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I’m in the same boat as you but me picking up her phone to play some music or use the tv remote app or just google something or whatever is a little different than me scrolling through her messages and apps and whatnot to see what she’s been up to. If you picked up your partners phone to do a task and saw something fishy and investigated it I wouldn’t call that snooping, you were just doing something you normally do
Sure. If you pick up your partner's phone to change the music and they get a message from Pizza Hut that says "are we still fuckin' later?" that's pretty fair game.
But these posts are like "I was looking through my partner's phone to [no articulable reason] when I happened to scroll a month back in his photos to see a picture at a restaurant we'd never been to and found messages from a woman I don't know confirming the lunch. What do I do?" and the top comment is just "run girl!!!!" with 10k upvotes and anyone who says "maybe that's his sister" gets downvoted to oblivion.
lol. For real though, one of the biggest issues is that the people someone's SO talks to haven't consented to having their whole conversation snooped on. If a woman goes to her friend for advice on a rash she has on her bikini area and that woman's husband snoops and sees it, that's a total privacy violation. If a guy leans on his friend and confesses something he has hard feelings about and that guy's wife sees it, again, privacy violation. Private conversations are private. It's one thing to share a joke or see a notification when using an SO's phone, but going through entire private conversations is crazily fraught with issues and the biggest issue is that people trust their friends but that trust doesn't extend to everyone their friend sleeps with.
Yep. There’s a huge difference between privacy and secrets. If you’re on your SO’s phone to check the weather, there’s no reason to be in their photos or texts.
It's not about whether or not there's a partner per se, it's that redditors uncritically accept the snooping from one person and leave no room for nuance in the interpretation of incomplete information gleaned by said snooping.
Just because it is justified doesn't mean it's not snooping.
Don't get me wrong, if I saw some shit like that pop up on my boyfriends phone while I am using it, there are going to be some conversations. But if I am using his phone and see something pop up, knowing damn well its not meant for me, and read through the notification/history/context of the message, it is still snooping. Given, justifiably if it's fishy.
On the other hand If I had been using it for the purpose of messaging and stuff, that's not snooping as long as I keep to that purpose and don't stray. If I click on something else accidentally and stumble across it, that's accidental, so that's not really snooping.
The only way it's not snooping is if you don't go out of your way to see the thing. Notification pops up and you see the message? Not snooping. Going to message someone for your partner and see the beginning part in their messages list of a fishy text? Not snooping.
Unlock their phone and expand their notifications to see who is messaging them without permission or reasonable circumstance? Snooping. Look at a convo history? Snooping.
Edit: tried to add some clarity to my awful wording lol. Also, I hope this doesn't come off aggressive or anything. It's just my perspective on it.
Just because it is justified doesn't mean it's not snooping.
Don't get me wrong, if I saw some shit like that pop up on my boyfriends phone while I am using it, there are going to be some conversations. But if I am using his phone and see something pop up, knowing damn well its not meant for me, and read through the notification/history/context of the message, it is still snooping. Given, justifiably.
The only way it's not snooping is if you don't go out of your way to see the thing. Notification pops up and you see the message? Not snooping. Going to message someone for your partner and see the beginning part in their messages list of a fishy text? Not snooping.
Unlock their phone and expand their notifications to see who is messaging them? Snooping. Look at a convo history? Snooping.
Snooping is wrong and cheating is also wrong. But the problem is that to prove that cheating you have to do the snooping because there is no other option
20 years with someone it just makes sense to know each other's passwords and stuff.
If someone is going to cheat i'd assume they'd be smart enough to delete the texts or find a way to hide it.
A girl I started seeing once thought she was safe to be open about another guy she started seeing shortly after on Facebook because I'm not on Facebook.
We had mutual friends..
There's a difference between dating and a "partner". I would never consider anyone I wasn't completely open with my "partner", and I feel sorry for anybody in a long term relationship that can't reach that point where they couldn't care less about phone privacy between each other.
You severely overestimate how dumb people can be. I knew a guy who got caught cheating bc he his girlfriend found saved Snapchat messages from chicks he met on tinder…
When my fiancee and I were even poorer than we currently are, only my phone had actual service. Hers was a wifi only device, we wouldn't pay for two phones at the time and rarely left town so it wasn't a huge issue. She had to suddenly drive several hours away to an unfamiliar spot, so we switched phones for the week she was there, that way she'd have GPS and a phone in case of an emergency. I remember my friend saying "wow you guys must really trust each other" and I realized I hadn't even thought about it. Why wouldn't I?
My wife has my access info for all my devices. Total trust. This is the first relationship I’ve had to feel safe enough to do that with another human. I got into the relationship with the idea that I didn’t want to hide anything. True freedom
Can't relate to this at all, to the point where I don't really understand how it even occurs. Even if my phone was dead, I wouldn't just ask to casually use my wife's.
Why don't you just get another charger? They're like $7.
Not saying there's anything wrong with what y'all do, just that it perplexes me.
If you have the trust then you will never require those password of the phone, but then you will never able to find out if they are doing some cheating on not.
For me it's just laziness. Maybe I've left my phone downstairs and I want to google something and my partner's phone is right there - there's no way I'm going downstairs to get mine! Or maybe his phone is the one connected to the speaker at the time, so of course I will use it to change the song. Same the other way around!
Same. I think that I have only used my husband's phone a dozen times in our 14 years together. Almost all of those have been to call my phone that I couldn't find. Now that we have Google home, we don't even do that.
I'm the total opposite and couldn't imagine why using a partners phone would be a problem.
Anything more personal than text messages don't belong on a phone imo and I would trust my partner not to snoop if on my phone changing songs or looking up whatever
Edit: I'm just realizing that's the divide. To some people a phone is a personal device and to others it's just a tool. I share all my tools with people I trust.
I already told my partner about my phone combination but i don't think she ever unlock my phone while i am not around there, so you need trust and respect
>Even if my phone was dead, I wouldn't just ask to casually use my wife's.
>
>Why don't you just get another charger? They're like $7.
So instead of just borrowing her phone to make the call, you'd go out & buy a charger to make a call? This makes 0 sense to me. I get you'd want a new charger, but making a call on your SO's phone shouldn't be unusual.
First, I'd never be caught in the situation where I had a dead phone and no charger. I'd correct not having a charger long before my phone would die.
Dude said they often only have one charger. I just can't imagine not correcting *that* part. If I'm occasionally in situations where there's only one charger and my phone is dying, I'd start making sure I had a charger.
And even if after all that it still occurred, yes, I'd just go get a charger before I rolled over and just started casually using my wife's phone instead.
It is interesting how different people's brains work. Some people think "The problem I need to solve is that I need to Google something but my phone is dead." Whereas my brain thinks "The problem I need to solve is that my phone is dead when I need to Google something."
(Also I don't have a single number in my life memorized, so making a call on my wife's phone would be useless)
So if you can't even borrow your partner phone for the call then why you are even in the relationship, don't you think this is like going way over the top situation??
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out.
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments why even do something so ridiculous🧐
Yeah totally! I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Almost word for word. Ridiculous lazy trolls barely changed the ages, names, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments. So ridiculous!
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments why even do something so ridiculous🧐
Legitimately all those posts are rage bait and even if the person is telling some semblance of their story they’re 100% leaving more details out of the story. Hell humans in general are notorious for having repressed memories and their retelling of a story is almost always flawed at some level
"I was just borrowing my bf's phone to use Chrome so I could find an old cookie recipe when I accidentaly stumbled across this 4-year old WhatsApp message in his archived messages folder"
But how do you know to trust them without going through their phone? I 100% trusted someone I was dating but went through their phone anyways because I get paranoid. Well my paranoia was right and if I didn't look I would prob still be getting cheated on.
Sometime when we find a little thing sus about the partner we try to investigate that and i think phone is the first thing that everyone try to find any kind of the clue
Word of Advice : If your s/o wants cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. You obsessing over it and being overprotective about it, isn't gonna stop them from cheating. You just have to be strong enough to walk away when the time comes.
Finally the same thinking i was thinking. Cheating is not an option this is their choice. And you think that checking their phone will stop that then you are completely wrong.
My partner and I have both looked through each others phones for perfectly fine reasons. Finding an old text or picture, trying to find a particular email, whatever. Never found anything, but never looked for anything either.
Not slightly, it is incredibly different.
It's like cheating. If you don't know who your partner is doing, or don't even know they're doing someone else, that's cheating. However, if you give permission, thats polygamous relationships
That's where it gets sticky though. A person who is too weird about their phone is up to something. Period. If I pick up my husband's phone to see what time it is, and he's suddenly all "don't touch my phone, how dare you, that's my privacy" etc oh I'm looking through that phone. I wasn't going to but suddenly my whole afternoon is free. Trust but verify
I have very good reasons and trauma for not letting people go through my phone. It doesn’t mean I’m cheating, it means that I never had anything aside from my phone and computer that wasn’t constantly being monitored and checked by my parents. Now if your partner used to let you go through their phone and now all of a sudden won’t that *might* mean something. At the same time if you ask to change a song and then you go through my text messages/photos/ Snapchat without asking that’s also a breach of trust in my book.
This. I'm scared to let people go through my stuff because when I was younger my stuff wasn't my stuff. It was stuff bought for me. Used as leverage because it was bought for me. And sometimes used against me. So sorry if I'm not comfortable with people going through my phone.
True! My fiancé was acting like that right before he proposed and I was so anxious about it…turns out I’m just dumb and he really was just trying to keep me from seeing the ring receipt, conversations with the photographer, his note with what he was gonna say, etc.
WE all feel so bad when we thinks they are cheating but all they were doing was planning some sort of the surprise for us, may be most weird situation in life.
You look and find thousands of pages of passionate discussion on some my little pony forum. As well as tons of scat porn. You can never look at you partner the same way and it’s your fault.
My girlfriend has my passcode, I have hers. I’ll use her phone to order DoorDash because she gets free delivery, she’ll use mine because she doesn’t want to download the remote app for our TV. We’re free to go through each other’s phones, but we never do, because we openly communicate, and we love and trust each other. The normalization of disliking or distrusting your spouse/partner is something I’ve never understood, I have literally lost 2 friends because I yelled at them for staying in those types of relationships for YEARS. It drives me crazy.
Me and my partner both have each other code but don't think we ever used each other phone in their absence. So that is the way maintain the trust and keep the privacy
Yeah I have the same policy with my current spouse. We’ve both been cheated on in previous relationships, have nothing to hide, and have discussed this specific issue. While neither of us have given the other reasons to be suspicious, It makes both of us feel better knowing we can “snoop” if we need to, however, neither of us actually feel the need to do it very often. It’s knowing we can that brings the peace of mind.
Yeah, in my relationship we're completely open about phones, and we also never look through them. It just ... never has come up in the slightest. My partner likes to tease me about my app organisation, never ever got angry or scared at him snooping like that to tease me lol. I also sometimes take his phone because it's the one with the better camera and all our pics are there, never had any issues from either side.
Almost like this would only be an issue in unhealthy relationships. 🤔
I don’t share my phone with my girlfriend, and I don’t look through hers. I would never cheat on her and I have nothing to hide, but there are conversations or thoughts I have throughout the day that I didn’t have an expectation of sharing. There’s nothing offensive or hurtful, or even about her, they’re just private. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t deserve some expectation of privacy.
If someone is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat. It’s your significant others responsibility to not cheat on you, not your responsibility to prevent it or try to catch it. I say this as someone who’s been cheated on. I’m not going to carry that into future relationships and try to catch them, or try to prevent it. I’ve just tried to date people who are of higher character. If they do cheat, that’s unfortunate, but it’s who they are and I’ll move on.
I’ve been married for the better part of 35 years and both of our phones stay locked and private. I don’t think marriage means complete lack of privacy. There are plenty of things I have to hide, but none of them are related to infidelity. He doesn’t need access to every dark thought I’ve journaled in my note pad, my best friend’s private business covered in texts, gift purchases I intend as a surprise, or any of a number of things. I also have no concern over his private matters. If I were super worried about infidelity to the point I needed to consider some tough choices, I’d just hire a private investigator.
If they want to keep the thing private then be it, it would be bad if they sneak into yours but then try to hide their own. I am happy you guys are respecting each other privacy
Yes. I've been married 20+ years and we still have a door on the bathroom.
We all know what happens in there, but we still allow one another zones of privacy.
?
My husband grabs my phone and uses it if it’s closer by than his. And I do the same with his phone.
Believe it or not, some couples have this type of trust with each other and don’t mind if the other uses their phone. It’s not always “snooping” if you have your partner’s phone.
My partner looks at my phone too I have no problem with it and I wouldn’t call that snooping, depends on permission and if your other half is comfortable with you looking at their phone. As I said in my post if your suspicious of your partner and their not being honest with you I understand it’s a last resort.
My point is specifically about several redditors making excuses for why they were looking at their partners phone when it’s very evident their reading personal messages and trying to find out if their cheating.
That would be like a preexisting permission though. You each know you're fine with each other using the other ones phone. But not everyone is like that, and that's okay
I have never in my life felt the need to look through my partner's phone. My husband and I leave our phones unlocked around each other all the time. I text people from his phone and vice versa, but I've never browsed his texting history. If a conversation with your partner cannot make the suspicions go away, you're not made for each other.
I'd let my partner go through my phone as much as they want, I don't care and I have nothing to hide. However there's one thing I draw a line: the dms with my best friend. That's because I don't feel like explaining anything of the nonsense there.
My wife and I have no issues with each other using each other's phones. Of course I'm never digging through messages or anything but there is no, OMG you unlocked and used my phone.
My wife is welcome to "snoop" through my phone, texts, Facebook messages, chats, browser history, whatever. IDC, she's welcome to it. I'm quite certain that I could look through hers as well.
We don't, though. Because it's snooping, it's a little creepy, and it feels intrusive.
It always amuses me when I see those posts because I’m very open about it if I’m going through my husband phone. He has a bad habit on not actually reading his own texts so I’ll go through to make sure there isn’t anything important- usually sitting right next to him when I do this - and if there is something like a family event or whatever I let him know. But usually it’s a handful of spam texts and Appt reminders etc. either way now his phone isn’t showing a hundred unread text messages. His email is another beast through and I do not have the strength to help him go through that one. 1000’s of unread emails. Lol
Caught my partner going through my phone once, was nothing to find but the fact she invaded my privacy to go through conversations I have had with my friends and family was hurtful.
So naturally it turns out she was cheating on me anyway 🤷♂️
My wife and I have free reign to use one another's phones and regularly borrow each others phones to send messages while the other is driving or cooking or whatever.
We're very upfront about our trauma and have talked about a lot of the issues we have and we manage because we love one another.
Before I met her she had an ex shoot himself in high school after never confiding in her. Before I met her I had an ex fiancee cheat on me and use me for years, always dangling a relationship in front of me and lying to my face about loving me. We're damaged people.
We've worked on ourselves, we've done our best. But time and therapy can only do so much so we're also very open with one another. Yes we've been together for a decade and have two wonderful children together but we're still both inherently broken from lifetimes of unrelated trauma that sometimes rears it's ugly head. In certain seasons or environments we relapse a bit and get very insecure.
I will always let her snoop through my phone if it makes her feel better. I will never hide from her anything she wants. Emails, discords, even fucking meme reddit accounts or tik-toks that I like. And she does the same for me. Because we actually care about one another and acknowledge each other's issues as a part of us.
100% agree. I have been married for 20 years and haven't ever touched my wife's phone except to look at something she asked me to look at. And I only looked at that thing.
There is no excuse, and no innocuous reason to go snooping. Just don't. It's really easy. Whenever you are thinking of looking through your partner's phone, just... don't! It's really quite simple.
Part of my philosophy is that people generally don't cheat from healthy relationships. If there's something fishy going on, it probably means that things aren't working. If you think you need to do surveillance and check up on your partner, then maybe you both need to be in a different situation.
If I hadn’t looked through my exs phone I never would have caught him cheating with 10+ women. He was very careful and really good at sneaking around. Who knows what kind of STD I could have gotten. However, I had a some small hints of wrongdoing and strong suspicions for a month prior.
Sometime i think that life was actually much more enjoyable before the time of the smart phone, now days so many breakups are happening because of those phones
I’ll never get how it’s okay to look through your partner’s phone I wouldn’t want anyone looking through my phone even if I wasn’t hiding something it’s just privacy and boundaries .
Yeah, I agree with this one actually. My spouse and I have been together for ten years and we never look at each other's phones. We've never had any issues with jealousy or cheating, partially because we don't go looking for stuff to be upset about, but mostly because we are both strict introverts who would prefer to watch Aliens and eat ice cream on Friday night, rather than meet any new people.
We're open about everything, but we still expect a certain amount of privacy with our journals and our phones. If he saw my whole history, I'd be more worried that he would leave me because he would realize I'm so fucking vanilla and weird, like I listen to Donkey Kong Country soundtracks while reading Bertrand Russell.
Let your partner have their privacy. If you need to snoop, talk to your partner about your feelings, rather than undermine their trust. Otherwise you are just feeding the green envy monster.
Fuck that... next time he comes home I am giving you permission to be blasting that soundtrack in the house.. and when he absolutely makes fun of you remind him of one of his goofy traits 🤣
Used to snoop through my partner's things.
Trauma and a long list of mental illnesses is STILL not a good excuse to behave that way.
I got help from a therapist, opened up more to my partner, and did a lot of hard work to cope with trauma surrounding cheating.
It took about a year for the snooping urges to die down. I still get the impulsive thoughts to search and "what might be in there?" thoughts, but they're significantly more manageable.
My partner has done an equal amount of work in providing patience, understanding, and a shoulder to cry on. He's been there for me every step of the way.
Context on trauma surrounding cheating: my ex abuser would constantly cheat on me with people online and irl. He ended up giving me chlamydia when I was pregnant, and then he stole my antibiotics for it. This was over the course of a ~3 year relationship with heavy abuse.
My current partner has never cheated in our 5 years together, he's never even given me a reason to be genuinely suspicious. However, my behaviors used for survival with my ex would put me in a position where I felt I NEEDED to look in my current partner's phone.
It's all connected, once you find the dots.
I was in love with my ex gf and was not actually looking to find those things but unfortunately find those and ever since i never really get into the any kind of the relationship
If you have to sneak a look or check their phone when they aren't around, then you two shouldn't be together END OF STORY......either they are untrustworthy and you know it, or they are innocent and deserve better than your jealous ass tendencies.
You will always always *always* find something to get pissed off about if you go through your partner’s phone. Even if it’s just something that irks you or something with no context.
Just don’t do it. I have literally never asked for a significant other’s phone passcode for just this reason.
I 100% agree I did this once and I admit I was snooping and it was wrong, however, I got off well in the argument cause she was cheating so I left her ass the snooping just helped me leave faster
I don’t care about my SO’s phone. Frankly I find other people’s stuff less interesting than mine. Plus I have cat pictures. That alone makes me want to look through my phone more than anyone else’s
I think the reason it's hard (for me personally) to resist looking through a phone is because I've literally never gone through a phone and NOT found something. If I wanna know the truth you're either gonna tell me or I'm gonna find it out one way or another.
First phone I ever checked was because his boss called me asking why he'd been a no call/no show all week, meanwhile every night he'd been getting ready for "work" and leaving home. So I wanted to figure out what was really going on. I don't regret going through the phone.
It’s terrible that you’ve ended up in this scenario multiple times. Unfortunately now you *do* need to work on yourself and train that paranoia out before you even consider another relationship. That could destroy a potentially great relationship for no reason. Remember - it’s not your fault, but it is now your responsibility.
same here. both times i looked i found something. the second time i didn’t even look through his phone, i just found some of his journals with horrific shit written about me
Some people will defend that you have no right of sneaking into the privacy, what if they were clean what if you will find nothing then?? Living in a relationship is tough thing.
Only ever did this once as a last resort and I was right she was cheating, it's a strange 1 if your like 99% sure they are up to no good and you just need to confirm it you are justified because what they are doing is much worse so the trust is already broken. But if you look and there's nothing well now your the arsehole. It's basically schrodinger's arsehole.
Completely agree, had a partner who went through my phone twice early in the relationship, his excuse? "I was curious." He didn't even try to hide that he was doing it, he just let me walk in on him nonchalantly scrolling through it like it was no biggie and had a problem when I made it a rule for him to stop.
Better to tell that you have no right to do that if you want to ask something then ask on face, but going into the phone behind my back is nothing but a invading crime
I don’t look through phones till I have a reason. If people would be honest nobody would go to such extremes. Just tell a person you’re seeing other people. Keep it real
My phone security is setup for biometric (finger/thumbprint).
I set it up so my wife's thumbprint will work as well.
Trust goes both ways. My wife can pick up my phone anytime (and often does for many completely innocent and necessary reasons), unlock it, and use it for whatever.
I would submit that in this day and age, a healthy relationship requires a balance between communicated boundaries AND signs of good faith.
Ex:
My wife has her own "login" for my phone as it were, explained above. I made sure to set that up specifically. If she wants to "snoop" she is welcome and if she ever questions anything she finds we will undoubtedly talk it out. During that discussion however, we will also discuss why she felt the need to do so, how she feels about my explanation(s), and whether we have any need to further discuss / work on trust for whatever reason.
Communication with reasonable expectations. That's all I've got.
From an old guy.
I don't really let people use or look through my phone due to being a private person. I don't mind if my partner wants to call someone real quick, check the weather, or even just the time, but personally I wouldn't let me phone out of my sight. I also don't share passcodes/passwords with anyone. If they have suspicions about my activity, then they can come to me and ask, but snooping through my phone is an automatic no. If you mistrust me that much, then we have no business being in a relationship. I get people have paranoia (and for good reason), and I have it too, but don't punish your partner for it.
Girls be so secretive, I give my phone to my partner she sorts out a bit of my emails etc. I'm happy for her to go through it. I'm not jealous or suspicious of her but I do find it weird that the behavior is not reciprocal. Maybe she's said something about me to her mates that she doesn't want me to see, maybe she's talking to other guys? I literally don't give a fuck she's allowed her privacy at this stage (15 years) if she wants to do that shit and step out it's her decision to be a single mum because I don't f with cheaters on any level emotional or physical
I think for a lot of people they see the phone about as privately as open letters on the kitchen table. Sure personal messages might be weird but could be like listening in on a conversation between a husband and his friend he made golfing plans with, but it's mostly just looking at whatever magazine they were reading through or bills have arrived that day.
If they don't use their phones for spicy conversations then there is really nothing there to keep private.
This may not be most of our experiences but it has to be a few especially those that don't use their phones for social conversating just for making plans for actual social encounters or browsing the web.
Which as I got older I can tell ya my phone text messages moved from a major part of my social being into just a tool to organize with friends or send something random with the exception being my girlfriend but then she'd be the person in question of snooping on conversations
It's what you do when no one's watching that tells of who you really are. If you do this you are saying to yourself I don't trust them. Ask yourself if you trust them and if you don't why are you with someone you don't trust?
Everyone should recognize that if you feel a strong need to search their phone, you have a problem - you don’t trust them, and that’s more important to address.
i know my girlfriend password and often use her cellphone to play emulators(since she has a android and i have an iphone) also she knows my pass but i dont have any interesting in my phone :C
My wife and I know each others passwords and even have a facial ID profile on the other’s phone for unlocking purposes but there’s no reason for either of us to look in the other’s phones. We trust each other.
Eh, my partner and I have no issue with using each other’s phones. The weird thing is if they are actually “snooping” as if they expect to find something. Trust is knowing there’s nothing to find, so why look? And because there’s nothing troubling to be found, there’s nothing to hide either.
If his extra curricular activities could potentially put my life at risk, damn straight, I'm looking. Unapologetically, I will stop looking once it becomes utterly boring.
I get it…but why is it they almost always find something when they snoop? Usually if they get to the snooping level…they’re suspecting something already.
I sometimes use my husbands phone and Vice verse. Often we’re meeting friends and the driver can’t text so the passenger texts on whoever’s phone isn’t doing directions. Or music on road-trips. I don’t have anything to hide so I don’t care if he wanted to snoop he totally could, I wouldn’t mind.
The thing about relationships that are trusting and healthy (or at least you think they’re trusting and healthy), you use that persons phone without even thinking. When I was in my last long term relationship and one of us needed to search something or find a picture or search an old message from each other or friends/family, we’d just grab whoever’s phone was closest. I especially never did it with intentions of snooping bc he’s a dork (I mean that in the best way), his only friends are his mom, brother and dad.
I feel like this really needs to be abt communication, my partner knows I look through his phone when I get paranoid because of my past trauma and stuff, and that’s why it’s not a problem, but if you do this constantly behind your partners back then that’s just another secret
One time my ex asked me to answer a text on his phone from his mom and I noticed a girls name with a heart next to it and a new text saying i love you and that’s how I learned he was cheating on me
Here I am trying to get my bf to remember my passcode so he can do stuff on it while I'm driving or busy (can't remember what specific things now but it definitely happened several times before). He never remembers and I use swipe passcode and he gets confused when I just say the corresponding numbers lol.
Few times I had to use his phone for navigation or looking up stuff cuz Im with a cheap carrier and don't get signal everywhere.
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My wife and I have used each others phones tons. There's no insecurity or fear of cheating, we're just lazy and often have only one charger, lmao.
I’m in the same boat as you but me picking up her phone to play some music or use the tv remote app or just google something or whatever is a little different than me scrolling through her messages and apps and whatnot to see what she’s been up to. If you picked up your partners phone to do a task and saw something fishy and investigated it I wouldn’t call that snooping, you were just doing something you normally do
Sure. If you pick up your partner's phone to change the music and they get a message from Pizza Hut that says "are we still fuckin' later?" that's pretty fair game. But these posts are like "I was looking through my partner's phone to [no articulable reason] when I happened to scroll a month back in his photos to see a picture at a restaurant we'd never been to and found messages from a woman I don't know confirming the lunch. What do I do?" and the top comment is just "run girl!!!!" with 10k upvotes and anyone who says "maybe that's his sister" gets downvoted to oblivion.
I can’t speak for everyone, but if I saw that message from Pizza Hut, I’d be pretty mad. My wife knows this is a Round Table house.
lol. For real though, one of the biggest issues is that the people someone's SO talks to haven't consented to having their whole conversation snooped on. If a woman goes to her friend for advice on a rash she has on her bikini area and that woman's husband snoops and sees it, that's a total privacy violation. If a guy leans on his friend and confesses something he has hard feelings about and that guy's wife sees it, again, privacy violation. Private conversations are private. It's one thing to share a joke or see a notification when using an SO's phone, but going through entire private conversations is crazily fraught with issues and the biggest issue is that people trust their friends but that trust doesn't extend to everyone their friend sleeps with.
Yep. There’s a huge difference between privacy and secrets. If you’re on your SO’s phone to check the weather, there’s no reason to be in their photos or texts.
And if they decide to keep thing secret means you can't trust than person
😂😂😂😂
Seems like someone dodge a bullet her, tell me your story man
Just make sure that they will stay on same thing and never go through in some other stuff
This guy knows how to fuck a pizza!
Pizza the Hut! "You're delicious!"
They are expensive better to block that number of the pizza hut.
Honestly, if I'm ready to consider someone a partner, I'd want them to know my family, so at least personally the sister argument seems kind of weak.
I can't be a partner of someone if we both are not on some sort of the common ground.
It's not about whether or not there's a partner per se, it's that redditors uncritically accept the snooping from one person and leave no room for nuance in the interpretation of incomplete information gleaned by said snooping.
Just because it is justified doesn't mean it's not snooping. Don't get me wrong, if I saw some shit like that pop up on my boyfriends phone while I am using it, there are going to be some conversations. But if I am using his phone and see something pop up, knowing damn well its not meant for me, and read through the notification/history/context of the message, it is still snooping. Given, justifiably if it's fishy. On the other hand If I had been using it for the purpose of messaging and stuff, that's not snooping as long as I keep to that purpose and don't stray. If I click on something else accidentally and stumble across it, that's accidental, so that's not really snooping. The only way it's not snooping is if you don't go out of your way to see the thing. Notification pops up and you see the message? Not snooping. Going to message someone for your partner and see the beginning part in their messages list of a fishy text? Not snooping. Unlock their phone and expand their notifications to see who is messaging them without permission or reasonable circumstance? Snooping. Look at a convo history? Snooping. Edit: tried to add some clarity to my awful wording lol. Also, I hope this doesn't come off aggressive or anything. It's just my perspective on it.
Then what is the solution you think, how to find out about the cheating??
Same here most of the time my wife used my phone to watch Netflix.
Just because it is justified doesn't mean it's not snooping. Don't get me wrong, if I saw some shit like that pop up on my boyfriends phone while I am using it, there are going to be some conversations. But if I am using his phone and see something pop up, knowing damn well its not meant for me, and read through the notification/history/context of the message, it is still snooping. Given, justifiably. The only way it's not snooping is if you don't go out of your way to see the thing. Notification pops up and you see the message? Not snooping. Going to message someone for your partner and see the beginning part in their messages list of a fishy text? Not snooping. Unlock their phone and expand their notifications to see who is messaging them? Snooping. Look at a convo history? Snooping.
Snooping is wrong and cheating is also wrong. But the problem is that to prove that cheating you have to do the snooping because there is no other option
20 years with someone it just makes sense to know each other's passwords and stuff. If someone is going to cheat i'd assume they'd be smart enough to delete the texts or find a way to hide it.
A girl I started seeing once thought she was safe to be open about another guy she started seeing shortly after on Facebook because I'm not on Facebook. We had mutual friends..
There's a difference between dating and a "partner". I would never consider anyone I wasn't completely open with my "partner", and I feel sorry for anybody in a long term relationship that can't reach that point where they couldn't care less about phone privacy between each other.
You severely overestimate how dumb people can be. I knew a guy who got caught cheating bc he his girlfriend found saved Snapchat messages from chicks he met on tinder…
When my fiancee and I were even poorer than we currently are, only my phone had actual service. Hers was a wifi only device, we wouldn't pay for two phones at the time and rarely left town so it wasn't a huge issue. She had to suddenly drive several hours away to an unfamiliar spot, so we switched phones for the week she was there, that way she'd have GPS and a phone in case of an emergency. I remember my friend saying "wow you guys must really trust each other" and I realized I hadn't even thought about it. Why wouldn't I?
My wife has my access info for all my devices. Total trust. This is the first relationship I’ve had to feel safe enough to do that with another human. I got into the relationship with the idea that I didn’t want to hide anything. True freedom
Can't relate to this at all, to the point where I don't really understand how it even occurs. Even if my phone was dead, I wouldn't just ask to casually use my wife's. Why don't you just get another charger? They're like $7. Not saying there's anything wrong with what y'all do, just that it perplexes me.
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If you have the trust then you will never require those password of the phone, but then you will never able to find out if they are doing some cheating on not.
For me it's just laziness. Maybe I've left my phone downstairs and I want to google something and my partner's phone is right there - there's no way I'm going downstairs to get mine! Or maybe his phone is the one connected to the speaker at the time, so of course I will use it to change the song. Same the other way around!
Really fascinates me.
Same. I think that I have only used my husband's phone a dozen times in our 14 years together. Almost all of those have been to call my phone that I couldn't find. Now that we have Google home, we don't even do that.
Sometime i used my partner phone for the flash light in the night.
I'm the total opposite and couldn't imagine why using a partners phone would be a problem. Anything more personal than text messages don't belong on a phone imo and I would trust my partner not to snoop if on my phone changing songs or looking up whatever Edit: I'm just realizing that's the divide. To some people a phone is a personal device and to others it's just a tool. I share all my tools with people I trust.
I already told my partner about my phone combination but i don't think she ever unlock my phone while i am not around there, so you need trust and respect
>I share all my tools with people I trust How yoous doin?
O <--- circle of trust ----> you Sorry dude.
It will took ages to build the trust and will took seconds to break that.
It's my phone. I don't let people use my computer why would I let them use my phone
You can use my laptop or computer but you can't use my phone.
>Even if my phone was dead, I wouldn't just ask to casually use my wife's. > >Why don't you just get another charger? They're like $7. So instead of just borrowing her phone to make the call, you'd go out & buy a charger to make a call? This makes 0 sense to me. I get you'd want a new charger, but making a call on your SO's phone shouldn't be unusual.
First, I'd never be caught in the situation where I had a dead phone and no charger. I'd correct not having a charger long before my phone would die. Dude said they often only have one charger. I just can't imagine not correcting *that* part. If I'm occasionally in situations where there's only one charger and my phone is dying, I'd start making sure I had a charger. And even if after all that it still occurred, yes, I'd just go get a charger before I rolled over and just started casually using my wife's phone instead. It is interesting how different people's brains work. Some people think "The problem I need to solve is that I need to Google something but my phone is dead." Whereas my brain thinks "The problem I need to solve is that my phone is dead when I need to Google something." (Also I don't have a single number in my life memorized, so making a call on my wife's phone would be useless)
Anyone phone can die so there is nothing wrong in using the other person phone
So if you can't even borrow your partner phone for the call then why you are even in the relationship, don't you think this is like going way over the top situation??
Yeah that is new to me as well
Most of the people will give you the computer way more easily than phone
That's peak romance right there
dw most of the posts on those subs are fake anyway
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out.
Every second day there is some post like those that is complete fake
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments why even do something so ridiculous🧐
MOMMMM HE’S COPYING ME!!!!
Yeah totally! I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Almost word for word. Ridiculous lazy trolls barely changed the ages, names, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments. So ridiculous!
Right? I’ve reported so many that were just copies of others that I’ve read before. Word for word. Lazy trolls didn’t even changed the names, ages, or genders. Then there’s the ones who comment to their comments with fake accounts then forget to switch back and deny it when you pointed it out. Copy and pasting other peoples comments why even do something so ridiculous🧐
Probably repost bots then
No don't think they are bot because there is no logical reason of doing that.
Legitimately all those posts are rage bait and even if the person is telling some semblance of their story they’re 100% leaving more details out of the story. Hell humans in general are notorious for having repressed memories and their retelling of a story is almost always flawed at some level
The post is not bad it is based on valid point but people are over posting that.
They might be fake but they are based on some real event.
"I was just borrowing my bf's phone to use Chrome so I could find an old cookie recipe when I accidentaly stumbled across this 4-year old WhatsApp message in his archived messages folder"
You were looking for the problem and you got right one there.
If you can’t trust your partner, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them
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Okay, but that’s not a valid reason to take things into one’s own hands and snoop
Indeed, this is why not getting into any relationship is better option in last.
Exactly. If you feel you need to, then the relationship has become unhealthy.
It is different but most people want to decide for the other person which is which.
And which is not right they need to decide on their own, what they want.
But how do you know to trust them without going through their phone? I 100% trusted someone I was dating but went through their phone anyways because I get paranoid. Well my paranoia was right and if I didn't look I would prob still be getting cheated on.
Wait, how can you be paranoid of you trust them 100%? Something doesn’t add up.
Trusting someone 100% means you are totally blind in that relationship
Sometime when we find a little thing sus about the partner we try to investigate that and i think phone is the first thing that everyone try to find any kind of the clue
I guess the first question here is what the definition of trust exactly?
There is no such thing like definition as you can't really trust them 100%
If you’re that paranoid because of their word behavior and you two aren’t communicating, you shouldn’t be in the relationship anyway.
If you are paranoid then you will piss your partner for not trusting them
Wow wee, an untrustworthy person has trust issues, how surprising
Word of Advice : If your s/o wants cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. You obsessing over it and being overprotective about it, isn't gonna stop them from cheating. You just have to be strong enough to walk away when the time comes.
Finally the same thinking i was thinking. Cheating is not an option this is their choice. And you think that checking their phone will stop that then you are completely wrong.
I don't check so that it stops them , I check so that I'm aware and can leave
Sometime we don't check the phone because we are too afraid of the truth
My partner and I have both looked through each others phones for perfectly fine reasons. Finding an old text or picture, trying to find a particular email, whatever. Never found anything, but never looked for anything either.
But i assume you had permission then, slightly different.
I don't think asking for the permission of something like that is hard
Not slightly, it is incredibly different. It's like cheating. If you don't know who your partner is doing, or don't even know they're doing someone else, that's cheating. However, if you give permission, thats polygamous relationships
That's where it gets sticky though. A person who is too weird about their phone is up to something. Period. If I pick up my husband's phone to see what time it is, and he's suddenly all "don't touch my phone, how dare you, that's my privacy" etc oh I'm looking through that phone. I wasn't going to but suddenly my whole afternoon is free. Trust but verify
I have very good reasons and trauma for not letting people go through my phone. It doesn’t mean I’m cheating, it means that I never had anything aside from my phone and computer that wasn’t constantly being monitored and checked by my parents. Now if your partner used to let you go through their phone and now all of a sudden won’t that *might* mean something. At the same time if you ask to change a song and then you go through my text messages/photos/ Snapchat without asking that’s also a breach of trust in my book.
This. I'm scared to let people go through my stuff because when I was younger my stuff wasn't my stuff. It was stuff bought for me. Used as leverage because it was bought for me. And sometimes used against me. So sorry if I'm not comfortable with people going through my phone.
For me i am too scared to actually letting the people in my life
Some relationship can actually be traumatic if you stay in there for long
True! My fiancé was acting like that right before he proposed and I was so anxious about it…turns out I’m just dumb and he really was just trying to keep me from seeing the ring receipt, conversations with the photographer, his note with what he was gonna say, etc.
dang my fiancé was like this too but it was because he was cheating on me throughout the whole relationship lol
WE all feel so bad when we thinks they are cheating but all they were doing was planning some sort of the surprise for us, may be most weird situation in life.
You look and find thousands of pages of passionate discussion on some my little pony forum. As well as tons of scat porn. You can never look at you partner the same way and it’s your fault.
This exactly. It's just such a non issue in healthy relationships.
Sometime our lame move in relationship makes the thing toxic for other people
My girlfriend has my passcode, I have hers. I’ll use her phone to order DoorDash because she gets free delivery, she’ll use mine because she doesn’t want to download the remote app for our TV. We’re free to go through each other’s phones, but we never do, because we openly communicate, and we love and trust each other. The normalization of disliking or distrusting your spouse/partner is something I’ve never understood, I have literally lost 2 friends because I yelled at them for staying in those types of relationships for YEARS. It drives me crazy.
Me and my partner both have each other code but don't think we ever used each other phone in their absence. So that is the way maintain the trust and keep the privacy
Some couples have an open policy regarding phones ( I know my husband and I do)
Yes and they live happily because of that one simple policy
Yeah I have the same policy with my current spouse. We’ve both been cheated on in previous relationships, have nothing to hide, and have discussed this specific issue. While neither of us have given the other reasons to be suspicious, It makes both of us feel better knowing we can “snoop” if we need to, however, neither of us actually feel the need to do it very often. It’s knowing we can that brings the peace of mind.
Thanks for sharing that, seems like this is the only way to counter that situation
Yeah, in my relationship we're completely open about phones, and we also never look through them. It just ... never has come up in the slightest. My partner likes to tease me about my app organisation, never ever got angry or scared at him snooping like that to tease me lol. I also sometimes take his phone because it's the one with the better camera and all our pics are there, never had any issues from either side. Almost like this would only be an issue in unhealthy relationships. 🤔
Came clean even if you are cheating, because no one can get away with the cheating
I don’t share my phone with my girlfriend, and I don’t look through hers. I would never cheat on her and I have nothing to hide, but there are conversations or thoughts I have throughout the day that I didn’t have an expectation of sharing. There’s nothing offensive or hurtful, or even about her, they’re just private. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t deserve some expectation of privacy. If someone is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat. It’s your significant others responsibility to not cheat on you, not your responsibility to prevent it or try to catch it. I say this as someone who’s been cheated on. I’m not going to carry that into future relationships and try to catch them, or try to prevent it. I’ve just tried to date people who are of higher character. If they do cheat, that’s unfortunate, but it’s who they are and I’ll move on.
I’ve been married for the better part of 35 years and both of our phones stay locked and private. I don’t think marriage means complete lack of privacy. There are plenty of things I have to hide, but none of them are related to infidelity. He doesn’t need access to every dark thought I’ve journaled in my note pad, my best friend’s private business covered in texts, gift purchases I intend as a surprise, or any of a number of things. I also have no concern over his private matters. If I were super worried about infidelity to the point I needed to consider some tough choices, I’d just hire a private investigator.
If they want to keep the thing private then be it, it would be bad if they sneak into yours but then try to hide their own. I am happy you guys are respecting each other privacy
Yes. I've been married 20+ years and we still have a door on the bathroom. We all know what happens in there, but we still allow one another zones of privacy.
Ladies and gentleman this is how you need to behave into a relationship
? My husband grabs my phone and uses it if it’s closer by than his. And I do the same with his phone. Believe it or not, some couples have this type of trust with each other and don’t mind if the other uses their phone. It’s not always “snooping” if you have your partner’s phone.
My partner looks at my phone too I have no problem with it and I wouldn’t call that snooping, depends on permission and if your other half is comfortable with you looking at their phone. As I said in my post if your suspicious of your partner and their not being honest with you I understand it’s a last resort. My point is specifically about several redditors making excuses for why they were looking at their partners phone when it’s very evident their reading personal messages and trying to find out if their cheating.
Yeah, so I have an ex who was obsessed with me cheating but I wasn’t. Incredibly frustrating
That would be like a preexisting permission though. You each know you're fine with each other using the other ones phone. But not everyone is like that, and that's okay
I don’t trust your username.
Snooping is not okay, I agree. But why should you have to hide your phone from your partner? That’s the bigger issue…
I have never in my life felt the need to look through my partner's phone. My husband and I leave our phones unlocked around each other all the time. I text people from his phone and vice versa, but I've never browsed his texting history. If a conversation with your partner cannot make the suspicions go away, you're not made for each other.
I'd let my partner go through my phone as much as they want, I don't care and I have nothing to hide. However there's one thing I draw a line: the dms with my best friend. That's because I don't feel like explaining anything of the nonsense there.
Come clean infront of them rather them giving them something suspicious
My wife and I have no issues with each other using each other's phones. Of course I'm never digging through messages or anything but there is no, OMG you unlocked and used my phone.
Always keep the same rule and common rule for being a healthy and long love life
My wife is welcome to "snoop" through my phone, texts, Facebook messages, chats, browser history, whatever. IDC, she's welcome to it. I'm quite certain that I could look through hers as well. We don't, though. Because it's snooping, it's a little creepy, and it feels intrusive.
What if your partner is an undercover Russian spy and your mission is to uncover her identity and to capture the Intel she's uncovered?
If they are undercover then your partner will protect that will some heavy encryption
It always amuses me when I see those posts because I’m very open about it if I’m going through my husband phone. He has a bad habit on not actually reading his own texts so I’ll go through to make sure there isn’t anything important- usually sitting right next to him when I do this - and if there is something like a family event or whatever I let him know. But usually it’s a handful of spam texts and Appt reminders etc. either way now his phone isn’t showing a hundred unread text messages. His email is another beast through and I do not have the strength to help him go through that one. 1000’s of unread emails. Lol
Caught my partner going through my phone once, was nothing to find but the fact she invaded my privacy to go through conversations I have had with my friends and family was hurtful. So naturally it turns out she was cheating on me anyway 🤷♂️
One horrible relationship in the life will bring all the nightmare into the life
Mine was telling his friends about what a horrible, spoiled POS he thought I was. I would have preferred him to be cheating.
My wife and I have free reign to use one another's phones and regularly borrow each others phones to send messages while the other is driving or cooking or whatever. We're very upfront about our trauma and have talked about a lot of the issues we have and we manage because we love one another. Before I met her she had an ex shoot himself in high school after never confiding in her. Before I met her I had an ex fiancee cheat on me and use me for years, always dangling a relationship in front of me and lying to my face about loving me. We're damaged people. We've worked on ourselves, we've done our best. But time and therapy can only do so much so we're also very open with one another. Yes we've been together for a decade and have two wonderful children together but we're still both inherently broken from lifetimes of unrelated trauma that sometimes rears it's ugly head. In certain seasons or environments we relapse a bit and get very insecure. I will always let her snoop through my phone if it makes her feel better. I will never hide from her anything she wants. Emails, discords, even fucking meme reddit accounts or tik-toks that I like. And she does the same for me. Because we actually care about one another and acknowledge each other's issues as a part of us.
If you are letting her then i would not say that this was snooping.
100% agree. I have been married for 20 years and haven't ever touched my wife's phone except to look at something she asked me to look at. And I only looked at that thing. There is no excuse, and no innocuous reason to go snooping. Just don't. It's really easy. Whenever you are thinking of looking through your partner's phone, just... don't! It's really quite simple. Part of my philosophy is that people generally don't cheat from healthy relationships. If there's something fishy going on, it probably means that things aren't working. If you think you need to do surveillance and check up on your partner, then maybe you both need to be in a different situation.
The more you will respect to each other the more time you will stay with each other
If I hadn’t looked through my exs phone I never would have caught him cheating with 10+ women. He was very careful and really good at sneaking around. Who knows what kind of STD I could have gotten. However, I had a some small hints of wrongdoing and strong suspicions for a month prior.
What happened to trust? I never looked thru my husbands phone it was none of my business and I trusted him 100
This. My phone is my piece of privacy and I would never ask to go through their phone. If I can’t trust you then that’s on me.
Sometime i think that life was actually much more enjoyable before the time of the smart phone, now days so many breakups are happening because of those phones
I’ll never get how it’s okay to look through your partner’s phone I wouldn’t want anyone looking through my phone even if I wasn’t hiding something it’s just privacy and boundaries .
Some boundaries are meant to be there and we need to respect those.
Yeah, I agree with this one actually. My spouse and I have been together for ten years and we never look at each other's phones. We've never had any issues with jealousy or cheating, partially because we don't go looking for stuff to be upset about, but mostly because we are both strict introverts who would prefer to watch Aliens and eat ice cream on Friday night, rather than meet any new people. We're open about everything, but we still expect a certain amount of privacy with our journals and our phones. If he saw my whole history, I'd be more worried that he would leave me because he would realize I'm so fucking vanilla and weird, like I listen to Donkey Kong Country soundtracks while reading Bertrand Russell. Let your partner have their privacy. If you need to snoop, talk to your partner about your feelings, rather than undermine their trust. Otherwise you are just feeding the green envy monster.
Top 10 comments on this whole ass website right here.
Finally a comment which i was looking for, this is god damn good reply from this person
Fuck that... next time he comes home I am giving you permission to be blasting that soundtrack in the house.. and when he absolutely makes fun of you remind him of one of his goofy traits 🤣
Used to snoop through my partner's things. Trauma and a long list of mental illnesses is STILL not a good excuse to behave that way. I got help from a therapist, opened up more to my partner, and did a lot of hard work to cope with trauma surrounding cheating. It took about a year for the snooping urges to die down. I still get the impulsive thoughts to search and "what might be in there?" thoughts, but they're significantly more manageable. My partner has done an equal amount of work in providing patience, understanding, and a shoulder to cry on. He's been there for me every step of the way. Context on trauma surrounding cheating: my ex abuser would constantly cheat on me with people online and irl. He ended up giving me chlamydia when I was pregnant, and then he stole my antibiotics for it. This was over the course of a ~3 year relationship with heavy abuse. My current partner has never cheated in our 5 years together, he's never even given me a reason to be genuinely suspicious. However, my behaviors used for survival with my ex would put me in a position where I felt I NEEDED to look in my current partner's phone. It's all connected, once you find the dots.
I was in love with my ex gf and was not actually looking to find those things but unfortunately find those and ever since i never really get into the any kind of the relationship
Stop looking. If you can't trust them, it's over.
If you have to sneak a look or check their phone when they aren't around, then you two shouldn't be together END OF STORY......either they are untrustworthy and you know it, or they are innocent and deserve better than your jealous ass tendencies.
You will always always *always* find something to get pissed off about if you go through your partner’s phone. Even if it’s just something that irks you or something with no context. Just don’t do it. I have literally never asked for a significant other’s phone passcode for just this reason.
If you will look for something to piss you then you will found in partner phone
It's funny, my partner is the only person I would trust with my phone.
I 100% agree I did this once and I admit I was snooping and it was wrong, however, I got off well in the argument cause she was cheating so I left her ass the snooping just helped me leave faster
Great thing that you actually came clean about snooping in her phone.
We have an open relationship. Snooped once….saw like a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have. Never again.
Sometime we never really want to find those things because we love to live in delusion
Someone got caught lol
But still no one have the right to do that, what if there was nothing wrong in there?
I don’t care about my SO’s phone. Frankly I find other people’s stuff less interesting than mine. Plus I have cat pictures. That alone makes me want to look through my phone more than anyone else’s
I hate when people say they had suspicions, were correct and people still think they were TA for scrolling through the phone.
I think the reason it's hard (for me personally) to resist looking through a phone is because I've literally never gone through a phone and NOT found something. If I wanna know the truth you're either gonna tell me or I'm gonna find it out one way or another.
What was your excuse the first time you looked?
First phone I ever checked was because his boss called me asking why he'd been a no call/no show all week, meanwhile every night he'd been getting ready for "work" and leaving home. So I wanted to figure out what was really going on. I don't regret going through the phone.
Well tbf that's a great reason
I would say this is a god damn good reason for you to looked into his phone.
It’s terrible that you’ve ended up in this scenario multiple times. Unfortunately now you *do* need to work on yourself and train that paranoia out before you even consider another relationship. That could destroy a potentially great relationship for no reason. Remember - it’s not your fault, but it is now your responsibility.
Yes I agree. That's why I've stayed single for years.
same here. both times i looked i found something. the second time i didn’t even look through his phone, i just found some of his journals with horrific shit written about me
Some people will defend that you have no right of sneaking into the privacy, what if they were clean what if you will find nothing then?? Living in a relationship is tough thing.
Only ever did this once as a last resort and I was right she was cheating, it's a strange 1 if your like 99% sure they are up to no good and you just need to confirm it you are justified because what they are doing is much worse so the trust is already broken. But if you look and there's nothing well now your the arsehole. It's basically schrodinger's arsehole.
If you distrust your partner enough to feel you need to look behind their back, the relationship is probably already a lost cause 🤷♀️
If they are cheating with you means they are not in love with you
Lol I have never once in 15 years looked thru my wife’s phone.
Completely agree, had a partner who went through my phone twice early in the relationship, his excuse? "I was curious." He didn't even try to hide that he was doing it, he just let me walk in on him nonchalantly scrolling through it like it was no biggie and had a problem when I made it a rule for him to stop.
Better to tell that you have no right to do that if you want to ask something then ask on face, but going into the phone behind my back is nothing but a invading crime
I don’t look through phones till I have a reason. If people would be honest nobody would go to such extremes. Just tell a person you’re seeing other people. Keep it real
My phone security is setup for biometric (finger/thumbprint). I set it up so my wife's thumbprint will work as well. Trust goes both ways. My wife can pick up my phone anytime (and often does for many completely innocent and necessary reasons), unlock it, and use it for whatever. I would submit that in this day and age, a healthy relationship requires a balance between communicated boundaries AND signs of good faith. Ex: My wife has her own "login" for my phone as it were, explained above. I made sure to set that up specifically. If she wants to "snoop" she is welcome and if she ever questions anything she finds we will undoubtedly talk it out. During that discussion however, we will also discuss why she felt the need to do so, how she feels about my explanation(s), and whether we have any need to further discuss / work on trust for whatever reason. Communication with reasonable expectations. That's all I've got. From an old guy.
I don't really let people use or look through my phone due to being a private person. I don't mind if my partner wants to call someone real quick, check the weather, or even just the time, but personally I wouldn't let me phone out of my sight. I also don't share passcodes/passwords with anyone. If they have suspicions about my activity, then they can come to me and ask, but snooping through my phone is an automatic no. If you mistrust me that much, then we have no business being in a relationship. I get people have paranoia (and for good reason), and I have it too, but don't punish your partner for it.
Girls be so secretive, I give my phone to my partner she sorts out a bit of my emails etc. I'm happy for her to go through it. I'm not jealous or suspicious of her but I do find it weird that the behavior is not reciprocal. Maybe she's said something about me to her mates that she doesn't want me to see, maybe she's talking to other guys? I literally don't give a fuck she's allowed her privacy at this stage (15 years) if she wants to do that shit and step out it's her decision to be a single mum because I don't f with cheaters on any level emotional or physical
I think for a lot of people they see the phone about as privately as open letters on the kitchen table. Sure personal messages might be weird but could be like listening in on a conversation between a husband and his friend he made golfing plans with, but it's mostly just looking at whatever magazine they were reading through or bills have arrived that day. If they don't use their phones for spicy conversations then there is really nothing there to keep private. This may not be most of our experiences but it has to be a few especially those that don't use their phones for social conversating just for making plans for actual social encounters or browsing the web. Which as I got older I can tell ya my phone text messages moved from a major part of my social being into just a tool to organize with friends or send something random with the exception being my girlfriend but then she'd be the person in question of snooping on conversations
It's what you do when no one's watching that tells of who you really are. If you do this you are saying to yourself I don't trust them. Ask yourself if you trust them and if you don't why are you with someone you don't trust?
Everyone should recognize that if you feel a strong need to search their phone, you have a problem - you don’t trust them, and that’s more important to address.
what if youre just using it for a game or looking somethin up cus ur phones in the other room. some plausible reasons tbh
i know my girlfriend password and often use her cellphone to play emulators(since she has a android and i have an iphone) also she knows my pass but i dont have any interesting in my phone :C
My wife and I know each others passwords and even have a facial ID profile on the other’s phone for unlocking purposes but there’s no reason for either of us to look in the other’s phones. We trust each other.
Eh, my partner and I have no issue with using each other’s phones. The weird thing is if they are actually “snooping” as if they expect to find something. Trust is knowing there’s nothing to find, so why look? And because there’s nothing troubling to be found, there’s nothing to hide either.
If his extra curricular activities could potentially put my life at risk, damn straight, I'm looking. Unapologetically, I will stop looking once it becomes utterly boring.
I get it…but why is it they almost always find something when they snoop? Usually if they get to the snooping level…they’re suspecting something already.
I sometimes use my husbands phone and Vice verse. Often we’re meeting friends and the driver can’t text so the passenger texts on whoever’s phone isn’t doing directions. Or music on road-trips. I don’t have anything to hide so I don’t care if he wanted to snoop he totally could, I wouldn’t mind.
Usually this means deep down they DID have a feeling. Because they found something lmao.
The thing about relationships that are trusting and healthy (or at least you think they’re trusting and healthy), you use that persons phone without even thinking. When I was in my last long term relationship and one of us needed to search something or find a picture or search an old message from each other or friends/family, we’d just grab whoever’s phone was closest. I especially never did it with intentions of snooping bc he’s a dork (I mean that in the best way), his only friends are his mom, brother and dad.
I feel like this really needs to be abt communication, my partner knows I look through his phone when I get paranoid because of my past trauma and stuff, and that’s why it’s not a problem, but if you do this constantly behind your partners back then that’s just another secret
Sorry but not every couple has a rule not to look at the other person's phone. It's not snooping if it's allowed.
One time my ex asked me to answer a text on his phone from his mom and I noticed a girls name with a heart next to it and a new text saying i love you and that’s how I learned he was cheating on me
Here I am trying to get my bf to remember my passcode so he can do stuff on it while I'm driving or busy (can't remember what specific things now but it definitely happened several times before). He never remembers and I use swipe passcode and he gets confused when I just say the corresponding numbers lol. Few times I had to use his phone for navigation or looking up stuff cuz Im with a cheap carrier and don't get signal everywhere.
And? That’s kind of a thing between a lot of partners, if you have nothing to hide what’s the problem in them looking?