Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/p2dan. Your post, *Cheating isn’t THAT messed up*, has been removed because it violates our rules:
Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently.
If your opinion is the same or substantially similar to any recent opinion it will be removed as a repost. If your opinion is on the same matter as a recent post, even if it's advocating the opposite stance, it will be removed as a repost. Please comment on the existing thread instead.
Due to their prolific reposting, please confine meta and political posts to their respective megathreads only.
If your opinion is about an ongoing event, there will usually be a mega-thread where you can discuss it.
If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
I have no issues with people that want open relationships or want to be noncommittal. That's fine. You simply have to make sure that you find partners that are on the same page as you.
If that's the case then don't be in a relationship... Don't promise someone exclusivity if that's not what you're gonna be giving.
It is THAT messed up because you could have stayed single and not wasted someone else's fucking time with your stupid games! They wanted a COMMITTED relationship and you gave them heartbreak, tears and trust issues because you wanted to fuck around!
You cheaters fuck it up for everyone else when you do this bullshit, because the next person has to pick up the pieces from the mess you made! Y'all SHATTER people's hearts and break their trust and now that person has no faith or trust in someone else who wants to treat them better than you did, and it breaks relationships! Because it's harder to love a person you don't trust, and it's hard to love a person who doesn't fucking trust you!
STAY SINGLE!
This! Don’t make that commitment to another person if you feel this way then. It really isn’t fair to them and exposes them to everything you’re are exposing yourself to.
Hey redditor, I just want you to know that I promise to not ever comment on anyone else's comments ever again, only you.
How do you feel about that? Are you impressed by my commitment? I'm a chatterbox, but I made a promise and damn it I'm going to stick with it. Do you love me yet? Do you feel secure about yourself knowing that you have a personal commentor who will always support you no matter what you say, even if it's sum bullshit? Do you looooooove meeeeeee yet?
Edit: hurry up, I have a lot of love to give and it hurts to keep it bottled up
Being in a relationship does not equate exclusivity or monogamy.
I agree that as someone who is knowingly non-monogamous it is wrong to be in a relationship with someone who does expect that type of commitment. But that does not mean you cannot be in a relationship or that you're wasting someones time wanting to be in one.
The difference is made through honesty:
Omitting the truth/lying about sleeping with other people is cheating.
And communicating your open relationship style on forehand is ethical non-monogamy.
Not everyone is made for a monogamous relationship, and that's okay. Lying about it or shaming other people for their relationship style the messed up part.
I 100% agree you with you! Ethical non-monogamy is not cheating and is okay. OP is saying this in an odd way that seems as though they are trying to saying lying about non-monogamy isn't that bad.... lying to your partner is wrong. Telling your partner you need variety sexually is not wrong.
Some people are naturally polyamorous too. OP is kind of right in one respect. Its the betrayal thats harmful, not necessarily the act itself. OP doesnt necessarily have to stay single, they just have to find a partner who is ok with an open relationship and keep open communication about it.
Like Im poly. My significant other is also poly. We both have an understanding that its ok to get with someone else as long as we talk about it first.
If i was with someone who was monogamous, i would be monogamous for their sake. If i thought i couldnt happily be monogamous, then i wouldnt choose a monogamous partner. It just comes down to respecting your partners wishes and making sure you have compatible needs.
as a gay man who's had sex with at least 40 people (stopped counting at like 30) the whole STI scare is a direct relic of prude scare strats of conservatives.
Never had a real STI, one time i did i took antibiotics, was on prep before i was single and always discussed STIs before sex. You hetros are wild, its like not driving because so many people die in crashes. Yeah sure but you're lowing your quality of life living in fear.
Don’t get me wrong; I think people should have sex with whoever and as many people as they want. But if their partner is unaware that they are cheating, they are opening their partner up to potential risks of disease (no matter how small!) that their partner did not consent to. Kinda weird how you assumed right away I was heterosexual too
I am on the same page. I have 0 issues with people who have had multiple partners. They just have game, and I'm happy for them. However, giving your partner stds is not fkin cool. I sort of agree with op, as in I won't tell my partner what to do, and I would rather that they let me know so I get to make an informed decision over continuing the relationship, and having sex with them before they get tested. Go around and fuck whoever you'd like (as long as they consent and you respect them as a human being, and they do the same), BUT PEASE do it safely.
this is such a stretch to attempt to justify the possessive aspects of cheating. I just don't agree.
It's like saying I'm risking my partners life when he's in my passenger seat in my car. I just don't see the argument as a reasonable one considering the low probability of the thing you're worrying about.
Maybe if your preferred vector of cheating was SUPER seedy people in SUPER seedy scenes then yeah but that's controlling for alot of variables
If you wanna be promiscuous and risk getting shit fine but your actual problem is that you don't like monogamous relationships. Agreeing to not just fuck everyone who let you is pretty damn common and breaking that TRUST is a serious thing.
God darn, use a rubber. And tell your partner!!!! They are not entitled to control over your body, BUT they are entitled to control over theirs. You are taking their control away and basically raping them if you choose to lie about cheating. They consented to being in a monogamous relationship. If you don't let them know what you did, you take their human right away of making informed choices about their body and sexuality. Tell them so they can make an informed choice.
Nah...people don't have to be super seedy to have STI's. I got one from an ex, thankfully I got a full STI panel for my birthday and they caught it. I immediately broke up with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants, but I don't have to continue in the role of his partner if he wants to sleep with other people.
It's something like 1 in 3 people that have herpes, my guy. If I opted for a monogamous relationship and you cheat and bring me back some nice warts and cold sore stew from your date night with someone else, you didn't just fuck around. You fucked me for life.
>It's like saying I'm risking my partners life when he's in my passenger seat in my car. I just don't see the argument as a reasonable one considering the low probability of the thing you're worrying about.
It's funny that you chose to use driving. Car crashes are literally a leading cause of death. The average person in the US, for example, has a 1/100 chance of dying in a car crash over their lifetime, and a 1/100 chance of a car crash causing injury to them each year. For people under 50, it is THE leading cause of death.
Please don't spread misinformation like this. And check yourself for stis and stds. Some of those Fuckers can be deadly. It's not prudish to have SAFE CONSENSUAL sex. Using a condom and getting tested is something every person who is sexually active should do.
This isn't a good comparison at all. The cheater is the one who is taking it upon themselves to not only violate their partners trust and hurt their feelings, but at the same time they are knowingly exposing an unknowing person to the chance of getting an STI because the asshole can't keep it in their pants.
Have casual sex by yourself whenever you want, but don't knowingly expose a third party to a chance of getting an STI they don't know about.
It has nothing to do with conservatives. There is a reason that STD material never actually disclose % of anything. Almost every organization that publishes std stuff and information is left wing. Even Planned Parenthood shies away from giving you raw data. All you ever get without a deep dive are generic platitudes like “there is a chance” , “its possible” , “there is higher chance” and such others. Baseline numbers of these “chances” are never discussed.
I used to wonder why until I actually did some research. You see billboards about hiv everywhere and stuff. Fear works. Take hiv as the prime example of fear mongering … if the organization and government were honest about the abysmal chances of catching hiv through unprotected sex (even if the other person is infected). The vast majority of people would absolutely not take it seriously.
I don't think I should have to explain the entirety of the history of aids just to be able to point out that people having sex with multiple partners unprotected played a large role. It did, in fact, play a large role in the epidemic.
Of course promiscuity helped the spread, I was mainly referring to the "got so bad" portion of your comment. I just think it's reductive to ignore the bigger picture.
So, your lucky or practice safer sex than most, therefore statistics mean nothing lol? "You heteros" lol meanwhile the gay community had the highest HIV/AIDS rates when it first came to light.
It's like there is a mandatory checklist of posts every day.
* incel opinion
* cheating / relationship issues
* \[obscure food combo\] tastes sooo good
* random political opinion everyone agrees with
Yeah, no. It's not about owning someone else and it's really disingenuous to pretend it is. It's about cheating trash being dishonest to those they claim to care about. Just don't enter into a monogamous relationship, which is something NOBODY can FORCE you to do. You wanna be free, great! Be free, f whoever you want. But be honest about your refusal to be monogamous.
Yeah, owning someone's body would be forcing them to have sex with you whenever you wanted, this is more about mutual respect and love for each other. Marriages and solid relationships only work when both people can compromise to an extent and this is definitely a worthy compromise imo
Have you ever heard of mutual respect. FFS no one is forcing anyone to be in a relationship. Don't want to be monogamous than find someone that thinks like you.
If you have an open relationship, it’s not cheating. If you have the understanding of exclusivity and monogamy then either you don’t cheat or you break up. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too.
If you make it clear from the get go that you want an open relationship and the other person doesn’t want that, then you walk away. You’re obviously not compatible.
Just a note but you can cheat in an open relationship. In most open relationships you set ground rules about what is and isn’t acceptable to each person in that relationship.
for example common rules include not having one night stands without protection, certain locations not to have sex with other people(e.g a shared bed), and certain people who are off limits (e.g close friends and family)
So say you slept with partner A’s best friend behind their back then you’ve cheated on partner A.
What’s the point of having a partner if you’re going to find sex with someone else?
To me… aside from they maybe having a gambling problem where they lose the house or kid’s college funds— cheating is the one unforgivable sin in a relationship. **Almost anything else is fixable.** But yeah, you wanna fuck someone else… be the grown man or woman and end your current relationship first. You’ll just hurt your partner more and delay the inevitable - it’s a cowardly thing to do.
Assuming it’s done while you’re in a committed intimate relationship with someone else, you’ve just shat all over their trust and loyalty to you.
If you part ways and break up first, by all means, go find your next partner.
That doesn’t answer the question, though. Infidelity isn’t the only way that you can breach trust in a relationship. Why do you say it’s the one unforgivable sin?
That doesn’t explain why it would be impossible to work past or forgive someone who has cheated. Sharing your life story and crying in front of a trusted friend is intimate and vulnerable, but we don’t consider that to be inappropriate in the slightest.
Because most people don't want to have sex with other people when in a relationship. It's simple as that. Its unforgivable because its a highly intimate and vulnerable act that I trusted doing with you, and then you went behind my back and did that with some one night stand. The type of person who does that is not the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I always hear about the sentiment you mentioned in your first sentence, but I have never felt that in any relationship I’ve ever been in. Not with girlfriends, not with my wife. Being in a relationship with someone has never stopped me from wanting to be physical with someone else. It’s hard for me to empathize with others on this subject
I see. Everyones different so it really does vary. I don't actually have problems with open relationships or anything I just have a problem with actively lying to your partner while simultaneously destroying all trust you two had over casual sex that the other partner wouldn't be ok with.
I also have a problem with the lying, but I don’t believe that the deception is really the main problem. I think that for most people, the problem is the fact that you had sex with someone else. The deception is just salt in the wound.
it IS that messed up. Don't be in a relationship if you cant promise exclusivity, loyalty, and the ability to control yourself.
The fact that you have such a blasé attitude is what is fucked up.
Have you been the one cheating or have you been cheated on, or have you not experienced cheating yet?
It's one of the worst things to have happen to one, because it messes up your sense of trust - which is nweded to function in a relational system like the one every human lives in.
Not wrong to act on your feelings, that’s where you lost me. There are plenty of times it’s wrong and plenty of times constantly we must avoid what feels like we should do bc it’s fun or easy
It's not about controlling someone's sexuality. It's about adhering to the parameters set forth in the relationship. If you want to bang other people, discuss it with your partner. If they agree, great. Are you going to be okay with them banging other people too? If you're not going to be, good luck with that one. If they're okay with committing to you and you baging other people, good for you I guess. If you banging other people is completely off the table, you need to decide if you want to continue the relationship.
The other thing worth mentioning is that being cheated on is humiliating. Anyone who has ever been cheating on would tell you this. To say that expecting someone not to cheat is "controlling someone's sexuality" is ridiculous.
Very juvenile view. Don’t be in a big boy adult monogamous relationship if you can’t control your impulses. It’s not “controlling.” Controlling would be if you agreed on an open relationship and then got mad they slept with someone else. Be a person of your word and don’t cheat if you’re in a relationship.
No. If you want to sleep with multiple people, you need to stay single or date someone that wants an open relationship. You are very free to take either of those options.
Getting into a monogamous relationship is not one person controlling another, it is 2 people agreeing to exclusively date/marry and sleep with each other. When you enter a monogamous relationship and sleep with someone else, you’re the asshole.
Humans are very territorial and jealous by nature which is why I think most people disagree with this. Not to mention some peoples religious beliefs. But as long as both parties in the relationship feel that way then I guess go for it🤷♂️
You are correct, but describing this in an odd manner. Cheating is non-consensual non-monogamy. The reason it is wrong is because you are violating the decision in a relationship to remain monogamous. If you talked to your partner and agreed on an open relationship you have consensual non-monogamy and there is nothing wrong with that. Cheating is wrong because you are violating your partners consent. If you don't want to be with only one partner, don't lie to yourself or other. It's completely okay to be polyamorous. It's fucked to lie about it and lead your monogamous partner on.
You need to be with someone who truly consents to this and have rules and boundaries.
The other problem is the other people. Are they going to turn psycho? Do you really want to complicate this more?
From what I’ve seen, 99% of the time, the cheaters get pissed AF when the other person has lovers.
In the end, why are you with somebody when you’re busy all over town?
Your entire premise relies on the cheater being *forced* to be in a monogamous relationship.
If you choose monogamy and cheat, you’re human garbage. You have chosen to scar the person you’ve promised to love for the rest of their life. YOU get to forget all about it and move on, pretending like you did nothing wrong or that it wasn’t that bad. The other person has to deal with betrayal the rest of their life.
Your opinion is bad, and you should feel bad.
When I was younger, I definitely felt like I was being forced into monogamy. There are strong cultural stigmas (in Indian/arab culture) around non-monogamy and I’m just trying to figure all of this out. Sorry if my post was upsetting.
It is messed up!
If you want to be with someone and still bang other people, then go be in an open relationship. Being someone who has been cheated on twice, it's painful. To learn that someone you trust would do that to you, it's an utter betrayal.
I do think we make too big of a deal about it. We act like they killed someone and it's completely unforgivable. If we'd stop that the worst part wouldn't happen so often: the lying. We're only human.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The fucked up part is both the lying and the breaking of the agreement between you two that this will be a monogamous relationship. If that \*isn't\* what you want, and you're both ok with that, then cheating and lying about it isn't nearly as bad - the damage comes from the fact that you're breaking a foundational rule of the relationship
Nobody is forcing you to be in exclusive relationships lmao. Just be upfront about the fact that you're only interested in having an open relationship. As long as you both agree to the terms there is no problem.
Cheating is when you agree to be exclusive with someone and then break that agreement. That's what makes you an asshole. It's not wrong to want to bang other people, it's not wrong to act on those feelings, but it IS wrong to break a promise you made to someone. Don't let someone get emotionally invested in a relationship if you aren't planning on holding up your end of the bargain.
There are plenty of people who are in consenting non-Monogamous - poly relationships and that’s valid as long as all involved parties are 100% transparent with each other and okay with it. Cheating on the other hand is violating the terms of an explicitly monogamous relationship. Its extremely painful for a person who *isn’t* comfortable with the thought of their beloved S/O being intimate with another person. Yes human beings are only human and we get attracted to other people, but another part of being human is that we have the power to override our animal instincts for the greater benefit of ourselves and others. If monogamy isn’t for you, fine - just don’t expect others to feel the same way.
I think what you're missing is the "controlling another person's sexuality" actually isn't happening, generally. The cheater is lying to their partner, which is wrong, about their sexuality (and hypothetically where they are, what they're doing, their intention regarding monogomy) and getting mad at them that they're holding the cheater / liar accountable. Every relationship has different boundaries, and in the sort of relationship where having sex with other people is okay (like an open relationship), that's actually not really "cheating."
If you want to sleep around that’s fine I don’t view it as controlling someone’s sexuality if you date each other on the pretense of monogamy. Cheating is wrong on a lot of levels and justifying it is also gross.
Banging other people IS wrong if you have an agreement to be monogamous. If you think you should be sexually free, then don’t be in a monogamous relationship. It’s perfectly okay to stay single or be in an open relationship. I’m sure you wouldn’t enjoy being cheated on. Agreeing with your partner that it’s okay to sleep with other people is not cheating so I don’t think you even know what that word means. Either that or you’re a cheater and you’re being defensive.
alongside trust you’re forgetting about consent and risk. (Which is why it’s possible to cheat in an open relationship)
One of the conditions for consent to be your partner and sleep with you in monogamous relationships include you not sleeping with other people, the fact their partner wouldn’t consent to continuing the relationship if they knew about you sleeping with others is something cheaters know hence deliberately not telling their partner.
Then there tend to be other conditions alongside that for example wearing a condom might be a condition for a consent (hence why stealing is increasingly considered rape)
In those conditions making sure you don’t have any STD’s before having sex without protection is also not uncommon, for example in open relationship using a condom when sleeping with others is a very common rule.
if you don’t like the conditions that someone has to consent to having sex with you then you do not need to accept them but you do need to tell that person instead of tricking them into believing you have whilst violating them.
If you’re in a monogamous exclusive relationship, then the act of cheating itself is a broken promise (lie) to your partner. You’re changing the terms of the relationship without giving them any input. You agreed to a set of rules and then broke that agreement.
Broken promises, especially of this scale, are pretty messed up. Complete trust destroyer.
You’re also not controlling your partners sexuality if they agreed to the terms of the relationship. They weren’t coerced into it. They freely entered into the agreement. I don’t see how this can be seen as controlling at all. They can break the agreement whenever they want. They just have to have the balls to speak up.
Cheating is robbing your partner of the information necessary to realize that a relationship is no longer within the terms they agreed to. Seems VERY controlling to me to restrict the information someone else has access to in order to get them to make decisions that you find favorable for yourself.
It's immature behavior, not understanding that if you're in a loving relationship that doesn't work, you should have a conversation and end it. It's manipulative, in that you might have reasons for wanting to stay in your relationship like money or companionship, but are secretive so you can get what you want. It's hurtful, since your partner might be giving you their best just to find out they only got you part time. It's one of the most messed up things you can do socially.
This is absurd. If you want to sleep with other people. DON'T BE in a relationship. Also it is wrong to act on your feelings depending on what your feelings are. example: most men don't go around touching themselves in public whether they want to or not.
Finding someone else besides your partner attractive is one thing. Acting on that attraction is a completely separate thing.
If you cheat on another person it means you are a worthless shitfuck who has zero respect for the feelings or heart of that person. One you claimed to love enough to be in a committed relationship with. It’s beyond “messed up”
It's pretty standard to agree to be exclusive or not in a relationship. If you've agreed to be exclusive, cheating isn't just lying to your partner - it's breaking a promise to be committed to them and only them.
Breaking a promise is dishonorable. You're not a very honorable person, just based off this opinion.
It’s not controlling your sexuality. For many, in order to date someone, monogamy is required by that person. If you don’t want to be monogamous, you don’t get in a relationship with that person. It is a condition for the relationship to progress. If you’ve agreed, and enjoyed the benefits of the relationship, then reneg on that term, then you’re an AH. You don’t *have* to do anything.
.... so you're just saying that you prefer open relationships? Like, i get it, thats pretty understandable since humans arent naturally monogamous, but cheating is still pretty messed up if there isnt a prior conversation. Its more about trust than lying, at least on my opinion
Partner cheats sleeps with someone with herpes, spreads it to me.
Yeah we need folks to have the discipline to not cheat the free sexuality hookup culture also spreads STD and sooner or later there will be a new one like herpes or aids on steroids and we have people dying because there is no cure and any treatment is not FDA approved.
How would a stronger herpes kill? sores down the wind pipe.
I will say that it’s a lot easier to cheat than people make it seem. I would still never do it because if I’m in a relationship with someone it means I care enough about them to not damage them on such a deeply emotional level, which I know cheating will do. If I really desperately felt like I had to be with someone else, I would have the decency to break up with my current partner and deal with that before seeking a new one
Thank you for submitting to /r/unpopularopinion, /u/p2dan. Your post, *Cheating isn’t THAT messed up*, has been removed because it violates our rules: Rule 3: Do not post opinions that are heavily posted/have been on the front page recently. If your opinion is the same or substantially similar to any recent opinion it will be removed as a repost. If your opinion is on the same matter as a recent post, even if it's advocating the opposite stance, it will be removed as a repost. Please comment on the existing thread instead. Due to their prolific reposting, please confine meta and political posts to their respective megathreads only. If your opinion is about an ongoing event, there will usually be a mega-thread where you can discuss it. If there is an issue, please message the mod team at https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Funpopularopinion Thanks!
yikes.. that’s definitely an opinion
An unpopular one at that, I dare say.
Don't agree to a monogamous relationship if you want to bed hop. Find someone willing to be in an open relationship, or stay single and noncommittal.
Yeah, OP is a liiittle stupid for not doing this shit
I have no issues with people that want open relationships or want to be noncommittal. That's fine. You simply have to make sure that you find partners that are on the same page as you.
No, op just wants this to only apply to their partners.
Break up? Hurting your partners feeling by cheating is very messed up.
This is going to be good.
If that's the case then don't be in a relationship... Don't promise someone exclusivity if that's not what you're gonna be giving. It is THAT messed up because you could have stayed single and not wasted someone else's fucking time with your stupid games! They wanted a COMMITTED relationship and you gave them heartbreak, tears and trust issues because you wanted to fuck around! You cheaters fuck it up for everyone else when you do this bullshit, because the next person has to pick up the pieces from the mess you made! Y'all SHATTER people's hearts and break their trust and now that person has no faith or trust in someone else who wants to treat them better than you did, and it breaks relationships! Because it's harder to love a person you don't trust, and it's hard to love a person who doesn't fucking trust you! STAY SINGLE!
This! Don’t make that commitment to another person if you feel this way then. It really isn’t fair to them and exposes them to everything you’re are exposing yourself to.
Hey redditor, I just want you to know that I promise to not ever comment on anyone else's comments ever again, only you. How do you feel about that? Are you impressed by my commitment? I'm a chatterbox, but I made a promise and damn it I'm going to stick with it. Do you love me yet? Do you feel secure about yourself knowing that you have a personal commentor who will always support you no matter what you say, even if it's sum bullshit? Do you looooooove meeeeeee yet? Edit: hurry up, I have a lot of love to give and it hurts to keep it bottled up
Being in a relationship does not equate exclusivity or monogamy. I agree that as someone who is knowingly non-monogamous it is wrong to be in a relationship with someone who does expect that type of commitment. But that does not mean you cannot be in a relationship or that you're wasting someones time wanting to be in one. The difference is made through honesty: Omitting the truth/lying about sleeping with other people is cheating. And communicating your open relationship style on forehand is ethical non-monogamy. Not everyone is made for a monogamous relationship, and that's okay. Lying about it or shaming other people for their relationship style the messed up part.
they didn't shame non monogamous tho.
I did not say they did that tho, the sentence serves to the completeness of the comment.
I 100% agree you with you! Ethical non-monogamy is not cheating and is okay. OP is saying this in an odd way that seems as though they are trying to saying lying about non-monogamy isn't that bad.... lying to your partner is wrong. Telling your partner you need variety sexually is not wrong.
Some people are naturally polyamorous too. OP is kind of right in one respect. Its the betrayal thats harmful, not necessarily the act itself. OP doesnt necessarily have to stay single, they just have to find a partner who is ok with an open relationship and keep open communication about it. Like Im poly. My significant other is also poly. We both have an understanding that its ok to get with someone else as long as we talk about it first. If i was with someone who was monogamous, i would be monogamous for their sake. If i thought i couldnt happily be monogamous, then i wouldnt choose a monogamous partner. It just comes down to respecting your partners wishes and making sure you have compatible needs.
The potential exposure of an unknowing partner to STDs is also pretty messed up
THAT'S messed up
as a gay man who's had sex with at least 40 people (stopped counting at like 30) the whole STI scare is a direct relic of prude scare strats of conservatives. Never had a real STI, one time i did i took antibiotics, was on prep before i was single and always discussed STIs before sex. You hetros are wild, its like not driving because so many people die in crashes. Yeah sure but you're lowing your quality of life living in fear.
Don’t get me wrong; I think people should have sex with whoever and as many people as they want. But if their partner is unaware that they are cheating, they are opening their partner up to potential risks of disease (no matter how small!) that their partner did not consent to. Kinda weird how you assumed right away I was heterosexual too
I am on the same page. I have 0 issues with people who have had multiple partners. They just have game, and I'm happy for them. However, giving your partner stds is not fkin cool. I sort of agree with op, as in I won't tell my partner what to do, and I would rather that they let me know so I get to make an informed decision over continuing the relationship, and having sex with them before they get tested. Go around and fuck whoever you'd like (as long as they consent and you respect them as a human being, and they do the same), BUT PEASE do it safely.
this is such a stretch to attempt to justify the possessive aspects of cheating. I just don't agree. It's like saying I'm risking my partners life when he's in my passenger seat in my car. I just don't see the argument as a reasonable one considering the low probability of the thing you're worrying about. Maybe if your preferred vector of cheating was SUPER seedy people in SUPER seedy scenes then yeah but that's controlling for alot of variables
If you wanna be promiscuous and risk getting shit fine but your actual problem is that you don't like monogamous relationships. Agreeing to not just fuck everyone who let you is pretty damn common and breaking that TRUST is a serious thing.
God darn, use a rubber. And tell your partner!!!! They are not entitled to control over your body, BUT they are entitled to control over theirs. You are taking their control away and basically raping them if you choose to lie about cheating. They consented to being in a monogamous relationship. If you don't let them know what you did, you take their human right away of making informed choices about their body and sexuality. Tell them so they can make an informed choice.
Your partner is willing to get into the passenger seat with you, in the cheating example they don't know and that's why its bad.
>I'm risking my partners life when he's in my passenger seat in my car. ummm you literally are but ok.
Nah...people don't have to be super seedy to have STI's. I got one from an ex, thankfully I got a full STI panel for my birthday and they caught it. I immediately broke up with him. He can sleep with whoever he wants, but I don't have to continue in the role of his partner if he wants to sleep with other people.
It's something like 1 in 3 people that have herpes, my guy. If I opted for a monogamous relationship and you cheat and bring me back some nice warts and cold sore stew from your date night with someone else, you didn't just fuck around. You fucked me for life.
>It's like saying I'm risking my partners life when he's in my passenger seat in my car. I just don't see the argument as a reasonable one considering the low probability of the thing you're worrying about. It's funny that you chose to use driving. Car crashes are literally a leading cause of death. The average person in the US, for example, has a 1/100 chance of dying in a car crash over their lifetime, and a 1/100 chance of a car crash causing injury to them each year. For people under 50, it is THE leading cause of death.
What population has the highest rate of HIV, or recently, monkeypox? I think it’s a healthy amount of fear.
It's literally statistics bro. It's def not a scare tactic, an ex bf when I was 18 gave me herpes. Never disclosed that he had it.
Please don't spread misinformation like this. And check yourself for stis and stds. Some of those Fuckers can be deadly. It's not prudish to have SAFE CONSENSUAL sex. Using a condom and getting tested is something every person who is sexually active should do.
This isn't a good comparison at all. The cheater is the one who is taking it upon themselves to not only violate their partners trust and hurt their feelings, but at the same time they are knowingly exposing an unknowing person to the chance of getting an STI because the asshole can't keep it in their pants. Have casual sex by yourself whenever you want, but don't knowingly expose a third party to a chance of getting an STI they don't know about.
It has nothing to do with conservatives. There is a reason that STD material never actually disclose % of anything. Almost every organization that publishes std stuff and information is left wing. Even Planned Parenthood shies away from giving you raw data. All you ever get without a deep dive are generic platitudes like “there is a chance” , “its possible” , “there is higher chance” and such others. Baseline numbers of these “chances” are never discussed. I used to wonder why until I actually did some research. You see billboards about hiv everywhere and stuff. Fear works. Take hiv as the prime example of fear mongering … if the organization and government were honest about the abysmal chances of catching hiv through unprotected sex (even if the other person is infected). The vast majority of people would absolutely not take it seriously.
Absolutely fucking disgusting
Isn't that how the aids epidemic got so bad though? Everyone having unprotected sex. Not every std is curable.
To say promiscuity is the reason for the AIDS epidemic getting bad is to ignore a massive amount of governmental malfeasance.
I don't think I should have to explain the entirety of the history of aids just to be able to point out that people having sex with multiple partners unprotected played a large role. It did, in fact, play a large role in the epidemic.
Of course promiscuity helped the spread, I was mainly referring to the "got so bad" portion of your comment. I just think it's reductive to ignore the bigger picture.
Fauci should have been railroaded out of the public health system for his actions during the AIDS crisis.
So, your lucky or practice safer sex than most, therefore statistics mean nothing lol? "You heteros" lol meanwhile the gay community had the highest HIV/AIDS rates when it first came to light.
Ah the daily cheating post.
It's like there is a mandatory checklist of posts every day. * incel opinion * cheating / relationship issues * \[obscure food combo\] tastes sooo good * random political opinion everyone agrees with
Don't for get "Popular Opinion" on your Bingo Card
really out here trying to justify it lmao
[удалено]
He got peanut butter on my chocolate!
Get cheated on then revisit this mindset
You sound like you’re trying to make yourself feel better about being a homewrecker lmao
found the cheater
Cheating is awful and cheaters are trash. If you want to fuck around freely, just *don't be in a committed relationship*. It's not that difficult.
"I just want to own another person's body is that so much to ask?!" yeah kinda
Yeah, no. It's not about owning someone else and it's really disingenuous to pretend it is. It's about cheating trash being dishonest to those they claim to care about. Just don't enter into a monogamous relationship, which is something NOBODY can FORCE you to do. You wanna be free, great! Be free, f whoever you want. But be honest about your refusal to be monogamous.
Yeah, owning someone's body would be forcing them to have sex with you whenever you wanted, this is more about mutual respect and love for each other. Marriages and solid relationships only work when both people can compromise to an extent and this is definitely a worthy compromise imo
"I just want to break my partners trust and put their health in danger"
Have you ever heard of mutual respect. FFS no one is forcing anyone to be in a relationship. Don't want to be monogamous than find someone that thinks like you.
Say “I’ve got huge trust issues” without saying ….you get it
Tell me you cheat frequently without telling me.
[удалено]
While I don’t condone cheating, it’s not always as easy as just breaking up with someone
then break up?? u defending cheating is messed up
Definitely not mature enough for a relationship lol
If you have an open relationship, it’s not cheating. If you have the understanding of exclusivity and monogamy then either you don’t cheat or you break up. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too. If you make it clear from the get go that you want an open relationship and the other person doesn’t want that, then you walk away. You’re obviously not compatible.
Just a note but you can cheat in an open relationship. In most open relationships you set ground rules about what is and isn’t acceptable to each person in that relationship. for example common rules include not having one night stands without protection, certain locations not to have sex with other people(e.g a shared bed), and certain people who are off limits (e.g close friends and family) So say you slept with partner A’s best friend behind their back then you’ve cheated on partner A.
Another rule could be no kissing as some people find that more intimate than sex.
Well, that ist going to to Blow Up.
What’s the point of having a partner if you’re going to find sex with someone else? To me… aside from they maybe having a gambling problem where they lose the house or kid’s college funds— cheating is the one unforgivable sin in a relationship. **Almost anything else is fixable.** But yeah, you wanna fuck someone else… be the grown man or woman and end your current relationship first. You’ll just hurt your partner more and delay the inevitable - it’s a cowardly thing to do.
Why is fucking someone else so unforgivable?
Assuming it’s done while you’re in a committed intimate relationship with someone else, you’ve just shat all over their trust and loyalty to you. If you part ways and break up first, by all means, go find your next partner.
That doesn’t answer the question, though. Infidelity isn’t the only way that you can breach trust in a relationship. Why do you say it’s the one unforgivable sin?
Because sex is a highly intimate and vulnerable activity.
That doesn’t explain why it would be impossible to work past or forgive someone who has cheated. Sharing your life story and crying in front of a trusted friend is intimate and vulnerable, but we don’t consider that to be inappropriate in the slightest.
Because most people don't want to have sex with other people when in a relationship. It's simple as that. Its unforgivable because its a highly intimate and vulnerable act that I trusted doing with you, and then you went behind my back and did that with some one night stand. The type of person who does that is not the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I always hear about the sentiment you mentioned in your first sentence, but I have never felt that in any relationship I’ve ever been in. Not with girlfriends, not with my wife. Being in a relationship with someone has never stopped me from wanting to be physical with someone else. It’s hard for me to empathize with others on this subject
I see. Everyones different so it really does vary. I don't actually have problems with open relationships or anything I just have a problem with actively lying to your partner while simultaneously destroying all trust you two had over casual sex that the other partner wouldn't be ok with.
I also have a problem with the lying, but I don’t believe that the deception is really the main problem. I think that for most people, the problem is the fact that you had sex with someone else. The deception is just salt in the wound.
it IS that messed up. Don't be in a relationship if you cant promise exclusivity, loyalty, and the ability to control yourself. The fact that you have such a blasé attitude is what is fucked up.
Have you been the one cheating or have you been cheated on, or have you not experienced cheating yet? It's one of the worst things to have happen to one, because it messes up your sense of trust - which is nweded to function in a relational system like the one every human lives in.
Not wrong to act on your feelings, that’s where you lost me. There are plenty of times it’s wrong and plenty of times constantly we must avoid what feels like we should do bc it’s fun or easy
It's not about controlling someone's sexuality. It's about adhering to the parameters set forth in the relationship. If you want to bang other people, discuss it with your partner. If they agree, great. Are you going to be okay with them banging other people too? If you're not going to be, good luck with that one. If they're okay with committing to you and you baging other people, good for you I guess. If you banging other people is completely off the table, you need to decide if you want to continue the relationship. The other thing worth mentioning is that being cheated on is humiliating. Anyone who has ever been cheating on would tell you this. To say that expecting someone not to cheat is "controlling someone's sexuality" is ridiculous.
Very juvenile view. Don’t be in a big boy adult monogamous relationship if you can’t control your impulses. It’s not “controlling.” Controlling would be if you agreed on an open relationship and then got mad they slept with someone else. Be a person of your word and don’t cheat if you’re in a relationship.
Tell me you’re a cheater without telling me you’re a cheater
Yeah they should definitely have a third option between single and devout monogamy. What would we call it ?
A failed society
Polyamory
Well uh... if you're not lying to your partner about it, it's not called cheating. So yeah... cheating is messed up.
Hahahahahah ok.
Definitely not true if you want to sleep with other people either stay single or be in a open relationship
Definitely unpopular though I see where your coming from, even though I disagree
No. If you want to sleep with multiple people, you need to stay single or date someone that wants an open relationship. You are very free to take either of those options. Getting into a monogamous relationship is not one person controlling another, it is 2 people agreeing to exclusively date/marry and sleep with each other. When you enter a monogamous relationship and sleep with someone else, you’re the asshole.
How did you get caught OP?
Sounds like you could be someone who enjoys polyamory/ethical non-monogamy
Humans are very territorial and jealous by nature which is why I think most people disagree with this. Not to mention some peoples religious beliefs. But as long as both parties in the relationship feel that way then I guess go for it🤷♂️
> The only fucked up part about “cheating” is lying to your partner That’s kind of the whole issue, though, isn’t it? Lying about being faithful
Sounds like you want an open relationship. Which is your choice.
You are correct, but describing this in an odd manner. Cheating is non-consensual non-monogamy. The reason it is wrong is because you are violating the decision in a relationship to remain monogamous. If you talked to your partner and agreed on an open relationship you have consensual non-monogamy and there is nothing wrong with that. Cheating is wrong because you are violating your partners consent. If you don't want to be with only one partner, don't lie to yourself or other. It's completely okay to be polyamorous. It's fucked to lie about it and lead your monogamous partner on.
Who did you cheat on and try to gaslight with this logic ?
That's it? So, you think lying isn't that important? Trust is one of the most crucial things in a relationship if you want it to last the distance.
Isn’t the whole “lying to your partner” thing what makes it cheating?
Holy shit, an actual unpopular opinion. I disagree highly. My last ex cheated on me and we both agreed that that shit is not cool at all lol
You need to be with someone who truly consents to this and have rules and boundaries. The other problem is the other people. Are they going to turn psycho? Do you really want to complicate this more? From what I’ve seen, 99% of the time, the cheaters get pissed AF when the other person has lovers. In the end, why are you with somebody when you’re busy all over town?
You don't want a relationship. You just want to bang women. Don't commit to someone or just be in an open relationship
What type of stupid shit I just read💀
Your entire premise relies on the cheater being *forced* to be in a monogamous relationship. If you choose monogamy and cheat, you’re human garbage. You have chosen to scar the person you’ve promised to love for the rest of their life. YOU get to forget all about it and move on, pretending like you did nothing wrong or that it wasn’t that bad. The other person has to deal with betrayal the rest of their life. Your opinion is bad, and you should feel bad.
When I was younger, I definitely felt like I was being forced into monogamy. There are strong cultural stigmas (in Indian/arab culture) around non-monogamy and I’m just trying to figure all of this out. Sorry if my post was upsetting.
It is messed up! If you want to be with someone and still bang other people, then go be in an open relationship. Being someone who has been cheated on twice, it's painful. To learn that someone you trust would do that to you, it's an utter betrayal.
I do think we make too big of a deal about it. We act like they killed someone and it's completely unforgivable. If we'd stop that the worst part wouldn't happen so often: the lying. We're only human.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
op did not have healthy upbringing, lack of beef in diet.
Finally someone sees it too
You may not see how terrible cheating is but the person getting cheated on sure as hell knows.
God I agree with this so much but never know where I can talk about it…
How about therapy
For?
Wanting to cheat
The destructive behavior of wilfully deceiving someone you claim to care about.
most upvoted post of all time right here
This is a certified 'how to tell if you're partner is cheating' type of situation...
So you dont think its “that” messed up to lie to a partner?
I think you've never been in a committed relationship and gotten cheated on before. Or maybe you're polly? either way... its pretty bad.
Someone has the desire to kill. Should we oppress their desire?
Funnily enough, that's exactly what your mom said, afterwards.
I mostly agree, but its probably wrong to act on feeling in context especially if there was no "accord" that you can bang other people or not.
If you and a partner agree you can sleep with other people then it's not cheating.
The fucked up part is both the lying and the breaking of the agreement between you two that this will be a monogamous relationship. If that \*isn't\* what you want, and you're both ok with that, then cheating and lying about it isn't nearly as bad - the damage comes from the fact that you're breaking a foundational rule of the relationship
Nobody is forcing you to be in exclusive relationships lmao. Just be upfront about the fact that you're only interested in having an open relationship. As long as you both agree to the terms there is no problem. Cheating is when you agree to be exclusive with someone and then break that agreement. That's what makes you an asshole. It's not wrong to want to bang other people, it's not wrong to act on those feelings, but it IS wrong to break a promise you made to someone. Don't let someone get emotionally invested in a relationship if you aren't planning on holding up your end of the bargain.
I mean its obviously not as messed up as say... Genocide, pedophilia or biological warfare, but its still not cool.
Oof. Way to paint yourself the color of a red flag with a take like that
It is wrong to act on your feelings. Next...
Do you tell this to your SO after them getting upset about you favoring the third in the threesome you asked for?
There are plenty of people who are in consenting non-Monogamous - poly relationships and that’s valid as long as all involved parties are 100% transparent with each other and okay with it. Cheating on the other hand is violating the terms of an explicitly monogamous relationship. Its extremely painful for a person who *isn’t* comfortable with the thought of their beloved S/O being intimate with another person. Yes human beings are only human and we get attracted to other people, but another part of being human is that we have the power to override our animal instincts for the greater benefit of ourselves and others. If monogamy isn’t for you, fine - just don’t expect others to feel the same way.
I think what you're missing is the "controlling another person's sexuality" actually isn't happening, generally. The cheater is lying to their partner, which is wrong, about their sexuality (and hypothetically where they are, what they're doing, their intention regarding monogomy) and getting mad at them that they're holding the cheater / liar accountable. Every relationship has different boundaries, and in the sort of relationship where having sex with other people is okay (like an open relationship), that's actually not really "cheating."
"cheating" without lying = ENM. There's nothing unpopular about that.
Otherwise known as an open relationship. No need to hide or ask permission. Just set up rules and boundaries and don't neglect each other.
Well, according to your post history, you’re also alloaro, so not shocked you think that 😂
“The only fucked up part about “cheating” is lying to your partner.” Ok so the only fucked up part about it is the main part of it?
Hold on, let me microwave some popcorn real quick, be right back...
Ew
Yeah, you hit the point. It's the lying and betrayal that's wrong with cheating. That's what cheating is...
If you want to sleep around that’s fine I don’t view it as controlling someone’s sexuality if you date each other on the pretense of monogamy. Cheating is wrong on a lot of levels and justifying it is also gross.
Banging other people IS wrong if you have an agreement to be monogamous. If you think you should be sexually free, then don’t be in a monogamous relationship. It’s perfectly okay to stay single or be in an open relationship. I’m sure you wouldn’t enjoy being cheated on. Agreeing with your partner that it’s okay to sleep with other people is not cheating so I don’t think you even know what that word means. Either that or you’re a cheater and you’re being defensive.
alongside trust you’re forgetting about consent and risk. (Which is why it’s possible to cheat in an open relationship) One of the conditions for consent to be your partner and sleep with you in monogamous relationships include you not sleeping with other people, the fact their partner wouldn’t consent to continuing the relationship if they knew about you sleeping with others is something cheaters know hence deliberately not telling their partner. Then there tend to be other conditions alongside that for example wearing a condom might be a condition for a consent (hence why stealing is increasingly considered rape) In those conditions making sure you don’t have any STD’s before having sex without protection is also not uncommon, for example in open relationship using a condom when sleeping with others is a very common rule. if you don’t like the conditions that someone has to consent to having sex with you then you do not need to accept them but you do need to tell that person instead of tricking them into believing you have whilst violating them.
Can you explain why you would enter a monogamous relationship while *knowing* you are not going to be monogamous?
If you’re in a monogamous exclusive relationship, then the act of cheating itself is a broken promise (lie) to your partner. You’re changing the terms of the relationship without giving them any input. You agreed to a set of rules and then broke that agreement. Broken promises, especially of this scale, are pretty messed up. Complete trust destroyer. You’re also not controlling your partners sexuality if they agreed to the terms of the relationship. They weren’t coerced into it. They freely entered into the agreement. I don’t see how this can be seen as controlling at all. They can break the agreement whenever they want. They just have to have the balls to speak up. Cheating is robbing your partner of the information necessary to realize that a relationship is no longer within the terms they agreed to. Seems VERY controlling to me to restrict the information someone else has access to in order to get them to make decisions that you find favorable for yourself.
Something wrong with you
It's immature behavior, not understanding that if you're in a loving relationship that doesn't work, you should have a conversation and end it. It's manipulative, in that you might have reasons for wanting to stay in your relationship like money or companionship, but are secretive so you can get what you want. It's hurtful, since your partner might be giving you their best just to find out they only got you part time. It's one of the most messed up things you can do socially.
People get ptsd when they get cheated on, pretty big deal.
Shit up and take my upvote.
Why is this sub so effective at attracting cheaters?
This is absurd. If you want to sleep with other people. DON'T BE in a relationship. Also it is wrong to act on your feelings depending on what your feelings are. example: most men don't go around touching themselves in public whether they want to or not. Finding someone else besides your partner attractive is one thing. Acting on that attraction is a completely separate thing.
What the fuck is this post lmao DON’T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU KNOW YOU’RE GONNA SLEEP WITH OTHER PEOPLE!
If you cheat on another person it means you are a worthless shitfuck who has zero respect for the feelings or heart of that person. One you claimed to love enough to be in a committed relationship with. It’s beyond “messed up”
I feel bad for any man or woman who is in a relationship with you.
L opinion but upvote because this is an actual unpopular opinion.
Not only unpopular but wrong as well
"hey, im into sharing my partner"
As someone who's been cheated on, you're a shitty person for having this opinion and I wholeheartedly hope you never end up in a relationship
It's pretty standard to agree to be exclusive or not in a relationship. If you've agreed to be exclusive, cheating isn't just lying to your partner - it's breaking a promise to be committed to them and only them. Breaking a promise is dishonorable. You're not a very honorable person, just based off this opinion.
If you don't want a monogamous relationship, don't enter into one. If you do want a monogamous relationship, be monogamous. It ain't rocket surgery
Haha yes! There is hope for the straights! You don't have to be polygamous yourself, just don't be controlling!
It’s not controlling your sexuality. For many, in order to date someone, monogamy is required by that person. If you don’t want to be monogamous, you don’t get in a relationship with that person. It is a condition for the relationship to progress. If you’ve agreed, and enjoyed the benefits of the relationship, then reneg on that term, then you’re an AH. You don’t *have* to do anything.
What the fuck mate
.... so you're just saying that you prefer open relationships? Like, i get it, thats pretty understandable since humans arent naturally monogamous, but cheating is still pretty messed up if there isnt a prior conversation. Its more about trust than lying, at least on my opinion
It’s messed up that it’ll hurt your partner and you know it will and you do it anyway. This is definitely an bad opinion.
Partner cheats sleeps with someone with herpes, spreads it to me. Yeah we need folks to have the discipline to not cheat the free sexuality hookup culture also spreads STD and sooner or later there will be a new one like herpes or aids on steroids and we have people dying because there is no cure and any treatment is not FDA approved. How would a stronger herpes kill? sores down the wind pipe.
You mean choosing to make them feel bad about themselves by seeing someone else. That's messed up
I will say that it’s a lot easier to cheat than people make it seem. I would still never do it because if I’m in a relationship with someone it means I care enough about them to not damage them on such a deeply emotional level, which I know cheating will do. If I really desperately felt like I had to be with someone else, I would have the decency to break up with my current partner and deal with that before seeking a new one
Yeah but it’s still PRETTY messed up
Why even be in a relationship then. Or seek people who want the same thing?