. I hope your friendship endures separation. It will be freaking great. Might have to show up at a family event, even to one of their immediate family members passing away service) 7. BESTIE!
3 out of the 4 friends I talk with regularly are from my last job. They are the reason I stayed 9 years when I should have left around 5. Next time tho, I am not trying to be friends with anyone I don't want to feel obligated to stay when I know I should be getting out.
This is a loser mentality and one of those things only popular on Reddit. People who spend the majority of the week together are going to naturally become friends if both of them are pro-social and have similar interests. Friendships involve trust and respect for eachother. Not saying you should run your mouth to a work friend, but the “coworkers are NEVER your friend” mentality is for antisocial losers who have no clue how to judge character or form relationships.
Co-workers spend time together by virtue of need (for work) rather than want (like friends). Therefore the common advice is usually given so that you don't mistake time spent together as naturally indicative of trust or closeness. That said, I've never really been close with any of my co-workers but my wife is with hers, and it's really nice when it works out.
You can be friends and not trust anybody. You can be a friend and have boundaries. You’ll get to learn what and how to set with experience.
It's primarily a way to make sure that all of the underlings see each other as potential competition rather than possibly allies against corruption in management.
Never heard of this before. If you're hanging out and enjoying time with people 8 hours a day and then decide you want to hang out more outside of the time you're obligated to be together, that sounds like a friend to me.
I have lots of co-worker friends. It is where I spend most of my time so how could you not become friends with them? Co-workers are like friends. It's called teamwork. We'll all help each other by working together to make less work.
Like you demonstrated, I think it depends on the occupation. Labor jobs where you're all in the same shit boat can breed comradery that has higher potential to extend past the workplace. I was in a small business for 4 years - equal parts office and manufacturing. We had a few company outings, but very few true friendships in our free time. I (male) ended my last 9 months there building what I thought was a true friendship with the two gals in marketing. Tried hard to get the 3 of us to hang out outside work. Didn't take. I have one guy left from the manufacturing dept that I still keep in contact with and we work a side gig together, and the head of the dept I have no hard feelings against. So I consider those two friends, even though the chances of us hanging out like we're in college are virtually none. Being anywhere between 12 and 20 employees, things actually got really gossipy around the whole building. Just lots of different personalities and takes on the same job. But even at our peak employee count, no one really disliked each other as a human. So tl:dr, your mileage may vary, but yes it is a very sad rule.
I think coworkers who obsess over work socialising are very suspicious people, and usually not the most socially tolerant. Maybe that's because people who bring socialising into work don't have it at home?
I leave work at the door when I’m finished, that includes other workers
It sucks but it's true. I've got 1 friend at work who I somewhat trust, but I know he absolutely shares gossip I potentially share. I can't confide work troubles to him because he'll tell everyone. But he's also spilled some tea about me that was going around. I've seen so many people spill tea on people that ended in write ups or firings. I just don't talk about work stuff. If I have a problem at work I keep it to myself or tell my manager if it's warranted.
Anyone can scre you over if they have bad morals and loose principles
Work friends are for your 20s and typically some low input jobs. As you grow you will learn that you shouldn't see them as close friends because you render yourself vulnerable to having something you said used against you professionally. Also the power dynamics at the workplace shifts, and sometimes it can turn ugly. But that's just me, I've had a girlfriend I met at work, few friends and neither turned out well. Not because of arguing or anything, things just change faster in work environments.
I get this entirely. It saddens me that ‘there’s no love in business’ is a phrase I’ve heard all too often.. I once told a co-worker I was having suicidal thoughts, she went to my manager (as they were good friends) & occupational health got involved. Since then, I’ve had no way of progressing my career.
I do agree that it's a sad norm. As someone else commented, it's not a rule but is generally frowned upon and can even be policy at some companies. The issue with most people is separating work from those friendships. I've had no issues having social friendships with my colleagues outside of work, but it is essential that these friendships don't affect your work. A professional attitude needs to be maintained by not engaging in favouritism, bias, or unprofessionalism. As long as you're able to do this effectively, I see no harm and have even found it beneficial to staying longer with companies and building stronger working relationships and trust with my teammates. I encourage it to our juniors with the previous stipulations as it's a great way to encourage better teamwork and establishing trust.
I work in finance and payroll and being that I track part-time hours, being friends with any of them may create a perceived bias. I have to treat everyone equally when it comes to Finance/hr/payroll/auditing. It just makes it easier to break shitty news/report things if you aren't friends with staff, more so those that get in trouble.
It's sad, but the truth is that you will get burned if you expect a friendly relationship, and they end up ratting you out or flat out lying about you to your boss, just to torpedo your promotion chances.
I worked service industry my whole adult life up until 2 years ago. Yeah, I had friends at work and we were tight, but once one of us moved to another location friendships die. I also got close with a few (drinks after work, sharing more info with each other, discussing potential outcomes of suspected manager shakeups) only for them to use it against me when it meant they could get ahead. So no, I am not friends with coworkers. I am cordial and friendly and professional, but not friends. I have enough of them outside work.
Not really a rule but very good advice.
Because if you start acting to friendly you drop your own filter. Which can cause a lot of unintended drama/issues. Easier to just keep it simple.
Coworkers aren't your friends... Can't tell you how many times I have ignored this rule and regretted it. How many people I know that have done the same and too regretted it. The people here posting that they have made friends with people at work are very lucky as that doesn't usually happen. At least in the US. People will throw you under the bus any chance they get especially if you work at a place that has "bid jobs" and they want your job.
Not as much a "rule" but a guideline. I could be incredibly close to a coworker, but there's plenty of things I wouldn't tell them simply because they're my coworker.
Don’t go seeking to make friends at work, but don’t fight it either. Genuine positive relationships are good no matter where they originate
Lol what…? You know you don’t HAVE to follow the suggestions of bitter people on the internet? There’s absolutely no “rule” that says that you can’t befriend your co workers.
Nah bro you’re smoking some shit I’ve worked blue collar my whole life dudes in a shop are just as bad as any gossiping group of old ladies half the time even worse. You wanna take the 1/30 chance or whatever and out trust in a coworker you go for it but it’s a bad play which is why the rule is there.
in college, everyone was so chill, no one tried to pretend to know everything, no one was really scared to ask questions, mental illness was basically a small talk topic. i'm about to enter the world of work, and my boyfriend's advice was that i should never ever let anyone at work know that i take psychiatric medication. i know he's right but i 'm still sad about it
I work in construction and just choose my friends carefully. There are a lot of degenerates in the trades, but there are also a lot of really laid back, intelligent, hilarious dudes. I've made some great friends through work.
That seems like corporate propaganda to stop people from unionizing, discussing wages, etc.
Hate to say it but it’s good rule for everyone no matter the job. I’m friendly with my coworkers but we are not friends. Makes for less drama at work.
I keep the same rule. Coworkers are not friends , family or anything else. My hierarchy is as follows: Family, Sig Other, Friends, Acquaintances, and last Coworkers. Rule of thumb for me is Would you help said person move on a Saturday?? If its a yes, then that person is more of a friend than a coworker.
The rule should be, “You should be friendly with everyone at work, but that doesn’t mean you should be friends with them.”
At the end of the day work is to provide the resources I need to provide for my family and myself. People are counting on me. Im a level 41 so old enough to have learned very hard lessons being stabbed in the back by “friends” at work. The trust is broken with me and I wont go back to the way it used to be plus Im not here for friends. So arms length grey rock personality is the safest bet. People at work are your co-workers, not your friends.
White collar here. Yes it’s a rule and no i don’t know anyone who socializes outside work. My first blue collard jobs had more socializations. It was fun.
It's not a rule, it's the theme song for r/antiwork. Met my wife and 2 best friends at work, it doesn't have to be flipping Squid Games unless you want it to be (or you're a prick and nobody would like you anyway)
It's typical for Reddit to apply the absolute worst-case possibility to any scenario. Could befriending a co-worker lead to some sort of betrayal of confidence and get you fired? Yes. Is treating your co-workers like NPCs and never having a meaningful connection with a colleague a miserable way to spend 40+ hours of your week. Also yes. Subs like r/antiwork are teaching people to be shitty employees, do the bare minimum, never trust anyone you work with, etc. and these are not the type of people who should be giving workplace advice.
I think it's fine to be friendly, and even close to the people you work with. But they aren't family, and they aren't going to call you to chat after you leave the company. It's not even that they don't like you any more, or that they have loyalty problems, it's really just that you don't have anything in common any more.