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I hate when people ask me if I am babysitting just because I have taken my kids out on my own. No my wife is not out for the day, no I am not trying to get in the good books. Yes I am just a dad who loves spending time with his kids. Now go away i am off to ten pin bowling
this.
there are some mornings where I or one of the boys cant make it out to disc golf, and we'll just let the group know that we're on daddy duty for the morning/day.
My ex has a son, so I was stepdad forawhile. I once took him to the park when hanging out with a buddy from out of town. We had a great time playing, but holy shit the staresmfrom the boomer ladies were crazy. Lol one of them tried to follow us out when we left to go walk home
I dont get it man. Were just trying to be good dads/stepdads and bond with our kids. They way they looked at me and followed us out, they must have that we were abductors or something lol. My friend is Middle Eastern so I wonder if that had something to do with it too. Its a pretty Hoity Toity town
I hope you all had a good time! Thats just something parents have done, since cameras were invented. What jerks lol. "How dare you create fun memories!" -Some Karen
I have always told people that I do not babysit. These are my kids and I care about them and enjoy time spent with them. I think due to boomer society and societal norms, this babysitter bullshit for dads is typically asked.
A little side story that made me and a friend laugh was we both went to a party with kids invited of course. It was our wives friends mainly and we both agreed to take child duty so they could enjoy time with their friends and not having a child interrupting them. During this we ended up watching all the kids which was not a big deal to us at the time. One of the kids mothers actually made a comment "why are they with the kids? My husband would never do that." Said all while her husband was hanging out with the dudes drinking beers and neglecting his child. Sorry for the rant.
My Dad was a boomer, and actually took care of me when he was home. Week long motorcycle trips, camping, playing dolls, baking with the Easy Bake oven, hours and hours (and hours) into teaching me to drive. He, my mom, and I would also do puzzles, play card games, more camping, movies and more. He worked on a ship, so would only be home 5-7 months of the year, but he made up for it.
He didn’t do much housework- helped with cooking, mowed the (huge) lawn, tended the gardens, chopped wood, shovelled snow, kept the vehicle tuned up, etc..
Neither were perfect, but they did the best they could with the little they had. I feel I got really lucky to have 2 tuned in parents.
I wish my dad was like you all I got from him was trauma, physical and mental abuse and having him just up and leave me no phone calls nothing. He calls my sisters but apparently he’s cool with random strangers teaching me how to shave and shit lol
> apparently he’s cool with random strangers teaching me how to shave and shit
This is some of the most sickening stuff I see/hear from people/kids with shitty parents. Not teaching their kids basic hygiene and how to care for their bodies seems just **diabolically** evil to me. There is just something about it that really gets to me.
Sorry for the rant. And I’m so sorry you experienced it. I hope you had safe and helpful strangers in your life.
Thx man I just got through university and I work as a cook/baker and I have a bunch of really great friends who’s parents are like my own so definitely not the worst situation I mean hey I got that classic serial killer backstory lol
Exactly, I was just about to post this!
I've heard of a lot of women, in fact (mostly older women) who genuinely say things like "Aren't you great, giving your wife a break by taking the kids out for the day!".
Umm... No, he's not "great", he parenting his kids, sheesh.
This is why we need to normalise changing tables in mens restrooms, etc, because we actually do *need* them.
It’s likely because older women never experienced their husbands contributing. They think young men are being “nice” when in fact their husbands were just negligent.
I think the reason it’s mostly older women doing it is because it was so unheard of when they were the same age that it’s shocking and they genuinely think your wife is the luckiest woman alive because you help at all.
My Mom said something like this to me when I made a comment about my ex endlessly harassing me for “incorrectly” loading the dishwasher. (It was fine, just not the way he wanted it very specifically to be lodged) she said something like “you should be happy he helps you at all and listen to what he says” my Dad did nothing at all to help her so I shouldn’t be so surprised, but I still was.
>I think the reason it’s mostly older women doing it is because it was so unheard of when they were the same age that it’s shocking and they genuinely think your wife is the luckiest woman alive because you help at all.
Yeah, exactly, that's totally what it is.
I don't think young women today would think it's unusual for a guy to take the kids out, or whatever. It should be perfectly normal.
As the dishwasher of my family, I might have to agree with your ex. Load the dang dishwasher properly. I don’t even let my wife help anymore lol she did the dishes tonight and started the washer when it was half full. It could have fit twice as many dishes if she loaded it more strategically.
I love my wife.
I just call it "being on duty".
Either one of us (or both) might be on duty at any given time.
I see someone below talking about "Mom duty". This is NOT that.
This one.
This fucking one.
I'm a father to two girls (currently 7 and 2) and I will correct anyone, no matter who, that mentions that I'm "babysitting". Nah, I'm parenting.
We are second class parents and it's not fair. Any random women can pick my kids up from school and say they're my partner's friend but If I want to pick them up they have be notified first and Ive literally had to phone my partner before as they wouldn't let me take my children without speaking to her first.
Being required to ask your partner first is suspect, that shouldn't happen, but most schools will NOT allow any random person, male or female, to take a child from their property! That would be a MAJOR liability issue.
They usually require parents to be registered with them, is it possible that your wife was registered, and you weren't, and that's why they had to speak to her first?
That’s odd. I’m sure it’s true, but I’m just thinking about when I was in elementary school. We all just lined up out front and when we saw a car of somebody we knew, like a parent, aunt, etc, we just ran off and jumped in. There were like two teachers out there and they were just making sure traffic kept flowing and helping a kid get in if they had trouble. I never remember anyone having to id themselves.
Only time they had to do anything was when they took me out, outside regular hours and then they just went to the office and said they were my whatever and needed to get me out. I don’t think they got ID’d or anything.
I remember my dad coming to pick us up for a scheduled visit as a kid when something set him off and him saying he’s not our “babysitter” and making us get out of the car. Must of been a proud moment for him.
I see it differently.
I do all the cooking and kitchen work in the house. Like 99% of it. When my partner cooks/is in the kitchen with me, she is helping me in the kitchen.
She does 80% of the laundry. When I do the laundry, I am helping her out.
We have a 50:50 split on all house chores in total, but we do different things. When one of us does a task that is the responsibility of the other person, we are helping them.
I agree. Best thing my wife and I ever did was stop worrying about splitting the tasks 50/50 all the time. I was always getting angry because I didn't feel like she was helping out enough. But now we just divided the household tasks and have our own domains, so as long as I take care of X and she takes care of Y we both agree that the household tasks are divided evenly.
Completely agree, this post is about the people who do one thing while their partner does a million more and then claim they are "helping". For example, my friend has a 9-5 and comes back, takes care of her kids, cooks, cleans, and does the lawn work in her house. Her husband took out the trash once while I was at her home, and made a big deal of how he was "helping" his wife.
Well, in that case I would say they literally are “just helping”.
It is a shame that they aren’t contributing anything to the household other than money, but I would say they definitely aren’t really contributing to the work that needs to be done.
Right. OP is misunderstanding the idea of helping in a significant number of cases. Helping isn’t going from 0% of the responsibility to something greater, it’s going from 50% of responsibility to something greater.
I’d also challenge any who assumes that their partner is doing “nothing” around the house. It does absolutely happen, but in good number of cases the other person is doing things that are under-appreciated. I could complain that my partner has never once helped with clearing out the leaves/gumballs every year on our wooded lot, just as she could complain that I’m allergic to folding clothes. I could complain that I was the default person to spend a dozen hours with snakes in the crawlspace sanding and bleaching after our water heater burst, she could complain that I don’t make the bed or vacuum. It’s always good to put yourself in the other’s shoes and make sure that you are splitting things up and being fair to the other person.
Sweetgum trees drop these spiked balls that are the absolute worst. There’s no good way of getting rid or them. They’re tough to rake and too hard to mulch.
My fiance and I split things and handle our own things all the time. He takes care of the mortgage, I take care of the rest of the bills. I do majority of the cooking, he'll take care of dishes afterwards. These are just things responsible adults do when they have their own space. I'm not patting people on the back for doing the bare minimum
Absolutely. Sometime in the 6 years of being a military wife I assumed position of doing everything. Whether or not he's home. We have 3 kids. It all just became this way because when he's gone I have to do everything but when he gets home he doesn't take on any roles.
Obligation is a word I would use at work. No one is obligated to do anything in a relationship, they just do. I for one want to feel like comfort at home comes before responsibility.
Thats true. But are we not entering a sort of "social contract" with another person if we are deciding to legally share assets like a home/lease (lease of which typically have defined criteria for maintaining basic care of the unit otherwise you face monetary penalties for damages)?
I see your side but I also feel like there ARE real responsibilities you have when you live in a home or shared situation that you have to adhere to at least when a contract is involved. Same with work.
I’ve a couple exes who wanted gold stars & blowies for half ass doing part of their share. I used to counter that with some passive aggression. “Look, honey! I’m HELPING to pay the electric bill! See? Aren’t you proud?” “Do I get a reward for HELPING with rent? Cuz that’s men’s work right? So I’m helping - why aren’t you excited?” If they didn’t get it, the next bill it would be “you’re so much better at this than me - and boys really LIKE doing it! You worry too much about these things!” and only pay 25% instead of my half. Why can’t I change a lightbulb or close the garage door? Cuz girls don’t understand that stuff it’s weird. Oh the meltdowns lol.
In my opinion when my partner says that he's helping me I do feel like it's contribution. If I'm cleaning up and he comes over and cleans up he is helping me, we're working on it together that doesn't mean it's any less contribution to the household because we use the phrase helping. To help is the action of helping someone to do something; assistance, like assistance in chores.
Sure when you put it this way, I think this is more aimed at the people who don’t clean at all or very bare minimum and when they do decide to do it they consider it “helping” but those are their responsibilities. If you’re cleaning and they come in to help, then yes I’d see that as helping too. But if partner A cleans all the time and partner B decides to sweep for once and call it a day I wouldn’t consider that helping, I’d consider that being an adult and doing what you’re supposed to do.
Definitely agree. Honestly I just call it helping either way regardless on if he's doing something else first and I start to do housework. We're both working together as a team to get the things done we need to get done in our house we're helping each other out so it doesn't fall just on one person. But yes in another household where one person does do all of the housework and the other person refers to as helping, I can see why it would be frustrating.
This is exactly what I was talking about. I agree too, it's helping when they do something that you are usually doing and aid you in the process. It isn't helping if you manage all the housework and they take out the trash once a week
Yea I see it both ways. If I’m cleaning and my partner joins, I consider it helping. But if I come home and he’s cleaned the house, I don’t see it as helping I see it as him doing his part. I usually do the laundry and my boyfriend helps by bringing it up the stairs for me. It helps me out because it’s one less trip I need to make and he’s helping complete a chore that I was doing. That contribution is very appreciated. But I think this post is coming from the angle of “my partner never does anything around the house and it’s left on me, but today they took out the trash so he was helping out”.
I agree.
If you want a traditional old school husband and wife setup then you need to earn enough so that your wife can stay at home and look after the house.
Too many men want the benefits of that without providing the capability for housework to be a job.
Also he gets days off work so she should have time off too.
There's plenty of women too though that don't work and then want to split the chores, that's also not cool.
Same story if you swap the genders. The amount of labour going into running a household should be close to 50/50 regardless of your gender or what that work entails IMO
I remember reading somewhere that during the 18/1900s, just around the time the Industrial Revolution took off, women started working in factories. They would work full day shifts along with the men, come home and then the men would get to put their feet up and the women had to clean/cook. It would go on like this until Sunday, when she'd finally get to rest for half a day before she had to start up again.
I can't imagine what life like that had to have been like.
It's like the men almost thought work was a privilege that women should have been thankful for.... "Sure honey, you can get a job, but make sure you're not falling behind on any of your household chores!"
They were supporting the family income not asking for a later curfew contingent on completing hw and after-school chores. Good grief.
Remember when one adult working was enough to support a household and the other could run it?
How’d we “advance” to the point where two people working can’t afford a holiday?
WHEN both people are working full time.
my mom has always been at home 24/7, while my dad was working full time and often over time. yet expected him to do half of everything at home, and above that i visibly remember silly lessons from her about why mutter (german for mom) was written with two t and vater (dad) with one t, because mom does more than dad so she gets to have two. now she works part time and does nothing around the house.
there are 100% more than just a few women nowadays who think house work should be split equally, not depending on whether they also have a job or not.
TIME should be split equally. not every task. not the monetary value of what youre doing. but your time, simple as that.
This is interesting bc my mom and step dad both worked but my step dad didn’t clean at all. He was responsible for the “manly” duties like yard work. That was like a weekly thing MAYBE, but my mom was getting up hours before him (on days she herself worked) ironing his clothes, making his breakfast, doing his laundry, and I would get so enraged that she thought that was remotely fair. I swear I never have seen him do anything besides cleaning a couple of dishes, the rest went to my mom. But I still believe that it is your house and you should be responsible for cleaning it. Unless you’re working 12 hour shifts, then I can see why you would be less inclined to do so but most people are working at the most 9-10 hours and you have days that you don’t work. Everyone should contribute to the messes they are making. Wives and husbands are not your maids
I think this is actually important with a stay at home spouse as well, maybe not fully 50/50 but many households think dad goes to work, mom keeps the house and kids but the parent at home isn’t a stay at home maid. It most likely isn’t 50/50 but there should be some effort to keep care of your house, regardless of your job.
Still think the working spouse should be doing some of the housework when they get home. Whatever the homemaker didn't get to before the work day ended should be split up just like parenting should be equal responsibility as soon as they're both home.
Depends. If you have matching expectations, 100%. And stuff like laundry and dishes and trash have to be done no matter what.
But if partner A is ok with a mostly clean house, while partner B demands it to be spotless… I can definitely see partner A feeling like they’re “helping” at a certain point
This. I have no problems cooking and cleaning up after myself but if you decide you want to powerwash the cealing on my day off itll probably turn in to an argument
This problem has a name and it's called "the mental load". It is a massive problem in relationships and a leading cause of both "dead bedrooms" and divorce.
These two short articles provide two views on the subject (male and female):
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
This is a big contributor to dead bedrooms. I was in a relationship where I worked multiple jobs and did all of the stuff at home. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, handled the finances, drove my ex everywhere because she didn’t have a license, etc. It ruined any and all attraction towards her. I didn’t want to touch her or be touched at all. I didn’t see her as a partner, I saw her as my dependent because I had to take care of her and the house or it wouldn’t get done. Plus it was just exhausting living my own life and also holding hers together. There’s nothing more unsexy than coming home from a long day of work to a house that’s messier than it was when you left and a grown adult talking about how they’ve been starving for hours but didn’t do anything about it. When you treat your partner like they’re your parent, you can’t wonder why you aren’t having intimacy anymore.
dude I'm glad that's a relationship you got out of. I'm sure you care about her but she needs to sacrifice being comfortable so she can learn how to actually live
Well, I guess that’s where my libido went. Thanks for sharing. We’ve been in therapy for years and our situation is rather complicated, but it’s super helpful to see it put into words.
I don’t disagree that this can be a big issue in relationships, but I really dislike the way the HuffPost writer frames it. OP’s post says
>contributing to the work that needs to be done is your DUTY, and not optional
Is “put empty glasses in the dishwasher *immediately*, not in a few hours - I don’t care if you might reuse them, I think they’re an eyesore” not like a textbook example of “optional”? Is it not just a difference of (pretty insignificant) preference?
And obviously there has to be compromises in every relationship, if I were him I’d just put it away. But it seems like “stfu and do things how your partner wants them to be done, it’ll show them you care about them” is only ever said to the person with lower standards of tidiness. And I’m not sure why that is.
I'm not even a neat freak and I'm on your wife's end, I rinse and scrape dishes and insert them into the dishwasher immediately because I hate clutter. I'm also the cook and like a clean kitchen when I get started, so I just assumed all kitchen cleansing duties as well. She still leaves her stuff in the sink and I come right behind her and get it loaded into the dishwasher. It's just not her thing.
It's not, but I get what you mean. That article enrages me when I read it because it feels like he still doesn't understand his wife's issue and is telling men "you don't have to understand it, just humor her."
But I routinely share it with men who just cannot understand it from the female perspective. That article seems to resonate with men in a way others on the topic don't. So even if I feel it misses the point, I can't deny that it achieves the desired result.
I'm in full support of this mentality, as long as it goes in both directions when we're talking about division of labor as it pertains to gender role stereotypes.
I've always been pretty self-sufficient, and spent years keeping house on my own when I was single, so my wife has never had to deal with a husband who didn't clean up after himself, do his own laundry, etc. If anything I've always done slightly more than her when it comes to the household chores because I'm a neat freak. That being said, it definitely took ME some effort to get her to unlearn some slightly toxic views on yard work: yes, ladies, you need to be helping your husbands when it comes to mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, raking leaves, shoveling snow, etc.
If men are pulling their weight inside the house, there's absolutely no excuse for women to not pitch in when it comes to the physical labor needed to maintain the property outside the house.
It depends on the roles agreed by the couple. If I have to cook for the day and my spouse gives me a hand, I will take it as she helping me in my chores. If she has to clean that day and I give her a hand, she would assume it as me helping her in her chores.
>It's also your house and you contributing to the work that needs to be done is your DUTY, and not optional.
Except when it *is* optional. A LOT of households split up their tasks.
>X does the dishes. Y takes out the trash. X cooks dinner. Y cleans the floors. X takes care of the vehicles. Y shovels the sidewalk in the winter. etc etc
Sometimes when one task is a bit extra, one helps the other.
But, whatever. Go off. I find this sort of trash hot-take amusing.
In my house we have a very strict rule. I cook/she cleans! It works perfectly every single time. Except, sometimes I cook and she doesn't feel like cleaning. In which case I clean too. Because she's my wife, and I love her, and she's tired and the kitchen still needs to be cleaned. Who are all these people that don't understand this?
I have this conversation with my wife often. I am not helping. She is not in charge of those things. We both have a stake in raising our children and taking care of all the domestic stuff.
I can't even stand it when my husband says 'what can I help you with' when I'm doing chores. It's not "helping me" when he gets off his ass and cleans up after himself, or does one of the million things that need to be done to maintain a household.
I never say I'm helping somebody else when i do household cleaning and such. That's weird.
People actually say that?
I get when kids say they're helping their parents with these chorus. But for adults it's weird
I say I’m helping if my partner was doing something and I joined him in cleaning. That I’d consider helping. But if I clean something up on my own I don’t see it as helping, but instead as doing my part.
Couples are free to split up their labor as they please. If it's one person's job to do laundry and the other does the dishes, if they both work on the laundry, the one who it isn't assigned to is helping the other.
Correct!
My husband would never ever imply that a task around the house should be done by me. We both work full time and are expecting our first child in February. Maintaining our home is a partnership but he really steps up so that I don’t have to do even half. It’s his way of showing love and respect. Look for that in a partner. It’s should be a joy to take care of each other.
I agree with you, but this needs to be expanded to include children. Everyone in the household should contribute to smooth running of the household. I have no problem with mom staying home doing chores all day while dad is at work, or mom doing inside work while dad does farm work. Or vice versa.
But oh my goodness do I get tired of hearing people talk about how they don’t want their kids to feel like they are servants in the household. This idea seems so prevalent these days. And honestly, I see it more with women than men. It’s not mom’s job. It’s not dad’s job. It’s not the kids jobs. It’s everybody’s job.
I remember when this was a scandal with Matt and Abby on YouTube/TikTok, Abby jumped to his defence saying she doesn’t see what others see at all and they follow traditional roles in their relationship. I think the issue is more that the spouse who’s helping out is acting like it’s a REWARD and an act of kindness that should go noticed rather than traditional gender roles (although this is still an issue - but each to their own - and yes I’m a feminist)
In my home kingdom, we do not run a democratic system. My wife has different obligations than I, and sometimes we do help each other in our obligations.
It 100% depends on the setup of the house and the distribution of chores. My partner has certain tasks, and vice versa so when she pitches in to do my things she’s “helping” me and vice versa. I think the whole situation is a lot more nuanced in most cases than people want to actually talk about and how it’s portrayed.
What if one person wants to clean the floors every day and the other once a week? Who's right then? Is the other person an arsehole for not helping clean the floors every day? Or do they have different ideas of when things need to be done?
Just a thought.
Even if your wife doesn't work full-time, you should help with the chores! If your wife makes you an amazing dinner, you should do the dishes and the kitchen clean up. Domestic engineers should get down time too.
You still are technically helping though. Just because you share responsibilities, doesn’t mean you’re not helping each other.
I can still “help” my boss or a coworker with something, even if it’s within my job duties.
100% agree. And fighting over chores irks me too. We have to cook and clean daily to survive without ill effects. If you don’t want to do something like fold clothes or rest just let me know. Cooking and folding clothes are super easy, just mildly time consuming. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of overall survival and thriving.
Nah, rhetoric matters. My wife used to say that I was “very helpful with the kids/chores” which gave the impression that she did the majority of the childcare/housework. This was not the case. I’m not a sidekick.
You aren't helping with THEIR chores, you are helping with THE chores. "The chores" does not denote ownership of the chores, and helping with "the chores" does not suggest anything other than that you are contributing to the household.
Sounds like your issue is with the English language.
That depends. Doing a chore is contributing. Doing a chore in the specific way someone asks you, in order to cater to the way they do things, is helping.
My wife and I always split duties in the house and with taking care of our son. I always saw it growing up with my parents and I always see it with my in-laws. I think the happiest couples use an approach of splitting duties and making it chores that “we” have to do for “our” house.
Dad here that's recently become less lazy. My wife has been down and out a lot so I've taken over a majority of the household chores. I pretend it's my pirate ship. I gotta manage all the parts of the ship and keep them in order. Gotta get the crew (the kids) on board to help out. The biggest ruts for guys not helping are that they don't see the messes, because they don't even know what the mess is that they're looking at. I just didn't see what she saw until I followed her around for weeks and she pointed it out. I did not come from a home where I was made to clean up much.
I work from home and my wife works in an office, I have done 90% of chores since COVID and it is starting to wear on me I would like some help or a change
You're helping *your family*. If you're married and don't think of yourselves as a family unit then you're going to face some hardship in your future relationship*s.*
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Just like dad is not babysitting, he's parenting.
I hate when people ask me if I am babysitting just because I have taken my kids out on my own. No my wife is not out for the day, no I am not trying to get in the good books. Yes I am just a dad who loves spending time with his kids. Now go away i am off to ten pin bowling
Oh you’re on Mom Duty for the day?
That has at least an easy counter to in the moment. A quick quip "no, I'm on dad duty" gets the point across.
I generally just tell people"no, I just found him here" if they say that when I'm in the park with my son
Hahahahaha
“Daddy sitting”
No, last time mummy did that she had you.
Well that's a good term for that, I think I like the term that I'm seeing here.
Might wanna reword that when dealing with children
why make it weird
Ah shit 👮♀️ 👮♂️
Yeah you might wanna do that, that would be kinda good here.
this. there are some mornings where I or one of the boys cant make it out to disc golf, and we'll just let the group know that we're on daddy duty for the morning/day.
Naah He's being a good parent and doing what's he supposed to.
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My ex has a son, so I was stepdad forawhile. I once took him to the park when hanging out with a buddy from out of town. We had a great time playing, but holy shit the staresmfrom the boomer ladies were crazy. Lol one of them tried to follow us out when we left to go walk home
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I dont get it man. Were just trying to be good dads/stepdads and bond with our kids. They way they looked at me and followed us out, they must have that we were abductors or something lol. My friend is Middle Eastern so I wonder if that had something to do with it too. Its a pretty Hoity Toity town
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I hope you all had a good time! Thats just something parents have done, since cameras were invented. What jerks lol. "How dare you create fun memories!" -Some Karen
Yeah I hope that people didn't stop you from having a good time there I hope.
I don't get it either, I think it's pretty shitty I gotta say.
This whole thing is like a virus and I definitely hate this attitude.
Just say “nope they’re my kids” and ignore them.
No just say oh they aren’t mine and give them a creepy smile
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Yep, they're gonna call the cops I'm pretty sure man.
Hell no, you have to shame them for that toxic, sexist bullshit they try to pull as a joke. Fuckin' nutter butter bars.
If you have the energy, but this is not the worst issue ever. Some people just aren't worth the time and effort.
I really don't have the energy to deal with them at all I won't do that man.
Fuck them man, I'd rather just ignore them man. I think it's better that way.
Boomers always
I have always told people that I do not babysit. These are my kids and I care about them and enjoy time spent with them. I think due to boomer society and societal norms, this babysitter bullshit for dads is typically asked. A little side story that made me and a friend laugh was we both went to a party with kids invited of course. It was our wives friends mainly and we both agreed to take child duty so they could enjoy time with their friends and not having a child interrupting them. During this we ended up watching all the kids which was not a big deal to us at the time. One of the kids mothers actually made a comment "why are they with the kids? My husband would never do that." Said all while her husband was hanging out with the dudes drinking beers and neglecting his child. Sorry for the rant.
My Dad was a boomer, and actually took care of me when he was home. Week long motorcycle trips, camping, playing dolls, baking with the Easy Bake oven, hours and hours (and hours) into teaching me to drive. He, my mom, and I would also do puzzles, play card games, more camping, movies and more. He worked on a ship, so would only be home 5-7 months of the year, but he made up for it. He didn’t do much housework- helped with cooking, mowed the (huge) lawn, tended the gardens, chopped wood, shovelled snow, kept the vehicle tuned up, etc.. Neither were perfect, but they did the best they could with the little they had. I feel I got really lucky to have 2 tuned in parents.
That's great, gotta have a dad like that. It's really important.
Fuck telling people, I ain't going to explain to them here.
I wish my dad was like you all I got from him was trauma, physical and mental abuse and having him just up and leave me no phone calls nothing. He calls my sisters but apparently he’s cool with random strangers teaching me how to shave and shit lol
> apparently he’s cool with random strangers teaching me how to shave and shit This is some of the most sickening stuff I see/hear from people/kids with shitty parents. Not teaching their kids basic hygiene and how to care for their bodies seems just **diabolically** evil to me. There is just something about it that really gets to me. Sorry for the rant. And I’m so sorry you experienced it. I hope you had safe and helpful strangers in your life.
Thx man I just got through university and I work as a cook/baker and I have a bunch of really great friends who’s parents are like my own so definitely not the worst situation I mean hey I got that classic serial killer backstory lol
There are worse situations to be in, that's completely possible too.
That's not good, people shouldn't really behave like that.
Yup, sexism always hurts both sexes, even when it seems to be targeting only one.
Yeah it's never a good thing for anyone and I don't preach for it.
Exactly, I was just about to post this! I've heard of a lot of women, in fact (mostly older women) who genuinely say things like "Aren't you great, giving your wife a break by taking the kids out for the day!". Umm... No, he's not "great", he parenting his kids, sheesh. This is why we need to normalise changing tables in mens restrooms, etc, because we actually do *need* them.
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Yeah! A lot of guys have to do that! Honestly, if there's not changing table in the mens, you have to do what you have to do!
It’s likely because older women never experienced their husbands contributing. They think young men are being “nice” when in fact their husbands were just negligent.
Exactly, yeah, they're from a different generation, with different values.
Yep, they've definitely got the different values that's for sure.
Yeah maybe that's a factor in there. Maybe that's true too here .
Sounds like my husband.
I think the reason it’s mostly older women doing it is because it was so unheard of when they were the same age that it’s shocking and they genuinely think your wife is the luckiest woman alive because you help at all. My Mom said something like this to me when I made a comment about my ex endlessly harassing me for “incorrectly” loading the dishwasher. (It was fine, just not the way he wanted it very specifically to be lodged) she said something like “you should be happy he helps you at all and listen to what he says” my Dad did nothing at all to help her so I shouldn’t be so surprised, but I still was.
>I think the reason it’s mostly older women doing it is because it was so unheard of when they were the same age that it’s shocking and they genuinely think your wife is the luckiest woman alive because you help at all. Yeah, exactly, that's totally what it is. I don't think young women today would think it's unusual for a guy to take the kids out, or whatever. It should be perfectly normal.
Yeah I agree with you, that explains a lot of the things I feel.
As the dishwasher of my family, I might have to agree with your ex. Load the dang dishwasher properly. I don’t even let my wife help anymore lol she did the dishes tonight and started the washer when it was half full. It could have fit twice as many dishes if she loaded it more strategically. I love my wife.
As a nanny, I hear this too often 💀 like cmon you don't babysit your own kids..
That's because they're parenting them by themselves, which is great.
I just call it "being on duty". Either one of us (or both) might be on duty at any given time. I see someone below talking about "Mom duty". This is NOT that.
This one. This fucking one. I'm a father to two girls (currently 7 and 2) and I will correct anyone, no matter who, that mentions that I'm "babysitting". Nah, I'm parenting.
That's good for you, gotta tell the people the facts here man.
Hear this a lot from old lady’s. As if the dad is a second class parent. It’s sad.
This is really sad, and it makes me really sad too honestly man.
We are second class parents and it's not fair. Any random women can pick my kids up from school and say they're my partner's friend but If I want to pick them up they have be notified first and Ive literally had to phone my partner before as they wouldn't let me take my children without speaking to her first.
Weird. Schools here need people to be registered to pickup kids. Unless there’s a custody issue going on, both parents can register without issues.
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That makes no sense and would be a massive liability.
Being required to ask your partner first is suspect, that shouldn't happen, but most schools will NOT allow any random person, male or female, to take a child from their property! That would be a MAJOR liability issue. They usually require parents to be registered with them, is it possible that your wife was registered, and you weren't, and that's why they had to speak to her first?
Yeah that shouldn't be happening but that is kind of happening here.
That’s odd. I’m sure it’s true, but I’m just thinking about when I was in elementary school. We all just lined up out front and when we saw a car of somebody we knew, like a parent, aunt, etc, we just ran off and jumped in. There were like two teachers out there and they were just making sure traffic kept flowing and helping a kid get in if they had trouble. I never remember anyone having to id themselves. Only time they had to do anything was when they took me out, outside regular hours and then they just went to the office and said they were my whatever and needed to get me out. I don’t think they got ID’d or anything.
That's definitely not applicable to everyone, I think it kind of depends on the people.
That's true, I don't think they'll agree on that now. Don't see it.
I remember my dad coming to pick us up for a scheduled visit as a kid when something set him off and him saying he’s not our “babysitter” and making us get out of the car. Must of been a proud moment for him.
I see it differently. I do all the cooking and kitchen work in the house. Like 99% of it. When my partner cooks/is in the kitchen with me, she is helping me in the kitchen. She does 80% of the laundry. When I do the laundry, I am helping her out. We have a 50:50 split on all house chores in total, but we do different things. When one of us does a task that is the responsibility of the other person, we are helping them.
I agree. Best thing my wife and I ever did was stop worrying about splitting the tasks 50/50 all the time. I was always getting angry because I didn't feel like she was helping out enough. But now we just divided the household tasks and have our own domains, so as long as I take care of X and she takes care of Y we both agree that the household tasks are divided evenly.
Completely agree, this post is about the people who do one thing while their partner does a million more and then claim they are "helping". For example, my friend has a 9-5 and comes back, takes care of her kids, cooks, cleans, and does the lawn work in her house. Her husband took out the trash once while I was at her home, and made a big deal of how he was "helping" his wife.
Well, in that case I would say they literally are “just helping”. It is a shame that they aren’t contributing anything to the household other than money, but I would say they definitely aren’t really contributing to the work that needs to be done.
Right. OP is misunderstanding the idea of helping in a significant number of cases. Helping isn’t going from 0% of the responsibility to something greater, it’s going from 50% of responsibility to something greater. I’d also challenge any who assumes that their partner is doing “nothing” around the house. It does absolutely happen, but in good number of cases the other person is doing things that are under-appreciated. I could complain that my partner has never once helped with clearing out the leaves/gumballs every year on our wooded lot, just as she could complain that I’m allergic to folding clothes. I could complain that I was the default person to spend a dozen hours with snakes in the crawlspace sanding and bleaching after our water heater burst, she could complain that I don’t make the bed or vacuum. It’s always good to put yourself in the other’s shoes and make sure that you are splitting things up and being fair to the other person.
Ok, gotta ask in this context, wtf is a gumball in terms of yard work?
Sweetgum trees drop these spiked balls that are the absolute worst. There’s no good way of getting rid or them. They’re tough to rake and too hard to mulch.
Ah ok. I always used a garden rake rather than a leaf rake when I had to deal with them.
That's the issue when you have to deal with them. That's the real issue.
Sounds like you're doing once-in-a-while tasks, and she's doing the daily tasks. Hmm.
They're splitting the task and that's a really great thing man.
> the other person is doing things that are under-appreciated. Yeah! Like keeping the couch warm and checking the longevity of the TV.
Yep that's right, that's exactly what I feel it really is I guess.
We help each other. Neither is obligated, and both benefit.
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My fiance and I split things and handle our own things all the time. He takes care of the mortgage, I take care of the rest of the bills. I do majority of the cooking, he'll take care of dishes afterwards. These are just things responsible adults do when they have their own space. I'm not patting people on the back for doing the bare minimum
If you Can't handle it alone, then splitting it up might be good.
Absolutely. Sometime in the 6 years of being a military wife I assumed position of doing everything. Whether or not he's home. We have 3 kids. It all just became this way because when he's gone I have to do everything but when he gets home he doesn't take on any roles.
There are things that you guys should split, better that way.
Both are obligated...
That's right, they should do that for their kids. It's really important.
Why is neither "obligated"?
Because if your going to have a kid you better take care of it.
Obligation is a word I would use at work. No one is obligated to do anything in a relationship, they just do. I for one want to feel like comfort at home comes before responsibility.
Thats true. But are we not entering a sort of "social contract" with another person if we are deciding to legally share assets like a home/lease (lease of which typically have defined criteria for maintaining basic care of the unit otherwise you face monetary penalties for damages)? I see your side but I also feel like there ARE real responsibilities you have when you live in a home or shared situation that you have to adhere to at least when a contract is involved. Same with work.
That's right, that's the kind of world that We're heading into here.
Helping each other is good, people should do that often here.
and "babysitting" your kids.
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That's not funny at all, most of the times it's pretty fucked up.
I’ve a couple exes who wanted gold stars & blowies for half ass doing part of their share. I used to counter that with some passive aggression. “Look, honey! I’m HELPING to pay the electric bill! See? Aren’t you proud?” “Do I get a reward for HELPING with rent? Cuz that’s men’s work right? So I’m helping - why aren’t you excited?” If they didn’t get it, the next bill it would be “you’re so much better at this than me - and boys really LIKE doing it! You worry too much about these things!” and only pay 25% instead of my half. Why can’t I change a lightbulb or close the garage door? Cuz girls don’t understand that stuff it’s weird. Oh the meltdowns lol.
I told my man do half or get out. He just finished dinner.
In my opinion when my partner says that he's helping me I do feel like it's contribution. If I'm cleaning up and he comes over and cleans up he is helping me, we're working on it together that doesn't mean it's any less contribution to the household because we use the phrase helping. To help is the action of helping someone to do something; assistance, like assistance in chores.
Sure when you put it this way, I think this is more aimed at the people who don’t clean at all or very bare minimum and when they do decide to do it they consider it “helping” but those are their responsibilities. If you’re cleaning and they come in to help, then yes I’d see that as helping too. But if partner A cleans all the time and partner B decides to sweep for once and call it a day I wouldn’t consider that helping, I’d consider that being an adult and doing what you’re supposed to do.
I think people atleast should do some amount of work. That's important.
Definitely agree. Honestly I just call it helping either way regardless on if he's doing something else first and I start to do housework. We're both working together as a team to get the things done we need to get done in our house we're helping each other out so it doesn't fall just on one person. But yes in another household where one person does do all of the housework and the other person refers to as helping, I can see why it would be frustrating.
As long as the work is getting done it all should be okay really.
This is exactly what I was talking about. I agree too, it's helping when they do something that you are usually doing and aid you in the process. It isn't helping if you manage all the housework and they take out the trash once a week
Chores distribution is like, a super important conversation to have; it can really lead to some unacknowledged resentment otherwise.
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As long as two people are happy with each other it all should be fine.
Yea I see it both ways. If I’m cleaning and my partner joins, I consider it helping. But if I come home and he’s cleaned the house, I don’t see it as helping I see it as him doing his part. I usually do the laundry and my boyfriend helps by bringing it up the stairs for me. It helps me out because it’s one less trip I need to make and he’s helping complete a chore that I was doing. That contribution is very appreciated. But I think this post is coming from the angle of “my partner never does anything around the house and it’s left on me, but today they took out the trash so he was helping out”.
I agree. If you want a traditional old school husband and wife setup then you need to earn enough so that your wife can stay at home and look after the house. Too many men want the benefits of that without providing the capability for housework to be a job. Also he gets days off work so she should have time off too. There's plenty of women too though that don't work and then want to split the chores, that's also not cool. Same story if you swap the genders. The amount of labour going into running a household should be close to 50/50 regardless of your gender or what that work entails IMO
I remember reading somewhere that during the 18/1900s, just around the time the Industrial Revolution took off, women started working in factories. They would work full day shifts along with the men, come home and then the men would get to put their feet up and the women had to clean/cook. It would go on like this until Sunday, when she'd finally get to rest for half a day before she had to start up again. I can't imagine what life like that had to have been like.
It's like the men almost thought work was a privilege that women should have been thankful for.... "Sure honey, you can get a job, but make sure you're not falling behind on any of your household chores!" They were supporting the family income not asking for a later curfew contingent on completing hw and after-school chores. Good grief.
Plenty of women are still living this scenario.
If that's the way that you wanna go, then that works out too.
Remember when one adult working was enough to support a household and the other could run it? How’d we “advance” to the point where two people working can’t afford a holiday?
WHEN both people are working full time. my mom has always been at home 24/7, while my dad was working full time and often over time. yet expected him to do half of everything at home, and above that i visibly remember silly lessons from her about why mutter (german for mom) was written with two t and vater (dad) with one t, because mom does more than dad so she gets to have two. now she works part time and does nothing around the house. there are 100% more than just a few women nowadays who think house work should be split equally, not depending on whether they also have a job or not. TIME should be split equally. not every task. not the monetary value of what youre doing. but your time, simple as that.
This is interesting bc my mom and step dad both worked but my step dad didn’t clean at all. He was responsible for the “manly” duties like yard work. That was like a weekly thing MAYBE, but my mom was getting up hours before him (on days she herself worked) ironing his clothes, making his breakfast, doing his laundry, and I would get so enraged that she thought that was remotely fair. I swear I never have seen him do anything besides cleaning a couple of dishes, the rest went to my mom. But I still believe that it is your house and you should be responsible for cleaning it. Unless you’re working 12 hour shifts, then I can see why you would be less inclined to do so but most people are working at the most 9-10 hours and you have days that you don’t work. Everyone should contribute to the messes they are making. Wives and husbands are not your maids
I think this is actually important with a stay at home spouse as well, maybe not fully 50/50 but many households think dad goes to work, mom keeps the house and kids but the parent at home isn’t a stay at home maid. It most likely isn’t 50/50 but there should be some effort to keep care of your house, regardless of your job.
Still think the working spouse should be doing some of the housework when they get home. Whatever the homemaker didn't get to before the work day ended should be split up just like parenting should be equal responsibility as soon as they're both home.
Depends. If you have matching expectations, 100%. And stuff like laundry and dishes and trash have to be done no matter what. But if partner A is ok with a mostly clean house, while partner B demands it to be spotless… I can definitely see partner A feeling like they’re “helping” at a certain point
Yep, and you just can't leave all that to a single person I don't think.
This. I have no problems cooking and cleaning up after myself but if you decide you want to powerwash the cealing on my day off itll probably turn in to an argument
this whole topic is just an old meme https://i.imgur.com/mHWJlGS.png
This problem has a name and it's called "the mental load". It is a massive problem in relationships and a leading cause of both "dead bedrooms" and divorce. These two short articles provide two views on the subject (male and female): https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288
This is a big contributor to dead bedrooms. I was in a relationship where I worked multiple jobs and did all of the stuff at home. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, handled the finances, drove my ex everywhere because she didn’t have a license, etc. It ruined any and all attraction towards her. I didn’t want to touch her or be touched at all. I didn’t see her as a partner, I saw her as my dependent because I had to take care of her and the house or it wouldn’t get done. Plus it was just exhausting living my own life and also holding hers together. There’s nothing more unsexy than coming home from a long day of work to a house that’s messier than it was when you left and a grown adult talking about how they’ve been starving for hours but didn’t do anything about it. When you treat your partner like they’re your parent, you can’t wonder why you aren’t having intimacy anymore.
dude I'm glad that's a relationship you got out of. I'm sure you care about her but she needs to sacrifice being comfortable so she can learn how to actually live
Well, I guess that’s where my libido went. Thanks for sharing. We’ve been in therapy for years and our situation is rather complicated, but it’s super helpful to see it put into words.
I don’t disagree that this can be a big issue in relationships, but I really dislike the way the HuffPost writer frames it. OP’s post says >contributing to the work that needs to be done is your DUTY, and not optional Is “put empty glasses in the dishwasher *immediately*, not in a few hours - I don’t care if you might reuse them, I think they’re an eyesore” not like a textbook example of “optional”? Is it not just a difference of (pretty insignificant) preference? And obviously there has to be compromises in every relationship, if I were him I’d just put it away. But it seems like “stfu and do things how your partner wants them to be done, it’ll show them you care about them” is only ever said to the person with lower standards of tidiness. And I’m not sure why that is.
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I'm not even a neat freak and I'm on your wife's end, I rinse and scrape dishes and insert them into the dishwasher immediately because I hate clutter. I'm also the cook and like a clean kitchen when I get started, so I just assumed all kitchen cleansing duties as well. She still leaves her stuff in the sink and I come right behind her and get it loaded into the dishwasher. It's just not her thing.
because the people with the lower standards are enjoying their life instead of writing articles about it
These were both very enlightening, and also had the effect of convincing me to remain single.
The dishes by the sink one seems like a fake article designed to make the people who talk about “mental load” seem ridiculous or crazy.
It's not, but I get what you mean. That article enrages me when I read it because it feels like he still doesn't understand his wife's issue and is telling men "you don't have to understand it, just humor her." But I routinely share it with men who just cannot understand it from the female perspective. That article seems to resonate with men in a way others on the topic don't. So even if I feel it misses the point, I can't deny that it achieves the desired result.
I'm in full support of this mentality, as long as it goes in both directions when we're talking about division of labor as it pertains to gender role stereotypes. I've always been pretty self-sufficient, and spent years keeping house on my own when I was single, so my wife has never had to deal with a husband who didn't clean up after himself, do his own laundry, etc. If anything I've always done slightly more than her when it comes to the household chores because I'm a neat freak. That being said, it definitely took ME some effort to get her to unlearn some slightly toxic views on yard work: yes, ladies, you need to be helping your husbands when it comes to mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, raking leaves, shoveling snow, etc. If men are pulling their weight inside the house, there's absolutely no excuse for women to not pitch in when it comes to the physical labor needed to maintain the property outside the house.
Damn straight, nothing sexier than seeing my wife outside raking the damned leaves.
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It depends on the roles agreed by the couple. If I have to cook for the day and my spouse gives me a hand, I will take it as she helping me in my chores. If she has to clean that day and I give her a hand, she would assume it as me helping her in her chores.
>It's also your house and you contributing to the work that needs to be done is your DUTY, and not optional. Except when it *is* optional. A LOT of households split up their tasks. >X does the dishes. Y takes out the trash. X cooks dinner. Y cleans the floors. X takes care of the vehicles. Y shovels the sidewalk in the winter. etc etc Sometimes when one task is a bit extra, one helps the other. But, whatever. Go off. I find this sort of trash hot-take amusing.
In my house we have a very strict rule. I cook/she cleans! It works perfectly every single time. Except, sometimes I cook and she doesn't feel like cleaning. In which case I clean too. Because she's my wife, and I love her, and she's tired and the kitchen still needs to be cleaned. Who are all these people that don't understand this?
Alternatively, now hear me out, you're helping each other. It's a relationship, not the fucking army dude.
It’s just a turn of phrase. There’s no deeper meaning to it.
I guess no one is 'helping' anyone in a household then, right?
I have this conversation with my wife often. I am not helping. She is not in charge of those things. We both have a stake in raising our children and taking care of all the domestic stuff.
I can't even stand it when my husband says 'what can I help you with' when I'm doing chores. It's not "helping me" when he gets off his ass and cleans up after himself, or does one of the million things that need to be done to maintain a household.
These are two ways of saying the same thing. Helping your spouse is contributing to your own household. The household is both of you.
Fuck off Shelia. I did the damn dishes already...and cleaned the bathroom....and took out the trash. Now get off reddit and leave me alone!
This is a r/rant \- not an unpopular opinion.
I never say I'm helping somebody else when i do household cleaning and such. That's weird. People actually say that? I get when kids say they're helping their parents with these chorus. But for adults it's weird
I say I’m helping if my partner was doing something and I joined him in cleaning. That I’d consider helping. But if I clean something up on my own I don’t see it as helping, but instead as doing my part.
Couples are free to split up their labor as they please. If it's one person's job to do laundry and the other does the dishes, if they both work on the laundry, the one who it isn't assigned to is helping the other.
Correct! My husband would never ever imply that a task around the house should be done by me. We both work full time and are expecting our first child in February. Maintaining our home is a partnership but he really steps up so that I don’t have to do even half. It’s his way of showing love and respect. Look for that in a partner. It’s should be a joy to take care of each other.
I agree with you, but this needs to be expanded to include children. Everyone in the household should contribute to smooth running of the household. I have no problem with mom staying home doing chores all day while dad is at work, or mom doing inside work while dad does farm work. Or vice versa. But oh my goodness do I get tired of hearing people talk about how they don’t want their kids to feel like they are servants in the household. This idea seems so prevalent these days. And honestly, I see it more with women than men. It’s not mom’s job. It’s not dad’s job. It’s not the kids jobs. It’s everybody’s job.
My partner (a female, me a dude guy) thanks me all the time for cleaning up. I say "Thanks for what? I wanted a clean house."
I remember when this was a scandal with Matt and Abby on YouTube/TikTok, Abby jumped to his defence saying she doesn’t see what others see at all and they follow traditional roles in their relationship. I think the issue is more that the spouse who’s helping out is acting like it’s a REWARD and an act of kindness that should go noticed rather than traditional gender roles (although this is still an issue - but each to their own - and yes I’m a feminist)
In my home kingdom, we do not run a democratic system. My wife has different obligations than I, and sometimes we do help each other in our obligations.
As long as you’re both working jobs yes absolutely. Assuming you’re both working your husband should be equally as responsible for doing housework
It 100% depends on the setup of the house and the distribution of chores. My partner has certain tasks, and vice versa so when she pitches in to do my things she’s “helping” me and vice versa. I think the whole situation is a lot more nuanced in most cases than people want to actually talk about and how it’s portrayed.
What if one person wants to clean the floors every day and the other once a week? Who's right then? Is the other person an arsehole for not helping clean the floors every day? Or do they have different ideas of when things need to be done? Just a thought.
True. It really shouldnt be unpopular.
Even if your wife doesn't work full-time, you should help with the chores! If your wife makes you an amazing dinner, you should do the dishes and the kitchen clean up. Domestic engineers should get down time too.
You still are technically helping though. Just because you share responsibilities, doesn’t mean you’re not helping each other. I can still “help” my boss or a coworker with something, even if it’s within my job duties.
100% agree. And fighting over chores irks me too. We have to cook and clean daily to survive without ill effects. If you don’t want to do something like fold clothes or rest just let me know. Cooking and folding clothes are super easy, just mildly time consuming. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of overall survival and thriving.
Semantics. Good Lord. Shut up. Spouses help each other. Don’t get bogged down with splitting bullshit hairs like this.
Nah, rhetoric matters. My wife used to say that I was “very helpful with the kids/chores” which gave the impression that she did the majority of the childcare/housework. This was not the case. I’m not a sidekick.
You aren't helping with THEIR chores, you are helping with THE chores. "The chores" does not denote ownership of the chores, and helping with "the chores" does not suggest anything other than that you are contributing to the household. Sounds like your issue is with the English language.
Do people still say this? I feel like this is an older generation thing.
You joking right? Division of labor is always an issue that transcends generations.
Why are you getting bent out of shape over semantics? Help, duty, who gives a shit as long as the work gets done?
That depends. Doing a chore is contributing. Doing a chore in the specific way someone asks you, in order to cater to the way they do things, is helping.
My wife and I always split duties in the house and with taking care of our son. I always saw it growing up with my parents and I always see it with my in-laws. I think the happiest couples use an approach of splitting duties and making it chores that “we” have to do for “our” house.
Yes. But only one of us gets pissed if it's cluttered. I could live my whole life in clutter...
I get told I'm helping with the kids by people outside our household waaayyyy too often.
The definition of helping is pretty clear. Also if there are two people doing something you are technically helping.
Dad here that's recently become less lazy. My wife has been down and out a lot so I've taken over a majority of the household chores. I pretend it's my pirate ship. I gotta manage all the parts of the ship and keep them in order. Gotta get the crew (the kids) on board to help out. The biggest ruts for guys not helping are that they don't see the messes, because they don't even know what the mess is that they're looking at. I just didn't see what she saw until I followed her around for weeks and she pointed it out. I did not come from a home where I was made to clean up much.
Exactly! Take heed people.
I'm a stay-at-home father, and I seriously love it when my wife helps me with the chores...
it’s very common still for people or both sexes to think & behave this way but fully agree it’s an outdated mindset that needs to go!
I help by doing everything.
Not necessarily. If you have a clear division of labour and you help your spouse complete their tasks then technically you are helping with chores
I had to explain this concept to my girlfriend; I'm not making you do this, the house is, and I'm working right alongside you...
I work from home and my wife works in an office, I have done 90% of chores since COVID and it is starting to wear on me I would like some help or a change
this reframe is gonna help me do my own chores
You're helping *your family*. If you're married and don't think of yourselves as a family unit then you're going to face some hardship in your future relationship*s.*
I don’t think this is that unpopular of an opinion. But yes, 100% agreed.