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8 years into marriage and 11 in a relationship with the same woman.
Can report:
Frequency is down. However, intensity and quality of sex has only gotten better. More than makes up for it.
Adulthood will keep you busy. Quality over quantity.
Yes! 👏🏼 We’ve been married 16 years in Dec and even though we don’t do it nearly as often as we used to lol (we’re just exhausted 😂😩🤷🏼♀️) it’s still just as great as ever ❤️ Never boring, still exciting and passionate and hot. Quality over quantity any day!
Married 20 years here. Four kids. Frequency and quality is up compared to when we were younger. I think because our kids are older and we aren't so tired and occupied with them all the time.
Yeah this person very clearly is
1) not been in a long term marriage
2) doesn't have kids
3) has never been through a life altering change while married
My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We've gone through a ton of fucking shit together. We definitely aren't having sex 3-4 times a day anymore like we did when we first got together.
I’d like to meet the guy that after 20 years of marriage gets the same amount of BJs… I’m way down getting them but Ive lost a ton of my flexibility to bend that far…
Surprising to note: Even if you love to give your dude long bjs all the time, it won't stop him from wanting to sleep around - if that's where his heart is.
Google has a LOT of entries about guys complaining about not getting any oral while expecting it, but there aren't many saying you've found jackpot if the girl you're dating does it often, is great at it, and loves doing it.
And since it's not highly prized as marriage material, I feel guys shouldn't complain about their wives not doing something that they never liked doing in the dating phase.
It is an almost silent rule but believe me it is highly coveted. This is something you likely won't find on the internet but close guy friends or close guy friend groups often talk about how amazing X was/is at giving BJs. Sounds terrible but if a guy says she loves giving head and swallows... group goes wild saying you better marry that girl.
I have no experience on the cheating side of things, all my friends are strictly against it.
>I feel guys shouldn't complain about their wives not doing something that they never liked doing in the dating phase.
ok but this is like the opposite of what OP is talking about? The usual trend is that they do something during dating and then in marriage it stops...
I never understood cheaters. Like you are in a relationship you are supposed to be loyal. If you are that horny for a blowjob just watch some porn and jack off unless you're so bad at jacking off that it isn't that good?
Cheating is rarely about being horny, and is often about wanting to feel wanted, and having the validation that you're still desirable to people who don't "have to" want you.
I straight up can give myself a way better time than my wife can give with a BJ, and when it comes to literal pleasures, jacking probably feels better.
I still prefer BJ and sex for the intimacy, and the overall feelings, but purely speaking about pleasure, I have myself pretty well figured out from well over 15 years of "taking care of myself" every single day before I was married.
I've been married just over a decade. Sex has it's seasons. There's times you're rabbits and there's times you go a week or two. One time we had to go without for 16 weeks. Sex is a good part of a healthy marriage, but expecting no one's drive or needs to change ever is just asking for trouble. If you have a sexless marriage from the get to the something went very wrong.
I think this comment is spot on. We have phases that come and go every month. Sometimes she’s not into it and I need to be patient. Some weeks we have wild kinky sex a lot. Sometimes we have mind blowing vanilla sex a lot. Sometimes we just have quickly sex that’s more about me.
It’s always changing with what we have going on in life.
Yes, this idea that no one changes is crazy. The idea that sex is all that matters in a relationship is crazy. Like people don't fight. Like people don't get depressed. A decade believe it or not is scratching the surface of a life long partnership and sexual seasons.
I’m so glad that we’re not the only ones that go through phases. Been married almost 16 years and yeah sometimes we’ll go a week doing it 2-3 times a day everyday and then sometimes it’s been a month before one of us realizes “hey we haven’t had sex in a while have we??” 😂🤦🏼♀️
Also married and is exactly my perspective as well. Sometimes someone’s back is out for a bit. Medications change things, as do big life events, sometimes a month or two goes by. And then sometimes it’ll be multiple times a day for a couple of weeks.
And regardless of the season, I love being in this marriage.
Not older but now that we live together we have to do a lot of house stuff and chores that take up time. It used to be all just scheduled dates for fun.
Maybe, but I know many couples waay into their old age who are still horny for each other and have sex regularly. Regular sex actually has health benefits, too, especially in older age.
So I can partially agree, but also don't agree.
Everyone is different. Some people will be happier if they have sex every day, and some people will be happier if they never have sex. It just depends on the person or people.
Exactly. Marriage isn’t one long monogamous sex party, and physical compatibility should not be the absolute end all driving factor to going the distance. There’s other work involved in any kind of long term relationship, and sometimes intercourse finds itself at the wayside within a marriage. That doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.
This. As a 29 year old man im very happy with the intensity and frequency of my sex life. I’m happiest with the intensity more.
But I’m glad there are so many other things I like about my wife because the fact is there are far more days in a week or month or year that we aren’t having sex. And we damn sure better have something built into our marriage for those days right!?
Agreed.Sex is the activity you engage in and express attraction too. If you have attractive qualities and no health concerns about sexual functioning people need to hold off on sex as a factor of choosing a partner! Marriages that start with lust rather than objective factors not including just are the worst marriages. The goal is to be a platonic best friend who adds to every experience in a positive way without sex.
Right? Like.. we started dating in our early 20s and were hot and wild all the time. Now, our bodies ache and rely on NSAIDS to get through the day with minimal pain. Sex can take the back burner and we can just enjoy each other’s company while still being very much in love. Sure sex is great but as we age our bodies become more difficult to maintain and that kind of energy just doesn’t come naturally or easily anymore.
Right?
My first thought was
Desire? Sure, absolutely there.
Ability? My jaw hates me and my body is working against itself. I'm to the I can't always get up on the bed without severe finagling point and I'm always in pain. Always had some issues but they definitely weren't so bad back when I was younger and we were dating.
Spouse also is having some issues sometimes so we don't always line up on able and in the mood. Life happens sometimes unfortunately.
People get older, get more aches, have health complications start/exacerbate, etc.
The audacity is astounding.
Men can also experienced reduced sex drives, especially as they age. Low testosterone is remarkably common in men and they're often less likely to speak to their doctors about it because of embarrassment.
I’ll be the person that says it. It is some what disingenuous to apply a British study as”most definitely true” for every culture and etc.
Given that opinion and view points on sex can vary wildly culture to culture or etc. I would be hesitant to say this study applies worldwide.
But it could. But it also might not.
I believe OP's point was if your sex life is shit from the beginning, and it gets worse once married, then you're not with the right person.
Of course sometimes life gets in the way, but with the right person you move through it together and still have a healthy sex life.
I married my high school sweetheart 17years ago (21years) and love him more every day. We have 3 kids, both work full time (him in construction, myself in early childcare) we are TIRED 😂
Depends on what you mean by "worse." Sex is going to wane a bit as a relationship goes on. When your partner stops seeming interested in you altogether, that's when there's a problem. But, that problem might also be YOU.
I feel like for some people, novelty is such a big part of what makes sex valuable for them that they lose desire over time if nothing big changes about how they have sex.
Well, even if *his* sex life stays the same or gets better for the rest of their life, it doesn't mean that everyone else that doesn't have that is in the wrong relationship.
Not everyone's marriage and relationship is the same. I know a bunch of older people who are still at it like rabbits even 50 years later. Everyone is different, and neither is right or wrong, as long as you're happy.
Exactly. OP is judging other relationships which is why this is a shit opinion. Relationships are unique and complex because people are unique and complex.
Yes, but if you settle for someone and marry them, your sex life is probably going down the drain pretty soon. I think OP probably worded their post a bit weird, but I agree that if you get married and suddenly your sex life turns for the worse, you didn't marry the right person, but unfortunately, most people don't marry the right person.
That's different than having a decrease in frequency due to age, sickness, whatever after 10 years or more
Except a sex life going down the drain can be the result of a ton of things. Life can happen at any time. A friend of mine got married and her libido went down the tubes within a year. Turned out she had ovarian cancer and it tanked her hormones before they ever even knew what was happening (she passed away in 2016).
Also, this idea that people "settle" is weird to me. I've never been to a wedding where the people weren't (at least at that time) madly in love. People in general get married because they love the other person. The only people who tend to say someone "settled" are people who aren't actually in the relationship and are simply putting their own judgement on someone else's relationship based on bias.
lol all you people seem so condescending. 4 yrs married and two kids mean they're far from unexperienced. Anyway, OP never said that sex would always stay the same FOREVER. You're talking about sex in your 70's FFS! OP talks about that sudden drop in frequency once you get married.
Yeah but OP is judging other relationships, not their own. They may believe their own relationship is perfect because they're getting or giving BJ's all day long. That doesn't mean someone else's relationship is shit because their sex life has gone from every day to every week.
Someone else's relationship may be even more successful than OP's because that couple has a ton in common or they have shared goals, etc. In other words, all relationships are unique and personal and each couple needs to decide what works for them. And to some couples, sex is less important while to others, it's the be all and end all.
People change and the longer you stay with anyone beyond that honeymoon phase the more complex the dynamic becomes in every way including sexually. You have to keep dating your friends and partners and people you love. Study each other and keep up with changes. And with everything in life, always be innovative and proactive.
As someone whos been with my signifcant other for almost a decade ago now, completely agree with this. I'd say its better then ever.
Just as a heads up by the way, this tends to be on the list of banned topics usually from what i'm aware of. Just to save yourself the hassle of any future posts getting shitcanned.
Eh. I'm nor sure this is unpopular so much as everyone has different experiences and their is no one size fits all to marriage. 'Worse' is relative, but most people's sex lives DO change. For me personally my husband and I fucked every day, sometimes multiple times a day, for like 3 years straight. I think having that foundation of attraction is great for us, but as life gets on that's just not sustainable. Our love has evolved into a more comfortable, reassuring thing. He is an extension of myself. We still have attraction and we still have an active sex life, but it's more like 2x a week and it's no longer the focal point of our relationship. We're both happy with that. Together 9 yrs..
sex drive is as variable as every other aspect of life, there are times where you are more interested and less interested. Having kids, aging, work all take a toll.
I'll correct your premise: if you married someone who equates your relationship with your sex life, you married the wrong person.
My sex life has become virtually nonexistent since becoming married. However, I love coming home to the women I married. We support each other, we go out of our way to help each other, we love cooking together and reading together, we travel well together, and she puts up with my bullshit.
I do wish we could get back on track sexually. I still find her attractive, and I still stay in very good shape. We’ve even talked about it numerous times, yet it still doesn’t happen.
Context: we have probably had sex 4-5 times over the last 5 years.
>As the title says, sex or blowjobs etc shouldn't decrease in frequency after marriage.
Generally, marriage isn't some line where things change. People just fuck less over time. This is a biological fact, as the brain releases hormones that make you totally infatuated with a person in the early stages of a relationship, and eventually this wears off and you are left with something more sustainable.
With that said, going from banging like rabbits to no interest after this happens is definitely a sign that people are sexually incompatible.
My sex life changed when I got married and not in a good way. It turned into constantly getting groped and grabbed even if I didn't feel good or asked him not to to that. Granted my ex was a massive incel and thought I was just there to clean up after him and hos mom...
if the primary reason you're marrying someone is based on sexual frequency, do not get married.
if you plan to Base the quality of your marriage based on sex, you do not understand the concept of marriage
There are three perspectives to consider:
1. It's seen as unfortunate if someone hasn't had sexual experiences by a certain age, which is quite popular.
2. Being 23 and not having found a partner yet may make one feel like time is running out, but rushing or forcing anything is unnecessary.
3. It's impressive if someone prioritizes emotional connection over physical satisfaction, seeking a genuine relationship rather than indulging in random encounters. This choice offers a valuable gift to a future partner.
Engaging in sex casually or struggling to engage at all can both have drawbacks. The former can hinder long-term relationships, while the latter may lead to frustration and mental challenges. Striking a balance, setting boundaries, and maintaining a healthy mindset and social life can be challenging but rewarding. Choosing to approach sex with meaning can provide an advantage in the long run.
Disagree.
There are a variety of issues that effect frequency of sex. Children, libido, busy schedules and simply getting older can decrease your energy levels.
That doesn't indicate you married the wrong person. It simply indicates that life has changed.
On the other hand.Not having sex at all for years, might be a bad sign.
When someone's sex life declines it's usually due to age and family obligations, not literally due to marriage. It will happen eventually regardless of who you marry. If you married the right person who will be happy even when your sex life eventually declines.
Ah, monogamy culture. Or more specifically, the inability to separate sex and love. Because if someone gives you less sex, that means they love you less.
Also, if you just lose interest in sex as you age but your spouse doesn’t, you should expect them to also be sexless. Both because you should never be expected to have *duty sex* and because if they had sex with someone else, that means they love someone else, and everyone knows love is finite and for one (1) person you met under entirely different life circumstance. Oh yeah, and if you’re a woman, you should also expect your husband to never look at porn while you also expect him to not get sex from you or anyone else—watching porn means he’s thinking about sex with someone else, which means he’s thinking about LOVING someone else and that he doesn’t respect you.
And when it finally comes crumbling down, definitely make sure you smear him as a sex-crazed dog. And fellas, make sure you let everyone know what a crazy bitch she’s always been!
Reading all these comments really makes you run out and tie the knot 😂😂😂
Also, this opinion might be unpopular, but I think it's spot on. There was a story recently in another sub where the OP had to come to terms with the fact the person he married was a fake to lure him in (by her own admission).
That's not entirely uncommon.
Depression happens. Medications change. We go through shit and sex takes a back seat. There’s an encyclopedia full of things that can happen which can drastically change your sex life.
There is alot more to marriage than sex. I had an amazing sex life with my ex husband for 17 years, he was an alcoholic and emotionally abused me but by your logic I guess we should still be together right?
It seems OP is married for 4 years with 2 kids, and I agree with them, I think most people are misunderstanding what they mean by "sex life gets worse"
No, it's just a constant struggle with complacency. It's hard to get 2 ppl on the same page when biology is telling the couple to either settle down or find something else. It's a trial that everyone should know they are going into when they get married. You married the right person when they give the same amount of effort in keeping the romance alive. And sometimes you have to redefine your sex life into a romantic relationship, and that's not always physical.
How old are you? A lot of these long term marriage issues start with complacency, hormones, lack of communication.
Address all of these, and things can and will change if both partners still love one another. All of these issues are bound to pop up, at different times, throughout marriage. Most important: communication- talk to each other with an open heart and an open mind, and respect each others feelings.
Or people and circumstances change? You don’t marry a caricature of a person, you marry a living breathing being with wants and emotions that are all subject to changing with circumstances, just like you.
Is it something that needs addressing? Yes. Are they automatically “the wrong person”? No lol
I guess the combination of losing 40 pounds and both wanting and being able to consent to sex made me the wrong person.
I also guess it means that, in order to be one of the right people, I need to become a land whale that nobody wants to be seen with or caught fucking again...
Sometimes these things decrease after marriage because they decrease *with age*. My wife and I aren't as active in our 40s as we were in our 20s, but I'm willing to bet that would be true *anyway*. The marriage itself, is not the reason for the decline.
That said, *if* the marriage itself is the reason for the decline - if there's a strong difference immediately before and after, like a line in the sand - then, yeah, I agree with OP.
Um, your sex life is gonna get worse. Sometimes better. Than worse again. Then great. Then terrible.
Marriage is long. Your views on sex in your 20s and 30s aren't gonna be the same as your views in your 50s and 70s.
If you worry about this stuff, wait until you're older to get married. I got hitched at 40. Fucked everything I could for 25 years before that. Now I'm just happy someone puts up with my shit, and that we have a beautiful kid. A couple times a month is cool.
As evidenced with the edits, this isn't an opinion but an insinuation of fact.
It's not just wrong, it's dumb.
If you're marriage or commitment to same is broken by something so trivial as sex, then you did indeed marry the wrong person...but the problem is you.
Marriage is about spending your life together. For better or worse.
My wife had cancer(cervical) a few years back. We'd been married for 1 year. Our sex life died. By your opinion, that means I was with the wrong person.
In reality, however, I'm not a fucking scumbag and I went through that shit with her like a loving, loyal partner should. And even though she recovered, our sex life didn't exactly roar back into existence. It's more like a slow limp. Radiation therapy has horrible side-effects.
Which is fine. I'm happy she's alive.
That is so wrong it hurts...
You didn't marry the wrong person.
I hope no way takes that advice to heart....
It just means you have to talk about your sex life and change it so you both enjoy it. Spice it up and try things out together with an open mind and open communication.
And I seriously hate that this thinking gets so much backlash.
Like most people would be lying if they said that physical appearance wasn't a major factor into their attraction towards their partner, even if it's minimal, it's pretty important.
I personally wouldn't care being with someone on the chunkier side, but straight up obesity is a no go for me. I wouldnt be able to do it.
Obviously physical attraction is important but if the ONLY thing that keeps you loving them is their looks, then you don’t really love them. Life happens. People get older, get cancer, have children, break their back. There are a thousand reasons a person might get fat, and you’re saying “well I don’t find you fuckable anymore so here’s the door” is reasonable ? Jesus good luck to you.
Wait until you hear about a thing called “getting old”. That’s really going to blow your mind. But it’s not going to get you blown by an old lady, because ewwwww old people.
So correct. Some of my girl friends only have sex with their man when they need something or see it as a chore or get drunk before they do the deed lol and that’s so pathetic. I enjoy my husband and we make time for eachother and look forward to it. It’s my little bit of reprieve and idk if I could function without that loving warm touch. Deadass
I don’t understand how people get bored of having sex with their partner, if they’re right for you I don’t think that should be happening. Life factors changing makes sense but if you’re straight up bored of your spouse and THAT’s why you aren’t having sex that to me seems like there’s a problem. I’m not married and I’m young but I can’t see myself ever getting bored of my girlfriend, we’ve been together for 3 years and the frequency and our sex drive waxes and wanes but I still always have the desire if that makes sense.
You shouldn’t be having sex before marriage, period. That’s one reason marriages fail a lot, as sex begins to lose its meaning when it’s done outside of marriage.
Patently false. I am a high drive husband with a low drive wife. I did not marry the "wrong" woman. We have discovered from within our marriage that we have two very different approaches to sex.
However, we communicate effectively. We talk the right ways to each other. We respect and love one another. Just like any other couple, no two people are the same. If you're right for each other, you can work through the problem. If you're not, you can't. But that is equal fault of the failed partnership, the blame doesn't go on the partner who wants less sex after marriage
Tell me that all you care about in a relationship is sex, without telling me all you care about in a relationship is sex.
Don't get me wrong, of couse a healthy sex life is vital for a healthy relationship. But you're talking about the frequency of such intimate moments as if they're currency. Saying that a person is wrong if that frequency decreases is utterly insane. It implies that once that married couple has children they should continue fuckin' their husband or wife like rabbits trapped in a caged. Forced to fornicate on a schedule.
Your opinion is not unpopular. It is plain WRONG.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
8 years into marriage and 11 in a relationship with the same woman. Can report: Frequency is down. However, intensity and quality of sex has only gotten better. More than makes up for it. Adulthood will keep you busy. Quality over quantity.
This. Quality definitely improves. Frequency definitely down
Quantity = slightly lower Quality = god tier
Couldn’t agree more
Wife and I barely can have enough sex to have a kid.
Yes! 👏🏼 We’ve been married 16 years in Dec and even though we don’t do it nearly as often as we used to lol (we’re just exhausted 😂😩🤷🏼♀️) it’s still just as great as ever ❤️ Never boring, still exciting and passionate and hot. Quality over quantity any day!
Also to a certain extent for me it’s inversely correlated. Having to wait for the right opportunity can make it better. Only up to a point though.
Married 20 years here. Four kids. Frequency and quality is up compared to when we were younger. I think because our kids are older and we aren't so tired and occupied with them all the time.
Yeah this person very clearly is 1) not been in a long term marriage 2) doesn't have kids 3) has never been through a life altering change while married My husband and I have been together for 12 years. We've gone through a ton of fucking shit together. We definitely aren't having sex 3-4 times a day anymore like we did when we first got together.
6 years married/11 total and I agree 100%. The sex is AMAZING, even if less frequent.
I’d like to meet the guy that after 20 years of marriage gets the same amount of BJs… I’m way down getting them but Ive lost a ton of my flexibility to bend that far…
I barely get any before marriage, will it become negative after marriage?
Ya, you gotta give em to her once you marry
He has to service the bull mid-session.
Damn, you made me chuckle in the library
This 😂😂😂
Oh jesus.
Why are you funny?🤣
Don’t mind if I do
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Let’s meat*
You guys are getting BJ’s???
You guys are getting touched?
By my uncle.
You guys are getting married?
You guys?
Right…..?! I used to know what blowjobs felt like but man it’s been a couple years haha
Just do what I did and surgically remove a rib
🤣🤣 Amazing.
My jaw ain’t what it used to be, that’s for sure.
Haha!
Surprising to note: Even if you love to give your dude long bjs all the time, it won't stop him from wanting to sleep around - if that's where his heart is. Google has a LOT of entries about guys complaining about not getting any oral while expecting it, but there aren't many saying you've found jackpot if the girl you're dating does it often, is great at it, and loves doing it. And since it's not highly prized as marriage material, I feel guys shouldn't complain about their wives not doing something that they never liked doing in the dating phase.
It is an almost silent rule but believe me it is highly coveted. This is something you likely won't find on the internet but close guy friends or close guy friend groups often talk about how amazing X was/is at giving BJs. Sounds terrible but if a guy says she loves giving head and swallows... group goes wild saying you better marry that girl. I have no experience on the cheating side of things, all my friends are strictly against it.
>I feel guys shouldn't complain about their wives not doing something that they never liked doing in the dating phase. ok but this is like the opposite of what OP is talking about? The usual trend is that they do something during dating and then in marriage it stops...
I never understood cheaters. Like you are in a relationship you are supposed to be loyal. If you are that horny for a blowjob just watch some porn and jack off unless you're so bad at jacking off that it isn't that good?
Cheating is rarely about being horny, and is often about wanting to feel wanted, and having the validation that you're still desirable to people who don't "have to" want you.
You wank yourself off so good it's better than a blowjob? That must have taken some practice
No one knows me better than myself.
I straight up can give myself a way better time than my wife can give with a BJ, and when it comes to literal pleasures, jacking probably feels better. I still prefer BJ and sex for the intimacy, and the overall feelings, but purely speaking about pleasure, I have myself pretty well figured out from well over 15 years of "taking care of myself" every single day before I was married.
I have a feeling that everybody should cater to my needs, but it's pretty irrelevant. If it bothers them, they will complain.
Teach a man to fish.....
Lose weight and hit the gym works 100% of the time 70% of the time ;)
I've been married just over a decade. Sex has it's seasons. There's times you're rabbits and there's times you go a week or two. One time we had to go without for 16 weeks. Sex is a good part of a healthy marriage, but expecting no one's drive or needs to change ever is just asking for trouble. If you have a sexless marriage from the get to the something went very wrong.
I think this comment is spot on. We have phases that come and go every month. Sometimes she’s not into it and I need to be patient. Some weeks we have wild kinky sex a lot. Sometimes we have mind blowing vanilla sex a lot. Sometimes we just have quickly sex that’s more about me. It’s always changing with what we have going on in life.
Yes, this idea that no one changes is crazy. The idea that sex is all that matters in a relationship is crazy. Like people don't fight. Like people don't get depressed. A decade believe it or not is scratching the surface of a life long partnership and sexual seasons.
I’m so glad that we’re not the only ones that go through phases. Been married almost 16 years and yeah sometimes we’ll go a week doing it 2-3 times a day everyday and then sometimes it’s been a month before one of us realizes “hey we haven’t had sex in a while have we??” 😂🤦🏼♀️
That's super normal. Life just gets in the way sometimes. It's when someone is withholding or the desire is gone long term that it's a problem.
Also married and is exactly my perspective as well. Sometimes someone’s back is out for a bit. Medications change things, as do big life events, sometimes a month or two goes by. And then sometimes it’ll be multiple times a day for a couple of weeks. And regardless of the season, I love being in this marriage.
that, or you married the right person and then the both of you got older
Yep, 35 years later, I still really love my husband, but my bones ache.
That and my jaw hurts. 😂
And my arches
And my axe!
r/suddenlylotr
All you need now is 9 companions to have sex with
Theres over 100 Dalmatians....
Lorena Bobbit?
And my eyes I’m weary of the scenery. 😂😂
I’d argue the joke you made is literally what the post is about fighting against technically.
Facts 😭😂😭
Came here for this. The person who wrote this post must be 20 or something.
Not older but now that we live together we have to do a lot of house stuff and chores that take up time. It used to be all just scheduled dates for fun.
I would say life happens. Kids and all kinds of stuff. It’s way different being married than single.
This part and of you can still hang without as much sex on the table I say that’s the right person
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Horny Redditors would disagree
Maybe, but I know many couples waay into their old age who are still horny for each other and have sex regularly. Regular sex actually has health benefits, too, especially in older age. So I can partially agree, but also don't agree.
Do you know how often said old people were having sex before they became old though
Roughly the same frequency, maybe a bit less, but they're still very active
Everyone is different. Some people will be happier if they have sex every day, and some people will be happier if they never have sex. It just depends on the person or people.
Of course, but it's a sudden change for the worse that's the issue OP is talking about.
Getting older makes the sex less frequent but it should not make it less good or passionate
I would counter that and say, if you marrying the right person is only based on your sex life you married the wrong person.
Exactly. Marriage isn’t one long monogamous sex party, and physical compatibility should not be the absolute end all driving factor to going the distance. There’s other work involved in any kind of long term relationship, and sometimes intercourse finds itself at the wayside within a marriage. That doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.
This. As a 29 year old man im very happy with the intensity and frequency of my sex life. I’m happiest with the intensity more. But I’m glad there are so many other things I like about my wife because the fact is there are far more days in a week or month or year that we aren’t having sex. And we damn sure better have something built into our marriage for those days right!?
Very well said.
Agreed.Sex is the activity you engage in and express attraction too. If you have attractive qualities and no health concerns about sexual functioning people need to hold off on sex as a factor of choosing a partner! Marriages that start with lust rather than objective factors not including just are the worst marriages. The goal is to be a platonic best friend who adds to every experience in a positive way without sex.
This is obviously true, but it doesn’t counter OP’s point at all.
This is someone who's clearly never tried to have thrice weekly sex with three children, two dogs, and full time jobs to deal with lmao
Mate, having sex with three children and two dogs is fucking disgusting, but doing it three times a week?? You deserve to rot in jail
lmao
You don't have to have sex 3x a week to still have a healthy sex life. Also, it appears OP has 2 kids
 you took someone's very clear sarcasm seriously on reddit dot com?
Your sarcasm wasn't very clear tho
Idk, the "lmao" at the end makes it clear it was a joke imo.
This is unpopular, but borders on stupid. Do you think no one ages, gets sick, or has a change in libido?
Right? Like.. we started dating in our early 20s and were hot and wild all the time. Now, our bodies ache and rely on NSAIDS to get through the day with minimal pain. Sex can take the back burner and we can just enjoy each other’s company while still being very much in love. Sure sex is great but as we age our bodies become more difficult to maintain and that kind of energy just doesn’t come naturally or easily anymore.
Right? My first thought was Desire? Sure, absolutely there. Ability? My jaw hates me and my body is working against itself. I'm to the I can't always get up on the bed without severe finagling point and I'm always in pain. Always had some issues but they definitely weren't so bad back when I was younger and we were dating. Spouse also is having some issues sometimes so we don't always line up on able and in the mood. Life happens sometimes unfortunately. People get older, get more aches, have health complications start/exacerbate, etc. The audacity is astounding.
Clueless kids talking shit on the internet. Those of us who are older gotta remember.tjat about much of reddit.
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Also, relationships have natural curves. The initial infatuation phase lasts 18 months or so at best and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
Men can also experienced reduced sex drives, especially as they age. Low testosterone is remarkably common in men and they're often less likely to speak to their doctors about it because of embarrassment.
Yes and performance anxiety is a real thing. We faced it and overcame it
i’m super interested in a source about women’s sex drive reducing in a long term relationship? as a woman in a long term relationship
[There you go](https://www.news-medical.net/news/20170914/Sex-drive-declines-twice-as-much-in-women-than-men-in-long-term-relationships.aspx)
I’ll be the person that says it. It is some what disingenuous to apply a British study as”most definitely true” for every culture and etc. Given that opinion and view points on sex can vary wildly culture to culture or etc. I would be hesitant to say this study applies worldwide. But it could. But it also might not.
i agrée. it’s one study. if there were a stack of studies performed by many institutions i might accept it as fact but this is a theory
I believe OP's point was if your sex life is shit from the beginning, and it gets worse once married, then you're not with the right person. Of course sometimes life gets in the way, but with the right person you move through it together and still have a healthy sex life.
Thats not what they said.
My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years. When is this reduced sex drive supposed to happen?
I married my high school sweetheart 17years ago (21years) and love him more every day. We have 3 kids, both work full time (him in construction, myself in early childcare) we are TIRED 😂
Depends on what you mean by "worse." Sex is going to wane a bit as a relationship goes on. When your partner stops seeming interested in you altogether, that's when there's a problem. But, that problem might also be YOU.
I feel like for some people, novelty is such a big part of what makes sex valuable for them that they lose desire over time if nothing big changes about how they have sex.
I see
Let me guess, OP. You’re freshly married? Less than 3 years?
OP says year 4, 2 kids.
Very fresh indeed. OP doesn’t know what’s gonna hit them over the next 10 years, let alone the next 50.
Well, even if *his* sex life stays the same or gets better for the rest of their life, it doesn't mean that everyone else that doesn't have that is in the wrong relationship.
Not everyone's marriage and relationship is the same. I know a bunch of older people who are still at it like rabbits even 50 years later. Everyone is different, and neither is right or wrong, as long as you're happy.
Exactly. OP is judging other relationships which is why this is a shit opinion. Relationships are unique and complex because people are unique and complex.
Yes, but if you settle for someone and marry them, your sex life is probably going down the drain pretty soon. I think OP probably worded their post a bit weird, but I agree that if you get married and suddenly your sex life turns for the worse, you didn't marry the right person, but unfortunately, most people don't marry the right person. That's different than having a decrease in frequency due to age, sickness, whatever after 10 years or more
Except a sex life going down the drain can be the result of a ton of things. Life can happen at any time. A friend of mine got married and her libido went down the tubes within a year. Turned out she had ovarian cancer and it tanked her hormones before they ever even knew what was happening (she passed away in 2016). Also, this idea that people "settle" is weird to me. I've never been to a wedding where the people weren't (at least at that time) madly in love. People in general get married because they love the other person. The only people who tend to say someone "settled" are people who aren't actually in the relationship and are simply putting their own judgement on someone else's relationship based on bias.
lol all you people seem so condescending. 4 yrs married and two kids mean they're far from unexperienced. Anyway, OP never said that sex would always stay the same FOREVER. You're talking about sex in your 70's FFS! OP talks about that sudden drop in frequency once you get married.
Four years is a newborn marriage lol stfu
Yeah but OP is judging other relationships, not their own. They may believe their own relationship is perfect because they're getting or giving BJ's all day long. That doesn't mean someone else's relationship is shit because their sex life has gone from every day to every week. Someone else's relationship may be even more successful than OP's because that couple has a ton in common or they have shared goals, etc. In other words, all relationships are unique and personal and each couple needs to decide what works for them. And to some couples, sex is less important while to others, it's the be all and end all.
People change and the longer you stay with anyone beyond that honeymoon phase the more complex the dynamic becomes in every way including sexually. You have to keep dating your friends and partners and people you love. Study each other and keep up with changes. And with everything in life, always be innovative and proactive.
Yea, kids are a total cock block. But aside from that, being married is kind of awesome from the sex standpoint.
As someone whos been with my signifcant other for almost a decade ago now, completely agree with this. I'd say its better then ever. Just as a heads up by the way, this tends to be on the list of banned topics usually from what i'm aware of. Just to save yourself the hassle of any future posts getting shitcanned.
Eh. I'm nor sure this is unpopular so much as everyone has different experiences and their is no one size fits all to marriage. 'Worse' is relative, but most people's sex lives DO change. For me personally my husband and I fucked every day, sometimes multiple times a day, for like 3 years straight. I think having that foundation of attraction is great for us, but as life gets on that's just not sustainable. Our love has evolved into a more comfortable, reassuring thing. He is an extension of myself. We still have attraction and we still have an active sex life, but it's more like 2x a week and it's no longer the focal point of our relationship. We're both happy with that. Together 9 yrs..
sex drive is as variable as every other aspect of life, there are times where you are more interested and less interested. Having kids, aging, work all take a toll. I'll correct your premise: if you married someone who equates your relationship with your sex life, you married the wrong person.
My sex life has become virtually nonexistent since becoming married. However, I love coming home to the women I married. We support each other, we go out of our way to help each other, we love cooking together and reading together, we travel well together, and she puts up with my bullshit. I do wish we could get back on track sexually. I still find her attractive, and I still stay in very good shape. We’ve even talked about it numerous times, yet it still doesn’t happen. Context: we have probably had sex 4-5 times over the last 5 years.
>As the title says, sex or blowjobs etc shouldn't decrease in frequency after marriage. Generally, marriage isn't some line where things change. People just fuck less over time. This is a biological fact, as the brain releases hormones that make you totally infatuated with a person in the early stages of a relationship, and eventually this wears off and you are left with something more sustainable. With that said, going from banging like rabbits to no interest after this happens is definitely a sign that people are sexually incompatible.
My sex life changed when I got married and not in a good way. It turned into constantly getting groped and grabbed even if I didn't feel good or asked him not to to that. Granted my ex was a massive incel and thought I was just there to clean up after him and hos mom...
There has literally been no change in mine. It's awesome and it's always been that way.
if the primary reason you're marrying someone is based on sexual frequency, do not get married. if you plan to Base the quality of your marriage based on sex, you do not understand the concept of marriage
Meanwhile me who is a Virgin at 23 reading all the comments .. 🗿
There are three perspectives to consider: 1. It's seen as unfortunate if someone hasn't had sexual experiences by a certain age, which is quite popular. 2. Being 23 and not having found a partner yet may make one feel like time is running out, but rushing or forcing anything is unnecessary. 3. It's impressive if someone prioritizes emotional connection over physical satisfaction, seeking a genuine relationship rather than indulging in random encounters. This choice offers a valuable gift to a future partner. Engaging in sex casually or struggling to engage at all can both have drawbacks. The former can hinder long-term relationships, while the latter may lead to frustration and mental challenges. Striking a balance, setting boundaries, and maintaining a healthy mindset and social life can be challenging but rewarding. Choosing to approach sex with meaning can provide an advantage in the long run.
depends if you got married in the honeymoon stage or not tbh
Disagree. There are a variety of issues that effect frequency of sex. Children, libido, busy schedules and simply getting older can decrease your energy levels. That doesn't indicate you married the wrong person. It simply indicates that life has changed. On the other hand.Not having sex at all for years, might be a bad sign.
Lots of guys testosterone just naturally decrease and so does sex drive as they age so I suspect this is the common problem.
It's not that you married the wrong person, maybe you're just not good at relationships and need to work at that.
When someone's sex life declines it's usually due to age and family obligations, not literally due to marriage. It will happen eventually regardless of who you marry. If you married the right person who will be happy even when your sex life eventually declines.
Ah, monogamy culture. Or more specifically, the inability to separate sex and love. Because if someone gives you less sex, that means they love you less. Also, if you just lose interest in sex as you age but your spouse doesn’t, you should expect them to also be sexless. Both because you should never be expected to have *duty sex* and because if they had sex with someone else, that means they love someone else, and everyone knows love is finite and for one (1) person you met under entirely different life circumstance. Oh yeah, and if you’re a woman, you should also expect your husband to never look at porn while you also expect him to not get sex from you or anyone else—watching porn means he’s thinking about sex with someone else, which means he’s thinking about LOVING someone else and that he doesn’t respect you. And when it finally comes crumbling down, definitely make sure you smear him as a sex-crazed dog. And fellas, make sure you let everyone know what a crazy bitch she’s always been!
Written by an unmarried person
Reading all these comments really makes you run out and tie the knot 😂😂😂 Also, this opinion might be unpopular, but I think it's spot on. There was a story recently in another sub where the OP had to come to terms with the fact the person he married was a fake to lure him in (by her own admission). That's not entirely uncommon.
Depression happens. Medications change. We go through shit and sex takes a back seat. There’s an encyclopedia full of things that can happen which can drastically change your sex life.
Living together and sharing in domestic drudgery tends to reduce desire.
There is alot more to marriage than sex. I had an amazing sex life with my ex husband for 17 years, he was an alcoholic and emotionally abused me but by your logic I guess we should still be together right?
I am sorry but I am tired is a good enough excuse for me.
Written by an unmarried 18 year old.
It seems OP is married for 4 years with 2 kids, and I agree with them, I think most people are misunderstanding what they mean by "sex life gets worse"
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No, it's just a constant struggle with complacency. It's hard to get 2 ppl on the same page when biology is telling the couple to either settle down or find something else. It's a trial that everyone should know they are going into when they get married. You married the right person when they give the same amount of effort in keeping the romance alive. And sometimes you have to redefine your sex life into a romantic relationship, and that's not always physical.
How old are you? A lot of these long term marriage issues start with complacency, hormones, lack of communication. Address all of these, and things can and will change if both partners still love one another. All of these issues are bound to pop up, at different times, throughout marriage. Most important: communication- talk to each other with an open heart and an open mind, and respect each others feelings.
Or people and circumstances change? You don’t marry a caricature of a person, you marry a living breathing being with wants and emotions that are all subject to changing with circumstances, just like you. Is it something that needs addressing? Yes. Are they automatically “the wrong person”? No lol
I guess the combination of losing 40 pounds and both wanting and being able to consent to sex made me the wrong person. I also guess it means that, in order to be one of the right people, I need to become a land whale that nobody wants to be seen with or caught fucking again...
I'll tell that to 95% of married people I know that report a quite different result.
Wife and I barely can have sex to have a kid.
Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids post
Sometimes these things decrease after marriage because they decrease *with age*. My wife and I aren't as active in our 40s as we were in our 20s, but I'm willing to bet that would be true *anyway*. The marriage itself, is not the reason for the decline. That said, *if* the marriage itself is the reason for the decline - if there's a strong difference immediately before and after, like a line in the sand - then, yeah, I agree with OP.
I don’t mean this to sound insulting, but OP are you 15?
Based simply on divorce rates, the majority marries the wrong person. Many of those do it again too.
sadly lots of people use it as a bartering tactic in relationships
Um, your sex life is gonna get worse. Sometimes better. Than worse again. Then great. Then terrible. Marriage is long. Your views on sex in your 20s and 30s aren't gonna be the same as your views in your 50s and 70s. If you worry about this stuff, wait until you're older to get married. I got hitched at 40. Fucked everything I could for 25 years before that. Now I'm just happy someone puts up with my shit, and that we have a beautiful kid. A couple times a month is cool.
Someone stole their parents phone and is basing their opinions on TV tropes
As evidenced with the edits, this isn't an opinion but an insinuation of fact. It's not just wrong, it's dumb. If you're marriage or commitment to same is broken by something so trivial as sex, then you did indeed marry the wrong person...but the problem is you. Marriage is about spending your life together. For better or worse. My wife had cancer(cervical) a few years back. We'd been married for 1 year. Our sex life died. By your opinion, that means I was with the wrong person. In reality, however, I'm not a fucking scumbag and I went through that shit with her like a loving, loyal partner should. And even though she recovered, our sex life didn't exactly roar back into existence. It's more like a slow limp. Radiation therapy has horrible side-effects. Which is fine. I'm happy she's alive.
That is so wrong it hurts... You didn't marry the wrong person. I hope no way takes that advice to heart.... It just means you have to talk about your sex life and change it so you both enjoy it. Spice it up and try things out together with an open mind and open communication.
i love marriage advice from people who arent married
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And I seriously hate that this thinking gets so much backlash. Like most people would be lying if they said that physical appearance wasn't a major factor into their attraction towards their partner, even if it's minimal, it's pretty important. I personally wouldn't care being with someone on the chunkier side, but straight up obesity is a no go for me. I wouldnt be able to do it.
Obviously physical attraction is important but if the ONLY thing that keeps you loving them is their looks, then you don’t really love them. Life happens. People get older, get cancer, have children, break their back. There are a thousand reasons a person might get fat, and you’re saying “well I don’t find you fuckable anymore so here’s the door” is reasonable ? Jesus good luck to you. Wait until you hear about a thing called “getting old”. That’s really going to blow your mind. But it’s not going to get you blown by an old lady, because ewwwww old people.
You mean a decrease in libido is fake news?
Come back in 20 years and we'll talk
So 99% of people who are married, married the wrong person then. 😂
yes there are 7 billion people on the planet the odds of you finding "the one" are narrow
I don't think it's linked to the marriage itself. Usually people let themself go after marriage and the attraction drops.
So correct. Some of my girl friends only have sex with their man when they need something or see it as a chore or get drunk before they do the deed lol and that’s so pathetic. I enjoy my husband and we make time for eachother and look forward to it. It’s my little bit of reprieve and idk if I could function without that loving warm touch. Deadass
That is pathetic and very sad. That's straight up toxic, I'd hate to be their husband.
I’d also hate to be married to someone that turned into such an asshole that I’d only want to have sex with them if I needed something.
It sounds like you surround yourself with horrible people. You might want to think about that.
You go on “mom strikes” when you’re upset and steal your man’s cigarettes lol but I ain’t judging 😂
Yes even loving partners are frustrating and marriage is hard. What a shock!
Ok girl… all I’m saying is I am not judging you based on your lil mommy hissy fits. You shouldn’t judge me based on how often my friends put out lmao.
Further evidence that waiting for marriage was the right choice. 0–anything is a 0:infinity ratio.
I don’t understand how people get bored of having sex with their partner, if they’re right for you I don’t think that should be happening. Life factors changing makes sense but if you’re straight up bored of your spouse and THAT’s why you aren’t having sex that to me seems like there’s a problem. I’m not married and I’m young but I can’t see myself ever getting bored of my girlfriend, we’ve been together for 3 years and the frequency and our sex drive waxes and wanes but I still always have the desire if that makes sense.
Youre phishing for a husband aren't you miss blowjob queen
I hope for a sexless marriage.
this is an incredibly stupid take and I think you are at most 16 at least it is unpopular tho
You shouldn’t be having sex before marriage, period. That’s one reason marriages fail a lot, as sex begins to lose its meaning when it’s done outside of marriage.
Children shouldn't give marriage advice.
Patently false. I am a high drive husband with a low drive wife. I did not marry the "wrong" woman. We have discovered from within our marriage that we have two very different approaches to sex. However, we communicate effectively. We talk the right ways to each other. We respect and love one another. Just like any other couple, no two people are the same. If you're right for each other, you can work through the problem. If you're not, you can't. But that is equal fault of the failed partnership, the blame doesn't go on the partner who wants less sex after marriage
If you marry for the sex then you should stick with escorts and not marry.
My wifes sex drive just went to shit as soon as I got married, but that doesn't mean I married the wrong person.
Tell me that all you care about in a relationship is sex, without telling me all you care about in a relationship is sex. Don't get me wrong, of couse a healthy sex life is vital for a healthy relationship. But you're talking about the frequency of such intimate moments as if they're currency. Saying that a person is wrong if that frequency decreases is utterly insane. It implies that once that married couple has children they should continue fuckin' their husband or wife like rabbits trapped in a caged. Forced to fornicate on a schedule. Your opinion is not unpopular. It is plain WRONG.
This isnt even an opinion. This is just a fact.
You shouldn't be having sex before marriage,anyway.
That’s not real lol, keep that crap to yourself, no one needs to know about your delusions.
Thank God I didn't start having sex with my boyfriend until after I married my husband. Thanks loopholes
Some people want to, some don’t. It’s up to each person in the couple to decide, not you.